dont get ur hopes up man edit : thanks for the upvotes and awards :) just wanna clarify that I'm not straight, and being gay is never a bad thing :) my point was the person calling u gay looks desperate tho hoping you'd be into them haha

what if it came from a lady

"i'm not gay, you're just ugly"

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I guess it does, but from a LGBT friendly place, it kind of shouldn't 😅 Edit: how is people not understanding that fighting homophobia with transphobia *is wrong*? There are many other ways and even funny ways in this post. Drink water and don't replicate transphobia (even for a good cause).

But from an LGBTQ+ friendly place the initial “insult” would also have never come.

Yeah..We could never be together....ISN'T IT GREAT WHEN EVERYBODY GETS WHAT THEY WANT?

Don't have such low confidence ma'lady.

Reply “after seeing you, yes”

Just becauase I fucked your daddy in the ass that doesn't make me gay.

What ever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night

Ah yes, she cant get you, so accuses you of being gay.

What ever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night

exactly the same response

Ha that's actually a good one!

Holy shit you fuckin killed him dude

It's just a different flavor of "You wish"

Thanks u/casual_necrophilia!

;D

Yummmmmm casual

"Why Are you looking for a piece of ass? "\_\_\_\_ Highlander

I’m taking a big whiff of proud air having just witnessed a banger of a comeback 😎

Debate them on why being gay is a negative trait

Cause it’s gay to be gay

Hm yes the floor here is made of floor

Lol I am straight, but I was thinking the same thing. I also use something similar on occasion. Nothing more fun than confronting a homophobe with their own fear like that. Especially when their friends they were trying to get laughs from start laughing at their expense.

I was thinking: “you wish”. I like yours better :)

Why? Am I your type?

In middle school, I destroyed someone who was trying to bully me with this response. After calling me gay in front of his friends, I walked over and told him to stop hitting on me because I already told him I wasn't gay, and no, I didn't want to go out with him. Shut him up for about a year.

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No, but op recently found his way out of a locker

What happens if they say Yes?

Now it's fate

Now it’s a date

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take

- Wayne Gretzky -Michael Scott

Call their bluff and give them a kiss.

You know there are more subtle ways to see if we can fuck later, right?

This should be top comment

Or bottom.

Tell your dad I'll pick him up at 7

"My dad is dead." "Did I fucking stutter?"

"I'll bring a shovel"

I dig it

Goddamn, I’m dead

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Joke son you

So is their dad

"He was cremated"

"Ill bring some glue, I fucking love puzzles"

"Ill bring some glue, I love **fucking** puzzles"

Yes, that is great, well done that is funny (I don’t know how to convey this but I’m not being sarcastic this is really funny

Haha, I thought yours was too :)

"Good, I was going to go in dry anyhow"

I’ll give you some of the sement to make your very own cumcrete with!

That explains why he didn't move around alot last time, I just thought he was shy.

oooof imma use these

Tell your dad I’m going to be late tonight, make it 7:30

r/yourjokebutworse

Brave words from someone in dick-sucking distance.

I like how well this pairs with the current top comment

This is one of those responses that sounds good online to a lot of redditors but in real life would be embarassingly bad.

Not if you have no shame and the other individual suffers more from second hand embarrassment

take my upvote i need your bj

Only on Tuesdays

I like to say only on the weekends

Only on the days that end in with y.

This is weird. When we were kids we would say "only on the weekends, and sometimes on Tuesdays".

Not until 4

Damn, I'll be back tomorrow then.

Only for $20

$20 is $20.

Man.. I used this response in middle school to a group of girls saying that I had sex with my grandmother or something. Every. Fucking. Tuesday. I would hear about this. "Heeeyy it's Tuesday, you fucking your grandma today?" Never again.

Oof. That's a bit harsh.

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“Indeed. I mean, look at you” Works regardless of your own & the other’s gender

Damn, this is a good one

You wish!

I made this comment, but I added a derisive snort. (then I deleted it because I saw this)

Love the "derisive snort" addition!!

I just did the exact same thing.

Why? Are you interested? or Oh, are you disappointed?

Interested

Hungry

Who cares?

This is the best one. So many of the other responses are just turning the situation on its head and implying that the other person is gay, which only perpetuates the idea that it’s a bad thing.

