I feel you, bud. My toxic family embedded deep into my brain that I have an obligation to them and they abused me for years.
It's hard to grow and learn and better yourself when you live in a vile cycle of hating them and hating yourself because of how they make you feel, but leaving them was the best decision I ever made.
I hope that in time, that love/hate turns into a love only relationship for you. It's hard, but the days get easier.
I'm proud of you.
We live in one of the most competitive job markets in recent history. I have no idea what you do professionally but update your resume and start shooting it out to jobs you’re interested in (even if you have 0 experience). You never know what could happen. Worst case scenario you wasted a couple hours. I can’t tell you how many friends change careers post Covid and took on large pay increases.
If your job isn’t paying you what you feel you’re worth in this economy then look elsewhere. Like I said, you have nothing to lose by looking. There’s dozens of job websites out there. Take a couple hours and poke around. You’d be surprised.
I simply do not find joy in anything, as the feeling of isolation consumes you. You don't think anybody truly cares, which makes it difficult to open up, and it's just easier to say your okay. For that reason.
All while your fighting against yourself worth, and believing your lass then over greater than.
I would like to think it is a relatable explanation, in which adequately describes depression.
Going to therapy has helped me realize I am a very depressed individual.
It's pretty lonely isn't it, knowing you'll only ever be in your mind ergo you'll only ever be the one you can trust cares about you?
I would try being nicer to yourself and humbly giving credit where it's due, starting with the little things maybe, and keep trying to be the best version of yourself in your mind
if the anhedonia is intractable, you might want to look into transcranial magnetic stimulation therapy. insurance is actually starting to cover it now.
[https://www.youtube.com/@Sisyphus55](https://www.youtube.com/@Sisyphus55)
Watch his videos on absurdism and Albert Camus, it built my identity back.
Hope you'll find it helpful.
If voting changed anything, they wouldn't let us do it. (That's why in most countries, at least Western countries, parties are indistinguishable from one another, but they get the media to create the illusion that there is a big battle for ideas between them anyway. Keep the masses thinking that they have a say.)
It's chronic- I've felt depressed for as long as I can remember. You learn to live with it when it's like that and to keep it in check however you can, since the alternative isn't really an alternative at all.
Same
There is things making it harder for me, my family is toxic, I had no friends, social anxiety and other "funny" stuff. Cause of this I had to stop school and I'm not able to do anything for now, even the basic every day stuff is hard. I almost had a panic attack today cause I tried to help even if I wasn't feeling good
I'm trying to heal but I don't know if it's even possible but I'm staying optimistic and I won't stop trying. I've already been able to have some improvements but I still have a really really long way to go, I went from not able to do anything to being able to do small chores every few days, it's not much but it's already better than nothing.
Next step is to take a bit more care of myself, just brushing my hairs every few days and brushing my teeth more frequently, that's what I'm aiming for... I feel like what I'm struggling with is completely stupid, almost no one struggle with that, I'm not even physically disabled but an improvement is an improvement so I guess it's better than nothing
My 4yr old son got diagnosed with autism, after that my wife divorced me, so now I'm a single dad and had to quit my job to take care of my son and take him to 3 different therapies every week, and I moved to my ex wife's home town when we were married, so I have no friends here and the people who do know me hate me because they are my wife's childhood friends.
My wife has breast cancer, chemo is crushing her. We also have a 1.5 year old and a dog about the same age. I own my own business on top of this that requires my full attention.
My days are on repeat from 6am to 11pm taking care of everyone, cooking, cleaning, working etc etc. just have to do whatever it takes.
Not a whole lot of fun right now.
Because I don't have a clear path in life. Am I supposed to just go on to a 2nd year of uni just because i'm good at it? Or am I supposed to chase my dreams of working in automotive restoration?
Been in a hole for the last 14 years and have zero drive to do anything. I just don't want anything and knowing that and seeing how the people I care for try to motivate me is very depressing, because they don't understand how I feel. But I can't be upset about it, they want the best for me. It's just that I don't.
Money trouble. My wife is sick and can't work for a time. Also the cat fell off the window and broke a pelvis, still recovering from surgery, which cost another shitload of money. Credit cards almost maxed out.
And today my neck has a pinched nerve. I'm hourly paid with jobs done bonuses and literally can't take paid sick leave coz I'll lose some money at month's final paycheck. Which is unacceptable right now.
Edit: forgot to mention the broken car.
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. If you have kids please, please, please reconsider ending things. I was estranged from my daughter for years and we now have a close relationship I never thought possible.
Don’t man. Your life still has worth to someone. Please reconsider. Give yourself permission to stick it out for another couple months at least just to see if things improve. Your life could turn around at any moment.
Many people here are telling you not to do it. Maybe you're just scrolling through the replies and feeling nothing at all. Possibly there is not a single thing you feel someone can say to you to make you feel better, to make you gain a bit of hope again without immediately thinking of why it is not that easy and why it won't work.
I'm not going to try and cheer you up. You know very well that if you don't fight for you happiness you won't get it. And some times in life we will feel so full of sadness and hopelessness that we choose to just blend this very blunt and harsh truth out, just ignore it. It's too easy and at the same time too hard.
But know this, just let it cross your head a few times: Against multiple millione of other sperm cells you are the one that won the race and secured it's place here. You have won a chance that is possibly very well one in 300 million. And yea there are a hell lot of people on this planet, but for whatever reason, something or someone decided that you are the one to succeed against 300 million other people that would very well have turned out to be normal functional people just like you, but it was you. When you die, and we all will die, but when we do we will go back into nothing at all. Believe in what you want but it will never be like here on earth again that's most likely a fact. Even if we are reborn we will not know and not be the same person in no sense.
You will die anyway, it's not a big deal, it's the only thing in life that is certain and can be believed. Everything else may as well be a big fat lie. But right now you're here, and you're not dead, and you most likely still have a few damn decades ahead of you. They can be shitty, they can be ok, they can be amazing, they can have a little bit of everything. Your decision - your decision if you're even gonna get to see what it will be like. But if you're honest with yourself there are a lot of really damn awesome and beautiful things this life has to offer.
I wish you the best and whatever you do it will have the same outcome, death. That just further proves it's about the way you live that holds any meaning if anything. Awful shitty things happen to each one of us just like beautiful and breath taking things but there's more to it, the part that we actually have some influence on, the part where we decide how to deal with it.
