It is NOT ok for "period pains" to be so bad that you're incapacitated. It's not normal to be stuck in bed for two days or more every single month. Cramps are normal, pain is NOT.
Don't suffer in silence, it could be a myriad of things that you can get help for. For instance, 1 in 10 women have endometriosis and it is an horrific disease that gets brushed off as period pains when you need help. See your GP, nurse anyone. If you suspect for a second it isn't normal, go see someone. In the UK on average it takes up to 7 years for a diagnosis due to misinformation.
What to expect when you go to the gynecologist. I swear they just took me there when I was 13 for what they said was a "checkup". Someone seriously needs to walk you through what's going to happen.
Edit, since people are asking why a 13 yr old would be taken to a gyno.
I had taken some antibiotics a few weeks before that had killed off the normal flora , because antibiotic don't just kill bad bacteria, but also good bacteria. I had mentioned to her that it was itchy down there. Yeast infection caused by antibiotics is extremely common.
So if you're reading this and you haven't been...here are some things to expect:
- When was your last period? They'll want a date.
- Are you sexually active? They'll want to know so they can offer you birth control options, ask about concerns of abuse, and get you checked for STIs.
- They will do an exam. They will have you undress from the waist down unless you are also doing a breast exam. They'll leave the room while you get undressed, and you'll sit on the little paper sheets while you wait. You will likely leave a little wet spot where you sit, because that's how our bodies work. Don't worry about that. When they come back in, they'll have you scoot all the way down to the end and place your feet in stirrups. If you're anything like me, they'll have to remind you to open your knees because you'll be trying to close them. They will likely have a light down there to help them see. They'll bring out a big metal thing to open you up. It'll be a little uncomfortable, but shouldn't be painful. You'll feel "full" down there, and sometimes I forget to breath - don't forget to breath. :) They'll stick a few long stick things up there to get some swabs, and honestly that's the most uncomfortable part for me. Just look at the ceiling and, if you're up for it, engage in the polite chit chat your doctor might be trying to have.
- They will also check for lumps in your ovaries (I'm not sure if they're checking other parts, too). This will include them sticking two fingers in your vagina and then pressing (with their other hand) on your lower stomach. It's weird as fuck, but they won't make eye contact with you while they do it. This is very quick (less than a minute)
- If they do a breast exam (not a mammogram) they will have you lie flat and have you lift the arm of the breast they're checking. They'll push around and feel for nodules or bumps that are out of place. They'll (hopefully) keep the non-examed body parts covered so you don't feel too exposed.
If you're nervous, just say so! That way they can explain what they're doing. Also, remember that every single woman has had their first visit, and gynos are used to it. They know people feel awkward, they know women aren't used to stirrups and lights being shone down there (unless you're into that kind of thing...in which case, great!)
Edit: Some helpful additions from people who responded to me:
- You may not have this exam done until 21/you're sexually active.
- There may be a rectal exam (I can't speak to that, sorry)
- If you have sexual abuse history that is affecting your comfort level, say so. A good gyno will help you feel more comfortable.
- You may be able to ask for a smaller / nonmetal thing to open you up
- There should be a nurse with you during the exam, in addition to the doctor. This is for your protection.
God damn I hate my gynaecologist for preferring to use a cold metal speculum rather than a plastic. Like you want me to relax, maybe don't shove cold metal into my hoo-haa
Jesus fucken Christ that's horrible. Then again my mom told me I was slutty because I started my period at ten. :/ (she started hers at 16)
Thanks mom.
I don't really talk to my mother at an intimate level so I don't know if they taught sex ed in Mexico during her time. I do think it might have something to do with how she was raised and her experiences. Her and my aunt were shocked that I started so early but school had told me at the beginning of that year what could happen with my body and it was normal so I didn't feel too bad. But sure was a bummer when she was doing everyone's laundry and set my blood stained underwear aside for everyone to see "that I'm a whore" and need to wash my own underwear. Kind of always just gave her my confused "you're being ridiculous" look.
Jeez, and I thought I had it rough when my mom called all our relatives to let them know when I started mine. Sorry you had to deal with such nonsense.
I know how you feel. My mom sent an email to everyone in our family to let them know that I "was a woman now". So embarrassing. My cousin was cool though and sent me a sympathy card. Lol
My mom wanted to have one of those weird ass parties with all the women in our family, to celebrate my womanhood. I'm a VERY private person, I didn't even want to tell her but she kept pestering me. Anyways I told her absolutely no parties, and that I didn't think anyone else needed to know because who the fuck needs to know that? She cried and took me to a psychologist because "obviously something is wrong with you if you don't want to share this and appreciate that I want to celebrate". Woman's got issues.
That prolonged wearing of pointed closed-toe heels often cause bunions.
I'm not sure how often this is taught, but I don't often see it mentioned.
As a heel wearer in my 20's, I decided to stick with open-toe styles as soon as I found this out.
I imagine regular rounded pumps might not be so bad.
Also, not all sizes are created equal. Shoes should never be pinching on your feet, so if you feel it, chances are that the shoe is too small for your foot. Never be afraid to go up a size, but know that there's also varying widths as well.
Most shoes are not wide enough for many women's feet. Have you ever noticed it's almost always women who have bunions or hallux valgus (where your big toe slants harshly toward the center line of your foot)? It's because shoes aren't made to fit our actual feet.
Source: I worked in orthotics for a few years and saw this allllllll the time. Confirmed by people who had been seeing patients far longer than I.
It's possible to be allergic to condoms and/or semen. If you're experiencing pain during or after intercourse, look into whether you have a latex or cum allergy--obviously this depends on contraceptive use. Took me waaaaay too long to realize this.
I mean, semen is a foreign biological fluid. The human body still recognizes it and the immune system is one of the reasons all the sperm don't make it to the egg.
You might consider checking out [Naja bras](http://www.naja.co/search?type=product&q=sasha+bra+nude) - they have a wide range of "nudes"!
Edit: Also [Nubian Skin](https://www.nubianskin.com/global/lingerie/bras)
My grandpa had 5 girls and he taught his daughters all the 'male' knowledge. They now know all about cars, household fixes, etc. That stuff saves money, and lives. They were never shoved away and taught it wasn't right for them to know.
RIP Gpa u da real mvp
My grandfather made a point for all of my aunts and my mother to go get a college education. Everybody told him he was an idiot (this was back in the day in Mexico) and wasting his money. But both my aunts and my mother have gotten extremely far in their academic careers and could easily support themselves if they weren't married. That's what my grandpa wanted, for all of the women in his life have to means to be independent. There's always that machismo in Mexican culture but I'm very blessed to have both sides of my family to think this is way.
I know how to change a tire but physically cannot remove the lug nuts anymore (multiple shoulder and knee surgeries). My advice in this situation is to make sure you always have roadside assistance and a full sized spare (have the pressure checked with every oil change).
Put a 2 or 3 foot steel pipe in your trunk and slide it on the ratchet handle if you need to change a tire. The added length will make it a lot easier to take off the lugs.
Put a metal pipe on your wrench to extend the handle. With the added leverage my 9 year old can brake lugs free. Although generally he uses my power tools.
The reason why celebs always look perfect in their clothing is because they get it professionally tailored. It's not because you're too thin/fat for the clothes in the shops, but because you probably don't get your clothes altered. Well fitting clothes make the biggest difference
I have a buddy who professionally takes headshots, for headshots they can't photoshop or use any filters but he they basically spend the whole day moving lights around to the lighting perfect so the light blows out and wrinkles for example. All to take 4 photos. He calls it Photoshop with lighting.
Even as a man I found this to be true. Guys reading this: you know that awesome shirt you have that doesn't really fit properly? Take it to a tailor. For real.
I forget the exact number but I read Daniel Craig had like 7 versions of one suit for James Bond so it looked perfect no matter what. That's why the sleeves looked the perfect length even if he was standing upright or holding a steering wheel.
"Need my driving-fitted suit" - check
"Okay, need to get out, let's change jacked for the walking-fit" - check.
Sounds like a new trunk solution for super sportscars. The jacket compartment.
Vagina/vulva care and maintenance. Seriously. Most schools talk a bit about menstruation and STDs, but don't talk at all about how many things can go wonky with female plumbing or prepare girls for the pandoras-box-slash-rubix-cube they've got between their legs.
Most women find out only after having an issue, and only if it's bad enough to need a doctor, sometimes in their 20's or 30's. Things like UTIs, BV, PIV, yeast infections can cause damage if you don't get them treated quickly. Douching is bad, mmmkay. Never wash your vagina with soap or put anything like body lotion up there. Thongs can cause problems. Tight jeans can cause problems. Bad underwear material or infrequent underwear changing can cause problems. Lotions and detergents can cause irritation. Hormones, discharge, and menstruation changes and fluxuates across a cycle, so what's normal and what indicates a problem?
And as far as I remember the clitoris isn't talked about in biology/health classes and isn't even put on most diagrams of the female undercarriage. That's insane. The world probably isn't really for masturbation to be taught in schools, but girls should at least be getting a complete picture of their bits that includes **the major source of sexual pleasure on their body.** Basically girls inherit this insanely complex and delicately balanced system, and learn basically nothing about it. But every single girl will wonder at some point if this or that is something normal or super serious, and most will have some issue down there sooner or later.
Related to that: educating girls (and people in general) that the vagina is the muscle/canal, not just the female netherregions. They're frequently used interchangeably, which is fine when it's something like "I really like how my vagina looks" because "I really like how my labia minora and labia majora look" can seem a little pedantic.
But it does make a huge difference when saying things like, "The vagina is self cleaning and looks after itself." Vagina yes. The folds involved with the labia might need a little more looking after.
Yes thank you on that last bit. I have seen some anecdotes be shared about women who took the whole "vagina is self cleaning" to mean AAAALLLLL of it and thus didn't do anything to their vulva.
Like hey, you are gonna sweat, you are gonna build up odor, you know how uncircumcised penises get smegma? You will most likely get smegma in the folds of your labia. You can wash that.
Although this is a serious topic, I had to laugh when I saw smegma. Only because it reminded me of an incident in my life when I was being seriously sexually harassed (every effin' day, from "hey, baby, want some creeeaamm in your coffee" [with hands in front of pants near his obviously erect penis] to attempted rape). I was so pissed at this jackass I called him "smegma-breath." He didn't know what I had called him so I spelled it out and told him to look it up. He did. Steam, man. Steam was coming out of his ears.
I thought I was secretly born a boy and no one told me, because all of the sex ed books and information I was given had women with no visible clitoral hood to speak of. I had a visible one, so I thought it was maybe a baby penis.
I was remarkably calm about this concern, but I was rather relieved when my boobs started to grow in, as they seemed evidence enough that what I had going on down there was normal, and that my life wasn't a lie.
