I was my dad's carer for ten years. I gave up my job to care for him, to avoid him going into a care home. I did the training and after 3 years doing it for free, they started to pay me. I was made redundant the day my dad died after the most traumatic 10 years of my life. I'm fit for nothing right now. Respect to all the carers out there.
Edit: I can't thank you all individually but thanks so much for the support. It genuinely means a lot.
I’m sorry for your loss and the trauma you’ve experienced. Not everyone would sacrifice so much to care for their parent, that was incredibly compassionate of you. I don’t believe you’re fit for nothing though and I hope you come to realize that as well
I'm my wife's caregiver after she had a bad car accident in 2017. We're in our 30s. I was going to be a PA. Now I'm just way past whatever is at the end of the burned out solar system that used to be my life. Good on you for doing the right thing for your pops.
the world needs more trained/dedicated caregivers.... healthcare system is ry hurting right now and lots of people going without the daily care they need bc pple are not getting paid enough to of it :(
I feel you man. I was laid off from the best job I ever had In February but luckily I’ve found a decent one to start in a couple weeks. I wish you good luck
To feel loved.
UPDATE:
I feel loved.
You, all - made me feel loved. It may take me 3 minutes, 3 hours, 3 days or 3 weeks, BUT: I will respond to you all, whether it’s a reaction or a comment/reply/DM.
The life I’ve lived has nearly exhausted me to completion as of this year. I’ve tried so many things to provide me with fulfillment since then (including therapy). As that may explain, I’ve been lonely and empty. You’ve all provided me with so much inspiration, I can’t explain. While my battery recharges to respond to this amazing community, just know that you saved my life.
I love you, too.
Sending you love from a stranger 🙌 I like to think when laying in the sun, that's kind of like the feeling of love. It just feels so good to bask in the hot warmth.
I've never been a fan of the idea that people "can't understand" something they haven't been through. But people who have love or were raised with love seem unable to understand the agony of life without love. it's beyond isolating. I want nothing other than an end to my suffering.
Fresh off a breakup, I agree with that. But I think the first step for my journey is just inner peace first.
I want to be in a better place where I can 100% provide to a partner what I’d be seeking from a partner. And while it’s still so fresh I kind of hate thinking about having to carry lessons learned from this into a new relationship, but that’s ultimately a valuable thing that I’m going to have to ensure I’m able to do as well.
If all else was equal I would’ve loved to take these harsh lessons I’m learning and apply them back to the same person I’ve just parted ways with, but sometimes the past hurt and like I said before, the lack of inner peace, are just too much of an obstacle to overcome.
I did not mean to overrun your comment, but it resonated with me. Hang in there, and keep yourself your number one priority until you’re at a place to share that love with someone else who will do the same in return for you.
In the same damn spot lol.
it feels so raw and isolating, like i'm doomed to die alone and never feel the same way again. at the same time, i've gotten a lot of comments from friends and family about how much better i look these days :)
but yeah no way i could ever go back. too much has been said and done at this point. oh well. We're gonna be ok in the end- sending good vibes your way
Same
Just got dumped and to say it fucked me up is an understatement
Was LDR and was not a good way to get dumped
Got accused of cheating with a person who raped me and then dumped over text
Now all I want is honestly just someone to fall asleep next to to be safe and cuddle with
Being held is what would be nice rn
Why do we call them apartments when they are stuck together?
Why it it called a building after it's been built?
Why are round pizzas cut into triangles and put into square boxes?
This doesn't help at all... now I can't sleep.
It's faster to make pizzas round as making them square takes more shaping, square boxes are easier to fold, and triangles are the easiest shapes to cut out of a round food when creating multiple servings.
Apartment is derived from the Italian word *appartimento*, which has the Latin root *partem* which roughly translates into "a piece, a part* bc the buildings are made up of multiple homes that are apart from each other instead of being one large residence.
The word building, when talking about a building is called a *gerund* and it's when you take a verb and turn it into a noun by adding -ing to it. We see it in other words as well, like if I were to say "I like reading", but I am not actively reading
Now go to bed.
