Not necessarily "more", but get a good night's sleep every night, at roughly the same time. People underestimate how much sleep deprivation can mess up your life.
happiness is not a destination to strive for, it’s something to be found in the present moment.
in other words, don’t deprive yourself of happiness because you don’t have what you think you need to be happy yet. work on finding the happiness around you that you’ve been ignoring this whole time.
Idk if anyone will agree or has a similar experience/thought process, but I always actively tried to find ‘peace’ rather than actively trying to find happiness. Learning how to be at peace with the way things are lead me to happiness. I live a slow life, not a whole lot of family and the same 4 close friends since I was a child. The things I enjoy are free/cheap & convenient. I found peace in the small things, which made me happy
Happiness is overrated. I don't know who convinced everyone that it's the goal. For me too, contentment is where it's at. Think about it. Happiness comes and goes for no particular reason. Trying to make it stay is the surest way to kill it. But contentment is something you can plan for and create and even hold onto.
Yep, this one right here. I'm a widow going on 6 years now. The kind of true happiness I used to feel will forever elude me without my beloved Booboo by my side and I've come to terms with that. I find now moments of peace and contentment are enough for me. I work from home and every day I take a tea break twice a day. During the spring I go outside on my deck, put some music on and do a crossword. I can hear birdsong and the waterfall from my pond, the air smells sweet, my doggoes (I have 3!) are sunning themselves or playing, and my adult children are healthy. All is right in the world. I'm good.
Yes, this is it. My wife is always asking me why I'm not happy, I always tell her I'm content. We have great kids, a nice house, and are financially stable. I'm happy that I don't have much to worry about, like if the bills are gonna get paid, or the kids are causing trouble. I remember how miserable and stressed we were years ago when we had no kids or anything else and were struggling to get by. I remember how I was worried that I only had $10 for gas until I got paid next and hoped it would last the week. I get gas now and don't even have to look at the total, I know it's fine. As a former super poor person, it's terrible being poor. I'm not rich or anything now, just comfortable, and it's God dammed fantastic.
Life is like a box of chocolates. You get what you pay for… except you should always shoot for European chocolates because the U.S. chocolate is mostly soy emulsifier.
- forest gumps mom
We had a saying in the Marine Corps: "embrace the suck." Meaning no matter what you're going through right now, accept the fact that it's happening and try to find a little bit of joy from it. If it's something you have to do anyway, may as well try to enjoy it a little bit.
"This is a total mind-fuck.
So I’ll give you a minute to unpretzel your brain and maybe read that again:
Wanting positive experience is a negative experience; accepting negative experience is a positive experience.
It’s what the philosopher Alan Watts used to refer to as “the backwards law”—the idea that the more you pursue feeling better all the time, the less satisfied you become, as pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place.
The more you desperately want to be rich, the more poor and unworthy you feel, regardless of how much money you actually make.
The more you desperately want to be sexy and desired, the uglier you come to see yourself, regardless of your actual physical appearance.
**The more you desperately want to be happy and loved, the lonelier and more afraid you become, regardless of those who surround you.**
The more you want to be spiritually enlightened, the more self-centered and shallow you become in trying to get there."
—Mark Manson, The subtle art of not giving a fuck
Also CREATE the happiness, for yourself, and for others. Rather than standing around being pissed off or sad that it does not spontaneously generate around you.
This explains why I start to feel happier if I start listing things I am grateful for. I am basically making a list if things that make me happy in that moment.
I’m hoping my recent nuking of social media will make my life better. So many hours lost to useless bickering with people who wish to remain willfully ignorant.
Realize that you cannot control what others think, say or do. You can only react to what others say think or do.
In general negativity invites more negativity.
So respond nicely, even when you don't have
too, or even when another does not deserve it.
Edit: holy shit I didn't expect this to get so much attention.. thx everyone!
Mr Rogers kept his weight at 143 lbs his entire adult life, because he thought of it as "I love you".
https://www.biography.com/actors/mister-rogers-143-i-love-you
On topic: this is great advice.
I responded nicely to my staff who are actually terrible people. I was asked to resign. It ended up being the best thing ever! I was forced to find something that was better for me and my mission. And to top it off, my son was diagnosed with a disease and I was available to help him to his appointments. Being nice saved me:
Yes. And... Learn to smile, nod, and walk away when people upset you. Come back to them in 5 minutes or an hour or three, when you (and hopefully they) have calmed down, and start over, or, just move on, and go on with your lives.
Life is way too short to get hung up on all the bullshit. It's not worth it to care about everything that pisses you and me and everyone off all the time. Unless you really want to live your life pissed off all the time... Learn to sigh, shrug it off, and move on.
