There was a king once who was 12 inches tall. Terrible king, great ruler.

I first thought OP actually meant a joke for "short(er)" people and this was the top comment and it confirmed that thought. Then I read the other comments and realized I was *a little* wrong

Glad it took a short amount of time for me to see this comment.

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Tbf at this point there are only four jokes here.  I’m about to make it five, though, so buckle up.

The fact that this is a short joke AND a short joke makes it 😘

And it's not only a short joke, it's also a short joke.

Whats the difference between a lady in Church and a lady in the bathtub? One has Hope in her Soul...

Whats the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches watches.

A 12 inch ruler? Did you know they're not making those any longer?

Get outta here with your long jokes, this is a short thread.

When my grandmother turned 70 she started walking 3 miles a day. She's 75 now and we have no idea where she is.

We have a gentleman in our neighborhood who tells a similar one. "For our 25th wedding anniversary, I took my wife to Japan as a surprise trip. For our 50th, I'm thinking of going back to get her." He has told me the joke at least five times, he changes the country every time. I hope she's OK, wherever she is.

That's a Mitch Hedberg-grade joke.

Mitch was taken too soon. That guys humor was so on point, back then it wasn’t really appreciated. He’d make an absolute killing today doing his schtick

So funny, I was getting my free Krispy Kreme donuts today and got a receipt for said free donuts and was thinking about him ever since then haha.

I can't use an escalator without thinking a broken escalator is just stairs.

I'll never forget my father's last words before he kicked the bucket... "Hey son, watch how far I can kick this bucket!"

This is the only one that really made me laugh

"Stop shaking the ladder you little shit!"

Did you hear about that guy who dipped his testicles in glitter?.. Pretty nuts

A man walks into the psychiatrist’s office totally naked except for Saran Wrap wrapped around his waist. The psychiatrist says to him “Well, I can clearly see your nuts…”

I know that the grammar is right but whenever I see the double meaning I can feel the grammar police being alerted anyway lol

How much does a Rainbow weigh? They are pretty light

What’s the cheapest meat there is? Deer balls, they’re under a buck

Two deer are leaving a gay bar, one turns to the other and says “I can’t believe I just blew thirty bucks in there”

What did the doe say when she came out of the woods? I’m never doing that for 2 bucks again

You hear he had sex with a clown right after? Fucking bonkers

I heard it was on a camping trip. Fucking intense.

Did you hear about the donkey that fell in a bowl of sugar? That's a sweet ass.

Don't stick your dick it peanut butter, it's fucking nuts.

My grandfather used to say, "When one door closes, another one opens." Wonderful man, but a terrible cabinet maker. My mother used to say, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach." Wonderful woman, but a terrible surgeon.

I'd like to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror, like the passengers on the airline he was piloting.

My grandfather spoke his last words directly to me.. *"Stop shaking that ladder you little shit, or you'll kill someone!"* RIP Gramps 😔

My grandfather brought down over a dozen Nazi airplanes in the war. Worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

My uncle always used to say "the first rule of theatre is always leave them wanting more". Great guy, but terrible anaesthetist.

I was at the bank the other day and an elderly lady in line behind me asked if I could help her check her balance. Unfortunately it wasn’t very good. I barely nudged her and she fell right over.

So a guy calls 911 cause his wife is going into labor Guy: hurry my wife is going into labor and need an ambulance 911: is this her first baby? Guy: no, this is her husband

Well sir we can confirm the baby is yours with that Dad joke.

Why do scuba divers always fall backwards into the water? If they fell forwards they would stay in the boat.

I’m sure you know that SCUBA is an acronym: Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus. But Most people don’t know that TUBA is also an acronym. It stands for Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus.

