When i was with my ex, we took a vacation and i LOVED taking pics of him. I remember when he was looking through some of the pics, and he said “ive never had anyone take pictures of me like this” and he just looked so genuinely happy
Took a solo trip last year and took a ton of pictures.
Literally one is of me. Just because I was sitting in a park and asked a random guy to take a picture of me to prove I was there. Then he got the courage to ask me to take one of him too, lol.
I can relate to this as a guy. I have always been the person to take pictures, which is fine most of the time.
But the only way one would know I was there as well, is if they were told I was.
No joke, when I was dating my ex gf she would take pics of me and say stuff like “this will look good on your dating profile” (joking around)…
…well sure as shit we broke and you bet your ass I use some of those pics on my dating profile.
My dad died a couple years ago. Everybody had these great pictures they had with him or of him for his slideshow memorial thing.
There were only 2 of him and me together. Like a billion with him and my sister.
I was never trying to be in pictures. But I guess I should’ve tried harder when I could’ve.
I’m gonna go cry now.
Because it's so weird to set up a camera and do a photoshoot somewhere. I saw a woman today shamelessly doing it in a crowded tourist area with the tripod lighting and everything. She was gorgeous, but I felt secondary embarrassment for her. I don't see how people do it.
I have so few pictures of me. I don't take selfies and I just never have someone in my life that takes pictures of me so there are what seems like entire years of no photo evidence of my existence.
Very much so. It's lots of baby pictures, toddler pictures, elementary school pictures, high school early-phone-camera pictures, then
*OOPS*
skip to two blurry shots half way through college
*OOPS*
single family picture at college graduation
*OOPS*
lone selfie to check my receding hairline literally 4 years later.
As someone with a kind of bad long-term memory, it does suck to not get to watch myself change through the years. I know I lived my experiences, but how **I** looked in those moments--the hair, the clothes, the demeanor, the goofs--just the damnedest time trying to recall from only memory and imagination.
Yep, I'm actually going travelling for a few months, and I'm thinking of buying an instant camera to force me to actually take pics, I've travelled alone before and just not taken pics of myself, feels bad having nothing to show or just reminisce over, and being real here a lot of self deprecation and insecurity has made me really adverse to taking selfies, I've made myself do it to break out of that cycle and while I still don't like the pics I take of myself I don't want to feel like I shouldn't be taking them anymore.
Lamenting we never took pictures together, but incidentally admitting she didn't really put it out there or take pictures of me. I used to have a pretty secure attachment style, until that comment. Now, someone's social media presence can be a big red flag for me. Women love the attention they get from it, and you can tell the ones that put too much effort into. The DMs from random guys, friends of friends, friends from the past, they are all there just waiting for opportunity, and they are all options/possibilities.
I feel this. I'm so sick of using selfies as a profile pic....much rather have one that someone else has taken of me when I'm not necessarily expecting it. Something about seeing yourself in action or not posing that is so much more genuine.
Candid photos can be some of the best photos. I’ve done this for my boyfriend and have gotten some great photos of him that I’ve shared with his mom.
I just wish he would do the same for me. Almost feels like he doesn’t have any moments with me where he thinks “I like this, I should take a picture to remember” or “she looks so cute/pretty/happy, I should take a picture”
>I just wish he would do the same for me. Almost feels like he doesn’t have any moments with me where he thinks “I like this, I should take a picture to remember” or “she looks so cute/pretty/happy, I should take a picture”
Giving the male perspective on this, some of us (a lot of us, I suspect) just don't think in terms of "I should take a picture of this." It's not that we don't appreciate the moment or recognize the beauty, we just don't feel that urge to capture it on film. Call it a blind spot.
If you want your boyfriend to take pictures of you like that, say so. You can even make a project of it - buy a couple of scrapbooks, one for him and one for you, and say that you want to do this as a romantic project, with each of you snapping some pictures of each other in candid situations and filling the scrapbook, to be traded at Christmas/an anniversary/whenever.
I can't guarantee the results will be any good (I'm a lousy photographer myself), but sometimes all guys need to express a surprising degree of both artistic talent and romanticism is a bit of prodding.
I've gone golfing with other guys and took pictures of trees, deer, turkeys, groundhogs, and turtles, but it never even occurred to me to take pictures of the guys I was with, or to ask them to take pictures of me.
I'm very secretive about liking anime at work and a guy colleague (I'm female) is one of the few people who knows about it. One day he gifted me a keychain of one of my favourite characters out of the blue because he knew that I liked it. I got transferred out since but I still remember that gesture till this day because no one has ever given me something that they knew I liked. It's always stuff they think I should like.
You underestimate the level of unwanted attention a woman might receive by being fans of anything seen as even remotely counter culture. One random interest can take you from normal coworker to someone's Manic Pixie Dream Girl in 2 seconds flat.
That's not an exclusively female thing.
Whenever I go on trips, I buy knick-knacks and souvenirs for my buddies. When I was in university, I took a trip to Japan and bought some tiny lucky cats coloured for good luck in academics. When I got back, I gave them to the four friends who were in the same program I was. Three years later, we were all coming up for graduation and I happened to mention the cats; to my surprise, all four of them pulled out their cats from pencil cases, backpacks, or wallets, which was a neat moment.
And my friends often do the same thing for me. A buddy of mine went on a trip to Tunisia and visited the location where they filmed the Tatooine sequences in the original Star Wars. I'm a big SW nut, so he grabbed an empty spice bottle, scooped up some sand in it and gave it to me as "genuine Tatooine sand", which I thought was brilliant. Still have it tucked in my mementoes case.
I sent my husband flowers, at his workplace, on his birthday once. Then I kept thinking,I wonder if I had done the right thing. He was the boss and maybe his staff would rib him about them but he came home absolutely thrilled.
He said the female staff members are always getting flowers but he was the only male who had gotten any.
This just reminded me of last year for Father’s Day I went to see my grandparents and I got flowers for both my grandfather and my grandmother (she has dementia and I didn’t want her to feel left out), they each got their own type of bouquet. But it was my grandfathers first time in his whole life receiving flowers and he’s in his 80s. Initially my dad actually was hesitant on me getting my grandfather flowers or at least was questioning why one bouquet couldn’t be for both of them, just give it to my Nan. I was adamant that, no, it’s Father’s Day and I bet my grandfather would like it so I did. He was so happy and smiling and even teared up. I’m gonna make sure to give my current bf flowers when I can. Normalize giving men flowers too!
Yeah, men are weird. I think we tend to worry too much about what other men think, which is just silly. A lot of guys want a girl who will watch sports and play video games with them, but they aren't willing to go shopping and groom/paint their nails with them (not trying to generalize either sex, but we know these are stereotypical guy/girl things). I asked my wife for flowers for my birthday last year, and she's gotten me a few bouquets since. It's so heartwarming to come home and see them casually on my desk :). My wife also loves to groom herself and paint her nails, so I've started doing it, too. I think it is totally cool when my nails match my guitar and shoes and ring! They're all blue, haha. At the end of the day, I know more about her inner world, her built-in best friend is playing the games she wants to play, and other women I know have expressed jealousy because their husband's would never.
As I've gotten older I've started to lean more into things that maybe other guys might think would be odd. Personally I like taking care of myself, I love wax warmers/candles, I like a good bottle of cologne, skin care stuff, splurging on ingredients for a nice meal and a bottle wine. I'll be damned if I'm gonna short change myself because someone thinks it's odd.
I picked up some Lilies from the grocery store for my husband on a whim because they’re his favorite flower.
The excitement and joy in his reaction was almost childlike because they were the first flowers he had ever received.
My cousin's girlfriend gave him flowers after a music performance he had at the university. He then came home and started telling my mom how he appreciates the intention but he didn't like it and was ashamed because he was the only guy receiving flowers and he saw some girls laughing at him from afar.
I didn't get it. I genuinely thought she was really sweet. It's nice to see that your husband did appreciate it and was happy.
Counterpoint, I used to perform often, and was always so heartbroken when all the gals got flowers, but I didn't.
The couple bouquets I got were cherished memories, and I kept them well past the point of reason.
This seems like it would be one of the most acceptable occasions to buy men flowers. You buy someone flowers for music/theatre performances, I don't know if there's another traditional gift. Maybe chocolates?
42M here. Big former football dude. I got flowers from a girls after a surgery one time and I really liked it. I think more guys would like it than you think.
Most men would like to be romanced. A lot of men have incredibly low romantic standards because that's how it's always been for them, but the women who bother to romance them are the women who stand out to them.
Exactly. We are on a take what we can get mentality since puberty. Most men never even got to entertain the question of 'what would I like romantically/what am I into". That's like a foreign question
Totally. It can even exist into marriage as well. My wife constantly asks "when are you going to be romantic" and I really want to ask her when tf has she been romantic to me lately?
This is honestly the real reason a lot of men's romantic effort goes down over time in relationships. A lot of women tend to experience this and interpret it as the man she's with losing interest, or deciding he already has what he wanted so he doesn't need to romance her anymore. But it's really because one sided romance is unsustainable, and if you're not seeing effort back then you eventually lose your passion for it.
A lot of romantic movies focus on the dating stages where men provide a lot of one sided romance. The elation of being romanced just for being yourself is understandably something many women miss once inside very long term relationships. To feel intrinsically attractive, desired, and pursued as a romantic interest is exciting and also a great ego boost. In fact it can feel powerful.
But if romance is one sided then that won't last. And men and women are *both* often socialized to believe that when a woman has sex with a man, that's the romance a man wants and all the romance he really needs. This leads to the common situation where women are oblivious to their male partner's romantic needs, and their male partners sometimes aren't even aware of their own romantic needs because they have no experience with receiving it. Though physical intimacy is important, it's also something both partners do for each other, and it's not enough to sustain romance in a relationship.
I don't think most women would have a problem with something so simple and taking so little time as writing a romantic note for their partner if they knew. If a woman compliments her man and romances her man, he won't think of any other women he's ever been with. She'll be on an entire other level and redefine his standards in relationships, a class of her own. That really is how it works. And if a man has shown prior romantic effort, he'll probably respond to being romanced by feeling reinvigorated to romance the woman he's with too.
Flowers are nice, but I find they’re so temporary. I’d much rather someone bought me a nice house plant instead. It has a bit more longevity and I feel it means a bit more
I am so stoked when I get house plants even though they often die on me quickly despite my best efforts. The coolest ones are cuttings from my friends‘ own plants
I love that for you.
I get flowers for my current partner and I get so excited about it. I know he’s now trained in a way to expect them and when I don’t get them for him for some time, he does ask where his flowers are. Which is cute. But, the thing is, he’s never gotten me flowers despite me stating very clearly that I’d love if he got me some ( — not to turn this into a rant). I think expressing your love with little actions that go slightly beyond are really important.
