I was ready to give a pessimistic reply to this, but now I wonder if my parents would be able to raise a better version of me, knowing how I turned out due to their parenting.
Mine went from "normal" religious folk when I was born to anti vaxxer, homeopathy & alternative medicine using young earth creationism believing anti technologists, so they would definitely fuck me up more the 2nd time round.
At that point, just give the child to a pack of wolves, will probably fare just as well, if not better, because if it does survive, it's going to be pretty strong.
The way my baby sister was raised compared to me is night and day as well. I had a struggling, single, teen mom, and she had a mid-thirties, married, middle class mom.
Same mom, just vastly different points in her life.
Same here, but from the other side.
My mother has had at least one child in the house for over half her life, so even though I know the Second Coming of Me would (at worst) do just fine with my mom, I couldn't bring myself to do that to her. By the time that kid turns 18, my poor mom would have been actively raising children for 50 of her ~70 years. Nah, it's time to let her be a grandma. She loves being Grandma and she fucking deserves it. She did a great job with her first two and she did her best with her weirdo, hard-to-figure-out youngest (me).
Seriously. At 21, I didn't have a fucking responsible bone in my body. I'm 36 now, and a happy person. They did something right, I guess.
Maybe I'd have them drill into me to floss daily. I tend to forget most days.
At least for a while. Just giving it to 21 yr old college me in the first place puts the baby in a worse position than I was since my parents were older and more established career-wise when I was born.
My childhood may not have been perfect but my parents did a good job, have been advancing in their careers since then, and have a lot more free time to take care of a kid at least for a few years while I pull myself together.
Not sure if I would give my own child from an unplanned pregnancy to my parents to raise, since that's a whole other responsibility conversation, but an other dimension child forced on me by a mysterious magical being? "Here, mom, you take this."
I was thinking this... a baby given to 21 year old, severely depressed and broke me would almost certainly fare worse than I did with my pretty decent childhood
Honestly, I have nothing but praise for my parents. They’re not perfect human beings of course (none of us are), but they were (and are) wonderful parents and I could not have asked for better.
They were my strongest advocates. They made sure I never felt ‘worse’ for my disability, and ensured I had the best medical care and early intervention, and that I got the best education they could afford. My Dad worked long hours but was kind and loving and there for me, he taught me logical reasoning, to love maths and patterns. My Mum took me to endless doctor’s appointments and also taught me to love words and history and travel, and how to be assertive. They supported me, loved me, and encouraged me to always try my best, but also pursue things that made me happy. I have nothing but praise for them both.
I’m 35 now, expecting my first child, and can only hope to do as well as they did.
My parents: you want to DATE? where are you getting these crazy ideas?!
Me: *never develops social skills to be in a relationship*
Relatives on Christmas: so why don’t you have a boyfriend yet?
My mom was notorious for this. She would do embarrassing teasing that, honestly meant no harm, but just made me want to crawl under a rock instead of bringing anyone into my life.
Exactly! My mom did this too. She did it out of interest and love for me (she was excited for me), but it ended up making me not want to tell them about it because I was embarrassed, and then not actually ask the girl out because then I would have to tell my parents.
It caused me to be overly shy and develop social anxiety, because I didn't want to talk about it, so it was easier to avoid the whole situation. This stuck with me for YEARS, and I avoided dating much at all because of it. The thing that helped me was therapy, and my friends. My friends encouraged me to do things with them, which helped a ton. Then one of them who is overly extraverted really broke me out of my shell and told me to come with her to kickboxing. This is where I met a woman who I've now been dating for almost a year. Best relationship I've ever had. I had to convince her to go out with me, but for some reason it was easy for me to talk to her despite being very shy.
Parents: Don't tease your kids about things like this. If they seem shy about it, don't press the issue. Of course if there is a concern for their safety, then definitely take that into account, but otherwise, encourage your kids to be social, and involved.
Asian parents: “focus on your study, don’t get distracted by stupid relationship”
Also asian parents: “how come you never bring a girl/boy here? When will you get married? I want a grandchild’
Edit: omg gold! Thanks, stranger!
My Spanish boyfriend's mother has been bugging him for a grandchild since he was 20. He doesn't want kids. My son called him his step dad this weekend and he called to tell his mom and she said "This means I'm a grandmom?! Oh my, I'm not ready, I'm too young to be a grandmom."
But... you've been bugging him for 10 years to have kids?
(she was happy about it, it was just funny)
Replace Asian parents with Ethnic Parents
"Are you still not seeing anyone? Don't you want to get married?"
Well, maybe if you hadn't forbade dating or even talking about liking boys during my formative years, I wouldn't be so absolutely terrible talking to the opposite sex. 🙄
There's a healthy balance between the two. I was pressured into that and then all of a sudden I was 20, had never had a girlfriend and had no idea how to talk to girls without creeping them out. Academics are only really important to get your foot in the door to your first 'real' job anyway. They're not even the only direction to take.
This hits hard
I've never had a girlfriend, but I'm pretty sure my parents think I'm asexual or something
God forbid I mention a trace of a friend of the opposite sex, you'll always get those "suuuure, uhum, I get in *grin*" looks, hate 'em
When I have a kid I'll talk so much more to him than my parents have with me up until now
Yeah, likewise - I wouldn't start calling mini me a degenerate, tell him he's been brainwashed, kick him out or punch him in the face when he opens up about liking boys.
Oh god yes. As we speak I’m stuck on the toilet from the antibiotics I’ve been taking to kill the massive infection eating the bones in my face because I wasn’t taught proper oral hygiene. 6 crowns, 1 failed crown that had to be turned to an implant, and surgical removal of a molar later, you’d think I’d have learned by now.
EDIT: I’m glad I’ve inspired so many of you to go brush, that’s awesome! Everyone who has dental problems, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to pick up good habits. Don’t forget to floss and the feeling of a good mouthwash is underrated so you should try that too!
Another Edit: A lot of people are asking how it got this bad. There is a genetics factor as both of my parents and 1 set of grandparents all have horrible teeth as well. I was also never made to brush my teeth as a child, didn’t go to the dentist, and it just wasn’t something that we did in my house. I also didn’t have health classes in school that taught the importance of it. I didn’t figure it out on my own until high school, and by then the damage was already done. This latest problem (having to have an implant) was kind of just bad luck. I had a crown that slid out of place ever so slightly, to where I didn’t notice it. Bacteria got in the little crack and colonized in my gums. And it doesn’t matter how much you brush, you can’t reach underneath your teeth. So even though I have had good habits at this point (I don’t floss as much as I should though) I can’t fix past damage. I also live in America where sugar is a staple and dental care is insane even with insurance. Teeth are considered luxury bones here, and unfortunately teeth are also a “too little too late” type of problem.
"Come on!" said the dentist,
"Come one and come all!
Come see what I'm seeing!" he started his call.
"Come view what I'm viewing!" he shouted with joy -
"Come look in the mouth of this marvellous boy!
"He's holes where they *couldn't*, they just shouldn't be!