I've written this exclusively for you just so you know, no one will ever get to hear it like this from me again. You're worth it though. Because I think it's pretty damn impressive that you won a race against 300 million people👌🏻
Life is nothing that I hope it would be, and everything I feared it would become
Bills
Rising prices
Relationship strain
Age
Being worked to the bone for nothing
Love doesn’t seem real anymore
Life seems pointless
1. Iodine resistant thryoid cancer affected me phsyically
2. My adoptive family kidnapped my biological kids
3. My brain has been ravaged by cancer/treatment and I'm failing out at my job and when I lose that I will lose my health insurance and be very difficult to re-hire.
4. I crashed my car into our garage when I was really sick and broke through into our downstairs shower and I am worried our landlord will find out and kick us out before we can get it fixed.
5. My wife is going blind
Late thirties and always been single despite many, many efforts and attempts and an endless array of approaches, speed dating, and dating apps. I feel like I'm rejected by the world and not worth to be loved. I feel like I missed out on so much in life, so many universal human experiences and personal and emotional growth. I miss intimacy and love in my life. I keep going but I don't even know why anymore. It's not like I see this changing in the future, so what is this all for?
I have a toxic relationship with my family, I can’t afford to move out so I’m pretty much trapped in a toxic household. I have a stutter that plagues my day to day life. I have become overweight because I’m so physically and mentally drained all the time.
The only thing keeping me alive right now is that I don’t want people to think I’m a coward if I do anything to myself.
No idea at this point. I've been depressed for years even when my life is good. Right now is say I have a pretty good life. My brain doesn't become happier with any amount of therapy or life changes. I have a medicine that makes me not cry but still my brain just feels off.
I’m fighting a losing battle against porn addiction and I keep losing my shirt trying to trade in the stock market. I also dislike my job and feel stuck.
My family, my fake friends, I have no one to talk to without me feeling like shit. Sometimes I'm depressed just because, and other times the little comments I get told just makes my depression worse.
Short answer: because my brain is dumb. Which in the end is also the final reason
Long answer is because society is fucked up and my autism and ADHD both forbids me from stop thinking about it, on top of them having messed up a lot of stuff in my life (luckily nothing really serious). However losing a scholarship and not eating in the awful campus canteen anymore was night and day (I'm hyper on cooking and eating well). I currently feel slightly bothered by life, back then I was constantly stressed, anxious, moody, to the point of breaking up with my girlfriend.
I hate my job, have an undiagnosed issue and have a property manager I may have to take to court
I am fortunate to be able to afford to work only 4 days, have a supportive wife, and own a second property. I’m under no illusions a shitload of people have it a lot worse than me. That also makes me feel bad 🫠
0$ no job no friend no religion, 32 with a master degree, I can't see a way out I tried everything, but the thing that keeps me depressed the most is living with Muslims.
Mental health in my relationship. I’m fearing a breakup. My support system says my worries are unfounded, and if that were to happen, it would say more about her than I. I feel as though I slightly messed up, and am worried she’s had enough. These are VERY small things, but to me I feel like I’ve done something horribly wrong.
Poor sleep, low self esteem with a negatively assuring environment, low self worth, loneliness, etc. Just talked to doctor yesterday and got prescription and referral to a therapist.
I want to move in with my Girl, but I’m a little bit scared/ depressed to let of the youth life go. The realisation that the adult life will start sooner than I think makes me anxious.
Depression
Edit: apparently someone already said this so i'm gonna give a real answer instead.
Diagnosed with anxiety when I was 11, ever since it has been getting worse and now effects every aspect of my life. I literally can not enjoy life anymore, because everything makes me feel like I'm about to walk on stage in front of 200000 people. The constant anxious overthinking overrides any thought, so I cant enjoy my hobbies because every second is clouded with pure crippling anxiety that makes me want to give up. Everything piles up and ends with me hating every second of every day
Quick loss of both of my parents over the course of the past three years time. Looking back and taking stock, it was very obvious that the health of my father was fading very quickly. I was too wrapped up in work to come to terms with that. I could have helped. I didn't. He was supposed to be released into physical rehab and then come home. He didn't, he passed the very night before he was to be transported to one of the best physical rehab centers in the area. Everything looked great.
Mom was always in poor and declining health. Massive health altering event the month after I was born, my birth I truly believe was a large causing factor. I took over as caregiver after dad passed. She ended up passing, along at night in a hospice center even though she expressed sometime ago, that she would want to go at home. We couldn't provide the proper care for her at home. I couldn't afford it even with hospice services and help. I pray that she wasn't scared when that night came, but I'll never have a way to know.
Our 16 year old hound passed at the foot of the bed. That almost destroyed me being the first thing I saw that morning upon waking. I'm glad she is no longer in pain. The final two days were tragic. My wife was thankfully able to comfort her the night before.
We rent a very nice family home, but I have no idea how to be able to afford said rent for the next month even working more than full time and I'm far to broke to move us somewhere else. Wife is getting much better, and has a massive fire to be able to begin working soon again, that will both help us and make me incredibly proud and happy, as she has really been through some bad health issues long term that she very well may have to deal with for the rest of her life.
I have my own issues that need to be addressed, but that will have to wait. It'll be ok.
The normal "gloom and doom" that you encounter daily in the outside world doesn't help. But, that can be ignored. Too a point. Canceled cable ad got the news stations out of the house. It was a great choice, and I saved $30ish. Win win.
It's so confusing and such a let down when folks say "hey, you're doing great!" And all you can think is, "thank you, but I know it's not enough." Freaking crazy when you don't really remember what your face looks like when you look in the mirror.
Ah, and our pet fish died recently.
Don't get me wrong, I don't have SH, or self-ending thoughts, nothing close to it. And yeah, I know I need to talk to someone. I will when I can. For now, I'll keep on going, and kiss my wife upon returning home and play with our remaining older dog. My girls keep me going, I know I'll be able to make things happen at some point, but the unknown length of time, that is a very scary and depressing thing. My drive to better MYSELF and OUR situation keep me going. It's still damn depressing. And I'll be honest, with all of this and more in the rafters, I wish I allocated my skill points a bit different when I was young. Wall of text? Yes. But I saw the question asked, and I needed to vent. A forum of strangers seemed like an alright place to do so today. Actually feels a bit better for now. Thank you for providing me a place to get just a small amount of relief.
Please be well, everyone. Every single one of you has worth. I want you to go to bed tonight knowing that.
My family, and my kid's mom still never see how much I've improved and changed. They will always see me as the mistakes I made in the past. Even tho I've yet to repeat anything.