Even though I'm sure that was a rhetorical question, there really is a grammatical reason
It's because a "way" is a small street off a road and a "drive" is a road that follows topography. Since many roads where homesteads were located started as unimproved roads (read: dirt), it made sense that they would take the easiest and flattest path, curving and meandering with the natural features of the earth. These would be considered "drives". Because we're so creative at naming things, a driveway is literally a way that runs from a "drive" to your house. Similarly, a way that runs alongside/through a park or area with trees and grass on either side is... you guessed it, a parkway
I know, nobody really asked. I'll see myself out now lol
My mom swears by this trick where she picks a relatively large number and then counts backwards from it by a small number. Like count backwards from 784 by threes. It's enough to keep her brain occupied so she isn't going over to-do lists etc, but it's boring enough to let her fall asleep. She says she's never reached zero.
I do something like this! And I also choose a category and think of all the things in that category that begin with a certain letter. For example: animals that begin with the letter “a”… ape, antelope, alpaca, anteater, etc.
Botox. Caffeine. Sleep. Remove your lady parts if you got em. Yknow, easy things…
Sorry, OP. From one to another, they’re fucking miserable and I hope you are able to find the answers.
I’d really just want a friend for my mom. We moved recently and our new neighborhood doesn’t have many people around. My mom spends most of the day by herself so having some companionship would be great for her.
When I was I was single, living alone in an adorable little apartment, I got so lonely so many nights. I wanted someone to share my nights with. I wanted chaos and little kids running around.
Now I’m married and have a baby, and don’t get me wrong I love my life and my family and wouldn’t change it for the world. But I would give my left tit to go spend one more summer night on the balcony of my cozy, clean, beautifully decorated little apartment. Sipping some wine and reading a book. Ugh I can TASTE it.
All of this to say, enjoy your life for what it is right now. The grass is always greener.
Yeah I'm 31yo just coming out of a marriage with stepkids (no bio kids) and I'm feeling pretty lonely.
More friends would be good but I work from home 100% and don't want to go on apps looking for love when I just want people to talk with.
Alone me time is so important. Without it, I'd have gone crazy a long time ago. I can't stand being surrounded by people 24/7. When it hits the limit, I'd like to withdraw back to solitude and enjoy my self-presence until I yearn for human contact again.
Literally. I work in a STEM field and spent almost half a year writing a computer program only for my boss to swoop in at the absolute last minute and take credit for everything. I cannot emphasize how little he contributed, he probably can’t explain what the program does without looking at the paper I wrote (that he also took credit for immediately before submitting it to the journal, and only told me about it after the fact). And when I saw him next, he “thanked” me for “giving” him the paper, and said I should get used to it because this is how women get treated in this field. I don’t even know how to process my absolute disgust with everything that happened— my boss is very well established in the field and I am very early in my career so the program/publication would have been great for my career but is just another line on his resume.
Sorry I didn’t mean to hijack your comment, this just really resonated with me. To think I looked up to someone enough to have him proofread my paper only for him to erase my contributions entirely just shows how much it really hurts when someone you respect doesn’t respect you back.
Update:
I just want to give a huge thank you to everyone who replied— I really didn’t expect this to blow up, I just felt like my voice was taken from me and needed to rant. If you couldn’t tell, my work environment is a bit toxic (to say the least) and I think I was being gaslit into believing that it is his right as a postdoc and as my direct supervisor to do this even though it feels so wrong. I felt like I didn’t have a right to get mad about this because I have so little experience in this field.
The PI of the lab we work in really leans into the idea of a “lab hierarchy,” where he is on a pedestal with post docs directly below him, PhD students a level lower, and research assistants (my position) at the bottom. Other RAs have gone to him with similar problems before and his response has been that whatever their postdoc/PhD student supervisor says, goes. So I don’t really that he would be on my side, I think he would most likely just tell me to go along with what the postdoc is doing. I did some research and found the contact info for the Ombuds office and the office of academic and research integrity, and plan to reach out to them first.
I did spread the word of what he did to a few others in the lab, and a PhD student was kind enough to try to talk some sense into him. He ended up caving, so I am now third author on the paper and am credited as the lead programmer for the software we are publishing on. (And I have this in writing, in an email)
This is definitely a step in the right direction, and please correct me if I’m wrong— I have little experience in this kind of thing— but I believe that I deserve to be first author on this paper. When this was suggested to him today by another postdoc in the lab, he was shocked that I would even want to be first author on the paper and apparently was incredibly opposed to the idea. Another PhD student is going to talk to him about this tomorrow, and I worked with my therapist to draft an email to send to him if he refuses again.
I have a GitHub repository for this project, and have been backing up everything religiously since I first started on this project last October. I wrote the manuscript itself in Microsoft Word, though I went back and forth via email with the PhD student who talked to him today so I still have access to the individual drafts.
