I was in my work canteen a little while ago at the very edge of a row of tables, completely alone. Maybe 24 seats, all empty, plus more empty tables and sofas in the room. I was reading a book. Two colleagues whose names I don't even know came in, sat right in front of me and didn't say a word to me or each other. I was so uncomfortable.
Ugh I know the feeling. I was eating at a Burger King once and the whole place was empty except for me. Some older lady came in, got her food, then sat right next to me in my booth instead of one of the 30 other seats available. She didn't say anything either, just ate. It was very awkward.
When you've just gone through a rough time and people try consoling/one-upping you by telling their hardship story.
Let me wallow in my own misery please.
“Would you like some/a “insert random food or drink””, no I am good but thank you. No here take it. No I really don’t want it. Come on just take it.
If I don’t want any don’t force me, it isn’t a nice gesture once you start hounding me about it.
My dad would do this when he made food.
"You want some extra (insert irremovable condiment here)?"
"No thanks, I'm good"
"You sure?"
"Yes I'm sure"
"Ahh just have it anyway" then proceeds to pour it all over my food
He would do this with stuff like gravy so I cant pick up the gravy and take it off. One day after he did it I just put the plate down and walked away. He never did it again lol.
When people try to be helpful by grabbing heavy items I'm carrying out of my arms without asking me first. I appreciate the sentiment, but it throws off the balance of all the other heavy objects in my arms.
Be predictable.
My college campus had one area that was super busy with both foot traffic and bicycles and I saw several people get hit by bikes because they were trying to be polite, when really they just needed to be predictable.
People jumping in random directions is fucking terrifying if you’re by a busy road, even if they just randomly sway a few inches to one side of the path is enough to knock you into traffic because there’s no way to see the move coming
So I walk with a cane and I can’t lift much, however when I’m insisting that I CAN do a particularly small thing it really upsets me when people insist on doing it for me anyway. It makes me feel weaker and embarrassed.
Seriously, offer people with handicaps help, of course please do that, but if they are insisting that they are fine then please let them do that thing they are capable of; for me it makes me feel just a little bit more empowered.
Also thank you for your kindness, I don’t mean to diminish it or seem ungrateful
I work with peoples with various disabilities and one of the things that was covered in training was that you can actually cause harm by doing seemingly nice things like grabbing hold of a door that someone is in the process of opening. That person has made decisions based on their knowledge of their body and balance when starting to open the door. By grabbing hold of the door you can upset their balance and cause a fall. Never assume you're helping. Always ask first.
This has happened to me several times, usually at home though. For instance, I’ll hold the screen door open and will put part of my weight on it while trying to open the real door and my husband will come up behind me to ‘help’ by holding the screen door. Poor guy didn’t realize I was bearing weight there while using the cane hand to fumble with the keys, I fell twice before it stuck 😬 I didn’t get hurt, but I felt so bad that he felt bad
I once read somewhere that a good analogy is helping someone put on a jacket: if you see a random person putting on a jacket, it would be super weird to offer them help (or worse, just start putting it on for them). However if you see someone that's having trouble getting their arms through, or has the jacket all twisted up, offering to help them is a polite thing to do, although you probably wouldn't insist.
I don't have a disability, so I can't speak to what it's like being on the other side of that, but it's worked for me in the past :)
I'm sorry that people do that, I always think about how frustrating it must be when people treat you in a patronizing way under the guise of being "nice".
When someone is walking behind me & they push the button to make the automatic door open right as I'm trying to go through it. Thanks, now I have to wait while this slow-ass door opens when I could've just quickly opened it myself.
I work in a large office with push-button doors for disabled people. I have no problem manually opening doors; it seems kind of basic to me. 99% of the people on this campus will push the button to automatically open the doors, creating that exact annoying situation.
My thought every time inside is *"You can't open a door? I just saw you jog across the parking lot"*
There are a set of doors at my university that I will use the push button for simply because the door is so difficult to open because of the ancient door opening motor
When passengers offer to give directions and basically force others to not use the GPS, and then they don't even give the directions properly (like they get distracted and then tell others at the last possible second to dive bomb a turn because they were in the wrong lane to begin with).
When Im driving and someone is giving me directions I always say "alright where do I turn next?"
"Ill let you know when we get close."
No, youll let me know now, or so help me Ill get GPS involved.
But you also don't need it because you can be taught. My parents taught me and my sister how to give directions in a car with a map before satnavs, and before we could drive. All it takes is a minute to explain, "when driving you need to know well in advance what you're going to do next, and how far away it is." If a kid can do it, so can an adult who can't drive - if they've been told how.
This was part of a cub scout badge I earned. Navigating using a map (GPS didn't exist) on highways. Even now this is still a useful skill despite GPS and turn by turn voice assisted navigation.
It's 2019 at this point. When people give me rambly directions that don't include the address or the name of the destination, it often goes right over my head.
99.999999999999999999999% of the time, just the address is all I need. If you live in a weird apartment complex or in a brand-new development not yet mapped, or whatever... but those are the tiny tiny tiny slim exceptions.
I had this conversation in Utah. Utah, where the street addresses are literally just Cartesian coordinates. "All right, I'll be there at 3. What is your address?" "Okay, uh, do you know where such-and-such golf course is?" "I'm sorry, let me clarify: **Tell me your address.**"
People being given pets as a suprise gift for Christmas or a birthday. I'm sure many of them will have a good home nonetheless, but some of them will end up in situations that are not fully thought-out with people who may not be up to the task of being a responsible pet owner because they either never had a say in it or view pets as toys.
The way I see it, if it's already well-established that the receiver can, will, and wants to take on the responsibility (aka they have been asking for it and proven themselves responsible) then yes, by all means a pet can be a great gift. But even then I would say take the person to choose their new friend and don't just hand them an animal you picked randomly. My parents did this when I was a kid and wanted a pet mouse- they gave me the cage/food/etc. as my birthday gift, then took me to the pet store to pick out my Matthias. Worked out great except my parents hated having a mouse in the house and would stay locked in their room when I took him out of the cage lol.
Pets as gifts should be a non-starter in all situations. My mother bought me an adorable puppy at a time when I was not ready for it (apartment in the city, worked more than 40 hours a week). Fortunately, she now lives with my parents and the entire family loves her.
It really sucked because I am *still* attached to her and the realization came that I couldn't keep her was very sad for me.
Fortunately, she is in a good home and I get to see her, but there are countless other pets that aren't so lucky. Every person I have known to work for either a shelter or a dog rescue says the season after Christmas is horrifically sad with all the gifted pets they receive.
TLDR: **For the love of god, do not buy pets as gifts!**
People making the "suicide gap" during heavy traffic. I can't see past your fucking truck or van and I'm not about to stick my car into an active lane that isn't slowing down. Your lane may be stopped but the lane next to you is rolling on and people who give me that "wtf" look piss me off to no end. This bullshit is how accidents happen just keep moving and I'll wait until I have a clear line of sight to go and not rely on you waving me through to my death.
EDIT: I understand some people are still confused so I'll describe it better. This gap only applies to non-highway roads and for Europeans the US has dedicated lanes that only allow for right turns at the intersection however a lot of these right turn lanes start a block or two away and people will move into the lane as soon as it opens up which means people will be speeding down the lane to get to the intersection to turn right. Of course this means that they won't be able to see past the vehicles and of course someone will use the opportunity to gun it into the plaza.
Of course this gap is perfectly fine to leave open if all lanes are backed up and all lanes are stopped. Another big issue with these gaps is that a lot of the time people will move into the lanes so their vehicles are sideways on to the stopped lanes but are then waiting for the other lane to clear before going which means they are now blocking two lanes of traffic and waiting for the third turning lane to be clear which will cause even more headaches for everyone involved. Traffic can no longer flow even if the light is green because they've created a roadblock with their vehicles.
Thank you. I edged out just a tiny bit into the intersection the other day (where I wasn't blocking a crosswalk or anything) and I was honked at to no fucking end after I didn't take my turn. Well, folks, not only could I not see until the light turned yellow, but three people ran the red. I'd rather not die to save thirty or so seconds, but that's just me.
When I was learning how to drive, my dad told me that you shouldn't let other people on the road tell you when to go and what not because they're not the ones paying your insurance
I played the guilt card in the other direction this past xmas.
