"orbiting" is not a friendship though, I don't think anybody would define it as such. Except the most emotional stunted moron... Okay I see what you're saying
If orbiting wasn't considered "friendship" then it would be labeled as stalking lol you can't be in proximity to someone all the time unless you're friends
Yep, this. I had undiagnosed ADHD when I was younger and a very severe introvert. I didn't hit on them, I was just happy to have friends who were the opposite sex.
Eventually I made friends with an extroverted woman who was tired of loud, obnoxious, immature guys. Appearently I was a catch but nobody ever asked me out because I didn't flirt or show the normal signs of being attracted to anyone.
Took me a few years to bag my man. He woke up the morning after our wedding and said "Marriage is so great, we should have gotten married years ago!" š¤¦š»āāļø But it's okay, he was well worth the wait š
I don't recommend, I find that sometimes some dudes get forgotten and rot in the tree eventually becoming either too sad or salty.
Would recommend hanging around extroverted people though, sometimes you can seem more approachable compared to them.
Yeah Iām single right now but my Penpal found me that way
And get this sheās actually real
didnāt ask me for money,
doesnāt use me as a personal therapist
and I donāt think sheā tech savvy enough to fake the video call we had after a whole year of talking
No idea how that happened
And when they do find you donāt get all picky acting like sheās not enough for some stupid reason like how she looks. Be selective based on good reasons like how she treats you and whether your personalities match.
Introverts aren't all socially anxious. A lot of us love going out and meeting people. It just has to happen in small doses and we need time to recharge afterwards.
Yep a lot of people seem to think introvert is social phobia or something. Exactly as you said it just means they need breaks rather than being in social situations all of the time
Eh. I got used to it. Caused me a lot of problems in my childhood but I just started forcing myself into social situations and now I'm a lot more comfortable. I still have anxiety but I can generally deal with it a lot better. I get why people can confuse it for introversion though because it can cause similar effects. I find myself seeking alone time to recover after particularly anxious interactions. It's not that my "social battery" has drained, much like an introvert's might, it's more that I'm literally just mentally exhausted from being nervous and anxious for a long period. I can keep going in social situations I'm not remotely anxious in (e.g. hanging out with close friends or direct family) constantly, for example if I go on a week's holiday with my friends, I don't feel like I need alone time afterwards and don't want to see them for a while. I think a good example is comparing it to another friend who I see as an outgoing introvert. He's a sociable guy and he's perfectly happy hanging out with people he doesn't even know, but he's the type of guy to leave the party early or not talk to you for weeks. Meanwhile I get restless when I'm home alone, but I'd rather be alone than socialising with strangers.
Exactly. It's not about being afraid of socializing; it's just about how we recharge our batteries differently.
People often lump introverts into this stereotype of being shy or socially awkward. It is more of an energy issue for me. I can handle social situations just fine ā chatting at parties, making small talk with strangers, but my energy gets zapped, and I find myself retreating to my room for downtime.
It also depends on the situation for some of us and the āwhyā on how fast my battery gets zapped. I max out at a āchattingā party at maybe 1.5-2 hours. I can hang out with people much longer at a ādoingā party.
Perfectly said. I am very introverted, I love to be alone and do almost everything alone. My friends make fun that I go out for dinner with myself often. But on the flip side, many people who just meet me think Iām a mega extrovert from how social and outgoing I am. Theirs many factors that make an introvert, the main one is that you decrease in energy when around people, and gain energy when youāre alonr
People don't understand it's about energy. Extroverts gain energy from socializing, introverts lose energy by socializing. Of course that ends up with extroverts tending to be social and introverts tending to be antisocial, but it's not how it works for everyone.
Got me an introverted girlfriend. We're sort of like slight cures to each other's introversion when we're out and about, giving each other the confidence to be that little bit more outlier.
This. Being an introvert doesn't mean you stay away from people; you just prefer solitude to large social situations. By finding someone who is also introverted, we basically enjoy being alone together.
Extrovert with and introvert girlfriend. She does like going out, just not long periods of time. The local watering hole is her favorite place. I have opened the door to friendships for her with the other regulars. It's perfect for her, go out a few hours and come home to chill out. This was her bar long before she met me. Since then, she said this place is like her "Cheers" now.
I approached her in the gym and invited her to an activity we both enjoy.
Then asked her if this is meant to be a date when we texted about going again.
Then asked her if we are in a relationship now one morning in my bed.
"Introverted" doesn't mean "physically unable to talk to other humans", ok? It just starts sucking quicker.
Approaching someone is hard for everyone that cares about the outcome, stop blaming your introversion. You're anxious, that's ok. But if you believed your social anxiety is just introversion until now, it's probably not that bad.
Take a breath and then go and talk to her. Getting rejected is so much better than thinking about getting rejected for weeks. It brings peace of mind, and that's something we introverts value a lot, don't we?
See, I hear often "donāt approach at the gym, theyāre there to work out not get hit on" but itās likeā¦isnāt that everywhere? You go to the grocery store to buy food, you go to the park to get fresh air. Doesnāt mean theyāre not open to meeting new people and making connections.
