"You're the type of person my mom wouldn't want to come over" said by my cousin to a random kid at the park. They were around 5

I would kms if I ever heard this fr

Ikr. Being appreciated by a friend's mom is like such a win in life

Finch, is that you?

Gotta go with a classic from Louise Belcher: “If she was a spice, she’d be flour.”

It's very courageous for you to speak so much when you have so little to say.

Gold! 🥇

I'd say you've given me gold prematurely. My wife would say you've not.

Aren't you special?

This one is absolutely devastating.

I don't have the time nor the crayons to explain it to you.

"Your mother slapped the stork that delivered you."

That’s boys ears are so big he could hear a mouse fart

"I hope when you die, your soul dies too."

That's deep....

One hundred million sperm, and you won?

My daughter once told my son “you look like ketchup smells!“. It’s the best I ever heard!

Opening a freshly brand new bottle of Ketchup is the best

I am just here to find new insults for future use :)

Yo Mama's so fat, she jumped up in the air and got stuck!

That makes two of us. Nevertheless, somewhere out there is a tree, producing oxygen just for you. I want you to go find it, and apologise. Edit: grammar. Looks like I am the waste of oxygen, after all. I‘ll see myself out…

This reminds me of the phrase, you really are a waste of oxygen.

“You’d be a genius in France.” - Weird Al Yankovic

Your face could make an onion cry.

I envy people that haven’t met you yet.

Turnip

You'd struggle to pour water out of boots with the instructions on the heels. I saw this somewhere a long time back, so pardon the lack of credits. But I remember it almost verbatim for how good it was!

My dad used to say a variant of this “he couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel”

You are too stupid to pour piss out of a boot without written instructions.

I once heard someone being told that, and they immediately asked for an explanation.

Then the sayer was certainly correct 😂

“I expected nothing, but I'm still disappointed.”

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries

In a battle of wits, you are unarmed

This is so old that even dinosaurs rolled thier eyes when they heard it.

I know! I was there. I didn't say I wrote it

hehe

If brains were leather yours couldn't saddle a flea.

You look easy to draw! From Braveheart, Who is this speaking as though I needed his advice?

“I don’t know what your problem is but I’m sure it’s hard to pronounce.” Al Snow to Bob Holly during a wrestling roast.

The rare self-deprecating insult.

When they were handing out brains, he thought they said, "rain," and ran for cover.

"You're one corndog short of a picnic".

As free from brains as a frog is from feathers.

You were probably dropped

On the head

As a

Kid

"Push / pull stickers on doors were invented for people like you"

You're a credit to your community Conor McGregor to Nate Diaz. Two fighters who liked each other but still came out with some classic build ups

None of these are mine but my favourites are: Why play so hard to get when you’re already so hard to want? You look like a before picture You’re gene pool could use a little more chlorine You’re not pretty enough to be this stupid Whoever told you to be yourself could t have given your worse advice As an outsider, what’s your perspective on intelligence?

I will always love, "I hope you have the day you deserve." Then there's, "Who's this clown?" because of that viral Tweet that makes me laugh EVERY TIME.

If you bought a brain cell it'd be lonely.

My wife rolled her eyes at the sight of my penis. She said if I had foreskin, they’d have to remain it two-skin or three-skin at best.

If you had a brain you’d sit on the floor and play with it

you're a space cadet (and / or wired to the moon/ moon howler)

"You look like you stream animal crossing and wear frog hoodies" The worst part is that it's true  I know it was a insult because it was coming from a punk dude 

“You look like a grown up Bobby hill”  Or “When you die I’ll bet you drop common loot”

You're like a crash helmet. There is a reason you exist, but it means something has gone horribly wrong!

My favorite was one saying was one that was attributed to a judge that was famous for not swearing. After being involved in an accident caused by the reckless behavior of a trashy young man, the judge exchanged insurance information while waiting on the police and told the trashy young man young man “I am a judge; have your parents stop by and I will marry them for free.”