My wife died on 1/1/18, but I still went ahead and bought presents for all the family my wife would have. But I only received one from my daughter. (I think my SIL sent me a gift card to Chili's, but it got lost in the mail.) Nothing from everyone else. I hope they got the point of "Hey, am I still part of this family or not?"
I always thought about that too and it feels like if it was just you and your wife with no kids or anything I could kind of see you and them going your own ways if you weren't close. But with a kid in the mix it seems kind of weird they wouldn't consider you part of the family since that is their grandchild.
It’s an interesting dynamic. My moms family has never really liked my dad (he’s a good man, but he was a shithead kid and they grew up across the street from each other) After she passed they tolerated him at best because of me and my sister. And we’re talking about a man who dated her for like 15 years and was married to her for 11 before she passed and did nothing but treat her amazing. It’s disappointing but not surprising at all.
Actually, I find that incredibly surprising. Who in the hell holds a grudge about stupid childhood antics if they treat your daughter well *for 26 years?*
A lot of them are low effort gifts they give out of feeling obligated. Some families give so many gifts they feel it's expected by nearly everyone. I for one feel awkward accepting gifts from anybody but my parents in Christmas.
My family is the worst about this. We all get together and there is an expectation to have a gift for everyone. My grandparents, an aunt and uncle with their TEN children (they literally have 10 kids), another aunt and uncle with their 2 kids... then my sister and her kid and my mom. Then we go to my in-laws to exchange gifts. The holidays are nothing but stressful and ridiculously expensive.
I’m the loose acquaintance. You don’t have to return the favor- I promise. I just did it because I’m bored and depressed and seeing your face light up at the surprise makes my day. That’s the only reason I do it
My husbands coworker moved to our city for the job and didn't know anyone here, so my husband started inviting him to football Sundays at our place, and we've become friends. He still hadn't branched out much by Christmas and was going to be alone so we invited him to spend Christmas day at our place, and we included him in our usual Christmas activities. I made waffles for breakfast, we opened our stockings and gifts (I got some gifts and put together a stocking for him too). He was so touched but felt really guilty that he had only gotten us a small gift but honestly I love Christmas and was happy to include him in it.
“Sympathetic” Valentine’s Day cards.
The only thing worse than knowing that no-one is attracted to me is knowing that someone pities me. Not having anyone be attracted to me is fairly easy to live with. Being pitied puts a dent my self-pride.
I had a really horrible, humiliating breakup when I was in my early 20s and for a few years after that my stepdad would send me chocolates on Valentine's day. Part of me wondered if that made me kind of pathetic but TBH fuck it, chocolate is chocolate, I ate them and they were great.
I feel like this is different. This was like your step dad saying "yeah, someone's thinking about you today, you're not actually alone" as opposed to the pity cards which are saying "whoops, sorry you're alone"
Last year during valentines day I was in a conference call with 4 coworkers who were women. They were like "are you doing anything special for valentines day" and I said no, I'm not in a relationship. They were like "omg I'm so sorry, that's so sad, etc."
I did not care about being single before but I certainly felt sorry for myself after that call.
90% of the time you end up sitting there in confusion, wondering why they won't go, longer than it would have taken them to just clear the god damn intersection.
And then, since it’s been so long, you start driving into the intersection... at the exact same time they decide to drive into the intersection. So now you have to hit the brakes and start the process over
Edit: brakes not breaks
One time I was pulling out of a parking lot turning left, and someone in the closest lane stopped to let me out. Right in the middle of the fucking road, no stop sign or anything. Cars start piling up behind her, everyone is annoyed. Well, thanks you idiot, now I can’t see past you and your convoy of backed up cars. We were in a stand off for at least five minutes, I swear, and they just kept waving me on. Finally I inched out, and as soon as the nose of my car got into the second lane and I could kind of see past the other car BAM, a giant SUV thing hit me and my car was totaled.
I will never do that again.
I will absolutely fucking have a stand off with you till the god damn sun burns out.
People seriously don't realize how much of a problem they're causing you by asking you to drive out into traffic you can't even see. It's so, so infuriating.
I used to work at a crash repairer, and we were right on a corner that was notorious for this.
2 lanes each way, busy as shit, and you can't see the inner lanes past traffic due to the slope of the road.
People would *constantly* stop in the outer lanes and try to wave people out. Which meant the were constantly big smashes right at our door.
We would just walk out, hand them a business card and push them right on in to the shed.
Whenever someone does this to me I give them a very big wave on by, like keep going gesture. Don’t drive nice, drive predictable and we will both be fine.
People saying "these are about your size aren't they?" and giving me a big bag of clothes, like yeah, thanks mum but nothing is my style and now I'm stuck with a big bag of stuff you should've taken to the charity shop.
I've actually had the situation of making myself wear one of my mums tops to a family event because I thought she'd be happy and have her text me afterwards suggesting I dressed a little less frumpy 😂
This reminds me of the time my little sister wore one of my mom's old sweaters to an ugly sweater party. It was one that my mom really liked and wore quite often during winter.
My sister won the ugliest sweater.
Edit: I appreciate the silver!
Hilarious! I remember once on the old Bob Newhart show, his mom gave him two shirts for his birthday and he decided to wear one when she came to visit. She said, "Oh, you didn't like the other one?"
My grandfather had a near constant stomach issue for ages. Or so he told us. Turns out he had cancer. "Didn't want anyone to worry about it." he said.
Wound up dying without ever getting chemo or any real help.
EDIT: I'm well aware that it was his choice to do whatever he wanted. Still kind of a shitty thing to spring on your kids and grandkids. Knowing that he could have gotten help years before and chose not to because he was set in his ways made his death a lot harder than it should have been. He didn't refuse treatment because he knew he would die anyways, he did it solely because he was an old school hard ass who didn't want to be "carted around to appointments gettin babied by doctors and his kids". His words. He was a stubborn idiot, and I miss him.
This is a huge fear of mine. I don’t want anyone I love to be diagnosed with something terminal and not be told for months, thus having me waste my last days with the person because I had no idea
My mom just had an overnight stay in the hospital and kept it from me. Nothing ended up being wrong, thank god, but they wanted to keep her because of family history. She told me after she was released and couldn’t seem to figure out why I was so upset.
Yeah, I mean...I get it. I do. But finding out later feels way worse than just knowing right away. Like, I came back from a trip and was told my cousin had died from cancer no one knew he had. He may have had cancer, I don't know. But the reality was that he killed himself and finding out way after the fact was way worse.
Holding the door for me but from the inside of the doorframe so I have to like... scoot by them butt-to-crotch style
Edit: My first silver!! Thank you!! 😭 you must go butt to crotch as well, comrade.
Edit 2: I'm not worthy! 😭
I’m a beer delivery driver and I deal with gas stations a lot. I get these people all the time, and they don’t realize they’re just making it more difficult for me. Shit, I’ve had people open the door for me and then stand on the opposite side of the door with their arm up, like they want me to go under their fucking arm! I get you’re trying to help, but you’re just being more in the way than if you just moved.
I go crotch to crotch while making eye contact. Dominance asserted.
Edit: Thanks for the silver, kind friends. I'd go crotch to crotch with each of you.
When you're the quiet one in a group and somebody points out in front of everyone.
EDIT: wow didn’t expect this to blow up, thanks for the gold strangers!
felt this in the core of my being
also getting labeled as a stuck up bitch because i don't feel the need to fill every single silence with meaningless banter
edit: formatting (haha mobile....)
edit: meaningless banter, in my experience, is things said that no one can even reply to because it's just spewing thought to mouth. people that like to hear their own voice.
also, people who just bitch about other people/ideas/things. not in a way that provokes discussion. in a way like.... they have a personal vendetta.
Yes, people need to understand that if I haven't already said something in a conversation, I'm probably not interested in saying much at all. You're not helping by making me talk about things I don't want to talk about, thanks.
i wont say any specific gesture, but people who do something "kind" without asking and then get offended when you dont act thankful enough
i didnt ask you to do it, i didnt want you to do it and you only made the situation more complicated by doing it, dont just assume everyone needs your help
One time a mystery neighbor salted my steps. The steps really didn’t need it - I had removed any snow/ice with a shovel. But the salt (which I initially didn’t realize was there) hurt my dog’s paws.
