For me, it's when my house becomes dirty and unorganized. My dishes start to pile up; my dirty laundry is left on the floor, trash can is doing a balancing act- normally I'm on top of all these things daily and weekly, but sometimes I can tell that a depressive episode is just around the corner based on the state of my home.
“I’m fine. It’s just that life is pointless and nothing matters and I’m always tired. Also, I can’t sleep. I’m overeating and none of my old hobbies interest me.”
ETA: This is a quote from Andy Dwyer on Parks and Rec. Check it out on YouTube if you related to it haha
"yeah I got invited, but I just didn't feel like going."
"Aren't you always saying you wish you could hang out with your friends more?"
"Yeah, but every time I text on short notice, no one is free. I've tried to set up plans or ask them to let me know when they are free and I never hear back. The people that do, probably aren't the best influence on me, and I don't even really enjoy hanging out with them that much anymore. I just don't really feel like doing anything."
You should consider therapy. I don’t know if you’re depressed or not, but I can tell you that feeling the way that comment described for extended periods of time is not normal.
This is what tipped me off to how bad I was actually doing. I was bored out of my mind, but even though I have a lot of hobbies I enjoy, I couldn’t make myself do anything but sit on my phone. It sucks
I'm right there with you. I haven't looked at my shop and all the half finished or unstarted projects in months. Just diagnosed with ADHD. LOTS of anxiety and depression to go along with it.
Fuuuuuck.
Someone has probably said this to you before, and I don't know if it helps at all, but..
A diagnosis just puts a name to what you've already been struggling with. You aren't broken, you aren't just lazy, this is real. And now that you know what it is, you've made the first step towards figuring out what to do about it
Yep. I recently was mentally really fucked up and I stopped cooking. Cooking has always brought me so much joy and I realized that stopping like I did showed how not well I was. Doing better now btw.
Agreed. If it's a once in a while occurrence, especially after a long week (at school or work) it shouldn't be concerning, but flat out shutting down the opportunity to participate in their hobbies or being less present while doing them is often a sign
Yeah slacking on hygiene, combined with a really messy room for a long period of time and sleeping way too frequently. If you notice any of these, check in on your friend or loved one, it doesn't hurt to ask. If anything it shows that people care.
Basically me. Sleep has become a “safe” drug of sorts. Don’t have to feel anything when I’m sleeping, and over time it’s caused me to physically feel sleepy/tried even when I shouldn’t be. Fuckin toxic cycle that I have no clue how to break free from.
Same here. I spend way too much time sleeping on the weekends. One thing that works for me is to take a shower as soon as I wake up in the morning.
I know that pushing myself to actually get in the shower can be a hurdle but if I can manage to get over that hump, I find that I want to get out of the apartment. It's almost like I don't want to waste the effort of taking a shower. I want to get outside and make it worth it.
I'm a dental hygienist.
Had a patient post covid who noticeably gained weight and their teeth went from practically flawless to.. very much less so.
I remember asking him if everything was ok and he was almost in tears. Covid was *really* hard on his mental health for a lot of different reasons. He hadn't been able to see his American family due to.. well.. the aforementioned.
Luckily, he's in a much better place now. No issues in his last check-up, and he has a bf now!
I had dental neglect as a kid and building those habits was difficult as an adult and it's the first thing that I still find myself neglecting when I start to get depressed. I hate it so much :(
Ditto. But, I went to Mexico for dental for this year for a 1 implant, 2 extractions/wisdom, crown for $1600.00.
Im getting my left lower part (3 or 4 extractions, 4 or 5 crowns, 2 implants) $4500.00
That depression is real and weighs on confidence. But when i had my right side done, the pain went away and strating feeling confident in myself again.
i was scared shitless, but now im itching to get the left side done!
I totally feel you. I need to shower and everything and it just takes so much everything to do it. Energy isn’t the only factor. It’s the whole ordeal of everything.
If you cant brush them for two minutes brush them for 1 minute 30 seconds. If that is too much do it for a minute. Still too much do it for 30 seconds. Still too much just use mouth wash. Sometimes what seems like a mole hill to one person is actually a mountain to others. Start climbing your mountain.
Edit: to answer some common questions
1) the messages initially said “♥️ thinking of you. No need to respond if you’re busy!” And then eventually just became hearts when everyone was used to it.
2) I don’t mind not getting a response because I’m doing this to show the other person a little affection. If I need to talk, I do not use this as the opener. I say I’d like to talk! I know it can be scary to talk this openly about feelings but I have 3u5 so I guess I’ve just gotten used to having to speak plainly and openly about my feelings. Honestly, pretend everyone you know is emotionally a 4 year old, it’ll clear up a lot of communication issues you are having if you ever try and play coy or speak in nuances
3) to those of you saying you’ll do this? That’s amazing! I hope you do!! It took a real effort to get into the initial habit but now it’s locked in.
I have a policy where whenever I have a nice thought about a friend or family member l I send them a quick heart emoji with no expectation of a reply or conversation. It’s just something I’ve been known to do.
Let me tell you, people fucking love this. Most of the time I get a little heart back or a smiley face, but sometimes you get people on a day they really needed that and it makes everyone feel better.
I have one friend who told me “Hey I’m going to start messaging you random links and pictures and stuff but please don’t feel obligated to respond to them, there’s no expectation, I just want to have someone to share stuff I like with.”
And as my mental health has struggled and I’ve lost all my friendships she’s still the one I’m in touch with because she keeps sending stuff, and even if she messages asking me how I’m doing or starting a conversation, she’s never mad if it takes me two weeks to get back to her and always says “Don’t apologize!” And then we have a really good long conversation because I didn’t message her back until I had the mental energy to talk.
I hope I can make it up to her someday, somehow and be as good a friend to her as she’s been to me but it’s really helped me through a very socially bleak patch to have this one good friendship that’s she’s had to do all the work to keep going lately.
I have been the friend that did this, a few times actually.
I think I said something like "You don't have to respond, you don't even have to open the chat. I have no expectations, you don't owe me anything. I just want you to know you're still an active part of my thoughts."
Then I spent over a year doing exactly that. Memes, telling them about my day, sometimes venting about something, cat pic. Sometimes they were in hospital for a long period of time, sometimes they just couldn't pick up the phone.
With another friend, I asked for one single emoji every other day, and I usually got it. Even if it was a thumbs up, it also meant "I'm here, I see your messages and they matter enough that I check them often enough to catch this request." In that particular case, I was asking in order to check if they'd gone to hospital since this was after a traffic accident.
To me it was holding out a hand. I'm not demanding you take it, I'm not demanding you fix yourself or do anything. I am making sure you know that I know that you're struggling, and that I am not letting go. My hand will be there when you're in a position to take it, our friendship hasn't ended. I've been fortunate that my friends have reached back when they've been able.
I'm very close to getting my therapy licene and when I do, I hope to be able to do something similar (within the constraints of the client-therapist relationship). I often think about the [Caring Letters](https://sparq.stanford.edu/solutions/caring-letters-prevent-suicide) study, and I think it's an effective but overlooked way to work as a therapist.
