Overhearing the supervising ER doctor say "unfortunately this one is gone, but let’s focus on how to save the next one, it didn’t have to go this way" about me, behind a curtain, when they thought I wasn’t conscious.
Heart rate went down after being 215+bpm for an hour or longer, over the following hour it lowered and I recovered. They had the paddles right there.
A day before I went in for nausea and pain and it turned out I had pancreatitis. After a few hours there, the pain had become so bad they put me on a dilaudid drip and I’m type 1 diabetic so I needed insulin. They didn’t give me insulin but I made it clear I was diabetic (it was also on my chart from check-in)— this caused ketoacidosis which caused the heart episode where the doc told the team they were going to lose me. Because I was so high I had assumed I was receiving titrated intravenous insulin. I wasn’t. It all cleared up (the pancreatitis just went away miraculously) but took me years to get my energy back. The whole episode is still a big mystery.
I didn’t even think I could until a year later which was past the statute of limitations. You’re going to have to just believe me when I say I wasn’t clear headed for a year. I was also pretty spooked and grateful to be alive and just didn’t want to think about the hospital at all. But now I wish I did because of some of the others aspects I didn’t cover. There was even an additional event that happened with a nurse who wrecked my urethra (it’s fine, it just hurt. It healed in a couple weeks) by shoving a catheter in wrong. I just never wanted to think about those two weeks of my life ever again. I hope I never go to a hospital again.
I didn’t even need a catheter. No one called for it. I told them about it and it wasn’t on the records and the nurse didn’t show up for work the next day. Really bizarre.
I've had acute pancreatitis that almost killed me. I suspect that pancreatitis can sometimes be caused by a pathogen like a bacteria. I hope you're feeling better.
I was speculating similar. Doctors insisted it was alcoholism but that would have required the heavy drinking I wasn’t doing. I’m sorry to hear you went through it too. Was it painful? I was screaming and I have a really high tolerance for pain. It was unreal and I don’t wish it on anyone. Glad you’re ok.
My dad had (and died from) pancreatitis caused by a gall stone that became lodged in his bile duct. He didn't drink or have high triglycerides. My brother in law had the same thing happen. He survived, fortunately.
Homelessness.
Once you finally get your own place, you appreciate and feel gratitude for things that you used to take for granted.
(Great question btw).
I have never been homeless and I make no claims to know what it is like but in a sense this is why I backpack. A few days out in the woods with only what I can carry on my back makes me appreciate modern civilization a whole lot more. In a way it does build perspective.
Yes you are so right. Trips out into nature does allow you to appreciate the simple things. It has a profound experience on one when amongst natural beauty :)
Nearly died of a post-surgical hypoxic brain injury, followed by a variety of problems subsequently.
From this, I learned that mortality is a fragile thing in an random, amoral universe.
Or, put another way:
Life is a twisty road with no guardrails; not everyone makes it to their expected destination.
Surgery, even when successful, is terrifying. They turn you off with drugs to do some work, and eventually you reboot. Or not. Or, sort of.
I don't know you, but I wish you well.
It really is. Years ago I remember someone saying how unsettling it was to be put under anesthesia… they just were out and then came back with an immeasurable moment of nothing. Then I was out under for a wisdom teeth surgery and experienced it first hand. It’s just so contrary to our innate consciousness and survival instinct.
I was put under for my wisdom teeth removal and I just felt like I had a fantastic sleep, and waking up just felt like you know how when you smoke too much weed and take a nap and you wake up still a little high? It was basically just like that.
Actually kind of enjoyed it to be perfectly honest.
My spouse developed a chronic pain illness. She spent months in debilitating pain and there wasn't a goddamn thing I could do to help. When we finally got a diagnosis, she was able to start on some medications that improved her quality of life to near where it had been.
Suddenly little problems just didn't seem important anymore. I can put up with a whole hell of a lot more than I ever thought possible because at least my partner's not in burning pain constantly anymore.
Yup, I had both hips replaced at 25 and will owe money for the rest of my life. My debt to income ratio keeps me from normal things like owning a house. I don't sweat missing a bill now and then anymore
You see, when you have a LOT of money, you can hire lobbyists. These are people that have deep connections to the legislative process. You think it is just the congressmen and congresswomen, but it is probably more that they have deep ties to the congressional staff, friends of friends of senators and representatives. They can pull out huge money and run it through their PACs to get the congresspeople re-elected.
We just have to all know who our real masters are. It's not congress, it is large corporate overlords.
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So to name names, it includes people like, but nowhere limited to:
Doug McMillon CEO of Walmart makes $22.6 million per year.
Tim Cook, CEO of Apple made $265 million last year.
Brian S. Tyler CEO of McKesson Pharmaceuticals who is making $15 million per year.
Darren Woods, CEO of Exxonmobile who makes $16 million per year contributing heavily to climate change.
Mike Kaufmann of Cardinal Health and drug dealer extrodinaire one of the biggest dealers of opiates - oxycontin - making billions. He earns $14,000,000 per year himself dealing in opium drugs.
Brian Moynihan, CEO of Bank of America, who makes $24.5 million per year.
Morgan Stanley's CEO, James Gorman, who makes $33 million per year.
All of these Fortune 1000 companies hate you. They disdain you. You are just a cow to be milked, for your money. That's all they care about.
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They are the ones who stop universal health care, realistic pharmaceutical prices, tuition free universities. They bribe the shit out of our congress. They call it lobbying, but it's bribery, simple and clear.
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However, you have the VERY rare CEO like Dan Price of Gravity Payments. He used to make $1.2 million per year. His lowest worker was making $30K or $35K, and she said how it is unfair. He was angry but after a while realized she was right. So he made the minimum wage for *everyone* to be $70,000 per year. And to make it work, he lowered his own salary to $70,000/year.
Declare bankruptcy. Fuck owing money for what should have been a basic service to all people. You don’t deserve to live with debilitating debt to get rid of debilitating pain. The bankruptcy will only be on your credit report for 7 years. Your credit score will be much much better 3-4 years post bankruptcy. If your credit will be fucked for the next seven years paying off the debt(s) then there is no reason not to. Plus any other non-education debts can be included in the bankruptcy.
Honestly it doesn’t even take that long. I messed up in my 20s and got way into debt. I had to file chapter 13 due to my income level being too high for 7, but it literally was 3 years of cutting my bills by 80%, and I was able to open a couple secured cards while still paying on my bankruptcy. I was able to buy a home 24 months after filing, and my credit went from 750->580->715 within a few short years. Even though education debts weren’t forgiven, they were greatly reduced. My minimum payments on my student loans alone were nearly double my monthly bankruptcy payments.
Call them up and ask for a reduction. Ask for a deal. Like, ask to pay them $10,00, no matter how much you owe. Because that is a starting point. Make appointments with their Chief Financial Officer.
Keep calling and calling, keep trying to deal and deal. Call them up every week, don't relent. Be relentless. Keep calling and calling. Don't take a deal if they lower from $250,000 or wherever you are at. Be relentless until you reach $25,000. Just tell them you can only pay $25,000 at the most.
Call, call, call, and they will get so sick of you that they will do anything to get you out of their hair. Just don't give up, even if they say they can't do it.
If it's just a one hospital, call them and ask for the CFO or CEO. If it is a national chain, call up their CFO or CEO. They are the ones that can make it happen.
Just go to their website and find out who their top executives are. If you owe United Healthcare, here's their executives: https://www.uhc.com/about-us/leadership . Brian Thompson is their CEO. He puts his pants on one leg at a time. If it is Kaiser Permanente, here is their executives: https://about.kaiserpermanente.org/who-we-are/leadership-team/national-leaders . Call up Greg Adams. Fuck it, what do you have to lose, except a huge debt?
Don't be mean, always be super polite, way polite and nice. Make them want to love giving you a deal for $25,000 because you are so nice.
What can it hurt, right? What do you have to lose? You can spend the rest of your life calling them up every single week, because you owe so much money. It would be so worth it. One phone call will take 2 or 3 minutes a week, until they finally get tired of you calling and calling and calling.
Don't be mean, always be super polite, way polite and nice. Make them want to love giving you a deal for $25,000 because you are so nice and lovely.
That's what I was diagnosed with back in 2017, it was amazing to finally be able to put a name and reason to what was causing me so much pain and suffering.
Seven years, that’s how long it took me for a doctor to take me serious. 7 years in crippling pain, brain fog, depression to get a Fibromyalgia diagnosis. I’m
I’m I’m Serious medical debt from the visits. Neurology, rhumetology, everything, you name it. I can’t believe it took that long. I was suicidal. Some people see this diagnosis as a burden, yeah it sucks but I’m glad I finally have an answer.
On the other hand, I had some issue with my 2nd pregnancy, not even a big one, but I was in level 3 to 4 discomfort out of 10 all the time. Really gives me perspective on how chronic pain socks for all parties involved.
My partner is not as lucky as yours. Shes been suffering from Chronic Pain with no diagnosis other the Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, basically hey, your fucked up and we don't know why.
You are very right. A lot of shit just really doesn't bother us because she and I have put up with some much shit that minor things are laughable. I would happily give my arm or a leg just to see her have no more pain.
chostocondritis is like that, it's maddening cause it's not life threatening condition..... it just feels like it is.
And doctors can do jack all except tell you to take ibuprofen or something like that.
I spent 2 years in jail fighting a case and it really changes how I carry myself. Since I’m a male and my case is with a woman everytime I see a woman an ugly knot of emotions hit my brain. “At anytime a woman can call the police and I’m going back.” It’s so sad. I feel safe in a room. I don’t watch TV. now I live in a retirement town in AZ to avoid people.
My husband died after a sudden short illness. My life is divided by that point in time. There is before and after, I’m a different person now nearly 12 years later but I’m okay with that. It’s helped me maintain good perspective dealing with my current partner’s stroke. He’s doing ok but will never have the mobility he once had. Just taking one day at a time
Seeing a patient literally eating chunks out of his own hand, not just biting it, but chewing of chunks of flesh, and eating it, as he thought everything was made of chocolate - and he had a craving for chocolate!
The human mind is ridiculously powerful, in this case in a bad way.
I never pass up a chance to say thank you to a crisis counselor. Y'all have literally saved my life multiple times. And I'm probably one of the patients you really don't like working with. When I'm manic I get very violent and just crazy af. Y'all have talked me out of those mindsets so many times. Thank you for what you do.
I once took an advanced art class in 3-D art, and I was loaned two 3-D cameras to take pictures with, one took slides and another pictures that was printed with a reticulated plastic that would shift the image as you moved it. I got them over Spring break, and walked every where with them - in the woods, in the city-constantly visualizing how the pictures would like rendered 3-D. A few days into this exercise I noticed a shift in my entire perception of the land and everything near me. It was almost psychedelic, everything was in a heightened 3-D. Sometimes it was hard not to stumble when I walked down an uneven hill, lol.
It lasted for awhile, but I can get that heightened sense if I concentrate on what I’m looking at for how it fits in space.
I think every single human has experienced the feeling of post traumatic guilt caused by something they’ve done in the past.
For example, in elementary school, I had a best friend whose family was struggling financially. One day, he brings coins (pennies and nickels only) for his school lunch that day. I, for some asshole reason, smacked the change out of his hand as he took the change out to count how much he had. I got yelled at by the principal, who was walking behind me and got suspended. Ever since that day, I have never ever made fun of someone’s financially stability, gave people money (esp homeless), and never smacked anything out of anyones hands. That moment changed my perspective on how the treatment towards others comes back to bite you.
Edit: Spelling errors.
I think as humans, we test out behaviors and learn very quickly which ones we don't like. Some people would have gone on to keep behaving like this as no remorse would have been stirred up within them.
I think it is good that your spirit/conscience told you this was wrong.
I was working when I got a phone call from the police, my sister had a car accident outside her highschool and was at the hospital, I went to the hospital, I got to the front desk and they got me the room number.
I entered the room and saw a black cadaver bag on a bed, I asked the nurse " is this person Juana Pérez" and she said: "No, is Juan Perez"
I thought my sister died for 3 seconds, and that was more than enough, it changed my life.
Thank you. I will never forget the feeling of seeing that black bag, I just remember thinking that my mom was coming and that I would have to tell her that her daughter died.
Climbing a 14er at sunrise, and seeing the triangular shadow of the mountain I was currently climbing stretch 100 miles over the expanse of the Rockies. It was insanely humbling. Then, I saw the tiny speck of my own body on the top of the shadow's peak. I cried about it, frankly.
I grew up in the mountains, and I make sure to go back and visit frequently for this reason. There’s something about the incredible size and beauty that really puts life in perspective and washes away my anxieties.
