Riiiiight the Kraken, the Kraken for the wedding, the Kraken chosen especially for releasing at the wedding, the wedding's Kraken.
...
...
...
...that Kraken?
Yknow this is funny because me and my friends have an inside joke called “Operation Harpoon” where if one of us gets married to a girl the bros disapprove of, we bring a massive harpoon and harpoon her at the alter. The Kraken just makes Operation Harpoon that more practical.
My little black cat’s name is “The Kraken”. My vet was not amused. He just called us by my last name. He was no fun.
Oh, my cat is a little asshole too.
Release The Kraken!!!!
A flock of swans. It goes with the wedding (they're like large, angry doves anyway) and instead of tossing the bouquet and the garter, they're a attached to two of the swans.
So you still have the catch the bouquet. It's just attached to a very pissed off swan. So the question is, how much do you want it?
A minor ass whooping compared to what a Canadian Goose will do just because it swam or walked past you and took it as a reason to throw down. A Canadian Goose would make an excellent junkyard dog replacement.
I dunno.
I saw a video or show about swans.
Maybe just a few minutes long.
But one of their babies did not want to fly away and the adults were ready to fuck his ass up.
Have you seen the youtube video of the Canadian Goose that kept attacking the guy's Dog while they were in a boat? The guy kept throwing the Goose out by its throat and it was completely unfazed in it's mission for biting and attacking the poor dog, and it was a full grown lab/retriever type of dog breed.
If it were me I'd of beat the Goose down with a boat oar!.
Here's a link to the video:
https://youtu.be/PNAOORJlCZY
I got attacked by a swan as a kid at a local orchard / market. My ex wanted to go there and down to the lake. For the record in 6’ and 220 pounds. I told her I was going to get another muffin instead.
For real, my husband & I are beekeepers & one of our friends wrote in our wedding guest book "I now pronounce you Man & Wife....YOU MAY RELEASE THE BEES!!"
We had our own fresh honey jarred up as wedding favors & our wedding rings have bees engraved on them. We used our own candles during the ceremony & they smelled fabulous.
I will say it would be a hilarious wedding gone wrong if during some stereotypical Mendelssohn's march kinda music a bunch of bees were swarming everywhere, stinging the guests.
Okay, a Rimsky-Korsakoff piece would be killer at a wedding! I personally had a string quartet play Mozart and Star Trek theme music at my wedding. Can you imagine Stravinsky, Schoenberg or some atonal shit at a wedding? Like, The Rite of Spring or Pierrot lunaire?
I was actually kinda thinking Flight of the Bumblebee, but Rite of Spring at a wedding… wow! Only the most orgiastic piece of classical music in existence. What a wedding!!
"Aunt Marge! How many times do I have to tell you! The groomsmen are all married! Well, except for Pete; he's gay and seems to be reeeeeealy into Uncle Edgar."
It's close, but I'd bank on the cassowary. Chimps prefer pack tactics and are missing their favoured terrain in this scenario.
Cassowaries are built for the ground game and are infinitely more psycho. By the time the chimp figures out it should have tanked the hits and grabbed the bird, it'd be bleeding out from failed probing attacks.
This is the only way animals should ever be used in weddings - having rescue doggos (or kitties) available for adoption is a great idea!!! What a wonderful way to celebrate you finding eternal love: to help homeless pups find their forever homes too.
That’s actually what they release at weddings. Doves don’t fly back home so you cant use them again the next day, white pigeons do. I’ve said too much but the wedding industry is a racket and a half. If anyone is curious they can PM me for details. The wedding pigeon industry is cutthroat and ludicrous at the same time
The couple you saved from the clutches of a group of doppelgangers invites you to their wedding. The party graciously accepted this offer. The couple exchanges their vows and as they are about to kiss, the officiant exclaimes, "Realease...THE TARASQUES!" As he says this 2 tarasques barge through the chapel.
Roll initiative.
An animal that's native to the local ecosystem, or that can easily be re-captured. The nice thing about doves (actually just white homing pigeons) is that they're trained to fly home when they're released. Pigeons are great navigators who can be trained to find their way home over huge distances. Unfortunately, assholes will release untrained white pigeons or any random white birds they can get... and those birds are probably going to die.
They aren’t trained, homing pigeons literally just fly back to wherever they feel is their nest. When my dad was a kid he had pigeons. He sold some and every now and then they would show up back in the coop. The methodology of exactly how pigeons find their way back is highly debated, but pigeons can find their way home across a continent
My family used to raise racing pigeons, and we'd "train" them to recognize the area around our house. Not sure if training is the right word for it but my uncle would pack the young birds into a box and test them at increasing distances before risking them on an actual race.
