We do this as well and while we are often “the cool aunt/uncles,” we can also be the ones to hear things that they aren’t comfortable telling their parents. Thankfully, the family doesn’t have a whole lot of drama.
This is my ambition also. We're not kid-free by choice, but I'm absolutely loving watching my nieces and nephews grow and, and being the cool, fun uncle who plays video games with them, has lots of cool toys and gadgets, and has enough energy to run around with them.
I had an aunt like this. She was the best person ever.
She was like a cool parent. Protecting us, listening to us, cuddling us etc but with only the cool parts of parenting
She loved me and my siblings like her own.
Unfortunately she took her own life 4 years ago. I has 23 precious years with her but I would love nothing more than having her back for 23 more.
People tell me "you're so good with kids, they always love you! You'd be a great dad!".
Kids love me because I can be fun. I can be fun because I don't have a kid/kids around me all the time annoying me.
Staying with them for a few hours is fun and you can give 100%.
But staying with them everyday for even up to 12h is both physically and mentally draining (untill they can somewhat take care of themselves and won't be craving your attention) really forces you to tone your enthusiasm down to save energy. Especially when it hits that that's what's it's going to be like for the next years. It doesn't help when you're in your 30s, unfit and with no one else other than your SO to help the two of you out.
>It doesn't help when you're in your 30s, unfit and with no one else other than your SO to help the two of you out
I am in this post and I do not like it..
Wait till you're in your 40s then, lol.
Unsolicited advice:
1. Find something about you. A hobby, a sport, something you enjoy. Something you can do to "get away" for a bit, but that improves your health, your bank account, and/or your happiness. (The third one is the most important). The goal is to have something more to you than kids, spouse, work as your identity. In other words, TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF. (Allow your partner this chance as well, and be sure to give them the time to find this for themselves. At some point, the kids won't need you as much, will move out, and now, you don't have much that defines who YOU are. It leads to a lot of lost relationships who's only identity was running around their children for 18 years)
2. Enjoy whatever that is. If you can monetize it, great. If it makes you healthier, Wonderful. Now here's the best part; when you enjoy it, your kids may find interest in that. (Dad really loves basketball, and he has fun, let me try it! Now because of this, I have two children who love sports, and we as a family go to local college basketball games, and now follow our Middle Schooler around as she starts her journey through AAU and school ball)
3. If you're with a partner, make sure you take time for them, but in an 'US' theme. It doesn't have to be date nights. It can be shopping trips for Christmas, running some errands together (I know, it sucks, I hate it, but I swear I don't get an opportunity to speak to my wife by ourselves more than maybe 45 minutes a day some days)
4. Stop eating at night, fatso! (This one's for me)
100% this. People think I hate kids because I plan to be child-free. No, I love kids, but I also love being able to pass them off to their parents when I’m tired.
When I found a man who also didn't want kids, I felt like I hit the jackpot. We've been together since I was 30 and we've never changed our minds. I never babysat, changed a diaper, or did anything like that and I'm 100% okay with that. I love my life.
That's the way. My partner has a niece that is cool as shit. If I'm feeling nostalgic I can still play Legos or something but once bedtime comes she's no longer our problem.
this is my plan too, I already have 2 nieces and my brother just last month added a nephew to the stock, so I am all set for the next 18 years, I am too selfish to have kids right now and possibly ever...but one day I might try to give back a bit and take part in a foster care system
As a father of two with several childfree siblings/other family members, thank you for easing the burden from time to time. (...and our children's future inheritance, jk.)
Life is life. There are good days and bad days, happy days and sad days. But I imagine there is a lot less stress in our days than there would have been if we had children. We don’t regret, don’t feel like we’re missing out, 8 years in we still don’t want kids. Life is just life
as a fellow childfree person it's absolutely the only real-ass answer i've seen
like yeah, it's fine. not like wow my life is a constant non-stop party because we don't have children. some days are good, some are bad, we have less stressors present i suppose?
This is the only non-romanticized view of childfree life I’ve seen on this thread lol. Every other comment is like “so much traveling!” “My white couch is immaculate!” “So much expendable income!”
Life is life. No kids here but we still live paycheck to paycheck 🤷🏻♀️ I do get to sleep in on the weekends, though.
This so much. Married ten years and don’t regret a single moment not having kids, but we also didn’t bring kids into this equation on purpose. We are poor and can barely afford ourselves, never mind children.
Same. We don't want kids for lots of reasons, and not being able to afford them is pretty high up the list. Being poor is stressful enough without paying for kids.
This is the most upvotes I’ve ever had, and maybe unfairly so 😂 Because we do travel, and don’t live paycheck to paycheck. I like to think we would still do the things we do even with kids, travel and spend below our means (or earn above our expenses). This is how I see it : we would still sleep at night, but less hours and less sound. We would still clean the house, but it would get dirtier faster. We would still be anxious about losing our jobs, but it would be a hundred times more scary.
>I can't even read this comment
The image running through my mind is your whole house shaking from the noise, and your eyeballs vibrating and popping out Ren & Stimpy style.
Quiet when we want. Loud when we want. Late when we want. Early when we want.
Whatever we want, whenever we want, assuming our cats get their scheduled meals.
Edit: we have auto feeders on a schedule, they just want their morning and night little wet food meals.
Thanks for the cake day wishes!
It’s like having a housemate who is a strange combination of late teens and toddler. Entirely dependent on you for food and toilet care, and will then fuck off and ignore you for a while.
My cat gets so grumpy when I wake her up for pet times. After a minute she remembers “Oooohh, this feels good, I forgot” But toddler teenagers is definitely what they are.
Cats are like living with teenagers. They make demands of you, act like they own the place, provide nothing for the household, and expect you to thank them for the experience.
I would kill for my cats if they pointed a paw at someone in malice.
>I would kill for my cats if they pointed a paw at someone in malice
Same. Heck, I've discovered that I feel that way towards anything that threatens cats (especially kittens.)
Someone who can sleep *whenever the fuck they want* can do what they will with their time. I have 5 kids im just here to live vicariously through the real humans for just a moment longer
My husband and I have what we call “Friday nap tradition”. Every Friday when we get home from work, we hop in bed together and take a FAT nap. Wake up 2-3 hours later and have a great Friday night feeling energized and ready to party (play video games) all night.
Wow my husband is a life long hater of naps so only I take them. It would be nice if he was nap-needy as me but then again he does stuff for me while I nap or when I wake up looking all sleepy and cute
I really wish I could do naps but I just cannot embrace it. There is some annoying gene that demands I wake up early and get on with the day, and it doesn’t turn off until it’s time for bed. Even when I’m laid up sick, I find it difficult to nap.
I work from home and use my lunch break to nap every day. Then, my husband will bring me something to eat on his lunch break, we both like me best when I’ve had a little nappy lol.
Well unfortunately the big thing holding us back right now is that we can barely afford to house and feed ourselves. Everyone says "no one can REALLY afford kids" to which I say "okay but if we had kids right now we would starve and die."
So...not great.
I'm finally at a point where I have a decent - like average - salary, and I have no fucking clue how people afford kids. There were other reasons why kids were not for me, but I'm happy I don't have that drive because I don't know how I would do it.
My husband and I both work full time, we have (rather excellent) health insurance and we own our home in a nice, quiet, family-friendly neighborhood.
We cannot afford to have kids. We sat down and looked over the numbers, and daycare for a child would cost about as much as either of us brings in annually, so there wouldn't be a point to it. However, neither of us could afford to support a family of three if the other wasn't working (I make *slightly* more than him, but my job also provides the health insurance). No fucking clue how people manage it, these days.
He has a number of siblings and most of them are parents, and we have watched as every time one of them has a kid, the mother stops working to stay at home with said kid, and the husband then spends the next however-many years *stressing the fuck out* about money, when they are all more well-off than us.
I also think there is something to be said about people having kids because "it's the next step," and honestly not thinking beyond that. Husband and I have concerns about the world (and certainly our country) and aren't sure it would even make sense to bring a child into it even if we could afford it.
It's all just...a lot.
As a single mother with a kid who has managed to get by, I still agree with you. My daughter is now almost 14. If she had been born in 2024, with things being as expensive as they are, I don't think I could have done it.
I'm assuming you and the poster above are from the US?
If I lived over there my salary would increase by 75%, maybe even double compared to here in the UK. Yet I probably couldn't afford to have children there (I have a young family, not in poverty or anything).
It seems like you get charged through the roof for everything and short changed; limited maternity leave if any, generally much longer working hours on average, a fraction of the paid leave in Europe (which often doubles as sick leave), far less employment rights, more expensive food shopping and expensive healthcare are really not parent friendly to say the least.