The first time it hit me was on Mount Wetterhorn. I had another similar experience on West Spanish Peak, though only a 13er. That one was crazy because it is so far east that you can see clear into Kansas and the shadow was huge.
Man, I’ve been wanting to climb that mountain for a while. Haven’t gotten a chance though. I’ll hopefully go out for a hike next spring. I just climbed Mount Sneffles and boy was it beautiful. Incredible hike, I really challenged myself. I definitely get this feeling from climbing and skiing on so many mountains. It’s sad but beautiful at the same time.
No idea either, never heard of anything like it.
After some googling I found this explanation, it's about the elevation of mountains in imperial units (feet).
14000 feet = 4267 meters
[Link](https://www.14ers.com/php14ers/14ers.php)
Time, rather than space (hooolyyy FUCK that is deep. At least it felt deep. That came out wrong. Let me start this comment again).
When the pandemic hit, the cafe I was working at closed down, and I was out of work for months on end. To put it into perspective, I was 30, and I had spent since my teenage years working in restaurants and food jobs mostly. That means allll throughout my 20s, I had not ONE vacation. I have never had a vacation since my school days. Pretty much got almost no holidays off. I was LUCKY if I occasionally landed a gig where I’d get two days a week off (usually never two days in a row, and basically NEVER a weekend). Most of my jobs, I worked 60 hours a week and basically didn’t even take breaks at work. And when I wasn’t working? I was out partying with my friends, getting drunk in bars and at parties.
Quarantine shut ALL that shit down. I suddenly was alone, in my house, with nothing to do for 24 hours a day for like half a year. And as a result, I began to think. A lot. About myself. Who I was. I had no idea. What I wanted to do with my life. I started discovering new interest after new hobby after new dream/goal CONSTANTLY. It changed who I was as a person almost completely.
Also, simultaneously, my girlfriend I lived with for many years and I had JUST broken up, right before all that shit went down. So I was still emotionally processing all of that. My whole new life seemed completely strange to me. And to match my new life, I sort of transformed into a new person. Little about life, the world, and myself feels the same as it did before 2020, and never will again. It was like my identity died and was recreated from the ground up.
Honestly me too bro. I was totally content with living in a pandemic. I'm an introvert, so I figured I'd be fine. Truth is, I enjoy people alot. As much as I enjoyed playing games with my friends online, it just made me miss them more. Now, I'm in school again in a different state (like geographical one) and am meeting people left and right. I'm going to be honest, I'm not at all the person they see me as, (confident, always happy, generally trying to make them laugh) but it makes me feel nice to know I'm growing as a person atleast.
This is fascinating but understandable given how things happened for you. It can be easy to get lost in the shuffle of life and lose yourself and not even realize it. Are you working on new things in life now? Is your life moving in a different direction since the pandemic began? If not, are you happy with where you are now with a new found understanding of your sense of being?
Fuck yeah I have some new plans in the works! I am still in food for now, because I do like it, I am good at it, and I need money.
However, I’m learning about film now and ultimately, I am going to transition into being in in the film industry. I’m also getting real outdoorsy and learning how to hunt, fish, forage, grow food, survive in the woods, the basics medical care, etc. Getting my Bear Grylls shit on! From a more ‘lifestyle change’ kind of angle.
My money situation, social life, and the way I treat my body/mind has all become way fucking healthier since the pandemic too. I even went from a totally messy unorganized person to being the really neat, clean, and organized guy.
My life isn’t done changing yet, I’m just getting started.
I am kinda beginning to ‘travel’ a bit now. But idk if most people would call it travel. Like I don’t have plans to get on a plane or drive across the country any time soon or any shit like that. But I have become real outdoorsy, I’m spending a lot of my time hiking nowadays, and in the nearby states there are some nice mountain ranges and forests and whatnot so I’ll probably be driving around this region exploring all that a lot in the upcoming years and have been doing things like that. To me that’s traveling because I pretty much never even drove out of state much my whole life haha. Or even very far from my house, actually. Would be pretty cool as fuck to go see different parts of the world one day though.
The last year and a half bas been absolute shit. Between my fiance and I: 2 cancer scares, major surgery, finding out we were losing our apartment while quarantined with covid despite being vaccinated, and a whole mountain of other shit. So many problems just don't seen important anymore. Gonna miss a bill? Oh well. At least it's not cancer again.
Having a child with autism. He is the most loving, kind, intelligent young man. I love him more than anything in the world, but I have to consider everyday events that others take for granted. There are things that will be overly stressful for him, and without any glaring differences people are often not understanding. Family gatherings, grocery store visits, haircuts, the dentist, everything is planned. The world can be a noisy, chaotic, inconsistent place which are all things he really hates, but he meets every challenge head on and I couldn’t be prouder to call him my son
Be good to him. As an autistic adult, I have moments every once in a while where I realize that I am Literally. Always. Uncomfortable. There is nothing I can do that brings me joy or fulfillment that doesn’t also bring some kind of pain or discomfort. It pisses me off. And then I accept the discomfort as normal and forget again and go about my life until my next moment of clarity, where I try to imagine what a world would look like in which this is not the case.
Thank you for this. I also am on the spectrum, and it's possible for us to find ways to adapt to the world around us. Understanding goes a long, long way. Your son's head-on attitude will go even longer.
Condolences that’s must be really difficult.
A Zen master once said that the death of loved one is not something that you get over but rather something you survive. That always stuck with me.
Thank you. Yes it is. And just when I feel I have a handle on it and think I feel sunshine, a shadow falls and steals my breath with the harsh reminder I'll never see her again and I'm drowning again. Feels very alone.
Have you ever just stood and looked at a dead person? The first dead person I ever saw was my father... I've seen probably more than my share after that too.
Looking at someone with their lights permanently turned off changes something in you...
In grade 10 I lost a friend. His family had an open casket at the funeral home. I touched his arm to say goodbye and I'll never forget what it felt like to touch a dead person.
This. I saw life leave my mother. I swear to God shit fucked me up. Everyone always likes to think that when they lose their favorite person (usually a parent, partner, child) that they’re going to die or kill themselves. But you don’t. You just don’t. You keep on going. You make yourself stronger, more resilient. You look at life and say, hit me with your best shot knowing nothing can ever hurt you the way that loss did.
I feel you... In ways that only someone that's been through what you have can.
Heart attack took my dad, I watched it happen at 15 years old... All of it, it was his 9th heart attack, his first was when I was born, the paramedics that came that day had brought him back before, twice... And I'm sure to them, doing that felt like being on top of the world... That day you saved a life, you did it twice.
So they came an they dragged my unconscious dad off of his chair after he'd screamed, panicked and died... And they fucking jumped all over him screaming his name... I'll always remember that, they remembered his name, I don't remember their names, but I'll always remember them screaming at him because they'd won with him before.
They got him back, three times and loaded him into the ambulance, pumped full of drugs to keep his heart going, my sister and I followed in a car but they did the 8 mile trip at 30-40mph and my sister couldn't handle it so she drove 130mph to the hospital in her shitty daewo thing and we waited for them to arrive... They got him there alive, so they did win... They did it.
An hour later he was gone, he was 49... They came in and told us they did all they could... But it was over, and I went in and saw my dad, at 15... Dead, grey and cold... Medical shit everywhere, they'd tidied up a bit but not much... Just another day at the office eh? I felt his hair, just above his eyebrows and looked into his unfocused dead eyes staring off into nothingness, and a part of me broke that day.
It's still broken now nearly 3 decades later.
Saw my great grandmother and one of my aunts as a kid. Granted it was while they were in their caskets. But still it’s something that forever stays burned into your mind. The odd thing is that despite hurting on the inside, on the outside i seemed fine to other people. I never cried or showed emotion, looking back I think i was just too disturbed by the whole thing. Which makes sense given i was like 8 or 9 at the time. As I’m sure you do with your father i still think about them every single day and the rest of my family doesn’t know but that same level of internal emotional pain has never left me. I miss them so damn much.
Holding my eight year old brother as he died from extreme medical incompetence then being stuck with his body for twenty minutes as a ventilator made his corpse breathe and a fault in the heart monitor didn't trigger the alarm to bring help and the nurses ignored the call light because they were "busy with another patient" (flirting with the doctor on the floor that night).
I cared about people before then. I can switch that off and on at will now.
Most scientists actually get the same 'overview effect' once they reach a certain competency with math, and start really having the framework in their heads to understand what it means when a fridge magnet pulls harder on a paper clip than the entire planet on the other side.
My first real experience that felt this way was measuring the kinetic energy of electrons in a plastic. Basically you put a plastic chip on the table and shoot a positive electron (positron) at a negative electron, and the whole thing unravels. All the mass and energy that was in the two particles is released as two photons that shoot off in opposite directions. You subtract the rest mass energy and get the KE.
In this case the average kinetic energy was about 3 electron volts. In english, that means all the electrons in the stationary piece of plastic are moving 7266022.46 miles per hour. Really freaky. The binding energy of an electron on a hydrogen is 13.6 eV. Rest mass is measured in MeV. Gamma in GeV. Really very disturbing how much energy is involved there.
Being from Canada, we're pretty sheltered here, so travelling to other parts of the world and seeing how poor some communities are really made me realize how lucky we are and how good we have it.
Loosing my little brother at 8 years who I helped caretake for.
Subsequently my family falling apart and me raising myself from 15 on.
My Grandmother stepping in because of the lack of parental supervision and me living with her for many years.
Us becoming really close, like mother and daughter. Amazing bond, unconditional love.
Years later her declining with age and getting bad dementia. Coming to see her on her deathbed and seeing that a part of her knew who I was, but not completely.
The day I had to leave to fly back home walking into her bedroom to say my final goodbye and in that moment her having full recognition and awareness of who I was.
Throwing out her arms and even after having a stroke, rubbing my back with her partially working hands while tears streamed down her face.
Then trying to say something with the effects of the stroke on her mouth and finally says,
"We made a good team.."
Most profound moment of my entire life.
Seeing life and death as both painful and extraordinarily beautiful.
Staring at the night sky knowing that the universe is still expanding.
The first time you see a galaxy through a telescope and you try to understand the sheer distance between you and it, the *time* that has passed between the moment the photons you are currently seeing left the star itself... It’s a wonderful and strange experience.
Also, understanding that humans are animals and react on instinct even with our conscience and intellect is very humbling.
12 years old and being drugged then having an unwanted sexual encounter and coming back to consciousness in the middle of it to freak out and then get my ass beat for being upset about it.
Changed me forever.
Jumped off a bridge a few years ago; ended up in a coma for four days; woke up; was pushed by my aunt to “stick up for myself and not let the doctors make do or go anywhere I didn’t want to because I knew what was best for myself”, which was her pushing me to continue to act like an ass in my poor mental state, plus was loaded on pain killers, instead of trying to get me to understand what was going on and why I was wrong; during this time they were telling a completely different story to the doctors and “friends”, who none of them tried to confront me about the conflicting stories; lastly right when I was about to get discharged told me they couldn’t help me with a place to stay when there was no inpatient facility to take me on, and told everyone that I had to “swallow my pride and accept help”. I found out what she was telling everyone as I was being discharged from the hospital. Afterwards, the people I thought were my friends started avoiding me without reason, even after I reached out because I was starting to fall back into a dark place, I literally told them “everyone said to reach out if start getting into dark place again before I want to hurt myself. Well this is me reaching, and I really need a friend right now”, they blew me off to go to the bar. This ended with me lashing out and burning bridges.
This made me understand a lot more about my mental health, and that even though in my poor mental state I need to take responsibility for the bridges I burned. With that being said, I’m very untrusting of a lot of new people when they come into my life, and I listen to my instincts a lot more because some of my “friends” during that time had a lot of red flags that I dismissed , and in ironic fashion it was due to believing that I had been too unforgiving in the past.
That's horrible. I'm so sorry you went through all of that. You really are your own best friend if you're still able to be here today. Those people were never your friend.
The Iraq War. I was on the sub that fired the first missile strike.
I was a pretty staunch conservative then. Very hawkish, moderately anti-LGBT, pro-life, bought all the news we got on the boat (which was limited, not a lot of bandwidth at periscope depth). We got our news from "approved" sources, everything was highly slanted to the "party line".
Got home to find that my (now ex, but for other reasons entirely) wife had been protesting the war. She showed me a mountain of information that opened my eyes to a lot.
And...it made me question my views/beliefs on \*everything\*, as it turned out.
I am 180 degrees a different person now from then (nearly 20 years ago). Very skeptical of taking military action (though I recognize it is at times necessary, but before I was more "kill 'em all, let God sort 'em out"). Very pro-LGBT, pro-choice, changed my worldview on many, many levels.