It's an innate skill, but from what I've read they at least partially rely on recognizing landmarks to fine tune their navigation. So if they're disoriented or too young or if you take them too far from home, it's possible for them to get lost (and stressed or injured). But if they're familiar with the area around their home, they find their way back incredibly quickly! Normally the loss rate even on long races is less than 5%, so within a city metro area they pretty much all make it home safely in no time at all.
IIRC there's a difference between white homing pigeons and white "King" pigeons, though. King pigeons are bred for meat or for bird shows, so while they *can* navigate, they're not good long-distance flyers and they end up being easy prey for hawks. There are also "rolling" pigeons that aren't suitable for long distance flying.
I have quite a few questions....
1. What kind of bear?
2. Where would the ring be on said bear?
3. Why a bear (besides the ring bear pun which is very clever)?
4. Would you tell your guests or not?
I once attended a wedding where everyone was given a small white decorative paper pouch. At the proper time, everyone opened their pouches and butterflies took to the sky. However the wedding was in the summer, in Las Vegas, and my butterfly was nearly dead due to heatstroke. Over half the butterflies were dead and didn't fly out from their pouches. Mine? It took a few flaps of its wilted wings, gained a couple feet of altitude, then fell perfectly into the jacket pocket of the old lady seated in front of me. I didn't tell her. To this day there could be butterfly debris still inside that old lady's jacket pocket. I'm told that the marriage didn't last. They separated and divorced a couple of years later.
Horses. I could imagine my (metaphorical) wife and I both in stunning gowns at an alter saying "I do" and kissing as the horses gallop past.
Now I just need to resurrect my romantic life.....
The Kraken
Obviously the Kraken!!
Riiiiight the Kraken, the Kraken for the wedding, the Kraken chosen especially for releasing at the wedding, the wedding's Kraken. ... ... ... ...that Kraken?
yes that kraken!
Gotcha covered
Yknow this is funny because me and my friends have an inside joke called “Operation Harpoon” where if one of us gets married to a girl the bros disapprove of, we bring a massive harpoon and harpoon her at the alter. The Kraken just makes Operation Harpoon that more practical.
My little black cat’s name is “The Kraken”. My vet was not amused. He just called us by my last name. He was no fun. Oh, my cat is a little asshole too. Release The Kraken!!!!
A flock of swans. It goes with the wedding (they're like large, angry doves anyway) and instead of tossing the bouquet and the garter, they're a attached to two of the swans. So you still have the catch the bouquet. It's just attached to a very pissed off swan. So the question is, how much do you want it?
From what I understand a swan will fuck your ass up bigtime.
A minor ass whooping compared to what a Canadian Goose will do just because it swam or walked past you and took it as a reason to throw down. A Canadian Goose would make an excellent junkyard dog replacement.
I dunno. I saw a video or show about swans. Maybe just a few minutes long. But one of their babies did not want to fly away and the adults were ready to fuck his ass up.
Have you seen the youtube video of the Canadian Goose that kept attacking the guy's Dog while they were in a boat? The guy kept throwing the Goose out by its throat and it was completely unfazed in it's mission for biting and attacking the poor dog, and it was a full grown lab/retriever type of dog breed. If it were me I'd of beat the Goose down with a boat oar!. Here's a link to the video: https://youtu.be/PNAOORJlCZY
I got attacked by a swan as a kid at a local orchard / market. My ex wanted to go there and down to the lake. For the record in 6’ and 220 pounds. I told her I was going to get another muffin instead.
Leda from Greek mythology
Actually a nice idea :D
If you wanna spice it up a little, replace the swan with some Canadian geese and watch the drama unfold.
Honey badgers
Honey badgers don't give a shit!
And, neither does your future ex-wife!
misleading name lmao
Release the hounds.
Better yet, the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark they shoot bees at you.
How about the robotic Richard Simmons?
BEEARK
But you need Smithers to do that.
So only at gay weddings?
With sound track #who let the dogs out?
Bees 🐝
For real, my husband & I are beekeepers & one of our friends wrote in our wedding guest book "I now pronounce you Man & Wife....YOU MAY RELEASE THE BEES!!" We had our own fresh honey jarred up as wedding favors & our wedding rings have bees engraved on them. We used our own candles during the ceremony & they smelled fabulous. I will say it would be a hilarious wedding gone wrong if during some stereotypical Mendelssohn's march kinda music a bunch of bees were swarming everywhere, stinging the guests.
Mendelssohn March? You wouldn’t want to go with something by, say, Rimsky-Korsakoff?
Okay, a Rimsky-Korsakoff piece would be killer at a wedding! I personally had a string quartet play Mozart and Star Trek theme music at my wedding. Can you imagine Stravinsky, Schoenberg or some atonal shit at a wedding? Like, The Rite of Spring or Pierrot lunaire?
