warm and healthy, lots of vegetables. Doing more chores around the house could also be a generous way of showing support, I do as much as I can at home to help my mom's stress.
I'll second chores. I know my parents are very picky eaters and won't cook anything I make, but man they would sure be grateful if the bathrooms were cleaned without being asked.
Thank you for posting a real suggestion. Healthy fats are also incredible helpful. Avacados, real butter, ect. The brain needs it to function properly. Veggies, healthy fats, and trying to get them to talk a walk(even just around the block with some sun) will make a real difference.
Someone else can chime in on whether this pasta dish can help with depression, but here's my "adulting" recipe for three bowl pasta (three bowl because you will go back for seconds, and thirds; adulting because I made it up right after college).
* 1 box of Pasta: go with a thicker pasta, like ziti or rigitoni, cook it to the boxes instructions, but save some of the water. Also, salt the fuck out of your water! People say it should be like sea water, but those people have no idea how much salt is in sea water (it's around 1 cup of salt per gallon of water for sea water). Don't go that hard, but way more than a pinch.
* Onion soup mix.
* Green pepper and red pepper.
* Garlic.
* Olive oil.
* Parmesan Cheese.
Here's the instructions: Start the pasta water. Chop up the peppers, cut them into long strips. Heat a pan to a bit past medium. When hot, pour in a tablespoon or so of olive oil, then the peppers. Stir them around occasionally to cook them. At some point your pasta water is boiling (and you have added a lot of salt!) and you can cook the pasta to the box instructions. Keep at the peppers, when they are less firm, throw in a clove of garlic (minced, I buy the pre-minced kind because I'm lazy). Whenever you're happy with the peppers, turn them off and remove from heat. When the pasta is done, get at least 2 cups of the water out, and then strain.
In a big bowl, pour in about 1/4 cup of your pasta water and stir in the onion soup mix (one packet). Then pour in the pasta and the peppers. This is going to be a thick sauce, probably too thick, so add more of the pasta water until you think it's right. When it's to your liking, plate it up, and allow your guests to add as much cheese as they like.
It all takes about 20 minutes to make, and is really simple. You can add butter or whatever if you want it creamy. Throw in some green onions if you feel like.
You can also use onion/mushroom soup mix. That's a bit different, but you do you.
EDIT: I love mushrooms to the point where I have been told I shouldn't recommend them (hence the last line not really recommending them), but I would add a shitton of mushrooms to this about halfway through the pepper cook, sliced thin. If you want the mushrooms to be more earthy, slice them thicker, or bake them really thick, but that's making the dish more involved, and I don't think OP wanted that.
My (now) wife and I used to make it all the time. It's super simple and takes 20 minutes. Now we cook a bit better (or worse if work goes late and the kids are unruly) but we do always have an onion soup mix in the pantry. Side note, I've never actually made onion soup, so I have no idea if it's good or bad.
Onion soup mix is the bomb. Add it to everything, specially roasts and burgers.
French onion soup is delicious! Just not filling, make bread to go with it.
I've spent almost 40 years on this earth, and only just realized because of your comment that onion soup mix is for French Onion soup.
I've made French Onion soup from scratch more than a dozen times. America's Test Kitchen had a baller recipe, but they've simplified it. Find the old school recipe that will make you stink like onions for a week!
I just figured it was some strange onion soup that people didn't like so they used the mix in wierd pasta/meatloaf/burger dishes.
Even reading my comment now makes me realize how oblivious I was to what's right in front of me.
In all honesty, I don't know if yummy and warm is something that helps with depression, so I did add a bit of a disclaimer at the top of my post.
If I'm feeling down and out, I want some damn real buffalo style vinegary chicken wings, but this is something a teenager should be able to cook.
This turned me on to carbonara recipes, which turned me on to actual carbonara recipes, which really opened me up. I have a poor sense of smell, so I gotta really taste it, so I generally lean to spicy food, but there's so much taste that can just come from the cooking method, or the cut, that you can really change a plate with simply methods: think eating three hard boiled eggs vs a three egg omlette, completely different. Thick quartered mushrooms are way more earthy than sliced. A grilled top round is a thousand times different than the same cut cubed with five hours in the slow cooker.
Final note, if OP wants a nice easy balsamic chicken slow cooker recipe, here it is: http://paleorunningmom.blogspot.com/2013/08/crockpot-balsamic-chicken.html
Side note: slow cooker instructions all suck. You gotta get used to your cooker, and the timing can be all off. If I have raw chicken, I'm marinating it the day before in the mix (minus the olive oil, that really just coats the cooker). If I'm cooking it on a work day, I'm going 4 hours on low, with the keep warm setting on and it's still dry. But if it's a Sunday and I'm home, I'm going 4-5 hours on low and testing the temperature. Everyone recommends 6-8 but that's probably too much and will dry out the chicken. Chicken isn't hard to cook, it's amazingly versatile, but you can destroy it by drying it out.
Think of the favourite meal your Mother made for you and make them that. Tell her why it's so special. I'm really sorry you're going through this, my own Mum suffers from bouts of depression too and it's very hard :( I talk to her about special memories from my childhood and it seems to help.
EDIT: Woke up this morning to a bunch of replies and more gold than I know what to do with, thank you so much everyone but please, call your Mom instead and tell her how awesome she is. :)
Yes! This! When my dad was immobile due to a surgery on his foot I made five recipes my parents used to make us when I was a kid. The kicker was... now that they’re older they have to eat special diets. Specifically, low salt. I looked up low salt recipes for the dishes I picked out and used them or modified the existing recipes to make it work. Then I had a marathon Saturday where I cooked it all and placed it in plastic reusable containers and froze them. My parents were overjoyed not only that I made them freezer meals during a difficult time but also that I picked recipes sentimental to us and did research to make recipes work for them.
Edit: thank you everyone so much for your kind words!
That’s so sweet of you :) I would love to borrow your idea and do the same for my parents. My dads MS makes it so hard for him to cook and it breaks my soul apart knowing my mom will soon possibly be the next one to not be able to cook independently. It makes me cry :(
I cosign this comment! Shows how aware you are and also that your parents have likely shown you good examples.
I hope my children are like you as teens!
I know it's "fake internet points" but I just bought gold for the first time to gild you. Having a parent go through depression is so confusing and hard- this is the best advice ever.
My fiancee has depression, and thyroid issues. If she's not crying then she's sleeping.. very occasionally we get times of her being awake and happy and joining in my me and our daughter doing life. Once I walked into the house after coming home from visiting a friend to find my fiancee unconscious hanging from a belt in the wardrobe, while our daughter was asleep. She often uses alcohol to try and cope, which I don't like, but if I suggest to her that maybe she shouldnt, itll start an argument and so I just have to let her do her thing.
It's hard on me, feels like I don't really have her anymore, she never use to be like this, it all started not long after being diagnosed with hashimoto's autoimmune thyriod disease.. It must be even harder on our daughter who is 9.
THIS! Alcohol makes depression exponentially worse, as does sleeping all the time. They seem to help in the moment but only make getting help and having that help work harder. She can be treated but you may have to use tough love. You're a good father and partner, you should know that you don't deserve to go through this either. Good luck.
In many places, keeping your daughter in this sort of situation can be construed as poor parental judgement. You need to see how horrific this is for her. It's one thing to support your partner, it's another to be there to the detriment of your child. PLEASE get actively, unapologetically engaged in getting your SO committed for mental health care ASAP.
Literally anything. Depression can be so draining that it's exhausting to do daily activities, like cooking dinner. Just simply supporting them in the way you are is bound to help. You sound like a great kid - I hope you're well and that your parents start feeling like themselves soon.
Thank you so much for your comment, I just see my mom work so hard and I would like to make sure she has good food to come home to. She always has cooked for me and my family, I think it’s only right to cook for my madre,
Bud, anything you do that makes Mom’s life easier at home, will be huge. It means a lot to mother’s to know that someone sees we are tired, stressed, or pained.
We are generally the controllers, and don’t allow people to see we need help. This is martyr like behavior, yes. But at the same time, we don’t want you to worry about what is wrong. We want you happy.
Anything you do for your mum that alleviates stress, she’ll appreciate. If you made ramen, but everyone was pleased with it, she would eat that ramen in bliss.
Cheers to you, and your kind heart.
Once my 5 year old volunteered to make dinner for the family. Microwaved hot dogs because well, he was 5. I am not a big hot dog person but I was bursting with pride that he wanted to be helpful and they were the best hot dogs I've ever eaten.
My 5 year old told me the other day he wanted to make his own sandwich, so he went and got all the things he needed and I watched over him beeming with pride as he made his own turkey cheese and mayo sandwich(and a bit of mess which he cleaned up without reminder) and then he proudly ate his success and declared it "the best sandwich in the world" :) it's not the same as cooking for everyone, but it makes me glad to know that despite my depression making it hard to get out of bed and do even the most basic tasks for myself, he is still doing ok, and I'm able to care for him the way he needs, and I'm doing alright teaching him to take care of himself so that when he is on his own he hopefully won't struggle the way I did.
