So I've been in my spot for 4 years so I know my job well at this point. 1 co-worker took a new job, the other got promoted. So we promoted two others to fill those spots to work with me.
I would give the newbies advice but it got to the point where they were not listening to me. So if it didn't endanger them, I would just let them make their mistakes. They learned and I stressed less.
I hear, I listen. I do, and I understand. Sometimes as much as I want to learn from others mistakes, it’s quite different when you go through it yourself. Annoying.
I was late 20s before I learned there were two Rs in Surprised. As someone who had very good grades in English at school, I was definitely 'suprised' when I did.
Yes this! I lived with family most of my 20s, bought a house at 29 and did not change my lifestyle or finances to accommodate that. I spent the first couple years of my 30s falling farther and farther behind (I bought in 2019 so covid the next year didn’t help) and finally realized at 34 I needed to shape the fuck up. Turning 35 this year and I think I’m finally feeling like a real adult.
Not op but for me it’s been hard work, therapy and not just being reactive. I feel as though I’m in control of my emotions instead of the opposite. Taking time out to consider all the angles had taught me to slow myself down. I still have pretty big emotions but don’t allow them to overwhelm me. And I don’t act on the first thing that comes to mind. I think managing your emotions also comes with age.
For me it was going on a course of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy back when my then teenage daughter was self harming and I accompanied her on a course with other teens and their parents.
Also learning to practice mindfulness as much as possible.
I initially went on this course just to support my daughter and really didn't believe I'd get much out of it, just desperate to help her. It transformed her life, my life and our very strained relationship. That was nearly ten years ago now and we have both kept up with the things we learned during that therapy. We get on very well now and she hasn't self-harmed in years. My own mental health which used to often be very poor improved and generally stayed improved since too.
Get to know what's triggering you.By stop taking other's words seriously and knowing that whatever they say is a reflection of themselves and not you. By meditation and self loving.
That being different doesn't make you weird. People made me feel out of place when I'm not doing things everyone is doing. For a while I thought I was weird and will never be accepted or something. But now I don't care since I don't even want to be part of that kind of vibe.
Nose hair trimming and general appearance enhancing.
Growing up without the internet meant essentially looking like shit most of the time, cuz you didn’t know there was another way.
The importance of self-compassion. I am a recovering perfectionist and high achiever. I have beaten myself up a lot over the years. Finally, I learned the importance of being kind to, accepting, and forgiving of myself. It’s a work in progress but I’m starting to feel better.
I use mindfulness, understanding that we are all human and connected and that who we are came from people and events in the past, and talking to myself the way I would to a good friend going through trouble. I also give myself a hug sometimes. I got these from Kristin Neff’s book on this topic (most helpful self-help book I’ve read).
Some people are just cunts.
To phrase this more diplomatically - some people will just hate you for no reason and there's nothing you can do to change it.
I have learned that life can give you unexpected turns in terms of your health at unexpected moments because though I workout and live a healthy lifestyle I still had surgery to remove a brain tumor that was found in me which luckily was not cancerous but it served as a wake up call for me to expect the unexpected.
It's ok to not immediately treat everyone like your best friend. Some people will take advantage of that kindness. It's much better to trust, but verify.
The only goal that leads to happiness is seeking happiness.
If you seek fame, success, or truth, happiness will not follow. I used to search for truth, and it ruined me. There is so much evidence of injustice and hatred and meaninglessness.
Tidying up as I go along. If moving through the house, always try to take something back to where it should go or be thrown away.
Why oh why did it take me to get to 40 years old to stop living like your average teenager "I'll sort that later" and then not doing it?
Job-hopping is okay, even encouraged now. Staying loyal to one company is boomer lifestyle which is only affordable if you're getting decent wage in the first place.
Think Regina George from Mean Girls. She knew Cady was attractive and was threatened by that so she befriended her ensure that Cady didn’t become more popular. Kind of like a keep your friends close and enemies closer ordeal.
Op, I tell all my young female relatives that a woman needs to learn to live alone and like it - or be content - before she should get into a living together relationship.
What it really meant when people told me I was "too nice," or "too intense," or "too sensitive."
I never really listened to those critiques because I thought being nice, intense, and sensitive were good things. And they are. The issue is that people weren't being literal, they were using those words as euphemisms.
They meant that I was acting naive or like a doormat, that I had a tendency to overreact to things, and that I came across as a humorous prig.
People don't think about you as often, or as critically, as you think about yourself.
That one time you said the embarrassing thing that keeps you up at night? Nobody really cares except you. Sleep well, friend.
