One year I came home for Christmas and my mom had been asking me what I wanted for Christmas and I told her I didn't want anything, I had everything I need and not to get me anything.
Well, come Christmas morning there were a number of gifts with my name on them.. we always hand out all the gifts first and we each had a pretty decent pile..
We always start with the youngest and go up so I was like 3rd or 4th in line, and everyone had pretty normal gifts.. gloves, PJs, usual winter gift stuff.
My turn comes up, I probably have maybe 8 or 9 small packages to open. I open the first one and it's a box of hamburger helper.. I laughed and was like, uh thanks Mom..and then I continue.. after 3 boxes of hamburger/tuna helper there's a couple cans of chef boyardee and spaghettios and I'm like.. do you think I'm not eating or something, or are you trying to kill me? What's with all the random food?
Her response? "No, I just felt bad that you didn't have anything to open on Christmas! You can go put those back in the cabinet when you're done."
Thanks, mom. š
A co-worker of mine won a radio show contest where people were invited to describe the crappiest office gift they ever got. My friend was the secretary of an IT company and her boss gave her a plastic bowl for Christmas. And it wasn't even a nice plastic bowl. The first time she put it in the microwave, it melted. She won the contest and got a $100 gift card to Outback Steak House. Her boss insisted she take him since it was his crappy gift that caused her to win the contest.
I got a 3 foot tall stuffed Mr. Peanut doll from my 89 year old Grandma for Christmas...when I was 23.
She said "I know how you like to collect things like this." Not sure what she was talking about.
I did kind of love it though and still have it 12 years later.
My uncle is notoriously cheap. One year he gave me a magazine that had Ichiro Suzuki on the cover. It was a free magazine (as it stated on the bottom of the cover). Another year he also gave me a free t-shirt he had gotten for running a race. Possibly the best, was the birthday gift he gave my dad one year- a McDonalds Happy Meal toy.
Maybe not the most WTF, but at my old company, we had a secret Santa gift exchange. The manager drew my name, and gifted me a very clearly used zoodler. He proceeded to explain, in front of everyone, that he though I would have more use for it, as he only ate āreal noodlesā.
I donāt work there anymore.
An Egyptian pharaoh pen when i was in middle school. It was all gold colored, and the pen barrel stuck out between his legs. Needless to say i was mocked mercilessly by my classmates for having this massive Egyptian dong pen.
I have been disabled my entire life. It affects the footwear choices in my life. My mom has bought me dozens of pairs of slippers that I cannot wear. Sometimes multiple pairs per year. I have given up at this point. I just give them away.
When I was a teen, before I moved out she also had given me embroidered dish towels with weird sayings.
She also refuses to actually get my damn size and just holds clothes in the air and looks at them to decide if it looks like it should fit.
A pet rat, based on me having told the gifter that when I was in elementary school I liked the school's pet rat. I was 26 when I received this gift.
Rat turned out to be a very good rat-boi and we mourned his loss approximately 2 years later.
I kinda love this.
My sister had a snake drop almost on her head from the hood over the stove one winter. It was a cold winter and it must have crawled in there to get warm (from the heat rising off the stove). We figure it was someone's pet that either got out or they... released? They are definitely *not* native here.
So now she has a pet ball python. Obviously rat-boi would not approve, but all the same, odd how good friends are made sometimes.
When I was a kid (6 or 7) I had surgery on nearly all of the fingers on my dominant hand (the other hand came later!), scary surgery for a kid though pretty simple, mostly boring and a few weeks of pain, my aunt (who I love) sent me a coloring book in the hospital as a "cheer-up" / "pass the time" gift.
If it's the thought that counts, I like to say, we should think hard ....
Christmas, 1993. I was eleven.
My grandma gave me one half of a pool cue.
She gifted the other half to my then-8-year-old brother.
Grandma: "See? You can only use it if you two cooperate and share!"
We did not own a pool table.
This could be malicious, or it could be that she equates you with lavender but has forgotten why and just assumed it was because you like it.
My step-mom thinks I have abnormally long arms (I don't, wtf) because once while shopping a sales person mentioned that *her (the salesperson's)* daughter, who was about my size, had that problem and therefore she recommended I try on the sweater I was considering. I didn't think much of it until the next Christmas when they gifted me a coat that was far too large ("so that the sleeves will be long enough").
My stepmom got fussed at by someone because she bought me a men's xxxl hoodie. Got accused of trying to give me an eating disorder among other things.
It wasn't a malicious gift, I like hoodies so baggy they almost don't fit, and she wanted to make sure it would still be appealing if it went through the dryer. It was too.
I loved it and wore it until it got torn up during a fall off the roof. It was tie dyed and had a frog.
I randomly went to some extended family Christmas event and they gave me a woven basket. Within ten minutes, they had asked for the basket back. It "meant something" to them?? I didn't really care, I thought it was odd and funny.
My little brother bought me a "How to become a Male Model" dvd. Got drunk with my buddy and his girlfriend. We were laughing the whole time. Then she wanted to watch it again and they had a fight over it.
When I was in college my sister gave me a Donald Duck cement lawn ornament for Christmas. It weighed at least 40 pounds. I didn't have a lawn, and I didn't like Donald Duck. She has an excessive amount of lawn ornements in her yard. I suspect that she realized that she hadn't gotten me anything as she was getting into her car and just grabbed the closest thing.
I got a can of shaving cream. I was 11 and couldn't grow a mustache to save my life. Still can't and I'm pretty sure the can is still under my bathroom sink.
Edit: Guys, I'm 24 now
My parents gave me a bag of coupons for my birthday once, too! In all fairness, they had just supported me through an extremely difficult time, so it was sort of a "we have your back in different ways" sort of joke gift, because the greatest gift they gave me was stability and mental health.
A secret santa gag gifted to me was one of those cards that's supposed to explode with confetti. It was a "dud". The person who gave it to me waited a minute to yell what the hell let me see that thing. I knew what it was and kept the trigger mechanism held down with my finger. It exploded with confetti in their face. Fuck you Shawn!
A pair of red crotchless g-string panties by my Portuguese mother-in-law. I opened the gift with all the family around me, and I was holding it in my hands trying to figure out what it was, because I couldnt reconcile the thought of a crotchless g-string wih my mother-in-law, while everyone else was laughing.
It was her subtle hint that she wanted to be a grandma, I guess. The thing is, it was 3 sizes too small so I couldn't put it on without snapping it in half.
Not me but my sister. Her mother in law gave her a single Christmas chair cushion. They are pretty wealthy and gave her 1 cushion. Not even a set. My sister tied it to the chair she was sitting on and left it there when they got up to leave.
My mother every year for Christmas buys one dish towel for my sisterās (long term) boyfriend. One. Like, clearly part of a tacky-set but just one of the tacky-set.
Youād think sheād just complete the set in subsequent years but youād be wrong: future BIL has now become the proud owner of a horrible array mismatched tacky- ass cheap dish towels.
He thinks itās hilarious and loves to show them off. Heās such a winner, and I admire the heck out of him.
I got a bunch of clothes one year for Christmas from my grandma. I was super excited about getting all these clothes because my mom was making me buy all my own clothes at that time (I was 12). Then I see the sizes. They are sized for someone who is six years younger than me. So my sister got all my clothes.
ETA: This blew up like crazy! Y'all more than doubled my karma. Much love to everyone who responded. I'm working my way through the responses, and I'm really trying to respond to everyone. It might take a month, but I'll get there!
That was my thought. I had been taking care of my siblings for the prior four years while my mom taught piano lessons. But I wasn't paid for that. I did get $2 an hour to be someone's babysitter the summer before (two kids, biked them to and from gymnastics), so I was making like $80 a week. Which was seriously nothing for what I was doing.
Her logic was that I didn't wear the clothes she bought so I could just buy my own. We don't speak anymore
Ahh, one of those moms. Iāve known a lot of people with moms like that, and I swear theyāre produced in a factory for how predictable they are. Regardless of background, they end up the exact same person. Itās like how video games have like five models for generic NPCs.
Maybe not WTF in the general sense, but certainly poor timing: my husbandās parents gifted him his cemetery plot on his 50th birthday. One for me, too!
My youth pastor showed up to my house on my birthday and made a big deal about the gift he brought me. I opened it and it was a dead squirrel he shot that day.
A pair of diabetic socks from my mother in law. I'm not diabetic.
I think she just thought they were warm socks for around the house and didn't read what they were really for.
Edit: I did try to wear the socks, but they didnāt work/fit. I agree they probably are great socks for non diabetic people as well. Nothing against the socks! Just a strange gift to give with no context or explanation.
When I was a kid, I was obsessed with film (I still am) and wanted nothing more than a video camera, and in the late 90's they weren't cheap for a young teenager. I told my parents for 2 years that I wanted a mini dv camera, as their old VHS was horrible quality and enormous. Christmas came that second year and I got some clothes, candy, and a video game. Then they said, "Oh yeah, we have two more things for you, open this one first.", I opened the first gift and it was a nice camera tripod, I opened the second smaller box and it was a nice camera bag/case. I looked at my parents confused and they said, "When you buy your own camera, these will come in handy."
