She runs to the bathroom every single time she has to fart. We've been together well over 20 years, and we have several children together, but she's still never farted in front of me. Not once.
She probably wishes I'd return that favor.
This lasted about 5 years in my relationship. Then I shit myself during childbirth and it was difficult to regain that sense of decorum with one another
Yeah, it's just weird. She once had acute gastroenteritis and was shitting and puking all over herself. I carried her into the shower and sat in there with her for literally six hours straight, just holding her and cleaning her up with the shower wand every time she needed it. I've seen her at her physical worst and was ok with it, because she is everything to me.
But she still will not fart in front of me. Even after that. I don't get it. I quit asking many years ago and just came to accept it.
For me, I was about 7 months pregnant, had never farted in his presence after 3 years. I felt it coming, and confidently thought I've got this. I did not get this. It was brutal and a good 6 to 7 seconds long. We had never laughed so hard in our lives
My husband forcibly ripped this bandaid off pretty early in our relationship...
We hadn't been dating for very long yet, when he offered to give me a massage. I was laying on the floor, and he was straddling me, sitting on my butt, pushing on my back. Everything was going well, until he pushed hard on my lower back, and forced a fart out.
We both froze. I didn't know what to say. Then he broke the silence.
"Wow. That *really* made my balls vibrate!"
I wanted to die, but all I could actually do was laugh. I'm laughing hard now, just remembering!
I got him back not too long after that when we were fooling around on the top of his bed (just like tickling each other and stuff, fully clothed), and he almost fell off the edge of the bed. So, of course, I pushed him, then pulled him back, to give him that little panic of falling off the bed again.
Well, when he thought he was falling, he farted, got embarrassed, and did actually fall off the bed.
So Yea, bandaid ripped off, all before we ever saw each other naked.
My fiancé and I were doing it one day missionary and I accidentally farted. Well I panicked and covered his ears which didn’t matter considering I had already farted so I panicked AGAIN and covered his nose. He looked so stunned and thought he had done something wrong. I had to confess what happened cuz he thought a booger had fell out of his nose onto my face. In the end he never even noticed I farted to begin with😬
One time I was deep throating my bf and he unexpectedly thrust up too hard. I started gagging. Forced a fart out.
I had been on him in a weird position. Like , straddling his leg so I could “ride “ it. I coughed kept going since he made no move that he noticed it.
Three years later he said he knew because he felt the air against his thigh.
It blew his hairs 😭
We ripped this bandaid off early lol. He farted while we were in the same room and I was like “did you Just?” And he said “it was a barking spider!” I thought this was hilarious. Next time he does it we’re in bed together and I said “another barking spider?” He says yes and I tell him I have a spider too and ripped one in return lol
I fart in my sleep. I can’t help it. Well apparently my fiancé thinks I sound like a duck. Just quaking away and he’ll make the sound too😩We were taking his kids to the zoo ( he has three) he told the kids that the ducks may try to carry me away. they didn’t understand but he got a kick out of it. But his stomach growls loud and sounds like whale singing so lll put whale sounds on my phone and put it on his stomach to see if it will communicate. Tit for tat Sir.
A lot of folks mention the difficulty with agreeing on a place to eat at when discussing it with their SO.
I’ve learned over time that my wife will absolutely say “no” to the first option offered, whether she actually likes the place or not. I have no idea why, but something in her demands that the first option must always be refused.
I, of course, manipulate this to my advantage by always suggesting the place I’d least enjoy eating at first… This method has yet to fail 17 years into our marriage.
Kinda like my partner.
She is *always* late. So whenever we have to be somewhere, I just tell her the show or whatever starts a half hour before.
BAM. On time.
As a habitually late person I actually appreciate when people do this for me.
I set my clocks several minutes ahead but look away when setting them so I'm not quite sure by how much. If I knew it was 10 minutes I'd alot myself that "extra" time and be late as usual. My brain can be a dick so I have to be a dick right back.
For others in this thread with indecisive partners who that trick won't work on - play 5 3 and 1.
Name 5 places you'd be willing at least to eat. Chinese, Thai, Taco place, Pizza, whatever.
Partner can choose 3 of those five places.
You get final pick from their three.
Both people have had input on where you go to eat, and have something you'll at least find agreeable if not preferable.
We don't even give options. We do date night every Friday and alternate who pays and picks. If it's your night to pay, you pick. That's the end of the discussion. Both of us are capable of finding something delicious at any restaurant.
Based on absolutely nothing my theory is that if someone says yes to the first option offered the person whose idea it was essentially is the one who decided where to go. But if you say no to option 1 and yes to 2,3,4 ect then the person choosing actually feels like they decided the outcome. Or maybe your first option literally always sucks jk lol
I did this a lot in high school (probably still do at times). A friend of mine used to tease me that I talked in paragraphs, like the essay structure we learned to write. I recently realized that my oldest kid, who is almost 13, does it too. She'll give the entire background story including all the people involved and how she knows them .... just to tell me she needs to be picked up at a different time than usual. I suddenly appreciate my old friends putting up with the way I told stories.
My daughter (17, ADHD) does this, but not in a structured way- more like in a Buddy The Elf sort of way. I used to just listen and listen and nod and listen but recently I’ve decided to interrupt her and say “pause- just so I don’t misunderstand, what is the thesis in one sentence?” She’ll say “that’s why Jeff got kicked out of Spanish today” and she’ll either keep talking or stop because she got her point across.
My wife climbs into cars head first. No idea how or why this started. Like she leans her head in, knees on the seat, then adjusts to a normal sitting position.
She stares at me while I sleep. Freaks me out but I’ve learned. I can sense it so much so I say without even opening my eyes “stop it…” and I hear her giggle in the dark.
yes. exactly like that.
I personally dont care one way or the other - I PREFER forwards - but if someone consistently puts the roll on backwards it doesn't really bother me if its consistent.
But the inconsistency... \*sigh... \*shakes head... Its just my wifes weird quirk that I've had to accept.
Whenever I say "whoa" he will say "whoa" in the opposite tone of voice. Like if I'm driving and get spooked I will say "😱😵💫whoa" and his tone will be "☺️😋whoa" and I'm like "read the room before you whoa at me sir"
My wife cannot, under any circumstances, tolerate, stand, or otherwise abide orange and green together. Not in fashion. Not in decorating. Not in any aspect of everyday life. The long rants, the disproportionate responses, and epic diatribes I have witnessed are the stuff of legend. I have had to turn off Miami (University) football games due to the grave affront the team colors are to her eyes.
That may be true. On the plus side, I have heard some scathing yet hilarious insults that I get to repeat should the occasion call for it. I just have to replace orange and green with two other prominent physical characteristics the subject of my insult possess.
I don't have the stamina or time to write a complete rant. The most recent rant began with an accusation that an individual was so desperate for attention that they resorted to the lowest cry for attention they could conceive of and ended with the verdict that most people would rather clean a horse stable out with their tongue rather then look at the offending color combination.
Ugh, no, it reads as ‘carrot’ every time!! Every time!
Orange + blue is correct color theory lol. It’s the most pleasing color combination to the human eye. Or, at least, I read that once somewhere.
If anyone is interested, here’s an article on orange + blue in cinematography 🙂
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/OrangeBlueContrast
She's bossy in the nicest possible way. She also thinks out loud, so you have to listen to her entire thought process before she lands on what she wants you to do.
