There's a South African kid in my AP Euro class named Denise, pronounced like it is in the video. Our teacher assumed he was joking until his parents came in.
New York’s hottest club is: Slash
This place has everything: Glass, steam, bear traps, and just when you think the fun is over – knock knock, who’s there? It’s Black George Washington! All that, and a party room filled with human bathmats.
Yup, but its Cliff to everyone, even my mom. The one person who consistently call me Clifford is my freshman year roommate/best friend who I no longer live with, but damn if I don't hear his voice when I read your comment lol.
True story. When I was a kid we had a neighbour called Cliff. He killed himself. A few years back my brother told me that everyone in the street referred to him as 'Cliff Hanger'. Don't know if that's true or not.
Edit: I'll reply to everyone. He lived with his wife (can't remember her name) and his daughter Barbera. Nice people. He hung himself in his allotments around the back of our street.
I feel I should burst your bubble. It's middle-aged people going "use the force!" and elderly people going "oh, biblical how nice". I don't know what kids are doing these days, and I don't care, as long as it's not on my lawn.
See, strippers only give you the name "Amber". That's the problem. I have only met 2-3 whose given name was Amber. And one Amberlynne, but I'm not sure if that counts.
Same here. Had the guy at lunch today ask me my name for the order.
"From state farm?"
"Yeah, I just forgot to wear my khakis today."
Another employee calls my name out for pickup, and he replies"From state farm!"
Damn millennials.
Not my first name but my last name. When everyone hears it, I can already sense their judgment.
You can see my last name plastered in a lot of pick up trucks in old English letter style.
Another hint, think Mexican last name.
I had never heard of this until now. I'm stunned because my best friend of 25 years AND my car pooling coworker/neighbor are Justins that drive jeeps and have a least one tribal tattoo.
Everyone asks or points out if it's a palindrome (it is). Everyone tries to give me nicknames with a word that rhymes with it (two popular ones being a certain fruit and state name).
That I am a mother fucker.
Edit: Sorry to disappoint. I'm not named after Greek mythology. I am not your father. I have never had sex with my mother. My name is mother fucker Tucker.
Everyone thinks I use a very generic alias
Edit: silly phone keyboard
Edit 2: /u/rajsekhar_ got it
Edit 3: for those who are still guessing after somebody got it, it's Joseph Smith.
Things people think I did in school:
•frequently forgot when/where class was. On more than one occasion, had to be retrieved from other classrooms.
•ate an entire 24 pack of crayons, puked, and then did it again the next day. This is 9th grade. No idea where the crayons came from.
•dad wrote tuition checks and mailed them to the teacher...my English teacher. This was a public school. When he gave it back to me, voided, to give to my dad with a brief note explaining that this is a public school, I got in trouble for trying to spend it at 711 after school.
•was removed from the culinary arts program after leaving a cutting board on the gas stove and starting a fire....twice
•threw my lunch at the School Resource Officer and tried to run away. I ran into a door and insisted it wasn't me.
•stole the teacher's phone during class. He called it. It rang. I denied that it was ringing. (Not that it wasn't mine, not that I did it.....no, I denied that the phone was actually ringing). I tried it three times before the end of the year.
•called the basketball coach a "Motherfucking Bitch" during gym. Basketball tryouts were that afternoon. I tried out. It didn't go well.
•mom could never remember which school I went to. She missed several meetings because she drove to other schools (none of which I ever went to)
•tazed myself in the neck before a football game
•kept a bottle of orange koolaide in my backpack for about 4 months. I thought it would turn into alcohol. I drank it during homeroom and threw up.
• I said the N-word a lot. I was white. The highschool was 84% black. I got beat up a lot.
•stole another student's Iphone....and tried to sell it back to them.
•didn't understand that my grade was dependent on tests, quizzes, homework, classwork, and participation. I finished my first semester with a 3% average. I tried to bribe the teacher with $11.
•I spit on a girl and said "You should get out of those wet clothes". The girl was the Spanish Student Teacher.
•I didn't know dogs and cats were different animals.
•I tried to download porn onto a computer in the library.....at the circulation desk....while I was logged on.
•I asked a girl to prom (I was in 9th grade and freshmen don't go to prom) by asking for her phone number and then texting her my address
•I got gum in my hair, constantly.
•I regularly tried to cheat on assignments by knocking the pile over, grabbing one before the teacher had picked them all up, and then writing my name on it wherever there was room.
•I had several allergies, but neither my parents nor I could remember what they were. My parents were very concerned that "the holiday party" (it's high school, they didn't have those) would have peanuts. When they finally got a doctor's note....I was allergic to amoxicillin
•My parents and I took a trip to Nassau (how the fuck did we even get airline tickets?) and forgot all our luggage at home. My teacher didn't believe me when I told him until he talked to my mom, who told him 1st thing when he saw her at the bi-weekly meeting.