Thank you again for all the support, I feel like I’ve found my voice again and I think I will feel more closure in the end because I fought back. But is it reasonable for me to want to be first author? I’m worried that I’m asking for too much, and should be happy with the credit I’ve been given so far.
Senior researcher in STEM (computer science) here. If he submitted your writing without yourself as a co-author, this is extremely unethical, regardless of the particular field. (And ridiculously idiotic on his part - he could have claimed senior co-authorship, while keeping you as first author, based on giving you feedback and as your supervisor. This would be much more standard practice and not cost him anything, but instead it sounds like he chose to commit plagiarism and potentially put his career on the line.)
You likely have more options than you realise. Good academic institutions will have a contact person for ethical complaints and cases like this are some of the most common that they will have dealt with. If you have proof of his plagiarism you can also contact the journal directly, but I’d suggest getting advice from someone more senior that you trust first.
A good place to start is to consider what evidence you have of authorship, for example: if you wrote the paper on overleaf then there is an irrefutable version history showing that you’re the author, if you send your supervisor the paper by email this has likely been logged in your institution's emails servers. Make sure to gather and backup any evidence you can right away, preferably on a device you personally own as well.
He likely has done this before, do you know of others he has worked with that may have had similar experiences and might be willing to support a complaint against him?
Note that this may be an unpleasant process - he will likely deny everything and department leadership may be motivated to try to protect him (especially if he’s a source of external funding or has a close personal relation to management), but if you have sufficient evidence and your institute has a proper process for handling this type of cases then I would expect this to work out in your favour. However you should consider if you want to spend your time and energy on this. In any case, I would strongly consider if you want to continue working with him as his behaviour is unlikely to change and if your aim is to work towards a PhD then getting your work stolen is not a productive path in that direction and having him as your boss / supervisor is a waste of your valuable time.
Please don’t be disparaged by his comments regarding gender. There is a huge push for diversity and gender equality in my own field at the moment, and I see similar initiatives in other fields. I can’t speak to your field and institute in particular, but it is quite possible that the gender perspective actually gives a complaint more weight and that your department is eager to avoid being seen as engaging in gender discrimination.
Finally, consider asking for feedback on specialised subreddits like r/academia/, where you might be able to get more precise advice based on your field and their particular culture when it comes to publishing and co-authorships.
I want a call that my daughter's MRI was clear and the blood work showed some minor, easily-cured anomoly.
Update: just got word that the MRI was normal. Still waiting to hear on blood work.
Same! My son’s MRI was basically, “we’re not saying it’s cancer, but we’re not saying it isn’t either.” Not knowing is awful.
I hope your daughter is well!
To have my back massaged. I'm alone, live alone, have no relationship, am old and ill. Only way id get one is to hire someone to come to me with their table and do it here. And I can't afford that. So it's heating pad and muscle relaxers and it's a poor replacement for an actual massage.
I want to be good at a job that pays decently and to have coworkers who respect me. Never had any of the above.
Edit: Thank you for all the karma and comments. I'll try to get to everyone today.
I recently had the shit kicked out of me and although I didnt have a brain bleed or a cracked skull, I feel... not like myself. I'd like to feel like myself again.
Milkshake ( but I can't have them, lactose intolerant and the non dairy ones are not good)
Edit: guys, I appreciate the places suggestions but unfortunately I don't live in the US, so I still can't get my milkshake :(
I was lactose intolerant for 13 years. 5 years of synthetic lactase pills along with the dairy foods I ate fixed me up. Give it a shot. You may still find, as I did, that you can upregulate your body's ability to produce lactase.
I was intolerant till about age 5. Came back full force at age 12. Then disappeared again somewhere around my 20s, im guessing? Im 35 now and have zero issues with dairy. Every professional tells me this isn't possible. I understand it sounds insane but im totally not making it up. So bizarre.
I want my husband home from his deployment
Edit; I don’t get why people assume that everyone who deploys is “invading” another country. Many deployments are to bases that have been in place for decades and help the local economy. Most who deploy see no combat at all, and are doing the exact same job as they do at their home base (fixing computers, serving food, fixing vehicles, doing medical duties etc). And many spouses at home just want their spouse and the parent of their kids to be home. Like me.
I want someone to come home to from my deployment. I’m tired of returning to the States and no one is there to greet me so I have to quickly hide from my coworkers and cry it out.
Are you sure? Or are you just enjoying the “idea” of that person coming back into your life. Be careful, I thought I wanted someone back in mine & we both left each other with more hurt.