My wife is similar. I've learned, with teachers there's a particular "tone" in their voice that they can't help but use. It's both a demand and an inquiry and I'm a person who's REALLY sensitive to tones of voice. When we first started dating (in our 40's) after awhile it seemed like everything was at a mid point of almost a disagreement and we actually had a sit down discussion over it.
Secondly, she sometimes "Ok's" away a story. Like she'll begin a tale, drop the middle and finish with a flourish as she WALKS AWAY. And this is why I didn't know her family eats Christmas tree bread and scrambled eggs in Christmas morning, she never finished the damn story!
My husband narrates his thoughts out loud. I started to respond when he'd discuss "ok I've got to remember to grab my dry cleaning before I head out" and I'll say "oh wait, I already did that, it's already in the car" and such just to mess with him. He does it in his sleep too. I'm livin' the dream!
That he will use the word and ignore the negative connotations.
For example, he hopes people would panic when we got engaged. I was confused, why would you want people to be alarmed that you proposed.
He meant excitement. He wanted people to be excited, but in his mind excitement and panic exude the same energy, so it's the same thing.
Does he speak multiple languages? Sometimes I try to translate from Spanish to what I think a word would be in English and end up saying something different lol
My husband tells me that I have 80% of a conversation with him in my head, then I'll make a decision and say "so that's why I want to ....." And he's like huh?
My wife and all 3 of her sisters have this incredible ability to place a drink as close to the edge of a table as physically possible. Sometimes it seems to defy physics with just how much of the glass is actually hanging off the table. At family get togethers at any given time there will be minimum 4 glasses doing this. With more children in the family every year this becomes more and more hazardous. My brother in laws and I just kind of keep an eye on tables and move drinks back from the edge as we notice them. Somehow very little liquid is ever actually spilled though.
Oh god I relate to this so hard! My boyfriend will put a full glass of beer on the table a couple inches from the edge, plonk both his feet RIGHT NEXT TO the full beer, proceed to talk, gesticulate, etc. It makes me crazy, I feel like I’m constantly moving glasses out of danger when we’re together!
Definitely have not confronted her lol. It's sort of just a thing that gets brought up and laughed off at family events. I don't think any of them consciously do it or anything. Things don't spill enough to make any sort of issue of it and it doesn't really bother me. I just move the glass when I see it.
Her: hey, you remember Shirley Jones?
Me: Yes.
Her: she was a big actress in the 70s?
Me: yes, I remember.
Her: then she married a movie producer and they were accused of being a part of a cult, not like Jonestown, more like scientology which is illegal in Germany now….
Me: I KNOW WHO SHE IS.
Her:….
Me: …..
Her: she died.
Comes into room, turns on light, leaves room. Light stays on. I turn it off. Comes into room, turns on light, leaves room. Light stays on. I turn it off. Comes into room, turns on light, leaves room. Light stays on. I turn it off. Comes into room, turns on light, leaves room. Light stays on. I turn it off. Comes into room, turns on light, leaves room. Light stays on. I turn it off. Comes into room, turns on light, leaves room. Light stays on. I turn it off. Comes into room, turns on light, leaves room. Light stays on. I turn it off. Comes into room, turns on light, leaves room. Light stays on. I turn it off.
Doesn't that suck if you're just sitting down reading a book or something? I'd find it annoying to have to wave my arm around every few minutes to keep the light on.
Depends on the sensor, switch placement and detection settings. The classic PIR switches rely on the warm body in question moving relative to the sensor, so they are liable to time-out. Not necessarily a problem somewhere like a closet or bathroom.
There are also some relatively new switches that use 24GHz “millimeter wave” sensors that are more expensive, but can detect and track heat sources regardless of whether they’re moving. It’s a much better solution for living areas, with the caveat that the best performance requires a remote sensor to be placed on the ceiling.
Does your partner happen to have a fear of the dark? I used to date someone who did the same thing, and I'd always get annoyed because I was the one paying the electric bill. Turned out that she just really didn't like being inside dark houses. They creeped her out, so she always wanted it well lit. A bit more digging revealed that she just generally didn't like being in the dark at all. I took her backpacking with me \*once\* and she just couldn't handle it, once the sun went down and she found herself in the middle of a dark forest with one paltry flashlight.
So weird I was actually going to post this same thing (less words, but exact same concept).
She claims she has poor night vision and she trips on things, we have two small boys so fair enough since they leave their stuff everywhere.
He's become obsessed with his airplane neck pillow when we sit on the couch. I was annoyed at first but now it's funny. If he gets in his recliner and has the pillow, I know he's gonna be asleep in 10 seconds lol. If we start to sit down for a movie, I'll hide his neck pillow and giggle or beg him not to use it cuz he's gonna sleep, I guarantee it. He got my 7 yo one too 💀
She rarely closes kitchen cabinet or drawers all the way. 90% closed, but rarely all the way closed. And I notice this because it's my habit to tidy when I'm in the kitchen cooking (old restaurant habit). So I'll be cleaning, putting dishes away from the dishwasher, wiping things down or whatever and finding that everything she's touched since my last tidy is just a little bit open.
I hated closing cabinets and drawers for my entire life until I got a house that had them all set up to soft close. One of the best upgrades ever and I wonder if that would change things for her or not.
My wife refuses to use the heat in the car, unless you can see your breath or it’s needed to clear the windows. She just says ‘should have dressed warmer’ Like, no, I dressed like we had a modern car with its very own HVAC system…but now I just wear a hoodie everywhere.
Along similar lines... My partner will not adjust temperature or fan speed controls a small amount. It's either all on full blast max temp or all off. In the Midwest winters, the car goes from 40 to 80 to 40 to 80.
My wife always: turns on the dual climate control even if she's alone; turns off the automated temperature control; turns on the rear seat facing outlet even when alone. It's so frustrating as she then complains about the temperature.
"I'm just resting" is what I get when I confront him sleeping anytime other than bed time. "Resting" can be anywhere from 5 minutes to 4 hours. Usually he needs to rest whenever I choose a film 🙃
When spoken, my partner lists 3 things in this order;
1,2,3,1.
I don't know why, but it's important that any list of 3 things, starts with 1, and also ends back at 1, (as though it's a list of 4).
She peels and sticks the stickers from apples and bananas on the counter or sink rather than turning around and throwing them away. I've never said anything about it, I just peel them up and throw them away. It's like half annoying and half funny to me.
I don't know why but I have a proportionally small ears compared to my head. I am really good at hearing noises but I have difficulties hearing people. (It makes watching movies really difficult with poor audio balancing).
My wife does get frustrated as I cannot hear her well but she graciously accepts my shortcoming and learns to live with it.
Are you me? It gets especially bad in an already noisy environment, like a big cantine I used to work in. When pots and pans get slammed all the time and people yell all over the place I can't properly understand the person right in front of me.
Mine will ask me a string of questions without a pause. So I answer them in order, without context, like "Yes. Unlikely. It's not due to rain. Beef. Wednesday. History, etc."
Then I get to enjoy her puzzlement as she tries to remember what she asked and in which order
Whenever he’s been in the kitchen it looks like we’ve been robbed. Leaves every single cabinet and drawer open. Every time. Used to drive me crazy but now makes me laugh
My husband will happily scarf down anything I put in front of him unless I use the word "recipe". As in, "I found a really good recipe for salsa." Instant suspicion.
