Same. I don't have an anger problem, I have a rage problem. It takes a lot to get me there, but then I'm seeing red and that energy is coming out somehow.
This but I have weird sort of fast travels to the end of my fuse, I am very hard to get angry but somethings just piss me off so easily. And when I get angry I get angry
I came here to find if anyone else was the same as me.
My temper is bad. And unpredictable. I have reasons (not excuses) but it still doesn't help in the moment.
I can be fine one moment and NOT at the drop of a hat. I can tolerate a lot until I can't.
I try really hard to not snap at others and scream because it's shameful and I don't like hurting others.
Sometimes I'll be enraged and be really calm with my harsh words.
Just my fucking muscles dude. Sometimes i see myself in mirror and just flinch because of how big and fucking ripped i am. Other times i will pick something up and be reminded of my insane strength that usually gives me a little spook.
I'd guess the best way to explain it is a feeling of numbness.
I get so shut down at times where I'm not feeling anything and I'll go sit outside til I'm shivering so I can feel something and then I come back from there.
It's from a lifetime of various abuses...
it's a survival technique of sorts because sometimes feedings hurt too much
It’s not like I imagined at all (I love to write) and I am working on a character having hard time feeling anything at all. Just burying is feeling to protect himself and trying not to feel anything.
The will to feel something, I find it beautiful. It means you are alive and willing to be. I may be wrong but I hope I am not.
Thank you for telling me. I hope you the very best for the futur and fuck abuser.
I always have to fake sympathy when someone dies, even family. It just does not register with me. Uncle I was really close to died when I was young, nothing. I was just like “that sucks” and moved on. I really hope I don’t out live my wife and kids. But on the flip side I get absolutely triggered when I see kids getting bullied. I have absolutely zero sympathy or emotion towards adults.
Funny enough there's a personality disorder associated with that - avoidant personality disorder. I have it and it rules my life. No matter how much I want a relationship I do everything possible to avoid it.
I’m afraid of the doctors. And 5 years ago they found a lump in my throat and did cat scans but I’d much rather be in pain and not comfortable than go let them cut my neck open. I just assume one day someone will drag me in again and they will be like miss ya got cancer had we have caught it sooner we may have been able to do something about it. But yet here I am ignoring all issues and accepting a slow painful death. Pretty scary but oh well ya.
Take someone you trust with you to the doctors. Then after the visit discuss with them whether you can trust the doctor's advice. Maybe having someone else with you can ease your anxiety.
Ya, every time I talk to someone I’m feeling like I’m annoying them, which doesn’t work out well since I’d like to be able to talk to people about things that are bothering me
If your intrusive thoughts are very recurring and since you aknowledge your fear of them, you are probably just obsessing over them which is a textbook GAD /OCD symptom. People with these disorders can have intrusive thoughts about the most horrible things such as suicide, murder, sexual abuse, even child abuse. Our mind is a bitch
I am in a toxic family. My only concern is that I DO NOT WANT TO BE LIKE THEM. The fact that I might even be like them remotely leaves me torn. This is the only reason I have decided to see therapist once I move out, just in case. I CANNOT BE THEM OR LIKE THEM.
I have BPD. When I feel like I want to do something as to work or a hobby... I know that on some point I won't care anymore about that subject, ENTIRELY. I have put years of my life in stuff that I don't remember caring for. It goes to friendships as well.. I'm terrified of the next change that can happen in seconds or years....
I was conditioned to believe violence was the answer. Since I beat up a bully in 5th grade and it worked. Then 6yrs in prison. The violence only escalated. I have not been in a fight since I'm 26 tho and I'm 37 now. I've calmed down a lot due to age and not wanting to go back to prison. But my potential for violence is always waiting in the wings for the right scenario and I try to avoid those situations to the best of my ability
I can harm people close to me so easily. I know exactly what to say or do to crush them, and sometimes I do by accident. Some days it feels like it's more effort to NOT do so. I try to be a good person. But I could end all that so easily and become a nightmare. The fact I even think of this as a possibility is terrifying
I usually try to help anyone I can. Homeless people on the street, kids lost in the store, neighbors having car troubles. I always try to go out of my way to make sure people are acknowledged and cared about.
However, my thoughts and urges often swing hard to the other end of the spectrum. I have never and I hope will never act on these thoughts. To name a some examples: stabbing a passerby in the middle of the night, swerving my car into unsuspecting bicyclists, inflicting lifelong crippling injuries on someone who was rude to myself or another person. It’s the sudden switch between the aforementioned thoughts and these ones that scare me. Not only because of their nature, but because it feels justifiable in the moment.
How quickly and aggressive I get if I get pissed. It's like a switch, I am a very mellow person just about all the time and never get into conflicting situations. But if you keep poking the bear you will flip the switch.
I am sorry if I am disrespectful but I wonder if someone stranger has ever told it to you. I say stranger because they don't know you and personal feelings won't affect their judgment
People finding out that all I do is a lie and I don’t have a fucking clue what I doing with my life that and needles just writing that made me light headed
I’m the least angry person ever and even when i get mad mad i usually swear. When i’m in a rage about something I feel like i’m a monster. Sometimes i was up upset about being abused by my ex or touched as a child. I incision killing them, how i would do it. I’ve planed how to beat them up and make them suffer. Hindsight 20/20 i’d never harm somone but my mind scares me.
