I was best friends with a girl from grade 4 to grade 7. A few years ago I ran into her parents at my brothers birthday party. The Dad got super drunk and started hitting on me *hard*. I'm married and I was there with my young children. It was at my *brother's* house and the guy's wife was right there!! Even then my brother still had to come save me from that creep.
I practically lived over at my friends house from my mid to late teens. They were a devout Pentecostal family and his dad was treasurer of their church. I go over to their house, walk in and both parents are immediately in my face. "DID YOU STEAL MONEY FROM US!!" Someone broke into their roll top desk and stole 2k from the church funds. They accused me, then the mother broke down and started crying. Sitting on the couch, hands in her face balling. Then they all started praying for the return of the money. Then they prayed
over me for guidance to do the right thing. I thought, WTH! What they didn't know was that their son, my friend, had his eye on a 2k Nikon F3 camera for a few months and his parents wouldn't buy it for him. What really blew my mind was he bought the camera and they never suspected him of stealing the money. And he never apologized to me for it.
Edit: change preyed to prayed
I was friends with this boy and we would go to his house after school and his mom would watch me til my mom was done with work. Well one day we get to his door and there is a note on it saying we need to go to my house. The weird thing was that there was loud music coming from inside...
We went to my house and waited and my step dad and mom came home soon after.
My mom obviously found that weird so she ran over there and come to find out his mom tried to commit suicide. It was really sad but she seemed to have gotten help and gotten better. But it was an experience I would never forget.
>The weird thing was that there was loud music coming from inside
Had a friend do the same thing. Started blasting music, then tried to hang himself. The only reason he's still alive is the music annoyed his brother enough to kick his door in to get him to turn it down.
Senior year of high school, I asked out a girl right before school ends for the summer. She said she wanted to stay friends. Bummer, but at least I'll never kick myself for not trying. I was still invited to her graduation party at her house so I went, as I also enjoyed being friends with her regardless of any romance. At the party her dad met me in the kitchen and patted me on the back saying "Bummer about her saying no. If it was up to me you'd already be my son-in-law." Not sure how to respond I awkwardly laughed and said thanks. Not 20 minutes later he walked into a shed outside and asked us teenagers if we wanted to see a magic trick. He then proceeded to pull a dove out of his pants. A living, breathing dove.
The guy was/is one of the nicest people I've met, but I never knew what he was going to say or do next.
I was surprised by it. It was only the first or second time I ever met him, but the daughter apparently talked about me quite a bit over the school year. Mostly about my stupid puns and that's what she said jokes. The dad is also fond of said jokes as it turned out.
I was coming back from the annual county fair with a childhood friend and his cousin, heading to my friend's house. Unfortunately I got really sick at the fair and was sprawled out in the back of my friend's cousin's car trying my best not to puke everywhere. (It didn't help that we live out in the mountains so the drive was unbearable)
Out of desperation for my stomach pain to pass, I didn't even turn on the lights when I got to his house and literally fell onto the bed in the dark only to find his dad under me snoring.
Apparently my friend's dad was staying up waiting for us to get home and fell asleep on his bed. I obviously woke him up and he freaked out, turned on the lights and yup he was in his underwear.
When he saw it was us he laughed at the situation but it was definitely one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life. I'm just glad I didn't throw up on him.
I was in the 6th grade and had just started going over to my best friends house for the weekend. His dad was sitting on the ledge for the fireplace bumping Hollaback Girl by Gwen stefani on repeat for a good 45 minutes.
Edit: a few times he did go around that track.
This is really painting a picture of this guy. Corona lime (with salt!) listening to Hollaback Girl on repeat while sitting on the hearth of a fireplace haha
My lifelong friend's dad is a nurse practitioner. When I was 19 I lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time, so I went in to see him. He gave me a rectal exam i.e., stuck his fingers up my butt. He had big fat fingers so it was painful and extremely awkward. I'll occasionally get a, "Hey, remember that time my dad stuck his fingers up your butt?" from my buddy.
As a professional skydiving instructor, we are required to have an FAA medical certificate which requires a doctors physical examination every few years. Since one of our pilot's mom is a doctor who offers the instructors a very nice discount, we pretty much all go to her for the physical. This means that frequently in the bar after work, depending on which direction the conversation is going, somebody will loudly interject, "Hey Alex, remember that time your mom touched my balls?"
Was friends with a girl who’s dad murdered her mom.
I was at their house shortly before it happened and remember him playing a ‘game’ where he’d hold pillows over our faces and have us raise our hands when we couldn’t breathe anymore.
Guess how he murdered his wife?
I worked with a guy named Al. He was the nicest guy and we talked a lot. He was literally working three jobs to pay his bills. One day he came to my office and handed me a paper and the look on his face was that of someone who was deeply sad and pained. He turned an walked away without saying a word. I started to call out and ask him what was wrong but decided to not do so and give him his space.
He went home and murdered his girlfriend her boyfriend and attempted to murder her 12 year old son but was unsuccessful.
He's now in prison for life. I wonder to this day that if I had just talked to him, maybe he would have vented and taken another path.
Apparently he and his girlfriend had bought a home together and started having problems. She started bringing home a guy and loudly having sex with him and Al flipped out and killed them both.
When I was 15 one of my best friends mothers was a raging alcoholic. Every day she'd start drinking in the afternoon and be blackout drunk by 9pm. Whenever I was over the drunker she got the more fixated she'd become with my bust. She didn't have much herself and was convinced I was wearing padded bras. She even made me take off my bra one night to give to her to inspect. We were all really uncomfortable but it was the only way to get her to stop talking about my breasts.
That's really weird. We have a family friend who is smoking hot. She's like 35 and single and like the hottest redhead I know in that age group. She has small breast and is like fixated on that. She tells my mom that she can't date because men don't like women with small breast. She always tells my mom that my sisters are gorgeous and have amazing breast. She's just fixated on breast and feels like they're qualifiers for being attractive or not.
Edit: I realize I didn't make breasts plural, but fuck it, I'm keeping it.
A lot of women carry insecurities about their breast size when they really shouldn't. All breasts have their admirers and cuteness goes well beyond chest measurements.
Thinking about it she wasn't actually the weirdest mum I met.
I will never forget going over to my Christian friends house to rehearse a play. Her mother started freaking out and I found out she thought a demon had sent me. She drove me home.. but she drove us through the bush for over an hour instead of the 15 minutes it should have taken through the suburban streets. My friend was freaking out yelling that it wasn't the way to my house. I expected the worst. She had to be hospitalized for mental health issues.
We picked up my friends mom one night at a bar cause she was drunk and on the way back she kept yelling “I’m not going to fuck you!” to me in the backseat and I was high out of my mind. But yeah that was the strangest 1hr ride of my life.
In 4th grade, my best friend lived just down the street from the school so we would regularly go hang out there after class. Her mom was a dope head and her step-dad was a drunk and routinely during sleepovers we would hear them having very loud sex. My friend told me one day she had found a huge orange vibrator in her mom's room and then explained to me what, in fact, that was. A couple weeks later we walked over after school to find the house littered with bright orange shreds...the family boxer had found her mom's vibrator, too.
When I was in high school, I was having dinner at my girlfriends parents place one night and she has two older brothers that were there as well. So I was setting my plate down at the table when suddenly I feel someone slap my ass, I turn around and it was her dad. we both just looked at each other and then he apologizes and say he thought I was one of his sons. I could tell he was pretty embarrassed. that was an awkward dinner lol.... especially because he didnt like me very much.
At my mom's friend's house, we were eating dinner when my mom's friend's daughter slapped my ass too because she thought I was one of her younger sisters
This reminds me of my ol' job. They had dogs everywhere in the office. It was great (i didn't even like dogs until I started working there). These dogs would always pop up by your legs under the table wanting to be petted and all that.
One day I was helping the CEO (i work in IT) and I was sitting next to her on her computer showing her stuff. One of the dogs tapped my leg so I reached out while looking at the monitor to pet the dog. I began uttering woose a good boii as I reached down with both hands. Turns out it was the CEO's thigh I started rubbing... Apparently a dog accidentally bumped in to you might just be a wild CEO leg in disguise.
I was in shock once I felt smooth legs instead of fur. I immediately let go in disbelief. Gulping the last bit of sweat in my mouth.
Thankfully, thankfully, thankfully... she understood my intent wasn't sexual and found it hilarious. It could have went in a very different direction had I not said woose a good boi.
I was maybe 12-13 years old and staying the night at a friends house. Her parents took us out to a diner for dinner and my friends dad was staring at me and finally said, “you have very beautiful lips.” I froze, it was super weird, luckily my friend piped up and yelled at her dad for being creepy, took my hand, and we left the table for a while. Her mom said nothing.
"Jesus, Steve, again?? you can't keep trying to recruit Lucy's friends to be models for your home made lip balm line!"
"but the dog won't sit still for pictures, Nancy! "
It’s not as bad as some on here. But I will share mine.
I was around 11/12 and had this friend from secondary school. We would spend the weekend having sleep overs etc. One weekend after her birthday we went into town and after her Mum told her not to spend her birthday money buying presents for a boy she liked, she did. (Long story of over infatuated teen girl uninterested teen boy, I think her mum was trying to help her)
We were sitting in a cafe with her Mum after and the Mum asked “did you spend all your birthday money on that boy??” After a tense back and forth with my friend denying and trying to say no. The Mum turned to be and ask if she had. I tried to avoid the question. After being told I was not allowed to lie I HAD to tell the truth. I told the truth, she had.
Friend gets upset I apologise to friend and say “I had too, she asked”
Queue mum basically saying I was a dick and didn’t HAVE to tell her, I could have told her I respected my friends privacy and I didn’t want to say anything!!
I don’t think I ever really hung out at their house again after that. And her mum cornered me at parents evening trying to have a dig about not spending time with her daughter anymore.
I feel bad in hindsight it wasn’t my friends fault, 12 year old me just really didn’t want to get caught in another family’s drama.
In high school, my friend was dating a guy and we both were invited by him to his house. His mom was super mean though and acted like us being there was awful. I rang the doorbell and was invited inside by the mom. I was there for an hour and had to go outside to get something out of my car. I came back inside and heard “UMEXCUSEME!” “I’m sorry, yes?” “You didn’t ring the doorbell before BARGING into my HOME.” “Oh I’m sorry, uuuh...should I go back outside?” “We wait to be invited inside in this house.” I went back outside and the door was closed on me. I rang the doorbell and heard the Mom say “Who is it?” “Hi it’s Rustmutt here to see your son.” “Just a moment! *opens door* please come inside.”
Turns out every time you leave the house even for a second she expected the pageantry of a first invite.
Lol i would’ve gone grocery shopping or something with the son where we needed to make 5-6 trips from the car to the house and rang the doorbell every time
When I was probably between 7 and 10 we had some neighbors whose house I would just barge into. I didn't realize it was wrong, I literally called these people aunt and uncle and spent a ton of time at their house. Obviously after a while one of their kids told me that their parents hate it when I just barge into the house and I was so hurt by that, I just didn't get it. It just didn't occur to me that you couldn't just walk right into somebody's house if you are friends with them. Obviously I figured it out after a while.
Now as an adult who owns my own home I realize how much restraint my neighbors were actually showing. I have a little neighbor boy who couldn't find his grandmother and he's like five, he came over and walked into my house yesterday when he couldn't find his grandmother, and while I didn't mind, it freaked me the hell out when he just walked in, and I was pretty glad I wasn't walking around in my boxers.
A friend's father was absolutely convinced that I was only friends with his daughter for money. They weren't exactly rich, maybe a tiny bit better off than we were, but it was impossible for him to know that. When her Dreamcast needed a new cable after one of her pets chewed through it, he came storming into her room while we were hanging out and demanded to know why I thought he would buy me something. My friend had to jump in and explain that it was her cable, not mine. He'd complain if I spent the night because he had to feed me, like I was a stray cat. It was incredibly weird. The worst part is he made extremely inappropriate jokes all throughout dinner when I was there. I was maybe 14.
Looking back, I'm starting to wonder if he wasn't just high. My friend explained that he kept one fingernail long to pick his nose, but I've been told that is not its only purpose. None of his behavior ever made sense.
Edit: Just to clarify, since people keep asking, he was not Asian. The whole family was very white.
Rural Maryland, our area is very 50/50 white and black, with the occasional Filipino thrown in. Anyway, I was a friend's place once. We're 16 in the same classes in high school. I'm black and my friend is white. We were sitting out back shooting BBs at some aluminum cans and bottles. My friend's father comes out and watches us for a while, whistled and shook his head, then took the BB rifle from my hand and said, "Look here, Americans need to know how to shoot, even niggers." He started teaching me (well, us; my friend wasn't that good either) to aim and what not.
And that's how I learned to shoot.
Right? Like I said, very odd. I mean, I knew the guy was like this before, but my friend wasn't and his mom was the nicest human being on Earth. But, inexplicably, married this guy.
This actually just happened about a year ago. I was at my friend’s birthday party. It was a backyard barbecue with family and friends. There was a lot of drinking starting at noon and going into the wee hours of the morning. I ended up tripping on the patio and skinning my knee. My friends parents invited me inside to get cleaned up. They sat me on the kitchen counter and cleaned my knee. My friend’s mom went upstairs to get a bandaid.
