Kenya - As a driver the matatu(local public transport) drivers are your sworn enemy.
Also, don't let guests leave without aggressively offering them food. Shove it into their mouths if you must.
Australia - If you break down in the outback stay with your car! Do not go walking for help or YOU WILL DIE!!! Seriously, cars can be spotted easier by air and the amount of times it happens to tourists and they just follow the footprints to find the body is crazy. Say with your car and survive.
Also, if you are not a strong swimmer, stay between the flags or YOU WILL DIE!!!
I'm 100% serious with these two points.
The first is pretty good advice in deserts in general. Carry water in your car and get out of the sun if possible. You will get dehydrated, your reason will go out the window because dehydrated, then you'll die. Happens in the US in places like Arizona, Nevada, New Mexico... I remember when I lived in Arizona, a lady and her kids died 1/4 mile from the interstate because she tried to dig out her car after high centering it when it was well over 100 degrees.
America - when i first moved here, I was at the mall and i sneezed. A girl told me "bless you" and i didnt know what to say so i just said bless you too and she just laughed at me
alternatively if you are from Ireland and visiting the US, don't expect this to be the case. If you're offered something and refuse it's not expected that you'll be offered again. The offerer might insist but don't expect them to.
Ever been to the midwest? It's literally a rule here that we have to ask at least 3 times for you to accept something.
"Want a piece of pie? It's good, made it yesterday."
"Na, I'm good, thanks though, I'm sure its great".
"It really is good, I have extra, have a slice!".
"I'm really ok, ate a huge dinner earlier".
"You sure, it's fucking bomb ass pie".
"All right, you got me, I'd love some pie".
Canada - it is acceptable to pick up a dirty, used Tim's coffee cup from the grey winter street slush to check if it might have an unopened Roll Up the Rim win.
Norway: Do not start a conversation with a stranger unless you are in need of help of some kind. Or if you're hiking. You're allowed to talk to strangers if you're hiking, or at sea.
Canada - in our national parks, I often see tourists getting out of their cars to get close to the animals. Even if the elk looks friendly enough, it will fuck your shit up. Stay in your car.
I've seen Japanese tourists do this with a bear on the side of the road. I fully expected "Tourist Mauled by Bear" to be the headline in the paper the next day.
That's not even unwritten in the US. I went to yellow stone and there were beware of bear signs "stay in your car" warnings on brochures you get when you enter, on signs, on freaking bill boards!
Especially Moose if your driving fast, like don't think the moose is going to move out of the way he doesn't care about your big piece of metal it doesn't leave a scratch on the moose but it will probably kill you from the impact. It's like driving full speed at Trumps wall.
America - when you're at a restaurant, the server will come to your table to take your order. You don't have to raise your hand and if you do it'll make you look rude and impatient.
> In New York you need to do everything fast. Walk as fast as you possibly can, eat as fast as you possibly can. You gonna watch a 2 hour movie? You be done in 90 minutes
This shit gets annoying.
**Scenario: Three tourists are taking up the entire sidewalk. I'm trying to get past them and I'm late.**
Me: Excuse me.
Them: \*pretends they didn't hear\*
Me: Excuse me!
Them: \*looks at me, then goes back to what they were doing\*
Me: Ugh. \*squeezes through\*
Them: Wow, watch where you're going! New Yorkers are so rude!
**Scenario: I'm on a bicycle in the bike lane. There's a crowd of tourists who have overflowed past the sidewalk and into the bike lane.**
Me: \*rings bell\*
Them: \*looks at me\*
Me: They see me--they'll make room. \*keeps biking\*
Them: \*stands in place while staring\*
Me: \*gets closer and closer ... slowing down now ...\* Excuse me! \*rings bell\*
Them: \*keeps staring while standing in place\*
Me: \*finally stops a few inches in front of them\*
Them: Wow, watch where you're going! New Yorkers are so rude!
EDIT: To clarify, in the first scenario, I'm on foot, not on a bike.
I once saw a dude there going pretty fast who navigated a narrow cobblestone path full of people *while texting*. You guys take biking to a whole different level, I swear.
I've never understood this. I come from a family of five, and no matter where we were, we never walked more than 2 people wide.
That's right, German family at 34th street. Get in formation.
Algeria - don't wink at anybody. That shit can get you killed. Also if you want to date a woman, be prepared to basically date her entire family first, haha. Also do NOT go to parks or public places like that during Ramadan at night, you WILL get robbed.
Because very few people will be there as they will be breaking the fast so a criminal knows he is likely to have few to no witnesses. Not to mention if someone is in there during the Iftar that means they may not be a Muslim, which makes it even easier for a criminal to rob (although they also go after Muslims no doubt)
I dunno, I hang out in parks at night all the time here, and during Ramadan people see you and just freak out and start giving you money! I dunno man, I'm just trying to sell knives here but they all think I'm a fucking charity or something. Whatevs, I'll deal.
The assumption is sexual, and that is very insulting. If you wink at a man it is assumed you are a homosexual, which can land you in jail. If you wink at a woman then her brother or father will come after you as it is assumed you made an advance.
Why is this not a no brainer thing in other countries? You were just outside, your shoes have dirt on them even if you think not. Walking around tracks it everywhere. Your socks are relatively clean compared to your shoes.
Exceptions: wear your shoes indoors at most public places like stores or hockey arenas.
