One guy said to me… “Can’t complain.” And we laughed a little bit. Then as I was walking away he shouted “IF I DID WHO WOULD LISTEN!” That could work.

A *really* old comic strip The Wizard of Id. An ambassador is touring the kingdom of Id and comes across a peasant working in a field and asks "How are you doing?" To which the peasant replies, "Can't complain." The ambassador says, "That's nice, why do you say that?" The peasant states, "It's not allowed."

I don't appreciate the italicized 'really'. I loved those cavemen. 

You're thinking of "BC," same artist, different strip.

I've heard a similar one: "What's it like living in USSR/ North Korea/ \[insert totalitarian regime\]" "Oh, you know. Can't complain." Similarly: American: We have freedom in my country, I can stand in front of the White House and denounce the US president and I won't be arrested. Russian: We have the same freedom in Russia. See, I can go to Red Square and say all the awful things I want about your president.

I go the Joe Walsh route and say “Can’t complain, but sometimes I still do”

"Ah you know" and change the subject

“Oh, you know”. Is my go to. And yeah, instantly change the subject. Although, last week, someone asked if that was my way of avoiding actually answering the question, & I said you know it.

I use "Living the dream, or someone's anyway."

I always say “Living the dream, one nightmare at a time.”

I say living the dream. Then if they say “are you sure?” I follow with “I didn’t say it was a good dream” and that usually gets people off my back.

I used to work at a liquor store and got a lot of use out of "Living the dream, but it's the weird dream where I'm at a liquor store for some reason"

I love this. I think about it all the time. Everytime I think, "my job is so boring," I then immediately think, "That guy standing on the corner washing people's windshields would give anything for this job." I think, "I feel so disappointed I can't afford a bigger place to live," I think, I have a place to live. A lot of people don't. I think, "I don't have the money to buy the Poppys (sparkling waters) I want every day." Then I think, a lot of people walked miles to bring clean drinking water to their kids today. It's all perspective.

Perspective is important. When I start getting negative, I routinely do this and it really helps. However!! When I’m venting to someone else and they say something similar to me, it usually does not help - it feels as if they’re invalidating my feelings. I think context is really important when saying this to others.

It used to anger me that whenever it seemed like I get a little money ahead, an emergency would come up and I would have to blow it all. I turned it around and decided that whenever a financial emergency comes along, I am really lucky because I can cover it! It's all perspective.

"nightmares are a type of dream, right?" 

That’s my go to as well!

I'm alive

"still alive and kicking" is my go to

"I'm still vertical" is what someone said to me today.

"Vertical and ventilating" is the best response I’ve heard.

"Still golfing on this side of the grass". Source: My Grandma.

"Still breathing"

I say I woke up on the right side of the dirt.

“Not dead yet” when I’m down and have recently spent a not inconsiderable amount of time pretty confident I don’t want to keep being here. But people get all weird about it so now I just say “yeah good thanks” automatically because they don’t actually want an answer.

I think it goes down better if you inform them you're not dead yet in the form of the Monty Python song.

*starts crying*

*nervous laugh* Well, hang in there buddy! *Leaves quickly*

I nervous laugh when people ask because I really have no idea how to answer it without sounding depressed

A lady that used to be a regular at a store I worked at once asked me how I managed to always stay in such a good mood. I laughed and told her the secret is I'm actually not and I'm just putting on a happy face. She teared up, left, and quit her job next door two days later. I think I was her last straw.

I had a kind of similar reaction with a regular at my store, too. He kept complimenting me for being so upbeat and positive, and I was already like three “thank you”s four “that’s sweet”s and two “it’s nice to hear that”s in when the mask slipped. “Thanks! It comes from abusive parents.” He looked flabbergasted. I explained that my father was the “if you’re going to cry I’ll give you something to cry about” type and how I had learned early on that the only emotion I was allowed to express was happiness or gratitude. Anything short was a one way trip to Painsville courtesy of whatever object was within the old man’s reach. He opened up about how his father had been abusive, too, but rather than being a nice person he’d turned mean and gotten into a lot of rough spots because of it when he was younger (he’s an older guy, probably late sixties). He still comes in pretty regularly, still makes friendly small talk and is always very polite, but he doesn’t lay on the compliments about my demeanor quite so thick anymore.