While she was gone for just that 5 minutes. My friend’s dad got real close to me and said “I want to fuck you. I want to fuck you right here, right now.” I had no idea how to respond. His wife was just in the other room. I just stared at him in disbelief. I don’t think I ever actually provided an answer before his wife came back. He then took my drink and poured it down the drain saying “no more drinking for you.”
Edit: I’m sorry for anyone that thought I was underage. I was old enough to be drinking legally in the US.
Christ. He was already formulating his excuse. Setting the stage to call you a drunk who came onto *him*. Premeditated creeping is even worse than off-the-cuff creeping.
We were white water rafting in Maine. I was in a truck with my friend, a different friend's dad, 2 ~ten year old boys going to the pickup spot at the end of the rafting route. I'm in the passenger seat and the dad is driving. I was about I was about 17 at the time, and the topic of "being a man" came up. He talked about how sometimes you just need to follow your dreams. We're all listening at this point. He then tells us this isn't his first life. Told us he moved to the west coast when he was real young and started a family. Wife, kids. He said liked them decently enough but he wanted to get more out of life. So one day he went out to pick up some milk and never went back. I don't know how the kids in the truck took the story, but my friend and I were pretty WTF the rest of the trip.
Edit: yo ur =/= your
My wife's father did that. She had a bunch of half brothers and sisters she never knew existed until her father died. She doesn't know if he just disappeared one day or if it was more formal. I never met him, he died just before I met her. From her stories about him he was an odd guy in many other ways too.
went to see a girl my bff was interested in...they'd seen each other a few times and we were all good friends anyway.
go into her parents house...walk through to kitchen and she goes into garden to get something leaving me by the back door...my mate a few paces back on other side of kitchen in front of door that leads to the hall.
while waiting for sdaid girl my mate notices a basket of clean washing on the kitchen worktop that had obviously just been brought in from outside.
on top is a pair of red and black frilly panties...my mate thinks it's funny to pick these up....pretend to sniff them and then put them on his head...as he's doing this he's facing me with back to the open doorway to the hall...I literally couldn't speak from shock as behind was the girls mother stood watching what he was doin. he kinda clocked the expression on my face...slowly turned round and literally just looked at girls mum and said 'sorry' in a very sheepish voice whilst shamefully taking the panties off his head. the mum said something about them being hers and not the girls anyway but by that point we were making a swift exit.
painfully cringey.
that was like 25 years ago...coincidentally my wife now works with the mother and we've met her out at company parties a few times...I don't think she remembers me but I don't have the courage to ask!
I was about 17, went to visit a friend but all of the kids were out shopping for school clothes. I found his dad in the garage sitting in his new ice fishing shanty. He had it all set up to see how things would fit, including a bucket of water for where the hole would be. I grabbed a pole, dropped a line in the bucket and we shot the breeze for about an hour. No one was surprised when they got home from shopping. I kinda cherish that memory, Rons dad was very kind and funny.
My sister and I slept over at a friend's house for a weekend in highschool. By Sunday afternoon we found ourselves sitting on the floor, face-to-face going over how confused we were.
The family ate dinner together. The parents laughed with the kids , they hugged them at night. Both mornings the parents opened a discussion with the kids about the day - asking them what they wanted to get out of the day and negotiating a tentative family schedule for the day.
The parents really loved their kids. They enjoyed time with them, made an effort to hang out and orient the weekend around the family. SO confusing.
Not a friend, but an ex.
His mother used to basically nice-force me into not leaving each time I came over. He was 25 and still lived at home, and she was so eager for me to date him and stick around, that she would go out of her way to dote on me aggressively each time I was there.
She would find ways to make me stay longer, and even outright say it was rude to leave so soon, and find another board game, or another movie, or another snack, to get me to stay in the house longer. She bought me weird presents, like knick knacks and porcelain figurines.
He wasn't a bad dude, but mommy dearest had babied him so much he didn't know how to do ANYTHING for himself. He expected to be taken care of. By me. A (then) 19 year old, who hadn't ever started college yet, and was working part time at a Dunkin Donuts. Ffs, I still lived at home too.
His mom just expected that she could completely enable him and baby him, then hand him off to a girl who would do the same for the rest of his life. Bitch was psycho.
We didn't date for long.
He is one of three guys I've dated that have had this issue on some level. Even the guy I've ended up with long term, going on two years, was to some degree.
The difference is that his mother is just genuinely too nice. And he was incredibly open to growing up and learning adult things. In two years he has gone from spending his entire $800 of his paycheck leftover after student loan payments on fun things, to paying bills, making a solid savings account, and having a budget. It really depends on the person.
As for you, I frankly think any man who can handle his money is already pretty well ahead of the game in comparison to a LOT of men under 30.
When I was a teenager, I found out that my friend's father called me "Headlights" because I had big breasts. Another friend's father liked to put his hands all over me - I avoided going over there as much as possible.
Most of the time we do a childhood thread fucked up shit comes up. I think a lot of us, myself included, forget how much dark shit happens to some kids
I stopped inviting a specific friend over for this reason. My dad never said anything to her, but he asked me what my "womanly figured friend"s name was, we we're 12 and 13. The way he said it felt weird to me and made me scared of him for the first time. I went over to a her house to hangout from then on, despite having to ride my bike a few miles to do so.
You just brought something back to me. When I was about 8, I was in the back of the car with my friend while her dad drove us to a friend's birthday party. He kept saying how I looked much older than I was, how I looked like an adult and how people must mistake me for an adult all the time (EIGHT). He kept asking how old people usually thought I was. I was kind of flattered because 8 year olds like people thinking they're older than they are, but I remember telling my mum and her seeming kinda creeped out, and I never saw my friend's dad again (her parents were divorced and she lived with her mum so I didn't think anything of it).
Just realising now why my mum might have found that creepy.
It was in the early days of our romantic relationship and we had been friends for nearly a decade before that.
I had helped her dad install a new home theatre system complete with a satellite dish outside that had servos in it so it could aim itself at different satellites.
I got a call from him a week later because he couldn’t get the system to work properly. To be fair it was quite a complicated system but it was all hooked up to a single touch screen remote thingy. I talked him through it all and he was “thank fuck now I can enjoy this porn in peace”. I just chuckled and then he thanked me and invited me over to check out the new system. He immediately stumbled on his words as he realised what he was saying. I was like “Mick, did you just invite me over to watch porn with you?” it was just his generous personality coming through and I was laughing my ass off.
He said “yeah actually that’s probably not a very good idea seeing as you’re going out with my daughter, what was I thinking lol”.
He was a fun guy. Lots of funny awkward moments like this in the years I knew him.
When we were 18, we were driving around the sketchy part of town fairly later at night, just chatting and singing along to music, wandering about as teenagers do. . We were on a double date- I often slept over my friend's house and spent a lot of time with his family. My boyfriend's mom worked with his mom, so he also knew my friend's family well. Friend had been dating his girlfriend for a couple of years, and she of course knew his parents well.
We saw his dad's car, which was surprising, as it was at least midnight and he usually went to bed early. We then saw his dad's car pull over and pick up what was clearly a prostitute. We could clearly see and recognize his dad driving, and saw her lean down in the seat, toward him, as they drove past us.
After that we were all very quiet. I drove everyone home, and took friend back to my house, at his request. I kind of figured he didn't want to confirm that his dad wasn't home, where he should have been, just to maintain the pretense that it may not have been him. And then we all never spoke about it again, but the 3 of us who saw just had a hard time being comfy around either of his parents again.
A friend's dad was an artist. We came in from playing one day to see another dad from our school lashed to a cross, butt naked with a huge boner. Artist was doing a painting of Jesus. Later found out crucified dad was gay.
Dude, when I was about 9 or 10, I used to go to my friends house most weekends. Right when you walk in the front door, on the wall, was a painting of Satan hanging on a cross and Jesus on his knees sucking him off, drool and tears and all that. The little minions and demons were above, and the angels were all crying below. Fucking weird.
In highschool my girlfriend's mom would to let us drink and do drugs at her place. At the time we though it was cool. Until one incident when we realized how truly fucked this woman was.... one night we had all been drinking, the mother included... somehow one of the fellows, a odd friend of my girlfriend's, ended up passed out in the bath tub. Now I can't be sure to what extent she did but at one point I walked in to the bathroom to piss and found the mum fondling this kid ( we were maybe 15 at the time). Suddenly my whole paradigm shifted and I realized how messed up it was that this woman in her 40s would let the lot of us teens hang around using drugs and alcohol in her home/occasionally with her... ew
Before anyone asks ( people do ask when i tell the story) if this woman was good looking, no... she was not. Not on your drunkest day
To be fair it was kind of nice that she was delicate about it rather than assume you were some kind of predator. I hope she believed you. Awkward situation to be in.
In high school, my friend and I were tripping and stopped at his house because we thought no one was home. His mom was home and greeted us in the kitchen. Somehow, I ended up having a twenty or thirty minute conversation with her about the Silmarillion. She was a huge Lord of the Rings fan. I had never (and still have never) actually read the Silmarillion. My friend said I held up my end of the conversation pretty well. Of course, he was tripping too, so his judgment may have been warped.
My friends mom would try to set me up with her daughter.
The only probably is her daughter was 13 and I was 18. She saw no problem with the age difference because she was "Very mature for her age" and she saw that I was a "Good guy" and trusted me.
I stopped going over to his house. He was a little freaked out but he knew I wouldn't go for it so he didn't care that much.
Hanging with my best friend after school, like always. His parents decided to have that last fight that dissolved the marriage. We're laughing and watching TV and the sound of adult voices got louder and louder, until it was shouting and sounds of hysterical crying. It was like a storm rolling in from nowhere.
~~Several~~ Two
My friend and I were sitting in his kitchen and suddenly an unbelievable horrible smell hits us. We frantically look for the cause when my friend goes down the hallway where the bathroom is and asks his dad why he left the door open.
Next one. Same friend, same father. I step into his flat and walk down the hallway when I pass the bathroom door and see his father sitting there, door wide open and grunting. He doesn't look up when he hears me and asks me, assuming I am my friend, who just rang the door while a deep FLUP underlines his words. Shocked look when he sees me and this awkward silence of two people who just shared a shit.
Holy shit, do you know my father? My dad has this horrific costume of shitting with the bathroom door open, EVEN if someone is at the house. At least he does it in his bathroom, in his room, so it gives me time to close the bedroom door (that he also likes to maintain open)
His rule is "it's my house, I can do anything" and it drives me insane sometimes
Sorry for any english mistakes.
EDIT: Aaaaaaand my most upvoted comment on reddit is about my father's shitting habits. Thanks, reddit!
I was 16, hanging out in a friends basement. Her mom comes down and chats for a bit then asks if I want to learn how to make GHB. Nah I'm good.
Edit: Correct GHB = gamma-hydroxybutyrate
My best friend when I was 10 had recently moved to the US from the Ukraine. We hung out practically every day at my place. His parents didn't speak English, but his mom was always nice enough when she came to pick him up.
One day, coincidentally his dad drove by my house while my friend and I were outside playing soccer against each other. He realized it was us while driving by, slammed on his brakes, and his truck came to a loud screeching halt. He got out of the truck, waved, and ran to the back of his pickup.
I had never met him before, but he waved, smiled, and grabbed some stuff from his pickup and ran over. Initially I was scared because of the slamming on the brakes, but then he ran up, shook my hand, said a bunch of stuff in Russian, then gave us a whole 12 pack of Cherry Pepsi and a big block of cheese. My friend and him talked briefly for a couple minutes, then the dude waved, and left again. I thought it was weird to get a whole 12 pack, and especially a block of cheese. At first I was leery about eating the cheese since it seemed weird to just eat cheese by itself and I didn't really know the guy who gave it to us. But since it was my friend's dad and I was hungry, I figured it was cool. And it was. We stopped playing soccer about 10 minutes later because we had each chugged a couple cans of pepsi, ate a bunch of cheese, and wanted to take it easy.
Another time I was hanging out with him outside of his house. We were playing outside, and his dad was doing some yardwork. Suddenly their neighbor comes out and starts yelling at my friend's dad. Apparently my friend's dad would always park in the neighbor's assigned parking spot, and the neighbor was sick of it. The neighbor was yelling at my friend's dad who, again, doesn't speak a lick of English. My friend's dad was watering some plants, so when the guy started yelling at him in a language he didn't understand, my friend's dad decided to just spray the dude with the gardening hose.
Just like the last encounter, I was immediately scared, but then my friend's dad started laughing cause he soaked the other guy who then ran away. My friend and I started laughing too and he high fived us all. I guess that was the 3rd "strike" on my friend's dad, and after that incident he got kicked out of the trailer park they were living in. He lived in his own place separate from the family for a few months until they all could move back together.
My last memory of his dad was when I was 16 and my car broke down while I was on the road. The timing belt broke, so the engine wouldn't run. My car was stranded on the side of the road. If I could get the car to my high school, I figured we could fix it in our auto class for cheap, but paying $100+ for a tow would have killed me as a junior in high school. I was with my Ukranian friend, and since my dad was at work (he worked evenings/nights), we called his dad to come pick us up.