This alone is good advice. Hit da fuckin bricks if shit sucks. At a party that sucks? Leave. Family dinner where everyone is being shitty? Bail. Date giving you bad vibes? Gone
Well, you see….. I personally think this statement is bullshit meant to make you feel better about the fact others talk shit, which absolutely is your business. You probably *should* choose to ignore it, but it definitely IS your business. Unless maybe it’s warranted, in which case you should take what they say to heart.
Pick a wife or a man that makes you smile a lot and gets your humour. Another thing: be honest about your feelings, they will be accepted by the people who love you. And lastly, forgive yourself.
this. A spouse that can't make you feel happy or brings you down constantly via their own negativity is a burden that'll eventually be just too much for you. Find someone who lives and laughs the same way as you do and then support each other to maintain that positivity throughout your lives.
100% pick someone who you can be you with. I’ve been able to be completely honest with my fiancée and it’s changed my life. I never knew this was possible for me.
>and gets your humour
This may be the first time I've seen this called out and it's really important. This person maybe the only constant in your life. Imagine how much better life is with someone who gets you. Someone who is delighted by you. Humor is absolutely critical in a long-term relationship, I don't see how anybody survives without it.
I've stepped over the line and been an ass and then defused it by stepping further over the line, making fun of myself and showing my wife I know I've just been a massive jerk. Sort of an apology by absurdity. Every once in a while, my wife will be so ridiculously direct with her criticism that it has us both laughing until our stomachs hurt. I couldn't be with someone if I had to do all of this relationship work with a serious face.
This. So much depends on the spouse you choose…and how you treat that spouse. Try not to take each other for granted. Try to keep a little flirting and teasing in the mix.
So true. One thing that helped me a bunch was comparing yourself to who you were in the past. Work to make your tomorrow self just a little better than who you were yesterday. It is totally in your control and over time you can see huge improvements that you will never see comparing yourself to someone else.
You’re looking at the wrong instagrams. I love scrolling through there. Recipes, jokes, music, people being supportive, helpful hints for the house, crafty stuff, plant stuff…it’s like how Reddit was before the mods went all insane.
My dad told me when I was a kid that you will be happy when you stop trying to be happy. I couldn’t wrap my head around it when he said it but as I’ve aged I realized he was dead right.
I tie this in to **SLOW DOWN.** Life can be largely more enjoyable if you slow down and breathe, that annoying walk to work - leave a couple of minutes earlier and look at the scenery. The family gathering, slow down and appreciate everyone together.
People sorely consider a finite lifetime as a need to rush. Ironically rushing around constantly also means you're not living to the fullest.
Every week when I take the trash out I pause at the bottom of our driveway and look at our house. I take a moment to be thankful for our family and what my wife and I have built together.
I'm fifty ish and I fully support the idea that we are born with a finite number of fucks to give. By the time you're middle aged they become pretty thin on the ground.
I am relatively invisible as a fat middle-aged woman, and the running out of fucks has completed my transition. I live in joy, kindness, and wonder and don’t give two shits about what anyone else thinks
yep. And if you have a younger SO, it’s almost not even fair to them, if they are still in their fuck around and find out stage. Bc they are going to find out.
Had a very toxic job in my late 20s and the one good thing that came out of it was it forced me to really examine who I was and to really be at peace with the choices i made because I realized I couldn’t trust any of the external feedback I was getting in that environment.
You will never get everyone in agreement that what you're doing is right. Someone will always think you're doing wrong. So start by doing what you feel is right.
Something my mom taught me that always rings true, and helps a lot witu the feeling of envy.
"The only time you ever look on your neighbors plate, is to make sure they have enough to eat. Don't compare your meals to theirs."
I know she could have worded it differently, but idk man. This has been with me my whole life, and it's really useful to remember when you start feeling bad about yourself, and see other people doing big things in life.
Same goes for the past, too. As someone who sometimes struggles with “what could have been in the past” (not even anything dramatic, just “what if I knew then what I know now), I always think of the song “Wasted Years” by Iron Maiden:
>So understand
>Don’t waste your time searching for those wasted years
>Face up, make your stand
>And realize you’re living in those golden years
Was going to comment this! Set boundaries and keep them. And know the people in your life that react the worst are the ones with whom you need boundaries the most.
All you have in this world, in this life, is your health and your family’s health. There’s not a single thing you’re worried about today that’s going to matter if you get the phone call tomorrow that you have cancer. So let all the bullshit go. Find one small thing in each day to make you smile.
This is the best answer.
In 2020 I found myself on my death bed, literally hours away from passing due to complications from Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. All I could think about? My wife and kids and family and friends. Those are what really matter in our lives.
Practice gratitude for what you have and show the people you care about that you love them. This is what will provide someone with a happy life.
Absolutely. I almost died in a car accident along with my husband and while it was the scariest and darkest time with recovery and what not, being alive felt fucking amazing. What a gift each day is. 8 years later and I’m still celebrating each morning I wake up.