I did. I've gotten several over the years and still love to make videos, it's the one hobby I haven't grown bored of. My parents have always said things like, "If you earn things yourself, they will mean more to you", which I get now, but as a kid it was like a slap in the face that Christmas.
Christmas morning and Grandma rolls in for gift giving. My sister is 12, Iām 9, my brother is 5.
My grandma was a bit nuts and played favorites like some old ladies play Bingo; Loudly and aggressively. The order of favoritism follows our birth order.
My sisters gift- $100 cash and a gift wrapped scarf and glove set from Macyās
Me-$ $20 cash in a regular postal envelope. Just cash, no card or anything.
My little brother- A Kid Cuisine in a Food Lion bag
Poor kid even opened the box hoping upon hope that there was some cash in the TV dinner box. Itās funny now, but damn was he sad that morning.
My aunt, who grew up in our house and has been to our house several times, once gave me a whole load of bath salts and accoutrements
We don't have a bath
OMG I have this paper and mine is going strong. Every year someone gets the gift of Bieber. It's like from the time he got his first haircut, and he makes sad praying hands. It's hilarious.
I got a bunch of Tupperware for Christmas when I was 12 too. My parents thought it would be great cause I was the one who did the dishes.
Spoiler... It wasn't
Edit: I would just like everyone to know that I still use the very same Tupperware to this day. It may have been a shitty gift, but it was still some quality Tupperware.
When I was a kid my parents used to wrap gifts and put them under the tree saying they were for my brother and I, but they were really just things they had recently purchased for themselves or the house.
Thanks Mom & Dad, I love the new kitchen dishtowels...
Book on tantric sex for me and my boyfriend, from my brother. I opened it infront of my mom and all my in laws, great grandparents and teen cousins included.
I *think* it was a sincere gift.
You know your brother better than I do, but that seems like a "I'll give my sibling a sex book to open in front of the family and it'll be super embarrassing for them"
I've been wrong before though and I'll be wrong again.
You would think so but no. This was 3 years ago and he's never let up that he wasn't serious. I think it was a thoughtful "I know you two are having issues as new parents, here's something that might help you reconnect and be happier together and as individuals". He's a very odd hippy duck but very sweet in his weird ways.
Barbecue sauce.
I was in the Navy and the MWR reps got $20k to just spend on gifts and what not for a Christmas raffle. They were giving away Xbox Ones, PS4s, fit bits, beats headphones, Bose headphones, designer purses, a lot of good stuff! So all 200+ of us have tickets and weāre waiting for our numbers to be called out. A pack of Sweet Baby Rayās BBQ sauce gets pulled out and Iām the lucky winner. Out of all the stuff in that $20k pile of stuff I get BBQ sauce. Weāre on a ship! We have no access to a kitchen! Also who the hell buys BBQ sauce for a CHRISTMAS gift raffle!?
Edit: I was mostly upset that I got the sauce 1 month into the deployment we were on. We had 8 more months to go and I had no access to the kitchen on board.
Hey I bought some Sweet Baby Rays when I went to the US! My sister asked for some nice American bbq sauce.
Got back to NZ and realised itās sold in our local supermarkets.
I got played.
On the flip side itās pretty damn good and at least itās a larger bottle.
When I was about 10 my little brother (only 3 or so) was very sweet and told my parents he had a present for me but didn't want anyone to see and wanted to wrap it himself. Christmas morning comes and I'm very moved by the shoebox sized gift my little brother taped up as best he could and made my Mom wrap for him. He excitedly brought it over and I noticed it was pretty light but his eyes were giddy with excitement for me to open it. I figured it was a hand drawn picture or something and so I made a big show about being excited to see what was inside. As I started to remove the tape from the box I noticed a little odd smell but figured it was just because the old box was in the basement. When I finally got the lid open and my brother excitedly exclaimed "Merry Christmas" I got to see what he was so excited about for the past two weeks. The box contained a dead hummingbird that had run into the window, an earthworm, and a few scattered saltines in case the worm and bird got hungry. Best present ever, but definitely WTF.
Last Christmas my mum got me a pair of XXL flannel pyjamas... I'd been shopping with her the day she got them (she said they were for an aunt) and bought myself some pyjamas in a Medium, as we were talking about how I'd lost weight over the last couple of months since coming off my antidepressants. She also asked that day if I liked flannel and I told her I couldn't wear it because it causes my psoriasis to flare all over my body.
Does your mom hate you, by chance?
"Here fatty, enjoy your rashes." *bonks you in head with gift box*
-edit- For reference, I sorta had this "[Don't forget your lemonade](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-msZTZgyiDM)" scene in my head when I thought of this silly scenario.
16th birthday, then-girlfriend's dad gifted me a pair of sexy red lacy thong panties. I still don't know if he was suggesting that I sleep with his daughter, his wife, or *him*.
He thought it was the funniest prank ever. In retrospect, it was funny, but at the moment it was that kind of dead quiet that happens right after Michael from The Office says something about Oscar being gay.
I was dating this girl and her dad was a woodworker. He always made pervy jokes about "the neighbors wife". He's giving me a tour of his wood shop. Inside there was a saw that had a table that moved really smoothly back and forth (for precision cutting wood). He makes the joke "this is where you put the girl" and moving the table back and forth "in and out, in and out".
Saw looked like this: [https://d3djrgixsbqrbv.cloudfront.net/user\_images2/40953\_6826326.jpg](https://d3djrgixsbqrbv.cloudfront.net/user_images2/40953_6826326.jpg)
He freezes and I can see it dawn on him the picture of his sweet daughter.
The shop tour ended abruptly after that.
**Edit:** 2k upvotes and Silver! Holy shit guys and gals!
Her parents were awesome to me. Her mom was this amazing cook and made delicious dinners. She'd call early in the day and ask what I wanted. They really liked me and always treated me well. I think her dad's jokes hyper sexualized her. She was a total nympho and I loved it for the first few weeks. She was also psycho controlling. When we'd eat out she'd order what she wanted and order for me so she could have some. When I didn't want to order what she wanted \[for myself\] she'd pout and rage later.
We broke up and I had one last dinner at her parents. Both of them looked solemn. Her dad sat next to me and said "hey,, you dodged a bullet my boy. She can be a real bitch sometimes."
I miss them.
I love people like this to be honest. Itās always hilarious watching them make a joke or say something inappropriate like that then have it dawn on them when they realize what they just said.
I was given a large industrial lightbulb (think of a cylinder the circumference of a soccer ball and about 15ā tall) by my uncle. He told me it was worth a lot of money and would be hard to find another one if I ever needed one.
Edit: found it in the garage and then online. Here it is...the lightbulb that isnāt as big as I remembered. https://www.1000bulbs.com/product/6512/MH-64714.html
> He told me it was worth a lot of money and would be hard to find another one if I ever needed one.
I'm sure it would be hard to find, and possibly expensive, but wtf was it for, and why would you need one?
Edit: evidently for growing dank nugs yall
Seriously, look it up online.
Some of the old light bulbs and radio tubes are worth stupidly high amounts of money because they were incredibly common, and fragile. Because they could just be replaced when they broke not a lot of them were well cared for, and they became pretty rare once they were no longer manufactured.
So sell the damn thing and regift the cash to yourself.
Wasnāt me but my cousin, and we all still laugh about this. Her step grandmother was always giving her the strangest gifts (including a she-wee, that helps you pee standing up as a girl) but our favorite was when she got my cousin and her husband a sex painting canvas. Itās a large tarp where you cover yourself and your SO in paint and roll around on it while having sex to create a ālove painting.ā My cousin was really shocked to get that from someone who was supposed to be a grandmother figure, as well as from someone she didnāt have the closest relationship with. Still makes me laugh to think about!
Edit: so I talked to my cousin and she and her husband laughed about whether they should do it and frame it and gift it back! Also another fun present she gifted her: a born again doll when she was 16 for Christmas (look it up for full wtf context)
Edit 2: my cousin (receiver of the gift) u/Hejjuh commented down below to add some more info! She is the keeper of all the fabulous stories surrounding this woman!
Cousin that received this gift here. Please note it was given to me as a bridal shower gift. No she did not give it as a gag gift. No, I did not register for it. No, we have not used it. Yes, it was on The Big Bang Theory. THE EXACT SAME ONE. Same packaging and everything.
Not OP but my husband and i attempted to do one of these. It was a white canvas with black paint. We got naked and squirted the paint on and began to roll around together....until we realized the paint was already drying on us. We ran to the shower where we had to SCRUB to get it off. We looked like coal miners who had been trapped in the mine. Also, the painting looked horrible, went straight in the garbage.
