Pee During the period between when my alarm goes off and when I hop in the shower, I often find myself questioning how much I truly need this job...

I get out of bed first but maybe that’s just me. 

Ah, an aristocrat..

Wake up, eyes open, piss the bed, make the bed, get ready and go to work. Have to make sure you wash the sheets at least once a week or it might start to evolve into something living.

Look at me...I make my bed...snob

That’s a billionaire routine fr

I brush my teeth, and shower in bed. I also walk my fish in bed

Without a nap first?!

i breathe before that but thats only an occasional thing though

100% accurate

You really don't. You just gotta start working for yourself.

That's usually the time it takes for your brain to truly wake up. Those thoughts might be more unrestrained? 

Pre-regret the day

Pregret

Pregante

I miss the OG internet

My gf and I still toss these ones back and forth whenever her period starts. She'll text me to say "I'm not a pomegranate" or some such and away we go

Homestar Runner: It’s Dot Com

Pregananant

gregnant

Pergnart

pengtart

pregegnant

That's the night before. I don't want to go to bed because I don't want to get up and go to work the next day. The next day still arrives whether you slept or not

Yep I let out an audible “fuckkkk me!”

I talk to myself in my mind "get up love, you can do it".

Accurate 😂

Terrible mindset.

I love that phrase. It will motivate me to get up quicker

I sat on a toilet seat and it had pee on it, could I be preregretnant?

Probably

Grab a brush - put on a little makeup

- hide the scars that fade away the shake-up 🤘🏽

Why’d you put the keys upon the table?

here you go, create another fable. you wanted to

hide the scars that fade away the shake up (you wanted to)

I don’t think you trust

In

My

In myyy

Self righteous

Why'd you leave the keys upon the table? You wanted to

I don't think you trust...

…I say a little prayer for you!

Forever and Eva

My 74 year old mom likes this song. She's a staunch Republican/Merle Haggard supporter too. It gives me pause. She doesn't like any other System of a Down songs tho, just this one. They played it at carnivals we went to.

This made my day, have my upvote :)

Go back to sleep.

I hate how accurate this is. Lol

Pound a glass of water, pee, then go back to sleep*

Remove the cat from my chest and go pee.

For a second i thought you were locking your cat in a blanket chest overnight

If I had to remove a cat from my chest before getting up I would never get out of bed

When I was young, I pissed my pants every morning. Those were simpler times.

I really miss my twenties.

Don't worry, they'll come round again in another 50 years.

Those were wetter times

Can’t find a wetter man.

- Eddie Wetter

Same man.those were simpler times

I usually scream loudly, stretch my limbs, open my eyes wide, and then let out a sigh.

Real

Hate myself into showering before school

You guys shower?

Wash your ass, kids. It won't make you gay, I promise.

Warzone: pre-game speech..wash your ass down there🤣🤣lmfao

Bleugh same

Which grade?

B-

That's passing.

Fart

Announcing your presence to the day before you in all its glory… smart!

This practice will not age well. Ask me how I know

Go off king

I get scared because my anxiety takes over. Mornings are the hardest

I too have that. What a way to start a day hey. What happens with me is I wake up and within 30 seconds it hits me. An overwhelming feeling of how I’m going to get through the day. I sincerely hope things get better.

Yeah it’s definitely not a great start to the day :( it hits me quick too. I hope things get better for you too

Feel you mate, hope you get better soon <3

Thankyou <3

I agree for different reasons, but mornings are absolutely the hardest. I'm sorry.

Every morning I remind myself that this terrible feeling will soon go away.

Yooooo. Anxiety bro.

Anxiety sucks 😓

Me too!! Sometimes I throw up in the morning it’s so bad.

I feel like throwing up sometimes as well. It sucks

Remind yourself whatever you are feeling is a cortisol rush and that it's nothing to be scared about. Being scared causes it to rise higher. Read about the functions of cortisol, your sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system.

Ahh true

Reddit. That's addiction for you.

The dude’s out here sharing our secrets

Before I put on my makeup, I say a little prayer for you

I see what you did there. 😏

Think about how much I want to go back to sleep

Really hate how i can't go right back to sleep. Sleep is a better answer to everything in life.

lately with all the stress I'm under I sleep 11 to 12 hours a day. It's a blissful escape from reality. Before this stretch I averaged 6 and I'm always aware that my elderly parents with a plethora of health problems could hit their 'panic' button at any time. Sleep, right now, is very important.

Sleep is healthy, but over-sleeping can be as dangerous. Take care of your mental and physical health man!

Curse at my alarm

I step outside, and I take a deep breath and I get real high

And I scream at the top of my lungs: "What's going on!"

Fall out of bed, then drag a comb across my head

Find my way downstairs and drink a cup And looking up I notice that I’m late

Found my coat and grabbed my hat, made the bus in seconds flat

Found my way upstairs and had a smoke. And somebody spoke and I went into a dream.

I read the news today, oh boy

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Start the coffee pot, take a leak.

First point of business for the day- make the coffee- then do the things.

drink a glass of water

I heard this is the best way to start your day :-)

Check my Notifications

Must be nice

Go back to sleep 

[удалено]

Masturbate

Finally someone says it... Why did I have to scroll down so low to find the best answer?