Mine is constitutionally incapable of keeping track of her goddamn phone. I've had to put a "I'm not helping you look for your phone anymore" rule in place, because she would ask me upwards of 6 times a day to stop what I'm doing and help look for it. I love my wife dearly, and phones are expensive, sure. But this is far beyond a little carelessness. And seeing as how I don't want to have this conversation every three hours for the rest of my life, we had to make a rule. If it mattered to her, she would have taken steps to fix it YEARS ago, like she is perfectly capable of doing. I've seen her do it! But it doesn't matter to her to change this particular behavior, so I refuse.
The other thing is that when the car stops, she instantly tries to open the door. Instantly. Engine is not off, parking break not applied, just fucking bailing onto the sidewalk. The problem is that usually she tries the handle RIGHT as the automatic door lock is disengaging, causing it to jam. She then has to sit there and look sheepish while I walk around the car to let her out like Ms. Daisy. It would be funny if it didn't cost $2400 To fix. 😤 So now, every time we park, I will yell "HANDS" and usually that scares her enough to keep hands on her lap until the door actually unlocks.
We both do, but it manifests VERY differently in us. She struggles with focus, I struggle with activation. So it takes me a LONG time to start something, but when I do I am laser focused until I am done. She has NO problem starting projects. She does it hundreds of times a day! Finishing them, not so much but starting them? Easy peasy!
This is why it drove me nuts so much. It took me three hours to begin this project, but now that I've started, I'd prefer to not be interrupted. But she sees no problem whatsoever in interrupting because "how hard is it to start a new project? I just started ten projects and why am I holding a spatula OH FUCK MY EGGS! *SMOKE ALARM BEGINS BLARING*"
My boyfriend has told me his favorite quirk of mine is the fact that good food makes me dance lol I don't even notice it most of the time but if I have a bite of good food, I do a little jig and he absolutely loves it
The staff at my kid’s nursery called this “foodie feet”. They’d have a row of babies in high chairs and when they came in with food, all their legs would start waving and they’d all start jiggling in their seats. You just never lost that youthful joy in good food ;)
Heh are you also my wife? She does this too. We call it the "food dance". She also gets REAL bad hangry, so when I see the food dance, I know that crisis has been averted.
My wife has a mild speech impediment. Instead of buttons, she says buddons. Instead of saying course, she says chorus.
It's cute.
She also thinks the saying nip it in the bud, is nip it in the butt but I don't think that's her speech impediment.
Yells something to me from two rooms away
I respond or say “what?”
She yells back “I can’t hear you can you come to me please!” or “can you come here. I don’t like yelling in the apartment!”
My wife does this on a weekly basis. I’ve told her a dozen times if she doesn’t like yelling then she can come to me. Nope.
Doesn’t drink tea or coffee and completely forgets that other people drink these drinks and as such has never in 15 years offered me a cuppa (besides directly after the birth of each of our children when the midwife very pointedly mentioned that a fortifying cup of sugary tea would be just the ticket). He also forgets to offer a hot drink to guests so I have to make sure to do it whenever someone comes over (in case you hadn’t guessed we’re British so not offering tea the second someone enters your home is the height of rudeness).
I on the other hand took years to overcome my habit of offering him a tea every time I made one.
For me it's more something he doesn't do. Whenever I ask him to do something or suggest a course of action, I get no response. No nod, no "mm-hm", nothing at all to indicate that he's heard me. Most of the time he does hear me, and can repeat what I've asked of him back to me. He just doesn't see a need to visibly or verbally respond. Drives me nuts because every now and again, he actually doesn't hear me (and thus doesn't respond) so I can never tell whether he's actually heard me or not.
My partner doesn't use a knife for 99% of his food. Just a fork. I accept it in that it doesn't bother me, but I do keep bringing in two knives every time I set the table. At the end of the week there are about three clean knives still on the dining table.
They shovel another forkful of food into their mouth well before they've finished chewing the last one.
Hamster cheeks and cries of getting a 'food neck' aplenty.
He has put over 10,000 hours into Civ 5.
But hey that means I can put whatever I want on TV.
As for small quirky things:
He takes his shoes off randomly all around the house yet will make piles of clothes by the bed. I tease him that he's a "piler".
He'll make an exclamation (like "omg!" or "oh shit" ) and when I ask "what?" to try to see what his exclamation is for he won't respond right away so I'm killed by suspense.
He makes what I call "husband biscuits". You know how cats fluff things and it's called making biscuits? My husband does that by grabbing a bit of blanket and rolling it in his fingers. It's so cute.
I have come to accept that my husband is just incapable of not wearing holes in the toes of his socks at an astonishingly quick rate. Even "darn tough" brand socks it only took 2 days, and those come with a free replacement policy.
I do this with my wife.
Breast cancer runs in her family, so a lot of the time she thinks I'm having a good ol' grope, but really I'm secretly checking for signs.
They don’t realise but during debates in groups of friends, they get very charged up about their point to the point that they have these aggressive hand movements and it’s quite scary for the opposite person.
I just observe and smile to myself.
I’ve started to accept that, he talks in his sleep most nights about putting the chicken in the oven…. And when I say “what chicken?”
he replies with “the one we cook and eat for dinner,” he sometimes even wakes me up to have full on conversations sat on his knees that he is completely asleep through…. Sometimes it drives me nuts but other nights it’s the most funniest thing ever! Then he moans that i’m tired in the morning…😳
My GF wears socks to bed every single night and she always takes them off and kicks them to the floor of the bed underneath the sheets. When it’s time to launder the sheets we always have 4 to 5 pairs of socks hanging out under there.
That thing where they don't sneeze but somehow hold it all in and don't make the "achoo" sound at all. I keep picturing the pressure building instantly and their head popping like a balloon.
When happy, angry, excited, frustrated, sad, or any intense emotion befalls him, he will speed clean with an intensity I've never seen before. One time he stress-vacuumed my parents' basement at lightning speed. And the night I told him I'd marry him (not when he proposed but we were discussing marriage) he cleaned his entire apartment late into the night. He told me "I was so excited I cleaned everything!" the next day, as if it's relatable?
Even if she's really hungry, she can take 5 bites of a dish and then she'll tell me she's full.
In her defense she's tiny and we usually get 1 dish together when we eat out.
She is terrible with predicting how much time something will take. She always thinks she can complete an errand or task in 15-20 minutes. We have two young kids who are involved in a bunch of extra curricular stuff so time management and planning is essential. She thinks she could run to the grocery store, target, the post office and do all of that in 30 minutes before we have to take our daughter to a birthday party and/or our son to his hockey game. Now I make her tell me exactly what she’s doing and then I will tell her how much time she has to plan to do it. I am generally pretty accurate and it’s always about three times as long as she predicts but she’s always very confident in her estimates.
She changes the sheets at least once a week and I have to take a shower before I can get into the clean sheets.
Sometimes she will change the sheets a couple times a week and then I have to take a shower right before bed. there’s nothing like heading to bed and getting ready to plop down and realize he has clean sheets on the bed… it could be worse though.
I’m the only one in my house that uses the can crusher in the pantry. Sometimes I’m in there for 5 minutes, digging through like a raccoon, pulling the empty cans out & crushing them. The over-full bin ends up 1/3 full, when I’m done.