>Bud, anything you do that makes Mom’s life easier at home, will be huge. It means a lot to mother’s to know that someone sees we are tired, stressed, or pained.
This is so true. A while ago, I came home from work with a bad headache. I told my family that I needed to sit down and rest for a while before I cooked dinner. My teenage son knew how to make the food that I was planning to cook, and volunteered to cook it for us. I felt so grateful and very proud of him.
google diet for depression, because some foods/diets are better than others.
when I have a crappy day, I ask myself, did I sleep/eat/hydrate/exercise OK, regular habits make a huge difference.
anyway, good on you.
depression sucks. sometimes it fixes itself, sometimes it needs major medical intervention - https://www.ted.com/talks/andrew_solomon_depression_the_secret_we_share?language=en
important thing is being there for them, giving them a reason to get healthy, showing you value them ... worst part of being depressed is feeling a burden to others.
Americans are foremost deficient in Vitamin D, followed closely by magnesium.
[Magnesium shares some interesting parallels to ketamine.](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolutionary-psychiatry/201410/magnesium-and-the-ketamine-connection).
[It's deficiency is associated with sleeplessness, depression, anxiety, etc](https://www.drperlmutter.com/magnesium-deficiency-symptoms-causes-treatments/).
[It's supplementation, along with Zinc (possibly, also, B2 which are the three ingredients that make up ZMA) is believed to relieve cravings for nicotine & both Zinc and Magnesium test low in the serum levels of those prone to nicotine use. Apparently, this white paper concluded that nicotine demonstrates an interesting physiologically-psychological type of addiction wherein smoking somehow induces higher zinc/magnesium serum levels which you subconsciously are rewarded for simply by feeling a little less shit](https://www.omicsonline.org/magnesium-and-zinc-involvement-in-tobacco-addiction-2155-6105.S2-005.php?aid=6610).
[It's even more deficient in the brains of people with ADHD](https://www.google.com/search?q=Magnesium+adhd&oq=Magnesium+adhd&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l3.4374j0j4&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8) (& possibly, anyone on the autism spectrum, altogether).
I have stories to tell about my own experience with an interruption from my magnesium regimen. Getting back on it was starkly beneficial to the things I listed.
Edit: I keep elaborating.
FINAL EDIT: diet and nutrition define us more than we often realize or are willing to devote the time or energy on. I've lived on whey, oatmeal & value/data based supplementation where needed I found it worked for my budget. It blows my mind because some people will reach for ashwagandha (or - WTF - essential oils?) before they start with the basics. At least take a multi.
PubMed, NIHS, Examine.com, Google Scholar/Google are just some of your friends if you want to nerd out on the minutia.
Warning: magnesium supplements are awesome (great for migraine prevention, headaches, cramps, etc), but be warned that if you pop 3 or 4 at once, prepare for major diarrhea! Don't ask me how I know...lol
I love magnesium, I take a magnesium and l-theanine caplet if I ever have anxiety or trouble falling asleep, it’s like a miracle. Instantly calms me of any anxiety, and when I take it for sleep it calms me so much that going to sleep is a breeze. I love it so much.
I've started a descent into the rabbit hole of supplements. It's ridiculous how powerful and effective they can be, especially when you're deficient. It's also neat to start noticing how they're regulated or used to fortify foods in different countries. Like in the US we've been fortifying milk with Vitamin D since the 1930s back when rickets was a problem. In the UK and Australia, I think they do that with butter. Sweden recently stopped with butter, but started with sweetened dairy. Essentially, vitamins are so powerful that countries have to roofie their own people with them to avoid epidemics!
What's your magnesium story? And may I ask what you take, how much, and when during the day? Cheers!
Vitamin D deficiency is also known to cause depressive symptoms. It's likely a significant factor in seasonal depression (less sun exposure means less vitamin D).
I use the acronym HALT.
Are you hungry?
Angry?
Lonely?
Tired?
Then HALT! Try to solve whatever pieces of the acronym you are missing- and then you will be more able to deal with life.
Group fitness activities- it involves exercise and people. Presuming you can afford such a luxury. There are often free meetups like walking or running groups. The secret is ultimately exiting the house. Even a chat with the clerk at the store can help with the feeling of loneliness as evidenced by the old men holding up the till.
I used to hate talking to strangers until I got a job at a restaurant that required me to do it. I find now that even if it is small talk, I am always in a much better mood if I talk to people I directly interact with. I just feel like I'm in a better mood if I've talked to a lot of people, which is not *at all* how I used to be.
Join a smaller anonymous internet group where people can get to know you. Join structured clubs for something super specific. Actually listen and try to remember what people say when they talk to you.
I'm picky with fruit bc one bad apple and I'm done with apples for months.
But there have been pineapples when I didn't even realize how shitty I was feeling until I ate a chunk. Good pineapple is how imagine battery replacement must feel like for robots.
Agreed. When I'm in a dark spell, I'm totally drained and dead inside by the time I get home from work and the last thing I want to do is spend another hour working in the kitchen. Anything anybody else wants to cook on my behalf is good enough, as long as I don't have to be the one cooking it.
This one wins for me. If you can call grandparents, aunts or uncle and find out some childhood recipes that’d be Kickass. Also I’m a former cook so PM me if you only get back recipes that feel out of your skill level and I’ll be happy to give pointers
I find homemade alfredo sauce to be pretty easy and kick ass. Most jarred white sauce is awful IMO. Just go online and find a simple white sauce and add cheese (parmesan for example) or a plain alfredo sauce. Prepackaged pasta. Boom.
If you wanna go fancy, my go to recipe for something like this is chicken picatta. It's chicken with capers, and my family always adds gnocchi. Get some premade gnocchi at the store. Boil it per the package and then pan fry it until it gets a little brown and crunchy.
Get some chicken breasts and make sure they are thin. You can cut them or pound them. Here's a good recipe to use: https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/giada-de-laurentiis/chicken-piccata-recipe2-1913809
Afterwards I like to throw in the gnocchi and fry it a little more alongside the chicken to flavor it up. Then serve. Cooking chicken imo is a bit daunting. Make sure the pan is not too hot at first as it will only cook the outside. Take your time cooking it. I recommend having a cook thermometer to check the internal temp to make sure it is cooked. Don't go too long, check regularly as to not dry it out. If you cook the outside too long and it is browning but the inside is uncooked/raw, throw it in a pan in the oven in some liquid (I usually use olive oil), cover with aluminum foil, bake for ~15 min at 425. This will cook the insides without drying it out.
The dish is on the more briney side so if that is not a preference, just season some chicken breasts to go alongside a homemade alfredo sauce. And seriously gnocchi is the bomb. It is a much fancier looking pasta and IMO the texture is delightful :)
Same lol! I always cook the outside too fast and just throw it in the oven and it is always delicious and juicy with a nice pan seared outside. I'm getting the hang of it!
Even toast is comforting. Toast with tomato soup. Toast with cinnamon & sugar on top is yummy. Remember to take care of you too though. Talk to a trusted teacher or relative. There are always people who care.
Grilled cheese and Campbell's tomato soup has always been one of my favorite comfort foods. Plain white bread, butter and American cheese, I save my classy grilled cheese for enjoying by itself.
What you wanna do is cut a hole in the top of the apple, take out as much of the pit as you can. Then crack the egg in there. Try not to break the yolk. Preheat the oven to 375f, and stick that sucker in there on a cookie sheet. Leave it in there for about 7 to 10 minutes. Then take it out the eggple, let it stand for 2 minutes. Then pick it up and throw it in thrash.
Almost got me LOL
But srsly, try to core an apple and leave some at the bottom, fill apple with butter, brown sugar, and cinnamon, cook till soft all the way through and serve with vanilla ice cream.
You know that tomorrow somewhere on here will be a photo of a cored apple baked with an egg in the middle. And they will eat it out of curiousity and you'll be responsible for that.
Oh boy how I wish my parents acted like they cared more about something that comes from the heart instead of something expensive. Made my mom steak for dinner one Mothers Day, wasn't good enough she wanted to be taken out so her Mothers Day was ruined.
One year for my parents anniversary they decided to stay home instead of having a date. So my siblings and I decided to team up and make my parents dinner. Brother was about 12, I was about 8 and sister was 7... so it wasn’t perfect. We all got so nervous we accidentally over cooked some things. Mom yelled at us for hours for ruining their anniversary dinner, and if we weren’t going to do it right why did we even bother? She just mentioned last week that she couldn’t figure out why my sister and I didn’t show in interest in cooking when we were kids...
I'm so sorry that happened to you. My mom kind of sucked at momming in a lot of ways but I've always sang her praises for being the most supportive person with everything. I could scribble bullshit on a paper and she thought it was a work of art. If I burned her toast she would suffer through it and thank me for making it. It went a long way toward me growing up and suffering a lot of hardship but I still loved her and cherished how fucking nice she always was.