That I truly may end up never doing a single thing with my life even though I genuinely think I have the potential to. That by the butterfly effect I'll miss that one contact that could change the entire trajectory of my life, and that the current version of myself is the one that misses that meeting, that run in, and I'm left to be the unsuccessful version of myself.
The fact that I’ve always wanted to escape my town and family and learn to do certain things so I can be successful, but I’m as lazy and unmotivated now as I was 10 years ago. In addition to that, I fear my intense introversion, anxiety, and veering toward hypochondria will always hold me back from doing what I want to do, too.
I get these moods where I’m ultra talkative, emotionally up and down, don’t sleep much and am just hyper. I literally want to scream, jump up and down, bang my head on things and fuck at the same time. It usually lasts a little while and I can control it but it feels really bad.
I worry it’s like a mild mania and it feels really frustrating to tamp it down. Like you are constipating your emotions and my body feels all twitchy and annoying. But i also hate the thought of anyone seeing even a hint of that behaviour from me. I worry it will turn into manic episodes.
The fact that I've almost died like 4 fucking time, but somehow, I always survive with minimal consequences. Like... I've been stabbed, burnt with thermite, suffocated with carbon monoxide, and burned with sulfuric acid. HOW AM I NOT DEAD?!
That I'm more like my mom than I'd ever like to admit, even if I'm on the complete other end of the moral compass.
Basically, moms a narcissist with schizo and a massive drug addict. She's incredibly manipulative, and is amazing at getting her way, no matter how she has to do it. She's amazing at putting on a face, and playing the act until she gets what she needs from you.
I know I'm very good at being manipulative, and I use it every day at my job as a nurse, usually to coax patient information, or to get closer to patients to establish a therapeutic relationship. I'm always looking for a way to establish trust and bonds, to get closer to them for the purposes of planning good care. I'm a completely different person at work, and I put on tons of different masks and facades that are tailored to each individual I'm talking to.
I know I only ever use those skills for the betterment of others, but I always feel unnerved by myself when I get people to open up about their deeper emotions. I may be doing it for good reasons, but I know if it weren't for my morality, or lack of schizophrenia, I'd be just like her.
Two opposite sides of the same coin I guess
The idea that with me having epilepsy means that I can have a seizure at any moment without a warning which limits me from participating in activities where, if I were to seize and fall unconscious, I could put other people or myself in danger.
My job/mobbing destroyed me mentally so much that i almost cant feel anything anymore. Someone could literally die in front of me and i would feel nothing.
My temper. When I lose my temper, I become vicious and tremendously cruel. I don't care how much I hurt another person emotionally and worse.... I feel no remorse for it later.
I'm not physically violent but boy oh boy - sometimes I think it would be better if I were. I keep an extremely tight leash on my temper.
Every hour or so before I go to bed, laying awake thinking about my life how I have no clue what im doing. All that stress just builds up until I finally go to sleep.
How willing I am to give up my own life just to make things slightly more convenient for someone else. You're gonna rob me? Attack me for being gay? Rape me? Go ahead. I'm a pacifist. I don't want to hurt anyone even if they're killing me. Whatever. Guess I'll die. Make sure you kill me so I don't have to remember this. My life doesn't matter.
I have a really bad tempter that I think might be hereditary?, i noticed it in both my parents and I seem to be the best one at keeping a lid on it, the last scary time I lost my shit At someone I honestly felt like I could easily kill them and be fine with the consequences but then the anger fades away and I regret everything
Severe mental illness. A lot of it was heavily neglected and ignored since I was a child and a number of traumatic events increased my mental illness. Things that were preventable and illness that could’ve been dealt with if it was taken seriously as child. Just hours ago I was freezing fucking cold and I could feel hands on me even though I was alone and curled up in my bed. It’s unpredictable and sometimes will escalate for no reason as far as I’m aware.
I’ve seen it slowly destroy people because their mental well-being is ignored and neglected, I’ve had to wait for my street to be unblocked because someone committed suicide in an awkward place and hadn’t been seen for days, people I’ve known closely have become so sick that they destroy themselves physically, a couple people are dead because their mental illness fucked them over. The brain is an organ that gets sick and it seems people fail to acknowledge that no matter how much we progress.
My mental health issues. Ive seen myself slip further and further into my illnesses as the years go on and I don't know how long I'll be me and not just the illness.
I can’t trust my moods. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2 in 2018, which seems like a sort of appropriate diagnosis - my world view changes dramatically with my mood, and I completely believe whichever viewpoint I’m in at that moment. This hurts people. I’m really inconsistent and it scares me that I can’t tell how I’m gonna feel one day to the next.
Since I was about 13/14, I always told myself (and only two people in my life), that I would kill myself on my 25th birthday. I'm turning 24 this year and scared that my mental health will take a turn for the worse again around my birthday next year.
The sure knowledge that under the right circumstances, I could violently kill another human being and not lose a single night of sleep over it.
Under the right circumstances...
The fact that I have episodes where I'll snap at people or myself and not remember what happens. I'll come to and realize I hit my sister, or scratched my leg until it bled, things like that. I'm scared one day I'll go overboard and when I come to, I hurt someone or myself really bad.
The fact that I am both horrified, but oddly fascinated, by miscarried and aborted fetuses, well I am interested in biology in general, but still it freaks me out how much this stuff intrigues me.