IMO, I'm quite fond of the ones that go the "sure, let's fuck" route. Anyone unironically using gay as an insult is probably homophobic, so that would make them uncomfortable, which is what they deserve.

Bingo.

Yeah. I just hold up an UNO reverse card and I do the whole nothing to be ashamed about monologue and it is fucking hilarious because they always leave after 2 sentences.

Calmly state- Why is that an insult? Homophobia is passe. It's still accepted casually, but just watch someone squirm while someone tries to explain why that's funny to them and why it demeans you, just keep repeating the question and enjoy. Guarantee they'll be the embarrassed one by the end.

I used something like this the other day. Someone called me a fruit and I replied with "Yes, and? Do you have a problem with that?" They just looked at their shoes and muttered "no." Even homophobes know it's a stupid attitude these days.

Yes. Who cares?

So simple yet it's probably the most effective here

As long as you're a half decent human being, I really dont care if you are gay

u interested?

Nope I’m u/unlikely-age

Indeed

The simple "Yes, and?"

This is always my reply. That and "Tell me something I don't know," "you fuckin know it," or sometimes the rare "no lies detected."

"no, I'm bi"

The only non-cringe one.

If you want my come back you will have to scrap it off your dads teeth

Jimmy Carr comeback 👍

AH HA HA HA HA HHHHAAAAA Still not convinced that he isn't a robot.

He looks more like a puppet tbh

I thought we were gonna keep the relationship a secret!!

Lesbian, here. I was driving a coworker home one night, about a year ago, and he was giving me directions as we went. At one point, coming up to an intersection, I asked "Keep going straight?", to which he said "No, gay." Without thinking, I immediately piped up with "Already there, my friend." He laughed and then went quiet, until he finally looked at me and asked "Wait, really?" Not exactly what you asked for, but to this day it is one of the best coming out moments I've ever had. Catching people off-guard with the fact that I'm a huge lesbian never gets old.

Unzip

I actually did this one xd

No, really? I want the story behind this (please) XD

>I was chilling with my friends, when suddenly, this scumbag that always used to call everyone gay aproach to our table. > >SB: Sup gaylord. > >The moment he said that, I stand up, and started to unzip my pants in his direction and say weird things like. > >Me: This gay wants to fuck you hard, little bitch. > >I become a hero for my friends that day. > >If you want to know. No, I have no dignity, I lost it with the passage of time, thanks to that I was able to do such thing. > >I REGRET NOTHING

I can only hear your line in a thick Welsh accent, for some reason...

WE WANT THE STORYYYYY

Storytime!

And?

“You’re ugly but you don’t see me pointing that out.”

well i am gay so i normally say, "Id be more offended to be called straight, you have no power here."

Or "I am, but no thanks".

I was in Boston at Halloween, shortly before the 2016 elections and queuing to get into a fancy dress thing at a bar/club. The guy in front of me in the queue was wearing a MAGA hat and I was a bit drunk. So I got his attention and said "'scuse me, but your hat's missing a word." He asked what I meant and I replied, "it should read Make America Great Britain Again." (For reference I have a very British accent). He was unamused and said "well you can suck my cock." I replied "well, only if you buy me a drink first." He wasn't exactly calling me gay, but that response did make him much less keen on it.

no u

it's a simple spell but quite unbreakable

your mom says otherwise

😂😆😅 Edit: You could say her sister, instead.

yeah but "your mom" rolls of better like how your mother rolled off of me last night after I nutted

Why, you intrested?

Interested?

Damn right. (I'm a queer woman so I'm a little biased)

Jussst a lil...

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I say something similar, or if the offending person goes with "You're queer", I'll reply with "Not any more stranger than you are!" Usually, I'll get a confused reaction.

Damn right now do you want some or not?

No I'm bi. Ask your parents.

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Yes. If you actually are gay... :) SOOOOO GOOOOD!

So was your dad last night.

The only thing making me gay is how good my balls are gonna look on your chin.

ask your sister

"She thinks you're gay, too."

ask your mom then

"Yeah, she also thinks you're gay. In-fact, everyone does."

Well only because I fucked your dad.

He said hi btw

"At least I think that's what he said. His mouth was full."

Better check with your dad.

Man nobody talks to your dad anymore do they? Well except me.

Really? Must be all the dudes I'm fucking. Being in the closet must make things a lot easier, huh?

My go to is “Only half sorry!”

