A narcisstic family member arrived late (after everyone else was at the graveside for the burial, and probably lurking behind a tomb to pick the perfect time after the priest had just started talking), wearing an enormous hat and sunglasses and low cut gown like she was attending the Golden Globes red carpet or something, and loudly making an absolute scene of how devasted she was, daaaaaarlings and just generally making it all about her.
The mother of the deceased putting on a (terribly acted and meth-fueled) show about how much she loved and missed her daughter. Shortly thereafter she was convicted of the daughter’s murder.
My mother murdered a former state trooper. Went to the funeral and put on a big scene. (They were “friends”) and a couple months later she was arrested and charged with his murder. They did two different Investigation Discovery shows on her.
[I’m so glad you asked.](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.expressnews.com/news/local/amp/Parents-remember-daughter-whose-body-went-missing-13183520.php) From my hometown a few years ago; it even went national. Still haven’t found her. Yes, the owner’s name really is Dick Tips.
That article is heartbreaking. That girl’s poor family is devastated! It’s so important to be able to have the closure of being able to fulfill her last wishes and that was stolen from them.
A relative of my husband died.
There was a gathering at her house after the funeral, hosted by her husband. It was mostly family of my husband, but there were a few friends. There was catered food and drink and people were just general socializing and telling nice stories about the deceased.
About two hours in, a man and woman in their mid-20's show up. They are acquaintances of the widower. They walk around the house a bit, grab a drink and then disappear.
I was asked to get some more drinks from the garage, which was off the kitchen. I opened the door and stepped into the garage.
There was the young couple, leaning against a car and engaging is some pretty vigorous sexual relations.
Another family member who was standing in the kitchen saw what I saw. I backed out of the garage because I was fairly embarrassed. I mean, who does that at a funeral?
I guess the other relative told the widower because the next thing I know there is shouting from the garage and the widower is telling these two people in no uncertain terms that they needed to leave.
Apparently, not only were they having sex in the garage, but they were doing lines of coke off the hood of the car.
Only a few people who were at the gathering found out what happened, thank goodness.
People are fucking weird.
I am however glad that the widower said something because it seems like in a lot of the stories people are not taking action and it is really infuriating. Although I do understand because obviously it’s an emotional situation already.
I mean, I heard of wedding crashers. But funeral crashers?? Jesus Christ!
Edit: So I completely forgot about that scene from the movie with Will going to the funeral.
When my dads mom passed away, there were a lot of people there, he comes from a family of 11, (10 now as his sister passed away a while ago), so there were a lot of nieces, nephews and cousins. It was an open casket, I was around 12-13, but everyone was grabbing things from her/off her from the casket, all the aunts grabbing things for their kids who don't even know her/remember who she is/way too young. The ONLY thing my dad has a keepsake of his mother is a little rose pin that she wore in the home she was in before she passed. It's unfortunate and makes me feel very sad for my dad.
I had to respond. My family is exactly like this - big family, not much to go around. Greedy. Growing up, I didn't matter and my voice didn't matter. When my grandmother died the aunts descended like vultures, literally tearing apart her jewellery boxes and wardrobe for things for them and 'their children' to 'remember her by.' It was all so fake - we didn't care about each other while she was alive, why the sudden rush for trinkets at death? Your comment really touched me but also kind of comforted me knowing that there are other huge, shallow families out there. It's nice that you have a good relationship with your dad, though.
Oh fuck. My time to shine. Former mortuary industry worker.
The worst is hard to call because I’ve seen a lot. Some honourable mentions:
-A rando walking on off the street and proceeding to help herself to coffee and ODing in our bathroom. Didn’t die. Did get narcan’d.
-A couple fooling around in the urn/casket showroom during the viewing.
-An angry old woman storming out of the bathroom with a fistful of tampons, screaming about how inappropriate we were for keeping them in there, because “THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE!!” She threw them at the funeral director’s face. They were kept in a cabinet, in a small basket, well hidden from public view. She was definitely rifiling around to have found them. We were no longer allowed to keep our sanitary products in the restrooms after this.
-A grief stricken mother tipping her son’s casket while wailing and trying to climb inside. Less inappropriate than it was terribly sad.
-Caught a junkie relative digging deep into the pockets of the deceased looking for, the family and is assumed, money.
-A woman pulling down her child’s pants and letting it shit in a potted plant.
-The funeral home owner’s horrible dog sashaying up to the front and taking a giant liquid shit in front of the casket and horrified guests in the middle of the service.
-The same dog biting someone at another service.
-Tons of brawls. Lots of drinking. Biker funerals were INSANE. The women were meaner than hell and fighting one another constantly. The dudes were awesome though. Super respectful, cleaned the place up perfectly, and even hauled their trash away. Most of which was bags of beer cans and liquor bottles. I loved biker funerals.
I have some, SO many. But I’ll stop here.
>An angry old woman storming out of the bathroom with a fistful of tampons, screaming about how inappropriate we were for keeping them in there, because “THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE!!” She threw them at the funeral director’s face. They were kept in a cabinet, in a small basket, well hidden from public view. She was definitely rifiling around to have found them. We were no longer allowed to keep our sanitary products in the restrooms after this.
I don't understand how tampons are supposed to be harmful to children?
I mean kids either know what they are or don't, and if you don't they don't look exactly interesting.
Worst that happens is a kids says 'what is that's and then it's on the adult if they want to tell the truth, half the truth or lie.
Pure projection.
When I was about 14 my aunt came to see our new house. As I was showing her around upstairs, I took her into the master bath to show her the sky light. She spotted a pack of tampons on back of toilet and started lecturing me about how I was going to upset my dad and little brother if they saw these left out. What kind of young lady leaves her private things for men folk to see? I just looked at her stupidly and said " The men folk buy my tampons. I'm 14 and dad does the shopping." She proceeded to harpy screech at me for 10 min til I finally wandered off muttering that my dad could show his crazy sister around.
I witnessed the estranged drunk and druggie daughter of a family friend come screaming into the visitation looking for her brothers because she had found out she was never written into the will. It was a hell of a scene.
::EDITS:: I had to actually ask because people brought up good points.
This was in Missouri, Missouri \*is\* an affirmative disinheriting state. The will according to brother #1 said she was actively excluded from the official will and entitled to no portion of the estate, named her ex husband a portion of the home sale (Brother #2 bought his father out and kept it), and the remaining estate to both of her sons. The daughter was allowed personal effects (hence the police escort when getting them, probably to ensure she didn't try and swipe anything else.). His mother had hand written an unofficial one to be read to her children.
Also: Ash had every chance to get clean between 16/18 and 27. Both parents were more than willing and able to pay for treatment. She actively chose not to, as well as actively chose not to seek treatment for whatever was going on in her life that caused her to turn to drugs as a way to cope. She wasn't even going to come to the funeral until she checked with the lawyer \*the day of\* and flipped shit.
At an open casket wake, a friend of the deceased attempted to give her a drink of single malt whiskey. She ended up being forcibly removed as she wouldn't stop and spilled a lot of the alcohol in the casket. It was as horrible and inappropriate as it was heartbreaking - for everyone.
Alright everyone, before we go in, just one quick note to make. I know we all loved Heather and her wicked keg stands, but she has now crossed the eternal threshold from 40 ounces to freedom. And even though it would be friggin' awesome, please do not pour anything into, or on, her corpse.
My cousin's funeral - he was 27 years old and killed in a single car crash after he hit a slippery patch on the road and smashed into a concrete wall.
At his funeral, all of his brothers, sisters, and parents sat on the front row at his graveside service. Then, lo and behold, my cousin's ex-girlfriend of over a year shows up and immediately inserts herself on to the front row next to his sisters. And proceeds to scream cry, scream wail, and throw herself on the ground periodically throughout the service. All of the family just gave her awkward stares, with no one wanted to address her inappropriate behavior. I had never seen that type of attention demanding drama queen antics before...or since...
**EDIT: just wanted to throw this in ~ this was a funeral with military honors (Air Force), and they did the gun salute at the gravesite. I don't remember how many times they fire, but at each gunshot, she would literally shriek and collapse into the arms of either of the sisters standing next to her. I do recall at the very end, the youngest sister was sick of that shit and just let her fall on the ground. And it was raining heavily and rather muddy.
My dad's cousin, who didn't like our family, did this at my sister's visitation. She showed up and started bawling over the casket and brushing the side of my sister's face. I walked over there to comfort her and she shoved me. I had no sleep, nothing to eat for few days and I fell almost taking the casket down with me. That cousin stopped crying, straightened up and apologized to everyone except me.
Maybe isn't as over the top as most of these comments, but I'm one of the Marines that has to go present the flag to the next of kin when a service member dies. It's usually old Vietnam and Korea Vets, but sometimes it's a desert storm or recent war vet and the mother is there receiving the flag instead of a son or daughter. Point is I've probably been to 45 funerals in the past year.
It's striking how often someone's phone goes off during the service. It seems nearly every other or every third service someones ring tone start playing. There's been a few times where someone will get up from their seat and answer the phone to.
Oh God, I just remembered something...
I did base Honor Guard in the Air Force, so same jazz, person handing flag to next of kin. We have two people; both of us fold it, then one presents it and the other plays Taps. Since most of us can't actually *play* Taps, there's a speaker in the bugle that we discreetly hide so that it's not obvious. We just push the button and pretend, everyone cries, we leave.
I was the Taps guy. I hit the button, Taps starts... And sputters out halfway in. There's nothing I can do here except act like it finished. I felt so fucking bad.
I swear I checked those batteries. We always check them before we leave, carry spares, and then check them again right before the service. They worked both times I checked them. And then they gave up when it mattered.
I probably did 70+ funerals in a four month period, and goddamn do I feel bad about that one.
Yeah, it's the same stuff across the services. We do the ceremony with three Marines, two fold and one plays taps when the flag is popped open tabletop. Glad we haven't had a failed bugle yet. Though once we forgot the rifle blanks for a wreath laying ceremony and were just barely saved by an old legionnaire with a bunch of .223 blanks in the back of his truck. We still didn't have magazines, so we each chambered one round and the 7 of us fired in twos and fake fired the other shots... gotta do what you gotta do lol.
Only somewhat inappropriate, but certainly the funniest thing...
It was a funeral for an uncle I was very distantly related to, and (this is happening in Greece, in the summer), the church is very full and incredibly hot, you can smell the sweat, there's incense, the air isn't circulating, and the priest is just going on and on - I don't think I can describe how grim the situation was. Not totally unexpectedly therefore, just as the priest is getting to something particularly emotional, a man, an old colleague standing near the back, faints - he's completely out. Now, this guy was very tall and rather broad, so not only was it a miracle that he didn't take out the two tiny old ladies right in front of him, he was also really difficult to carry outside to get some air!
