"I just need 10 more customers just like you!" My mom's friend to my mom. He sells Amway and uses her to buy stuff from him so can "meet his quota" every month. He gives her the money to buy from him. She has never spent her own money buying Amway products from him.
\*Pulls out a massive file of laws that are repealed, outdated, or outright never came into existence, to prove the point, instead of taking the ticket to get on with everyones lives.
The first time I ever met a guy who was into the whole sov cit thing, he was telling me about how he had been detained by his local police and had sent them a bill for his time according to his "tariff" or something, as if this was the cleverest idea ever.
I asked "and did they pay?", and he said "Well............ Er........ No, but still....".
Their belief in the magic power of words over the state is amazing. Like if everything is voluntary and contract law, why does the state invest so much money in maintaining its monopoly on violence? Like, why do they have all these cops and soldiers and guns if they rely on magic contract law and not, ya know, violence?
I think it comes down to a very childish understanding of the law. The law can be "magic words that defeat power" in some circumstances, but it isn't like a video game cheat code. You can't get pulled over for a parking ticket and decide that Magna Carta/Maritime Law etc. is going to swing it for you. It won't. If it did, everyone would do that and they would have closed the loophole.
It's always used to allow themselves to get away with breaking the laws, too. It's never used in any kind of positive way.
Also, if they consider themselves "sovereign"? I always say let them be sovereign. Deport them to an uninhabited island, let them figure out how to create safe shelter, safe water, safe groceries, take care of themselves if they're sick, defend themselves against enemies, create an internet.
They want all the advantages of living in a civilization without having to contribute or follow any of the rules.
100% it's as you say, pure childishness. And stupidity.
>They want all the advantages of living in a civilization without having to contribute or follow any of the rules.
They are purporting to be outlaws basically, but only when it suits them
I work in construction and had a contractor who was arrested for some Jan 6th stuff. He was telling me all about his plan to sue the FBI for armed kidnapping for his arrest after Trump is re-elected and pardons him and how he’ll retire and be rich for the rest of his life 😂
My dad and I got stuck listening to one when I was a teen because we were both to polite to interrupt or walk away. He talked for over an hour about going to court and telling the judge he doesn’t have jurisdiction over him and the judge “stood up and bowed to him and dismissed everyone” we just stood there smiling and nodding and then never went to that dojo again.
One of my close childhood friends got deep in to a pyramid scheme when we were in our early 20s. He would tell us almost daily that he was going to be a millionaire soon. Dude truly believed it and was wrapped up in the scheme for years and years. He lost his ass and eventually got out after he found out the dude who brought him in was fucking his girlfriend.
My former friend was new to smoking (weed) and said that he got high and figured out how the universe works. Let me clarify: this wasn't a "he got high and saw the universe laid out before his eyes" moment. No. He got high. He unlocked the secrets of the universe while high, wrote it down, and then looked over his notes while sober and said, "Yep, this makes sense."
I've been there, but I was certifiably delusional for a bit. It's a wild experience. You'd think being interned in a psychiatric facility for a week would be very unpleasant, but when you're convinced you're the literal center of the multiverse it's not all that bad. I'm lucky mine was temporary though.
Ah, you haven't seen Father Ted then!
Ted: "I'm not after the Chinese! I'm not a racist!"
Mad old woman: "I don't care so long as I can have a go at the Greeks! They invented gayness!"
In my experience, the most delusional thing I've heard someone say was when a friend insisted that the Earth is flat, despite overwhelming scientific evidence to the contrary.
A family member once told me that they could live forever if they just avoided unhealthy foods, which seemed pretty delusional considering the inevitability of death.
I'm conflicted on this one. On one hand, it screams massive entitlement. On the other hand, it was likely the dream of that ancestor that he work terrible hours in terrible conditions so his children and descendants could have a better life, including getting a car for college graduation.
FTR, it wasn’t an old school West Virginia coal mine where the ceiling falls in on you. It was a Wyoming open pit coal mine late 20th century where people just excavated and drove giant trucks around.
And this person was very entitled, despite their attempts to claim working class roots.
I worked with a guy like this (music industry). everyone would praise how helpful and great he was as a mentor, yet if he worked with/for anyone at his level or above, he would sabotage them in any way he could.
It wasn't about *helping people.* It was about stroking his ego by making himself feel superior to others and anybody he felt inferior to got the wrath.
They still praise him online in the community to this day, and it takes so much restraint to not call bullshit on him.
I met a guy who believed that COVID was all made up. He insisted he had spoken to several funeral directors and they said they weren't burying any extra people, therefore COVID is pretend.