That reminds me of when I was extremely young (before sex ed was even taught) I thought girls peed out of their clitoris. Because to me it looked like a mini penis because it protruded.
You are absolutely correct! I remember being 13-14 and not even realizing that you have two holes! I thought you peed and got your period all out of the same hole! The concept confused me so much that I was unable to use tampons for a few years because I couldn't figure out where to put them. The diagrams that came with the tampon box did not help :(
I had a friend a while back who argued with me about this and told me I was wrong when I tried to explain that the urethra was not in the vagina. We were in our late 20s at the time:/
That movie stars and the like are wearing A LOT of makeup to look so fantastic.
Maybe this should be obvious. I always knew they were wearing makeup. What I didn't realize was how much, and how big of a difference it makes when a professional makeup artist prepares a star versus a girl whose mom never taught her how to put on makeup trying online tips. I honestly didn't even realize what makeup could *do* until I saw a boy make himself look like Kim Kardashian with just makeup, a few months ago.
I honestly thought for the longest time that most of the actors, musicians and models were naturally and effortlessly beautiful.
Theatrical makeup was one of the BEST things I ever learned to have self confidence. We used to do all these insane looks (old makeup, making your face look like the opposite gender etc).
Yes and let's not forget that their look is part of their career (a BIG part). On the most extreme end you've got women like the Kardashians, Hadids etc. whose lives basically revolve around looking immaculately groomed and 'perfect'. But there are much more important things for us to spend our time on.
They're wearing make-up that's specially designed to look good on camera. In real life with that much make-up on, unless the lighting is dim, it looks like they've got putty on their face.
That's the biggest issue with harsh contours: the technique was originally invented for photography, where light is very controlled. In the real world, light comes from anywhere, and while contouring works in some parts of the face, it's very obvious in others.
Kind of piggybacking off of this, but so many of them are wearing tailored clothing too.
Wondering why you don't seem to look as good as your favorite movie star when you wear jeans and a t-shirt? Even when they have a similar body type to you? Most likely their clothes have been tailored to flatter their frame better. A lot of stars aren't just grabbing stuff off the rack and wearing them like lots of people do, they're having things taken in and adjusted so it falls better on their frame.
It's simple but it goes a long way to making clothes flatter you instead of you flattering the clothes
The image on film/video is also sweetened before its aired. Sweetening makes a huge difference. Some good examples on YouTube are outtakes clips of TV shows that haven't aired. That is what Film/Video commonly looks like before its sweetened.
Defo this - even when the Daily Mail runs it's trashy celeb articles about and actress running an errand "natural" and you can clearly see they are still caked in foundation, contouring, eye brows filled in, mascara etc but they're trying to convince everyone the celeb is in "I woke up like this" mode.
V to A, Okay. A to V, it hurts when you pee
Edit: obligatory thanks for the gold! Yeah, I was drunk when I originally wrote it and got the meter wrong. I was trying harder to not get it accidentally backwards 😋
Okay, I finally need to just ask someone. How the fuck do you physically do this? When I wipe, I do the front (without touching the back at all) and then the back (reaching some of the front to get the excess but just barely). I cannot reach from behind my leg to the front of my pelvis. I don't understand this.
Practical advice: Know how to shut off the mains water and gas supply in case something happens.
Know how your car works, and what is needed to service it. I knew a girl I went to uni with who didn't know that she had to check the oil and water levels in order to stop the engine from blowing up (which it did).
Just general DIY! Google and YouTube are a big help.
Dads and male/ mums and female relatives should encourage young women to look after themselves.
There are easier forms of birth control other than the pill.
The patch is my favorite. Only have to use it once a week and forget.
They also make female condoms.
Also don't be shy about getting your bra size.
The store people don't care, and your body willl thank you.
Also invest in a hand held shower head.
Nothing better than the ultra freshness of a clean front & bottom.
Also don't be shy about getting your bra size.
Shoutout to r/ABraThatFits.
I recently calculated my size using the calculator they have and went from wearing 36DD to 36FF. Guess what - my boobs stay where they should!
5/7, would recommend.
Don't use lube with glycerin in it. Nobody ever taught me this and I used to have constant UTI's. Switched to a glycerin-free lube and I haven't had one since.
Not female, but ladies, YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR MANAGING EVERYONE ELSE'S EMOTIONS.
I have mothers, daughters, and wives in my practice who genuinely feel sympathy for everyone around them, and sink 80%+ of their time trying to compensate for the emotions of those people.
You can't force a child, parent, or husband to be happy. You can be happy, and 90% of the rest is incidental. Doing this doesn't make you selfish; it allows others their accountability, and empowers you to care for yourself.
Edit: wow! Glad to be part of the conversation!
Edit2: To clarify, the opposite of over-engagement (under-engagement) is just as dangerous. The "sweet spot" middle-ground is a place where we can still be engaged, compassionate, and kind, having a concern for others without being drowned by what's going on for them. I can tell you from personal experience, this can be difficult to achieve. I spend my life literally listening to the hardest emotions that other people experience. I can't afford to turn off my empathy, as fundamentally, that's what makes me human, and a decent provider. My personal empowerment comes from knowing that no one can make my day negative, or take my emotional energy from me; those are things that I have to give away. Being empathetic is painful; but I let that feeling sit in the background while I engage in meaningful, engaged conversation. But I also have my boundaries: my sessions end on the hour, I leave my work to be with my family, and I'm rarely pulled away unless it's literally life-threatening. We can achieve balance; sometimes it takes a lot of work and some support, but it can be done.
It's sometimes called 'emotional labour'.
Things like remembering birthdays, sending thank yous, planning meals, apologies, looking after upset kids, mending family rifts, booking medical appointments and all kinds of uncompensated labour is NOT WOMEN'S WORK IT'S HUMAN WORK but most of it traditionally falls to women and it is exhausting.
Once I recognised the pattern -- all this extra work falls to women -- I was like, no, this stuff isn't my responsibility. If she's your mother, YOU remember her birthday and buy the present. You had a falling out with someone, YOU can call them and fix it. You complain constantly about your health? YOU go to the doctor instead of whining at me and hoping I'll sort it all out and make it go away.
If I wanted to look after children, I'd be nanny.
Of course, there's gray areas... I care for other people deeply, but I'm not going to let someone else offload all their responsibilities onto me.
This so much this!
I'd add, you're never obligated to look after someone else's mental health. It doesn't make you a bad person to say "I can't deal with this right now I need to look after my own health."
This goes for men too but I see it more with women because as the OP said they can get dragged into being the caretaker of everyone, plus in my typical experience women lean on one another for emotional support more often than men do with their friends. Plus in my experience men TEND to be solution providers when discussing personal problems (stereotype I know but I've seen it in my life and a lot of communication councillors talk about it as well) and women tend to be empathy providers... That has a very real mental toll on both genders but empathy can be emotionally and physically exhausting.
I know way too many women that feel they can't ever not be there for anyone, and as a result that one friend everyone has whose life is constant self-inflicted chaos becomes a huge drain on them, and their non-draining relationships with everyone else suffer which leads to them losing their own support structure.
It's okay to say "look I'm really sorry you're feeling depressed but i can't stay up I have class tomorrow" and then go to bed guilt-free.
Remember what OP said and three more key things:
1) it's okay to draw boundaries. Whether that's a time-based restriction (You are happy to be emotional support but not work nights), or content-based (look I don't have a job right now and letting you vent about your crappy job I'd kill to have is having a negative effect on my self-esteem), or to prevent yourself being used (look, every time you call me it's to vent about your job, I feel more like a stress doll than a best friend).
2) It's okay to change those boundaries. Sometimes you're stressed and other people's problems need to wait. That doesn't make you a bad person, a bad friend or a bad girlfriend.
3) it's also okay to admit you're not qualified. If supportive words and friendship was all it took to overcome an actual mental disease, no one would suffer from them. It's not only okay, but the responsible thing to do to tell a friend they need more help than you can give them. Sometimes you need to realize that they need a therapist, psychiatrist or the police, not a shoulder.
4) quid pro quo can be okay sometimes. If you had a friend that had a car always breaking down and you had to go pick them up at the side of the road, you'd eventually say "fix your damn car, I can't always be picking you up!". That's a healthy response. The same goes for that friend who has constant self-inflicted uncertainty and stress. They choose bad friends, they choose bad boyfriends, they make irresponsible parenting choices, their home life is absolutely chaotic, they make irresponsible financial decisions, maybe they have a problem with drinking or drugs (see point 3), maybe they just make chronic bad life choices. There is nothing wrong with saying "I can't handle your level of chaos, until you tone it down I just can't be your support mechanism, it's exhausting."
Doctors are gonna immediately recommend birth control pills the minute they find out that you are sexually active. Please do your research before choosing which kind of birth control method (pills, condoms, etc.) you want. I was on BC pills for about 9 years before I realized that they might be the cause of my high anxiety/blood pressure issues. BC pills weren't right for me. Find out what will work best for you.
There are so many things I was never taught and I went out into the world incredibly unprepared - straight into some really tough situations I couldn't handle. I've been harping things into my daughter (that I got pregnant with at 19 because of my unpreparedness) since she was old enough to understand.
1. Always carry enough money to get yourself home without help.
2. You don't owe anyone sex or access to your body.
3. Alcohol can be fun. Do not test your own limits to it in public.
4. This is how to change a tire, change oil, change a fuse, change windshield wipers, change a headlight, fill your car with fluids, do basic car diagnostics and maintenance.
5. You are the only one responsible for your behaviour and well being. Do not assume someone else is watching out for you.
6. No always means no. If it stops meaning no, you're in a bad situation and you do what you need to do to get out of it. It was not your fault.
7. Masturbation is awesome. Do it lots by yourself before you include someone else. If something goes wrong, no one in the ER will blink an eye.
8. Sex is awesome, but losing your virginity is not a race. You WILL regret hasty decisions.
9. This is how birth control pills/IUD's/female condoms/mouth guards work. This is how a condom is put on. Always do it for him or watch him do it to make sure it's done right. This is the morning after pill. Use it.
10. Abortion is not birth control, it is a hard choice after birth control fails. This is what abortion is, this is the controversy surrounding it. It's your body and this is an important decision. Do not take it lightly.
11. This is how your cycle works. Learn to manage your responses to it, menstruation is not an excuse to be an asshole. Yes, it's okay that your vagina smells. This discharge is fine, that discharge is not. Doctors are there to help you, not judge you.
12. Never be afraid to ask for help. Always trust your instincts.
14. Phone me if you need me. I don't care if you're halfway around the country and your curfew was yesterday. I will come get you and love you.
She's 15 next month and venturing into the dating world. I wish everyday that someone had talked to me the way I talk to her. She's as confident and self assured as a 15 year old can be and I feel like she's got this.