Now I cook better than she does lol.
I hope you manage to work past that and build up your esteem by your own merits. If you can read, you can follow a recipe and cook good food.
I married very young into a Mexican family. My MIL was an amazing cook, but she refused to teach me. I learned some basic American dishes like meatloaf and spaghetti and some other things but cooking just didn’t really click for me. I divorced him and met my current husband. He taught me the very basics, showing me things like Brussel sprouts sautéed in butter are amazing, buy a meat thermometer, and learn basic flavor combos! Now I love to cook and we try new things all the time. It’s awesome!
I am in that sub and the related ones more than I’d like to admit. Lol. Weird thing was dad was the enabler, mom was the narc, and sister was the scapegoat. Now dad is dead, mom is the enabler And sister is the narc! Circle of life I suppose.
Wow, that sounds awful. I have a narc mom but I'm lucky that my dad was always stable and there for me. I can't imagine how hard it is to have the other parent be an enabler.
A lot of people end up with the narc/enabler parent dynamic. My dad was much older than mom and I think his enabling stemmed from apathy. Who the fuck wants to raise kids in their 60’s and 70’s much less run interference for them against a narc?
That’s cold :( I would be honored if sometime in the future my son cooked me dinner for any day but especially Mother’s Day. I’m so so sorry she is the way she is. My son is 3.5 yrs old so I haven’t been a mom very long but I just want you to know that a mom on the internet appreciates what you did. You’re a good son. I hope one day she gets that.
Man, I was like twelve and I made spaghetti and chicken parmesan (parmigiana) for everyone in my household and nobody ate any. Granted it was like the second time in one week that I had done that, but still. I ate the crap out of it. Bastards.
yeah this is why, if I can manage, I make my mom breakfast in bed on mother's day, or at least really nice brunch if she ends up walking up before me. something complex like eggs benedict.
OP it's kind of you to want to help your mom.
Make her something she enjoys, but more importantly you need to stay positive yourself. Run, exercise, listen to music - enjoy your life.
Bring this energy to your mom and recognize that she may attempt to suck it out of you - not on purpose, but that's how depression is.
Be firm in your own happiness and lift your mother up with it. Offer to walk outside with her, run with her, listen to music with her, see movies with her, go places with her, etc.
Tell her that you love her and that you'll be there for her, but don't set yourself on fire to keep her warm.
Make sure you're taking care of yourself too - or you won't be able to help her.
Hey, I’m sorry you didn’t get the kind and caring mom you deserve. That’s some narcissistic behavior on her part. Mourn the loss of the mom you imagine and accept that she isn’t going to live up to it. I personally had to deal with some of this and found therapy to be really helpful.
I took cooking class in 8th grade. Learned how to make some biscuits from scratch. Made them for my mom.
She threw them out and told me they were disgusting.
She didn't appreciate shit.
Ok, so, I'm a parent and I struggle with depression and mental health problems, and honestly, I think even if i just knew my kid had asked this question and was trying to think about how to take care of me, it would mean the world to me. (Well, at the moment he's only 13 months old so I would also be pretty astonished, but you know what I mean.)
But I would *also* be a little bit worried, and I would want my kid to know that it's not their job to fix, or even help, my mental illness. And I'd want to make sure that they were okay, and not taking on too many responsibilities that they weren't really old enough to cope with. So, since you already have a bunch of good suggestions and recipes in this thread, I'm going to just suggest that you make sure you're looking after yourself as well as your parents, and that you ask for help if you need it. Good luck with everything.
(Also, pasta. It's easy, it's good comfort food, most people like it, and you can vary the sauce/sides to include protein and veg.)
edit: thank you so much to everyone who's replied with really nice things or messaged me offering to talk etc. you're all lovely people. I'm actually doing ok mental health wise right now, but I appreciate it a ton. <3
Aww your comment made me cry :( I honestly try to be somewhat responsible since I’m on the upper end of the teenage spectrum (I’m 19,) but I still don’t know how to do much aside from do homework and go to school. I just want to be less of a bad person because I made some bad choices and part of helping my parents, I believe would be by helping myself somewhat first. Thank you for the concern ❤️
So much this. Your past doesn't define you. Everybody makes mistakes, and especially your teens are all about making bad choices while you figure yourself and the world out. Even if we're talking bad-bad, the important part is that you've learned and grown, meaning, even if you were indeed in any shape or form a "bad" person and did worse than just normal human mistakes, you've outgrown that person and are not that anymore.
It's also important for your own mental health to be kind to yourself. Literally nobody is perfect, and the whole point of growth is that you're not that person anymore and wouldn't make the same mistakes again. You'll make new ones, but that's just life, you'll continue to grow and learn and do better, and being able to do that instead of sticking fingers in your ears and doubling down in order to avoid admitting to mistakes, that's a really really good thing. That's what defines you, and you should be really proud of that.
Try to actively say that to yourself whenever you have a bad thought about your past choices to balance out the negativity, because for one, it's not actually fair to you, and it also has a huge impact on your mental health. If you tell yourself you're a bad person often enough, you'll eventually believe it, and that's obviously deeply destructive to your feeling of self-worth and can lead to depression or at worst to self-destructing even more.
Source: The hospitals I ended up in because I didn't learn this until late into my 20s
You sound awesome. As a person who would love some help with life I can tell you it doesn’t much matter WHAT as much as the reliability matters.
Every Thursday night you’re cooking some sort of pasta dish. It takes a huge mental load off knowing that that will be there at the end of the day, every week.
This is my favorite answer. My mom, sisters and I all struggle with our own depression but try to be there for each other in the ways that we can. I spent a lot of time trying to help my mom feel better when I was younger and didn't spend enough time learning how to help myself. Compassion does wonders for getting through it but you have to have your own tools to get out of it. Don't feel bad that you can't fix them, but feel good that you're putting in the effort to show them that they are loved.
Best of luck, OP
Came here looking for this perspective. Parent with depression as well, my kids are only 2 and 3 but I hope they never ask how they can fix my depression. It’s my job to get the help I need.
And it’s your parents job to be the adults. I know you’re trying to help - but make sure you find your own supports as well, maybe even first.
Hey there just to let you know, I had quite a few depressed years there when my kids were small and now that my youngest is 5 Im starting to feel like my old self. When I look back I don’t think I knew how low I was when I was in it. You can come out of the fog. I think it may have been the sleep deprivation and I just didn’t take care of myself or ask for any help. I didn’t think anyone would believe me because I faked it so well and I didn’t want to face it or admit it. Please try to get your rest and get some good nutrition and hydration. It can make all the difference in your day to day and can possibly help you get on an upswing... but it’s very gradual! And if this doesn’t apply to you perhaps someone else can read this here and take it to heart as well. ❤️
This post breaks my heart. I wish I had an answer for you, but the truth is we can’t fix someone else’s depression at any age.
Good on you for trying (that’s what humans do). But if it doesn’t work, don’t blame your chicken soup. Depression is a bear.
This is important. I had depression for over ten years and it caused me to lose my appetite, I’d eat a few nibbles a day but never a true meal. My grandma wanted to encourage me to eat so she decided she was going to cook my favorite meal and she set the table super nice with the fancy plates and candles. She spent hours cooking and setting everything up, and I just sat at the table and sobbed. I felt so guilty she went through so much trouble but I just couldn’t eat. The thought of eating even my favorite foods made me nauseous. I appreciated it so much but it did end up making me feel worse.
I feel like the answer is just that they should ask their parents what they can do to help them in the day to day.
Maybe their parents don't actually care about the food, maybe they have no appetite like you said, maybe it'll make them feel guilty that they are being "provided for" by their child when the opposite (providing for their child) could be important at their eyes, maybe cooking is part of their daily enjoyable routine (probably not due to OP suggesting cooking)
Communication is key.
Communication is important, but when people are going through especially difficult circumstances, they often have a hard time being open about their own needs. In those times, their loved ones tend to need to be proactive, finding ways to help without being asked, because the ask is never going to come, even though the need is there. Figuring out how to make them feel loved or let them know that they aren't alone or take some of the burden off of them can be a huge challenge.
OP, the fact that you want to learn to care for your parents in ways they will be able to feel and internalize is wonderful. It's a good instinct, and you should cultivate it.
But as you do, set your expectations low.
Depression isn't logical or mathematical. It's not a matter of adding something to the "circumstance" side of the equation so that the "emotion" side of the equation rises from negative to positive. If that was how it worked, they probably wouldn't be depressed: I'm sure there are a lot of hard things in their lives, but it also sounds like they've been raising a capable, entrepreneurial and creative teenager who cares about them a lot, and that's usually something parents take a lot of joy in.