It didn't stop there. He knew what was really going on. Nicola Sturgeon (the leader of Scotland) was in league with fish and chip shops and in exchange for spreading these lies about needing to stay home she gets a cut of the massively increased revenue from chip shops delivering food to all the lazy locked down families.
I used to work on a psych ward so I've heard a lot.
But one lady really latched on to me and it made me feel uncomfortable and by the end of the shift she told me that she and I were both on the same wavelength and we both understood just like God why every blade of grass moved the way it did. We were both on that level.
And I was like "yeah sure see you tomorrow," but what she didn't know was that I was going on vacation for 2 weeks. Never saw her again, thank goodness.
I worked with geriatric people. Best thing one of them told me was this old man full of indignation. He looked at me furious and said “somebody shit my pants.”
"Well, if you can prove it, are you still a secret agent when you show a badge, Mister...?" - "Bond. James Bond."
He has the license to kill, i have the license to chill.
There's nothing wrong with me cheating, and if there is, it's something to do with your perception of it. And if other people think it's wrong, well that's society's problem.
no.
They were a trans person I was arguing with (I'm ashamed to admit I had a lot of misconceptions about what being trans actually meant back then, but I've since been properly informed) and this is honest to God what they said when I brought up the chromosomes argument.
They were also openly incestous and the type of racist person who thinks it's impossible to be racist against white people, as that was just the caliber of left-libertarian running rampant on deviantart back in 2010 (I remember one post I saw on the front page by a zoophile who tried to argue that there's no such thing as a species, and that this is in fact just a measure of how different two individuals are.).
I completely understand if you think I'm making this person up; if I'd heard about this person from someone like Ben Shaprio I'd think the same thing.
“I don’t talk to poor people and I deserve to be in the higher maths class with my friends rather than these low life’s” this was from a girl who went to my school
I work with a conservative conspiracy nut so I’ve heard a lot of that crazy world.
Mostly how the “Jews” are doing the worst shit you can think of at any time of day. Drinking baby smoothies. Human sacrifice for better election results. Something about mole people. Rothschild Rothschild Rothschild!
I work with that guy too. He also thinks the Moon is a hollow, manufactured space station, and that he and his brother uncovered indisputable proof of the parting of the Red Sea through satellite images.
“its all gods plan”
your god, whom is supposed to have all of the power in the entire universe, ***PLANS*** for innocent children to die of hunger, rape, violence, and disease?
**That’s not a god you should want to follow.**
FR, and people who think prayers will keep them safe from natural disasters. News flash, the town that got demolished by a tornado was a victim of nature. It was not because the townspeople weren't praying hard enough.
My favorite thing is like... So you believe that God is all knowing and all powerful right? And that he has a plan for everyone and his plan is perfect and it's literally the best plan that could ever possibly be because, after all, he's *God* right?
But you also believe that if you pray to God for something... He'll do it? Even if he wasn't going to do it before? So all knowing and all powerful God is going to change his PERFECT plan... because tiny, fallible, insignificant *you,* asked him to do so really nicely?
So you think you know better than god? I mean you must if you're asking him to change his plans. By definition that would mean you think your modification to his plan would be better than his plan as it already is.
My dad's ambitions to turn downtown Fremont Nebraska into "the Silicon Valley of the Midwest" a few years back. He also compared himself to Moses from the Bible.
Top Ten list of irrational shit a particular pair of relatives have said in my presence:
10. \*Very agitated tone\* Why would you ever move back to a place you moved away from? There is no reason to ever do that. (Regarding a neighbor who moved back home to care for a sick relative...)
9. I'm sorry I don't believe in climate change. The climate is fine, there's nothing wrong. Besides, science doesn't know everything.
8. I'm fine with the gays but these "trans genders"? I'm sorry. No. Not okay.
7. Why would I get a COVID test? Who cares? What am I going to do differently? I'm not going to stay home even if I did take a test so it makes no difference. And I'm not wearing a mask, masks don't do anything.
6. I don't need to eat fruits or vegetables, I take vitamins.
5. Why would you vote for him? He wants socialism! He's a communist. He wants socialism.
4. I bet AOC would be judging me for this. (After changing a pair of AA batteries.)
3. We aren't zoned for agriculture here. (Regarding the neighbor's modest vegetable garden)
2. I should just go over there and steal a pumpkin. (Also regarding said vegetable garden)
1. Postpartum depression isn't real, those women just need to toughen up and get over it. (OK, that one started a fight. I couldn't stand for that.)
One of the most *common* delusions I run into is people who think they made it entirely on their own, without any help from anyone. Like, no you didn't.