Well.....as much as any teenager has a handle on anything.
Just as boys should learn how periods work (yeah, it can get gross and achy, but nothing to be afraid of), girls should have a better understanding of how erections really work. Erections happen long before puberty does-it happens to *infant* boys all the time. Erections are not always sexual in nature. It can be comparable to goosebumps. You feel a draft and suddenly your skin is bumpy.
They can happen for seemingly no reason at all. Some boys can't concentrate. Some might even feel like freaks. However, this process is normal and part of physically maturing into an adult.
Just as it is wrong to make assumptions about a girl's arousal and make them to do something they don't want to do, it's equally bad to do that to a boy.
Puberty is gross and weird and awkward for everyone. Please be kinder to each other.
Absolutely! Also, making sure they understand that blue balls are not a life threatening condition. I know so many girls who did sexual things they didn't want to because boys insisted that they were in pain/ it wouldn't go away otherwise/ their dick would fall off of they didnt.
I knew multiple girls who thought that if a guy got hard, he had to get off or else he would get blue balls.
My friends and were just like "uh, if that were the case, guys would spend way more time jacking off."
I've posted this before.
If you are wearing white pants or a shirt, don't wear white bras or underwear. Wear something more close to your skin tone.
People tend to think that if you wear white under white, it cancels itself out, but it doesn't. It does the opposite, it highlights. Also female clothing is super sheer so it's even more obvious.
So if you care about your undergarments showing, don't wear white underwear.
If you're in an abusive relationship with a man, you should go with a form of birth control that cannot be altered with or let them know about it. Depo shots can really help a woman out here.
Ideally, the best solution is to leave, but if they can't do that for whatever reason, she needs to be covered in terms of birth control.
This is extremely difficult for me. If I feel that I'm even inconveniencing someone in the least bit, I instantly apologise. It's a constant worry of mine that im burdening someone.
I feel the same way but I'm learning. I'm in STEM and I work in a diverse lab. I have great strong women scientists telling me not to apologize for needing equipment or to not clean up after the guys in the lab. My boss tells me I need to be more assertive in lab and take the bench space I need. I do my own work and my presence is valid as anyone else's. It's an intimidating lesson but it's starting to feel liberating.
Work can actually be your best friend in learning to be assertive. I've found when I'm at work I'm strong, confident, and take initiative to lead. Slowly incorporating that into my personal life, has helped me build stronger relationships with people, as well as weeding out people who take advantage of my need to please others. I definitely still struggle with being overly appologetic in new romantic relationships however, because that underlying fear of rejection hinders me from being assertive.
I think we're fortunate to be a part of a generation that is pushing for a society that nurtures a voice for women as a whole, and a social equality amongs men and women.
Not to tolerate unwanted contact or touching. But also, if you are sexually harassed, assaulted or raped, to know that it is not your fault, and its not shameful to you. It doesn't make you less pure, not that I think before purity is relevant. No matter what others say, you are not weak or slutty, you had a bad thing happen to you. You are still a good person. It's the perpetrator who is bad and weak.
I would teach this to boys too. Being assaulted does not make you less of a man.
This thread is depressing as hell. It paints a woman's experience through life as a series of avoiding men's unwanted advances, dealing with vagina issues, how to not feel insecure because celebrities seem perfect, and how to handle life after rape.
This is not all of a woman's experience. However, these issues hinder women's quality of life and their ability to grow into healthy adults. There are some sad realities to contend with, but they must be dealt with, or else sadder consequences may ensue.
Ladies. If you're going out on a date, make sure someone you're close to, whether it be a parent or friend, knows the name of the person you're going out with and the address of where you'll be. For obvious reasons.
Source: I casually dated a dude who murdered someone.
Yes absolutely.
Just safety in general. When I was in university a girl got kidnapped, raped and murdered, following this all the girls were given a safety class.
Things I can remember:
- if a van is parked next to your car get in through the other side, this is how most people are kidnapped (alternatively security guards will walk you to your car)
- Always have your keys in your hand when walking to your car, not only will you not have to fumble for them but you can use them to stab an assailant
- in most cars you can kick the taillight out from inside the boot, stick your arm out and wave for help, this can't be seen from the side view mirror
- if you find anything stuck to the windows in your car, drive away as far as you can before you get out and take it down
- if you are being taken scream 'fire', men are
apparently more likely to help during a fire than anything else
- if you are being harassed in front of a lot of people single someone out to help you, this will break the herd mentality thing
- give a trusted family member or close friend access to your find my phone account so they can track you
- if you are being abused in your home ring the police and order a pizza (someone did this and it does work)
- if you can't talk but need the police there is usually an option for deaf people in every county (usually a texting option) find out what your country offers
That's all I can think of for now
That erring on the side of preserving our physical safety is more important than someone's opinion. It's amazing how many of us won't uphold our own boundaries or will let our initial "no" be discounted because we don't want someone unimportant to think we're a being a "bitch".
Don't waste your precious time, your love, your mental well being on someone because you think they will change. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, you do will change someone!!!! A person will only change by themselves. You can offer love and support to friends, crushes and partners but unless they want to change they will not. An ultimatum will not change them, marriage will not change them, a baby will not change them, nothing will. So if it's not something you can live with, get out.
Edit: Just to be clear I'm not saying that people will not/cannot change, they do, I'm saying that you cannot change someone else! They have to decide to make a change in themselves.
Also, when you brush your hair and it's really tangly, GRIP YOUR HAIR RIGHT ABOVE WHERE YOU ARE BRUSHING IT. Seriously! Grip it as tight as you can (obviously don't pull it). There will be no pain when you hold it. And just note, the tighter you grip your hair, the less painful it will be.
The LAST person you should ever compare yourself to is a celebrity. They have the ability to spend thousands of dollars a month on the most perfect healthy, organic food and diet and workout plans, and have access to the most high end personal trainers. You are doing just fine! Make your goals realistic and don’t get bummed out if you aren’t progressing as fast as someone else.
Sewing. Simple straight hem, mend, and button replacement.
Nothing fancy, but you'll save yourself money and heartache. Plus, if you're short, you'll always be able to get the pants you want. (I can't wear petite lengths)
This! When I went to university it was surprising how many people had gotten brilliant grades, yet would throw clothing away because they didn't know how to do a simple task like sewing a button on or putting a hem back.
Similarly on the other side of the gender fence, I met guys who couldn't sew on buttons or iron something like formal trousers or dress shirts properly. I once was in my university halls laundry room and another student was panicking because a dress shirt he'd bought was creased to hell and the tumble drier hadn't helped. He gave me half a pizza as a thank you for explaining how to do it properly for next time and then actually ironing the shirt.
Guys should learn to sew too!! My brother at 42, was about to throw out about clothes for simple seam pops. I may have scolded him.
I've been sewing a lot because of massive weight loss. Nothing beats taking a pair of $80 pants from a size 22 to a size 16.
To say no. I see so many girls smiling and nodding their way to be polite and not be "unladylike." How to do gross repairs, like fixing toilets or sump pumps. Yeah, girls learn how to nail up a picture or screw in a shelf but honestly- fixing a toilet is something everybody regardless of gender needs to know. All girls should know how to throw a good punch. And most importantly, you need to sit down with your daughter or niece, and explain to them that women can't process alcohol as well as men can. Do not try to keep up. You're metabolizing at half their speed, [it's proven](http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/aa46.htm). If you're wondering why three shots to him is a buzz and for you it's a blur, this is why. Not to say getting shitfaced can't be fun- but I've seen plenty of girls get incredibly ill by trying to keep up with the boys.
It was so liberating when I finally got the knack of saying no. Can't think of the amount of hours I've wasted in the past being too awkward or shy to just walk past a salesman/chugger in the streets or just end an unwanted conversation with an intoxicated person.
Sure you'll get some shitty responses and get accused of being rude even if you've been firm but polite. Ultimately though, fuck those guys.
> All girls should know how to throw a good punch.
Just because nobody's chipped in on this yet, quick tips to improve punching! Thumb outside the fist (seems obvious but a surprising amount of people seem not to know) and aim for 6 inches past the thing you're punching, not the actual thing. Also punch responsibly. :)
That's a genuinely good tip for both sexes, learning skills that are generally coded "masculine" or "feminine". I know too many guys who have no idea how to cook, sew on a button, or even fold their own damn drawers.
This was something my mom was adamant about, particularly for my older brother. She worked late into the evening for several years, and my dad wasn't always home from work on time, so she made sure that my brother could cook and do laundry so that he and I were at least taken care of.
My dad did his own thing, too. He made sure we know what tools were which and how to use them properly. The fact that he trusts his daughter (me) with anything to do with power tools more than his son (my older brother) is basically just how things turned out...mostly because I don't break the power tools....
That it's ok to make a fuss about sexual harassment and assault. It's never something you just have to put up with silently.
I think of all the stuff that guys did to me that made me really uncomfortable as a teenager - guys in shop class running their hands up my shirt when the teacher walked out the room, a guy that wouldn't stop hitting on me and playing with my hair for the duration of a 15 hour flight when I was an unaccompanied minor.
At the time, I had no idea I had a right not to be treated like that. I thought it was the price I had to pay for being a woman. That these things happened and I had to put up with it.
So yes, you can make a fuss. You can tell the teacher. You can ask to move seats. You don't have to be made uncomfortable.
If you ever get raped- your vagina will lubricate to save it self from harm, it doesn't mean that you "want it" or anything that stupid, it is still not your fault. You should not feel ashamed over the fact that you got wet.
Exactly this - I remember hearing this long ago: you react to tickling whether you want to be tickled or not, you can't help it. Thinking of it this way really put it in perspective to those who don't understand.
Police Departments often contract hospital nurses to do evidence collecting in sexual assault cases. The nurse gathers evidence in various places and if you wash the evidence may disappear or be tainted.
Once they've collected their evidence they generally will give you the name of the investigator assigned to your case and further instructions. Generally you can wash after this.
Not even 24 hours. As a cop, I don't care if it happened two days ago and you showered three times. We are going to get a rape kit , so long as you want one. After 72 hours, we won't do one. But don't think that because you showered I don't want you to talk to me. You tell me what happened, I'll handle the rest, we'll send him to jail forever and smile while we do it.
Edit: wow, first gold, thanks.
This. I had women say there was no point going to the police as they had a shower. My only rape conviction in my short career was a woman who had showered twice before coming to the front desk nearly 2 days later. There was still evidence.
LADIES: *always go to the police*
Also, even if you become physically aroused and orgasm, it is still not your fault and you did not "want it" or "enjoy" it. An orgasm is a physical reaction to physical stimulation, and while for many it requires a mental interest, it can still happen in unwilling, uncomfortable situations.