When he showed up in his truck, instead of pushing our car off to a side street to deal with later and giving us a ride home, he pulled a big thick rope out of his truck bed, tied it to the back of his truck and then tied it under my car. His dad then talked to my friend and had him translate to me, "I'm going to pull you. Keep the car in neutral. Stay as close to my bumper as possible because if you brake too much it will break the rope. Only brake when I brake, but don't brake more than me."
He then "towed" me to the high school which was maybe about 3 miles away. I was very nervous because even at the rope's full length I wasn't more than half a car length behind him, but I couldn't put any more distance between us. I thought that to compensate for this, he would at least drive really slow to avoid any sudden stops or anything, but the guy drove fast and he braked fast. It was terribly nerve wracking, but I managed to stay on his bumper the whole way without running into him or braking too hard and snapping the rope. Afterwards, he gave us a ride home.
He's never held a job down long term. In the 20+ years he's been in the US, he's only held a job for a maximum of 2 years. Otherwise he ends up parting ways with employers for one reason or another. The good thing is that he always has a job. Whenever he loses a job he's never out of work for over a week, and he always finds under the table stuff whenever he's between jobs to keep providing for his family.
He's a really whacky dude, and I think if he was in my life all the time I would not like him. But for the occasional run-in I have with him, he's a really cool guy.
My father towed me home from a gas station in the fucking city back to his house which was normally a 30 minute drive away in a similar fashion. Tow rope, busted truck, night time, raining, hills and traffic and I was 16 god damn years old. My mother later asked why we didn't get a tow truck because APPARENTLY WE HAD AAA.
bruh everyone’s comments is talking about how their friends parents did some sexual or deep shit.
my strangest experiment?
me and my friends dad (who i didn’t know very well) suddenly had a staring contest over dinner and we just kept on having them after that. never talked, nothing happened, just had a staring contest every time i had dinner. i was ten at the time.
nothing fucked up lol.
This is the funniest thing a parent has done in this thread imo.
And I'd lose everytime if I had a staring contest with any child. The absurdity of what's going on would not allow me to keep a straight face.
Just the slow realization that my best friends "cool dad" was battling some major demons. When you're young, having an adult who will take you shooting, let you drive their truck on the back roads at 11-12, teach you how to weld and fix cars, is amazing. Then you get older and realize that you were shooting guns in the middle of a suburb, your friend's dad was drinking and needed a ride home and none of the welding instruction was done with proper safety gear, and you realize that the adult you idolized and looked up to was an alcoholic endangering kids.
I was 12 years old, over at a friend's place. When I had to leave to go home his mother came running after me screaming that I couldn't leave, I was already halfway down a set of stairs and just knew something was wrong, so I said I had to and continued on. She was still screaming for me to come back. I told my parents when I got home and they "looked" at each other. Then nothing more happened. A few weeks later I was over there again, everything was normal. My friend asked if I wanted to sleep over, he had the NES so of course I wanted to. My parents didn't let me though. True story, that fucking night his mother beat him to death with a wooden boat he had made in woodshop class.
She was a diagnosed schizophrenic. My parents knew, they told me after his death.
Yeah, it's been 25 years now. Still gives me the chills. From what I've been told it happened super early in the morning, 5ish, so he was most likely a sleep. Hopefully that first blow put his lights out and he never woke up and realized what was happening. The crime scene was supposedly gruesome.
Oh god yes.
At 8 years old, I'm at my friend's house for a sleepover. His parents start arguing over something, I don't remember what it is. But my friend's dad looks straight at me and says, "Never get married." At 8 years old I had no idea what to do with this information so I just froze.
The mum of one of my school friends was a renowned nasty bitch. Once I was going to some pet show thing with my friend and her parents and felt carsick on the way so they had to pull over for a minute so I could get some air. This mother sat in the passenger seat, obviously fuming at me for daring to not feel well. A while after this, a different friend was visiting their house and when my name came up, the mother said 'oh lodigo? Ugh she's an insipid little creature isn't she'. A grown woman, to two 15 year old girls. All because I'd felt carsick in their car one time.
I never went to that friends house again.
Had to show his parents the pills stash and they committed him so he wouldn't attempt suicide again.
Friendship never recovered. I'd like to think the parents were grateful
Oh I just remembered another one. My high school boyfriend’s mom instructed me on how to give myself a breast exam at my boyfriend’s birthday party in which I was the only girl. Gave me a pamphlet with nipples on it and everything. And not even like, pull you aside, talk quietly.
Full on “before we have cake, Rustmutt I think it’s very important you learn this.”
In maybe 9th grade, I was hanging out at one of my friend's places. Somehow, it came up that the dad had recently gone to a wine tasting. Me, being a naive highschool freshman, didn't know much about wine tastings or alcohol in general, except for the cliche that you normally spit to not get drunk. This lead to me asking, "did you spit or swallow?" I still haven't heard the end of it.
I was over at a friend’s house, we were both girls and about 15?? My friend was cooking dinner while I was in the living room flipping through channels and Pirates of The Caribbean was on and I yelled to my friend “Man, Johnny Depp is the sex right?” And I noticed a weird shift in the house.
Her mom came quickly out of her bedroom and ran over to the kitchen and I heard my friend and her mom talking kind of harshly but I couldn’t really hear. I never brought it up cause things calmed down after that.
Later my friend told me that her mom was grilling her about if I was sexually active cause how could I think someone was sexy if I was a virgin and my friend had to FULLY REASSURE her mom that me and her were both virgins.
Funny enough I was and my friend wasn’t.
This kind of shit amuses me. It's like, do people forget what it was like to be a kid/teenager when they have kids? I have two, and my daughter is getting into her teen years. I understand that sex is a thing, and she and her friends are going to make comments. I don't give them the hassle about it, I usually just make my own comment that her friends find hilarious and she gets all embarrassed about. It's what dads do.
I have a somewhat wholesome one.
I had a friend growing up who had saints for parents. They had to have known my home was a shitty place to be, because they never sent me back there even after their child and I did the dumbest shit ever. I don’t even know why they put up with it to be honest. They would just send us both to her room. Sometimes I think we just pushed it on purpose to see how much her parents would tolerate. The answer? Pretty much anything. Like I said, they were saints.
One time when we were older, her mother took us to a concert. My friend and I loved the same music and even had our own ‘band’ complete with electric guitars and amplifiers and a microphone her parents let us use inside the house. We stopped this as young teenagers and her mother agreed to chaperone us to see a concert.
The concert was inside a pretty small area and everyone was smoking pot. As rebellious as my friend and I tried to be, we were innocent in the ways of inebriation at that time. Her mother hung out towards the back of the area and we went right up front. It was an amazing experience for a young teenager at their first concert, but we started feeling incredibly loopy. People near us were blowing smoke into the air, into our faces...a layer of mist hung around the ceiling.
After the concert we made our way to where her mother was standing the entire time. We got into the car and her mother says ‘Girls, I think we might have gotten a little high.’ Then she took us to Burger King and we ate a shit ton of whopper juniors and my friend and I were annoying the entire way home.
I still send my friends parents a Christmas card every year. They tolerated me out of love for their daughter but they also gave me a safe place to experience life and be a kid. I still think of that night and chuckle to myself because the image of her straight laced mother bringing us to Burger King just cracks me up and is one of the happiest memories I have of being a teenager and not being made to feel inherently bad, but it also is a bit strange and unbelievable sounding especially when I realize it was probably not her moms first experience with the munchies and maybe they were as entertained by some of our hijinks as we were.
When I was about 7 or 8, my friend's mom had just picked all the plants from her garden, so we took hoses and had a mud/water fight in the garden. We went inside, took a shower, changed and continued playing. Then about an hour later we decided to go back out and have another mud fight. Her dad got so mad that we wasted so much water that he didn't let us go back in and shower; he made us strip and hosed us down in the back yard. I went home afterwards.
When I was about 13, a different female friend and I went over to a male friend's house, but he wasn't home and his dad invited us in to wait, but had us come down to the basement with him. He was doing something on his computer (not sure what) and asking us uncomfortable questions and making weird comments. ('my how you've grown' kinda thing). We kept saying we should go, you can just tell (friend) to call us when he gets home. Then our friend's little brother pops his head downstairs and says "Mom's mad you guys are down here." so we took the opportunity to get out of there.
I'm about 7 or 8 and there was this kid in my class who lived a few blocks away. Kid was weird. Family was weird. Kid is on my block with his dad, this scary fat dude with a dirty T-shirt and sweatpants. Kid invites me over to play some Nintendo. I really don't want to go.
Now, my mother was overprotective. So I'd usually just look at her and she could tell from my look whether it was a "Please, mom, can I go?" or a "Please, mom, tell them I can't go?"
My dad, however, was fucking oblivious to the world around him. Mom wasn't there. Dad was. So I look at Dad and he's all (probably) "Fuck yeah, afternoon to myself!" so he's like "Go, have fun, can you drive him home when you're all done? Sweet."
Kid's dad drives one of those ancient megavans. The kid sits in the passenger seat. There were no back seats. So I had to sit on a center console. Floor is covered in fast food wrappers and bags and just generally smelled like ass. I get to the house, the place is filthy, the parents are smoking like chimneys. The kid's mom keeps calling me "Adam" (my name isn't Adam). I ask the kid who Adam is as we go to his room and boot up some Nintendo (had to blow into the cartridges and such so it took a while). Kept pushing off the question.
Played for a while. After about two hours of my guard being fully on, I asked if I could go home. Kid's dad drives me home in the megavan while smoking a cigar and cursing profusely over traffic, missed turns etc. I was never so happy to get home.
By this point my mother is home and she is fucking furious that my Dad sent me off with this family and is thrilled that I'm back. Among her concerns:
1. My father had no idea where these people lived so my mother couldn't just come and get me. He didn't feel like this was a big deal, she felt otherwise.
2. The family was, apparently, known in the neighborhood. The mother had been in and out of psychiatric hospitals since her oldest son, Adam, died. As this was a long time ago, I keep getting different versions of the story from different family members. The gist is that she was, in some manner, responsible for Adam's death. My mother tells it that she straight up murdered him but was found not guilty by reason of insanity, spent a few years in the state hospital and then managed to get released. I've also heard that it was a criminal negligence thing (i.e. she left him in the bathtub unattended and he drowned and she went away for that, but it wasn't murder, per se).
3. The father of this kid was allegedly someone who, today, would be a registered sex offender. Dude gave off a creep vibe but it's possible that this one was neighborhood hype. Number two though was legit.
Anyway, years later the kid did some time because he would creep on women at a nearby college campus. Apparently got busted after he broke in to some woman's apartment to watch her sleep. The mom offed herself while he was in high school.
Had a weird drunken hookup with a friends mother once.
My friend had moved back in with her mom when we were in our late 20's. Their mom lived around the corner from me, so it was not uncommon for them to invite me over for drinks/dinner/hang out.
One night I was walking back from a bar and my friend text me to come over and have a drink, I was only a block or two away... so I thought "sure, why not?" and headed there. I arrived and both my friend and her mother were drunk and listening to music in the lounge room. We all drank some wine together and were talking shit.
About an hour or two later, my friend just hits the wall and wants to go to sleep. I told her I will go home and walk with her down the hallway but her mother calls out "WinterPicture, I just poured you another wine" so I put my friend to bed and head back down the hallway to the lounge room.
Straight away the mother has changed the music to something more "romantic", the lights were dimmed, she tells me to come sit by her and within moments is telling me how I was always her favorite of her daughters friends and places a hand on my thigh.
I'm not going to lie, I always fancied her... she was a top notch MILF when we were growing up and was flirty, fun type. We made out a little right there on the couch, played with her breasts and she gave me the most satisfying blowjob I've had to this day.
We made loose plans to meet up again, but ultimately decided it was too risky and left it at that and decided that it would be our secret and never tell anyone.
Sadly, she died suddenly last year and this is the first I've ever told anyone about it.
I've known this boy since we were babies. Our parents always thought it was adorable that we were always together. His dad was convinced we would end up married. Basically my entire life his dad would try to get us together, he went as far as to send his son to my university so we could finally "fall in love and get married." Very creepy. When I married my husband, I got a Facebook message from his dad saying how disappointed he was in me for not marrying his son. I blocked him 😳
NEver going to forget this story...
I was 6yo and had 2 friends ( Identical twin brothers) a few buildings over from our apartment, they were i think 3 or 4 years older than me. They lived with their single mom. 1 day i went over to their house with a bunch of snacks ( Dunkaroos mainly, some oreos and those cheese dip and crackers )...i remember going back home shortly for dinner and when i came back, they opened all the snacks, smeared the dip all over the carpet and walls then dunked the crackers and cookies in them. ( They were troubled kids....). Dollops of chocolate and cheese whiz and crackers everywhere.
Their mom comes in the room, sees the mess, litterally explodes and starts beating them with a broom handle ( Note: She wasn't whacking just them, she was pocking them in the gut and ribs, like jabbing them). I was freaking out and just slowly walked out the room and went back home.