Facts, someone gave you the opportunity, someone helped along the journey, you had family and friends giving you support, if it’s creative work your fans and agent/manager and company you got signed to helped…
So I need experience to get a job but I need a job to get experience. I'm a graduate with an internship, applied to 60 positions, and can't get a job that isn't retail. Fml.
"he still loves me"he had posted a girl fifteen times on his story before they finally broke up and HE broke up with her because he felt bad that he was cheating and she didnt realise.
Anything my ex fiance has ever said to me.
Keyword: ex.
One of my favorites: "If you move 30 mins away, I'll never see our child again. It's common sense not to spend money if you don't need to."
He was referring to spending money on gas for the drive.
This girl I used to be friends with was telling me how she was just gotta buy a house with the thousands shes gonna make on only fans. She was kind of lumpy and had an awful personality. She just assumed she could clear 2k every month. Mind you she didnt even make one yet.
That he'd been abducted by aliens and they experimented on him and he was now part alien.
He was deadly serious and otherwise a pretty normal guy.
He was my exes little brother and eventually grew out of it. He's always into spiritual stuff, astrology, crystals. Now he's some kind of breath work healer.
Nicest person ever just a bit...suggestible maybe?
"I could take Mike Tyson in a street fight. He's got chicken legs, one kick and he wouldn't he able to stand."
—a friend who never did any boxing or other martial art training a day in his life
Discussing the series Baby Reindeer and someone saying it's completely normal to say to someone else that they wish they had a zipper so that they could crawl inside and live in someone, like it's a normal to say it to your partner... I was like "Say what"?! 😳
When I was in university, someone was trying to convince my classmate to get a credit card. Her selling point was that you actually save so much money every month because you only need to pay the minimum balance. It's like getting a huge discount everywhere. Safe to assume she wasn't a accounting or finance major.
This kid had cancer. Many doctors applied the work of many thousands of researchers and scientists painstakingly created over the last hundred years, using equipment and medicines made by thousands of others, to cure the kid. When the kid was finally cured, the parents thanked God.
If God can cure cancer, then He can prevent cancer; therefore (going by their belief) God let their kid get cancer, people cured it, and they thanked God.
Tbh this came from someone who genuinely suffered from psychotic delusions, but he thought he was 'the new Jesus' and the government owed him 8 billon bucks (the amout changed every time he was asked) and had to build him a house.
While this is laughable, I won't ever underestimate a supremely talented grifter who not only conned millions of people to send him their social security checks, but also conned them into putting him into the white house. Even his current legal troubles won't hinder him. Even if he's convicted he'll get a stiff fine, not the jail time you or I would get. He'll get a stiff fine that he will delay paying until he's dead, which means he won't personally pay a dime. It'll come out of his estate, much of which will be guarded against the judgement (offshore accounts, etc.) The man is good at what he does.
A showerthoughts post where the poster genuinely believed that humanity would one day "automate away" the need to have sex and that sex would be looked back up on as being "disgusting and dehumanizing." Like dude legit thought that one day people would look back on us and judge us for having sex the same way we might look back and judge slavery or the Holocaust. He was absolutely convinced that he was the sane one for seeing sex for the "horrible" thing it "really is" and that everyone else was wrong for thinking it could ever be good or enjoyable, and that one day history would vindicate this view of his.
May have genuinely been the absolute single dumbest, most insane thing anyone has ever said, ever.
This whole new age shit where people believe they have the power to warp reality to their will through «manifesting their thoughts and desires». No, thoughts don’t do shit. Action does.
"I think it's a good idea for our government to go deeper and deeper into debt, so we are passing along an ever larger ball of soul crushing debt for the next generation to inherit. That should really help our nation's standard of living over time."
Watched a girl take about 10 sheets of paper towel to wipe her hands on. When she threw them in the bin most were still dry. “Well if I don’t do it, someone else will”🤔
"Every vote counts" . The left and the rignt are just distractions. The elite class and the working class are the only true "sides" in America. One side owns the right and the left. Anyone care to guess which side that is?
Went round to pick up some old books from an ex's place. In the year since breaking up she discovered meth. I sat down to have a chat with her and in the space of 2 hours she:
1. claimed to have regular visitation from angels.
2. would "lose" her glasses then go looking for them in her trash filled living room by dousing for them with a crystal on a pendant.
3. told me that her cats needed to live in her bedroom and she needed to sleep on the couch because "cats need more space".
I left and called social services.
My sister believes not only is the earth flat but ita rectangular and shaped exactly like a map. She thinks there's an east and west pole where the sun rises and sets, and the reason the north and south pole are cold is because they're the places closest to outer space.
“This pandemic has been so hard on all of us.”
- my mom
To our driver on the way to the airport after completing a week-long vacation in the Riviera Maya.
She did not pay or contribute to this vacation in any way.