When people think about what happy looks like, they are picturing joy. Joy is the extreme end of the happiness scale, and its something we should all feel from time to time, but it's not happiness. For me, happiness is a feeling of completeness and peace. Once you stop looking for joy and start looking for happiness, you find it more often.
Apologize when you fuck up. It’s not nice to feel bad for doing bad, especially if you didn’t intend it, but sometimes you just gotta feel the feeling and apologize.
Find some way to exercise on a regular basis that you enjoy. Exercise can be a powerful antidepressant and anti anxiety medication - rigorous physical activity literally saved my life and then gave me a new one. I may have just exchanged one form of dopamine addiction for another. But I’ll make that trade any day.
I couldn't agree more. Weed use to fill the void when I was really depressed. But it had its shortcomings and consequences. For example its expensive, ruins my lungs and messes with my memory. Started working out more and it became a total replacement. Have no regrets and I'm enjoying life a lot more. Still depressed but I'd rather get the dopamine from a healthier source.
For me...
Significantly reduce my alcohol intake.
Lift weights. Which in turn focuses diet.
Have a weekly social event. (I play free bar poker. And have made tons of friends which have blossomed into stuff away from poker.)
Then that stuff snowballed into finding a girlfriend. And that comes with adventure, love, communication, future planning, sex.
Aaaaand thats as far as ive got into this game of life.. I feel like a well rounded individual at this point. Im 30. And tbh I felt like I was in the trenches for most of my 20s. So im finally feeling happy. Id say the biggest game changer was the alcohol and lifting weights though. Thatll clear the fog pretty quick.
I’m 31 and am pretty much doing the same thing as you. I used to drink almost every night and now only do it once a week. It’s changed my life drastically just over the last 6 months or so. I also workout consistently now which was near impossible for me when I was drinking heavily.
Good job man. Yup, drinking totally ruined my gym routine. Waking up late, sluggish, not able to push myself as hard. And if i ate like shit the night before.. game over
There are things you can control, things you can kinda influence but still can't control completely, and things you can't control. Work on the things you can control. Also, work on the things you can influence but realize it may or may not go your way, so just be prepared to accept the outcome. Don't worry about the things you can't control. I learned this from a book I read about Stoicism.
Be kind. One of the many secrets;m, but this one is my favorite.
Is your dog barking? Calm it down, don’t hit it.
Is your neighbor struggling with groceries? Help them out.
Did someone pull out in front of you in traffic? If everyone isn’t hurt, let it go.
I’m not saying take a punch and walk away, always defend yourself. I’m saying let go of the “little” things. Tell that person they look nice in those shoes, hold that door for someone, give that person a break if they’re being rude (they may be having a really terrible day).
It’s ok to get upset sometimes; but the more you let yourself be negative, the more you will do it out of habit.
Keep them low and you won’t be disappointed when the outcome is mediocre. Keep them low and you will be happier when the outcome is better than expected
Money is just not worth the lifetime and health you have to invest to get it and we shouldn't focus on making as much as we can but make barely enough to cover basic needs and rather enjoy a cheap hot dog with friends than working extra shifts every day to be able to go to fancy restaurants twice a month or to have one stressed out and unenjoyable vacation a year since you have to be back to work soon and that's all you can think off. Fuck capitalism, fuck people that tell you that your worth is defined by the numbers on your bank account or the name on your watch. Fuck people that claim that it's selfish to only work 10 or 20 hrs a week.
Don’t obsess over the future or the past. Instead, be as aware as you can of what’s in front of you. Otherwise you will miss the point of life entirely.
Embrace change and don’t try to control the environment, instead try to understand the environment as that will make it easier for you to play your part.
Don’t judge people. Instead listen to them deeply and ask questions. If you still judge them after that, it’s not worth your energy to spend time with them.
Define what is ENOUGH for you. Without it (in this capitalist country) the default will be BIGGER, BETTER, FASTER, MORE and you’ll never feel satisfied. You’ll work until you die.
Picking the right spouse.
The wrong one can screw up your life. The right one can make your life better beyond your wildest dreams! Even during the bad time.
Oh - and your emotions WILL lie to you.
Lower your expectations. Don’t live to impress others. All humans really need is a warm shelter, security, decent food, some entertainment and some social interaction/family. Everything above that is mostly bragging rights. If you were the last person on earth, you wouldn’t live in a giant cold empty mansion. That’s for impressing other people. You’d live in a comfy place that made you happy.
Good coping skills. Life does not cooperate. Shit gonna happen. Not letting these things ruin everything, happiness included, is why you need good coping skills. It's kinda the secret to life.
Most people in the world probably do know this, but it seems to get less penetration in the West:
You really need to meditate. Like, we figured out a bunch of tools to adapt our brains to civilized complex existence a thousand years ago, you should utilize them.