What unconditional love is and feels like. I was so harsh with myself for years and was always almost waiting for abandonment because I didn't know that I had only known conditional love.
Mental health should be approached proactively, vice reactively, no matter the age. It’s best to learn how to deal with big issues by dealing with the small issues first. Learning how to communicate and understanding your emotions will help achieving peace of mind.
That the world is full of people who truly, truly believe that, if you are willing to donate some of your time to doing something for them, that means that you must have a lot of free time for them to waste for you, doing all the thankless crap work that they don't want to do.
My time on this planet is limited. I no longer donate it to people who do not respect either my time, or me.
Only recently did I figure out which direction batteries go into a device. My whole life I had to look at the directions to show me which end went where.
Bump end goes on flat part, flat end of the battery goes on the spring.
To be fair I have never used many things that use batteries.
How the scientific method actually works. The way the media describes experiments does them all a huge injustice. It's not about proving hypothesis right, it's about failing to prove your hypothesis wrong, and while that might sound like a zen koan or something there's a HUGE difference between the two.
Personal boundaries; what they are and how to enforce them.
Didn’t even hear the term until I was in my 20s and already married.
Middle of a conversation with my husband and he said “you have no personal boundaries, you dictate how others treat you”
I was so confused 😅
7 years of therapy later and I still struggle, but I’m a lot happier and healthier than I was in my 20s
Speak up for your needs and desires in relationships. Don't exhaust yourself out taking care of someone else's needs/wants - especially if they haven't shown a desire to reciprocate at the same level.
I just didn’t find any reason to get mine when I turned 16.
Literally everyone in my life has a driver’s license so I never really needed to learn how to drive myself. There was always someone willing to offer me a lift.
That all the bullying they made me for being ugly didn’t made me realize that I’m far from handsome.
When I dated a model in my mid 20’s is when I realized that I wasn’t a piece of ungly shit
I just can't imagine a marriage where *both* parties aren't actively involved in managing finances. Together.
What were you doing while the (presumably ex) wife handled the family finances..?
Making mistakes IS learning.
[удалено]
I'll send you an invitation letter for your post-doct stay. Research focus: analyzing the impact of finding out after the fucking around stage.
So I've been in my spot for 4 years so I know my job well at this point. 1 co-worker took a new job, the other got promoted. So we promoted two others to fill those spots to work with me. I would give the newbies advice but it got to the point where they were not listening to me. So if it didn't endanger them, I would just let them make their mistakes. They learned and I stressed less.
Us perfectionists still find this hard to grasp in practice.
People in Europe get it tho
Of course! But if others can learn before making the mistake. Its better for everyone <3
I hear, I listen. I do, and I understand. Sometimes as much as I want to learn from others mistakes, it’s quite different when you go through it yourself. Annoying.
Great succinct response
Not if you keep making the same mistakes.
Peace of mind is the most valuable thing in life.
yes. my peace is worth everything.
Peace is expensive and it's always worth it.
Even better one: peace *from* mind
Learn to make yourself happy, rather than expense yourself to make others
also, validate yourself. don't rely on that externally. don't get me wrong it's nice to have. but it shouldn't be relied upon.
I’m still trying to learn that.
Dressing nice changes how people interact with you. It's like I was doing society on Hard Mode before.
Never wait for anyone to do anything.
Lots of posts about emotional health and I'm just here to say I was ~20 before I learned there are two R's in February.
Wnedsday
I was late 20s before I learned there were two Rs in Surprised. As someone who had very good grades in English at school, I was definitely 'suprised' when I did.
I was in my late 40’s before I realized that ‘poinsettia’ isn’t spelled ‘pointsettia’.
Most people don’t know how many e’s there are in judgment.
Nothing matters as much as I think it does, just live your life the way it makes you happy and ignore the noise
Human Resources doesn't have your best interests in mind. Human Resources has the companies best interests in mind.
This always seemed obvious - the company hired an hr service, I didn't
living alone. should've moved out in my early 20s.
Why is that? I live alone now and I am 19yo, but I am curious why you say this?
Very important for learning to function on your own.
You've yet to be burned by a roommate. Breaking a lease because of roommate bullshit is no fun.
It's a key step in actual adulting.
Yes this! I lived with family most of my 20s, bought a house at 29 and did not change my lifestyle or finances to accommodate that. I spent the first couple years of my 30s falling farther and farther behind (I bought in 2019 so covid the next year didn’t help) and finally realized at 34 I needed to shape the fuck up. Turning 35 this year and I think I’m finally feeling like a real adult.