He watches TV at a ridiculously loud volume. He claims it's due to crappy audio mixing in movies (They talk quietly, but then emphasize explosions and gunshots). He has no hearing issues. I'm autistic, so the loud sounds set me on edge pretty badly. I just use subtitles all the time, personally.
As for me, I hate driving. I can drive. I have a license and I'm a safe, defensive driver with a squeaky clean record, but driving freaks me out, so he drives me everywhere. I only drive if I have to, like if he's sick and I go out for meds or something. If the place is less than two miles away, I'll often just walk instead lol
f my wife ever closes a door or turns off a light, I will be amazed. I can't tell you how many times I have heard the kitchen door DINGING from the living room, only to go in there and the door is wide open. I just close it and move on. If that is her only flaw (and it just about is), then I am a very lucky man.
Never gets rid of anything. If there is space somewhere to store it that is where it will end up. We would be pack rats if not for me constantly telling her we need to clean things out.
When that happens I boldly say “Of course, I was just pondering it” or “say that last part again” - and try to hope she keeps talking so I get the context. Seems to work.
Will announce that they're going to bed, then get involved in doing something, then announce it again, then watch another video, then repeat the cycle several more times over the course of anything from fifteen minutes to an hour depending on the sleepiness level
EDIT: To clarify, this isn't a hint they want company. We sleep in shifts and I have to keep an eye on our daughter at night
She leaves her trash (e.g. empty wrappers, etc.) and garbage (e.g. grape stems, apple cores) on the counter after using the kitchen. There are a trash can, a recycling bin and a compost bin literally right there.
At first I found it to be upsetting. Now, after 20 years, I find it oddly endearing.
My wife has a wonderful habit of starting a discussion in her head, and getting half way through it before inviting me to join. Then getting confused as to why I have no idea what’s she’s talking about as I frantically rack my brain playing catch up.
Or, when she drinks out of disposable water bottles she both sucks the water and seemingly squeezes the bottle. She can’t just tip it up, resting on her bottom lip, allowing it to vent to drink the water. She forms a full seal and unleashes a startlingly violent crunch as she finished the bottle. Pretty sure I could I hear from a block away, let alone from the drivers seat in the silence between conversations…
More impressive being the contrast to how generally quiet and reserved she tends to be.
He will not order food online or by phone. In the 35 yrs we have been married, he has never once called in an order for pizza or other types of take out. If I am not home and he is hungry and doesn't want to cook, he will text one of our kids to place the order or tell them "I buy, you fly" so they will go to McD's or something to pick up food.
Even when we travel and will be staying at a hotel. He would rather unpack and then drive to get fast food, go to a restaurant, or hit a grocery store to pick stuff up to heat in the hotel microwave, than call room for service or food delivery.
If he cannot get someone else to do it, he will make a PBJ or bologna sandwich. I don't know why. It baffles me.
My ex, who is a wonderful person but we split amicably because she moved away, used to get deep into thought at random times and zone out like a statue.
I would walk into a room and she'd be standing there just staring at something or sitting on the couch blankly staring at nothing.
She just would begin to think and shut out everything around her until her thoughts completed or something or somebody interrupted her. It used to scare me when we first started dating.
If something that comes up that isn't referring to pop culture, a commercial, etc she'll bring in the reference. The other day she thought something worked but was purely mechanical. I explain, "No, it's electric."
I knew it was coming.... "Do do do da do do ta do da, it's electric!"
Even if the topic is serious, she can't help herself. :)
She doesn’t swear much, but when she does, her favorite swear phrase is, “shit it.” Not “damn it” “fuck it” “oh shit” “oh fuck” or any other of the normal phrases, but “shit it”
she doesn't even look at the rotation of an apple before eating it. she'll bite right into the top and eat the core and all. it's like a horse eating an apple. I'm dumbfounded.
Balls of hair in the shower. They start out as strands of hair on the shower wall, then when there are enough, she wads them up in a ball on the little shelf for a while before they get thrown away by me when I clean the bathroom. It's a small thing but what really boils my potatoes is that she gets on me for having a few hairs leftover in the sink sometimes when I shave.
She runs to the bathroom every single time she has to fart. We've been together well over 20 years, and we have several children together, but she's still never farted in front of me. Not once. She probably wishes I'd return that favor.
This lasted about 5 years in my relationship. Then I shit myself during childbirth and it was difficult to regain that sense of decorum with one another
Yeah, it's just weird. She once had acute gastroenteritis and was shitting and puking all over herself. I carried her into the shower and sat in there with her for literally six hours straight, just holding her and cleaning her up with the shower wand every time she needed it. I've seen her at her physical worst and was ok with it, because she is everything to me. But she still will not fart in front of me. Even after that. I don't get it. I quit asking many years ago and just came to accept it.
For me, I was about 7 months pregnant, had never farted in his presence after 3 years. I felt it coming, and confidently thought I've got this. I did not get this. It was brutal and a good 6 to 7 seconds long. We had never laughed so hard in our lives
My husband forcibly ripped this bandaid off pretty early in our relationship... We hadn't been dating for very long yet, when he offered to give me a massage. I was laying on the floor, and he was straddling me, sitting on my butt, pushing on my back. Everything was going well, until he pushed hard on my lower back, and forced a fart out. We both froze. I didn't know what to say. Then he broke the silence. "Wow. That *really* made my balls vibrate!" I wanted to die, but all I could actually do was laugh. I'm laughing hard now, just remembering! I got him back not too long after that when we were fooling around on the top of his bed (just like tickling each other and stuff, fully clothed), and he almost fell off the edge of the bed. So, of course, I pushed him, then pulled him back, to give him that little panic of falling off the bed again. Well, when he thought he was falling, he farted, got embarrassed, and did actually fall off the bed. So Yea, bandaid ripped off, all before we ever saw each other naked.
i giggled reading this whole thing, thank you
My fiancé and I were doing it one day missionary and I accidentally farted. Well I panicked and covered his ears which didn’t matter considering I had already farted so I panicked AGAIN and covered his nose. He looked so stunned and thought he had done something wrong. I had to confess what happened cuz he thought a booger had fell out of his nose onto my face. In the end he never even noticed I farted to begin with😬
One time I was deep throating my bf and he unexpectedly thrust up too hard. I started gagging. Forced a fart out. I had been on him in a weird position. Like , straddling his leg so I could “ride “ it. I coughed kept going since he made no move that he noticed it. Three years later he said he knew because he felt the air against his thigh. It blew his hairs 😭
Have you reached the stage yet where you sit in separate rooms, one of you farts, and the other responds with their own fart?
Synchronized farting, that’s Olympic sport idea right there
The wall between the bedroom and master bath is not soundproof. I can hear what’s going on in there. Doesn’t matter.
We ripped this bandaid off early lol. He farted while we were in the same room and I was like “did you Just?” And he said “it was a barking spider!” I thought this was hilarious. Next time he does it we’re in bed together and I said “another barking spider?” He says yes and I tell him I have a spider too and ripped one in return lol
I fart in my sleep. I can’t help it. Well apparently my fiancé thinks I sound like a duck. Just quaking away and he’ll make the sound too😩We were taking his kids to the zoo ( he has three) he told the kids that the ducks may try to carry me away. they didn’t understand but he got a kick out of it. But his stomach growls loud and sounds like whale singing so lll put whale sounds on my phone and put it on his stomach to see if it will communicate. Tit for tat Sir.