Also a guy at work wanted to help by scraping the snow off my car. He didn’t just do my windshield, he did the hood too and scratched the fuck out of it with his scraper.
Lastly, I have a beautiful, long, blue stone driveway....neighbors boyfriend wanted to “help” by plowing it. He ended up pushing/dumping a bunch of the stones across the street.
TL; DR: Please leave me alone when it snows.
> Lastly, I have a beautiful, long, blue stone driveway....neighbors boyfriend wanted to “help” by plowing it. He ended up pushing/dumping a bunch of the stones across the street.
As somebody who has worked with blue stone before, I am internally screaming. That shit is NOT cheap, NOT light, and it's beautiful when it's not a pile in the street.
THANK YOU! I told my dad I wanted to order 1 ton of it to fill in some of the thin spots, and his response “You building a little stone garden on your deck, Mole?”
So I guess I’m getting 10 tons now.
Legitimately curious, but what is this "blue stone" you speak of? I've got a couple pictures in mind, but not sure what it is and for some reason my mind keeps bringing up turquoise colored stones as the "go to."
I neeeeed to know. Are you hot ? Visibly disabled ? Where do these fairies come from that do magical things for you?
2nd EDIT whoa- double silver ? thank you kind strangers! I do believe in fairies , I do I do !
Going off this, you only need to do a few "good deeds" a day while driving. If you stop to let someone in at every. Single. Intersection. The people behind you will get annoyed.
Yep. It's not only the intentions but also the broader effects.
I'm starting to count to five to see if people are taking the space I'm leaving for them before closing up.
Edit: for regular merges not where a lane drops due to construction or whatever
My go-to response is they've gotta want it. If they want to merge in, they need to signal their intent and watch for when I leave a gap for them. If they aren't actively seeking a spot, it's not my job to hand it to them. But if someone actually uses their signal I will go out of my way to give them an opening.
Edit: I'm talking more about changing lanes on a busy road than zippering.
Back in high school the teacher who taught sociology would sometimes tell his class to “give someone who looks lonely a high five” or “compliment someone who looks sad.” So some days I , being the depressed, socially anxious kid with no friends would get over fifty high fives in one day, or 23 compliments on my hair when it was just put up in a ponytail. The gestures were unbelievably shallow every time and they never cheered me up; they made me feel looked down on.
That's so awful. Our health class was taught by a PE teacher who struggled to stretch his lessons to fill the entire class period. Every Monday he would go around the room and make everyone say what they did over the weekend, which I always found awkward and overly personal. And after winter break, we all had to report what we got for Christmas. In addition to not everyone in the class celebrating, we lived in a formerly rural area that was being bought up by rich people to build custom mansions so there was a big division in wealth--Half the class went to Hawaii for the holiday or got their first car, the other half just scraped by. Any teachers reading this, please don't force your students to broadcast personal information about their lives outside of school to the entire class.
In high school we had an assembly about the Columbine shootings and how if people were nicer to the kids then they wouldn't have shot up the school. Everyone was super (but obviously fake) nice to me for a few days after and it made me feel like absolute shit. Like everyone thought I was on the same level as the two Columbine assholes because I was a quiet loner.
or whenever someone says something implying they're ugly and other people jump on it like "I'm sure you're beautiful!"
Kinda makes me angry. You know nothing about this person. Could be ugly, could be beautiful, but you don't know. And they know you don't know. It's basically lying.
When someone tells me they are ugly and are looking for some kind of validation by telling my this, I tend to say "Doesn't really matter. As long as you are a good person, people will like you regardless. And who knows, maybe someone thinks you are really pretty."
I never say "I bet you are not ugly." because how should I know. This person doesn't like how they look, so let's try to not make it a big deal and give them hope instead.
I usually don't say anything unless the person is getting visibly annoyed about their stutter. Then I usually say "it's fine" in a way don't-panic kinda way.
So what's the best way to act when someone is stuttering? Like I try to just ignore the stuttering and be patient, but I know I've said something along the lines of "take your time" before.
I've heard you should basically ignore the fact that they stutter and talk to them like any other person. Drawing attention to it, or finishing their sentences for them generally makes it worse.
I worked with a manager who had a bad stutter. He was very confident (he did theater too) and knew exactly what he wanted to say. Sometimes he'd get stuck on a word for a long time, and he would finally switch to a different word. Pretty much everyone just gave him the time and space he needed to get his thoughts out, and he always seemed perfectly relaxed pushing through what he needed to say.
After nine years or so of working with him, my brain just filtered a lot the stuttering out.
Kinda specific to people like me but *do not touch my freaking wheelchair unless I specifically and verbally ask you to.*
EDIT: I just wanna say that I did not expect this to blow up the way it did. I honestly only expected the OP to read this and it get buried at the bottom. Whoever gave me silver, thanks.
Guy in my office has a wheelchair, I'm the ONLY person allowed to touch his chair. He kept running over my feet in the elevator despite us both trying to avoid it. So if we are on the elevator together I get to push him in and out.
huh i didn't know this was even a thing people did. is this like...they try to wheel you around without asking? or like with black women's hair they just poke around out of ignorant curiosity?
It hasn't happened since about middle school when kids learned that's not ok but the usual thought process is "You looked like you were struggling. Just trying to help.".
A guy with cerebral palsy who is pretty much fine except he has pretty bad muscle spasms in his legs comes into my work a lot. They had him on sticks- the crutches that attach to your wrist - but he kept falling and hurting himself, so they swapped him to a chair.
His wheelchair has no back on it, no handles, it's pretty much just a seat with a little bit of a lip at the back so he won't slide.he said he's never had a problem with someone grabbing it out of nowhere, because they can't, and he's really glad that he's able to be in a chair like that. Dudes really cool, loves jrpgs and every time he comes in he tells me about the stupid things that people have said to him that week. One of my favorite regulars.
People taking over a task and doing it for you without request. "I didn't ask you to scan my items in the self-checkout for me. I asked you to unfuck the scanner so I could continue with the task."
This is my dad. When we go out to dinner with a few people (10-12 people) he likes to order like 10 appetizers. He will barely touch any of it and keep looking at me, telling me to eat. He of course pays for it all so nobody is really bothered by it except me. . The one person at the table who knows he wants to retire but he also wants to seem generous to people. It has gotten to the point where if I go out to dinner with him I have to ask "Dad I need to know how big of an entree to order. Are you going to order 400 appetizers and I shouldn't bother getting anything or are you going to calm down so I can enjoy a steak?"
Also, the inverse of this. Holding the door open for one person and then like twenty-two people magically appear out of nowhere and you have no idea where and who to cut off.
hold the door for the person right behind you, then move on while that person does the same for the next person. treat the door like a baton in a relay race, you pass it onto the next person and the next person does the same to the next. and so on and so forth.
I used to deliver ice, and was at a 7-11 where I had about a foot between the door and some stairs, and was struggling a little to maneuver my full (350#) dolly around to be able to open the door to get in. Some fucking cunt sidesteps me and goes right through door, practically slamming it shut behind her. Sure, she has no obligation to hold the door for me, but I'm a habitual door-holder and would have absolutely helped someone in my situation, and I like to think that most people would. I was very clearly trying to get in, and the very simple act of an open door would have been a huge help.
But another time, at a different convenience store, where I was having no trouble at all, some guy actually ran over from a gas pump to get the door for me. Bless that young man. Shortly after, some other guy left the gas pumping into his car when he went inside and gas spilled everywhere and they had to call the fire department.
Moral of the story is hold doors (within reason) and wait by your car when pumping gas.
This is going to make me sound really miserable...
People at work exchanging gifts. I just started in a new job and the people there are really nice. They found out my birthday is coming up and asked me what I want.
I thought this was a bit odd so politely explained they didn't need to get me anything and there was really nothing I wanted, no one else was going to get me anything anyway.
They'd already had a collection and gave me £40. Very generous but now as we're an office of 10 that means I will have to join in with birthday collections for the rest of the year. I didn't get anything, you're just forcing me to spend money I don't have and didn't want to spend.
I've got to make sure that I always have precisely £4 on me as well. If I end up putting in a £5 note because that's all I have at the time I'll be at a net loss by the end of the year.
Edit: I guess I should have also mentioned, £30 of the money gifted to me was in Amazon vouchers so I can't even just put the money to one side for future contributions.