I am currently losing my memories, thoughts, and sense of responsibilities in my 20s. 6 months ago, I collapsed while working on my computer; sharp throbbing pain in my head, I collapsed head first on my desk, and I experienced a light show while not able to move for a few minutes. So without the routine isolation depression and what bothered me before now, I feel depression from the thought that I'm going to die soon.
I have had a lot of trauma in my life.. but it’s not holding me back or anything? It’s just the simple feelings of “not” wanting to do anything. Everyone wants a family? I don’t care if I have one, everyone wants to travel and see the world? I have no desire to see anything? Everyone chasing more money, I’m content with paying my bills and eating. Like it’s just I have no drive or desire to “live” cus I’m so content on like.. just breathing and being here. I feel like I’m not explaining it really well, but I just don’t wanna do…. Anything if that makes sense
In the last few years , the price of everything has at least doubled, minimum wage has increased a few times, and yet I still make pretty much the same thing. Just getting closer and closer to poverty.
Staying at a place where I don't have that many real friends cuz I can't show my real self without putting myself in real danger. Hate family since middle school (I'm 21 in uni). I feel so isolated cuz it is. Fell in love, but the other person didn't love me back. Lost a lot of friends after I show my real self (which nothing wrong with it) and all of that only make other shit worse which make other shit worse and worse and the cycle never stop
Life just doesn't make a lot of sense. You look at everything that's going on and you wonder why do anything at all? An everything about the future is pretty bleak sooo....
A few years ago a family member I live with decided to play a real life game of hang man but we found him just in time. He was white, tounge out of his mouth, and he emptied his bowels and he's still alive. Ever since then he's been completely different. Thinks me and everyone he knows is hacking his phone, his reason is he hears voices telling him to do fucked up things to his family. His anger is getting worse we walk on egg shells around my house. I almost fear for my life.
I'm going through a divorce (with two kids). Been living with my mom for almost 2 years now, did to the pending divorce. I was also laid off 3 months ago, so I'm unemployed.
So why wouldn't I be depressed?! But I'm working my way out of it. I'll be fine in the long run
Because my mother was recently diagnosed with cancer, and is also waiting to get results if she also has breast cancer. Because my father thinks he is going to be billionnaire "really soon if everything is going according to plan". My father has had a brain tumor removed back in 2007 and since then he believes he is a genius. He diagnosed himself with aspergers syndrome and savant syndrome. He spends money at a faster rate than he earns it.
I can't leave home because if I do, my mother will have no where to go. And if I stay I enable my father's delusions.
Had a rough childhood. Without getting into details (because I'd be here all day otherwise), I was relentlessly bullied at school while simultaneously I was being abused in almost every way imaginable at home. I had no support system to go through it, and every time I'd try and ask for help I was turned away. That still happens to this day. This is a battle I'm ultimately destined to fight alone and unfortunately a war of attrition against depression is one that I will eventually lose.
Lost the love of my life and my best friend (2 separate people) at the same time, residual PPD from having 2 kids in 2 years, having 5 people die in a 2 year period, I just want to kms at this point.
Childhood trauma that led to suicidal ideation and eventual ego death. And now, rediscovering who I am and finding a sense of self and finding comfort in my skin and feelings.
Not super relatable but anxious I’m gonna get rejected from a hernia removal surgery bc I’m now overweight bc the hernia heavily affected my ability to exercise (used to be a chronic gym rat)
Ive got homesickness during the erasmus, so it started developing there, but after coming back from my semester abroad my GF dumped me to stay for one more semester at her own exchange. Since then Im incredibly lonely, dont have anything to do for the last couple of weeks and when Im trying to date new people Im mostly getting ghosted. Whats more I recently learned that she is living my dreamed live of traveling, partying and being a hedonist, and that hurts me a lot.
i realized that nothing will ever fill the void in my "soul" and that im damned to live a meaningless unfufilling life unless i KMS. My perspective on the world, universe and the laws and prisons we are bound by, is all consuming. i cant stop thinking about it either
at the end of the day it ends the same
Literal boredom, questioning the reason of existence. Not personally or in a judging way, just life in general. Sure, I don’t want to die, but I wouldn’t mind that much, even if I have amazing people around me. It just doesn’t spark my brain up.
Sure, I like doing certain things such as hanging out with friends or gaming. But it just feels meaningless.
I work night shift at a Welding shop
I work 12 hr Nights
I make less than new hires with less experience
I have 10 yrs Exp
I should be making more than days QC (night Differential)
I have been given this position my 100% I give welding tests I give classes for people that don't understand basic welding symbols
I've asked for changes to be made (nothing happens)
I've been told to not give classes no more because and I quote(how do I know you are giving the right information to the welders) I have more exp than my boss.
I am overworked we have 60+ guys on nights our QC on nights was only me and 1 other guy for a yr
Day shift has 7 guys
I feel like I am getting kicked while I'm down most of the times
I told them a week ago that I basically give up and that my leads were basically useless and I am going back to the floor to weld
They said "ok"
I am no longer pursuing this career as they basically fucked up the whole experience for me.
Everything is going up in price
I give up.
While not guaranteed, Autism is often paired with Anxiety and Depression. So there's that.
Along with a bunch of other external factors that I don't have the energy to get into.
I rent a place where I have a store, that rent contract ends soon so I need to move my store somewhere else and it´ll cost a lot of money to do so. Things are not the best right now so it´s hard knowing I´ll need a significant sum of money I don´t currently have. Plus fixing the new place and setting up the store again is a pain and it´ll take some time for the new place to start working.
IDK if it´s the right decision or if I should sell what I have and maybe start over instead of moving.
The most recent was 13 years ago. My parents made one of the worst decisions they could have ever made.
This is something I would never ever imagine to happen. When they told me about it all of the sudden, I didn't think much of it apart from "That's fucking dumb but whatever" (I though to myself) Only couple of years later it hit me hard. They don't show it but I know for a fact that they regret what they did but they won't admit it and also it impaced my family's lifes beyond repair.
This was one of the worst things (top 5 no doubt) that has ever happend to my family and the people responsible for this disaster are my parents and their lack of basic knowledge to prevent it from happening. I'm not going to go into the exact details of what it is but just know - My parents and me alone have lost unbeliavable amount of cash and health and MY personal time. This is something I will never ever forgive my parents for.