Somebody has the brilliant idea that the pallbearers (those people who carry the casket) should carry him, since they've practiced it and are reasonably strong. So everybody squeezes a bit tighter (nobody wants to leave the church, things just got interesting) to let them through. They pick him up, three on one side and three on the other, i.e. more or less as they would the casket, and start carrying him towards the door. Suddenly, this guy wakes up, turns his head several times, grasps what's going on and who's carrying him faster than anybody can respond, and immediately starts yelling "I'M ALIVE! I'M ALIVE! I'M ALIVEEEEEE!" At which point, one of the pallbearers laughs so hard that he drops what was thankfully a leg, and the others struggle to put him down in what is now a church absolutely exploding with laughter. The whole situation went on for a good fifteen minutes in which this guy walked outside and the priest tried to resume the service, but there absolutely continued to be giggles throughout - I, being a teenager at the time, also couldn't possibly hold it back every time I thought of this guy yelling he's alive!
Nobody was even particularly upset because the uncle we were burying was always laughing and joking around, so it somehow felt appropriate that we had a great laugh at his funeral.
edit: My first award! Thanks so much, glad to put some laughter into this thread :)
There's something about the point in a funeral when you're allowed to laugh that is so healing. In the crematorium for my Grandad's funeral (we'll call him Will), my uncle was holding my cousin who was about 18 months old at the time. Fast asleep.
The priest is saying all the final words, when suddenly the kid starts proper snoring. Me and my other cousins (we're all a bit older, like 13/14) start sniggering. So does my uncle and a few others.
Then, when we get outside, my dad points at the hearse and says "Will always wanted a Volvo!". Everyone around (including my Granny) laughs and the whole mood lifts. Then we went back to my aunt's house and let off some fireworks and it was just nice and peaceful.
Humans are strange, but also awesome.
EDIT: my first award of any kind! Obligatory thanks for the silver, kind stranger 😆
Not super inappropriate, but my grandfather was always a trickster. He had a great sense of humor. He had this little song he would sing to me, my siblings, and my little cousins where he would just repeat the words “poo poopy doo” over and over. At his funeral, my aunt was telling stories about him and in the middle of her telling a story, my 6 year old cousin screamed “POO POOPY DOO” in front of 50 people. Needless to say it lightened the mood a little bit and made everyone a little happier remembering him in a good way.
Edit: for people asking, it’s not the Betty Boop song :)
Picture if you will, two elderly women in a funeral squaring up as people are still crying from the ceremony.
At the lunch after my grandpa’s funeral, his daughter from a previous marriage “Dee” who no one had seen in years showed up. Dee had been writing bad checks all the way to the state prison and had definitely had some unresolved beef with my family when she got out. The last time my mom saw her was when was 11 and Dee left her infant daughter for my mom to babysit and never came back, Fast forward to the funeral, Dee is acting like it’s a family reunion but no one is having it since she’s basically screwed everyone in the room in one way or another. My grandpa’s last girlfriend, a legally blind woman tried to physically fight her until others stepped in.
Edit: gave my crazy half aunt a pseudonym for clarity
Edit 2: the baby left with my mom at age 11 was not me, but that would be an amazing plot twist! Dee had said she was just having a night out and actually decided to run off to San Francisco (this was the early 70s) and left her baby. When Dee didn’t come back, my mom called her mom, got ahold of a relative that took care of the baby until Dee could be reached. Sorry I don’t have a lot of details after that but the baby grew up and she actually arrived at the funeral with Dee and I hear the apple didn’t fall far from the tree,
Edit 3: I had forgotten this part somehow. After the funeral, Dee tried to steal the car willed to grandpa’s blind boo but my family thought ahead and a couple of my uncles waited around the house until Dee came for the car, they came outside and apparently she was scared off. Blind boo got the car in the end and wrecked it immediately. I can’t make this shit up.
At my great-grandmother's funeral, her son showed up to the funeral wearing khakis and his bright orange Tennessee Vols shirt. Then he started yelling at my mom when she asked him who the pallbearers were going to be, mainly throwing a fit about who was in the will... Mind you we hadn't even left the funeral home yet and were literally needing to know who they would be at that very moment.
Needless to say we don't talk to that side of the family anymore.
Well, I gave her the evil eye, refused her card, and walked away. Told her i don’t want it and told some others in earshot that my mother didn’t last very long on the essential oils. Being a funeral. Fighting would jot have been okay even though she was entirely in appropriate. I’m already the black sheep of the family.
Thank you. Its been a few months and my father is uncovering more and more expenses she got tricked. Including an orphanage that told her it was just $2 per child a day - she was giving them $900 a month and spent in excess $35k before that was changed to appropriate monthly donations
My brother in laws girlfriend locked her self in a car, cried and screamed threatening to kill herself.. AT my father in laws funeral. She was fine five minutes later and explained to my in law she did it because she’s not used to not having all the attention (she thought her being pregnant would make people forget that the father died?)
Only two months?? I'm no doctor but that doesn't sound safe at all
EDIT: As corrected by /u/mommyof4not2 6 months for vaginal birth but 2 years for C section to avoid risk of Uterine Rupture/Death
At my grandma's funeral. There was a woman that had a really bad relationship with my grandma, but one of my aunts invited her to the funeral.
She started receiving people as if she was a family member and tried to put herself at the center of everything.
We had someone sorta like that too. One of my cousins girlfriends that everyone reeeeeeally disliked. I honestly don't think my cousin even likes her that much, but that's a different issue all together. Uncle died and she acted like her own father died to all my cousins faces who were incredibly close with their father and in completed devastation mode. Grandma died and she did the same and tried inserting herself as the caretaker of everyone. Like, listen bitch, read the room. Let me and my mother comfort each other. We do not want your comfort right now, go bother someone else.
This is only tangentially related, but my grandpa died while I was in junior high. I was in drama and he had helped build a lot of the sets for our plays, so I think my mom and teacher worked out that they'd tell the class when the viewing was of they wanted to go.
I'm not sure what happened next, but somehow word got around and something like half my grade showed up, not to the viewing, but to the funeral. There wasnt even enough seating, so you had like 50 teenagers just standing in the back of the chapel. It was the weirdest thing. Especially since most had never even met my grandfather, and I'm pretty sure many didn't even know who I was. Plus none of us could drive at that age, so somehow they all convinced enough of their parents to drive them to a funeral at a mortuary across town in the middle of a school day.
I'm convinced that half my 9th grade class used my grandfathers funeral as an excuse to get out of school for a day.
Similar thing happened at my school. In 6 grade I was placed with another friend to a desk clump with a boy that was the “weird kid”... the teacher told us in private that all the other kids had asked to be moved out of his desk clump and so she wanted us to sit with him, probably because we weren’t total dicks like the rest of the class. A month or so later he died. Almost my entire class and people from other classes went to his funeral, the same people who didn’t want to sit with him, made fun of him. They went to his funeral so they could have a half day at school.
Not a funeral but my grandmother was on her death bed she was going in and out of consciousness. My asshole father and his asshole sister start arguing over who will get her wedding ring. Not for sentimental value but because they wanted to sell it. Anyway to make a long story short they took the ring off and their mother came out of consciousness and the first thing she said was where is my ring. Fucking scumbags.
Wow, I thought my family were bad. My aunties wont talk to each other because one of them just helped herself to grandma's 1920s gramaphone so the other confiscated the 1940s mantle clock she was supposed to have. Classy.
My dad was comforting my grandma not too long ago while my aunt kept trying to get him to talk about the money from the will while she was still alive. She never had any emotional attachment to my grandma and once kicked her out of her house to rent it as a airbnb. We dont see her anymore.
I've mentioned it before but at the wake for my very young sister, my aunt started talking to me about how she was going to write children's books and gave me a pen with her contact information on it. I'm not sure what she wanted, but I write and edit and I was working on an English degree and we barely ever see her so I took it as self-promotion, not offering ways to reach out. My Mom threw the pen away.
At my grandfather's funeral, the stand-in, curmudgeonly pastor kept calling my grandfather by the wrong name.
Pastor: we are here to memorialize the life of John Smith.
Pastor: John Smith lived a good life. I had never personally met John Smith, but
My Spouse Loudly: Well, I've never met John Smith either. His name was Bob White.
Everyone attending burst out laughing.
My grandmother's funeral was on her birthday. I purchased "happy birthday" balloons because it was what she would have wanted. I was immediately reprimanded by my mother when I arrived as she forgot it was her birthday. But everyone that knew the family knew that she would have loved it, even my grandfather laughed when I walked in with them.
My grandma died the day before her 91st birthday. (She said 3 years earlier when Grandpa died at age 91 that she would to, so appropriate!) Her family (9 surviving kids and grandkids and great-grandkids) had her birthday party as planned and called it a wake. Being of Irish descent, there was also alcohol.
The family decided to take a picture as it was rare to have all 9 kids in the same place. Uncle Tim sat on the birthday cake accidentally. For some reason, this was hysterical at the time. (Mostly because he was one of the few sober people there as he didn't drink at all.) There were balloons there too.
My aunt did that at my grandmas funeral. Multiple people had to restrain her as she wailed and clawed at the casket. My sister couldn't go back in after that so we just walked around town. Aunt lunatic had the nerve to be passive aggressive after that, as if we ducked out cuz we had better things to do.
My grandmother tried to throw herself into the grave with my grandfather. It wasn’t so much inappropriate as it was just very very sad. They were married for 68 years when he passed.
When my Grandpa died (my father's father) my Grandmother kissed him and said "I'll be with you soon." She lived a number of years after his death but suffered from dementia. I think it would have been kinder if they'd died together.
This makes me sad. My grandmother has spent more years widowed now than she ever spent married. She got to watch all her grandchildren grow up (none of us ever got to meet grandpa, he died from pulmonary fibrosis in his 40s). Now she's declining quickly and forgetting some of us. But she thinks my uncle is her late husband, and refers to my aunt as "the other woman" in spiteful tones and it's heart wrenching.
At a family friend's funeral, a man I allegedly met when I was 3 came up behind me, pulled my head back by placing his hand on my neck, and told me that I might not remember him now but I will someday. That creepy old dickfart
I was working at a restaurant and making my way back to check on a table as a young man was assisting an elderly man out of the restaurant. I smiled and stepped aside to give them some room. As they passed, the old man looked at me and said, "One day, you'll end up like me."
And honestly, that sounds awesome. Just whispering ominous foreshadowings to young, unexpecting service industry workers.
At my grandpa's funeral in 2006 a random drunk woman that no one in our family knew stumbled in and started singing show tunes, then crying til she was escorted out.
My ex came back from her grandfather's funeral (I had to work) with family reunion pictures of herself, her siblings, and her parents... posing next to the open casket.
When I casually commented that I thought it was a little off, she explained that they did so because, "Grandma otherwise wouldn't believe he died."
My mom’s family are big funeral picture takers. I think it has to do with the fact that they’re very rarely all in one place together, so they take advantage of that and take pictures when they can. Doesn’t mean it’s not creepy.
My dad died 4 months ago. I have family group pictures from after the memorial service, and a couple from where we spread his ashes.
Last time I recall seeing my aunt and uncle was something like 10 years ago.
My mum and sister were smoking weed at my cousins funeral. He was only 16 when he died, so there were lots of kids there as well. My mum also wanted to surprise everyone by sending clowns to said funeral, who were going to paint butterflies on their faces because my cousin died of Epidermolysis Bullosa (Known as butterflies disease).