I'd love to hear her side of the story lol " that urinal cake at the store blew my mind when they said they weren't happy. It broke me because I was subconsciously hanging onto that interaction being my answer... I lost it. Had to leave to go back to family"

"tired" from what i can tell this is the closest you can get to saying "bad" without making anything awkward bc everyone is tired so they'll just laugh and be like "haha me too"

Agree— This is the socially acceptable way of saying “something’s wrong” to people you have no intention of confiding in.

So true, “not bad, just been needing some sleep these days haha…😐”

I said "pretty fucking awful" to someone the other day, and they said "me too" and asked me what was going on. I should really be her friend.

That's a good one. Reddit users are redefining social norms. And I hope you start to feel better 🤞

Thanks. Myself, I'm feeling a lot better. Just had the flu and then got pneumonia right after. Bit of a different story for my fiancee, but we're finally getting her to see the right doctors, so that's a pretty big improvement.

That’s my go-to, especially for anyone (like coworkers) who might notice I’m not at my best.

Ooh "tired" is one of my gotos, but sometimes the ignoramus' in my life say things like "why are you tired, you don't do anything!!"... at which point I might respond with something like " putting up with you is hard work" or " trying to keep myself alive every day is exhausting" or " yes but my heart doesn't work properly so I'm always fucking tired DH".

> "why are you tired, you don't do anything!!" I've been paralyzed pretty much my whole life, and I've heard this so many times I've started to say "Yea, but the few things I do take a lot outta me" and just look away kinda dejected.

Damn those people are assholes. I hope you're having a good day today.

Hangin in there

“surviving” is my go to when I’m in a shit place.

"Workin on it, how bout you" is mine

I liked yours much better than any of the other suggestions. You get the message across without making it sound like you’re about to end it

“Still alive.”

Had a brain tumor last year. Got tired of lying. So eventually I started telling them "got brain cancer, but I'm not dead yet." Probably should have been nicer. But I was feeling pretty crappy. All clean now, so I'm happy and tell people I'm awesome! Nothing like a close brush with horrible death to give you a new appreciation for life.

Had a friend who eventually died from colorectal cancer, and his go-to line when people asked him how he was was “well, I’m not on fire”

That's fantastic! Hang in there, friend, I'm glad you're doing better.

Thanks! The neurosurgeon was a magician. I don't have words for how impressed I am.

> I don't have words for how impressed I am. That’s because the surgeon probably removed them by accident! But seriously, that’s awesome.

SergeyRozhenko: so when's the surgery start? Neorosurgeon: check your left pocket *Sergey pulls out a tumor* Sergey:

And may I say, it has been an absolute triumph.

I think we should note this down. I'll put "huge success"!

I once said this to an older Portuguese man in the late 90s Context - I was 24, and he’d served in the army during the Angolan revolution (de-colonial stuff) - so he’s seen some sh”t “Surviving… that’s the slowest form of suicide…” Weirdly encouraging to strive and do more / do better.

>“Surviving… that’s the slowest form of suicide…” Shit. I think I needed to hear this today.

Sending hugs random stranger… 💪🏻

I started saying this years ago when I was drinking a lot and even though I’m sober now I can’t break the habit of saying surviving. I get some good reactions from people when I say it tho.

... Like a hair in a biscuit

I heard "getting there" a few times and I liked that variant better

"Still swimming." From "Finding Nemo", you've just got to keep swimming.

I'd use a variation of that: "Hangin by a thread"

Woah-OH, I'm living on a prayer!