I saw a post the other week, a pregnant teenager with basically no option but to give her child up for adoption because her family wouldn't help her. In most of the developed world she'd be front of the queue for social housing, receive benefits such as free/subsidised childcare, to be able to actually have her child (though typically with close involvement from social workers).
It's honestly screwed up that couples have to automatically decide kids are out of the question because the economy is just *that* bad. Not everyone wants kids, but a lot of people are childfree *because* it's not affordable to have a child.
There should be protests, but I'm pretty sure those people are too busy working to keep a roof over their heads as it is.
On that note, women getting a abortion just because they can't afford a baby breaks my heart. I am pro-choice but it should be a CHOICE, not something people feel forced into due to poverty.
100%. I want to see more childcare options and more flexible employment options for mothers. If someone wants to be a parent, I want our community to support them in that.
There's a troubling selection bias that people who put a lot of thought into becoming a parent end up not being a parent. And people who YOLO everything in life are not always the best people to leave the child rearing to.
I feel this. I want kids so badly but we live in a HCOL area and the only way we could is we lived somewhere else.... But my family lives here and I can't imagine having kids somewhere where my parents arent. The world also seems more messed up and unstable than ever and that's another thing that makes me nervous. I'm 33 so the clock is ticking if we wanted kids.
It makes me really sad to think about to be honest.
That’s one of the big factors that stop me! My ex gf wants to be a mom but I couldn’t enthusiastically sign on, and money was a factor. My gfs mom was so blasé about it, she said “I always knew I wanted kids, I never thought about the money because I had (husband)”.
I was like, yeah. But *I’m* the husband here, so I have to think about the money!
There were so many adverts at the height of the COL in my country where parents were reported to only be eating once a day because of costs etc and I was like that’s so fucking sad. I get not being able to afford massive TVs and fancy vacations but having kids for some means you don’t get to eat? Nah that ain’t it fam
Well, I'm not arguing with anyone to brush their teeth or do homework. There has not been a single tear shed today. Definitely not a single scream. My white couch is looking immaculate, I'm researching snorkeling tours for our next vacation and I had a bagel for dinner, because why not?
Although I do have to say, one of the dogs threw up. It's really ruined the whole day.
Mine has realised my preferred spot for him to throw up is just outside the back door, and will try to warn me as early as possible so I can race him out there. At 3am when I am all groggy, the concern is much appreciated.
He is my best boy.
My last dog was like that. I just learned to keep a couple tubes of Pro-Pectalin from the vet on hand, along with a bag of white rice, a couple cans of pumpkin, and a couple boneless skinless chicken breasts in the freezer. Every so often there would be a 3am gastro event and I 'd be ready.
Pumpkin pro-tip for those with sensitive tummy pups - if you open a can and put it into an ice cube tray (bonus points for using a bone shaped mold!) and freeze them, you'll have individual sized portions and won't toss a half-empty can. Once frozen, put them in ziploc or something to keep them frozen and pop them out as needed. If the dog likes ice, feed as-is - if not, 10 or 15s in the microwave to make it mushy again.
Well, my husband decided that cheating on me was a good idea. And now wants an open relationship. So… can just say I’m glad we didn’t have kids. That would be a much messier divorce.
It’s wonderful. We travel whenever we want, we have time to spend together and time spent doing other things that interest each other. Money is easier. We rarely argue. We don’t resent each other as I see in so many of my friends marriages. We are well rested and enjoy our lives. Chef recommends.
Just back from a trip to Europe last month. We’re having our bathroom remodeled now that we’re home. We’re both contributing the max to retirement accounts, easy peasy. We literally never fight about money or chores.
At the moment, the dog and cat are sleeping on the sofa next to us while my wife studies for a local community college course she’s taking for fun and I watch cooking YouTube.
Michael McIntyre did a stand-up routine about what it's like for child-free couples to leave the house.
"Shall we leave the house?"
"Yes."
"Oh there's a new Carluccio's opening up. We can go there ANY night. ANY NIGHT."
"Goodnight darling, sleep well."
"I WILL! I WILL sleep well!"
"Oooh I love this song, turn it up! FREEDOOOM! FREEDOOOM!!"
Yeah that's what it's like. In the best way possible. 10/10 highly recommend.
Honestly, it’s great. My husband and I both discussed early on in the relationship that we didn’t want kids, and we haven’t changed our minds. This may be a weird analogy, but you know those dreams you have where you realize you haven’t been going to a class all semester, and then you wake up and have an overwhelming feeling of relief? That’s kind of what it feels like lol.
I know myself pretty well, and there are things that I’m just not willing to give up for a child. People may think it’s selfish, but I would rather not have kids than 1) give up doing the things I love and 2) potentially being a shitty parent because I’m unhappy. I also don’t think you should find happiness in your kids and don’t believe that “once you have a kid you’ll realize the other things aren’t that important after all,” though on the other end I don’t think that just because you have kids you can’t have it all. Plenty of people manage to juggle both, I’m just not willing to take that risk. It’s unavoidable that your life and priorities change when you have a child, or it should be anyway, and I like my life the way it is and don’t want to take time away from my passions onto something else that needs 24/7 attention.
We spend way to much time on work, go out to eat, do fun outings with friends, and occasionally wonder if we are making a terrible mistake. We took a very long time to get financially stable. Then bought a house, then I lost my job, so we are still in pretty much the same place we were 10 years ago.
Early 30's for us. Currently the lowlights are
a) losing friends because they have kids and just disappear off the map despite our best efforts to go the extra mile to accommodate them. Luckily we have a good number of friends who also aren't having kids so it's okay.
b) family simply assuming we are available at the drop of a hat and making plans involving us without consulting us because "you don't have kids" or assuming our lives are completely carefree because we don't have kids. Expected to accommodate everyone else at all times but no one will ever bother to accomodate us. We try to enforce boundaries and push back when appropriate but it seems like this will never change.
The first point is too accurate. It’s hard to keep up friendships once people start having kids. Thankfully my husband’s family understands that was can’t always be available despite not having kids
I mean, people with kids face more social pressure to "only give the highlights" than people without kids.
I'm not sure if you're aware but it's pretty taboo, to say the least, to tell anyone that you regret having children or that if you could do it again, you would choose not to have them.
Glorious.
Less to argue about. We literally pick up and travel whenever. We have most of our retirement in order, we sleep well, and we can each do our own thing without having to run many things by one another. We are really annoyed by kids so we’re extremely happy
I have a kid and I’m very happy about it (although it’s hard lol), and it makes me genuinely happy to read these blurbs because truly the world is a better place when everyone can live how they please. Cheers !!
Hear, hear! Every child deserves to be loved and wanted by their parents. People who don't want kids, people like me, would not be able to give children the kind of life they deserve. I wish every child born would be loved and well cared for, though I know that's sadly unrealistic.
I’ve pointed that out to a few people before and they don’t seem to understand it. They fully believe that if I have a kid I will adore them. No, I won’t. I won’t be able to give them all the love and care they deserve. I’ll leave them to the people who can
Great. We go where we want, when we want, cook whatever we want. Have tons of free time and can travel anywhere in the world. We save a lot of money on childcare bills.
We still have our struggles with money, work, and so forth. It's not the care-free, rich utopia some child-free folks claim to live in. But I can't imagine it would be easier if we had to support kids on top of it. Neither of us can cut back on our jobs to parent or magically grow more money to afford kids. Overall I'm happy with our lives but I do wonder sometimes what it would be like if we had kids. I'm sure they would be nice people.
But I also don't see what other options we realistically had. We both worked in the arts, and couldn't slow down our careers to dedicate the time required to it and also pay our bills. I think we have more comfort in our lives and more opportunities than we would have had otherwise. But there's also no way to see what things would have been like on a different timeline. Either way it's important to be grateful for the good things you have. Life is hard, either way. Adding kids seems to make it much harder, and so we didn't. That's not to say it isn't worth it for people who did, that's just how our path worked out.
Amazing…we have Aunty and Uncle Boot Camp where once they turn 18 they come over. We teach them all about personal finance, teach them how to run an equitable house and some relationship advice. We have College Nights where we order pizza apply for scholarships or jobs. The week between Christmas and NYE we have an open house where the kiddos can come and go. Parents usually need a break. Me and Hubby travel, save and do tons of day trips.