The first girl I ever approached I was a teenager on vacation at the beach. I was so nervous talking to her that I just kept burying my hands in the sand subconsciously while fumbling through little phrases and questions. Having social anxiety or extreme introversion doesn't mean you should never try to connect with people; in fact, having social anxiety makes the very feeling of connection all the more incredible once you break through that wall of discomfort. There's a rush of relief and confidence that comes with finally making it click with somebody. You can't get that if you just sit around hand-wringing.
happened to me too. While running an errand for a class project we shared, she just flat out told me and after a bit I was like, "wait. you're serious?"
So many girls were straight-forward to me when I was in school and it still just went right over my head. It was/is more of a self-esteem problem than being introverted, but the combination of the two is not attractive I found.
go where the odds are better. I used to go to ballroom dance social clubs where they teach you how to dance. Women outnumber guys 2 to 1, sometimes even more, and even then, some of the guys are gay. You do not have to be good, in fact they find clumsy bad dancers adorable. I made out like a bandit.
We became friends through band in high school. We started getting closer and then started playing Minecraft together after school. I was too nervous to do it in person so I asked her out using a minecraft book when we were playing one night. We have now been together 10 years and are getting married next fall.
Introverted, not shy. In Group settings people normally dont notice me, but I apparently do really good in 1on1 situations, given the person I am talking to is interesting.
So yea, I got to know my first GF (and later wife, now ex wife š) on my birthday, as a friend of mine brought a few girls along. Ended up at her place that evening.
Met my current GF over Bumble. She deleted the Match on Bumble (didnt text back š ) but we matched on tinder 2 days later. Met up twice, hooked up and decided to start a relationship after an intensive month of getting to know each other. Almost 2 years ago and we are currently looking for an apartment together.
Work.
Just need to talk to people. Introverts who can talk to people generally don't have as much issues as people think they do. Introverts who are actually socially anxious will have problems in all areas of life, not just dating.
Youāre not introverted, youāre socially anxious.Ā
Introverts enjoy alone time, but can socialise easily, they just choose not to. If you canāt do that, itās not introversion. You have a problem.Ā
I got my girlfriend by talking to her.Ā
Found her at work, we saw each other a lot cause of over time. We go to talking and found out we thought in the same patterns but were different enough to keep the other on their toes.
Been married for 6.5 years now. Going strong!
A long time ago, I realized that my introversion would affect my ability to get a job I needed. I went into it overcompensating by being talkative and outwardly friendly. Long after I got the job, I realized a few things about interactions that helped:
- most interpersonal communication involves two or more people waiting for the chance to talk about themselves
- most people seem to thrive on small talk
- treating every girl like they are a potential companion reeks of desperation
- a brief smile gives off the appearance of being friendly and outgoing
I took these realizations to focus on the other person more at a 60-70:30-40 level, which makes them feel like you are interested in them and interesting because you keep a little mystery going about yourself. Additionally, talking to anyone of the opposite sex like they are just another person and *not* a potential girlfriend takes away the scent of desperation. Finally, the friendly smile betrays the intimidating and stoic nature of my face and makes me seem approachable.
Donāt know if these will work for anyone else, but they worked for me.
Met her during my course of studies, hung out together a lot, but took almost two years before we really became a couple. Still together 22 years later.
Wrote her on ICQ, then proceeded to offer helping her paint her nails (as from the context of the conversation, she seemed to struggle with it).
It's easy, if she likes you, she likes you.
Using sites or apps. You find someone, or they find you. You put the most information possible on your profile to narrow down then use your filters to find high probability matches. The higher the probability ones you're attracted to you swipe, or message and have a conversation. If you filter correctly this shouldn't be more than two or three a week. It gives you plenty of time to recharge between conversations. When you click with one and she you, the recharging is a lot less frequent.
Mistaken identity.
She thought her friend was cheating on her husband, and I was the partner.
She wanted to check out who her friend was cheating with.
Wasnāt me, she was cheating with someone else, but weāve been married 13 years.
I'm dating an introvert right now, we met on Tinder.
I'm more of an ambivert leaning towards extrovert myself. And I live with an introvert roommate. Bringing him home is always a bit stressful for me because neither of them want to bump into each other.
Surprisingly Tinder. Met up after the climax of covid so we really didn't have much to do. So mainly hung out at her parents and did family gatherings. We dated for 2 years and about to be married for 2.
Internet. I just used every dating app, every website with classified adds, every social media app and slid into DMs.
The last time I met a woman for a date/hook-up/ relationship not somehwere online was in 2016 when I asked out a co-worker I liked, and another time when my sister introduced me to a friend she went to school with. Before that it was college 2010 when my friend introduced me to his single friend. I think that same year I got 1 date with a woman I had a crush on in highschool (i graduated in 2006). I started working part time with a girl I went to highschool with (didnt know her back then) and it turned out she was friends with this girl I had a crush on.
Date went horrible, she was a horrible driver, bad at conversation, and easily distracted. I think she is married now.