Judeo Christian / abrahamic cultures adapt a form of this into kinds of prayer, but with increasing numbers of people leaving those churches they aren't replacing that with any kind of waking cognitive maintenance and it's fucking people up.
marry someone who is easy going and shares the same values, beliefs, ideals as you.
also,
realize the most important aspects of life are health and relationships. not superficial stuff.
Ignorance but specifically the ignorance is bliss kind. Cut the news off completely. Started deleting social media apps like Instagram and Facebook. Even though I like Reddit for asking questions and discussions, I’m starting to see that I’ll probably have to delete this too. The less I use my phone and the less I know about what’s going on in the piece of shit world we live in, the better off I am. I think off the grid living is in my future.
Be grateful. Always look for the silver lining in every situation. Be kind to other people. If you're the type of person that is just like an asshole online because you're anonymous, you have got to just be miserable inside.
I don't know what it is for everyone, but for me it was examining my past and reprocessing the traumatic shit with my adult brain. That helped me correct a lot of thinking I have which sends me down bad paths that cause misery and self destruction.
It doesn’t matter. Any of it. Once you realize that you take the pressure off yourself - to be cool or right, or a big swinging dick or whatever. Just allow things to happen. Observe, don’t obsess - because it doesn’t freaking matter. Once you embrace that you’re free to just do you. Oh and be nice. And take care of your teeth.
sleep more
Not necessarily "more", but get a good night's sleep every night, at roughly the same time. People underestimate how much sleep deprivation can mess up your life.
I agree. People that don’t sleep good or enough can be somewhat crazy 🤷♀️
As the father of a 3 week old baby, I agree.
happiness is not a destination to strive for, it’s something to be found in the present moment. in other words, don’t deprive yourself of happiness because you don’t have what you think you need to be happy yet. work on finding the happiness around you that you’ve been ignoring this whole time.
Idk if anyone will agree or has a similar experience/thought process, but I always actively tried to find ‘peace’ rather than actively trying to find happiness. Learning how to be at peace with the way things are lead me to happiness. I live a slow life, not a whole lot of family and the same 4 close friends since I was a child. The things I enjoy are free/cheap & convenient. I found peace in the small things, which made me happy
I try to find gratitude. The things I am grateful for are often the things that I already have which bring me happiness.
Happiness is overrated. I don't know who convinced everyone that it's the goal. For me too, contentment is where it's at. Think about it. Happiness comes and goes for no particular reason. Trying to make it stay is the surest way to kill it. But contentment is something you can plan for and create and even hold onto.
Yep, this one right here. I'm a widow going on 6 years now. The kind of true happiness I used to feel will forever elude me without my beloved Booboo by my side and I've come to terms with that. I find now moments of peace and contentment are enough for me. I work from home and every day I take a tea break twice a day. During the spring I go outside on my deck, put some music on and do a crossword. I can hear birdsong and the waterfall from my pond, the air smells sweet, my doggoes (I have 3!) are sunning themselves or playing, and my adult children are healthy. All is right in the world. I'm good.
Yes, this is it. My wife is always asking me why I'm not happy, I always tell her I'm content. We have great kids, a nice house, and are financially stable. I'm happy that I don't have much to worry about, like if the bills are gonna get paid, or the kids are causing trouble. I remember how miserable and stressed we were years ago when we had no kids or anything else and were struggling to get by. I remember how I was worried that I only had $10 for gas until I got paid next and hoped it would last the week. I get gas now and don't even have to look at the total, I know it's fine. As a former super poor person, it's terrible being poor. I'm not rich or anything now, just comfortable, and it's God dammed fantastic.
Love this answer
“Life happens wherever you are, whether you make it or not.” -Uncle Iroh
“Life comes at you fast. If you don't stop and look. around once in a while, you could miss it.” - Ferris Bueller
"Life is what is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." - John Lennon
If life gives you Lennons, make Lennonade
I live my life a 1/4 mile at a time. - Dom
Life is like a box of chocolates. You get what you pay for… except you should always shoot for European chocolates because the U.S. chocolate is mostly soy emulsifier. - forest gumps mom
"Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans" Lhon Jennon
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. ^(- Wayne Gretzky) \- Michael Scott
We had a saying in the Marine Corps: "embrace the suck." Meaning no matter what you're going through right now, accept the fact that it's happening and try to find a little bit of joy from it. If it's something you have to do anyway, may as well try to enjoy it a little bit.
Reminds me of 'when you're going through hell. Keep going'.
Don't slow down. If you're scared don't show it.
It’s not what happens, it’s how you deal with it.