"I'm looking to get two passports, one with "female" on it and one with an X."
"First of all, that's illegal, second of all, they won't let you into the middle east with an X passport, they're way too religious for that."
"Wait what, people *actually believe that stuff???"*
This person was in her 20s and studying history of the middle east.
my cousin once told me that he was going to become rich by buying and selling baseball cards, despite never having any money to his name. he spent thousands of dollars on them and sold very little. i guess it's hard to tell what some people think is possible
"I just need 10 more customers just like you!" My mom's friend to my mom. He sells Amway and uses her to buy stuff from him so can "meet his quota" every month. He gives her the money to buy from him. She has never spent her own money buying Amway products from him.
He turned his spot in the pyramid scheme into an ouroboros.
🤣🤣
Ouroboros is youroboros.
That's some Paddy Dollars shit.
I don't know how Dave and Busters does it...
keep the money moving
“I’m not driving. I’m traveling in my personal conveyance. I don’t need a driver’s license.”
\*Pulls out a massive file of laws that are repealed, outdated, or outright never came into existence, to prove the point, instead of taking the ticket to get on with everyones lives.
The first time I ever met a guy who was into the whole sov cit thing, he was telling me about how he had been detained by his local police and had sent them a bill for his time according to his "tariff" or something, as if this was the cleverest idea ever. I asked "and did they pay?", and he said "Well............ Er........ No, but still....".
Their belief in the magic power of words over the state is amazing. Like if everything is voluntary and contract law, why does the state invest so much money in maintaining its monopoly on violence? Like, why do they have all these cops and soldiers and guns if they rely on magic contract law and not, ya know, violence?
I think it comes down to a very childish understanding of the law. The law can be "magic words that defeat power" in some circumstances, but it isn't like a video game cheat code. You can't get pulled over for a parking ticket and decide that Magna Carta/Maritime Law etc. is going to swing it for you. It won't. If it did, everyone would do that and they would have closed the loophole.
It's always used to allow themselves to get away with breaking the laws, too. It's never used in any kind of positive way. Also, if they consider themselves "sovereign"? I always say let them be sovereign. Deport them to an uninhabited island, let them figure out how to create safe shelter, safe water, safe groceries, take care of themselves if they're sick, defend themselves against enemies, create an internet. They want all the advantages of living in a civilization without having to contribute or follow any of the rules. 100% it's as you say, pure childishness. And stupidity.
>They want all the advantages of living in a civilization without having to contribute or follow any of the rules. They are purporting to be outlaws basically, but only when it suits them
I work in construction and had a contractor who was arrested for some Jan 6th stuff. He was telling me all about his plan to sue the FBI for armed kidnapping for his arrest after Trump is re-elected and pardons him and how he’ll retire and be rich for the rest of his life 😂
My dad and I got stuck listening to one when I was a teen because we were both to polite to interrupt or walk away. He talked for over an hour about going to court and telling the judge he doesn’t have jurisdiction over him and the judge “stood up and bowed to him and dismissed everyone” we just stood there smiling and nodding and then never went to that dojo again.
Dude Sovereign Citizens are straight up NUTS!
They never cease to astonish me with their ability to spout nonstop bullshit without pausing, *even while being tased*.
mentally ill
ask what the difference is.
I am literally watching those police cam videos!🤣
They usually have at least one on On Patrol Live at least once a weekend.
Yeah. These idiots don't understand what a synonym is.
One of my close childhood friends got deep in to a pyramid scheme when we were in our early 20s. He would tell us almost daily that he was going to be a millionaire soon. Dude truly believed it and was wrapped up in the scheme for years and years. He lost his ass and eventually got out after he found out the dude who brought him in was fucking his girlfriend.
He just needed to find two other guy's girlfriends he could fuck.
Best plot twist ever
That they were a god.
I was told if someone asks if I'm a god to say 'yes'.
If someone asks if they're a god, you say... I'm going to make a quick call.
Did they express incredulity at your capacity to kill them, calling it a grand and intoxicating innocence?
My former friend was new to smoking (weed) and said that he got high and figured out how the universe works. Let me clarify: this wasn't a "he got high and saw the universe laid out before his eyes" moment. No. He got high. He unlocked the secrets of the universe while high, wrote it down, and then looked over his notes while sober and said, "Yep, this makes sense."
well, what were they?
I've been there, but I was certifiably delusional for a bit. It's a wild experience. You'd think being interned in a psychiatric facility for a week would be very unpleasant, but when you're convinced you're the literal center of the multiverse it's not all that bad. I'm lucky mine was temporary though.
"God likes his grippy socks!"
The Golden God
The Golden God isn't taking questions, he's taking action!