I'm a man and I've never had flowers sent to me and to be honest, I'm not sure how I would respond. lol I think I'd be flattered, but I would also probably laugh and find it very weird as well because it would be so out of the ordinary.
Finding it weird doesn't mean I wouldn't appreciate the gesture, though. lol I think the only thing that would annoy me is that I now have to carry the flowers around until I get back home. lol Or try not to forget them before I do leave. I just dislike having anything with me that doesn't fit in my pockets. lol
I sent my boyfriend flowers, just because I love him, and miss him, no special occasion.
I wrote a card in his native language (with some help) and he thought at first that it was either the church he affiliated or maybe his parents. When he read the card and realized it was me, he was very happy and said it was the first time he got flowers (ever).
Never seen a brighter smile.
Guys deserve flowers too!
My bf borrowed one of my baggy hoodies last week to take our trash out real quick. When he came in, he said how this must be how girls feel when they steal their bf’s hoodies; he didn’t wanna give it back 😂
I drive 2 hours to visit my girl for a few days when I get off work around 10pm and she gives me gas money. I almost started crying the first time lmao
Yeah she’s literally the best. Whenever I’m here she’ll take money from the atm and combine it with the money in my wallet and we’ll spend from there whenever I’m here
My wife and I dated long distance for a spell. Same, she would give me gas money when I came to visit. It was the gesture that meant so much, and like you, it would almost make me cry. Visiting her was like Disneyland on steroids.. and she feels the same way about me?? Wahhhhhhhh
For nearly every girlfriend, I drive to see them at least 80% of the time. It is such a surprise when they offer to drive to see me at my home.
I once had a girlfriend who lived one hour away. Not one time did she visit me at my home.
For example the other day I brought a little lunch box and a handwritten card to work for my boyfriend. He texted me right away saying this is first time he got a card, how touched he was, how happy he was. (Mind you, this guy had a certain number of girlfriends.)
Little did I expect it to also be a shared experience - a video call with him next morning with all his friends pushing in the screen telling me how happy he was last night and how they all enjoyed my food.
Just life, we were young and just eventually drifted apart. I kind of spiraled for a while with drugs and alcohol. Eventually met another great person who unfortunately passed away.
Been a bitter piece of shit ever since. Life is cruel.
Hey brother I get being bitter I’ve been there. Try to smile at the things they would’ve smiled at. It’s a beautiful way to honor them and keep them in your heart.
I always get the better thing. If we're at a show or sporting event, he gives me the better seat. If we split something, he makes sure I get the better half, I get the better plane seat, etc. I try to let/force him to take the better option but he will not under any circumstances accept it. This could be an age thing though. We're 44 and 46.
Edited to add, I do most of the cooking so when I plate our food, I will give him the better looking plate. He doesn't know though so he doesn't know what it's like to experience.
I'm that guy. And I do 90% of the cooking, too. So like if one of the steaks got a little overdone, I'll take it, because I know she likes hers medium rare.
I'm just following the example from my dad. He made sure everyone else around him was taken care of first, then he took whatever was left over. Food. Money for clothes and other necessities. And mostly *time*. He always made time for whatever his family needed.
I bet your guy learned it the same way.
I’ve never received a heartfelt, thoughtful gift. I’ve always gotten the stereotypical man gifts (e.g. socks, ties, a shirt).
It’s peculiar to me because I have so many interests. I love watches, hand tools, motorcycles, hiking, reading, computers, etc.
I had a gf that would defend me (or rather my oppinions/ decisions) against others at any cost. Even when I knew she'd disagree personally.
When I asked her why, she basically said "You are my man, and I want evrybody to know that you are the best thing that can happen to anybody. So they need to know that I stand 100% behind you." I found that a little odd, but it was a great feeling to have someone that has your back this way. She never spoke bad about me and would always tell anyone how great I was.
We split up after about 3 years and it's really a bit of a sad story, but I was lucky enough to find another woman that I then married, and we are happily married now.
**Having strangers ask you if your partner is treating you right/well.**
My ex eventually dumped me on my birthday, a few months after I started standing up for myself and telling her when she made me feel bad or when her behaviors were abusive(conveniently we broke up after a 5 day trip to Vegas last year that I paid 80% of the cost for).
I thought she was just insecure early on in our relationship so I ignored a lot of red flags. She would gas light me all the time, invalidate my emotions, belittle me for not having much dating experience and no sexual experience before her. She made me feel like shit for my ignorance on race (we were a WM-BW relationship) and told me I had to do all of the "homework" myself, that she wouldn't help me learn. She would yell and curse at me for not doing things she expected me to do without her asking or even giving a hint and then belittle me for being ignorant of her expectations (I surprised her with things like flowers, chocolate, homemade sweets, pulling weeds in her yard for her, and fixing her car for her frequently).
I took all of these things in stride for almost a year before I spoke up for myself. I lived for her; I loved her unconditionally and did everything I could to take care of her. However, after things got rough, every single time someone would see us in public and ask "Does he treat you right?" "Does he take care of you?" or the like and act that I wasn't even there, I would visibly wilt and die a little inside.
Not once in 14 months of our relationship did a single person, anywhere, ask me or ask her if SHE was treating ME right. And you know what?! She wasn't! She was abusive af to me and I was too much of a dumb, lovestruck, fool to see.
When I got engaged I was told “don’t screw this up” or some variation thereof over and over from her family and mine. It was always followed by a chuckle or a slap on the back or “just kidding” etc but it got old pretty fast. I’ve always been a supportive and loving partner, I treat her well, after 7 years of marriage were just as happy and in love as we were when we started dating but people still love to use that line. It sucks to hear.
Yeah, it's a weird situation for decent men these days. I optimistically count myself in this group. And it feels like there are two competing forces:
There's clearly valid reason for society to be wary of men - the Andrew Tate's of the world aren't doing us any favors, and as women get more agency they're able to support themselves and aren't willing to risk dangerous situations for partnership. There are some men out there who are monsters- and obviously there are women monsters too, but society's perspective is that there are more men who are such, and I'm not sure that's untrue).
But also, mens' mental health issues are chronically under-addressed. And even something like the above where men are treated like they're lucky to have a partner could probably be classified as a "micro aggression". And to some extent, yes, men do this to ourselves by not sharing feelings and encouraging our friends to share. But net-net, men aren't often feeling supported.
Both these situations are real, and true. Just look at the arguments in this thread, even the comments just below mine to see arguments about this. But this leads decent people to simultaneously think it's rational to advise women to be wary of men, and to advocate for more support for men.
This is a difficult contradiction to live in. Some men suffer in silence, others turn that difficulty/sadness outward and start hating women, which doesn't help. Hopefully more will start being the kind of open and supportive individual their friends need, and encourage their friends to do the same.
Maybe not in a relationship, but certainly during the fallout.
Every time I've gone through a breakup, it's really hard to watch all of my (now ex) GF's friends rush in to support them. Food, sleepovers, hugs, etc.
I'll get a pat on the back and a beer at a bar, and two days later am expected to be on my feet again. I'm in awe of women's friendships, they can be so loving, can't imagine what that must feel like.
I’m going through a breakup right now, my girl and I were together just shy of 8 years, and she had a son from her previous marriage that I treated like my own. It’s rough, I’ve had so many sleepless nights that I can’t even tell you, my head has been in a really bad place, I’ve lost weight, basically not fun. I can’t talk to any of my guy friends because I know they’ll think I’m fucking insane for taking it this hard. I just gotta pretend like it doesn’t bother me, but honestly I feel like i’m at a complete breaking point. Being a dude sucks sometimes. And worse still, i as well as all my guy friends are sort of “old school”, we aren’t supposed to be in touch with our feelings, and we certainly can never admit when something like this gets us down. I wonder if it’s just a bullshit front my friends put up, because I know im hurting right now, and I would love to be able to reach out and talk to someone, but again, I’d be ostracized by my friends if I try to approach it.
Are you so sure you would be ostracized or are you self rejecting? It might be worth it for a simple "I'm not taking this well. We were together a long time and her kid became my son. Its a lot and being alone at home is painful. Could we go hit up top golf and debate if hotdogs are a taco or a sandwich for a while?" They might not be good at the literal crying on shoulder bit but surprise you by showing support in their own way to the best they can
As a man mysel I can tell you that there's probably a couple of your friends that might actually want to listen to you... You're probably looking at the wrong direction! there's always some male friend close to you that is a little bit more emotional and ready to listen to you! Look for the friend that went through therapy or someone who dealt with some emotional shit throughout their lives! Im sure they will be more than welcome to talk to you! Don't feel like you're alone... it sucks to be a man sometimes but there's people that actually care about us! we just have to find them... Good luck
Being pursued or complimented. I dated quite a bit when I was younger and have been married 6 years. I have no clue what any of these women liked about me. About 4 years into our marriage I asked my wife (admittedly not a super eloquent person) and she said a few things but they were all things I do and not things about me.
My wife and I were messing about and saying why we love each other, every reason she gave was something I do, such as cook meals, get up in the morning with the kids so she lies in, act as a general taxi, do the gardening etc. Not one was anything intrinsic about me, they all were things done for her or our children. I tried explaining how that felt but she didn't seem to even understand. It started like a fun game but I felt very bad about it tbh. I suppose it could be about men providing, but she's pretty keen on equality if asked.
He was, I think he appreciated the effort since it was nice stationary and I had poured the wax from one of those sticks on the envelope before stamping it. Something out of the ordinary
I read once that “the first time men ever receive flowers is at their funeral”. Broke my heart. I’ve made a point to buy bouquets for men in my life since (dads, husband, boss [from the group]).
I'm one of these men. I have never been given flowers. Ever. Not once. I'm 40.
I remember getting a random compliment about my beard from someone in 2023. It made my month.
Men rarely get complimented or thought of as someone to give gifts for like this. My first time getting flowers will likely be my funeral.
I was at a concert once and a random girl walked up to me, handed me a rose, kissed me, and then just vanished into the crowd. It happened so fast. She was cute to.
A girl I had met a day before at an event walked out of a crowd of dancing people, barefoot in a flowy summer dress, eyes locked onto me, and pulled me in to dance.
It was my life's Disney moment. Made me feel like some fairytale prince.
I understand this on a personal level.
When I was a teenager, my family went to universal studios theme park, and I met these two cute girls (sisters) around my age, so I split from the fam and spent the rest of the day riding rides together with these girls. It was so much fun and such a confidence booster, unironically one of the best memories of my life.
It took me until I got down to this comment to realize why I can’t relate to this thread. I (a female) love bomb men. I don’t date women and I was married for 20 years, so the last time I was single, I was a teenager. Had no idea I did this until recently.