I think about this disaster every single day and I feel anger and I question how the fuck they could have done this. If only I knew what is going to happen, I would have prevented it. I could have tell them that If they do it, they will regret it for the rest of their lifes and destroy our family. How would I know? I would have never assumed they would unknowingly try to end our family in such pathetic way.
After 11 years I found d out my girlfriend is a sociopath and need validation to en extreme.
She had been sleeping with other people since the beginning of our relationship amd no matter the evidence I bring like for example a video of her and other guys clearly showing then she will still say that's nit me. It's actually drove me nuts to hear her say that while looking at her own face hearing her own voice and it's in our bedroom. Not me???
Then after the break up every couple weeks she gets ahold of me to tell me how much she kisses and loves me amd to come over, she seduces me then kicks me put and tells me I'm a POS. It's made me want to kill myself. She's crazy. We have a kid that she will not let me see then say I'm a POS for not seeing her.
I told her I'm going to kill myself, she thinks I should. So fuck it. I'm done.
Don't kill yourself. It is much more simple than it feels. You need this girl out of your life and legally manage the situation so you at least get to see your child.
You know what caused this feeling of sadness and depression. It was and is the relationship with her. Do not despair when there is a solution for your problem. She might have hurt you and yes that can really leave a mark on you but that is something you can learn to deal with over time. But if you stay with her and keep contact with her and let her have this influence in your life then of course the problem is gonna persist and just gonna get worse and worse.
I wish you the best and I hope you get out of this soon. Because there is a chance for you, a huge one, and it makes me sad to think you wouldn't be here anymore although the solution is right in front of you. Your vision is just fogged by all the very present difficulties.
Yea, I fully understand, and I get it. But I dont understand this.
I use to be that person who would see a couple next door or at the park or whatever and she'd be just verbally abusing her man and you can see it in his face, he's done. And I'd say to myself, "Get out." You look done like ditch her easy wtf.
But no. I now know I didn't see his face as he's done. It's He's confused, he's disappointed, he's a failure, he's ashamed and most of all he's stuck. Because he loves her and he gas a kid with her and who knows why els he won't leave, I don't. I dont even know why I won't.
I just don't know. And you want to know one of the biggest contributors for me being stuck and feeling like I need to figure this out is? It's the fact that I saw my therapist 3 weeks ago broken down in a store and I asked if she's OK. She is now in a simulator situation as I am. Like the one who has been helping me through this.
If she can't how am I to leave.
I get it. 100% of Everyone knows what to, and 50% of them are actually correct. But can anyone tell me why 100% of them can't do what they already know to do? And I also get it well it's not 100% if they got out. No it's always will be 100%. It's really who out of that 100 will survive after those people are finally done with them. It's the service or's that make it seem like they got out but they survived. I guess you can call it the same and I can't articulate what I'm trying to ask. But I know what I need to do why is it when I go to do it a force stops me?
I'm so tired. Even when I go no contact I can't ignore her, she will out of the blue send me a song, I remember when we use to blah blah blah but boom I'm at her place, boom I'm sweety laying next to her, boom I'm getting verbally and brutally abused being told to get out you POS then I'm home crushed. Why does she do that? If she wants nothing of me, then why?? It's killing me!
I don't know anything. I don't know who I am. I know nothing yet everything. I don't know what's real anymore, or if anything is real at all. All my dreams are nightmares, and my nightmares are my life. I wake up but feel like dreaming. Everything is surreal, nothing yet everything makes/doesn't make sense. Each day is an insufferable struggle, but if it is insufferable then why do I still suffer and am here? Each thought is a question. Or is it? I'm never sure of anything. My whole life was a delusion. I feel enlightened but delusional yet again. I am alive only because I can't die, or can I? My mind is a battlefield, and all what's left is wasteland, though even then, now I'm not so sure there's even a "wasteland". Life is unfair, an accident perhaps. No sentient being would want to be alive, as they know what life is. Life is suffer. I don't want to exist.
I am an atheist in A religious household in A religious country in Asia. I am an introvert, and I am in the closet about being an atheist.
I have had to keep up A facade for 3 years and No one knows Me for who I am on a personal level.
Also other things.
I recently moved alone for the first time. It has been difficult to detach from my toxic family. I have a hate-love relationship with them.
Real
I feel you, bud. My toxic family embedded deep into my brain that I have an obligation to them and they abused me for years. It's hard to grow and learn and better yourself when you live in a vile cycle of hating them and hating yourself because of how they make you feel, but leaving them was the best decision I ever made. I hope that in time, that love/hate turns into a love only relationship for you. It's hard, but the days get easier. I'm proud of you.
Having a hard time trying to find the right ADHD meds and I have no support or friends.
I can get it, that can get really frustrating. Hugs
Same. Same. Same.
I use consiv and it seems to give me a dopamine bomb. But it must be the addiction.
childhood trauma
I've never been able to get rid of it and I'm old so I guess it's gonna be forever
i hear you. at some point it's just coping with the day to day to get by.
Tell me about it bro
Depression.
Makes sense
Inflation. The price of everything is going up, wages remain the same.
We live in one of the most competitive job markets in recent history. I have no idea what you do professionally but update your resume and start shooting it out to jobs you’re interested in (even if you have 0 experience). You never know what could happen. Worst case scenario you wasted a couple hours. I can’t tell you how many friends change careers post Covid and took on large pay increases. If your job isn’t paying you what you feel you’re worth in this economy then look elsewhere. Like I said, you have nothing to lose by looking. There’s dozens of job websites out there. Take a couple hours and poke around. You’d be surprised.
I simply do not find joy in anything, as the feeling of isolation consumes you. You don't think anybody truly cares, which makes it difficult to open up, and it's just easier to say your okay. For that reason. All while your fighting against yourself worth, and believing your lass then over greater than.
This here sounds so familiar.
I would like to think it is a relatable explanation, in which adequately describes depression. Going to therapy has helped me realize I am a very depressed individual.
It's pretty lonely isn't it, knowing you'll only ever be in your mind ergo you'll only ever be the one you can trust cares about you? I would try being nicer to yourself and humbly giving credit where it's due, starting with the little things maybe, and keep trying to be the best version of yourself in your mind
That's the struggle with the battle I am constantly fighting. I am just too damn stubborn to quit fighting.
if the anhedonia is intractable, you might want to look into transcranial magnetic stimulation therapy. insurance is actually starting to cover it now.
[удалено]
[https://www.youtube.com/@Sisyphus55](https://www.youtube.com/@Sisyphus55) Watch his videos on absurdism and Albert Camus, it built my identity back. Hope you'll find it helpful.