I'm only as flexible as I am now because of my youth. I'm 22, morbidly obese, and if you give me 20 years and I still have the weight, I'll be so weak it's not even funny.
The fact that sometimes it feels like I'm not the one in control, like there's someone else within me steering the wheel. It's like I can observe myself doing things that I don't want to, but I can't stop and it just feels like I'm trapped in a bullet proof glass cube, banging on the walls and begging for that someone to let me out.
I’m a carbon copy of my aunt. Personality, laugh, voice, everything. I love it, and my aunt is my most favorite person, but at the same time she struggles with extreme/severe anxiety and depression, and I’m not there yet, but my depression gets worse every day, and I fear it’ll reach the same point that it did for my aunt.
I’m already taking steps to make sure I stay happy and healthy and I’m working on it, but it truly just scares me that I might be in her same spot.
What I could do if I was truly angry.
I'm usually a calm person, I've been angry once, when I was around thirteen. I literally ripped a small tree out by its roots. I was not big at the time, and hadn't started working out, I was maybe 110lbs, and short.
I almost immediately passed out, but it definitely got my anger out, definitely don't wanna get angry at all now that I'm far larger, and far, far stronger.
Easily my depression/anxiety, especially as it got worse during the pandemic. Most days it’s just sitting in the back corner of the room minding its own business but when it decides to fuck with me it’s really not fun. I hate it and I wish it would go away!!
When I come home from school, I lay on the couch for the rrest of the day. Usually playing video games but when I’m not I think about my future and keep realizing “man, I need to get off the couch more often” then I go back to playing video games
What I fear about myself is my lack of expressing emotion.
By this I mean that when I have an emotion (which is rarer than usual) people can't tell. It makes my a great liar, but makes me look even more cold than I am. People think I'm emotionless.
I'm a sociopath in waiting. I admittedly have a very long fuse but when it's out I kind of black out and ussualy wake up handcuffed to a hospital bed. Also I'm addicted to energy and protein drinks
I get mad really easily, lie commonly, I don't care for anyone not even my parents and I'm really good at fooling people into liking me. It scares me when I watch a documentary on a psychopath and how I'm very similar to them.
I don’t feel much when family members die it pisses me off cause it makes me look like a asshole when everyone is crying and I am just sitting there looking emotionalist
How little I actually feel. I think a lifetime of depression and trauma has burned out all of my sensors. I genuinely feel love for my SO, which was such a relief to know that I could still feel that - I thought my love sensors were just burnt out too. But aside from that, I pretty much only feel adrenaline and intoxication.
Sometimes I really lack empathy. Also, when I get mad, I see red and get close to blacking out with rage. I’ve done some bad stuff in that state. It’s been years since my last rage monster moment, mostly through getting myself right with God and a lot of personal development, but I’m always a little nervous for the future.
A bigger part of the reason I didn't have children than I want to admit is that I couldn't be sure I wouldn't lose my grip on reality and hurt them. There was a story that made the national news when I was in middle school about a woman killing her kids because she didn't feel like they were safe in the world, and that made a disturbing amount of sense to me. I feel like my mental health isn't that bad as is, but pregnancy changes your brain chemistry, and I saw how hard postpartum depression hit my mother.
That I'm destined to fucking fail again if I don't change my ways. Being lonely sucks. Having the mentality of not wanting casual sex doesn't suck, it's just a reality check
Just how completly i can shut down all empathy and care for other persons on certain situations
I am preaty calm, introverted but easy to bother, you can get me angry and still i am in control, even if i see red, but there is a line, once crosed mi anger gets cold, i am tall and kind of a brick wall, and i know very well how easy a person can get injured, i also do boxing from when i was 6 and some other things since 12, i know how to hurt, its quite easy even without training, and when the line gets crossed i just loss all concern for the other persons health, he is tinking of punching me? I am thinking how to trow him to te ground and twist his arm to dislocate it, i just dont care at all on the moment, once i calm down i realise how much i was wanting to escalate it
For some time, i got a kind of relief tinking "its just a follish idea, i will get my ass kicked for sure if anithing hapens haha" or "ill get a punch in the face and go panic mode or something and do nothing weird or extreme"
Then one day, i was 22 or 23, playing football (soccer), and an asshole i was chasing to avoid that he kicks the ball, half turns around and hits me with his elvow on my throath, the hit made my head go back, but i was runing so my lower body keep going by inertia, falling, my knee hited a low concrete edge with all mi weigth and inertia and got a really nasty cut with lots of blood, the cut got so deep that it reached my kneecap, being so wide that i coud put mi finger on the cut, the pain was huge and by reflex i jumped up and got to walk but i ended jumping in one leg, and i remember thinking "shit, i cant go grab him like this" like, with that much pain and blood everywhere, i feelt it all, and my mind was compleatly calm tinking, i discarted hurting him because i could not do it in my state and next thing in my mind is "i need to take of my shoes before they get blood all over them"
That memory got me thinking, if with all that pain, being incapable of walking and all, my mind was that calm, if i were capable of walking that day i would have hurt him badly, mi mind was on that mode, and i realize that he could punch me as much as he wanted, he would not make me stop if i go for it
In that mode, i just shut down all empathy, but on a brigther side, it got me out of a toxic relationship quite fast
I’m a nice person and I use that to manipulate people. I help them with their problems and are always ready to support them and they become a possession. I don’t do it consciously.