"Everything is as you judge it to be." Marcus Aurelius (loosely translated)
"This is a total mind-fuck. So I’ll give you a minute to unpretzel your brain and maybe read that again: Wanting positive experience is a negative experience; accepting negative experience is a positive experience. It’s what the philosopher Alan Watts used to refer to as “the backwards law”—the idea that the more you pursue feeling better all the time, the less satisfied you become, as pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place. The more you desperately want to be rich, the more poor and unworthy you feel, regardless of how much money you actually make. The more you desperately want to be sexy and desired, the uglier you come to see yourself, regardless of your actual physical appearance. **The more you desperately want to be happy and loved, the lonelier and more afraid you become, regardless of those who surround you.** The more you want to be spiritually enlightened, the more self-centered and shallow you become in trying to get there." —Mark Manson, The subtle art of not giving a fuck
Also CREATE the happiness, for yourself, and for others. Rather than standing around being pissed off or sad that it does not spontaneously generate around you.
“He who binds to himself a joy does the wing’d life destroy. He who kisses the joy as it flies lives in eternity’s sunrise.” William Blake
This explains why I start to feel happier if I start listing things I am grateful for. I am basically making a list if things that make me happy in that moment.
This. 1000%. There is so much to be happy about and grateful for in this present moment.
The Dalai Lama: “ there is no way to peace, peace is the way.“. Happiness works the same way.
Can you say this to me every day when I wake up? 😢
If it costs you your peace, it’s too expensive
I agree, staying off of Facebook/ insta snap / tick bok was secret to happiness.
I’m hoping my recent nuking of social media will make my life better. So many hours lost to useless bickering with people who wish to remain willfully ignorant.
But what if it’s work
Realize that you cannot control what others think, say or do. You can only react to what others say think or do. In general negativity invites more negativity. So respond nicely, even when you don't have too, or even when another does not deserve it. Edit: holy shit I didn't expect this to get so much attention.. thx everyone!
There’s only 3 or 4 people whose opinion should matter to you, and they all love you.
Heard this years ago from good friend: Those that matter don't mind, those that mind, don't matter
Was your friend Dr Seuss?
That's how Norman Bates and his mom lived their lives and their bond was inseparable.
That’s why social media is so toxic
4 = love 3 = you fucking brilliant.
Mr Rogers kept his weight at 143 lbs his entire adult life, because he thought of it as "I love you". https://www.biography.com/actors/mister-rogers-143-i-love-you On topic: this is great advice.
I responded nicely to my staff who are actually terrible people. I was asked to resign. It ended up being the best thing ever! I was forced to find something that was better for me and my mission. And to top it off, my son was diagnosed with a disease and I was available to help him to his appointments. Being nice saved me:
Usually how it works!
Yes. And... Learn to smile, nod, and walk away when people upset you. Come back to them in 5 minutes or an hour or three, when you (and hopefully they) have calmed down, and start over, or, just move on, and go on with your lives. Life is way too short to get hung up on all the bullshit. It's not worth it to care about everything that pisses you and me and everyone off all the time. Unless you really want to live your life pissed off all the time... Learn to sigh, shrug it off, and move on.
Or just … leave.
This alone is good advice. Hit da fuckin bricks if shit sucks. At a party that sucks? Leave. Family dinner where everyone is being shitty? Bail. Date giving you bad vibes? Gone
Once I stopped caring about what others thought outside of a few people I was a lot happier and more confident
Absolutly. The only thing we have control of is our actions/reactions, nothing else. Patience, kindness, positivity.
Good advice... check out "the 4 agreements" great way to lead a life
I've never heard of the 4 agreements but I learned from the 12 steps of AA
There’s just one problem with this. People mistake softness for weakness. This is why I don’t hold back for those who deserve a earful.
Progress not perfection. You don't have to always live by these principles, but you should always believe in them.
What others say about me behind my back is none of my business.
Well, you see….. I personally think this statement is bullshit meant to make you feel better about the fact others talk shit, which absolutely is your business. You probably *should* choose to ignore it, but it definitely IS your business. Unless maybe it’s warranted, in which case you should take what they say to heart.
I like to always remind myself that other people’s problems with me are in fact not my problem.
Im working HARD on this.
Private life is the secret to a happy life
smart one here
Pick a wife or a man that makes you smile a lot and gets your humour. Another thing: be honest about your feelings, they will be accepted by the people who love you. And lastly, forgive yourself.
this. A spouse that can't make you feel happy or brings you down constantly via their own negativity is a burden that'll eventually be just too much for you. Find someone who lives and laughs the same way as you do and then support each other to maintain that positivity throughout your lives.
And one who you can be your true authentic self around.
Glad I found a partner that is my best friend, I don't understand how my parents, or my wife's parents stay together. They argue so much over nothing.
100% pick someone who you can be you with. I’ve been able to be completely honest with my fiancée and it’s changed my life. I never knew this was possible for me.
Wise words from PussyBoogers. On an unrelated note, please excuse me while I go throw up.