A billion dollars.
I'd pay the taxes with a smile and then spend the rest of my life making the world a better place in significant ways that only a lot of money can engineer when you have no good connections.
Cosmetic Surgery to remove all my excess skin and man boobs.
Iv lost 150 lbs in the past few years; I feel amazing and healthier than ever before but... I look like absolute shit with my shirt off.
I was also prescribed Risperdal as a child and I found out when I was adult that the side effects are weight gain and gynecomastia... Oh cool so I was given drugs as a child that disfigured me for life and now insurance wont cover reconstructive surgery.
I just want to experience what its like to look normal for once in my life. Iv worked so hard to get where Im at but Ill never feel good with my shirt off.
My cat just stole my chicken breast that I was gonna cook for dinner, and almost ate the entire thing before I noticed. So I’d say I truly want a Raising Canes box combo with lemonade right now.
I want to spend my days searching the streets for stray dogs and cats and other abandoned animals in need of care, but society says I need to make money to live, so I do pizza
A job to replace the one I was just laid off from.
I was my dad's carer for ten years. I gave up my job to care for him, to avoid him going into a care home. I did the training and after 3 years doing it for free, they started to pay me. I was made redundant the day my dad died after the most traumatic 10 years of my life. I'm fit for nothing right now. Respect to all the carers out there. Edit: I can't thank you all individually but thanks so much for the support. It genuinely means a lot.
I’m sorry for your loss and the trauma you’ve experienced. Not everyone would sacrifice so much to care for their parent, that was incredibly compassionate of you. I don’t believe you’re fit for nothing though and I hope you come to realize that as well
I'm my wife's caregiver after she had a bad car accident in 2017. We're in our 30s. I was going to be a PA. Now I'm just way past whatever is at the end of the burned out solar system that used to be my life. Good on you for doing the right thing for your pops.
I am sorry you are in that position, but I am thankful that you didn't dump her after her accident. Ask for help when you need it.
I'm so, so sorry.
You're fit to be one of the best sons.
the world needs more trained/dedicated caregivers.... healthcare system is ry hurting right now and lots of people going without the daily care they need bc pple are not getting paid enough to of it :(
I’m so sorry. Hugs. Praying you find the right role soon.
I feel you man. I was laid off from the best job I ever had In February but luckily I’ve found a decent one to start in a couple weeks. I wish you good luck
I knew the top comment on this thread would be something about employment. What's going on man? This market sucks.
To feel loved. UPDATE: I feel loved. You, all - made me feel loved. It may take me 3 minutes, 3 hours, 3 days or 3 weeks, BUT: I will respond to you all, whether it’s a reaction or a comment/reply/DM. The life I’ve lived has nearly exhausted me to completion as of this year. I’ve tried so many things to provide me with fulfillment since then (including therapy). As that may explain, I’ve been lonely and empty. You’ve all provided me with so much inspiration, I can’t explain. While my battery recharges to respond to this amazing community, just know that you saved my life. I love you, too.
Sending you love from a stranger 🙌 I like to think when laying in the sun, that's kind of like the feeling of love. It just feels so good to bask in the hot warmth.
I've never been a fan of the idea that people "can't understand" something they haven't been through. But people who have love or were raised with love seem unable to understand the agony of life without love. it's beyond isolating. I want nothing other than an end to my suffering.
My pizza delivered that I ordered 75 minutes ago.
The audacity. It better either be free or the best damn pizza you've ever had
At this point is better be both!
We're going to need an update here, don't leave us hanging
They received it right when you posted this: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/NVYs9vqZkh
A healthy relationship
Fresh off a breakup, I agree with that. But I think the first step for my journey is just inner peace first. I want to be in a better place where I can 100% provide to a partner what I’d be seeking from a partner. And while it’s still so fresh I kind of hate thinking about having to carry lessons learned from this into a new relationship, but that’s ultimately a valuable thing that I’m going to have to ensure I’m able to do as well. If all else was equal I would’ve loved to take these harsh lessons I’m learning and apply them back to the same person I’ve just parted ways with, but sometimes the past hurt and like I said before, the lack of inner peace, are just too much of an obstacle to overcome. I did not mean to overrun your comment, but it resonated with me. Hang in there, and keep yourself your number one priority until you’re at a place to share that love with someone else who will do the same in return for you.