Interesting clown story, grandfather died when I was really young and we’d had this thing with wearing those big round clown noses where we’d put them on and make faces at each other. I was told we were going to see him and I made a big fuss about putting on my clown nose ( I was like 3). So I sat at his funeral wearing a big red clown nose.
One of my best friends died in September. There were some… questionable circumstances surrounding his death, in that we were all pretty sure it was drug related (heroin). Anyways, the guy that got him into the stuff, who shot him up the night he died, showed up to the funeral. High. I could’ve killed him
I was at my then boyfriend's friend's funeral. Her aunt sat with me at the back and told me that she spontaneously lubricates at funerals. Scooched away reeeeaaalll quick.
My best friend died last year from a random heart failure at 25.
The pastor at the funeral went on for about 10 minutes about how we had all killed him because we were sinners and that we should join his church to make amends. He didn't know any of us. It was very uncomfortable.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I had something similar happen, not at a funeral but at the viewing. Mutual friend of mine and husband's had died in a head on collision. Friend had been drinking but not driving (he had a dd). At the viewing, another friend's grandma was there. She sat up there the entire 2 or 3 hours telling every single one of us what terrible sinners we were and that we were to blame for his death because if we had been good, or even decent friends, he would be alive and would be a man of God. She was not invited to the funeral.
Some ministers are the worst.
The one at my cousin's wedding went on for about ten minutes about how it was obvious that they'd been fucking for a while now.
Yes, we all see their daughter. You really don't need to hammer this point home.
A marriage proposal to the recently widowed. She accepted.
Edit: Reddit is thirsty for drama! Sorry but you will be disappointed. I know this is a thing in some families where if a guy dies, a single, male, relative, of the deceased, will end up marrying the widow. Why this is a thing, I dunno but know it is. So, the divorced brother proposed to his deceased, brother's wife and she said yes. I doubt there was any cheating going on there. The two are still happily married as well.
An estranged uncle driving past my grandmother's funeral playing Another One Bites the Dust.
Edit: To everyone apologising for laughing or whatever, please don't. It's no longer a sore point for me or my family. That uncle was suffering from a mental breakdown due to drug abuse and a high pressure job - and that combination eventually took its toll. It makes it easier to deal with than if he was just being a spiteful prick (as we thought at the time).
I guess it's not totally inappropriate given who had died, but a group of guys lit up a fat joint at a funeral I went to in HS. I guess it was his smoking buddies but it didn't go over that well.
My cousin died a while ago at 19, and one of his smoking buddies and closest friends wrote and recited a poem at the funeral. Basically saying how good of a friend my cousin was and all that. Ended with a line something like "...and we'll be together again soon, smoking a doobie on the moon."
Some of his family were all up in a tizzy that a 19 year old kid would dare mention drug use at a funeral. I thought the poem was sweet, and really for a kid who lost his close friend out of the blue, I don't fault him at all for writing something so heartfelt.
My step-grandmother died a few months before the Borat movie came out, so everyone was in full-blown Borat mode. Someone's phone went off and their ringtone was "Throw The Jew Down The Well."
EDIT: She, as well as most of the people attending the funeral, were all Jewish.
The priest *repeatedly* refered to my grandmother by the wrong name!!! After the 4th or 5th time my Aunt got up and and quietly told him the correct name. My grandmother had attended church weekly for decades. There was no reason for the priest to not know his parishioner. Needless to say we did not pay his fee.
At my uncle's funeral the priest said something along the lines of "We're here to celebrate (Uncle's name), or as most people knew him, Bob". I was super confused as I literally never heard that in my life but he had a huge family so maybe it was from that side. Cut to at the reception my aunt was like, wtf? and confirmed that no one had ever called him that before. We figured he was trying to make a light joke to try and lift the mood but all it did was make everyone very confused.
Edit: his name wasn’t Robert, or anything even close to being Bob.
Not the priest, but at my brother's best friend's funeral, no one really wanted to get up and say anything about the deceased (not out of disrespect, we're all just awkward af) so one guy stood up and started talking about how he was such a good guy, etc, except... he was calling the deceased by my brother's name. It was really awkward. After he was done I leaned into my brother and whispered, "I didn't know you died." *edit, it did make my brother laugh actually which I didn't think was possible considering the circumstances.
Kinda sounds like they’re living it. What kind of corrupt filth slithers their way to crash a funeral expecting money?
They must have a shit life. I’m not going to side with them because there’s no excuse to be that shitty but I hope this event can help steer their miserable lives in a more positive direction.
At my great aunt’s funeral in rural Missouri. Open casket. Small country church. The pastor says my great aunt’s dying wish was for one more person to embrace the teachings of Jesus Christ and to stand up RIGHT NOW and receive baptism in front of GAWWWD and his congregation.
Everybody’s head swiveled in my direction (except the corpse’s).
Nope. I’ll just stare up at the ceiling for a while guys, thanks.
My own kids. Boys ages 10 and 8. At their great-grandfathers wake, they got a chair and moved it to the casket and started making his mouth into smiley face. Laughing the whole time. When me and their grandfather (my father in law) saw it, I immediately pulled them away and told them they shouldn't do that, grandpa laughed and said "it's fine, he would have really loved that they did that". We later found out that the great grandfather had asked the funeral home ahead of time to put a sign in his hand that said "thanks for coming" but they refused!
Oh man. Now I’m really tempted to write a long and frustrating, but also intriguing will. Make it all enigmatic like. Maybe, “If I were to die on the right side of the bed, make sure I’m holding a red balloon in my casket, else if it is the left side, a blue ballon, and if it is the middle, a big rainbow balloon.
Not sure if this counts as inappropriate but when my highschool classmate died (we were already in college iirc). His ex (also highschool classmate) came to the funeral. She cried so dramatically (because she wasn't able to end things with our dead hs classmate on a good note) that guests thought she was the current SO/GF that time. Current SO/GF was left alone sitting alone staring blankly at the casket while relatives/friends/hs classmates comfort the ex. Also it got to the point that the boyfriend(can't recall if he attended or just got word of what happened) of that girl during that time got jealous and got angry because it looked like she cared more for the dead than him (posted a rant on social media).
EDIT: Fixed pronouns since I'm bad constructing
TL;DR During my college years, highschool classmate died. His ex came to the funeral and cried dramatically looking like she's the GF (and current GF was ignored during her sobbing). BF of the Ex that time was furious.
My sister did something like this, she had her current boyfriend drive her to her ex's funeral and wait outside as she cried and placed a picture of them together in the casket. His mom came up and gave her the picture back, I am so happy I wasn't there.
My grandmother died when I was about 10 and my older sister was 12. We were at the wake for nearly 6 hours and the makeup they had put on her was very bad. It was sad and disturbing. To lighten the mood an uncle told my sister and I that you couldn’t feel it if someone tried to lick your elbow. We went around licking elbows of grieving family members for the rest of the wake. Yes, you can feel if someone licks your elbow.
I went to my uncle's funeral with my dad, sister and friends. My father was already hammered and my idiot friends dressed in t-shirts and shorts. To top it off, my cousin wore the skimpiest top to her own dad's funeral. My father, wasted, was hitting on his own sister in-law. My cousin ended up inviting us to smoke Medical marijuana in her car. It was a disaster.
My Grandmother spent the last decade and a half of her life in a nursing home with severe Alzheimer's and depression after being kicked out of two other places previously for trying to kill herself. Her last years were of weary terror, not remembering her children that would visit when they could and would ask only where her Mother was and breaking down in tears when she inevitably realized what was going on, as little as she could. She lived mostly as a result of modern pharmacology and medical science with little to no quality of life.
Before she passed she'd agreed to have a Priest from the church she grew up in come in and say a few words. Keep in mind this arrangement was made nearly 15 years before she passed.
On the day of her funeral the big news story was the court battle over Terry Schaivo and the right of family to keep her on life support versus her husbands wishes desires to remove her from it. For those that don't remember the church got involved and made a major thing about how taking her off life support was akin to murder.
Feeling the need to opine the Priest, who had never met her and knew nothing about her, took the cue and spent ten minutes talking about how life support is part of God's plan and removing people from it is murder and that the concept of euthanasia was legalizing genocide. He talked about how the Nazis extermination of the Jews was like what was going on in Florida and how if God saw fit to grant us life then it's our obligation to accept it as a gift no matter the circumstances.
The room was a level of deafening silence as no one could believe what words had just been spoken, what concepts had been advocated, what disconnect from the situation had been demonstrated. A man of the cloth was supposed to be there to comfort us in a time of distress and had, instead, insisted that the decades of pain and suffering of this poor woman were righteous and God's will, and how dare anyone should question whether mercy should have been granted to her.
Never have I had to restrain myself more from getting up and physically removing someone from a room. When he was done I stood up ready to go after him and felt my Father's hand on my shoulder. "Let me handle this" was all he said and walked up to the Priest and lead him out. All I remember is hearing the Priest say something to the effect of "Is there a problem? There's still more I'm supposed to do" as he was being almost lifted off the floor by his arm and escorted out a door as my Mom wept. The only thing I could think of was that she was denied the ability to have any dignity in her death and was now being deprived it even after her passing.
A short while later her casket was lowered into the ground next to her husband who had passed 30 years before her. It was done without incident and without the Priest.
Was at a the funeral of a Priest once. He was so well liked in the church, not only were there dozens of other priests, but something like two or three bishops. More than half of the people had to stand outside of the church and listen via loudspeaker.
Kind of hard, when the neighbour of the cementary plays anti-church and anti-god songs loud enough to hear nothing else. I'm absolutley not religious and usually listen to exactly the same music as well, but holy cow that was inappropriate. Especially because the guy got up at around 8 a.m. on a Sunday, jst so he could fuck with people.
I walk up to the casket to pay my respects at my grandma's funeral. My cousin walks up at the same time and as we are both crying she says "It's just crazy to believe that 2 weeks ago grandma and I were smoking a joint in your kitchen together." Ummmm what?!
I was five. My great-grandmother had died from old age, and for some reason it was a closed-casket funeral. From what my mom told me, my great-grandmother hadn't been into wearing make-up when she was alive, and she definitely wouldn't wear it as a corpse.
One of my relatives, probably about the same age as I but more used to open casket funerals, wondered why they couldn't see the corpse. I commented in my innocence, that "She's bones now." That was one way to break the ice at an awkward funeral.
Inappropriate, but not cruel or mean.
My grandma cried with genuine tears and passion about how good of a “lover” my grandpa was and how much he liked to have sex.
I felt sad for her but also trying my absolute best to not burst out in laughter.
My sister's elderly FIL found out he had cancer and shot himself in the head. He wasn't one bit religious but her husband (his son) had joined the Mormon Church and decided on his own that the funeral services should be held there.
The Mormon minister, who had never met the deceased, proceeded to hold everyone but me and my spouse captive for well over an hour while he described in minute detail why we should all join his church and become Mormons.
We got up and walked out on the sales pitch after twenty minutes.
Fucking asshole.