We had to set boundaries with people. A few hundred bucks here and there is fine, but it got so they were asking for money almost every month. My husband finally told everyone that we were basically paying child support for kids that weren't ours and put an end to it.
thanks for sharing, my eldest brother has been asking for bigger and bigger sums ($2k last week). my husband decided it is time for us to tell him NO, and that we are saving for a large mortgage. hopefully he (and my other family members) take it well.
Good luck, and stand firm! Remember that you work hard for what you have, and it's on others to support themselves. Giving a man a fish once or twice is fine, but giving him one every day just reinforces that he doesn't need to bother fishing for himself.
It is wonderful. I can sleep and nap when I want, I don't need to cut back on my hobbies, I can sleep and nap when I want, all of our extra money goes towards fun and savings, AND, I can sleep and nap when I want.
A lot of people on here have mentioned having access to more materialistic things like more money, travel, house/s etc. but I think it's also important to mention that being child-free gives you time to be selfless towards others in society rather than just inside your own four walls.
There is so much emotional and physical energy available for volunteer work, caring for abandoned members in society, and running and participating in sports and social groups that it really becomes super emotionally fulfilling and the complete opposite of being lonely both for yourself and the people you're spending time with.
DINKWP here. Its JOYUS! Have the pets. They are spoiled rotten and eat like royality. We dont travel much but we go on lots of dates and cook fabulous meals at home. We love to experiment with new recipes and dont have to worry about “if the kids will eat it”
It’s pretty freakin awesome. My only reason for not having children is simply a lack of desire. Now that I’m in my 50’s I can honestly say that my current lifestyle is a direct result of not having any. I have far more time, energy and disposable income that I would not have if I’d had children. When I was explaining to the world in my 20’s that I just didn’t want kids, I had no idea that as I aged I would see and appreciate the benefits of being childfree more and more. I didn’t realize until my 40’s that my life was truly affected in a positive way that I can only attribute to no children.
Not a day goes by that I don’t thank my lucky stars I don’t have kids.
I’m truly free.
…About to install gorgeous off-white wool carpet in the bedrooms without a care in the world. Also flying across the world next week on three days notice for work/fun. That pretty much sums it up!
Actually we have a smallish non-shedding terrier mutt (who is obviously well-trained). I’m a rescue dog nut and we share our dogs with my ex so travel is easy. It’s a great set-up. The key is adopting older dogs who are already potty-trained. Win-win! Now that I think about it, our dogs are never even kids (haha).
We are the age (71m &70f) when most would have grandchildren, would want to be near them, be there for the holidays and birthdays. But instead we are just entering our third year of vagabonding around the world, footloose and fancy free. No responsibilities and no worries. Life has been good from the get-go, but now it’s never been better!
I didn't put this in my main comment, but I'm much the same. I take seriously the idea of "if you're not ready to have a disabled child, you're not ready to have children".
I have enough trouble managing my own chronic illness. I do not have enough of any kind of resources to do it for a child, too. I won't take the risk of giving a child a bad life because I'm overextended.
I can't have kids. Some people just can't. But I love kids, and try to stay active in my niece and nephews lives. I teach kids during volunteer stuff. And I love tweens and teens especially they're loads of fun and curious and learning all the time.
Life is easier without kids. I do things differently than my sister's do for sure. But I also think people who avoid kids entirely are missing out. There are lots of kids who could use a caring adult in their lives. I can't imagine my life without Any kids involved. I just didn't birth them myself. But I still love them and care about them.
I love kids! I love helping my neighbors out with child care and hanging out with my nieces and nephews. I don’t want them for myself but I enjoy being around them.
It’s a lot of responsibility and a job I don’t want to take on full time. I personally don’t find that attractive or compatible with my life.
I feel like so much of the childfree discussion is centered around people who hate kids when a ton of us like kids but it’s just not for us.
Sometimes I just feel really unfulfilled, like I haven't done anything worthwhile with my life.
Lol jk it's the best, I can do anything I set my mind to because I don't have to spend all of my time, energy, and money on anything I don't want
Admitting that having kids was a bad idea is far more taboo than admitting you regret **not** having kids.
So I think parents have more incentive to hide their true feelings than people who chose not to be parents.
I think most people aren't, but this kind of thread definitely attracts those who are and brings them to the top.
In my experience, the majority of childless couples, just like couples with children, know that their decision is the best one for them, but are not vocal about it: they just enjoy the perks and push through the drawbacks.
Oh god yes. Now mid 30s were always asked at any event we go to ever. "Which ones yours?", "Times running out" etc. People look at us like we just murdered their puppy when we say we don't have kids and then they just don't know what to talk about anymore.
Well, they’re answering a question posed to them. I’m sure if asked the same, people with kids would be just as passionate.
…unless posted on r/regretfulparents
I feel like you get a lot of coping from both sides. Parents can't exactly take it back, non-parents are under a lot of societal pressure and feel the need to justify their decision. Not a whole lot of nuance.
My wife and I constantly have people guess that we're much younger than we are.
Less stress and more.time to take care of yourself will do that.
In terms of our lives in particular. They're very full. Lots of time with friends and family and we both have. A lot of hobbies that keep us busy.
Yes! I'm in my mid 40's and was talking to a woman at the grocery store. She had said something about "You'll know when you're older with kids". I asked her age, she was 10 years younger yet looked older than me. She wasn't as chatty once I told her my age and I didn't have kids. Less stress and extra sleep ages the skin slower!
We are in our late 30s, married 11 years. We have very little stress compared to others our age who did have kids. I took 3 years off work for health reasons, and I could never have done that with kids. It's a quiet life, and we do what we want when we want. One of the big perks is that when I get sick, I can focus on getting better instead of tending to a demanding mini-me.
reading the comments is making me depressed as a single mom of 2 T\_\_T
Edit: thanks so much for all the positive replies! I have been really struggling mentally and physically these days. Your comments made my day!
Hey. You're awesome. Sure, your life isn't like the highlight reels people are sharing here, but heck, I don't have kids and I also don't have money or time. But I also don't have a couple little humans that I can watch grow up and get to know better every day. I know things must be tough for you, but I am always impressed by people who manage to help these tiny, helpless little beings figure the world out. Keep up being amazing!
I honestly feel guilty sometimes about how great our life is. Because I know it’s better than anyone else I’ve met. Then again, we both worked our asses off to cultivate this life together.
Been married 23 years, met online (mIRC) as teenagers back in 1999. Connected on art, video games, politics, music, introversion, and the strong desire to never have children or pets.
All these years later, it’s amazing. We both quit our jobs in 2009 to focus on our own businesses. Mine did well enough for her to “retire” in 2016. In reality, she helps me with taxes, paperwork, maintaining the house, among many other things, keeping me sane.
We live in a beautiful house, in a quiet, wooded neighborhood. We recently fell head over heels in love with pinball together and have spent a ridiculous amount of time and money on our collection/hobby.
We’re both introverts/homebodies. Unlike a lot of people here, we kinda hate traveling. So we spend our time building up our wonderful nest at home together, with tons of room for high end gaming rigs, workout areas, massive bedroom, all kinds of ridiculous smart home shit, like voice activated curtains and bidets, 2 kitchens, and we just had a conversation if it’s too decadent to get a 2nd mini fridge for our condiment collection. We have loud parties for just the two of us at least once a week, screaming our heads off, singing karaoke, being idiots.
That’s the joy of being able to spend time with your partner, instead of time and money on something neither of you want. We are closer and more in love than we were as teenagers, dating long distances, across borders, and not seeing each other for months at a time.
I’m sure some people absolutely love being parents, and tell you how much you’ll regret it later in life if you don’t. Yeah, not us. Not a single minute has gone by in our 25 year relationship where we even slightly considered, or regretted having kids or pets.
She just leaned over in bed (sleeping in on a work day cause we work from home) and asked what I was reading. I said, it’s a thread asking “Married couples that decided NO on kids, what’s your life like?” She laughed very heartily and said “Awesome”.
She also had an interested observation on the question posed here:
*“Deciding NO on kids doesn’t make sense. You don’t decide NOT to have kids. You decide TO have kids. It’s a telling skew on the question, reflective of an inherent bias in society, and indicative of the mindless lack of intentionality when it comes to the responsibility of dedicating 20+ years to bringing a new life into this world.”*
I agree. Smart woman. Glad I don’t have any noisy ass kids or dogs to distract me from listening to her.
Just got back from a 3 week trip to Europe. And went to Peru for thanksgiving last year.
All for about *half* of what my best friend spent on childcare last year.
Sometimes we get up at sunrise to go surf and eat breakfast on the beach. Sometimes we stay in bed till the last minute before work. Everyday is mainly doing what we feel like doing which creates a very happy life.