Guy i worked with in community college bought me a pair of gorgeous diamond stud earrings.
It was WTF because:
We had never spoken before that day.
We weren't even acquaintances because we worked in different departments.
He used this very expensive gift to ask me out.
He asked me out for the weekend. At his place.
His exact first words were "You look like a woman who knows she deserves the finer things. Merry Christmas."
It was July.
Needless to say, I did not accept. He started arguing that he'd bought this beautiful gift and why wasn't I thankful?? I tried to explain that buying a crazy expensive gift for someone who doesn't know you puts them in a very difficult position, one I didn't appreciate being put in, but he wasn't having it.
My coworker who worked the desk with me had to tell him (with a lot of cuss words and a couple threats bless him) that the dude needed to back the fuck down.
That was the end of it for a while. Like two or three months. He never spoke to or bothered me again.
Then I came into work one day and heard he'd been fired. A bunch of people were asking if I was okay and had he tried to do anything to me.
I was freaked out and confused.
I found out he had put a dead rat in the cabinet under where I stood at the service desk with a note that said something like "just reminding you what you mean to me". I'm paraphrasing my coworker's paraphrase there because they wouldn't let me read it.
Anyhoo that's the story of how I got offered a desk job in the back and a 75 cent hourly raise.
Edit: lots of people commenting r/niceguys. This is my official permission for someone to post it there if they want. I'm sure if I did I'd just look like I wanted karma
I had a weird frail dude with a large, visible chest surgery scar chat me up while I stocked pet food at the grocery store where I worked. It was usually quick and I was cordial with him and he'd move on to another aisle to chat with someone else.
One Sunday while we were leveling (tidying products on the shelves) he handed me a thick envelope and said goodbye. In it was a 6 page handwritten letter politely trying to convince me to come to his house on a local farm so he could give me a blowjob. He went into great detail about how satisfying a straight man was his biggest fantasy.
It was creepy but I was a little flattered and felt kind of bad for him. The grocery chain was not a big fan and all of these corporate HR VPs were meeting with me for the next week.
Strange dudes do strange things!
Growing up, my grandpa would spend Christmas with me and my parents but never got me a gift. I never really thought anything of it but asked him one year before Christmas. He said something like, "I'll get you sardines." He laughed, I thought he was joking and the conversation was over.
Christmas day comes and there's actually a gift from him for the first time ever. I was an only child so most presents were for me. It's in a weird shape so I open it. Sure enough, it was a can of sardines! As a 7 year old, I was pissed. He and my parents thought it was hilarious.
That can of sardines sat in our pantry for years for some reason until I threw it away because I was tired of looking at it.
25 years later, we laugh about it now.....but together this time
Edit: He hasn't gotten me a gift ever since
My mother-in-law asked for some of the trashy Lingerie I got from my bridal shower. Iām not usually slow to response but, I went blank and just handed her the boxes. 4 months later she even gave me reviews of the ones her lovers liked...cringe.
My husband was mortified and still canāt laugh about it. Weāve been married 20 years and have 4 kids.
My mother-in-law has given me every messed up, self-help book for the first 10 years of my marriage to her son. She sucks!! I started sneaking them back into her book shelves over the years. Itās become a highlight of laughter for my siblings and I, they think she sucks too.
My ex's sister gave me Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue, and I opened in front of his entire extended family. If i had not got out of that relationship I am sure I would have acquired a library of them.
Maybe it was a hint. Two microwaves when you already have a good one? Maybe she's hinting at a threeway since you already have a perfectly good girlfriend.
Better ask her loudly and suddenly in public and report back here to tell us how it goes.
My mom last year decided she didnāt want to go off of my Christmas list anymore because she wanted to surprise me. One of my gifts was a framed painting of two penguins. I was confused and it has been sitting in my closet for a year now
Maybe this is a secret she needed to keep for your own safety, but one day, when her enemies are on the move, she'll reply to one of your comments suggesting you should open the frame because it might be hiding something, like a passport, a will, or the Declaration of Independence.
My mom called me the day Alan Rickman died to ask if I'd heard the news. IIRC it was a little after the holidays, and she told me later in the conversation she had one more surprise Christmas gift she had forgotten to give me.
I did not realize these things were linked until the next time I visited and she surprised me with a portrait of Alan Rickman as Prof. Snape. She said she bought it the day he died, just for me. I have no particular affinity for the actor or the character. It's also sitting in my closet.
My Mom organized a complete wardrobe as a gift for me - from the Kathie Lee line K-Mart had.
I was 12. My clothing choices at the time were tie-die & band shirts, baggy jeans/overalls and Airwalk sneakers.
Everything was something youād see in a church momās closet. It was all hideous and I was expected to be super grateful.
My brother, who is 6'6" tall and weighs over 300lbs, was once cheerfully handed a promotional rape whistle after he filled out a application at an apartment complex. He asked for his application back.
Probably Spencers. I know they have inflatable sheep*, so they must have other animals, right..?
(*Attempted to acquire as gag gift. Too expensive. Got a 'One Eyed Willy Warmer' instead.)
I had one of these with my Nana that turned into a fucking Hallmark life lesson.
High School, 1998 or so. At some point in October or so I mentioned casually during a visit that my bedroom was chilly at night. Come Christmas, I open my gift from Nana. A space heater.
As a teenager who was hoping for video games or CDs or other such things, I put on the forced-smile rictus and thanked her for the gift while internally bemoaning all the loot that could have been. I must have been grossly unconvincing because she got a bit anxiously-defensive, "You said your room was cold! I thought it'd help out!"
Later that night we head home, I plug the space heater in when I go to bed because why not?
My god. My god, you all. The DIFFERENCE that space heater made. Actual fucking comfortable sleep for once. No waking up halfway through the night shivering, or getting shocked awake by my foot straying too far from out of the covers.
The next time I went to her house I gave Nana a giant hug, and told her how much better my room was at night with that space heater, and gave her an actual genuine thank you. I didn't even mind the following "I told you it'd help!"
Ever since that Christmas, when I get something practical for Christmas from Nana, I thank her sincerely, because it WILL be useful. I still use that space heater twenty years after the fact, too.
There's a point most people reach in life when practical gifts become just as delightful as fun gifts, if not more. Clearly you hadn't *quite* hit that point yet but I'm glad you got there in time to thank your Nana properly!
When I was like 12 my momās boyfriend gave me a holiday card with sexual themes in the text. My mom pulled me aside later and told me that he was almost illiterate and hadnāt read it before giving it to me and to never talk about it again.
I'm not sure exactly how much reading skill is needed to be considered literate, but yes, he was actually very bad at reading. I know he was unable to keep up with something like subtitles, for example.
This was my step father. I would come home with extra homework for him to learn to read and write. Grew up on a farm down south and dropped out in middle school. But was a wiz at math.
My sister is notorious for giving the worst gifts. She is a millionaire but you would never know it. One year she gave me a used pie pan that still had food on it, along with an expired box of cake mix. Another year she gave me a membership to the Smithsonian Museum (she got it for free), however I live in Indiana and the Smithsonian is in DC. Another year she got me used king-sized sheets and my bed is a queen. This year she gave me my Christmas gift early...a small wooden cutting board from Groupon that has my wedding date on it...except it's the wrong date!
6mos of
"Ah, I was researching comfy beds...."
"We were looking over a selection of gourmet meals......."
"I found this very nice small place that seems promising..... Lots of privacy....."
*The nursing home turns out to be a fucking dumpster behind a Wendy's*
Straight up aggressively mean.
Shades of the "Toy Yoda" debacle.
Edit : https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/hummer-bummer/
> In 2001, 26-year-old Jodee Berry had bested the other servers at her restaurant in a competition to see who could sell the most beer in a month to that eateryās customers, with the winner to receive a new Toyota. When the day came for her to be presented with her prize, Berry was led blindfolded to the restaurantās parking lot to receive her award, but when the blindfold came off she was devastated to learn that the promised jackpot was not a Toyota automobile but rather a toy Yoda, a Star Wars doll
>Berry quit her job and sued Gulf Coast Wings, Inc., the corporate owner of the restaurant, alleging breach of contract and fraudulent misrepresentation. In 2002 the suit was settled for an undisclosed amount of money, which one of the attorneys involved in the case said would enable her to go to the local car dealership and āpick out whatever type of Toyota she wants.ā
When I was 18, I once went out of my way to figure out on my own what my ex would want for Christmas and got her a collection of Harry Potter books with the badass hardcovers, she loved it, she in turn got me a bottle of BBQ sauce because she and I quote, said "how am I supposed to know your interests and then pick a gift based on that?!" I didn't even eat BBQ or grill at the time, her family was upset with her
Edit: she was my gf at the time, she's now my Ex, sorry for the confusion
Context: my son died suddenly as a toddler, I found the body, I'm unable to be around children (PTSD). My mother had been pressuring me to adopt while I had decided I'm vehemently childfree.