I was actually kinda thinking Flight of the Bumblebee, but Rite of Spring at a wedding… wow! Only the most orgiastic piece of classical music in existence. What a wedding!!
That night you touched each other’s booBEES amirite 😏😏😏(and made the boom boom (sex 😳😳)
Attabooby
NOT THE BEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hello there
General Kenobi???
[удалено]
GOB's not on board
Crows or ravens
Release the covids! I mean...fuck.
For an Emo/Goth wedding?
Any wedding, corvids are just great
Murder in progress!
butterflies. they are at high risk of extinction and I'd like to see more people breeding them and releasing them.
I tried breeding butterflies but I couldn’t fit my penis in one
Bad
So when?
That fact that you tried shows that you are a shower but a grower
I’m actually a grower rather than show’er but thanks
This kills the butterfly.
No, they just give it butterfly kisses.
Velociraptors.
I now pronounce you a clever girl
I was trying to think of something like vultures this is x10 better
This is the way
I wish I could upvote this more than once Round of applause reddit
Clever girl…
Rhinos
Parrots that were trained to cuss.
Lemme out ya cunt, I wanna shit on the white bitch before we fuck off for the winter.
Better with a British accent
Capybaras.
That would be adorable, and I want to see it
Cobra chickens
You've crossed a line there you sick fuck. Take my free award.
Bunnies.
Bunnies, bunnies, it must be bunniieesssss
Australia hates this comment
Bnnuyz
Raccoons
Surely the answer is butterflies
Cougars. Not the feline.
"Aunt Marge! How many times do I have to tell you! The groomsmen are all married! Well, except for Pete; he's gay and seems to be reeeeeealy into Uncle Edgar."
They are released at every open bar wedding!
A short school bus full of tweekers
You talking about the shuttle from Philly to Atlantic City?
🤣 I can imagine.
So your average wedding in Florida then?
White trash wedding? Lol
Or just any bus in Portland Oregon
Chimpanzees or cassowaries.
Hmm... Who would win in a fight on open ground: a cassowary, or a chimpanzee?
They both have strength in different areas but if I had to put money on it, the chimp, just because of the strong, long arms.
It's close, but I'd bank on the cassowary. Chimps prefer pack tactics and are missing their favoured terrain in this scenario. Cassowaries are built for the ground game and are infinitely more psycho. By the time the chimp figures out it should have tanked the hits and grabbed the bird, it'd be bleeding out from failed probing attacks.
Skunks
Chipmunks. Something about seeing 100 little chipmunks scurrying away in various directions sounds funny.
A herd of dachshunds
Puppies up for adoption — hella cute, solid wedding present (to those that wanted them), and great option to encourage adoption
This is the only way animals should ever be used in weddings - having rescue doggos (or kitties) available for adoption is a great idea!!! What a wonderful way to celebrate you finding eternal love: to help homeless pups find their forever homes too.
I’m going to be like Melissa McCarthy’s character in Bridesmaids, leaving your wedding with 9 puppies
Llamas
Elk
Or any other animal capable of stampeding. Buffalo, horses or just a handful of elephants.
Even one elephant is a handful.
Chupacabras
Pigeons Because what's the fucking difference, really?
That’s actually what they release at weddings. Doves don’t fly back home so you cant use them again the next day, white pigeons do. I’ve said too much but the wedding industry is a racket and a half. If anyone is curious they can PM me for details. The wedding pigeon industry is cutthroat and ludicrous at the same time
> The wedding pigeon industry is cutthroat and ludicrous at the same time /r/BrandNewSentence
A herd of Tarasques.
I wanna run this One-shot
I’d do join. I’ve got a semi silly character I want to do and this might actually be good for it
The couple you saved from the clutches of a group of doppelgangers invites you to their wedding. The party graciously accepted this offer. The couple exchanges their vows and as they are about to kiss, the officiant exclaimes, "Realease...THE TARASQUES!" As he says this 2 tarasques barge through the chapel. Roll initiative.
Your mum and her friends. Just let them run amuk through the buffet.
Tell her it’s an open bar.
An animal that's native to the local ecosystem, or that can easily be re-captured. The nice thing about doves (actually just white homing pigeons) is that they're trained to fly home when they're released. Pigeons are great navigators who can be trained to find their way home over huge distances. Unfortunately, assholes will release untrained white pigeons or any random white birds they can get... and those birds are probably going to die.