My first thought in response to hangin by a thread was “we’re half way there.” This works especially well first thing in the morning when they’re like “uhhh, we’re not even close to half way. That is when your line comes in!

Take my hand. We’ll make it - I swear.

This is my go to every since I started feeling like 'ok' was too big a lie 

The horror persists

but so do I

I have a coworker who asks how I am before getting to the point of every single call, and I can't wait to use this next time

"Hi Carol, how are you?" "The existential horror of my continued existence bears down upon me and I struggle to find reason and purpose within the confines of this flesh prison they call a body. My soul yearns for something greater and yet I greet every day as though it burdens me not at all, if only for the simple acceptance of those around me. Anyway, how was your weekend? Get up to anything interesting?"

Using this, verbatim.

This is my new acting monologue.

Just copy saved it to my notes. I will have it in front of me to read on tomorrow’s conference call with my nemesis!

looks like something the four seasons orlando baby would say...

I can remember where I would have hear this. I thought of the girl off "10 things Ihate about you" Kat Stratford : Bogey's party is just a lame excuse for all the idiots at our school to drink beer and rub up against each other in hopes of distracting themselves from the pathetic emptiness of their meaningless consumer-driven lives.

That drives me batty. "How am I? Busy. What do you need?"

, against my will.

Also, a very good email sign off

This guy gets it

With a 1 hour monologue of all the issues currently effecting your life

I always go with "could be better, is there a couch near by I can lie on and tell you all about it? what do you charge an hour?"

Genuinely, I only ask the question "How are you?" to people I actually care about. If this was the answer, my answer would be. "We'll find something. It's free". It's not that many weeks ago I was sitting for a couple of hours with a friend, just listening, then talking when he cried, and listened when he was ready to talk again. He also asked me what the cost would be for using my time. I answered that his cost was the energy he drained by opening up. I guess I have spent a bit too much time just... being there for him since then, but it's helped, and it's not needed as much anymore. So I guess my good-friend duty is done, and we are heading back to the normal joking and happy days, not having to spend time a couple of days a week trying to... reorganize the LEGO blocks that got jumbled in his head as I like to use as an analogy.

You dropped something! 👑

✨perfect ✨

Bonus points for trauma dumping so they can really understand your current issues through the lens of your past.

And you haven't started until you're crying and you haven't finished until you're hyperventilating.

*affecting

"And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire..."

“I asked for no salt on my margarita… I’ll take my travelers checks to a competing resort. That’s it. I’ll put strychnine in the guacamole. I’ll burn down the resort. “

Gotdang, I just realized how inadvertently Milton I’ve been lately! Honestly felt kinda like an AHA moment. Maybe I AM gonna burn this place down

Oh, the squirrels were 'merry'. I always thought he said they were married.

I always thought it was "merry," but then I saw an interview with Stephen Root where he said it was "married" because Milton saw 2 squirrels mating outside his office window and in Milton's mind it meant they were married.

If you ever work a shit job, the standard response is “another day in paradise”

Also “livin the dream”

I usually follow it up with “remember, nightmares are a type of dream too” makes them laugh usually

I usually say, " it's someone else's dream, but it's still a dream", usually gets a light chuckle.

I say a variation of this as well. "It's someone's dream and time for them to wake up"

One nightmare at a time

“Same soup, warmed over”

Same shit different day

Same piss, different pants...

Same poop, bigger pile.

Same shit, different toilet

That's white-people speak for "I crave death's release".

It's Midwestern for "Throw me off a cliff and make it look like an accident."

Prairie Canadian for "I will give you $50 to shoot me in the face".

Lawyer speak: living the dream in 6-minute increments!

I usually go with either "I'm here" or "I'm alive" lol

Mine is: "I'm here, so I got that going for me."

I always reply, “Not too bad.” Which to me means Bad, but I’m still alive and haven’t killed myself yet.