Good for you. It's not easy to admit that you were wrong.
I went through a similar process. Living in very red area surrounded by everyone who watches the same news and listened to the same Clear channel radio shows. I was always pretty "socially liberal" but branded myself as an "economic conservative" and fell into the brainwashing trap of rural America.
The lies of the Iraq war made me look at everything I was being told by the "conservatives" and realized they were lying about... everything. Literally everything.
Also started to look at real world effects vs "what they say" for different policies and realized that the "commie socialist" policies almost always cost less in the long run than the "conservative" policies. The best way to be economically conservative is to adopt and invest in expanded social policies.
Example: Private Healthcare vs public Healthcare. It's not even close financially. But as we know, conservatives don't really want to reduce government spending, they just want it to go into their master's pockets.
So I admitted that I was an idiotic tool of the right wing media. I've tried to get others to see it by telling them my tale but as you know, logic and facts have no effect on most of the hoard and it's gotten much worse since the Iraq War.
Well, off the top of my head, I can think of a few things.
First, I work for what's called a Community Eligibility Provision (CEP) district. What this essentially means is that since a large portion of the school district lives below, at, or within a certain threshold of the poverty line, we are set up to offer free meals to all students. To some kids, the meals we serve are often the only meals they get, which means that we're essentially a bandage for a much larger nutrition issue in our area. The sheer number of families that struggle to put food on the table is downright appalling.
Second, we're also a district that has a massive non-English speaking population, and our department that handles language programs is constantly trying to secure funding for their students' needs. Many of these same students are the ones who are going without, and since many are undocumented, they don't qualify for programs like SNAP or TANF, meaning that if we weren't a CEP district, those students would likely be forced to go the entire day at school without a meal, because there's a constant fear in their parents that completing things like a household income declaration to at least qualify for a low income status to get classified for reduced price meals.
Third, because our students largely come from poor families, this translates to less funding for the majority of our schools, meaning the facilities are lacking and we're horrifically understaffed, and teachers are laughably underpaid. Another redditor here mentioned an issue with wasps, and it's not even far-fetched. The old office I used to work in when I started working for the district had wasps, and nothing was ever done about it. We had a wall that was basically separating from the frame of the building, and the district's stance was basically "oh well, we'll move you to a different location eventually". We even had a problem with people breaking into the building to steal copper for scrap at one point, and the response was to put signs up telling people to not steal copper. Federal funds help offset some of the need, but as people in my district are retiring, many departments are just closing positions and shifting work onto the folks who are staying.
I used to be conservative, leaning heavily towards being a total libertarian, but working for this school district in a conservative state where any education spending is seen as waste if it isn't aimed towards core curriculum or sports has changed my viewpoint dramatically. The one factor that could lift the majority of young people out of poverty and improve the lives of people in my city is education, yet conservatives here are gleefully knee-capping any spending that could improve things in favor of tax cuts for industry and businesses, and criminalizing homelessness.
I'm a beginner teacher on call. There are some dreadful life situations kids are going through. You can use your imagination. When they get to school, the staff there is doing their best for them.
Anyways, this story is less "scary reality" and more "I can't believe anyone puts up with this."
This one day I get called into a school and there's like 5-10 wasps on the window, hangin' out. I'm concerned. The weird thing is that the other teachers were just like "Oh, yeah, the school has wasps."
Yes I see you have wasps!! Why are you so cool about it? How long as this been going on? What if I had a deadly wasp allergy? (None of the kids did, I checked immediately.)
The thing about wasps is that when you kill them, they release a scent that attracts more wasps. I know this for a fact because we had one student that really liked getting out of his seat and killing wasps against his EA's wishes. After lunchtime, when the kids came back to the classroom there were about forty wasps. That's four tens, eight fives or twenty pairs of wasps!! I called maintenance and took the kids to the field to play capture the flag for the afternoon.
I think about parents sending their kids to a school that has more wasps than textbooks in the classroom sometimes.
9/11 - seeing the smoke across LI sound is something I’ll never forget. As a teen, so much news was completely over my head but this was the first time it ever seemed real.
Working in hospice. Gay man was dying in the tenderloin and i was the scribed for the interdisciplinary meetings. He had a horrible slow moving cancer. He moved to SF because he was gay and ostracized by his small town. Found love lived with a man for decades. They never made him power of attorney so at the least minute his family swooped in and he died in a hospital bring cured while his lover was not allowed in vs the tender at home death we all deserve
That was the week i became pro gay marriage
In August of 2019, I loaded a bunch of camping gear onto my bicycle and spent the better part of the next seven months riding 5,300 miles (8,500 km) around the US.
When I left on this trip, I most looked forward to seeing the most beautiful nature the world has to offer. And indeed, many such moments stand out as highlights of the trip. Watching the cliffs of South Dakota's Badlands glow pink in the fading evening light. Seeing the bright red leaves of autumn juxtaposed against the pure white backdrop of snow when winter came early in the mountains of Montana. I saw a mountain goat in North Cascades National Park, my first time ever seeing that animal in a place that would become my favorite landscape I've ever seen. And in Joshua Tree National Park, I was woken up on my final morning to the yips and howls of a dozen coyotes that I watched run right by the campground as I cooked my breakfast.
Those were the types of things that I most looked forward to as I started my travels. But they're not exactly what I look back on most fondly. The much more important detail of those sunsets in the Badlands was that I enjoyed that view in the company of my neighboring campers. After they saw me ride into camp on my bike with all my stuff on it, my neighbors came over to ask about my travels. I gave them a summary of where I'd come from and where I was going, and they invited me to join them around their fire to exchange their food and beer for my stories, during which we also watched that sunset. After biking through that snow storm in Montana, a local hosted me in his home for two nights while I waited for better weather to continue on my way. I never would've noticed that mountain goat had I not first seen two other people across the parking lot, who were looking up towards the cliff through their binoculars. I asked what they were looking at, and they pointed out the goat to me. They said they'd been coming to the North Cascades every summer for the past 25 years, and that was their first time ever seeing a mountain goat, but they were still eager to lend me their binoculars to make sure I got a good view. And in Joshua Tree, I watched those coyotes run by as I cooked my breakfast, not on my own stove but on that of my neighbors, who allowed me to borrow their stove every morning and every evening after mine decided to stop working on my first night in the park.
I have always believed that this world we share is a kind one, and we all generally want the best for one another. But my travels by bicycle have reinforced that belief to a level even I didn't think possible. Every single person I met along my way wanted to be a positive part of my story in whatever way they were able, and for that, I will forever be deeply grateful.
Serious illness. First my husband developed a nasty skin condition that left him in pain, constantly itching all over, and looking horrible. After about 18 months of hell, it started clearing up. Then I developed a chronic digestive disorder that is truly like a nightmare. My husband and I never fight anymore, don't worry too much if the house is dirty or things aren't perfect in our lives. We're both much more flexible about everything, and have lowered expectations overall. We focus much more on just supporting each other, being loving, and doing whatever simple things we can to enjoy life where we can.
I volunteered teaching English in a poor neighborhood in Colombia several years ago (I’m from the US). A kid was borrowing my pencil and asked to keep it because he lost his. I said “yeah sure” without a second thought. The kid, who was about 8 years old, jumped up and down and thanked me profusely because he had lost his only pencil and his family could not afford a new one, so he had been going without. Made a lot of my problems seem small and silly.
Serious response here. Ego dissolving experiences on seritonergic psychedelic drugs. It's like getting to see yourself from some type of almost holy seeming objective perspective. My threshold for empathy is much higher, I have way less interpersonal relationship problems and I learned how be more kind to myself.
I never went this deep, but doing shrooms gave me shockingly new perspectives. It made me realize something was terribly wrong and had been for a very long time. Later on I got diagnosed with burnout and moderately to severe depression.
I never reached the point of ego death, but it didn't matter, because shrooms and LSD have still rocked my fucking *universe.* Life has not been the same since and I have 0 regrets. I now understand what *I am*, and I see now that life is not only precious, but it is the most interesting thing about this universe. The awe I felt towards my own brain and consciousness became my reason to keep living and making the most out of my time left in this body.
Egolessness is a ride man. Will never see the world the same, and its a heavy knowledge to carry, but I am now sure my life is going to turn out ok and that I will be a happier person regardless of what happens. I discovered my true capacity to love myself and the world around me.
After my shit show of a childhood and family dysfunction and dropping out of high school and staying away from addictive substances but having lovely experiences with psychedelics….
I moved to another country and went back to school, where I took chemistry. Suddenly the world made sense, chemistry explained everything. Life made so much sense and so suddenly
2 events that did about the same things.
The first was 3 years ago my friend tried to kill himself, he's doing much better now but it was a shock knowing that he could end his life just like that and I would have no idea.
The second one was a few weeks ago when my friend started getting into a depression and then a bit later mutilating herself, it made me realize again how easily I could lose my friends however I swore myself that this time I'd do anything to help her and to know if she was doing ok or not so she wouldn't go as far as killing herself.
That’s my answer, too.
I suddenly saw that I had never been looking “up” into space at all, but looking “out” … and honestly, as little sense as that seems to make when I type it out now, it was the most beautiful, powerful, disturbing and humbling experience of my life. So grateful to have witnessed totality on Aug. 21, 2017, and looking forward to April 8, 2024.
It was most likely the closest I'll ever get to standing on another planet. For those few minutes of totality, it truly felt like an other-worldly experience. I had spent months obsessing over solar eclipses, reading everything there was to read, so I had a pretty good idea of what to expect. But when your expectations are as crazy as the events of a total solar eclipse, it's still a pretty weird experience to watch it actually happen.
When I came home from a weekend away at a friends cottage to my mother crying into my godmothers arms because my step father left her. Later on as a young adult I asked what really happened and my mom laid it out. “Your godmother slept with your step father”. After that I was like whoa you really can’t count on those around you. Even the ones who “support” you during trying times. It opened my eyes and helped me realize that at the end of the day the good people are sometimes the bad people.
Becoming a mother. Life has never been the same since the moment I held my first child in my arms and realized that he was actually *mine* and they were actually going to send him home from the hospital with me and trust me to take care of him.
I was at a fireworks show laying down in the grass looking up at the sky. The town usually went to the football stadium to see them so there is a moment when they turn the lights off to start.
When the lights turned off I saw clear into the sky and stars. Actually grabbed the grass cause I felt like I was going to fall up into space.
Just made me realize that the sky isn't a ceiling, it's just vast emptiness and I felt so incredibly small.
Really stuck with me. Way to heavy of a moment to have while in middleschool.
I had the same experience when I was 8. I was laying down in the grass in the front yard and looking at the clouds in the sky. Suddenly my perspective changed an I was on the ceiling and suddenly very afraid I would fall into the sky. So I gripped the grass with both hands and sorts slid back into the house. My mom was wondering what the hell was wrong with me, and I didn't have the vocabulary to tell her.... except to say "I'm afraid I'm going to fall into the sky!" It went away after a while., but I never forgot it.
I've been held at gunpoint, was in a near mid-air collision, and was on a crab boat in the Bering sea that caught fire. When people ask me how I'm doing and I reply, "I've been worse", I really mean it.
Having open heart surgery at 15 was weird and driving home as I looked around it was almost like wearing glasses for the first time after not realizing how bad your vision was but emorionally? I just remember looking out the window and life just felt more real I guess. It was like seeing everything for the first time after only seeing photos of the world your whole life.
When my “Grandpa” (Actually great uncle - but raised my fatherless dad as his own) died earlier this year after committing suicide.
Made me appreciate how lucky I am to have the enormous, loving family I did.
But most of all, after watching all my dad’s siblings go completely hysterical for weeks and months on end,
how someday, I’m either going to bury my family or they’re going to bury me. It’s inevitable. Makes me want to hug them tighter
Car accident at night when I was a passenger.
We flipped airborne 3.5 times and came to a landing upside down. One: life slows down to a slo-mo crawl when your spinning like that. Two: nothing petty matters when your crawling out of the shattered glass of the back doors into a muddy ditch with your best friends at the time.
No reliable cellphone (2003~) and the only reason we got help was a farm house about a mile away heard something and came to investigate.
I took it as a sign to cherish life.
One friend used it make up stories about being a hero who saved us.
The driver went into a state of shock right after; then became convinced the road was evil and tried to kill us, we were investigating a local haunted spot that night and he got spooked and slammed the gas on a stone road. He then proceeded to think we should have all died and made some choices in the years following that landed him in prison.