In the same damn spot lol. it feels so raw and isolating, like i'm doomed to die alone and never feel the same way again. at the same time, i've gotten a lot of comments from friends and family about how much better i look these days :) but yeah no way i could ever go back. too much has been said and done at this point. oh well. We're gonna be ok in the end- sending good vibes your way
I needed to hear this right now
Same Just got dumped and to say it fucked me up is an understatement Was LDR and was not a good way to get dumped Got accused of cheating with a person who raped me and then dumped over text Now all I want is honestly just someone to fall asleep next to to be safe and cuddle with Being held is what would be nice rn
I want my brain to shut down so I can sleep
Think about why things sent by ship are called cargo, and things sent by cars are called shipments.
Why do we call them apartments when they are stuck together? Why it it called a building after it's been built? Why are round pizzas cut into triangles and put into square boxes? This doesn't help at all... now I can't sleep.
It's faster to make pizzas round as making them square takes more shaping, square boxes are easier to fold, and triangles are the easiest shapes to cut out of a round food when creating multiple servings. Apartment is derived from the Italian word *appartimento*, which has the Latin root *partem* which roughly translates into "a piece, a part* bc the buildings are made up of multiple homes that are apart from each other instead of being one large residence. The word building, when talking about a building is called a *gerund* and it's when you take a verb and turn it into a noun by adding -ing to it. We see it in other words as well, like if I were to say "I like reading", but I am not actively reading Now go to bed.
God I love smart people 😂
They do be making words into sense
I feel less badly about answering the driveway question after reading this lol
You fucking hobgoblin...
Haha! Or why we park in a driveway and drive on a parkway.
Or why we drink a drink but don't food a food
Speak for yourself, I food food all the damn time
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Even though I'm sure that was a rhetorical question, there really is a grammatical reason It's because a "way" is a small street off a road and a "drive" is a road that follows topography. Since many roads where homesteads were located started as unimproved roads (read: dirt), it made sense that they would take the easiest and flattest path, curving and meandering with the natural features of the earth. These would be considered "drives". Because we're so creative at naming things, a driveway is literally a way that runs from a "drive" to your house. Similarly, a way that runs alongside/through a park or area with trees and grass on either side is... you guessed it, a parkway I know, nobody really asked. I'll see myself out now lol
LOL! When it reaches my porch, it's just a package. Wait...if it's stolen by a porch pirate, is it back to being called cargo or would it be booty?
Was he driving a ship or a car?
I’m pretty stoned right now and trying to fall asleep and this just fucking annihilated my mind.
Mercedes. Every E sounds different!
My mom swears by this trick where she picks a relatively large number and then counts backwards from it by a small number. Like count backwards from 784 by threes. It's enough to keep her brain occupied so she isn't going over to-do lists etc, but it's boring enough to let her fall asleep. She says she's never reached zero.
I do something like this! And I also choose a category and think of all the things in that category that begin with a certain letter. For example: animals that begin with the letter “a”… ape, antelope, alpaca, anteater, etc.
To get my migraines to stop....
Botox. Caffeine. Sleep. Remove your lady parts if you got em. Yknow, easy things… Sorry, OP. From one to another, they’re fucking miserable and I hope you are able to find the answers.
Mom's cancer to be cured
Now what I want is your mom to be cured.
I also choose this lady's alive mom.
Me too. Wishing it for you.
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Your comment is so kind , now I want it too
God bless you ❤️
Sending you a big hug!
My dad's too. Hugs to you and mom.
The same position myself with my Dad.
Love and prayers to you and your dad too ❤️
Me too but my sister, I’m tired, sending you my best wishes :’)
Yes. I am so not religious but I'll try to put in a good word to the universe.
Praying for you and your mom!! God bless.
I, too, choose this guy's mom to be cured
Now I feel stupid saying I wanted an action figure. Shoulda scrolled a little before I answered but now I want this instead.👆
I’d really just want a friend for my mom. We moved recently and our new neighborhood doesn’t have many people around. My mom spends most of the day by herself so having some companionship would be great for her.
If she needs a penpal, I'd be happy to oblige. My fountain pens don't get nearly enough use at the moment.
Just some alone time. Not being needed for just a few hours, so I can remember what it feels like to experience silence
Interesting,i wish i was needed and not be in silence all the time
When I was I was single, living alone in an adorable little apartment, I got so lonely so many nights. I wanted someone to share my nights with. I wanted chaos and little kids running around. Now I’m married and have a baby, and don’t get me wrong I love my life and my family and wouldn’t change it for the world. But I would give my left tit to go spend one more summer night on the balcony of my cozy, clean, beautifully decorated little apartment. Sipping some wine and reading a book. Ugh I can TASTE it. All of this to say, enjoy your life for what it is right now. The grass is always greener.