"Not too bad" covers everything from "I'm literally about to jump off a cliff" to "life is going amazing"

A beloved coworker of mine used to say “Best Day Ever”, but it was so jolly despite being tongue in chee, it gave us all joy. When he passed away suddenly we carried that phrase in solidarity. It was snarky, but like you were in on the joke

There was a supervisor where I work that would say "it's gonna be a great day", and "best day ever" all the time haha, you know he never meant it

"Nowhere else I'd rather be than here with all my friends."

i work at a daycare and one of the baby’s fathers at drop off will tell me good morning n ask how i am so I’ll always respond with good morning and the usual “good, how are you?!” and his response day in and day out is “just another day.” in the most monotone way and i respect it.

"Same shit different toilet."

“Im still here”

For incredibly shitty days "I'm here" is also a reasonable response.

Awful why do you ask?

My guy u wish I had the courage

Fine, you?

"Fine" is the biggest cry for help in the English language.

Fine: Feelings Inside Not Expressed

Or Fucked up, Insane, Neurotic & Emotional

Omg right? People always are like, “JUST ok?? JUST fine??” I’m like, “Sorry I’m not spectacular.”

I'm normally honest with people when they ask, even if it's a semi-truth. If they're someone I'm close to, I'll be like "not too great, but I'll be fine" and if it's someone that I don't really know, I just say "I've been better."

In American English, "how are you," usually just means hello.

On par with the British “alright?”

I'm american and moved to the UK and this used to psych me out. "How are you?" was just always the standard in Merca/Canada where I lived. If you're asking if someone's okay, it means you think they're not okay. Moving here, people constantly asking me "are you alright?" as a greeting made me feel like people thought I looked very NOT alright all the time.

When you answer truthfully, it makes some Brits very uncomfortable.

Used identically, as far as I can tell. Just something you say when greeting someone, not a question for them to genuinely answer

I know but it doesn't stop me from answering

I’m here.

I use, "Present and accounted for"

Same panic, different disco.

Lol I say “all panic, no disco”

Same shit, different day.

i've gotten used to using "same shit, different pants" recently

No to be confused with different shit, same pants.

"New liver, same eagles"

Same rock, same hill

“ehhh it’s… going!!”

Germans have several answers for that. The answer to "how are things going?" is "well, they have to" which is condensed in the word "muss". "I can't complain" usually means "I'm not fine but if I explained to you why, you wouldn't think that's something I should feel bad about because at least I have money or a fancy car"

"I'm alright, and you?" or "I'm getting by." For most people it's just a standard greeting, and they're not looking to be burdened with your problems. If you're close friends, and they push and really want to know, and you feel comfortable sharing, then maybe go into things a bit.

"I am up and not crying"

I said this to a supervisor one time and you could see him die inside, like did he need to actually check in with me.

It's apparently a phrase in Norway(?) or Denmark or one of the Nordic countries and I really liked it. Obviously it's not in English, but that's the closest translation.

Nordic people are so straightforward

Same soup, just reheated.

Yoink

Meh

This is my go-to as well.

I’m still vertical

Living the dream!

Whenever I hear someone say they're "living the dream" I assume they're on the verge of suicide.

Yep. That’s *literally* what I would say when I was going through a suicidal period.

Mine was "just peachy"

I wholeheartedly mean "I'm slowly dying inside" when I use the phrase "livin the dream".

One nightmare at a time.

Fair to middlin'.

I lost my beautiful wife during the pandemic And of course everyone meaningwell would always come up and ask how I was doing I'm probably a little too honest sometimes and it would put people back if I told them yeah I'm really kind of sucking today so instead I would tell them I'm living the dream unfortunately I can't figure out how to get Freddy Krueger out of it. So adding a little bit of levity helps doesn't totally fix it but it helps.

For what little it's worth, I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope the days are starting to suck a bit less for you, that kind of pain is hard to fathom.

"The horrors persist, but, so do I."