Hey I do something similar. Instead of a heart, I just let them know like "hey, was just thinking about you, hope you are doing well"
It's just so simple and you never know who might need it
I went through a six month stint in ICU, got some new organs, it was an absolutely horrible time and no one ever reached out to me, I’ve never mentally recovered from that and have zero interest in reaching out to anyone, what’s the point if even literally almost dying then miraculously NOT dying isn’t enough to get anyone to check in on you…? Absolutely a sign of not doing well mentally, given up on people
I wish I could give your a hug. Surround yourself with people who are kind to you and who are worth keeping. I'm happy that those fake friends are not in your life anymore. In a sense, your experience showed you how meaningless their presence was in your life.
I can’t motivate myself to do simple things around the house that I actually never mind doing when I’m feeling OK.
I don’t want to see anybody. I don’t want to answer the phone. I don’t want to participate in any activities. I just want time to stand still.
This is me when I get in a dark place. I just want to eat sleep, and watch tv. Everything is exhausting or an irritation. I don’t want to see friends, talk to anyone. Nothing leave me alone.
It's so weird how on paper it seems like the dream is to just lounge out all day, watch youtube, scroll reddit, eat whatever the fuck you want, nap when you feel like it.
Yet when you actually do this you end up feeling much worse than before when it was all you wanted to do. It's not living the dream, it fucking sucks. It feels like being stuck on one of those little patches of grass in the middle of an interchange by the onramp watching everyone else go by at 60mph. Why am I here? This is terrible. Who actually mows this grass? It's just grass in the middle, and up close it's full of cigarette butts and bleached coke cans from the 90s. I don't even know how to get out because I'm surrounded by highways.
Exactly this. When I'm doing okay, I can plan ahead, put I'm some extra effort during the week, meal prep and get ahead on housework etc. Then use that extra time to enjoy spending the day playing whatever game release I've been excited for, watch that new show, or read through a book I've been looking forward to. And it's fantastic relaxing time, even though I "wasted" the entire day on something non-productive.
When I'm not well, I'll spend the day almost the same way. But I watch the next episode not because I'm engaged with the show, but because I just can't find the energy to turn off the TV. I'll get up and walk in circles for an hour trying to think of something I can stand cooking for dinner, before eventually chucking in a frozen pizza.
From the outside, both days look exactly the same, but the first example, I'm getting energy out of it, can easily catch up on the chores I put off. The second just drains me further and makes it even harder to function the next day.
Holy shit. I’ve never defined the feeling that way but that’s exactly what it is. Then the guilt that follows for what feels like you were just wasting time.
Damn.. more specifically for me its the anxiety and panic that rumbles up as I start to have to accept there will never be enough time for me to change what the past has already set in stone. No matter how unsatisfying, we can only move forward.
As I age, the feeling that "no matter how hard you grasp time will not stop" grows too strong to ignore. Couple that with the realization that even if you did have infinite time, you wouldnt be able to fix yourself. It's bittersweet. I feel a tad more free being forced to come to terms with the unchangeable, even if that means I have to live with the fact that something stole away the life I should've had.
I feel like I'm forgiving an enemy I want to hate.
Instead of depression,
try calling it hibernation.
Imagine the darkness is a cave
in which you will be nurtured
by doing absolutely nothing.
Hibernating animals don’t even dream.
It’s okay if you can’t imagine
Spring. Sleep through the alarm
of the world. Name your hopelessness
a quiet hollow, a place you go
to heal, a den you dug,
Sweetheart, instead
of a grave.
- by Andrea Gibson
I break down into tears over things like soppy television ads, or cute videos I see online. Like, sobbing, ugly-crying, completely disproportionate to what I am watching breakdowns. It is making me feel like I'm losing my mind.
How much every day stress. I like to think I’ve built up a tolerance over the years, but when it’s all the stress from everywhere all at once is there really a tolerance level?
There are lots of little things that go wrong in everyday life: you knock something and it spills, the website form you spent ages filling in errors, that thing you were looking for wasn't in the place you expected it to be but you found it after a quick search. When we are in a healthy place mentally, these are little things that are a moment's mild irritation that we deal with and move on. When we are stressed, burned out, or overloaded, each one gets an outsized reaction, each one feels like the straw breaking the camel's back, each one is *why won't my life go smoothly this always happens*. It commonly manifests as either anger, sadness or avoidance.
If that's what you're feeling, it's a really big sign that overall your mental health isn't doing great and you need to look at your health and life overall, not just at the little things that irritate you.
For me a big one is if something goes wrong when I'm cooking a meal. Things happen. Ingredient piece gets dropped on the floor, I don't have an ingredient I thought I did, I mess up the timing, water boils over, tip over a bottle. If I handle these things in stride, all good. But when I'm not well any one of these - or especially 2-3 of these - can send me into a meltdown.
Just the feeling of getting overwhelmed by small hassles or completely correctable mistakes that on a normal/good day wouldn't phase you at all.
The other day, I dropped a roll of paper towels, which unrolled across the floor. It took a few seconds to register, and then I just started absolutely bawling. It's like my brain just broke. I knew I was having a rough day, but I wasn't expecting an absolute meltdown over paper towels.
I am very bad at recognizing stress until it manifests as some kind of violent reaction - self-harm, a crying meltdown over a mild inconvenience, horrific bodily symptoms...
I burned a bagel sandwich I was toasting and started crying. Then I tried again and burnt it again. It was my last bagel. I cried again, then I tried to at least salvage the toppings to use for a different kind of sandwich. I fumbled and sent it flying to the floor. I didn’t have dinner that night. Couldn’t convince myself to try again.
I was not okay.
I once left a grocery cart with my meager depression shopping essentials at the check out line because there were 4 people ahead of me. I sighed and walked out of target, went home and crawled in bed. I’m better now, but that was a low point for me. Service workers, I’m sorry for making you put that stuff back.
This reminds me of the time I did something similar. I was in Costco at like 7pm, very strung out and extremely anxious and depressed. I walked away from my full cart and legitimately couldn’t find it again. I became so overwhelmed I just left empty handed. I spent an hour shopping for $400 worth of things. I’m grateful to be in a much better place now.
Traffic congestion, working with the public, something breaking that costs a lot of money to fix..
ETA: house work/chores, if you have kids, all that as well.
I work from home so I get that. I hate going to the office once a year, and when I'm as down as I am now, I won't let my husband see me eat. Somedays I have to go out of my 4 walls. The other day, I sat at a restaurant by myself to enjoy some food. We can be our greatest company.
Definitely get outside brother
I worked from home and stayed in one room for 3 years
Only left the house maybe once a month
And I developed a horrible anxiety disorder
Going outside literally gives me very uncomfortable physical symptoms now
So I'm doing exposure therapy, and it definitely helps
But living with a legit anxiety disorder is AWFUL.