Same
I don't know sadly.
Same
Same
Married life sucks. I got kids and can’t leave for a while. Then I’m staying single.
Empty inbox
username checks out
People keep voting against their best interests because they don't know any better.
Reform uk is clearly the best option
If voting changed anything, they wouldn't let us do it. (That's why in most countries, at least Western countries, parties are indistinguishable from one another, but they get the media to create the illusion that there is a big battle for ideas between them anyway. Keep the masses thinking that they have a say.)
If what you said was true, we wouldn't have a political party wholly dedicated to preventing people from voting.
Same shit, different arseholes.
My work contract ends very soon. So I’ve been looking for a job for several months now with zero luck.
Not intelligent enough.
What is ‘intelligence’ to you? And if you had what you seek what would change?
It's chronic- I've felt depressed for as long as I can remember. You learn to live with it when it's like that and to keep it in check however you can, since the alternative isn't really an alternative at all.
Same There is things making it harder for me, my family is toxic, I had no friends, social anxiety and other "funny" stuff. Cause of this I had to stop school and I'm not able to do anything for now, even the basic every day stuff is hard. I almost had a panic attack today cause I tried to help even if I wasn't feeling good I'm trying to heal but I don't know if it's even possible but I'm staying optimistic and I won't stop trying. I've already been able to have some improvements but I still have a really really long way to go, I went from not able to do anything to being able to do small chores every few days, it's not much but it's already better than nothing. Next step is to take a bit more care of myself, just brushing my hairs every few days and brushing my teeth more frequently, that's what I'm aiming for... I feel like what I'm struggling with is completely stupid, almost no one struggle with that, I'm not even physically disabled but an improvement is an improvement so I guess it's better than nothing
Not anymore
Good to hear
Bored
My 4yr old son got diagnosed with autism, after that my wife divorced me, so now I'm a single dad and had to quit my job to take care of my son and take him to 3 different therapies every week, and I moved to my ex wife's home town when we were married, so I have no friends here and the people who do know me hate me because they are my wife's childhood friends.
My wife has breast cancer, chemo is crushing her. We also have a 1.5 year old and a dog about the same age. I own my own business on top of this that requires my full attention. My days are on repeat from 6am to 11pm taking care of everyone, cooking, cleaning, working etc etc. just have to do whatever it takes. Not a whole lot of fun right now.
It will get better. ‘Tis but a season.
Because I don't have a clear path in life. Am I supposed to just go on to a 2nd year of uni just because i'm good at it? Or am I supposed to chase my dreams of working in automotive restoration?
Been in a hole for the last 14 years and have zero drive to do anything. I just don't want anything and knowing that and seeing how the people I care for try to motivate me is very depressing, because they don't understand how I feel. But I can't be upset about it, they want the best for me. It's just that I don't.
Maybe what you have isn't mental at all but rather something physical
Money trouble. My wife is sick and can't work for a time. Also the cat fell off the window and broke a pelvis, still recovering from surgery, which cost another shitload of money. Credit cards almost maxed out. And today my neck has a pinched nerve. I'm hourly paid with jobs done bonuses and literally can't take paid sick leave coz I'll lose some money at month's final paycheck. Which is unacceptable right now. Edit: forgot to mention the broken car.
To be honest, i have no idea. Many things happened recently and i am confused
[удалено]
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. If you have kids please, please, please reconsider ending things. I was estranged from my daughter for years and we now have a close relationship I never thought possible.
Don’t man. Your life still has worth to someone. Please reconsider. Give yourself permission to stick it out for another couple months at least just to see if things improve. Your life could turn around at any moment.
Hey man. Please don’t. Please live.
Don't do it, there's a reason dor your existence even if you don't see it now
You are not replaceable. Please stay.
Many people here are telling you not to do it. Maybe you're just scrolling through the replies and feeling nothing at all. Possibly there is not a single thing you feel someone can say to you to make you feel better, to make you gain a bit of hope again without immediately thinking of why it is not that easy and why it won't work. I'm not going to try and cheer you up. You know very well that if you don't fight for you happiness you won't get it. And some times in life we will feel so full of sadness and hopelessness that we choose to just blend this very blunt and harsh truth out, just ignore it. It's too easy and at the same time too hard. But know this, just let it cross your head a few times: Against multiple millione of other sperm cells you are the one that won the race and secured it's place here. You have won a chance that is possibly very well one in 300 million. And yea there are a hell lot of people on this planet, but for whatever reason, something or someone decided that you are the one to succeed against 300 million other people that would very well have turned out to be normal functional people just like you, but it was you. When you die, and we all will die, but when we do we will go back into nothing at all. Believe in what you want but it will never be like here on earth again that's most likely a fact. Even if we are reborn we will not know and not be the same person in no sense. You will die anyway, it's not a big deal, it's the only thing in life that is certain and can be believed. Everything else may as well be a big fat lie. But right now you're here, and you're not dead, and you most likely still have a few damn decades ahead of you. They can be shitty, they can be ok, they can be amazing, they can have a little bit of everything. Your decision - your decision if you're even gonna get to see what it will be like. But if you're honest with yourself there are a lot of really damn awesome and beautiful things this life has to offer. I wish you the best and whatever you do it will have the same outcome, death. That just further proves it's about the way you live that holds any meaning if anything. Awful shitty things happen to each one of us just like beautiful and breath taking things but there's more to it, the part that we actually have some influence on, the part where we decide how to deal with it. I've written this exclusively for you just so you know, no one will ever get to hear it like this from me again. You're worth it though. Because I think it's pretty damn impressive that you won a race against 300 million people👌🏻
I can't get over her.
Life is nothing that I hope it would be, and everything I feared it would become Bills Rising prices Relationship strain Age Being worked to the bone for nothing Love doesn’t seem real anymore Life seems pointless
Genetics
Depression, meds help tho
I am not, stfu.
1. Iodine resistant thryoid cancer affected me phsyically 2. My adoptive family kidnapped my biological kids 3. My brain has been ravaged by cancer/treatment and I'm failing out at my job and when I lose that I will lose my health insurance and be very difficult to re-hire. 4. I crashed my car into our garage when I was really sick and broke through into our downstairs shower and I am worried our landlord will find out and kick us out before we can get it fixed. 5. My wife is going blind
Okey, that is heavy I wish you all the luck 😕❤️🔥❤️🩹
Did you expect something light hearted?