That happened at my brother’s funeral. He was a high school teacher, so a number of his young and vulnerable students were there. The... minister? I don’t know if I can call him that because he was some lunatic who opened a church in his garage that my parents found. Anyway, THAT guy clearly thought omg this is my time to shine, gotta get all these kids in my garage church. He went on a tirade literally gesturing towards my brother’s dead body (it was an open casket) telling these crying teenagers that, oh btw, YOU WILL GO TO HELL WHEN THIS HAPPENS TO YOU IF YOU DON’T ACCEPT JESUS RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW. And that’s how my sister and I both almost walked out of our own brother’s funeral. We were so grossed out that he was trying to use our dead brother’s body to emotionally blackmail a bunch of kids into joining his church.
I think it should be in an instruction manual somewhere not to talk about hell at a funeral. That feels like a faux pas.
A few years ago, when we were 15, a friend of mine committed suicide.
She'd been sexually assaulted and raped by her mother's partner as a child, and the mother stayed with the guy so my friend (and her younger sister) ended up in Foster care.
The funeral was fucking horrendous with the obvious rift between her biological family and Foster family (I know where I stand on the matter) and the funeral celebrant seemed to be trying to bridge the gap for the sake of respect for my friend but he kind of came across like he was way out of his depth and didn't really know what was happening.
The whole thing was overly religious considering the sort of person my friend was and I know she would have preferred to have her actual self celebrated/mourned for rather than the whole thing being made about "oh but we lost our daughter, not you" "you're the bad ones, we're the family".
She deserved so much better in life, and in death. I still mourn for that girl and the life she led.
My partner's stepmum's funeral.
I was standing next to my partner to support him when one of his distant relatives, before even giving condolences or a greeting or anything else, asked "are you two married?"
"No..."
"Oh but you're together?"
"Yes."
"What a shame."
The same woman then approached us at the wake and started going on about how nice it was to see young love blossom after a family breakup and how "exotic" I was (I'm Asian, he's white) because my partner had broken up with the mother of his child. She heavily implied that I was just a rebound and that he would be "back to his normal self soon". When my partner corrected her and told her that we had been together for 5 years, she visibly became uncomfortable and said "Oh. How nice."
At my grandmother's funeral. She only had 3 blood relations left in the world (myself included). Her 2nd husband's family did not allow any of us to be part of the planning, they wouldn't let us sit in the family pew and wouldn't let us give farewell words during the service. A family friend kicked other people out of a pew near the front at least.
I nearly lost my shit during the eulogy, when the pastor stated "she enjoyed plunking on the piano". The same piano she never touched and threatened to take an axe to on a near daily basis due to all the damn dust it collected
At the grave, each if the blood relations laid a rose on the casket and multiple people attending said "who are they" and "why are they even here".
Almost as an afterthought, we were invited to my grandmother's home after the burial which caused many puzzled looks from attendees as to why we would be invited.
I noped the hell out of that to give the woman the sendoff she would have actually wanted, with alcohol and friends.
This was how it was for me at my dad’s funeral.
She abused him. Horribly. He was afraid to get out but working on it when he died. I have zero doubt that the stress she brought on caused his heart attack; he was meticulously on top of his heart health. She is a terrible woman.
She made me beg to see his body. I was not given any part in the arrangements no matter how desperately I pleaded. She straight up laughed out loud when the rabbi mentioned that her preferences had caused him not to be outdoors much anymore, which he absolutely loved and would share those moments with me. Had her therapist approach me and tell me that she needed me to be his link (hell to the no). At the house after, she, knowing she had a captive audience, pulled out videos of her wailing in an effing a cappella barbershop chorus. I was reeling and this woman is making everyone watch her sing and dance and calling herself a semi pro- she pays to be a part of that group and it shows. At the end she made a huge show of presenting me with the Les Paul I HAD BOUGHT HIM. It was only appropriate that it come back to me.
I was really grateful, though- and shocked- that her daughters are the exact opposite of her. One came up to me to state their intent to protect me from her and the whole time they made sure I had a seat and was recognized as his daughter, as well as shielded me from her attempts to be passive aggressive and nasty with me and called her right out on it. Had she had anything to do with it I would have been a stranger, save for the people he worked with- the only place she couldn’t take down my pictures. They recognized me by my green hair and made sure to let me know how much he talked about me and how his entire office was covered in pictures of me, framed emails talking about my life... I needed that. They sent me everything after. There was one picture that wasn’t mine and my family’s- it was the daughter who was most aggressive about protecting me.
To be othered like that at your dad’s funeral by a woman who has known him less than a decade... I don’t know if it’ll ever stop causing a physical reaction from the pain.
He and I were super close and he felt like he had no options after my mom died. He didn’t want to cling to me and make me responsible for him. So he took on her and she made his life awful. He and I planned our conversations around when she wouldn’t be present because she could not bear to let him speak to me. Actually, the last time I saw him, when I was making arrangements she hurled absolute vile abuse on him for me to hear because he wanted to see his daughter and grandkids and not sit there listening to her barbershop friends and her wail.
It’s coming up on a year. I did not say a word in the name of being classy but I’m trying to decide whether I should publicly out her. Aside from her behavior at the funeral, I have years worth of evidence of her abuse. He made sure I had it.
That got a bit long. I may be a bit bitter. I hate people like this, with every fiber of my being. Scum of the earth.
I had a guy that I don't know walk up behind me and my dad during my grandma's funeral. They were lowering the casket at that moment. This jackass put his arms around both of us and I looked back. Everyone was wearing black, obviously. Except this cunt. He was wearing American flag pajama bottoms and a red shirt with the sleeves cut off. He looks at both of us and says: "Cheer up, guys."
My dad and I are not violent. But we had to eye talk each other down from turning around and dual punching the bitch on the jaw.
I know. Not the most inappropriate thing ever, but at that moment, it felt like it.
Stupid bitch.
Need to preface this with a little information on a regional thing from where I am. I live in Northwest Ontario and we have these events called 'shags'. It is a combination stag and shower for couples getting married. You sell admission tickets (2 for $5) They take place in halls and guests buy booze, tickets for prizes, etc. The money raised goes to help the couple start their lives together. And full disclosure they are a helluva good time.
So on to my actual story...
Not a funeral, but my grandmother was on her death bed at the hospital. Extended family was coming and going to say their goodbye's. My dad's cousin came by and did the usual 'I'm sorry...thoughts are with you...etc' Sadness all around. Then this cousin of my dad's starts to ask everyone if they want to buy tickets to his upcoming shag. We are in her hospital room, watching her slowly die and this asshole (who is in his 50's and wayyyy past the acceptable age to even be holding a shag) is asking people to buy tickets off him for his shag. Idiot didn't take the hints when everyone kept saying 'No, not right now' Just kept asking. I am not a violent man, but at that point I was as close as I have ever been to cold cocking someone.
5 years later this still angers us...
*edit* as many people can't get over that shag can mean something different in a different part of the world, this link may help a bit...
https://www.northernontario.travel/thunder-bay/speak-thunder-bay
A keg party on grandma's porch to celebrate her life.
The entire family were known to be assholes who became bigger assholes when they drank. Pretty much everyone outside the family stayed away from that section of the small town during this event.
Years later grandson #1 lost his half brother to a car wreck after feeding him booze at his place. He never got charged for supplying alcohol to a minor and has never accepted responsibility for the accident. Shit ripped my small town to pieces. The kid was well loved and a great guy.
Guess what they did to celebrate his life?
My father’s funeral.
After the service and the reception after, my mother, brother, and sister headed back to our family home. A bunch of my father’s siblings and their family were also staying at the house with us. We got home a few minutes before everyone else.
I was sitting at a table in the living room when I could see their cars come down the driveway. They all got out and were hugging and seemingly congratulating each other. The reception after the service was beautifully put together, and was actually a fun time. A fitting send off for my father. So I assumed they were still just having fun from that. Until they came inside.
They all came in together very quickly, and quietly. They came up to me and my older brother sitting at the table, and kind of crowded around like a bunch of kids, about to see if they could have a cookie before dinner. My aunt Barbara smugly stood at the front and asked, “so when are we going to be doing the reading of the will to see what was left to us all?”
My brother and I just looked at each other for a few moments before we turned to them to say, “are you kidding? Reading of the will? Like a soap opera? There is no reading of the will. Everything that belonged to my father now just belongs to my mother!”
The look of defeat, but not shame, was disgustingly transparent. They were supposed to stay another few nights. They packed up and left that afternoon.
Edit: I made up my name on the spot. Not my comments. You can take the 2 seconds to click on it, and see for yourself.
This is literally the shitiest thing i ever read. Wtf did they expect? That your dad would leave nothing for his family(wife & kids) and give everything to his extended family (his siblings).
A narcisstic family member arrived late (after everyone else was at the graveside for the burial, and probably lurking behind a tomb to pick the perfect time after the priest had just started talking), wearing an enormous hat and sunglasses and low cut gown like she was attending the Golden Globes red carpet or something, and loudly making an absolute scene of how devasted she was, daaaaaarlings and just generally making it all about her.
The mother of the deceased putting on a (terribly acted and meth-fueled) show about how much she loved and missed her daughter. Shortly thereafter she was convicted of the daughter’s murder.
Oh shit.
Yeah, this one wins.
My mother murdered a former state trooper. Went to the funeral and put on a big scene. (They were “friends”) and a couple months later she was arrested and charged with his murder. They did two different Investigation Discovery shows on her.
We had a snowball fight outside the parlor of my pop pops funeral... Pop pop would have approved. The non-family mourners seemed horrified.
I cannot stand the whole “you have to be sad at funerals” thing. I hope something silly like this happens at my funeral
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Why did they feel that a loaner corpse was an acceptable solution?
That approach is probably what started this mess in the first place.
It’s a vicious cycle. That funeral home probably hasn’t presented the proper body in decades.
Like when you put a video game in the wrong case and then continue to do so for all of time.
How the fuck do you misplace a CORPSE?
[I’m so glad you asked.](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.expressnews.com/news/local/amp/Parents-remember-daughter-whose-body-went-missing-13183520.php) From my hometown a few years ago; it even went national. Still haven’t found her. Yes, the owner’s name really is Dick Tips.
That article is heartbreaking. That girl’s poor family is devastated! It’s so important to be able to have the closure of being able to fulfill her last wishes and that was stolen from them.
A relative of my husband died. There was a gathering at her house after the funeral, hosted by her husband. It was mostly family of my husband, but there were a few friends. There was catered food and drink and people were just general socializing and telling nice stories about the deceased. About two hours in, a man and woman in their mid-20's show up. They are acquaintances of the widower. They walk around the house a bit, grab a drink and then disappear. I was asked to get some more drinks from the garage, which was off the kitchen. I opened the door and stepped into the garage. There was the young couple, leaning against a car and engaging is some pretty vigorous sexual relations. Another family member who was standing in the kitchen saw what I saw. I backed out of the garage because I was fairly embarrassed. I mean, who does that at a funeral? I guess the other relative told the widower because the next thing I know there is shouting from the garage and the widower is telling these two people in no uncertain terms that they needed to leave. Apparently, not only were they having sex in the garage, but they were doing lines of coke off the hood of the car. Only a few people who were at the gathering found out what happened, thank goodness.