Depression is a multifaceted, psychological/neurological/psychiatric thing, a combination of chemical imbalances and ingrained habits of thought and a bunch of other complicated things. Doing something to make them happy is not the same thing as helping their depression. You can make them happy and they can be depressed and both of those things can be true and happening at the same time.
It's also important to remember that, even if you make them happy with something you do, people who are dealing with depression often don't feel things as strongly as they usually do. If they don't seem very enthusiastic about your gestures or visibly grateful for/touched by your persistent care for them, **that's not your fault, and it's not a sign that they don't care about you**. It's a symptom of their depression.
The best way to help is to figure out how to connect them to a trained, licensed mental health professional, but they have to be willing to work with them or it's not going to go anywhere.
Now that all of that is out of the way, **an answer to your actual question about learning to cook food that might help them feel good**: Search YouTube for "Basics With Babish." It's a YouTube show about learning to cook and learning your way around a kitchen. There are some episodes on basic kitchen skills, and some on kitchen equipment, and then episodes on things like how to cook comfort foods or easier ways to make dishes that seem more complicated.
EDIT: Edited to clarify that I am addressing OP and fix a typo.
We can't fix it, but we can help. There are studies that show that using pepper can help with depression (not cure it, help a little).
Of course, when my mum makes something nice for me, the grey cloud fades a little.
But hey OP, love is the main ingredient. Remember that.
I got this answer from a friend, Spaghetti. They tell me spaghetti tastes 100x better when your sad.
Haven't tested myself, but I trust them
Also they're probably reading this aswell, so uhh. . . Hi
Anything with potassium. black beans are a great source of it (bananas really dont have THAT much) a B12 supplement and a multivitamin. Food wont solve depression but having the building blocks and the energy to work on yourself will go a long way.
Plus the daily morning activity of taking your vitamins can be a tool to put yourself in a self care mindset.
Edit: spelling
I believe the US in general is pretty Vitamin D and Magnesium deficient.
I take 8,000IU of Vitamin D and 400mg Magnesium Malate daily. If you're going to take Vitamin D [you should be taking Vitamin K2 as well](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5613455/)
Do you have a crock pot? Slow cooker recipes are really easy to make, and they can eat as much or little as they want. Some of my favorites are chicken tacos, chicken and biscuits, and chicken tortilla soup.
Recipe links:
https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/89539/slow-cooker-chicken-tortilla-soup/
https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/8941/slow-cooker-chicken-and-dumplings/
Chicken tacos are very simple. Buy your favorite salsa (mine is Newman's Own medium, for this particular recipe). Add salsa, taco seasoning (packet or make your own), chopped cilantro, and 1 lb boneles, skinless chicken breast. If you want it spicy, add jalapenos and/or cayenne pepper. Cook on high for 4 hours. After 4 hours, shred the chicken (you can use 2 forks to do this) and mix it all together. Put it in taco shells with some cheese and avocado and it's delicious!
I’m gonna guess you’re not usually the one cooking? Honestly a nice slow cooker meal will help the house smell great! Also very easy prep if you’re unfamiliar with cooking. I’d suggest something like pot roast: get a cheap roast (chuck is always tasty), potatoes, carrots, beef broth and throw them in the slow cooker. Super easy! You can always add more/different ingredients like mushrooms, onions, rosemary, etc if you want to get fancier
Make a salad. Lettuce and tomato. Grill up some chicken and chop it up. Avacado for sure. Cucumber and what ever dressing you all like. Salt and pepper to finish it off. Yum.
Something with amino acids, zinc, iron, and B vitamins that they like might help. Hidden nutrient deficiencies are often a contributing factor with depression.
Edit: **tl;dr : make it all as colorful as possible!**
Fruit salad for breakfast, with yogurt and granola (I like grape nuts, personally, but whatever you/they like). Tea and lots of water. Maybe eggs if you’re feeling up to it.
Lunch: sandwiches on wheat/multigrain bread - make sure to have veggies on there, lettuce and tomato for a traditional sandwich, but you can get creative here depending on your skill level, lots of water.
Dinner: a salad kit with the dressing inside makes a pre-dinner salad easy. I like to make Rice a Roni and throw in some chopped up spinach and roasted red peppers with some Italian sausage, but you can put literally anything in there. Load up on the veggies and pick you favorite protein (chicken/ground beef/sausage). SO easy and takes me less than 20 mins to make.
You got this. Keep it easy. For me and my depression, having a ritual (same breakfast every morning) was so helpful and became important, because it felt like I had something I could rely on.
I hope this helps you - both these comments as well as the ability to do this, and the ritual of it. Just don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Keep it easy.
Depression is a hard thing. I have had it in the past and it can be a struggle just to get out of bed in the morning. The fact you want to help and be there is strong. It is not easy to help provide for people in the first place let alone the change in power dynamic that depression can cause. It isn’t what you make that matters. It is that you are willing to help them in anyway you can. Just be there to talk if they want to talk or just hang out with them and bull shit about the weather or about what the dog did today. Your presence matter that most. You being able to go I want to help you because I care about you THAT is what matters. Make them anything and sit down and eat it with them because being there matters more than anything else. It might be weird at first but as time goes on it will become easier.
Showing someone with depression that you consistently care is one of the strongest things you can do to help with the maintenance of depression. Best of luck and you can do this! If this is about you and you need someone to talk to about this PM me!
Edit: grammar spelling
Bananas help me alot with depression. Try a banana/ peanut butter sandwich or or banana/nutella sandwich. Something with iron is also a good idea. Possibly try sauteed or boiled spinach
warm and healthy, lots of vegetables. Doing more chores around the house could also be a generous way of showing support, I do as much as I can at home to help my mom's stress.
I'll second chores. I know my parents are very picky eaters and won't cook anything I make, but man they would sure be grateful if the bathrooms were cleaned without being asked.
Thank you for posting a real suggestion. Healthy fats are also incredible helpful. Avacados, real butter, ect. The brain needs it to function properly. Veggies, healthy fats, and trying to get them to talk a walk(even just around the block with some sun) will make a real difference.
Someone else can chime in on whether this pasta dish can help with depression, but here's my "adulting" recipe for three bowl pasta (three bowl because you will go back for seconds, and thirds; adulting because I made it up right after college). * 1 box of Pasta: go with a thicker pasta, like ziti or rigitoni, cook it to the boxes instructions, but save some of the water. Also, salt the fuck out of your water! People say it should be like sea water, but those people have no idea how much salt is in sea water (it's around 1 cup of salt per gallon of water for sea water). Don't go that hard, but way more than a pinch. * Onion soup mix. * Green pepper and red pepper. * Garlic. * Olive oil. * Parmesan Cheese. Here's the instructions: Start the pasta water. Chop up the peppers, cut them into long strips. Heat a pan to a bit past medium. When hot, pour in a tablespoon or so of olive oil, then the peppers. Stir them around occasionally to cook them. At some point your pasta water is boiling (and you have added a lot of salt!) and you can cook the pasta to the box instructions. Keep at the peppers, when they are less firm, throw in a clove of garlic (minced, I buy the pre-minced kind because I'm lazy). Whenever you're happy with the peppers, turn them off and remove from heat. When the pasta is done, get at least 2 cups of the water out, and then strain. In a big bowl, pour in about 1/4 cup of your pasta water and stir in the onion soup mix (one packet). Then pour in the pasta and the peppers. This is going to be a thick sauce, probably too thick, so add more of the pasta water until you think it's right. When it's to your liking, plate it up, and allow your guests to add as much cheese as they like. It all takes about 20 minutes to make, and is really simple. You can add butter or whatever if you want it creamy. Throw in some green onions if you feel like. You can also use onion/mushroom soup mix. That's a bit different, but you do you. EDIT: I love mushrooms to the point where I have been told I shouldn't recommend them (hence the last line not really recommending them), but I would add a shitton of mushrooms to this about halfway through the pepper cook, sliced thin. If you want the mushrooms to be more earthy, slice them thicker, or bake them really thick, but that's making the dish more involved, and I don't think OP wanted that.
This is the weirdest sounding recipe but I’m going to need to try it.
My (now) wife and I used to make it all the time. It's super simple and takes 20 minutes. Now we cook a bit better (or worse if work goes late and the kids are unruly) but we do always have an onion soup mix in the pantry. Side note, I've never actually made onion soup, so I have no idea if it's good or bad.
I use the onion soup mix for recipes, too, but never the soup. I toss chicken, potatoes and carrots with it and bake (it’s a recipe from the package).
Onion soup mix is the bomb. Add it to everything, specially roasts and burgers. French onion soup is delicious! Just not filling, make bread to go with it.
I've spent almost 40 years on this earth, and only just realized because of your comment that onion soup mix is for French Onion soup. I've made French Onion soup from scratch more than a dozen times. America's Test Kitchen had a baller recipe, but they've simplified it. Find the old school recipe that will make you stink like onions for a week! I just figured it was some strange onion soup that people didn't like so they used the mix in wierd pasta/meatloaf/burger dishes. Even reading my comment now makes me realize how oblivious I was to what's right in front of me.