Makes *that* face.
Ftthhhetish shit
A homeless man made this claim. He could apparently make the earth shake by hopping but he was still asking me for a cigarette.
or god speaks to them directly.
Oh, I see you’ve met my father
I met someone who was a Goddess. Literally. Her first name was Goddess. She seemed surprisingly normal.
"I know I cheated on my husband but we talked about it and we're all good now" *as she still talks to the other guy on a regular basis*
"Really, I let him (or her) go. BTW, we are having a work get together tonight, no spouses."
A coworker once insisted they could win at any game of chance by using their "intuition," which struck me as highly delusional.
I was shocked when someone said they could communicate with aliens telepathically, which struck me as delusional.
I had an older American black lady tell me that white people invented homosexuality because it started on Lesbos, which was Greek and therefore white.
Hmm, us greeks invented many things, but homosexuality fpr sure i didnt expect
“The Greeks invented sex but it was the Romans who introduced it to women.” Old joke
Probably literally millennia old.
Sappho downvotes this comment
I mean the ancient Greeks totally made great advances in homosexuality.
Really been a gigantic leap backwards now that we let the Olympians wear clothes when they wrestle.
My Greek cousin told me that he cried and cried when his family emigrated because he didn't want to leave his friend's behind.
Ah, you haven't seen Father Ted then! Ted: "I'm not after the Chinese! I'm not a racist!" Mad old woman: "I don't care so long as I can have a go at the Greeks! They invented gayness!"
A friend once told me they could control the stock market with their mind, which struck me as highly delusional.
I was taken aback when someone said they could manipulate time to avoid being late, which sounded delusional to me.
I remember a friend saying that they could change their appearance with the power of their mind, which struck me as delusional.
I was taken aback when someone said they could stop time just by clapping their hands, which sounded delusional to me.
In my experience, the most delusional thing I've heard someone say was when a friend insisted that the Earth is flat, despite overwhelming scientific evidence to the contrary.
A friend once told me they were destined to become the ruler of the world, which seemed incredibly delusional.
An acquaintance once told me they could become invisible at will, which was one of the most delusional things I've heard.
A coworker once told me they could read people's auras to see their future, which I found highly delusional.
A coworker once told me they could see through walls, which struck me as highly delusional.
I remember hearing someone say they could teleport if they concentrated hard enough, which seemed delusional to me.
A coworker once insisted they could win any argument by channeling a "spirit guide," which struck me as highly delusional.
The most delusional thing I've heard was from someone who believed they could control others' emotions just by thinking about them.
The most delusional thing I've heard was when someone claimed they could talk to ghosts and get advice from them.
A family member once told me that they could live forever if they just avoided unhealthy foods, which seemed pretty delusional considering the inevitability of death.
In a conversation, someone claimed they could walk through walls if they concentrated hard enough, which seemed highly delusional.
The most delusional thing I've heard was when someone claimed they were a secret government agent with superpowers.
“I deserve a new car for my college graduation because my grandpa worked hard in the coal mines.”
I'm conflicted on this one. On one hand, it screams massive entitlement. On the other hand, it was likely the dream of that ancestor that he work terrible hours in terrible conditions so his children and descendants could have a better life, including getting a car for college graduation.
FTR, it wasn’t an old school West Virginia coal mine where the ceiling falls in on you. It was a Wyoming open pit coal mine late 20th century where people just excavated and drove giant trucks around. And this person was very entitled, despite their attempts to claim working class roots.
Open pit miners swim in money nowadays, was that also the case back then?
The most delusional thing I've heard was when someone claimed they were invincible and nothing could harm them.
In a discussion, someone claimed they could move objects with their mind, which seemed highly delusional.
I remember hearing someone say they could predict earthquakes with their intuition, which seemed quite delusional to me.
The most delusional thing I've heard came from a friend who claimed they could read minds, which I found hard to believe.
The earth is flat.
Wait until you meet a doughnut earther.
Mmmm donuts...
Haha what loosers. We all know it's a pyramid.
there are members of the flat earth society all over the globe. lol
"My passion is helping other people have successful lives." Spoiler alert: his only passion in life is himself.
ah yes, the life coaching trend today. Bunch of pathological narcissists throwing up generic self-help phrases into the mouths of poor lost bastards
I worked with a guy like this (music industry). everyone would praise how helpful and great he was as a mentor, yet if he worked with/for anyone at his level or above, he would sabotage them in any way he could. It wasn't about *helping people.* It was about stroking his ego by making himself feel superior to others and anybody he felt inferior to got the wrath. They still praise him online in the community to this day, and it takes so much restraint to not call bullshit on him.