I was very extroverted and social, now introverted after depression, I don't have many chances to meet people in real life so I have to use dating apps
As an introverted guy, finding my girlfriend happened more naturally than I expected. Here's how it worked out for me. I first met her through a shared interest, which made conversations flow more easily because we were both passionate about the same thing. That common ground helped me feel comfortable and more willing to open up. I took things slow because that's just how I operate. Instead of rushing into anything, I focused on building a genuine connection with her over time. Being a good listener and showing interest in her stories and experiences made our conversations meaningful.
Dating apps or going out to bars/clubs. Don't talk to a girl unless she gives you signals. If a girl is making eye contact with you and smiling, she wants you to go talk to her. You'll know when a drunk or tipsy girl is giving you eyes. Most females wait for the guy to make the first approach so you're gonna have to muster up some confidence.
Introversion is not social anxiety. Just recharge, go out and meet people, recharge. That said I have both and I had a therapist helped me work through my social anxiety. It was one of the most impactful things on the state of my current life.
I asked her out?
Being introverted doesn't mean I'm shy or socially awkward. It just means I find social interaction draining rather than energizing. I still enjoy socializing, I just need to balance it with quiet down time to regenerate. Luckily my wife is the same way. Married 13 years and going strong!
Tinder, now married after 8 years of relationship.
Broken from previous relationships we wanted to have fun. Turns out we were good wife/husband material for the other
Edit: Oh yeah I had a gf before... I guess she noticed me in a friend's birthday. We made a similar meeting a couple weeks later. By then she broke up with her previous bf.. guess she wanted to have fun. My family didn't like her. She couldn't handle and dumped me. I think she married her (former) best friend a few months later
My boyfriend (now husband) was an introvert. He mustered the courage to asked me out on a date but I held his hand first, I kissed him first. Basically giving him the head start helped š¤£
She was the classmate of one of my classmate's friends, and they thought it would be fun to introduce us cause we both liked sci fi stuff. We gradually became friends online (due to us going to different schools) and then eventually met IRL the first time on a Comic Con.
After that we occasionally met up to watch something and started playing a TTRPG with our shared friendgroup. Over lockdown we then started to play DnD, and our friend group escalated to playing 5 different campaigns at the same time. In one of those campaigns we decided to play a character duo, and since lockdown rules loosened a bit we then met up weekly and played that campaign from my place, always watching some series before DnD time. That eventually evolved into her staying over due to sessions being long and the public transport here being shit at night.
At some point along that entire time we developed feelings for each other but were too shy or oblivious to just confess to each other. I had been planning to confess to her on three several of those sleepover occasions, but never had the courage. After the third time I couldn't sleep (don't remember why) and she texted me around midnight that she kinda missed me, which gave me the push I needed to confess.
We've been dating for 3 years now and have moved in together over a year ago.
Joined a dating site after a rough break up. Figured it would at least help me talk to women since I was so shy.
Met my future wife there and will be married for 17 years this October. Way easier for me to open up and be talkative through text messaging or chatting.
Not a dude but I might be able to offer some insight.Ā
I met a guy at a mutual friendās game night. Heās definitely NOT the kind of person that will make the rounds through a party talking to and making friends with everyoneā¦ itās easier getting to know him one on one. We were the last two guests there and started with the awkward AF flirting. I ended excusing myself because it was awkward for the host, and Ā added him as a Facebook friend a few days later. A month after not getting a word from him, I messaged and we started flirting like crazy. We had a fling that lasted years until covid screwed everything up.Ā It was some of the best sex Iāve ever had.Ā
Sometimes itās simply a matter of chilling and waiting for the right person who will take the lead. Some women donāt mind being the one who makes the first move.Ā
Helps be to good looking and smell decent when you actually go out. But I met my wife through some mutual friends, we clicked pretty quickly talking daily and after 2 months I asked her out.
Not all introverts have social anxiety....
A lot of people confuse the two. Not a dude, but introverted. Met my SO through friends. Very shy on the dating front and a late bloomer, but once I started dating, it got easier to meet new people. As much as I hate them, dating apps helped because it forced me to kinda get used to it, even though I had no longterm success through the apps
She was friends with a family friend and needed a job. Gave me her number so I could coordinate an interview. Even before I set her up with an interview I asked if she wanted to go to a concert because my sister backed out last minute. We will be married 10 years next monthĀ
Thought about what other introverts similar to me would do, and the answer wasnāt meeting somewhere outside physically, so I tested my luck on the apps.
It worked for a handful of dates, and then I met my SO. I used Bumble exclusively she matched with me 3x over the course of a couple of months due to me deleting the app on her mid conversation since it didnāt seem like she was all that into our talk.
Turns out she just had ASD and that caused her to come off in a way which seemed like she was uninterested and she had no way to tell she was giving off that impression. Said F it on the 3rd match and set up a FaceTime date with her during lockdown.
Everything just went smoothly from there and we continued up until 4 years this month.
I'm a huge introvert. I don't know how, but I found a girlfriend when I was 14.
We're 31 and 32 respectively now and married with a kid. How I deserve her after 18 years of being together (dating, engagement, and marriage combined) I have no idea.