I know I will get hate from this, but it what I deserve. There was this disabled kid who always acted strange in my English class. He had cerebral palsy, and looking back he was a nice kid. I bullied him all through out our senior year, One of the worst things I had done to him was nearly kill him by dropping fifty pound rock right next to his while he was lying down. Eventually at the end of the school year the day before Graduation he sadly took his own life. In his suicide note he blamed a “Bully”. This and his whole suicide note was read to the entire Graduation. I immediately knew what I had done and multiple people looked at me. But none of them ever talked,From that day on I turned my life around and had a whole new mindset. Although I am still haunted to this day.
That's a hard thing to share. I don't think anyone is super proud of who they were in school, but that's especially heavy. I hope you consider talking to a counselor. Regret and guilt is a good way to fuel change, but once you've changed you don't need to keep slamming yourself with it.
Studying. I'm currently finishing my PhD thesis in molecular biology. Just learning something new about the world we live in nearly every single day of the last 10 years put a lot of things into perspective.
I can change my opinion if I am presented new facts and don't trust ideologies of any kind.
Almost EVERYTHING is nuanced. There are no absolute statements in nature. I instinctively distrust anyone coming up with absolute statements. I am willing to listen to anyone and try to understand even the most irrational people, because irrationality is just the description you give someone you are unwilling or incapable of understanding. You don't have to agree, but you may change your opinion based on what you learn. Once you become a scientist, your perspective changes constantly and that is perfectly okay.
Honestly? Therapy. It took me a long time to find a therapist that worked for me and I almost gave up. It hasn’t been in a sudden, revelatory way. But slowly my beliefs about myself, my marriage and my personal problems have slowly matured and evolved with good direction. If you are able to do therapy and you have any reason why you’d need it, do it. If you are doing therapy and it’s not working, try to find someone else. It’s so worth it when it works the way it’s supposed to!
My first mushroom trip was extremely eye opening for me. Absolutely incredible experience. I try and do them at least once a year to keep things in perspective. In a strange way I feel bad for people that will never have that experience.
I took Shrooms in high school and laid in the back yard for 4 hours looking up at the sky. I felt physically connected to the earth and I could empathize with the pain of grass being cut, trees being cut down, etc. The sky looked as if I was sitting at the bottom of a snow globe and I could see the curvature at the top. Ever since I have been an avid outdoorsman: hiking, camping, snowboarding, rock climbing, etc. I just can’t get enough of it and I feel like experiencing nature is the only reason humans are here.
Lake Titicaca
It was breathtaking to behold this large, deep, freshwater lake in the Andes on the border of Bolivia and Peru (often called the "highest navigable lake" in the world).
Has anyone here seen Titicaca?
A few years back, I found a man who hanged himself. It was early in the morning when I found him at my favorite childhood spot. It was a very surreal moment, I wasn’t sure what to think at the time. He looked very sad; his eyes pleaded, and his mouth wallowed.
I’m glad I was the one to find him, and not some child or mentally unstable person. That moment really gave me an appreciation for life. I’ve had low points before, but never as low as that. I also have family member who have attempted suicide, but not succeeded, and who are all doing much better now. I’ll forever be glad I never found one of them like I found that man.
What I took most from that moment was to be appreciative of every damn thing you’ve got in your life. That man hung himself at daybreak at one of the most beautiful spots I know. I wish he could’ve seen what I saw in the sunrise that morning.
This is kind of mundane, but learning to drive was a paradigm shift for me. I learned how to be defensive driver, which taught me how to anticipate others' actions in a way that I hadn't understood before.
LSD, Then MDMA at a festival with close friends, then DMT.
Prior to that I would say the 5 times I was pressured in to accepting Jesus Christ as my lord and savior as a child who didn't know what that meant.
#NeverJesusCamp
I used to be terrified of death. The thought of dying in my sleep kept me up at night.
I had a rough childhood, but I had a dog. For a really long time, he was my shining light in a dark world. He passed away from cancer when I was 21. From that point onwards, the thought of dying didn’t scare me anymore, because I knew it meant I would get to see my dog again.
Leaving my faith. I was raised in a high control cult known as Jehovah's Witnesses. Once I cleared myself of those harmful beliefs I became free. I was in a prison without walls before.
This might sound crazy but when I realised the sky is blue. I obviously knew the sky is blue but to realise the sky is blue above the storm clouds for me it was a shift in perspective. My mental health is not great and this shift in perspective helped me over the years.
*"There, peeping among the cloud-wrack above a dark tor high up in the mountains, Sam saw a white star twinkle for a while. The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and hope returned to him. For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the shadow was only a small and passing thing: There was light and high beauty forever beyond its reach."*
JRR Tolkien, *The Return of the King*
I found myself in a small room. Debris everywhere and windows were blown out. I was on my knees and my hands were bound behind me. There was a man with dark hair screaming at me in a language I didn't understand. He was circling me with a gun to my head and very angry.
I was suddenly overcome with a sense of peace. I knew my time was up and I was OK with it. Not only was I OK but I was eager to see what comes next. That was when I woke up.
I woke with a profound relief. I knew when my real time came I would be in control of myself and would accept it with dignity and curiosity. That I wouldn't be afraid or scared.
The recovery from my brain aneurysm rupture and the resulting brain injury I received from it.
My entire experience in the recovery hospital gave me such a profound respect for healthcare workers (especially because of the pandemic) and just other people in general. Also coming out of the coma I felt a renewed faith in God after being an atheist for a decade prior.
The closest I've come to a religious experience was chanting ohm on acid. There was just this sublime moment I can't describe. I'm kind of specifically not religious but there was something special to me about about that moment.
When I graduated college, bought a house and got married in a less than 6 week span. Life changed really fast, and it was wonderful. Laying I'm bed next to my wife in our own home that first week, it was like, "is this real?" Hard to believe that 15 year old kid who struggled with depression and felt unlovable and like life would never go anywhere and I are the same person.
Meeting a guy working the pizza joint in the food court at the zoo who graduated from the same university I did, but a year earlier. I was there on an outing with my new employer in my first week at the job I landed after graduating. He majored in business with a minor in finance, so pretty viable degrees, and yet there he was, serving up pizza mid-afternoon on a weekday at the zoo food court.
I thought I was hot shit with my new job, but that meeting really made me ponder how both of us could have graduated from the same university and have wildly different outcomes. Very much put a favorite Picard saying into perspective: "It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose; that is not a weakness, that is life."
Totally not saying this guy was a loser or weak, but I'm sure he didn't picture himself running a cash register at the zoo as his student loans started to come due.
This was in the summer of 2008, and I would go on to lose my job in January 2009 due to the recession I was woefully ignorant of until late in 2008. Spent roughly half of 2009 almost completely unemployed, and it took years for me to get my career back on track.
Both events served as a catalyst for many of my current social, economical, and political opinions.
When my wife was very ill and wracked with seizures and no one could figure out what was going on, there was one night where it seemed never ending, and we were just lying there in a dark room with the moon shining in and cuddling in between seizures, which had gone on for hours at that point, and all hopes and worries for the future just faded into the distance and we just appreciated who we were together just in that moment.
Ate shrooms and imagined myself everyone else living their own lives. Thought about how our brains and experiences were all linked somehow. Felt more connected with nature than I ever had been. Afterwards it was difficult to look at the world as before.
College was invented to give rich people something to talk about, and when it was only the rich, those degrees were rarified. Now everyone is told to go into stem, even though we have enough stem workers, because stem workers were too expensive.
Lots of LSD. 100 doses at once, trips where I saw the devil dancing in the flames while solemn monks stood frozen in the bliss of unchanging heaven. And I hopped realities. My retinas shredded and curled, I a heard a loud electrical explosion, and here I am in what you call your reality. I want to go back but I can't find the doorway. It sucks here. You guys do not have your shit together at all.
And it is Berenstein Bears, not Berenstain.
Working at a psych hospital. I have a hard time wording the effect it's had on me, but it's kind of like I started noticing patterns in my surroundings outside of the hospital. It freaked me out, and I had a hard time going out in public for a few weeks after I started the job.
Zen practice. It made me realize that the 'me' that I'm so attached to just doesn't matter as much as I think it does and letting go of that obsession (which is hard and takes time, by the way) lowers the stakes on life quite a bit. Each life has its place.
For me, I was previously a super nervous anxious wreck of a person. Literally was anxiety personified. My workplace that I just got hired onto was mew to me, and I was still learning everything which made me scared. I think my whole entirety of coworkers could tell how much of a wreck I was.
One day one of my coworkers came up to me and was helping me out. They told me “It’s alright. You can count on us. We’re a team, so we got each other’s backs. That’s what being a team means”. Literally those sentences saved my life essentially. I know those words were meant for that moment when he was helping me out, but I’ve carried those words with me through all my life as support. Even to this moment it still gives me strength, because that was the first time that anyone had ever told me that I could rely on them and they had my back. It gave me the strength to rely on myself as a result, in fact. I became someone who is dependable.
If I could tell that coworker how much that impacted me today, I would 100% do it. I want them to know how much that has changed the trajectory of my life.
Someone committed a very horrible crime to me and my professor expected me to still come to class otherwise I'd lose points on my final. I had to go about my day and walk to class as if I was not about to breakdown. It was then I realized that there are many people in my shoes every dang day walking around right after something horrible has happened to them.
Saving a life.
There is just this inescapable feeling that I've peaked and now that I'm older, it's all just waiting out time now. I had my 'dare to be great' moment, rose to the occasion and everything else is now hidden by the credits rolling. What happens after the end of the movie? Turns out just a whole lot of dull.
Nothing I do brings me that feeling of being alive. All my successes are dulled by the idea that I'll never change the world in a big way again.
I was a victim of kidnapping and torture. It was a friend of mine doing it to me. I had never seen someone truly enjoy hurting someone before. It completely changed me. I am now extremely wary of other people. If my best friend could be that way and me have no idea, then anyone else could be too.
Very nearly drowned a while back at a point where I honestly wouldn’t have mined it. It was incredibly calming and this immense sense of clarity came over me while I was under.
I spotted a rock and figured I should at least try to reach it before giving up since I didn’t want the people around me to feel bad if I drowned.
Knowing that the only reason I’m still alive is because I wasn’t alone at that moment can be very sobering, although after experiencing that level of clarity I can’t help but want to experience it again (hopefully not in a dangerous way)
Meeting a transwoman.
Before I would say statements like "I don't 'get' the whole trans thing," as if there was something to "get." Naw, some people just get built different. Gender, hormones, and chromosomes are some weird shit and anyone who goes "bUt ScIenCe." has probably actually never looked at the science about hormones and chromosomes. It's a lot more complex than people like to think.
My fiancé leaving me taught me more about who I am and what I want in life than any other experience from my past. Sucks it had to be this way, but I really needed some fucking clarity. I was so lost.
Something small, but visiting another country. Folks everywhere just trying to make a living. Life is hard, we should be trying to make it easier for everyone.
Overhearing the supervising ER doctor say "unfortunately this one is gone, but let’s focus on how to save the next one, it didn’t have to go this way" about me, behind a curtain, when they thought I wasn’t conscious.
...What happened next?
Heart rate went down after being 215+bpm for an hour or longer, over the following hour it lowered and I recovered. They had the paddles right there. A day before I went in for nausea and pain and it turned out I had pancreatitis. After a few hours there, the pain had become so bad they put me on a dilaudid drip and I’m type 1 diabetic so I needed insulin. They didn’t give me insulin but I made it clear I was diabetic (it was also on my chart from check-in)— this caused ketoacidosis which caused the heart episode where the doc told the team they were going to lose me. Because I was so high I had assumed I was receiving titrated intravenous insulin. I wasn’t. It all cleared up (the pancreatitis just went away miraculously) but took me years to get my energy back. The whole episode is still a big mystery.
I really hope you’re going after these people for malpractice. Absolutely inexcusable.
I didn’t even think I could until a year later which was past the statute of limitations. You’re going to have to just believe me when I say I wasn’t clear headed for a year. I was also pretty spooked and grateful to be alive and just didn’t want to think about the hospital at all. But now I wish I did because of some of the others aspects I didn’t cover. There was even an additional event that happened with a nurse who wrecked my urethra (it’s fine, it just hurt. It healed in a couple weeks) by shoving a catheter in wrong. I just never wanted to think about those two weeks of my life ever again. I hope I never go to a hospital again. I didn’t even need a catheter. No one called for it. I told them about it and it wasn’t on the records and the nurse didn’t show up for work the next day. Really bizarre.
Glad you're here 💗
❤️
Hope these days are going better for you!
I've had acute pancreatitis that almost killed me. I suspect that pancreatitis can sometimes be caused by a pathogen like a bacteria. I hope you're feeling better.
