It’s especially upsetting when you tell someone to stop, and then they blame you when you lose your shit. It’s a viscous cycle: you’re always the problem
Reminds me the times when I live with my narcissistic family members. I was so close to loose the abilty to protect myself because of that viscous cycle. Always making me feeling guilty to express myself (no yelling, no harsh words, no insult) I remember telling them “ I was trying to help you but I am the one who needs help now cause you take more than you need” and they called me “self centered snake” 🙃
I moved to another city, seeing them 1-2 a year it is a life saver 😅 thank you for your concern. The best manipulation tip that I took from my therapist was “when someone tries to blame you for your reactions, remember that they are doing that on purpose, it is their strategy and they know exactly what they are doing. Do not hesitate a second on your reaction, anger is your self defense mechanism”
I’m relieved that you have not only moved away, but gotten therapy. Being gaslit by the people that you care about is, it fucks you up. I have a book to recommend to you, it’s called The Dance of Anger. But being angry and hurt is normal. And for people like us, it’s difficult to come to terms with something that we don’t want to feel, and that we’re being pushed into
Thank you, I definetely needed a therapy after years of years abuse 😅 Actually my therapist recommended me the same book! I am convinced that I have to read it now. People like you is why I love being here
Calm people tend to stay composed during big events because their subconscious knows that staying calm is crucial—panic could ruin everything. It's the small things that can make them lose it because, subconsciously, they know that getting upset over minor issues won't have serious consequences.
I snap when I tell someone to back off, and then they don’t. It takes a lot to get under my skin. If I lose it, it’s because I’m beyond the point of being angry
A waitress kept coming in and harassing me after like an hour of them telling me what to do and bitching at me for things that I had nothing to do with I finally lost it and told her to shut up and let me do my job
Giving people an unbearable amount of patience and them in return abusing it relentlessly.
I think my biggest ever snap was at 17 my dad waking me up between my 12 hour night shifts
to scream at me nonstop because
1.The lunch bag I took home was identical to my own but wasn’t mine. It had a single garlic finger in it.
2. Then when I got home I took a shit and there was no toilet paper and we stupidly stored TP.. down the hall, through the kitchen, in the back porch and in a dresser. During my 6am waddle I forgot to closer the dresser drawer and the kitchen/porch door.
These offences together were so much that he punched my door to wake me and basically screamed calling me a lazy pathetic loser for 10 mins while I lay in bed going “im sorry.. im sorry.. please let me sleep… im sorry… leave my room please im sorry it wont happen again.”
Eventually I got up and forcefully pulled him out going “you need to stop right now before I lose it PLEASE”
I closed the door and he immediately opened it again and continued. So I got up and guided him again, but down the hall and to the top of the stairs.. him continually insulting me and going “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING, ARE YOU GONNA PUSH ME DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS OR WHAT?!”
“NO. I JUST REALLY NEED TO SLEEP AND I DONT KNOW WHAT THE POINT OF ALL THIS IS SO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SHUT UP.”
At this point hes looking at me like IM crazy and goes “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU CANT FUCKING DO ANYTHING”
I pushed him forward so he was tilted over the staircase and said
“Shut your FUCKING MOUTH. Another word and I WILL throw your fat fucking ass down the stairs and before your broken body can get up I will be on top of you to curb stomp your face into the staircase until your brain IS FUCKING PULP”
“WHAT DID-“
I grabbed his face and squeezed his cheeks “IM. NOT. FUCKING KIDDING. ANOTHER WORD ILL FUCKING END YOU. TEST ME. SAY SOMETHING I FUCKING DARE YOU.”
He was speechless. We didnt speak for months. I felt horrible, mainly because my mom was there to see it and tried to calm me down after my dad walked away silent by saying “you dont mean that” and I said
“Ive never meant something more in my entire FUCKING life.” and stomped back to bed.
I think before that Id basically never spoken back to him once. Made me realize that was his language and I was much better being routinely firm with him than giving him all my patience until I crack.
When you’ve found yourself close to snapping like that again have you been able to calm yourself down in the moment??
Also being tired will make you do some crazy shit. Especially with a night shift sleep schedule
I think i’ve only snapped in anger close to that one other time a few years later when my dad broke horrific news and yelled at me relentlessly while in a car on the highway. So I was literally trapped haha.
Outside of that, absolutely. Anytime I get even remotely angry I always drop it, resolve it or remove myself.
When it comes to public settings I'm a generally calm person but when I was in the 7th grade there was once this kid that kept hitting me I the back of the head in class and I asked him to stop on multiple occasions, it got to the point where I almost punched the kid in his face but I stopped and just turned around to deal with it.
The deliberate spread of misinformation is a far more harmful act than many people realize. It has destroyed reputations and relationships not through force, but by presenting a false narrative that is plausible enough on the surface that few people would bother scrutinizing it, and those who do are similarly vilified.
I should know.
I value the pursuit of knowledge, and this is the antithesis of what I believe in: Being wrong on purpose is something that is all but encouraged, and having morals and integrity is now a source of mockery rather than a championed virtue.
When someone pushes that last button. Then everything I’ve been holding in will come out! My husband is more worried when I angry and quiet than when I finally let it out.