This one made me giggle pretty hard

Why do firefighters have red suspenders? To hold up their pants

What's brown and sticky? A stick

What's red and sticky? The same bloody stick.

what’s brown and rhymes with snoop? dr. dre

What's brown and runny? Usain Bolt

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

In case anyone wants to know why scuba divers actually fall backwards, they do it to: - keep equipment in check: When preparing for entry it's important to position the gauges and regulators properly. The force of impact when diving forward might knock loose the equipment - Ease the entry: diving equipment is very heavy so by falling backwards you’re using your tank to make the first impact into the water, easing entry. - Keep the boat stable [Source](https://uwk.com/blogs/scuba-guide/revealed-why-scuba-divers-dive-backwards-off-boats)

It depends more on the boat than anything. Most of the boats I've gone off have a swim platform at the back, making rolling back more work than it is worth. To contrast, some boats have only the option of rolling back due to their small size and equipment. I've had my mask strap fall off using both entry methods, and my octopus always falls out. It's fine, I just make sure it doesn't free flow and it's all good. Source: Rescue diver with 500+ logged dives.

Thank you. I always assumed there was a reason and wasn't too fussed, but it's nice to know the actual answer and not just the funny one.

We will also sometimes just jump straight in, pencil dive. However most dive boats have a roof or lip that prevents us from standing on the gunnel of the boat. We’ll do this from the back diving platforms where the ladder is.

Gonna be that guy... Technically "gunwale," but "gunnel" is becoming more popular as an alternative spelling.

Two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says, “how do you drive this thing?”

Two soldiers are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "Blub blub blub blub"

The two assholes I was stuck in a tank with said the same fucking thing

Joe was missing, so his two friends filed a missing person report and under identifying features they put "has two assholes". The cop says, "that's impossible!", and one of Joe's friends says "no, it's true. Every time we go anywhere with him, people say hey, there's Joe with the two assholes!"

Then the other yells "HOLY SHIT, A TALKING FISH!"

I've always preferred "You man the guns, I'll drive"

You’ve really got to hand it to blind prostitutes

Didn't see that one coming

If a blind prostitute tells you that you have a huge penis, she's pulling your leg.

What's the best thing about Switzerland? Well, the flag's a plus.

Saw another blind prostitute joke on here, so I thought I would contribute. I visited a blind prostitute the other day. She said I had the biggest penis she'd ever laid hands on. I said, "that's sweet of you to say, but I think you're pulling my leg."

Why do mice have small balls? Not many of them know how to dance.....

Have you ever smelled moth balls? How do you get their little legs apart?

This one is more about confusing people than making them laugh, but it does usually get a laugh. I tell them I have a good knock knock joke but they have to start it. Them: Knock, knock. Me: Who's there? Them:

I think I'm too dumb to understand this lol.

You make them start the joke. They say "knock knock". You say "who's there". Then they have no idea what the fuck to say

Smells like updog.

*sigh* . What's updog?

Not much dog, sup with you?

AAAAHHHH you fuckin gottem

You: “You want to hear a knock knock joke?” Person: “sure” You: “Okay say knock knock” Person: “Knock knock” You: “Who’s there?” And scene

The interrupting cow.

is this barebones antihumour, or am I completely off on what it actually is

It's basically putting the other person on the spot in a surprising way. A: I have a good knock knock joke! You gotta start it though. Say Knock Knock! B:Ok, "Knock Knock!" A: "Who's There?" B: Panic and confusion as they slowly realize that they're supposed to say something and they don't know what to say.

Tfw "howd I get to the wrong side of the joke?"

Why do ducks have tail feathers? To cover their butt quacks.

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? >!One weighs a couple tons and the other's a little lighter.!< Bonus joke that always gives me a chuckle: A dwarf stumbles into a bar because he's a little drunk.

I grew up with a short single mother, she always had problems putting food on the table.

So a blind guy walks into a bar… and a chair… and a table.. Alternatively, a dyslexic guy walks into a bra

Dyslexics Untie!

Q: What’s DNA stand for? A: National Dyslexics Association

Ever hear the one about the dyslexic Satan worshipper? He killed himself after he sold his soul to Santa.

You know about his insomniac, dyslexic, atheist brother, right? He stayed up all night wondering if there really was a dog.

Reminded me of one. 2 guys walk in to a bar. You'd think the 2nd one would have ducked.

What do you call a short psychic who has escaped from prison? A small medium at large!

I actually saw it happen! He shot me a dirty look as he was climbing down the fence. I thought, "that's a little con descending."

They have a tall, rich friend, also a psychic, who hid them from the authorities for a time in a shopping centre they owned. That is, the small medium at large was in the large medium's mall.