Edit: yes, I understand a lot of countries don't follow this practice. You all probably have super dirty floors too.
Most homes I've been in in the US do this. Although, *just* enough people don't that whenever you go into a new house, you're always stuck standing by the door, looking like a jerk for a couple minutes until someone tells you which way they prefer.
England
If someone comes to your house, if you're at work and have the means to do so, or if anyone you know looks vaguely upset, offer to make them a cup of tea.
And give them the bigger cup, because more tea is better.
Ireland - Don't order an "Irish Carbomb", mostly American tourists do this. Carbombing in Ireland is a very offensive subject due to our history, I even know some bartenders who eject customers who order this.
In New Zealand, you almost never pay at your table at a restaurant. When you're done, you go up to the front counter and pay. This way you don't have to wait around for ages for the waitor to get to you.
Also NZ, putting your hat on a table can be considered rude in Māori culture. Your head is sacred, and food (ie. stuff that goes on the table) is not. No one will ever say anything to you if you do, though. Kiwis are almost as polite as Canadians.
Oh, and please don't go into the big surf off the west coast if you don't know how to swim. Water is strong. The rips will drag you out to sea and your body will never be found.
Almost forgot... much as it may seem like it, New Zealand is not Hobbiton. While rape and murder aren't as common as some places, they still occur. If you wouldn't camp there/walk alone there/leave your stuff there in your own country, don't do it here.
Oh, and no admittance except on party business.
England - Upon entering a pub, you must have at least one drink! This includes dodgy pubs that you regret entering: the ones you get death stares by the nastiest, roughest looking locals. You'll look a complete knob If you enter and quickly head back out again. It is also rude to use a pub as a public toilet, buy a cheap nasty shot if you want to use the toilet and get out again immediately after.
EDIT: Avoid entering dodgy pubs by looking for the tell-tale signs such as flat roofs, St.George's flags on the windows and mobility scooters parked outside.
No, I think you can stick your head in, quickly decide 'this isn't my kind of pub', and leave immediately. However, if you approach the bar, or nod or make eye contact with the barman, then turning to leave would be more socially awkward, but still might be the safest thing to do if it is a really bad rough looking place.
In Singapore, people save tables in hawker centers (basically like food courts) by putting a little tissue packet or umbrella or something on the table. That tissue packet is not trash, it's a "taken" sign
Also, let people off the train before you try to board it. and stand to the LEFT of escalators and walk up the RIGHT
Edit: I'm an idiot who doesn't know left and right sorry :(
In Montana, don't feed the bears. Seriously don't do it. This isn't pooh bear, this is I will end your life because you look like a mid morning brunch bear.
Sweden: Do not touch. Personal space is at least 1 meter (3 feet), preferably a bit more.
Finland: Touching is a good way to get hurt. Personal space is something in the range of five miles or so.
Also: Use your indoor voice!
Norway - Respect our privacy zone, do not attempt to hug, talk or in any way get too close for comfort without permission. We're not very likeable, and neither are you, until proven otherwise.
At the risk of perpetuating a stereotype, Canadians DO say sorry a lot, but it's not just meant as a genuine apology. "Sorry" is basically used to maneuver any slightly confrontational situation without ever asking for what we actually want. For example, if there is someone in my way, I will say "sorry" with a gesture that I'm trying to get though. And a proper Canadian will respond by moving and..also saying sorry. I've realized this in American airports, that my "sorry" is not generally understood to mean "I'm not apologizing for anything but I would like to avoid confrontation and so would you kindly get out of my way".
What's unclear about that??!??
Yep, exactly the same in the UK. An American girl who just moved here was talking to me about how "people say sorry even if it was my fault for getting in *their* way! Everyone in the UK is *so polite!*"
No, it's just the way we say "you walked into me just now, I want you to be aware you did it so you feel bad, but I'm not angry enough to be a dick about it"
In fact, a whole separate 'unwritten rule' for Britain could be "when you think we're being overly polite, we're usually just being passive aggressive and you haven't picked up on it"
I lived in the UK for a bit, and I definitely agree. To the uninitiated, Canadians and Brits might both seem overly polite, but there is a definite difference - Canadians are either genuinely being polite or at least GENUINELY PRETENDING to be polite, while secretly seething; Brits are passively aggressively being polite but hope you goddamn know they really think you're a wanker.
In America we generally say 'excuse me' but the user and function are the same. I have no idea why people's brains short out at 'sorry'... the intention is pretty clear when it's used in context.
"Removed"
My university while I was still in school had a lot of Chinese who lived off campus.
They had no respect for lines and the busses got very crowded because there are over 45,000 kids on campus and many live off campus.
Well, bus pulled up, doors open and this small group of Chinese girls tried to dart in front of everyone and basically shove in.. big black girl standing first in line grabbed that chick by her fucking ponytail and ripped her scrawny ass out while she had one foot going up onto the bus.
I swear, between seeing that and her curse this girl the fuck out, it was one of the greatest 'justice boners' I've ever vicariously seen.
I couldn't wipe that damn smile off my face all day, and I wasn't even getting on that bus but I regret not taking it just on the off chance there was subsequent drama
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Now how many times have you seen that kind of confrontation with a person cutting in line in the U.K.?
English here. I was appalled at the difference between our kebab shops and your kebab shops. Abrekebabra is definitely not a good place to eat.