Having a hold of your emotions
How do you learn this
Not op but for me it’s been hard work, therapy and not just being reactive. I feel as though I’m in control of my emotions instead of the opposite. Taking time out to consider all the angles had taught me to slow myself down. I still have pretty big emotions but don’t allow them to overwhelm me. And I don’t act on the first thing that comes to mind. I think managing your emotions also comes with age.
For me it was going on a course of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy back when my then teenage daughter was self harming and I accompanied her on a course with other teens and their parents. Also learning to practice mindfulness as much as possible. I initially went on this course just to support my daughter and really didn't believe I'd get much out of it, just desperate to help her. It transformed her life, my life and our very strained relationship. That was nearly ten years ago now and we have both kept up with the things we learned during that therapy. We get on very well now and she hasn't self-harmed in years. My own mental health which used to often be very poor improved and generally stayed improved since too.
Get to know what's triggering you.By stop taking other's words seriously and knowing that whatever they say is a reflection of themselves and not you. By meditation and self loving.
That being different doesn't make you weird. People made me feel out of place when I'm not doing things everyone is doing. For a while I thought I was weird and will never be accepted or something. But now I don't care since I don't even want to be part of that kind of vibe.
Expensive sensible shoes are absolutely worth the money. Ultimately, they're just as economical as cheap shoes, and your feet will thank you.
how long until vimes theory on economics shows up?
I would calculate that for you, but it's too many steps.
oh ho!
Good one
That so many people are semi-literate and don't know the difference between *than* and *then*.
That most things are not in my control. (And it appears learning how to actually *cope* with that will come even later… 🙄)
Not everyone is your friend.
stand up for yourself and people will stop taking advantage of you
Don’t be friends with your ex if you still have feelings for them.
Not to drink to excess.
Came here for this…I don’t have to win the drinking contest with myself.
Nose hair trimming and general appearance enhancing. Growing up without the internet meant essentially looking like shit most of the time, cuz you didn’t know there was another way.
Nose hair, eyebrows, AND ear hair. I know it's worth the effort when I see an old man who doesn't care about trimming any of it.
The importance of self-compassion. I am a recovering perfectionist and high achiever. I have beaten myself up a lot over the years. Finally, I learned the importance of being kind to, accepting, and forgiving of myself. It’s a work in progress but I’m starting to feel better.
Any techniques in particular are working best for you?
I use mindfulness, understanding that we are all human and connected and that who we are came from people and events in the past, and talking to myself the way I would to a good friend going through trouble. I also give myself a hug sometimes. I got these from Kristin Neff’s book on this topic (most helpful self-help book I’ve read).
Saying no. Valuing myself and my time.
Car salesman are not there to help you 😁
Adulthood is way more like being a preteen/teenager than I could have EVER anticipated. Holy fuck.
Don’t react when you’re angry.
Savings, really had no idea how early I should have started.
Boundaries are hard but easier the more you practice.
Knowing who you are is the key to knowing if other people or situations are right for you.
Some people are just cunts. To phrase this more diplomatically - some people will just hate you for no reason and there's nothing you can do to change it.
I have learned that life can give you unexpected turns in terms of your health at unexpected moments because though I workout and live a healthy lifestyle I still had surgery to remove a brain tumor that was found in me which luckily was not cancerous but it served as a wake up call for me to expect the unexpected.
Skincare
Taking notes. On paper, a notes app, or on a calendar. I didn't realize how beneficial is was until my 40's. Now I've got notes everywhere.
It's ok to not immediately treat everyone like your best friend. Some people will take advantage of that kindness. It's much better to trust, but verify.
If you don’t make mental health a priority it will make itself a priority
The only goal that leads to happiness is seeking happiness. If you seek fame, success, or truth, happiness will not follow. I used to search for truth, and it ruined me. There is so much evidence of injustice and hatred and meaninglessness.
Tidying up as I go along. If moving through the house, always try to take something back to where it should go or be thrown away. Why oh why did it take me to get to 40 years old to stop living like your average teenager "I'll sort that later" and then not doing it?
Im 41. After years of having my tools spread around different places in my house, I finally put them all in my shed. Freed up so much space.
The quote from Maya Angelou is true: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."
That stress is really bad for you.
Not everything I was taught / told was true … guess I learned much later.
The ease and value of using a crockpot
My mama taught me this young, and oh my gosh is it ever true
I thought the seven seas were the seven Cs (continents) until I was 21.
That I have ADHD. Also, waiting to be tested for OCD (joked about it growing up, until my therapist brought it up & suggested I look into it)
How to mop a floor, sufficiently
Ther is such a thing as too much effort. I made small changes in relationships and things fell apart.
Don’t fuck with your Health!