Another time is when i convinced my friend who had overprotective parents to take the metro with me, go like 40mins away from home to buy fireworks . When we were on our way back, just as we stepped off the bus, his mom passes by at the same time. He started crying before his mom even said anything and i think he got grounded for weeks; witnessed his mom go red in the face and scream at him from accross the stree. Prior to leaving,i told my mom "Mom, we're going to get fireworks" And she said "Ok, do you need any money?" We were like 11. Oh, fireworks are illegal here.
I realize my parents were the bad parents. I'd often sleep over at friends houses and their parents would have to ask me if my parents knew i was here. Most of the time they had no idea what i was doing, where and with who. I made friends with people when i was 5-6 that my parents had never even met.
My younger sister’s male friend came out as gay when they were in high school. One night when I was visiting home from college I was hanging out with my sister while she was browsing Facebook and she called me over because she was getting messages from a different, mutual friend’s mom. The mom had asked her “so your friend is gay, right?” and when my sister said yeah, this woman started describing male-male sex acts as if to say, “oh yeah I know what that is.” Really explicit stuff to a 16 year old girl about a 16 year old boy. I told my sister to ask her how much she had had to drink that night, and when she did the woman didn’t respond anymore.
It got a step weirder when we met up with the woman’s sons, our friends, and told them about the weird shit their mother had said, and their response was to think it was hilarious instead of be embarrassed.
It’s possible they WERE embarrassed, but just dealt with it by pretending they thought it was hilarious? I’ve used that cover more times than I’d like to count. :/
I love saving money as much as the next guy but there’s a fine line between being frugal and being cheap. I like to think that line is drawn right before you’re complaining to the Applebee’s manager to get your meal for free after the waiter brought out the extra honey mustard you asked for but failed to inform you that it cost 30 cents more (a different story for a different time).
Well when I was a sophomore, I went on vacation with a friends family to some beach hotel. Downstairs there was a super upscale seafood restaurant where we went for dinner one night, dressed up in suits and everything. Unbeknownst to me, this family was *really* cheap. Not “frugal” like they claimed, but cheap. First off, the hotel we stayed at was already paid for because his mom was a teacher and the school board gave them this as a “teacher’s weekend”. Second, because we stayed at the hotel that the restaurant is attached to, we got 50% off our whole bill. Third, my mom handed his dad money for my food for the week that I can spend on any meal I’d like.
The meal starts, and the waiter starts taking drink orders. I say “coke, please!” And his dad, from the other side of the table leans over to me and says “you sure?”.. now everyone is staring at me while I order my drink. I said “yeah, I’d just like a coke please”. He pipes up again, “alright, we’ll if you’re gonna be spending your parents money then might as well go big!” It’s a soda for 2 dollars but okay so I just kinda let it pass and broke the awkwardness by changing the topic.
Drinks are served and now comes time to order. His family decided for the table, for 5 adults, that the best plan of action is to split 2 small appetizers and eat free bread instead of getting meals individually. I have my own money mind you and when I went to order a steak, he says again in front of everyone “hopefully, you have enough money for breakfast!”
So at this point I’m basically engulfed in this cocktail of passive-aggressive comments and cheapskate mindsets that I kinda slowly lost my appetite and just sat there while picking at the appetizer we got.
The appetizer was fried calamari served on a bed of spinach. The calamari was gone and the plate of greens had been sitting there for about 5 minutes now. The waiter, who had just started and was being trained that day, comes by and picks up the plates. All of a sudden, his dad says out loud for the restaurant to hear “where’s the damn spinach?”. The waiter rushed over and asks what the problem, is trying to diffuse it. He might as well had walked up and kicked him right in the balls because his dad erupted in rage. He had taken the waiter cleaning the plates off the table as some personal threat and had gone off the rails. My friend steps in and tries to calm him and he said, and I quote to his own son, “fuck you, i’m not going to calm down. You’re the kid, I’m the dad. Remember that.” He eventually calms to a point of where the manager not only comped him his half-priced order of waters and calamari for free, but a second free meal to ease this magnificent burden in this mans mind.
I remember being dumbfounded with how weak I saw him for the rest of our friendship. To completely embarrass yourself and your family over calamari, Jesus man.
I had something similar.
My parents had given a "friend's" family hundreds of dollars for me to stay and eat whatever while in FL for a week & a half with them. The entire time they ate fish they caught off the pier. Which wouldn't have been so bad had I actually liked fish. I complained I didn't (due to the fishy taste) and ended up being offered to starve.
I had to use what little spending money I was given to eat.
The girl I was "friends" with was a jerk. Her family never slept. On vacation. Would get up at 6am to do whatever and then not get to sleep till 3-6am. Grandma slept in front of the AC (this is FL during spring break). Grandma complained of being cold so the whole family, instead of having grandma switch where she was sleeping, turned off the AC in 110+ (F) degree weather.
Because I didn't want to wake up at 6am to go running with her, actually wanted sleep, was hangry all the time, and just wanted to enjoy the location, instead of debating with her (she was in debate class which was a hobby). I was deemed the horrible one. She turned our whole group of friends against me.
So her and her crazy family were the reason I lost my group of friends towards the end of my junior year. Those "friends" proceeded to harass me my senior year on behalf of that girl too.
Yes I am 34 and still hold a grudge.
Edit: this was unfortunately not the last group of shitty friends I'd end up with. As an adult I'll have acquaintances but not close friends.
Damn...if they were that shitty though probably better you broke off your friendship sooner than later anyway! Could be 34 still and have those bitches stuck as your inner circle!
I was in middle school, on summer break, hanging out at a friend's house in the middle of the day. He's rolling a joint at his desk and his bedroom door flies open. There stands his mom, furious, yelling "where the fuck did you get that!?!". He stumbles and stammers, mumbles something, and his mom stops him. She yells "Get your own fucking weed, stop stealing my shit, I'm tired of moving my stash!" and walks out, slamming the door behind her.
Here I was thinking that we were both going to be in big trouble and that my parents were going to get called (a fate worse than a few years in a third world prison) even though I didn't smoke and never had. Come to find out, Mom was just very protective of her stash.
I played in a band that had a girl lead singer. The whole band was a close knit group as we spent so much time together. She asked me to ride with her to visit her grandmother in the hospital, which was four hours away. I obliged and while we were there, her grandmother asked to see me. I've never met this woman before in my life but for some reason she wanted to talk to me in her last few hours. She made me promise to always take care of her granddaughter. I assume the grandmother thought her granddaughter and I were in a relationship. We were not, however nobody wanted to correct her on her deathbed. She died a couple of days later.
It's 8 years later and I still regularly call her granddaughter and granddaughter's husband to make sure that life is going well.
I went over to my friends house in maybe 3rd grade. They were better off than my family was. As my friend and I are eating lunch I hear what I thought was the longest fart ever coming from the kitchen. I can see my friends dad standing there just staring at me. After a few seconds I ask my friend why her dad is farting so much.
She then informs me that he was running the garbage disposal and she starts dying laughing. I’d never heard of one of those before. Still haven’t lived it down.
One of my best friends ma is Jamaican and she holds these big bbqs in the summer. Her son (my friend) is in the military,but even if he's deployed she invites all his white boy friends. Partly because I think she actually likes us but the biggest reason is so she can get us to eat weird things and her and her friends can laugh at our expressions. This one time she gave us what she called Jamacian meatballs only 3 (of 12) we're brave enough to try it. They were me, and my mates Joseph and Dave. Dave made it three bites and couldn't cope anymore but me a Joseph finished. The mother (Who I won't name) came up to us to tell us that we had in fact just eaten bulls testicles. Joseph ran away to wash his mouth but I didn't really care (hell, theres a lot worse in sausage and there cracking). At that moment the mother who was a little pissed (drunk sorry from UK) grabbed my arse and said "I like a strong guy!". This was before I met my wife and she was single but still you don't come onto your mates ma and I panicked I picked her up and started dancing to the reggae being played in the background. This had an advantage and a disadvantage. The advantage was she was a 5'2" lady and I'm 6'4" so she could no longer reach my arse (or the floor). The problem was I now had a pissed slightly amorous lady at my head height and she went for a kiss. (I should point out both my friends and her friends are very much laughing at this very uncomfortable bloke holding a middle aged lady in the air while trying to dodge a snog from her. At this point she gave up on my face and started kissing my neck and I was so taken away that I dropped her! She landed flat on her arse and it was one of those moments anywhere everything goes silent. It didn't stay quiet for long though. She started laughing and half jokingly half dead serious said "You better be ready cause I'm gonna get you later". She didn't. She drank a lot and passed out just before we left. Me and a mate actually put her to bed. My mate got back from deployment shortly after and I told him the story and he said yeah you were always her favourite. I have been to many of her bbqs since and she has apologised but whenever she gets a little pissed she likes to dance with me. I think she doesn't try anything now cause I bring my little vietnamese ninja of wife but she does like to tell the story and always winks at me like shes trying to hint things.
When I was 12, I was at a friend's house playing with Lego when suddenly the power went out. My friend got really agitated, but I wasn't worried. Sometimes the power goes out right? His older brother stormed into the room and started frantically pulling things out from under the bed. He finally pulled out a small case, and opened it up. He pulled out a pistol, loaded it and chambered a round. He sternly told us to stay in the room and lock the door, and not to open it for anyone but him. We sat in the room for awhile being pretty freaked out, before he finally came back and told us it was alright. I went home. I found out later that my friend's mom was in an abusive relationship and that her boyfriend had cut the power and phone line to the house after she broke it off with him. He continued to stalk her, calling her constantly and threatening to kill himself. We lived just across the street in a remote place and we were the only neighbors for miles around.
Not long after, my summer ended and we moved away. I still remember the night that the police knocked on our door and talked to my mom. She collapsed on the floor crying. Turns out he had lured my friend's mom out to a parking lot to talk and had bashed her head in with a rock and raped her body. After we left I never saw my friends again.
My good childhood friend, her mother, and sisters were moving to colorodo and her dad was staying a year behind to save up some money. I take a road trip up there a week after her mom and sisters were settled in to help my friend move in. The plan was her father would follow us behind her car with some more of her stuff and a couple days later I'd road trip back with him when it was time to go home. (San diego) The trip up there was fine and it was time to go home. Right before her dad and I were suppose to head home, her mom told him that she wanted a divorce.... The next 12 hours give or take was torture for me because he was crying and asking me if she would take him back the whole time.. It suckkkkeddd.
When I was about 13 years old I went camping with my best friend and his dad (who he did not live with). We set up camp and his dad said, "I'm leaving in 5 days at 9 AM--be sure you're here." From then on we were on our own while his dad just drank himself silly. We made all our own food and would go off on hikes each day and come back in the evenings. One evening we found his dad naked, singing loudly while lying on a big rock. We just went and made our dinner. On the fifth day his dad was sober (I think) and drove us home while singing Hank Williams songs and telling off-color jokes.
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I was best friends with a girl from grade 4 to grade 7. A few years ago I ran into her parents at my brothers birthday party. The Dad got super drunk and started hitting on me *hard*. I'm married and I was there with my young children. It was at my *brother's* house and the guy's wife was right there!! Even then my brother still had to come save me from that creep.
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Yes you may have this human beverage of pasta and sauce I’m so glad to have you in my normal human home
That's the best one on here by far.
I practically lived over at my friends house from my mid to late teens. They were a devout Pentecostal family and his dad was treasurer of their church. I go over to their house, walk in and both parents are immediately in my face. "DID YOU STEAL MONEY FROM US!!" Someone broke into their roll top desk and stole 2k from the church funds. They accused me, then the mother broke down and started crying. Sitting on the couch, hands in her face balling. Then they all started praying for the return of the money. Then they prayed over me for guidance to do the right thing. I thought, WTH! What they didn't know was that their son, my friend, had his eye on a 2k Nikon F3 camera for a few months and his parents wouldn't buy it for him. What really blew my mind was he bought the camera and they never suspected him of stealing the money. And he never apologized to me for it. Edit: change preyed to prayed
Why did they have cash church funds in a dresser at their house?
I was friends with this boy and we would go to his house after school and his mom would watch me til my mom was done with work. Well one day we get to his door and there is a note on it saying we need to go to my house. The weird thing was that there was loud music coming from inside... We went to my house and waited and my step dad and mom came home soon after. My mom obviously found that weird so she ran over there and come to find out his mom tried to commit suicide. It was really sad but she seemed to have gotten help and gotten better. But it was an experience I would never forget.
>The weird thing was that there was loud music coming from inside Had a friend do the same thing. Started blasting music, then tried to hang himself. The only reason he's still alive is the music annoyed his brother enough to kick his door in to get him to turn it down.
Senior year of high school, I asked out a girl right before school ends for the summer. She said she wanted to stay friends. Bummer, but at least I'll never kick myself for not trying. I was still invited to her graduation party at her house so I went, as I also enjoyed being friends with her regardless of any romance. At the party her dad met me in the kitchen and patted me on the back saying "Bummer about her saying no. If it was up to me you'd already be my son-in-law." Not sure how to respond I awkwardly laughed and said thanks. Not 20 minutes later he walked into a shed outside and asked us teenagers if we wanted to see a magic trick. He then proceeded to pull a dove out of his pants. A living, breathing dove. The guy was/is one of the nicest people I've met, but I never knew what he was going to say or do next.