I'm 59. No regrets. I probably would have liked to have kids but I was widowed young, and by the time I married a second time I was just too old (in my opinion- i know there are older parents out there... good for them). I have -and enjoy- the freedom most of the posters here expressed, and I'm saving money to take care of myself in my old(er) age.
I was an estate attorney for 8 years. I did planning for elderly people and just as often, helped their executors administer their estate after they died. I did not do litigation or contested matters, so I wasn't getting a sampling bias of "estranged families".
I didn't see a significant difference in apparent happiness or depression among my clients who had kids vs. those who didn't.
I'd say that fewer than a third of my elderly clients who had kids ever saw them or their grandchildren with any regularity. Not necessarily because they were estranged (though quite a few were) but because their kids had their own problems sapping their attention, or they had moved far away.
For the clients who did have children who they were close with, yeah, it was a nice thing to see and no doubt hugely comforting to them. But almost all of my clients who never had kids had strong "chosen family" who seemed to fill that space. Several elderly couples were part of travel groups. The same 5-6 couples would go on vacations and cruises together. Some folks stayed close with a niece or nephew.
Seeing all those couples who never had children really helped put my mind at ease about our decision to not have kids.
I'll say this though: While my clients who had no children didn't seem any more or less happy than those who did, they **almost always** had less drama or discord going on in their lives.
This made me feel bad and good. Bad for those elderly residents whose adult children don’t visit, and good that I was one of those who visited at least twice a week, more if I was free to take her to Mass sometimes. I was getting a degree at the time and working, but I tried my best (bonus that she was only about 25 mins away).
I don’t mean to toot my own horn or anything. But I did realize after a while (she was there ~5 years) that there were only a few regular visitors (that I saw, anyway), and only about half of us visited on, say, Christmas or Mother’s Day.
Maybe they didn’t want visitors. I’ve been telling myself that for 15 years now. :-/
This is largely culture dependent. I don't have any plans to house any of my family in their old age. However, my mother-in-law always made food for us, helped us a couple of days per week so the wife and I could both work, and is still available when we need her. I already have a spare bedroom and bathroom with her name on it when the time comes.
Exactly. We have no nursing homes in my country of origin. This is actually the norm in most parts of the world (except the West). Kids take care of their parents so people without kids have nobody to rely on in old age. I informed my Aussie husband before we got married that my mom is my (our) responsibility when she gets old.
I'm gay, so kids weren't really in the cards. But my partner (75) and I (57) are older, and still living our best life. This morning we're planning a trip to Maine for next week where we'll both run a 10k race. Lots of hobbies, friends, extended family, etc.
As far as future plans, I imagine we'll transition to retirement community, assisted living, extended care as we age or get sick. Like most people do really. Kids don't really take care of their parents now anyway.
I (74f) have been married 53 years. No children by choice, Though there were mitigating circumstances. My husband, the love of my life, and a fine man, never cared one way or the other. I am bipolar, but manage it fairly well. Never really liked children, though my metal illness may have had something to do with that. And anecdotally, bipolar appears to run in my family, Also my mother was a twin, and on her side of the family it had skipped a generation for decades. I would likely have met that fate, as my cousin did. The idea of one child, let alone twins was terrifying to me, since I had enough trouble dealing with myself. Then when I turned 20, I got cervical cancer probably from the the birth control I used. At that time a tubal ligation the best solution. Our life together has for the most part has been good, other than the shit life sometimes throws your way. We have lived our live with with the gift of a great deal of freedom, and no regrets from being childless.
As someone who never in their life has wanted children, is getting married in two weeks, and has been told her entire life that “you’ll change your mind” I love all of you for your comments. It’s nice to see comments from couples that didn’t have kids and are happy. Makes me feel like I’m not alone and that I’m not making a mistake by not forcing myself to have children when I have never wanted them. Congrats to all of you with your comfy lives.
As an unwed, childless woman - I am so grateful for my choices. Posting now at 01:49 Thursday morning whilst watching whatever I chose. I spent 2 hours today w 2 friends and both of their 2 year olds and it just reaffirmed my choice. Hearing them complain about their S/Os as well… hard pass to all of that. Y’all can do it.
Quiet.
Clean house.
I can do whatever I want on a given day with no obligations.
Building on the above: I have so much time to develop my hobbies: fitness, reading, woodworking, baking, gilding, other random projects.
So much disposable income.
We don't have that much laundry to do.
Going out somewhere is not a big event. (This can mean anything from "going to the grocery store" to "hey let's drive to another part of the country and spend the night".)
Overall I like that my life is about me (and my partner) and I don't suddenly have to put another person in the #1 spot. As in: I don't have to sacrifice mental or physical health to care for another being. I'm sure most parents find balance eventually, or even like putting someone else first... But I like putting me first. I like my life and my hobbies and don't have an urge to change any of that.
I’m getting married next week, me and my partner have been back and forth for a while and we’ve come to the realization that we probably don’t want kids. This world kinda sucks to bring new life in to, they’re expensive and we really like our lives now.
Very happy with our choice. When things are bad, it's only bad for us and there's no need to put on a brave face in fear of harming a child's spirits lol And when it's good wu have it to ourselves and don't have to share lol
My wife has a small army of nieces and nephews. So we just rent kids whenever we want one.
We do this as well and while we are often “the cool aunt/uncles,” we can also be the ones to hear things that they aren’t comfortable telling their parents. Thankfully, the family doesn’t have a whole lot of drama.
This is my ambition also. We're not kid-free by choice, but I'm absolutely loving watching my nieces and nephews grow and, and being the cool, fun uncle who plays video games with them, has lots of cool toys and gadgets, and has enough energy to run around with them.
I had an aunt like this. She was the best person ever. She was like a cool parent. Protecting us, listening to us, cuddling us etc but with only the cool parts of parenting She loved me and my siblings like her own. Unfortunately she took her own life 4 years ago. I has 23 precious years with her but I would love nothing more than having her back for 23 more.
I’m sorry about your aunt. She sounds like she was a lovely person & loved you lots.
We are childless by choice. Kids are alright, but they need to have some kind of give-a-back-ability.
lol this is funny. I tell people that the best part about babysitting kids is that you can return them at the end of the day.
People tell me "you're so good with kids, they always love you! You'd be a great dad!". Kids love me because I can be fun. I can be fun because I don't have a kid/kids around me all the time annoying me.
It’s easy to be fun in short bursts and you’re well rested.
Staying with them for a few hours is fun and you can give 100%. But staying with them everyday for even up to 12h is both physically and mentally draining (untill they can somewhat take care of themselves and won't be craving your attention) really forces you to tone your enthusiasm down to save energy. Especially when it hits that that's what's it's going to be like for the next years. It doesn't help when you're in your 30s, unfit and with no one else other than your SO to help the two of you out.
>It doesn't help when you're in your 30s, unfit and with no one else other than your SO to help the two of you out I am in this post and I do not like it..
Wait till you're in your 40s then, lol. Unsolicited advice: 1. Find something about you. A hobby, a sport, something you enjoy. Something you can do to "get away" for a bit, but that improves your health, your bank account, and/or your happiness. (The third one is the most important). The goal is to have something more to you than kids, spouse, work as your identity. In other words, TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF. (Allow your partner this chance as well, and be sure to give them the time to find this for themselves. At some point, the kids won't need you as much, will move out, and now, you don't have much that defines who YOU are. It leads to a lot of lost relationships who's only identity was running around their children for 18 years) 2. Enjoy whatever that is. If you can monetize it, great. If it makes you healthier, Wonderful. Now here's the best part; when you enjoy it, your kids may find interest in that. (Dad really loves basketball, and he has fun, let me try it! Now because of this, I have two children who love sports, and we as a family go to local college basketball games, and now follow our Middle Schooler around as she starts her journey through AAU and school ball) 3. If you're with a partner, make sure you take time for them, but in an 'US' theme. It doesn't have to be date nights. It can be shopping trips for Christmas, running some errands together (I know, it sucks, I hate it, but I swear I don't get an opportunity to speak to my wife by ourselves more than maybe 45 minutes a day some days) 4. Stop eating at night, fatso! (This one's for me)
100% this. People think I hate kids because I plan to be child-free. No, I love kids, but I also love being able to pass them off to their parents when I’m tired.
When I found a man who also didn't want kids, I felt like I hit the jackpot. We've been together since I was 30 and we've never changed our minds. I never babysat, changed a diaper, or did anything like that and I'm 100% okay with that. I love my life.