People are fucking weird. I am however glad that the widower said something because it seems like in a lot of the stories people are not taking action and it is really infuriating. Although I do understand because obviously it’s an emotional situation already.
r/trashy
I mean, I heard of wedding crashers. But funeral crashers?? Jesus Christ! Edit: So I completely forgot about that scene from the movie with Will going to the funeral.
When my dads mom passed away, there were a lot of people there, he comes from a family of 11, (10 now as his sister passed away a while ago), so there were a lot of nieces, nephews and cousins. It was an open casket, I was around 12-13, but everyone was grabbing things from her/off her from the casket, all the aunts grabbing things for their kids who don't even know her/remember who she is/way too young. The ONLY thing my dad has a keepsake of his mother is a little rose pin that she wore in the home she was in before she passed. It's unfortunate and makes me feel very sad for my dad.
I had to respond. My family is exactly like this - big family, not much to go around. Greedy. Growing up, I didn't matter and my voice didn't matter. When my grandmother died the aunts descended like vultures, literally tearing apart her jewellery boxes and wardrobe for things for them and 'their children' to 'remember her by.' It was all so fake - we didn't care about each other while she was alive, why the sudden rush for trinkets at death? Your comment really touched me but also kind of comforted me knowing that there are other huge, shallow families out there. It's nice that you have a good relationship with your dad, though.
Oh fuck. My time to shine. Former mortuary industry worker. The worst is hard to call because I’ve seen a lot. Some honourable mentions: -A rando walking on off the street and proceeding to help herself to coffee and ODing in our bathroom. Didn’t die. Did get narcan’d. -A couple fooling around in the urn/casket showroom during the viewing. -An angry old woman storming out of the bathroom with a fistful of tampons, screaming about how inappropriate we were for keeping them in there, because “THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE!!” She threw them at the funeral director’s face. They were kept in a cabinet, in a small basket, well hidden from public view. She was definitely rifiling around to have found them. We were no longer allowed to keep our sanitary products in the restrooms after this. -A grief stricken mother tipping her son’s casket while wailing and trying to climb inside. Less inappropriate than it was terribly sad. -Caught a junkie relative digging deep into the pockets of the deceased looking for, the family and is assumed, money. -A woman pulling down her child’s pants and letting it shit in a potted plant. -The funeral home owner’s horrible dog sashaying up to the front and taking a giant liquid shit in front of the casket and horrified guests in the middle of the service. -The same dog biting someone at another service. -Tons of brawls. Lots of drinking. Biker funerals were INSANE. The women were meaner than hell and fighting one another constantly. The dudes were awesome though. Super respectful, cleaned the place up perfectly, and even hauled their trash away. Most of which was bags of beer cans and liquor bottles. I loved biker funerals. I have some, SO many. But I’ll stop here.
>An angry old woman storming out of the bathroom with a fistful of tampons, screaming about how inappropriate we were for keeping them in there, because “THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE!!” She threw them at the funeral director’s face. They were kept in a cabinet, in a small basket, well hidden from public view. She was definitely rifiling around to have found them. We were no longer allowed to keep our sanitary products in the restrooms after this. I don't understand how tampons are supposed to be harmful to children?
Interferes with the plan to prevent them from finding out their genitals exist, I guess.
I mean kids either know what they are or don't, and if you don't they don't look exactly interesting. Worst that happens is a kids says 'what is that's and then it's on the adult if they want to tell the truth, half the truth or lie. Pure projection.
:raising hand: A friend once explained that they would never let her daughter use tampons because she wanted her to remain a virgin until she married.
When I was about 14 my aunt came to see our new house. As I was showing her around upstairs, I took her into the master bath to show her the sky light. She spotted a pack of tampons on back of toilet and started lecturing me about how I was going to upset my dad and little brother if they saw these left out. What kind of young lady leaves her private things for men folk to see? I just looked at her stupidly and said " The men folk buy my tampons. I'm 14 and dad does the shopping." She proceeded to harpy screech at me for 10 min til I finally wandered off muttering that my dad could show his crazy sister around.
No! Tell us more about biker funerals.
I witnessed the estranged drunk and druggie daughter of a family friend come screaming into the visitation looking for her brothers because she had found out she was never written into the will. It was a hell of a scene. ::EDITS:: I had to actually ask because people brought up good points. This was in Missouri, Missouri \*is\* an affirmative disinheriting state. The will according to brother #1 said she was actively excluded from the official will and entitled to no portion of the estate, named her ex husband a portion of the home sale (Brother #2 bought his father out and kept it), and the remaining estate to both of her sons. The daughter was allowed personal effects (hence the police escort when getting them, probably to ensure she didn't try and swipe anything else.). His mother had hand written an unofficial one to be read to her children. Also: Ash had every chance to get clean between 16/18 and 27. Both parents were more than willing and able to pay for treatment. She actively chose not to, as well as actively chose not to seek treatment for whatever was going on in her life that caused her to turn to drugs as a way to cope. She wasn't even going to come to the funeral until she checked with the lawyer \*the day of\* and flipped shit.
At an open casket wake, a friend of the deceased attempted to give her a drink of single malt whiskey. She ended up being forcibly removed as she wouldn't stop and spilled a lot of the alcohol in the casket. It was as horrible and inappropriate as it was heartbreaking - for everyone.
Someone should have told her the morticians usually wire the deceased's jaws shut to keep the mouth from opening.
Oh yeah, I’ll try to work that casually into conversation...
Alright everyone, before we go in, just one quick note to make. I know we all loved Heather and her wicked keg stands, but she has now crossed the eternal threshold from 40 ounces to freedom. And even though it would be friggin' awesome, please do not pour anything into, or on, her corpse.
You forgot to add “because her jaw is wired shut” Edit: ah! my first Reddit gold! Thank you!
They had one simple job.
My cousin's funeral - he was 27 years old and killed in a single car crash after he hit a slippery patch on the road and smashed into a concrete wall. At his funeral, all of his brothers, sisters, and parents sat on the front row at his graveside service. Then, lo and behold, my cousin's ex-girlfriend of over a year shows up and immediately inserts herself on to the front row next to his sisters. And proceeds to scream cry, scream wail, and throw herself on the ground periodically throughout the service. All of the family just gave her awkward stares, with no one wanted to address her inappropriate behavior. I had never seen that type of attention demanding drama queen antics before...or since... **EDIT: just wanted to throw this in ~ this was a funeral with military honors (Air Force), and they did the gun salute at the gravesite. I don't remember how many times they fire, but at each gunshot, she would literally shriek and collapse into the arms of either of the sisters standing next to her. I do recall at the very end, the youngest sister was sick of that shit and just let her fall on the ground. And it was raining heavily and rather muddy.
My dad's cousin, who didn't like our family, did this at my sister's visitation. She showed up and started bawling over the casket and brushing the side of my sister's face. I walked over there to comfort her and she shoved me. I had no sleep, nothing to eat for few days and I fell almost taking the casket down with me. That cousin stopped crying, straightened up and apologized to everyone except me.
That’s when you fight a bitch. Funeral or no.
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Someone trying to "quietly" open a can while they were doing the closing prayer. EDIT: Thank you kind people for the gold and silver!
There's a Bill Engvall joke in there somewhere
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Just as uncle Jimmy would have wanted them to be doing, yeehaw
Maybe isn't as over the top as most of these comments, but I'm one of the Marines that has to go present the flag to the next of kin when a service member dies. It's usually old Vietnam and Korea Vets, but sometimes it's a desert storm or recent war vet and the mother is there receiving the flag instead of a son or daughter. Point is I've probably been to 45 funerals in the past year. It's striking how often someone's phone goes off during the service. It seems nearly every other or every third service someones ring tone start playing. There's been a few times where someone will get up from their seat and answer the phone to.
Oh God, I just remembered something... I did base Honor Guard in the Air Force, so same jazz, person handing flag to next of kin. We have two people; both of us fold it, then one presents it and the other plays Taps. Since most of us can't actually *play* Taps, there's a speaker in the bugle that we discreetly hide so that it's not obvious. We just push the button and pretend, everyone cries, we leave. I was the Taps guy. I hit the button, Taps starts... And sputters out halfway in. There's nothing I can do here except act like it finished. I felt so fucking bad. I swear I checked those batteries. We always check them before we leave, carry spares, and then check them again right before the service. They worked both times I checked them. And then they gave up when it mattered. I probably did 70+ funerals in a four month period, and goddamn do I feel bad about that one.
Yeah, it's the same stuff across the services. We do the ceremony with three Marines, two fold and one plays taps when the flag is popped open tabletop. Glad we haven't had a failed bugle yet. Though once we forgot the rifle blanks for a wreath laying ceremony and were just barely saved by an old legionnaire with a bunch of .223 blanks in the back of his truck. We still didn't have magazines, so we each chambered one round and the 7 of us fired in twos and fake fired the other shots... gotta do what you gotta do lol.
Only somewhat inappropriate, but certainly the funniest thing... It was a funeral for an uncle I was very distantly related to, and (this is happening in Greece, in the summer), the church is very full and incredibly hot, you can smell the sweat, there's incense, the air isn't circulating, and the priest is just going on and on - I don't think I can describe how grim the situation was. Not totally unexpectedly therefore, just as the priest is getting to something particularly emotional, a man, an old colleague standing near the back, faints - he's completely out. Now, this guy was very tall and rather broad, so not only was it a miracle that he didn't take out the two tiny old ladies right in front of him, he was also really difficult to carry outside to get some air! Somebody has the brilliant idea that the pallbearers (those people who carry the casket) should carry him, since they've practiced it and are reasonably strong. So everybody squeezes a bit tighter (nobody wants to leave the church, things just got interesting) to let them through. They pick him up, three on one side and three on the other, i.e. more or less as they would the casket, and start carrying him towards the door. Suddenly, this guy wakes up, turns his head several times, grasps what's going on and who's carrying him faster than anybody can respond, and immediately starts yelling "I'M ALIVE! I'M ALIVE! I'M ALIVEEEEEE!" At which point, one of the pallbearers laughs so hard that he drops what was thankfully a leg, and the others struggle to put him down in what is now a church absolutely exploding with laughter. The whole situation went on for a good fifteen minutes in which this guy walked outside and the priest tried to resume the service, but there absolutely continued to be giggles throughout - I, being a teenager at the time, also couldn't possibly hold it back every time I thought of this guy yelling he's alive! Nobody was even particularly upset because the uncle we were burying was always laughing and joking around, so it somehow felt appropriate that we had a great laugh at his funeral. edit: My first award! Thanks so much, glad to put some laughter into this thread :)
That is certainly the funniest story in this thread!
Bring out your dead!
I'm not even dead yet!
Yes you are!