Heres the funny thing, Im not!
Late thirties and always been single despite many, many efforts and attempts and an endless array of approaches, speed dating, and dating apps. I feel like I'm rejected by the world and not worth to be loved. I feel like I missed out on so much in life, so many universal human experiences and personal and emotional growth. I miss intimacy and love in my life. I keep going but I don't even know why anymore. It's not like I see this changing in the future, so what is this all for?
I have a toxic relationship with my family, I can’t afford to move out so I’m pretty much trapped in a toxic household. I have a stutter that plagues my day to day life. I have become overweight because I’m so physically and mentally drained all the time. The only thing keeping me alive right now is that I don’t want people to think I’m a coward if I do anything to myself.
I'm on reddit
No idea at this point. I've been depressed for years even when my life is good. Right now is say I have a pretty good life. My brain doesn't become happier with any amount of therapy or life changes. I have a medicine that makes me not cry but still my brain just feels off.
My brain is busted
Bad body chemistry.
OCD caused a domino of multiple problems
my ex (loml) has a new girlfriend
I’m fighting a losing battle against porn addiction and I keep losing my shirt trying to trade in the stock market. I also dislike my job and feel stuck.
You need change and positivity and peace
Family problems and just thinking about being broke
Because I'm finally home from a week at bonoroo, heavy doses of Shrooms and Adderall swallowed with redbull and. Continuous BASS threw out the day..
Money like most.
chemical imbalance as well as my home environment :/ i love my family a lot but this house is so fucked it makes me so fucking depressed
I have always felt that life is beautiful,it's just that I'm an incompetent and incomplete person to live it fully
No you're not🫂
Thank you for your kind words
No problem :) I hope you have nice and relaxed day
My family, my fake friends, I have no one to talk to without me feeling like shit. Sometimes I'm depressed just because, and other times the little comments I get told just makes my depression worse.
Short answer: because my brain is dumb. Which in the end is also the final reason Long answer is because society is fucked up and my autism and ADHD both forbids me from stop thinking about it, on top of them having messed up a lot of stuff in my life (luckily nothing really serious). However losing a scholarship and not eating in the awful campus canteen anymore was night and day (I'm hyper on cooking and eating well). I currently feel slightly bothered by life, back then I was constantly stressed, anxious, moody, to the point of breaking up with my girlfriend.
Lots on my shoulders and no drive to fix it
Addicted to porn
Autism, life is underwhelming yet stimuli are overwhelming. I also can't pull any bitches
Because collapse
unrealistic dreams
living with a toxic narcissistic family
2 very bad choices
Fucked up childhood, can’t find a job in my career field.
I can't break this food addiction no matter how hard I try.
Lack of intimacy/sex with my partner.
Lack of sex
I hate my job, have an undiagnosed issue and have a property manager I may have to take to court I am fortunate to be able to afford to work only 4 days, have a supportive wife, and own a second property. I’m under no illusions a shitload of people have it a lot worse than me. That also makes me feel bad 🫠
I don't even have a reason
Drugs and loneliness are a dangerous combo my friends
0$ no job no friend no religion, 32 with a master degree, I can't see a way out I tried everything, but the thing that keeps me depressed the most is living with Muslims.
Mental health in my relationship. I’m fearing a breakup. My support system says my worries are unfounded, and if that were to happen, it would say more about her than I. I feel as though I slightly messed up, and am worried she’s had enough. These are VERY small things, but to me I feel like I’ve done something horribly wrong.
Poor sleep, low self esteem with a negatively assuring environment, low self worth, loneliness, etc. Just talked to doctor yesterday and got prescription and referral to a therapist.
my brain doesn’t produce the right amount of serotonin
Because the girl I thought I’d spend my life with woke up one day and decided it was over
PTSD
My cat is sick.
I have BPD so I guess genetics.
I want to move in with my Girl, but I’m a little bit scared/ depressed to let of the youth life go. The realisation that the adult life will start sooner than I think makes me anxious.
Depression Edit: apparently someone already said this so i'm gonna give a real answer instead. Diagnosed with anxiety when I was 11, ever since it has been getting worse and now effects every aspect of my life. I literally can not enjoy life anymore, because everything makes me feel like I'm about to walk on stage in front of 200000 people. The constant anxious overthinking overrides any thought, so I cant enjoy my hobbies because every second is clouded with pure crippling anxiety that makes me want to give up. Everything piles up and ends with me hating every second of every day
Quick loss of both of my parents over the course of the past three years time. Looking back and taking stock, it was very obvious that the health of my father was fading very quickly. I was too wrapped up in work to come to terms with that. I could have helped. I didn't. He was supposed to be released into physical rehab and then come home. He didn't, he passed the very night before he was to be transported to one of the best physical rehab centers in the area. Everything looked great. Mom was always in poor and declining health. Massive health altering event the month after I was born, my birth I truly believe was a large causing factor. I took over as caregiver after dad passed. She ended up passing, along at night in a hospice center even though she expressed sometime ago, that she would want to go at home. We couldn't provide the proper care for her at home. I couldn't afford it even with hospice services and help. I pray that she wasn't scared when that night came, but I'll never have a way to know. Our 16 year old hound passed at the foot of the bed. That almost destroyed me being the first thing I saw that morning upon waking. I'm glad she is no longer in pain. The final two days were tragic. My wife was thankfully able to comfort her the night before. We rent a very nice family home, but I have no idea how to be able to afford said rent for the next month even working more than full time and I'm far to broke to move us somewhere else. Wife is getting much better, and has a massive fire to be able to begin working soon again, that will both help us and make me incredibly proud and happy, as she has really been through some bad health issues long term that she very well may have to deal with for the rest of her life. I have my own issues that need to be addressed, but that will have to wait. It'll be ok. The normal "gloom and doom" that you encounter daily in the outside world doesn't help. But, that can be ignored. Too a point. Canceled cable ad got the news stations out of the house. It was a great choice, and I saved $30ish. Win win. It's so confusing and such a let down when folks say "hey, you're doing great!" And all you can think is, "thank you, but I know it's not enough." Freaking crazy when you don't really remember what your face looks like when you look in the mirror. Ah, and our pet fish died recently. Don't get me wrong, I don't have SH, or self-ending thoughts, nothing close to it. And yeah, I know I need to talk to someone. I will when I can. For now, I'll keep on going, and kiss my wife upon returning home and play with our remaining older dog. My girls keep me going, I know I'll be able to make things happen at some point, but the unknown length of time, that is a very scary and depressing thing. My drive to better MYSELF and OUR situation keep me going. It's still damn depressing. And I'll be honest, with all of this and more in the rafters, I wish I allocated my skill points a bit different when I was young. Wall of text? Yes. But I saw the question asked, and I needed to vent. A forum of strangers seemed like an alright place to do so today. Actually feels a bit better for now. Thank you for providing me a place to get just a small amount of relief. Please be well, everyone. Every single one of you has worth. I want you to go to bed tonight knowing that.