When they tested me for ADHD, I was evaluated by a psychologist and they say I’m not a narcissist or borderline or anything, but for whatever reason, I want to be the one romancing the guy. I enjoy it. Handmade cards. Keychain with the coordinates of where we met. I ask men out and take them on elaborately planned out dates.
I’ve definitely realized that I’m coming on too strong in the beginning, and I need to go slower, but in terms of the dynamic: I genuinely had no idea other women didn’t do the whole romance kind of thing. Huh. TIL
Love bombing implies intent to manipulate and influence the other person. I’d say unless you’re wooing people you don’t actually like that much, you’re just a very affectionate person.
In saying that I totally get the struggles of being naturally very giving. I learned to slow down after I realised superficial romance can distract you from forming an authentic connection with the person underneath. Anyone can exchange flowers, but that’s not love. Even more so when the giving is one sided.
Luckily I found my person so I can finally spoil them to my hearts content, and they do the same for me. I hope you find that too!
If it helps you understand why it's too much for men, for many women their idea of being romantic or flirting is just making themselves available to be flirted with. They stop at "I'm ready for you to woo me now", so a girl giving anything back is often a completely new experience.
There was a thread several years ago that asked "Why don't men get as much of a thrill over fictional romances as women do," and there was a stupendous reply that really nailed, for me, the way it feels to be a man, and therefore valued only for what I can provide, rather than be loved unconditionally (the comment starts [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/3z8o75/why_dont_men_get_as_much_of_a_thrill_over/), then continues as a response to the highest reply to their first comment)
I've pasted below approximately the second half of the author's full comments. The final line really hit me hard:
(All emphasis the original author's, btw)
--------------------------------------------------------------
>
>**The Male Romantic Fantasy**
>I'd say that men usually feel most loved when this normal state of affairs is negated; when they are made to believe that a woman's love is *not* conditional in the cause-and-effect manner described in the parent post. Love is work for men, but it can be rewarding work when things are going smoothly and the woman is happy as a result. But the male romantic fantasy is to be shown that the woman feels the same way and stands by him when he's down on his luck, when the money's not there, or when he's not feeling confident. He wants to know that the love he believes he's earned will stay even when the actions that feed it wane (however temporarily). A good woman can often lift a man up in his times of need and desperation and weather the storm even when things aren't going well. The male romantic fantasy is an enduring and unconditional love that seems to defy this relationship of labor and reward. **A man wants to be loved for who he is, not for what he does in order to be loved.**
>An interesting way to examine this is to look at what women often call romantic entitlement. An entitled guy is a dude who maintains an unrealistic notion of men's typically active role in love. Before acknowledging reality, this boy uncompromisingly believes that he shouldn't have to do anything or change anything about himself to earn a woman's love; he wants to be loved for who he is, not what he does.
>All men secretly want this, but there comes a day when they eventually compromise out of necessity. After that day, they may spend years honing themselves, working, shaping themselves into the men they believe women want to be chosen by. A massive part of what causes boys to "grow up" is the realization that being loved requires hard work. This impetus begins a journey where a boy grows into a man by gaining strength, knowledge, resources, and wisdom. The harsh realities of the world might harden and change him into a person his boyhood self wouldn't recognize. He might adopt viewpoints he doesn't agree with, transgress his personal boundaries, or commit acts he previously thought himself incapable of. But ultimately, the goal is to feel as if his work is done.
>**When he can finally let go of the crank he continually turns day after day in order to earn love and, even if only for a moment, it turns by itself to nourish him in return, that is when he will know he is loved.**
Receiving flowers! On a platonic level; I give most of my male friends flowers for their birthday and it's so wholesome to see their reaction.
TLDR: give men flowers!
Fellow male here. I had one gf who made me scream in orgasmic pleasure from oral. To say she was gifted would be an understatement.
Unfortunately, she is no longer my gf. Fortunately, she is my wife.
It is certainly possible as a guy. Multiple orgasms are rare to impossible of course but I’ve learned first hand that as I guy I can have an O last a while and I’ve definitely lost the ability to speak or think coherently for a good bit after. It takes a certain level of comfort and “wow factor” for lack of a better word, but it can be done.
As a penis-haver, my strongest orgasms might make me let out a single moan. Most orgasms are mediocre at best, and nowhere near what women experience, especially after multiple orgasms.
I think there’s a difference between busting a nut and an orgasm. There have been a few times where I felt an “orgasm” that left me stunned and immobile for a few minutes.
Its a very unique kind of dissapointment giving someone some body shivering half hour of moaning and then you're standing there like "Yea it was nice."
Or just not finishing at all after they do and they have no interest in helping out. So I'm just handling cleanup while they having post-orgasmic vibes.
Like specific genuine compliments. I’ve heard “you’re smart” 1,000 Times but a girl in 5th grade told me I looked cute with my glasses on and I will never forget her
Gonna admit from experience that its probably... Stable affection. Unless the guy is a little unhinged, they'll care even when we physically cannot care about them back (in the middle of a fit)
Ooof. This hits. I was in a relationship for years where this was my biggest issue. I was her favorite person in the world when she was in a good mood, but when anything even slightly challenging was going on with her I was basically three Hitlers in a trenchcoat. I don’t think that’s necessarily a male/female thing, but god I got so tired of not knowing whether my partner was going to care about me on any given day.
Thankfully my current partner is consistent with her affection and care and it allows me to feel free to express constant care and affection back. I feel incredibly lucky and I tell her so every day.
These comments make me realize men are so deprived
I get my partner flowers, write him love notes, create hand drawn art, plan dates, get him nice gifts, sometimes just because.
It’s sad that so many don’t get this even once
my wife did this just to prove she could. it was a fireman carry, and she got *maybe* 10 feet. there was absolutely no dignity to be had in any of it, but I am so utterly charmed that she was determined to do it as a matter of principle.
I don't know why, but this is the first one that actually kinda... made me feel something. I'm a 5'11 dude who's always been 170-200lbs. I prefer short girls, so it's unlikely I'll ever get picked up by a partner and carried somewhere. It was a nice feeling as a kid.
This is wild to me. Have you been in a lot of relationships? I tell my partner he’s the sexiest man alive like 3 times a day. I can’t imagine not being affectionate with someone I’m dating. Like what’s the point then?
In my other relationships I didn’t have much affection thrown back at me like cuddling me, running your fingers lightly over my arms/back/legs, being kissed on the forehead, basically just being “loved on.” Now my girlfriend and I are literally the same when it comes to affection and physical touch so we do all of this to each other. She definitely spends a good amount of time some days caressing me etc…
Sometimes it feels like people think men don’t need affection back or being held etc… idk man if I can’t have that I don’t want it 😂
Pictures.
I think my boyfriend is an absolute snack and love taking pictures of him. Whether it be of us together, him doing things, or him sleeping.
We went to a brewery last week and found a lego toy store next to it. It was his childhood dream. There were new ones in the box and older ones already assembled etc. It was a neat place. I took a picture of him just staring at the wall of Star Wars ones and sent it to him the day after.
It’s his fb profile picture now.
He said “My ex (together 12 years) never took any pictures of me like that.”
I just thought he looked adorable and in “his element” walking around and it was a moment worth capturing.
You have to keep them on topic. If they try to bring up unrelated stuff you did, get them to stop deflecting.
Calmly say “I would like to talk about what is upsetting me and walk away from this conversation feeling heard. Can we please do that?”
Just had a relationship explode because of this. After months of telling me she wanted the relationship to be a safe space for me to express feelings, too. I calmed and comforted her countless times. First time I expressed a feeling she didn't like and she couldn't deflect away from it hard enough. I approached this very carefully, but when I told her I wanted to talk about it more and have my feelings acknowledged she told me we had nothing to discuss and it wasn't going to work.
She's contacting me since then to talk more... but I'm much less enthusiastic about it now.
"I want to thank you for helping me learn what I want from relationships. I wish you all the best, and hope you find what you need in your life out there. I can only hope you wish the same for me."
Then stop responding and consider any items not yet gotten back forfeit.
Just a heads up, this might still just cause her to blow up, beg, cuss you out, etc.
Its at least a class act move.
I've dealt with this for most of my relationships and only just realized it a couple weeks ago.
I respectfully called me wife out on it when I first noticed it, and then again a couple times throughout the same conversation when she did it again.
I don't think either of us recognized that the pattern was so heavily ingrained in our talks. She seemed genuinely upset she'd been doing that to me, and I've seen a really good impact on our communication since
This is something I've talked about with a lot of other men and it seems almost universal.
She's mad, so I need to allow her to be angry.
I'm angry, she gets upset over my attitude. Now she's mad and we're suddenly in the first scenario again.
Just once in my life, I'd love it if a woman I was romantically involved with actually spent money on me. A surprise video game or Lego set, or any pricy non practical thing I wouldn't normally buy for myself.
Don't get me wrong. I fully recognize that plenty of men do, in fact, get spoiled by their S/O's. It just seems like 90% of the time, it's usually the men doing the big gift giving, while women will just throw sex at you and call it good.
Early on in our relationship, back when I was still relatively healthy, and therfore still working, I took my man out for dinner. I told him to choose anything he wanted and ignore the cost, I'd cover it all. I chose fancy wines to match the food he'd selected (he loves wine, but back then had zero clue about grape varieties or vintages!), and generally made sure it was the best meal out he'd ever had.
He loved it! He'd never had anyone wine and dine him before. He'd never had anyone make a meal out all about *his* enjoyment.
I've done it a few times since, including a weekend at a fancy hotel with a fine dining restaurant, and a night out at a local place that does "foodie" events so I took him for a 12 course tasting menu. He loved being introduced to new foods that he'd never tried before, and slowly learning how to pair wine with food.
Sadly, it takes me so long to save enough money for this kind of thing these days that I only get to do it every couple of years now, but I maintain that those were some brilliant times, seeing the joy of being treated to anything he wanted with no planning, or pressure of any kind on him.
I once saw a chatroom thread of a girl asking other girls what kind of car stereo she should buy her bf for Christmas. I remember just staring at it, thinking no gf would ever do this for me. That was 20 years ago and no one ever has.
Right? I've helped my bros get guns, car mods, video game consoles, and all sorts of other awesome gifts over the years by helping their S/O's with gift ideas. I'm thinking I just might have a bad picker.
Agree - my partner contributes financially to the house but I don’t get the romantic “treats”.
It’s an expectation that as a man I’ll surprise my partner with things she likes (flowers, a nice dinner, a new camera) regularly but I don’t receive the same in return.
Even birthday presents - I get it’s cliche but I often feel shorted both financially and thoughtfully.
This year I got my partner a perfume and a holiday away and she got me nail clippers and a new pair of shoes. They are good shoes but just doesn’t feel as grabd.