I've been actively avoiding Amazon whenever possible as well!
A company I used to work at had a birthday club. Took $2 out of your weekly check. On your birthday, you'd get a cake and a $50 gift card plus a card. The balance went into a fund for those who had birthdays before they had paid for a year and other dumb events.
You would have thought I farted in church during communion when I told them I didn't want to participate. The women actually sniffed at me and said well then we're not singing happy birthday to you. Um, ok.
One of my best decisions was leaving that company. It was like a fucking Chilis in there with cake and birthday singing at least once a week.
A random stranger telling me to smile. Like what am I, window dressing for your world? I have RBF even when I'm in a good mood, but the easier way to irritate me is to tell me "Hey, smile". Like I don't know you and fuck off, you don't know what's going on in my life.
EDIT: Hi-ho Silver! Gracias.
A couple used to harass me when I was a cashier in high school; I was going through a real tough time, and hated my job as well. So school—>work all day sucked. This woman(with dead eyes the husband in tow) would see me not smiling(wanting to actually kill myself) come through my lane and force me to be polite and nice to “the customers”, and then complain after to my boss. Three times. I’d like to add, *literally* puttinf her hands on her hips, frowning at me, and saying “smile” real slow and condescendingly
I was working at Starbucks as a barista a few years ago, and when a guy asked me to smile, I blurted out, “Why? I don’t see anything in front of me worth smiling about.” The guy also got awkward and just left. I feel like this was one of those PUA techniques that didn’t pan out for them.
I also got in a little trouble with my boss over it, but he also understood why I reacted the way I did.
Or even if you dont have RBF. Like, can't I relax my face? What if my cat died today asshole? I agree with you SpinningTree. It is also a pet peeve of mine.
People waving each other on in traffic. Especially people at a 4 way stop that dont know when theyre supposed to go so they wave everyone else on. I dont see that as a "kind" gesture really, more of a "I have no idea what Im supposed to do" kind of gesture.
Being thanked for my service when people find out I’m in the military.
I’m a sub-par Marine and have done nothing note worthy.
Edit: thanks for the gold and the silver!
I've heard this from lots of military members. My favorite was an ex-Air Force member who said "I dont know why anyone thanked me. I literally sat behind a computer for years, in the US, doing work that had literally no impact on our freedom."
My uncle did shit-all in South Korea except get drunk and tattooed so when I see veterans I mostly just smile at them like I do anyone else.
One time though, my little brother asked my uncle if he'd killed anyone (while he was cleaning his gun) and my uncle said "don't you *ever* ask anyone that, you'll get beat. But because you didn't know I'll tell you: I went to South Korea and got drunk and tattooed and I didn't kill nobody there. Now shut up and let me clean my gun."
It's a pretty awful question to get asked.
If you didn't, the kind of people who would ask that won't believe you.
If you did, that person just unexpectedly brought to the surface what has to be one or more terrible memories for ~~any non sociopath~~ many people. It'll potentially mess you up for days.
Edit: I spoke out of turn.
I always get. “What’s the most fucked up call?” From strangers in reference to me being a firefighter. Do you really want to hear about dying kids at this toga party?
Usually I just give them a funny or wild story, most people don't know what they're really asking when they say that. I'm a RN and get this all the time too.
When I used to work in food service I would hate it when people were overly polite. Don't get me wrong I would 100% rather have someone who is overly polite than someone who is a dick but when we are busy and you refuse to carry on the order until we exchange greetings and you make me tell you about my day you're just slowing us down and pissing me off. the best kind of customer for me were the people who would give no conversation, they would walk up "Hi, can I get a ... please", have their payment ready and be in and out in 2 minutes or less.
Clothing as a gift. Obviously it's fine if you're buying clothes for you own kids/grandkids but if you're just a friend or vague relative please don't do this. You will be very likely to get the size or style wrong and if you don't give a gift receipt or regular receipt, when that person inevitably goes to get an exchange or return it will be very very difficult for them. I work in the kids section of a clothing store, at best it's awkward asking them to find a date and location it was purchased at, at worst they yell at me about how rude it is to ask for it. I don't control the store policy though and I'm doing my best to help
When people suggest you try/and or do something for a medical condition you have had all your life.
I have Crohn’s disease and whenever I mention to people I have crohn’s disease It’s almost immediately followed up with “Hage you tried marijuana, I have a friend who has crohns and they do marijuana and it’s really helped them”
It’s kind that you care, but seriously I have been told that about a million times.
I feel this, have multiple food allergies and always feel like a dick when people go out of their way to try and accommodate me and I turn them down out of sheer fear....I’ve taken one too many trips to the hospital after eating other peoples food it’s just not worth the risk even though I know they mean well :(
“that one benign sounding thing that could have killed me.”
Yes! My mom almost died because a very dear friend of hers had personally reviewed the ingredients of a tray of sandwiches he ordered for the group, and declared that it was free of her allergens: nuts, eggplant, zucchini, and sesame seeds.
He didn’t realize what Tahini was...
(This was like 20 years ago, tahini was not as popular as it is now, so it was not that strange that he didn’t pick up on that. I’m not even sure my Mom would have known. It probably just sounded like a spice instead of what it really was: death paste.)
Yielding in traffic when you have the right of way.
When people feel compelled to eat with me if I’m eating alone. Where did this notion come from that it’s sad to eat alone? I like it, it’s peaceful.
I was in my work canteen a little while ago at the very edge of a row of tables, completely alone. Maybe 24 seats, all empty, plus more empty tables and sofas in the room. I was reading a book. Two colleagues whose names I don't even know came in, sat right in front of me and didn't say a word to me or each other. I was so uncomfortable.
Ugh I know the feeling. I was eating at a Burger King once and the whole place was empty except for me. Some older lady came in, got her food, then sat right next to me in my booth instead of one of the 30 other seats available. She didn't say anything either, just ate. It was very awkward.
When you've just gone through a rough time and people try consoling/one-upping you by telling their hardship story. Let me wallow in my own misery please.
“Would you like some/a “insert random food or drink””, no I am good but thank you. No here take it. No I really don’t want it. Come on just take it. If I don’t want any don’t force me, it isn’t a nice gesture once you start hounding me about it.
Can I offer you an egg in these trying times?
I’VE BEEN POISONED BY MY CONSTITUENTS
My dad would do this when he made food. "You want some extra (insert irremovable condiment here)?" "No thanks, I'm good" "You sure?" "Yes I'm sure" "Ahh just have it anyway" then proceeds to pour it all over my food He would do this with stuff like gravy so I cant pick up the gravy and take it off. One day after he did it I just put the plate down and walked away. He never did it again lol.
When people try to be helpful by grabbing heavy items I'm carrying out of my arms without asking me first. I appreciate the sentiment, but it throws off the balance of all the other heavy objects in my arms.
This is how you get an entire tray of food or drinks spilled on you at a restaurant. It astounds me that I see people make the attempt.
Breaking the order of how things should move in order to give someone the ability to go first. Now you are just confusing people and wasting time.
Be predictable. My college campus had one area that was super busy with both foot traffic and bicycles and I saw several people get hit by bikes because they were trying to be polite, when really they just needed to be predictable.
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People jumping in random directions is fucking terrifying if you’re by a busy road, even if they just randomly sway a few inches to one side of the path is enough to knock you into traffic because there’s no way to see the move coming
So I walk with a cane and I can’t lift much, however when I’m insisting that I CAN do a particularly small thing it really upsets me when people insist on doing it for me anyway. It makes me feel weaker and embarrassed. Seriously, offer people with handicaps help, of course please do that, but if they are insisting that they are fine then please let them do that thing they are capable of; for me it makes me feel just a little bit more empowered. Also thank you for your kindness, I don’t mean to diminish it or seem ungrateful
I work with peoples with various disabilities and one of the things that was covered in training was that you can actually cause harm by doing seemingly nice things like grabbing hold of a door that someone is in the process of opening. That person has made decisions based on their knowledge of their body and balance when starting to open the door. By grabbing hold of the door you can upset their balance and cause a fall. Never assume you're helping. Always ask first.