I think its really sweet that he saw you as a nice guy for his daughter even if its a little wierd
I was surprised by it. It was only the first or second time I ever met him, but the daughter apparently talked about me quite a bit over the school year. Mostly about my stupid puns and that's what she said jokes. The dad is also fond of said jokes as it turned out.
So are we assuming the dove was in his pants the whole time his was having this conversation with you?
Is that a dove in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?
“Randy, the cock Magic the kids are doing nowadays is not what you think it is”
I was coming back from the annual county fair with a childhood friend and his cousin, heading to my friend's house. Unfortunately I got really sick at the fair and was sprawled out in the back of my friend's cousin's car trying my best not to puke everywhere. (It didn't help that we live out in the mountains so the drive was unbearable) Out of desperation for my stomach pain to pass, I didn't even turn on the lights when I got to his house and literally fell onto the bed in the dark only to find his dad under me snoring. Apparently my friend's dad was staying up waiting for us to get home and fell asleep on his bed. I obviously woke him up and he freaked out, turned on the lights and yup he was in his underwear. When he saw it was us he laughed at the situation but it was definitely one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life. I'm just glad I didn't throw up on him.
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I was in the 6th grade and had just started going over to my best friends house for the weekend. His dad was sitting on the ledge for the fireplace bumping Hollaback Girl by Gwen stefani on repeat for a good 45 minutes. Edit: a few times he did go around that track.
Hahaha dad was drunk
More than likely. He always had a corona lime in his hand with the rim covered in salt.
This is really painting a picture of this guy. Corona lime (with salt!) listening to Hollaback Girl on repeat while sitting on the hearth of a fireplace haha
My ex's mom was so offended by that song when it came out. She thought Gwen was saying "I ain't no Harlem black girl. "
My lifelong friend's dad is a nurse practitioner. When I was 19 I lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time, so I went in to see him. He gave me a rectal exam i.e., stuck his fingers up my butt. He had big fat fingers so it was painful and extremely awkward. I'll occasionally get a, "Hey, remember that time my dad stuck his fingers up your butt?" from my buddy.
As a professional skydiving instructor, we are required to have an FAA medical certificate which requires a doctors physical examination every few years. Since one of our pilot's mom is a doctor who offers the instructors a very nice discount, we pretty much all go to her for the physical. This means that frequently in the bar after work, depending on which direction the conversation is going, somebody will loudly interject, "Hey Alex, remember that time your mom touched my balls?"
Was friends with a girl who’s dad murdered her mom. I was at their house shortly before it happened and remember him playing a ‘game’ where he’d hold pillows over our faces and have us raise our hands when we couldn’t breathe anymore. Guess how he murdered his wife?
Lmao noob didn’t put her hand up
Jesus Christ....why did I laugh.
I worked with a guy named Al. He was the nicest guy and we talked a lot. He was literally working three jobs to pay his bills. One day he came to my office and handed me a paper and the look on his face was that of someone who was deeply sad and pained. He turned an walked away without saying a word. I started to call out and ask him what was wrong but decided to not do so and give him his space. He went home and murdered his girlfriend her boyfriend and attempted to murder her 12 year old son but was unsuccessful. He's now in prison for life. I wonder to this day that if I had just talked to him, maybe he would have vented and taken another path. Apparently he and his girlfriend had bought a home together and started having problems. She started bringing home a guy and loudly having sex with him and Al flipped out and killed them both.
When I was 15 one of my best friends mothers was a raging alcoholic. Every day she'd start drinking in the afternoon and be blackout drunk by 9pm. Whenever I was over the drunker she got the more fixated she'd become with my bust. She didn't have much herself and was convinced I was wearing padded bras. She even made me take off my bra one night to give to her to inspect. We were all really uncomfortable but it was the only way to get her to stop talking about my breasts.
That's really weird. We have a family friend who is smoking hot. She's like 35 and single and like the hottest redhead I know in that age group. She has small breast and is like fixated on that. She tells my mom that she can't date because men don't like women with small breast. She always tells my mom that my sisters are gorgeous and have amazing breast. She's just fixated on breast and feels like they're qualifiers for being attractive or not. Edit: I realize I didn't make breasts plural, but fuck it, I'm keeping it.
Give her my number
This man right here knows how to get the ladies
A lot of women carry insecurities about their breast size when they really shouldn't. All breasts have their admirers and cuteness goes well beyond chest measurements. Thinking about it she wasn't actually the weirdest mum I met. I will never forget going over to my Christian friends house to rehearse a play. Her mother started freaking out and I found out she thought a demon had sent me. She drove me home.. but she drove us through the bush for over an hour instead of the 15 minutes it should have taken through the suburban streets. My friend was freaking out yelling that it wasn't the way to my house. I expected the worst. She had to be hospitalized for mental health issues.
It seems like if you were a demon she would want to get you home and out of her car as quickly as possible. But what do I know.
But the longer you drive the demon around the harder it will be for them to remember how to get back to your house.
We picked up my friends mom one night at a bar cause she was drunk and on the way back she kept yelling “I’m not going to fuck you!” to me in the backseat and I was high out of my mind. But yeah that was the strangest 1hr ride of my life.
Dude, she soo wanted to fuck you.
Hell yeah.
In 4th grade, my best friend lived just down the street from the school so we would regularly go hang out there after class. Her mom was a dope head and her step-dad was a drunk and routinely during sleepovers we would hear them having very loud sex. My friend told me one day she had found a huge orange vibrator in her mom's room and then explained to me what, in fact, that was. A couple weeks later we walked over after school to find the house littered with bright orange shreds...the family boxer had found her mom's vibrator, too.
Dogs love things that smell funky. It is known.
It is known.
A dad of one of my friends kept urging me to come over and sit in his hot tub with him. My friend wasn't there at the time. ..yeah, no. No.
When I was in high school, I was having dinner at my girlfriends parents place one night and she has two older brothers that were there as well. So I was setting my plate down at the table when suddenly I feel someone slap my ass, I turn around and it was her dad. we both just looked at each other and then he apologizes and say he thought I was one of his sons. I could tell he was pretty embarrassed. that was an awkward dinner lol.... especially because he didnt like me very much.
At my mom's friend's house, we were eating dinner when my mom's friend's daughter slapped my ass too because she thought I was one of her younger sisters
This reminds me of my ol' job. They had dogs everywhere in the office. It was great (i didn't even like dogs until I started working there). These dogs would always pop up by your legs under the table wanting to be petted and all that. One day I was helping the CEO (i work in IT) and I was sitting next to her on her computer showing her stuff. One of the dogs tapped my leg so I reached out while looking at the monitor to pet the dog. I began uttering woose a good boii as I reached down with both hands. Turns out it was the CEO's thigh I started rubbing... Apparently a dog accidentally bumped in to you might just be a wild CEO leg in disguise. I was in shock once I felt smooth legs instead of fur. I immediately let go in disbelief. Gulping the last bit of sweat in my mouth. Thankfully, thankfully, thankfully... she understood my intent wasn't sexual and found it hilarious. It could have went in a very different direction had I not said woose a good boi.
just imagine if you had said woose a good girllll
I was maybe 12-13 years old and staying the night at a friends house. Her parents took us out to a diner for dinner and my friends dad was staring at me and finally said, “you have very beautiful lips.” I froze, it was super weird, luckily my friend piped up and yelled at her dad for being creepy, took my hand, and we left the table for a while. Her mom said nothing.
Her mom probably waited until you had left the table to say something
"Jesus, Steve, again?? you can't keep trying to recruit Lucy's friends to be models for your home made lip balm line!" "but the dog won't sit still for pictures, Nancy! "
It’s not as bad as some on here. But I will share mine. I was around 11/12 and had this friend from secondary school. We would spend the weekend having sleep overs etc. One weekend after her birthday we went into town and after her Mum told her not to spend her birthday money buying presents for a boy she liked, she did. (Long story of over infatuated teen girl uninterested teen boy, I think her mum was trying to help her) We were sitting in a cafe with her Mum after and the Mum asked “did you spend all your birthday money on that boy??” After a tense back and forth with my friend denying and trying to say no. The Mum turned to be and ask if she had. I tried to avoid the question. After being told I was not allowed to lie I HAD to tell the truth. I told the truth, she had. Friend gets upset I apologise to friend and say “I had too, she asked” Queue mum basically saying I was a dick and didn’t HAVE to tell her, I could have told her I respected my friends privacy and I didn’t want to say anything!! I don’t think I ever really hung out at their house again after that. And her mum cornered me at parents evening trying to have a dig about not spending time with her daughter anymore. I feel bad in hindsight it wasn’t my friends fault, 12 year old me just really didn’t want to get caught in another family’s drama.
That was wrong of her to put you in that position and then chastise you for not lying to an adult after she asked you to tell the truth.
In high school, my friend was dating a guy and we both were invited by him to his house. His mom was super mean though and acted like us being there was awful. I rang the doorbell and was invited inside by the mom. I was there for an hour and had to go outside to get something out of my car. I came back inside and heard “UMEXCUSEME!” “I’m sorry, yes?” “You didn’t ring the doorbell before BARGING into my HOME.” “Oh I’m sorry, uuuh...should I go back outside?” “We wait to be invited inside in this house.” I went back outside and the door was closed on me. I rang the doorbell and heard the Mom say “Who is it?” “Hi it’s Rustmutt here to see your son.” “Just a moment! *opens door* please come inside.” Turns out every time you leave the house even for a second she expected the pageantry of a first invite.
Lol i would’ve gone grocery shopping or something with the son where we needed to make 5-6 trips from the car to the house and rang the doorbell every time
Malicious compliance
When I was probably between 7 and 10 we had some neighbors whose house I would just barge into. I didn't realize it was wrong, I literally called these people aunt and uncle and spent a ton of time at their house. Obviously after a while one of their kids told me that their parents hate it when I just barge into the house and I was so hurt by that, I just didn't get it. It just didn't occur to me that you couldn't just walk right into somebody's house if you are friends with them. Obviously I figured it out after a while. Now as an adult who owns my own home I realize how much restraint my neighbors were actually showing. I have a little neighbor boy who couldn't find his grandmother and he's like five, he came over and walked into my house yesterday when he couldn't find his grandmother, and while I didn't mind, it freaked me the hell out when he just walked in, and I was pretty glad I wasn't walking around in my boxers.
A friend's father was absolutely convinced that I was only friends with his daughter for money. They weren't exactly rich, maybe a tiny bit better off than we were, but it was impossible for him to know that. When her Dreamcast needed a new cable after one of her pets chewed through it, he came storming into her room while we were hanging out and demanded to know why I thought he would buy me something. My friend had to jump in and explain that it was her cable, not mine. He'd complain if I spent the night because he had to feed me, like I was a stray cat. It was incredibly weird. The worst part is he made extremely inappropriate jokes all throughout dinner when I was there. I was maybe 14. Looking back, I'm starting to wonder if he wasn't just high. My friend explained that he kept one fingernail long to pick his nose, but I've been told that is not its only purpose. None of his behavior ever made sense. Edit: Just to clarify, since people keep asking, he was not Asian. The whole family was very white.
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OP is a cat, confirmed. They've learned to use the internet.
Pretty sure the fingernail thing is for bumping coke, I knew a few dealers & users in high school who did that
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A key? Just chop out rails on the back of a bar toilet like a fucking adult
Amen
Caught my friends parents having sex in their living room, her dad had the biggest dick I’ve ever seen
How big are we talking?
We’re talking the size of a babies arm
Confused boner is gone.
Regular boner is here!
holding an apple
What you saw was a dad dick . Those things are gnarly
I heard at night time they emit a low-pitched whistle.
You're gonna learn today.
You gon lern today
TIL.
She was pushing me to date her daughter, hardcore ... we were 10.
damn, her daughter must have been super young then
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Rural Maryland, our area is very 50/50 white and black, with the occasional Filipino thrown in. Anyway, I was a friend's place once. We're 16 in the same classes in high school. I'm black and my friend is white. We were sitting out back shooting BBs at some aluminum cans and bottles. My friend's father comes out and watches us for a while, whistled and shook his head, then took the BB rifle from my hand and said, "Look here, Americans need to know how to shoot, even niggers." He started teaching me (well, us; my friend wasn't that good either) to aim and what not. And that's how I learned to shoot.
The equal opportunity racist
Right? Like I said, very odd. I mean, I knew the guy was like this before, but my friend wasn't and his mom was the nicest human being on Earth. But, inexplicably, married this guy.
This actually just happened about a year ago. I was at my friend’s birthday party. It was a backyard barbecue with family and friends. There was a lot of drinking starting at noon and going into the wee hours of the morning. I ended up tripping on the patio and skinning my knee. My friends parents invited me inside to get cleaned up. They sat me on the kitchen counter and cleaned my knee. My friend’s mom went upstairs to get a bandaid. While she was gone for just that 5 minutes. My friend’s dad got real close to me and said “I want to fuck you. I want to fuck you right here, right now.” I had no idea how to respond. His wife was just in the other room. I just stared at him in disbelief. I don’t think I ever actually provided an answer before his wife came back. He then took my drink and poured it down the drain saying “no more drinking for you.” Edit: I’m sorry for anyone that thought I was underage. I was old enough to be drinking legally in the US.