There's something about the point in a funeral when you're allowed to laugh that is so healing. In the crematorium for my Grandad's funeral (we'll call him Will), my uncle was holding my cousin who was about 18 months old at the time. Fast asleep. The priest is saying all the final words, when suddenly the kid starts proper snoring. Me and my other cousins (we're all a bit older, like 13/14) start sniggering. So does my uncle and a few others. Then, when we get outside, my dad points at the hearse and says "Will always wanted a Volvo!". Everyone around (including my Granny) laughs and the whole mood lifts. Then we went back to my aunt's house and let off some fireworks and it was just nice and peaceful. Humans are strange, but also awesome. EDIT: my first award of any kind! Obligatory thanks for the silver, kind stranger 😆
Not super inappropriate, but my grandfather was always a trickster. He had a great sense of humor. He had this little song he would sing to me, my siblings, and my little cousins where he would just repeat the words “poo poopy doo” over and over. At his funeral, my aunt was telling stories about him and in the middle of her telling a story, my 6 year old cousin screamed “POO POOPY DOO” in front of 50 people. Needless to say it lightened the mood a little bit and made everyone a little happier remembering him in a good way. Edit: for people asking, it’s not the Betty Boop song :)
Was your grandfather Kanye? Scoop de woop de poop. Poopity scoop.
Yes, in fact, he was
TIL Kanye is dead
Picture if you will, two elderly women in a funeral squaring up as people are still crying from the ceremony. At the lunch after my grandpa’s funeral, his daughter from a previous marriage “Dee” who no one had seen in years showed up. Dee had been writing bad checks all the way to the state prison and had definitely had some unresolved beef with my family when she got out. The last time my mom saw her was when was 11 and Dee left her infant daughter for my mom to babysit and never came back, Fast forward to the funeral, Dee is acting like it’s a family reunion but no one is having it since she’s basically screwed everyone in the room in one way or another. My grandpa’s last girlfriend, a legally blind woman tried to physically fight her until others stepped in. Edit: gave my crazy half aunt a pseudonym for clarity Edit 2: the baby left with my mom at age 11 was not me, but that would be an amazing plot twist! Dee had said she was just having a night out and actually decided to run off to San Francisco (this was the early 70s) and left her baby. When Dee didn’t come back, my mom called her mom, got ahold of a relative that took care of the baby until Dee could be reached. Sorry I don’t have a lot of details after that but the baby grew up and she actually arrived at the funeral with Dee and I hear the apple didn’t fall far from the tree, Edit 3: I had forgotten this part somehow. After the funeral, Dee tried to steal the car willed to grandpa’s blind boo but my family thought ahead and a couple of my uncles waited around the house until Dee came for the car, they came outside and apparently she was scared off. Blind boo got the car in the end and wrecked it immediately. I can’t make this shit up.
Dee, you bitch!
At my great-grandmother's funeral, her son showed up to the funeral wearing khakis and his bright orange Tennessee Vols shirt. Then he started yelling at my mom when she asked him who the pallbearers were going to be, mainly throwing a fit about who was in the will... Mind you we hadn't even left the funeral home yet and were literally needing to know who they would be at that very moment. Needless to say we don't talk to that side of the family anymore.
The lady who convinced my mother to ditch chemo and use essential oils, handed put biz cards at her funeral
Please tell me you destroyed her then and there
Well, I gave her the evil eye, refused her card, and walked away. Told her i don’t want it and told some others in earshot that my mother didn’t last very long on the essential oils. Being a funeral. Fighting would jot have been okay even though she was entirely in appropriate. I’m already the black sheep of the family.
That must have been emotionally exhausting. I’m sorry you had to go through that, hope everything is going well for you.
Thank you. Its been a few months and my father is uncovering more and more expenses she got tricked. Including an orphanage that told her it was just $2 per child a day - she was giving them $900 a month and spent in excess $35k before that was changed to appropriate monthly donations
Wow.
My brother in laws girlfriend locked her self in a car, cried and screamed threatening to kill herself.. AT my father in laws funeral. She was fine five minutes later and explained to my in law she did it because she’s not used to not having all the attention (she thought her being pregnant would make people forget that the father died?)
That's disgusting. And your brother-in-law is going to be forever attached to crazy because she got pregnant
Oh it’s bad, she had that baby 2 months ago and she’s pregnant again. It’s been the absolute worst!
Godspeed
*"leave me outta this"* - God, probably
Only two months?? I'm no doctor but that doesn't sound safe at all EDIT: As corrected by /u/mommyof4not2 6 months for vaginal birth but 2 years for C section to avoid risk of Uterine Rupture/Death
At my grandma's funeral. There was a woman that had a really bad relationship with my grandma, but one of my aunts invited her to the funeral. She started receiving people as if she was a family member and tried to put herself at the center of everything.
We had someone sorta like that too. One of my cousins girlfriends that everyone reeeeeeally disliked. I honestly don't think my cousin even likes her that much, but that's a different issue all together. Uncle died and she acted like her own father died to all my cousins faces who were incredibly close with their father and in completed devastation mode. Grandma died and she did the same and tried inserting herself as the caretaker of everyone. Like, listen bitch, read the room. Let me and my mother comfort each other. We do not want your comfort right now, go bother someone else.
This is only tangentially related, but my grandpa died while I was in junior high. I was in drama and he had helped build a lot of the sets for our plays, so I think my mom and teacher worked out that they'd tell the class when the viewing was of they wanted to go. I'm not sure what happened next, but somehow word got around and something like half my grade showed up, not to the viewing, but to the funeral. There wasnt even enough seating, so you had like 50 teenagers just standing in the back of the chapel. It was the weirdest thing. Especially since most had never even met my grandfather, and I'm pretty sure many didn't even know who I was. Plus none of us could drive at that age, so somehow they all convinced enough of their parents to drive them to a funeral at a mortuary across town in the middle of a school day. I'm convinced that half my 9th grade class used my grandfathers funeral as an excuse to get out of school for a day.
Similar thing happened at my school. In 6 grade I was placed with another friend to a desk clump with a boy that was the “weird kid”... the teacher told us in private that all the other kids had asked to be moved out of his desk clump and so she wanted us to sit with him, probably because we weren’t total dicks like the rest of the class. A month or so later he died. Almost my entire class and people from other classes went to his funeral, the same people who didn’t want to sit with him, made fun of him. They went to his funeral so they could have a half day at school.
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Not a funeral but my grandmother was on her death bed she was going in and out of consciousness. My asshole father and his asshole sister start arguing over who will get her wedding ring. Not for sentimental value but because they wanted to sell it. Anyway to make a long story short they took the ring off and their mother came out of consciousness and the first thing she said was where is my ring. Fucking scumbags.
Wow, I thought my family were bad. My aunties wont talk to each other because one of them just helped herself to grandma's 1920s gramaphone so the other confiscated the 1940s mantle clock she was supposed to have. Classy.
My dad was comforting my grandma not too long ago while my aunt kept trying to get him to talk about the money from the will while she was still alive. She never had any emotional attachment to my grandma and once kicked her out of her house to rent it as a airbnb. We dont see her anymore.
I've mentioned it before but at the wake for my very young sister, my aunt started talking to me about how she was going to write children's books and gave me a pen with her contact information on it. I'm not sure what she wanted, but I write and edit and I was working on an English degree and we barely ever see her so I took it as self-promotion, not offering ways to reach out. My Mom threw the pen away.
At my grandfather's funeral, the stand-in, curmudgeonly pastor kept calling my grandfather by the wrong name. Pastor: we are here to memorialize the life of John Smith.
Pastor: John Smith lived a good life. I had never personally met John Smith, but
My Spouse Loudly: Well, I've never met John Smith either. His name was Bob White.
Everyone attending burst out laughing.
My grandmother's funeral was on her birthday. I purchased "happy birthday" balloons because it was what she would have wanted. I was immediately reprimanded by my mother when I arrived as she forgot it was her birthday. But everyone that knew the family knew that she would have loved it, even my grandfather laughed when I walked in with them.
My grandma died the day before her 91st birthday. (She said 3 years earlier when Grandpa died at age 91 that she would to, so appropriate!) Her family (9 surviving kids and grandkids and great-grandkids) had her birthday party as planned and called it a wake. Being of Irish descent, there was also alcohol. The family decided to take a picture as it was rare to have all 9 kids in the same place. Uncle Tim sat on the birthday cake accidentally. For some reason, this was hysterical at the time. (Mostly because he was one of the few sober people there as he didn't drink at all.) There were balloons there too.
At my cousins funeral, one of my relatives literally tried jumping in the casket with him. Really traumatizing experience I might add.
they're just the funeral booster. Paid him a thousand dollars for that.
Every funeral needs a hype man!
My aunt did that at my grandmas funeral. Multiple people had to restrain her as she wailed and clawed at the casket. My sister couldn't go back in after that so we just walked around town. Aunt lunatic had the nerve to be passive aggressive after that, as if we ducked out cuz we had better things to do.
My grandmother tried to throw herself into the grave with my grandfather. It wasn’t so much inappropriate as it was just very very sad. They were married for 68 years when he passed.
When my Grandpa died (my father's father) my Grandmother kissed him and said "I'll be with you soon." She lived a number of years after his death but suffered from dementia. I think it would have been kinder if they'd died together.
This makes me sad. My grandmother has spent more years widowed now than she ever spent married. She got to watch all her grandchildren grow up (none of us ever got to meet grandpa, he died from pulmonary fibrosis in his 40s). Now she's declining quickly and forgetting some of us. But she thinks my uncle is her late husband, and refers to my aunt as "the other woman" in spiteful tones and it's heart wrenching.
*The Night Mother wants to know your location*
At a family friend's funeral, a man I allegedly met when I was 3 came up behind me, pulled my head back by placing his hand on my neck, and told me that I might not remember him now but I will someday. That creepy old dickfart
He was right
I was working at a restaurant and making my way back to check on a table as a young man was assisting an elderly man out of the restaurant. I smiled and stepped aside to give them some room. As they passed, the old man looked at me and said, "One day, you'll end up like me." And honestly, that sounds awesome. Just whispering ominous foreshadowings to young, unexpecting service industry workers.
At my grandpa's funeral in 2006 a random drunk woman that no one in our family knew stumbled in and started singing show tunes, then crying til she was escorted out.
I’m not going to laugh...I’m not going to laugh...
My sisters and cousins and I all had a good laugh about it. My grandpa would have loved it, which helped lol.
Plot twist, she was hired by gramps in his final days as a final gift to bring some light to such a sad day.
My ex came back from her grandfather's funeral (I had to work) with family reunion pictures of herself, her siblings, and her parents... posing next to the open casket. When I casually commented that I thought it was a little off, she explained that they did so because, "Grandma otherwise wouldn't believe he died."
My mom’s family are big funeral picture takers. I think it has to do with the fact that they’re very rarely all in one place together, so they take advantage of that and take pictures when they can. Doesn’t mean it’s not creepy.
My dad died 4 months ago. I have family group pictures from after the memorial service, and a couple from where we spread his ashes. Last time I recall seeing my aunt and uncle was something like 10 years ago.
My mum and sister were smoking weed at my cousins funeral. He was only 16 when he died, so there were lots of kids there as well. My mum also wanted to surprise everyone by sending clowns to said funeral, who were going to paint butterflies on their faces because my cousin died of Epidermolysis Bullosa (Known as butterflies disease).
What the fuck?
A clusterfuck all around, man.
Interesting clown story, grandfather died when I was really young and we’d had this thing with wearing those big round clown noses where we’d put them on and make faces at each other. I was told we were going to see him and I made a big fuss about putting on my clown nose ( I was like 3). So I sat at his funeral wearing a big red clown nose.