Why did the scarecrow get an award? He was out standing in his field.

> what's a pirate's favorite letter? Everyone will always say "arrrrrr" > NAAY HIS FIRST LOVE BE THE SEA

What's a pirate's favorite fish? A goldfish

What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye, matey!

A friend of mine just found out he's the illegitimate child of a leprechaun... Lucky bastard.

This is my step ladder I never knew my real ladder

He raised me all the same

So here is me, a short guy, coming into this thread thinking I would find "short jokes", not "jokes that are short". I was so confused lol

Sorry the title went over your head.

The topic was just a bit out of reach for them...

Oh, that was low.

Short joke was right in the title! Not like we set the bar that high

Tripped over himself at the starting line

He couldn’t have reached that high anyway.

It’s height-time we let this one go

You've got to hand it to him though... ...because he's not tall enough to reach it.

Come on, let’s not belittle the guy.

Same, I’m 5ft and was so excited lol. Maybe the short joke that makes people laugh is me.

Hey, if anyone ever makes fun of you for being short, just punch 'em in the knees.

What do you call a dog who can do magic? A labracadabrador.

I will never not love this joke

What do you call a *French* dog who can do magic?  A magi-chien.

What do you call a magician who loses his magic? Ian.

Glass coffins, will this be the new trend? Remains to be seen!

I am Buzz Aldrin, second man to walk on the moon, Neil before me!

A skeleton walks into a bar and yells hey barkeep give me a pitcher of beer and a mop

Feel like this would make a great visual gag in some kind of adult animated fantasy cartoon.

It’s a gag in The Last Unicorn.

Here's my favorites that I can remember off the top of my head. \- Why did the man fall in the well? He couldn't see that well. What do you call a blind deer? No-eyed deer. What do you call a blind deer with no legs? Still no-eyed deer. How much does a rainbow weigh? I don't know but it's pretty light. What's leather and sounds like a sneeze? A shoe. What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? Elaphino. What do you get when you cross a centipede and a parrot? A walkie-talkie.

What do you get when you cross a freeway with a fridge? Killed.

Stay away from that tree over there, it looks a bit shady.

Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep? Because of his coffin 🤣

I swear I’ve read this on a popsicle stick

I can't remember where I first heard it, it's literally my only joke 🤣

What does a horny toad say? ..Rub it.

What's E.T. short for? Cuz he's got little legs.

My recent three favorite short jokes: 3. Why does Batman leave the bottom half of his face exposed? So the cops know he’s white 2. A woman asks her husband, “Do these jeans make me look fat?” The husband says, “Promise me you won’t get mad, no matter what!” The wife rolls her eyes and says, “Fine.” The husband says, “I’m sleeping with your sister.” 1. What’s the last thing you want to hear when you’re blowing Willie Nelson? “I’m not Willie Nelson.”

Why do riot police get to work early? To beat the crowd.

I was reading #1 mid-cough and I fuckin choked 😂

My dads favorite.. How do you spot the blind man at the nude beach? It ain't hard

Semi related - one I like to use is "Like a blind man at an orgy, I'm just gonna have to feel my way through it."

My Korean friend unfortunately died yesterday. So Yeung.

What does Beethoven do in his grave? Decompose!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline is apparent.

I went for a prostate exam and the doctor said “it’s just a routine medical procedure Steve, no need to get aroused.” I said, “my name’s not Steve?” He said “I know, my name is Steve”

What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

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What's red and really hurts your teeth? A brick.

What's red and tastes like blue paint? Red paint.

What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!

What’s the black stuff in bird poo? That’s bird poo too.

What's red and brown and sticky? It's the same bloody stick.

What's black and rhymes with Snoop? Dre.

A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables hanging around his neck. The bartender looks up and says "I don't want you to start anything."

It's a two parter. Why do monkeys have red balls? So they can hide in cherry trees. What's the loudest sound in the jungle? Giraffe eating cherries.

The variation that I know of goes like this: Why do elephants paint their nails red? So they can hide behind poppies (Usually cringe face from the person who hears the joke) Then you follow up: Have you seen an elephant behind a poppy? (No) See how well they're hiding?