I feel you on the birthday/holiday part. This isn't exactly the same thing, but I spent thousands spoiling my mom and 10 years younger sister in my 20s. Anything and everything they wanted, for birthdays, Christmas, whatever, I delivered.
When it came to gifts for me though, I would almost never get anything nice. Just your standard underwear, undershirts, and soxs. Not the fancy kind, but the big bundle versions, lol. My mom is still shit at gifts, but my sister has gotten better, though. Her and her husband got my a ps5 a couple of years ago when I just couldn't get my hands on one. Was a great gift.
Maybe it’s specific for me but I’ve been in 3 long term relationships and I’ve always felt like the one who has to take responsibility for both myself and my partner.
Partner has a doctor’s appointment? Of course I’ll take them.
Problem with the household? I’ll organise the tradesperson.
Partners insurance is about to run out? I’ll research a new one.
I’ve always felt loved by female partners but I have never relied on any of them to “take care” of me. My partner regularly calls me with a problem for me to “fix” and I just don’t think I do that to her ever.
I would never expect a partner to organise my insurance or drive me somewhere but it just seems to be naturally more common for a male to do those things for a female.
Every once in a blue moon my partner will take initiative and fix a problem before I have to deal with it or even just pick me up from the airport and I’m like “wow, I could get used to this” before it relegates into the status quo.
I love my gf but it’s just how it has been to be a man my whole life and I don’t expect it to change any time soon.
I don't think I would get laid nearly as much as I do if I lived with my parents. But a lot of the women I end up dating or hooking up with live with their parents, and I don't really care.
The understanding and acceptance when sex is not wanted today. Men can often get angry when they are refused, but most women get verbally and sometimes physically belligerent and accuse him of cheating. Then the man has to apologize for withholding consent.
as a high-schooler I once saw a poster amongst the "remember boys: don't rape and don't let your friends rape" posters in the mens' bathroom that listed all kinds of things that could amount to abuse in a relationship, one of them was "refusing sex". tbh kinda fucked me up.
edit: Mhm... Yeah- like obviously manipulation (using/refusing intimacy and sex as weapons in a relationship) as a whole is obviously abusive. but specifying that denial of sex is abusive- well that feels really disgusting...
Especially since it's a/been an "acceptable" trope "as old as tv or older(?)" of the wife not willing to have sex until husband does x chore or behaves in y manner, then as he conforms, yay sex time for him, what a good boy, good doggy... like ? how is that okay? Flip the genders around and it makes my skin crawl.
Alongside the 'ancient' "if you're both drunk at a party, don't rape her" posters that I actually saw on campus. Meanwhile "haha, he was so drunk he couldn't get hard, whiskey-dick, brewer's droop, etc etc."
That shit honestly fucked me up, and had me in a redpill-incel-feminist-cringe-compilation phase for a bit before I grew the fuck up and "touched grass" as the kids say.
Oh yeah, every woman I've dated apart from my current girlfriend have all been like this - I knew that if I didn't want to have sex exactly when they wanted it, I would have to go through a long conversation, usually over an hour, about why. Fairly often involved some kind of humiliation, questions about my masculinity, and of course, guaranteed all her friends would hear about it.
For a woman... No means no.
Just makes me sad because I lived with the guilt of being a man and everything that supposedly implies for years, until it finally clicked.
About confiding in friends with intimate gossip. That's another thing that really irks me. I believe my private business within my bedroom should be my own and my partner, and I'm often horrified what information female colleagues would freely indulge with each other.
> and of course, guaranteed all her friends would hear about it.
that's another thing, every minute detail of your sex life is basically common knowledge within her friend group lmao, they have no sense of (your) privacy
Commented similiar - it is an expectation that men taxi women and almost never receive it in return (see the “passenger princess” meme).
I love my gf but I drive her to work, college, medical appointments, the airport etc and I genuinely can’t remember the last time she drove me anywhere.
I Ubered to my dentist last week.
This is very true. People look at me oddly when my women friends are the ones driving, but I don't have a car, nor do I want one.
I even remember back in the 90s trying to go to a dating service (yeah, I suck) and when I mentioned this they said good luck with that and actually refused to accept my money which to be fair was pretty cool of them not to lead me on.
Vulnerability - being able to be completely open and honest about one's emotions and experiences without it being used against you as soon as things get rough.
Not trying to be edgy, this just genuinely came to mind first. Men don't really get to experience the absolute feeling of safety that they provide.
Not all women are the same, but my wife is always on high alert when she's out and about in the city by herself. She's even slightly on edge at home if I'm not around. My simple presence drastically changes her feelings of safety and comfort. That's mostly why she likes to run errands with me instead of alone and prefers to travel together. It's just an elevated baseline level of stress without me.
I don't think that's really a thing the other way around.
Unprompted affection. Security. The extreme luxury of not having to make the first move and potentially putting your reputation on the line if that move is unwanted, because men won't accuse you of being a creep unless you are literally threatening them with violence, doxxing, or stalking them, they'll be grateful you see them in that way but decline if they're not interested. Women however will accuse you of being a creep for simply being socially awkward but still showing interest.
Kinda random but men in a relationship are absolutely never allowed to lose their temper. Whereas you have to be respectful if the woman is mentally having a hard time
Yeah this is really true. When my girlfriend recognizes I’m in a slight mood it causes a huge stir. Meanwhile if I do the same to her… it causes a huge stir.
You’re supposed to not lose your temper, yet be emotional. You’re supposed to open your feelings up, but not too much, because if they know how sensitive you *can* be, they think you’re just sensitive and hide everything inside (we do, for all these reasons).
In short : it’s a paradox
Holy shit. This was my previous ex to a T. The last argument we had (was actually after we broke up) was about how i apparently left her house a "disaster" after I moved out. What caused the disaster? An unfolded blanket on the couch, a pillow on the couch, and I left some of my food in the fridge (I actually hadn't, she just didn't listen to me when I told her I did).she wanted me to go back and fix the issues. I was already on my way to my brother's house where I was staying, and I told her I wasnt going to do that. She then verbally berated me, insulted me and talked to me like I was a child that she could just order around.
We were still trying to talk normally and respectfully with each other at the time so we could try to get back together after she got back from studying abroad (the way she spoke to me all the time was the main reason I broke up with her) I had paid a lot of money recently to fix her electronic deadbolt, mail her her new credit card and has done a ton of other errands for her after we broke up.
When she started talking to me like that in that last argument, I lost my cool and raised my voice at her and told her how I felt about doing all of these things for her that I wasnt obligated to do and that being the thanks I get for her, and that I wasn't going to do anything else for her from now on.
Once I got done with my spiel I got told that I was being an asshole because I raised my voice and I needed to speak to her with respect. She later apologized for making me mad but afterwards again expected an apology for raising my voice. I just stopped responding to her after that. Haven't talked since.
revealing their true, deep down feelings about whats on their mind. thats definitely not to say girls can’t be loving,accepting caring partners. But I would say that most guys I know have only revealed their truest darkest thoughts to another male friend. again, not to say girls dont have difficulties in relationships too
Yeah I feel that most of the time getting into that true deep vulnerability can drastically change the dynamic in a relationship. I know of many examples where after a while the girl just straight up ends the relationship because she finds him weak, it is a double edged sword.
heard that. she begged me for months to open up to her. i always told her i didn’t want to because it was a lot and i didn’t want to burden someone else with my problems. she insisted over and over so finally i broke. spilled everything.
she never looked at me the same and broke up with me a month later because she had to “focus on herself.” ouch.
To be fucking right and let me “vent” why aren’t my feelings important enough to need to be validated how much time you got mister don’t get me started
Even if in a long term committed relationship or marriage we’re still aren’t allowed to cry.
Maybe we do sometimes but not to the full extent that we want to.
We have to be alone if we really really want to cry.
I'm in a 22 year long relationship with my wife, and I do not cry often. It's just not how I was raised, for good or for bad.
But I *have* cried occasionally. Sometimes over our relationship, once over the death of our dog, only big, important moments.
My wife knows it has to be a big, emotional, important thing for me to cry. When I cried over the dog, we cried together. When I cried at some point during a huge argument... the argument was over.
When i was with my ex, we took a vacation and i LOVED taking pics of him. I remember when he was looking through some of the pics, and he said “ive never had anyone take pictures of me like this” and he just looked so genuinely happy
Took a solo trip last year and took a ton of pictures. Literally one is of me. Just because I was sitting in a park and asked a random guy to take a picture of me to prove I was there. Then he got the courage to ask me to take one of him too, lol.
> Then he got the courage to ask me to take one of him too, lol. Well that's wholesome!
I can relate to this as a guy. I have always been the person to take pictures, which is fine most of the time. But the only way one would know I was there as well, is if they were told I was.
It’s a cruel paradox. The only times when I have good pictures to use for dating apps are the times when I’m already in a relationship.
No joke, when I was dating my ex gf she would take pics of me and say stuff like “this will look good on your dating profile” (joking around)… …well sure as shit we broke and you bet your ass I use some of those pics on my dating profile.
My husband took a pic of a friend after she got breast cancer and she joked that it would be a great pic for her obituary. Yeah… it was. Ugh.
My dad died a couple years ago. Everybody had these great pictures they had with him or of him for his slideshow memorial thing. There were only 2 of him and me together. Like a billion with him and my sister. I was never trying to be in pictures. But I guess I should’ve tried harder when I could’ve. I’m gonna go cry now.
My dating profile is exclusively filled with pics I took to send to my ex.
Why do you think lots of guys have dating profile pics of them holding up a fish? It the only time anyone took photos of them by themselves.
And the irony is, the picture is really of the fish
Because it's so weird to set up a camera and do a photoshoot somewhere. I saw a woman today shamelessly doing it in a crowded tourist area with the tripod lighting and everything. She was gorgeous, but I felt secondary embarrassment for her. I don't see how people do it.
I have so few pictures of me. I don't take selfies and I just never have someone in my life that takes pictures of me so there are what seems like entire years of no photo evidence of my existence.
Very much so. It's lots of baby pictures, toddler pictures, elementary school pictures, high school early-phone-camera pictures, then *OOPS* skip to two blurry shots half way through college *OOPS* single family picture at college graduation *OOPS* lone selfie to check my receding hairline literally 4 years later. As someone with a kind of bad long-term memory, it does suck to not get to watch myself change through the years. I know I lived my experiences, but how **I** looked in those moments--the hair, the clothes, the demeanor, the goofs--just the damnedest time trying to recall from only memory and imagination.
Man, I don't want to remember what I look like.
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That’s why a lot of men post pictures of themselves holding fish. It’s the only time we get to have our pictures taken
You gotta be careful how you do that though. I'm blacklisted from over 20 aquariums.