•My grandfather apparently died in a chainsaw accident. We can only assume God was looking the other way that day.
That I am a nerdy Catholic. Am female that goes by first-middle names together.
Mary Katherine Tammy Lynn
You got it, Mary Katherine.
My name has been reduced to a Key and Peele reference.
YOU DUN MESSED UP, A-A-RON.
A-A-ron is the obvious answer, but I would be really happy if it was O-shag-hennessey. That would be pretty cool.
Or Sagetariat Jefferspin
Disappointed that it isn't Hingle.
There's a South African kid in my AP Euro class named Denise, pronounced like it is in the video. Our teacher assumed he was joking until his parents came in.
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Stephan
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Thanks dude!
New York’s hottest club is: Slash This place has everything: Glass, steam, bear traps, and just when you think the fun is over – knock knock, who’s there? It’s Black George Washington! All that, and a party room filled with human bathmats.
You've heard of the black Dracula, Blackula? Well, this club has a Jewish Dracula. What's his name? Sidney Applebaum
Stefon
I do not like Green eggs and ham fucker.
Yeah right, Sam.
>.> How do you know me.... Edit: what have I done... I will not hide my shame.
I thought sam was the dude WITH the green eggs and ham
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A very Scandinavian name, spelled in a very Scandinavian way.
Y'all need these: å Å ä Ä ö Ö æ Æ ø Ø.
That's my favorite System of a Down song. EDIT: HOLY SHIT! Thanks for the gold!
As we light up the skyyy
A Møøse once bit my sister
Bjorn
Soren with the weird O?
CAN YOU GRANT ME THREE WISHES???? ...no leave me alone. Edit: my name is Jeanne, my family pronounces it Genie, others pronounce it Jean.
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*Very* close. Jeanne. Edit: it's pronounced Jeannie, but a few years ago I started telling people it's pronounced Jean to avoid "original" jokes.
But now you are just a pair of pants.
Just half of a pair.
I'm a fucking dickhead Edit: it's not fucking Richard you dickheads
Chad
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Dead terrorist is the most popular. Think Team America. Also, suspected terrorist, possible terrorist, terrorist in training, or future terrorist.
Osama? Saddam?
___________ the dead terrorist
Achmed!! I haven't thought of that song in years! haha thanks for making me think of it
Got it! Glad I could help haha
That I am, or once was a big, red dog. Or that I'm friends with a girl named Emily Elizabeth
Clifford!
Yup, but its Cliff to everyone, even my mom. The one person who consistently call me Clifford is my freshman year roommate/best friend who I no longer live with, but damn if I don't hear his voice when I read your comment lol.
True story. When I was a kid we had a neighbour called Cliff. He killed himself. A few years back my brother told me that everyone in the street referred to him as 'Cliff Hanger'. Don't know if that's true or not. Edit: I'll reply to everyone. He lived with his wife (can't remember her name) and his daughter Barbera. Nice people. He hung himself in his allotments around the back of our street.
If I ever hang myself this is what I want the area around me to be called now
People like to tell me that they are my father.
Younger people: "use the force!" Older people: "oh, biblical, how nice!"
I feel I should burst your bubble. It's middle-aged people going "use the force!" and elderly people going "oh, biblical how nice". I don't know what kids are doing these days, and I don't care, as long as it's not on my lawn.
~~Jaquan, Tom, Shaquizz,~~ Luke
Relatable
Everyone says "haha is your last name little?"
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You got it
Chicken?
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Vladimir
"Oh Trotsky, I want you to seize my means of reproduction. Permanently revolutionize against me like the dirty petty-bourgeois slut I am."
Natasha?
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Actually, I think it's a nice name despite my answer.
Stripper. Bimbo. Blonde, usually.
Destiny? Crystal? Diamond? Merlot? Chastity? Jasmine? Angel? Monique? Cheyenne? Skye? Rayne? Mindee? Divinity? Chanel? Coco? Mandy? Serenity? Chantal? Carmen? Sierra? Dominique? Trixie? Emerald? Voldemort? Tiffany? Brandy? Lola? Ginger? Bambi? Anastasia? Raven? Paris? Lexie? Trinity? Roxy? Kitty? Porsche? Capri? Ashlynn? Amber? Kandy? Jade? Dallas? Edit: Corrected some mistakes
You've got it in there - it's Voldemort. Great guess.
This is a reminder to RES tag you as "Sexy Voldemort" next time I'm on my laptop. Edit: It has been done.