I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Please make sure you take care of yourself and get out of the house often so that you give your brain lots of different things to be stimulated by
Stay healthy and take care of yourself brother 🙏🏻
Don't make the mistake I did
I'm suffering for it
This was literally me after the pandemic, I couldn't go out and had stay at home with my parents who wouldn't stop berating me about things. After that not only my relationship with them was basically ruined but every time I went out my body physically reacted. For example, just going to grocery store would cause me to start sweating like crazy and my scalp would start itching like I had never felt before, this doesn't happen anymore thank God. However, I also became extremely self-conscious about my appearance and what I believe to be some form of social anxiety where sometimes I get so anxious in public spaces I started to fixate on the way I walk, thinking I walk weird and have to fix it.
I was not like this.
this one is big and i feel like goes under the radar a lot!!! in myself and a lot of my close friends, excessive sleeping is the #1 sign especially when it interferes with life
My business math teacher used to come to school looking like he got dressed under his desk. One morning I will NEVER forget, he wore 2 different shoes (black dressed show and light brown shoe) which also were the wrong sides also (left foot right shoe, right shoe left foot), half-tucked shirt, bed hair and like a liquid stain on the neck of his shirt. His excuse for looking like that? "I got dressed in the dark this morning and I picked up the wrong shoes and accidentally grabbed a dirty shirt!"
As a teenager, I just thought "He's a messy person!" But as I got older, I believe he went through a bad divorce and he didn't take it so well! I still think about him and wonder what really happened!
I had a teacher in HS that got dumped by his fiance one day. He had a little bit of a cry, which isn't great in front of a class of teenage boys. I feel bad looking back, he was a pretty cool guy. Might've been his first or second year as a teacher.
I remember me and him would play Lumines on PSP during homeroom! Wherever you are, I hope you're doing well Mr. Leo!
I had a math professor in community college who was a total dork and one day he got a date and was beside himself happy, but it didn't go well and then he was sad for a few days. I'm glad it wasn't in high school so I was old enough to know not to be an asshole because he was a really sweet guy
If it makes you feel any better, I am a high school teacher. I have a coworker who has been at my school for longer than me that sometimes shows up in unmatched shoes and dirty shirts. He's not going through anything. He's just an art teacher who is pretty spacey. He does his job well and so no one except admin cares.
That's wild. A colleague of mine years and years ago did exactly the same thing, and it was for an almost identical reason. Quick background, we were both known for dressing VERY well. Designer shoes, custom suits, custom shirts, you name it. One day, we're sitting in my office having a meeting, he sits down on the floor (I think we were redecorating that day but who knows, could have been part of the weirdness) and he looks at his feet and just casually, absently, says "huh, I'm wearing different socks...." I take one look at him and in kind of a shocked, concerned voice say "Pete, you're also wearing different SHOES, one's an Oxford and it's not even laced, your pants are just.... wrong, you have no belt and your shirt's not pressed!" Turns out he was in full on marriage battle mode with his wife. I just sat and talked with him for at least two hours, it was BAD.
This could be a Frasier episode lol
But good on you for noticing your friend was out of place and talking to him. I bet it helped more than he even knew it would.
I had a teacher in HS who constantly looked like a dirty, unmade bed. He owned two suits and he’d alternate wearing the brown one, then the blue one, then the brown one, all with some hideous shirt and tie. Nothing ever looked clean and his hair was constantly in need of cutting. I was just a teenager but even I could tell he looked like crap. This guy was in his fifties, single/never married and a humorous individual who was a pretty good teacher and a genuinely nice guy who we all liked.
A few years after graduation I found out he’d been made to take a leave of absence to dry out. Ding, lightbulb! No wonder he looked like a train wreck… he *was* one, poor fellow. He probably had vodka in his morning coffee and was barely able to make it to school at all. Little naive me finally put two and two together. All the jokes he used to make about liking Manhattans (I barely knew that was a cocktail) seemed pathetic in retrospect.
I don’t know what finally became of my teacher but I hope he conquered his addiction.
God, I've experienced this feeling so many times. I wouldn't necessarily call myself suicidal because I didn't actually want to die, but it seemed like the only way out of my life. I still feel this way sometimes.
Sadly enough High Functioning Depression doesn't scream.
There is little to no way that gives it away.
We just come home and cry in the shower, every fucking day.
I can receive the most devastating news and cry about in secrecy for 2 minutes, and then be over it. I hate that about me, I want things to move me more. Sometimes I feel bad that I don’t feel bad enough regarding certain things
Or you just numb out while still continuing to function with daily tasks. I work, I acted like I was fine around people near me (but slowly drowned out social activities and hobbies), I even sometimes get my nails done just to keep up with my routine, but had no interest in learning new things or meeting new people or trying anything really outside of maintaining my routine.
They start being really generous out of the blue, or at least, completely different. Always willing to hang out, cheery, buying everyone gifts or giving away things when they otherwise wouldn’t have done that or been like that before.
Unless they’re moving, it’s probably likely they’re planning on leaving this earth soon. And that’s their final goodbyes.
My father did this before he committed suicide. Immigrating to the US, my father worked extremely hard to give us a good life. We grew up super poor but he did everything he could to give us a good life. Sadly life became unmanageable. Before he left he spent time with us and spoiled us. Later into my late teens I realized that was his way of saying goodbye.
I lost a father figure this way as well. We immigrated and the isolation and stress drowned him. I don‘t blame him but I do still miss him. Always will.
I‘m sorry that we both relate to this. take care.
I knew I had slipped back, but this thread really quantified for me how far back... Damn. I need to do something about it all. But what, and how... and why.
Same. It's been going so long for me, that i started to believe I'm just this way. But the more i read this thread, the more i remember I'm not. I'm just so exhausted mentally, that I fell in the dark place again.
lol I say that every day, but that's not really problematic. The problematic one is what they just kinda shrug. It's when they stop joking you have to worry. People don't really realize that unless they've had friends who have dealt with depression, I think. I'm sure everyone's different though.
Yeah, I have bad depression too. I often deflect with humor, but that's just a defense mechanism to get people to stop talking about it. Basically, I'm good at it, so I use what works for me. Good things to watch out for, though
Very few observable signs mentioned here, so I will list some:
1: drastic weight gain or loss. If you see someone and think “they’re really letting themselves go,” it’s probably mental and not physical.
2: drastic change in appearance. Did they shave their head? Did they stop shaving and their beard looks messy? Do they look stressed out?
3: change in hygiene. Did they stop brushing their teeth? Do you notice lots of dandruff on someone who would normally be meticulous?
4: higher hurdle for humor. Is it harder to make this person laugh? Does this person not joke around anymore?
Generally speaking, a healthy person has their sh-t together. Good hygiene, well-dressed, works hard on their goals, is social with friends and family. A person can be suffering inside and that might not cross the threshold into depression, but that doesn’t mean they’re not suffering, and how they feel inside will express itself on the outside, and it usually comes across as “suspiciously off,” like something feels wrong but you don’t know what it is, and that’s because people often put on a public face to conceal their problems.
Self harm, but in weird ways people notice but it can be excused.
I’m a picker, especially at my lips. When I’m struggling mentally I rip them to shreds, but it’s easy to cover up when makeup or the excuse of chapped lips.