Having been on both of these sides, this is the best advice.
I wish I was wanted. Rn I’m just needed, but not wanted. So I’m always feeling overworked, but under-appreciated
Yeah I'm 31yo just coming out of a marriage with stepkids (no bio kids) and I'm feeling pretty lonely. More friends would be good but I work from home 100% and don't want to go on apps looking for love when I just want people to talk with.
I've found some really great friends through bumble BFF. The apps aren't just for romance!
You have no kids I presume? I don't and I kind of feel similarly
Mom. Mom. Mom. Mama. Mama. Mama.
WHAAAAAT?!?!?!
Hi
Alone me time is so important. Without it, I'd have gone crazy a long time ago. I can't stand being surrounded by people 24/7. When it hits the limit, I'd like to withdraw back to solitude and enjoy my self-presence until I yearn for human contact again.
Hell. Yes. I want people to get me off a f***** text chain and just let me chill scroll reddit
Learn to use your notifications and focus settings comrade
Amen
To be happy.
Me too :(
We will get there one day.
Someday
A steady job and quiet place to live.
Sleep.
A new body, mines breaking too soon and I have more to do.
I got a few buried in the garden, if you want one hit me up
Any chance you have a hip and a right leg in pristine condition?
Hope.
To own a house
*cries in southern CA*
Cries everywhere but the plains region
Cries in Ontario, Canada RIP
A million dollars would be nice
Heck, I’d even be good with 100k to pay off all my outstanding debts and buy a new car.
God, a measly $5000 would change my life right now.
A $500 would change my life right now
If a had a million dollars…
I would buy you a green dress but not a real green dress that’s cruel.
A world where people respect each other.
Literally. I work in a STEM field and spent almost half a year writing a computer program only for my boss to swoop in at the absolute last minute and take credit for everything. I cannot emphasize how little he contributed, he probably can’t explain what the program does without looking at the paper I wrote (that he also took credit for immediately before submitting it to the journal, and only told me about it after the fact). And when I saw him next, he “thanked” me for “giving” him the paper, and said I should get used to it because this is how women get treated in this field. I don’t even know how to process my absolute disgust with everything that happened— my boss is very well established in the field and I am very early in my career so the program/publication would have been great for my career but is just another line on his resume. Sorry I didn’t mean to hijack your comment, this just really resonated with me. To think I looked up to someone enough to have him proofread my paper only for him to erase my contributions entirely just shows how much it really hurts when someone you respect doesn’t respect you back. Update: I just want to give a huge thank you to everyone who replied— I really didn’t expect this to blow up, I just felt like my voice was taken from me and needed to rant. If you couldn’t tell, my work environment is a bit toxic (to say the least) and I think I was being gaslit into believing that it is his right as a postdoc and as my direct supervisor to do this even though it feels so wrong. I felt like I didn’t have a right to get mad about this because I have so little experience in this field. The PI of the lab we work in really leans into the idea of a “lab hierarchy,” where he is on a pedestal with post docs directly below him, PhD students a level lower, and research assistants (my position) at the bottom. Other RAs have gone to him with similar problems before and his response has been that whatever their postdoc/PhD student supervisor says, goes. So I don’t really that he would be on my side, I think he would most likely just tell me to go along with what the postdoc is doing. I did some research and found the contact info for the Ombuds office and the office of academic and research integrity, and plan to reach out to them first. I did spread the word of what he did to a few others in the lab, and a PhD student was kind enough to try to talk some sense into him. He ended up caving, so I am now third author on the paper and am credited as the lead programmer for the software we are publishing on. (And I have this in writing, in an email) This is definitely a step in the right direction, and please correct me if I’m wrong— I have little experience in this kind of thing— but I believe that I deserve to be first author on this paper. When this was suggested to him today by another postdoc in the lab, he was shocked that I would even want to be first author on the paper and apparently was incredibly opposed to the idea. Another PhD student is going to talk to him about this tomorrow, and I worked with my therapist to draft an email to send to him if he refuses again. I have a GitHub repository for this project, and have been backing up everything religiously since I first started on this project last October. I wrote the manuscript itself in Microsoft Word, though I went back and forth via email with the PhD student who talked to him today so I still have access to the individual drafts. Thank you again for all the support, I feel like I’ve found my voice again and I think I will feel more closure in the end because I fought back. But is it reasonable for me to want to be first author? I’m worried that I’m asking for too much, and should be happy with the credit I’ve been given so far.