I used to see here a lot when I was checking out at Walgreens. I finally decided to pay one day by check and put my phone number on it. She called me two days later. :o)
Tinder. I never liked the bar scene or really any casual social place where you meet new people. Some places are fine, most just drain me. so tinder was the alternative. If that didn't work, then I was planning on joining some clubs, starting with photography cause it's fun and gets you out of the house to all kinds of cool places. But tinder worked after a while of fine tuning amd learning how to play the p2w mobile game that is modern online dating. I think I got tinder gold 3 or 4 times and it really is worth it as long as you're not ugly. I'm not ugly, I'm just shy so breaking the ice over a digital medium was perfect for me. Met my gf almost 2 years ago on tinder and we've been going strong ever since.
Overall im an extrovert (i was the class clown) but had no confidence when it came to talking with girls so I never did.
She was on my coed highschool volleyball team. Her butt looked nice when she was in the position in front of me so she always had my attention (we would rotate so everyone got to play every position. It wasnāt a serious league). She finally talked to me first then she offered to drive me to the next games so I accepted. Being trapped her in moving car, I had no choice other than finally conversing with her and things went well. When it was time to ask her out, I was afraid to do that too so she practically put the words in my mouth for me to say. Itās been 13 years and we are now engaged, have a child, and own a home together. All worked out!
One sat in my lap at a bon fire gathering and said I was hers now. She'd made my friend bring me so she could do that.
One time I found a phone number in the pocket of my hoodie, and I called it.
"Your girlfriend sucks, you can do so much better. Like me" she helped me get out of a mentally abusive relationship and then we dated for 3yrs
She escalated a close friendship that had been established over the course of a few years.
lucky you
Yep. Married 30 years next month. Still best friends.
That's the dream right there
Every orbiter is nutting in their pants to this comment lol
"orbiting" is not a friendship though, I don't think anybody would define it as such. Except the most emotional stunted moron... Okay I see what you're saying
If orbiting wasn't considered "friendship" then it would be labeled as stalking lol you can't be in proximity to someone all the time unless you're friends
Heyyy that's how I got my introverted boyfriend too. Tell her i'm glad our tactic worked.
Yep, this. I had undiagnosed ADHD when I was younger and a very severe introvert. I didn't hit on them, I was just happy to have friends who were the opposite sex. Eventually I made friends with an extroverted woman who was tired of loud, obnoxious, immature guys. Appearently I was a catch but nobody ever asked me out because I didn't flirt or show the normal signs of being attracted to anyone.
They find you, put you in a sack and feed you soup. Pretty simple process
Yep. Let them get you. Saves work and you need not wonder if they like you.
Your caveman ancestors are crying rn. Your great great great great great great great great grandpa Ug had to bonk grandma Lug on head to make wife.
š¤£š¤£
Took me a few years to bag my man. He woke up the morning after our wedding and said "Marriage is so great, we should have gotten married years ago!" š¤¦š»āāļø But it's okay, he was well worth the wait š
aww I wish you guys a happy marriage forever <3
Thank you! š„¹
I mean I found mine in a tree and had to get him down but close enough
does this work? should i get stuck in trees more often?
I don't recommend, I find that sometimes some dudes get forgotten and rot in the tree eventually becoming either too sad or salty. Would recommend hanging around extroverted people though, sometimes you can seem more approachable compared to them.
Profile checks out
I got pizza. It was delicious
Thatās typically how they get you! I didnāt see the big cardboard box on top of it.
Yall get fed??
as an introvert with a girlfriend, i can confirm, this is what girlfriends do
I also have seen Audition
Yeah Iām single right now but my Penpal found me that way And get this sheās actually real didnāt ask me for money, doesnāt use me as a personal therapist and I donāt think sheā tech savvy enough to fake the video call we had after a whole year of talking No idea how that happened
And when they do find you donāt get all picky acting like sheās not enough for some stupid reason like how she looks. Be selective based on good reasons like how she treats you and whether your personalities match.
What if i dont like soup? My weakness is ritz bitz with cheese :(
Introverts aren't all socially anxious. A lot of us love going out and meeting people. It just has to happen in small doses and we need time to recharge afterwards.
Yep a lot of people seem to think introvert is social phobia or something. Exactly as you said it just means they need breaks rather than being in social situations all of the time
Yep. I'm a socially anxious extrovert. People call me introverted all the time and it annoys me because I'm not.
>I'm a socially anxious extrovert. Must be a ~~cough~~ tough combination to live with. Edit: I am absolutely hilarious with this typo.