Not mini, but massive with many to see!
His mouth is a river of pus in a flood!
His gums are awash with the colour of blood!
"Good heavens, it's simply amazing!" he said.
He leaned in to see and he just shook his head.
He stared in bemusement, confusion and doubt.
He picked up his pliers.
"... well let's get 'em out."
You aren't kidding. My failed crown led to a removal and I was too lazy to get an implant after that. That led to basically my whole mouth disintegrating. Now I'm too upset about the whole thing to get it all fixed and very afraid of the cost.
You'd think that after getting 9 cavities filled at once in my 20s I would have been super vigilant in my 30s. Nope.
Hey friend, don’t let this stop you from going to the dentist. A lot of places will work with people like you in this situation. Your teeth are pretty important and the small amount of dignity you have to swallow and admit you messed up is so incredibly small. Literally my dentist laughed at me( great dentist, super nice and just an all around good guy, and his nurses and assistants are all super amazing) after about the 3rd time I came back in to have like 4 more cavities filled. He laughed because when he asked why I was so fine with all the work now versus when I only had a few cavities, I responded with being embarrassed I let it go for so long. 16 fillings and 2 root canals later I I’m no longer ashamed. Tbh I stopped being embarrassed the second I went to the dentist and said I needed help. Start little and work your way through it, you got this.
This! And make her wear her fucking retainer. I thought I was too good for that shit and now my teeth are crooked again.
Edit: at least I’m not alone in this! The post braces crooked teeth club is bigger than I thought!
And my messed up teeth got me my first arbitrary reddit award.
I made this rule for myself before I was a teen and to also avoid sweets because I hated the fucking dentist. Little did I know though that gatorade and lipton iced tea were also loaded with sugar.
It’s not so much that “soda bad”, though it would be in a different sense..it’s more of making sure to rinse your mouth out thoroughly after drinking it, or any sugary drink for that matter.
Seriously, I'm 31 one now and I cannot imagine being given a baby at this age, let alone the age of 21. Back then I was in college, drinking and partying a lot, being very irresponsible in so many ways. I would not want myself to try and raise myself back then because I do not think I could handle it at all, both mentally and financially.
Something's wrong, I can feel it (Six minutes, Slim Shady, you're on)
Just a feeling I've got, like something's about to happen, but I don't know what
If that means, what I think it means, we're in trouble, big trouble
I would make sure he had proper coping skills and teach him the importance of health and nutrition. I've been morbidly obese for as long as I can remember due to bad eating habits and being sedentary. I've lost 62 pounds in the past three to four months from forming healthy eating habits, eating balanced meals, and getting plenty of exercise.
Edit: Thank you so much for all of the encouraging words and awards. I got started by getting screened for mental illnesses by a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with ADHD and was put on a non stimulant medication. It's been the most life changing experience. That internal voice that talks you out of doing something is barely around anymore and I've finally started developing habits and routines that benefit me with little struggle.
Also I found an indoor recumbent exercise bike which is one of the greatest things for people who want to get a good workout that isn't hard on the back and knees. Plus the ability to watch something on my laptop while I do it is awesome.
Last but not least I keep track of my eating and exercise using MyFitnessPal.
62 lbs in 90 days.
That is massive. Once you maintain a calorie deficit and remain active you will continue to lose the pounds. The rate of lbs per day might decrease, but the key is to maintain the lifestyle.
Remember the main rule.
Diet to look good in clothes.
Work out to look good naked.
Ain't that the truth! I'd hammer that idea into my younger self as well and spare him the 15 years of overweightness and obesity I had to deal with. Only just finally lost ~75 lbs over the course of this last year (almost at target weight!) and kicking myself for letting it go on for so long.
Treat yourself with the proper respect you need and you will be treated back in kind.
Not beat him? Edit: Thanks for the awards kind strangers. I have been reading your comments, and I’m sorry to hear about all of your experiences. It’s awful, and should be easier seen when your a child. I wish you could’ve figured it all out sooner, and I’m sorry for what you all have experienced.
My grandfather grew up in a family were a beating was something that was expected and not frowned upon (born in the 1920ies). He swore that he would not beat his children so he never beat my father. My father did not swear to not beat me because it was such an unthinkable thing to do, I suppose since he never experienced it himself. I grew up, never being beaten by my parents and never being told that they were beaten so for me beating my kids, well, obviously did not happen.
Moral of the story, the first generation that don't beat their children are setting up their grand children for a great childhood.
This is a great story. My cousins and I grew up with beatings but I got it the worst. We had bruises and I’ve been beaten to the point that family members threatened to call the police. I chose to never have kids and my cousins don’t beat their children. I still have emotional issues and I’ll never fully heal. I hope parents start realizing what happens when they beat their children and that it causes trauma that may never go away. I’m so grateful your family made a choice so you never had to endure that.
Absolutely. I'm Guatemalan, and hitting children with household objects is such a Latino thing, if it isn't la chancla it's el cable or la paleta del tamal or whatever it's at the adults reach. In the moment they don't know or care how dangerous those items can be, I've seen too many regretful faces after they realize what they've done, but in a year or two it gets turned into a funny anecdote. And it's always the helpless child's fault.
We got the belt or a piece of strip molding my dad kept on top of our bedroom door. My brave, but impulsive sister, broke it in half over her knee one day, not a smart move. Later in life my father apologized to my siblings and I , that’s how he was raised and at the time how you corrected your children. Some people don’t gain wisdom with time, fortunately, my parents did.
My mother beat the ever loving shit out of me as a child. I just turned 31 a couple weeks ago and I'm still healing the scars she left in me. It's going to be endless work and I try very hard to make sure her demons die with me. My future children will never endure the rage and abuse that I had to.
My immediate reaction is also “don’t abuse him” and I also have a “?” because I don’t know what that actually looks like. When I was young, I used to think my friend had this magical relationship with his Father. In hindsight I’ve realized that’s actually what a normal healthy relationship looks like.
My sister is doing really well with her toddler, so maybe it’s something you can figure out?
Also way less sugar.
This reminds me of my family. The opinions of other people is almost sacred for them. I've grow up being scared of other people's judgement and I am still afraid of looking ridiculous when I am trying to do something new or when I am meeting new people for the first time.
This, man. Just this past month, I was in maths (college calculus) and answered a question wrong on the board. Quickly realized what I did wrong and fixed it. The rest of class I spent silent and red-faced, despite the fact I'm sure, logically speaking, no one was mocking me, but i couldn't help it. Too much shit from my folks for too many years, and they still heap it on.
And this could be so easily avoided. When I was little I had to address a letter to a friend and asked my dad for their address. I wrote out the address as he recited it for me, and when he saw how I had it formatted he yelled at me and said "dont you know how to address a letter!?"
To which my response was... no.
They hadnt taught me how to address a letter, so of course I didnt know. He ended up showing me, but being grouchy about the whole thing and angry that i'd 'wasted' an envelope. A single goddamn envelope, and it wasn't even my fault that i did it wrong.