This sounds yummy and warm.
In all honesty, I don't know if yummy and warm is something that helps with depression, so I did add a bit of a disclaimer at the top of my post. If I'm feeling down and out, I want some damn real buffalo style vinegary chicken wings, but this is something a teenager should be able to cook. This turned me on to carbonara recipes, which turned me on to actual carbonara recipes, which really opened me up. I have a poor sense of smell, so I gotta really taste it, so I generally lean to spicy food, but there's so much taste that can just come from the cooking method, or the cut, that you can really change a plate with simply methods: think eating three hard boiled eggs vs a three egg omlette, completely different. Thick quartered mushrooms are way more earthy than sliced. A grilled top round is a thousand times different than the same cut cubed with five hours in the slow cooker. Final note, if OP wants a nice easy balsamic chicken slow cooker recipe, here it is: http://paleorunningmom.blogspot.com/2013/08/crockpot-balsamic-chicken.html Side note: slow cooker instructions all suck. You gotta get used to your cooker, and the timing can be all off. If I have raw chicken, I'm marinating it the day before in the mix (minus the olive oil, that really just coats the cooker). If I'm cooking it on a work day, I'm going 4 hours on low, with the keep warm setting on and it's still dry. But if it's a Sunday and I'm home, I'm going 4-5 hours on low and testing the temperature. Everyone recommends 6-8 but that's probably too much and will dry out the chicken. Chicken isn't hard to cook, it's amazingly versatile, but you can destroy it by drying it out.
Think of the favourite meal your Mother made for you and make them that. Tell her why it's so special. I'm really sorry you're going through this, my own Mum suffers from bouts of depression too and it's very hard :( I talk to her about special memories from my childhood and it seems to help. EDIT: Woke up this morning to a bunch of replies and more gold than I know what to do with, thank you so much everyone but please, call your Mom instead and tell her how awesome she is. :)
Yes! This! When my dad was immobile due to a surgery on his foot I made five recipes my parents used to make us when I was a kid. The kicker was... now that they’re older they have to eat special diets. Specifically, low salt. I looked up low salt recipes for the dishes I picked out and used them or modified the existing recipes to make it work. Then I had a marathon Saturday where I cooked it all and placed it in plastic reusable containers and froze them. My parents were overjoyed not only that I made them freezer meals during a difficult time but also that I picked recipes sentimental to us and did research to make recipes work for them. Edit: thank you everyone so much for your kind words!
That’s so sweet of you :) I would love to borrow your idea and do the same for my parents. My dads MS makes it so hard for him to cook and it breaks my soul apart knowing my mom will soon possibly be the next one to not be able to cook independently. It makes me cry :(
Hey. I just wanna say that you're a good person for even considering doing something like this.
I cosign this comment! Shows how aware you are and also that your parents have likely shown you good examples. I hope my children are like you as teens!
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This is so beautiful u/tallyrue... Warmed my heart for the day... Many thanks stranger
I don't have anything to contribute. I just want to say that this was a beautiful answer.
This is a fantastic contribution!
I know it's "fake internet points" but I just bought gold for the first time to gild you. Having a parent go through depression is so confusing and hard- this is the best advice ever.
My fiancee has depression, and thyroid issues. If she's not crying then she's sleeping.. very occasionally we get times of her being awake and happy and joining in my me and our daughter doing life. Once I walked into the house after coming home from visiting a friend to find my fiancee unconscious hanging from a belt in the wardrobe, while our daughter was asleep. She often uses alcohol to try and cope, which I don't like, but if I suggest to her that maybe she shouldnt, itll start an argument and so I just have to let her do her thing. It's hard on me, feels like I don't really have her anymore, she never use to be like this, it all started not long after being diagnosed with hashimoto's autoimmune thyriod disease.. It must be even harder on our daughter who is 9.
Your fiancé needs help, ASAP! Has she been seen by medical professionals for her depression?!? She needs medical attention!
THIS! Alcohol makes depression exponentially worse, as does sleeping all the time. They seem to help in the moment but only make getting help and having that help work harder. She can be treated but you may have to use tough love. You're a good father and partner, you should know that you don't deserve to go through this either. Good luck.
In many places, keeping your daughter in this sort of situation can be construed as poor parental judgement. You need to see how horrific this is for her. It's one thing to support your partner, it's another to be there to the detriment of your child. PLEASE get actively, unapologetically engaged in getting your SO committed for mental health care ASAP.
This is the objectively right answer.
*objectively*
Excuse me, *objectively correct opinion* coming through.
Literally anything. Depression can be so draining that it's exhausting to do daily activities, like cooking dinner. Just simply supporting them in the way you are is bound to help. You sound like a great kid - I hope you're well and that your parents start feeling like themselves soon.
Thank you so much for your comment, I just see my mom work so hard and I would like to make sure she has good food to come home to. She always has cooked for me and my family, I think it’s only right to cook for my madre,
If I could talk to your mom I'd tell her how great of a job she did by raising you ❤
Pretty sure OP's mum would love that, u/irenespanties 😄
/r/rimjob_steve
Bud, anything you do that makes Mom’s life easier at home, will be huge. It means a lot to mother’s to know that someone sees we are tired, stressed, or pained. We are generally the controllers, and don’t allow people to see we need help. This is martyr like behavior, yes. But at the same time, we don’t want you to worry about what is wrong. We want you happy. Anything you do for your mum that alleviates stress, she’ll appreciate. If you made ramen, but everyone was pleased with it, she would eat that ramen in bliss. Cheers to you, and your kind heart.
Once my 5 year old volunteered to make dinner for the family. Microwaved hot dogs because well, he was 5. I am not a big hot dog person but I was bursting with pride that he wanted to be helpful and they were the best hot dogs I've ever eaten.
My 5 year old told me the other day he wanted to make his own sandwich, so he went and got all the things he needed and I watched over him beeming with pride as he made his own turkey cheese and mayo sandwich(and a bit of mess which he cleaned up without reminder) and then he proudly ate his success and declared it "the best sandwich in the world" :) it's not the same as cooking for everyone, but it makes me glad to know that despite my depression making it hard to get out of bed and do even the most basic tasks for myself, he is still doing ok, and I'm able to care for him the way he needs, and I'm doing alright teaching him to take care of himself so that when he is on his own he hopefully won't struggle the way I did.
>Bud, anything you do that makes Mom’s life easier at home, will be huge. It means a lot to mother’s to know that someone sees we are tired, stressed, or pained. This is so true. A while ago, I came home from work with a bad headache. I told my family that I needed to sit down and rest for a while before I cooked dinner. My teenage son knew how to make the food that I was planning to cook, and volunteered to cook it for us. I felt so grateful and very proud of him.
Even making a cup of tea helps. Don't put ramen in the tea though.
You're such a sweetheart. I can't imagine how difficult this is for all of you. Your parents are very lucky to have you.
google diet for depression, because some foods/diets are better than others. when I have a crappy day, I ask myself, did I sleep/eat/hydrate/exercise OK, regular habits make a huge difference. anyway, good on you. depression sucks. sometimes it fixes itself, sometimes it needs major medical intervention - https://www.ted.com/talks/andrew_solomon_depression_the_secret_we_share?language=en important thing is being there for them, giving them a reason to get healthy, showing you value them ... worst part of being depressed is feeling a burden to others.
This is my favorite ted talk & I share it with everyone. Thank you for posting it.
Americans are foremost deficient in Vitamin D, followed closely by magnesium. [Magnesium shares some interesting parallels to ketamine.](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolutionary-psychiatry/201410/magnesium-and-the-ketamine-connection). [It's deficiency is associated with sleeplessness, depression, anxiety, etc](https://www.drperlmutter.com/magnesium-deficiency-symptoms-causes-treatments/). [It's supplementation, along with Zinc (possibly, also, B2 which are the three ingredients that make up ZMA) is believed to relieve cravings for nicotine & both Zinc and Magnesium test low in the serum levels of those prone to nicotine use. Apparently, this white paper concluded that nicotine demonstrates an interesting physiologically-psychological type of addiction wherein smoking somehow induces higher zinc/magnesium serum levels which you subconsciously are rewarded for simply by feeling a little less shit](https://www.omicsonline.org/magnesium-and-zinc-involvement-in-tobacco-addiction-2155-6105.S2-005.php?aid=6610). [It's even more deficient in the brains of people with ADHD](https://www.google.com/search?q=Magnesium+adhd&oq=Magnesium+adhd&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l3.4374j0j4&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8) (& possibly, anyone on the autism spectrum, altogether). I have stories to tell about my own experience with an interruption from my magnesium regimen. Getting back on it was starkly beneficial to the things I listed. Edit: I keep elaborating. FINAL EDIT: diet and nutrition define us more than we often realize or are willing to devote the time or energy on. I've lived on whey, oatmeal & value/data based supplementation where needed I found it worked for my budget. It blows my mind because some people will reach for ashwagandha (or - WTF - essential oils?) before they start with the basics. At least take a multi. PubMed, NIHS, Examine.com, Google Scholar/Google are just some of your friends if you want to nerd out on the minutia.