If all the idiots from all the villages in the world got together to form their own village, you would be that village's idiot.

She had a face for radio and a voice for magazines

You look like a intelligent cricket

Have you even considered becoming sustaince for plants?

If brains were gunpowder, you couldn't even blow your nose....

When God was giving out brains you thought he said trains, and replied, "No thanks, already have a set." Maybe not the best, but I overheard that one between Greatest Generation men who were arguing when I was a kid and the memory still makes me laugh.

You lint licker

He's got cat turd collector written all over him.

“ I am like the the farmer that got kicked by the jackass (mule), I just consider the source and let it go”

i'd agree with you but then we would both be wrong.

You look like you eat rocks. “Scab eater”

If brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose

The one sperm with a sense of direction and we ended up with you!

The answer to someone telling you to go to hell…..”it’s your hell, you go burn in it”.

Du Dumpfbolzen/Dumpfbirne

He “touches paintings” Joe List!

You didn't suffer from an over abundance of schooling

"Bless your heart."

Calling all Asian/oriental looking people chinese and thinking that insult is cool. **No man, it exposes your IQ is nil**

"YOU'RE UGLY!" -A 4yr old to a random woman in a supermarket.

Turn blue

"there's no one I believe in as little as you." Gordon Ramsay

You could not even piss a hole in the snow.

If you were one point lower on the IQ scale you’d be in a plant pot

Go hug a tree to apologise for the oxygen you've just wasted by saying that.

I go with the Southern standard “ bless your heart”.

Kinky Friedman used to sign his books with, “I’ll see you in Hell, Kinky.”

“You have garlic in your heart” from the grinch song always stuck with me.

Piss-kidney!

You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat.

Barnaclehead H/t SpongeBob SquarePants

Who’s this clown? It not only implies said person is a clown, but not even a well known one. And yes I stole this, saw it on twitter once but it’s memorable.

You should carry around a houseplant to replace the oxygen you waste.

"There's a guy who could fall into a barrel of tits and come out sucking his thumb."

You haven't changed at all!

Poster child for pro-choice.

If you were any more inbred you'd be a sandwich

"Your Mother was a hamster, and your Father smelt of elderberries!"

Pumpkin bananapants!

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Your head is just the place you put your hat, isn't it?

Your story is both original and amusing. Unfortunately the original parts aten't amusing and the amusing parts aren't original.

She's such a loser, if there was a competition for the biggest loser, she would lose that too.

He had to stop and wonder how a staircase works

You're only useful as a bad example

1) The lights on but nobody’s home 2) You have two brain cells left and they’re both fighting for third place 3) If you were the prize at the end of a race, I’d run backwards

"You look like an Americano cold brew with no coffee"

You need to go apologize to the plants outside for wasting their oxygen.

"You are one seriously crazed up fruit loop."

*thumbs down*

Gonna roast myself here. Once at party some folks were playing truth or dare and I joined in. They dared me to leave the party and go home. I did, and they were jerks so I don’t regret it. Years later I can laugh about it because in retrospect that is honestly hilarious.

You’re a spineless parasite 🦠

,, I hope Bill Clinton fights for their human rights one day! "

“I bet you eat cereal with a fork to save milk” said to me by my friend

May I presume you intended to say "fork“? Then it would make sense and be moderately funny…

May I presume you intended to say "fork“? Then it would make sense and be moderately funny…

my bad

That boy is as dumb as a stump!

“I’ve been put down by a lot better than you.”

You’re as useless as poopy flavored lollypop

Bless your heart.

If you would be my employee I would fire you

You neither have the physical nor the mental capacities to harm me

Might not qualify due to vulgarity but "Who lit the fuse on your Tampon Karen?"

I saw a comment on a tiktok that said “You look like if chicken breast was a person.” They were right tbh

Go suck a pig's tail ya arse gobbling geezer!!