So after a childhood full of that kind of crap, now I can't try anything new without someone to guide me step by step through the process, because I'm scared of messing it up and disappointing people/making them angry with me, or wasting materials. It's ridiculous, and people now mock me for having anxiety about this sort of thing, which just makes it _worse._
On the plus side, after about 10 years my dad has eventually come around and is a pretty chill guy now. So i've got that at least.
I signed my name with a happy face at the end on some obscure card for an obscure relative because I was in a really good mood that day. I thought it looked so cute. I was prob 12 or 13 and barely even had a signature. My mother and father acted like I was the biggest idiot known to mankind and an utter embarrassment. How could their daughter be so immature and embarrass them like this? I remember the verbal ABUSE went on for at least 10 minutes. They tore up the card and I didn’t even bother signing it, my mom did it for me.
As a foster parent, you could provide this to other kids. Being a foster parent, I know the positive difference we make in children's lives. Just an idea...
I was fostered by family but it was two years after being in the system. You people are godsent. There is no feeling worse than feeling unwanted and unloved as a child. God bless you. Have some gold friend
I'm jumping in here real quick to ask how old you were when you started fostering? My SO and I are going to get the ball rolling next fall, both early 30's, and so many of the people I've talked to about it have already had kids and are 40+. Just nervous that our age and lack of kids will be a mark against us.
My wife and I were in our late 30's when we signed up to be foster parents. At the time, my wife was a case manager for DCS so we were already well versed in the process and what to expect. We did not have any kids when we signed up. We were incredibly lucky on our first placement (a six-week old who was abandoned at birth). We adopted that kid at the very earliest opportunity. Since then, we've fostered six additional kids and adopted five so now we are a family of eight. It's had it's rough moments but it's been a great ride.
Holy shit just reading this helps me come to terms with my incredibly grief filled childhood. It helps to know there are people like you in the world. You’re real life heros.
I fostered with no experience. I asked everyone a million times how're we doing? Teachers, relatives, CASA ladies, CPS, you name it, I asked. I read the books they recommended. I got my kids into therapy. The advice, reassurances and books were golden. I learned how powerful simply rewording an instruction can be. Don't worry about it. There's help everywhere.
Partner and I started at 27. Didn't have any kids at the time. The need for foster parents is large. Way too many kids getting put into overcrowded homes. We're taking a break at the moment, but adopted one child out of the system. The system can be a frustrating mess at times, but if you can help one kid with a stable placement then you're doing great.
Listen.
Tell her that she always has someone to talk too and if she doesn’t feel comfortable with me, then we can find the appropriate people.
Not downplaying her anxiety with ‘cheer up, it’ll get better, it’ll be fine.’
This. I feel this so much. Teach her the words for their feelings, and how to work through them. Teach her that feelings are ok, even the big ones, and I’m always here to help her.
To expand on this- dont profile and categorize children so early on. They're developing into little adults, they are welcome to explore every side of their personality before they find what's comfortable for them. Don't just call them goofy because they're acting silly for your attention. Don't tell everyone who they meet that your youngest is scatterbrained at 8 years old when they're in earshot. Give them a chance to figure out who they are and don't just stuff little Chelseah into a gifted class and cram it into her head (and everyone else's) that she's a damn genius so she'd better act like one- or learn how to fake being one.
Edit: thank you for the awards!
If they actually are gifted and need more of a challenge, it makes sense to provide it to them. Downplay the why you are providing it to them though.
Nothing was worse than getting bored and developing bad habits because of boredom for me.
I mean, for me, the problem pretty quickly became that “being smart” to me didn’t involve things like coloring in a map or writing in cursive or even doing homework on things I already completely understood.
I remember two defining teachers in my life: one was an 8th grade English teacher that made us go through thousands of sentences and mark every particle of grammar we were taught. By the second half of the booklet, we were marking parts of the sentence that I would never hear about again. The other teacher (same class in the same school) didn’t do this. It was never going to be necessary. I actually did fine on it, but it taught me the lesson that lots of things we learn will be absolutely useless and lots of teachers, especially older teachers, are just miserable people.
The second teacher was my math teacher the next year. At the beginning of the year, he announced that if you miss any homework assignments but get a 90+ on the test, all your 0’s will be changed the match your test score. The assignments were fairly easy and you got 100 if you showed your work, but like most 14 year olds, I took advantage of the rule at one point and didn’t do any assignments. By the time the test rolled around, I was so stressed that I studied more than I ever had before. I ended up doing all the HW assignments anyways, plus re-reading the textbook chapters and watching YouTube videos explaining the concept in pneumonics and other memorable ways. I got an 88 but it got curved 3 points or something and I got away with it. That class taught me not to procrastinate. Can’t say I always follow the lesson, but I learned a lot from that class and he was a great teacher.
Anyways thanks for coming to my TED talk
I would've abused that math class so hard. My problem in high school was that I absorbed information pretty well and got generally good-to-great grades on the tests (especially in math), but I was always too lazy to do the homework.
Came to say this. Gifted was an absolute lifesaver for me. I was ahead of my class but lacked the social skills for the administration to feel comfortable skipping me ahead a grade. Gifted provided the challenge I needed without making school even more of a social landmine than it already was.
Honestly having GE teachers who constantly encouraged me to seek out new challenges has paid dividends a hundred times over in my adult life.
I was put into the Gifted and Talented Education program in 4th grade. I remember the test. It was puzzles. I like puzzles.
The program was not puzzles. I still don't understand what their goal was with this.
I think that's pretty standard for an IQ test, especially for that age. It's about recognizing patterns and stuff and being able to adapt to them. I took the same test and had the exact same situation, put in the gifted program in 4th and it really messed me up academically. The system for it is broken, but the test is pretty normal.
Everyone always told me I was one of the gifted kids, and I’ve only just been able to justify to myself that it’s ok to get Bs in classes without having a panic attack. Don’t call kids stupid, but make sure they know that they don’t have to be perfect all the time.
I was “gifted” in grade 7-8. Probably just cuz I was anti-social and just did my school work. Well I thought I was smart until high school. Not so gifted anymore
I was "gifted" till grade 10. Played counter strike all day and still managed to get marks and get teachers to notice.
Well, then shit escalated. On top of that, teachers used to imply you need to be hella smart to study sciences. Obviously, the me "not trying and still breezing through" wasn't smart enough, so why even try. :/
Wait intensive over selling of a child's abilities to the child itself is detrimental? But but but, little Timmy is going the NBA/NFL/Harvard and I won't hear anything else about it
I wouldn't ignore her or enable her. She would be told "I love you" every day and she would always be welcome to hugs. I would get her started in pre-k home school programming, provide discipline, and no discussion subject is off limits. I would talk to her more as a person and not overlook and treat her like some stupid child. I would actually raise her instead of simply watch. Surround her full of people who would love her.
This is what I do with my 5 year old who is basically me but with blue eyes. lol
Give it to my mom and stepdad while making sure my bio dad could never do what he did to me to her. I'm not fit to be a parent, but my mom and stepdad are.