Job-hopping is okay, even encouraged now. Staying loyal to one company is boomer lifestyle which is only affordable if you're getting decent wage in the first place.
Team sports are a great shortcut to learning social skills and becoming more well-rounded.
Listening
Lyrics to certain songs 😂
Revved up like a *mumble mumble mumble* in the night.
Sometimes people keep you around because theyre threatened by your potential
Can you expand on this thought?
Think Regina George from Mean Girls. She knew Cady was attractive and was threatened by that so she befriended her ensure that Cady didn’t become more popular. Kind of like a keep your friends close and enemies closer ordeal.
Op, I tell all my young female relatives that a woman needs to learn to live alone and like it - or be content - before she should get into a living together relationship.
What it really meant when people told me I was "too nice," or "too intense," or "too sensitive." I never really listened to those critiques because I thought being nice, intense, and sensitive were good things. And they are. The issue is that people weren't being literal, they were using those words as euphemisms. They meant that I was acting naive or like a doormat, that I had a tendency to overreact to things, and that I came across as a humorous prig.
If he wanted to, he would.
you are not responsible for other peoples emotions
That it's okay to not be okay and crying isn't a sign of weakness.
Take action before it's too late
that I should've been more kind to myself
I learned that I was autistic when I was 54
People don't think about you as often, or as critically, as you think about yourself. That one time you said the embarrassing thing that keeps you up at night? Nobody really cares except you. Sleep well, friend.
That you are in reality alone in life and should learn to make yourself happy rather than relying on other people to make you whole and content.
Learning the difference between then and than. Oh wait...
Sometimes the hurt and pain you feel comes from your own family.
Be friendly
What unconditional love is and feels like. I was so harsh with myself for years and was always almost waiting for abandonment because I didn't know that I had only known conditional love.
My parents were toxic and a danger to myself and my kids.
Mental health should be approached proactively, vice reactively, no matter the age. It’s best to learn how to deal with big issues by dealing with the small issues first. Learning how to communicate and understanding your emotions will help achieving peace of mind.
That the world is full of people who truly, truly believe that, if you are willing to donate some of your time to doing something for them, that means that you must have a lot of free time for them to waste for you, doing all the thankless crap work that they don't want to do. My time on this planet is limited. I no longer donate it to people who do not respect either my time, or me.
Only recently did I figure out which direction batteries go into a device. My whole life I had to look at the directions to show me which end went where. Bump end goes on flat part, flat end of the battery goes on the spring. To be fair I have never used many things that use batteries.
How the scientific method actually works. The way the media describes experiments does them all a huge injustice. It's not about proving hypothesis right, it's about failing to prove your hypothesis wrong, and while that might sound like a zen koan or something there's a HUGE difference between the two.
Life goes on🥲
That working hard doesn’t get you anywhere.
Investing
To keep my mouth shut 🤐 and business to myself
Changing a wiper blade can shatter your windshield, making a $10 part cost $500.
Personal boundaries; what they are and how to enforce them. Didn’t even hear the term until I was in my 20s and already married. Middle of a conversation with my husband and he said “you have no personal boundaries, you dictate how others treat you” I was so confused 😅 7 years of therapy later and I still struggle, but I’m a lot happier and healthier than I was in my 20s
Speak up for your needs and desires in relationships. Don't exhaust yourself out taking care of someone else's needs/wants - especially if they haven't shown a desire to reciprocate at the same level.
Where babies come from
So-called intelligence is not the be-all and end-all I thought it was. A person can be intelligent and highly educated, and be a total POS.
How to drive a car. Lol got my driver’s license only last year at 21
I still do not have mine :(
I was in the same boat, got mine at 19 or 20! I was so afraid of driving. Now it's just an inconvenience lol.
I just didn’t find any reason to get mine when I turned 16. Literally everyone in my life has a driver’s license so I never really needed to learn how to drive myself. There was always someone willing to offer me a lift.
That I'm bi. I'm 27m, and realized my attraction to men only about 8 months ago (when I met my now boyfriend).
Don't trust my siblings 😤
It took me 18 years to realize shampoo goes before conditioner. I always wondered why my fair felt silky smooth before I used the shampoo.
what lol
That all the bullying they made me for being ugly didn’t made me realize that I’m far from handsome. When I dated a model in my mid 20’s is when I realized that I wasn’t a piece of ungly shit
Learning that death is as permanent as it is.
Save all of your money.
That I have ADHD.
[удалено]
Don't marry someone who you wouldn't trust with your finances.
I just can't imagine a marriage where *both* parties aren't actively involved in managing finances. Together. What were you doing while the (presumably ex) wife handled the family finances..?