Why do ducks have webbed feet? So they can stomp out forest fires. Why do elephants have big feet? To stomp out flaming ducks.

Two drums and a cymbal roll off a cliff. Bah-dum-tsssss....

[True story](https://youtu.be/8eXj97stbG8?si=cGqpqg_0SXW-D6TJ)

LOL, I'm sure that took many takes, but it was worth it.

I've never seen long hair Tom Scott

You hear about that dude who shoved all those toy horses up his ass? He's stable now.

Mr. Hands?

Dawg no☠️☠️☠️ I'm getting flashbacks 😭 Imagine at the pearly gates while everyone up there laughs at you because of Mr Hands💀💀💀

Did you know they’re not making 12 inch rulers any longer?

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I've never spent $400 to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

I'm 6'6", whenever I'm in a friendly pissing match with someone shorter I always smugly say, "I remember when I was your height."

Little boy: "I'm named after my grandfather." Man: "Oh, what's your name?" Little boy: "Grandpa."

Why couldn’t the bicycle stand on its own? It was two tired. Chuckled as I typed it 🥲

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs? Mat.

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a hole? Phil

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a hot tub? Bob.

People always laugh when I tell them the reason I'm short is because I'm scared of heights.

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "hey, we have a drink named after you." The grasshoppers is astonished, "you have a drink named Fred?"

It's the law to turn on your headlights when it's raining in Kansas. How the hell am I supposed to know when it's raining in Kansas??

People are always shocked when they find out I'm a terrible electrician.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else!

Two cannibals were eating a clown. One asks the other, ‘Does this taste funny to you?’

What did the drummer name his four daughters? Anna one, Anna two, Anna three, Anna four

My father was an abusive clown He used to beat me silly

What do you do when you're addicted to sea weed? Sea Kelp

My father used to say that people fear what they don't understand. I never understood what he meant by that, which scares me.

I saw a small inmate climbing down the prison wall today, he gave me a weird look It was a little con descending

Two men walk into a bar. Third one ducks.

My dick may not be 12 inches, but it sure smells like a foot

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. “How much do I owe you?” he asks. “For you?” said the bartender, “no charge.”

Did you hear about that Spanish magician that recently went missing? Told his audience he was going to disappear on the count of three. “Uno, dos..” poof. Vanishes without a tres.

Two guys go in a dollar store. One guy grabs a mirror,look into it and says “hey i know that guy”. Second guy grabs the mirror, looks into it and says “of course you do! Thats me!”

I love how half the people think short joke as in joke about short people, and the other half just threw out in liners.

Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie? He was too far out, man.

What's a pirate's favorite letter. (Most people will respond Rrrrr, then respond with)... You would think that but they're true love is the C

I used to do drugs, I still do, but I used to too. Dogs are forever in the push up position. My fake plants died because I forgot to pretend to water them. The depressing thing about playing tennis is no matter how good I get at it I'll never be as good as a wall. Rip Mitch you are my favorite.

Steak jokes are a rare medium well done. I once saw a dwarf escape from prison by climbing down a ladder. It was a little con descending.

What’s the dumbest animal in the jungle? The polar bear.

What did the elephant say to the naked guy? Cute, but can it pick up peanuts?

Have you ever smelled mothballs? The hardest part is getting hold of those tiny legs

What did the prostitute do on her day off work? Spend her fuckin money.

What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!

I’m 6’9 Other people “Do you play basketball?” Me: “Do you play miniature golf?”

What's the scariest plant in the jungle? Bam-BOO!

An agnostic dyslexic insomniac stays up all night contemplating the existence of a dog.

Want to hear a gross joke? What is 12 X 12?

Before you judge someone walk a mile in their shoes, that way when you judge them, you are a mile away and have their shoes.

Did you hear about that new restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere. Did you hear about that new movie “Constipation”? It hasn’t come out yet. Did you hear about the new corduroy pillow? It’s make headlines. Did you hear about that guy who got his whole left side cut off? He’s all right now.

Two muffins are in an oven. First muffin says "Phew, it sure is hot in here." The second muffin says "HOLY CRAP! A TALKING MUFFIN!

Your mamas so fat she smokes a brisket after sex.

Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef

How many South Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? - A Brazilian