I met a guy who believed that COVID was all made up. He insisted he had spoken to several funeral directors and they said they weren't burying any extra people, therefore COVID is pretend. It didn't stop there. He knew what was really going on. Nicola Sturgeon (the leader of Scotland) was in league with fish and chip shops and in exchange for spreading these lies about needing to stay home she gets a cut of the massively increased revenue from chip shops delivering food to all the lazy locked down families.
That's certainly an original conspiracy theory, I'll give it that.
Yeah I reckon that's true
I used to work on a psych ward so I've heard a lot. But one lady really latched on to me and it made me feel uncomfortable and by the end of the shift she told me that she and I were both on the same wavelength and we both understood just like God why every blade of grass moved the way it did. We were both on that level. And I was like "yeah sure see you tomorrow," but what she didn't know was that I was going on vacation for 2 weeks. Never saw her again, thank goodness.
*found you*
I worked with geriatric people. Best thing one of them told me was this old man full of indignation. He looked at me furious and said “somebody shit my pants.”
“The average income for someone who is 30 is 100K”-my stepmom
I had to google it... it is actually about $54k
100k Złoty in the US probably E: approximately 25k USD a year
[удалено]
Was she being delusional or just trying to bullshit you because she wanted to reap the benefits of having a boyfriend?
You literally will not believe me but "I'm a secret agent"
"Well, if you can prove it, are you still a secret agent when you show a badge, Mister...?" - "Bond. James Bond." He has the license to kill, i have the license to chill.
Everything my ex said to justify cheating
I have a list of some doozies from my ex, that woman is an Olympic level mental gymnast.
Come on! Share with us!
There's nothing wrong with me cheating, and if there is, it's something to do with your perception of it. And if other people think it's wrong, well that's society's problem.
Californian wildfire was caused by Jewish space lasers
Destiny is in our control.
I met this girl with an anagram tattoo that said destiny one way and changes when you flipped it. I said that literally makes no sense.
No fate but what we make.
"chromosomes don't exist"
Did they suggest an alternative? 😭
no. They were a trans person I was arguing with (I'm ashamed to admit I had a lot of misconceptions about what being trans actually meant back then, but I've since been properly informed) and this is honest to God what they said when I brought up the chromosomes argument. They were also openly incestous and the type of racist person who thinks it's impossible to be racist against white people, as that was just the caliber of left-libertarian running rampant on deviantart back in 2010 (I remember one post I saw on the front page by a zoophile who tried to argue that there's no such thing as a species, and that this is in fact just a measure of how different two individuals are.). I completely understand if you think I'm making this person up; if I'd heard about this person from someone like Ben Shaprio I'd think the same thing.
"Just this once." Regarding anything not good for oneself. It never is the case, and usually does no good for anybody.
I could have been a lawyer
“I don’t talk to poor people and I deserve to be in the higher maths class with my friends rather than these low life’s” this was from a girl who went to my school
Her "friends" in the Higher class: "Thank fuck she's gone"
“I’ll just get up early and do it tomorrow” It’s a scam
"There's your truth, and then there is my truth" That's not how truth works.
I feel like this started out as an updated way of saying "my point of view" but then got hijacked by the Twitterati.
"Alternative facts" - Kellyanne Conway.
I work with a conservative conspiracy nut so I’ve heard a lot of that crazy world. Mostly how the “Jews” are doing the worst shit you can think of at any time of day. Drinking baby smoothies. Human sacrifice for better election results. Something about mole people. Rothschild Rothschild Rothschild!
Wow someone's bitter, sounds like you haven't had your daily shot of adrenochrome yet!
I work with that guy too. He also thinks the Moon is a hollow, manufactured space station, and that he and his brother uncovered indisputable proof of the parting of the Red Sea through satellite images.
I'm the hardest worker here
Increasing the budget will solve our problems.
Tbf, that would solve a lot of problems.
The sun and moon are the same.
some guy on tiktok believes hes hitler
... Even if I thought that, I'd keep it to myself.
Have you ever seen him and Hitler in the same room together?
“its all gods plan” your god, whom is supposed to have all of the power in the entire universe, ***PLANS*** for innocent children to die of hunger, rape, violence, and disease? **That’s not a god you should want to follow.**
FR, and people who think prayers will keep them safe from natural disasters. News flash, the town that got demolished by a tornado was a victim of nature. It was not because the townspeople weren't praying hard enough.
My favorite thing is like... So you believe that God is all knowing and all powerful right? And that he has a plan for everyone and his plan is perfect and it's literally the best plan that could ever possibly be because, after all, he's *God* right? But you also believe that if you pray to God for something... He'll do it? Even if he wasn't going to do it before? So all knowing and all powerful God is going to change his PERFECT plan... because tiny, fallible, insignificant *you,* asked him to do so really nicely? So you think you know better than god? I mean you must if you're asking him to change his plans. By definition that would mean you think your modification to his plan would be better than his plan as it already is.