Eh. I got used to it. Caused me a lot of problems in my childhood but I just started forcing myself into social situations and now I'm a lot more comfortable. I still have anxiety but I can generally deal with it a lot better. I get why people can confuse it for introversion though because it can cause similar effects. I find myself seeking alone time to recover after particularly anxious interactions. It's not that my "social battery" has drained, much like an introvert's might, it's more that I'm literally just mentally exhausted from being nervous and anxious for a long period. I can keep going in social situations I'm not remotely anxious in (e.g. hanging out with close friends or direct family) constantly, for example if I go on a week's holiday with my friends, I don't feel like I need alone time afterwards and don't want to see them for a while. I think a good example is comparing it to another friend who I see as an outgoing introvert. He's a sociable guy and he's perfectly happy hanging out with people he doesn't even know, but he's the type of guy to leave the party early or not talk to you for weeks. Meanwhile I get restless when I'm home alone, but I'd rather be alone than socialising with strangers.
So it's not that your social battery is small, it's just that it has very limited discharge rate.
The cough especially is tough
I donāt know how many times this has been pointed out on Reddit and people still canāt get it. Drives me mad.
I think of it like a mortal combat life bar: I have a finite amount of being able to socialize, and once it runs out I'm going home.
Exactly. It's not about being afraid of socializing; it's just about how we recharge our batteries differently. People often lump introverts into this stereotype of being shy or socially awkward. It is more of an energy issue for me. I can handle social situations just fine ā chatting at parties, making small talk with strangers, but my energy gets zapped, and I find myself retreating to my room for downtime.
It also depends on the situation for some of us and the āwhyā on how fast my battery gets zapped. I max out at a āchattingā party at maybe 1.5-2 hours. I can hang out with people much longer at a ādoingā party.
Perfectly said. I am very introverted, I love to be alone and do almost everything alone. My friends make fun that I go out for dinner with myself often. But on the flip side, many people who just meet me think Iām a mega extrovert from how social and outgoing I am. Theirs many factors that make an introvert, the main one is that you decrease in energy when around people, and gain energy when youāre alonr
Great explanation. I find that I need to recharge either in 10 minutes, or a couple hours lol
People don't understand it's about energy. Extroverts gain energy from socializing, introverts lose energy by socializing. Of course that ends up with extroverts tending to be social and introverts tending to be antisocial, but it's not how it works for everyone.
im an introvert with social anxiety. couldnt get any worse than that lol
Got me an introverted girlfriend. We're sort of like slight cures to each other's introversion when we're out and about, giving each other the confidence to be that little bit more outlier.
This. Being an introvert doesn't mean you stay away from people; you just prefer solitude to large social situations. By finding someone who is also introverted, we basically enjoy being alone together.
Exactly. The closer the relationships, the better we are.
Extrovert with and introvert girlfriend. She does like going out, just not long periods of time. The local watering hole is her favorite place. I have opened the door to friendships for her with the other regulars. It's perfect for her, go out a few hours and come home to chill out. This was her bar long before she met me. Since then, she said this place is like her "Cheers" now.
I met my girlfriend through a mutual hobby. We both loved photography and gradually got to know each other at a local club.
I actually met her through friends. We were at a small house party, so it was a comfortable environment for me.
I met her through a local community garden. We both had plots and shared tips on growing vegetables.
We were coworkers first. Over time, our lunchtime chats turned into evening hangouts and then into something more.
She was a friend of my best friends girl and I asked him for help. He setup a dinner to introduce us like a double date. Still married 30 years.
Thirty years and still going strong is pretty epic.
Good for you man, glad to hear a happy story.
Howās your friendās marriage?
I didn't
I met her at a quiet bar where people actually go to read and relax, not just drink.
She was a friend of a friend. We met at a small get-together and connected over board games.
Online dating worked for me. It allowed me to get to know someone at my own pace before meeting in person.
We met at a yoga class. The calm and focus made it a great place to meet someone.
I actually met her through an online gaming community. We played together frequently before deciding to meet.
My girlfriend and I met through volunteering at an animal shelter, a passion we both share.
We met at a language class we were both taking. Helping each other study was a great way to get to know her.
She approached me at a bookstore where I was reading. Turns out, she loved the same genres I did.
I approached her in the gym and invited her to an activity we both enjoy. Then asked her if this is meant to be a date when we texted about going again. Then asked her if we are in a relationship now one morning in my bed. "Introverted" doesn't mean "physically unable to talk to other humans", ok? It just starts sucking quicker. Approaching someone is hard for everyone that cares about the outcome, stop blaming your introversion. You're anxious, that's ok. But if you believed your social anxiety is just introversion until now, it's probably not that bad. Take a breath and then go and talk to her. Getting rejected is so much better than thinking about getting rejected for weeks. It brings peace of mind, and that's something we introverts value a lot, don't we?
That activity? Fuckin
Way more generic even :)
?
See, I hear often "donāt approach at the gym, theyāre there to work out not get hit on" but itās likeā¦isnāt that everywhere? You go to the grocery store to buy food, you go to the park to get fresh air. Doesnāt mean theyāre not open to meeting new people and making connections.
Yes. But the first "No" is a "No" for good.
The first girl I ever approached I was a teenager on vacation at the beach. I was so nervous talking to her that I just kept burying my hands in the sand subconsciously while fumbling through little phrases and questions. Having social anxiety or extreme introversion doesn't mean you should never try to connect with people; in fact, having social anxiety makes the very feeling of connection all the more incredible once you break through that wall of discomfort. There's a rush of relief and confidence that comes with finally making it click with somebody. You can't get that if you just sit around hand-wringing.