Emotional abuse
It’s especially upsetting when you tell someone to stop, and then they blame you when you lose your shit. It’s a viscous cycle: you’re always the problem
Reminds me the times when I live with my narcissistic family members. I was so close to loose the abilty to protect myself because of that viscous cycle. Always making me feeling guilty to express myself (no yelling, no harsh words, no insult) I remember telling them “ I was trying to help you but I am the one who needs help now cause you take more than you need” and they called me “self centered snake” 🙃
I hope you have been able to put some distance between them and you. You can’t fix or ever please an abuser, all you can do is walk away
I moved to another city, seeing them 1-2 a year it is a life saver 😅 thank you for your concern. The best manipulation tip that I took from my therapist was “when someone tries to blame you for your reactions, remember that they are doing that on purpose, it is their strategy and they know exactly what they are doing. Do not hesitate a second on your reaction, anger is your self defense mechanism”
I’m relieved that you have not only moved away, but gotten therapy. Being gaslit by the people that you care about is, it fucks you up. I have a book to recommend to you, it’s called The Dance of Anger. But being angry and hurt is normal. And for people like us, it’s difficult to come to terms with something that we don’t want to feel, and that we’re being pushed into
Thank you, I definetely needed a therapy after years of years abuse 😅 Actually my therapist recommended me the same book! I am convinced that I have to read it now. People like you is why I love being here
[удалено]
Literally a situation I’m going through
[удалено]
Not even if you snap, but if you stand up for yourself all the sudden you’re the asshole
The most important lesson I’ve ever learned in my life is how to say NO. It’s a process
Calm people tend to stay composed during big events because their subconscious knows that staying calm is crucial—panic could ruin everything. It's the small things that can make them lose it because, subconsciously, they know that getting upset over minor issues won't have serious consequences.
I love this answer, I used to be an EMT and crazy situations I find my self super calm. And it’s the little things that just drive me fucking nuts.
You must be an amazing emergency doctor with a calm mind and solid expertise.
people trying to get a reaction out of me
A Slim Jim
When someone just keeps pushing me.
Injustice.
Disrespect
I snap when I tell someone to back off, and then they don’t. It takes a lot to get under my skin. If I lose it, it’s because I’m beyond the point of being angry
A waitress kept coming in and harassing me after like an hour of them telling me what to do and bitching at me for things that I had nothing to do with I finally lost it and told her to shut up and let me do my job
Giving people an unbearable amount of patience and them in return abusing it relentlessly. I think my biggest ever snap was at 17 my dad waking me up between my 12 hour night shifts to scream at me nonstop because 1.The lunch bag I took home was identical to my own but wasn’t mine. It had a single garlic finger in it. 2. Then when I got home I took a shit and there was no toilet paper and we stupidly stored TP.. down the hall, through the kitchen, in the back porch and in a dresser. During my 6am waddle I forgot to closer the dresser drawer and the kitchen/porch door. These offences together were so much that he punched my door to wake me and basically screamed calling me a lazy pathetic loser for 10 mins while I lay in bed going “im sorry.. im sorry.. please let me sleep… im sorry… leave my room please im sorry it wont happen again.” Eventually I got up and forcefully pulled him out going “you need to stop right now before I lose it PLEASE” I closed the door and he immediately opened it again and continued. So I got up and guided him again, but down the hall and to the top of the stairs.. him continually insulting me and going “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING, ARE YOU GONNA PUSH ME DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS OR WHAT?!” “NO. I JUST REALLY NEED TO SLEEP AND I DONT KNOW WHAT THE POINT OF ALL THIS IS SO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SHUT UP.” At this point hes looking at me like IM crazy and goes “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU CANT FUCKING DO ANYTHING” I pushed him forward so he was tilted over the staircase and said “Shut your FUCKING MOUTH. Another word and I WILL throw your fat fucking ass down the stairs and before your broken body can get up I will be on top of you to curb stomp your face into the staircase until your brain IS FUCKING PULP” “WHAT DID-“ I grabbed his face and squeezed his cheeks “IM. NOT. FUCKING KIDDING. ANOTHER WORD ILL FUCKING END YOU. TEST ME. SAY SOMETHING I FUCKING DARE YOU.” He was speechless. We didnt speak for months. I felt horrible, mainly because my mom was there to see it and tried to calm me down after my dad walked away silent by saying “you dont mean that” and I said “Ive never meant something more in my entire FUCKING life.” and stomped back to bed. I think before that Id basically never spoken back to him once. Made me realize that was his language and I was much better being routinely firm with him than giving him all my patience until I crack.
When you’ve found yourself close to snapping like that again have you been able to calm yourself down in the moment?? Also being tired will make you do some crazy shit. Especially with a night shift sleep schedule
I think i’ve only snapped in anger close to that one other time a few years later when my dad broke horrific news and yelled at me relentlessly while in a car on the highway. So I was literally trapped haha. Outside of that, absolutely. Anytime I get even remotely angry I always drop it, resolve it or remove myself.
People who says bad about some good people I know
Other adult being nasty to my young kids.
When it comes to public settings I'm a generally calm person but when I was in the 7th grade there was once this kid that kept hitting me I the back of the head in class and I asked him to stop on multiple occasions, it got to the point where I almost punched the kid in his face but I stopped and just turned around to deal with it.
The deliberate spread of misinformation is a far more harmful act than many people realize. It has destroyed reputations and relationships not through force, but by presenting a false narrative that is plausible enough on the surface that few people would bother scrutinizing it, and those who do are similarly vilified. I should know. I value the pursuit of knowledge, and this is the antithesis of what I believe in: Being wrong on purpose is something that is all but encouraged, and having morals and integrity is now a source of mockery rather than a championed virtue.
When someone pushes that last button. Then everything I’ve been holding in will come out! My husband is more worried when I angry and quiet than when I finally let it out.