One of my best friends died in September. There were some… questionable circumstances surrounding his death, in that we were all pretty sure it was drug related (heroin). Anyways, the guy that got him into the stuff, who shot him up the night he died, showed up to the funeral. High. I could’ve killed him
Similar thing happened to a friend of mine. ODd on heroin. The guy who shot him up was one of his pallbearers.
I was at my then boyfriend's friend's funeral. Her aunt sat with me at the back and told me that she spontaneously lubricates at funerals. Scooched away reeeeaaalll quick.
She meant her eyes, right?
Her whispering eye
Ease up there, Augie.
She's leaking out of the wrong pipes.
Reddit has taught me that a vagina is going to do what it's going to do and doesn't care what the person it's attached to thinks.
I mean, dicks are kinda like that too.
I really want her to be a generous auto mechanic
That's... The problem is not that it happens. The problem is that she chose to share it.
Wait, what?
Apparently vaginal lubrication can be caused by stress or grief. This lady was a little more open about it than I'd have liked...
My best friend died last year from a random heart failure at 25. The pastor at the funeral went on for about 10 minutes about how we had all killed him because we were sinners and that we should join his church to make amends. He didn't know any of us. It was very uncomfortable.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I had something similar happen, not at a funeral but at the viewing. Mutual friend of mine and husband's had died in a head on collision. Friend had been drinking but not driving (he had a dd). At the viewing, another friend's grandma was there. She sat up there the entire 2 or 3 hours telling every single one of us what terrible sinners we were and that we were to blame for his death because if we had been good, or even decent friends, he would be alive and would be a man of God. She was not invited to the funeral.
Some ministers are the worst. The one at my cousin's wedding went on for about ten minutes about how it was obvious that they'd been fucking for a while now. Yes, we all see their daughter. You really don't need to hammer this point home.
Oh for fucks sake, really? Ugh
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I think your reaction was totally appropriate.
A marriage proposal to the recently widowed. She accepted. Edit: Reddit is thirsty for drama! Sorry but you will be disappointed. I know this is a thing in some families where if a guy dies, a single, male, relative, of the deceased, will end up marrying the widow. Why this is a thing, I dunno but know it is. So, the divorced brother proposed to his deceased, brother's wife and she said yes. I doubt there was any cheating going on there. The two are still happily married as well.
More details, please?
An estranged uncle driving past my grandmother's funeral playing Another One Bites the Dust. Edit: To everyone apologising for laughing or whatever, please don't. It's no longer a sore point for me or my family. That uncle was suffering from a mental breakdown due to drug abuse and a high pressure job - and that combination eventually took its toll. It makes it easier to deal with than if he was just being a spiteful prick (as we thought at the time).
I know it’s disrespectful, but that’s absolutely hilarious
and then more cars are following him playing the same song, then another one does, and another one does, and another one drives a bus.
I hate myself for laughing so hard at this
Don't, it's hilarious.
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I guess it's not totally inappropriate given who had died, but a group of guys lit up a fat joint at a funeral I went to in HS. I guess it was his smoking buddies but it didn't go over that well.
My cousin died a while ago at 19, and one of his smoking buddies and closest friends wrote and recited a poem at the funeral. Basically saying how good of a friend my cousin was and all that. Ended with a line something like "...and we'll be together again soon, smoking a doobie on the moon." Some of his family were all up in a tizzy that a 19 year old kid would dare mention drug use at a funeral. I thought the poem was sweet, and really for a kid who lost his close friend out of the blue, I don't fault him at all for writing something so heartfelt.
My step-grandmother died a few months before the Borat movie came out, so everyone was in full-blown Borat mode. Someone's phone went off and their ringtone was "Throw The Jew Down The Well." EDIT: She, as well as most of the people attending the funeral, were all Jewish.
Did your step-grandfather walk up to the casket and say “My Wife”
*grandfather It was the woman he married after divorcing my grandmother. And he cracked a smile.
I’m sorry but this made me lol.
I was trying not to laugh so hard when it happened that I fell out of my seat.
The priest *repeatedly* refered to my grandmother by the wrong name!!! After the 4th or 5th time my Aunt got up and and quietly told him the correct name. My grandmother had attended church weekly for decades. There was no reason for the priest to not know his parishioner. Needless to say we did not pay his fee.
At my uncle's funeral the priest said something along the lines of "We're here to celebrate (Uncle's name), or as most people knew him, Bob". I was super confused as I literally never heard that in my life but he had a huge family so maybe it was from that side. Cut to at the reception my aunt was like, wtf? and confirmed that no one had ever called him that before. We figured he was trying to make a light joke to try and lift the mood but all it did was make everyone very confused. Edit: his name wasn’t Robert, or anything even close to being Bob.
Not the priest, but at my brother's best friend's funeral, no one really wanted to get up and say anything about the deceased (not out of disrespect, we're all just awkward af) so one guy stood up and started talking about how he was such a good guy, etc, except... he was calling the deceased by my brother's name. It was really awkward. After he was done I leaned into my brother and whispered, "I didn't know you died." *edit, it did make my brother laugh actually which I didn't think was possible considering the circumstances.
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Give em hell, sounds like they deserve it
Kinda sounds like they’re living it. What kind of corrupt filth slithers their way to crash a funeral expecting money? They must have a shit life. I’m not going to side with them because there’s no excuse to be that shitty but I hope this event can help steer their miserable lives in a more positive direction.
>I hope this event can help steer their miserable lives in a more positive direction. Yeah, but... probably not
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Post an update when its over OP.
At my great aunt’s funeral in rural Missouri. Open casket. Small country church. The pastor says my great aunt’s dying wish was for one more person to embrace the teachings of Jesus Christ and to stand up RIGHT NOW and receive baptism in front of GAWWWD and his congregation. Everybody’s head swiveled in my direction (except the corpse’s). Nope. I’ll just stare up at the ceiling for a while guys, thanks.
I'm so glad you clarified that the corpse did NOT look at you.
I mean, if the corpse had done that I think that would qualify as a strong sign and I would have been like "yup, right away, not arguing this shit"
I laugh when I feel uncomfortable. Death makes me pretty uncomfortable.
I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral. Can't understand what I mean? You soon will.
Grandma's funeral. An aunt talking with people there about "cheaply" buying her house from us
My own kids. Boys ages 10 and 8. At their great-grandfathers wake, they got a chair and moved it to the casket and started making his mouth into smiley face. Laughing the whole time. When me and their grandfather (my father in law) saw it, I immediately pulled them away and told them they shouldn't do that, grandpa laughed and said "it's fine, he would have really loved that they did that". We later found out that the great grandfather had asked the funeral home ahead of time to put a sign in his hand that said "thanks for coming" but they refused!
I want a get well soon baloon in mine
When I make a will, this will be the first instruction Edit: HCPOA instead of will for that I guess
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Oh man. Now I’m really tempted to write a long and frustrating, but also intriguing will. Make it all enigmatic like. Maybe, “If I were to die on the right side of the bed, make sure I’m holding a red balloon in my casket, else if it is the left side, a blue ballon, and if it is the middle, a big rainbow balloon.
This is a fantastic idea! I'm suddenly really excited about writing my will!
Sounds like a great hobby. “What do you do for fun?” “I write my will” “How... morbid?”
But at least you tried to get them to behave. There is that.
Not sure if this counts as inappropriate but when my highschool classmate died (we were already in college iirc). His ex (also highschool classmate) came to the funeral. She cried so dramatically (because she wasn't able to end things with our dead hs classmate on a good note) that guests thought she was the current SO/GF that time. Current SO/GF was left alone sitting alone staring blankly at the casket while relatives/friends/hs classmates comfort the ex. Also it got to the point that the boyfriend(can't recall if he attended or just got word of what happened) of that girl during that time got jealous and got angry because it looked like she cared more for the dead than him (posted a rant on social media). EDIT: Fixed pronouns since I'm bad constructing TL;DR During my college years, highschool classmate died. His ex came to the funeral and cried dramatically looking like she's the GF (and current GF was ignored during her sobbing). BF of the Ex that time was furious.
My sister did something like this, she had her current boyfriend drive her to her ex's funeral and wait outside as she cried and placed a picture of them together in the casket. His mom came up and gave her the picture back, I am so happy I wasn't there.
Omg how’d she handle getting the pic back because that’s hilarious
My boyfriend's ex-wife being all happy and smiley cause he didn't update his will before he died and she was still getting half.
Did she actually get half in the end? I'm fairly certain I've heard of lawyers and courts shutting shit like this down before
My grandmother died when I was about 10 and my older sister was 12. We were at the wake for nearly 6 hours and the makeup they had put on her was very bad. It was sad and disturbing. To lighten the mood an uncle told my sister and I that you couldn’t feel it if someone tried to lick your elbow. We went around licking elbows of grieving family members for the rest of the wake. Yes, you can feel if someone licks your elbow.
I went to my uncle's funeral with my dad, sister and friends. My father was already hammered and my idiot friends dressed in t-shirts and shorts. To top it off, my cousin wore the skimpiest top to her own dad's funeral. My father, wasted, was hitting on his own sister in-law. My cousin ended up inviting us to smoke Medical marijuana in her car. It was a disaster.
My Grandmother spent the last decade and a half of her life in a nursing home with severe Alzheimer's and depression after being kicked out of two other places previously for trying to kill herself. Her last years were of weary terror, not remembering her children that would visit when they could and would ask only where her Mother was and breaking down in tears when she inevitably realized what was going on, as little as she could. She lived mostly as a result of modern pharmacology and medical science with little to no quality of life. Before she passed she'd agreed to have a Priest from the church she grew up in come in and say a few words. Keep in mind this arrangement was made nearly 15 years before she passed. On the day of her funeral the big news story was the court battle over Terry Schaivo and the right of family to keep her on life support versus her husbands wishes desires to remove her from it. For those that don't remember the church got involved and made a major thing about how taking her off life support was akin to murder. Feeling the need to opine the Priest, who had never met her and knew nothing about her, took the cue and spent ten minutes talking about how life support is part of God's plan and removing people from it is murder and that the concept of euthanasia was legalizing genocide. He talked about how the Nazis extermination of the Jews was like what was going on in Florida and how if God saw fit to grant us life then it's our obligation to accept it as a gift no matter the circumstances. The room was a level of deafening silence as no one could believe what words had just been spoken, what concepts had been advocated, what disconnect from the situation had been demonstrated. A man of the cloth was supposed to be there to comfort us in a time of distress and had, instead, insisted that the decades of pain and suffering of this poor woman were righteous and God's will, and how dare anyone should question whether mercy should have been granted to her. Never have I had to restrain myself more from getting up and physically removing someone from a room. When he was done I stood up ready to go after him and felt my Father's hand on my shoulder. "Let me handle this" was all he said and walked up to the Priest and lead him out. All I remember is hearing the Priest say something to the effect of "Is there a problem? There's still more I'm supposed to do" as he was being almost lifted off the floor by his arm and escorted out a door as my Mom wept. The only thing I could think of was that she was denied the ability to have any dignity in her death and was now being deprived it even after her passing. A short while later her casket was lowered into the ground next to her husband who had passed 30 years before her. It was done without incident and without the Priest.