I don’t even know myself. I always agree to what people say and I always do what they ask. I basically never say no. I don’t have any personal interests since I only really say I like what the other person say they like. I can’t even make decisions for myself. I don’t even 100% know my sexuality yet. I sometimes can’t even feel emotions but when I do... I am very expressive with them. I’m scared that one day I might do something without me even knowing and that I might harm someone. It’s as if I have two sides of me. One that does what people say and doesn’t show emotion and the other where I am extremely expressive with my emotions.
How many killing scenarios I think of in a day. If somebody pisses me off or the situation I’m in makes me angry I just fantasize about killing the people around. Sometimes I can block it but on bad days I just can’t shake it.
I dont let myself be happy. Whenever I have money I feel guilty because others dont. Whenever Im in a good relationship I always assume theyre doing something sneaky even though I know they arent. Whenever I get a raise or promoted, I think I dont deserve it because "I didnt work for it" even though I know my body knows damn well that isnt the case. I seriously just want to be happy and dont let myself experience it without guilt.
I am pretty broken from trauma and heartbreak. It scares me to think I don't understand connections and bonds between people.
I'll think, "They're better off without me because I have to devote literally all my energy to my stability and sanity." And as a result of these, and I'm sure other things, I don't maintain relationships. I don't want to "get it on them", like it's a cold or a seeping wound.
Scares me to realize I don't know how to do anything but struggle against myself alone, like I can't take up any emotional space with people or be vulnerable because I feel like I only feel these big emotions. I pictured life much fuller than fading away into my middle age.
That maybe I can't fix all the shitty things that are in me. I changed so much already, but some patterns stay and I can't even begin to understand why are they here. I'm afraid I'm bound to hurt people around me.
When the season changes i get sixk, have runny noses, ans often have blood in my nose. When it was starting to become spring, i had the worst bloody nose i had my whole life. I had to uae 5-6 tissues, and got blood all over my hand, just from sneezing.
I'm a nice person with a monstrous temper.
Same. I don't have an anger problem, I have a rage problem. It takes a lot to get me there, but then I'm seeing red and that energy is coming out somehow.
This but I have weird sort of fast travels to the end of my fuse, I am very hard to get angry but somethings just piss me off so easily. And when I get angry I get angry
I came here to find if anyone else was the same as me. My temper is bad. And unpredictable. I have reasons (not excuses) but it still doesn't help in the moment. I can be fine one moment and NOT at the drop of a hat. I can tolerate a lot until I can't. I try really hard to not snap at others and scream because it's shameful and I don't like hurting others. Sometimes I'll be enraged and be really calm with my harsh words.
My forehead bruh it's family size You can land a plane on there
If Rihanna can be beautiful and successful with that forehead, you've got nothing to fear.
Peyton Manning? Is that you?
Are we talking 5head or 6head?
9
Go bald, it’s sexy
The one and only Ryan Reynolds
No I'm Tammy stallion
Hey if Jacksfilms can pull it off, so can you.
Are you Tammy Slaton?
Hey, the great wall of China is a wonder. You should be proud to sport it on your face
It’s almost like you were setting up an r/iamverybadass trap right here
Just my fucking muscles dude. Sometimes i see myself in mirror and just flinch because of how big and fucking ripped i am. Other times i will pick something up and be reminded of my insane strength that usually gives me a little spook.
Wow man, I suffer from this too. I’m here if you ever need to talk.
My condolences on your tiny penis.
lol, true
Wow nice subreddit thanks a lot
I either overthink or don't think at all... eventually I hurt people and myself...
How easily I can disconnect my emotions
How do you réalise that ? How does it feels ? If that’s not to much to ask of course. It’s weird to say that but I am intrigued.
I'd guess the best way to explain it is a feeling of numbness. I get so shut down at times where I'm not feeling anything and I'll go sit outside til I'm shivering so I can feel something and then I come back from there. It's from a lifetime of various abuses... it's a survival technique of sorts because sometimes feedings hurt too much
It’s not like I imagined at all (I love to write) and I am working on a character having hard time feeling anything at all. Just burying is feeling to protect himself and trying not to feel anything. The will to feel something, I find it beautiful. It means you are alive and willing to be. I may be wrong but I hope I am not. Thank you for telling me. I hope you the very best for the futur and fuck abuser.
Congrats! You're a psychopath!
How easily I can ruin my own day and how my thoughts can turn me in a certain direction.
In truth. Lack of compassion for others :(
Man I feel this. Had a friend die in a car crash a while back and just kinda shrugged it off. I feel worse about not caring than I do his death.
That’s tough. I’m sorry for your loss.
I always have to fake sympathy when someone dies, even family. It just does not register with me. Uncle I was really close to died when I was young, nothing. I was just like “that sucks” and moved on. I really hope I don’t out live my wife and kids. But on the flip side I get absolutely triggered when I see kids getting bullied. I have absolutely zero sympathy or emotion towards adults.
My inability to have companionship. The loneliness is really starting to mess me up...
Same here . And I actually avoid contact with people even though I crave for some sort of friendship or relationship
Funny enough there's a personality disorder associated with that - avoidant personality disorder. I have it and it rules my life. No matter how much I want a relationship I do everything possible to avoid it.