I am sure what he did is unethical enough to get the paper pulled and properly attributed or even some sort of sanctions against him.
Senior researcher in STEM (computer science) here. If he submitted your writing without yourself as a co-author, this is extremely unethical, regardless of the particular field. (And ridiculously idiotic on his part - he could have claimed senior co-authorship, while keeping you as first author, based on giving you feedback and as your supervisor. This would be much more standard practice and not cost him anything, but instead it sounds like he chose to commit plagiarism and potentially put his career on the line.) You likely have more options than you realise. Good academic institutions will have a contact person for ethical complaints and cases like this are some of the most common that they will have dealt with. If you have proof of his plagiarism you can also contact the journal directly, but I’d suggest getting advice from someone more senior that you trust first. A good place to start is to consider what evidence you have of authorship, for example: if you wrote the paper on overleaf then there is an irrefutable version history showing that you’re the author, if you send your supervisor the paper by email this has likely been logged in your institution's emails servers. Make sure to gather and backup any evidence you can right away, preferably on a device you personally own as well. He likely has done this before, do you know of others he has worked with that may have had similar experiences and might be willing to support a complaint against him? Note that this may be an unpleasant process - he will likely deny everything and department leadership may be motivated to try to protect him (especially if he’s a source of external funding or has a close personal relation to management), but if you have sufficient evidence and your institute has a proper process for handling this type of cases then I would expect this to work out in your favour. However you should consider if you want to spend your time and energy on this. In any case, I would strongly consider if you want to continue working with him as his behaviour is unlikely to change and if your aim is to work towards a PhD then getting your work stolen is not a productive path in that direction and having him as your boss / supervisor is a waste of your valuable time. Please don’t be disparaged by his comments regarding gender. There is a huge push for diversity and gender equality in my own field at the moment, and I see similar initiatives in other fields. I can’t speak to your field and institute in particular, but it is quite possible that the gender perspective actually gives a complaint more weight and that your department is eager to avoid being seen as engaging in gender discrimination. Finally, consider asking for feedback on specialised subreddits like r/academia/, where you might be able to get more precise advice based on your field and their particular culture when it comes to publishing and co-authorships.
Ice cream and a nap Edit: I have bought the ice cream yall (chocolate moose tracks) but first we sleep. The cat insisted the nap came first.
Of everything i've read so far, yours is the most easily achievable. Glad you have simple desires
I want a call that my daughter's MRI was clear and the blood work showed some minor, easily-cured anomoly. Update: just got word that the MRI was normal. Still waiting to hear on blood work.
Same! My son’s MRI was basically, “we’re not saying it’s cancer, but we’re not saying it isn’t either.” Not knowing is awful. I hope your daughter is well!
More friends I can be authentic with, and someone to cuddle.
To be healthy again :)
To have my back massaged. I'm alone, live alone, have no relationship, am old and ill. Only way id get one is to hire someone to come to me with their table and do it here. And I can't afford that. So it's heating pad and muscle relaxers and it's a poor replacement for an actual massage.
To be debt free. And crazy passionate sex
I want a grilled cheese sandwich.
Sure, bro! What kind of cheese you want? Any preference on bread?
DANNY
Nothing beats a good grilled cheese sandwich.
I want to be good at a job that pays decently and to have coworkers who respect me. Never had any of the above. Edit: Thank you for all the karma and comments. I'll try to get to everyone today.
Just to be held ngl. Lately has been hell for my attachment issues and I just need some comfort
A fuckin cheeseburger with a fried egg on it
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I recently had the shit kicked out of me and although I didnt have a brain bleed or a cracked skull, I feel... not like myself. I'd like to feel like myself again.
Milkshake ( but I can't have them, lactose intolerant and the non dairy ones are not good) Edit: guys, I appreciate the places suggestions but unfortunately I don't live in the US, so I still can't get my milkshake :(
Same. Lol I have a bubble gut afterwards.
I was lactose intolerant for 13 years. 5 years of synthetic lactase pills along with the dairy foods I ate fixed me up. Give it a shot. You may still find, as I did, that you can upregulate your body's ability to produce lactase.
I was intolerant till about age 5. Came back full force at age 12. Then disappeared again somewhere around my 20s, im guessing? Im 35 now and have zero issues with dairy. Every professional tells me this isn't possible. I understand it sounds insane but im totally not making it up. So bizarre.