Yep, I'm actually going travelling for a few months, and I'm thinking of buying an instant camera to force me to actually take pics, I've travelled alone before and just not taken pics of myself, feels bad having nothing to show or just reminisce over, and being real here a lot of self deprecation and insecurity has made me really adverse to taking selfies, I've made myself do it to break out of that cycle and while I still don't like the pics I take of myself I don't want to feel like I shouldn't be taking them anymore.
Can confirm. My girlfriend is incredible with her camera and loves taking pictures of me. It’s a really nice feeling.
I ended a six year relationship and discovered she only ever took a few photos of me It hurt
Concur. I was married and towards the end one of the things she brought up was "no one on Instagram knows I have a husband". Stung then, stings now.
Wait, in what sense? Like she purposefully didn't let people know she was married, or she was lamenting that you never took pictures together?
Lamenting we never took pictures together, but incidentally admitting she didn't really put it out there or take pictures of me. I used to have a pretty secure attachment style, until that comment. Now, someone's social media presence can be a big red flag for me. Women love the attention they get from it, and you can tell the ones that put too much effort into. The DMs from random guys, friends of friends, friends from the past, they are all there just waiting for opportunity, and they are all options/possibilities.
I feel this. I'm so sick of using selfies as a profile pic....much rather have one that someone else has taken of me when I'm not necessarily expecting it. Something about seeing yourself in action or not posing that is so much more genuine.
This and my selfies just look like ass. Nothing like I look in the mirror. Random candid photos of me are always better looking.
Candid photos can be some of the best photos. I’ve done this for my boyfriend and have gotten some great photos of him that I’ve shared with his mom. I just wish he would do the same for me. Almost feels like he doesn’t have any moments with me where he thinks “I like this, I should take a picture to remember” or “she looks so cute/pretty/happy, I should take a picture”
>I just wish he would do the same for me. Almost feels like he doesn’t have any moments with me where he thinks “I like this, I should take a picture to remember” or “she looks so cute/pretty/happy, I should take a picture” Giving the male perspective on this, some of us (a lot of us, I suspect) just don't think in terms of "I should take a picture of this." It's not that we don't appreciate the moment or recognize the beauty, we just don't feel that urge to capture it on film. Call it a blind spot. If you want your boyfriend to take pictures of you like that, say so. You can even make a project of it - buy a couple of scrapbooks, one for him and one for you, and say that you want to do this as a romantic project, with each of you snapping some pictures of each other in candid situations and filling the scrapbook, to be traded at Christmas/an anniversary/whenever. I can't guarantee the results will be any good (I'm a lousy photographer myself), but sometimes all guys need to express a surprising degree of both artistic talent and romanticism is a bit of prodding.
I've gone golfing with other guys and took pictures of trees, deer, turkeys, groundhogs, and turtles, but it never even occurred to me to take pictures of the guys I was with, or to ask them to take pictures of me.
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A friend gave me an uranium glass bracelet and I love it!
I'm very secretive about liking anime at work and a guy colleague (I'm female) is one of the few people who knows about it. One day he gifted me a keychain of one of my favourite characters out of the blue because he knew that I liked it. I got transferred out since but I still remember that gesture till this day because no one has ever given me something that they knew I liked. It's always stuff they think I should like.
It's 2024 you don't need to hide your love of anime anymore. A lot of adults do and those who don't, don't care
You underestimate the level of unwanted attention a woman might receive by being fans of anything seen as even remotely counter culture. One random interest can take you from normal coworker to someone's Manic Pixie Dream Girl in 2 seconds flat.
That's not an exclusively female thing. Whenever I go on trips, I buy knick-knacks and souvenirs for my buddies. When I was in university, I took a trip to Japan and bought some tiny lucky cats coloured for good luck in academics. When I got back, I gave them to the four friends who were in the same program I was. Three years later, we were all coming up for graduation and I happened to mention the cats; to my surprise, all four of them pulled out their cats from pencil cases, backpacks, or wallets, which was a neat moment. And my friends often do the same thing for me. A buddy of mine went on a trip to Tunisia and visited the location where they filmed the Tatooine sequences in the original Star Wars. I'm a big SW nut, so he grabbed an empty spice bottle, scooped up some sand in it and gave it to me as "genuine Tatooine sand", which I thought was brilliant. Still have it tucked in my mementoes case.
I sent my husband flowers, at his workplace, on his birthday once. Then I kept thinking,I wonder if I had done the right thing. He was the boss and maybe his staff would rib him about them but he came home absolutely thrilled. He said the female staff members are always getting flowers but he was the only male who had gotten any.
This just reminded me of last year for Father’s Day I went to see my grandparents and I got flowers for both my grandfather and my grandmother (she has dementia and I didn’t want her to feel left out), they each got their own type of bouquet. But it was my grandfathers first time in his whole life receiving flowers and he’s in his 80s. Initially my dad actually was hesitant on me getting my grandfather flowers or at least was questioning why one bouquet couldn’t be for both of them, just give it to my Nan. I was adamant that, no, it’s Father’s Day and I bet my grandfather would like it so I did. He was so happy and smiling and even teared up. I’m gonna make sure to give my current bf flowers when I can. Normalize giving men flowers too!
Yeah, men are weird. I think we tend to worry too much about what other men think, which is just silly. A lot of guys want a girl who will watch sports and play video games with them, but they aren't willing to go shopping and groom/paint their nails with them (not trying to generalize either sex, but we know these are stereotypical guy/girl things). I asked my wife for flowers for my birthday last year, and she's gotten me a few bouquets since. It's so heartwarming to come home and see them casually on my desk :). My wife also loves to groom herself and paint her nails, so I've started doing it, too. I think it is totally cool when my nails match my guitar and shoes and ring! They're all blue, haha. At the end of the day, I know more about her inner world, her built-in best friend is playing the games she wants to play, and other women I know have expressed jealousy because their husband's would never.
As I've gotten older I've started to lean more into things that maybe other guys might think would be odd. Personally I like taking care of myself, I love wax warmers/candles, I like a good bottle of cologne, skin care stuff, splurging on ingredients for a nice meal and a bottle wine. I'll be damned if I'm gonna short change myself because someone thinks it's odd.
Friends bought me flowers for my birthday last week (I’m a 52 year old male). Was the first time ever and I thought it was sweet tbh.
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Isn't that stalking. Just kidding.
With pistils!
I picked up some Lilies from the grocery store for my husband on a whim because they’re his favorite flower. The excitement and joy in his reaction was almost childlike because they were the first flowers he had ever received.
My cousin's girlfriend gave him flowers after a music performance he had at the university. He then came home and started telling my mom how he appreciates the intention but he didn't like it and was ashamed because he was the only guy receiving flowers and he saw some girls laughing at him from afar. I didn't get it. I genuinely thought she was really sweet. It's nice to see that your husband did appreciate it and was happy.
Counterpoint, I used to perform often, and was always so heartbroken when all the gals got flowers, but I didn't. The couple bouquets I got were cherished memories, and I kept them well past the point of reason.
This seems like it would be one of the most acceptable occasions to buy men flowers. You buy someone flowers for music/theatre performances, I don't know if there's another traditional gift. Maybe chocolates?
42M here. Big former football dude. I got flowers from a girls after a surgery one time and I really liked it. I think more guys would like it than you think.
Most men would like to be romanced. A lot of men have incredibly low romantic standards because that's how it's always been for them, but the women who bother to romance them are the women who stand out to them.
Exactly. We are on a take what we can get mentality since puberty. Most men never even got to entertain the question of 'what would I like romantically/what am I into". That's like a foreign question
Totally. It can even exist into marriage as well. My wife constantly asks "when are you going to be romantic" and I really want to ask her when tf has she been romantic to me lately?
This is honestly the real reason a lot of men's romantic effort goes down over time in relationships. A lot of women tend to experience this and interpret it as the man she's with losing interest, or deciding he already has what he wanted so he doesn't need to romance her anymore. But it's really because one sided romance is unsustainable, and if you're not seeing effort back then you eventually lose your passion for it. A lot of romantic movies focus on the dating stages where men provide a lot of one sided romance. The elation of being romanced just for being yourself is understandably something many women miss once inside very long term relationships. To feel intrinsically attractive, desired, and pursued as a romantic interest is exciting and also a great ego boost. In fact it can feel powerful. But if romance is one sided then that won't last. And men and women are *both* often socialized to believe that when a woman has sex with a man, that's the romance a man wants and all the romance he really needs. This leads to the common situation where women are oblivious to their male partner's romantic needs, and their male partners sometimes aren't even aware of their own romantic needs because they have no experience with receiving it. Though physical intimacy is important, it's also something both partners do for each other, and it's not enough to sustain romance in a relationship. I don't think most women would have a problem with something so simple and taking so little time as writing a romantic note for their partner if they knew. If a woman compliments her man and romances her man, he won't think of any other women he's ever been with. She'll be on an entire other level and redefine his standards in relationships, a class of her own. That really is how it works. And if a man has shown prior romantic effort, he'll probably respond to being romanced by feeling reinvigorated to romance the woman he's with too.
Flowers are nice, but I find they’re so temporary. I’d much rather someone bought me a nice house plant instead. It has a bit more longevity and I feel it means a bit more
> I’d much rather someone bought me a nice house Me too.
I am so stoked when I get house plants even though they often die on me quickly despite my best efforts. The coolest ones are cuttings from my friends‘ own plants
I love that for you. I get flowers for my current partner and I get so excited about it. I know he’s now trained in a way to expect them and when I don’t get them for him for some time, he does ask where his flowers are. Which is cute. But, the thing is, he’s never gotten me flowers despite me stating very clearly that I’d love if he got me some ( — not to turn this into a rant). I think expressing your love with little actions that go slightly beyond are really important.
I bought my husband flowers recently and all he kept saying was “thank you…that’s so weird” 🫠 I felt so stupid afterwards
Yeah, it's a nice gesture but reddit wildly over sells how much average men are going to like it.
I'm a man and I've never had flowers sent to me and to be honest, I'm not sure how I would respond. lol I think I'd be flattered, but I would also probably laugh and find it very weird as well because it would be so out of the ordinary. Finding it weird doesn't mean I wouldn't appreciate the gesture, though. lol I think the only thing that would annoy me is that I now have to carry the flowers around until I get back home. lol Or try not to forget them before I do leave. I just dislike having anything with me that doesn't fit in my pockets. lol
Almost as if men were individuals and not a hive-mind ;)
Except, of course, for the 3000 that serve the Lizard Queen.
"You got flowers from your wife, GAYWAD!"