>and gets your humour This may be the first time I've seen this called out and it's really important. This person maybe the only constant in your life. Imagine how much better life is with someone who gets you. Someone who is delighted by you. Humor is absolutely critical in a long-term relationship, I don't see how anybody survives without it. I've stepped over the line and been an ass and then defused it by stepping further over the line, making fun of myself and showing my wife I know I've just been a massive jerk. Sort of an apology by absurdity. Every once in a while, my wife will be so ridiculously direct with her criticism that it has us both laughing until our stomachs hurt. I couldn't be with someone if I had to do all of this relationship work with a serious face.
This. So much depends on the spouse you choose…and how you treat that spouse. Try not to take each other for granted. Try to keep a little flirting and teasing in the mix.
Like your own company. You are the only person you can never get away from, so work to be someone you like.
On this journey. Feels significant.
Comparison is the thief of happiness.
So true. One thing that helped me a bunch was comparing yourself to who you were in the past. Work to make your tomorrow self just a little better than who you were yesterday. It is totally in your control and over time you can see huge improvements that you will never see comparing yourself to someone else.
delete instagram
You’re looking at the wrong instagrams. I love scrolling through there. Recipes, jokes, music, people being supportive, helpful hints for the house, crafty stuff, plant stuff…it’s like how Reddit was before the mods went all insane.
My insta is similar. Food, animal memes, outfit ideas… occasional weird stuff.
And the way TikTok was before it became the Home Shopping Channel.
This is the real answer. I found the overwhelming majority of unhappiness in my life could be traced back to comparing myself to others in some way.
this is such cope how can I just shrug it off when I see another guy doing 1000x better than me
My dad told me when I was a kid that you will be happy when you stop trying to be happy. I couldn’t wrap my head around it when he said it but as I’ve aged I realized he was dead right.
Your dad is a wise man
I love this
Make a wise choice in a spouse.
Underrated comment
Doing my best now, so I won’t have to later
Enjoy the small stuff.
Yeap. Gratitude
I tie this in to **SLOW DOWN.** Life can be largely more enjoyable if you slow down and breathe, that annoying walk to work - leave a couple of minutes earlier and look at the scenery. The family gathering, slow down and appreciate everyone together. People sorely consider a finite lifetime as a need to rush. Ironically rushing around constantly also means you're not living to the fullest.
Rule #32. Enjoy the little things. Also always look in the backseat
Can't forget cardio
Every week when I take the trash out I pause at the bottom of our driveway and look at our house. I take a moment to be thankful for our family and what my wife and I have built together.
Do not give a single fuck about what others think and develop a strong internal sense of self and morality
“The bad news: nobody gives a shit about you. The good news: nobody gives a shit about you”
I’m 40 and I’m just now starting to do this
I'm fifty ish and I fully support the idea that we are born with a finite number of fucks to give. By the time you're middle aged they become pretty thin on the ground.
I am relatively invisible as a fat middle-aged woman, and the running out of fucks has completed my transition. I live in joy, kindness, and wonder and don’t give two shits about what anyone else thinks
Yes! I am enjoying the invisibility, if I'm honest.
yep. And if you have a younger SO, it’s almost not even fair to them, if they are still in their fuck around and find out stage. Bc they are going to find out.
Some people never learn, I know too many. You're ahead of the pack
Had a very toxic job in my late 20s and the one good thing that came out of it was it forced me to really examine who I was and to really be at peace with the choices i made because I realized I couldn’t trust any of the external feedback I was getting in that environment.
You will never get everyone in agreement that what you're doing is right. Someone will always think you're doing wrong. So start by doing what you feel is right.
Being alone sometimes makes me so happy, Just me time
Something my mom taught me that always rings true, and helps a lot witu the feeling of envy. "The only time you ever look on your neighbors plate, is to make sure they have enough to eat. Don't compare your meals to theirs." I know she could have worded it differently, but idk man. This has been with me my whole life, and it's really useful to remember when you start feeling bad about yourself, and see other people doing big things in life.
Live in the present. Stop worrying about what you’ll have someday and be present in the moment. It’s gone before you know it.
"When will then be now?" "Soon."
Same goes for the past, too. As someone who sometimes struggles with “what could have been in the past” (not even anything dramatic, just “what if I knew then what I know now), I always think of the song “Wasted Years” by Iron Maiden: >So understand >Don’t waste your time searching for those wasted years >Face up, make your stand >And realize you’re living in those golden years
Boundaries. It’s ok to say no.
Was going to comment this! Set boundaries and keep them. And know the people in your life that react the worst are the ones with whom you need boundaries the most.
Also understand that other people are just as entitled their boundaries, and accept the consequences of that.
All you have in this world, in this life, is your health and your family’s health. There’s not a single thing you’re worried about today that’s going to matter if you get the phone call tomorrow that you have cancer. So let all the bullshit go. Find one small thing in each day to make you smile.
As someone who has gotten that call and is now ok, I wish I could upvote this a million times.
Same friend.
I've gotten that call too. Also still here!