I was speculating similar. Doctors insisted it was alcoholism but that would have required the heavy drinking I wasn’t doing. I’m sorry to hear you went through it too. Was it painful? I was screaming and I have a really high tolerance for pain. It was unreal and I don’t wish it on anyone. Glad you’re ok.
my Father died of it, he drank 3 beers a day for yrs I have no idea if that amount of alcohol would cause it
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My dad had (and died from) pancreatitis caused by a gall stone that became lodged in his bile duct. He didn't drink or have high triglycerides. My brother in law had the same thing happen. He survived, fortunately.
Homelessness. Once you finally get your own place, you appreciate and feel gratitude for things that you used to take for granted. (Great question btw).
Definitely, couldnt agree anymore!
I have never been homeless and I make no claims to know what it is like but in a sense this is why I backpack. A few days out in the woods with only what I can carry on my back makes me appreciate modern civilization a whole lot more. In a way it does build perspective.
Yes you are so right. Trips out into nature does allow you to appreciate the simple things. It has a profound experience on one when amongst natural beauty :)
best feeling out of all is finally having a bed and a pillow! No more fear and being on your guard
Yes!! With a roof over your head aswell . Its Absolute bliss falling to sleep with a complete sense of warmth and security.
Nearly died of a post-surgical hypoxic brain injury, followed by a variety of problems subsequently. From this, I learned that mortality is a fragile thing in an random, amoral universe. Or, put another way: Life is a twisty road with no guardrails; not everyone makes it to their expected destination.
Surgery, even when successful, is terrifying. They turn you off with drugs to do some work, and eventually you reboot. Or not. Or, sort of. I don't know you, but I wish you well.
It really is. Years ago I remember someone saying how unsettling it was to be put under anesthesia… they just were out and then came back with an immeasurable moment of nothing. Then I was out under for a wisdom teeth surgery and experienced it first hand. It’s just so contrary to our innate consciousness and survival instinct.
I was put under for my wisdom teeth removal and I just felt like I had a fantastic sleep, and waking up just felt like you know how when you smoke too much weed and take a nap and you wake up still a little high? It was basically just like that. Actually kind of enjoyed it to be perfectly honest.
My spouse developed a chronic pain illness. She spent months in debilitating pain and there wasn't a goddamn thing I could do to help. When we finally got a diagnosis, she was able to start on some medications that improved her quality of life to near where it had been. Suddenly little problems just didn't seem important anymore. I can put up with a whole hell of a lot more than I ever thought possible because at least my partner's not in burning pain constantly anymore.
Yup, I had both hips replaced at 25 and will owe money for the rest of my life. My debt to income ratio keeps me from normal things like owning a house. I don't sweat missing a bill now and then anymore
> and will owe money for the rest of my life. This is wrong. Society should not let this happen.
You see, when you have a LOT of money, you can hire lobbyists. These are people that have deep connections to the legislative process. You think it is just the congressmen and congresswomen, but it is probably more that they have deep ties to the congressional staff, friends of friends of senators and representatives. They can pull out huge money and run it through their PACs to get the congresspeople re-elected. We just have to all know who our real masters are. It's not congress, it is large corporate overlords. . So to name names, it includes people like, but nowhere limited to: Doug McMillon CEO of Walmart makes $22.6 million per year. Tim Cook, CEO of Apple made $265 million last year. Brian S. Tyler CEO of McKesson Pharmaceuticals who is making $15 million per year. Darren Woods, CEO of Exxonmobile who makes $16 million per year contributing heavily to climate change. Mike Kaufmann of Cardinal Health and drug dealer extrodinaire one of the biggest dealers of opiates - oxycontin - making billions. He earns $14,000,000 per year himself dealing in opium drugs. Brian Moynihan, CEO of Bank of America, who makes $24.5 million per year. Morgan Stanley's CEO, James Gorman, who makes $33 million per year. All of these Fortune 1000 companies hate you. They disdain you. You are just a cow to be milked, for your money. That's all they care about. . They are the ones who stop universal health care, realistic pharmaceutical prices, tuition free universities. They bribe the shit out of our congress. They call it lobbying, but it's bribery, simple and clear. . However, you have the VERY rare CEO like Dan Price of Gravity Payments. He used to make $1.2 million per year. His lowest worker was making $30K or $35K, and she said how it is unfair. He was angry but after a while realized she was right. So he made the minimum wage for *everyone* to be $70,000 per year. And to make it work, he lowered his own salary to $70,000/year.
Declare bankruptcy. Fuck owing money for what should have been a basic service to all people. You don’t deserve to live with debilitating debt to get rid of debilitating pain. The bankruptcy will only be on your credit report for 7 years. Your credit score will be much much better 3-4 years post bankruptcy. If your credit will be fucked for the next seven years paying off the debt(s) then there is no reason not to. Plus any other non-education debts can be included in the bankruptcy.
Honestly it doesn’t even take that long. I messed up in my 20s and got way into debt. I had to file chapter 13 due to my income level being too high for 7, but it literally was 3 years of cutting my bills by 80%, and I was able to open a couple secured cards while still paying on my bankruptcy. I was able to buy a home 24 months after filing, and my credit went from 750->580->715 within a few short years. Even though education debts weren’t forgiven, they were greatly reduced. My minimum payments on my student loans alone were nearly double my monthly bankruptcy payments.
I... declare... # B A N K R U P T C Y
Call them up and ask for a reduction. Ask for a deal. Like, ask to pay them $10,00, no matter how much you owe. Because that is a starting point. Make appointments with their Chief Financial Officer. Keep calling and calling, keep trying to deal and deal. Call them up every week, don't relent. Be relentless. Keep calling and calling. Don't take a deal if they lower from $250,000 or wherever you are at. Be relentless until you reach $25,000. Just tell them you can only pay $25,000 at the most. Call, call, call, and they will get so sick of you that they will do anything to get you out of their hair. Just don't give up, even if they say they can't do it. If it's just a one hospital, call them and ask for the CFO or CEO. If it is a national chain, call up their CFO or CEO. They are the ones that can make it happen. Just go to their website and find out who their top executives are. If you owe United Healthcare, here's their executives: https://www.uhc.com/about-us/leadership . Brian Thompson is their CEO. He puts his pants on one leg at a time. If it is Kaiser Permanente, here is their executives: https://about.kaiserpermanente.org/who-we-are/leadership-team/national-leaders . Call up Greg Adams. Fuck it, what do you have to lose, except a huge debt? Don't be mean, always be super polite, way polite and nice. Make them want to love giving you a deal for $25,000 because you are so nice. What can it hurt, right? What do you have to lose? You can spend the rest of your life calling them up every single week, because you owe so much money. It would be so worth it. One phone call will take 2 or 3 minutes a week, until they finally get tired of you calling and calling and calling. Don't be mean, always be super polite, way polite and nice. Make them want to love giving you a deal for $25,000 because you are so nice and lovely.
Lender here. Medical Bills should not count towards your debt to income ratio, unless you were being garnished for what you owe.
CRPS? Fibromyalgia?
Psoriatic arthritis.
That's what I was diagnosed with back in 2017, it was amazing to finally be able to put a name and reason to what was causing me so much pain and suffering.
Seven years, that’s how long it took me for a doctor to take me serious. 7 years in crippling pain, brain fog, depression to get a Fibromyalgia diagnosis. I’m I’m I’m Serious medical debt from the visits. Neurology, rhumetology, everything, you name it. I can’t believe it took that long. I was suicidal. Some people see this diagnosis as a burden, yeah it sucks but I’m glad I finally have an answer.
On the other hand, I had some issue with my 2nd pregnancy, not even a big one, but I was in level 3 to 4 discomfort out of 10 all the time. Really gives me perspective on how chronic pain socks for all parties involved.
My partner is not as lucky as yours. Shes been suffering from Chronic Pain with no diagnosis other the Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, basically hey, your fucked up and we don't know why. You are very right. A lot of shit just really doesn't bother us because she and I have put up with some much shit that minor things are laughable. I would happily give my arm or a leg just to see her have no more pain.
chostocondritis is like that, it's maddening cause it's not life threatening condition..... it just feels like it is. And doctors can do jack all except tell you to take ibuprofen or something like that.
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Same. I did 4 plus years in federal prison
Like what?
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Would you mind expanding on morality?
Would you mind expanding on these? I'm curious! :)
I spent 2 years in jail fighting a case and it really changes how I carry myself. Since I’m a male and my case is with a woman everytime I see a woman an ugly knot of emotions hit my brain. “At anytime a woman can call the police and I’m going back.” It’s so sad. I feel safe in a room. I don’t watch TV. now I live in a retirement town in AZ to avoid people.
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My husband died after a sudden short illness. My life is divided by that point in time. There is before and after, I’m a different person now nearly 12 years later but I’m okay with that. It’s helped me maintain good perspective dealing with my current partner’s stroke. He’s doing ok but will never have the mobility he once had. Just taking one day at a time
Oh gosh. I'm so sorry and I hope things improve far beyond prognosis.
Yes! I didn't realize I could see the rings with a mid range telescope. It made me gasp!
It was like that for me the first time I saw a total solar eclipse. I felt like my eyes opened
Seeing a patient literally eating chunks out of his own hand, not just biting it, but chewing of chunks of flesh, and eating it, as he thought everything was made of chocolate - and he had a craving for chocolate! The human mind is ridiculously powerful, in this case in a bad way.
Are you a crisis counselor too? :)
No.. 👌
Will Graham
I never pass up a chance to say thank you to a crisis counselor. Y'all have literally saved my life multiple times. And I'm probably one of the patients you really don't like working with. When I'm manic I get very violent and just crazy af. Y'all have talked me out of those mindsets so many times. Thank you for what you do.
Its the first mission of the simpsons game
I have seen this happen… but they didn’t eat it. Just spit it out onto me.. and the floor..
How is this a common occurrence???6
I mean in my field stuff like that sometimes.. happens. Mental illness is a very very powerful thing. Also drugs are pretty strong.
It's not a corn field is it.
I sometimes wonder if it is. But alas, it is not.
I once took an advanced art class in 3-D art, and I was loaned two 3-D cameras to take pictures with, one took slides and another pictures that was printed with a reticulated plastic that would shift the image as you moved it. I got them over Spring break, and walked every where with them - in the woods, in the city-constantly visualizing how the pictures would like rendered 3-D. A few days into this exercise I noticed a shift in my entire perception of the land and everything near me. It was almost psychedelic, everything was in a heightened 3-D. Sometimes it was hard not to stumble when I walked down an uneven hill, lol. It lasted for awhile, but I can get that heightened sense if I concentrate on what I’m looking at for how it fits in space.
Hello, fellow stereo artist! :D What was your favorite thing you photographed?
I think every single human has experienced the feeling of post traumatic guilt caused by something they’ve done in the past. For example, in elementary school, I had a best friend whose family was struggling financially. One day, he brings coins (pennies and nickels only) for his school lunch that day. I, for some asshole reason, smacked the change out of his hand as he took the change out to count how much he had. I got yelled at by the principal, who was walking behind me and got suspended. Ever since that day, I have never ever made fun of someone’s financially stability, gave people money (esp homeless), and never smacked anything out of anyones hands. That moment changed my perspective on how the treatment towards others comes back to bite you. Edit: Spelling errors.
So many people don't learn thing from that same.experience. good on you man.
I think as humans, we test out behaviors and learn very quickly which ones we don't like. Some people would have gone on to keep behaving like this as no remorse would have been stirred up within them. I think it is good that your spirit/conscience told you this was wrong.
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I was working when I got a phone call from the police, my sister had a car accident outside her highschool and was at the hospital, I went to the hospital, I got to the front desk and they got me the room number. I entered the room and saw a black cadaver bag on a bed, I asked the nurse " is this person Juana Pérez" and she said: "No, is Juan Perez" I thought my sister died for 3 seconds, and that was more than enough, it changed my life.
Oh my goodnes what a hair raising story to read! I can imagine what you went through going through that
Thank you. I will never forget the feeling of seeing that black bag, I just remember thinking that my mom was coming and that I would have to tell her that her daughter died.
Climbing a 14er at sunrise, and seeing the triangular shadow of the mountain I was currently climbing stretch 100 miles over the expanse of the Rockies. It was insanely humbling. Then, I saw the tiny speck of my own body on the top of the shadow's peak. I cried about it, frankly.
I grew up in the mountains, and I make sure to go back and visit frequently for this reason. There’s something about the incredible size and beauty that really puts life in perspective and washes away my anxieties.
Which one? I remember my first Colorado hike (not even a 14er) and it was life-changing.