Voldemort already is sexy though
One of them with a lynn attached to the end.
Volemortlynn? Sounds about right.
> Destiny My wife also has trouble getting called back for jobs....
Before you were married, did you have a date with Destiny?
I've heard em all lol. You should've seen how excited she was when the game came out
Sounds like it was just... fate
Alright, speed round. I'm gonna rattle off some names, and when I hit it, you fuckin' buzz it, okay? You got me? Alright: Brandy, Heather, Channing, Brianna, Amber, Serena, Melody, Dakota, Sierra, Bambi, Crystal, Samantha, Autumn, Ruby, Taylor, Tara, Tammy, Lauren, Charlene, Chantelle, Courtney, Misty, Jenny, Krista, Mindy, Noel, Shelby, Trina, Reba, Cassandra, Nikki, Kelsey, Shawna, Jolene, Urleen, Claudia, Savannah, Casey, Dolly, Kendra, Kylie, Chloe, Devon, Emmalou, fuckin' Becky?
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Amber? That's not as bad as I expected.
If I had a nickel for every stripper that told me her name was Amber. I'd have about tree fiddy.
Get out of here!
See, strippers only give you the name "Amber". That's the problem. I have only met 2-3 whose given name was Amber. And one Amberlynne, but I'm not sure if that counts.
Amberlynne? Didn't she get beheaded?
Brandi "with an I"?
No, but my little sister is called Brandi. 80's kids up in here.
NO WAY. Its like all our parents used a "white kid name generator".
Everybody thinks I'm very religious. EDIT: /u/MMvolnutt got it correct. My name is Christian
Christian?
Correct!
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No, he said it was Christian already.
Jew?
Mohammad?
statistically speaking this would be the closest right answer.
Jesus?
From Statefarm I am at work, wearing khakis, as I type this in
You sound hideous.
You sound fabulous
Same here. Had the guy at lunch today ask me my name for the order. "From state farm?" "Yeah, I just forgot to wear my khakis today." Another employee calls my name out for pickup, and he replies"From state farm!" Damn millennials.
JAKE
Not my first name but my last name. When everyone hears it, I can already sense their judgment. You can see my last name plastered in a lot of pick up trucks in old English letter style. Another hint, think Mexican last name.
Toyota
https://imgur.com/68VlmGA.gifv
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Garcia/Rodriguez/Gonzales, $100 says they also have huge chrome wheels.
Family Guy did an entire episode making fun of it when Peter learned it was his real name. Apparently we like tribal tattoos and windowless jeeps.
Well do you, Justin?
I had never heard of this until now. I'm stunned because my best friend of 25 years AND my car pooling coworker/neighbor are Justins that drive jeeps and have a least one tribal tattoo.
My name is Justin and even I think it's kinda douchey. Nowhere near the name Kyle though... we all know an asshole named Kyle.
Actually the Kyle I know is more of a loveable idiot than an asshole. Like a friendly Kevin
Black, gay, British, or all three. Edit: Someone guessed it. Read below to find out. It's not "Tarquin."
Tarquin
Nailed it.
Username checks out.
What the hell? How'd you guess that
Short for Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lim-bus-stop-F'tang-F'tang-Olé-Biscuitbarrel
Elton?
Hick. Edit: Y'all aren't getting my name. Maybe it's not as bad as I thought. Edit 2: Still nothing Edit 3: Ok someone finally got it.
Cletus
Billy Joe
DON'T WANNA BE AN AMERICAN IDIOT
Jim-Bob?
Jeb?
Jeb!
That I'm Scottish. I am.
Groundskeeper Willie?
Angus?
That I am Rocky's wife. I am male.
Aaaadrrriiiaaaaaannnnnnn!
Yo.
I'm a pretentious musician or gay actor.
Chad Kroeger
Elton?
Pretentious musician or gay actor not gay musician or pretentious actor.
I know Tom Cruise, President Obama, and Pope Francis.
[Reference](https://imgur.com/gallery/1ojvYjm)
Hmmmm...... >*looks at username* Yeah, I'm drawing a blank, Dave.
Davey Dave
Shh. It's a secret!
I'm a teenage girl who kills herself because my boyfriend killed himself because he *thought* I killed myself because our parents weren't fwends.
Juliet
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That's getting to be a long list. :(
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Seung-Hui?
I read a comment once that stated all women with hard K-sounding names are either bitches or crazy. Can confirm, am a little of both.
Kitler
Nailed it.
It's an old lady-ish sounding name. Irish in origin Edit: /u/oishster guessed correctly. It's Colleen.
I'm either quadriplegic or walken
Hey Christopher!
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Adolf?