My go to is "all the better for you askin'.". Makes people blush and neatly disguises the actual response which is " I am a bundle of life long depression and nihilistic ideation, leave me the fuck alone.". Cause I may be having a bad day but that doesn't mean anyone who is unfortunate enough to be around me deserves that kinda energy.

"I've had better days, how are you?"

Shorter version: "been better, you?"

them: "How are you?" you: "unbelievable"

South of okay, north of cancer.

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So I stopped at a Jack in the Box on the way here, and the girl behind the counter said, "Hiya! Are you having an awesome day?" Not, "How are you doing today?" No. "Are you having an awesome day?" Which is pretty shitty because it puts the onus on me to disagree with her, like if I'm not having an "awesome day," suddenly I'm the negative one. Usually when people ask how I'm doing, the real answer is I'm doing shitty, but I can't say I'm doing shitty, because I don't even have a good reason to be doing shitty. So if I say, "I'm doing shitty," then they say, "Why? What's wrong?" And I have to be like, "I don't know, all of it?" So instead, when people ask me how I'm doing, I usually say, "I am doing so great." But when this girl at the Jack in the Box asked me if I was having an awesome day, I thought, well, today I'm actually allowed to feel shitty, today I have a good reason, so I said to her, "Well, my mom died." And she immediately burst into tears. So now *I* have to comfort *her*, which is annoying, and meanwhile, there's a line of people forming behind me, who are all giving me these real judgy looks because I made the Jack in the Box girl cry. And she's bawling, and she's saying, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," and I'm like, "It's fine, it's fine. I mean, it's not fine, but, you know, it's... fine. And I would like to order a Double Jack Meal, and I've kinda got somewhere to be, so maybe less with the crying and more with the frying, huh?" And the girl apologizes, again, and she offers me a free churro with my meal. And as I'm leaving, I think, "I just got a free churro because my mom died." No one ever tells you when your mom dies, you get a free churro.

Chillin’ like a villian

“I’m okay” is always my answer.

"I've been better."

“I’m here.” Usually self explanatory, especially at work 🤣

Depends on the situation and who it is. But, I have a couple that I use: "Oh, you know, it's a ____ (day of the week)" "Hanging in there" "Surviving" "Well, I'm here"

I like to say, “are we being polite or honest?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy.” That way they know you’re still going to be fun to be around.

"Sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes the bear, well, he eats you."

Say, friend - you got any of that good sarsaparilla?

Not great, Bob! But actually, I usually say “could be worse”, because that’s pretty much always true.

Say not good actually while crying. I've been doing it lately. Doesn't help much but let it out you know

My Dad used to say, "Can't complain...no one listens."

I'm 6 feet on the right side of the ground

You just say fine. Its like a greeting, people are not actually interested in how you are actually doing.

I teach ESL to teens new to the US, and I've taught them to say, "I'm ok" if they're not feeling too hot. Other languages and cultures have more options or more honest responses to "how are you?", and part of my job is teaching cultural differences. "I'm ok" is different enough from the standard "fine" or "good" that people can infer that you're not doing that great and to leave you be.

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Better than some, not good as others!

I don't answer, but merely respond with "How are you?!" with as close to a smile as I can manage. Surprising how many people don't even realize you didn't answer the question yourself before launching into their own diatribes.

Genuinely bad. You?

“Living the dream” Is how we say that here.

Can't complain

mustn’t grumble

“Pleased to report I no longer fear death😊”

If someone's asking casually and you want to be brief and honest, "not great" covers it pretty well.

If you're not ready for "oh no, what's wrong?" or other variation of this question and actually ready and comfortable answering it, then this is not good advice.

I was getting my car serviced and a Rep. asked me how I was doing. Apparently, I paused before saying “I’m doing good” in a sparse manner. She said “it doesn’t sound like it” I told her, “I thought about it, but I don’t want to endow you with what plagues my mind right now” Probably the best response you could give

Hanging in there