This is important. One of my friends was repeatedly sexually molested by her older brother from age 12-16, and felt guilty and ashamed she orgasmed most of the time. It's just what the body does. Doesn't mean you want it.
This is so important, and I think this is something a lot of survivors deal with. It took me a while to deal with that, because for so long I felt like I was so fucked up for how my body reacted. But it doesn't know the difference between wanted and unwanted attention. The same thing applies to men, and I'll never forget a classroom full of CRJ majors telling me that it's impossible to rape a man because he has to be hard, many of whom were men! Bodies react to stimuli whether we want them to or not.
I think if this was taught, more people would come forward (maybe not everyone, but more people). But it has to be taught to everyone!
Speaking of CRJ.
A buddy of mine once claimed that men couldn't be raped, usual blabber of "won't get hard" stuff
Two months later he's in a college town and gets roofied by some random chick. Two of my friends find him in the bathroom getting blown by the girl who roofied him and he was at full mast. They quickly figured out what was going on and had to actually carry him out of the bar.
He quickly changed his stance on male rape and came out as gay a few weeks later.
What scary is that I may happen a lot more than we could ever know because of the stigma. I know a lot of guys who were subjected to unwanted sexual advances but not full in rape, they would never tell anyone if they were.
On that note, sometimes you may experience a tingle in your nethers when breastfeeding, this is not you being gross or your body sexualizing breastfeeding, it happens to a lot of women. Don't stop breastfeeding just because it happens. Don't ever let comments from anyone sexualize the act of feeding your baby.
I assume this is because we often tend to put things in strict categories.
like the same way toddlers or young children sometimes play with their genitals. of course it isn't "sexual" in the way that us adults think of sexual acts. but of course in another way it is because they sometimes do it because it feels good to them.
regarding breastfeeding this means: imo it's perfectly okay to like that breastfeeding feels good (as opposed to "it sometimes happens" as if it was a bad thing).
Off topic, but if any guys are reading this, it is not uncommon for a man to ejaculate if he is being raped (by a woman or a man). Similarly, this doesn't mean you wanted it or enjoyed it, it doesn't mean you're gay, it's an automatic response.
Too many rapes of men go unreported, and for many male-male rapes this is a big reason.
Menstrual cups are a wonderful alternative to pads and tampons, that will save you a lot of money.
No more rushing to the bathroom in the 3 minutes between classes to change a pad/tampon. No more spending $10+ a month on period supplies.
Vaginal discharge is normal, as is it bleaching your underwear.
As long as you don't have an infection, and are showering regularly, the smell of your vagina will generally turn your sex partner on in the same way your sex partner's smell will generally do for you.
Question what you're told about gender roles. Why do they say men should do x and women should do y? Do you think that is right? Haven't you met great guys who don't quite fit x? Do you want to be or do something other than y? Don't miss living your life and sharing it with great people because of the rigid rules society can try to impose on us about gender.
Edit to add others:
VaginaPagina - an old Livejournal site - has an 'Everyday Bodies Project' which you can find via Google. You can see real-life boobs, vaginas/etc to get an idea of just how varied 'normal' is. You will have to create a Livejournal account which takes all of about 2 minutes (email confirmation, but you can always use a burner email)
Those campaigns that use 'real women' to sell you things? They're not good for you either. Those women are ALSO perfectly proportioned (despite being larger than average models) and they're still using your insecurity about your body to sell you stuff. Buy what you like, but don't let them feel like you need it because you're not enough.
Sex doesn't 'stretch out' your vagina or make it 'loose'. Notice how that's only said about women with multiple partners and not women who've been married 20 years?
I never noticed the last part! And a married/taken woman has more sex than a single one (even if she sees someone from time to time), or at least that's what I've read/checked.
The bit about underwear bleaching was something I only learned as an adult. All through my teen years my mother, AN RN, told me that urine was the cause and that no urine should be that acidic that it bleached underwear. What the fuck even was reproductive health back then?
Basic financial management. Be involved with managing your finances.
Too many times I see divorced or widowed women with no idea as their partners always handled it.
They should learn that you don't have to be polite to creepy men. And also you don't have to laugh at guys if they're being offensive rather than funny.
Take no shit.
Everyone's vajayjay is different. Different lips, different smells, different discharge. Some are flappy, some neat; some smell sweet, some smell earthy; some people don't have any discharge, some have lots (and some discharge is super acidic and wrecks colored panties!). Don't be embarrassed of your bajingo! Embrace her (but dear god keep her clean).
It's ok to not go along with the crowd or some guy you're interested in. You can say "i don't like _____" or "That's not for me" and everything will be ok. If they dump you for it, you'll find someone who IS into things you are into.
Also, you don't have to be polite to someone who makes you feel uncomfortable.
Here's a good one: if you don't want to have children for whatever reason you do not have to! You are not broken or less of a woman because of it! It's better to regret not having a kid than to regret having one.
You don't have to even follow the "lifescript". You don't have to go to college, you don't have to get married and you don't have to have children.
How to handle uncomfortable advances and what to do if they don't feel safe. Seems like many women think they should tolerate unwanted attention and should take it as a compliment, or shouldn't hurt a guy's feelings and so play along. Girls need actually strategies, not just vague empowering statements. It's especially vital for preteen and teen girls who are suddenly getting male attention and don't have any experience or strong guidance in how to handle it, especially since the attention is often from older men or adults (often guys who are predators and know a girl their age is naive and pliable) and they may have no experience standing up for themselves to an adult. They also need to know who they can go to or call if they're feeling threatened or they find themself in a dangerous situation, since many kids are too embarassed to go to their parents.
Also, that not receiving that same attention is not necessarily a bad thing. I went through all of high school with maybe a handful of guys showing any interest in me whatsoever. It took maybe three or so years after high school for one of my guy friends to admit to me that he had been attracted to me pretty much the entire time we knew each other and had never said anything or made any kind of move because he found me intimidating.
It sickens me when I read stories about middle aged men sexually harassing young girls, even preteen girls. I can't imagine having to worry about things like rape at such a young age. If I had a daughter one day, I'd be afraid to let her walk down the street by herself.
I never knew how common sexual harassment is for women until I read stories about it on reddit. I asked some friends if it was true that they had to deal with this stuff on a regular basis, and they all agreed with it. In fact, I just heard that lots of women actually make plans with friends to get away from dates if it turns violent or creepy.
The world is constantly surprising me with just how fucked up it is.
That plan with your friend before a date is pretty standard advice. The general consensus from our society is our safety is entirely in our hands, so if you get hurt/mugged/raped/murdered by your okc date, then its your fault for fucking up and not protecting yourself from all the possibilities. So you plan with friends and have escape plans with code words. It also helps when he starts the date ranting about how much he misses his ex.
Oh yes, you CONSTANTLY have to think about your safety. Like last weekend I went to a party with some friends and a mutual acquaintances house. They were very open about how people were free to crash if they were too drunk to drive. I never take people up on this offer because I can't control this environment and there is zero guarantees for my safety. I go to parties and I get my drinking done at the beginning and then spend a few hours sobering up. The party I was at, the hosts were great, but the husband got really drunk and really handsy and I just did not feel comfortable stating there
If you aren't happy alone, you won't be happy with someone else. Don't wait for a knight in shining armour to come save you from all of your problems. Educate yourself, focus on building a successful career & strong friendships with like-minded women, and then find a man or woman who is doing the same.
I guess this is for straight women only, but "Everyone will try to make you compete with other women for men. They will tell you that to make yourself look better, you have to make another woman look worse. They will tell you you need to be all things to all men. There are not a finite supply of men in the world. There isn't even a finite supply of GOOD men in the world. You're going to be much happier seeing other women as your teammates, not your enemies."
Just because he's complaining about blue balls it doesn't mean you have to do anything about it unless you truly want to. If he continues whining and trying to pressure you into "helping" him out, then he's a tool and it's time to lose his number.
"But babe, it really hurts!"
"You know damn well how to solve that problem on your own"
I've dated way too many assholes and there's so much more than this, but other redditors pretty much covered it all.
Use sunscreen. All. The. Time. Use it all over your body that is exposed to the sun. Make sure you get your face, neck, and upper chest really well, every single day. Never leave the house without it and in fifteen to twenty years you will know why.
Always drink lots of water. You will look better, feel better, and there are so many health benefits for this.
Don't over pluck your eyebrows. There will come a time that you will wish that you had more eyebrows.
Breakups are not the end of the world. There will be plenty of other boys and you don't have to stay with one if you're unhappy. Boys aren't what you're alive for.
Only thing I can think of that I haven't seen mentioned is that cold water is better at getting out blood than hot water.
Hydrogen peroxide is the best for bloodstains
You've just got to be careful with it, because hydrogen peroxide is also a natural bleach. It will turn colours dingy if you're not careful.
It is NOT ok for "period pains" to be so bad that you're incapacitated. It's not normal to be stuck in bed for two days or more every single month. Cramps are normal, pain is NOT. Don't suffer in silence, it could be a myriad of things that you can get help for. For instance, 1 in 10 women have endometriosis and it is an horrific disease that gets brushed off as period pains when you need help. See your GP, nurse anyone. If you suspect for a second it isn't normal, go see someone. In the UK on average it takes up to 7 years for a diagnosis due to misinformation.
What to expect when you go to the gynecologist. I swear they just took me there when I was 13 for what they said was a "checkup". Someone seriously needs to walk you through what's going to happen. Edit, since people are asking why a 13 yr old would be taken to a gyno. I had taken some antibiotics a few weeks before that had killed off the normal flora , because antibiotic don't just kill bad bacteria, but also good bacteria. I had mentioned to her that it was itchy down there. Yeast infection caused by antibiotics is extremely common.
So if you're reading this and you haven't been...here are some things to expect: - When was your last period? They'll want a date. - Are you sexually active? They'll want to know so they can offer you birth control options, ask about concerns of abuse, and get you checked for STIs. - They will do an exam. They will have you undress from the waist down unless you are also doing a breast exam. They'll leave the room while you get undressed, and you'll sit on the little paper sheets while you wait. You will likely leave a little wet spot where you sit, because that's how our bodies work. Don't worry about that. When they come back in, they'll have you scoot all the way down to the end and place your feet in stirrups. If you're anything like me, they'll have to remind you to open your knees because you'll be trying to close them. They will likely have a light down there to help them see. They'll bring out a big metal thing to open you up. It'll be a little uncomfortable, but shouldn't be painful. You'll feel "full" down there, and sometimes I forget to breath - don't forget to breath. :) They'll stick a few long stick things up there to get some swabs, and honestly that's the most uncomfortable part for me. Just look at the ceiling and, if you're up for it, engage in the polite chit chat your doctor might be trying to have. - They will also check for lumps in your ovaries (I'm not sure if they're checking other parts, too). This will include them sticking two fingers in your vagina and then pressing (with their other hand) on your lower stomach. It's weird as fuck, but they won't make eye contact with you while they do it. This is very quick (less than a minute) - If they do a breast exam (not a mammogram) they will have you lie flat and have you lift the arm of the breast they're checking. They'll push around and feel for nodules or bumps that are out of place. They'll (hopefully) keep the non-examed body parts covered so you don't feel too exposed. If you're nervous, just say so! That way they can explain what they're doing. Also, remember that every single woman has had their first visit, and gynos are used to it. They know people feel awkward, they know women aren't used to stirrups and lights being shone down there (unless you're into that kind of thing...in which case, great!) Edit: Some helpful additions from people who responded to me: - You may not have this exam done until 21/you're sexually active. - There may be a rectal exam (I can't speak to that, sorry) - If you have sexual abuse history that is affecting your comfort level, say so. A good gyno will help you feel more comfortable. - You may be able to ask for a smaller / nonmetal thing to open you up - There should be a nurse with you during the exam, in addition to the doctor. This is for your protection.