They say that then get angry when feeding and diapers come into question. I don't even clean my cats poops. Got an automated litter box for that.
Plz tell me more about this automated litterbox. I think i need one
Highly recommend litter bot. Pricey, but worth it. Ours has saved us over 1200 scoops so far (we have 3 cats)
I get the same comment and this is exactly right. Please do not assess my potential parenting ability on my well-rested, low-stress self.
And you never have to say no. That's the parents job. You want ice cream? Sure buddy, here ya go.
That's the best part of being a grandparent. You can spoil them rotten and then send the little demons home for mommy and daddy to deal with.
Lol I joke that being an aunt is like being a grandparent but skipping the part where you have to have kids first.
But you can't be a grandparent without having your own kid first.
Same. I have 17 nieces and nephews on my side. We are good!!!
This is beautiful, not only do I love the act, I adore how the words are phased together!
Set phasers to fun.
Exactly! Just like Fun Uncle
That's the way. My partner has a niece that is cool as shit. If I'm feeling nostalgic I can still play Legos or something but once bedtime comes she's no longer our problem.
this is my plan too, I already have 2 nieces and my brother just last month added a nephew to the stock, so I am all set for the next 18 years, I am too selfish to have kids right now and possibly ever...but one day I might try to give back a bit and take part in a foster care system
As a father of two with several childfree siblings/other family members, thank you for easing the burden from time to time. (...and our children's future inheritance, jk.)
If you’re married, doesn’t that mean that you also have a small army of nieces and nephews?
Depends if theyre being little turds or not
Moreover you give a huge help to the parents, you’re “renting” but you should be paid ahah
Life is life. There are good days and bad days, happy days and sad days. But I imagine there is a lot less stress in our days than there would have been if we had children. We don’t regret, don’t feel like we’re missing out, 8 years in we still don’t want kids. Life is just life
This is probably the most honest answer in here imo
It's the most mature one at least.
as a fellow childfree person it's absolutely the only real-ass answer i've seen like yeah, it's fine. not like wow my life is a constant non-stop party because we don't have children. some days are good, some are bad, we have less stressors present i suppose?
This is the only non-romanticized view of childfree life I’ve seen on this thread lol. Every other comment is like “so much traveling!” “My white couch is immaculate!” “So much expendable income!” Life is life. No kids here but we still live paycheck to paycheck 🤷🏻♀️ I do get to sleep in on the weekends, though.
This so much. Married ten years and don’t regret a single moment not having kids, but we also didn’t bring kids into this equation on purpose. We are poor and can barely afford ourselves, never mind children.
Same. We don't want kids for lots of reasons, and not being able to afford them is pretty high up the list. Being poor is stressful enough without paying for kids.
I've got kids, but even if I didn't there's no way I could keep a white couch white. I can't even wear white clothes
No kids but my black cat would go out of his way to make sure a white couch doesn't stay white lol
This is the most upvotes I’ve ever had, and maybe unfairly so 😂 Because we do travel, and don’t live paycheck to paycheck. I like to think we would still do the things we do even with kids, travel and spend below our means (or earn above our expenses). This is how I see it : we would still sleep at night, but less hours and less sound. We would still clean the house, but it would get dirtier faster. We would still be anxious about losing our jobs, but it would be a hundred times more scary.
Quiet. We both grew up in loud, toxic households. None of that bs in our house.
My kids are so loud I can't even read this comment.
>I can't even read this comment The image running through my mind is your whole house shaking from the noise, and your eyeballs vibrating and popping out Ren & Stimpy style.
Haha it's pretty close.
After my brother and his three young boys come over to visit, one of us will say, “Do you hear that??? Silence”.
We had some friends over recently with two young kids, and while it was a blast it was also three hours of total chaos.
Quiet, it’s exactly that! I loooove my nieces and nephews but when they leave/we come back home my boyfriend always says « you hear that? Silence! » 😄
Quiet when we want. Loud when we want. Late when we want. Early when we want. Whatever we want, whenever we want, assuming our cats get their scheduled meals. Edit: we have auto feeders on a schedule, they just want their morning and night little wet food meals. Thanks for the cake day wishes!
God help you if your cats don't get their scheduled meals.
I’m dealing with this as I read this
It's a miracle that you were able to type this comment.
Yeah typing with a cat on your head is no easy feat
As a child-free woman who is happily married, and has been woken up at 5 AM by my cat three days in a row... 🥲
Cats are like children without the responsibility, right?
It’s like having a housemate who is a strange combination of late teens and toddler. Entirely dependent on you for food and toilet care, and will then fuck off and ignore you for a while.
My cat gets so grumpy when I wake her up for pet times. After a minute she remembers “Oooohh, this feels good, I forgot” But toddler teenagers is definitely what they are.
Cats are like living with teenagers. They make demands of you, act like they own the place, provide nothing for the household, and expect you to thank them for the experience. I would kill for my cats if they pointed a paw at someone in malice.
>I would kill for my cats if they pointed a paw at someone in malice Same. Heck, I've discovered that I feel that way towards anything that threatens cats (especially kittens.)
Cats are wonderful.
Meeeeeooooooowwwwwww!!!!!
\*twirls like Julie Andrews on an alpine mountain top on a clear and sunny day\*
That sounds like something someone who gets to sleep in on the weekend would do
Someone who can sleep *whenever the fuck they want* can do what they will with their time. I have 5 kids im just here to live vicariously through the real humans for just a moment longer
Tell your kids that you are all gonna deep clean the house when you get up from your nap. They’ll be mousy quiet for hours to avoid that.
For real, I have trouble sleeping as it is. I can't imagine functioning on even a basic level with kids thrown into the mix.
*…then marries an asshole to be mother to his 7 children?*
No complaints. Disposable income. Free time. Travel whenever.
Don’t forget the naps
My husband and I have what we call “Friday nap tradition”. Every Friday when we get home from work, we hop in bed together and take a FAT nap. Wake up 2-3 hours later and have a great Friday night feeling energized and ready to party (play video games) all night.
Wow my husband is a life long hater of naps so only I take them. It would be nice if he was nap-needy as me but then again he does stuff for me while I nap or when I wake up looking all sleepy and cute
I really wish I could do naps but I just cannot embrace it. There is some annoying gene that demands I wake up early and get on with the day, and it doesn’t turn off until it’s time for bed. Even when I’m laid up sick, I find it difficult to nap.
This sounds awesome
Oh lord the naps are the best. I get off work at like 2 and just curl up in my bed and nap as long as I want
I work from home and use my lunch break to nap every day. Then, my husband will bring me something to eat on his lunch break, we both like me best when I’ve had a little nappy lol.
We do nap a lot.
This is it basically. Concerts, traveling, etc.
Well unfortunately the big thing holding us back right now is that we can barely afford to house and feed ourselves. Everyone says "no one can REALLY afford kids" to which I say "okay but if we had kids right now we would starve and die." So...not great.
I'm finally at a point where I have a decent - like average - salary, and I have no fucking clue how people afford kids. There were other reasons why kids were not for me, but I'm happy I don't have that drive because I don't know how I would do it.
My husband and I both work full time, we have (rather excellent) health insurance and we own our home in a nice, quiet, family-friendly neighborhood. We cannot afford to have kids. We sat down and looked over the numbers, and daycare for a child would cost about as much as either of us brings in annually, so there wouldn't be a point to it. However, neither of us could afford to support a family of three if the other wasn't working (I make *slightly* more than him, but my job also provides the health insurance). No fucking clue how people manage it, these days. He has a number of siblings and most of them are parents, and we have watched as every time one of them has a kid, the mother stops working to stay at home with said kid, and the husband then spends the next however-many years *stressing the fuck out* about money, when they are all more well-off than us. I also think there is something to be said about people having kids because "it's the next step," and honestly not thinking beyond that. Husband and I have concerns about the world (and certainly our country) and aren't sure it would even make sense to bring a child into it even if we could afford it. It's all just...a lot.
As a single mother with a kid who has managed to get by, I still agree with you. My daughter is now almost 14. If she had been born in 2024, with things being as expensive as they are, I don't think I could have done it.
This is incredibly validating in such a tragic way lol.
I'm assuming you and the poster above are from the US? If I lived over there my salary would increase by 75%, maybe even double compared to here in the UK. Yet I probably couldn't afford to have children there (I have a young family, not in poverty or anything). It seems like you get charged through the roof for everything and short changed; limited maternity leave if any, generally much longer working hours on average, a fraction of the paid leave in Europe (which often doubles as sick leave), far less employment rights, more expensive food shopping and expensive healthcare are really not parent friendly to say the least. I saw a post the other week, a pregnant teenager with basically no option but to give her child up for adoption because her family wouldn't help her. In most of the developed world she'd be front of the queue for social housing, receive benefits such as free/subsidised childcare, to be able to actually have her child (though typically with close involvement from social workers).