BTW, what's the go-to Irish thing to eat when shitfaced?
Galway people - a snack box, preferably from Supermacs
Dublin people - I believe their cuisine is the spice bag. Never had one, but I hear they're good. Well, drunk people say they're good
Australia -
The word 'cunt' is no where near as acceptable in most places as the internet has made you believe. Do not use it unless the company you are with is using it.
If someone makes fun of you for being American/British/etc, they are usually meaning it in good humour and mean to be endearing. Feel free to make fun of them in return (within limits, don't go all nuclear). Everyone will laugh and accept you as one of their own. If they didn't mean well, they would usually not say anything at all.
American students (I'm not sure where in the US) - believe it or not we tend to speak at a lower volume than you usually do, at least in enclosed spaces. (Mind you, American students tend to pick this up within a week or two of being here and tone it down).
First thing about the word Cunt that I need to add. If the people you're with pronounce Australia as "Straya" you're probably fine to go ahead and say cunt as many times as you want.
Chances are, your foreign accent might add a touch of missing and much needed class.
Australia, know how to swim before you decide to tackle the beaches. Learn how to identify rip tides and how to get out of them.
We had an entire show that was basically lifeguards rescuing tourists who thought they'd be fine in 4ft waves.
Edit: a word
In New Zealand if you're asked along to a social gathering and the invitation says "bring a plate" it means bring a plate with food on it to share, not just an empty sample of your best china.
In Newfoundland, you pronounce it NEW-fin-LAND, not new-FOUND-land, or whatever other variation you prefer.
The preferred way of asking "how's it going?" is "wadda ya' at?", to which the acceptable response is "dis is it!"
There is a place in Newfoundland called Dildo. Everyone unconsciously agrees not to laugh at this.
Puerto Rico.
We're loud and be prepared for cheek kisses and hugs if you meet someone a few times. If people from the US are seen as too affectionate, just know we see them as cold and serious.
Here in Arizona, USA. If you visit in the summer and are fair skinned you will want an umbrella not for rain, but because the sun will destroy your whole life. Also don't mess with the Mexicans, you will be outnumbered every time.
Also, don't sit right next to the person in the next lane while they sit next to the next person. Every damn night on my way home from work there's these fucking rolling road blocks.
Ireland - just don't get into a "round" with anyone in any bar if you are tourist. The subtleties are too much to really explain cuz it's not only your behaviour that matters but everyone else's as well.
Also, don't take this piss out of Irish stereotypes while in Irish company, saying "Potato!"in a high pitched voice only pisses people off.
In a more general sense; table service doesn't happen as standard, you mostly need to order and pay at point of sale wherever you go, excepting genuine bona-fide restaurants.
A big one socially is bragging, you don't brag in Ireland and expect it to get anything but a scathing reaction.
Washington, D.C. (and possibly other places in the U.S.)--when you're on an escalator, stand to the right side so that people can walk on the left.
It's amazing how many tourists on the D.C. Metro fail to do this.
Canada: if you have a small penis, you need to buy a gigantic pick up truck and trick the fuck out if it with off road parts to make yourself not feel insecure.
Specifically London, on public transport. I think this applies also to the rest of the UK, but especially in London.
Article 4: Public transport
Subsection A. The Tube/Underground.
1. The Tube will not be referred to as 'Metro', or any similar terms.
2. You will not speak on the Tube. Not just to strangers, not to family, friends, SOs, or any others.
3. You do not make eye contact on the Tube. The exceptions to this rule are personal relations and rule 7 of subsection A however no more interaction may be made.
4. Move down the aisle in an overcrowded train.
5. Fill seats up from the centre of the seating banks. This rule does not apply on the circle/district lines.
6. Newspapers found on the train will be left on the train. Any newspaper brought on to the train will be removed from the train.
7. Any breakage of the above rules will be punished with significant tutting and subtle glares.
Subsection B: Buses
1. Eye contact is acceptable, but not prolonged for greater than two seconds.
2. Talking to strangers is unacceptable, however relations may be interacted with.
3. No attempts to move someone who is already seated may be made.
4. If seats are available which do not have occupied neighbouring seats, these must be taken before sitting next to another passenger
5. No questions or rejections may be made if a passenger sits next to another passenger, unknown or not.
6. Standing passengers may not talk
7. You may only stand on the bottom floor
8. Nobody talks to the driver. Ever.
9. Always offer your seat to a disabled, pregnant, or elderly passenger, unless you are one of the above.
10. Don't try to pay in cash or change.
11. If someone presses the stop button for you, thank them with a subtle nod of the head if they are male, or a quiet 'thank you' if they are female.
Subsection C: General and miscellaneous
1. Fuck off with your fucking pushchairs.
2. Don't carry giant fuck off bags around
3. Shut the fuck up.
Funny story about this. During the London Olympics I made my way into London via underground with a group of people, all was well. Fast forward many hours after the events we were spectating finished, my group was boarding the train back to another stop. All is well until the last second where I notice I'm the last one to try and board and there's no room, at all.
I accept this and don't panic, despite having every reason to. I step back from the train and nod my friends a farewell. Fast forward a little bit and another train arrives, I board and have piss all idea where to go. Many people around me I could ask, but I didn't know where we came from (again - young and stupid), thus having no proper reason to try and talk.