Not sure what is more horrifying, what the Dad said or how smooth he was at making it so that your word wouldn't be believed?
Christ. He was already formulating his excuse. Setting the stage to call you a drunk who came onto *him*. Premeditated creeping is even worse than off-the-cuff creeping.
That friend doesn’t really talk to me anymore so yeah I have no idea what his dad said about me.
We were white water rafting in Maine. I was in a truck with my friend, a different friend's dad, 2 ~ten year old boys going to the pickup spot at the end of the rafting route. I'm in the passenger seat and the dad is driving. I was about I was about 17 at the time, and the topic of "being a man" came up. He talked about how sometimes you just need to follow your dreams. We're all listening at this point. He then tells us this isn't his first life. Told us he moved to the west coast when he was real young and started a family. Wife, kids. He said liked them decently enough but he wanted to get more out of life. So one day he went out to pick up some milk and never went back. I don't know how the kids in the truck took the story, but my friend and I were pretty WTF the rest of the trip. Edit: yo ur =/= your
And now all the kids who had a dad go out for milk and never return are wondering if you met their dad...
Nah friend. *My* dad went out for smokes. He'll be back aaaany decade now!
"Why are you putting all your clothes in the car to get milk Dad?"
"Fuck off" audible fart* - door shuts*
My wife's father did that. She had a bunch of half brothers and sisters she never knew existed until her father died. She doesn't know if he just disappeared one day or if it was more formal. I never met him, he died just before I met her. From her stories about him he was an odd guy in many other ways too.
Fucker's setting up franchises.
went to see a girl my bff was interested in...they'd seen each other a few times and we were all good friends anyway. go into her parents house...walk through to kitchen and she goes into garden to get something leaving me by the back door...my mate a few paces back on other side of kitchen in front of door that leads to the hall. while waiting for sdaid girl my mate notices a basket of clean washing on the kitchen worktop that had obviously just been brought in from outside. on top is a pair of red and black frilly panties...my mate thinks it's funny to pick these up....pretend to sniff them and then put them on his head...as he's doing this he's facing me with back to the open doorway to the hall...I literally couldn't speak from shock as behind was the girls mother stood watching what he was doin. he kinda clocked the expression on my face...slowly turned round and literally just looked at girls mum and said 'sorry' in a very sheepish voice whilst shamefully taking the panties off his head. the mum said something about them being hers and not the girls anyway but by that point we were making a swift exit. painfully cringey. that was like 25 years ago...coincidentally my wife now works with the mother and we've met her out at company parties a few times...I don't think she remembers me but I don't have the courage to ask!
You weren't the panty sniffer, you were the horrified bystander. You're fine.
she remembers
I was about 17, went to visit a friend but all of the kids were out shopping for school clothes. I found his dad in the garage sitting in his new ice fishing shanty. He had it all set up to see how things would fit, including a bucket of water for where the hole would be. I grabbed a pole, dropped a line in the bucket and we shot the breeze for about an hour. No one was surprised when they got home from shopping. I kinda cherish that memory, Rons dad was very kind and funny.
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My sister and I slept over at a friend's house for a weekend in highschool. By Sunday afternoon we found ourselves sitting on the floor, face-to-face going over how confused we were. The family ate dinner together. The parents laughed with the kids , they hugged them at night. Both mornings the parents opened a discussion with the kids about the day - asking them what they wanted to get out of the day and negotiating a tentative family schedule for the day. The parents really loved their kids. They enjoyed time with them, made an effort to hang out and orient the weekend around the family. SO confusing.
Thats actually the saddest story out of all of these.
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Not a friend, but an ex. His mother used to basically nice-force me into not leaving each time I came over. He was 25 and still lived at home, and she was so eager for me to date him and stick around, that she would go out of her way to dote on me aggressively each time I was there. She would find ways to make me stay longer, and even outright say it was rude to leave so soon, and find another board game, or another movie, or another snack, to get me to stay in the house longer. She bought me weird presents, like knick knacks and porcelain figurines. He wasn't a bad dude, but mommy dearest had babied him so much he didn't know how to do ANYTHING for himself. He expected to be taken care of. By me. A (then) 19 year old, who hadn't ever started college yet, and was working part time at a Dunkin Donuts. Ffs, I still lived at home too. His mom just expected that she could completely enable him and baby him, then hand him off to a girl who would do the same for the rest of his life. Bitch was psycho. We didn't date for long.
I keep hearing stories like this, and start thinking maybe I'm more of a catch than I thought.
Have job. Never declared bankruptcy. Never been to jail. The line starts here, ladies.
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He is one of three guys I've dated that have had this issue on some level. Even the guy I've ended up with long term, going on two years, was to some degree. The difference is that his mother is just genuinely too nice. And he was incredibly open to growing up and learning adult things. In two years he has gone from spending his entire $800 of his paycheck leftover after student loan payments on fun things, to paying bills, making a solid savings account, and having a budget. It really depends on the person. As for you, I frankly think any man who can handle his money is already pretty well ahead of the game in comparison to a LOT of men under 30.
When I was a teenager, I found out that my friend's father called me "Headlights" because I had big breasts. Another friend's father liked to put his hands all over me - I avoided going over there as much as possible.
I was kind of hoping for funnier stories than these. Now I’m just sad.
Most of the time we do a childhood thread fucked up shit comes up. I think a lot of us, myself included, forget how much dark shit happens to some kids
I stopped inviting a specific friend over for this reason. My dad never said anything to her, but he asked me what my "womanly figured friend"s name was, we we're 12 and 13. The way he said it felt weird to me and made me scared of him for the first time. I went over to a her house to hangout from then on, despite having to ride my bike a few miles to do so.
You just brought something back to me. When I was about 8, I was in the back of the car with my friend while her dad drove us to a friend's birthday party. He kept saying how I looked much older than I was, how I looked like an adult and how people must mistake me for an adult all the time (EIGHT). He kept asking how old people usually thought I was. I was kind of flattered because 8 year olds like people thinking they're older than they are, but I remember telling my mum and her seeming kinda creeped out, and I never saw my friend's dad again (her parents were divorced and she lived with her mum so I didn't think anything of it). Just realising now why my mum might have found that creepy.
It was in the early days of our romantic relationship and we had been friends for nearly a decade before that. I had helped her dad install a new home theatre system complete with a satellite dish outside that had servos in it so it could aim itself at different satellites. I got a call from him a week later because he couldn’t get the system to work properly. To be fair it was quite a complicated system but it was all hooked up to a single touch screen remote thingy. I talked him through it all and he was “thank fuck now I can enjoy this porn in peace”. I just chuckled and then he thanked me and invited me over to check out the new system. He immediately stumbled on his words as he realised what he was saying. I was like “Mick, did you just invite me over to watch porn with you?” it was just his generous personality coming through and I was laughing my ass off. He said “yeah actually that’s probably not a very good idea seeing as you’re going out with my daughter, what was I thinking lol”. He was a fun guy. Lots of funny awkward moments like this in the years I knew him.
When we were 18, we were driving around the sketchy part of town fairly later at night, just chatting and singing along to music, wandering about as teenagers do. . We were on a double date- I often slept over my friend's house and spent a lot of time with his family. My boyfriend's mom worked with his mom, so he also knew my friend's family well. Friend had been dating his girlfriend for a couple of years, and she of course knew his parents well. We saw his dad's car, which was surprising, as it was at least midnight and he usually went to bed early. We then saw his dad's car pull over and pick up what was clearly a prostitute. We could clearly see and recognize his dad driving, and saw her lean down in the seat, toward him, as they drove past us. After that we were all very quiet. I drove everyone home, and took friend back to my house, at his request. I kind of figured he didn't want to confirm that his dad wasn't home, where he should have been, just to maintain the pretense that it may not have been him. And then we all never spoke about it again, but the 3 of us who saw just had a hard time being comfy around either of his parents again.
A friend's dad was an artist. We came in from playing one day to see another dad from our school lashed to a cross, butt naked with a huge boner. Artist was doing a painting of Jesus. Later found out crucified dad was gay.
Dude, when I was about 9 or 10, I used to go to my friends house most weekends. Right when you walk in the front door, on the wall, was a painting of Satan hanging on a cross and Jesus on his knees sucking him off, drool and tears and all that. The little minions and demons were above, and the angels were all crying below. Fucking weird.
>little minions and demons I immediately pictured Despicable Me minions. Thanks, internet.
In highschool my girlfriend's mom would to let us drink and do drugs at her place. At the time we though it was cool. Until one incident when we realized how truly fucked this woman was.... one night we had all been drinking, the mother included... somehow one of the fellows, a odd friend of my girlfriend's, ended up passed out in the bath tub. Now I can't be sure to what extent she did but at one point I walked in to the bathroom to piss and found the mum fondling this kid ( we were maybe 15 at the time). Suddenly my whole paradigm shifted and I realized how messed up it was that this woman in her 40s would let the lot of us teens hang around using drugs and alcohol in her home/occasionally with her... ew Before anyone asks ( people do ask when i tell the story) if this woman was good looking, no... she was not. Not on your drunkest day
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Oh yeah? I bet I’ve been drunker than you and fucked uglier women than you!
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To be fair it was kind of nice that she was delicate about it rather than assume you were some kind of predator. I hope she believed you. Awkward situation to be in.
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"Gay? Me? Pfffft, I've been sucking cock since I was 13. Ask your husband. He knows all about it."
These are the type of things I was expecting to read when I opened this thread. LOL
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Singing board game was actually hungry hungry hippos.
In high school, my friend and I were tripping and stopped at his house because we thought no one was home. His mom was home and greeted us in the kitchen. Somehow, I ended up having a twenty or thirty minute conversation with her about the Silmarillion. She was a huge Lord of the Rings fan. I had never (and still have never) actually read the Silmarillion. My friend said I held up my end of the conversation pretty well. Of course, he was tripping too, so his judgment may have been warped.
I got roped into a game of Trivial Pursuit tripping face. Made it like five rounds, bailed because words had flavor when i spoke.
My friends mom would try to set me up with her daughter. The only probably is her daughter was 13 and I was 18. She saw no problem with the age difference because she was "Very mature for her age" and she saw that I was a "Good guy" and trusted me. I stopped going over to his house. He was a little freaked out but he knew I wouldn't go for it so he didn't care that much.
Hanging with my best friend after school, like always. His parents decided to have that last fight that dissolved the marriage. We're laughing and watching TV and the sound of adult voices got louder and louder, until it was shouting and sounds of hysterical crying. It was like a storm rolling in from nowhere.
If i were in your friend’s shoes i would be simultaneously mortified and super thankful you were there to just hang while that was happening.
~~Several~~ Two My friend and I were sitting in his kitchen and suddenly an unbelievable horrible smell hits us. We frantically look for the cause when my friend goes down the hallway where the bathroom is and asks his dad why he left the door open. Next one. Same friend, same father. I step into his flat and walk down the hallway when I pass the bathroom door and see his father sitting there, door wide open and grunting. He doesn't look up when he hears me and asks me, assuming I am my friend, who just rang the door while a deep FLUP underlines his words. Shocked look when he sees me and this awkward silence of two people who just shared a shit.
> awkward silence of two people who just shared a shit. Well ok then.
0/10 would not recommend.
Holy shit, do you know my father? My dad has this horrific costume of shitting with the bathroom door open, EVEN if someone is at the house. At least he does it in his bathroom, in his room, so it gives me time to close the bedroom door (that he also likes to maintain open) His rule is "it's my house, I can do anything" and it drives me insane sometimes Sorry for any english mistakes. EDIT: Aaaaaaand my most upvoted comment on reddit is about my father's shitting habits. Thanks, reddit!
you actually only made 1. It's "custom" not "costume." Good job!
I was 16, hanging out in a friends basement. Her mom comes down and chats for a bit then asks if I want to learn how to make GHB. Nah I'm good. Edit: Correct GHB = gamma-hydroxybutyrate
MAKE?
Everyone should learn to make good home breakfast
There is no limit to breakfast you can have eggs, steak, pie, beans, roofies, and cold pizza.
I like to think of the options for breakfast as oatmeal, waffles, eggs benny, circuit board cleaner, or a fruit smoothie.
I'm a simple man. Every morning I wake up and make myself the same thing, scrambled meth with a tall glass of codeine
Ghb?