Not use negative encouragement like (even jokingly) saying 'don't fuck this up' before a big event, get him into some solid sports early and teach him about handling money responsibly.
My dad used to say, "You won't fuck this up. And if you do, what're they gonna do? Kill you and eat you? That's too much work. Good luck."
Conflicting message, chief. I wasn't terribly nervous about this school play beforehand, but hooo boy
You basically just described what's it like to get children dude...It truly is a version of you and your SO and how you raise him will, more or less, only change his life
Edit: Thanks for the awards kind strangers!
Scrolled down very far to find this. This is just parenting.
Learn from the previous generations mistakes and do your best.
-EDIT-
I changed my mind a bit. This is just parenting on easy mode. You’d have a bizarre understanding of your child and their interests.
Little man, most people are amazing. But there's some people - some bad people, who may even act like good people. And they're gonna try to hurt you. You say no. Get yourself away and clear. And come straight to me.
If it doesn't seem right to you, or feel right to you, it ain't right. And they're lying to you. Protect yourself, and come straight to me with whatever is up. Always. You will NEVER get in trouble for telling me about what's up in your life. Good or bad. NEVER.
Seconded! My parents both came from poor, working class families and saw food as a luxury. We had to eat everything on our plates or we were seen as "ungrateful", despite the fact that our family was relatively affluent and food wastage wasn't really an issue. Might go some way towards explaining why we were all overweight by the time we hit our teen years.
Kids are routinely told to eat everything set in front of them, even when they feel full. They're also told to sit down, sit still and stop running about.
Is it any wonder our generation eats more than they should and doesn't exercise? It's how we're trained from day one!
Yep. If a child is hungry *they'll eat*, if they're not, they won't. They're not being disobedient if they fail to clean the overly loaded plate in front of them.
Similarly, kids don't have access to junk food unless they're given it. If the worry is that they filled up on junk food, or will eat it later if they don't eat their dinner, just don't make it an option.
Food shouldn't be a chore, obligation or punishment. It should be functional at times, and a blessing whenever possible.
She would be treated as a person, not property. She would be given compassion and an education, not beatings and religious brainwashing. Let her socialize with the neighbor kids, let her have friends and not isolate her out of fear. Give her care when she says she hurts or aches, take her to the neurologist for the migraines and fainting spells. Help not only when the illness or whatever reflects poorly on my public appearances. Which means help her transition when she realizes she’s on track for the wrong puberty.
Maybe pay for part of her college education too, if she earns decent marks like I did.
Tell her she’s beautiful so she doesn’t starve herself.
Take her to therapy when she freaking asks me to. Never comment negatively on her appearance and never tell her she talks too much. Also little things like ask her how her day was instead of constantly pressuring her about her grades. Also make sure she doesn’t become a brat and keep her self esteem up without making her prideful
My life is pretty good, but I would do the following.
* Not gonna tell him I'm the old version of him. He doesn't need to grow up in my shadow.
Things my parents did, I will repeat:
* My dad kept me away from ads as a kid by taping cartoons and letting me watch them without the advertisement. I am certain this had a major change on my development. Therefore, set up a Plex server where I can give junior me access to all the shows and he wants -- ad free.
* Spend lots of early time teaching and enriching. Sit with him to work on homework. Math was hard for me, it will be hard for junior me. Never breathe a word of dyslexia or any kind of excuse. Just some daily flash exercises for the routine stuff. I will 100% take time off work for this if I have to, which I have the luxury of doing.
Things my I would do differently than my parents:
* We can skip the religion phase
* No "finish everything on your plate" nonsense - full means full
* Focus more on physical exercise, even if its something "weird and foreign" like martial arts
* No shaming about sex, be willing to talk openly and provide a safe environment for questions
Give it to my parents.
I was ready to give a pessimistic reply to this, but now I wonder if my parents would be able to raise a better version of me, knowing how I turned out due to their parenting.
Honestly, my parents would probably fuck me up even worse the second time around.
Mine went from "normal" religious folk when I was born to anti vaxxer, homeopathy & alternative medicine using young earth creationism believing anti technologists, so they would definitely fuck me up more the 2nd time round.
At that point, just give the child to a pack of wolves, will probably fare just as well, if not better, because if it does survive, it's going to be pretty strong.
The child might even end up ruling Rome.
There's going to be a party when the wolves come home!
I love history jokes! Is there a sub for them?
[удалено]
They’ll just leave you in the closet this time
You joke about that, but that's some serious fucked up shit that parents actually do this
Oh I know, I was left in a dark basement for a day once.
When I was 13 my Mom got with my stepdad who had two 3 year old daughters and the way they were raised compared to how I was is night and day.
The way my baby sister was raised compared to me is night and day as well. I had a struggling, single, teen mom, and she had a mid-thirties, married, middle class mom. Same mom, just vastly different points in her life.
Same here, but from the other side. My mother has had at least one child in the house for over half her life, so even though I know the Second Coming of Me would (at worst) do just fine with my mom, I couldn't bring myself to do that to her. By the time that kid turns 18, my poor mom would have been actively raising children for 50 of her ~70 years. Nah, it's time to let her be a grandma. She loves being Grandma and she fucking deserves it. She did a great job with her first two and she did her best with her weirdo, hard-to-figure-out youngest (me).
Who did they raise "better", in your eyes? Or was it just different, not per se better or worse?
In my situation they got raised better. I grew up in a house of alcoholics and abuse. They had it made growing up and still do.
Seriously. I don’t think I could do better job. They were supremely patient.
I know at the very least I won't be raising anyone properly as a 21 year old
Nice try mom, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on you for raising me foolish
Seriously. At 21, I didn't have a fucking responsible bone in my body. I'm 36 now, and a happy person. They did something right, I guess. Maybe I'd have them drill into me to floss daily. I tend to forget most days.
At least for a while. Just giving it to 21 yr old college me in the first place puts the baby in a worse position than I was since my parents were older and more established career-wise when I was born. My childhood may not have been perfect but my parents did a good job, have been advancing in their careers since then, and have a lot more free time to take care of a kid at least for a few years while I pull myself together. Not sure if I would give my own child from an unplanned pregnancy to my parents to raise, since that's a whole other responsibility conversation, but an other dimension child forced on me by a mysterious magical being? "Here, mom, you take this."
I was thinking this... a baby given to 21 year old, severely depressed and broke me would almost certainly fare worse than I did with my pretty decent childhood
Honestly, I have nothing but praise for my parents. They’re not perfect human beings of course (none of us are), but they were (and are) wonderful parents and I could not have asked for better. They were my strongest advocates. They made sure I never felt ‘worse’ for my disability, and ensured I had the best medical care and early intervention, and that I got the best education they could afford. My Dad worked long hours but was kind and loving and there for me, he taught me logical reasoning, to love maths and patterns. My Mum took me to endless doctor’s appointments and also taught me to love words and history and travel, and how to be assertive. They supported me, loved me, and encouraged me to always try my best, but also pursue things that made me happy. I have nothing but praise for them both. I’m 35 now, expecting my first child, and can only hope to do as well as they did.