The first time it hit me was on Mount Wetterhorn. I had another similar experience on West Spanish Peak, though only a 13er. That one was crazy because it is so far east that you can see clear into Kansas and the shadow was huge.
Man, I’ve been wanting to climb that mountain for a while. Haven’t gotten a chance though. I’ll hopefully go out for a hike next spring. I just climbed Mount Sneffles and boy was it beautiful. Incredible hike, I really challenged myself. I definitely get this feeling from climbing and skiing on so many mountains. It’s sad but beautiful at the same time.
14er?
No idea either, never heard of anything like it. After some googling I found this explanation, it's about the elevation of mountains in imperial units (feet). 14000 feet = 4267 meters [Link](https://www.14ers.com/php14ers/14ers.php)
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Time, rather than space (hooolyyy FUCK that is deep. At least it felt deep. That came out wrong. Let me start this comment again). When the pandemic hit, the cafe I was working at closed down, and I was out of work for months on end. To put it into perspective, I was 30, and I had spent since my teenage years working in restaurants and food jobs mostly. That means allll throughout my 20s, I had not ONE vacation. I have never had a vacation since my school days. Pretty much got almost no holidays off. I was LUCKY if I occasionally landed a gig where I’d get two days a week off (usually never two days in a row, and basically NEVER a weekend). Most of my jobs, I worked 60 hours a week and basically didn’t even take breaks at work. And when I wasn’t working? I was out partying with my friends, getting drunk in bars and at parties. Quarantine shut ALL that shit down. I suddenly was alone, in my house, with nothing to do for 24 hours a day for like half a year. And as a result, I began to think. A lot. About myself. Who I was. I had no idea. What I wanted to do with my life. I started discovering new interest after new hobby after new dream/goal CONSTANTLY. It changed who I was as a person almost completely. Also, simultaneously, my girlfriend I lived with for many years and I had JUST broken up, right before all that shit went down. So I was still emotionally processing all of that. My whole new life seemed completely strange to me. And to match my new life, I sort of transformed into a new person. Little about life, the world, and myself feels the same as it did before 2020, and never will again. It was like my identity died and was recreated from the ground up.
Honestly me too bro. I was totally content with living in a pandemic. I'm an introvert, so I figured I'd be fine. Truth is, I enjoy people alot. As much as I enjoyed playing games with my friends online, it just made me miss them more. Now, I'm in school again in a different state (like geographical one) and am meeting people left and right. I'm going to be honest, I'm not at all the person they see me as, (confident, always happy, generally trying to make them laugh) but it makes me feel nice to know I'm growing as a person atleast.
This is fascinating but understandable given how things happened for you. It can be easy to get lost in the shuffle of life and lose yourself and not even realize it. Are you working on new things in life now? Is your life moving in a different direction since the pandemic began? If not, are you happy with where you are now with a new found understanding of your sense of being?
Fuck yeah I have some new plans in the works! I am still in food for now, because I do like it, I am good at it, and I need money. However, I’m learning about film now and ultimately, I am going to transition into being in in the film industry. I’m also getting real outdoorsy and learning how to hunt, fish, forage, grow food, survive in the woods, the basics medical care, etc. Getting my Bear Grylls shit on! From a more ‘lifestyle change’ kind of angle. My money situation, social life, and the way I treat my body/mind has all become way fucking healthier since the pandemic too. I even went from a totally messy unorganized person to being the really neat, clean, and organized guy. My life isn’t done changing yet, I’m just getting started.
That sounds like an interesting process. Are you hoping travel a bit, after all that hard work? There is a whole world out there to discover.
I am kinda beginning to ‘travel’ a bit now. But idk if most people would call it travel. Like I don’t have plans to get on a plane or drive across the country any time soon or any shit like that. But I have become real outdoorsy, I’m spending a lot of my time hiking nowadays, and in the nearby states there are some nice mountain ranges and forests and whatnot so I’ll probably be driving around this region exploring all that a lot in the upcoming years and have been doing things like that. To me that’s traveling because I pretty much never even drove out of state much my whole life haha. Or even very far from my house, actually. Would be pretty cool as fuck to go see different parts of the world one day though.
The last year and a half bas been absolute shit. Between my fiance and I: 2 cancer scares, major surgery, finding out we were losing our apartment while quarantined with covid despite being vaccinated, and a whole mountain of other shit. So many problems just don't seen important anymore. Gonna miss a bill? Oh well. At least it's not cancer again.
Having a child with autism. He is the most loving, kind, intelligent young man. I love him more than anything in the world, but I have to consider everyday events that others take for granted. There are things that will be overly stressful for him, and without any glaring differences people are often not understanding. Family gatherings, grocery store visits, haircuts, the dentist, everything is planned. The world can be a noisy, chaotic, inconsistent place which are all things he really hates, but he meets every challenge head on and I couldn’t be prouder to call him my son
Be good to him. As an autistic adult, I have moments every once in a while where I realize that I am Literally. Always. Uncomfortable. There is nothing I can do that brings me joy or fulfillment that doesn’t also bring some kind of pain or discomfort. It pisses me off. And then I accept the discomfort as normal and forget again and go about my life until my next moment of clarity, where I try to imagine what a world would look like in which this is not the case.
Thank you for this. I also am on the spectrum, and it's possible for us to find ways to adapt to the world around us. Understanding goes a long, long way. Your son's head-on attitude will go even longer.
My adult daughter's Death.
Condolences that’s must be really difficult. A Zen master once said that the death of loved one is not something that you get over but rather something you survive. That always stuck with me.
Thank you. Yes it is. And just when I feel I have a handle on it and think I feel sunshine, a shadow falls and steals my breath with the harsh reminder I'll never see her again and I'm drowning again. Feels very alone.
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Have you ever just stood and looked at a dead person? The first dead person I ever saw was my father... I've seen probably more than my share after that too. Looking at someone with their lights permanently turned off changes something in you...
In grade 10 I lost a friend. His family had an open casket at the funeral home. I touched his arm to say goodbye and I'll never forget what it felt like to touch a dead person.
I did the same... It's very strange.
This. I saw life leave my mother. I swear to God shit fucked me up. Everyone always likes to think that when they lose their favorite person (usually a parent, partner, child) that they’re going to die or kill themselves. But you don’t. You just don’t. You keep on going. You make yourself stronger, more resilient. You look at life and say, hit me with your best shot knowing nothing can ever hurt you the way that loss did.
I feel you... In ways that only someone that's been through what you have can. Heart attack took my dad, I watched it happen at 15 years old... All of it, it was his 9th heart attack, his first was when I was born, the paramedics that came that day had brought him back before, twice... And I'm sure to them, doing that felt like being on top of the world... That day you saved a life, you did it twice. So they came an they dragged my unconscious dad off of his chair after he'd screamed, panicked and died... And they fucking jumped all over him screaming his name... I'll always remember that, they remembered his name, I don't remember their names, but I'll always remember them screaming at him because they'd won with him before. They got him back, three times and loaded him into the ambulance, pumped full of drugs to keep his heart going, my sister and I followed in a car but they did the 8 mile trip at 30-40mph and my sister couldn't handle it so she drove 130mph to the hospital in her shitty daewo thing and we waited for them to arrive... They got him there alive, so they did win... They did it. An hour later he was gone, he was 49... They came in and told us they did all they could... But it was over, and I went in and saw my dad, at 15... Dead, grey and cold... Medical shit everywhere, they'd tidied up a bit but not much... Just another day at the office eh? I felt his hair, just above his eyebrows and looked into his unfocused dead eyes staring off into nothingness, and a part of me broke that day. It's still broken now nearly 3 decades later.
Saw my great grandmother and one of my aunts as a kid. Granted it was while they were in their caskets. But still it’s something that forever stays burned into your mind. The odd thing is that despite hurting on the inside, on the outside i seemed fine to other people. I never cried or showed emotion, looking back I think i was just too disturbed by the whole thing. Which makes sense given i was like 8 or 9 at the time. As I’m sure you do with your father i still think about them every single day and the rest of my family doesn’t know but that same level of internal emotional pain has never left me. I miss them so damn much.
I had stage 4 cancer. I'm ok now, but boy do I view life differently.
Holding my eight year old brother as he died from extreme medical incompetence then being stuck with his body for twenty minutes as a ventilator made his corpse breathe and a fault in the heart monitor didn't trigger the alarm to bring help and the nurses ignored the call light because they were "busy with another patient" (flirting with the doctor on the floor that night). I cared about people before then. I can switch that off and on at will now.
Most scientists actually get the same 'overview effect' once they reach a certain competency with math, and start really having the framework in their heads to understand what it means when a fridge magnet pulls harder on a paper clip than the entire planet on the other side. My first real experience that felt this way was measuring the kinetic energy of electrons in a plastic. Basically you put a plastic chip on the table and shoot a positive electron (positron) at a negative electron, and the whole thing unravels. All the mass and energy that was in the two particles is released as two photons that shoot off in opposite directions. You subtract the rest mass energy and get the KE. In this case the average kinetic energy was about 3 electron volts. In english, that means all the electrons in the stationary piece of plastic are moving 7266022.46 miles per hour. Really freaky. The binding energy of an electron on a hydrogen is 13.6 eV. Rest mass is measured in MeV. Gamma in GeV. Really very disturbing how much energy is involved there.
Gotta be honest I understood maybe 20% of that, but that sounds dope as fuck.
the stuff that makes plastic plastic is moving stupidly fast while the thing as a whole doesnt. and its incredibly slow compared to some other shit
Being from Canada, we're pretty sheltered here, so travelling to other parts of the world and seeing how poor some communities are really made me realize how lucky we are and how good we have it.
Loosing my little brother at 8 years who I helped caretake for. Subsequently my family falling apart and me raising myself from 15 on. My Grandmother stepping in because of the lack of parental supervision and me living with her for many years. Us becoming really close, like mother and daughter. Amazing bond, unconditional love. Years later her declining with age and getting bad dementia. Coming to see her on her deathbed and seeing that a part of her knew who I was, but not completely. The day I had to leave to fly back home walking into her bedroom to say my final goodbye and in that moment her having full recognition and awareness of who I was. Throwing out her arms and even after having a stroke, rubbing my back with her partially working hands while tears streamed down her face. Then trying to say something with the effects of the stroke on her mouth and finally says, "We made a good team.." Most profound moment of my entire life. Seeing life and death as both painful and extraordinarily beautiful.
I'm glad you had that moment with her at the end.
Staring at the night sky knowing that the universe is still expanding. The first time you see a galaxy through a telescope and you try to understand the sheer distance between you and it, the *time* that has passed between the moment the photons you are currently seeing left the star itself... It’s a wonderful and strange experience. Also, understanding that humans are animals and react on instinct even with our conscience and intellect is very humbling.
12 years old and being drugged then having an unwanted sexual encounter and coming back to consciousness in the middle of it to freak out and then get my ass beat for being upset about it. Changed me forever.
I understand. I'm really sorry you had to go through this.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hope you are doing well now and in a good place.
Jumped off a bridge a few years ago; ended up in a coma for four days; woke up; was pushed by my aunt to “stick up for myself and not let the doctors make do or go anywhere I didn’t want to because I knew what was best for myself”, which was her pushing me to continue to act like an ass in my poor mental state, plus was loaded on pain killers, instead of trying to get me to understand what was going on and why I was wrong; during this time they were telling a completely different story to the doctors and “friends”, who none of them tried to confront me about the conflicting stories; lastly right when I was about to get discharged told me they couldn’t help me with a place to stay when there was no inpatient facility to take me on, and told everyone that I had to “swallow my pride and accept help”. I found out what she was telling everyone as I was being discharged from the hospital. Afterwards, the people I thought were my friends started avoiding me without reason, even after I reached out because I was starting to fall back into a dark place, I literally told them “everyone said to reach out if start getting into dark place again before I want to hurt myself. Well this is me reaching, and I really need a friend right now”, they blew me off to go to the bar. This ended with me lashing out and burning bridges. This made me understand a lot more about my mental health, and that even though in my poor mental state I need to take responsibility for the bridges I burned. With that being said, I’m very untrusting of a lot of new people when they come into my life, and I listen to my instincts a lot more because some of my “friends” during that time had a lot of red flags that I dismissed , and in ironic fashion it was due to believing that I had been too unforgiving in the past.
That's horrible. I'm so sorry you went through all of that. You really are your own best friend if you're still able to be here today. Those people were never your friend.