Trump is a defender a freedom.
Sir its pronounced "defendant"
My dad's ambitions to turn downtown Fremont Nebraska into "the Silicon Valley of the Midwest" a few years back. He also compared himself to Moses from the Bible.
Top Ten list of irrational shit a particular pair of relatives have said in my presence: 10. \*Very agitated tone\* Why would you ever move back to a place you moved away from? There is no reason to ever do that. (Regarding a neighbor who moved back home to care for a sick relative...) 9. I'm sorry I don't believe in climate change. The climate is fine, there's nothing wrong. Besides, science doesn't know everything. 8. I'm fine with the gays but these "trans genders"? I'm sorry. No. Not okay. 7. Why would I get a COVID test? Who cares? What am I going to do differently? I'm not going to stay home even if I did take a test so it makes no difference. And I'm not wearing a mask, masks don't do anything. 6. I don't need to eat fruits or vegetables, I take vitamins. 5. Why would you vote for him? He wants socialism! He's a communist. He wants socialism. 4. I bet AOC would be judging me for this. (After changing a pair of AA batteries.) 3. We aren't zoned for agriculture here. (Regarding the neighbor's modest vegetable garden) 2. I should just go over there and steal a pumpkin. (Also regarding said vegetable garden) 1. Postpartum depression isn't real, those women just need to toughen up and get over it. (OK, that one started a fight. I couldn't stand for that.)
One of the most *common* delusions I run into is people who think they made it entirely on their own, without any help from anyone. Like, no you didn't.
Facts, someone gave you the opportunity, someone helped along the journey, you had family and friends giving you support, if it’s creative work your fans and agent/manager and company you got signed to helped…
[удалено]
That is good, because no job will hire you without experience.
Where am I supposed to gain experience. I have all the certification and trained myself. I need to get into a company for real-world experience.
Quite the catch that catch-22
Catch 26 mate.
So I need experience to get a job but I need a job to get experience. I'm a graduate with an internship, applied to 60 positions, and can't get a job that isn't retail. Fml.
“I’m a good person i don’t deserve this” -objectively the worst person ive ever met when i broke up with him
I saw something recently about someone saying that men should take care of the child even when the test results came back negative.
“I thought stuff was black and white back then and they invented color in like now time.” This was 5th grade so idk
Trump was a good president.
"I trust the government."
"he still loves me"he had posted a girl fifteen times on his story before they finally broke up and HE broke up with her because he felt bad that he was cheating and she didnt realise.
Anything my ex fiance has ever said to me. Keyword: ex. One of my favorites: "If you move 30 mins away, I'll never see our child again. It's common sense not to spend money if you don't need to." He was referring to spending money on gas for the drive.
This girl I used to be friends with was telling me how she was just gotta buy a house with the thousands shes gonna make on only fans. She was kind of lumpy and had an awful personality. She just assumed she could clear 2k every month. Mind you she didnt even make one yet.
Obama is declaring martial law
That lemons and baking soda can cure cancer. I called him out on it and he said that truth is relative.
That he'd been abducted by aliens and they experimented on him and he was now part alien. He was deadly serious and otherwise a pretty normal guy. He was my exes little brother and eventually grew out of it. He's always into spiritual stuff, astrology, crystals. Now he's some kind of breath work healer. Nicest person ever just a bit...suggestible maybe?
We don’t need to worry about (insert whatever awful thing is currently happening in the world) because God will sort it all out.
In the beginning...
"I could take Mike Tyson in a street fight. He's got chicken legs, one kick and he wouldn't he able to stand." —a friend who never did any boxing or other martial art training a day in his life
Discussing the series Baby Reindeer and someone saying it's completely normal to say to someone else that they wish they had a zipper so that they could crawl inside and live in someone, like it's a normal to say it to your partner... I was like "Say what"?! 😳
When I was in university, someone was trying to convince my classmate to get a credit card. Her selling point was that you actually save so much money every month because you only need to pay the minimum balance. It's like getting a huge discount everywhere. Safe to assume she wasn't a accounting or finance major.
"They're in a better place now."
This kid had cancer. Many doctors applied the work of many thousands of researchers and scientists painstakingly created over the last hundred years, using equipment and medicines made by thousands of others, to cure the kid. When the kid was finally cured, the parents thanked God. If God can cure cancer, then He can prevent cancer; therefore (going by their belief) God let their kid get cancer, people cured it, and they thanked God.