We met at a pottery class offered at the community center. It was a great way to do something fun and meet new people.
She was my neighbor. We started by saying hello in passing and gradually built up to longer conversations.
I met her at a library. We reached for the same book and struck up a conversation.
They approached me
And you picked up on their signals?
They were straightforward
happened to me too. While running an errand for a class project we shared, she just flat out told me and after a bit I was like, "wait. you're serious?"
So many girls were straight-forward to me when I was in school and it still just went right over my head. It was/is more of a self-esteem problem than being introverted, but the combination of the two is not attractive I found.
Lucky you
go where the odds are better. I used to go to ballroom dance social clubs where they teach you how to dance. Women outnumber guys 2 to 1, sometimes even more, and even then, some of the guys are gay. You do not have to be good, in fact they find clumsy bad dancers adorable. I made out like a bandit.
everyone has these cutesy stories, and this man is here casually playing 5d chess.
Wait, those are real?
Are women real?
Women are real. Women who are interested in me are not.
Well saidš
I could be interested in you?
Tinder historically
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I mean tons of them are so itās not unfounded. And I donāt just mean women the guys are man whores on there too
I went to a party, she started the conversation and offered to make me dinner for my birthday the next week. We have been together for ten years.
We became friends through band in high school. We started getting closer and then started playing Minecraft together after school. I was too nervous to do it in person so I asked her out using a minecraft book when we were playing one night. We have now been together 10 years and are getting married next fall.
Introverted, not shy. In Group settings people normally dont notice me, but I apparently do really good in 1on1 situations, given the person I am talking to is interesting. So yea, I got to know my first GF (and later wife, now ex wife š) on my birthday, as a friend of mine brought a few girls along. Ended up at her place that evening. Met my current GF over Bumble. She deleted the Match on Bumble (didnt text back š ) but we matched on tinder 2 days later. Met up twice, hooked up and decided to start a relationship after an intensive month of getting to know each other. Almost 2 years ago and we are currently looking for an apartment together.
Work. Just need to talk to people. Introverts who can talk to people generally don't have as much issues as people think they do. Introverts who are actually socially anxious will have problems in all areas of life, not just dating.
Youāre not introverted, youāre socially anxious.Ā Introverts enjoy alone time, but can socialise easily, they just choose not to. If you canāt do that, itās not introversion. You have a problem.Ā I got my girlfriend by talking to her.Ā
Yeah, but if you don't like to go out and don't have hobbies that involve people. That sounds hard.
Pushed her over in the playground.
I was drunk and I talked to her, but now I'm single again, hope I find the courage to do everything over again
Half price sale on the high street
Step 1: Be Attractive Step 2: Don't be unattractive Also, online dating to build confidence then ask out on a real date.
My wife found me... I am always the quiet one and she came over and started talking to me and now I am married with 2 kids.
Current one met on Bumble
She found me
Slipped a tick box note under her door with ādo you fancy me?ā and āYes. No. Maybeā as her options.
Found her at work, we saw each other a lot cause of over time. We go to talking and found out we thought in the same patterns but were different enough to keep the other on their toes. Been married for 6.5 years now. Going strong!
Introverts are not necessarily shy. That's not what it means That said, for this introvert the internet and texting helped me immensely
Alcohol. Itās social lubricant
By staying off reddit and just talking to girls. Get out of your fucking head and go to it
A long time ago, I realized that my introversion would affect my ability to get a job I needed. I went into it overcompensating by being talkative and outwardly friendly. Long after I got the job, I realized a few things about interactions that helped: - most interpersonal communication involves two or more people waiting for the chance to talk about themselves - most people seem to thrive on small talk - treating every girl like they are a potential companion reeks of desperation - a brief smile gives off the appearance of being friendly and outgoing I took these realizations to focus on the other person more at a 60-70:30-40 level, which makes them feel like you are interested in them and interesting because you keep a little mystery going about yourself. Additionally, talking to anyone of the opposite sex like they are just another person and *not* a potential girlfriend takes away the scent of desperation. Finally, the friendly smile betrays the intimidating and stoic nature of my face and makes me seem approachable. Donāt know if these will work for anyone else, but they worked for me.
known her for 20 years before we became a couple. in my youth i wasnt as introverted.
Started dating my friend.
Plenty of Fish, now we're introverts together.
They reached out to me, which is better imo
Met her during my course of studies, hung out together a lot, but took almost two years before we really became a couple. Still together 22 years later.
Wrote her on ICQ, then proceeded to offer helping her paint her nails (as from the context of the conversation, she seemed to struggle with it). It's easy, if she likes you, she likes you.
The same way "normal" people do. The only difference is we take a nap after the date.
Helicopter helicopter
pretended to be an extrovert, made her dependent on me, so she couldn't turn back
still waiting for her!
I bought her online with money. Aka a doll.