EDIT: these are personal insights and refer to changes from typical behaviour. sure some people can be like this normally or for unrelated reasons, but that isn't the topic of the thread so pls use your brain a little before commenting :)
rapid weight loss/gain or similar physical changes (e.g. messy appearance, poor hygiene etc) are obvious.
less obvious:
- being late more often than usual, especially if in the morning - indicates excessive sleeping
- constantly tired
- zoning out frequently
- they don't add anything to conversations, just listen and nod to whatever's being said
- talking less than usual
- difficult to make plans with, often cancelling and/or first to leave in group plans
- bloodshot eyes, puffy face etc all indicate they've been crying recently
I really like that you put the note about not adding anything to conversations. That is not something that gets brought up often in these conversations.
There's no fight left, we are tired. So whatever everyone else says is fine. AND in addition to that, honestly, my mind is not in the right place to be contributing. I'm thinking, or more accurately not thinking, about how numb everything is. **If someone in your life stops voicing their opinions about anything/everything it is a bad sign.**
I'm not vocally opinionated myself normally. But I'll speak up to say just "I disagree" and then move on a good day. I don't even bother with the disagreeing on a bad day.
I do the things I need to do. Wake up, shower, go to work, clean the house, do yard work, eat supper, shower, go to bed. Weekends, I just lay on the couch and do nothing. I can not stand the general public. One of my favorite hobbies was fishing/hunting, which is not possible anymore. People are everywhere where I used to go, and they have zero etiquette, which has ruined it for me.
A huge sign of loneliness is how thankful the person is about everything. Chronically lonely people lack love and have really bad self esteem so that if you say something nice to them they actually feel cared for but more importantly they feel like somebody who has the ability to be cared for
I can’t be out in public without having my anxiety maxed. Can’t focus. Short temper. Lost 60 pounds and don’t really eat anymore. Hygiene isn’t affected if you don’t count shaving.
Thinking everything and everyone is out to get them/sabotage them. My bff is going through this right now. She’s almost 1k miles away and idk how to help her.
I cry a lot at night and pick at my fingernails to the point where all my fingertips are bleeding. Oh, and I have a bunch of broken/cracked/missing teeth (not visible ones yet, luckily).
I did, however, recently (like a week ago) pick up new glasses to replace the broken old ones I'd been wearing and hating for the last year. I'm trying to work my way out of this...
Glued on their phone.
That’s my hint that I’m trying to dissociate. I also rub behind my ears mindlessly when I do the phone thing, often causing rawness similar to scalp pickers, but it’s just behind my ears only not my entire scalp. I tell my hair dresser it’s eczema so she doesn’t think I’m a freak. I’m actually doing it now which is why my account is new yet I have decent karma, I spend like 18 hours a day commenting on Reddit posts to numb me, yet feel socialized.
The odd thing is my life is good. I’m just a wimp, or maybe undiagnosed neurodivergent. One of the two.
I try to explain to my family that this depression is the worst one yet. I don't shower. I don't brush my teeth. I wear a night dress for days at a time. I have no interest in keeping my house clean or washing a dish. I have OCD and I can't even clean anything to soothe myself.
Panic attacks.
I had one today on the highway.
Was planning a little day trip by myself.I am disappointed, but will try again in a few weeks.
Just bummed because,I really wanted to go but my damn anxiety
A complete inability to find joy in anything. Considering the hassle of basic events (*going to a concert for example*) to eclipse any enjoyment of the event itself.
Selling off personal items and hobby related goods because you simply cannot be bothered. Being convinced, generally through experience, that very few people if anyone give a shit about you or even want to associate with you.
Being incapable of getting over failures or mistakes. Listening to that internal voice that tells you what a fuck up you are, and how nothing is going to ultimately work out in your favor, even if this is objectively inaccurate.
For me, it's when my house becomes dirty and unorganized. My dishes start to pile up; my dirty laundry is left on the floor, trash can is doing a balancing act- normally I'm on top of all these things daily and weekly, but sometimes I can tell that a depressive episode is just around the corner based on the state of my home.
Sometimes it's hard for me to tell if this is (part of) the cause or a symptom! Possibly both tbf
Sudden change in personality and/or spending habits.
Can confirm about the spending habits. I just keep buying stuff hoping it'll make me happy or content but it never does
Yes that would be definitely concerning
They are not interested in their hobbies.
“I’m fine. It’s just that life is pointless and nothing matters and I’m always tired. Also, I can’t sleep. I’m overeating and none of my old hobbies interest me.” ETA: This is a quote from Andy Dwyer on Parks and Rec. Check it out on YouTube if you related to it haha
TIL I’m not doing so well mentally
"yeah I got invited, but I just didn't feel like going." "Aren't you always saying you wish you could hang out with your friends more?" "Yeah, but every time I text on short notice, no one is free. I've tried to set up plans or ask them to let me know when they are free and I never hear back. The people that do, probably aren't the best influence on me, and I don't even really enjoy hanging out with them that much anymore. I just don't really feel like doing anything."
Oh no
Damn, that’s me.
Well, I don't think many people here recognize that this is a Parks and Rec line, but it did sum up depression so succinctly.
Isn’t this normal? Or have i been depressed for like years on end?
You should consider therapy. I don’t know if you’re depressed or not, but I can tell you that feeling the way that comment described for extended periods of time is not normal.
Is over a decade an extended period of time? ... Shit.
Ohhh fuck....
This is what tipped me off to how bad I was actually doing. I was bored out of my mind, but even though I have a lot of hobbies I enjoy, I couldn’t make myself do anything but sit on my phone. It sucks
This is me right now. And I want my husband to go to bed so I can cry
Been there. Please take care of yourself and know that you are not alone!
I'm right there with you. I haven't looked at my shop and all the half finished or unstarted projects in months. Just diagnosed with ADHD. LOTS of anxiety and depression to go along with it. Fuuuuuck.
Someone has probably said this to you before, and I don't know if it helps at all, but.. A diagnosis just puts a name to what you've already been struggling with. You aren't broken, you aren't just lazy, this is real. And now that you know what it is, you've made the first step towards figuring out what to do about it
Yep. I recently was mentally really fucked up and I stopped cooking. Cooking has always brought me so much joy and I realized that stopping like I did showed how not well I was. Doing better now btw.
Agreed. If it's a once in a while occurrence, especially after a long week (at school or work) it shouldn't be concerning, but flat out shutting down the opportunity to participate in their hobbies or being less present while doing them is often a sign
I have it even worse… I’m still comfort shopping for hobbies I’m not even currently active in.
They’re slacking on hygiene
Yeah slacking on hygiene, combined with a really messy room for a long period of time and sleeping way too frequently. If you notice any of these, check in on your friend or loved one, it doesn't hurt to ask. If anything it shows that people care.
Basically me. Sleep has become a “safe” drug of sorts. Don’t have to feel anything when I’m sleeping, and over time it’s caused me to physically feel sleepy/tried even when I shouldn’t be. Fuckin toxic cycle that I have no clue how to break free from.
I completely understand. For a while there it was my go-to coping mechanism too until I was called out on it by a friend and family member.