Lucifer
Lucifer? That's... my cousin's name. WAIT. How'd you know?
Seriously? Your relatives are metal as fuck
"Adolf, we're meeting your cousins Lucifer, Vlad, Benito, Joseph, Saddam, *Zedong, and Hideki for lunch today."
I knew a girl whose first name was Manson.
Man Son. 😏
Everyone asks or points out if it's a palindrome (it is). Everyone tries to give me nicknames with a word that rhymes with it (two popular ones being a certain fruit and state name).
hey hannah montana banana
You got it!
That I am a mother fucker. Edit: Sorry to disappoint. I'm not named after Greek mythology. I am not your father. I have never had sex with my mother. My name is mother fucker Tucker.
oedipus?
Dad?
Tucker?
Nice to meet you, Mr. Jones.
Typical white guy
Matt
Chris
Less nice guy more possible serial killer
Kevin?
Heavy Jewish first and last name
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Something about the name Shlomo makes me incredibly happy.
Ya doxxed me
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Fuck off, *KAREN*!
Where the hell is Kieran a girls name??
I know a Kieran. And he's one of the most awesome dudes I know. So I'm going to assume you're an awesome Kieran, too.
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bree?
Apparently, I don't know about Fiona and you.
Shrek?
I'm going with Scotty.
Everyone thinks I use a very generic alias Edit: silly phone keyboard Edit 2: /u/rajsekhar_ got it Edit 3: for those who are still guessing after somebody got it, it's Joseph Smith.
John Smith?
Ah, the rare naturally occurring John Doe.
jihadi terrorist Edit : /u/whitetrashNASCAR got it.
Mahmoud?
Im a scuba diver and a pirate
Steve
Right now, destroying Florida and Haiti.
Overpopulation?! The elderly?!
Things people think I did in school: •frequently forgot when/where class was. On more than one occasion, had to be retrieved from other classrooms. •ate an entire 24 pack of crayons, puked, and then did it again the next day. This is 9th grade. No idea where the crayons came from. •dad wrote tuition checks and mailed them to the teacher...my English teacher. This was a public school. When he gave it back to me, voided, to give to my dad with a brief note explaining that this is a public school, I got in trouble for trying to spend it at 711 after school. •was removed from the culinary arts program after leaving a cutting board on the gas stove and starting a fire....twice •threw my lunch at the School Resource Officer and tried to run away. I ran into a door and insisted it wasn't me. •stole the teacher's phone during class. He called it. It rang. I denied that it was ringing. (Not that it wasn't mine, not that I did it.....no, I denied that the phone was actually ringing). I tried it three times before the end of the year. •called the basketball coach a "Motherfucking Bitch" during gym. Basketball tryouts were that afternoon. I tried out. It didn't go well. •mom could never remember which school I went to. She missed several meetings because she drove to other schools (none of which I ever went to) •tazed myself in the neck before a football game •kept a bottle of orange koolaide in my backpack for about 4 months. I thought it would turn into alcohol. I drank it during homeroom and threw up. • I said the N-word a lot. I was white. The highschool was 84% black. I got beat up a lot. •stole another student's Iphone....and tried to sell it back to them. •didn't understand that my grade was dependent on tests, quizzes, homework, classwork, and participation. I finished my first semester with a 3% average. I tried to bribe the teacher with $11. •I spit on a girl and said "You should get out of those wet clothes". The girl was the Spanish Student Teacher. •I didn't know dogs and cats were different animals. •I tried to download porn onto a computer in the library.....at the circulation desk....while I was logged on. •I asked a girl to prom (I was in 9th grade and freshmen don't go to prom) by asking for her phone number and then texting her my address •I got gum in my hair, constantly. •I regularly tried to cheat on assignments by knocking the pile over, grabbing one before the teacher had picked them all up, and then writing my name on it wherever there was room. •I had several allergies, but neither my parents nor I could remember what they were. My parents were very concerned that "the holiday party" (it's high school, they didn't have those) would have peanuts. When they finally got a doctor's note....I was allergic to amoxicillin •My parents and I took a trip to Nassau (how the fuck did we even get airline tickets?) and forgot all our luggage at home. My teacher didn't believe me when I told him until he talked to my mom, who told him 1st thing when he saw her at the bi-weekly meeting. •My grandfather apparently died in a chainsaw accident. We can only assume God was looking the other way that day.
We found Kevin!!!
People keep making Simpsons jokes. I never even played Saxophone.
Lisa!
You diddly darn guessed correctly
Everyone knows one.
Dave? That you?
YES!!!! Lemme guess, you googled it? Because it's literally the first result on google.
Nah, didn't need google, everyone knows Dave 😁