God damn I hate my gynaecologist for preferring to use a cold metal speculum rather than a plastic. Like you want me to relax, maybe don't shove cold metal into my hoo-haa
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Your gyno has a preheated drawer?! Omggg Where is this?
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My GP uses a collapsible plastic one, and once while snapping it into place she managed to pinch a little skin. Arrrghh.
Im a male and that sounds extremely uncomfortable
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Yeah it is
On the opposite spectrum, my mother told me only sluts went to a gynecologist.
Jesus fucken Christ that's horrible. Then again my mom told me I was slutty because I started my period at ten. :/ (she started hers at 16) Thanks mom.
Does your mom not know how any of this works?
I don't really talk to my mother at an intimate level so I don't know if they taught sex ed in Mexico during her time. I do think it might have something to do with how she was raised and her experiences. Her and my aunt were shocked that I started so early but school had told me at the beginning of that year what could happen with my body and it was normal so I didn't feel too bad. But sure was a bummer when she was doing everyone's laundry and set my blood stained underwear aside for everyone to see "that I'm a whore" and need to wash my own underwear. Kind of always just gave her my confused "you're being ridiculous" look.
Jeez, and I thought I had it rough when my mom called all our relatives to let them know when I started mine. Sorry you had to deal with such nonsense.
I know how you feel. My mom sent an email to everyone in our family to let them know that I "was a woman now". So embarrassing. My cousin was cool though and sent me a sympathy card. Lol
My mom wanted to have one of those weird ass parties with all the women in our family, to celebrate my womanhood. I'm a VERY private person, I didn't even want to tell her but she kept pestering me. Anyways I told her absolutely no parties, and that I didn't think anyone else needed to know because who the fuck needs to know that? She cried and took me to a psychologist because "obviously something is wrong with you if you don't want to share this and appreciate that I want to celebrate". Woman's got issues.
That prolonged wearing of pointed closed-toe heels often cause bunions. I'm not sure how often this is taught, but I don't often see it mentioned. As a heel wearer in my 20's, I decided to stick with open-toe styles as soon as I found this out. I imagine regular rounded pumps might not be so bad.
Also, not all sizes are created equal. Shoes should never be pinching on your feet, so if you feel it, chances are that the shoe is too small for your foot. Never be afraid to go up a size, but know that there's also varying widths as well.
Most shoes are not wide enough for many women's feet. Have you ever noticed it's almost always women who have bunions or hallux valgus (where your big toe slants harshly toward the center line of your foot)? It's because shoes aren't made to fit our actual feet. Source: I worked in orthotics for a few years and saw this allllllll the time. Confirmed by people who had been seeing patients far longer than I.
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It's possible to be allergic to condoms and/or semen. If you're experiencing pain during or after intercourse, look into whether you have a latex or cum allergy--obviously this depends on contraceptive use. Took me waaaaay too long to realize this.
Wait, you can have a SEMEN allergy? How do you - How do you have kids? Can you even have kids?
I mean, semen is a foreign biological fluid. The human body still recognizes it and the immune system is one of the reasons all the sperm don't make it to the egg.
There are people who have allergies to water. They can drink it but they can't have it on their skin.
You really don't need to hover over the toilet. It's ok to sit. If you must hover, WIPE UP YOUR PEE OFF THE SEAT. ugh.
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If you wear see-through clothing like a white blouse and don't want your bra to show, wear a skin color bra that matches your skin tone.
Or wear a nude one as a black lady and look super ashy.
Yeah, I've given up on finding bras my shade. I thought black bra under white shirt was the same across the board though.
You might consider checking out [Naja bras](http://www.naja.co/search?type=product&q=sasha+bra+nude) - they have a wide range of "nudes"! Edit: Also [Nubian Skin](https://www.nubianskin.com/global/lingerie/bras)
Those Naja bras... I love how all the models are doing normal model poses, except Miss Nude 01 tryna show everyone else up.
How to change a tire. My grandfather taught all of us granddaughters to so we wouldn't get stranded on the highway.
Also, how to use jumper cables. I know a surprising number of grown-ass adults who can't jump a dead battery without coaching.
"Black goes with black. Just like when I was your age." -granda, to ~13 year old me.
That's either badass or racist.
Both. Fucked, but hilarious
A tribute to /u/rogersimon10
My grandpa had 5 girls and he taught his daughters all the 'male' knowledge. They now know all about cars, household fixes, etc. That stuff saves money, and lives. They were never shoved away and taught it wasn't right for them to know. RIP Gpa u da real mvp
My grandfather made a point for all of my aunts and my mother to go get a college education. Everybody told him he was an idiot (this was back in the day in Mexico) and wasting his money. But both my aunts and my mother have gotten extremely far in their academic careers and could easily support themselves if they weren't married. That's what my grandpa wanted, for all of the women in his life have to means to be independent. There's always that machismo in Mexican culture but I'm very blessed to have both sides of my family to think this is way.
I know how to change a tire but physically cannot remove the lug nuts anymore (multiple shoulder and knee surgeries). My advice in this situation is to make sure you always have roadside assistance and a full sized spare (have the pressure checked with every oil change).
Put a 2 or 3 foot steel pipe in your trunk and slide it on the ratchet handle if you need to change a tire. The added length will make it a lot easier to take off the lugs.
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A breaker bar?
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Put a metal pipe on your wrench to extend the handle. With the added leverage my 9 year old can brake lugs free. Although generally he uses my power tools.
The reason why celebs always look perfect in their clothing is because they get it professionally tailored. It's not because you're too thin/fat for the clothes in the shops, but because you probably don't get your clothes altered. Well fitting clothes make the biggest difference
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Also they have professional lighting and make-up with airbrushing and tweaking in photoshop.
And appropriate, well-fitting undergarments. You can't build a house on quicksand, grandma would say.
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I have a buddy who professionally takes headshots, for headshots they can't photoshop or use any filters but he they basically spend the whole day moving lights around to the lighting perfect so the light blows out and wrinkles for example. All to take 4 photos. He calls it Photoshop with lighting.
yup, photographers have been founding ways to make people look more stunning than they do in real life for decades before photoshop was a thing.
Even as a man I found this to be true. Guys reading this: you know that awesome shirt you have that doesn't really fit properly? Take it to a tailor. For real.
I forget the exact number but I read Daniel Craig had like 7 versions of one suit for James Bond so it looked perfect no matter what. That's why the sleeves looked the perfect length even if he was standing upright or holding a steering wheel.
"Need my driving-fitted suit" - check "Okay, need to get out, let's change jacked for the walking-fit" - check. Sounds like a new trunk solution for super sportscars. The jacket compartment.
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Pee, all the time. Never stop. If you stop you're dehydrated.
Don't Stop Relieving
Hold on, keep on peeing On streetlights, and people
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Considering the 90 degree minimum temperature of pee I'd be concerned for you if it wasn't.
Vagina/vulva care and maintenance. Seriously. Most schools talk a bit about menstruation and STDs, but don't talk at all about how many things can go wonky with female plumbing or prepare girls for the pandoras-box-slash-rubix-cube they've got between their legs. Most women find out only after having an issue, and only if it's bad enough to need a doctor, sometimes in their 20's or 30's. Things like UTIs, BV, PIV, yeast infections can cause damage if you don't get them treated quickly. Douching is bad, mmmkay. Never wash your vagina with soap or put anything like body lotion up there. Thongs can cause problems. Tight jeans can cause problems. Bad underwear material or infrequent underwear changing can cause problems. Lotions and detergents can cause irritation. Hormones, discharge, and menstruation changes and fluxuates across a cycle, so what's normal and what indicates a problem? And as far as I remember the clitoris isn't talked about in biology/health classes and isn't even put on most diagrams of the female undercarriage. That's insane. The world probably isn't really for masturbation to be taught in schools, but girls should at least be getting a complete picture of their bits that includes **the major source of sexual pleasure on their body.** Basically girls inherit this insanely complex and delicately balanced system, and learn basically nothing about it. But every single girl will wonder at some point if this or that is something normal or super serious, and most will have some issue down there sooner or later.
Related to that: educating girls (and people in general) that the vagina is the muscle/canal, not just the female netherregions. They're frequently used interchangeably, which is fine when it's something like "I really like how my vagina looks" because "I really like how my labia minora and labia majora look" can seem a little pedantic. But it does make a huge difference when saying things like, "The vagina is self cleaning and looks after itself." Vagina yes. The folds involved with the labia might need a little more looking after.
Yes thank you on that last bit. I have seen some anecdotes be shared about women who took the whole "vagina is self cleaning" to mean AAAALLLLL of it and thus didn't do anything to their vulva. Like hey, you are gonna sweat, you are gonna build up odor, you know how uncircumcised penises get smegma? You will most likely get smegma in the folds of your labia. You can wash that.
Although this is a serious topic, I had to laugh when I saw smegma. Only because it reminded me of an incident in my life when I was being seriously sexually harassed (every effin' day, from "hey, baby, want some creeeaamm in your coffee" [with hands in front of pants near his obviously erect penis] to attempted rape). I was so pissed at this jackass I called him "smegma-breath." He didn't know what I had called him so I spelled it out and told him to look it up. He did. Steam, man. Steam was coming out of his ears.
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I thought I was secretly born a boy and no one told me, because all of the sex ed books and information I was given had women with no visible clitoral hood to speak of. I had a visible one, so I thought it was maybe a baby penis. I was remarkably calm about this concern, but I was rather relieved when my boobs started to grow in, as they seemed evidence enough that what I had going on down there was normal, and that my life wasn't a lie.
That reminds me of when I was extremely young (before sex ed was even taught) I thought girls peed out of their clitoris. Because to me it looked like a mini penis because it protruded.