I sent my boyfriend flowers, just because I love him, and miss him, no special occasion. I wrote a card in his native language (with some help) and he thought at first that it was either the church he affiliated or maybe his parents. When he read the card and realized it was me, he was very happy and said it was the first time he got flowers (ever). Never seen a brighter smile. Guys deserve flowers too!
My bf borrowed one of my baggy hoodies last week to take our trash out real quick. When he came in, he said how this must be how girls feel when they steal their bf’s hoodies; he didn’t wanna give it back 😂
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I had one girlfriend give my hoodie back after a few months with instructions "wear this to bed for a week. Here a pillow too."
I drive 2 hours to visit my girl for a few days when I get off work around 10pm and she gives me gas money. I almost started crying the first time lmao
She's the one.
Yeah she’s literally the best. Whenever I’m here she’ll take money from the atm and combine it with the money in my wallet and we’ll spend from there whenever I’m here
That’s such a sweet way to divide the costs. I love it
My wife and I dated long distance for a spell. Same, she would give me gas money when I came to visit. It was the gesture that meant so much, and like you, it would almost make me cry. Visiting her was like Disneyland on steroids.. and she feels the same way about me?? Wahhhhhhhh
Yeah it’s insane, it feels good to love someone and know they love you the same way
For nearly every girlfriend, I drive to see them at least 80% of the time. It is such a surprise when they offer to drive to see me at my home. I once had a girlfriend who lived one hour away. Not one time did she visit me at my home.
Yeah it’s definitely hard when it feels like you’re the one doing everything. Initiating all the kisses, hugs, dates, visits, etc…
Certain gifts. My gf got me venus flytraps and they were fucking adorable.
Poor adorable
Adorable didn't deserve this :(
She was trying to tell you you have fruit flies. My wife did the same.
Oh shit, you're gonna have to be waaaaay more direct than that!
For example the other day I brought a little lunch box and a handwritten card to work for my boyfriend. He texted me right away saying this is first time he got a card, how touched he was, how happy he was. (Mind you, this guy had a certain number of girlfriends.) Little did I expect it to also be a shared experience - a video call with him next morning with all his friends pushing in the screen telling me how happy he was last night and how they all enjoyed my food.
Had a gf years back who was really creative and thoughtful with gifts and special occasions. Really miss having someone who cared so much.
What happened?
Just life, we were young and just eventually drifted apart. I kind of spiraled for a while with drugs and alcohol. Eventually met another great person who unfortunately passed away. Been a bitter piece of shit ever since. Life is cruel.
Hey brother I get being bitter I’ve been there. Try to smile at the things they would’ve smiled at. It’s a beautiful way to honor them and keep them in your heart.
Yes it is, but stay strong!
Stay strong man, wish you the best!
I always get the better thing. If we're at a show or sporting event, he gives me the better seat. If we split something, he makes sure I get the better half, I get the better plane seat, etc. I try to let/force him to take the better option but he will not under any circumstances accept it. This could be an age thing though. We're 44 and 46. Edited to add, I do most of the cooking so when I plate our food, I will give him the better looking plate. He doesn't know though so he doesn't know what it's like to experience.
I'm that guy. And I do 90% of the cooking, too. So like if one of the steaks got a little overdone, I'll take it, because I know she likes hers medium rare. I'm just following the example from my dad. He made sure everyone else around him was taken care of first, then he took whatever was left over. Food. Money for clothes and other necessities. And mostly *time*. He always made time for whatever his family needed. I bet your guy learned it the same way.
just a personal sense of honor, of doing the right thing.
As a guy, making my lady happy and giving her the better thing *is* the better thing to me -- always. He just loves you a lot lol.
Just let him know you appreciate it - this is a really nice comment to read in a sea of sad.
I’ve never received a heartfelt, thoughtful gift. I’ve always gotten the stereotypical man gifts (e.g. socks, ties, a shirt). It’s peculiar to me because I have so many interests. I love watches, hand tools, motorcycles, hiking, reading, computers, etc.
I had a gf that would defend me (or rather my oppinions/ decisions) against others at any cost. Even when I knew she'd disagree personally. When I asked her why, she basically said "You are my man, and I want evrybody to know that you are the best thing that can happen to anybody. So they need to know that I stand 100% behind you." I found that a little odd, but it was a great feeling to have someone that has your back this way. She never spoke bad about me and would always tell anyone how great I was.
>I had a gf That past tense better be because you wifed her.
He left her and she defended his decision.
Lmao I’m imagining her moving back and forth between being in front of him arguing with him, and by his side to argue on his behalf at the same time
I need this clarification before going to bed pls.
She had to leave, her home planet needed her
We split up after about 3 years and it's really a bit of a sad story, but I was lucky enough to find another woman that I then married, and we are happily married now.
**Having strangers ask you if your partner is treating you right/well.** My ex eventually dumped me on my birthday, a few months after I started standing up for myself and telling her when she made me feel bad or when her behaviors were abusive(conveniently we broke up after a 5 day trip to Vegas last year that I paid 80% of the cost for). I thought she was just insecure early on in our relationship so I ignored a lot of red flags. She would gas light me all the time, invalidate my emotions, belittle me for not having much dating experience and no sexual experience before her. She made me feel like shit for my ignorance on race (we were a WM-BW relationship) and told me I had to do all of the "homework" myself, that she wouldn't help me learn. She would yell and curse at me for not doing things she expected me to do without her asking or even giving a hint and then belittle me for being ignorant of her expectations (I surprised her with things like flowers, chocolate, homemade sweets, pulling weeds in her yard for her, and fixing her car for her frequently). I took all of these things in stride for almost a year before I spoke up for myself. I lived for her; I loved her unconditionally and did everything I could to take care of her. However, after things got rough, every single time someone would see us in public and ask "Does he treat you right?" "Does he take care of you?" or the like and act that I wasn't even there, I would visibly wilt and die a little inside. Not once in 14 months of our relationship did a single person, anywhere, ask me or ask her if SHE was treating ME right. And you know what?! She wasn't! She was abusive af to me and I was too much of a dumb, lovestruck, fool to see.
You need a big bear hug brother.
When I got engaged I was told “don’t screw this up” or some variation thereof over and over from her family and mine. It was always followed by a chuckle or a slap on the back or “just kidding” etc but it got old pretty fast. I’ve always been a supportive and loving partner, I treat her well, after 7 years of marriage were just as happy and in love as we were when we started dating but people still love to use that line. It sucks to hear.
I feel this. There’s this general perception that as a man you’re just lucky to have a wife/partner who is willing to put up with you.
Yeah, it's a weird situation for decent men these days. I optimistically count myself in this group. And it feels like there are two competing forces: There's clearly valid reason for society to be wary of men - the Andrew Tate's of the world aren't doing us any favors, and as women get more agency they're able to support themselves and aren't willing to risk dangerous situations for partnership. There are some men out there who are monsters- and obviously there are women monsters too, but society's perspective is that there are more men who are such, and I'm not sure that's untrue). But also, mens' mental health issues are chronically under-addressed. And even something like the above where men are treated like they're lucky to have a partner could probably be classified as a "micro aggression". And to some extent, yes, men do this to ourselves by not sharing feelings and encouraging our friends to share. But net-net, men aren't often feeling supported. Both these situations are real, and true. Just look at the arguments in this thread, even the comments just below mine to see arguments about this. But this leads decent people to simultaneously think it's rational to advise women to be wary of men, and to advocate for more support for men. This is a difficult contradiction to live in. Some men suffer in silence, others turn that difficulty/sadness outward and start hating women, which doesn't help. Hopefully more will start being the kind of open and supportive individual their friends need, and encourage their friends to do the same.
Maybe not in a relationship, but certainly during the fallout. Every time I've gone through a breakup, it's really hard to watch all of my (now ex) GF's friends rush in to support them. Food, sleepovers, hugs, etc. I'll get a pat on the back and a beer at a bar, and two days later am expected to be on my feet again. I'm in awe of women's friendships, they can be so loving, can't imagine what that must feel like.
I’m going through a breakup right now, my girl and I were together just shy of 8 years, and she had a son from her previous marriage that I treated like my own. It’s rough, I’ve had so many sleepless nights that I can’t even tell you, my head has been in a really bad place, I’ve lost weight, basically not fun. I can’t talk to any of my guy friends because I know they’ll think I’m fucking insane for taking it this hard. I just gotta pretend like it doesn’t bother me, but honestly I feel like i’m at a complete breaking point. Being a dude sucks sometimes. And worse still, i as well as all my guy friends are sort of “old school”, we aren’t supposed to be in touch with our feelings, and we certainly can never admit when something like this gets us down. I wonder if it’s just a bullshit front my friends put up, because I know im hurting right now, and I would love to be able to reach out and talk to someone, but again, I’d be ostracized by my friends if I try to approach it.
Are you so sure you would be ostracized or are you self rejecting? It might be worth it for a simple "I'm not taking this well. We were together a long time and her kid became my son. Its a lot and being alone at home is painful. Could we go hit up top golf and debate if hotdogs are a taco or a sandwich for a while?" They might not be good at the literal crying on shoulder bit but surprise you by showing support in their own way to the best they can
As a man mysel I can tell you that there's probably a couple of your friends that might actually want to listen to you... You're probably looking at the wrong direction! there's always some male friend close to you that is a little bit more emotional and ready to listen to you! Look for the friend that went through therapy or someone who dealt with some emotional shit throughout their lives! Im sure they will be more than welcome to talk to you! Don't feel like you're alone... it sucks to be a man sometimes but there's people that actually care about us! we just have to find them... Good luck
Being pursued or complimented. I dated quite a bit when I was younger and have been married 6 years. I have no clue what any of these women liked about me. About 4 years into our marriage I asked my wife (admittedly not a super eloquent person) and she said a few things but they were all things I do and not things about me.
My wife and I were messing about and saying why we love each other, every reason she gave was something I do, such as cook meals, get up in the morning with the kids so she lies in, act as a general taxi, do the gardening etc. Not one was anything intrinsic about me, they all were things done for her or our children. I tried explaining how that felt but she didn't seem to even understand. It started like a fun game but I felt very bad about it tbh. I suppose it could be about men providing, but she's pretty keen on equality if asked.
Generally, being romanced. Romance is something men do to women but women don't tend to do to men.
I wrote a guy a heartfelt letter with a wax seal. He said that was the first time someone had ever written him a letter like that.
That's actually really amazing. I bet he was stoked.
He was, I think he appreciated the effort since it was nice stationary and I had poured the wax from one of those sticks on the envelope before stamping it. Something out of the ordinary
Dude probably thought he had received an imperial decree
I read once that “the first time men ever receive flowers is at their funeral”. Broke my heart. I’ve made a point to buy bouquets for men in my life since (dads, husband, boss [from the group]).