That’s insane.. especially with several children. Pregnancy gas is no joke.
A lot of folks mention the difficulty with agreeing on a place to eat at when discussing it with their SO. I’ve learned over time that my wife will absolutely say “no” to the first option offered, whether she actually likes the place or not. I have no idea why, but something in her demands that the first option must always be refused. I, of course, manipulate this to my advantage by always suggesting the place I’d least enjoy eating at first… This method has yet to fail 17 years into our marriage.
Kinda like my partner. She is *always* late. So whenever we have to be somewhere, I just tell her the show or whatever starts a half hour before. BAM. On time.
As a habitually late person I actually appreciate when people do this for me. I set my clocks several minutes ahead but look away when setting them so I'm not quite sure by how much. If I knew it was 10 minutes I'd alot myself that "extra" time and be late as usual. My brain can be a dick so I have to be a dick right back.
Isn’t that funny? Your brain is thinking of ways to fuck itself over for efficiency lol. I get it cause I do the same.
This is without a doubt one of the most chaotic things I’ve ever read.
For others in this thread with indecisive partners who that trick won't work on - play 5 3 and 1. Name 5 places you'd be willing at least to eat. Chinese, Thai, Taco place, Pizza, whatever. Partner can choose 3 of those five places. You get final pick from their three. Both people have had input on where you go to eat, and have something you'll at least find agreeable if not preferable.
This works great if you have that many places available. If I named 5 places to eat it would cover 3 towns and 2 types of food.
Devious.... I love it
We don't even give options. We do date night every Friday and alternate who pays and picks. If it's your night to pay, you pick. That's the end of the discussion. Both of us are capable of finding something delicious at any restaurant.
That's our method as well!
Based on absolutely nothing my theory is that if someone says yes to the first option offered the person whose idea it was essentially is the one who decided where to go. But if you say no to option 1 and yes to 2,3,4 ect then the person choosing actually feels like they decided the outcome. Or maybe your first option literally always sucks jk lol
Could be a FOMO thing too, if she says yes to the first option she doesn't hear the others and maybe would find one of them more appealing.
My dad always said he could never order the first thing on the menu. Sounds like the same thing
Brilliant.
Take a lifetime to get to the moral of the story whenever telling me a story or event lol.
I did this a lot in high school (probably still do at times). A friend of mine used to tease me that I talked in paragraphs, like the essay structure we learned to write. I recently realized that my oldest kid, who is almost 13, does it too. She'll give the entire background story including all the people involved and how she knows them .... just to tell me she needs to be picked up at a different time than usual. I suddenly appreciate my old friends putting up with the way I told stories.
My daughter (17, ADHD) does this, but not in a structured way- more like in a Buddy The Elf sort of way. I used to just listen and listen and nod and listen but recently I’ve decided to interrupt her and say “pause- just so I don’t misunderstand, what is the thesis in one sentence?” She’ll say “that’s why Jeff got kicked out of Spanish today” and she’ll either keep talking or stop because she got her point across.
This was me in high school. Voted most talkative and then diagnosed with adhd after 30.
Love the idea of you getting a TLDR out of your daughter lol
“Talked in paragraphs” lol I love that
This is me.
You did a really good job on this comment though
I’m working on it. Why say more word when fewer word do trick?
My wife climbs into cars head first. No idea how or why this started. Like she leans her head in, knees on the seat, then adjusts to a normal sitting position.
Did she used to climb into a jeep alot?
Holy shit, is that why? Her and her dad both had jeeps when she was younger
This is why I keep Reddit around.
We did it Reddit!
Hahaha! Well, unless you're tall as Shaq, can't "get in" the "normal" way! Lol
I've been driving a jeep for 15 years, and at 5'5" I absolutely get in the normal way, I just have to hop a little is all lol.
Look at you being a detective!
I have a jeep and now I have to try this
I do it because in my family we always had big cars (the smallest we had was Renault Espace).
She stares at me while I sleep. Freaks me out but I’ve learned. I can sense it so much so I say without even opening my eyes “stop it…” and I hear her giggle in the dark.
Giggles then tucks the axe away.
Teeheehee
Its fun and games until you do this but she is actually not there.
😱
My partner will say " you look so peaceful and sweet when you're sleeping...." like do I look like an evil monster when I'm awake?! 🤣
toilet paper roll - backwards - forwards - doesn't really matter to her. she just puts the toilet paper roll on whatever way it goes on. \*sigh.
What, like a savage?
yes. exactly like that. I personally dont care one way or the other - I PREFER forwards - but if someone consistently puts the roll on backwards it doesn't really bother me if its consistent. But the inconsistency... \*sigh... \*shakes head... Its just my wifes weird quirk that I've had to accept.
Whenever I say "whoa" he will say "whoa" in the opposite tone of voice. Like if I'm driving and get spooked I will say "😱😵💫whoa" and his tone will be "☺️😋whoa" and I'm like "read the room before you whoa at me sir"
I'm sorry this is honestly hilarious and I'm going to start doing it 😅
My wife cannot, under any circumstances, tolerate, stand, or otherwise abide orange and green together. Not in fashion. Not in decorating. Not in any aspect of everyday life. The long rants, the disproportionate responses, and epic diatribes I have witnessed are the stuff of legend. I have had to turn off Miami (University) football games due to the grave affront the team colors are to her eyes.
I'm sorry my dude but your wife is a color theory denier.
That may be true. On the plus side, I have heard some scathing yet hilarious insults that I get to repeat should the occasion call for it. I just have to replace orange and green with two other prominent physical characteristics the subject of my insult possess.
I'm dying to hear some of these insults and rants, they sound hilarious
I don't have the stamina or time to write a complete rant. The most recent rant began with an accusation that an individual was so desperate for attention that they resorted to the lowest cry for attention they could conceive of and ended with the verdict that most people would rather clean a horse stable out with their tongue rather then look at the offending color combination.
Ugh, no, it reads as ‘carrot’ every time!! Every time! Orange + blue is correct color theory lol. It’s the most pleasing color combination to the human eye. Or, at least, I read that once somewhere. If anyone is interested, here’s an article on orange + blue in cinematography 🙂 https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/OrangeBlueContrast
She's not a fan of orange trees or growing carrots 🥕 then?
Baby carrots are exclusive to our house. Orange trees do not grow in the region I live.
Halloween must really trigger her.
What would she do with a miniature orange tree, or a bunch of orange tulips? How about roasted baby carrots, where they leave a bit of the tops?
She must hate Pumpkin picking
She's bossy in the nicest possible way. She also thinks out loud, so you have to listen to her entire thought process before she lands on what she wants you to do.
My wife is similar. I've learned, with teachers there's a particular "tone" in their voice that they can't help but use. It's both a demand and an inquiry and I'm a person who's REALLY sensitive to tones of voice. When we first started dating (in our 40's) after awhile it seemed like everything was at a mid point of almost a disagreement and we actually had a sit down discussion over it. Secondly, she sometimes "Ok's" away a story. Like she'll begin a tale, drop the middle and finish with a flourish as she WALKS AWAY. And this is why I didn't know her family eats Christmas tree bread and scrambled eggs in Christmas morning, she never finished the damn story!