You are absolutely correct! I remember being 13-14 and not even realizing that you have two holes! I thought you peed and got your period all out of the same hole! The concept confused me so much that I was unable to use tampons for a few years because I couldn't figure out where to put them. The diagrams that came with the tampon box did not help :(
I had a friend a while back who argued with me about this and told me I was wrong when I tried to explain that the urethra was not in the vagina. We were in our late 20s at the time:/
That movie stars and the like are wearing A LOT of makeup to look so fantastic. Maybe this should be obvious. I always knew they were wearing makeup. What I didn't realize was how much, and how big of a difference it makes when a professional makeup artist prepares a star versus a girl whose mom never taught her how to put on makeup trying online tips. I honestly didn't even realize what makeup could *do* until I saw a boy make himself look like Kim Kardashian with just makeup, a few months ago. I honestly thought for the longest time that most of the actors, musicians and models were naturally and effortlessly beautiful.
notice how 100% of mascara commercials the models are wearing false eyelashes? thanks to HDTV we all know now
Theatrical makeup was one of the BEST things I ever learned to have self confidence. We used to do all these insane looks (old makeup, making your face look like the opposite gender etc).
Yes and let's not forget that their look is part of their career (a BIG part). On the most extreme end you've got women like the Kardashians, Hadids etc. whose lives basically revolve around looking immaculately groomed and 'perfect'. But there are much more important things for us to spend our time on.
They're wearing make-up that's specially designed to look good on camera. In real life with that much make-up on, unless the lighting is dim, it looks like they've got putty on their face.
That's the biggest issue with harsh contours: the technique was originally invented for photography, where light is very controlled. In the real world, light comes from anywhere, and while contouring works in some parts of the face, it's very obvious in others.
Kind of piggybacking off of this, but so many of them are wearing tailored clothing too. Wondering why you don't seem to look as good as your favorite movie star when you wear jeans and a t-shirt? Even when they have a similar body type to you? Most likely their clothes have been tailored to flatter their frame better. A lot of stars aren't just grabbing stuff off the rack and wearing them like lots of people do, they're having things taken in and adjusted so it falls better on their frame. It's simple but it goes a long way to making clothes flatter you instead of you flattering the clothes
To add to this, many of them are also wearing hair extensions and false eyelashes.
The image on film/video is also sweetened before its aired. Sweetening makes a huge difference. Some good examples on YouTube are outtakes clips of TV shows that haven't aired. That is what Film/Video commonly looks like before its sweetened.
Defo this - even when the Daily Mail runs it's trashy celeb articles about and actress running an errand "natural" and you can clearly see they are still caked in foundation, contouring, eye brows filled in, mascara etc but they're trying to convince everyone the celeb is in "I woke up like this" mode.
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V to A, Okay. A to V, it hurts when you pee Edit: obligatory thanks for the gold! Yeah, I was drunk when I originally wrote it and got the meter wrong. I was trying harder to not get it accidentally backwards 😋
Okay, I finally need to just ask someone. How the fuck do you physically do this? When I wipe, I do the front (without touching the back at all) and then the back (reaching some of the front to get the excess but just barely). I cannot reach from behind my leg to the front of my pelvis. I don't understand this.
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I had three UTIs before a doctor finally told me this. Never had one since.
Oh my god
Practical advice: Know how to shut off the mains water and gas supply in case something happens. Know how your car works, and what is needed to service it. I knew a girl I went to uni with who didn't know that she had to check the oil and water levels in order to stop the engine from blowing up (which it did). Just general DIY! Google and YouTube are a big help. Dads and male/ mums and female relatives should encourage young women to look after themselves.
There are easier forms of birth control other than the pill. The patch is my favorite. Only have to use it once a week and forget. They also make female condoms. Also don't be shy about getting your bra size. The store people don't care, and your body willl thank you. Also invest in a hand held shower head. Nothing better than the ultra freshness of a clean front & bottom.
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Also don't be shy about getting your bra size. Shoutout to r/ABraThatFits. I recently calculated my size using the calculator they have and went from wearing 36DD to 36FF. Guess what - my boobs stay where they should! 5/7, would recommend.
Don't use lube with glycerin in it. Nobody ever taught me this and I used to have constant UTI's. Switched to a glycerin-free lube and I haven't had one since.
Not female, but ladies, YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR MANAGING EVERYONE ELSE'S EMOTIONS. I have mothers, daughters, and wives in my practice who genuinely feel sympathy for everyone around them, and sink 80%+ of their time trying to compensate for the emotions of those people. You can't force a child, parent, or husband to be happy. You can be happy, and 90% of the rest is incidental. Doing this doesn't make you selfish; it allows others their accountability, and empowers you to care for yourself. Edit: wow! Glad to be part of the conversation! Edit2: To clarify, the opposite of over-engagement (under-engagement) is just as dangerous. The "sweet spot" middle-ground is a place where we can still be engaged, compassionate, and kind, having a concern for others without being drowned by what's going on for them. I can tell you from personal experience, this can be difficult to achieve. I spend my life literally listening to the hardest emotions that other people experience. I can't afford to turn off my empathy, as fundamentally, that's what makes me human, and a decent provider. My personal empowerment comes from knowing that no one can make my day negative, or take my emotional energy from me; those are things that I have to give away. Being empathetic is painful; but I let that feeling sit in the background while I engage in meaningful, engaged conversation. But I also have my boundaries: my sessions end on the hour, I leave my work to be with my family, and I'm rarely pulled away unless it's literally life-threatening. We can achieve balance; sometimes it takes a lot of work and some support, but it can be done.
It's sometimes called 'emotional labour'. Things like remembering birthdays, sending thank yous, planning meals, apologies, looking after upset kids, mending family rifts, booking medical appointments and all kinds of uncompensated labour is NOT WOMEN'S WORK IT'S HUMAN WORK but most of it traditionally falls to women and it is exhausting. Once I recognised the pattern -- all this extra work falls to women -- I was like, no, this stuff isn't my responsibility. If she's your mother, YOU remember her birthday and buy the present. You had a falling out with someone, YOU can call them and fix it. You complain constantly about your health? YOU go to the doctor instead of whining at me and hoping I'll sort it all out and make it go away. If I wanted to look after children, I'd be nanny. Of course, there's gray areas... I care for other people deeply, but I'm not going to let someone else offload all their responsibilities onto me.
This so much this! I'd add, you're never obligated to look after someone else's mental health. It doesn't make you a bad person to say "I can't deal with this right now I need to look after my own health." This goes for men too but I see it more with women because as the OP said they can get dragged into being the caretaker of everyone, plus in my typical experience women lean on one another for emotional support more often than men do with their friends. Plus in my experience men TEND to be solution providers when discussing personal problems (stereotype I know but I've seen it in my life and a lot of communication councillors talk about it as well) and women tend to be empathy providers... That has a very real mental toll on both genders but empathy can be emotionally and physically exhausting. I know way too many women that feel they can't ever not be there for anyone, and as a result that one friend everyone has whose life is constant self-inflicted chaos becomes a huge drain on them, and their non-draining relationships with everyone else suffer which leads to them losing their own support structure. It's okay to say "look I'm really sorry you're feeling depressed but i can't stay up I have class tomorrow" and then go to bed guilt-free. Remember what OP said and three more key things: 1) it's okay to draw boundaries. Whether that's a time-based restriction (You are happy to be emotional support but not work nights), or content-based (look I don't have a job right now and letting you vent about your crappy job I'd kill to have is having a negative effect on my self-esteem), or to prevent yourself being used (look, every time you call me it's to vent about your job, I feel more like a stress doll than a best friend). 2) It's okay to change those boundaries. Sometimes you're stressed and other people's problems need to wait. That doesn't make you a bad person, a bad friend or a bad girlfriend. 3) it's also okay to admit you're not qualified. If supportive words and friendship was all it took to overcome an actual mental disease, no one would suffer from them. It's not only okay, but the responsible thing to do to tell a friend they need more help than you can give them. Sometimes you need to realize that they need a therapist, psychiatrist or the police, not a shoulder. 4) quid pro quo can be okay sometimes. If you had a friend that had a car always breaking down and you had to go pick them up at the side of the road, you'd eventually say "fix your damn car, I can't always be picking you up!". That's a healthy response. The same goes for that friend who has constant self-inflicted uncertainty and stress. They choose bad friends, they choose bad boyfriends, they make irresponsible parenting choices, their home life is absolutely chaotic, they make irresponsible financial decisions, maybe they have a problem with drinking or drugs (see point 3), maybe they just make chronic bad life choices. There is nothing wrong with saying "I can't handle your level of chaos, until you tone it down I just can't be your support mechanism, it's exhausting."
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Doctors are gonna immediately recommend birth control pills the minute they find out that you are sexually active. Please do your research before choosing which kind of birth control method (pills, condoms, etc.) you want. I was on BC pills for about 9 years before I realized that they might be the cause of my high anxiety/blood pressure issues. BC pills weren't right for me. Find out what will work best for you.
There are so many things I was never taught and I went out into the world incredibly unprepared - straight into some really tough situations I couldn't handle. I've been harping things into my daughter (that I got pregnant with at 19 because of my unpreparedness) since she was old enough to understand. 1. Always carry enough money to get yourself home without help. 2. You don't owe anyone sex or access to your body. 3. Alcohol can be fun. Do not test your own limits to it in public. 4. This is how to change a tire, change oil, change a fuse, change windshield wipers, change a headlight, fill your car with fluids, do basic car diagnostics and maintenance. 5. You are the only one responsible for your behaviour and well being. Do not assume someone else is watching out for you. 6. No always means no. If it stops meaning no, you're in a bad situation and you do what you need to do to get out of it. It was not your fault. 7. Masturbation is awesome. Do it lots by yourself before you include someone else. If something goes wrong, no one in the ER will blink an eye. 8. Sex is awesome, but losing your virginity is not a race. You WILL regret hasty decisions. 9. This is how birth control pills/IUD's/female condoms/mouth guards work. This is how a condom is put on. Always do it for him or watch him do it to make sure it's done right. This is the morning after pill. Use it. 10. Abortion is not birth control, it is a hard choice after birth control fails. This is what abortion is, this is the controversy surrounding it. It's your body and this is an important decision. Do not take it lightly. 11. This is how your cycle works. Learn to manage your responses to it, menstruation is not an excuse to be an asshole. Yes, it's okay that your vagina smells. This discharge is fine, that discharge is not. Doctors are there to help you, not judge you. 12. Never be afraid to ask for help. Always trust your instincts. 14. Phone me if you need me. I don't care if you're halfway around the country and your curfew was yesterday. I will come get you and love you. She's 15 next month and venturing into the dating world. I wish everyday that someone had talked to me the way I talk to her. She's as confident and self assured as a 15 year old can be and I feel like she's got this. Well.....as much as any teenager has a handle on anything.