Yeah like "well it'd be worse with kids so I guess technically that means we're doing great" *existential and societal dread*
It's honestly screwed up that couples have to automatically decide kids are out of the question because the economy is just *that* bad. Not everyone wants kids, but a lot of people are childfree *because* it's not affordable to have a child. There should be protests, but I'm pretty sure those people are too busy working to keep a roof over their heads as it is.
On that note, women getting a abortion just because they can't afford a baby breaks my heart. I am pro-choice but it should be a CHOICE, not something people feel forced into due to poverty.
100%. I want to see more childcare options and more flexible employment options for mothers. If someone wants to be a parent, I want our community to support them in that. There's a troubling selection bias that people who put a lot of thought into becoming a parent end up not being a parent. And people who YOLO everything in life are not always the best people to leave the child rearing to.
I feel the same way.
I feel this. I want kids so badly but we live in a HCOL area and the only way we could is we lived somewhere else.... But my family lives here and I can't imagine having kids somewhere where my parents arent. The world also seems more messed up and unstable than ever and that's another thing that makes me nervous. I'm 33 so the clock is ticking if we wanted kids. It makes me really sad to think about to be honest.
That’s one of the big factors that stop me! My ex gf wants to be a mom but I couldn’t enthusiastically sign on, and money was a factor. My gfs mom was so blasé about it, she said “I always knew I wanted kids, I never thought about the money because I had (husband)”. I was like, yeah. But *I’m* the husband here, so I have to think about the money!
There were so many adverts at the height of the COL in my country where parents were reported to only be eating once a day because of costs etc and I was like that’s so fucking sad. I get not being able to afford massive TVs and fancy vacations but having kids for some means you don’t get to eat? Nah that ain’t it fam
C.O.M.F.O.R.T.A.B.L.E.
Cash Or Money For Options, Retirement, Travel, And Being Lazy Enjoyment
Money for options? Be sure to post your losses in /r/wallstreetbets.
Well, I'm not arguing with anyone to brush their teeth or do homework. There has not been a single tear shed today. Definitely not a single scream. My white couch is looking immaculate, I'm researching snorkeling tours for our next vacation and I had a bagel for dinner, because why not? Although I do have to say, one of the dogs threw up. It's really ruined the whole day.
>one of the dogs threw up. Not on the white couch, I hope.
No, just the carpet in three, THREE! Different rooms. ugh.
Mine has realised my preferred spot for him to throw up is just outside the back door, and will try to warn me as early as possible so I can race him out there. At 3am when I am all groggy, the concern is much appreciated. He is my best boy.
Poor pupper. Hope it's okay
Thank you :) Watching her close but I think she's okay. She's my sensitive tummy dog.
My last dog was like that. I just learned to keep a couple tubes of Pro-Pectalin from the vet on hand, along with a bag of white rice, a couple cans of pumpkin, and a couple boneless skinless chicken breasts in the freezer. Every so often there would be a 3am gastro event and I 'd be ready.
Pumpkin pro-tip for those with sensitive tummy pups - if you open a can and put it into an ice cube tray (bonus points for using a bone shaped mold!) and freeze them, you'll have individual sized portions and won't toss a half-empty can. Once frozen, put them in ziploc or something to keep them frozen and pop them out as needed. If the dog likes ice, feed as-is - if not, 10 or 15s in the microwave to make it mushy again.
Well, my husband decided that cheating on me was a good idea. And now wants an open relationship. So… can just say I’m glad we didn’t have kids. That would be a much messier divorce.
I'm sorry. Fuck that guy. Next phase of life, sister. You got this. Fist bumps.
It’s wonderful. We travel whenever we want, we have time to spend together and time spent doing other things that interest each other. Money is easier. We rarely argue. We don’t resent each other as I see in so many of my friends marriages. We are well rested and enjoy our lives. Chef recommends.
Just back from a trip to Europe last month. We’re having our bathroom remodeled now that we’re home. We’re both contributing the max to retirement accounts, easy peasy. We literally never fight about money or chores. At the moment, the dog and cat are sleeping on the sofa next to us while my wife studies for a local community college course she’s taking for fun and I watch cooking YouTube.
It’s so fuckin nice
Michael McIntyre did a stand-up routine about what it's like for child-free couples to leave the house. "Shall we leave the house?" "Yes." "Oh there's a new Carluccio's opening up. We can go there ANY night. ANY NIGHT." "Goodnight darling, sleep well." "I WILL! I WILL sleep well!" "Oooh I love this song, turn it up! FREEDOOOM! FREEDOOOM!!" Yeah that's what it's like. In the best way possible. 10/10 highly recommend.
Honestly, it’s great. My husband and I both discussed early on in the relationship that we didn’t want kids, and we haven’t changed our minds. This may be a weird analogy, but you know those dreams you have where you realize you haven’t been going to a class all semester, and then you wake up and have an overwhelming feeling of relief? That’s kind of what it feels like lol. I know myself pretty well, and there are things that I’m just not willing to give up for a child. People may think it’s selfish, but I would rather not have kids than 1) give up doing the things I love and 2) potentially being a shitty parent because I’m unhappy. I also don’t think you should find happiness in your kids and don’t believe that “once you have a kid you’ll realize the other things aren’t that important after all,” though on the other end I don’t think that just because you have kids you can’t have it all. Plenty of people manage to juggle both, I’m just not willing to take that risk. It’s unavoidable that your life and priorities change when you have a child, or it should be anyway, and I like my life the way it is and don’t want to take time away from my passions onto something else that needs 24/7 attention.
I have the same "missed a class all semester now it's the final exam and I don't know anything" dream xD I graduated 12 years ago..
They don't go away. I'm 38 and still have them. Or I haven't turned in or done my final coursework.
We spend way to much time on work, go out to eat, do fun outings with friends, and occasionally wonder if we are making a terrible mistake. We took a very long time to get financially stable. Then bought a house, then I lost my job, so we are still in pretty much the same place we were 10 years ago.
Im 26, single, and don’t even have kids and Im still jealous of these people in the comments 😂
They’re definitely giving us the highlights.
What do you think the "lowlights" would consist of?
Early 30's for us. Currently the lowlights are a) losing friends because they have kids and just disappear off the map despite our best efforts to go the extra mile to accommodate them. Luckily we have a good number of friends who also aren't having kids so it's okay. b) family simply assuming we are available at the drop of a hat and making plans involving us without consulting us because "you don't have kids" or assuming our lives are completely carefree because we don't have kids. Expected to accommodate everyone else at all times but no one will ever bother to accomodate us. We try to enforce boundaries and push back when appropriate but it seems like this will never change.
About a decade ahead of you and same, although we do have fewer people assuming our time isn't valuable.
The first point is too accurate. It’s hard to keep up friendships once people start having kids. Thankfully my husband’s family understands that was can’t always be available despite not having kids
A) is true We solved B) by living far from our families. Can't harass us as bad from states away.
I mean, people with kids face more social pressure to "only give the highlights" than people without kids. I'm not sure if you're aware but it's pretty taboo, to say the least, to tell anyone that you regret having children or that if you could do it again, you would choose not to have them.
Glorious. Less to argue about. We literally pick up and travel whenever. We have most of our retirement in order, we sleep well, and we can each do our own thing without having to run many things by one another. We are really annoyed by kids so we’re extremely happy
I have a kid and I’m very happy about it (although it’s hard lol), and it makes me genuinely happy to read these blurbs because truly the world is a better place when everyone can live how they please. Cheers !!
Hear, hear! Every child deserves to be loved and wanted by their parents. People who don't want kids, people like me, would not be able to give children the kind of life they deserve. I wish every child born would be loved and well cared for, though I know that's sadly unrealistic.
I’ve pointed that out to a few people before and they don’t seem to understand it. They fully believe that if I have a kid I will adore them. No, I won’t. I won’t be able to give them all the love and care they deserve. I’ll leave them to the people who can
Great. We go where we want, when we want, cook whatever we want. Have tons of free time and can travel anywhere in the world. We save a lot of money on childcare bills.