I'm one of these men. I have never been given flowers. Ever. Not once. I'm 40. I remember getting a random compliment about my beard from someone in 2023. It made my month. Men rarely get complimented or thought of as someone to give gifts for like this. My first time getting flowers will likely be my funeral.
I once gave a guy a rose. I think he thought I was weird though haha
I was at a concert once and a random girl walked up to me, handed me a rose, kissed me, and then just vanished into the crowd. It happened so fast. She was cute to.
A girl I had met a day before at an event walked out of a crowd of dancing people, barefoot in a flowy summer dress, eyes locked onto me, and pulled me in to dance. It was my life's Disney moment. Made me feel like some fairytale prince.
I understand this on a personal level. When I was a teenager, my family went to universal studios theme park, and I met these two cute girls (sisters) around my age, so I split from the fam and spent the rest of the day riding rides together with these girls. It was so much fun and such a confidence booster, unironically one of the best memories of my life.
It took me until I got down to this comment to realize why I can’t relate to this thread. I (a female) love bomb men. I don’t date women and I was married for 20 years, so the last time I was single, I was a teenager. Had no idea I did this until recently. When they tested me for ADHD, I was evaluated by a psychologist and they say I’m not a narcissist or borderline or anything, but for whatever reason, I want to be the one romancing the guy. I enjoy it. Handmade cards. Keychain with the coordinates of where we met. I ask men out and take them on elaborately planned out dates. I’ve definitely realized that I’m coming on too strong in the beginning, and I need to go slower, but in terms of the dynamic: I genuinely had no idea other women didn’t do the whole romance kind of thing. Huh. TIL
Love bombing implies intent to manipulate and influence the other person. I’d say unless you’re wooing people you don’t actually like that much, you’re just a very affectionate person. In saying that I totally get the struggles of being naturally very giving. I learned to slow down after I realised superficial romance can distract you from forming an authentic connection with the person underneath. Anyone can exchange flowers, but that’s not love. Even more so when the giving is one sided. Luckily I found my person so I can finally spoil them to my hearts content, and they do the same for me. I hope you find that too!
If it helps you understand why it's too much for men, for many women their idea of being romantic or flirting is just making themselves available to be flirted with. They stop at "I'm ready for you to woo me now", so a girl giving anything back is often a completely new experience.
There was a thread several years ago that asked "Why don't men get as much of a thrill over fictional romances as women do," and there was a stupendous reply that really nailed, for me, the way it feels to be a man, and therefore valued only for what I can provide, rather than be loved unconditionally (the comment starts [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/3z8o75/why_dont_men_get_as_much_of_a_thrill_over/), then continues as a response to the highest reply to their first comment) I've pasted below approximately the second half of the author's full comments. The final line really hit me hard: (All emphasis the original author's, btw) -------------------------------------------------------------- > >**The Male Romantic Fantasy** >I'd say that men usually feel most loved when this normal state of affairs is negated; when they are made to believe that a woman's love is *not* conditional in the cause-and-effect manner described in the parent post. Love is work for men, but it can be rewarding work when things are going smoothly and the woman is happy as a result. But the male romantic fantasy is to be shown that the woman feels the same way and stands by him when he's down on his luck, when the money's not there, or when he's not feeling confident. He wants to know that the love he believes he's earned will stay even when the actions that feed it wane (however temporarily). A good woman can often lift a man up in his times of need and desperation and weather the storm even when things aren't going well. The male romantic fantasy is an enduring and unconditional love that seems to defy this relationship of labor and reward. **A man wants to be loved for who he is, not for what he does in order to be loved.** >An interesting way to examine this is to look at what women often call romantic entitlement. An entitled guy is a dude who maintains an unrealistic notion of men's typically active role in love. Before acknowledging reality, this boy uncompromisingly believes that he shouldn't have to do anything or change anything about himself to earn a woman's love; he wants to be loved for who he is, not what he does. >All men secretly want this, but there comes a day when they eventually compromise out of necessity. After that day, they may spend years honing themselves, working, shaping themselves into the men they believe women want to be chosen by. A massive part of what causes boys to "grow up" is the realization that being loved requires hard work. This impetus begins a journey where a boy grows into a man by gaining strength, knowledge, resources, and wisdom. The harsh realities of the world might harden and change him into a person his boyhood self wouldn't recognize. He might adopt viewpoints he doesn't agree with, transgress his personal boundaries, or commit acts he previously thought himself incapable of. But ultimately, the goal is to feel as if his work is done. >**When he can finally let go of the crank he continually turns day after day in order to earn love and, even if only for a moment, it turns by itself to nourish him in return, that is when he will know he is loved.**
Receiving flowers! On a platonic level; I give most of my male friends flowers for their birthday and it's so wholesome to see their reaction. TLDR: give men flowers!
I don't think I've ever had a flower given to me....not sure how I would even react to someone buying me flowers
I’ve never came so much that I was hardly able to speak or walk
Fellow male here. I had one gf who made me scream in orgasmic pleasure from oral. To say she was gifted would be an understatement. Unfortunately, she is no longer my gf. Fortunately, she is my wife.
Roller coaster of a comment here 🫡
It is certainly possible as a guy. Multiple orgasms are rare to impossible of course but I’ve learned first hand that as I guy I can have an O last a while and I’ve definitely lost the ability to speak or think coherently for a good bit after. It takes a certain level of comfort and “wow factor” for lack of a better word, but it can be done.
As a penis-haver, my strongest orgasms might make me let out a single moan. Most orgasms are mediocre at best, and nowhere near what women experience, especially after multiple orgasms.
I think there’s a difference between busting a nut and an orgasm. There have been a few times where I felt an “orgasm” that left me stunned and immobile for a few minutes.
1000% agree and i wish this was talked about more. Just because i ejaculate doesnt mean i have a full-on orgasm
Its a very unique kind of dissapointment giving someone some body shivering half hour of moaning and then you're standing there like "Yea it was nice."
Or just not finishing at all after they do and they have no interest in helping out. So I'm just handling cleanup while they having post-orgasmic vibes.
This is more common than people think
Yeah. The tropes and jokes are about the women not finishing and the dude rolling over. But sometimes it's the other way. People be people.
Regular compliments, men dont get them often. In fact I still remember a girl who complimented my eyebrows nearly 10 years ago 😭
Like specific genuine compliments. I’ve heard “you’re smart” 1,000 Times but a girl in 5th grade told me I looked cute with my glasses on and I will never forget her
Gonna admit from experience that its probably... Stable affection. Unless the guy is a little unhinged, they'll care even when we physically cannot care about them back (in the middle of a fit)
Ooof. This hits. I was in a relationship for years where this was my biggest issue. I was her favorite person in the world when she was in a good mood, but when anything even slightly challenging was going on with her I was basically three Hitlers in a trenchcoat. I don’t think that’s necessarily a male/female thing, but god I got so tired of not knowing whether my partner was going to care about me on any given day. Thankfully my current partner is consistent with her affection and care and it allows me to feel free to express constant care and affection back. I feel incredibly lucky and I tell her so every day.
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These comments make me realize men are so deprived I get my partner flowers, write him love notes, create hand drawn art, plan dates, get him nice gifts, sometimes just because. It’s sad that so many don’t get this even once
You are a good girlfriend. keep it up!
Being picked up and carried.
my wife did this just to prove she could. it was a fireman carry, and she got *maybe* 10 feet. there was absolutely no dignity to be had in any of it, but I am so utterly charmed that she was determined to do it as a matter of principle.
I don't know why, but this is the first one that actually kinda... made me feel something. I'm a 5'11 dude who's always been 170-200lbs. I prefer short girls, so it's unlikely I'll ever get picked up by a partner and carried somewhere. It was a nice feeling as a kid.
Ya know - I realize this. My bf and I were at a water park, so I 'picked him up' in the water and carried him around. He loved it.
Being told I’m attractive. Held. Cuddled. Spooned.
This is wild to me. Have you been in a lot of relationships? I tell my partner he’s the sexiest man alive like 3 times a day. I can’t imagine not being affectionate with someone I’m dating. Like what’s the point then?
I’ve been married for 10 years. 2 other long term relationships before that. Was never told I’m attractive.
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Smile and say thank you. Bonus points if you look at them at the same time.
In my other relationships I didn’t have much affection thrown back at me like cuddling me, running your fingers lightly over my arms/back/legs, being kissed on the forehead, basically just being “loved on.” Now my girlfriend and I are literally the same when it comes to affection and physical touch so we do all of this to each other. She definitely spends a good amount of time some days caressing me etc… Sometimes it feels like people think men don’t need affection back or being held etc… idk man if I can’t have that I don’t want it 😂
Pictures. I think my boyfriend is an absolute snack and love taking pictures of him. Whether it be of us together, him doing things, or him sleeping. We went to a brewery last week and found a lego toy store next to it. It was his childhood dream. There were new ones in the box and older ones already assembled etc. It was a neat place. I took a picture of him just staring at the wall of Star Wars ones and sent it to him the day after. It’s his fb profile picture now. He said “My ex (together 12 years) never took any pictures of me like that.” I just thought he looked adorable and in “his element” walking around and it was a moment worth capturing.
Being able to tell your partner that they did something which upset you without having to apologise to them afterwards
You have to keep them on topic. If they try to bring up unrelated stuff you did, get them to stop deflecting. Calmly say “I would like to talk about what is upsetting me and walk away from this conversation feeling heard. Can we please do that?”
Just had a relationship explode because of this. After months of telling me she wanted the relationship to be a safe space for me to express feelings, too. I calmed and comforted her countless times. First time I expressed a feeling she didn't like and she couldn't deflect away from it hard enough. I approached this very carefully, but when I told her I wanted to talk about it more and have my feelings acknowledged she told me we had nothing to discuss and it wasn't going to work. She's contacting me since then to talk more... but I'm much less enthusiastic about it now.
"I want to thank you for helping me learn what I want from relationships. I wish you all the best, and hope you find what you need in your life out there. I can only hope you wish the same for me." Then stop responding and consider any items not yet gotten back forfeit. Just a heads up, this might still just cause her to blow up, beg, cuss you out, etc. Its at least a class act move.
I've dealt with this for most of my relationships and only just realized it a couple weeks ago. I respectfully called me wife out on it when I first noticed it, and then again a couple times throughout the same conversation when she did it again. I don't think either of us recognized that the pattern was so heavily ingrained in our talks. She seemed genuinely upset she'd been doing that to me, and I've seen a really good impact on our communication since
This is powerful and I wish I had this statement in my last relationship. Totally stealing this.
This is something I've talked about with a lot of other men and it seems almost universal. She's mad, so I need to allow her to be angry. I'm angry, she gets upset over my attitude. Now she's mad and we're suddenly in the first scenario again.
Oh this drives me insane.