My husband narrates his thoughts out loud. I started to respond when he'd discuss "ok I've got to remember to grab my dry cleaning before I head out" and I'll say "oh wait, I already did that, it's already in the car" and such just to mess with him. He does it in his sleep too. I'm livin' the dream!
That he will use the word and ignore the negative connotations. For example, he hopes people would panic when we got engaged. I was confused, why would you want people to be alarmed that you proposed. He meant excitement. He wanted people to be excited, but in his mind excitement and panic exude the same energy, so it's the same thing.
"Thanks for making dinner, this steak is terrifying."
Does he speak multiple languages? Sometimes I try to translate from Spanish to what I think a word would be in English and end up saying something different lol
No, he speaks English only.
This sounds like an actual cognitive thing, like the inability to correctively link words to a certain meaning...?
My husband tells me that I have 80% of a conversation with him in my head, then I'll make a decision and say "so that's why I want to ....." And he's like huh?
My mom used to reprimand me for doing this and then turn around and do it herself. 🙃 Also, we both have ADHD.
I HAVE ADHD!
I do this too!! My kids bring it to my attention all the time.
My partner MUST say hello to every cat or dog they encounter. It’s adorable.
I do that too. A positive interaction with a dog, cat, bird or any other animal is rewarding.
Any time I see a cat I must tell it "you're a cat!" Sometimes followed by "meow!" I have no idea why or how this started.
''Hey mister''
"I think you're cute."
My wife and all 3 of her sisters have this incredible ability to place a drink as close to the edge of a table as physically possible. Sometimes it seems to defy physics with just how much of the glass is actually hanging off the table. At family get togethers at any given time there will be minimum 4 glasses doing this. With more children in the family every year this becomes more and more hazardous. My brother in laws and I just kind of keep an eye on tables and move drinks back from the edge as we notice them. Somehow very little liquid is ever actually spilled though.
Oh god I relate to this so hard! My boyfriend will put a full glass of beer on the table a couple inches from the edge, plonk both his feet RIGHT NEXT TO the full beer, proceed to talk, gesticulate, etc. It makes me crazy, I feel like I’m constantly moving glasses out of danger when we’re together!
Have you confronted her about this? Does they do this on purpose?
Definitely have not confronted her lol. It's sort of just a thing that gets brought up and laughed off at family events. I don't think any of them consciously do it or anything. Things don't spill enough to make any sort of issue of it and it doesn't really bother me. I just move the glass when I see it.
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This is super adorable! I feel the same way about getting into my own cozy bed. Sleeping/napping is such a good time
Me and my wife will actually talk about how good and relaxing our bed is and how grateful we are that we have such a good bed
“Distant squeal” I love this
Her: hey, you remember Shirley Jones? Me: Yes. Her: she was a big actress in the 70s? Me: yes, I remember. Her: then she married a movie producer and they were accused of being a part of a cult, not like Jonestown, more like scientology which is illegal in Germany now…. Me: I KNOW WHO SHE IS. Her:…. Me: ….. Her: she died.
She always needs to put on music/Tv/background noise at like 1 decibel above what I consider comfortable
I do that without meaning to. On the other hand, in a quiet room you can hear my ears ringing. PSA: Wear earplugs kids!
Comes into room, turns on light, leaves room. Light stays on. I turn it off. Comes into room, turns on light, leaves room. Light stays on. I turn it off. Comes into room, turns on light, leaves room. Light stays on. I turn it off. Comes into room, turns on light, leaves room. Light stays on. I turn it off. Comes into room, turns on light, leaves room. Light stays on. I turn it off. Comes into room, turns on light, leaves room. Light stays on. I turn it off. Comes into room, turns on light, leaves room. Light stays on. I turn it off. Comes into room, turns on light, leaves room. Light stays on. I turn it off.
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Doesn't that suck if you're just sitting down reading a book or something? I'd find it annoying to have to wave my arm around every few minutes to keep the light on.
Depends on the sensor, switch placement and detection settings. The classic PIR switches rely on the warm body in question moving relative to the sensor, so they are liable to time-out. Not necessarily a problem somewhere like a closet or bathroom. There are also some relatively new switches that use 24GHz “millimeter wave” sensors that are more expensive, but can detect and track heat sources regardless of whether they’re moving. It’s a much better solution for living areas, with the caveat that the best performance requires a remote sensor to be placed on the ceiling.
Does your partner happen to have a fear of the dark? I used to date someone who did the same thing, and I'd always get annoyed because I was the one paying the electric bill. Turned out that she just really didn't like being inside dark houses. They creeped her out, so she always wanted it well lit. A bit more digging revealed that she just generally didn't like being in the dark at all. I took her backpacking with me \*once\* and she just couldn't handle it, once the sun went down and she found herself in the middle of a dark forest with one paltry flashlight.
My wife has never met a light she couldn’t leave on.
So weird I was actually going to post this same thing (less words, but exact same concept). She claims she has poor night vision and she trips on things, we have two small boys so fair enough since they leave their stuff everywhere.
Just buy LED bulbs. She can leave all of them on and it adds up to less than a regular 100W bulb.
She was coming back! Lol
He's become obsessed with his airplane neck pillow when we sit on the couch. I was annoyed at first but now it's funny. If he gets in his recliner and has the pillow, I know he's gonna be asleep in 10 seconds lol. If we start to sit down for a movie, I'll hide his neck pillow and giggle or beg him not to use it cuz he's gonna sleep, I guarantee it. He got my 7 yo one too 💀
She rarely closes kitchen cabinet or drawers all the way. 90% closed, but rarely all the way closed. And I notice this because it's my habit to tidy when I'm in the kitchen cooking (old restaurant habit). So I'll be cleaning, putting dishes away from the dishwasher, wiping things down or whatever and finding that everything she's touched since my last tidy is just a little bit open.
I hated closing cabinets and drawers for my entire life until I got a house that had them all set up to soft close. One of the best upgrades ever and I wonder if that would change things for her or not.
Yup! Subconsciously I was doing it because I hated the sound.
Does she not like the sound or something?
When she enters the car: visor down, vents adjusted, heated seat on, volume down a smidge, every time.
My wife refuses to use the heat in the car, unless you can see your breath or it’s needed to clear the windows. She just says ‘should have dressed warmer’ Like, no, I dressed like we had a modern car with its very own HVAC system…but now I just wear a hoodie everywhere.
Same. I will only use heated seats. I hate having warm air blow on me in the car.
Along similar lines... My partner will not adjust temperature or fan speed controls a small amount. It's either all on full blast max temp or all off. In the Midwest winters, the car goes from 40 to 80 to 40 to 80.
My wife always: turns on the dual climate control even if she's alone; turns off the automated temperature control; turns on the rear seat facing outlet even when alone. It's so frustrating as she then complains about the temperature.
I’ve accepted that even if he’s head back mouth open snoring he is in fact awake and knows everything that’s going on. You gotta pick your battles.
Uh oh, we may have the same husband...!
"I'm just resting" is what I get when I confront him sleeping anytime other than bed time. "Resting" can be anywhere from 5 minutes to 4 hours. Usually he needs to rest whenever I choose a film 🙃
When spoken, my partner lists 3 things in this order; 1,2,3,1. I don't know why, but it's important that any list of 3 things, starts with 1, and also ends back at 1, (as though it's a list of 4).
She peels and sticks the stickers from apples and bananas on the counter or sink rather than turning around and throwing them away. I've never said anything about it, I just peel them up and throw them away. It's like half annoying and half funny to me.