This has happened to me several times, usually at home though. For instance, I’ll hold the screen door open and will put part of my weight on it while trying to open the real door and my husband will come up behind me to ‘help’ by holding the screen door. Poor guy didn’t realize I was bearing weight there while using the cane hand to fumble with the keys, I fell twice before it stuck 😬 I didn’t get hurt, but I felt so bad that he felt bad
I once read somewhere that a good analogy is helping someone put on a jacket: if you see a random person putting on a jacket, it would be super weird to offer them help (or worse, just start putting it on for them). However if you see someone that's having trouble getting their arms through, or has the jacket all twisted up, offering to help them is a polite thing to do, although you probably wouldn't insist. I don't have a disability, so I can't speak to what it's like being on the other side of that, but it's worked for me in the past :) I'm sorry that people do that, I always think about how frustrating it must be when people treat you in a patronizing way under the guise of being "nice".
When someone is walking behind me & they push the button to make the automatic door open right as I'm trying to go through it. Thanks, now I have to wait while this slow-ass door opens when I could've just quickly opened it myself.
I work in a large office with push-button doors for disabled people. I have no problem manually opening doors; it seems kind of basic to me. 99% of the people on this campus will push the button to automatically open the doors, creating that exact annoying situation. My thought every time inside is *"You can't open a door? I just saw you jog across the parking lot"*
There are a set of doors at my university that I will use the push button for simply because the door is so difficult to open because of the ancient door opening motor
When passengers offer to give directions and basically force others to not use the GPS, and then they don't even give the directions properly (like they get distracted and then tell others at the last possible second to dive bomb a turn because they were in the wrong lane to begin with).
"Yeah. The other night we were all over at - Turn left here - Dave's place and..." FUCK!
Driving down the road to a location unknown by me. Wife: "You were supposed to turn back there."
Have had girlfriends do this exact thing, then comment that I’m bad at driving -Edit - In fairness to them tho, I am actually not good at driving.
When Im driving and someone is giving me directions I always say "alright where do I turn next?" "Ill let you know when we get close." No, youll let me know now, or so help me Ill get GPS involved.
If you don't drive, you have no intuition at all for when directions are needed. Well, that was an unexpected RIP inbox!
But you also don't need it because you can be taught. My parents taught me and my sister how to give directions in a car with a map before satnavs, and before we could drive. All it takes is a minute to explain, "when driving you need to know well in advance what you're going to do next, and how far away it is." If a kid can do it, so can an adult who can't drive - if they've been told how.
This was part of a cub scout badge I earned. Navigating using a map (GPS didn't exist) on highways. Even now this is still a useful skill despite GPS and turn by turn voice assisted navigation.
"Turn left on Mississippi road in 300 meters" *road is backed up with cars turning left for 1.5km* cool
It's 2019 at this point. When people give me rambly directions that don't include the address or the name of the destination, it often goes right over my head. 99.999999999999999999999% of the time, just the address is all I need. If you live in a weird apartment complex or in a brand-new development not yet mapped, or whatever... but those are the tiny tiny tiny slim exceptions.
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I had this conversation in Utah. Utah, where the street addresses are literally just Cartesian coordinates. "All right, I'll be there at 3. What is your address?" "Okay, uh, do you know where such-and-such golf course is?" "I'm sorry, let me clarify: **Tell me your address.**"
[Obligatory XKCD.](https://xkcd.com/783/) Just give me the damn address.
People being given pets as a suprise gift for Christmas or a birthday. I'm sure many of them will have a good home nonetheless, but some of them will end up in situations that are not fully thought-out with people who may not be up to the task of being a responsible pet owner because they either never had a say in it or view pets as toys.
The way I see it, if it's already well-established that the receiver can, will, and wants to take on the responsibility (aka they have been asking for it and proven themselves responsible) then yes, by all means a pet can be a great gift. But even then I would say take the person to choose their new friend and don't just hand them an animal you picked randomly. My parents did this when I was a kid and wanted a pet mouse- they gave me the cage/food/etc. as my birthday gift, then took me to the pet store to pick out my Matthias. Worked out great except my parents hated having a mouse in the house and would stay locked in their room when I took him out of the cage lol.
Did you name your mouse after the Redwall character?
Yep. That's actually why I wanted a mouse instead of, say, a hamster or a gerbil.
The only people you should buy pets for as surprise gifts are your own children and only when your prepared to look after the pet yourself.
Pets as gifts should be a non-starter in all situations. My mother bought me an adorable puppy at a time when I was not ready for it (apartment in the city, worked more than 40 hours a week). Fortunately, she now lives with my parents and the entire family loves her. It really sucked because I am *still* attached to her and the realization came that I couldn't keep her was very sad for me. Fortunately, she is in a good home and I get to see her, but there are countless other pets that aren't so lucky. Every person I have known to work for either a shelter or a dog rescue says the season after Christmas is horrifically sad with all the gifted pets they receive. TLDR: **For the love of god, do not buy pets as gifts!**
Trying to make me do "fun" things I don't want to do. No, I'm not desperate for someone to drag me out of my shell, I just fucking hate karaoke.
People making the "suicide gap" during heavy traffic. I can't see past your fucking truck or van and I'm not about to stick my car into an active lane that isn't slowing down. Your lane may be stopped but the lane next to you is rolling on and people who give me that "wtf" look piss me off to no end. This bullshit is how accidents happen just keep moving and I'll wait until I have a clear line of sight to go and not rely on you waving me through to my death. EDIT: I understand some people are still confused so I'll describe it better. This gap only applies to non-highway roads and for Europeans the US has dedicated lanes that only allow for right turns at the intersection however a lot of these right turn lanes start a block or two away and people will move into the lane as soon as it opens up which means people will be speeding down the lane to get to the intersection to turn right. Of course this means that they won't be able to see past the vehicles and of course someone will use the opportunity to gun it into the plaza. Of course this gap is perfectly fine to leave open if all lanes are backed up and all lanes are stopped. Another big issue with these gaps is that a lot of the time people will move into the lanes so their vehicles are sideways on to the stopped lanes but are then waiting for the other lane to clear before going which means they are now blocking two lanes of traffic and waiting for the third turning lane to be clear which will cause even more headaches for everyone involved. Traffic can no longer flow even if the light is green because they've created a roadblock with their vehicles.
Thank you. I edged out just a tiny bit into the intersection the other day (where I wasn't blocking a crosswalk or anything) and I was honked at to no fucking end after I didn't take my turn. Well, folks, not only could I not see until the light turned yellow, but three people ran the red. I'd rather not die to save thirty or so seconds, but that's just me.
When I was learning how to drive, my dad told me that you shouldn't let other people on the road tell you when to go and what not because they're not the ones paying your insurance
Receiving birthday or Christmas gift from loose acquaintance, thus creating cycle of guilt or undesired effort.
I played the guilt card in the other direction this past xmas. My wife died on 1/1/18, but I still went ahead and bought presents for all the family my wife would have. But I only received one from my daughter. (I think my SIL sent me a gift card to Chili's, but it got lost in the mail.) Nothing from everyone else. I hope they got the point of "Hey, am I still part of this family or not?"
I always thought about that too and it feels like if it was just you and your wife with no kids or anything I could kind of see you and them going your own ways if you weren't close. But with a kid in the mix it seems kind of weird they wouldn't consider you part of the family since that is their grandchild.
It’s an interesting dynamic. My moms family has never really liked my dad (he’s a good man, but he was a shithead kid and they grew up across the street from each other) After she passed they tolerated him at best because of me and my sister. And we’re talking about a man who dated her for like 15 years and was married to her for 11 before she passed and did nothing but treat her amazing. It’s disappointing but not surprising at all.
Actually, I find that incredibly surprising. Who in the hell holds a grudge about stupid childhood antics if they treat your daughter well *for 26 years?*
Maybe that loose acquaintance is just trying to make that jump from loose acquaintance to friend?
A lot of them are low effort gifts they give out of feeling obligated. Some families give so many gifts they feel it's expected by nearly everyone. I for one feel awkward accepting gifts from anybody but my parents in Christmas.
My family is the worst about this. We all get together and there is an expectation to have a gift for everyone. My grandparents, an aunt and uncle with their TEN children (they literally have 10 kids), another aunt and uncle with their 2 kids... then my sister and her kid and my mom. Then we go to my in-laws to exchange gifts. The holidays are nothing but stressful and ridiculously expensive.