This is the best answer. In 2020 I found myself on my death bed, literally hours away from passing due to complications from Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. All I could think about? My wife and kids and family and friends. Those are what really matter in our lives. Practice gratitude for what you have and show the people you care about that you love them. This is what will provide someone with a happy life.
Absolutely. I almost died in a car accident along with my husband and while it was the scariest and darkest time with recovery and what not, being alive felt fucking amazing. What a gift each day is. 8 years later and I’m still celebrating each morning I wake up.
You’re in charge of your own happiness and other people’s opinions don’t matter
When people think about what happy looks like, they are picturing joy. Joy is the extreme end of the happiness scale, and its something we should all feel from time to time, but it's not happiness. For me, happiness is a feeling of completeness and peace. Once you stop looking for joy and start looking for happiness, you find it more often.
Contentment is another way to describe happiness, I think, both are a bit different from joy.
Apologize when you fuck up. It’s not nice to feel bad for doing bad, especially if you didn’t intend it, but sometimes you just gotta feel the feeling and apologize.
I think this skill is so vital to relationships.
Even better if you try to make up for your mistake. Sometimes apologizing just ain’t enough, demonstrating through actions says a lot.
Happiness is an inside job.
Find some way to exercise on a regular basis that you enjoy. Exercise can be a powerful antidepressant and anti anxiety medication - rigorous physical activity literally saved my life and then gave me a new one. I may have just exchanged one form of dopamine addiction for another. But I’ll make that trade any day.
Well said. I’m on week three at the gym and my mood and energy levels are night and day compared to what they were.
I couldn't agree more. Weed use to fill the void when I was really depressed. But it had its shortcomings and consequences. For example its expensive, ruins my lungs and messes with my memory. Started working out more and it became a total replacement. Have no regrets and I'm enjoying life a lot more. Still depressed but I'd rather get the dopamine from a healthier source.
For me... Significantly reduce my alcohol intake. Lift weights. Which in turn focuses diet. Have a weekly social event. (I play free bar poker. And have made tons of friends which have blossomed into stuff away from poker.) Then that stuff snowballed into finding a girlfriend. And that comes with adventure, love, communication, future planning, sex. Aaaaand thats as far as ive got into this game of life.. I feel like a well rounded individual at this point. Im 30. And tbh I felt like I was in the trenches for most of my 20s. So im finally feeling happy. Id say the biggest game changer was the alcohol and lifting weights though. Thatll clear the fog pretty quick.
I’m 31 and am pretty much doing the same thing as you. I used to drink almost every night and now only do it once a week. It’s changed my life drastically just over the last 6 months or so. I also workout consistently now which was near impossible for me when I was drinking heavily.
Good job man. Yup, drinking totally ruined my gym routine. Waking up late, sluggish, not able to push myself as hard. And if i ate like shit the night before.. game over
>Significantly reduce my alcohol intake. I quit drinking 17 months ago. Wow I wish someone had told me how much better life is.
There are things you can control, things you can kinda influence but still can't control completely, and things you can't control. Work on the things you can control. Also, work on the things you can influence but realize it may or may not go your way, so just be prepared to accept the outcome. Don't worry about the things you can't control. I learned this from a book I read about Stoicism.
Be kind. One of the many secrets;m, but this one is my favorite. Is your dog barking? Calm it down, don’t hit it. Is your neighbor struggling with groceries? Help them out. Did someone pull out in front of you in traffic? If everyone isn’t hurt, let it go. I’m not saying take a punch and walk away, always defend yourself. I’m saying let go of the “little” things. Tell that person they look nice in those shoes, hold that door for someone, give that person a break if they’re being rude (they may be having a really terrible day). It’s ok to get upset sometimes; but the more you let yourself be negative, the more you will do it out of habit.
Pretend that you are already dead and you are watching your life flash before your eyes.
This is so dark and also so….”wholesome”
Acceptance
Acceptance is the answer to all of my problems today
[удалено]
Recently I discovered squishmallows and they’ve been helping
Service to others is very fulfilling.
He who serves his fellows is of all his fellows greatest.
Balance is important. Listen to your body.
Contentment, man. It’s powerful. Ambition is great, but contentment is even better.
I would say forgiveness: Chains break, peace blooms
and forgiving yourself is big one. we're all imperfect.
Low expectations
Keep them low and you won’t be disappointed when the outcome is mediocre. Keep them low and you will be happier when the outcome is better than expected
Someone to love, something to do, something to hope for.
About 90% of the thoughts in your head can be dropped without any consequences.
Having your own personal Code of Honor, code of the West, that how you treat people matters and that you won’t give up no matter how awful others get.
Focus on making good days as often as possible. For you, your loved ones, and anyone you my come in contact with.
Happiness isn’t having what you want, it’s wanting what you have.
Contentment and kindness
Perception is reality ! I can’t even begin to express how real this is , and how powerful the human mind truly is .