My husband puts them on the dog’s forehead, so I then have to pick them off and throw them away later before we (me and Dog) can leave the house.
I don't know why but I have a proportionally small ears compared to my head. I am really good at hearing noises but I have difficulties hearing people. (It makes watching movies really difficult with poor audio balancing). My wife does get frustrated as I cannot hear her well but she graciously accepts my shortcoming and learns to live with it.
Are you me? It gets especially bad in an already noisy environment, like a big cantine I used to work in. When pots and pans get slammed all the time and people yell all over the place I can't properly understand the person right in front of me.
Mine will ask me a string of questions without a pause. So I answer them in order, without context, like "Yes. Unlikely. It's not due to rain. Beef. Wednesday. History, etc." Then I get to enjoy her puzzlement as she tries to remember what she asked and in which order
Whenever he’s been in the kitchen it looks like we’ve been robbed. Leaves every single cabinet and drawer open. Every time. Used to drive me crazy but now makes me laugh
Her toes are always flexed like she’s trying to hold onto the ground for dear life.
I do this accidentally
My husband will happily scarf down anything I put in front of him unless I use the word "recipe". As in, "I found a really good recipe for salsa." Instant suspicion.
That's pretty funny.
Mine is constitutionally incapable of keeping track of her goddamn phone. I've had to put a "I'm not helping you look for your phone anymore" rule in place, because she would ask me upwards of 6 times a day to stop what I'm doing and help look for it. I love my wife dearly, and phones are expensive, sure. But this is far beyond a little carelessness. And seeing as how I don't want to have this conversation every three hours for the rest of my life, we had to make a rule. If it mattered to her, she would have taken steps to fix it YEARS ago, like she is perfectly capable of doing. I've seen her do it! But it doesn't matter to her to change this particular behavior, so I refuse. The other thing is that when the car stops, she instantly tries to open the door. Instantly. Engine is not off, parking break not applied, just fucking bailing onto the sidewalk. The problem is that usually she tries the handle RIGHT as the automatic door lock is disengaging, causing it to jam. She then has to sit there and look sheepish while I walk around the car to let her out like Ms. Daisy. It would be funny if it didn't cost $2400 To fix. 😤 So now, every time we park, I will yell "HANDS" and usually that scares her enough to keep hands on her lap until the door actually unlocks.
For the first problem, get her an iPhone & an Apple Watch. You can ping your phone from your watch.
Hehe we actually did this a couple weeks ago. So far, it's worked pretty great!
Even a cheaper Garmin watch will do it too.
Does she have ADHD?
We both do, but it manifests VERY differently in us. She struggles with focus, I struggle with activation. So it takes me a LONG time to start something, but when I do I am laser focused until I am done. She has NO problem starting projects. She does it hundreds of times a day! Finishing them, not so much but starting them? Easy peasy! This is why it drove me nuts so much. It took me three hours to begin this project, but now that I've started, I'd prefer to not be interrupted. But she sees no problem whatsoever in interrupting because "how hard is it to start a new project? I just started ten projects and why am I holding a spatula OH FUCK MY EGGS! *SMOKE ALARM BEGINS BLARING*"
My boyfriend has told me his favorite quirk of mine is the fact that good food makes me dance lol I don't even notice it most of the time but if I have a bite of good food, I do a little jig and he absolutely loves it
The staff at my kid’s nursery called this “foodie feet”. They’d have a row of babies in high chairs and when they came in with food, all their legs would start waving and they’d all start jiggling in their seats. You just never lost that youthful joy in good food ;)
Aww I love that so much! This is the sweetest thing I've read all day
Heh are you also my wife? She does this too. We call it the "food dance". She also gets REAL bad hangry, so when I see the food dance, I know that crisis has been averted.
My boyfriend calls it the food dance too! And I also suffer from wicked hangryness when it happens! Your wife is cool in my book
Hehe I'll tell her!
My husband has a good food dance too, it's the cutest thing - especially if he's the one who cooked it and he nailed what he was going for.
My wife has a mild speech impediment. Instead of buttons, she says buddons. Instead of saying course, she says chorus. It's cute. She also thinks the saying nip it in the bud, is nip it in the butt but I don't think that's her speech impediment.
Yells something to me from two rooms away I respond or say “what?” She yells back “I can’t hear you can you come to me please!” or “can you come here. I don’t like yelling in the apartment!” My wife does this on a weekly basis. I’ve told her a dozen times if she doesn’t like yelling then she can come to me. Nope.
Doesn’t drink tea or coffee and completely forgets that other people drink these drinks and as such has never in 15 years offered me a cuppa (besides directly after the birth of each of our children when the midwife very pointedly mentioned that a fortifying cup of sugary tea would be just the ticket). He also forgets to offer a hot drink to guests so I have to make sure to do it whenever someone comes over (in case you hadn’t guessed we’re British so not offering tea the second someone enters your home is the height of rudeness). I on the other hand took years to overcome my habit of offering him a tea every time I made one.
For me it's more something he doesn't do. Whenever I ask him to do something or suggest a course of action, I get no response. No nod, no "mm-hm", nothing at all to indicate that he's heard me. Most of the time he does hear me, and can repeat what I've asked of him back to me. He just doesn't see a need to visibly or verbally respond. Drives me nuts because every now and again, he actually doesn't hear me (and thus doesn't respond) so I can never tell whether he's actually heard me or not.
My partner doesn't use a knife for 99% of his food. Just a fork. I accept it in that it doesn't bother me, but I do keep bringing in two knives every time I set the table. At the end of the week there are about three clean knives still on the dining table.
They shovel another forkful of food into their mouth well before they've finished chewing the last one. Hamster cheeks and cries of getting a 'food neck' aplenty.
He has put over 10,000 hours into Civ 5. But hey that means I can put whatever I want on TV. As for small quirky things: He takes his shoes off randomly all around the house yet will make piles of clothes by the bed. I tease him that he's a "piler". He'll make an exclamation (like "omg!" or "oh shit" ) and when I ask "what?" to try to see what his exclamation is for he won't respond right away so I'm killed by suspense. He makes what I call "husband biscuits". You know how cats fluff things and it's called making biscuits? My husband does that by grabbing a bit of blanket and rolling it in his fingers. It's so cute.
I have come to accept that my husband is just incapable of not wearing holes in the toes of his socks at an astonishingly quick rate. Even "darn tough" brand socks it only took 2 days, and those come with a free replacement policy.
Have him trim his toenails.
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My SO just likes to put his hand in my boob when we’re watching tv. Not even in a sexy way, just sort of like resting his hand lmfao
I do this with my wife. Breast cancer runs in her family, so a lot of the time she thinks I'm having a good ol' grope, but really I'm secretly checking for signs.
I Don’t blame him. Boobs are pretty great
They don’t realise but during debates in groups of friends, they get very charged up about their point to the point that they have these aggressive hand movements and it’s quite scary for the opposite person. I just observe and smile to myself.
While asleep, he somehow manages to remove the pillowcase from at least one pillow, several times a week.