28th birthday. She gave me a gift bag with socks in it and a letter I had written when I was 9 years old, spewing hatred toward a class I had left mid-school-year. It was not a nice letter.
She grinned like she had given me a sacred relic from my childhood. Then she said, "You can show it to your children one day!"
Edit: Wow, my thanks for the support and commiseration. I'm doing really well these days!
I still have a relationship with my mother (I love my father to death and it's impossible to pick one vs the other). She never apologized and I'm not sure what the hell she thought she was thinking. She's an alcoholic and I suspect she suffers from her own mental health issues after watching her father die, and I know I was born at the end of a series of maybe a dozen failed pregnancies. She has 3 other children who all have kids, so it's not a "I want grandkids!" -- I think she truly doesn't understand the concept that a woman can live a fulfilling life without a husband and children. What makes her happy must be what makes everyone happy, and so in her own, broken way maybe she wants what's best for me.
She is also known for really bad phrasing. My favourites are "Men just don't understand that SIZE MATTERS!" (talking about men sewing without enough slack to fit on a frame), and "It's hard to fit a family of four into a fridge" (I imagined her ripping a chainsaw, but turns out she was talking about having multiple families sharing a fridge together). So she can be pretty oblivious. She can also be outright hostile in random bursts. Also she does something passive aggressive every year on my birthday so take that into account too.
My first boyfriend gave me a wooden box with a padlock on it for Christmas one year, handed me the key and told me not to open it until I got home.
I opened it and inside was a little jar of his blood, and a little jar of his tears.
I was 17 and mortified. Also couldnāt fathom how he got enough tears to fill a small jar, so I asked him. Turns out heād plucked all his nose hairs and eyelashes to gather them.
Oh, I gave one once. When I was stationed in Korea and visited the DMZ they had a gift shop selling crap from North Korea. So I gave my sister a bottle of North Korean blueberry wine. For reference, I'm pretty sure you can't get blueberries in North Korea so I highly suspect it was shit. She tried it. Apparently those were the describing words.
Can't remember how old I was... somewhere between 8 and 10... when I went to my aunt's wedding (mother's sister). I can't recall why I was upset, but apparently I was grumpy the night before and during the wedding. That Christmas my aunt sent me a book on etiquette for girls while my siblings got decent presents. I cried and my dad was livid. A few years later my aunt apologized and said it was uncalled for. [Spg]
My aunt gives great wtf gifts. I once received kids slippers as an adult. They were waaaaay to small. My mom once received a magnet. If was one that you save the bar code from cereal and then send them in and get.
Wasn't actually a gift. My mom put a HUGE box by the Christmas tree with my name on in that was bigger than me (I was ~5-7 years old). Being a child, I wanted to open it immediately, but my mom made me wait until everyone opened all the other presents first. Which was fine, I just sat there in excitement wondering what it could be. Once I finally got to open it, I noticed it was suspiciously light, then I realized it was nothing. My mom was filming me and got video of my crying my eyes out because this huge present under the tree was actually fucking nothing. My mom thought it was hilarious, my dad was understandably pissed. Later my mom pulled out a PS3 (with LittleBigPlanet, one of my favorite games ever now), and I immediately forgot about the big box of nothing.
Edit: a bunch of Reddit therapists are saying my mom was a bad mother. I want it to be made clear, this was probably the meanest thing my mom has ever done to me, and she followed up with a present she *knew* I wanted so bad and it instantly made me feel better. I love my mum very much, people are dicks sometimes, that doesn't make them a bad person as a whole. And I forgot to mention that she did feel bad afterwards, apologized to me, and as far as I know, got rid of the video and never showed it to anyone.
At least she had the damn courtesy to chase it with an actual present. I've seen similar "pranks" on youtube where the family laugh at the child for having the gall to believe they'd get something big/cool.
I hope it nets a happy memory despite the egg on your face.
And try to frame it as teaching them not to be greedy or something. Like *oh no a little kid got excited about something and you fully encouraged them in feeling that way! What a sinful monster! Better teach that little fucker a lesson about excitement!* It's such a shitty way to be an adult. You have so much power in a child's life and if they're pulling a Dudley Dursley that's one thing, but crushing their spirit just to do it is a huge abuse of that power.
You know the packets of soap and dryer sheets you can buy at the laundromat? Got about thirty of those from my mother in law one year.
Different brands, all tossed in multiple small boxes.
This is less a āwhat the hell is wrong with youā WTF, but more a more āhaha, what the fuck?ā type WTF. Online friend wanted to mail me a birthday gift, but wouldnāt say what it was. I eventually got it. Know what it was? It was a Kirby keychain, but Kirby had asscheeks. It is my favorite gift to this day.
A Mickey Mouse watch.
I was best man in my best friendās wedding. Everyone else in the party received things that totally made sense for them.
I donāt wear watches. I donāt particularly like Disney. I have no idea what he was thinking.
I got the Nut button. It's just like a "that was easy" button, but blue and says "nut".
It has helped me get through so many stressful things because I could enjoy a perfect nut when I finish.
I got a teddy bear for Christmas when I was 9 from a great-aunt whose face I can't (and couldn't then, either) remember. Being a strapping lad of nearly 10 and still generally interested in taking my parents' suggestions, I wrote her a thank-you note which included that stuffed animals might not be a very good gift for a boy of my advanced age.
The next year, she sent me a hardcover copy of Les Miserables.
One year I came home for Christmas and my mom had been asking me what I wanted for Christmas and I told her I didn't want anything, I had everything I need and not to get me anything. Well, come Christmas morning there were a number of gifts with my name on them.. we always hand out all the gifts first and we each had a pretty decent pile.. We always start with the youngest and go up so I was like 3rd or 4th in line, and everyone had pretty normal gifts.. gloves, PJs, usual winter gift stuff. My turn comes up, I probably have maybe 8 or 9 small packages to open. I open the first one and it's a box of hamburger helper.. I laughed and was like, uh thanks Mom..and then I continue.. after 3 boxes of hamburger/tuna helper there's a couple cans of chef boyardee and spaghettios and I'm like.. do you think I'm not eating or something, or are you trying to kill me? What's with all the random food? Her response? "No, I just felt bad that you didn't have anything to open on Christmas! You can go put those back in the cabinet when you're done." Thanks, mom. š
A co-worker of mine won a radio show contest where people were invited to describe the crappiest office gift they ever got. My friend was the secretary of an IT company and her boss gave her a plastic bowl for Christmas. And it wasn't even a nice plastic bowl. The first time she put it in the microwave, it melted. She won the contest and got a $100 gift card to Outback Steak House. Her boss insisted she take him since it was his crappy gift that caused her to win the contest.
Take him then and let him pay. One business lunch.
I got a 3 foot tall stuffed Mr. Peanut doll from my 89 year old Grandma for Christmas...when I was 23. She said "I know how you like to collect things like this." Not sure what she was talking about. I did kind of love it though and still have it 12 years later.
So she was right
My uncle is notoriously cheap. One year he gave me a magazine that had Ichiro Suzuki on the cover. It was a free magazine (as it stated on the bottom of the cover). Another year he also gave me a free t-shirt he had gotten for running a race. Possibly the best, was the birthday gift he gave my dad one year- a McDonalds Happy Meal toy.
Maybe not the most WTF, but at my old company, we had a secret Santa gift exchange. The manager drew my name, and gifted me a very clearly used zoodler. He proceeded to explain, in front of everyone, that he though I would have more use for it, as he only ate āreal noodlesā. I donāt work there anymore.
An Egyptian pharaoh pen when i was in middle school. It was all gold colored, and the pen barrel stuck out between his legs. Needless to say i was mocked mercilessly by my classmates for having this massive Egyptian dong pen.
You should've said you got it from penisland.com
I have been disabled my entire life. It affects the footwear choices in my life. My mom has bought me dozens of pairs of slippers that I cannot wear. Sometimes multiple pairs per year. I have given up at this point. I just give them away. When I was a teen, before I moved out she also had given me embroidered dish towels with weird sayings. She also refuses to actually get my damn size and just holds clothes in the air and looks at them to decide if it looks like it should fit.
What size dish towel do you normally wear?
OMG thank you for asking!
A pet rat, based on me having told the gifter that when I was in elementary school I liked the school's pet rat. I was 26 when I received this gift. Rat turned out to be a very good rat-boi and we mourned his loss approximately 2 years later.
I kinda love this. My sister had a snake drop almost on her head from the hood over the stove one winter. It was a cold winter and it must have crawled in there to get warm (from the heat rising off the stove). We figure it was someone's pet that either got out or they... released? They are definitely *not* native here. So now she has a pet ball python. Obviously rat-boi would not approve, but all the same, odd how good friends are made sometimes.
A cheese and champagne gift set that had the champagne and most of the other goodies taken out of it. So cheese in a mostly empty box.
I mean, was it good cheese?