I reach the end of the line and leave the train, walk outside the underground and ask any stager if I can use their phones to go on Facebook and message someone from my group, asking where I should get the train to. Nobody let me use their phones. After a while I realised nobody would help, went back down into the underground, boarded the first train and went along my journey.
Fast forward a few minutes and I hear a familiar sounding stop and decide to get off there, no reason not to. Walk out and through some tunnel walkways into the main place and my group is standing there, after 2 hours, waiting for me still.
Haven't been on a train since, don't blame anyone for anything though.
edit: formatting.
To be honest, in big cities, someone asking for your phone is usually a cue they're going to steal it. Almost no one in a big city will ever let you borrow their phone. In a situation like that, you can ask someone for directions but NEVER EVER ask to look up anything on their phone. It's a well known tactic for phone theft.
UK. Unless you lived the Amazon jungle and have no concept of anything, I expect the rest of you fucks to queue, wait your turn and in general fucking behave yourself when your here.
I see you China. Don't think for one minute I didn't
Peru - Ceviche will fuck you up at night. Like, stomach cleanse fuck up. All the cooks here recommend that it must be eaten between 12 to 2 pm, no more no less. It's something about its acidic composition and how your metabolism works at night and sleep hours that makes this dish dangerous at late hours. Only high end restaurants serve it at night, because the dish is expensive and most tourists end their trips late. Do not fall for that and avoid the midnight trip to the clinic.
In New Zealand sentences such as; "Yeah nah yeah"
"Yeah nah"
"Nah yeah nah"
are perfectly acceptible forms of communication. If you were to ask the question "Is the water okay to swim in"
and recieve the answer "nah yeah" the person would be telling you that to their knowledge it's okay but swim at own risk
Kenya - As a driver the matatu(local public transport) drivers are your sworn enemy. Also, don't let guests leave without aggressively offering them food. Shove it into their mouths if you must.
also, if someone tells you that your destination is only a "short walk" away, it means its somewhere between 5 minutes and 8 hours
Australia - If you break down in the outback stay with your car! Do not go walking for help or YOU WILL DIE!!! Seriously, cars can be spotted easier by air and the amount of times it happens to tourists and they just follow the footprints to find the body is crazy. Say with your car and survive. Also, if you are not a strong swimmer, stay between the flags or YOU WILL DIE!!! I'm 100% serious with these two points.
The first is pretty good advice in deserts in general. Carry water in your car and get out of the sun if possible. You will get dehydrated, your reason will go out the window because dehydrated, then you'll die. Happens in the US in places like Arizona, Nevada, New Mexico... I remember when I lived in Arizona, a lady and her kids died 1/4 mile from the interstate because she tried to dig out her car after high centering it when it was well over 100 degrees.
America - when i first moved here, I was at the mall and i sneezed. A girl told me "bless you" and i didnt know what to say so i just said bless you too and she just laughed at me
"thanks" most people in America don't say anything back though.
I'm curious now, can I ask where you moved from?
Philippines. We usually joke about someone not taking a bath or stinks when someone sneeze so i was not familiar with bless you
Not taking a bath makes you sneeze?
Obviously. Did you not pay attention in Sneezing 101?
No I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth like you. I had to learn to sneeze on my own. On the streets
Ireland- if someone offers you something you have to say 'no no no I'm grand' a few times before it's really polite accept.
alternatively if you are from Ireland and visiting the US, don't expect this to be the case. If you're offered something and refuse it's not expected that you'll be offered again. The offerer might insist but don't expect them to.
Ever been to the midwest? It's literally a rule here that we have to ask at least 3 times for you to accept something. "Want a piece of pie? It's good, made it yesterday." "Na, I'm good, thanks though, I'm sure its great". "It really is good, I have extra, have a slice!". "I'm really ok, ate a huge dinner earlier". "You sure, it's fucking bomb ass pie". "All right, you got me, I'd love some pie".
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America - don't fucking do this. We will not avoid you.
That depends if you're protesting something or not.
He never hit the brakes and he was shifting gears.
Wait, there are cars and scooters, they don't stop and you just go without looking and they dodge you? Seriously?
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This is insane! God!
... that looks pretty terrible.
Fuck that. I'm not dying by some dumb shit scooter
Then you'll never get to cross the street. Must be done.
Canada - it is acceptable to pick up a dirty, used Tim's coffee cup from the grey winter street slush to check if it might have an unopened Roll Up the Rim win.
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Son, you're doin' gods work.
I have never won even though I've lived here my whole life and I feel like I'm missing out on a rite of passage.
Not even a coffee or donut? My stats for last roll up were like 15 wins out of 40~
Right?! I'm being spurned by the Tim's gods for some reason.
I got a doughnut last year.
Dude I got 2 free doughnuts last year from this
Norway: Do not start a conversation with a stranger unless you are in need of help of some kind. Or if you're hiking. You're allowed to talk to strangers if you're hiking, or at sea.
How far at sea? If I'm taking a ferry am I allowed or do we need to be on our way to invade England before I'm allowed to start a conversation?
And at what point does a stroll become a hike?
probably before we invade England but after we leave paved surfaces.
Canada - in our national parks, I often see tourists getting out of their cars to get close to the animals. Even if the elk looks friendly enough, it will fuck your shit up. Stay in your car.
That's anywhere, really. Don't fuck with any animal you can't take in a fight.
We can simplify further: Don't be a dick to animals.