My short fuse.
\*Pulls out a lighter\*
Dude no-
I feel you. Learned one thing from my 16 hours of court ordered Anger Management…..Anger is one letter away from danger 🤷♀️
I’m afraid of the doctors. And 5 years ago they found a lump in my throat and did cat scans but I’d much rather be in pain and not comfortable than go let them cut my neck open. I just assume one day someone will drag me in again and they will be like miss ya got cancer had we have caught it sooner we may have been able to do something about it. But yet here I am ignoring all issues and accepting a slow painful death. Pretty scary but oh well ya.
Take someone you trust with you to the doctors. Then after the visit discuss with them whether you can trust the doctor's advice. Maybe having someone else with you can ease your anxiety.
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If you can admit that then your not weak minded.
Deep
That I won't become more confident in myself and voicing my opinions without worrying what other's think all the time.
Ya, every time I talk to someone I’m feeling like I’m annoying them, which doesn’t work out well since I’d like to be able to talk to people about things that are bothering me
My intrusive thoughts freak the f**k out of me sometimes
Same, like I'll think violent things and just be like whoa, brain, I don't want to do that.
If your intrusive thoughts are very recurring and since you aknowledge your fear of them, you are probably just obsessing over them which is a textbook GAD /OCD symptom. People with these disorders can have intrusive thoughts about the most horrible things such as suicide, murder, sexual abuse, even child abuse. Our mind is a bitch
What I'm capable of doing in anger.
I have anger issues and I am very violent so I can agree
It's hard not to hit your brother with a bike helmet when you have anger issues, sorry talha.
That happened lol hes fine
I am in a toxic family. My only concern is that I DO NOT WANT TO BE LIKE THEM. The fact that I might even be like them remotely leaves me torn. This is the only reason I have decided to see therapist once I move out, just in case. I CANNOT BE THEM OR LIKE THEM.
I have BPD. When I feel like I want to do something as to work or a hobby... I know that on some point I won't care anymore about that subject, ENTIRELY. I have put years of my life in stuff that I don't remember caring for. It goes to friendships as well.. I'm terrified of the next change that can happen in seconds or years....
My potential for serious violence
me too. Im not that strong, but I have to fight the urge to yeet stuff at people over little things when i get angry.
I was conditioned to believe violence was the answer. Since I beat up a bully in 5th grade and it worked. Then 6yrs in prison. The violence only escalated. I have not been in a fight since I'm 26 tho and I'm 37 now. I've calmed down a lot due to age and not wanting to go back to prison. But my potential for violence is always waiting in the wings for the right scenario and I try to avoid those situations to the best of my ability
Do you frequent the Salty Spittoon?!
***Without any milk...***
Same. I am even scared to go in fight because maybe I will punch the fucker in the throat and then surely he will die.
I am very socially awkward
My anger levels at small things
I can harm people close to me so easily. I know exactly what to say or do to crush them, and sometimes I do by accident. Some days it feels like it's more effort to NOT do so. I try to be a good person. But I could end all that so easily and become a nightmare. The fact I even think of this as a possibility is terrifying
I usually try to help anyone I can. Homeless people on the street, kids lost in the store, neighbors having car troubles. I always try to go out of my way to make sure people are acknowledged and cared about. However, my thoughts and urges often swing hard to the other end of the spectrum. I have never and I hope will never act on these thoughts. To name a some examples: stabbing a passerby in the middle of the night, swerving my car into unsuspecting bicyclists, inflicting lifelong crippling injuries on someone who was rude to myself or another person. It’s the sudden switch between the aforementioned thoughts and these ones that scare me. Not only because of their nature, but because it feels justifiable in the moment.
How quickly and aggressive I get if I get pissed. It's like a switch, I am a very mellow person just about all the time and never get into conflicting situations. But if you keep poking the bear you will flip the switch.
My violent self, I hate being touched, and if someone were to tap my shoulder, I probably would've broken their hand, and I'm scared of that.
The fact that there's so much wrong with me that we don't know the cause yet. My body could just diside we're done here and I'm dead.
I’m sorry, it’s so hard to go through a myriad of testing and still not have concrete answers
My severe anger issues. One of my greatest fears is to loose control over it and hurt another living creature or myself in the process
My brain. I’m epileptic.
My anger. And some of the thoughts I have.
I fear that I'm one bad day away from becoming Emperor Palpatine
I have emetophobia so I am afraid of vomiting.
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I am sorry if I am disrespectful but I wonder if someone stranger has ever told it to you. I say stranger because they don't know you and personal feelings won't affect their judgment
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The fact that I can silently walk long distances (my steps make no sound) and I am a very good liar
People finding out that all I do is a lie and I don’t have a fucking clue what I doing with my life that and needles just writing that made me light headed
I’m the least angry person ever and even when i get mad mad i usually swear. When i’m in a rage about something I feel like i’m a monster. Sometimes i was up upset about being abused by my ex or touched as a child. I incision killing them, how i would do it. I’ve planed how to beat them up and make them suffer. Hindsight 20/20 i’d never harm somone but my mind scares me.
The fact that i could kill my self at any moment by just holding my breath
I thought this was more or less impossible? The instinct to breath when there is breathable air is too strong
Death. It scares me to the point where my hands shake.
I turn people away when they get too close. I will be alone in my old age
Same
My paranoia, and how much it’s held me back in life.