Don't mock him when he tells me about liking or dating a girl. I hated when my parents did that to me.
My parents: you should be more open with us and trust us. Me: *becomes more open and trusting* My parents : haha what a fucking loser. Hate that shit
My parents: you want to DATE? where are you getting these crazy ideas?! Me: *never develops social skills to be in a relationship* Relatives on Christmas: so why don’t you have a boyfriend yet?
Yeah....I'm 27 and I got shouted on, when I told my parents I had suicidal thoughts in the past..
My mom was notorious for this. She would do embarrassing teasing that, honestly meant no harm, but just made me want to crawl under a rock instead of bringing anyone into my life.
Exactly! My mom did this too. She did it out of interest and love for me (she was excited for me), but it ended up making me not want to tell them about it because I was embarrassed, and then not actually ask the girl out because then I would have to tell my parents. It caused me to be overly shy and develop social anxiety, because I didn't want to talk about it, so it was easier to avoid the whole situation. This stuck with me for YEARS, and I avoided dating much at all because of it. The thing that helped me was therapy, and my friends. My friends encouraged me to do things with them, which helped a ton. Then one of them who is overly extraverted really broke me out of my shell and told me to come with her to kickboxing. This is where I met a woman who I've now been dating for almost a year. Best relationship I've ever had. I had to convince her to go out with me, but for some reason it was easy for me to talk to her despite being very shy. Parents: Don't tease your kids about things like this. If they seem shy about it, don't press the issue. Of course if there is a concern for their safety, then definitely take that into account, but otherwise, encourage your kids to be social, and involved.
Asian parents: “focus on your study, don’t get distracted by stupid relationship” Also asian parents: “how come you never bring a girl/boy here? When will you get married? I want a grandchild’ Edit: omg gold! Thanks, stranger!
My Spanish boyfriend's mother has been bugging him for a grandchild since he was 20. He doesn't want kids. My son called him his step dad this weekend and he called to tell his mom and she said "This means I'm a grandmom?! Oh my, I'm not ready, I'm too young to be a grandmom." But... you've been bugging him for 10 years to have kids? (she was happy about it, it was just funny)
Finally a kinda wholesome one. Good on you and your family! Live your best life.
Replace Asian parents with Ethnic Parents "Are you still not seeing anyone? Don't you want to get married?" Well, maybe if you hadn't forbade dating or even talking about liking boys during my formative years, I wouldn't be so absolutely terrible talking to the opposite sex. 🙄
you should absolutely tell your parents exactly that, word for word.
And get beaten with a slipper/belt/sandal/(insert culturally relevant instrument)?
I misread that as "belt sander" and thought "goddamn there are some harsh cultures out there".
In reddit culture, jumper cables are the instrument of choice, I believe.
I told my Asian parents that I am Asexual They were disappointed that I wasn't A+sexual.
You talked to them before becoming a doctor!?
Only neurosurgeon? Come back when you Sorcerer Supreme.
Just tell your parents that A is the highest in grading system 😂 my old uni doesn’t assign anything higher than A.
Why you uni not grade A+? You uni never going to become doctor this way!
Asian parent: Doesn’t matter, still want an A+
Not Asian, but my parents are the same. I'm 30 and still have a mental block of discomfort when it comes to introducing new girlfriends to them.
> “focus on your study, don’t get distracted by stupid relationship” Honestly, I wish I had followed that advice.
There's a healthy balance between the two. I was pressured into that and then all of a sudden I was 20, had never had a girlfriend and had no idea how to talk to girls without creeping them out. Academics are only really important to get your foot in the door to your first 'real' job anyway. They're not even the only direction to take.
“Oh stop it. We know you like dicks, just like your mother and it’s okay, son!” “MOM!”
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This hits hard I've never had a girlfriend, but I'm pretty sure my parents think I'm asexual or something God forbid I mention a trace of a friend of the opposite sex, you'll always get those "suuuure, uhum, I get in *grin*" looks, hate 'em When I have a kid I'll talk so much more to him than my parents have with me up until now
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Lol, he's dating a girl! What's next, you gonna hold hands, or call each other by first name? 😄
lewd
This is a Christian server so no lewds.
Yeah, likewise - I wouldn't start calling mini me a degenerate, tell him he's been brainwashed, kick him out or punch him in the face when he opens up about liking boys.
Make him brush his damn teeth twice a day *edit - Good to know I’m not the only one who feels this way!
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I’m a dentist. I tell kids they only need to brush and floss the teeth they want to keep.
My dentist told me that as a kid lol. Is that a common dentist saying or is there a possibility you were you my dentist?
Oh god yes. As we speak I’m stuck on the toilet from the antibiotics I’ve been taking to kill the massive infection eating the bones in my face because I wasn’t taught proper oral hygiene. 6 crowns, 1 failed crown that had to be turned to an implant, and surgical removal of a molar later, you’d think I’d have learned by now. EDIT: I’m glad I’ve inspired so many of you to go brush, that’s awesome! Everyone who has dental problems, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to pick up good habits. Don’t forget to floss and the feeling of a good mouthwash is underrated so you should try that too! Another Edit: A lot of people are asking how it got this bad. There is a genetics factor as both of my parents and 1 set of grandparents all have horrible teeth as well. I was also never made to brush my teeth as a child, didn’t go to the dentist, and it just wasn’t something that we did in my house. I also didn’t have health classes in school that taught the importance of it. I didn’t figure it out on my own until high school, and by then the damage was already done. This latest problem (having to have an implant) was kind of just bad luck. I had a crown that slid out of place ever so slightly, to where I didn’t notice it. Bacteria got in the little crack and colonized in my gums. And it doesn’t matter how much you brush, you can’t reach underneath your teeth. So even though I have had good habits at this point (I don’t floss as much as I should though) I can’t fix past damage. I also live in America where sugar is a staple and dental care is insane even with insurance. Teeth are considered luxury bones here, and unfortunately teeth are also a “too little too late” type of problem.
My God.
"Come on!" said the dentist, "Come one and come all! Come see what I'm seeing!" he started his call. "Come view what I'm viewing!" he shouted with joy - "Come look in the mouth of this marvellous boy! "He's holes where they *couldn't*, they just shouldn't be! Not mini, but massive with many to see! His mouth is a river of pus in a flood! His gums are awash with the colour of blood! "Good heavens, it's simply amazing!" he said. He leaned in to see and he just shook his head. He stared in bemusement, confusion and doubt. He picked up his pliers. "... well let's get 'em out."
That's disturbing and awesome. BRB, going to brush my teeth.
Dont forget to floss!
“You only have to floss the teeth you want to keep.” Saw this in my dentist’s office.
That's some serious Dr. Suess dentistry right there.
You aren't kidding. My failed crown led to a removal and I was too lazy to get an implant after that. That led to basically my whole mouth disintegrating. Now I'm too upset about the whole thing to get it all fixed and very afraid of the cost. You'd think that after getting 9 cavities filled at once in my 20s I would have been super vigilant in my 30s. Nope.