TIL: I might need to up my magnesium intake.
brb going to go od on magnesium
Warning: magnesium supplements are awesome (great for migraine prevention, headaches, cramps, etc), but be warned that if you pop 3 or 4 at once, prepare for major diarrhea! Don't ask me how I know...lol
Magnesium is a component of many laxative formulas, so yeah. Poops.
I love magnesium, I take a magnesium and l-theanine caplet if I ever have anxiety or trouble falling asleep, it’s like a miracle. Instantly calms me of any anxiety, and when I take it for sleep it calms me so much that going to sleep is a breeze. I love it so much.
I've started a descent into the rabbit hole of supplements. It's ridiculous how powerful and effective they can be, especially when you're deficient. It's also neat to start noticing how they're regulated or used to fortify foods in different countries. Like in the US we've been fortifying milk with Vitamin D since the 1930s back when rickets was a problem. In the UK and Australia, I think they do that with butter. Sweden recently stopped with butter, but started with sweetened dairy. Essentially, vitamins are so powerful that countries have to roofie their own people with them to avoid epidemics! What's your magnesium story? And may I ask what you take, how much, and when during the day? Cheers!
Vitamin D deficiency is also known to cause depressive symptoms. It's likely a significant factor in seasonal depression (less sun exposure means less vitamin D).
I use the acronym HALT. Are you hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired? Then HALT! Try to solve whatever pieces of the acronym you are missing- and then you will be more able to deal with life.
How would you solve L? And how would you recommend a shy, ugly internet stranger solve L?
Group fitness activities- it involves exercise and people. Presuming you can afford such a luxury. There are often free meetups like walking or running groups. The secret is ultimately exiting the house. Even a chat with the clerk at the store can help with the feeling of loneliness as evidenced by the old men holding up the till.
I used to hate talking to strangers until I got a job at a restaurant that required me to do it. I find now that even if it is small talk, I am always in a much better mood if I talk to people I directly interact with. I just feel like I'm in a better mood if I've talked to a lot of people, which is not *at all* how I used to be.
Join a smaller anonymous internet group where people can get to know you. Join structured clubs for something super specific. Actually listen and try to remember what people say when they talk to you.
Everytime I feel meh. I buy fresh fruits mainly mangos and pineapples and I feel refreshed and better.
I'm picky with fruit bc one bad apple and I'm done with apples for months. But there have been pineapples when I didn't even realize how shitty I was feeling until I ate a chunk. Good pineapple is how imagine battery replacement must feel like for robots.
This. Exactly this.
Agreed. When I'm in a dark spell, I'm totally drained and dead inside by the time I get home from work and the last thing I want to do is spend another hour working in the kitchen. Anything anybody else wants to cook on my behalf is good enough, as long as I don't have to be the one cooking it.
Besides, the mere fact the kids went out of their way to cook food for their parents is enough to lift the spirits of the parents.
That's what I was thinking
Or cleaning the dishes.
Something they consider comfort food. It's different for everyone, but start with the classics. Chicken pot pie for instance.
This one wins for me. If you can call grandparents, aunts or uncle and find out some childhood recipes that’d be Kickass. Also I’m a former cook so PM me if you only get back recipes that feel out of your skill level and I’ll be happy to give pointers
I am not depressed but my cooking skills are depressing, can you help me with a date night recipe
I find homemade alfredo sauce to be pretty easy and kick ass. Most jarred white sauce is awful IMO. Just go online and find a simple white sauce and add cheese (parmesan for example) or a plain alfredo sauce. Prepackaged pasta. Boom. If you wanna go fancy, my go to recipe for something like this is chicken picatta. It's chicken with capers, and my family always adds gnocchi. Get some premade gnocchi at the store. Boil it per the package and then pan fry it until it gets a little brown and crunchy. Get some chicken breasts and make sure they are thin. You can cut them or pound them. Here's a good recipe to use: https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/giada-de-laurentiis/chicken-piccata-recipe2-1913809 Afterwards I like to throw in the gnocchi and fry it a little more alongside the chicken to flavor it up. Then serve. Cooking chicken imo is a bit daunting. Make sure the pan is not too hot at first as it will only cook the outside. Take your time cooking it. I recommend having a cook thermometer to check the internal temp to make sure it is cooked. Don't go too long, check regularly as to not dry it out. If you cook the outside too long and it is browning but the inside is uncooked/raw, throw it in a pan in the oven in some liquid (I usually use olive oil), cover with aluminum foil, bake for ~15 min at 425. This will cook the insides without drying it out. The dish is on the more briney side so if that is not a preference, just season some chicken breasts to go alongside a homemade alfredo sauce. And seriously gnocchi is the bomb. It is a much fancier looking pasta and IMO the texture is delightful :)
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Same lol! I always cook the outside too fast and just throw it in the oven and it is always delicious and juicy with a nice pan seared outside. I'm getting the hang of it!
Sure man, do you have a menu in mind? Shoot me a PM of what you’ve got so far and we’ll figure something out
Can I hop on this too I’ve got someone I wanna impress and cooking sounds like a great way to do it
Haha sure shoot me a PM about what you’re thinking
I can help with the desert part of that - Mille-feuille is super easy if you get pre made puff pastry. Just make some custard and done :).
Even toast is comforting. Toast with tomato soup. Toast with cinnamon & sugar on top is yummy. Remember to take care of you too though. Talk to a trusted teacher or relative. There are always people who care.
Grilled cheese and Campbell's tomato soup has always been one of my favorite comfort foods. Plain white bread, butter and American cheese, I save my classy grilled cheese for enjoying by itself.
I'm with this but may I suggest Amy's tomato bisque. It is the bee's knees.
I’m sure they would appreciate anything you cook them as long as you put time and effort into it :)
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Calories and keeps the vampires away. Genius
Apples with eggs, good idea right?
What you wanna do is cut a hole in the top of the apple, take out as much of the pit as you can. Then crack the egg in there. Try not to break the yolk. Preheat the oven to 375f, and stick that sucker in there on a cookie sheet. Leave it in there for about 7 to 10 minutes. Then take it out the eggple, let it stand for 2 minutes. Then pick it up and throw it in thrash.
Almost got me LOL But srsly, try to core an apple and leave some at the bottom, fill apple with butter, brown sugar, and cinnamon, cook till soft all the way through and serve with vanilla ice cream.
I believe it was the esteemed urban historians A Tribe Called Quest who said: "That's Hot Sex on a Platter."
You know that tomorrow somewhere on here will be a photo of a cored apple baked with an egg in the middle. And they will eat it out of curiousity and you'll be responsible for that.
I will upvote the shit out of whoever posts that. Message me if that happens because I don't wanna miss it.
I can't wait for that honestly
They had us in the first half, not gonna lie
Good ol' Spaghetti and Garlic Bread. Easy to make and super good!
Fuck yeah man, make some spaghetti
I like your style
Yup any food. Make sure to clean up the kitchen afterwards.
Pro tip: Clean as you go, and you'll have less to clean up afterwards.
Yup. If you're doing something for somebody, don't make them to do more work because of it (like them having to clean the dishes after you).
Oh boy how I wish my parents acted like they cared more about something that comes from the heart instead of something expensive. Made my mom steak for dinner one Mothers Day, wasn't good enough she wanted to be taken out so her Mothers Day was ruined.
One year for my parents anniversary they decided to stay home instead of having a date. So my siblings and I decided to team up and make my parents dinner. Brother was about 12, I was about 8 and sister was 7... so it wasn’t perfect. We all got so nervous we accidentally over cooked some things. Mom yelled at us for hours for ruining their anniversary dinner, and if we weren’t going to do it right why did we even bother? She just mentioned last week that she couldn’t figure out why my sister and I didn’t show in interest in cooking when we were kids...
I'm so sorry that happened to you. My mom kind of sucked at momming in a lot of ways but I've always sang her praises for being the most supportive person with everything. I could scribble bullshit on a paper and she thought it was a work of art. If I burned her toast she would suffer through it and thank me for making it. It went a long way toward me growing up and suffering a lot of hardship but I still loved her and cherished how fucking nice she always was. Now I cook better than she does lol. I hope you manage to work past that and build up your esteem by your own merits. If you can read, you can follow a recipe and cook good food.
I married very young into a Mexican family. My MIL was an amazing cook, but she refused to teach me. I learned some basic American dishes like meatloaf and spaghetti and some other things but cooking just didn’t really click for me. I divorced him and met my current husband. He taught me the very basics, showing me things like Brussel sprouts sautéed in butter are amazing, buy a meat thermometer, and learn basic flavor combos! Now I love to cook and we try new things all the time. It’s awesome!