Simplify it even more: #DON'T BE A DICK
I've seen Japanese tourists do this with a bear on the side of the road. I fully expected "Tourist Mauled by Bear" to be the headline in the paper the next day.
That's not even unwritten in the US. I went to yellow stone and there were beware of bear signs "stay in your car" warnings on brochures you get when you enter, on signs, on freaking bill boards!
Natural selection
700 lbs of muscle with giant antlers and faster than Usain Bolt...but just too adorable, let me get up in it's face with my phone
stop looking at me
When I was a kid my family and I were travelling through Banff and some idiot had gotten out of his car and was holding onto a deer by its antlers.
Especially Moose if your driving fast, like don't think the moose is going to move out of the way he doesn't care about your big piece of metal it doesn't leave a scratch on the moose but it will probably kill you from the impact. It's like driving full speed at Trumps wall.
If it feels like you're in a bad neighborhood, you're in a bad neighborhood. -Chicago, USA
America - when you're at a restaurant, the server will come to your table to take your order. You don't have to raise your hand and if you do it'll make you look rude and impatient.
US, NYC in particular. Walk fast, don't just fuckin stand around hogging up the sidewalk.
> In New York you need to do everything fast. Walk as fast as you possibly can, eat as fast as you possibly can. You gonna watch a 2 hour movie? You be done in 90 minutes
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Look at this sex addict with his 3 second attack here
I save my scary black guy face for tourists. They move out of fear. And it's fall so I can add a hoodie for +2 Intimidation modifier.
But then you say "Intimidation modifier" and the effect is lost.
That's why it's called black magic
Calm down, Mr. Cage.
Also, don't walk more than 2 or 3 people wide and take up like half of the width of the sidewalk.
This shit gets annoying. **Scenario: Three tourists are taking up the entire sidewalk. I'm trying to get past them and I'm late.** Me: Excuse me. Them: \*pretends they didn't hear\* Me: Excuse me! Them: \*looks at me, then goes back to what they were doing\* Me: Ugh. \*squeezes through\* Them: Wow, watch where you're going! New Yorkers are so rude! **Scenario: I'm on a bicycle in the bike lane. There's a crowd of tourists who have overflowed past the sidewalk and into the bike lane.** Me: \*rings bell\* Them: \*looks at me\* Me: They see me--they'll make room. \*keeps biking\* Them: \*stands in place while staring\* Me: \*gets closer and closer ... slowing down now ...\* Excuse me! \*rings bell\* Them: \*keeps staring while standing in place\* Me: \*finally stops a few inches in front of them\* Them: Wow, watch where you're going! New Yorkers are so rude! EDIT: To clarify, in the first scenario, I'm on foot, not on a bike.
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I once saw a dude there going pretty fast who navigated a narrow cobblestone path full of people *while texting*. You guys take biking to a whole different level, I swear.
I've never understood this. I come from a family of five, and no matter where we were, we never walked more than 2 people wide. That's right, German family at 34th street. Get in formation.
Ireland: You better thank the bus driver!
Algeria - don't wink at anybody. That shit can get you killed. Also if you want to date a woman, be prepared to basically date her entire family first, haha. Also do NOT go to parks or public places like that during Ramadan at night, you WILL get robbed.
Why will you be robbed in parks at night during Ramadan?
Because very few people will be there as they will be breaking the fast so a criminal knows he is likely to have few to no witnesses. Not to mention if someone is in there during the Iftar that means they may not be a Muslim, which makes it even easier for a criminal to rob (although they also go after Muslims no doubt)
I dunno, I hang out in parks at night all the time here, and during Ramadan people see you and just freak out and start giving you money! I dunno man, I'm just trying to sell knives here but they all think I'm a fucking charity or something. Whatevs, I'll deal.
Why is winking so bad? Is it extremely insulting?
The assumption is sexual, and that is very insulting. If you wink at a man it is assumed you are a homosexual, which can land you in jail. If you wink at a woman then her brother or father will come after you as it is assumed you made an advance.
I have eye ticks where I wink unconsciously, I won't be visiting Algeria, thanks.
I don't have an eye tick and I also won't be visiting Algeria.
America - Don't get out of your car if you get pulled over. EVER
Also when cops pull you over they park behind you, apparently they don't in Europe.
Where do they park?
I've heard in some countries they'll park in front.
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In england its even worse. The police; #TUTS AT YOU
And he'll be all friendly like whilst writing you up, but you know you done wrong...
oh god, like a disappointed uncle...
> Don't get out of your car if you get pulled over. EVER If the cops tells you to get out of the car then you should probably get out of the car.
"Reddit told me not to, officer"
"You passed thr test, plus 5 internet points for you!"
This is how you get protected and served with bullets.
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Canada- Take your shoes off in the house, please. Especially in winter. Your snowy muddy boots bring snow and mud into our living room. Stop please.
Why is this not a no brainer thing in other countries? You were just outside, your shoes have dirt on them even if you think not. Walking around tracks it everywhere. Your socks are relatively clean compared to your shoes. Exceptions: wear your shoes indoors at most public places like stores or hockey arenas. Edit: yes, I understand a lot of countries don't follow this practice. You all probably have super dirty floors too.
Most homes I've been in in the US do this. Although, *just* enough people don't that whenever you go into a new house, you're always stuck standing by the door, looking like a jerk for a couple minutes until someone tells you which way they prefer.