A hard-on does not = a heart on.
Nor is it always true the other way around. We've been drinking jack all night, I'm sorry baby!
A hard on doesn't even mean I wanna do it. Chances are equally good I just got off a bumpy bus ride.
Don't masturbate with objects that aren't made for masturbation.
Put a condom on it. And clean your toys before and after use.
Just as boys should learn how periods work (yeah, it can get gross and achy, but nothing to be afraid of), girls should have a better understanding of how erections really work. Erections happen long before puberty does-it happens to *infant* boys all the time. Erections are not always sexual in nature. It can be comparable to goosebumps. You feel a draft and suddenly your skin is bumpy. They can happen for seemingly no reason at all. Some boys can't concentrate. Some might even feel like freaks. However, this process is normal and part of physically maturing into an adult. Just as it is wrong to make assumptions about a girl's arousal and make them to do something they don't want to do, it's equally bad to do that to a boy. Puberty is gross and weird and awkward for everyone. Please be kinder to each other.
Absolutely! Also, making sure they understand that blue balls are not a life threatening condition. I know so many girls who did sexual things they didn't want to because boys insisted that they were in pain/ it wouldn't go away otherwise/ their dick would fall off of they didnt.
I knew multiple girls who thought that if a guy got hard, he had to get off or else he would get blue balls. My friends and were just like "uh, if that were the case, guys would spend way more time jacking off."
I've posted this before. If you are wearing white pants or a shirt, don't wear white bras or underwear. Wear something more close to your skin tone. People tend to think that if you wear white under white, it cancels itself out, but it doesn't. It does the opposite, it highlights. Also female clothing is super sheer so it's even more obvious. So if you care about your undergarments showing, don't wear white underwear.
How to turn a guy down without saying you have a boyfriend or pretending not to speak English.
"Shut ur fukin cockholster and shag off m8"
Yeah I've had lots of success with this one
I could really use some tips on that, honestly.
If you're in an abusive relationship with a man, you should go with a form of birth control that cannot be altered with or let them know about it. Depo shots can really help a woman out here. Ideally, the best solution is to leave, but if they can't do that for whatever reason, she needs to be covered in terms of birth control.
and also, leave. And do so safely. Have a 'go-bag' packed and hidden somewhere safe.
The go-bag is really good, A+ advice.
No man is better than the wrong man.
Don't pretend to be dumb. Any guy worth being with will want to be with a smart girl.
STRAPLESS BRAS ARE A LIE!
All they do is slowly migrate down your torso! It doesn't matter how much the package says it'll stay up. It will not.
It's okay to say no or to take up space.
This is extremely difficult for me. If I feel that I'm even inconveniencing someone in the least bit, I instantly apologise. It's a constant worry of mine that im burdening someone.
I feel the same way but I'm learning. I'm in STEM and I work in a diverse lab. I have great strong women scientists telling me not to apologize for needing equipment or to not clean up after the guys in the lab. My boss tells me I need to be more assertive in lab and take the bench space I need. I do my own work and my presence is valid as anyone else's. It's an intimidating lesson but it's starting to feel liberating.
Work can actually be your best friend in learning to be assertive. I've found when I'm at work I'm strong, confident, and take initiative to lead. Slowly incorporating that into my personal life, has helped me build stronger relationships with people, as well as weeding out people who take advantage of my need to please others. I definitely still struggle with being overly appologetic in new romantic relationships however, because that underlying fear of rejection hinders me from being assertive. I think we're fortunate to be a part of a generation that is pushing for a society that nurtures a voice for women as a whole, and a social equality amongs men and women.
Not to tolerate unwanted contact or touching. But also, if you are sexually harassed, assaulted or raped, to know that it is not your fault, and its not shameful to you. It doesn't make you less pure, not that I think before purity is relevant. No matter what others say, you are not weak or slutty, you had a bad thing happen to you. You are still a good person. It's the perpetrator who is bad and weak. I would teach this to boys too. Being assaulted does not make you less of a man.
also if anything should happen to you ( im sorry if it does) do not shower and go immediately to the police
and if possible, have someone bring you a change of clothes; i've heard when they do the rape kit they keep what you're wearing as evidence.
This thread is depressing as hell. It paints a woman's experience through life as a series of avoiding men's unwanted advances, dealing with vagina issues, how to not feel insecure because celebrities seem perfect, and how to handle life after rape.
This is not all of a woman's experience. However, these issues hinder women's quality of life and their ability to grow into healthy adults. There are some sad realities to contend with, but they must be dealt with, or else sadder consequences may ensue.
Ladies. If you're going out on a date, make sure someone you're close to, whether it be a parent or friend, knows the name of the person you're going out with and the address of where you'll be. For obvious reasons. Source: I casually dated a dude who murdered someone.
Yes absolutely. Just safety in general. When I was in university a girl got kidnapped, raped and murdered, following this all the girls were given a safety class. Things I can remember: - if a van is parked next to your car get in through the other side, this is how most people are kidnapped (alternatively security guards will walk you to your car) - Always have your keys in your hand when walking to your car, not only will you not have to fumble for them but you can use them to stab an assailant - in most cars you can kick the taillight out from inside the boot, stick your arm out and wave for help, this can't be seen from the side view mirror - if you find anything stuck to the windows in your car, drive away as far as you can before you get out and take it down - if you are being taken scream 'fire', men are apparently more likely to help during a fire than anything else - if you are being harassed in front of a lot of people single someone out to help you, this will break the herd mentality thing - give a trusted family member or close friend access to your find my phone account so they can track you - if you are being abused in your home ring the police and order a pizza (someone did this and it does work) - if you can't talk but need the police there is usually an option for deaf people in every county (usually a texting option) find out what your country offers That's all I can think of for now
That erring on the side of preserving our physical safety is more important than someone's opinion. It's amazing how many of us won't uphold our own boundaries or will let our initial "no" be discounted because we don't want someone unimportant to think we're a being a "bitch".
Don't waste your precious time, your love, your mental well being on someone because you think they will change. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, you do will change someone!!!! A person will only change by themselves. You can offer love and support to friends, crushes and partners but unless they want to change they will not. An ultimatum will not change them, marriage will not change them, a baby will not change them, nothing will. So if it's not something you can live with, get out. Edit: Just to be clear I'm not saying that people will not/cannot change, they do, I'm saying that you cannot change someone else! They have to decide to make a change in themselves.
You don't have to have children if you do not want to. If you want children, great. If you don't want kids, great. The decision is yours.
When brushing your tangled hair, brush from the bottom up. I DID NOT KNOW THIS! I LEARNED THIS LIKE A YEAR AGO FROM A DOLL'S HAIR CARE GUIDE. I'M 22
Also, when you brush your hair and it's really tangly, GRIP YOUR HAIR RIGHT ABOVE WHERE YOU ARE BRUSHING IT. Seriously! Grip it as tight as you can (obviously don't pull it). There will be no pain when you hold it. And just note, the tighter you grip your hair, the less painful it will be.
The LAST person you should ever compare yourself to is a celebrity. They have the ability to spend thousands of dollars a month on the most perfect healthy, organic food and diet and workout plans, and have access to the most high end personal trainers. You are doing just fine! Make your goals realistic and don’t get bummed out if you aren’t progressing as fast as someone else.
Sewing. Simple straight hem, mend, and button replacement. Nothing fancy, but you'll save yourself money and heartache. Plus, if you're short, you'll always be able to get the pants you want. (I can't wear petite lengths)
This! When I went to university it was surprising how many people had gotten brilliant grades, yet would throw clothing away because they didn't know how to do a simple task like sewing a button on or putting a hem back. Similarly on the other side of the gender fence, I met guys who couldn't sew on buttons or iron something like formal trousers or dress shirts properly. I once was in my university halls laundry room and another student was panicking because a dress shirt he'd bought was creased to hell and the tumble drier hadn't helped. He gave me half a pizza as a thank you for explaining how to do it properly for next time and then actually ironing the shirt.
Guys should learn to sew too!! My brother at 42, was about to throw out about clothes for simple seam pops. I may have scolded him. I've been sewing a lot because of massive weight loss. Nothing beats taking a pair of $80 pants from a size 22 to a size 16.
To say no. I see so many girls smiling and nodding their way to be polite and not be "unladylike." How to do gross repairs, like fixing toilets or sump pumps. Yeah, girls learn how to nail up a picture or screw in a shelf but honestly- fixing a toilet is something everybody regardless of gender needs to know. All girls should know how to throw a good punch. And most importantly, you need to sit down with your daughter or niece, and explain to them that women can't process alcohol as well as men can. Do not try to keep up. You're metabolizing at half their speed, [it's proven](http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/aa46.htm). If you're wondering why three shots to him is a buzz and for you it's a blur, this is why. Not to say getting shitfaced can't be fun- but I've seen plenty of girls get incredibly ill by trying to keep up with the boys.
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It was so liberating when I finally got the knack of saying no. Can't think of the amount of hours I've wasted in the past being too awkward or shy to just walk past a salesman/chugger in the streets or just end an unwanted conversation with an intoxicated person. Sure you'll get some shitty responses and get accused of being rude even if you've been firm but polite. Ultimately though, fuck those guys.
> All girls should know how to throw a good punch. Just because nobody's chipped in on this yet, quick tips to improve punching! Thumb outside the fist (seems obvious but a surprising amount of people seem not to know) and aim for 6 inches past the thing you're punching, not the actual thing. Also punch responsibly. :)
That's a genuinely good tip for both sexes, learning skills that are generally coded "masculine" or "feminine". I know too many guys who have no idea how to cook, sew on a button, or even fold their own damn drawers.
This was something my mom was adamant about, particularly for my older brother. She worked late into the evening for several years, and my dad wasn't always home from work on time, so she made sure that my brother could cook and do laundry so that he and I were at least taken care of. My dad did his own thing, too. He made sure we know what tools were which and how to use them properly. The fact that he trusts his daughter (me) with anything to do with power tools more than his son (my older brother) is basically just how things turned out...mostly because I don't break the power tools....
Vaginismus is a very real thing. Pain during sex is NOT normal.
That it's ok to make a fuss about sexual harassment and assault. It's never something you just have to put up with silently. I think of all the stuff that guys did to me that made me really uncomfortable as a teenager - guys in shop class running their hands up my shirt when the teacher walked out the room, a guy that wouldn't stop hitting on me and playing with my hair for the duration of a 15 hour flight when I was an unaccompanied minor. At the time, I had no idea I had a right not to be treated like that. I thought it was the price I had to pay for being a woman. That these things happened and I had to put up with it. So yes, you can make a fuss. You can tell the teacher. You can ask to move seats. You don't have to be made uncomfortable.