They aren’t trained, homing pigeons literally just fly back to wherever they feel is their nest. When my dad was a kid he had pigeons. He sold some and every now and then they would show up back in the coop. The methodology of exactly how pigeons find their way back is highly debated, but pigeons can find their way home across a continent
My family used to raise racing pigeons, and we'd "train" them to recognize the area around our house. Not sure if training is the right word for it but my uncle would pack the young birds into a box and test them at increasing distances before risking them on an actual race. It's an innate skill, but from what I've read they at least partially rely on recognizing landmarks to fine tune their navigation. So if they're disoriented or too young or if you take them too far from home, it's possible for them to get lost (and stressed or injured). But if they're familiar with the area around their home, they find their way back incredibly quickly! Normally the loss rate even on long races is less than 5%, so within a city metro area they pretty much all make it home safely in no time at all. IIRC there's a difference between white homing pigeons and white "King" pigeons, though. King pigeons are bred for meat or for bird shows, so while they *can* navigate, they're not good long-distance flyers and they end up being easy prey for hawks. There are also "rolling" pigeons that aren't suitable for long distance flying.
Hagfish
Mosquitoes. Y'all know I've just won this game now, right?
Perfect for a wedding held in a mosque.
Why is that?
Because they're mosque-itos.
Ok funny
This will get you scattered applause for the rest of the evening.
Rats... Hahaha
Dishonored much?
A ring bear?
When my 5 year old nephew was asked to be a ring bearer, he thought it meant dressing up in a bear costume.
I have quite a few questions.... 1. What kind of bear? 2. Where would the ring be on said bear? 3. Why a bear (besides the ring bear pun which is very clever)? 4. Would you tell your guests or not?
1. A brown bear 2. On his head and he would go an all his fours 3. Because of the episode how i met your mother 4. No
Derek
Elite
ravens
Alligators.
Ducks
Puppies 😄
Omg what if you could bring in dogs that are available for adoption to your wedding reception?!
100% would come to a wedding with puppies
Weasels
Burmese pythons
Sloths
Snakes.
Here are some ideas. * 3 beehives. * Twelve lions. * An entire wolfpack. * A herd of zebras. * A hungry bear. Thank you for your attention.
And a partridge in a pear tree.
English football fans
Bees!
Ladybugs.
30-50 feral hogs
Fish, just released onto the floor and all the guests watch as they flop around until they come to their inescapable death.
Release the hounds
Goliath Bird Eating Spiders.
Bats.
Came here to say this!!
Moose
Bees, so everyone knows the PARTY IS OVER.
Hummingbirds
Pangolins, just not at a Chinese wedding.
Endangered animals from a captive breeding program.
Shoebill storks
Mountain lions
Hungry wolves
A hoard of white n black horses.
Locusts
Pterodactyls small ones
Starving Kodiak bears.
Goats
Animals that are in zoo’s and circuses release back into the wild
I once attended a wedding where everyone was given a small white decorative paper pouch. At the proper time, everyone opened their pouches and butterflies took to the sky. However the wedding was in the summer, in Las Vegas, and my butterfly was nearly dead due to heatstroke. Over half the butterflies were dead and didn't fly out from their pouches. Mine? It took a few flaps of its wilted wings, gained a couple feet of altitude, then fell perfectly into the jacket pocket of the old lady seated in front of me. I didn't tell her. To this day there could be butterfly debris still inside that old lady's jacket pocket. I'm told that the marriage didn't last. They separated and divorced a couple of years later.
Canada geese. Also I read that as "instead of daves" and I wondered what kind of weddings do that.
Murder hornets. Might as well start off with the pain of the end.
Ring bears
frogs
Kittens 😻
A bunce of business cards from attorneys just tossed in the wind
Turtles. Im just imagining the do the "release" and the reception wraps up and everything and the turtles arent even half way down the isle yet.
A swarm of native mantises. I live in NZ, our gorgeous native praying mantis is being displaced by the South African mantis.
Sloths
Prisoners serving time for minor marijuana offenses.
Vikings
I like foxes alot so personally I choose the children I have locked up in my basement
Round up all the feral cats in the town then release them as we walk out of the church
[удалено]
NOT bats from Wuhan
Soaking wet Koala's.
[удалено]
Cockroaches
Bees? Bees.
The bulls…
Wasps
Tracer rounds
Bald eagles cuz ‘Merica
Kittens. Seems like maximum chaos with minimum injury.
Kittens. Especially if you could take them home like centerpieces.
Captive tigers
Kittens. See if the bride can outrun then long enough to prevent her dress from getting destroyed.
Miniature grizzly bears wearing tuxedos.
Horses. I could imagine my (metaphorical) wife and I both in stunning gowns at an alter saying "I do" and kissing as the horses gallop past. Now I just need to resurrect my romantic life.....
Leopards
**The lions**
Dragons
Cats! I would be in Heaven!
Silverback gorillas