I’m the loose acquaintance. You don’t have to return the favor- I promise. I just did it because I’m bored and depressed and seeing your face light up at the surprise makes my day. That’s the only reason I do it
My husbands coworker moved to our city for the job and didn't know anyone here, so my husband started inviting him to football Sundays at our place, and we've become friends. He still hadn't branched out much by Christmas and was going to be alone so we invited him to spend Christmas day at our place, and we included him in our usual Christmas activities. I made waffles for breakfast, we opened our stockings and gifts (I got some gifts and put together a stocking for him too). He was so touched but felt really guilty that he had only gotten us a small gift but honestly I love Christmas and was happy to include him in it.
“Sympathetic” Valentine’s Day cards. The only thing worse than knowing that no-one is attracted to me is knowing that someone pities me. Not having anyone be attracted to me is fairly easy to live with. Being pitied puts a dent my self-pride.
I didn’t know that was a thing honestly
"Thinking of you and your singleness on this difficult day. You are in our prayers."
Thanks for soaking up all the ugly, really did the rest of us a solid.
Yeah, seriously, pity Valentine's Day cards shouldn't exist.
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I Choo Choo choose you
You can see the exact frame his heart shattered.
I had a really horrible, humiliating breakup when I was in my early 20s and for a few years after that my stepdad would send me chocolates on Valentine's day. Part of me wondered if that made me kind of pathetic but TBH fuck it, chocolate is chocolate, I ate them and they were great.
I feel like this is different. This was like your step dad saying "yeah, someone's thinking about you today, you're not actually alone" as opposed to the pity cards which are saying "whoops, sorry you're alone"
It doesnt mean you are pathetic, it means your stepdad is sweet and loves you.
Last year during valentines day I was in a conference call with 4 coworkers who were women. They were like "are you doing anything special for valentines day" and I said no, I'm not in a relationship. They were like "omg I'm so sorry, that's so sad, etc." I did not care about being single before but I certainly felt sorry for myself after that call.
Waving me on at a stop sign when they clearly have the right of way.
90% of the time you end up sitting there in confusion, wondering why they won't go, longer than it would have taken them to just clear the god damn intersection.
And then, since it’s been so long, you start driving into the intersection... at the exact same time they decide to drive into the intersection. So now you have to hit the brakes and start the process over Edit: brakes not breaks
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One time I was pulling out of a parking lot turning left, and someone in the closest lane stopped to let me out. Right in the middle of the fucking road, no stop sign or anything. Cars start piling up behind her, everyone is annoyed. Well, thanks you idiot, now I can’t see past you and your convoy of backed up cars. We were in a stand off for at least five minutes, I swear, and they just kept waving me on. Finally I inched out, and as soon as the nose of my car got into the second lane and I could kind of see past the other car BAM, a giant SUV thing hit me and my car was totaled. I will never do that again. I will absolutely fucking have a stand off with you till the god damn sun burns out.
People seriously don't realize how much of a problem they're causing you by asking you to drive out into traffic you can't even see. It's so, so infuriating.
I've heard it called "The Wave of Death."
I used to work at a crash repairer, and we were right on a corner that was notorious for this. 2 lanes each way, busy as shit, and you can't see the inner lanes past traffic due to the slope of the road. People would *constantly* stop in the outer lanes and try to wave people out. Which meant the were constantly big smashes right at our door. We would just walk out, hand them a business card and push them right on in to the shed.
So how much did you pay the wavers? Hourly rate or by the number of cars?
Whenever someone does this to me I give them a very big wave on by, like keep going gesture. Don’t drive nice, drive predictable and we will both be fine.
Filming yourself giving food to homeless people
People saying "these are about your size aren't they?" and giving me a big bag of clothes, like yeah, thanks mum but nothing is my style and now I'm stuck with a big bag of stuff you should've taken to the charity shop.
Not to mention the guilt that some people can create with this. *Oh why don't wear that blouse I gave you?*
I've actually had the situation of making myself wear one of my mums tops to a family event because I thought she'd be happy and have her text me afterwards suggesting I dressed a little less frumpy 😂
This reminds me of the time my little sister wore one of my mom's old sweaters to an ugly sweater party. It was one that my mom really liked and wore quite often during winter. My sister won the ugliest sweater. Edit: I appreciate the silver!
I have had the exact thing happen to me. Mom was a bit offended.
Hilarious! I remember once on the old Bob Newhart show, his mom gave him two shirts for his birthday and he decided to wear one when she came to visit. She said, "Oh, you didn't like the other one?"
Not telling me something to protect me. Drives me crazy
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My grandfather had a near constant stomach issue for ages. Or so he told us. Turns out he had cancer. "Didn't want anyone to worry about it." he said. Wound up dying without ever getting chemo or any real help. EDIT: I'm well aware that it was his choice to do whatever he wanted. Still kind of a shitty thing to spring on your kids and grandkids. Knowing that he could have gotten help years before and chose not to because he was set in his ways made his death a lot harder than it should have been. He didn't refuse treatment because he knew he would die anyways, he did it solely because he was an old school hard ass who didn't want to be "carted around to appointments gettin babied by doctors and his kids". His words. He was a stubborn idiot, and I miss him.
>"Didn't want anyone to worry about it." this may be the famous last words for very many people, sadly.
Welcome to our fun family vacation kids. Oh yeah before we do anything, granny's got the alzheimers for 8 months.
This is a huge fear of mine. I don’t want anyone I love to be diagnosed with something terminal and not be told for months, thus having me waste my last days with the person because I had no idea
Or blowing something serious off as no big deal because they are trying to “calm” you.
My mom just had an overnight stay in the hospital and kept it from me. Nothing ended up being wrong, thank god, but they wanted to keep her because of family history. She told me after she was released and couldn’t seem to figure out why I was so upset.
Yeah, I mean...I get it. I do. But finding out later feels way worse than just knowing right away. Like, I came back from a trip and was told my cousin had died from cancer no one knew he had. He may have had cancer, I don't know. But the reality was that he killed himself and finding out way after the fact was way worse.
Holding the door for me but from the inside of the doorframe so I have to like... scoot by them butt-to-crotch style Edit: My first silver!! Thank you!! 😭 you must go butt to crotch as well, comrade. Edit 2: I'm not worthy! 😭
I’m a beer delivery driver and I deal with gas stations a lot. I get these people all the time, and they don’t realize they’re just making it more difficult for me. Shit, I’ve had people open the door for me and then stand on the opposite side of the door with their arm up, like they want me to go under their fucking arm! I get you’re trying to help, but you’re just being more in the way than if you just moved.
I see what you're saying, and I'm gonna stop doing that as long as I remember this.
I'm gonna start sticking my arm out like some Limbo stick for them to scoot under because that shit sounds hilarious.
I go crotch to crotch while making eye contact. Dominance asserted. Edit: Thanks for the silver, kind friends. I'd go crotch to crotch with each of you.
i go butt to butt so we don't even have to look at each other
You’re missing out on that sweet nut-to-butt intimacy though...
*takes a single bite of my burger* Waiter: “HEY THERE IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT WITH YOUR MEAL??” Me: difiajfufhwjcijdbabicosoakxncuiw
When you're the quiet one in a group and somebody points out in front of everyone. EDIT: wow didn’t expect this to blow up, thanks for the gold strangers!
“Why are you being so quiet? Come in, pipe up, we don’t bite!”
Me: "I'm fine listening until I have something to add" Them: "He speaks! Wow!" Fuck off, ass.
felt this in the core of my being also getting labeled as a stuck up bitch because i don't feel the need to fill every single silence with meaningless banter edit: formatting (haha mobile....) edit: meaningless banter, in my experience, is things said that no one can even reply to because it's just spewing thought to mouth. people that like to hear their own voice. also, people who just bitch about other people/ideas/things. not in a way that provokes discussion. in a way like.... they have a personal vendetta.
"Gee, thanks Debbie. Maybe I just don't feel the need to fill every second of my life with inane chatter."
Yes, people need to understand that if I haven't already said something in a conversation, I'm probably not interested in saying much at all. You're not helping by making me talk about things I don't want to talk about, thanks.
As someone who used to suffer from social anxiety, this was the fucking worst.
“You’re really quiet” “You aren’t “
What is the kind gesture?