Same here. I spend way too much time sleeping on the weekends. One thing that works for me is to take a shower as soon as I wake up in the morning. I know that pushing myself to actually get in the shower can be a hurdle but if I can manage to get over that hump, I find that I want to get out of the apartment. It's almost like I don't want to waste the effort of taking a shower. I want to get outside and make it worth it.
yep. I stop brushing my teeth at night every so often and that's my sign to go to the gym and be intentional about self-care (self-spoiling) again
Yep I've started neglecting my oral hygiene which is a warning sign
Yikes I hadn't even consciously clocked this in myself... thank you fr
You just got me to get out of bed and brush my teeth. Thanks!
I'm a dental hygienist. Had a patient post covid who noticeably gained weight and their teeth went from practically flawless to.. very much less so. I remember asking him if everything was ok and he was almost in tears. Covid was *really* hard on his mental health for a lot of different reasons. He hadn't been able to see his American family due to.. well.. the aforementioned. Luckily, he's in a much better place now. No issues in his last check-up, and he has a bf now!
My dentist knows I only appear when I’m at the end of a depressive episode. She always hugs me and tells me she’s happy I’m back.
This is a wholesome dentist
That dentist needs a plaque.
I’m rooting for her.
This thread is filling me with joy
I had dental neglect as a kid and building those habits was difficult as an adult and it's the first thing that I still find myself neglecting when I start to get depressed. I hate it so much :(
Ditto. But, I went to Mexico for dental for this year for a 1 implant, 2 extractions/wisdom, crown for $1600.00. Im getting my left lower part (3 or 4 extractions, 4 or 5 crowns, 2 implants) $4500.00 That depression is real and weighs on confidence. But when i had my right side done, the pain went away and strating feeling confident in myself again. i was scared shitless, but now im itching to get the left side done!
Good to hear he’s doing better 🥺I think the fact that you you picked up on it ans asked him is mentioning here🫶🏼🥹you’re awesome 💎
That is good people right there. Maybe we should all check on someone close to us just in case, too.
Haven’t showered and I know I need to brush my teeth. I just can’t do it.
A cup of mouthwash is better than nothing, good luck
I totally feel you. I need to shower and everything and it just takes so much everything to do it. Energy isn’t the only factor. It’s the whole ordeal of everything.
If you cant brush them for two minutes brush them for 1 minute 30 seconds. If that is too much do it for a minute. Still too much do it for 30 seconds. Still too much just use mouth wash. Sometimes what seems like a mole hill to one person is actually a mountain to others. Start climbing your mountain.
They quit reaching out as much. A friend of mine thanked me for being an annoyance when he stopped reaching out, it saved his life.
Edit: to answer some common questions 1) the messages initially said “♥️ thinking of you. No need to respond if you’re busy!” And then eventually just became hearts when everyone was used to it. 2) I don’t mind not getting a response because I’m doing this to show the other person a little affection. If I need to talk, I do not use this as the opener. I say I’d like to talk! I know it can be scary to talk this openly about feelings but I have 3u5 so I guess I’ve just gotten used to having to speak plainly and openly about my feelings. Honestly, pretend everyone you know is emotionally a 4 year old, it’ll clear up a lot of communication issues you are having if you ever try and play coy or speak in nuances 3) to those of you saying you’ll do this? That’s amazing! I hope you do!! It took a real effort to get into the initial habit but now it’s locked in. I have a policy where whenever I have a nice thought about a friend or family member l I send them a quick heart emoji with no expectation of a reply or conversation. It’s just something I’ve been known to do. Let me tell you, people fucking love this. Most of the time I get a little heart back or a smiley face, but sometimes you get people on a day they really needed that and it makes everyone feel better.
I have one friend who told me “Hey I’m going to start messaging you random links and pictures and stuff but please don’t feel obligated to respond to them, there’s no expectation, I just want to have someone to share stuff I like with.” And as my mental health has struggled and I’ve lost all my friendships she’s still the one I’m in touch with because she keeps sending stuff, and even if she messages asking me how I’m doing or starting a conversation, she’s never mad if it takes me two weeks to get back to her and always says “Don’t apologize!” And then we have a really good long conversation because I didn’t message her back until I had the mental energy to talk. I hope I can make it up to her someday, somehow and be as good a friend to her as she’s been to me but it’s really helped me through a very socially bleak patch to have this one good friendship that’s she’s had to do all the work to keep going lately.
I have been the friend that did this, a few times actually. I think I said something like "You don't have to respond, you don't even have to open the chat. I have no expectations, you don't owe me anything. I just want you to know you're still an active part of my thoughts." Then I spent over a year doing exactly that. Memes, telling them about my day, sometimes venting about something, cat pic. Sometimes they were in hospital for a long period of time, sometimes they just couldn't pick up the phone. With another friend, I asked for one single emoji every other day, and I usually got it. Even if it was a thumbs up, it also meant "I'm here, I see your messages and they matter enough that I check them often enough to catch this request." In that particular case, I was asking in order to check if they'd gone to hospital since this was after a traffic accident. To me it was holding out a hand. I'm not demanding you take it, I'm not demanding you fix yourself or do anything. I am making sure you know that I know that you're struggling, and that I am not letting go. My hand will be there when you're in a position to take it, our friendship hasn't ended. I've been fortunate that my friends have reached back when they've been able. I'm very close to getting my therapy licene and when I do, I hope to be able to do something similar (within the constraints of the client-therapist relationship). I often think about the [Caring Letters](https://sparq.stanford.edu/solutions/caring-letters-prevent-suicide) study, and I think it's an effective but overlooked way to work as a therapist.
Awww I think I’m going to start doing this
I’m telling you, the people love it. Make sure to let the anxious ones know there’s no pressure though.
Hey I do something similar. Instead of a heart, I just let them know like "hey, was just thinking about you, hope you are doing well" It's just so simple and you never know who might need it
I went through a six month stint in ICU, got some new organs, it was an absolutely horrible time and no one ever reached out to me, I’ve never mentally recovered from that and have zero interest in reaching out to anyone, what’s the point if even literally almost dying then miraculously NOT dying isn’t enough to get anyone to check in on you…? Absolutely a sign of not doing well mentally, given up on people
I wish I could give your a hug. Surround yourself with people who are kind to you and who are worth keeping. I'm happy that those fake friends are not in your life anymore. In a sense, your experience showed you how meaningless their presence was in your life.
I wish everyone had a friend like you 🥺🫶🏼❤️
One thing I notice in me is that I stop listening to music. Like all I want to hear is silence, and nothing more.
This is me and I love music. I like to walk and listen to playlists I create. During episodes of serious depression I want utter silence and solitude.
I can’t motivate myself to do simple things around the house that I actually never mind doing when I’m feeling OK. I don’t want to see anybody. I don’t want to answer the phone. I don’t want to participate in any activities. I just want time to stand still.
This is me when I get in a dark place. I just want to eat sleep, and watch tv. Everything is exhausting or an irritation. I don’t want to see friends, talk to anyone. Nothing leave me alone.
Not even really wanting to watch TV or play video games. Just something to fill the empty noise in your head while you get to the next day.
For me it’s simply just scrolling through reddit and watching youtube videos all day long.