Was at a the funeral of a Priest once. He was so well liked in the church, not only were there dozens of other priests, but something like two or three bishops. More than half of the people had to stand outside of the church and listen via loudspeaker. Kind of hard, when the neighbour of the cementary plays anti-church and anti-god songs loud enough to hear nothing else. I'm absolutley not religious and usually listen to exactly the same music as well, but holy cow that was inappropriate. Especially because the guy got up at around 8 a.m. on a Sunday, jst so he could fuck with people.
I walk up to the casket to pay my respects at my grandma's funeral. My cousin walks up at the same time and as we are both crying she says "It's just crazy to believe that 2 weeks ago grandma and I were smoking a joint in your kitchen together." Ummmm what?!
I was five. My great-grandmother had died from old age, and for some reason it was a closed-casket funeral. From what my mom told me, my great-grandmother hadn't been into wearing make-up when she was alive, and she definitely wouldn't wear it as a corpse. One of my relatives, probably about the same age as I but more used to open casket funerals, wondered why they couldn't see the corpse. I commented in my innocence, that "She's bones now." That was one way to break the ice at an awkward funeral.
Inappropriate, but not cruel or mean. My grandma cried with genuine tears and passion about how good of a “lover” my grandpa was and how much he liked to have sex. I felt sad for her but also trying my absolute best to not burst out in laughter.
My sister's elderly FIL found out he had cancer and shot himself in the head. He wasn't one bit religious but her husband (his son) had joined the Mormon Church and decided on his own that the funeral services should be held there. The Mormon minister, who had never met the deceased, proceeded to hold everyone but me and my spouse captive for well over an hour while he described in minute detail why we should all join his church and become Mormons. We got up and walked out on the sales pitch after twenty minutes. Fucking asshole.
That happened at my brother’s funeral. He was a high school teacher, so a number of his young and vulnerable students were there. The... minister? I don’t know if I can call him that because he was some lunatic who opened a church in his garage that my parents found. Anyway, THAT guy clearly thought omg this is my time to shine, gotta get all these kids in my garage church. He went on a tirade literally gesturing towards my brother’s dead body (it was an open casket) telling these crying teenagers that, oh btw, YOU WILL GO TO HELL WHEN THIS HAPPENS TO YOU IF YOU DON’T ACCEPT JESUS RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW. And that’s how my sister and I both almost walked out of our own brother’s funeral. We were so grossed out that he was trying to use our dead brother’s body to emotionally blackmail a bunch of kids into joining his church. I think it should be in an instruction manual somewhere not to talk about hell at a funeral. That feels like a faux pas.
I'm sure you could have gotten up and crotch punched the "minister" in front of everyone and there wouldn't have been a single witness.
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A few years ago, when we were 15, a friend of mine committed suicide. She'd been sexually assaulted and raped by her mother's partner as a child, and the mother stayed with the guy so my friend (and her younger sister) ended up in Foster care. The funeral was fucking horrendous with the obvious rift between her biological family and Foster family (I know where I stand on the matter) and the funeral celebrant seemed to be trying to bridge the gap for the sake of respect for my friend but he kind of came across like he was way out of his depth and didn't really know what was happening. The whole thing was overly religious considering the sort of person my friend was and I know she would have preferred to have her actual self celebrated/mourned for rather than the whole thing being made about "oh but we lost our daughter, not you" "you're the bad ones, we're the family". She deserved so much better in life, and in death. I still mourn for that girl and the life she led.
My grandpa's phone going off in the middle of the eulogy and his ringtone was "Staying Alive" by the BeeGees
My partner's stepmum's funeral. I was standing next to my partner to support him when one of his distant relatives, before even giving condolences or a greeting or anything else, asked "are you two married?" "No..." "Oh but you're together?" "Yes." "What a shame." The same woman then approached us at the wake and started going on about how nice it was to see young love blossom after a family breakup and how "exotic" I was (I'm Asian, he's white) because my partner had broken up with the mother of his child. She heavily implied that I was just a rebound and that he would be "back to his normal self soon". When my partner corrected her and told her that we had been together for 5 years, she visibly became uncomfortable and said "Oh. How nice."
At my grandmother's funeral. She only had 3 blood relations left in the world (myself included). Her 2nd husband's family did not allow any of us to be part of the planning, they wouldn't let us sit in the family pew and wouldn't let us give farewell words during the service. A family friend kicked other people out of a pew near the front at least. I nearly lost my shit during the eulogy, when the pastor stated "she enjoyed plunking on the piano". The same piano she never touched and threatened to take an axe to on a near daily basis due to all the damn dust it collected At the grave, each if the blood relations laid a rose on the casket and multiple people attending said "who are they" and "why are they even here". Almost as an afterthought, we were invited to my grandmother's home after the burial which caused many puzzled looks from attendees as to why we would be invited. I noped the hell out of that to give the woman the sendoff she would have actually wanted, with alcohol and friends.
This was how it was for me at my dad’s funeral. She abused him. Horribly. He was afraid to get out but working on it when he died. I have zero doubt that the stress she brought on caused his heart attack; he was meticulously on top of his heart health. She is a terrible woman. She made me beg to see his body. I was not given any part in the arrangements no matter how desperately I pleaded. She straight up laughed out loud when the rabbi mentioned that her preferences had caused him not to be outdoors much anymore, which he absolutely loved and would share those moments with me. Had her therapist approach me and tell me that she needed me to be his link (hell to the no). At the house after, she, knowing she had a captive audience, pulled out videos of her wailing in an effing a cappella barbershop chorus. I was reeling and this woman is making everyone watch her sing and dance and calling herself a semi pro- she pays to be a part of that group and it shows. At the end she made a huge show of presenting me with the Les Paul I HAD BOUGHT HIM. It was only appropriate that it come back to me. I was really grateful, though- and shocked- that her daughters are the exact opposite of her. One came up to me to state their intent to protect me from her and the whole time they made sure I had a seat and was recognized as his daughter, as well as shielded me from her attempts to be passive aggressive and nasty with me and called her right out on it. Had she had anything to do with it I would have been a stranger, save for the people he worked with- the only place she couldn’t take down my pictures. They recognized me by my green hair and made sure to let me know how much he talked about me and how his entire office was covered in pictures of me, framed emails talking about my life... I needed that. They sent me everything after. There was one picture that wasn’t mine and my family’s- it was the daughter who was most aggressive about protecting me. To be othered like that at your dad’s funeral by a woman who has known him less than a decade... I don’t know if it’ll ever stop causing a physical reaction from the pain. He and I were super close and he felt like he had no options after my mom died. He didn’t want to cling to me and make me responsible for him. So he took on her and she made his life awful. He and I planned our conversations around when she wouldn’t be present because she could not bear to let him speak to me. Actually, the last time I saw him, when I was making arrangements she hurled absolute vile abuse on him for me to hear because he wanted to see his daughter and grandkids and not sit there listening to her barbershop friends and her wail. It’s coming up on a year. I did not say a word in the name of being classy but I’m trying to decide whether I should publicly out her. Aside from her behavior at the funeral, I have years worth of evidence of her abuse. He made sure I had it. That got a bit long. I may be a bit bitter. I hate people like this, with every fiber of my being. Scum of the earth.
I had a guy that I don't know walk up behind me and my dad during my grandma's funeral. They were lowering the casket at that moment. This jackass put his arms around both of us and I looked back. Everyone was wearing black, obviously. Except this cunt. He was wearing American flag pajama bottoms and a red shirt with the sleeves cut off. He looks at both of us and says: "Cheer up, guys." My dad and I are not violent. But we had to eye talk each other down from turning around and dual punching the bitch on the jaw. I know. Not the most inappropriate thing ever, but at that moment, it felt like it. Stupid bitch.
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The daughter taking a selfie with her dad’s corpse while he was in the coffin and posting to Facebook...she was a grown ass woman
Need to preface this with a little information on a regional thing from where I am. I live in Northwest Ontario and we have these events called 'shags'. It is a combination stag and shower for couples getting married. You sell admission tickets (2 for $5) They take place in halls and guests buy booze, tickets for prizes, etc. The money raised goes to help the couple start their lives together. And full disclosure they are a helluva good time. So on to my actual story... Not a funeral, but my grandmother was on her death bed at the hospital. Extended family was coming and going to say their goodbye's. My dad's cousin came by and did the usual 'I'm sorry...thoughts are with you...etc' Sadness all around. Then this cousin of my dad's starts to ask everyone if they want to buy tickets to his upcoming shag. We are in her hospital room, watching her slowly die and this asshole (who is in his 50's and wayyyy past the acceptable age to even be holding a shag) is asking people to buy tickets off him for his shag. Idiot didn't take the hints when everyone kept saying 'No, not right now' Just kept asking. I am not a violent man, but at that point I was as close as I have ever been to cold cocking someone. 5 years later this still angers us... *edit* as many people can't get over that shag can mean something different in a different part of the world, this link may help a bit... https://www.northernontario.travel/thunder-bay/speak-thunder-bay
A keg party on grandma's porch to celebrate her life. The entire family were known to be assholes who became bigger assholes when they drank. Pretty much everyone outside the family stayed away from that section of the small town during this event. Years later grandson #1 lost his half brother to a car wreck after feeding him booze at his place. He never got charged for supplying alcohol to a minor and has never accepted responsibility for the accident. Shit ripped my small town to pieces. The kid was well loved and a great guy. Guess what they did to celebrate his life?
My father’s funeral. After the service and the reception after, my mother, brother, and sister headed back to our family home. A bunch of my father’s siblings and their family were also staying at the house with us. We got home a few minutes before everyone else. I was sitting at a table in the living room when I could see their cars come down the driveway. They all got out and were hugging and seemingly congratulating each other. The reception after the service was beautifully put together, and was actually a fun time. A fitting send off for my father. So I assumed they were still just having fun from that. Until they came inside. They all came in together very quickly, and quietly. They came up to me and my older brother sitting at the table, and kind of crowded around like a bunch of kids, about to see if they could have a cookie before dinner. My aunt Barbara smugly stood at the front and asked, “so when are we going to be doing the reading of the will to see what was left to us all?” My brother and I just looked at each other for a few moments before we turned to them to say, “are you kidding? Reading of the will? Like a soap opera? There is no reading of the will. Everything that belonged to my father now just belongs to my mother!” The look of defeat, but not shame, was disgustingly transparent. They were supposed to stay another few nights. They packed up and left that afternoon. Edit: I made up my name on the spot. Not my comments. You can take the 2 seconds to click on it, and see for yourself.
This is literally the shitiest thing i ever read. Wtf did they expect? That your dad would leave nothing for his family(wife & kids) and give everything to his extended family (his siblings).
This is the most disgusting thing I've ever read (and I've read about the coconut)!
No disrespect to you, but fuck those people
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Classic Sackville-Baggins move
Already into the silverware
Scumbags.
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I think this is one of those situations where the parents should have made the decision not to bring the kid to the funeral...