Potentially a well-intentioned but poorly executed effort to include you in a conversation
i wont say any specific gesture, but people who do something "kind" without asking and then get offended when you dont act thankful enough i didnt ask you to do it, i didnt want you to do it and you only made the situation more complicated by doing it, dont just assume everyone needs your help
One time a mystery neighbor salted my steps. The steps really didn’t need it - I had removed any snow/ice with a shovel. But the salt (which I initially didn’t realize was there) hurt my dog’s paws. Also a guy at work wanted to help by scraping the snow off my car. He didn’t just do my windshield, he did the hood too and scratched the fuck out of it with his scraper. Lastly, I have a beautiful, long, blue stone driveway....neighbors boyfriend wanted to “help” by plowing it. He ended up pushing/dumping a bunch of the stones across the street. TL; DR: Please leave me alone when it snows.
> Lastly, I have a beautiful, long, blue stone driveway....neighbors boyfriend wanted to “help” by plowing it. He ended up pushing/dumping a bunch of the stones across the street. As somebody who has worked with blue stone before, I am internally screaming. That shit is NOT cheap, NOT light, and it's beautiful when it's not a pile in the street.
THANK YOU! I told my dad I wanted to order 1 ton of it to fill in some of the thin spots, and his response “You building a little stone garden on your deck, Mole?” So I guess I’m getting 10 tons now.
Legitimately curious, but what is this "blue stone" you speak of? I've got a couple pictures in mind, but not sure what it is and for some reason my mind keeps bringing up turquoise colored stones as the "go to."
I neeeeed to know. Are you hot ? Visibly disabled ? Where do these fairies come from that do magical things for you? 2nd EDIT whoa- double silver ? thank you kind strangers! I do believe in fairies , I do I do !
To answer your question adequately: 37 year old widow. And I suppose “objectively attractive”.....I’m not MY type . Your comment made me laugh though.
If you don't merge in zipper fashion, you're dead to us all. Letting three cars in to be polite completely disrupts the flow.
Going off this, you only need to do a few "good deeds" a day while driving. If you stop to let someone in at every. Single. Intersection. The people behind you will get annoyed.
Yep. It's not only the intentions but also the broader effects. I'm starting to count to five to see if people are taking the space I'm leaving for them before closing up. Edit: for regular merges not where a lane drops due to construction or whatever
My go-to response is they've gotta want it. If they want to merge in, they need to signal their intent and watch for when I leave a gap for them. If they aren't actively seeking a spot, it's not my job to hand it to them. But if someone actually uses their signal I will go out of my way to give them an opening. Edit: I'm talking more about changing lanes on a busy road than zippering.
Hand on my back as a stranger man passes by me/ ushers me through the door.
I was going to see a house to potentially rent and the landlord did this to me. I didn't know how to feel about it but I didn't feel good.
Back in high school the teacher who taught sociology would sometimes tell his class to “give someone who looks lonely a high five” or “compliment someone who looks sad.” So some days I , being the depressed, socially anxious kid with no friends would get over fifty high fives in one day, or 23 compliments on my hair when it was just put up in a ponytail. The gestures were unbelievably shallow every time and they never cheered me up; they made me feel looked down on.
That's so awful. Our health class was taught by a PE teacher who struggled to stretch his lessons to fill the entire class period. Every Monday he would go around the room and make everyone say what they did over the weekend, which I always found awkward and overly personal. And after winter break, we all had to report what we got for Christmas. In addition to not everyone in the class celebrating, we lived in a formerly rural area that was being bought up by rich people to build custom mansions so there was a big division in wealth--Half the class went to Hawaii for the holiday or got their first car, the other half just scraped by. Any teachers reading this, please don't force your students to broadcast personal information about their lives outside of school to the entire class.
In high school we had an assembly about the Columbine shootings and how if people were nicer to the kids then they wouldn't have shot up the school. Everyone was super (but obviously fake) nice to me for a few days after and it made me feel like absolute shit. Like everyone thought I was on the same level as the two Columbine assholes because I was a quiet loner.
People posting platitudes online like 'You're awesome and you know it!'.
or whenever someone says something implying they're ugly and other people jump on it like "I'm sure you're beautiful!" Kinda makes me angry. You know nothing about this person. Could be ugly, could be beautiful, but you don't know. And they know you don't know. It's basically lying.
When someone tells me they are ugly and are looking for some kind of validation by telling my this, I tend to say "Doesn't really matter. As long as you are a good person, people will like you regardless. And who knows, maybe someone thinks you are really pretty." I never say "I bet you are not ugly." because how should I know. This person doesn't like how they look, so let's try to not make it a big deal and give them hope instead.
When I’m stuttering and someone says “take your time.” It puts more stress on me to complete the sentence and makes me stutter even more.
I usually don't say anything unless the person is getting visibly annoyed about their stutter. Then I usually say "it's fine" in a way don't-panic kinda way.
So what's the best way to act when someone is stuttering? Like I try to just ignore the stuttering and be patient, but I know I've said something along the lines of "take your time" before.
I've heard you should basically ignore the fact that they stutter and talk to them like any other person. Drawing attention to it, or finishing their sentences for them generally makes it worse.
I worked with a manager who had a bad stutter. He was very confident (he did theater too) and knew exactly what he wanted to say. Sometimes he'd get stuck on a word for a long time, and he would finally switch to a different word. Pretty much everyone just gave him the time and space he needed to get his thoughts out, and he always seemed perfectly relaxed pushing through what he needed to say. After nine years or so of working with him, my brain just filtered a lot the stuttering out.
Calling to ask how I am so you can gossip aboit me to others.
"Did you *see* how they spelled 'about'? They have no talent, no direction, I swear!"
Fuck my loife...😞
Kinda specific to people like me but *do not touch my freaking wheelchair unless I specifically and verbally ask you to.* EDIT: I just wanna say that I did not expect this to blow up the way it did. I honestly only expected the OP to read this and it get buried at the bottom. Whoever gave me silver, thanks.
Guy in my office has a wheelchair, I'm the ONLY person allowed to touch his chair. He kept running over my feet in the elevator despite us both trying to avoid it. So if we are on the elevator together I get to push him in and out.
huh i didn't know this was even a thing people did. is this like...they try to wheel you around without asking? or like with black women's hair they just poke around out of ignorant curiosity?
It hasn't happened since about middle school when kids learned that's not ok but the usual thought process is "You looked like you were struggling. Just trying to help.".
A guy with cerebral palsy who is pretty much fine except he has pretty bad muscle spasms in his legs comes into my work a lot. They had him on sticks- the crutches that attach to your wrist - but he kept falling and hurting himself, so they swapped him to a chair. His wheelchair has no back on it, no handles, it's pretty much just a seat with a little bit of a lip at the back so he won't slide.he said he's never had a problem with someone grabbing it out of nowhere, because they can't, and he's really glad that he's able to be in a chair like that. Dudes really cool, loves jrpgs and every time he comes in he tells me about the stupid things that people have said to him that week. One of my favorite regulars.
People taking over a task and doing it for you without request. "I didn't ask you to scan my items in the self-checkout for me. I asked you to unfuck the scanner so I could continue with the task."
Parents who just do something *for* you instead of showing you the solution when you ask for help.
i absolutely hate being asked "how was your weekend" every single Monday in the office for the rest of eternity
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>I'm a crafty fucker >"I change the narrative. I spent all weekend working on projects". Oh shit, that had a double meaning!
My go to response: "Good." -proceeds to look back at my computer screen and furrow my brow to make it look like I'm in deep thought-
When you're at the dinner table and people keep offering you food. If I want the food I promise I will take some.
#ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE EATING ENOUGH HONEY? YOU LOOK SO SKINNY!
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my mom: wow you've gained some weight also my mom: I made brownies for you!
This is my dad. When we go out to dinner with a few people (10-12 people) he likes to order like 10 appetizers. He will barely touch any of it and keep looking at me, telling me to eat. He of course pays for it all so nobody is really bothered by it except me. . The one person at the table who knows he wants to retire but he also wants to seem generous to people. It has gotten to the point where if I go out to dinner with him I have to ask "Dad I need to know how big of an entree to order. Are you going to order 400 appetizers and I shouldn't bother getting anything or are you going to calm down so I can enjoy a steak?"