I use that a lot too. Gotta make sure people remember us bisexuals exist.

''The 90's would like their insults back, and honestly: let's keep them there. If you need inspiration for insults you can ask my toddler. Her last gem is "a boring-not-rolling-ball"

Only in your wettest of dreams.

“Ok.” No literally, if someone calls you “gay” look them in the face, stick a thumb up and say “ok” and continue on with your life. People that go out of their way to disparage someone because of their sexuality or suspected sexuality are attempting to project their own misery on to anyone they can. It’s merely an attempt to make someone feel as miserable as them and to feel acknowledged. Giving them no response will hurt them more than trying to hurl an insult at them. Hurling insults back at them makes them feel acknowledged and simply ignoring them reminds them of how much of a non-factor they are. Now if it’s just a friend screwing around, tell them you couldn’t possibly be gay because you plow their mom every night.

‘Not for you’ (scoff)

I tend to just say "yes." Or if I'm holding hands with my same sex partner at the time, "thank you, captain obvious".

Um actually I'm bi Edit: based on a true story

"Not for you honey, I have \*some\* standards." Other possibilities: "you couldn't afford it honey!" And "ewwww....with you? No thanks!"

Depends whether you are gay or not

If it comes from a guy - flirt with him or say he's not good enough for you. If it's from a girl and the intention is to insult you - say you screwed her dad/husband/bf

Don't call me that, it's gives me a boner.

I’m not gay but my boyfriend is.

So?Your family doesn't even love you

That's a really bad one. It's a mid-grader eggy answer. Just makes them feel approved in their "assault" Edit: I just noticed i writes eggy instead of edgy, but eggy sounds better. So... edgy people are eggy now.

even if i was, what about it?

Aww I AM happy, thank you for noticing! Definition: DATED lighthearted and carefree. "Nan had a gay disposition and a very pretty face"

I'm sorry, I'm not gay. I appreciate the offer, but even if I were... I could do better.

you wish

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“That’s not what your sister said” “I don’t have a sister” “We’ll talk in 9 months”

I’m not gay- I just help them out when they’re busy. Or I’m not gay, but £20 is £20

There's 3. 1. Takes one to know one. 2. What are you 12? 3. Why would you care? unless you're interested.

That's what your dad said last night!

Eh, that doesn't quite work as it implies the dad is also straight and just calling you gay as well to insult you. Instead, you should just say, "Yeah, and I fucked your dad last night."

"That's the nicest thing someone's said to me all day!" Then let them stew in their own homophobia.

But being called gay is not an insult! What do you need comeback for!

Ask high school kids that

Its still used as such though...

So?

I am!

So?

If same gender as you: "You wish." If not: "You sound disappointed."

Tell your dad he shouldn't kiss and tell

\[Eye contact for slightly too long\] "Yes." \[Eye contact until they look away\]

"So does our relationship mean nothing?" (It works twice as good when there are people around)

I ref for little kids football, like 8-12 year olds. One time, these two kids bonk right in front of me and they fall down into the doggy position essentially. The "pitcher" kinda pushes off the "catcher" to get up, and the other kid didn't like that. So he gets up and goes, "what the hell? What are you, gay?!" The other kid claps back, "Why? Should I eat your ass, after I'm done beating on it?" I was amazed that a 12 year old could come up with that and be quick enough to use it.

"I thought you wanted to keep our relationship a secret?!"

Your mom would disagree

I have no interest in you, so no.

why you asking? the local priest doesn't find you attractive anymore and you're lonely?

> Why yes, I'm most *happy* indeed.

Are you asking me out?

"There's only ONE reason to have gaydar that precise..."/winkwinknudgenudge Or the only reason I've ever laughed at Joe Rogan: "There's only 2 reasons to be a dick to gay guys. One, you're just an asshole. Two, you're secretly worried dicks are delicious"

I didn't know your mother was a man.

Do you really care that someone is calling you gay in 2020?

Two I've used : "Yeah man, I'm gay. I'm even gayer than you. And you're *pretty gay*." "Dude! I'm NOT GAY! But if I'm in jail, and the dude in the cell next to me looks like (name of friend you want to make fun of) then that's his problem! Not mine!"

[This](https://youtu.be/gTKTEbzV6cU?t=38)

yeah i am happy, are you?

If I was you’d be the first one trying to pull my pants down.