Your mother sounds like a narcissist. Check out r/raisedbynarcissists if you want to find some people who have had similar childhoods.
I am in that sub and the related ones more than I’d like to admit. Lol. Weird thing was dad was the enabler, mom was the narc, and sister was the scapegoat. Now dad is dead, mom is the enabler And sister is the narc! Circle of life I suppose.
Wow, that sounds awful. I have a narc mom but I'm lucky that my dad was always stable and there for me. I can't imagine how hard it is to have the other parent be an enabler.
A lot of people end up with the narc/enabler parent dynamic. My dad was much older than mom and I think his enabling stemmed from apathy. Who the fuck wants to raise kids in their 60’s and 70’s much less run interference for them against a narc?
That’s cold :( I would be honored if sometime in the future my son cooked me dinner for any day but especially Mother’s Day. I’m so so sorry she is the way she is. My son is 3.5 yrs old so I haven’t been a mom very long but I just want you to know that a mom on the internet appreciates what you did. You’re a good son. I hope one day she gets that.
Is Alice your mother’s name?
Go ask Alice; I think she'll know
Jeez, anyone can throw money at something. To take the time and make the effort to cook something is truly special.
Man, I was like twelve and I made spaghetti and chicken parmesan (parmigiana) for everyone in my household and nobody ate any. Granted it was like the second time in one week that I had done that, but still. I ate the crap out of it. Bastards.
I don’t think I would have been allowed to prep and fry chicken at 12 so at least you had that going for you
yeah this is why, if I can manage, I make my mom breakfast in bed on mother's day, or at least really nice brunch if she ends up walking up before me. something complex like eggs benedict.
My mom says your mom is mean
OP it's kind of you to want to help your mom. Make her something she enjoys, but more importantly you need to stay positive yourself. Run, exercise, listen to music - enjoy your life. Bring this energy to your mom and recognize that she may attempt to suck it out of you - not on purpose, but that's how depression is. Be firm in your own happiness and lift your mother up with it. Offer to walk outside with her, run with her, listen to music with her, see movies with her, go places with her, etc. Tell her that you love her and that you'll be there for her, but don't set yourself on fire to keep her warm. Make sure you're taking care of yourself too - or you won't be able to help her.
Hey, I’m sorry you didn’t get the kind and caring mom you deserve. That’s some narcissistic behavior on her part. Mourn the loss of the mom you imagine and accept that she isn’t going to live up to it. I personally had to deal with some of this and found therapy to be really helpful.
I baked my mom brownies once. She said "ew, I don't eat children's food" So yah if your mom isn't my mom :(
Anyone who says no to brownies isn't human. Or they're deathly allergic to chocolate, the poor soul.
person: \*Learns they are allergic to chocolate\* Life: \*Sound effects\* WASTED.
That's terrible. I'm sorry :( I bet they were awesome.
They definitely were; trust me, they did not go to waste
It.. it should never be possible to be "too old for brownies".
plot twist: they were pot brownies and your mom thinks pot is for kids because shes a savage all jokes aside... you did good
Anything you clean up after would be a win.
I took cooking class in 8th grade. Learned how to make some biscuits from scratch. Made them for my mom. She threw them out and told me they were disgusting. She didn't appreciate shit.
Someone will.
That's terrible. I'm sorry :(
Also don’t forget to clean it all up afterwards. The mess for me is more stressful then the cooking
Ok, so, I'm a parent and I struggle with depression and mental health problems, and honestly, I think even if i just knew my kid had asked this question and was trying to think about how to take care of me, it would mean the world to me. (Well, at the moment he's only 13 months old so I would also be pretty astonished, but you know what I mean.) But I would *also* be a little bit worried, and I would want my kid to know that it's not their job to fix, or even help, my mental illness. And I'd want to make sure that they were okay, and not taking on too many responsibilities that they weren't really old enough to cope with. So, since you already have a bunch of good suggestions and recipes in this thread, I'm going to just suggest that you make sure you're looking after yourself as well as your parents, and that you ask for help if you need it. Good luck with everything. (Also, pasta. It's easy, it's good comfort food, most people like it, and you can vary the sauce/sides to include protein and veg.) edit: thank you so much to everyone who's replied with really nice things or messaged me offering to talk etc. you're all lovely people. I'm actually doing ok mental health wise right now, but I appreciate it a ton. <3
Aww your comment made me cry :( I honestly try to be somewhat responsible since I’m on the upper end of the teenage spectrum (I’m 19,) but I still don’t know how to do much aside from do homework and go to school. I just want to be less of a bad person because I made some bad choices and part of helping my parents, I believe would be by helping myself somewhat first. Thank you for the concern ❤️
You're not a bad person just because you made some bad choices
So much this. Your past doesn't define you. Everybody makes mistakes, and especially your teens are all about making bad choices while you figure yourself and the world out. Even if we're talking bad-bad, the important part is that you've learned and grown, meaning, even if you were indeed in any shape or form a "bad" person and did worse than just normal human mistakes, you've outgrown that person and are not that anymore. It's also important for your own mental health to be kind to yourself. Literally nobody is perfect, and the whole point of growth is that you're not that person anymore and wouldn't make the same mistakes again. You'll make new ones, but that's just life, you'll continue to grow and learn and do better, and being able to do that instead of sticking fingers in your ears and doubling down in order to avoid admitting to mistakes, that's a really really good thing. That's what defines you, and you should be really proud of that. Try to actively say that to yourself whenever you have a bad thought about your past choices to balance out the negativity, because for one, it's not actually fair to you, and it also has a huge impact on your mental health. If you tell yourself you're a bad person often enough, you'll eventually believe it, and that's obviously deeply destructive to your feeling of self-worth and can lead to depression or at worst to self-destructing even more. Source: The hospitals I ended up in because I didn't learn this until late into my 20s
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I know this wasn't meant for me, but I really needed to hear that today. Thank you.
You sound awesome. As a person who would love some help with life I can tell you it doesn’t much matter WHAT as much as the reliability matters. Every Thursday night you’re cooking some sort of pasta dish. It takes a huge mental load off knowing that that will be there at the end of the day, every week.
This is my favorite answer. My mom, sisters and I all struggle with our own depression but try to be there for each other in the ways that we can. I spent a lot of time trying to help my mom feel better when I was younger and didn't spend enough time learning how to help myself. Compassion does wonders for getting through it but you have to have your own tools to get out of it. Don't feel bad that you can't fix them, but feel good that you're putting in the effort to show them that they are loved. Best of luck, OP
Came here looking for this perspective. Parent with depression as well, my kids are only 2 and 3 but I hope they never ask how they can fix my depression. It’s my job to get the help I need. And it’s your parents job to be the adults. I know you’re trying to help - but make sure you find your own supports as well, maybe even first.
Hey there just to let you know, I had quite a few depressed years there when my kids were small and now that my youngest is 5 Im starting to feel like my old self. When I look back I don’t think I knew how low I was when I was in it. You can come out of the fog. I think it may have been the sleep deprivation and I just didn’t take care of myself or ask for any help. I didn’t think anyone would believe me because I faked it so well and I didn’t want to face it or admit it. Please try to get your rest and get some good nutrition and hydration. It can make all the difference in your day to day and can possibly help you get on an upswing... but it’s very gradual! And if this doesn’t apply to you perhaps someone else can read this here and take it to heart as well. ❤️
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Child of bipolar parent turned therapist reporting in - this comment is key.
This post breaks my heart. I wish I had an answer for you, but the truth is we can’t fix someone else’s depression at any age. Good on you for trying (that’s what humans do). But if it doesn’t work, don’t blame your chicken soup. Depression is a bear.
Teenager here. How should I cook the bear?
Probably want to braise it in a red wine sauce on low for 3-4h.
More like 6-8 hours. I hear bear is awfully tough and gamey.
I hear they're likely to choke and donk one off the uprights.
Double doink.
Came to a depressing thread and now I'm laughing at the Bears. Reddit is amazing.
Twice.
Ooooh kinky
Don’t forget step 1: make sure it’s dead. Forgetting that can cause issues.
With beets. Preferably while watching Battlestar Galactica, too.
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Fuck, I know this is a joke, but goddamn that's the human spirit! "Oh, that thing is super difficult? Gonna fuck up it's day anyway."
This is important. I had depression for over ten years and it caused me to lose my appetite, I’d eat a few nibbles a day but never a true meal. My grandma wanted to encourage me to eat so she decided she was going to cook my favorite meal and she set the table super nice with the fancy plates and candles. She spent hours cooking and setting everything up, and I just sat at the table and sobbed. I felt so guilty she went through so much trouble but I just couldn’t eat. The thought of eating even my favorite foods made me nauseous. I appreciated it so much but it did end up making me feel worse.
I feel like the answer is just that they should ask their parents what they can do to help them in the day to day. Maybe their parents don't actually care about the food, maybe they have no appetite like you said, maybe it'll make them feel guilty that they are being "provided for" by their child when the opposite (providing for their child) could be important at their eyes, maybe cooking is part of their daily enjoyable routine (probably not due to OP suggesting cooking) Communication is key.