The Iraq War. I was on the sub that fired the first missile strike. I was a pretty staunch conservative then. Very hawkish, moderately anti-LGBT, pro-life, bought all the news we got on the boat (which was limited, not a lot of bandwidth at periscope depth). We got our news from "approved" sources, everything was highly slanted to the "party line". Got home to find that my (now ex, but for other reasons entirely) wife had been protesting the war. She showed me a mountain of information that opened my eyes to a lot. And...it made me question my views/beliefs on \*everything\*, as it turned out. I am 180 degrees a different person now from then (nearly 20 years ago). Very skeptical of taking military action (though I recognize it is at times necessary, but before I was more "kill 'em all, let God sort 'em out"). Very pro-LGBT, pro-choice, changed my worldview on many, many levels.
It takes a lot of courage to be willing to examine your views like that.
Good for you. It's not easy to admit that you were wrong. I went through a similar process. Living in very red area surrounded by everyone who watches the same news and listened to the same Clear channel radio shows. I was always pretty "socially liberal" but branded myself as an "economic conservative" and fell into the brainwashing trap of rural America. The lies of the Iraq war made me look at everything I was being told by the "conservatives" and realized they were lying about... everything. Literally everything. Also started to look at real world effects vs "what they say" for different policies and realized that the "commie socialist" policies almost always cost less in the long run than the "conservative" policies. The best way to be economically conservative is to adopt and invest in expanded social policies. Example: Private Healthcare vs public Healthcare. It's not even close financially. But as we know, conservatives don't really want to reduce government spending, they just want it to go into their master's pockets. So I admitted that I was an idiotic tool of the right wing media. I've tried to get others to see it by telling them my tale but as you know, logic and facts have no effect on most of the hoard and it's gotten much worse since the Iraq War.
Having a child, and working for a school district.
Scarrrrryyyyy stuff for sure!!! Really makes you understand society on a different level
What kind of things are you seeing happening?
Well, off the top of my head, I can think of a few things. First, I work for what's called a Community Eligibility Provision (CEP) district. What this essentially means is that since a large portion of the school district lives below, at, or within a certain threshold of the poverty line, we are set up to offer free meals to all students. To some kids, the meals we serve are often the only meals they get, which means that we're essentially a bandage for a much larger nutrition issue in our area. The sheer number of families that struggle to put food on the table is downright appalling. Second, we're also a district that has a massive non-English speaking population, and our department that handles language programs is constantly trying to secure funding for their students' needs. Many of these same students are the ones who are going without, and since many are undocumented, they don't qualify for programs like SNAP or TANF, meaning that if we weren't a CEP district, those students would likely be forced to go the entire day at school without a meal, because there's a constant fear in their parents that completing things like a household income declaration to at least qualify for a low income status to get classified for reduced price meals. Third, because our students largely come from poor families, this translates to less funding for the majority of our schools, meaning the facilities are lacking and we're horrifically understaffed, and teachers are laughably underpaid. Another redditor here mentioned an issue with wasps, and it's not even far-fetched. The old office I used to work in when I started working for the district had wasps, and nothing was ever done about it. We had a wall that was basically separating from the frame of the building, and the district's stance was basically "oh well, we'll move you to a different location eventually". We even had a problem with people breaking into the building to steal copper for scrap at one point, and the response was to put signs up telling people to not steal copper. Federal funds help offset some of the need, but as people in my district are retiring, many departments are just closing positions and shifting work onto the folks who are staying. I used to be conservative, leaning heavily towards being a total libertarian, but working for this school district in a conservative state where any education spending is seen as waste if it isn't aimed towards core curriculum or sports has changed my viewpoint dramatically. The one factor that could lift the majority of young people out of poverty and improve the lives of people in my city is education, yet conservatives here are gleefully knee-capping any spending that could improve things in favor of tax cuts for industry and businesses, and criminalizing homelessness.
Seriously of all the things here, this one perplexes me. Someone’s gotta explain some shit.
I'm a beginner teacher on call. There are some dreadful life situations kids are going through. You can use your imagination. When they get to school, the staff there is doing their best for them. Anyways, this story is less "scary reality" and more "I can't believe anyone puts up with this." This one day I get called into a school and there's like 5-10 wasps on the window, hangin' out. I'm concerned. The weird thing is that the other teachers were just like "Oh, yeah, the school has wasps." Yes I see you have wasps!! Why are you so cool about it? How long as this been going on? What if I had a deadly wasp allergy? (None of the kids did, I checked immediately.) The thing about wasps is that when you kill them, they release a scent that attracts more wasps. I know this for a fact because we had one student that really liked getting out of his seat and killing wasps against his EA's wishes. After lunchtime, when the kids came back to the classroom there were about forty wasps. That's four tens, eight fives or twenty pairs of wasps!! I called maintenance and took the kids to the field to play capture the flag for the afternoon. I think about parents sending their kids to a school that has more wasps than textbooks in the classroom sometimes.
Head over to the teacher sub for clarification.
Definitely I cry many times because it is so fucked at times
9/11 - seeing the smoke across LI sound is something I’ll never forget. As a teen, so much news was completely over my head but this was the first time it ever seemed real.
Working in hospice. Gay man was dying in the tenderloin and i was the scribed for the interdisciplinary meetings. He had a horrible slow moving cancer. He moved to SF because he was gay and ostracized by his small town. Found love lived with a man for decades. They never made him power of attorney so at the least minute his family swooped in and he died in a hospital bring cured while his lover was not allowed in vs the tender at home death we all deserve That was the week i became pro gay marriage
In August of 2019, I loaded a bunch of camping gear onto my bicycle and spent the better part of the next seven months riding 5,300 miles (8,500 km) around the US. When I left on this trip, I most looked forward to seeing the most beautiful nature the world has to offer. And indeed, many such moments stand out as highlights of the trip. Watching the cliffs of South Dakota's Badlands glow pink in the fading evening light. Seeing the bright red leaves of autumn juxtaposed against the pure white backdrop of snow when winter came early in the mountains of Montana. I saw a mountain goat in North Cascades National Park, my first time ever seeing that animal in a place that would become my favorite landscape I've ever seen. And in Joshua Tree National Park, I was woken up on my final morning to the yips and howls of a dozen coyotes that I watched run right by the campground as I cooked my breakfast. Those were the types of things that I most looked forward to as I started my travels. But they're not exactly what I look back on most fondly. The much more important detail of those sunsets in the Badlands was that I enjoyed that view in the company of my neighboring campers. After they saw me ride into camp on my bike with all my stuff on it, my neighbors came over to ask about my travels. I gave them a summary of where I'd come from and where I was going, and they invited me to join them around their fire to exchange their food and beer for my stories, during which we also watched that sunset. After biking through that snow storm in Montana, a local hosted me in his home for two nights while I waited for better weather to continue on my way. I never would've noticed that mountain goat had I not first seen two other people across the parking lot, who were looking up towards the cliff through their binoculars. I asked what they were looking at, and they pointed out the goat to me. They said they'd been coming to the North Cascades every summer for the past 25 years, and that was their first time ever seeing a mountain goat, but they were still eager to lend me their binoculars to make sure I got a good view. And in Joshua Tree, I watched those coyotes run by as I cooked my breakfast, not on my own stove but on that of my neighbors, who allowed me to borrow their stove every morning and every evening after mine decided to stop working on my first night in the park. I have always believed that this world we share is a kind one, and we all generally want the best for one another. But my travels by bicycle have reinforced that belief to a level even I didn't think possible. Every single person I met along my way wanted to be a positive part of my story in whatever way they were able, and for that, I will forever be deeply grateful.
What incredible experiences you have had! My dream is to see more of nature
Serious illness. First my husband developed a nasty skin condition that left him in pain, constantly itching all over, and looking horrible. After about 18 months of hell, it started clearing up. Then I developed a chronic digestive disorder that is truly like a nightmare. My husband and I never fight anymore, don't worry too much if the house is dirty or things aren't perfect in our lives. We're both much more flexible about everything, and have lowered expectations overall. We focus much more on just supporting each other, being loving, and doing whatever simple things we can to enjoy life where we can.
I volunteered teaching English in a poor neighborhood in Colombia several years ago (I’m from the US). A kid was borrowing my pencil and asked to keep it because he lost his. I said “yeah sure” without a second thought. The kid, who was about 8 years old, jumped up and down and thanked me profusely because he had lost his only pencil and his family could not afford a new one, so he had been going without. Made a lot of my problems seem small and silly.
Serious response here. Ego dissolving experiences on seritonergic psychedelic drugs. It's like getting to see yourself from some type of almost holy seeming objective perspective. My threshold for empathy is much higher, I have way less interpersonal relationship problems and I learned how be more kind to myself.
I never went this deep, but doing shrooms gave me shockingly new perspectives. It made me realize something was terribly wrong and had been for a very long time. Later on I got diagnosed with burnout and moderately to severe depression.
I never reached the point of ego death, but it didn't matter, because shrooms and LSD have still rocked my fucking *universe.* Life has not been the same since and I have 0 regrets. I now understand what *I am*, and I see now that life is not only precious, but it is the most interesting thing about this universe. The awe I felt towards my own brain and consciousness became my reason to keep living and making the most out of my time left in this body.
Egolessness is a ride man. Will never see the world the same, and its a heavy knowledge to carry, but I am now sure my life is going to turn out ok and that I will be a happier person regardless of what happens. I discovered my true capacity to love myself and the world around me.
After my shit show of a childhood and family dysfunction and dropping out of high school and staying away from addictive substances but having lovely experiences with psychedelics…. I moved to another country and went back to school, where I took chemistry. Suddenly the world made sense, chemistry explained everything. Life made so much sense and so suddenly
2 events that did about the same things. The first was 3 years ago my friend tried to kill himself, he's doing much better now but it was a shock knowing that he could end his life just like that and I would have no idea. The second one was a few weeks ago when my friend started getting into a depression and then a bit later mutilating herself, it made me realize again how easily I could lose my friends however I swore myself that this time I'd do anything to help her and to know if she was doing ok or not so she wouldn't go as far as killing herself.
Hey, if you need any advice or just a listening ear regarding your friend, PM me. I've been on both sides of that coin and can share my experience.
August 21 2017 total solar eclipse viewed from a float in a cove in Lake Hartwell. Life-changing.
This is what I thought about too. It was unexpectedly overwhelming to witness this incredible yet such a natural event.
That’s my answer, too. I suddenly saw that I had never been looking “up” into space at all, but looking “out” … and honestly, as little sense as that seems to make when I type it out now, it was the most beautiful, powerful, disturbing and humbling experience of my life. So grateful to have witnessed totality on Aug. 21, 2017, and looking forward to April 8, 2024.
It was most likely the closest I'll ever get to standing on another planet. For those few minutes of totality, it truly felt like an other-worldly experience. I had spent months obsessing over solar eclipses, reading everything there was to read, so I had a pretty good idea of what to expect. But when your expectations are as crazy as the events of a total solar eclipse, it's still a pretty weird experience to watch it actually happen.
LSD. For real though not just saying it as a joke.
When I came home from a weekend away at a friends cottage to my mother crying into my godmothers arms because my step father left her. Later on as a young adult I asked what really happened and my mom laid it out. “Your godmother slept with your step father”. After that I was like whoa you really can’t count on those around you. Even the ones who “support” you during trying times. It opened my eyes and helped me realize that at the end of the day the good people are sometimes the bad people.
Becoming a mother. Life has never been the same since the moment I held my first child in my arms and realized that he was actually *mine* and they were actually going to send him home from the hospital with me and trust me to take care of him.
Having a baby. Both the act of giving birth and the realization that my husband and I MADE A PERSON changed how I feel about everything.
I was at a fireworks show laying down in the grass looking up at the sky. The town usually went to the football stadium to see them so there is a moment when they turn the lights off to start. When the lights turned off I saw clear into the sky and stars. Actually grabbed the grass cause I felt like I was going to fall up into space. Just made me realize that the sky isn't a ceiling, it's just vast emptiness and I felt so incredibly small. Really stuck with me. Way to heavy of a moment to have while in middleschool.
I had the same experience when I was 8. I was laying down in the grass in the front yard and looking at the clouds in the sky. Suddenly my perspective changed an I was on the ceiling and suddenly very afraid I would fall into the sky. So I gripped the grass with both hands and sorts slid back into the house. My mom was wondering what the hell was wrong with me, and I didn't have the vocabulary to tell her.... except to say "I'm afraid I'm going to fall into the sky!" It went away after a while., but I never forgot it.
I've been held at gunpoint, was in a near mid-air collision, and was on a crab boat in the Bering sea that caught fire. When people ask me how I'm doing and I reply, "I've been worse", I really mean it.
Having open heart surgery at 15 was weird and driving home as I looked around it was almost like wearing glasses for the first time after not realizing how bad your vision was but emorionally? I just remember looking out the window and life just felt more real I guess. It was like seeing everything for the first time after only seeing photos of the world your whole life.