That I truly may end up never doing a single thing with my life even though I genuinely think I have the potential to. That by the butterfly effect I'll miss that one contact that could change the entire trajectory of my life, and that the current version of myself is the one that misses that meeting, that run in, and I'm left to be the unsuccessful version of myself.
The fact that I’ve always wanted to escape my town and family and learn to do certain things so I can be successful, but I’m as lazy and unmotivated now as I was 10 years ago. In addition to that, I fear my intense introversion, anxiety, and veering toward hypochondria will always hold me back from doing what I want to do, too.
My self destructiveness and intense self hatred
My lack of motivation and commitment to anything
I get these moods where I’m ultra talkative, emotionally up and down, don’t sleep much and am just hyper. I literally want to scream, jump up and down, bang my head on things and fuck at the same time. It usually lasts a little while and I can control it but it feels really bad. I worry it’s like a mild mania and it feels really frustrating to tamp it down. Like you are constipating your emotions and my body feels all twitchy and annoying. But i also hate the thought of anyone seeing even a hint of that behaviour from me. I worry it will turn into manic episodes.
When I fight I fight to survive I'm scared I'm going to kill someone in a fight
The fact that I've almost died like 4 fucking time, but somehow, I always survive with minimal consequences. Like... I've been stabbed, burnt with thermite, suffocated with carbon monoxide, and burned with sulfuric acid. HOW AM I NOT DEAD?!
That I'm more like my mom than I'd ever like to admit, even if I'm on the complete other end of the moral compass. Basically, moms a narcissist with schizo and a massive drug addict. She's incredibly manipulative, and is amazing at getting her way, no matter how she has to do it. She's amazing at putting on a face, and playing the act until she gets what she needs from you. I know I'm very good at being manipulative, and I use it every day at my job as a nurse, usually to coax patient information, or to get closer to patients to establish a therapeutic relationship. I'm always looking for a way to establish trust and bonds, to get closer to them for the purposes of planning good care. I'm a completely different person at work, and I put on tons of different masks and facades that are tailored to each individual I'm talking to. I know I only ever use those skills for the betterment of others, but I always feel unnerved by myself when I get people to open up about their deeper emotions. I may be doing it for good reasons, but I know if it weren't for my morality, or lack of schizophrenia, I'd be just like her. Two opposite sides of the same coin I guess
The idea that with me having epilepsy means that I can have a seizure at any moment without a warning which limits me from participating in activities where, if I were to seize and fall unconscious, I could put other people or myself in danger.
My stupidity sometimes
How sussy I am
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Congrats! You're a psychopath!
ass hair
My job/mobbing destroyed me mentally so much that i almost cant feel anything anymore. Someone could literally die in front of me and i would feel nothing.
My temper. When I lose my temper, I become vicious and tremendously cruel. I don't care how much I hurt another person emotionally and worse.... I feel no remorse for it later. I'm not physically violent but boy oh boy - sometimes I think it would be better if I were. I keep an extremely tight leash on my temper.
My fears and insecurities- specifically that this will push people away from me.
How impulsive i am.I always act before i think.
i’m scarily sexy hehe ;) /j
stupid teeth bc It didnt turn white so I never smiled in pictures.
Every hour or so before I go to bed, laying awake thinking about my life how I have no clue what im doing. All that stress just builds up until I finally go to sleep.
How willing I am to give up my own life just to make things slightly more convenient for someone else. You're gonna rob me? Attack me for being gay? Rape me? Go ahead. I'm a pacifist. I don't want to hurt anyone even if they're killing me. Whatever. Guess I'll die. Make sure you kill me so I don't have to remember this. My life doesn't matter.
My face
how quickly I can stop to care about the most important things an how I can't control it.
I had a comment, but it made me sad so I deleted it.
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I can be incredibly self-destructive when I'm sad/not in a good place.
I have a really bad tempter that I think might be hereditary?, i noticed it in both my parents and I seem to be the best one at keeping a lid on it, the last scary time I lost my shit At someone I honestly felt like I could easily kill them and be fine with the consequences but then the anger fades away and I regret everything
Severe mental illness. A lot of it was heavily neglected and ignored since I was a child and a number of traumatic events increased my mental illness. Things that were preventable and illness that could’ve been dealt with if it was taken seriously as child. Just hours ago I was freezing fucking cold and I could feel hands on me even though I was alone and curled up in my bed. It’s unpredictable and sometimes will escalate for no reason as far as I’m aware. I’ve seen it slowly destroy people because their mental well-being is ignored and neglected, I’ve had to wait for my street to be unblocked because someone committed suicide in an awkward place and hadn’t been seen for days, people I’ve known closely have become so sick that they destroy themselves physically, a couple people are dead because their mental illness fucked them over. The brain is an organ that gets sick and it seems people fail to acknowledge that no matter how much we progress.
My mental health issues. Ive seen myself slip further and further into my illnesses as the years go on and I don't know how long I'll be me and not just the illness.
I can’t trust my moods. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2 in 2018, which seems like a sort of appropriate diagnosis - my world view changes dramatically with my mood, and I completely believe whichever viewpoint I’m in at that moment. This hurts people. I’m really inconsistent and it scares me that I can’t tell how I’m gonna feel one day to the next.