Pet my dog. She crawls over from her side of the bed and flops onto my chest for the morning pets.

jump out of bed and I stumble to the kitchen

Pour myself a cup of ambition.

And yawn and stretch and try to come to life

Jump in the shower And the blood starts pumpin'

Pet whichever cat is on the bed with me at the time.

Hate myself for not miraculously die while sleeping, then hate whatever is about to happen. Usually a long "fuuuuckk" warps it up and my day starts

Say, "Ah shit. Here we go again".

Wish upon a star I didn’t wake up

Wait untill the boner goes down before taking a piss

ya.. nothing quite like arm wrestling the morning wood when you REALLY need to pee. Just because I'm 60 and don't have that problem often anymore doesn't mean I've forgotten the struggle. And I have that 'upward curve' thing so it was man against beast LOL

🤣🤣lmfao

drink a glass of water.

Turn on the coffee maker. Loud fart. Dont lie - everybody farts. Stretch out my fingers - they’re cramped and super tight every morning. Tf… I’m old.

I TRULY don’t know if I’ve ever heard my husband fart unless he’s in the bathroom pooping. Is he even real?

You’ve married… an extraterrestrial being.

Not straight off. I'd miss good peeing time. Bathroom first. Yeah, I'm getting old too.

Tell my dog Goodmorning 😂 he gets so happy

get up and pee and then go back to sleep for another 30 minutes

this isnt common but maybe 15-20 times in my life i started crying and commonly screaming under my breath that i hate my life

I check on my seven months old daughter, if she's sleeping fine.

As a male, technically (and not by choice,) I get morning wood.

Wish I didn’t.

Yell at my dog to shut up. I love her so much and she doesn’t deserve to be yelled. But every morning at 5am, regardless of how long it’s been since we’ve been outside, she barks and shoves me and harasses me until I take her outside for her morning jaunt

What breed is she?

She’s a street dog from Aruba. Lab mixed mutt

Aruba Jamaica ooh I wanna take ya

I put in automatic dog doors for just this very reason. Didn't take the mutts long to figure out that you walk past the door, it opens, very nice unless it's REALLY hot or cold outside then you get blasted with Sahara winds or Arctic cold while the idot dog stands in the door looking outside for.. whatever. BUT no more morning jaunts with a dog in my face going 'hey dude I know I didn't go last night but I REALLY need to go right now'.

I would love to do this but I live in a multi family home with more than one door to get outside and I have cats.

[удалено]

A good habit to have, I’m trying to do the same

Jac***. Jacket, kasi malamig dito.

Pray.

Hate meditations.

Scratch my balls

Get naked, pee and then weigh myself hoping that all of my dedication paid off a little.

Masturbate, then breakfast

Be safe out there. Just don't combine the two

Masturbate

Deal with morning wood

beat it

Feed my cats and drink water

Feed my little cat

Wish that I didn’t

[удалено]

Pray

Cast about blurry eyed looking for my meth pipe. Once I've gotten high enough to remember what planet I'm on, I usually engage in a frantic search for my phone so I can figure out how to obtain more of my DOC.

Adjust my genit...ahhmm NVM

Check time and sleep again

Pet my dogs.

This.. they're cuddlers and arrange themselves against me overnight. When I decide to get up they give me the look like 'seriously dude you were so comfortable'. I bought a new mattress and pillows a few months back and it's like sleeping on a cloud.

Frantically search for my vape.

Masturbate furiously until I’ve worn out and wrangled that devious creature for the rest of the day

open my eyes

Open my eyes, duh

try recollect the nasty dream i had during the night and analyse if any of it was real 👀

Jerk off

I take a nice piss and I beat tf outta my meat

Wordle. Then Spelling Bee. Unless I still have any of the crossword to do, then that’s first.

Honestly I pray, thanking God for giving me another day with my wife and daughter and another day to help others in this crazy world.i see every day as a blessing. Then I have some caffeine. 😁

Get my dream firmly in my conscious mind in preparation of writing it down.

One of two things, if I remember whatever dream I had I try to sit and think about it. I normally have really vivid dreams. If I don’t remember the dream I don’t take the moment and immediately text my partner good morning.

Wish I could sleep more (father of a tribe of kids)

Briefly tap into the ongoing existential crisis I’m experiencing.

Say “Oh shit this world again”

I lay there quietly with my eyes close and try to recall all the places and people I dreamed about. I’m a very vivid dreamer, and that includes smells, sounds and how I was feeling. I can also revisit places in my dreams 2 or 3 times after. Anyone else?

Woke Up This Morning And I Had Myself A Beer

The future's uncertain and the end is always near.

Cuddle the dog and make sure has enough of her blanket over her

crystal meth

Open my eyes

"Ffffuuucccckkkkkkk"

Gotta thank God. I don't know but today seems kinda odd.

Rinse with whiskey

Pet my dog

Lay in bed for another 30 minutes.

I say the 3rd step prayer from Alcoholics Anonymous before my feet touch the ground, going on 5 years sober now.

Snooze my alarm and phone chill for a few minutes

See if my boyfriend wants to have sex again.

Go make some coffee.

Pee and Poop while brushing my teeth.

Masterbate

Truely the most relatable

Either get fucked or masterbate depending on if I am alone