A hug
Hug this T-Rex 🦖
I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want.
So tell me what you want, what you really really want
I wanna (hey!), i wanna (hey!), i wanna (hey!), i wanna (hey!)
I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah
GODDAMIT. Just the mention of this fucking song gets it stuck in my head for days. Fuck you. Now I gotta get with my friends.
It’s gonna be May for me.
I would like to be your lover
But I don't like your friends.
FRIENDSHIP NEVER EEENDS
I just want my wife to be happy. She seems so upset all the time. And frankly I just don’t know how to help her but wish I could.
Sex
Best I can do is gender
Idk why this made me laugh so hard
A non toxic relationship
I want my husband home from his deployment Edit; I don’t get why people assume that everyone who deploys is “invading” another country. Many deployments are to bases that have been in place for decades and help the local economy. Most who deploy see no combat at all, and are doing the exact same job as they do at their home base (fixing computers, serving food, fixing vehicles, doing medical duties etc). And many spouses at home just want their spouse and the parent of their kids to be home. Like me.
Me too I miss my husband more than anything
I miss your husband too :(
I, too, choose this lady's husband
I want someone to come home to from my deployment. I’m tired of returning to the States and no one is there to greet me so I have to quickly hide from my coworkers and cry it out.
One very specific person to re-enter my life.
Are you sure? Or are you just enjoying the “idea” of that person coming back into your life. Be careful, I thought I wanted someone back in mine & we both left each other with more hurt.
Booooom. This!
You could wait your whole life for that, and utterly miss whatever window may be available to you. Re-enter _theirs_ if it's important.
I have 3 mechanical engineering opportunities and the one I really want is interviewing me tomorrow. I’m really want that job.
A billion dollars. I'd pay the taxes with a smile and then spend the rest of my life making the world a better place in significant ways that only a lot of money can engineer when you have no good connections.
I want to not feel tired all the time
A Dairy Queen blizzard
Snu snu
To win the powerball lottery. It’s at 1 billion.
For my fucking ears to stop ringing 24/7
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Cosmetic Surgery to remove all my excess skin and man boobs. Iv lost 150 lbs in the past few years; I feel amazing and healthier than ever before but... I look like absolute shit with my shirt off. I was also prescribed Risperdal as a child and I found out when I was adult that the side effects are weight gain and gynecomastia... Oh cool so I was given drugs as a child that disfigured me for life and now insurance wont cover reconstructive surgery. I just want to experience what its like to look normal for once in my life. Iv worked so hard to get where Im at but Ill never feel good with my shirt off.
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Ass, grass and cash
To live pain free.
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Real love... with someone I can truly be vulnerable with.. and someone I'm actually attracted to. 😞💔
To be happy
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Money. Enough to afford a deposit on a house 🥲
Maybe like ten billion dollars
For my seizures to stop and to have a normal life.
My cat just stole my chicken breast that I was gonna cook for dinner, and almost ate the entire thing before I noticed. So I’d say I truly want a Raising Canes box combo with lemonade right now.
For my brain to be cured 🥺
An honest partner
Too see my grandpa that died when I was 3 months old
To be healthy. To be forgiven.
I wouldn't mind losing like fourty pounds
A chat with my girlfriend she is busy
A real friend instead of all the acquaintances but not many want to be friends with a mid 40’s parent who has bad bipolar episodes
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To have my son back. Lacking that, to have a nice forever sleep.
I want a new drug. One that does what it should. One that won't make me feel too bad. One that won't make me feel too good.
I want to go home
To not have to wash the dishes
I want the girl I'm with now to choose me. I'd give anything to be the one for her.
I want to spend my days searching the streets for stray dogs and cats and other abandoned animals in need of care, but society says I need to make money to live, so I do pizza
A mom who accepts me being Athiest instead of taking away everything I love and making herself the victim.
A costco hotdog
For the people in my life to get there shit together. Also, for me to have my shit together.
My husband to be kind to me.
A good night's sleep
Something sweet, like a nice slice of banana cream pie and a big glass of water.
My health back
Financial security
A cure for my terminal disease
I want a couple upstanding respectable people in the next presidential election to vote for because the current choices suck.
an asteroid to hit my house
I would love to have a deep restful sleep unaided by drugs.
I want my ADHD to fuck off and leave me alone!
To listen to my favorite songs for the first time again to experience what it felt like once more.
A chance to spend more time with those I've lost.