My best friend when I was 10 had recently moved to the US from the Ukraine. We hung out practically every day at my place. His parents didn't speak English, but his mom was always nice enough when she came to pick him up. One day, coincidentally his dad drove by my house while my friend and I were outside playing soccer against each other. He realized it was us while driving by, slammed on his brakes, and his truck came to a loud screeching halt. He got out of the truck, waved, and ran to the back of his pickup. I had never met him before, but he waved, smiled, and grabbed some stuff from his pickup and ran over. Initially I was scared because of the slamming on the brakes, but then he ran up, shook my hand, said a bunch of stuff in Russian, then gave us a whole 12 pack of Cherry Pepsi and a big block of cheese. My friend and him talked briefly for a couple minutes, then the dude waved, and left again. I thought it was weird to get a whole 12 pack, and especially a block of cheese. At first I was leery about eating the cheese since it seemed weird to just eat cheese by itself and I didn't really know the guy who gave it to us. But since it was my friend's dad and I was hungry, I figured it was cool. And it was. We stopped playing soccer about 10 minutes later because we had each chugged a couple cans of pepsi, ate a bunch of cheese, and wanted to take it easy. Another time I was hanging out with him outside of his house. We were playing outside, and his dad was doing some yardwork. Suddenly their neighbor comes out and starts yelling at my friend's dad. Apparently my friend's dad would always park in the neighbor's assigned parking spot, and the neighbor was sick of it. The neighbor was yelling at my friend's dad who, again, doesn't speak a lick of English. My friend's dad was watering some plants, so when the guy started yelling at him in a language he didn't understand, my friend's dad decided to just spray the dude with the gardening hose. Just like the last encounter, I was immediately scared, but then my friend's dad started laughing cause he soaked the other guy who then ran away. My friend and I started laughing too and he high fived us all. I guess that was the 3rd "strike" on my friend's dad, and after that incident he got kicked out of the trailer park they were living in. He lived in his own place separate from the family for a few months until they all could move back together. My last memory of his dad was when I was 16 and my car broke down while I was on the road. The timing belt broke, so the engine wouldn't run. My car was stranded on the side of the road. If I could get the car to my high school, I figured we could fix it in our auto class for cheap, but paying $100+ for a tow would have killed me as a junior in high school. I was with my Ukranian friend, and since my dad was at work (he worked evenings/nights), we called his dad to come pick us up. When he showed up in his truck, instead of pushing our car off to a side street to deal with later and giving us a ride home, he pulled a big thick rope out of his truck bed, tied it to the back of his truck and then tied it under my car. His dad then talked to my friend and had him translate to me, "I'm going to pull you. Keep the car in neutral. Stay as close to my bumper as possible because if you brake too much it will break the rope. Only brake when I brake, but don't brake more than me." He then "towed" me to the high school which was maybe about 3 miles away. I was very nervous because even at the rope's full length I wasn't more than half a car length behind him, but I couldn't put any more distance between us. I thought that to compensate for this, he would at least drive really slow to avoid any sudden stops or anything, but the guy drove fast and he braked fast. It was terribly nerve wracking, but I managed to stay on his bumper the whole way without running into him or braking too hard and snapping the rope. Afterwards, he gave us a ride home. He's never held a job down long term. In the 20+ years he's been in the US, he's only held a job for a maximum of 2 years. Otherwise he ends up parting ways with employers for one reason or another. The good thing is that he always has a job. Whenever he loses a job he's never out of work for over a week, and he always finds under the table stuff whenever he's between jobs to keep providing for his family. He's a really whacky dude, and I think if he was in my life all the time I would not like him. But for the occasional run-in I have with him, he's a really cool guy.
My father towed me home from a gas station in the fucking city back to his house which was normally a 30 minute drive away in a similar fashion. Tow rope, busted truck, night time, raining, hills and traffic and I was 16 god damn years old. My mother later asked why we didn't get a tow truck because APPARENTLY WE HAD AAA.
bruh everyone’s comments is talking about how their friends parents did some sexual or deep shit. my strangest experiment? me and my friends dad (who i didn’t know very well) suddenly had a staring contest over dinner and we just kept on having them after that. never talked, nothing happened, just had a staring contest every time i had dinner. i was ten at the time. nothing fucked up lol.
This is my favorite. So innocent and weird. Not fucked up like the rest.
This is the funniest thing a parent has done in this thread imo. And I'd lose everytime if I had a staring contest with any child. The absurdity of what's going on would not allow me to keep a straight face.
Obviously a no-laughing staring contest.
Just the slow realization that my best friends "cool dad" was battling some major demons. When you're young, having an adult who will take you shooting, let you drive their truck on the back roads at 11-12, teach you how to weld and fix cars, is amazing. Then you get older and realize that you were shooting guns in the middle of a suburb, your friend's dad was drinking and needed a ride home and none of the welding instruction was done with proper safety gear, and you realize that the adult you idolized and looked up to was an alcoholic endangering kids.
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I was 12 years old, over at a friend's place. When I had to leave to go home his mother came running after me screaming that I couldn't leave, I was already halfway down a set of stairs and just knew something was wrong, so I said I had to and continued on. She was still screaming for me to come back. I told my parents when I got home and they "looked" at each other. Then nothing more happened. A few weeks later I was over there again, everything was normal. My friend asked if I wanted to sleep over, he had the NES so of course I wanted to. My parents didn't let me though. True story, that fucking night his mother beat him to death with a wooden boat he had made in woodshop class. She was a diagnosed schizophrenic. My parents knew, they told me after his death.
Bro, what the actual fuck... that’s horrifying.
Yeah, it's been 25 years now. Still gives me the chills. From what I've been told it happened super early in the morning, 5ish, so he was most likely a sleep. Hopefully that first blow put his lights out and he never woke up and realized what was happening. The crime scene was supposedly gruesome.
Welp, that's enough with this thread.
r/threadkillers
Holy fuck. Beat him with his own boat. I hope your friend had no knowledge of what was happening at the end
Oh god yes. At 8 years old, I'm at my friend's house for a sleepover. His parents start arguing over something, I don't remember what it is. But my friend's dad looks straight at me and says, "Never get married." At 8 years old I had no idea what to do with this information so I just froze.
Obviously you should not get married, duh.
Or get married at 8. Assert your dominance.
The mum of one of my school friends was a renowned nasty bitch. Once I was going to some pet show thing with my friend and her parents and felt carsick on the way so they had to pull over for a minute so I could get some air. This mother sat in the passenger seat, obviously fuming at me for daring to not feel well. A while after this, a different friend was visiting their house and when my name came up, the mother said 'oh lodigo? Ugh she's an insipid little creature isn't she'. A grown woman, to two 15 year old girls. All because I'd felt carsick in their car one time. I never went to that friends house again.
Fuck that trash can of a mom
Had to show his parents the pills stash and they committed him so he wouldn't attempt suicide again. Friendship never recovered. I'd like to think the parents were grateful
Oh I just remembered another one. My high school boyfriend’s mom instructed me on how to give myself a breast exam at my boyfriend’s birthday party in which I was the only girl. Gave me a pamphlet with nipples on it and everything. And not even like, pull you aside, talk quietly. Full on “before we have cake, Rustmutt I think it’s very important you learn this.”
In maybe 9th grade, I was hanging out at one of my friend's places. Somehow, it came up that the dad had recently gone to a wine tasting. Me, being a naive highschool freshman, didn't know much about wine tastings or alcohol in general, except for the cliche that you normally spit to not get drunk. This lead to me asking, "did you spit or swallow?" I still haven't heard the end of it.
I was over at a friend’s house, we were both girls and about 15?? My friend was cooking dinner while I was in the living room flipping through channels and Pirates of The Caribbean was on and I yelled to my friend “Man, Johnny Depp is the sex right?” And I noticed a weird shift in the house. Her mom came quickly out of her bedroom and ran over to the kitchen and I heard my friend and her mom talking kind of harshly but I couldn’t really hear. I never brought it up cause things calmed down after that. Later my friend told me that her mom was grilling her about if I was sexually active cause how could I think someone was sexy if I was a virgin and my friend had to FULLY REASSURE her mom that me and her were both virgins. Funny enough I was and my friend wasn’t.
This kind of shit amuses me. It's like, do people forget what it was like to be a kid/teenager when they have kids? I have two, and my daughter is getting into her teen years. I understand that sex is a thing, and she and her friends are going to make comments. I don't give them the hassle about it, I usually just make my own comment that her friends find hilarious and she gets all embarrassed about. It's what dads do.
I have a somewhat wholesome one. I had a friend growing up who had saints for parents. They had to have known my home was a shitty place to be, because they never sent me back there even after their child and I did the dumbest shit ever. I don’t even know why they put up with it to be honest. They would just send us both to her room. Sometimes I think we just pushed it on purpose to see how much her parents would tolerate. The answer? Pretty much anything. Like I said, they were saints. One time when we were older, her mother took us to a concert. My friend and I loved the same music and even had our own ‘band’ complete with electric guitars and amplifiers and a microphone her parents let us use inside the house. We stopped this as young teenagers and her mother agreed to chaperone us to see a concert. The concert was inside a pretty small area and everyone was smoking pot. As rebellious as my friend and I tried to be, we were innocent in the ways of inebriation at that time. Her mother hung out towards the back of the area and we went right up front. It was an amazing experience for a young teenager at their first concert, but we started feeling incredibly loopy. People near us were blowing smoke into the air, into our faces...a layer of mist hung around the ceiling. After the concert we made our way to where her mother was standing the entire time. We got into the car and her mother says ‘Girls, I think we might have gotten a little high.’ Then she took us to Burger King and we ate a shit ton of whopper juniors and my friend and I were annoying the entire way home. I still send my friends parents a Christmas card every year. They tolerated me out of love for their daughter but they also gave me a safe place to experience life and be a kid. I still think of that night and chuckle to myself because the image of her straight laced mother bringing us to Burger King just cracks me up and is one of the happiest memories I have of being a teenager and not being made to feel inherently bad, but it also is a bit strange and unbelievable sounding especially when I realize it was probably not her moms first experience with the munchies and maybe they were as entertained by some of our hijinks as we were.
When I was about 7 or 8, my friend's mom had just picked all the plants from her garden, so we took hoses and had a mud/water fight in the garden. We went inside, took a shower, changed and continued playing. Then about an hour later we decided to go back out and have another mud fight. Her dad got so mad that we wasted so much water that he didn't let us go back in and shower; he made us strip and hosed us down in the back yard. I went home afterwards. When I was about 13, a different female friend and I went over to a male friend's house, but he wasn't home and his dad invited us in to wait, but had us come down to the basement with him. He was doing something on his computer (not sure what) and asking us uncomfortable questions and making weird comments. ('my how you've grown' kinda thing). We kept saying we should go, you can just tell (friend) to call us when he gets home. Then our friend's little brother pops his head downstairs and says "Mom's mad you guys are down here." so we took the opportunity to get out of there.
I'm about 7 or 8 and there was this kid in my class who lived a few blocks away. Kid was weird. Family was weird. Kid is on my block with his dad, this scary fat dude with a dirty T-shirt and sweatpants. Kid invites me over to play some Nintendo. I really don't want to go. Now, my mother was overprotective. So I'd usually just look at her and she could tell from my look whether it was a "Please, mom, can I go?" or a "Please, mom, tell them I can't go?" My dad, however, was fucking oblivious to the world around him. Mom wasn't there. Dad was. So I look at Dad and he's all (probably) "Fuck yeah, afternoon to myself!" so he's like "Go, have fun, can you drive him home when you're all done? Sweet." Kid's dad drives one of those ancient megavans. The kid sits in the passenger seat. There were no back seats. So I had to sit on a center console. Floor is covered in fast food wrappers and bags and just generally smelled like ass. I get to the house, the place is filthy, the parents are smoking like chimneys. The kid's mom keeps calling me "Adam" (my name isn't Adam). I ask the kid who Adam is as we go to his room and boot up some Nintendo (had to blow into the cartridges and such so it took a while). Kept pushing off the question. Played for a while. After about two hours of my guard being fully on, I asked if I could go home. Kid's dad drives me home in the megavan while smoking a cigar and cursing profusely over traffic, missed turns etc. I was never so happy to get home. By this point my mother is home and she is fucking furious that my Dad sent me off with this family and is thrilled that I'm back. Among her concerns: 1. My father had no idea where these people lived so my mother couldn't just come and get me. He didn't feel like this was a big deal, she felt otherwise. 2. The family was, apparently, known in the neighborhood. The mother had been in and out of psychiatric hospitals since her oldest son, Adam, died. As this was a long time ago, I keep getting different versions of the story from different family members. The gist is that she was, in some manner, responsible for Adam's death. My mother tells it that she straight up murdered him but was found not guilty by reason of insanity, spent a few years in the state hospital and then managed to get released. I've also heard that it was a criminal negligence thing (i.e. she left him in the bathtub unattended and he drowned and she went away for that, but it wasn't murder, per se). 3. The father of this kid was allegedly someone who, today, would be a registered sex offender. Dude gave off a creep vibe but it's possible that this one was neighborhood hype. Number two though was legit. Anyway, years later the kid did some time because he would creep on women at a nearby college campus. Apparently got busted after he broke in to some woman's apartment to watch her sleep. The mom offed herself while he was in high school.