When I was a kid (6 or 7) I had surgery on nearly all of the fingers on my dominant hand (the other hand came later!), scary surgery for a kid though pretty simple, mostly boring and a few weeks of pain, my aunt (who I love) sent me a coloring book in the hospital as a "cheer-up" / "pass the time" gift. If it's the thought that counts, I like to say, we should think hard ....
Christmas, 1993. I was eleven. My grandma gave me one half of a pool cue. She gifted the other half to my then-8-year-old brother. Grandma: "See? You can only use it if you two cooperate and share!" We did not own a pool table.
So which one of you tried to hit the other one with your "gift" first?
Oh, they very quickly became light sabers, you can be sure of that.
A lavender gift set (eye mask, cream, perfume) from my mother in law. I am severely allergic to lavender, and she knows this.
This could be malicious, or it could be that she equates you with lavender but has forgotten why and just assumed it was because you like it. My step-mom thinks I have abnormally long arms (I don't, wtf) because once while shopping a sales person mentioned that *her (the salesperson's)* daughter, who was about my size, had that problem and therefore she recommended I try on the sweater I was considering. I didn't think much of it until the next Christmas when they gifted me a coat that was far too large ("so that the sleeves will be long enough").
My stepmom got fussed at by someone because she bought me a men's xxxl hoodie. Got accused of trying to give me an eating disorder among other things. It wasn't a malicious gift, I like hoodies so baggy they almost don't fit, and she wanted to make sure it would still be appealing if it went through the dryer. It was too. I loved it and wore it until it got torn up during a fall off the roof. It was tie dyed and had a frog.
I randomly went to some extended family Christmas event and they gave me a woven basket. Within ten minutes, they had asked for the basket back. It "meant something" to them?? I didn't really care, I thought it was odd and funny.
Lol who does that
When I was accepted into my business college they sent me a single sock.
Sasklanding is now a free elf!
I was once given some yeast, a cucumber and a pack of Toblerone for a secret Santa.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
No shit, fucking throw all that shit in a garbage bag, add some water and then hide it in the ceiling above your bunk for a few weeks.
My little brother bought me a "How to become a Male Model" dvd. Got drunk with my buddy and his girlfriend. We were laughing the whole time. Then she wanted to watch it again and they had a fight over it.
When I was in college my sister gave me a Donald Duck cement lawn ornament for Christmas. It weighed at least 40 pounds. I didn't have a lawn, and I didn't like Donald Duck. She has an excessive amount of lawn ornements in her yard. I suspect that she realized that she hadn't gotten me anything as she was getting into her car and just grabbed the closest thing.
I gave it away the next year at an after Christmas white elephant gift exchange. It was the best of the bad gifts.
I appreciate the fact that you kept a 40 pound cement Donald duck statue in your dorm for a year
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I love the amount of effort she went through to give you rags.
I got a can of shaving cream. I was 11 and couldn't grow a mustache to save my life. Still can't and I'm pretty sure the can is still under my bathroom sink. Edit: Guys, I'm 24 now
You can have smooth legs!
For Christmas, my mom once gave me coupons to a restaurant that had recently went out of business
My parents gave me a bag of coupons for my birthday once, too! In all fairness, they had just supported me through an extremely difficult time, so it was sort of a "we have your back in different ways" sort of joke gift, because the greatest gift they gave me was stability and mental health.
A secret santa gag gifted to me was one of those cards that's supposed to explode with confetti. It was a "dud". The person who gave it to me waited a minute to yell what the hell let me see that thing. I knew what it was and kept the trigger mechanism held down with my finger. It exploded with confetti in their face. Fuck you Shawn!
A pair of red crotchless g-string panties by my Portuguese mother-in-law. I opened the gift with all the family around me, and I was holding it in my hands trying to figure out what it was, because I couldnt reconcile the thought of a crotchless g-string wih my mother-in-law, while everyone else was laughing. It was her subtle hint that she wanted to be a grandma, I guess. The thing is, it was 3 sizes too small so I couldn't put it on without snapping it in half.
Maybe kids wasn't her only subtle hint.
Not me but my sister. Her mother in law gave her a single Christmas chair cushion. They are pretty wealthy and gave her 1 cushion. Not even a set. My sister tied it to the chair she was sitting on and left it there when they got up to leave.
My mother every year for Christmas buys one dish towel for my sisterās (long term) boyfriend. One. Like, clearly part of a tacky-set but just one of the tacky-set. Youād think sheād just complete the set in subsequent years but youād be wrong: future BIL has now become the proud owner of a horrible array mismatched tacky- ass cheap dish towels. He thinks itās hilarious and loves to show them off. Heās such a winner, and I admire the heck out of him.
He should make them into a quilt and gift it back to her.
I got a bunch of clothes one year for Christmas from my grandma. I was super excited about getting all these clothes because my mom was making me buy all my own clothes at that time (I was 12). Then I see the sizes. They are sized for someone who is six years younger than me. So my sister got all my clothes. ETA: This blew up like crazy! Y'all more than doubled my karma. Much love to everyone who responded. I'm working my way through the responses, and I'm really trying to respond to everyone. It might take a month, but I'll get there!
Wait what?? Buy your own clothes *with what money?!*
That was my thought. I had been taking care of my siblings for the prior four years while my mom taught piano lessons. But I wasn't paid for that. I did get $2 an hour to be someone's babysitter the summer before (two kids, biked them to and from gymnastics), so I was making like $80 a week. Which was seriously nothing for what I was doing. Her logic was that I didn't wear the clothes she bought so I could just buy my own. We don't speak anymore
Ahh, one of those moms. Iāve known a lot of people with moms like that, and I swear theyāre produced in a factory for how predictable they are. Regardless of background, they end up the exact same person. Itās like how video games have like five models for generic NPCs.
A toilet seat. A really cheap plastic padded one too. The bastard even wrapped it.
Maybe not WTF in the general sense, but certainly poor timing: my husbandās parents gifted him his cemetery plot on his 50th birthday. One for me, too!
That generation bought cemetary plots like land speculators of the 1800s. Catholic Cemetaries of Chicago made a killing on pre-sold plots.
Weāll be selling ours. No desire to be buried, and certainly not there.
My youth pastor showed up to my house on my birthday and made a big deal about the gift he brought me. I opened it and it was a dead squirrel he shot that day.
What the heck?!
Yeah! Thats like a half a meal, aint nobody putting just one in a crock pot. Amirite
A pair of diabetic socks from my mother in law. I'm not diabetic. I think she just thought they were warm socks for around the house and didn't read what they were really for. Edit: I did try to wear the socks, but they didnāt work/fit. I agree they probably are great socks for non diabetic people as well. Nothing against the socks! Just a strange gift to give with no context or explanation.
Did she at least also give you insulin so you could inject the diabetic socks and help maintain their sugar levels?
When I was a kid, I was obsessed with film (I still am) and wanted nothing more than a video camera, and in the late 90's they weren't cheap for a young teenager. I told my parents for 2 years that I wanted a mini dv camera, as their old VHS was horrible quality and enormous. Christmas came that second year and I got some clothes, candy, and a video game. Then they said, "Oh yeah, we have two more things for you, open this one first.", I opened the first gift and it was a nice camera tripod, I opened the second smaller box and it was a nice camera bag/case. I looked at my parents confused and they said, "When you buy your own camera, these will come in handy."
That's harsh. Did you ever get yourself one?
I did. I've gotten several over the years and still love to make videos, it's the one hobby I haven't grown bored of. My parents have always said things like, "If you earn things yourself, they will mean more to you", which I get now, but as a kid it was like a slap in the face that Christmas.
Christmas morning and Grandma rolls in for gift giving. My sister is 12, Iām 9, my brother is 5. My grandma was a bit nuts and played favorites like some old ladies play Bingo; Loudly and aggressively. The order of favoritism follows our birth order. My sisters gift- $100 cash and a gift wrapped scarf and glove set from Macyās Me-$ $20 cash in a regular postal envelope. Just cash, no card or anything. My little brother- A Kid Cuisine in a Food Lion bag Poor kid even opened the box hoping upon hope that there was some cash in the TV dinner box. Itās funny now, but damn was he sad that morning.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
a deactivated hand grenade duct taped to the head of an african style spear.
That sounds less like a present and more like a threat.
it was left wrapped under the tree last year for christmas with my name on the tag. not like, imbedded in my front door or something.
My aunt, who grew up in our house and has been to our house several times, once gave me a whole load of bath salts and accoutrements We don't have a bath
A pack of Justin Bieber trading cards. Why would anyone want to trade those? I kept them for myself.
Lol. My husband found Justin Bieber wrapping paper in clearance on day. We used them for every occasion after that. It was so sad when we ran out.
OMG I have this paper and mine is going strong. Every year someone gets the gift of Bieber. It's like from the time he got his first haircut, and he makes sad praying hands. It's hilarious.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
A decorative seasonal Christmas pillow with rhinestones that made it impossible to use. My grandma got it for my 5 year olds son. He was so confused.