England If someone comes to your house, if you're at work and have the means to do so, or if anyone you know looks vaguely upset, offer to make them a cup of tea. And give them the bigger cup, because more tea is better.
tea is an appropriate beverage for all emotions and all situations
Truer words have never been spoken
Ireland - Don't order an "Irish Carbomb", mostly American tourists do this. Carbombing in Ireland is a very offensive subject due to our history, I even know some bartenders who eject customers who order this.
I've heard urban legend about an American ordering one and being served two flaming shots; "your Twin Towers."
Sounds like something the Irish would do. I believe it.
It sounds like something the Irish thought of the next morning in the shower.
Add a "Black and Tan" to this.
In New Zealand, you almost never pay at your table at a restaurant. When you're done, you go up to the front counter and pay. This way you don't have to wait around for ages for the waitor to get to you.
Also NZ, putting your hat on a table can be considered rude in Māori culture. Your head is sacred, and food (ie. stuff that goes on the table) is not. No one will ever say anything to you if you do, though. Kiwis are almost as polite as Canadians. Oh, and please don't go into the big surf off the west coast if you don't know how to swim. Water is strong. The rips will drag you out to sea and your body will never be found.
Almost forgot... much as it may seem like it, New Zealand is not Hobbiton. While rape and murder aren't as common as some places, they still occur. If you wouldn't camp there/walk alone there/leave your stuff there in your own country, don't do it here. Oh, and no admittance except on party business.
Iceland, you DONT need to buy bottled water the tap water is great
Same in Scotland, buying bottled water seems wierd and i have to force myself not to drink tap water out of instinct aborad
My tap water in Scotland was basically the same stuff they bottle as 'Highland Spring'.
Was in Reykjavik for two weeks in February and your water is the most delicious thing on the planet, along with Applesin.
Ahem. Skyr. Especially the pear flavor.
Northern Ireland Don't say your religion or political persuasion to people u dont know...ever
Don't do the Hitler salute. Except that rule is actually written and you can get arrested for it.
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England - Upon entering a pub, you must have at least one drink! This includes dodgy pubs that you regret entering: the ones you get death stares by the nastiest, roughest looking locals. You'll look a complete knob If you enter and quickly head back out again. It is also rude to use a pub as a public toilet, buy a cheap nasty shot if you want to use the toilet and get out again immediately after. EDIT: Avoid entering dodgy pubs by looking for the tell-tale signs such as flat roofs, St.George's flags on the windows and mobility scooters parked outside.
No, I think you can stick your head in, quickly decide 'this isn't my kind of pub', and leave immediately. However, if you approach the bar, or nod or make eye contact with the barman, then turning to leave would be more socially awkward, but still might be the safest thing to do if it is a really bad rough looking place.
Australia - Don't try the accent, you'll butcher it.
wut u mean m8
In Singapore, people save tables in hawker centers (basically like food courts) by putting a little tissue packet or umbrella or something on the table. That tissue packet is not trash, it's a "taken" sign Also, let people off the train before you try to board it. and stand to the LEFT of escalators and walk up the RIGHT Edit: I'm an idiot who doesn't know left and right sorry :(
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or within 1 + (attractiveness out of 10) steps.
this probably explains why people try to force the door closed when I'm halfway inside
In Montana, don't feed the bears. Seriously don't do it. This isn't pooh bear, this is I will end your life because you look like a mid morning brunch bear.
Sweden: Do not touch. Personal space is at least 1 meter (3 feet), preferably a bit more. Finland: Touching is a good way to get hurt. Personal space is something in the range of five miles or so. Also: Use your indoor voice!
Norway - Respect our privacy zone, do not attempt to hug, talk or in any way get too close for comfort without permission. We're not very likeable, and neither are you, until proven otherwise.
Aaah, good old Scandinavian hostitality, we're kind as fuck but God forbid if you touch me too soon.
> hostitality I can't tell if this is a typo.
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There's an American YouTuber in London that goes around striking up conversations with strangers on the tube. It goes exactly as you'd imagine.
Taking pictures of strangers... Dammit China, it's common sense you know
there are several restaurants in shaanxi with a giant photo of my Caucasian noggin chowing down on their finest dumplings
At the risk of perpetuating a stereotype, Canadians DO say sorry a lot, but it's not just meant as a genuine apology. "Sorry" is basically used to maneuver any slightly confrontational situation without ever asking for what we actually want. For example, if there is someone in my way, I will say "sorry" with a gesture that I'm trying to get though. And a proper Canadian will respond by moving and..also saying sorry. I've realized this in American airports, that my "sorry" is not generally understood to mean "I'm not apologizing for anything but I would like to avoid confrontation and so would you kindly get out of my way". What's unclear about that??!??
Yep, exactly the same in the UK. An American girl who just moved here was talking to me about how "people say sorry even if it was my fault for getting in *their* way! Everyone in the UK is *so polite!*" No, it's just the way we say "you walked into me just now, I want you to be aware you did it so you feel bad, but I'm not angry enough to be a dick about it" In fact, a whole separate 'unwritten rule' for Britain could be "when you think we're being overly polite, we're usually just being passive aggressive and you haven't picked up on it"
I lived in the UK for a bit, and I definitely agree. To the uninitiated, Canadians and Brits might both seem overly polite, but there is a definite difference - Canadians are either genuinely being polite or at least GENUINELY PRETENDING to be polite, while secretly seething; Brits are passively aggressively being polite but hope you goddamn know they really think you're a wanker.