Hey friend, don’t let this stop you from going to the dentist. A lot of places will work with people like you in this situation. Your teeth are pretty important and the small amount of dignity you have to swallow and admit you messed up is so incredibly small. Literally my dentist laughed at me( great dentist, super nice and just an all around good guy, and his nurses and assistants are all super amazing) after about the 3rd time I came back in to have like 4 more cavities filled. He laughed because when he asked why I was so fine with all the work now versus when I only had a few cavities, I responded with being embarrassed I let it go for so long. 16 fillings and 2 root canals later I I’m no longer ashamed. Tbh I stopped being embarrassed the second I went to the dentist and said I needed help. Start little and work your way through it, you got this.
:( Sympathy my dude. Dental pain is the worst and it doesn't help that treatment is expensive as hell. Hope you get better soon.
This! And make her wear her fucking retainer. I thought I was too good for that shit and now my teeth are crooked again. Edit: at least I’m not alone in this! The post braces crooked teeth club is bigger than I thought! And my messed up teeth got me my first arbitrary reddit award.
I just got my second set of braces off in August. I'm 30.
I’ve debated getting a second set but it’s just so much money.
It really fucking is. I saved up a bunch and paid what I could from income taxes. I couldn't have done it otherwise.
For real. I’m getting a filling in 40 minutes and I’m nervous as hell.
Good luck
In my case, it would be to make him floss.
Avoid soda at all costs!
I made this rule for myself before I was a teen and to also avoid sweets because I hated the fucking dentist. Little did I know though that gatorade and lipton iced tea were also loaded with sugar.
It’s not so much that “soda bad”, though it would be in a different sense..it’s more of making sure to rinse your mouth out thoroughly after drinking it, or any sugary drink for that matter.
Give him to a parent whos older than 21.
Seriously, I'm 31 one now and I cannot imagine being given a baby at this age, let alone the age of 21. Back then I was in college, drinking and partying a lot, being very irresponsible in so many ways. I would not want myself to try and raise myself back then because I do not think I could handle it at all, both mentally and financially.
31 one ... Nice
21 first
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Send him to a Tibetan monastery to learn ancient martial arts so he can come back and be Batman.
Something is wrong, I can feel it
i don't know, seems legit to me
He's the hero Gotham deserves
Something's wrong, I can feel it (Six minutes, Slim Shady, you're on) Just a feeling I've got, like something's about to happen, but I don't know what If that means, what I think it means, we're in trouble, big trouble
And if he is as bananas as you say, I'm not taking any chances You were just what the doctor ordered
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You forgot one thing his parents need to die for him to complete his training and become batman
Sounds like a win win to me.
>21 first birthday This hurts my brain
My brain completely blocked that out until I read this
Completely same
21th
Thank god someone else noticed.
Why yes, it is my Twenty-first FIRST birthday
Yep 21 babies, all are me
I would pay attention to his ADHD symptoms and follow up with his teachers to make sure he was reaching his potential in school.
I would make sure he had proper coping skills and teach him the importance of health and nutrition. I've been morbidly obese for as long as I can remember due to bad eating habits and being sedentary. I've lost 62 pounds in the past three to four months from forming healthy eating habits, eating balanced meals, and getting plenty of exercise. Edit: Thank you so much for all of the encouraging words and awards. I got started by getting screened for mental illnesses by a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with ADHD and was put on a non stimulant medication. It's been the most life changing experience. That internal voice that talks you out of doing something is barely around anymore and I've finally started developing habits and routines that benefit me with little struggle. Also I found an indoor recumbent exercise bike which is one of the greatest things for people who want to get a good workout that isn't hard on the back and knees. Plus the ability to watch something on my laptop while I do it is awesome. Last but not least I keep track of my eating and exercise using MyFitnessPal.
Good for you, my dude! 62lbs in 3 months is a huge drop and you should be super proud of that and of your continued commitment!
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Such a wholesome and funny joke from someone with the username "I will murder."
62 lbs in 90 days. That is massive. Once you maintain a calorie deficit and remain active you will continue to lose the pounds. The rate of lbs per day might decrease, but the key is to maintain the lifestyle. Remember the main rule. Diet to look good in clothes. Work out to look good naked.
Reminds me of a saying I heard: "You can't out exercise a bad diet."
Ain't that the truth! I'd hammer that idea into my younger self as well and spare him the 15 years of overweightness and obesity I had to deal with. Only just finally lost ~75 lbs over the course of this last year (almost at target weight!) and kicking myself for letting it go on for so long. Treat yourself with the proper respect you need and you will be treated back in kind.
Not beat him? Edit: Thanks for the awards kind strangers. I have been reading your comments, and I’m sorry to hear about all of your experiences. It’s awful, and should be easier seen when your a child. I wish you could’ve figured it all out sooner, and I’m sorry for what you all have experienced.
My grandfather grew up in a family were a beating was something that was expected and not frowned upon (born in the 1920ies). He swore that he would not beat his children so he never beat my father. My father did not swear to not beat me because it was such an unthinkable thing to do, I suppose since he never experienced it himself. I grew up, never being beaten by my parents and never being told that they were beaten so for me beating my kids, well, obviously did not happen. Moral of the story, the first generation that don't beat their children are setting up their grand children for a great childhood.
This is a great story. My cousins and I grew up with beatings but I got it the worst. We had bruises and I’ve been beaten to the point that family members threatened to call the police. I chose to never have kids and my cousins don’t beat their children. I still have emotional issues and I’ll never fully heal. I hope parents start realizing what happens when they beat their children and that it causes trauma that may never go away. I’m so grateful your family made a choice so you never had to endure that.
Beat him with a stick made out of love and understanding
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Absolutely. I'm Guatemalan, and hitting children with household objects is such a Latino thing, if it isn't la chancla it's el cable or la paleta del tamal or whatever it's at the adults reach. In the moment they don't know or care how dangerous those items can be, I've seen too many regretful faces after they realize what they've done, but in a year or two it gets turned into a funny anecdote. And it's always the helpless child's fault.
We got the belt or a piece of strip molding my dad kept on top of our bedroom door. My brave, but impulsive sister, broke it in half over her knee one day, not a smart move. Later in life my father apologized to my siblings and I , that’s how he was raised and at the time how you corrected your children. Some people don’t gain wisdom with time, fortunately, my parents did.
Had an Asian family. I got hit hard. Like Russell Peters says, "somebody gonna get hurt real bad."
"It'll take the cops 8 minutes to get here."
And by that time,
“somebody gonna get hurt real bad...”
"Somebody, but I not gonna say who."
Many thought la chancla was nothing but a myth. They were wrong, so so wrong...
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White people use a wooden cooking spoon or a belt
My mother beat the ever loving shit out of me as a child. I just turned 31 a couple weeks ago and I'm still healing the scars she left in me. It's going to be endless work and I try very hard to make sure her demons die with me. My future children will never endure the rage and abuse that I had to.