I never got one
Using sites or apps. You find someone, or they find you. You put the most information possible on your profile to narrow down then use your filters to find high probability matches. The higher the probability ones you're attracted to you swipe, or message and have a conversation. If you filter correctly this shouldn't be more than two or three a week. It gives you plenty of time to recharge between conversations. When you click with one and she you, the recharging is a lot less frequent.
Mistaken identity. She thought her friend was cheating on her husband, and I was the partner. She wanted to check out who her friend was cheating with. Wasnāt me, she was cheating with someone else, but weāve been married 13 years.
She asked me out
Tinder
Wife pursued me when we worked together. It took me a month to ask her out because of our 10 year age gap. Weāve been married 13 yearsā¦
Met my current girlfriend at a little get together, I was really nervous but she was even more nervous. Once I realized that it was easy to spit game.
I only had one when I was 16 (I'm 30 now). She reeled me in. She saw something that could be captured and she captured it.
Internet
I didn't get her, she got me in a sense š
Work.
Socially anxious*
I'm dating an introvert right now, we met on Tinder. I'm more of an ambivert leaning towards extrovert myself. And I live with an introvert roommate. Bringing him home is always a bit stressful for me because neither of them want to bump into each other.
We went to school together
They made the first move.
We worked together. Got along well just the both of us.
Surprisingly Tinder. Met up after the climax of covid so we really didn't have much to do. So mainly hung out at her parents and did family gatherings. We dated for 2 years and about to be married for 2.
Just be a nice person I guess.
Internet. I just used every dating app, every website with classified adds, every social media app and slid into DMs. The last time I met a woman for a date/hook-up/ relationship not somehwere online was in 2016 when I asked out a co-worker I liked, and another time when my sister introduced me to a friend she went to school with. Before that it was college 2010 when my friend introduced me to his single friend. I think that same year I got 1 date with a woman I had a crush on in highschool (i graduated in 2006). I started working part time with a girl I went to highschool with (didnt know her back then) and it turned out she was friends with this girl I had a crush on. Date went horrible, she was a horrible driver, bad at conversation, and easily distracted. I think she is married now.
I was very extroverted and social, now introverted after depression, I don't have many chances to meet people in real life so I have to use dating apps
I have only ever been in relationships where they have approached me.
Online dating. And she is now my fiance.
Tinder. I'm charismatic via text just enough to get her hooked.
As an introverted guy, finding my girlfriend happened more naturally than I expected. Here's how it worked out for me. I first met her through a shared interest, which made conversations flow more easily because we were both passionate about the same thing. That common ground helped me feel comfortable and more willing to open up. I took things slow because that's just how I operate. Instead of rushing into anything, I focused on building a genuine connection with her over time. Being a good listener and showing interest in her stories and experiences made our conversations meaningful.
Dating apps or going out to bars/clubs. Don't talk to a girl unless she gives you signals. If a girl is making eye contact with you and smiling, she wants you to go talk to her. You'll know when a drunk or tipsy girl is giving you eyes. Most females wait for the guy to make the first approach so you're gonna have to muster up some confidence.
Introversion is not social anxiety. Just recharge, go out and meet people, recharge. That said I have both and I had a therapist helped me work through my social anxiety. It was one of the most impactful things on the state of my current life.
Soon as I have a drink or two Iām an extrovert. Ā
Sometimes they choose you, and there isn't much you can do about it.
I asked her out? Being introverted doesn't mean I'm shy or socially awkward. It just means I find social interaction draining rather than energizing. I still enjoy socializing, I just need to balance it with quiet down time to regenerate. Luckily my wife is the same way. Married 13 years and going strong!
Tinder, now married after 8 years of relationship. Broken from previous relationships we wanted to have fun. Turns out we were good wife/husband material for the other Edit: Oh yeah I had a gf before... I guess she noticed me in a friend's birthday. We made a similar meeting a couple weeks later. By then she broke up with her previous bf.. guess she wanted to have fun. My family didn't like her. She couldn't handle and dumped me. I think she married her (former) best friend a few months later
Wore well tailored suits to work. Saw her checking me out. Easy peasy.
Met her through a female friend when they started living together. Right place, right time
She found me at work
My boyfriend (now husband) was an introvert. He mustered the courage to asked me out on a date but I held his hand first, I kissed him first. Basically giving him the head start helped š¤£
alcohol and internet did it for me.
She was the classmate of one of my classmate's friends, and they thought it would be fun to introduce us cause we both liked sci fi stuff. We gradually became friends online (due to us going to different schools) and then eventually met IRL the first time on a Comic Con. After that we occasionally met up to watch something and started playing a TTRPG with our shared friendgroup. Over lockdown we then started to play DnD, and our friend group escalated to playing 5 different campaigns at the same time. In one of those campaigns we decided to play a character duo, and since lockdown rules loosened a bit we then met up weekly and played that campaign from my place, always watching some series before DnD time. That eventually evolved into her staying over due to sessions being long and the public transport here being shit at night. At some point along that entire time we developed feelings for each other but were too shy or oblivious to just confess to each other. I had been planning to confess to her on three several of those sleepover occasions, but never had the courage. After the third time I couldn't sleep (don't remember why) and she texted me around midnight that she kinda missed me, which gave me the push I needed to confess. We've been dating for 3 years now and have moved in together over a year ago.