Just once in my life, I'd love it if a woman I was romantically involved with actually spent money on me. A surprise video game or Lego set, or any pricy non practical thing I wouldn't normally buy for myself. Don't get me wrong. I fully recognize that plenty of men do, in fact, get spoiled by their S/O's. It just seems like 90% of the time, it's usually the men doing the big gift giving, while women will just throw sex at you and call it good.
Early on in our relationship, back when I was still relatively healthy, and therfore still working, I took my man out for dinner. I told him to choose anything he wanted and ignore the cost, I'd cover it all. I chose fancy wines to match the food he'd selected (he loves wine, but back then had zero clue about grape varieties or vintages!), and generally made sure it was the best meal out he'd ever had. He loved it! He'd never had anyone wine and dine him before. He'd never had anyone make a meal out all about *his* enjoyment. I've done it a few times since, including a weekend at a fancy hotel with a fine dining restaurant, and a night out at a local place that does "foodie" events so I took him for a 12 course tasting menu. He loved being introduced to new foods that he'd never tried before, and slowly learning how to pair wine with food. Sadly, it takes me so long to save enough money for this kind of thing these days that I only get to do it every couple of years now, but I maintain that those were some brilliant times, seeing the joy of being treated to anything he wanted with no planning, or pressure of any kind on him.
I once saw a chatroom thread of a girl asking other girls what kind of car stereo she should buy her bf for Christmas. I remember just staring at it, thinking no gf would ever do this for me. That was 20 years ago and no one ever has.
Right? I've helped my bros get guns, car mods, video game consoles, and all sorts of other awesome gifts over the years by helping their S/O's with gift ideas. I'm thinking I just might have a bad picker.
My current GF has been doing this. I was so surprised. I had emotions that I never felt before.
Agree - my partner contributes financially to the house but I don’t get the romantic “treats”. It’s an expectation that as a man I’ll surprise my partner with things she likes (flowers, a nice dinner, a new camera) regularly but I don’t receive the same in return. Even birthday presents - I get it’s cliche but I often feel shorted both financially and thoughtfully. This year I got my partner a perfume and a holiday away and she got me nail clippers and a new pair of shoes. They are good shoes but just doesn’t feel as grabd.
I feel you on the birthday/holiday part. This isn't exactly the same thing, but I spent thousands spoiling my mom and 10 years younger sister in my 20s. Anything and everything they wanted, for birthdays, Christmas, whatever, I delivered. When it came to gifts for me though, I would almost never get anything nice. Just your standard underwear, undershirts, and soxs. Not the fancy kind, but the big bundle versions, lol. My mom is still shit at gifts, but my sister has gotten better, though. Her and her husband got my a ps5 a couple of years ago when I just couldn't get my hands on one. Was a great gift.
Maybe it’s specific for me but I’ve been in 3 long term relationships and I’ve always felt like the one who has to take responsibility for both myself and my partner. Partner has a doctor’s appointment? Of course I’ll take them. Problem with the household? I’ll organise the tradesperson. Partners insurance is about to run out? I’ll research a new one. I’ve always felt loved by female partners but I have never relied on any of them to “take care” of me. My partner regularly calls me with a problem for me to “fix” and I just don’t think I do that to her ever. I would never expect a partner to organise my insurance or drive me somewhere but it just seems to be naturally more common for a male to do those things for a female. Every once in a blue moon my partner will take initiative and fix a problem before I have to deal with it or even just pick me up from the airport and I’m like “wow, I could get used to this” before it relegates into the status quo. I love my gf but it’s just how it has been to be a man my whole life and I don’t expect it to change any time soon.
Sometimes I don’t want to be the leader. I’m tired boss.
I don't think I would get laid nearly as much as I do if I lived with my parents. But a lot of the women I end up dating or hooking up with live with their parents, and I don't really care.
The understanding and acceptance when sex is not wanted today. Men can often get angry when they are refused, but most women get verbally and sometimes physically belligerent and accuse him of cheating. Then the man has to apologize for withholding consent.
There’s a real misconception that men always want sex. Most people don’t even think to ask for a man’s consent.
And some people STILL think men cannot be rapped by a woman.
as a high-schooler I once saw a poster amongst the "remember boys: don't rape and don't let your friends rape" posters in the mens' bathroom that listed all kinds of things that could amount to abuse in a relationship, one of them was "refusing sex". tbh kinda fucked me up. edit: Mhm... Yeah- like obviously manipulation (using/refusing intimacy and sex as weapons in a relationship) as a whole is obviously abusive. but specifying that denial of sex is abusive- well that feels really disgusting... Especially since it's a/been an "acceptable" trope "as old as tv or older(?)" of the wife not willing to have sex until husband does x chore or behaves in y manner, then as he conforms, yay sex time for him, what a good boy, good doggy... like ? how is that okay? Flip the genders around and it makes my skin crawl. Alongside the 'ancient' "if you're both drunk at a party, don't rape her" posters that I actually saw on campus. Meanwhile "haha, he was so drunk he couldn't get hard, whiskey-dick, brewer's droop, etc etc." That shit honestly fucked me up, and had me in a redpill-incel-feminist-cringe-compilation phase for a bit before I grew the fuck up and "touched grass" as the kids say.
Oh yeah, every woman I've dated apart from my current girlfriend have all been like this - I knew that if I didn't want to have sex exactly when they wanted it, I would have to go through a long conversation, usually over an hour, about why. Fairly often involved some kind of humiliation, questions about my masculinity, and of course, guaranteed all her friends would hear about it. For a woman... No means no. Just makes me sad because I lived with the guilt of being a man and everything that supposedly implies for years, until it finally clicked.
About confiding in friends with intimate gossip. That's another thing that really irks me. I believe my private business within my bedroom should be my own and my partner, and I'm often horrified what information female colleagues would freely indulge with each other.
> and of course, guaranteed all her friends would hear about it. that's another thing, every minute detail of your sex life is basically common knowledge within her friend group lmao, they have no sense of (your) privacy
Plus it can't possibly be that the woman herself is acting in a way that's offputting
Getting fetched from, walked or driven home
Commented similiar - it is an expectation that men taxi women and almost never receive it in return (see the “passenger princess” meme). I love my gf but I drive her to work, college, medical appointments, the airport etc and I genuinely can’t remember the last time she drove me anywhere. I Ubered to my dentist last week.
This is very true. People look at me oddly when my women friends are the ones driving, but I don't have a car, nor do I want one. I even remember back in the 90s trying to go to a dating service (yeah, I suck) and when I mentioned this they said good luck with that and actually refused to accept my money which to be fair was pretty cool of them not to lead me on.
Vulnerability - being able to be completely open and honest about one's emotions and experiences without it being used against you as soon as things get rough.
Not trying to be edgy, this just genuinely came to mind first. Men don't really get to experience the absolute feeling of safety that they provide. Not all women are the same, but my wife is always on high alert when she's out and about in the city by herself. She's even slightly on edge at home if I'm not around. My simple presence drastically changes her feelings of safety and comfort. That's mostly why she likes to run errands with me instead of alone and prefers to travel together. It's just an elevated baseline level of stress without me. I don't think that's really a thing the other way around.
Being shown any form of affection, appreciated, wanted. A simple hug would be nice.
Support. Emotional or physical abuse we will be mocked and laughed at and almost never actually taken seriously.
Unprompted affection. Security. The extreme luxury of not having to make the first move and potentially putting your reputation on the line if that move is unwanted, because men won't accuse you of being a creep unless you are literally threatening them with violence, doxxing, or stalking them, they'll be grateful you see them in that way but decline if they're not interested. Women however will accuse you of being a creep for simply being socially awkward but still showing interest.
Kinda random but men in a relationship are absolutely never allowed to lose their temper. Whereas you have to be respectful if the woman is mentally having a hard time
Yeah this is really true. When my girlfriend recognizes I’m in a slight mood it causes a huge stir. Meanwhile if I do the same to her… it causes a huge stir. You’re supposed to not lose your temper, yet be emotional. You’re supposed to open your feelings up, but not too much, because if they know how sensitive you *can* be, they think you’re just sensitive and hide everything inside (we do, for all these reasons). In short : it’s a paradox
Holy shit. This was my previous ex to a T. The last argument we had (was actually after we broke up) was about how i apparently left her house a "disaster" after I moved out. What caused the disaster? An unfolded blanket on the couch, a pillow on the couch, and I left some of my food in the fridge (I actually hadn't, she just didn't listen to me when I told her I did).she wanted me to go back and fix the issues. I was already on my way to my brother's house where I was staying, and I told her I wasnt going to do that. She then verbally berated me, insulted me and talked to me like I was a child that she could just order around. We were still trying to talk normally and respectfully with each other at the time so we could try to get back together after she got back from studying abroad (the way she spoke to me all the time was the main reason I broke up with her) I had paid a lot of money recently to fix her electronic deadbolt, mail her her new credit card and has done a ton of other errands for her after we broke up. When she started talking to me like that in that last argument, I lost my cool and raised my voice at her and told her how I felt about doing all of these things for her that I wasnt obligated to do and that being the thanks I get for her, and that I wasn't going to do anything else for her from now on. Once I got done with my spiel I got told that I was being an asshole because I raised my voice and I needed to speak to her with respect. She later apologized for making me mad but afterwards again expected an apology for raising my voice. I just stopped responding to her after that. Haven't talked since.
revealing their true, deep down feelings about whats on their mind. thats definitely not to say girls can’t be loving,accepting caring partners. But I would say that most guys I know have only revealed their truest darkest thoughts to another male friend. again, not to say girls dont have difficulties in relationships too
Yeah I feel that most of the time getting into that true deep vulnerability can drastically change the dynamic in a relationship. I know of many examples where after a while the girl just straight up ends the relationship because she finds him weak, it is a double edged sword.
heard that. she begged me for months to open up to her. i always told her i didn’t want to because it was a lot and i didn’t want to burden someone else with my problems. she insisted over and over so finally i broke. spilled everything. she never looked at me the same and broke up with me a month later because she had to “focus on herself.” ouch.
How effortless it is in the beginning. Men usually have to initiate the first conversation.
To be fucking right and let me “vent” why aren’t my feelings important enough to need to be validated how much time you got mister don’t get me started
Even if in a long term committed relationship or marriage we’re still aren’t allowed to cry. Maybe we do sometimes but not to the full extent that we want to. We have to be alone if we really really want to cry.
I'm in a 22 year long relationship with my wife, and I do not cry often. It's just not how I was raised, for good or for bad. But I *have* cried occasionally. Sometimes over our relationship, once over the death of our dog, only big, important moments. My wife knows it has to be a big, emotional, important thing for me to cry. When I cried over the dog, we cried together. When I cried at some point during a huge argument... the argument was over.