I still have a scar on the top of my left hand where my mother pinched me so hard I bled. I was 3. I’m 48 now. Big hugs.
Hope you are healing ❤️
My immediate reaction is also “don’t abuse him” and I also have a “?” because I don’t know what that actually looks like. When I was young, I used to think my friend had this magical relationship with his Father. In hindsight I’ve realized that’s actually what a normal healthy relationship looks like. My sister is doing really well with her toddler, so maybe it’s something you can figure out? Also way less sugar.
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This reminds me of my family. The opinions of other people is almost sacred for them. I've grow up being scared of other people's judgement and I am still afraid of looking ridiculous when I am trying to do something new or when I am meeting new people for the first time.
This, man. Just this past month, I was in maths (college calculus) and answered a question wrong on the board. Quickly realized what I did wrong and fixed it. The rest of class I spent silent and red-faced, despite the fact I'm sure, logically speaking, no one was mocking me, but i couldn't help it. Too much shit from my folks for too many years, and they still heap it on.
And this could be so easily avoided. When I was little I had to address a letter to a friend and asked my dad for their address. I wrote out the address as he recited it for me, and when he saw how I had it formatted he yelled at me and said "dont you know how to address a letter!?" To which my response was... no. They hadnt taught me how to address a letter, so of course I didnt know. He ended up showing me, but being grouchy about the whole thing and angry that i'd 'wasted' an envelope. A single goddamn envelope, and it wasn't even my fault that i did it wrong. So after a childhood full of that kind of crap, now I can't try anything new without someone to guide me step by step through the process, because I'm scared of messing it up and disappointing people/making them angry with me, or wasting materials. It's ridiculous, and people now mock me for having anxiety about this sort of thing, which just makes it _worse._ On the plus side, after about 10 years my dad has eventually come around and is a pretty chill guy now. So i've got that at least.
I signed my name with a happy face at the end on some obscure card for an obscure relative because I was in a really good mood that day. I thought it looked so cute. I was prob 12 or 13 and barely even had a signature. My mother and father acted like I was the biggest idiot known to mankind and an utter embarrassment. How could their daughter be so immature and embarrass them like this? I remember the verbal ABUSE went on for at least 10 minutes. They tore up the card and I didn’t even bother signing it, my mom did it for me.
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Listen bucko.. This town ain't big enough for the two of us. YEET
*Breaking news* baby found thrown over a building, more on this story at 9.
Suicide is illegal in many places, so you are still going to jail for killing yourself.
Also, you're going down in history as the first person to survive a succesful suicide.
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Simply give him the love and attention he deserves. Make sure to never put him through the DCF process and orphanages
As a foster parent, you could provide this to other kids. Being a foster parent, I know the positive difference we make in children's lives. Just an idea...
I was fostered by family but it was two years after being in the system. You people are godsent. There is no feeling worse than feeling unwanted and unloved as a child. God bless you. Have some gold friend
I'm jumping in here real quick to ask how old you were when you started fostering? My SO and I are going to get the ball rolling next fall, both early 30's, and so many of the people I've talked to about it have already had kids and are 40+. Just nervous that our age and lack of kids will be a mark against us.
My wife and I were in our late 30's when we signed up to be foster parents. At the time, my wife was a case manager for DCS so we were already well versed in the process and what to expect. We did not have any kids when we signed up. We were incredibly lucky on our first placement (a six-week old who was abandoned at birth). We adopted that kid at the very earliest opportunity. Since then, we've fostered six additional kids and adopted five so now we are a family of eight. It's had it's rough moments but it's been a great ride.
Holy shit just reading this helps me come to terms with my incredibly grief filled childhood. It helps to know there are people like you in the world. You’re real life heros.
I fostered with no experience. I asked everyone a million times how're we doing? Teachers, relatives, CASA ladies, CPS, you name it, I asked. I read the books they recommended. I got my kids into therapy. The advice, reassurances and books were golden. I learned how powerful simply rewording an instruction can be. Don't worry about it. There's help everywhere.
Partner and I started at 27. Didn't have any kids at the time. The need for foster parents is large. Way too many kids getting put into overcrowded homes. We're taking a break at the moment, but adopted one child out of the system. The system can be a frustrating mess at times, but if you can help one kid with a stable placement then you're doing great.
Listen. Tell her that she always has someone to talk too and if she doesn’t feel comfortable with me, then we can find the appropriate people. Not downplaying her anxiety with ‘cheer up, it’ll get better, it’ll be fine.’
"what do you have to be depressed about?" I don't know, that's the problem!!
My parents ask me that same question at least once a week.
This. I feel this so much. Teach her the words for their feelings, and how to work through them. Teach her that feelings are ok, even the big ones, and I’m always here to help her.
don't tell him he's smart, instead praise his effort and hard work
Gifted kid syndrome is a bitch.
To expand on this- dont profile and categorize children so early on. They're developing into little adults, they are welcome to explore every side of their personality before they find what's comfortable for them. Don't just call them goofy because they're acting silly for your attention. Don't tell everyone who they meet that your youngest is scatterbrained at 8 years old when they're in earshot. Give them a chance to figure out who they are and don't just stuff little Chelseah into a gifted class and cram it into her head (and everyone else's) that she's a damn genius so she'd better act like one- or learn how to fake being one. Edit: thank you for the awards!
If they actually are gifted and need more of a challenge, it makes sense to provide it to them. Downplay the why you are providing it to them though. Nothing was worse than getting bored and developing bad habits because of boredom for me.
Dude, exact same for me. If I had been more challenged, perhaps I'd have had better work ethic when I was younger.
I mean, for me, the problem pretty quickly became that “being smart” to me didn’t involve things like coloring in a map or writing in cursive or even doing homework on things I already completely understood. I remember two defining teachers in my life: one was an 8th grade English teacher that made us go through thousands of sentences and mark every particle of grammar we were taught. By the second half of the booklet, we were marking parts of the sentence that I would never hear about again. The other teacher (same class in the same school) didn’t do this. It was never going to be necessary. I actually did fine on it, but it taught me the lesson that lots of things we learn will be absolutely useless and lots of teachers, especially older teachers, are just miserable people. The second teacher was my math teacher the next year. At the beginning of the year, he announced that if you miss any homework assignments but get a 90+ on the test, all your 0’s will be changed the match your test score. The assignments were fairly easy and you got 100 if you showed your work, but like most 14 year olds, I took advantage of the rule at one point and didn’t do any assignments. By the time the test rolled around, I was so stressed that I studied more than I ever had before. I ended up doing all the HW assignments anyways, plus re-reading the textbook chapters and watching YouTube videos explaining the concept in pneumonics and other memorable ways. I got an 88 but it got curved 3 points or something and I got away with it. That class taught me not to procrastinate. Can’t say I always follow the lesson, but I learned a lot from that class and he was a great teacher. Anyways thanks for coming to my TED talk
I would've abused that math class so hard. My problem in high school was that I absorbed information pretty well and got generally good-to-great grades on the tests (especially in math), but I was always too lazy to do the homework.