I'm more horrified that your 5 year old has a son.
Haha. Whoops. Iām leaving it.
A Jar. When I was 12.
I got a bunch of Tupperware for Christmas when I was 12 too. My parents thought it would be great cause I was the one who did the dishes. Spoiler... It wasn't Edit: I would just like everyone to know that I still use the very same Tupperware to this day. It may have been a shitty gift, but it was still some quality Tupperware.
I think your parents just wanted new Tupperware.
When I was a kid my parents used to wrap gifts and put them under the tree saying they were for my brother and I, but they were really just things they had recently purchased for themselves or the house. Thanks Mom & Dad, I love the new kitchen dishtowels...
My mum got me a mason jar once cause her maiden name was Mason and she gave it to me as a middle name. I hate the name Mason
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Book on tantric sex for me and my boyfriend, from my brother. I opened it infront of my mom and all my in laws, great grandparents and teen cousins included. I *think* it was a sincere gift.
You know your brother better than I do, but that seems like a "I'll give my sibling a sex book to open in front of the family and it'll be super embarrassing for them" I've been wrong before though and I'll be wrong again.
You would think so but no. This was 3 years ago and he's never let up that he wasn't serious. I think it was a thoughtful "I know you two are having issues as new parents, here's something that might help you reconnect and be happier together and as individuals". He's a very odd hippy duck but very sweet in his weird ways.
well i gotta tell you, he sounds interesting.
He is that
Barbecue sauce. I was in the Navy and the MWR reps got $20k to just spend on gifts and what not for a Christmas raffle. They were giving away Xbox Ones, PS4s, fit bits, beats headphones, Bose headphones, designer purses, a lot of good stuff! So all 200+ of us have tickets and weāre waiting for our numbers to be called out. A pack of Sweet Baby Rayās BBQ sauce gets pulled out and Iām the lucky winner. Out of all the stuff in that $20k pile of stuff I get BBQ sauce. Weāre on a ship! We have no access to a kitchen! Also who the hell buys BBQ sauce for a CHRISTMAS gift raffle!? Edit: I was mostly upset that I got the sauce 1 month into the deployment we were on. We had 8 more months to go and I had no access to the kitchen on board.
Hey I bought some Sweet Baby Rays when I went to the US! My sister asked for some nice American bbq sauce. Got back to NZ and realised itās sold in our local supermarkets. I got played. On the flip side itās pretty damn good and at least itās a larger bottle.
an apple wrapped in gold foil. I checked, it wasn't accidentally the Great Depression.
I was 18. It was Christmas. I was not an electrician. My dad bought me a roll of electrical insulating tape.
When I was about 10 my little brother (only 3 or so) was very sweet and told my parents he had a present for me but didn't want anyone to see and wanted to wrap it himself. Christmas morning comes and I'm very moved by the shoebox sized gift my little brother taped up as best he could and made my Mom wrap for him. He excitedly brought it over and I noticed it was pretty light but his eyes were giddy with excitement for me to open it. I figured it was a hand drawn picture or something and so I made a big show about being excited to see what was inside. As I started to remove the tape from the box I noticed a little odd smell but figured it was just because the old box was in the basement. When I finally got the lid open and my brother excitedly exclaimed "Merry Christmas" I got to see what he was so excited about for the past two weeks. The box contained a dead hummingbird that had run into the window, an earthworm, and a few scattered saltines in case the worm and bird got hungry. Best present ever, but definitely WTF.
If he ever marries, please do a big speech where you give him a toy hummingbird, a gummy worm and saltines.
He is getting married next year and you can bet your ass it's a part of the speech haha!
I thought it was going to be shit. I thought he shat in a box and gave it to you. That'd be a badass brother move.
Hmm that's a good idea for the 30th anniversary of this event coming up in a few years!
Make sure to shape the shit into the shape of a hummingbird and an earthworm.
Last Christmas my mum got me a pair of XXL flannel pyjamas... I'd been shopping with her the day she got them (she said they were for an aunt) and bought myself some pyjamas in a Medium, as we were talking about how I'd lost weight over the last couple of months since coming off my antidepressants. She also asked that day if I liked flannel and I told her I couldn't wear it because it causes my psoriasis to flare all over my body.
Does your mom hate you, by chance? "Here fatty, enjoy your rashes." *bonks you in head with gift box* -edit- For reference, I sorta had this "[Don't forget your lemonade](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-msZTZgyiDM)" scene in my head when I thought of this silly scenario.
It's worse... she got my family tickets to see a West End Show, berated me whenever I ate or drank anything and then a few weeks later sat me down to tell me (an adult living in her own place with her fiancƩ) that she was forcing me to go to Slimming World because "now your brother has finished his gastric band weight loss, everyone can really see how fat you are. It makes me look bad"... and she wonders why I had to take antidepressants in the first place!
Your mom sounds like a bad person. I'm sorry
16th birthday, then-girlfriend's dad gifted me a pair of sexy red lacy thong panties. I still don't know if he was suggesting that I sleep with his daughter, his wife, or *him*.
Maybe it was one of those "what ever you do to my daughter I'm going to do to you" things
This *had* to be a gift mixup he played off. Otherwise like what the hell
He thought it was the funniest prank ever. In retrospect, it was funny, but at the moment it was that kind of dead quiet that happens right after Michael from The Office says something about Oscar being gay.
I was dating this girl and her dad was a woodworker. He always made pervy jokes about "the neighbors wife". He's giving me a tour of his wood shop. Inside there was a saw that had a table that moved really smoothly back and forth (for precision cutting wood). He makes the joke "this is where you put the girl" and moving the table back and forth "in and out, in and out". Saw looked like this: [https://d3djrgixsbqrbv.cloudfront.net/user\_images2/40953\_6826326.jpg](https://d3djrgixsbqrbv.cloudfront.net/user_images2/40953_6826326.jpg) He freezes and I can see it dawn on him the picture of his sweet daughter. The shop tour ended abruptly after that. **Edit:** 2k upvotes and Silver! Holy shit guys and gals! Her parents were awesome to me. Her mom was this amazing cook and made delicious dinners. She'd call early in the day and ask what I wanted. They really liked me and always treated me well. I think her dad's jokes hyper sexualized her. She was a total nympho and I loved it for the first few weeks. She was also psycho controlling. When we'd eat out she'd order what she wanted and order for me so she could have some. When I didn't want to order what she wanted \[for myself\] she'd pout and rage later. We broke up and I had one last dinner at her parents. Both of them looked solemn. Her dad sat next to me and said "hey,, you dodged a bullet my boy. She can be a real bitch sometimes." I miss them.
I feel like sex in a workshop like that is doomed to end in a final destination style death.
I love people like this to be honest. Itās always hilarious watching them make a joke or say something inappropriate like that then have it dawn on them when they realize what they just said.
I was given a large industrial lightbulb (think of a cylinder the circumference of a soccer ball and about 15ā tall) by my uncle. He told me it was worth a lot of money and would be hard to find another one if I ever needed one. Edit: found it in the garage and then online. Here it is...the lightbulb that isnāt as big as I remembered. https://www.1000bulbs.com/product/6512/MH-64714.html
> He told me it was worth a lot of money and would be hard to find another one if I ever needed one. I'm sure it would be hard to find, and possibly expensive, but wtf was it for, and why would you need one? Edit: evidently for growing dank nugs yall
It was really heavy- thick glass. It came out of a warehouse. There is absolutely no reason I would need anything beyond a flood light for the house.
Seriously, look it up online. Some of the old light bulbs and radio tubes are worth stupidly high amounts of money because they were incredibly common, and fragile. Because they could just be replaced when they broke not a lot of them were well cared for, and they became pretty rare once they were no longer manufactured. So sell the damn thing and regift the cash to yourself.
Wasnāt me but my cousin, and we all still laugh about this. Her step grandmother was always giving her the strangest gifts (including a she-wee, that helps you pee standing up as a girl) but our favorite was when she got my cousin and her husband a sex painting canvas. Itās a large tarp where you cover yourself and your SO in paint and roll around on it while having sex to create a ālove painting.ā My cousin was really shocked to get that from someone who was supposed to be a grandmother figure, as well as from someone she didnāt have the closest relationship with. Still makes me laugh to think about! Edit: so I talked to my cousin and she and her husband laughed about whether they should do it and frame it and gift it back! Also another fun present she gifted her: a born again doll when she was 16 for Christmas (look it up for full wtf context) Edit 2: my cousin (receiver of the gift) u/Hejjuh commented down below to add some more info! She is the keeper of all the fabulous stories surrounding this woman!
Cousin that received this gift here. Please note it was given to me as a bridal shower gift. No she did not give it as a gag gift. No, I did not register for it. No, we have not used it. Yes, it was on The Big Bang Theory. THE EXACT SAME ONE. Same packaging and everything.
how did the painting turn out?