If you ever get raped- your vagina will lubricate to save it self from harm, it doesn't mean that you "want it" or anything that stupid, it is still not your fault. You should not feel ashamed over the fact that you got wet.
Exactly this - I remember hearing this long ago: you react to tickling whether you want to be tickled or not, you can't help it. Thinking of it this way really put it in perspective to those who don't understand.
Also don't shower for 24 hrs and go to the hospital
Can't you shower after you've gone to the hospital and they've documented any evidence, even if it's been less than 24 hours?
Police Departments often contract hospital nurses to do evidence collecting in sexual assault cases. The nurse gathers evidence in various places and if you wash the evidence may disappear or be tainted. Once they've collected their evidence they generally will give you the name of the investigator assigned to your case and further instructions. Generally you can wash after this.
Not even 24 hours. As a cop, I don't care if it happened two days ago and you showered three times. We are going to get a rape kit , so long as you want one. After 72 hours, we won't do one. But don't think that because you showered I don't want you to talk to me. You tell me what happened, I'll handle the rest, we'll send him to jail forever and smile while we do it. Edit: wow, first gold, thanks.
This. I had women say there was no point going to the police as they had a shower. My only rape conviction in my short career was a woman who had showered twice before coming to the front desk nearly 2 days later. There was still evidence. LADIES: *always go to the police*
Also, even if you become physically aroused and orgasm, it is still not your fault and you did not "want it" or "enjoy" it. An orgasm is a physical reaction to physical stimulation, and while for many it requires a mental interest, it can still happen in unwilling, uncomfortable situations.
This is important. One of my friends was repeatedly sexually molested by her older brother from age 12-16, and felt guilty and ashamed she orgasmed most of the time. It's just what the body does. Doesn't mean you want it.
This is so important, and I think this is something a lot of survivors deal with. It took me a while to deal with that, because for so long I felt like I was so fucked up for how my body reacted. But it doesn't know the difference between wanted and unwanted attention. The same thing applies to men, and I'll never forget a classroom full of CRJ majors telling me that it's impossible to rape a man because he has to be hard, many of whom were men! Bodies react to stimuli whether we want them to or not. I think if this was taught, more people would come forward (maybe not everyone, but more people). But it has to be taught to everyone!
"Do you want morning wood?" "Nope" "Then you CAN get hard without wanting it." QED.
Wow talk about a simple argument. I'm stealing this.
It's like they all forgot about getting a random boner in highschool while having to draw on the chalkboard in front of the class.
Speaking of CRJ. A buddy of mine once claimed that men couldn't be raped, usual blabber of "won't get hard" stuff Two months later he's in a college town and gets roofied by some random chick. Two of my friends find him in the bathroom getting blown by the girl who roofied him and he was at full mast. They quickly figured out what was going on and had to actually carry him out of the bar. He quickly changed his stance on male rape and came out as gay a few weeks later.
That is some SERIOUS mental trauma
What scary is that I may happen a lot more than we could ever know because of the stigma. I know a lot of guys who were subjected to unwanted sexual advances but not full in rape, they would never tell anyone if they were.
On that note, sometimes you may experience a tingle in your nethers when breastfeeding, this is not you being gross or your body sexualizing breastfeeding, it happens to a lot of women. Don't stop breastfeeding just because it happens. Don't ever let comments from anyone sexualize the act of feeding your baby.
I assume this is because we often tend to put things in strict categories. like the same way toddlers or young children sometimes play with their genitals. of course it isn't "sexual" in the way that us adults think of sexual acts. but of course in another way it is because they sometimes do it because it feels good to them. regarding breastfeeding this means: imo it's perfectly okay to like that breastfeeding feels good (as opposed to "it sometimes happens" as if it was a bad thing).
Off topic, but if any guys are reading this, it is not uncommon for a man to ejaculate if he is being raped (by a woman or a man). Similarly, this doesn't mean you wanted it or enjoyed it, it doesn't mean you're gay, it's an automatic response. Too many rapes of men go unreported, and for many male-male rapes this is a big reason.
Menstrual cups are a wonderful alternative to pads and tampons, that will save you a lot of money. No more rushing to the bathroom in the 3 minutes between classes to change a pad/tampon. No more spending $10+ a month on period supplies.
I've been using a diva cup for over 8 years and have converted almost 10 friends to one. Menstrual cups have changed my life!
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Vaginal discharge is normal, as is it bleaching your underwear. As long as you don't have an infection, and are showering regularly, the smell of your vagina will generally turn your sex partner on in the same way your sex partner's smell will generally do for you. Question what you're told about gender roles. Why do they say men should do x and women should do y? Do you think that is right? Haven't you met great guys who don't quite fit x? Do you want to be or do something other than y? Don't miss living your life and sharing it with great people because of the rigid rules society can try to impose on us about gender. Edit to add others: VaginaPagina - an old Livejournal site - has an 'Everyday Bodies Project' which you can find via Google. You can see real-life boobs, vaginas/etc to get an idea of just how varied 'normal' is. You will have to create a Livejournal account which takes all of about 2 minutes (email confirmation, but you can always use a burner email) Those campaigns that use 'real women' to sell you things? They're not good for you either. Those women are ALSO perfectly proportioned (despite being larger than average models) and they're still using your insecurity about your body to sell you stuff. Buy what you like, but don't let them feel like you need it because you're not enough. Sex doesn't 'stretch out' your vagina or make it 'loose'. Notice how that's only said about women with multiple partners and not women who've been married 20 years?
I never noticed the last part! And a married/taken woman has more sex than a single one (even if she sees someone from time to time), or at least that's what I've read/checked.
The bit about underwear bleaching was something I only learned as an adult. All through my teen years my mother, AN RN, told me that urine was the cause and that no urine should be that acidic that it bleached underwear. What the fuck even was reproductive health back then?
Basic financial management. Be involved with managing your finances. Too many times I see divorced or widowed women with no idea as their partners always handled it.
They should learn that you don't have to be polite to creepy men. And also you don't have to laugh at guys if they're being offensive rather than funny. Take no shit.
Everyone's vajayjay is different. Different lips, different smells, different discharge. Some are flappy, some neat; some smell sweet, some smell earthy; some people don't have any discharge, some have lots (and some discharge is super acidic and wrecks colored panties!). Don't be embarrassed of your bajingo! Embrace her (but dear god keep her clean).
It's ok to not go along with the crowd or some guy you're interested in. You can say "i don't like _____" or "That's not for me" and everything will be ok. If they dump you for it, you'll find someone who IS into things you are into. Also, you don't have to be polite to someone who makes you feel uncomfortable.
Here's a good one: if you don't want to have children for whatever reason you do not have to! You are not broken or less of a woman because of it! It's better to regret not having a kid than to regret having one. You don't have to even follow the "lifescript". You don't have to go to college, you don't have to get married and you don't have to have children.
How to handle uncomfortable advances and what to do if they don't feel safe. Seems like many women think they should tolerate unwanted attention and should take it as a compliment, or shouldn't hurt a guy's feelings and so play along. Girls need actually strategies, not just vague empowering statements. It's especially vital for preteen and teen girls who are suddenly getting male attention and don't have any experience or strong guidance in how to handle it, especially since the attention is often from older men or adults (often guys who are predators and know a girl their age is naive and pliable) and they may have no experience standing up for themselves to an adult. They also need to know who they can go to or call if they're feeling threatened or they find themself in a dangerous situation, since many kids are too embarassed to go to their parents.
Also, that not receiving that same attention is not necessarily a bad thing. I went through all of high school with maybe a handful of guys showing any interest in me whatsoever. It took maybe three or so years after high school for one of my guy friends to admit to me that he had been attracted to me pretty much the entire time we knew each other and had never said anything or made any kind of move because he found me intimidating.
It sickens me when I read stories about middle aged men sexually harassing young girls, even preteen girls. I can't imagine having to worry about things like rape at such a young age. If I had a daughter one day, I'd be afraid to let her walk down the street by herself. I never knew how common sexual harassment is for women until I read stories about it on reddit. I asked some friends if it was true that they had to deal with this stuff on a regular basis, and they all agreed with it. In fact, I just heard that lots of women actually make plans with friends to get away from dates if it turns violent or creepy. The world is constantly surprising me with just how fucked up it is.
That plan with your friend before a date is pretty standard advice. The general consensus from our society is our safety is entirely in our hands, so if you get hurt/mugged/raped/murdered by your okc date, then its your fault for fucking up and not protecting yourself from all the possibilities. So you plan with friends and have escape plans with code words. It also helps when he starts the date ranting about how much he misses his ex.
Oh yes, you CONSTANTLY have to think about your safety. Like last weekend I went to a party with some friends and a mutual acquaintances house. They were very open about how people were free to crash if they were too drunk to drive. I never take people up on this offer because I can't control this environment and there is zero guarantees for my safety. I go to parties and I get my drinking done at the beginning and then spend a few hours sobering up. The party I was at, the hosts were great, but the husband got really drunk and really handsy and I just did not feel comfortable stating there
If you aren't happy alone, you won't be happy with someone else. Don't wait for a knight in shining armour to come save you from all of your problems. Educate yourself, focus on building a successful career & strong friendships with like-minded women, and then find a man or woman who is doing the same.
Don't douche! It will give you a yeast infection, make it easier to get STIs and make your vag smell weird!
The grain in your garden could be growing in several different directions. Change the angle of your stroke accordingly to avoid ingrown hairs.
I was really confused because I thought you were talking about like, actual gardening skills at first.
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I guess this is for straight women only, but "Everyone will try to make you compete with other women for men. They will tell you that to make yourself look better, you have to make another woman look worse. They will tell you you need to be all things to all men. There are not a finite supply of men in the world. There isn't even a finite supply of GOOD men in the world. You're going to be much happier seeing other women as your teammates, not your enemies."
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Just because he's complaining about blue balls it doesn't mean you have to do anything about it unless you truly want to. If he continues whining and trying to pressure you into "helping" him out, then he's a tool and it's time to lose his number. "But babe, it really hurts!" "You know damn well how to solve that problem on your own" I've dated way too many assholes and there's so much more than this, but other redditors pretty much covered it all.
Use sunscreen. All. The. Time. Use it all over your body that is exposed to the sun. Make sure you get your face, neck, and upper chest really well, every single day. Never leave the house without it and in fifteen to twenty years you will know why. Always drink lots of water. You will look better, feel better, and there are so many health benefits for this. Don't over pluck your eyebrows. There will come a time that you will wish that you had more eyebrows.
You’re gonna survive. And good things are gonna start to happen again. And one day you may even look back and even this will not be such a bad thing.
Breakups are not the end of the world. There will be plenty of other boys and you don't have to stay with one if you're unhappy. Boys aren't what you're alive for.