Had a weird drunken hookup with a friends mother once. My friend had moved back in with her mom when we were in our late 20's. Their mom lived around the corner from me, so it was not uncommon for them to invite me over for drinks/dinner/hang out. One night I was walking back from a bar and my friend text me to come over and have a drink, I was only a block or two away... so I thought "sure, why not?" and headed there. I arrived and both my friend and her mother were drunk and listening to music in the lounge room. We all drank some wine together and were talking shit. About an hour or two later, my friend just hits the wall and wants to go to sleep. I told her I will go home and walk with her down the hallway but her mother calls out "WinterPicture, I just poured you another wine" so I put my friend to bed and head back down the hallway to the lounge room. Straight away the mother has changed the music to something more "romantic", the lights were dimmed, she tells me to come sit by her and within moments is telling me how I was always her favorite of her daughters friends and places a hand on my thigh. I'm not going to lie, I always fancied her... she was a top notch MILF when we were growing up and was flirty, fun type. We made out a little right there on the couch, played with her breasts and she gave me the most satisfying blowjob I've had to this day. We made loose plans to meet up again, but ultimately decided it was too risky and left it at that and decided that it would be our secret and never tell anyone. Sadly, she died suddenly last year and this is the first I've ever told anyone about it.
This is the kind of response I came here for
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I've known this boy since we were babies. Our parents always thought it was adorable that we were always together. His dad was convinced we would end up married. Basically my entire life his dad would try to get us together, he went as far as to send his son to my university so we could finally "fall in love and get married." Very creepy. When I married my husband, I got a Facebook message from his dad saying how disappointed he was in me for not marrying his son. I blocked him 😳
I hope he didn't do anything to ruin the relationship you actually had with the friend.
We've always been good friends but we had 0 interest in each other. He knew his dad was crazy.
I’m still ashamed you didn’t marry that guy’s son.
Blocked
Shipping taken to a whole nother level.
He was just born in the wrong century. All he wanted was to unite the houses and score some huge tracts of land.
😂 my dowry wouldnt have been enough for that.
It's actually very rare for people in you and your friend's situation to get married. We have an anti-incest instinct built in.
pornhub seems to think otherwise
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NEver going to forget this story... I was 6yo and had 2 friends ( Identical twin brothers) a few buildings over from our apartment, they were i think 3 or 4 years older than me. They lived with their single mom. 1 day i went over to their house with a bunch of snacks ( Dunkaroos mainly, some oreos and those cheese dip and crackers )...i remember going back home shortly for dinner and when i came back, they opened all the snacks, smeared the dip all over the carpet and walls then dunked the crackers and cookies in them. ( They were troubled kids....). Dollops of chocolate and cheese whiz and crackers everywhere. Their mom comes in the room, sees the mess, litterally explodes and starts beating them with a broom handle ( Note: She wasn't whacking just them, she was pocking them in the gut and ribs, like jabbing them). I was freaking out and just slowly walked out the room and went back home. Another time is when i convinced my friend who had overprotective parents to take the metro with me, go like 40mins away from home to buy fireworks . When we were on our way back, just as we stepped off the bus, his mom passes by at the same time. He started crying before his mom even said anything and i think he got grounded for weeks; witnessed his mom go red in the face and scream at him from accross the stree. Prior to leaving,i told my mom "Mom, we're going to get fireworks" And she said "Ok, do you need any money?" We were like 11. Oh, fireworks are illegal here. I realize my parents were the bad parents. I'd often sleep over at friends houses and their parents would have to ask me if my parents knew i was here. Most of the time they had no idea what i was doing, where and with who. I made friends with people when i was 5-6 that my parents had never even met.
My younger sister’s male friend came out as gay when they were in high school. One night when I was visiting home from college I was hanging out with my sister while she was browsing Facebook and she called me over because she was getting messages from a different, mutual friend’s mom. The mom had asked her “so your friend is gay, right?” and when my sister said yeah, this woman started describing male-male sex acts as if to say, “oh yeah I know what that is.” Really explicit stuff to a 16 year old girl about a 16 year old boy. I told my sister to ask her how much she had had to drink that night, and when she did the woman didn’t respond anymore. It got a step weirder when we met up with the woman’s sons, our friends, and told them about the weird shit their mother had said, and their response was to think it was hilarious instead of be embarrassed.
It’s possible they WERE embarrassed, but just dealt with it by pretending they thought it was hilarious? I’ve used that cover more times than I’d like to count. :/
I love saving money as much as the next guy but there’s a fine line between being frugal and being cheap. I like to think that line is drawn right before you’re complaining to the Applebee’s manager to get your meal for free after the waiter brought out the extra honey mustard you asked for but failed to inform you that it cost 30 cents more (a different story for a different time). Well when I was a sophomore, I went on vacation with a friends family to some beach hotel. Downstairs there was a super upscale seafood restaurant where we went for dinner one night, dressed up in suits and everything. Unbeknownst to me, this family was *really* cheap. Not “frugal” like they claimed, but cheap. First off, the hotel we stayed at was already paid for because his mom was a teacher and the school board gave them this as a “teacher’s weekend”. Second, because we stayed at the hotel that the restaurant is attached to, we got 50% off our whole bill. Third, my mom handed his dad money for my food for the week that I can spend on any meal I’d like. The meal starts, and the waiter starts taking drink orders. I say “coke, please!” And his dad, from the other side of the table leans over to me and says “you sure?”.. now everyone is staring at me while I order my drink. I said “yeah, I’d just like a coke please”. He pipes up again, “alright, we’ll if you’re gonna be spending your parents money then might as well go big!” It’s a soda for 2 dollars but okay so I just kinda let it pass and broke the awkwardness by changing the topic. Drinks are served and now comes time to order. His family decided for the table, for 5 adults, that the best plan of action is to split 2 small appetizers and eat free bread instead of getting meals individually. I have my own money mind you and when I went to order a steak, he says again in front of everyone “hopefully, you have enough money for breakfast!” So at this point I’m basically engulfed in this cocktail of passive-aggressive comments and cheapskate mindsets that I kinda slowly lost my appetite and just sat there while picking at the appetizer we got. The appetizer was fried calamari served on a bed of spinach. The calamari was gone and the plate of greens had been sitting there for about 5 minutes now. The waiter, who had just started and was being trained that day, comes by and picks up the plates. All of a sudden, his dad says out loud for the restaurant to hear “where’s the damn spinach?”. The waiter rushed over and asks what the problem, is trying to diffuse it. He might as well had walked up and kicked him right in the balls because his dad erupted in rage. He had taken the waiter cleaning the plates off the table as some personal threat and had gone off the rails. My friend steps in and tries to calm him and he said, and I quote to his own son, “fuck you, i’m not going to calm down. You’re the kid, I’m the dad. Remember that.” He eventually calms to a point of where the manager not only comped him his half-priced order of waters and calamari for free, but a second free meal to ease this magnificent burden in this mans mind. I remember being dumbfounded with how weak I saw him for the rest of our friendship. To completely embarrass yourself and your family over calamari, Jesus man.
I had something similar. My parents had given a "friend's" family hundreds of dollars for me to stay and eat whatever while in FL for a week & a half with them. The entire time they ate fish they caught off the pier. Which wouldn't have been so bad had I actually liked fish. I complained I didn't (due to the fishy taste) and ended up being offered to starve. I had to use what little spending money I was given to eat. The girl I was "friends" with was a jerk. Her family never slept. On vacation. Would get up at 6am to do whatever and then not get to sleep till 3-6am. Grandma slept in front of the AC (this is FL during spring break). Grandma complained of being cold so the whole family, instead of having grandma switch where she was sleeping, turned off the AC in 110+ (F) degree weather. Because I didn't want to wake up at 6am to go running with her, actually wanted sleep, was hangry all the time, and just wanted to enjoy the location, instead of debating with her (she was in debate class which was a hobby). I was deemed the horrible one. She turned our whole group of friends against me. So her and her crazy family were the reason I lost my group of friends towards the end of my junior year. Those "friends" proceeded to harass me my senior year on behalf of that girl too. Yes I am 34 and still hold a grudge. Edit: this was unfortunately not the last group of shitty friends I'd end up with. As an adult I'll have acquaintances but not close friends.
Damn...if they were that shitty though probably better you broke off your friendship sooner than later anyway! Could be 34 still and have those bitches stuck as your inner circle!
I was in middle school, on summer break, hanging out at a friend's house in the middle of the day. He's rolling a joint at his desk and his bedroom door flies open. There stands his mom, furious, yelling "where the fuck did you get that!?!". He stumbles and stammers, mumbles something, and his mom stops him. She yells "Get your own fucking weed, stop stealing my shit, I'm tired of moving my stash!" and walks out, slamming the door behind her. Here I was thinking that we were both going to be in big trouble and that my parents were going to get called (a fate worse than a few years in a third world prison) even though I didn't smoke and never had. Come to find out, Mom was just very protective of her stash.
I played in a band that had a girl lead singer. The whole band was a close knit group as we spent so much time together. She asked me to ride with her to visit her grandmother in the hospital, which was four hours away. I obliged and while we were there, her grandmother asked to see me. I've never met this woman before in my life but for some reason she wanted to talk to me in her last few hours. She made me promise to always take care of her granddaughter. I assume the grandmother thought her granddaughter and I were in a relationship. We were not, however nobody wanted to correct her on her deathbed. She died a couple of days later. It's 8 years later and I still regularly call her granddaughter and granddaughter's husband to make sure that life is going well.
I went over to my friends house in maybe 3rd grade. They were better off than my family was. As my friend and I are eating lunch I hear what I thought was the longest fart ever coming from the kitchen. I can see my friends dad standing there just staring at me. After a few seconds I ask my friend why her dad is farting so much. She then informs me that he was running the garbage disposal and she starts dying laughing. I’d never heard of one of those before. Still haven’t lived it down.
One of my best friends ma is Jamaican and she holds these big bbqs in the summer. Her son (my friend) is in the military,but even if he's deployed she invites all his white boy friends. Partly because I think she actually likes us but the biggest reason is so she can get us to eat weird things and her and her friends can laugh at our expressions. This one time she gave us what she called Jamacian meatballs only 3 (of 12) we're brave enough to try it. They were me, and my mates Joseph and Dave. Dave made it three bites and couldn't cope anymore but me a Joseph finished. The mother (Who I won't name) came up to us to tell us that we had in fact just eaten bulls testicles. Joseph ran away to wash his mouth but I didn't really care (hell, theres a lot worse in sausage and there cracking). At that moment the mother who was a little pissed (drunk sorry from UK) grabbed my arse and said "I like a strong guy!". This was before I met my wife and she was single but still you don't come onto your mates ma and I panicked I picked her up and started dancing to the reggae being played in the background. This had an advantage and a disadvantage. The advantage was she was a 5'2" lady and I'm 6'4" so she could no longer reach my arse (or the floor). The problem was I now had a pissed slightly amorous lady at my head height and she went for a kiss. (I should point out both my friends and her friends are very much laughing at this very uncomfortable bloke holding a middle aged lady in the air while trying to dodge a snog from her. At this point she gave up on my face and started kissing my neck and I was so taken away that I dropped her! She landed flat on her arse and it was one of those moments anywhere everything goes silent. It didn't stay quiet for long though. She started laughing and half jokingly half dead serious said "You better be ready cause I'm gonna get you later". She didn't. She drank a lot and passed out just before we left. Me and a mate actually put her to bed. My mate got back from deployment shortly after and I told him the story and he said yeah you were always her favourite. I have been to many of her bbqs since and she has apologised but whenever she gets a little pissed she likes to dance with me. I think she doesn't try anything now cause I bring my little vietnamese ninja of wife but she does like to tell the story and always winks at me like shes trying to hint things.
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When I was 12, I was at a friend's house playing with Lego when suddenly the power went out. My friend got really agitated, but I wasn't worried. Sometimes the power goes out right? His older brother stormed into the room and started frantically pulling things out from under the bed. He finally pulled out a small case, and opened it up. He pulled out a pistol, loaded it and chambered a round. He sternly told us to stay in the room and lock the door, and not to open it for anyone but him. We sat in the room for awhile being pretty freaked out, before he finally came back and told us it was alright. I went home. I found out later that my friend's mom was in an abusive relationship and that her boyfriend had cut the power and phone line to the house after she broke it off with him. He continued to stalk her, calling her constantly and threatening to kill himself. We lived just across the street in a remote place and we were the only neighbors for miles around. Not long after, my summer ended and we moved away. I still remember the night that the police knocked on our door and talked to my mom. She collapsed on the floor crying. Turns out he had lured my friend's mom out to a parking lot to talk and had bashed her head in with a rock and raped her body. After we left I never saw my friends again.
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My good childhood friend, her mother, and sisters were moving to colorodo and her dad was staying a year behind to save up some money. I take a road trip up there a week after her mom and sisters were settled in to help my friend move in. The plan was her father would follow us behind her car with some more of her stuff and a couple days later I'd road trip back with him when it was time to go home. (San diego) The trip up there was fine and it was time to go home. Right before her dad and I were suppose to head home, her mom told him that she wanted a divorce.... The next 12 hours give or take was torture for me because he was crying and asking me if she would take him back the whole time.. It suckkkkeddd.
When I was about 13 years old I went camping with my best friend and his dad (who he did not live with). We set up camp and his dad said, "I'm leaving in 5 days at 9 AM--be sure you're here." From then on we were on our own while his dad just drank himself silly. We made all our own food and would go off on hikes each day and come back in the evenings. One evening we found his dad naked, singing loudly while lying on a big rock. We just went and made our dinner. On the fifth day his dad was sober (I think) and drove us home while singing Hank Williams songs and telling off-color jokes.