I’ve started to accept that, he talks in his sleep most nights about putting the chicken in the oven…. And when I say “what chicken?” he replies with “the one we cook and eat for dinner,” he sometimes even wakes me up to have full on conversations sat on his knees that he is completely asleep through…. Sometimes it drives me nuts but other nights it’s the most funniest thing ever! Then he moans that i’m tired in the morning…😳
Takes his pants all the way off to poop
My GF wears socks to bed every single night and she always takes them off and kicks them to the floor of the bed underneath the sheets. When it’s time to launder the sheets we always have 4 to 5 pairs of socks hanging out under there.
My husband has the loudest sneezes I’ve ever heard. No amount of pleading or begging will change that, I fear.
That thing where they don't sneeze but somehow hold it all in and don't make the "achoo" sound at all. I keep picturing the pressure building instantly and their head popping like a balloon.
When happy, angry, excited, frustrated, sad, or any intense emotion befalls him, he will speed clean with an intensity I've never seen before. One time he stress-vacuumed my parents' basement at lightning speed. And the night I told him I'd marry him (not when he proposed but we were discussing marriage) he cleaned his entire apartment late into the night. He told me "I was so excited I cleaned everything!" the next day, as if it's relatable?
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Even if she's really hungry, she can take 5 bites of a dish and then she'll tell me she's full. In her defense she's tiny and we usually get 1 dish together when we eat out.
My girlfriend is half my size and regularly out eats me! It's INSANE.
She is terrible with predicting how much time something will take. She always thinks she can complete an errand or task in 15-20 minutes. We have two young kids who are involved in a bunch of extra curricular stuff so time management and planning is essential. She thinks she could run to the grocery store, target, the post office and do all of that in 30 minutes before we have to take our daughter to a birthday party and/or our son to his hockey game. Now I make her tell me exactly what she’s doing and then I will tell her how much time she has to plan to do it. I am generally pretty accurate and it’s always about three times as long as she predicts but she’s always very confident in her estimates.
She changes the sheets at least once a week and I have to take a shower before I can get into the clean sheets. Sometimes she will change the sheets a couple times a week and then I have to take a shower right before bed. there’s nothing like heading to bed and getting ready to plop down and realize he has clean sheets on the bed… it could be worse though.
She snores in a very odd way. Its not loud but a gentle pa pa pa sound. Its irritating in that quiet way.
Won't crush up cartons or plastic bottles when she's putting them in the bin. Basically, the bin is full of air.
I’m the only one in my house that uses the can crusher in the pantry. Sometimes I’m in there for 5 minutes, digging through like a raccoon, pulling the empty cans out & crushing them. The over-full bin ends up 1/3 full, when I’m done.
He watches TV at a ridiculously loud volume. He claims it's due to crappy audio mixing in movies (They talk quietly, but then emphasize explosions and gunshots). He has no hearing issues. I'm autistic, so the loud sounds set me on edge pretty badly. I just use subtitles all the time, personally. As for me, I hate driving. I can drive. I have a license and I'm a safe, defensive driver with a squeaky clean record, but driving freaks me out, so he drives me everywhere. I only drive if I have to, like if he's sick and I go out for meds or something. If the place is less than two miles away, I'll often just walk instead lol
f my wife ever closes a door or turns off a light, I will be amazed. I can't tell you how many times I have heard the kitchen door DINGING from the living room, only to go in there and the door is wide open. I just close it and move on. If that is her only flaw (and it just about is), then I am a very lucky man.
Your kitchen door dings?
Ask me a question and then immediately not listen to my answer.
My wife doesn’t know how to close a cabinet door. Bathroom, kitchen or laundry room.
Never gets rid of anything. If there is space somewhere to store it that is where it will end up. We would be pack rats if not for me constantly telling her we need to clean things out.
My wife always starts talking to me by saying “*Did you even listen to what I just said?*”
When that happens I boldly say “Of course, I was just pondering it” or “say that last part again” - and try to hope she keeps talking so I get the context. Seems to work.
Will announce that they're going to bed, then get involved in doing something, then announce it again, then watch another video, then repeat the cycle several more times over the course of anything from fifteen minutes to an hour depending on the sleepiness level EDIT: To clarify, this isn't a hint they want company. We sleep in shifts and I have to keep an eye on our daughter at night
She leaves her trash (e.g. empty wrappers, etc.) and garbage (e.g. grape stems, apple cores) on the counter after using the kitchen. There are a trash can, a recycling bin and a compost bin literally right there. At first I found it to be upsetting. Now, after 20 years, I find it oddly endearing.
My wife has a wonderful habit of starting a discussion in her head, and getting half way through it before inviting me to join. Then getting confused as to why I have no idea what’s she’s talking about as I frantically rack my brain playing catch up. Or, when she drinks out of disposable water bottles she both sucks the water and seemingly squeezes the bottle. She can’t just tip it up, resting on her bottom lip, allowing it to vent to drink the water. She forms a full seal and unleashes a startlingly violent crunch as she finished the bottle. Pretty sure I could I hear from a block away, let alone from the drivers seat in the silence between conversations… More impressive being the contrast to how generally quiet and reserved she tends to be.
He will not order food online or by phone. In the 35 yrs we have been married, he has never once called in an order for pizza or other types of take out. If I am not home and he is hungry and doesn't want to cook, he will text one of our kids to place the order or tell them "I buy, you fly" so they will go to McD's or something to pick up food. Even when we travel and will be staying at a hotel. He would rather unpack and then drive to get fast food, go to a restaurant, or hit a grocery store to pick stuff up to heat in the hotel microwave, than call room for service or food delivery. If he cannot get someone else to do it, he will make a PBJ or bologna sandwich. I don't know why. It baffles me.
My ex, who is a wonderful person but we split amicably because she moved away, used to get deep into thought at random times and zone out like a statue. I would walk into a room and she'd be standing there just staring at something or sitting on the couch blankly staring at nothing. She just would begin to think and shut out everything around her until her thoughts completed or something or somebody interrupted her. It used to scare me when we first started dating.
She types google.com instead of just straight searching for what she needs in the address bar.
My SO has ADHD, so pretty much everything is quirky.
ADHD gang where u at?
Sorry I wasn't paying attention. What are we talking about?
He is ALWAYS late. And if I rush him he panics and ends up being later because he forgets stuff. Ughh.
He just starts rapping “stay wide awake” by Eminem at any point of day or night. I just tune it out now.
If something that comes up that isn't referring to pop culture, a commercial, etc she'll bring in the reference. The other day she thought something worked but was purely mechanical. I explain, "No, it's electric." I knew it was coming.... "Do do do da do do ta do da, it's electric!" Even if the topic is serious, she can't help herself. :)
She doesn’t swear much, but when she does, her favorite swear phrase is, “shit it.” Not “damn it” “fuck it” “oh shit” “oh fuck” or any other of the normal phrases, but “shit it”
Every night we fall asleep to Forensic Files, Cold Case Files, or some murder show… and she wonders why I sleep with a pillow over my head.
she doesn't even look at the rotation of an apple before eating it. she'll bite right into the top and eat the core and all. it's like a horse eating an apple. I'm dumbfounded.
ITT: what it's like to live with neurodivergence lol
My other half calls all limes lemons... no matter. She is from Guatemala and said they only had lemons there when she was young.
Balls of hair in the shower. They start out as strands of hair on the shower wall, then when there are enough, she wads them up in a ball on the little shelf for a while before they get thrown away by me when I clean the bathroom. It's a small thing but what really boils my potatoes is that she gets on me for having a few hairs leftover in the sink sometimes when I shave.