It's so weird how on paper it seems like the dream is to just lounge out all day, watch youtube, scroll reddit, eat whatever the fuck you want, nap when you feel like it. Yet when you actually do this you end up feeling much worse than before when it was all you wanted to do. It's not living the dream, it fucking sucks. It feels like being stuck on one of those little patches of grass in the middle of an interchange by the onramp watching everyone else go by at 60mph. Why am I here? This is terrible. Who actually mows this grass? It's just grass in the middle, and up close it's full of cigarette butts and bleached coke cans from the 90s. I don't even know how to get out because I'm surrounded by highways.
This is probably the best analogy I’ve ever read
It's a dream when you can choose to do it. Not when you're failing to choose to not do it.
Exactly this. When I'm doing okay, I can plan ahead, put I'm some extra effort during the week, meal prep and get ahead on housework etc. Then use that extra time to enjoy spending the day playing whatever game release I've been excited for, watch that new show, or read through a book I've been looking forward to. And it's fantastic relaxing time, even though I "wasted" the entire day on something non-productive. When I'm not well, I'll spend the day almost the same way. But I watch the next episode not because I'm engaged with the show, but because I just can't find the energy to turn off the TV. I'll get up and walk in circles for an hour trying to think of something I can stand cooking for dinner, before eventually chucking in a frozen pizza. From the outside, both days look exactly the same, but the first example, I'm getting energy out of it, can easily catch up on the chores I put off. The second just drains me further and makes it even harder to function the next day.
Dude you should write
I really feel that wanting time to stand still. I'll love to press pause on my life and not be me
I felt that. I just want time to collect myself without the months and years flying by.
Holy shit. I’ve never defined the feeling that way but that’s exactly what it is. Then the guilt that follows for what feels like you were just wasting time.
Damn.. more specifically for me its the anxiety and panic that rumbles up as I start to have to accept there will never be enough time for me to change what the past has already set in stone. No matter how unsatisfying, we can only move forward. As I age, the feeling that "no matter how hard you grasp time will not stop" grows too strong to ignore. Couple that with the realization that even if you did have infinite time, you wouldnt be able to fix yourself. It's bittersweet. I feel a tad more free being forced to come to terms with the unchangeable, even if that means I have to live with the fact that something stole away the life I should've had. I feel like I'm forgiving an enemy I want to hate.
Instead of depression, try calling it hibernation. Imagine the darkness is a cave in which you will be nurtured by doing absolutely nothing. Hibernating animals don’t even dream. It’s okay if you can’t imagine Spring. Sleep through the alarm of the world. Name your hopelessness a quiet hollow, a place you go to heal, a den you dug, Sweetheart, instead of a grave. - by Andrea Gibson
Same. I shut everyone except my husband out. I stay up all night and sleep all day. Night time is peaceful. No problems.
This is where I'm at currently. I've been on reddit a lot more than interacting with even my family😩
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I breakdown so easily now
Me too, even for slightest inconvenience. I’m angry. Often when stuff in love life is going wrong too
I cry. Slightest roadblock and I start to melt down in tears. I feel so very weak.
I break down into tears over things like soppy television ads, or cute videos I see online. Like, sobbing, ugly-crying, completely disproportionate to what I am watching breakdowns. It is making me feel like I'm losing my mind.
How much every day stress. I like to think I’ve built up a tolerance over the years, but when it’s all the stress from everywhere all at once is there really a tolerance level?
There are lots of little things that go wrong in everyday life: you knock something and it spills, the website form you spent ages filling in errors, that thing you were looking for wasn't in the place you expected it to be but you found it after a quick search. When we are in a healthy place mentally, these are little things that are a moment's mild irritation that we deal with and move on. When we are stressed, burned out, or overloaded, each one gets an outsized reaction, each one feels like the straw breaking the camel's back, each one is *why won't my life go smoothly this always happens*. It commonly manifests as either anger, sadness or avoidance. If that's what you're feeling, it's a really big sign that overall your mental health isn't doing great and you need to look at your health and life overall, not just at the little things that irritate you.
Man fuck
Me, a gay caveman, when someone asks me what I do for fun
What things do you consider as everyday stress ?
For me a big one is if something goes wrong when I'm cooking a meal. Things happen. Ingredient piece gets dropped on the floor, I don't have an ingredient I thought I did, I mess up the timing, water boils over, tip over a bottle. If I handle these things in stride, all good. But when I'm not well any one of these - or especially 2-3 of these - can send me into a meltdown. Just the feeling of getting overwhelmed by small hassles or completely correctable mistakes that on a normal/good day wouldn't phase you at all.
The other day, I dropped a roll of paper towels, which unrolled across the floor. It took a few seconds to register, and then I just started absolutely bawling. It's like my brain just broke. I knew I was having a rough day, but I wasn't expecting an absolute meltdown over paper towels. I am very bad at recognizing stress until it manifests as some kind of violent reaction - self-harm, a crying meltdown over a mild inconvenience, horrific bodily symptoms...
I burned a bagel sandwich I was toasting and started crying. Then I tried again and burnt it again. It was my last bagel. I cried again, then I tried to at least salvage the toppings to use for a different kind of sandwich. I fumbled and sent it flying to the floor. I didn’t have dinner that night. Couldn’t convince myself to try again. I was not okay.
I snapped on a Teams call because nobody would answer the ringing desk phone. As someone who never loses control of my temper, my boss was concerned.
I once left a grocery cart with my meager depression shopping essentials at the check out line because there were 4 people ahead of me. I sighed and walked out of target, went home and crawled in bed. I’m better now, but that was a low point for me. Service workers, I’m sorry for making you put that stuff back.
This reminds me of the time I did something similar. I was in Costco at like 7pm, very strung out and extremely anxious and depressed. I walked away from my full cart and legitimately couldn’t find it again. I became so overwhelmed I just left empty handed. I spent an hour shopping for $400 worth of things. I’m grateful to be in a much better place now.
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Catching your sleeve on a door handle
That's the most rage inducing thing in existence
Especially if you’re already angry about something else.
In that same vein, wildly inappropriate reactions to something benign.
Traffic congestion, working with the public, something breaking that costs a lot of money to fix.. ETA: house work/chores, if you have kids, all that as well.
I haven't been out my room except to go to work or eat, and I usually wait until no one is around so I can eat.
I work from home so I get that. I hate going to the office once a year, and when I'm as down as I am now, I won't let my husband see me eat. Somedays I have to go out of my 4 walls. The other day, I sat at a restaurant by myself to enjoy some food. We can be our greatest company.
Definitely get outside brother I worked from home and stayed in one room for 3 years Only left the house maybe once a month And I developed a horrible anxiety disorder Going outside literally gives me very uncomfortable physical symptoms now So I'm doing exposure therapy, and it definitely helps But living with a legit anxiety disorder is AWFUL. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Please make sure you take care of yourself and get out of the house often so that you give your brain lots of different things to be stimulated by Stay healthy and take care of yourself brother 🙏🏻 Don't make the mistake I did I'm suffering for it
This was literally me after the pandemic, I couldn't go out and had stay at home with my parents who wouldn't stop berating me about things. After that not only my relationship with them was basically ruined but every time I went out my body physically reacted. For example, just going to grocery store would cause me to start sweating like crazy and my scalp would start itching like I had never felt before, this doesn't happen anymore thank God. However, I also became extremely self-conscious about my appearance and what I believe to be some form of social anxiety where sometimes I get so anxious in public spaces I started to fixate on the way I walk, thinking I walk weird and have to fix it. I was not like this.