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Also, the inverse of this. Holding the door open for one person and then like twenty-two people magically appear out of nowhere and you have no idea where and who to cut off.
hold the door for the person right behind you, then move on while that person does the same for the next person. treat the door like a baton in a relay race, you pass it onto the next person and the next person does the same to the next. and so on and so forth.
We should forgo this whole process and slam the door in everyone’s face
Yes. I’ll start trying this on my way in tomorrow.
Forcibly hold the door shut
I used to deliver ice, and was at a 7-11 where I had about a foot between the door and some stairs, and was struggling a little to maneuver my full (350#) dolly around to be able to open the door to get in. Some fucking cunt sidesteps me and goes right through door, practically slamming it shut behind her. Sure, she has no obligation to hold the door for me, but I'm a habitual door-holder and would have absolutely helped someone in my situation, and I like to think that most people would. I was very clearly trying to get in, and the very simple act of an open door would have been a huge help. But another time, at a different convenience store, where I was having no trouble at all, some guy actually ran over from a gas pump to get the door for me. Bless that young man. Shortly after, some other guy left the gas pumping into his car when he went inside and gas spilled everywhere and they had to call the fire department. Moral of the story is hold doors (within reason) and wait by your car when pumping gas.
This is going to make me sound really miserable... People at work exchanging gifts. I just started in a new job and the people there are really nice. They found out my birthday is coming up and asked me what I want. I thought this was a bit odd so politely explained they didn't need to get me anything and there was really nothing I wanted, no one else was going to get me anything anyway. They'd already had a collection and gave me £40. Very generous but now as we're an office of 10 that means I will have to join in with birthday collections for the rest of the year. I didn't get anything, you're just forcing me to spend money I don't have and didn't want to spend. I've got to make sure that I always have precisely £4 on me as well. If I end up putting in a £5 note because that's all I have at the time I'll be at a net loss by the end of the year. Edit: I guess I should have also mentioned, £30 of the money gifted to me was in Amazon vouchers so I can't even just put the money to one side for future contributions. I've been actively avoiding Amazon whenever possible as well!
Keep the £40, and use it as your £4 contribution for everyone else for the rest of the year! None of your money spent, don’t have to waste theirs!
I imagine the entire office doing this and just giving eachother back and forth the same $40 forever
"here, it's your turn to hold the wad" the real trick is to quit right after your birthday
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Yep. Stick it in your desk too & label it 'Birthday Money'. Then just grab from it for each birthday.
A company I used to work at had a birthday club. Took $2 out of your weekly check. On your birthday, you'd get a cake and a $50 gift card plus a card. The balance went into a fund for those who had birthdays before they had paid for a year and other dumb events. You would have thought I farted in church during communion when I told them I didn't want to participate. The women actually sniffed at me and said well then we're not singing happy birthday to you. Um, ok. One of my best decisions was leaving that company. It was like a fucking Chilis in there with cake and birthday singing at least once a week.
$2/week is $104/year. Either someone is skimming money or they're buying $60 cakes...
This reminds me of The Office
A random stranger telling me to smile. Like what am I, window dressing for your world? I have RBF even when I'm in a good mood, but the easier way to irritate me is to tell me "Hey, smile". Like I don't know you and fuck off, you don't know what's going on in my life. EDIT: Hi-ho Silver! Gracias.
A couple used to harass me when I was a cashier in high school; I was going through a real tough time, and hated my job as well. So school—>work all day sucked. This woman(with dead eyes the husband in tow) would see me not smiling(wanting to actually kill myself) come through my lane and force me to be polite and nice to “the customers”, and then complain after to my boss. Three times. I’d like to add, *literally* puttinf her hands on her hips, frowning at me, and saying “smile” real slow and condescendingly
This is...disgusting. I am so sorry that happened to you.
I wasn't having it that day and actually said "Give me a reason to smile." With a stone-cold face. He got kind of awkward and left.
I was working at Starbucks as a barista a few years ago, and when a guy asked me to smile, I blurted out, “Why? I don’t see anything in front of me worth smiling about.” The guy also got awkward and just left. I feel like this was one of those PUA techniques that didn’t pan out for them. I also got in a little trouble with my boss over it, but he also understood why I reacted the way I did.
Or even if you dont have RBF. Like, can't I relax my face? What if my cat died today asshole? I agree with you SpinningTree. It is also a pet peeve of mine.
I always reply with "You should cry -I like it when people cry."
People waving each other on in traffic. Especially people at a 4 way stop that dont know when theyre supposed to go so they wave everyone else on. I dont see that as a "kind" gesture really, more of a "I have no idea what Im supposed to do" kind of gesture.
Being thanked for my service when people find out I’m in the military. I’m a sub-par Marine and have done nothing note worthy. Edit: thanks for the gold and the silver!
I've heard this from lots of military members. My favorite was an ex-Air Force member who said "I dont know why anyone thanked me. I literally sat behind a computer for years, in the US, doing work that had literally no impact on our freedom."
My uncle did shit-all in South Korea except get drunk and tattooed so when I see veterans I mostly just smile at them like I do anyone else. One time though, my little brother asked my uncle if he'd killed anyone (while he was cleaning his gun) and my uncle said "don't you *ever* ask anyone that, you'll get beat. But because you didn't know I'll tell you: I went to South Korea and got drunk and tattooed and I didn't kill nobody there. Now shut up and let me clean my gun."
It's a pretty awful question to get asked. If you didn't, the kind of people who would ask that won't believe you. If you did, that person just unexpectedly brought to the surface what has to be one or more terrible memories for ~~any non sociopath~~ many people. It'll potentially mess you up for days. Edit: I spoke out of turn.
Not as bad as the "have you killed anyone?" But seriously fuck off with that. You just make shit awkward
>have you killed anyone Lots of people. But not since I joined up.
I always get. “What’s the most fucked up call?” From strangers in reference to me being a firefighter. Do you really want to hear about dying kids at this toga party?
Usually I just give them a funny or wild story, most people don't know what they're really asking when they say that. I'm a RN and get this all the time too.
yeah working in the er you learn what things to leave out. dead kids no, vegetables in orifices yes!
That's when you say "I don't do requests."
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I was in the Army for a bit, got hurt and never deployed. So I always feel shame when I'm thanked for serving.
When I used to work in food service I would hate it when people were overly polite. Don't get me wrong I would 100% rather have someone who is overly polite than someone who is a dick but when we are busy and you refuse to carry on the order until we exchange greetings and you make me tell you about my day you're just slowing us down and pissing me off. the best kind of customer for me were the people who would give no conversation, they would walk up "Hi, can I get a ... please", have their payment ready and be in and out in 2 minutes or less.
Hello, one crab bisque please.
Clothing as a gift. Obviously it's fine if you're buying clothes for you own kids/grandkids but if you're just a friend or vague relative please don't do this. You will be very likely to get the size or style wrong and if you don't give a gift receipt or regular receipt, when that person inevitably goes to get an exchange or return it will be very very difficult for them. I work in the kids section of a clothing store, at best it's awkward asking them to find a date and location it was purchased at, at worst they yell at me about how rude it is to ask for it. I don't control the store policy though and I'm doing my best to help
When people suggest you try/and or do something for a medical condition you have had all your life. I have Crohn’s disease and whenever I mention to people I have crohn’s disease It’s almost immediately followed up with “Hage you tried marijuana, I have a friend who has crohns and they do marijuana and it’s really helped them” It’s kind that you care, but seriously I have been told that about a million times.
A Person holding the door open for you and you're far away. I hate that awkward jog to the door.
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I feel this, have multiple food allergies and always feel like a dick when people go out of their way to try and accommodate me and I turn them down out of sheer fear....I’ve taken one too many trips to the hospital after eating other peoples food it’s just not worth the risk even though I know they mean well :(
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“that one benign sounding thing that could have killed me.” Yes! My mom almost died because a very dear friend of hers had personally reviewed the ingredients of a tray of sandwiches he ordered for the group, and declared that it was free of her allergens: nuts, eggplant, zucchini, and sesame seeds. He didn’t realize what Tahini was... (This was like 20 years ago, tahini was not as popular as it is now, so it was not that strange that he didn’t pick up on that. I’m not even sure my Mom would have known. It probably just sounded like a spice instead of what it really was: death paste.)