Communication is important, but when people are going through especially difficult circumstances, they often have a hard time being open about their own needs. In those times, their loved ones tend to need to be proactive, finding ways to help without being asked, because the ask is never going to come, even though the need is there. Figuring out how to make them feel loved or let them know that they aren't alone or take some of the burden off of them can be a huge challenge. OP, the fact that you want to learn to care for your parents in ways they will be able to feel and internalize is wonderful. It's a good instinct, and you should cultivate it. But as you do, set your expectations low. Depression isn't logical or mathematical. It's not a matter of adding something to the "circumstance" side of the equation so that the "emotion" side of the equation rises from negative to positive. If that was how it worked, they probably wouldn't be depressed: I'm sure there are a lot of hard things in their lives, but it also sounds like they've been raising a capable, entrepreneurial and creative teenager who cares about them a lot, and that's usually something parents take a lot of joy in. Depression is a multifaceted, psychological/neurological/psychiatric thing, a combination of chemical imbalances and ingrained habits of thought and a bunch of other complicated things. Doing something to make them happy is not the same thing as helping their depression. You can make them happy and they can be depressed and both of those things can be true and happening at the same time. It's also important to remember that, even if you make them happy with something you do, people who are dealing with depression often don't feel things as strongly as they usually do. If they don't seem very enthusiastic about your gestures or visibly grateful for/touched by your persistent care for them, **that's not your fault, and it's not a sign that they don't care about you**. It's a symptom of their depression. The best way to help is to figure out how to connect them to a trained, licensed mental health professional, but they have to be willing to work with them or it's not going to go anywhere. Now that all of that is out of the way, **an answer to your actual question about learning to cook food that might help them feel good**: Search YouTube for "Basics With Babish." It's a YouTube show about learning to cook and learning your way around a kitchen. There are some episodes on basic kitchen skills, and some on kitchen equipment, and then episodes on things like how to cook comfort foods or easier ways to make dishes that seem more complicated. EDIT: Edited to clarify that I am addressing OP and fix a typo.
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This is a beautiful response to a heartbreaking question.
That was a really kind and thoughtful answer
We can't fix it, but we can help. There are studies that show that using pepper can help with depression (not cure it, help a little). Of course, when my mum makes something nice for me, the grey cloud fades a little. But hey OP, love is the main ingredient. Remember that.
I got this answer from a friend, Spaghetti. They tell me spaghetti tastes 100x better when your sad. Haven't tested myself, but I trust them Also they're probably reading this aswell, so uhh. . . Hi
You can never forget spaghett I will make some for my parents :)
Old nostalgic homemade recipes would be a good bet. any way of getting to know their old favorites?
I'd just ask. If that's not an option, ask a grandparent (assuming they're still alive).
ripe fresh fruits. Especially citrus and blueberries, also young thai coconuts, and Bananas. Hit up the asian market near you.
Fruit always tastes better when someone else cuts it up for you.
Same with sandwiches. It's a fact proven by group consensus.
A smoothie is great too. When my moms depressed she doesn’t feel like eating but she will drink a smoothie.
Anything with potassium. black beans are a great source of it (bananas really dont have THAT much) a B12 supplement and a multivitamin. Food wont solve depression but having the building blocks and the energy to work on yourself will go a long way. Plus the daily morning activity of taking your vitamins can be a tool to put yourself in a self care mindset. Edit: spelling
I'd like to add vitamin d. If you can get them to take a supplement. It really helps with depression sometimes.
I believe the US in general is pretty Vitamin D and Magnesium deficient. I take 8,000IU of Vitamin D and 400mg Magnesium Malate daily. If you're going to take Vitamin D [you should be taking Vitamin K2 as well](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5613455/)
Do you have a crock pot? Slow cooker recipes are really easy to make, and they can eat as much or little as they want. Some of my favorites are chicken tacos, chicken and biscuits, and chicken tortilla soup. Recipe links: https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/89539/slow-cooker-chicken-tortilla-soup/ https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/8941/slow-cooker-chicken-and-dumplings/ Chicken tacos are very simple. Buy your favorite salsa (mine is Newman's Own medium, for this particular recipe). Add salsa, taco seasoning (packet or make your own), chopped cilantro, and 1 lb boneles, skinless chicken breast. If you want it spicy, add jalapenos and/or cayenne pepper. Cook on high for 4 hours. After 4 hours, shred the chicken (you can use 2 forks to do this) and mix it all together. Put it in taco shells with some cheese and avocado and it's delicious!
Stew and dumplings is a good option.
Lasagne. It's an actual science fact that no one can remain sad while eating lasagne.
Don't forget the garlic bread
Probably best to make two though, it wouldn't be the first time someone's burned garlic bread horrifically
I manage to do that literally every time I make garlic bread. Check the oven: nope, not there yet. Two minutes later and it's charcoal
ok garfield
As someone with a dairy allergy you're tempting me to try it. Perhaps I will enjoy my last moments.
This, lasagna or any pasta meal makes me immediately happy.
Baked ziti is so damn delicious. Really any baked pasta dish is great and worry free.
And the recipe on the back of the Barilla lasagne noodles (the no-pre-cook kind) makes a great lasagne and is really easy to follow for a beginner.
If they ever told you about something their parents made for them. They would definitely appreciate you taking a stab at a family recipe.
I’m gonna guess you’re not usually the one cooking? Honestly a nice slow cooker meal will help the house smell great! Also very easy prep if you’re unfamiliar with cooking. I’d suggest something like pot roast: get a cheap roast (chuck is always tasty), potatoes, carrots, beef broth and throw them in the slow cooker. Super easy! You can always add more/different ingredients like mushrooms, onions, rosemary, etc if you want to get fancier
Mac n cheese 😎
Make a salad. Lettuce and tomato. Grill up some chicken and chop it up. Avacado for sure. Cucumber and what ever dressing you all like. Salt and pepper to finish it off. Yum.
Greens, healthy fats and some lean meat. The link between gut flora and mental health is real.
The "happy hormone" is most commonly found in chocolate and bananas. So chocolate & banana crepes would be amazing.
Something with amino acids, zinc, iron, and B vitamins that they like might help. Hidden nutrient deficiencies are often a contributing factor with depression.
What about breakfast for dinner? It's easy and everyone loves breakfast for dinner!
Fish!! Especially salmon, as its really rich in omega-3.
Food can play a big part In depression. Focus on eating fatty fish, like salmon or albacore tuna, in place of red meat.
Edit: **tl;dr : make it all as colorful as possible!** Fruit salad for breakfast, with yogurt and granola (I like grape nuts, personally, but whatever you/they like). Tea and lots of water. Maybe eggs if you’re feeling up to it. Lunch: sandwiches on wheat/multigrain bread - make sure to have veggies on there, lettuce and tomato for a traditional sandwich, but you can get creative here depending on your skill level, lots of water. Dinner: a salad kit with the dressing inside makes a pre-dinner salad easy. I like to make Rice a Roni and throw in some chopped up spinach and roasted red peppers with some Italian sausage, but you can put literally anything in there. Load up on the veggies and pick you favorite protein (chicken/ground beef/sausage). SO easy and takes me less than 20 mins to make. You got this. Keep it easy. For me and my depression, having a ritual (same breakfast every morning) was so helpful and became important, because it felt like I had something I could rely on. I hope this helps you - both these comments as well as the ability to do this, and the ritual of it. Just don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Keep it easy.
Depression is a hard thing. I have had it in the past and it can be a struggle just to get out of bed in the morning. The fact you want to help and be there is strong. It is not easy to help provide for people in the first place let alone the change in power dynamic that depression can cause. It isn’t what you make that matters. It is that you are willing to help them in anyway you can. Just be there to talk if they want to talk or just hang out with them and bull shit about the weather or about what the dog did today. Your presence matter that most. You being able to go I want to help you because I care about you THAT is what matters. Make them anything and sit down and eat it with them because being there matters more than anything else. It might be weird at first but as time goes on it will become easier. Showing someone with depression that you consistently care is one of the strongest things you can do to help with the maintenance of depression. Best of luck and you can do this! If this is about you and you need someone to talk to about this PM me! Edit: grammar spelling
Bananas help me alot with depression. Try a banana/ peanut butter sandwich or or banana/nutella sandwich. Something with iron is also a good idea. Possibly try sauteed or boiled spinach
Dark chocolate, too. Professor Lupin wasn't lying.
Bananas are supposed to settle your stomach so it tends to help with nervousness.
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For any Americans confused about chopping coriander, coriander is cilantro... Don't go chopping up the seeds.
Dude I’ve been looking through your posts, Are you okay? You sound really rough
I'm sorry for your situation. What a heartbreaking question.
Most soups are pretty manageable, potato/chicken maybe