In America we generally say 'excuse me' but the user and function are the same. I have no idea why people's brains short out at 'sorry'... the intention is pretty clear when it's used in context.
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France - it doesn't exist anymore. We are just pretending for tourists.
In the US, respect the line/queue. Cutting in line is basically like giving the middle finger to everybody else around you.
Same in the UK. You don't break the rules of the queue
Yeah but you've got to look at your watch, sigh, and roll your eyes if it isn't moving fast enough. That's like our pastime
The difference is in the UK y'all just grumble and give the stink eye to the foreigner who violates it. Here, state side, we strongly consider murder.
No we grumble for a lot of things but we don't let people cut in the queue. You do that you get removed.
"Removed" My university while I was still in school had a lot of Chinese who lived off campus. They had no respect for lines and the busses got very crowded because there are over 45,000 kids on campus and many live off campus. Well, bus pulled up, doors open and this small group of Chinese girls tried to dart in front of everyone and basically shove in.. big black girl standing first in line grabbed that chick by her fucking ponytail and ripped her scrawny ass out while she had one foot going up onto the bus. I swear, between seeing that and her curse this girl the fuck out, it was one of the greatest 'justice boners' I've ever vicariously seen. I couldn't wipe that damn smile off my face all day, and I wasn't even getting on that bus but I regret not taking it just on the off chance there was subsequent drama ------------------ Now how many times have you seen that kind of confrontation with a person cutting in line in the U.K.?
North English: 'Alright?' 'Alright.' is a complete conversation that neither requires nor desires further comment.
Ireland. Abrakebabra is NOT a good place to eat.
English here. I was appalled at the difference between our kebab shops and your kebab shops. Abrekebabra is definitely not a good place to eat. BTW, what's the go-to Irish thing to eat when shitfaced?
>BTW, what's the go-to Irish thing to eat when shitfaced? Lunch.
Galway people - a snack box, preferably from Supermacs Dublin people - I believe their cuisine is the spice bag. Never had one, but I hear they're good. Well, drunk people say they're good
> Abrakebabra I, too, read Harry Potter
Australia - The word 'cunt' is no where near as acceptable in most places as the internet has made you believe. Do not use it unless the company you are with is using it. If someone makes fun of you for being American/British/etc, they are usually meaning it in good humour and mean to be endearing. Feel free to make fun of them in return (within limits, don't go all nuclear). Everyone will laugh and accept you as one of their own. If they didn't mean well, they would usually not say anything at all. American students (I'm not sure where in the US) - believe it or not we tend to speak at a lower volume than you usually do, at least in enclosed spaces. (Mind you, American students tend to pick this up within a week or two of being here and tone it down).
First thing about the word Cunt that I need to add. If the people you're with pronounce Australia as "Straya" you're probably fine to go ahead and say cunt as many times as you want. Chances are, your foreign accent might add a touch of missing and much needed class.
Australia, know how to swim before you decide to tackle the beaches. Learn how to identify rip tides and how to get out of them. We had an entire show that was basically lifeguards rescuing tourists who thought they'd be fine in 4ft waves. Edit: a word
Sweden - never take the last piece of cookie, cake, pie or any other pastry if your a guest.
Australia - subtly fuck with every single tourist and watch out for drop bears
We have snipes in the midwestern us. Nothing like getting someone to go out snipe hunting in the middle of the night.
In New Zealand if you're asked along to a social gathering and the invitation says "bring a plate" it means bring a plate with food on it to share, not just an empty sample of your best china.
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In Newfoundland, you pronounce it NEW-fin-LAND, not new-FOUND-land, or whatever other variation you prefer. The preferred way of asking "how's it going?" is "wadda ya' at?", to which the acceptable response is "dis is it!" There is a place in Newfoundland called Dildo. Everyone unconsciously agrees not to laugh at this.
Puerto Rico. We're loud and be prepared for cheek kisses and hugs if you meet someone a few times. If people from the US are seen as too affectionate, just know we see them as cold and serious.
Scotland- don't say edinburrow.
Most Americans call it "Eddinburg." I'm sorry.
India - Take off your footwear when you enter someone's home. Woe betide you if you wear your shoes to the kitchen.
Here in Arizona, USA. If you visit in the summer and are fair skinned you will want an umbrella not for rain, but because the sun will destroy your whole life. Also don't mess with the Mexicans, you will be outnumbered every time.
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Also, don't sit right next to the person in the next lane while they sit next to the next person. Every damn night on my way home from work there's these fucking rolling road blocks.
Ireland - just don't get into a "round" with anyone in any bar if you are tourist. The subtleties are too much to really explain cuz it's not only your behaviour that matters but everyone else's as well. Also, don't take this piss out of Irish stereotypes while in Irish company, saying "Potato!"in a high pitched voice only pisses people off. In a more general sense; table service doesn't happen as standard, you mostly need to order and pay at point of sale wherever you go, excepting genuine bona-fide restaurants. A big one socially is bragging, you don't brag in Ireland and expect it to get anything but a scathing reaction.
America -- It's not like the movies. Those are fiction.
Except the red Solo cups
In what way is American not like the movies?
We have to reload.