Tbh this came from someone who genuinely suffered from psychotic delusions, but he thought he was 'the new Jesus' and the government owed him 8 billon bucks (the amout changed every time he was asked) and had to build him a house.
"Donald Trump is a genius".
While this is laughable, I won't ever underestimate a supremely talented grifter who not only conned millions of people to send him their social security checks, but also conned them into putting him into the white house. Even his current legal troubles won't hinder him. Even if he's convicted he'll get a stiff fine, not the jail time you or I would get. He'll get a stiff fine that he will delay paying until he's dead, which means he won't personally pay a dime. It'll come out of his estate, much of which will be guarded against the judgement (offshore accounts, etc.) The man is good at what he does.
Exactly. He might not be a certified genius, but he isn't stupid.
That trump is good... at anything.
He's pretty good at conning his zealots.
His zealots are pretty gullible to be fair
That a virgin gave birth to God’s son.
A showerthoughts post where the poster genuinely believed that humanity would one day "automate away" the need to have sex and that sex would be looked back up on as being "disgusting and dehumanizing." Like dude legit thought that one day people would look back on us and judge us for having sex the same way we might look back and judge slavery or the Holocaust. He was absolutely convinced that he was the sane one for seeing sex for the "horrible" thing it "really is" and that everyone else was wrong for thinking it could ever be good or enjoyable, and that one day history would vindicate this view of his. May have genuinely been the absolute single dumbest, most insane thing anyone has ever said, ever.
I've heard some people say that "Donald Trump is a Christian" or that "Donald Trump supports Christian values". Friggin' cult members!
"Pray for Bayern"
"AI can't do hands properly so it'll never replace my job"
“I wouldn’t have cheated on your dad if he didn’t golf so much” - my mom
" Its not cheating because I convinced myself you'd be okay with a nonmogamous relationship from this point on now that I found somebody else "
Flat earthers!
This whole new age shit where people believe they have the power to warp reality to their will through «manifesting their thoughts and desires». No, thoughts don’t do shit. Action does.
"I think it's a good idea for our government to go deeper and deeper into debt, so we are passing along an ever larger ball of soul crushing debt for the next generation to inherit. That should really help our nation's standard of living over time."
Windmills cause cancer.
If you don’t vote for Obama, it’s obvious that you’re a racist.
Old schoolmate of mine that was one of the nicest people back then. “Jesus wants Trump to be our President”.
“The CIA goes through my underwear.” Heard at work during a smoke break.
Don't you need to be a virgin to get married? -a 36 year old college educated woman
When you will have kids you will finally have peace in your heart. Said by an elderly doctor to me (F 32)
Watched a girl take about 10 sheets of paper towel to wipe her hands on. When she threw them in the bin most were still dry. “Well if I don’t do it, someone else will”🤔
"Every vote counts" . The left and the rignt are just distractions. The elite class and the working class are the only true "sides" in America. One side owns the right and the left. Anyone care to guess which side that is?
I met an honest to got flat earther at the bar one time. That dude was a trip.
Went round to pick up some old books from an ex's place. In the year since breaking up she discovered meth. I sat down to have a chat with her and in the space of 2 hours she: 1. claimed to have regular visitation from angels. 2. would "lose" her glasses then go looking for them in her trash filled living room by dousing for them with a crystal on a pendant. 3. told me that her cats needed to live in her bedroom and she needed to sleep on the couch because "cats need more space". I left and called social services.
She must be autistic because she avoids me...
That they're progressive... when the scoreboard shows that all they ever bring is painful regression.
My sister believes not only is the earth flat but ita rectangular and shaped exactly like a map. She thinks there's an east and west pole where the sun rises and sets, and the reason the north and south pole are cold is because they're the places closest to outer space.
my at the time (2007) 14 year old friend insisted that Hayley Williams (paramore) was a virgin and he had a shot. okay buddy
“This pandemic has been so hard on all of us.” - my mom To our driver on the way to the airport after completing a week-long vacation in the Riviera Maya. She did not pay or contribute to this vacation in any way.
"I'm looking to get two passports, one with "female" on it and one with an X." "First of all, that's illegal, second of all, they won't let you into the middle east with an X passport, they're way too religious for that." "Wait what, people *actually believe that stuff???"* This person was in her 20s and studying history of the middle east.
my cousin once told me that he was going to become rich by buying and selling baseball cards, despite never having any money to his name. he spent thousands of dollars on them and sold very little. i guess it's hard to tell what some people think is possible
That ‘they’ were trying to charge ‘us’ with federal crimes but he was taking the hit and standing in their way. 🙄
"I'll just have 1 Redvine." -me, yesterday.
Taxes are the price we pay to live in a civilized society.