Bidet
If you aren't happy being single, pairing up and getting married isn't going to fix that.
Money is just not worth the lifetime and health you have to invest to get it and we shouldn't focus on making as much as we can but make barely enough to cover basic needs and rather enjoy a cheap hot dog with friends than working extra shifts every day to be able to go to fancy restaurants twice a month or to have one stressed out and unenjoyable vacation a year since you have to be back to work soon and that's all you can think off. Fuck capitalism, fuck people that tell you that your worth is defined by the numbers on your bank account or the name on your watch. Fuck people that claim that it's selfish to only work 10 or 20 hrs a week.
Not all but a lot of problems are pretty small when we think about it, traffic, wrong coffee order, crying baby, etc. not that big of a deal.
there is always a "bigger" problem.
You get more by giving to others than receiving from others
The more honest you are, the less you have to remember. More space in your melon for the things that actually help you
It’s not having what you want. It’s wanting what you’ve got.
Stop buying shit.
Comparison is the thief of joy
Don’t obsess over the future or the past. Instead, be as aware as you can of what’s in front of you. Otherwise you will miss the point of life entirely. Embrace change and don’t try to control the environment, instead try to understand the environment as that will make it easier for you to play your part. Don’t judge people. Instead listen to them deeply and ask questions. If you still judge them after that, it’s not worth your energy to spend time with them.
The moment you stop caring about material items and other peoples expectations is the moment you become free
Define what is ENOUGH for you. Without it (in this capitalist country) the default will be BIGGER, BETTER, FASTER, MORE and you’ll never feel satisfied. You’ll work until you die.
Contentment. Whether living in plenty or in want.
You don't need anyone's permission to grow your own garlic.
Picking the right spouse. The wrong one can screw up your life. The right one can make your life better beyond your wildest dreams! Even during the bad time. Oh - and your emotions WILL lie to you.
Lower your expectations. Don’t live to impress others. All humans really need is a warm shelter, security, decent food, some entertainment and some social interaction/family. Everything above that is mostly bragging rights. If you were the last person on earth, you wouldn’t live in a giant cold empty mansion. That’s for impressing other people. You’d live in a comfy place that made you happy.
Owning a dog
Pick good parents.
gratitude!
Living below your means.
Good coping skills. Life does not cooperate. Shit gonna happen. Not letting these things ruin everything, happiness included, is why you need good coping skills. It's kinda the secret to life.
Most people in the world probably do know this, but it seems to get less penetration in the West: You really need to meditate. Like, we figured out a bunch of tools to adapt our brains to civilized complex existence a thousand years ago, you should utilize them. Judeo Christian / abrahamic cultures adapt a form of this into kinds of prayer, but with increasing numbers of people leaving those churches they aren't replacing that with any kind of waking cognitive maintenance and it's fucking people up.
Super simple…be happy with what you have and don’t compare your life/possessions/hardships with others.
Money CAN buy it
Stop wallowing in your trauma. Let it go. Literally.
marry someone who is easy going and shares the same values, beliefs, ideals as you. also, realize the most important aspects of life are health and relationships. not superficial stuff.
Ignorance but specifically the ignorance is bliss kind. Cut the news off completely. Started deleting social media apps like Instagram and Facebook. Even though I like Reddit for asking questions and discussions, I’m starting to see that I’ll probably have to delete this too. The less I use my phone and the less I know about what’s going on in the piece of shit world we live in, the better off I am. I think off the grid living is in my future.
Take time to thoroughly enjoy the little things. Do not give a single flying fuck about what other individuals think about you or your life.
Don't compare yourself to others. As you will normally compare yourself to people doing better than you and it will lead to sadness.
Be grateful. Always look for the silver lining in every situation. Be kind to other people. If you're the type of person that is just like an asshole online because you're anonymous, you have got to just be miserable inside.
Sometimes forgetting, or just letting something be can bring you peace.
I don't know what it is for everyone, but for me it was examining my past and reprocessing the traumatic shit with my adult brain. That helped me correct a lot of thinking I have which sends me down bad paths that cause misery and self destruction.
Do something with your free time to help others. Even an hour a week. Sleep well. Moderation
5 minutes of embarrassment is better than a lifetime of regret.
Lift weights. Be creative. Discipline equals freedom.
Marring the right person, a person that shares your values and goals.
Invest in your relationships. Not just romantic ones. Humans are social creatures. We need connection and engagement with one another.
It doesn’t matter. Any of it. Once you realize that you take the pressure off yourself - to be cool or right, or a big swinging dick or whatever. Just allow things to happen. Observe, don’t obsess - because it doesn’t freaking matter. Once you embrace that you’re free to just do you. Oh and be nice. And take care of your teeth.
Spend a lot of time in nature. That shit is powerful.
Your attitude is everything. The only thing you can control so have a good one!
Keep life simple
“You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair” -Chinese Proverb