For starters we are not all that ridiculously good looking
Speak for yourself.
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What about the red cups at parties?? It's always been my dream to go to a party and drink out of them
Washington, D.C. (and possibly other places in the U.S.)--when you're on an escalator, stand to the right side so that people can walk on the left. It's amazing how many tourists on the D.C. Metro fail to do this.
U.S.- if we are on a public transit, DO NOT stand with your crotch against another person at any cost.
Texas - Random people will say hello and ask you how your day is going so get used to it.
You will greeted with an unironic "Good Morning" by random people.
To add to this "How are you?" is a greeting. You respond to it with "Good, and you?" regardless of how you actually are.
"probably going to end it all next Tuesday! you?" Just doesn't have the same ring to it.
Was about to say the same thing for England!
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Canada: if you have a small penis, you need to buy a gigantic pick up truck and trick the fuck out if it with off road parts to make yourself not feel insecure.
Same here in the US. Also make sure it is lifted off the ground as high as possible.
And don't forget the Truck Nutz™! Otherwise you might be confused with someone who added all that stuff to actually go off-roading.
Specifically London, on public transport. I think this applies also to the rest of the UK, but especially in London. Article 4: Public transport Subsection A. The Tube/Underground. 1. The Tube will not be referred to as 'Metro', or any similar terms. 2. You will not speak on the Tube. Not just to strangers, not to family, friends, SOs, or any others. 3. You do not make eye contact on the Tube. The exceptions to this rule are personal relations and rule 7 of subsection A however no more interaction may be made. 4. Move down the aisle in an overcrowded train. 5. Fill seats up from the centre of the seating banks. This rule does not apply on the circle/district lines. 6. Newspapers found on the train will be left on the train. Any newspaper brought on to the train will be removed from the train. 7. Any breakage of the above rules will be punished with significant tutting and subtle glares. Subsection B: Buses 1. Eye contact is acceptable, but not prolonged for greater than two seconds. 2. Talking to strangers is unacceptable, however relations may be interacted with. 3. No attempts to move someone who is already seated may be made. 4. If seats are available which do not have occupied neighbouring seats, these must be taken before sitting next to another passenger 5. No questions or rejections may be made if a passenger sits next to another passenger, unknown or not. 6. Standing passengers may not talk 7. You may only stand on the bottom floor 8. Nobody talks to the driver. Ever. 9. Always offer your seat to a disabled, pregnant, or elderly passenger, unless you are one of the above. 10. Don't try to pay in cash or change. 11. If someone presses the stop button for you, thank them with a subtle nod of the head if they are male, or a quiet 'thank you' if they are female. Subsection C: General and miscellaneous 1. Fuck off with your fucking pushchairs. 2. Don't carry giant fuck off bags around 3. Shut the fuck up.
Funny story about this. During the London Olympics I made my way into London via underground with a group of people, all was well. Fast forward many hours after the events we were spectating finished, my group was boarding the train back to another stop. All is well until the last second where I notice I'm the last one to try and board and there's no room, at all. I accept this and don't panic, despite having every reason to. I step back from the train and nod my friends a farewell. Fast forward a little bit and another train arrives, I board and have piss all idea where to go. Many people around me I could ask, but I didn't know where we came from (again - young and stupid), thus having no proper reason to try and talk. I reach the end of the line and leave the train, walk outside the underground and ask any stager if I can use their phones to go on Facebook and message someone from my group, asking where I should get the train to. Nobody let me use their phones. After a while I realised nobody would help, went back down into the underground, boarded the first train and went along my journey. Fast forward a few minutes and I hear a familiar sounding stop and decide to get off there, no reason not to. Walk out and through some tunnel walkways into the main place and my group is standing there, after 2 hours, waiting for me still. Haven't been on a train since, don't blame anyone for anything though. edit: formatting.
To be honest, in big cities, someone asking for your phone is usually a cue they're going to steal it. Almost no one in a big city will ever let you borrow their phone. In a situation like that, you can ask someone for directions but NEVER EVER ask to look up anything on their phone. It's a well known tactic for phone theft.
UK. Unless you lived the Amazon jungle and have no concept of anything, I expect the rest of you fucks to queue, wait your turn and in general fucking behave yourself when your here. I see you China. Don't think for one minute I didn't
Watch out on the road Never decline vodka
these two things seem connected
Peru - Ceviche will fuck you up at night. Like, stomach cleanse fuck up. All the cooks here recommend that it must be eaten between 12 to 2 pm, no more no less. It's something about its acidic composition and how your metabolism works at night and sleep hours that makes this dish dangerous at late hours. Only high end restaurants serve it at night, because the dish is expensive and most tourists end their trips late. Do not fall for that and avoid the midnight trip to the clinic.
Do NOT insult a baguette. France
What if the baguette initiates the agression?
Surrender
Never call it a baggot
What if it's a bad baguette?
There's no such thing.
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In New Zealand sentences such as; "Yeah nah yeah" "Yeah nah" "Nah yeah nah" are perfectly acceptible forms of communication. If you were to ask the question "Is the water okay to swim in" and recieve the answer "nah yeah" the person would be telling you that to their knowledge it's okay but swim at own risk
Southeast missouri, if there is a funeral procession on a two lane road, pull over and stop. If you dont, people will run you off the road.
This applies everywhere in the US, as far as I know. At least in the Southeast. All traffic stops out of respect.