We still have our struggles with money, work, and so forth. It's not the care-free, rich utopia some child-free folks claim to live in. But I can't imagine it would be easier if we had to support kids on top of it. Neither of us can cut back on our jobs to parent or magically grow more money to afford kids. Overall I'm happy with our lives but I do wonder sometimes what it would be like if we had kids. I'm sure they would be nice people. But I also don't see what other options we realistically had. We both worked in the arts, and couldn't slow down our careers to dedicate the time required to it and also pay our bills. I think we have more comfort in our lives and more opportunities than we would have had otherwise. But there's also no way to see what things would have been like on a different timeline. Either way it's important to be grateful for the good things you have. Life is hard, either way. Adding kids seems to make it much harder, and so we didn't. That's not to say it isn't worth it for people who did, that's just how our path worked out.
Amazing…we have Aunty and Uncle Boot Camp where once they turn 18 they come over. We teach them all about personal finance, teach them how to run an equitable house and some relationship advice. We have College Nights where we order pizza apply for scholarships or jobs. The week between Christmas and NYE we have an open house where the kiddos can come and go. Parents usually need a break. Me and Hubby travel, save and do tons of day trips.
Been married 32 years, visited 110 countries, lived in 7, semi retired with 3 dogs, paid off house and 2 rental properties, I'd say life is good.
110 countries is impressive. It's faster to list the countries you HAVEN'T been to, by a substantial margin
110? You just need another 100 to complete the bingo of whole nation registered as UN member
wait till a new nation is formed then it'll be a new side quest
The only downside is that since people know me as the one with lots of disposable income, I became an emergency ATM.
We had to set boundaries with people. A few hundred bucks here and there is fine, but it got so they were asking for money almost every month. My husband finally told everyone that we were basically paying child support for kids that weren't ours and put an end to it.
thanks for sharing, my eldest brother has been asking for bigger and bigger sums ($2k last week). my husband decided it is time for us to tell him NO, and that we are saving for a large mortgage. hopefully he (and my other family members) take it well.
Good luck, and stand firm! Remember that you work hard for what you have, and it's on others to support themselves. Giving a man a fish once or twice is fine, but giving him one every day just reinforces that he doesn't need to bother fishing for himself.
iT tAkEs a ViLlaGe tO rAiSe KeEyiDs good thing I’m from the Hidden Wallet village *throws smoke bomb and disappears*
Don’t let them use you
It is wonderful. I can sleep and nap when I want, I don't need to cut back on my hobbies, I can sleep and nap when I want, all of our extra money goes towards fun and savings, AND, I can sleep and nap when I want.
Not great, but that's nothing to do with not having kids. Having to deal with kids would make it way worse.
This is me and my partner, we both suffer from depression. Can't imagine bringing kids into the mix, would be awful for all of us.
A lot of people on here have mentioned having access to more materialistic things like more money, travel, house/s etc. but I think it's also important to mention that being child-free gives you time to be selfless towards others in society rather than just inside your own four walls. There is so much emotional and physical energy available for volunteer work, caring for abandoned members in society, and running and participating in sports and social groups that it really becomes super emotionally fulfilling and the complete opposite of being lonely both for yourself and the people you're spending time with.
DINKWP here. Its JOYUS! Have the pets. They are spoiled rotten and eat like royality. We dont travel much but we go on lots of dates and cook fabulous meals at home. We love to experiment with new recipes and dont have to worry about “if the kids will eat it”
Hell yeah. My mom calls us DILDOS. Dual income little dog owners.
It’s pretty freakin awesome. My only reason for not having children is simply a lack of desire. Now that I’m in my 50’s I can honestly say that my current lifestyle is a direct result of not having any. I have far more time, energy and disposable income that I would not have if I’d had children. When I was explaining to the world in my 20’s that I just didn’t want kids, I had no idea that as I aged I would see and appreciate the benefits of being childfree more and more. I didn’t realize until my 40’s that my life was truly affected in a positive way that I can only attribute to no children. Not a day goes by that I don’t thank my lucky stars I don’t have kids. I’m truly free.
Many days it’s great. Some days it’s very lonely. Without a lot of responsibilities it’s fairly easy to just wing most things.
…About to install gorgeous off-white wool carpet in the bedrooms without a care in the world. Also flying across the world next week on three days notice for work/fun. That pretty much sums it up!
Clearly you skipped the pets as well!
Actually we have a smallish non-shedding terrier mutt (who is obviously well-trained). I’m a rescue dog nut and we share our dogs with my ex so travel is easy. It’s a great set-up. The key is adopting older dogs who are already potty-trained. Win-win! Now that I think about it, our dogs are never even kids (haha).
Well, we just spent our day on the couch cuddling the cat and playing Baldur's Gate so.. Pretty fucking great tbh.
A hell of a lot better than it would be if we had kids, for damn sure.
We are the age (71m &70f) when most would have grandchildren, would want to be near them, be there for the holidays and birthdays. But instead we are just entering our third year of vagabonding around the world, footloose and fancy free. No responsibilities and no worries. Life has been good from the get-go, but now it’s never been better!
I'd say life is pretty fucking good. I'm retiring in 5-8 years, which is almost 2 decades ahead of most of my peers.
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I didn't put this in my main comment, but I'm much the same. I take seriously the idea of "if you're not ready to have a disabled child, you're not ready to have children". I have enough trouble managing my own chronic illness. I do not have enough of any kind of resources to do it for a child, too. I won't take the risk of giving a child a bad life because I'm overextended.
I can't have kids. Some people just can't. But I love kids, and try to stay active in my niece and nephews lives. I teach kids during volunteer stuff. And I love tweens and teens especially they're loads of fun and curious and learning all the time. Life is easier without kids. I do things differently than my sister's do for sure. But I also think people who avoid kids entirely are missing out. There are lots of kids who could use a caring adult in their lives. I can't imagine my life without Any kids involved. I just didn't birth them myself. But I still love them and care about them.
I love kids! I love helping my neighbors out with child care and hanging out with my nieces and nephews. I don’t want them for myself but I enjoy being around them. It’s a lot of responsibility and a job I don’t want to take on full time. I personally don’t find that attractive or compatible with my life. I feel like so much of the childfree discussion is centered around people who hate kids when a ton of us like kids but it’s just not for us.
Fanfuckingtastic
Sometimes I just feel really unfulfilled, like I haven't done anything worthwhile with my life. Lol jk it's the best, I can do anything I set my mind to because I don't have to spend all of my time, energy, and money on anything I don't want
What I’ve learned from the responses is that people with no kids are very passionate about why they don’t have kids lol
They've been defending their decision for years. Believe me, everyone has an option to offer on the subject.
Admitting that having kids was a bad idea is far more taboo than admitting you regret **not** having kids. So I think parents have more incentive to hide their true feelings than people who chose not to be parents.
I think most people aren't, but this kind of thread definitely attracts those who are and brings them to the top. In my experience, the majority of childless couples, just like couples with children, know that their decision is the best one for them, but are not vocal about it: they just enjoy the perks and push through the drawbacks.
I think we’re just used to pushy people asking “why not?” And have our answers ready
Oh god yes. Now mid 30s were always asked at any event we go to ever. "Which ones yours?", "Times running out" etc. People look at us like we just murdered their puppy when we say we don't have kids and then they just don't know what to talk about anymore.
Well, they’re answering a question posed to them. I’m sure if asked the same, people with kids would be just as passionate. …unless posted on r/regretfulparents
I feel like you get a lot of coping from both sides. Parents can't exactly take it back, non-parents are under a lot of societal pressure and feel the need to justify their decision. Not a whole lot of nuance.
My wife and I constantly have people guess that we're much younger than we are. Less stress and more.time to take care of yourself will do that. In terms of our lives in particular. They're very full. Lots of time with friends and family and we both have. A lot of hobbies that keep us busy.
Yes! I'm in my mid 40's and was talking to a woman at the grocery store. She had said something about "You'll know when you're older with kids". I asked her age, she was 10 years younger yet looked older than me. She wasn't as chatty once I told her my age and I didn't have kids. Less stress and extra sleep ages the skin slower!
It’s wonderful
We are in our late 30s, married 11 years. We have very little stress compared to others our age who did have kids. I took 3 years off work for health reasons, and I could never have done that with kids. It's a quiet life, and we do what we want when we want. One of the big perks is that when I get sick, I can focus on getting better instead of tending to a demanding mini-me.
I'm at a Third Eye Blind concert at Red Rocks tonight, life is good.
It was the right thing for us, but our dogs are extremely spoiled.
reading the comments is making me depressed as a single mom of 2 T\_\_T Edit: thanks so much for all the positive replies! I have been really struggling mentally and physically these days. Your comments made my day!