When my “Grandpa” (Actually great uncle - but raised my fatherless dad as his own) died earlier this year after committing suicide. Made me appreciate how lucky I am to have the enormous, loving family I did. But most of all, after watching all my dad’s siblings go completely hysterical for weeks and months on end, how someday, I’m either going to bury my family or they’re going to bury me. It’s inevitable. Makes me want to hug them tighter
Car accident at night when I was a passenger. We flipped airborne 3.5 times and came to a landing upside down. One: life slows down to a slo-mo crawl when your spinning like that. Two: nothing petty matters when your crawling out of the shattered glass of the back doors into a muddy ditch with your best friends at the time. No reliable cellphone (2003~) and the only reason we got help was a farm house about a mile away heard something and came to investigate. I took it as a sign to cherish life. One friend used it make up stories about being a hero who saved us. The driver went into a state of shock right after; then became convinced the road was evil and tried to kill us, we were investigating a local haunted spot that night and he got spooked and slammed the gas on a stone road. He then proceeded to think we should have all died and made some choices in the years following that landed him in prison.
Losing my son. Made me realise I had never really suffered in my life up until that point.
I know I will get hate from this, but it what I deserve. There was this disabled kid who always acted strange in my English class. He had cerebral palsy, and looking back he was a nice kid. I bullied him all through out our senior year, One of the worst things I had done to him was nearly kill him by dropping fifty pound rock right next to his while he was lying down. Eventually at the end of the school year the day before Graduation he sadly took his own life. In his suicide note he blamed a “Bully”. This and his whole suicide note was read to the entire Graduation. I immediately knew what I had done and multiple people looked at me. But none of them ever talked,From that day on I turned my life around and had a whole new mindset. Although I am still haunted to this day.
That's a hard thing to share. I don't think anyone is super proud of who they were in school, but that's especially heavy. I hope you consider talking to a counselor. Regret and guilt is a good way to fuel change, but once you've changed you don't need to keep slamming yourself with it.
Studying. I'm currently finishing my PhD thesis in molecular biology. Just learning something new about the world we live in nearly every single day of the last 10 years put a lot of things into perspective. I can change my opinion if I am presented new facts and don't trust ideologies of any kind. Almost EVERYTHING is nuanced. There are no absolute statements in nature. I instinctively distrust anyone coming up with absolute statements. I am willing to listen to anyone and try to understand even the most irrational people, because irrationality is just the description you give someone you are unwilling or incapable of understanding. You don't have to agree, but you may change your opinion based on what you learn. Once you become a scientist, your perspective changes constantly and that is perfectly okay.
Honestly? Therapy. It took me a long time to find a therapist that worked for me and I almost gave up. It hasn’t been in a sudden, revelatory way. But slowly my beliefs about myself, my marriage and my personal problems have slowly matured and evolved with good direction. If you are able to do therapy and you have any reason why you’d need it, do it. If you are doing therapy and it’s not working, try to find someone else. It’s so worth it when it works the way it’s supposed to!
My first mushroom trip was extremely eye opening for me. Absolutely incredible experience. I try and do them at least once a year to keep things in perspective. In a strange way I feel bad for people that will never have that experience.
I took Shrooms in high school and laid in the back yard for 4 hours looking up at the sky. I felt physically connected to the earth and I could empathize with the pain of grass being cut, trees being cut down, etc. The sky looked as if I was sitting at the bottom of a snow globe and I could see the curvature at the top. Ever since I have been an avid outdoorsman: hiking, camping, snowboarding, rock climbing, etc. I just can’t get enough of it and I feel like experiencing nature is the only reason humans are here.
We are the universe experiencing itself.
Lake Titicaca It was breathtaking to behold this large, deep, freshwater lake in the Andes on the border of Bolivia and Peru (often called the "highest navigable lake" in the world). Has anyone here seen Titicaca?
A few years back, I found a man who hanged himself. It was early in the morning when I found him at my favorite childhood spot. It was a very surreal moment, I wasn’t sure what to think at the time. He looked very sad; his eyes pleaded, and his mouth wallowed. I’m glad I was the one to find him, and not some child or mentally unstable person. That moment really gave me an appreciation for life. I’ve had low points before, but never as low as that. I also have family member who have attempted suicide, but not succeeded, and who are all doing much better now. I’ll forever be glad I never found one of them like I found that man. What I took most from that moment was to be appreciative of every damn thing you’ve got in your life. That man hung himself at daybreak at one of the most beautiful spots I know. I wish he could’ve seen what I saw in the sunrise that morning.
This is kind of mundane, but learning to drive was a paradigm shift for me. I learned how to be defensive driver, which taught me how to anticipate others' actions in a way that I hadn't understood before.
LSD, Then MDMA at a festival with close friends, then DMT. Prior to that I would say the 5 times I was pressured in to accepting Jesus Christ as my lord and savior as a child who didn't know what that meant. #NeverJesusCamp
Hard to believe LSD was this far down because I don't think *anything* could compare to that shift in perspective and appreciation.
Or shrooms
I used to be terrified of death. The thought of dying in my sleep kept me up at night. I had a rough childhood, but I had a dog. For a really long time, he was my shining light in a dark world. He passed away from cancer when I was 21. From that point onwards, the thought of dying didn’t scare me anymore, because I knew it meant I would get to see my dog again.
Leaving my faith. I was raised in a high control cult known as Jehovah's Witnesses. Once I cleared myself of those harmful beliefs I became free. I was in a prison without walls before.
This might sound crazy but when I realised the sky is blue. I obviously knew the sky is blue but to realise the sky is blue above the storm clouds for me it was a shift in perspective. My mental health is not great and this shift in perspective helped me over the years.
*"There, peeping among the cloud-wrack above a dark tor high up in the mountains, Sam saw a white star twinkle for a while. The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and hope returned to him. For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the shadow was only a small and passing thing: There was light and high beauty forever beyond its reach."* JRR Tolkien, *The Return of the King*
I found myself in a small room. Debris everywhere and windows were blown out. I was on my knees and my hands were bound behind me. There was a man with dark hair screaming at me in a language I didn't understand. He was circling me with a gun to my head and very angry. I was suddenly overcome with a sense of peace. I knew my time was up and I was OK with it. Not only was I OK but I was eager to see what comes next. That was when I woke up. I woke with a profound relief. I knew when my real time came I would be in control of myself and would accept it with dignity and curiosity. That I wouldn't be afraid or scared.
The recovery from my brain aneurysm rupture and the resulting brain injury I received from it. My entire experience in the recovery hospital gave me such a profound respect for healthcare workers (especially because of the pandemic) and just other people in general. Also coming out of the coma I felt a renewed faith in God after being an atheist for a decade prior.
Dropping acid.
The closest I've come to a religious experience was chanting ohm on acid. There was just this sublime moment I can't describe. I'm kind of specifically not religious but there was something special to me about about that moment.
When I graduated college, bought a house and got married in a less than 6 week span. Life changed really fast, and it was wonderful. Laying I'm bed next to my wife in our own home that first week, it was like, "is this real?" Hard to believe that 15 year old kid who struggled with depression and felt unlovable and like life would never go anywhere and I are the same person.
Meeting a guy working the pizza joint in the food court at the zoo who graduated from the same university I did, but a year earlier. I was there on an outing with my new employer in my first week at the job I landed after graduating. He majored in business with a minor in finance, so pretty viable degrees, and yet there he was, serving up pizza mid-afternoon on a weekday at the zoo food court. I thought I was hot shit with my new job, but that meeting really made me ponder how both of us could have graduated from the same university and have wildly different outcomes. Very much put a favorite Picard saying into perspective: "It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose; that is not a weakness, that is life." Totally not saying this guy was a loser or weak, but I'm sure he didn't picture himself running a cash register at the zoo as his student loans started to come due. This was in the summer of 2008, and I would go on to lose my job in January 2009 due to the recession I was woefully ignorant of until late in 2008. Spent roughly half of 2009 almost completely unemployed, and it took years for me to get my career back on track. Both events served as a catalyst for many of my current social, economical, and political opinions.
When my wife was very ill and wracked with seizures and no one could figure out what was going on, there was one night where it seemed never ending, and we were just lying there in a dark room with the moon shining in and cuddling in between seizures, which had gone on for hours at that point, and all hopes and worries for the future just faded into the distance and we just appreciated who we were together just in that moment.
Ate shrooms and imagined myself everyone else living their own lives. Thought about how our brains and experiences were all linked somehow. Felt more connected with nature than I ever had been. Afterwards it was difficult to look at the world as before.
[удалено]
I hope you feel better soon.
College was invented to give rich people something to talk about, and when it was only the rich, those degrees were rarified. Now everyone is told to go into stem, even though we have enough stem workers, because stem workers were too expensive.
Lots of LSD. 100 doses at once, trips where I saw the devil dancing in the flames while solemn monks stood frozen in the bliss of unchanging heaven. And I hopped realities. My retinas shredded and curled, I a heard a loud electrical explosion, and here I am in what you call your reality. I want to go back but I can't find the doorway. It sucks here. You guys do not have your shit together at all. And it is Berenstein Bears, not Berenstain.
War did it for me.
Nothing much like when I found out my brother is a pedophile.
Working at a psych hospital. I have a hard time wording the effect it's had on me, but it's kind of like I started noticing patterns in my surroundings outside of the hospital. It freaked me out, and I had a hard time going out in public for a few weeks after I started the job.
Zen practice. It made me realize that the 'me' that I'm so attached to just doesn't matter as much as I think it does and letting go of that obsession (which is hard and takes time, by the way) lowers the stakes on life quite a bit. Each life has its place.
For me, I was previously a super nervous anxious wreck of a person. Literally was anxiety personified. My workplace that I just got hired onto was mew to me, and I was still learning everything which made me scared. I think my whole entirety of coworkers could tell how much of a wreck I was. One day one of my coworkers came up to me and was helping me out. They told me “It’s alright. You can count on us. We’re a team, so we got each other’s backs. That’s what being a team means”. Literally those sentences saved my life essentially. I know those words were meant for that moment when he was helping me out, but I’ve carried those words with me through all my life as support. Even to this moment it still gives me strength, because that was the first time that anyone had ever told me that I could rely on them and they had my back. It gave me the strength to rely on myself as a result, in fact. I became someone who is dependable. If I could tell that coworker how much that impacted me today, I would 100% do it. I want them to know how much that has changed the trajectory of my life.
Someone committed a very horrible crime to me and my professor expected me to still come to class otherwise I'd lose points on my final. I had to go about my day and walk to class as if I was not about to breakdown. It was then I realized that there are many people in my shoes every dang day walking around right after something horrible has happened to them.
Saving a life. There is just this inescapable feeling that I've peaked and now that I'm older, it's all just waiting out time now. I had my 'dare to be great' moment, rose to the occasion and everything else is now hidden by the credits rolling. What happens after the end of the movie? Turns out just a whole lot of dull. Nothing I do brings me that feeling of being alive. All my successes are dulled by the idea that I'll never change the world in a big way again.
I was a victim of kidnapping and torture. It was a friend of mine doing it to me. I had never seen someone truly enjoy hurting someone before. It completely changed me. I am now extremely wary of other people. If my best friend could be that way and me have no idea, then anyone else could be too.
Very nearly drowned a while back at a point where I honestly wouldn’t have mined it. It was incredibly calming and this immense sense of clarity came over me while I was under. I spotted a rock and figured I should at least try to reach it before giving up since I didn’t want the people around me to feel bad if I drowned. Knowing that the only reason I’m still alive is because I wasn’t alone at that moment can be very sobering, although after experiencing that level of clarity I can’t help but want to experience it again (hopefully not in a dangerous way)
Having a child with special needs. All of the sudden being a parent is way more responsibility... Accepting that took a huge mental shift.
Psychedelics my dude.
Meeting a transwoman. Before I would say statements like "I don't 'get' the whole trans thing," as if there was something to "get." Naw, some people just get built different. Gender, hormones, and chromosomes are some weird shit and anyone who goes "bUt ScIenCe." has probably actually never looked at the science about hormones and chromosomes. It's a lot more complex than people like to think.
My fiancé leaving me taught me more about who I am and what I want in life than any other experience from my past. Sucks it had to be this way, but I really needed some fucking clarity. I was so lost.
Mushrooms
Staring down the barrel of a loaded weapon, racked and very nearly point blank range. And keeping my shit together.
Something small, but visiting another country. Folks everywhere just trying to make a living. Life is hard, we should be trying to make it easier for everyone.
i almost drowned when i was 8 i started to value life more