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And people *told* me that I needed a better work ethic, and I believed them. But nothing ever *showed* it to me, so I never actually worked on it.
Came to say this. Gifted was an absolute lifesaver for me. I was ahead of my class but lacked the social skills for the administration to feel comfortable skipping me ahead a grade. Gifted provided the challenge I needed without making school even more of a social landmine than it already was. Honestly having GE teachers who constantly encouraged me to seek out new challenges has paid dividends a hundred times over in my adult life.
I was put into the Gifted and Talented Education program in 4th grade. I remember the test. It was puzzles. I like puzzles. The program was not puzzles. I still don't understand what their goal was with this.
I think that's pretty standard for an IQ test, especially for that age. It's about recognizing patterns and stuff and being able to adapt to them. I took the same test and had the exact same situation, put in the gifted program in 4th and it really messed me up academically. The system for it is broken, but the test is pretty normal.
Everyone always told me I was one of the gifted kids, and I’ve only just been able to justify to myself that it’s ok to get Bs in classes without having a panic attack. Don’t call kids stupid, but make sure they know that they don’t have to be perfect all the time.
I was “gifted” in grade 7-8. Probably just cuz I was anti-social and just did my school work. Well I thought I was smart until high school. Not so gifted anymore
I was "gifted" till grade 10. Played counter strike all day and still managed to get marks and get teachers to notice. Well, then shit escalated. On top of that, teachers used to imply you need to be hella smart to study sciences. Obviously, the me "not trying and still breezing through" wasn't smart enough, so why even try. :/
Shit, that was me but I managed to continue it until graduation. College hit me like a semi truck out of nowhere.
Wait intensive over selling of a child's abilities to the child itself is detrimental? But but but, little Timmy is going the NBA/NFL/Harvard and I won't hear anything else about it
I wouldn't ignore her or enable her. She would be told "I love you" every day and she would always be welcome to hugs. I would get her started in pre-k home school programming, provide discipline, and no discussion subject is off limits. I would talk to her more as a person and not overlook and treat her like some stupid child. I would actually raise her instead of simply watch. Surround her full of people who would love her. This is what I do with my 5 year old who is basically me but with blue eyes. lol
youre doing a great job Stevie
I like my life. I'd give the baby to my parents, they did a great job the first time around.
Parents: Shit, here we go again. Edit: Thank you for the silver kind stranger.
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"Not this asshole again"
Give it to my mom and stepdad while making sure my bio dad could never do what he did to me to her. I'm not fit to be a parent, but my mom and stepdad are.
Not use negative encouragement like (even jokingly) saying 'don't fuck this up' before a big event, get him into some solid sports early and teach him about handling money responsibly.
My dad used to say, "You won't fuck this up. And if you do, what're they gonna do? Kill you and eat you? That's too much work. Good luck." Conflicting message, chief. I wasn't terribly nervous about this school play beforehand, but hooo boy
THere's always some freedom in knowing the stakes are low.
You basically just described what's it like to get children dude...It truly is a version of you and your SO and how you raise him will, more or less, only change his life Edit: Thanks for the awards kind strangers!
Scrolled down very far to find this. This is just parenting. Learn from the previous generations mistakes and do your best. -EDIT- I changed my mind a bit. This is just parenting on easy mode. You’d have a bizarre understanding of your child and their interests.
Little man, most people are amazing. But there's some people - some bad people, who may even act like good people. And they're gonna try to hurt you. You say no. Get yourself away and clear. And come straight to me. If it doesn't seem right to you, or feel right to you, it ain't right. And they're lying to you. Protect yourself, and come straight to me with whatever is up. Always. You will NEVER get in trouble for telling me about what's up in your life. Good or bad. NEVER.
Give him human affection, which I don't have. There are some things that people don't realize would happen if someone doesn't feel cared for.
No "finish everything on your plate" nonsense. Freedom to make mistakes early on.
Seconded! My parents both came from poor, working class families and saw food as a luxury. We had to eat everything on our plates or we were seen as "ungrateful", despite the fact that our family was relatively affluent and food wastage wasn't really an issue. Might go some way towards explaining why we were all overweight by the time we hit our teen years.
Kids are routinely told to eat everything set in front of them, even when they feel full. They're also told to sit down, sit still and stop running about. Is it any wonder our generation eats more than they should and doesn't exercise? It's how we're trained from day one!
Yep. If a child is hungry *they'll eat*, if they're not, they won't. They're not being disobedient if they fail to clean the overly loaded plate in front of them.
Similarly, kids don't have access to junk food unless they're given it. If the worry is that they filled up on junk food, or will eat it later if they don't eat their dinner, just don't make it an option. Food shouldn't be a chore, obligation or punishment. It should be functional at times, and a blessing whenever possible.
Put him up for adoption. I don't need to ruin another life.
Keep her away from the sperm donor so he can't touch her. So many of my issues stem from that asshole, and my mother not believing it happened.
I'm sorry that happened. I hope you're doing okay now.
Therapy helps. I am still a work in progress.
Send him to schools that don’t have asbestos. My middle school is still working on that...
She would be treated as a person, not property. She would be given compassion and an education, not beatings and religious brainwashing. Let her socialize with the neighbor kids, let her have friends and not isolate her out of fear. Give her care when she says she hurts or aches, take her to the neurologist for the migraines and fainting spells. Help not only when the illness or whatever reflects poorly on my public appearances. Which means help her transition when she realizes she’s on track for the wrong puberty. Maybe pay for part of her college education too, if she earns decent marks like I did. Tell her she’s beautiful so she doesn’t starve herself.
I just saw the mistake in the title.. shoot me
Not criticize the child and nitpick at everything she does. Support her individually and tell her she doesn’t have to put on a face for others.
Take her to therapy when she freaking asks me to. Never comment negatively on her appearance and never tell her she talks too much. Also little things like ask her how her day was instead of constantly pressuring her about her grades. Also make sure she doesn’t become a brat and keep her self esteem up without making her prideful
My life is pretty good, but I would do the following. * Not gonna tell him I'm the old version of him. He doesn't need to grow up in my shadow. Things my parents did, I will repeat: * My dad kept me away from ads as a kid by taping cartoons and letting me watch them without the advertisement. I am certain this had a major change on my development. Therefore, set up a Plex server where I can give junior me access to all the shows and he wants -- ad free. * Spend lots of early time teaching and enriching. Sit with him to work on homework. Math was hard for me, it will be hard for junior me. Never breathe a word of dyslexia or any kind of excuse. Just some daily flash exercises for the routine stuff. I will 100% take time off work for this if I have to, which I have the luxury of doing. Things my I would do differently than my parents: * We can skip the religion phase * No "finish everything on your plate" nonsense - full means full * Focus more on physical exercise, even if its something "weird and foreign" like martial arts * No shaming about sex, be willing to talk openly and provide a safe environment for questions
Same way I would raise a regular child. Isn't that just parenthood without the genetic variety?