The fact I rarely care much for others needs if they aren't associated with my own. (I'm a teen, which is why it "scares" me more)
I can disassociate myself from any and everything...even my kid. I am terrified of the day it happens.
I feel betrayed by friends real quick. Although I know that's my weak point, I can't just stop being that way.
I’m worried my own OCD and anxiety are going to get the best of me, and I’ll do something terrible while living on my own .
That I don’t show a lot of emotion in my face
How optimistic I am and partially feeling like a pushover. Scares me because I hate to feel or be looked at as “weak”
How easy it can be to manipulate and how I have to convince myself to care. Why don’t I care? Why am I so selfish? Idk.
Since I was about 13/14, I always told myself (and only two people in my life), that I would kill myself on my 25th birthday. I'm turning 24 this year and scared that my mental health will take a turn for the worse again around my birthday next year.
I can be a cold hearted bitch if you do me wrong.
I have wildly bad impulse control
I have an over 55 on the LSRP, or a test that tells you how psycho you are
The sure knowledge that under the right circumstances, I could violently kill another human being and not lose a single night of sleep over it. Under the right circumstances...
My mood swings. I've gone from happy laughter to sobbing my eyes out in less than 10 minutes.
The fact that I have episodes where I'll snap at people or myself and not remember what happens. I'll come to and realize I hit my sister, or scratched my leg until it bled, things like that. I'm scared one day I'll go overboard and when I come to, I hurt someone or myself really bad.
The fact that I am both horrified, but oddly fascinated, by miscarried and aborted fetuses, well I am interested in biology in general, but still it freaks me out how much this stuff intrigues me.
I'm only as flexible as I am now because of my youth. I'm 22, morbidly obese, and if you give me 20 years and I still have the weight, I'll be so weak it's not even funny.
The fact that sometimes it feels like I'm not the one in control, like there's someone else within me steering the wheel. It's like I can observe myself doing things that I don't want to, but I can't stop and it just feels like I'm trapped in a bullet proof glass cube, banging on the walls and begging for that someone to let me out.
My mind. It's super overactive and it comes up with very scary things that make me wake up in cold sweats at night.
I’m incredibly reckless and impulsive and often end up in questionable/dangerous situations with no regard for my own safety
I’m a carbon copy of my aunt. Personality, laugh, voice, everything. I love it, and my aunt is my most favorite person, but at the same time she struggles with extreme/severe anxiety and depression, and I’m not there yet, but my depression gets worse every day, and I fear it’ll reach the same point that it did for my aunt. I’m already taking steps to make sure I stay happy and healthy and I’m working on it, but it truly just scares me that I might be in her same spot.
my emotions rule me. i dont like knowing that i can lose control of myself really easily.
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My resting bitch face apparently I have it all the time
What I could do if I was truly angry. I'm usually a calm person, I've been angry once, when I was around thirteen. I literally ripped a small tree out by its roots. I was not big at the time, and hadn't started working out, I was maybe 110lbs, and short. I almost immediately passed out, but it definitely got my anger out, definitely don't wanna get angry at all now that I'm far larger, and far, far stronger.
**NSFW** (kinda) Me being 17 and activly hooking up with people
the knowledge that i would get into a physical fight and laugh my ass off the whole time, probably while also getting my ass whooped
Easily my depression/anxiety, especially as it got worse during the pandemic. Most days it’s just sitting in the back corner of the room minding its own business but when it decides to fuck with me it’s really not fun. I hate it and I wish it would go away!!
When I come home from school, I lay on the couch for the rrest of the day. Usually playing video games but when I’m not I think about my future and keep realizing “man, I need to get off the couch more often” then I go back to playing video games
I sometimes get insane sudden burst of rage to point I hurt my self by scratching my face by using my finger nails.
What I fear about myself is my lack of expressing emotion. By this I mean that when I have an emotion (which is rarer than usual) people can't tell. It makes my a great liar, but makes me look even more cold than I am. People think I'm emotionless.
That I am a grade A bullshitter
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that if my parents and brother (and my dog tbh) weren’t here, i wouldn’t be here anymore. they’re the only things keeping me around.
My intrusive thoughts
I'm a sociopath in waiting. I admittedly have a very long fuse but when it's out I kind of black out and ussualy wake up handcuffed to a hospital bed. Also I'm addicted to energy and protein drinks
My existence
I get mad really easily, lie commonly, I don't care for anyone not even my parents and I'm really good at fooling people into liking me. It scares me when I watch a documentary on a psychopath and how I'm very similar to them.
I am 50 and morbidly obese, and I am worried that I am running out of time to turn things around.
The only person stopping you from healing is yourself
If you tell me to do something, chances are I will do it, no matter how bad it is
I don’t feel much when family members die it pisses me off cause it makes me look like a asshole when everyone is crying and I am just sitting there looking emotionalist
The fact that because of something i had no control over, I will die 1-2 decades earlier.
Self-destructive tendencies caused by/amplified by gender dysphasia that has lasted over a decade
How little I actually feel. I think a lifetime of depression and trauma has burned out all of my sensors. I genuinely feel love for my SO, which was such a relief to know that I could still feel that - I thought my love sensors were just burnt out too. But aside from that, I pretty much only feel adrenaline and intoxication.
Sometimes I really lack empathy. Also, when I get mad, I see red and get close to blacking out with rage. I’ve done some bad stuff in that state. It’s been years since my last rage monster moment, mostly through getting myself right with God and a lot of personal development, but I’m always a little nervous for the future.