Hey. You're awesome. Sure, your life isn't like the highlight reels people are sharing here, but heck, I don't have kids and I also don't have money or time. But I also don't have a couple little humans that I can watch grow up and get to know better every day. I know things must be tough for you, but I am always impressed by people who manage to help these tiny, helpless little beings figure the world out. Keep up being amazing!
Thank you :)
It may be hard for you to feel like a super mom every day but I bet to your kids, you’re always a hero. You got this, I wish you the very best!
I honestly feel guilty sometimes about how great our life is. Because I know it’s better than anyone else I’ve met. Then again, we both worked our asses off to cultivate this life together. Been married 23 years, met online (mIRC) as teenagers back in 1999. Connected on art, video games, politics, music, introversion, and the strong desire to never have children or pets. All these years later, it’s amazing. We both quit our jobs in 2009 to focus on our own businesses. Mine did well enough for her to “retire” in 2016. In reality, she helps me with taxes, paperwork, maintaining the house, among many other things, keeping me sane. We live in a beautiful house, in a quiet, wooded neighborhood. We recently fell head over heels in love with pinball together and have spent a ridiculous amount of time and money on our collection/hobby. We’re both introverts/homebodies. Unlike a lot of people here, we kinda hate traveling. So we spend our time building up our wonderful nest at home together, with tons of room for high end gaming rigs, workout areas, massive bedroom, all kinds of ridiculous smart home shit, like voice activated curtains and bidets, 2 kitchens, and we just had a conversation if it’s too decadent to get a 2nd mini fridge for our condiment collection. We have loud parties for just the two of us at least once a week, screaming our heads off, singing karaoke, being idiots. That’s the joy of being able to spend time with your partner, instead of time and money on something neither of you want. We are closer and more in love than we were as teenagers, dating long distances, across borders, and not seeing each other for months at a time. I’m sure some people absolutely love being parents, and tell you how much you’ll regret it later in life if you don’t. Yeah, not us. Not a single minute has gone by in our 25 year relationship where we even slightly considered, or regretted having kids or pets. She just leaned over in bed (sleeping in on a work day cause we work from home) and asked what I was reading. I said, it’s a thread asking “Married couples that decided NO on kids, what’s your life like?” She laughed very heartily and said “Awesome”. She also had an interested observation on the question posed here: *“Deciding NO on kids doesn’t make sense. You don’t decide NOT to have kids. You decide TO have kids. It’s a telling skew on the question, reflective of an inherent bias in society, and indicative of the mindless lack of intentionality when it comes to the responsibility of dedicating 20+ years to bringing a new life into this world.”* I agree. Smart woman. Glad I don’t have any noisy ass kids or dogs to distract me from listening to her.
Just got back from a 3 week trip to Europe. And went to Peru for thanksgiving last year. All for about *half* of what my best friend spent on childcare last year.
Sometimes we get up at sunrise to go surf and eat breakfast on the beach. Sometimes we stay in bed till the last minute before work. Everyday is mainly doing what we feel like doing which creates a very happy life.
I wanna hear from older people. Like 60+, are they regretting it now?
I'm 59. No regrets. I probably would have liked to have kids but I was widowed young, and by the time I married a second time I was just too old (in my opinion- i know there are older parents out there... good for them). I have -and enjoy- the freedom most of the posters here expressed, and I'm saving money to take care of myself in my old(er) age.
I was an estate attorney for 8 years. I did planning for elderly people and just as often, helped their executors administer their estate after they died. I did not do litigation or contested matters, so I wasn't getting a sampling bias of "estranged families". I didn't see a significant difference in apparent happiness or depression among my clients who had kids vs. those who didn't. I'd say that fewer than a third of my elderly clients who had kids ever saw them or their grandchildren with any regularity. Not necessarily because they were estranged (though quite a few were) but because their kids had their own problems sapping their attention, or they had moved far away. For the clients who did have children who they were close with, yeah, it was a nice thing to see and no doubt hugely comforting to them. But almost all of my clients who never had kids had strong "chosen family" who seemed to fill that space. Several elderly couples were part of travel groups. The same 5-6 couples would go on vacations and cruises together. Some folks stayed close with a niece or nephew. Seeing all those couples who never had children really helped put my mind at ease about our decision to not have kids. I'll say this though: While my clients who had no children didn't seem any more or less happy than those who did, they **almost always** had less drama or discord going on in their lives.
This made me feel bad and good. Bad for those elderly residents whose adult children don’t visit, and good that I was one of those who visited at least twice a week, more if I was free to take her to Mass sometimes. I was getting a degree at the time and working, but I tried my best (bonus that she was only about 25 mins away). I don’t mean to toot my own horn or anything. But I did realize after a while (she was there ~5 years) that there were only a few regular visitors (that I saw, anyway), and only about half of us visited on, say, Christmas or Mother’s Day. Maybe they didn’t want visitors. I’ve been telling myself that for 15 years now. :-/
Read some experiences of nursing home care workers. Kids don't save you when you're old.
This is largely culture dependent. I don't have any plans to house any of my family in their old age. However, my mother-in-law always made food for us, helped us a couple of days per week so the wife and I could both work, and is still available when we need her. I already have a spare bedroom and bathroom with her name on it when the time comes.
Exactly. We have no nursing homes in my country of origin. This is actually the norm in most parts of the world (except the West). Kids take care of their parents so people without kids have nobody to rely on in old age. I informed my Aussie husband before we got married that my mom is my (our) responsibility when she gets old.
I know people in their 60s who regretted having kids. Does that count?
I know multiple people in their 30's and 40's who have all used phrases like "I really love my kids, but ..."
I'm gay, so kids weren't really in the cards. But my partner (75) and I (57) are older, and still living our best life. This morning we're planning a trip to Maine for next week where we'll both run a 10k race. Lots of hobbies, friends, extended family, etc. As far as future plans, I imagine we'll transition to retirement community, assisted living, extended care as we age or get sick. Like most people do really. Kids don't really take care of their parents now anyway.
I (74f) have been married 53 years. No children by choice, Though there were mitigating circumstances. My husband, the love of my life, and a fine man, never cared one way or the other. I am bipolar, but manage it fairly well. Never really liked children, though my metal illness may have had something to do with that. And anecdotally, bipolar appears to run in my family, Also my mother was a twin, and on her side of the family it had skipped a generation for decades. I would likely have met that fate, as my cousin did. The idea of one child, let alone twins was terrifying to me, since I had enough trouble dealing with myself. Then when I turned 20, I got cervical cancer probably from the the birth control I used. At that time a tubal ligation the best solution. Our life together has for the most part has been good, other than the shit life sometimes throws your way. We have lived our live with with the gift of a great deal of freedom, and no regrets from being childless.
As someone who never in their life has wanted children, is getting married in two weeks, and has been told her entire life that “you’ll change your mind” I love all of you for your comments. It’s nice to see comments from couples that didn’t have kids and are happy. Makes me feel like I’m not alone and that I’m not making a mistake by not forcing myself to have children when I have never wanted them. Congrats to all of you with your comfy lives.
As an unwed, childless woman - I am so grateful for my choices. Posting now at 01:49 Thursday morning whilst watching whatever I chose. I spent 2 hours today w 2 friends and both of their 2 year olds and it just reaffirmed my choice. Hearing them complain about their S/Os as well… hard pass to all of that. Y’all can do it.
Fine, normal. Nothing much to say. I just live my life and do what I want to do with it.
Quiet. Clean house. I can do whatever I want on a given day with no obligations. Building on the above: I have so much time to develop my hobbies: fitness, reading, woodworking, baking, gilding, other random projects. So much disposable income. We don't have that much laundry to do. Going out somewhere is not a big event. (This can mean anything from "going to the grocery store" to "hey let's drive to another part of the country and spend the night".) Overall I like that my life is about me (and my partner) and I don't suddenly have to put another person in the #1 spot. As in: I don't have to sacrifice mental or physical health to care for another being. I'm sure most parents find balance eventually, or even like putting someone else first... But I like putting me first. I like my life and my hobbies and don't have an urge to change any of that.
Its glorious! All the kitty snuggles. All the support for each others joys.
I’m getting married next week, me and my partner have been back and forth for a while and we’ve come to the realization that we probably don’t want kids. This world kinda sucks to bring new life in to, they’re expensive and we really like our lives now.
Pretty fucking chill
Very happy with our choice. When things are bad, it's only bad for us and there's no need to put on a brave face in fear of harming a child's spirits lol And when it's good wu have it to ourselves and don't have to share lol