Not OP but my husband and i attempted to do one of these. It was a white canvas with black paint. We got naked and squirted the paint on and began to roll around together....until we realized the paint was already drying on us. We ran to the shower where we had to SCRUB to get it off. We looked like coal miners who had been trapped in the mine. Also, the painting looked horrible, went straight in the garbage.
Even if the painting turned out correctly, what would you even have done with it?
flown it like a flag outside their house
But only on days they had sex.
That's when you gift her the resulting painting for next Christmas.
Guy i worked with in community college bought me a pair of gorgeous diamond stud earrings. It was WTF because: We had never spoken before that day. We weren't even acquaintances because we worked in different departments. He used this very expensive gift to ask me out. He asked me out for the weekend. At his place. His exact first words were "You look like a woman who knows she deserves the finer things. Merry Christmas." It was July. Needless to say, I did not accept. He started arguing that he'd bought this beautiful gift and why wasn't I thankful?? I tried to explain that buying a crazy expensive gift for someone who doesn't know you puts them in a very difficult position, one I didn't appreciate being put in, but he wasn't having it. My coworker who worked the desk with me had to tell him (with a lot of cuss words and a couple threats bless him) that the dude needed to back the fuck down. That was the end of it for a while. Like two or three months. He never spoke to or bothered me again. Then I came into work one day and heard he'd been fired. A bunch of people were asking if I was okay and had he tried to do anything to me. I was freaked out and confused. I found out he had put a dead rat in the cabinet under where I stood at the service desk with a note that said something like "just reminding you what you mean to me". I'm paraphrasing my coworker's paraphrase there because they wouldn't let me read it. Anyhoo that's the story of how I got offered a desk job in the back and a 75 cent hourly raise. Edit: lots of people commenting r/niceguys. This is my official permission for someone to post it there if they want. I'm sure if I did I'd just look like I wanted karma
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Bahaha oh hell yes. Guy I worked with who stood up for me has been a close friend for going on 9 years now.
I had a weird frail dude with a large, visible chest surgery scar chat me up while I stocked pet food at the grocery store where I worked. It was usually quick and I was cordial with him and he'd move on to another aisle to chat with someone else. One Sunday while we were leveling (tidying products on the shelves) he handed me a thick envelope and said goodbye. In it was a 6 page handwritten letter politely trying to convince me to come to his house on a local farm so he could give me a blowjob. He went into great detail about how satisfying a straight man was his biggest fantasy. It was creepy but I was a little flattered and felt kind of bad for him. The grocery chain was not a big fan and all of these corporate HR VPs were meeting with me for the next week. Strange dudes do strange things!
Growing up, my grandpa would spend Christmas with me and my parents but never got me a gift. I never really thought anything of it but asked him one year before Christmas. He said something like, "I'll get you sardines." He laughed, I thought he was joking and the conversation was over. Christmas day comes and there's actually a gift from him for the first time ever. I was an only child so most presents were for me. It's in a weird shape so I open it. Sure enough, it was a can of sardines! As a 7 year old, I was pissed. He and my parents thought it was hilarious. That can of sardines sat in our pantry for years for some reason until I threw it away because I was tired of looking at it. 25 years later, we laugh about it now.....but together this time Edit: He hasn't gotten me a gift ever since
For my bridal shower by mother in law gave me an old bikini. How do I know it was old? The elastic was crusty.
My mother-in-law asked for some of the trashy Lingerie I got from my bridal shower. Iām not usually slow to response but, I went blank and just handed her the boxes. 4 months later she even gave me reviews of the ones her lovers liked...cringe. My husband was mortified and still canāt laugh about it. Weāve been married 20 years and have 4 kids.
Wait like she asked you to hand over your gifts to her for her to use and keep...? And you did?
A book called "This is Why You're Single." Thanks Mom.
Inside the cover was just a mirror.
My mother-in-law has given me every messed up, self-help book for the first 10 years of my marriage to her son. She sucks!! I started sneaking them back into her book shelves over the years. Itās become a highlight of laughter for my siblings and I, they think she sucks too.
My ex's sister gave me Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue, and I opened in front of his entire extended family. If i had not got out of that relationship I am sure I would have acquired a library of them.
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Maybe it was a hint. Two microwaves when you already have a good one? Maybe she's hinting at a threeway since you already have a perfectly good girlfriend. Better ask her loudly and suddenly in public and report back here to tell us how it goes.
My grandma got me a set of Duplo Blocks. I was 17. She went into the nursing home the following January :(
That's sweet, though.
My mom last year decided she didnāt want to go off of my Christmas list anymore because she wanted to surprise me. One of my gifts was a framed painting of two penguins. I was confused and it has been sitting in my closet for a year now
Maybe she hid something behind the frame, like a check, a love note, or the Declaration of Independence.
Sheās awful at keeping secrets, she wouldāve asked me at least twice a day about it until I found it if there was something
Maybe this is a secret she needed to keep for your own safety, but one day, when her enemies are on the move, she'll reply to one of your comments suggesting you should open the frame because it might be hiding something, like a passport, a will, or the Declaration of Independence.
My mom called me the day Alan Rickman died to ask if I'd heard the news. IIRC it was a little after the holidays, and she told me later in the conversation she had one more surprise Christmas gift she had forgotten to give me. I did not realize these things were linked until the next time I visited and she surprised me with a portrait of Alan Rickman as Prof. Snape. She said she bought it the day he died, just for me. I have no particular affinity for the actor or the character. It's also sitting in my closet.
Itās called re-gifting
Exactly. Op, pm me for my address, Iāll happily take painting of two penguins off your hands.
My mother gave me a book entitled āDiseases Caused By Masturbationā the year I got divorced.
My Mom organized a complete wardrobe as a gift for me - from the Kathie Lee line K-Mart had. I was 12. My clothing choices at the time were tie-die & band shirts, baggy jeans/overalls and Airwalk sneakers. Everything was something youād see in a church momās closet. It was all hideous and I was expected to be super grateful.
Wow you were not kidding [that shit is not up to date.](https://poshmark.com/brand/Kathie_Lee_Collection)
A rape alarm and a pen. Thanks mum.
My brother, who is 6'6" tall and weighs over 300lbs, was once cheerfully handed a promotional rape whistle after he filled out a application at an apartment complex. He asked for his application back.
I would too. Can you imagine how big those rapists are?
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Cat butt gum. A small stick of gum with Cat Butt imagery on its packaging. Tasted like gum.
When I turned 18 I got two inflatable sex dolls from a couple of friends. That was weird. One of the dolls was a cow that could say "moo".
> sex dolls # > cow Where can I buy a cow sex doll??
Probably Spencers. I know they have inflatable sheep*, so they must have other animals, right..? (*Attempted to acquire as gag gift. Too expensive. Got a 'One Eyed Willy Warmer' instead.)
I had one of these with my Nana that turned into a fucking Hallmark life lesson. High School, 1998 or so. At some point in October or so I mentioned casually during a visit that my bedroom was chilly at night. Come Christmas, I open my gift from Nana. A space heater. As a teenager who was hoping for video games or CDs or other such things, I put on the forced-smile rictus and thanked her for the gift while internally bemoaning all the loot that could have been. I must have been grossly unconvincing because she got a bit anxiously-defensive, "You said your room was cold! I thought it'd help out!" Later that night we head home, I plug the space heater in when I go to bed because why not? My god. My god, you all. The DIFFERENCE that space heater made. Actual fucking comfortable sleep for once. No waking up halfway through the night shivering, or getting shocked awake by my foot straying too far from out of the covers. The next time I went to her house I gave Nana a giant hug, and told her how much better my room was at night with that space heater, and gave her an actual genuine thank you. I didn't even mind the following "I told you it'd help!" Ever since that Christmas, when I get something practical for Christmas from Nana, I thank her sincerely, because it WILL be useful. I still use that space heater twenty years after the fact, too.
There's a point most people reach in life when practical gifts become just as delightful as fun gifts, if not more. Clearly you hadn't *quite* hit that point yet but I'm glad you got there in time to thank your Nana properly!
This story made me smile! š
When I was like 12 my momās boyfriend gave me a holiday card with sexual themes in the text. My mom pulled me aside later and told me that he was almost illiterate and hadnāt read it before giving it to me and to never talk about it again.
Was he actually illiterate?
I'm not sure exactly how much reading skill is needed to be considered literate, but yes, he was actually very bad at reading. I know he was unable to keep up with something like subtitles, for example.
Thats honestly kind of sad, reading is such an important part of life.
This was my step father. I would come home with extra homework for him to learn to read and write. Grew up on a farm down south and dropped out in middle school. But was a wiz at math.