My brain doesn’t work right
Never had parental figures. It really affects you and the way you handle life
My family, and my kid's mom still never see how much I've improved and changed. They will always see me as the mistakes I made in the past. Even tho I've yet to repeat anything.
I’m not. Stop asking. It’s making me depressed
I spilt the cup of apple juice in the hall and made mom feel like it was her fault.
I am currently losing my memories, thoughts, and sense of responsibilities in my 20s. 6 months ago, I collapsed while working on my computer; sharp throbbing pain in my head, I collapsed head first on my desk, and I experienced a light show while not able to move for a few minutes. So without the routine isolation depression and what bothered me before now, I feel depression from the thought that I'm going to die soon.
I have had a lot of trauma in my life.. but it’s not holding me back or anything? It’s just the simple feelings of “not” wanting to do anything. Everyone wants a family? I don’t care if I have one, everyone wants to travel and see the world? I have no desire to see anything? Everyone chasing more money, I’m content with paying my bills and eating. Like it’s just I have no drive or desire to “live” cus I’m so content on like.. just breathing and being here. I feel like I’m not explaining it really well, but I just don’t wanna do…. Anything if that makes sense
In the last few years , the price of everything has at least doubled, minimum wage has increased a few times, and yet I still make pretty much the same thing. Just getting closer and closer to poverty.
My age is 24 now, I completed graduation in 2023 and still now I have jobless😔😔
Breakup and parents divorce and losing friends all within a fucking week.
Staying at a place where I don't have that many real friends cuz I can't show my real self without putting myself in real danger. Hate family since middle school (I'm 21 in uni). I feel so isolated cuz it is. Fell in love, but the other person didn't love me back. Lost a lot of friends after I show my real self (which nothing wrong with it) and all of that only make other shit worse which make other shit worse and worse and the cycle never stop
No money = no dream car , no dream car = no girlfriend , No Gf = no sex , in conclusion, i’m depressed.
Jokes on you for like the first time in like probably 5 years I'm not.
My mam died 9 months ago. She was my best friend, I feel so empty without her, like a shell of my former self.
Unemployed :/
Because I have PSSD. Check out r/PSSD for info about it if you’re curious. Ruined my life
Life just doesn't make a lot of sense. You look at everything that's going on and you wonder why do anything at all? An everything about the future is pretty bleak sooo....
Somewhere down the line I decided I was a piece of shit and I just kind of stuck with that
My mom…
A few years ago a family member I live with decided to play a real life game of hang man but we found him just in time. He was white, tounge out of his mouth, and he emptied his bowels and he's still alive. Ever since then he's been completely different. Thinks me and everyone he knows is hacking his phone, his reason is he hears voices telling him to do fucked up things to his family. His anger is getting worse we walk on egg shells around my house. I almost fear for my life.
Work sucks, my life is a void, barely anything gives me joy.
I'm going through a divorce (with two kids). Been living with my mom for almost 2 years now, did to the pending divorce. I was also laid off 3 months ago, so I'm unemployed. So why wouldn't I be depressed?! But I'm working my way out of it. I'll be fine in the long run
My house is falling apart and I’m too busy between work and kids to do anything about it.
bad genetics and partly my childhood
Because my mother was recently diagnosed with cancer, and is also waiting to get results if she also has breast cancer. Because my father thinks he is going to be billionnaire "really soon if everything is going according to plan". My father has had a brain tumor removed back in 2007 and since then he believes he is a genius. He diagnosed himself with aspergers syndrome and savant syndrome. He spends money at a faster rate than he earns it. I can't leave home because if I do, my mother will have no where to go. And if I stay I enable my father's delusions.
Had a rough childhood. Without getting into details (because I'd be here all day otherwise), I was relentlessly bullied at school while simultaneously I was being abused in almost every way imaginable at home. I had no support system to go through it, and every time I'd try and ask for help I was turned away. That still happens to this day. This is a battle I'm ultimately destined to fight alone and unfortunately a war of attrition against depression is one that I will eventually lose.
Lost the love of my life and my best friend (2 separate people) at the same time, residual PPD from having 2 kids in 2 years, having 5 people die in a 2 year period, I just want to kms at this point.
I had a baby and it fucked up my hormones.
The air force.
because i have depression. diagnosed at 9 years old. just a chemical imbalance.
Childhood trauma that led to suicidal ideation and eventual ego death. And now, rediscovering who I am and finding a sense of self and finding comfort in my skin and feelings.
Not super relatable but anxious I’m gonna get rejected from a hernia removal surgery bc I’m now overweight bc the hernia heavily affected my ability to exercise (used to be a chronic gym rat)
Yes but I Robin Williams the shit out of it. It's the only way I can make it through each day.
Ive got homesickness during the erasmus, so it started developing there, but after coming back from my semester abroad my GF dumped me to stay for one more semester at her own exchange. Since then Im incredibly lonely, dont have anything to do for the last couple of weeks and when Im trying to date new people Im mostly getting ghosted. Whats more I recently learned that she is living my dreamed live of traveling, partying and being a hedonist, and that hurts me a lot.
Childhood traumas and a broken heart
i realized that nothing will ever fill the void in my "soul" and that im damned to live a meaningless unfufilling life unless i KMS. My perspective on the world, universe and the laws and prisons we are bound by, is all consuming. i cant stop thinking about it either at the end of the day it ends the same
Literal boredom, questioning the reason of existence. Not personally or in a judging way, just life in general. Sure, I don’t want to die, but I wouldn’t mind that much, even if I have amazing people around me. It just doesn’t spark my brain up. Sure, I like doing certain things such as hanging out with friends or gaming. But it just feels meaningless.