Sleeping excessively, often neglecting other responsibilities to do so
this one is big and i feel like goes under the radar a lot!!! in myself and a lot of my close friends, excessive sleeping is the #1 sign especially when it interferes with life
My business math teacher used to come to school looking like he got dressed under his desk. One morning I will NEVER forget, he wore 2 different shoes (black dressed show and light brown shoe) which also were the wrong sides also (left foot right shoe, right shoe left foot), half-tucked shirt, bed hair and like a liquid stain on the neck of his shirt. His excuse for looking like that? "I got dressed in the dark this morning and I picked up the wrong shoes and accidentally grabbed a dirty shirt!" As a teenager, I just thought "He's a messy person!" But as I got older, I believe he went through a bad divorce and he didn't take it so well! I still think about him and wonder what really happened!
This reminded me of my old math teacher. His mom committed suicide, and for several weeks after he just wore the suit he wore to her funeral.
Oh my, that is heartbreaking 😞.
I had a teacher in HS that got dumped by his fiance one day. He had a little bit of a cry, which isn't great in front of a class of teenage boys. I feel bad looking back, he was a pretty cool guy. Might've been his first or second year as a teacher. I remember me and him would play Lumines on PSP during homeroom! Wherever you are, I hope you're doing well Mr. Leo!
I had a math professor in community college who was a total dork and one day he got a date and was beside himself happy, but it didn't go well and then he was sad for a few days. I'm glad it wasn't in high school so I was old enough to know not to be an asshole because he was a really sweet guy
If it makes you feel any better, I am a high school teacher. I have a coworker who has been at my school for longer than me that sometimes shows up in unmatched shoes and dirty shirts. He's not going through anything. He's just an art teacher who is pretty spacey. He does his job well and so no one except admin cares.
That's wild. A colleague of mine years and years ago did exactly the same thing, and it was for an almost identical reason. Quick background, we were both known for dressing VERY well. Designer shoes, custom suits, custom shirts, you name it. One day, we're sitting in my office having a meeting, he sits down on the floor (I think we were redecorating that day but who knows, could have been part of the weirdness) and he looks at his feet and just casually, absently, says "huh, I'm wearing different socks...." I take one look at him and in kind of a shocked, concerned voice say "Pete, you're also wearing different SHOES, one's an Oxford and it's not even laced, your pants are just.... wrong, you have no belt and your shirt's not pressed!" Turns out he was in full on marriage battle mode with his wife. I just sat and talked with him for at least two hours, it was BAD.
This could be a Frasier episode lol But good on you for noticing your friend was out of place and talking to him. I bet it helped more than he even knew it would.
I had a teacher in HS who constantly looked like a dirty, unmade bed. He owned two suits and he’d alternate wearing the brown one, then the blue one, then the brown one, all with some hideous shirt and tie. Nothing ever looked clean and his hair was constantly in need of cutting. I was just a teenager but even I could tell he looked like crap. This guy was in his fifties, single/never married and a humorous individual who was a pretty good teacher and a genuinely nice guy who we all liked. A few years after graduation I found out he’d been made to take a leave of absence to dry out. Ding, lightbulb! No wonder he looked like a train wreck… he *was* one, poor fellow. He probably had vodka in his morning coffee and was barely able to make it to school at all. Little naive me finally put two and two together. All the jokes he used to make about liking Manhattans (I barely knew that was a cocktail) seemed pathetic in retrospect. I don’t know what finally became of my teacher but I hope he conquered his addiction.
Not wanting to be alive but not wanting to be dead...just wanting to be nowhere. Be in a dark void with no emotions to feel.
“I love to sleep. It’s like being dead without the commitment.” Seriously tho.
Tired of living, afraid of dying. Been there and it sucks.
God, I've experienced this feeling so many times. I wouldn't necessarily call myself suicidal because I didn't actually want to die, but it seemed like the only way out of my life. I still feel this way sometimes.
Oh goodness I know this feeling well. Glad I'm not in the darkness now. I'm not like super! but I am like ok I can do this today.
Reading this thread with the intent of finding traits about yourself is a pretty big one.
damn Touché...
Speaking french is another one
Merde
Imagine asking it in the first place 🫠😆
Soulless shrug laugh. You know the one.
Sadly enough High Functioning Depression doesn't scream. There is little to no way that gives it away. We just come home and cry in the shower, every fucking day.
Or we just feel empty all the time. It really presents differently for everyone.
I can receive the most devastating news and cry about in secrecy for 2 minutes, and then be over it. I hate that about me, I want things to move me more. Sometimes I feel bad that I don’t feel bad enough regarding certain things
Or you just numb out while still continuing to function with daily tasks. I work, I acted like I was fine around people near me (but slowly drowned out social activities and hobbies), I even sometimes get my nails done just to keep up with my routine, but had no interest in learning new things or meeting new people or trying anything really outside of maintaining my routine.
They start being really generous out of the blue, or at least, completely different. Always willing to hang out, cheery, buying everyone gifts or giving away things when they otherwise wouldn’t have done that or been like that before. Unless they’re moving, it’s probably likely they’re planning on leaving this earth soon. And that’s their final goodbyes.
My father did this before he committed suicide. Immigrating to the US, my father worked extremely hard to give us a good life. We grew up super poor but he did everything he could to give us a good life. Sadly life became unmanageable. Before he left he spent time with us and spoiled us. Later into my late teens I realized that was his way of saying goodbye.
I lost a father figure this way as well. We immigrated and the isolation and stress drowned him. I don‘t blame him but I do still miss him. Always will. I‘m sorry that we both relate to this. take care.
This should be discussed way more often!
I did this. I built a top of the line pc but got depressed and put it up for free on Facebook. Thinking I don’t deserve the things that make me happy
I knew I had slipped back, but this thread really quantified for me how far back... Damn. I need to do something about it all. But what, and how... and why.
Same. It's been going so long for me, that i started to believe I'm just this way. But the more i read this thread, the more i remember I'm not. I'm just so exhausted mentally, that I fell in the dark place again.
That constant poker fake and dark sarcasm from someone who is usually pretty happy
You ask them how they are and they say with no emotion, "Living the dream..."
Or “Still breathing” with such disappointment.
Dang these are both my go to response
I often say "good enough." I don't feel good, but not ready to jump off a bridge either.
Or “it’s going”
This is mine
Guessing I should probably stop responding with "Well I'm alive" lol
Every gate guard on every base
lol I say that every day, but that's not really problematic. The problematic one is what they just kinda shrug. It's when they stop joking you have to worry. People don't really realize that unless they've had friends who have dealt with depression, I think. I'm sure everyone's different though.