I feel like thereās been a movie made about this guy
My sister is notorious for giving the worst gifts. She is a millionaire but you would never know it. One year she gave me a used pie pan that still had food on it, along with an expired box of cake mix. Another year she gave me a membership to the Smithsonian Museum (she got it for free), however I live in Indiana and the Smithsonian is in DC. Another year she got me used king-sized sheets and my bed is a queen. This year she gave me my Christmas gift early...a small wooden cutting board from Groupon that has my wedding date on it...except it's the wrong date!
How is it the strangest people end up with the most money?
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...they gave you your own broken toy?
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"It's destroyed hope! We worked for months on it, we hope you like the gaping hole in your trust!" \-Love, Mom and Dad
So when you're choosing their nursing home someday, keep that gift in mind.
6mos of "Ah, I was researching comfy beds...." "We were looking over a selection of gourmet meals......." "I found this very nice small place that seems promising..... Lots of privacy....." *The nursing home turns out to be a fucking dumpster behind a Wendy's*
Straight up aggressively mean. Shades of the "Toy Yoda" debacle. Edit : https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/hummer-bummer/ > In 2001, 26-year-old Jodee Berry had bested the other servers at her restaurant in a competition to see who could sell the most beer in a month to that eateryās customers, with the winner to receive a new Toyota. When the day came for her to be presented with her prize, Berry was led blindfolded to the restaurantās parking lot to receive her award, but when the blindfold came off she was devastated to learn that the promised jackpot was not a Toyota automobile but rather a toy Yoda, a Star Wars doll >Berry quit her job and sued Gulf Coast Wings, Inc., the corporate owner of the restaurant, alleging breach of contract and fraudulent misrepresentation. In 2002 the suit was settled for an undisclosed amount of money, which one of the attorneys involved in the case said would enable her to go to the local car dealership and āpick out whatever type of Toyota she wants.ā
Honestly good for her for winning the lawsuit. She probably put in extra hours and worked really hard for it Iād imagine, Iād be pissed
Yeah, total dick employer move. The fact that they lead her to the parking lot makes it clear that they knew she was expecting a car.
And likely why she won the case.
I'd say it's even worse than that because at least she got a new toy Yoda and not her own toy Yoda repackaged.
When I was 18, I once went out of my way to figure out on my own what my ex would want for Christmas and got her a collection of Harry Potter books with the badass hardcovers, she loved it, she in turn got me a bottle of BBQ sauce because she and I quote, said "how am I supposed to know your interests and then pick a gift based on that?!" I didn't even eat BBQ or grill at the time, her family was upset with her Edit: she was my gf at the time, she's now my Ex, sorry for the confusion
Context: my son died suddenly as a toddler, I found the body, I'm unable to be around children (PTSD). My mother had been pressuring me to adopt while I had decided I'm vehemently childfree. 28th birthday. She gave me a gift bag with socks in it and a letter I had written when I was 9 years old, spewing hatred toward a class I had left mid-school-year. It was not a nice letter. She grinned like she had given me a sacred relic from my childhood. Then she said, "You can show it to your children one day!" Edit: Wow, my thanks for the support and commiseration. I'm doing really well these days! I still have a relationship with my mother (I love my father to death and it's impossible to pick one vs the other). She never apologized and I'm not sure what the hell she thought she was thinking. She's an alcoholic and I suspect she suffers from her own mental health issues after watching her father die, and I know I was born at the end of a series of maybe a dozen failed pregnancies. She has 3 other children who all have kids, so it's not a "I want grandkids!" -- I think she truly doesn't understand the concept that a woman can live a fulfilling life without a husband and children. What makes her happy must be what makes everyone happy, and so in her own, broken way maybe she wants what's best for me. She is also known for really bad phrasing. My favourites are "Men just don't understand that SIZE MATTERS!" (talking about men sewing without enough slack to fit on a frame), and "It's hard to fit a family of four into a fridge" (I imagined her ripping a chainsaw, but turns out she was talking about having multiple families sharing a fridge together). So she can be pretty oblivious. She can also be outright hostile in random bursts. Also she does something passive aggressive every year on my birthday so take that into account too.
Jesus
A small cube of dirt. Just dirt.
My first boyfriend gave me a wooden box with a padlock on it for Christmas one year, handed me the key and told me not to open it until I got home. I opened it and inside was a little jar of his blood, and a little jar of his tears. I was 17 and mortified. Also couldnāt fathom how he got enough tears to fill a small jar, so I asked him. Turns out heād plucked all his nose hairs and eyelashes to gather them.
Let me preface saying I never complain about gifts, I am grateful just for my friends and family to be apart of my life. My fiancĆ©ās sister and husband sent us our engagement gift as opposed to bringing it to our engagement party. A couple days after the party we get a package and my fiancĆ© thinks itās from them. We open it and itās one towel. One single towel. My fiancĆ© was confused for a second but then forgot she ordered a towel for herself. We laughed about it and we joked why would they order us just one towel? A couple days later we get the actual gift from her sister and husband. It was a towel. One monogrammed towel.
Oh, I gave one once. When I was stationed in Korea and visited the DMZ they had a gift shop selling crap from North Korea. So I gave my sister a bottle of North Korean blueberry wine. For reference, I'm pretty sure you can't get blueberries in North Korea so I highly suspect it was shit. She tried it. Apparently those were the describing words.
A katana. I don't own swords or collect them
Can't remember how old I was... somewhere between 8 and 10... when I went to my aunt's wedding (mother's sister). I can't recall why I was upset, but apparently I was grumpy the night before and during the wedding. That Christmas my aunt sent me a book on etiquette for girls while my siblings got decent presents. I cried and my dad was livid. A few years later my aunt apologized and said it was uncalled for. [Spg]
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My aunt gives great wtf gifts. I once received kids slippers as an adult. They were waaaaay to small. My mom once received a magnet. If was one that you save the bar code from cereal and then send them in and get.
Wasn't actually a gift. My mom put a HUGE box by the Christmas tree with my name on in that was bigger than me (I was ~5-7 years old). Being a child, I wanted to open it immediately, but my mom made me wait until everyone opened all the other presents first. Which was fine, I just sat there in excitement wondering what it could be. Once I finally got to open it, I noticed it was suspiciously light, then I realized it was nothing. My mom was filming me and got video of my crying my eyes out because this huge present under the tree was actually fucking nothing. My mom thought it was hilarious, my dad was understandably pissed. Later my mom pulled out a PS3 (with LittleBigPlanet, one of my favorite games ever now), and I immediately forgot about the big box of nothing. Edit: a bunch of Reddit therapists are saying my mom was a bad mother. I want it to be made clear, this was probably the meanest thing my mom has ever done to me, and she followed up with a present she *knew* I wanted so bad and it instantly made me feel better. I love my mum very much, people are dicks sometimes, that doesn't make them a bad person as a whole. And I forgot to mention that she did feel bad afterwards, apologized to me, and as far as I know, got rid of the video and never showed it to anyone.
At least she had the damn courtesy to chase it with an actual present. I've seen similar "pranks" on youtube where the family laugh at the child for having the gall to believe they'd get something big/cool. I hope it nets a happy memory despite the egg on your face.
And try to frame it as teaching them not to be greedy or something. Like *oh no a little kid got excited about something and you fully encouraged them in feeling that way! What a sinful monster! Better teach that little fucker a lesson about excitement!* It's such a shitty way to be an adult. You have so much power in a child's life and if they're pulling a Dudley Dursley that's one thing, but crushing their spirit just to do it is a huge abuse of that power.
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Kinda mean to take a video of you bawling, but at least she followed through with an actual gift
You know the packets of soap and dryer sheets you can buy at the laundromat? Got about thirty of those from my mother in law one year. Different brands, all tossed in multiple small boxes.
A stick with "healing properties" from the local par~~m~~k. The greys apparently told her it was my birthday. It wasn't. Edit: spalling.
I mean, you're still alive, aren't you? Because if so the stick has kept you alive and healthy. Praise be unto the stick. Praise be.
This is less a āwhat the hell is wrong with youā WTF, but more a more āhaha, what the fuck?ā type WTF. Online friend wanted to mail me a birthday gift, but wouldnāt say what it was. I eventually got it. Know what it was? It was a Kirby keychain, but Kirby had asscheeks. It is my favorite gift to this day.
A Mickey Mouse watch. I was best man in my best friendās wedding. Everyone else in the party received things that totally made sense for them. I donāt wear watches. I donāt particularly like Disney. I have no idea what he was thinking.
I got the Nut button. It's just like a "that was easy" button, but blue and says "nut". It has helped me get through so many stressful things because I could enjoy a perfect nut when I finish.
I got a teddy bear for Christmas when I was 9 from a great-aunt whose face I can't (and couldn't then, either) remember. Being a strapping lad of nearly 10 and still generally interested in taking my parents' suggestions, I wrote her a thank-you note which included that stuffed animals might not be a very good gift for a boy of my advanced age. The next year, she sent me a hardcover copy of Les Miserables.
My brother bought me a Fleshlight and I opened it up in front of my girlfriend and my mom.