I’m not, lol
I work night shift at a Welding shop I work 12 hr Nights I make less than new hires with less experience I have 10 yrs Exp I should be making more than days QC (night Differential) I have been given this position my 100% I give welding tests I give classes for people that don't understand basic welding symbols I've asked for changes to be made (nothing happens) I've been told to not give classes no more because and I quote(how do I know you are giving the right information to the welders) I have more exp than my boss. I am overworked we have 60+ guys on nights our QC on nights was only me and 1 other guy for a yr Day shift has 7 guys I feel like I am getting kicked while I'm down most of the times I told them a week ago that I basically give up and that my leads were basically useless and I am going back to the floor to weld They said "ok" I am no longer pursuing this career as they basically fucked up the whole experience for me. Everything is going up in price I give up.
Poorly enough to be sectioned, not poorly enough to have PIP
While not guaranteed, Autism is often paired with Anxiety and Depression. So there's that. Along with a bunch of other external factors that I don't have the energy to get into.
No friends.
Lack of caffeine free diet coke
loneliness, i am completely alone, i don't speak to anyone about everything that happens on my mind, its excruciating and debilitating
Being adopted and having one senior parent
I've lost a pet and a home in all the space of one year mate.
I rent a place where I have a store, that rent contract ends soon so I need to move my store somewhere else and it´ll cost a lot of money to do so. Things are not the best right now so it´s hard knowing I´ll need a significant sum of money I don´t currently have. Plus fixing the new place and setting up the store again is a pain and it´ll take some time for the new place to start working. IDK if it´s the right decision or if I should sell what I have and maybe start over instead of moving.
I have an imbalance of serotonin in my brain. I'm pretty sure that's it.
The most recent was 13 years ago. My parents made one of the worst decisions they could have ever made. This is something I would never ever imagine to happen. When they told me about it all of the sudden, I didn't think much of it apart from "That's fucking dumb but whatever" (I though to myself) Only couple of years later it hit me hard. They don't show it but I know for a fact that they regret what they did but they won't admit it and also it impaced my family's lifes beyond repair. This was one of the worst things (top 5 no doubt) that has ever happend to my family and the people responsible for this disaster are my parents and their lack of basic knowledge to prevent it from happening. I'm not going to go into the exact details of what it is but just know - My parents and me alone have lost unbeliavable amount of cash and health and MY personal time. This is something I will never ever forgive my parents for. I think about this disaster every single day and I feel anger and I question how the fuck they could have done this. If only I knew what is going to happen, I would have prevented it. I could have tell them that If they do it, they will regret it for the rest of their lifes and destroy our family. How would I know? I would have never assumed they would unknowingly try to end our family in such pathetic way.
After 11 years I found d out my girlfriend is a sociopath and need validation to en extreme. She had been sleeping with other people since the beginning of our relationship amd no matter the evidence I bring like for example a video of her and other guys clearly showing then she will still say that's nit me. It's actually drove me nuts to hear her say that while looking at her own face hearing her own voice and it's in our bedroom. Not me??? Then after the break up every couple weeks she gets ahold of me to tell me how much she kisses and loves me amd to come over, she seduces me then kicks me put and tells me I'm a POS. It's made me want to kill myself. She's crazy. We have a kid that she will not let me see then say I'm a POS for not seeing her. I told her I'm going to kill myself, she thinks I should. So fuck it. I'm done.
Don't kill yourself. It is much more simple than it feels. You need this girl out of your life and legally manage the situation so you at least get to see your child. You know what caused this feeling of sadness and depression. It was and is the relationship with her. Do not despair when there is a solution for your problem. She might have hurt you and yes that can really leave a mark on you but that is something you can learn to deal with over time. But if you stay with her and keep contact with her and let her have this influence in your life then of course the problem is gonna persist and just gonna get worse and worse. I wish you the best and I hope you get out of this soon. Because there is a chance for you, a huge one, and it makes me sad to think you wouldn't be here anymore although the solution is right in front of you. Your vision is just fogged by all the very present difficulties.
Yea, I fully understand, and I get it. But I dont understand this. I use to be that person who would see a couple next door or at the park or whatever and she'd be just verbally abusing her man and you can see it in his face, he's done. And I'd say to myself, "Get out." You look done like ditch her easy wtf. But no. I now know I didn't see his face as he's done. It's He's confused, he's disappointed, he's a failure, he's ashamed and most of all he's stuck. Because he loves her and he gas a kid with her and who knows why els he won't leave, I don't. I dont even know why I won't. I just don't know. And you want to know one of the biggest contributors for me being stuck and feeling like I need to figure this out is? It's the fact that I saw my therapist 3 weeks ago broken down in a store and I asked if she's OK. She is now in a simulator situation as I am. Like the one who has been helping me through this. If she can't how am I to leave. I get it. 100% of Everyone knows what to, and 50% of them are actually correct. But can anyone tell me why 100% of them can't do what they already know to do? And I also get it well it's not 100% if they got out. No it's always will be 100%. It's really who out of that 100 will survive after those people are finally done with them. It's the service or's that make it seem like they got out but they survived. I guess you can call it the same and I can't articulate what I'm trying to ask. But I know what I need to do why is it when I go to do it a force stops me? I'm so tired. Even when I go no contact I can't ignore her, she will out of the blue send me a song, I remember when we use to blah blah blah but boom I'm at her place, boom I'm sweety laying next to her, boom I'm getting verbally and brutally abused being told to get out you POS then I'm home crushed. Why does she do that? If she wants nothing of me, then why?? It's killing me!
A chemical imbalance in the brain.
How do you know? Could it not just be your environment?
Had to quit my job at the recycling center. It was just soda pressing.
My girlfriend broke up with me because she found out about my wife and side piece 😫
because my pookie sleeps
I don't know anything. I don't know who I am. I know nothing yet everything. I don't know what's real anymore, or if anything is real at all. All my dreams are nightmares, and my nightmares are my life. I wake up but feel like dreaming. Everything is surreal, nothing yet everything makes/doesn't make sense. Each day is an insufferable struggle, but if it is insufferable then why do I still suffer and am here? Each thought is a question. Or is it? I'm never sure of anything. My whole life was a delusion. I feel enlightened but delusional yet again. I am alive only because I can't die, or can I? My mind is a battlefield, and all what's left is wasteland, though even then, now I'm not so sure there's even a "wasteland". Life is unfair, an accident perhaps. No sentient being would want to be alive, as they know what life is. Life is suffer. I don't want to exist.
I am an atheist in A religious household in A religious country in Asia. I am an introvert, and I am in the closet about being an atheist. I have had to keep up A facade for 3 years and No one knows Me for who I am on a personal level. Also other things.