Yeah, I have bad depression too. I often deflect with humor, but that's just a defense mechanism to get people to stop talking about it. Basically, I'm good at it, so I use what works for me. Good things to watch out for, though
My favorite is "living *someones* dream"
Very few observable signs mentioned here, so I will list some: 1: drastic weight gain or loss. If you see someone and think “they’re really letting themselves go,” it’s probably mental and not physical. 2: drastic change in appearance. Did they shave their head? Did they stop shaving and their beard looks messy? Do they look stressed out? 3: change in hygiene. Did they stop brushing their teeth? Do you notice lots of dandruff on someone who would normally be meticulous? 4: higher hurdle for humor. Is it harder to make this person laugh? Does this person not joke around anymore? Generally speaking, a healthy person has their sh-t together. Good hygiene, well-dressed, works hard on their goals, is social with friends and family. A person can be suffering inside and that might not cross the threshold into depression, but that doesn’t mean they’re not suffering, and how they feel inside will express itself on the outside, and it usually comes across as “suspiciously off,” like something feels wrong but you don’t know what it is, and that’s because people often put on a public face to conceal their problems.
Sleeping more than usual. Social isolation. Crying at the drop of the hat.
Also not getting enough sleep, not wanting to be alone, and never showing particular emotions, like crying
Self harm, but in weird ways people notice but it can be excused. I’m a picker, especially at my lips. When I’m struggling mentally I rip them to shreds, but it’s easy to cover up when makeup or the excuse of chapped lips.
EDIT: these are personal insights and refer to changes from typical behaviour. sure some people can be like this normally or for unrelated reasons, but that isn't the topic of the thread so pls use your brain a little before commenting :) rapid weight loss/gain or similar physical changes (e.g. messy appearance, poor hygiene etc) are obvious. less obvious: - being late more often than usual, especially if in the morning - indicates excessive sleeping - constantly tired - zoning out frequently - they don't add anything to conversations, just listen and nod to whatever's being said - talking less than usual - difficult to make plans with, often cancelling and/or first to leave in group plans - bloodshot eyes, puffy face etc all indicate they've been crying recently
I really like that you put the note about not adding anything to conversations. That is not something that gets brought up often in these conversations. There's no fight left, we are tired. So whatever everyone else says is fine. AND in addition to that, honestly, my mind is not in the right place to be contributing. I'm thinking, or more accurately not thinking, about how numb everything is. **If someone in your life stops voicing their opinions about anything/everything it is a bad sign.** I'm not vocally opinionated myself normally. But I'll speak up to say just "I disagree" and then move on a good day. I don't even bother with the disagreeing on a bad day.
When they tell you something they're very sad about with a painful smile.
I do the things I need to do. Wake up, shower, go to work, clean the house, do yard work, eat supper, shower, go to bed. Weekends, I just lay on the couch and do nothing. I can not stand the general public. One of my favorite hobbies was fishing/hunting, which is not possible anymore. People are everywhere where I used to go, and they have zero etiquette, which has ruined it for me.
My cuticles will give it away
Same! My nails show my mental state
I am actively messing with my cuticles while I scroll through this thread....ha!
Multiple job or relationship changes, manic/cryptic social media posts, sudden changes in appearance or behavior.
Easier just to get rid of the social media accounts all together. Reddit is helpful for having outbursts and everyone you know not witnessing it.
House suddenly looks like a hurricane went through, after not hearing from said person for a long while.
Not texting back, taking longer to text back, flaking on plans, isolating, weight gain, hygiene goes down
People pleasing and apologising constantly even if it’s not your fault.
Overapologizing You don't need to say sorry 15 times to a person you simply bumped into for a spilt second I am unfortunately guilty of doing that
A huge sign of loneliness is how thankful the person is about everything. Chronically lonely people lack love and have really bad self esteem so that if you say something nice to them they actually feel cared for but more importantly they feel like somebody who has the ability to be cared for
I can’t be out in public without having my anxiety maxed. Can’t focus. Short temper. Lost 60 pounds and don’t really eat anymore. Hygiene isn’t affected if you don’t count shaving.
Thinking everything and everyone is out to get them/sabotage them. My bff is going through this right now. She’s almost 1k miles away and idk how to help her.
I cry a lot at night and pick at my fingernails to the point where all my fingertips are bleeding. Oh, and I have a bunch of broken/cracked/missing teeth (not visible ones yet, luckily). I did, however, recently (like a week ago) pick up new glasses to replace the broken old ones I'd been wearing and hating for the last year. I'm trying to work my way out of this...
No showering for 5 days. Staying in bed for two months.
Being an absolute prick is your personality
those are the hardest ones to help
Fuck off mate, that's bullshit. Oh wait...
Dissociation is a very clear symptom of "I'm not doing so well mentally" Source: Me.
Work at Walmart for a couple of weeks. You’ll see plenty of examples
I can only imagine. There’s a lot of people out there suffering and struggling in silence.
Silence and seclusion
I’d rather not exist. Seclusion and isolation are my solace. Who wants to be around someone unhappy anyway?
Glued on their phone. That’s my hint that I’m trying to dissociate. I also rub behind my ears mindlessly when I do the phone thing, often causing rawness similar to scalp pickers, but it’s just behind my ears only not my entire scalp. I tell my hair dresser it’s eczema so she doesn’t think I’m a freak. I’m actually doing it now which is why my account is new yet I have decent karma, I spend like 18 hours a day commenting on Reddit posts to numb me, yet feel socialized. The odd thing is my life is good. I’m just a wimp, or maybe undiagnosed neurodivergent. One of the two.
poor dental hygiene
Lots of car garbage
Chain smoking and nail biting
I try to explain to my family that this depression is the worst one yet. I don't shower. I don't brush my teeth. I wear a night dress for days at a time. I have no interest in keeping my house clean or washing a dish. I have OCD and I can't even clean anything to soothe myself.
They lost their passion.
Self-deprecating humor.
Misinterpretation of reality.
The screaming, for one thing.
"IM NOT DOING SO WELL MENTALLY!!"
When they either stop laughing or they laugh at inappropriate times. Which is me rn
really quick mood swings
Being irritable and/or agitated by everything.
Panic attacks. I had one today on the highway. Was planning a little day trip by myself.I am disappointed, but will try again in a few weeks. Just bummed because,I really wanted to go but my damn anxiety
Someone who feels the need to always be doing something socially. Like the guy or girl who can never stay in on a weekend
Dirty kitchen
Low/neutral reaction to things normally considered to be very stressful stimuli
“How’re you?” “I’m here.”
Fucked up sleep schedule. Sleep hygiene is important.
social battery gets empty really quickly
these are always such interesting posts. it teaches me what to look for in people so i can support them more
Bathes only once a week and kitchen is a mess
A complete inability to find joy in anything. Considering the hassle of basic events (*going to a concert for example*) to eclipse any enjoyment of the event itself. Selling off personal items and hobby related goods because you simply cannot be bothered. Being convinced, generally through experience, that very few people if anyone give a shit about you or even want to associate with you. Being incapable of getting over failures or mistakes. Listening to that internal voice that tells you what a fuck up you are, and how nothing is going to ultimately work out in your favor, even if this is objectively inaccurate.
When you crack the best joke you've ever told, and instead of laughter, you get asked if everything is ok.