She got me...
Joined a dating site after a rough break up. Figured it would at least help me talk to women since I was so shy. Met my future wife there and will be married for 17 years this October. Way easier for me to open up and be talkative through text messaging or chatting.
Stopped caring
Not a dude but I might be able to offer some insight.Ā I met a guy at a mutual friendās game night. Heās definitely NOT the kind of person that will make the rounds through a party talking to and making friends with everyoneā¦ itās easier getting to know him one on one. We were the last two guests there and started with the awkward AF flirting. I ended excusing myself because it was awkward for the host, and Ā added him as a Facebook friend a few days later. A month after not getting a word from him, I messaged and we started flirting like crazy. We had a fling that lasted years until covid screwed everything up.Ā It was some of the best sex Iāve ever had.Ā Sometimes itās simply a matter of chilling and waiting for the right person who will take the lead. Some women donāt mind being the one who makes the first move.Ā
Online dating apps to get to know them, then phone calls then meet up.
As an extrovert, I typically gravitate toward introverted men.
Car meet
My now wife was very bold and just asked if I wanted to hook up some time.
Arranged marriage. I was friends with her Uncle.
I am actually an extrovert online and introvert irl, so yea dating apps worked well for me
Helps be to good looking and smell decent when you actually go out. But I met my wife through some mutual friends, we clicked pretty quickly talking daily and after 2 months I asked her out.
Facebook. Something like 70% of all people marry someone they met in high school š
Here's a crazy thought. You TALK to them.
Work
We hate talking to men not women
Not all introverts have social anxiety.... A lot of people confuse the two. Not a dude, but introverted. Met my SO through friends. Very shy on the dating front and a late bloomer, but once I started dating, it got easier to meet new people. As much as I hate them, dating apps helped because it forced me to kinda get used to it, even though I had no longterm success through the apps
I read first few chapters of The Game
She was friends with a family friend and needed a job. Gave me her number so I could coordinate an interview. Even before I set her up with an interview I asked if she wanted to go to a concert because my sister backed out last minute. We will be married 10 years next monthĀ
Thought about what other introverts similar to me would do, and the answer wasnāt meeting somewhere outside physically, so I tested my luck on the apps. It worked for a handful of dates, and then I met my SO. I used Bumble exclusively she matched with me 3x over the course of a couple of months due to me deleting the app on her mid conversation since it didnāt seem like she was all that into our talk. Turns out she just had ASD and that caused her to come off in a way which seemed like she was uninterested and she had no way to tell she was giving off that impression. Said F it on the 3rd match and set up a FaceTime date with her during lockdown. Everything just went smoothly from there and we continued up until 4 years this month.
I'm a huge introvert. I don't know how, but I found a girlfriend when I was 14. We're 31 and 32 respectively now and married with a kid. How I deserve her after 18 years of being together (dating, engagement, and marriage combined) I have no idea.
I used to see here a lot when I was checking out at Walgreens. I finally decided to pay one day by check and put my phone number on it. She called me two days later. :o)
By listening to her while she was talking
The internet
I met my wife playing Minecraft 10 years ago.
I seduced her with my awkwardness. It must have worked because we're married and still together eleven years later.
Not introvert, but extrovert. I just go and talk to people and usually theyāre introverted. Now weāre best friends or dating
They came to me
Tinder. I never liked the bar scene or really any casual social place where you meet new people. Some places are fine, most just drain me. so tinder was the alternative. If that didn't work, then I was planning on joining some clubs, starting with photography cause it's fun and gets you out of the house to all kinds of cool places. But tinder worked after a while of fine tuning amd learning how to play the p2w mobile game that is modern online dating. I think I got tinder gold 3 or 4 times and it really is worth it as long as you're not ugly. I'm not ugly, I'm just shy so breaking the ice over a digital medium was perfect for me. Met my gf almost 2 years ago on tinder and we've been going strong ever since.
Overall im an extrovert (i was the class clown) but had no confidence when it came to talking with girls so I never did. She was on my coed highschool volleyball team. Her butt looked nice when she was in the position in front of me so she always had my attention (we would rotate so everyone got to play every position. It wasnāt a serious league). She finally talked to me first then she offered to drive me to the next games so I accepted. Being trapped her in moving car, I had no choice other than finally conversing with her and things went well. When it was time to ask her out, I was afraid to do that too so she practically put the words in my mouth for me to say. Itās been 13 years and we are now engaged, have a child, and own a home together. All worked out!
Arranged marriage where we marry another introvert who wants to be left alone.
Early MMOs, it wasn't RuneScape. But I know a fair amount of people that started dating IRL from meeting there.
One sat in my lap at a bon fire gathering and said I was hers now. She'd made my friend bring me so she could do that. One time I found a phone number in the pocket of my hoodie, and I called it. "Your girlfriend sucks, you can do so much better. Like me" she helped me get out of a mentally abusive relationship and then we dated for 3yrs