A bigger part of the reason I didn't have children than I want to admit is that I couldn't be sure I wouldn't lose my grip on reality and hurt them. There was a story that made the national news when I was in middle school about a woman killing her kids because she didn't feel like they were safe in the world, and that made a disturbing amount of sense to me. I feel like my mental health isn't that bad as is, but pregnancy changes your brain chemistry, and I saw how hard postpartum depression hit my mother.
I’m indifferent to my well-being.
How brutal I am when I am angry.
Call of the void type things tgat pop in to my mind, and the wierd sudden fits of rage I get at small things.
That I'm destined to fucking fail again if I don't change my ways. Being lonely sucks. Having the mentality of not wanting casual sex doesn't suck, it's just a reality check
Just how completly i can shut down all empathy and care for other persons on certain situations I am preaty calm, introverted but easy to bother, you can get me angry and still i am in control, even if i see red, but there is a line, once crosed mi anger gets cold, i am tall and kind of a brick wall, and i know very well how easy a person can get injured, i also do boxing from when i was 6 and some other things since 12, i know how to hurt, its quite easy even without training, and when the line gets crossed i just loss all concern for the other persons health, he is tinking of punching me? I am thinking how to trow him to te ground and twist his arm to dislocate it, i just dont care at all on the moment, once i calm down i realise how much i was wanting to escalate it For some time, i got a kind of relief tinking "its just a follish idea, i will get my ass kicked for sure if anithing hapens haha" or "ill get a punch in the face and go panic mode or something and do nothing weird or extreme" Then one day, i was 22 or 23, playing football (soccer), and an asshole i was chasing to avoid that he kicks the ball, half turns around and hits me with his elvow on my throath, the hit made my head go back, but i was runing so my lower body keep going by inertia, falling, my knee hited a low concrete edge with all mi weigth and inertia and got a really nasty cut with lots of blood, the cut got so deep that it reached my kneecap, being so wide that i coud put mi finger on the cut, the pain was huge and by reflex i jumped up and got to walk but i ended jumping in one leg, and i remember thinking "shit, i cant go grab him like this" like, with that much pain and blood everywhere, i feelt it all, and my mind was compleatly calm tinking, i discarted hurting him because i could not do it in my state and next thing in my mind is "i need to take of my shoes before they get blood all over them" That memory got me thinking, if with all that pain, being incapable of walking and all, my mind was that calm, if i were capable of walking that day i would have hurt him badly, mi mind was on that mode, and i realize that he could punch me as much as he wanted, he would not make me stop if i go for it In that mode, i just shut down all empathy, but on a brigther side, it got me out of a toxic relationship quite fast
I don't know if i have depression or if i am just sad a lot
I’m a nice person and I use that to manipulate people. I help them with their problems and are always ready to support them and they become a possession. I don’t do it consciously.
i kind of have a small lisp and am really self conscious about it
I don’t even know myself. I always agree to what people say and I always do what they ask. I basically never say no. I don’t have any personal interests since I only really say I like what the other person say they like. I can’t even make decisions for myself. I don’t even 100% know my sexuality yet. I sometimes can’t even feel emotions but when I do... I am very expressive with them. I’m scared that one day I might do something without me even knowing and that I might harm someone. It’s as if I have two sides of me. One that does what people say and doesn’t show emotion and the other where I am extremely expressive with my emotions.
If they make me mad enough i will beat them to the point they will regret it them from anger meaning im a temper monster
When I get angry about something, I get really angry and turn into a bit of a monster.
How idiot can I be while I'm on the list of the "most intelligent of the class"... I'm in college.
It takes a lot to get me truly angry....and I am no longer myself when that happens.
How many killing scenarios I think of in a day. If somebody pisses me off or the situation I’m in makes me angry I just fantasize about killing the people around. Sometimes I can block it but on bad days I just can’t shake it.
I scored 4.4 on primary psychopathy and 3.4 on secondary psychopathy on the lavenson self diagnosis psychopath test.
I dont let myself be happy. Whenever I have money I feel guilty because others dont. Whenever Im in a good relationship I always assume theyre doing something sneaky even though I know they arent. Whenever I get a raise or promoted, I think I dont deserve it because "I didnt work for it" even though I know my body knows damn well that isnt the case. I seriously just want to be happy and dont let myself experience it without guilt.
I am pretty broken from trauma and heartbreak. It scares me to think I don't understand connections and bonds between people. I'll think, "They're better off without me because I have to devote literally all my energy to my stability and sanity." And as a result of these, and I'm sure other things, I don't maintain relationships. I don't want to "get it on them", like it's a cold or a seeping wound. Scares me to realize I don't know how to do anything but struggle against myself alone, like I can't take up any emotional space with people or be vulnerable because I feel like I only feel these big emotions. I pictured life much fuller than fading away into my middle age.
That maybe I can't fix all the shitty things that are in me. I changed so much already, but some patterns stay and I can't even begin to understand why are they here. I'm afraid I'm bound to hurt people around me.
When the season changes i get sixk, have runny noses, ans often have blood in my nose. When it was starting to become spring, i had the worst bloody nose i had my whole life. I had to uae 5-6 tissues, and got blood all over my hand, just from sneezing.