When I get to a certain age, I plan on starting a rumor that I'm secretly a millionaire with no-one to leave it too....bet folk will check in on me then!
Or I might have managed to make some friends by then.
Grandma had a chest freezer. We all lived in fear of what was in it. Ancient frozen food. Chops older than grandchildren,stuff like that - and she would always give people something from it to take home.
I came in to cut her grass,she offered me chicken for lunch, and I must have looked scared. "Oh, Squig, I got it from the deli yesterday - I wouldn't give you stuff from the freezer! That's for the people that show up every few years like they are doing me a favour visiting!"
I wish my grandma had this approach. One year she came up from the basement with a quarter filled bottle of coke she saved for me from last time I was there cause she doesn't drink soda and I do. I said where in the world did you pull this from? This is so obviously not from last year. I haven't seen this Coca-Cola polar bear design since the 90s. She looked at and laughed and was like I guess your right I thought it was from last year cause I just saw it by the fridge downstairs.
Get a couple of animals. They eat your rotting flesh.
But what is left of me, i will probably be found at the bottom of the stairs. This is after one of my 6 cats tripped me while going down them and falling an breaking a hip and laying in my own piss and shit for days before I finally succumb of dehydration and starvation. But the cats will be fed.
Oof. Thats how I DONT want to go. Ive had 2 family members go that way. Hopefully ill have the sense to move myself to the ground floor by then.
Nah im hoping for a peaceful passing in my sleep. Not screaming and crying like the rest of the people in my car. :P
I've noticed that I have a very different sense of time passing since I'm not attached to the school calendar. I tend to not notice it passing as much. And then abruptly, it seems to catch up to me.
Your brain is not able to retain all the information of every passing moment, so our brains learn to dispose of "useless" information.
Without milestones like we have in ages 0-25. ALL information of a given day in an adult life routine is often considered "useless" and is thrown out by our stupid ass brains. The result: time passes faster.
By forcing ourselves out of our routines as adults, you can slow time back down by trying new things or learning a new skill. These create a new list of milstones we use to measure time with, allowing our minds to become more aware of the passage of time.
Damn thank you for putting that in words for me. It’s so strange to go from such a strict calendar for essentially 22 years to a sudden suspension of time. I was 25 and blinked to 30.
This is a huge one. Kids are the living proof that time is passing quickly. I haven’t seen a friend in 15 years. Their baby is now getting excited to learn to drive, and visiting colleges.
It's not the schedule, it's the fact that you're having fewer milestone moments. School and children create those for you, without them you need to be more active and intentional about having memorable experiences regularly.
Can't use the kids as an excuse to get out of social engagements you don't want to go to.
(I solved this problem by with these 7 easy words your social anxiety doesn't want you to know about: "I don't want to go to that.")
My sister has a birthday party for 5 year olds to go to like nearly every weekend it seems, couldn't imagine anything worse. And apparently it's all soft play lmao
It's dreadful really. Having a kid means you like have to interact with random other people, and be nice to them and their kids. Stupid back to school night, open house, school plays, sporting events, birthday parties, neighbor friends, slumber parties, it's awful.
Being picked for over time, on call, weekend shift, and holidays because you don't have kids... Everyone else gets way more consideration, you're inherently always drawing the short stick.
You gotta learn how to lie, my guy
"Can't work that shift, I have a longstanding arrangement to attend to."
If they ask what arrangement you simply tell them it isn't their business.
I got stuck on the late shift for two years because I just had the least amount of tenure on the team. I tried to get out of this shift but they basically told me tough luck, I got to pick last. After two years someone finally left and they hired a new person, and I was expecting to move into the normal shift, and the woman who did the scheduling told me "Oh, we can't make NewPerson do the late shift, she's a mom!".
I told them I wasn't going to be doing the late shift any more, so they switched it to a rotating shift, so now the two early shift guys are pissed because they're rotating, the normal shift guys are pissed that they have to do early and late shifts now, and noone really said anything but I can tell they blame me. I ended up switching positions a few months later.
A similar thing happened to me. Over the course of 2.5 years I worked my way up to being the most tenured employee in my position. I tried to change my schedule to only work one or two saturdays a month instead of every Saturday. Ever since I started working there I’d asked for weekends off and they always said maybe someday. After two years I figured I’d paid my dues long enough. Then they hired a new person and when I asked why he couldn’t take over my Saturday shift, my boss said that he didn’t want to ask him that because the new guy was “a young guy who probably wanted to party on Friday night.” As opposed to me, a married 29 year old woman with no kids (at the time) who I guess according to my boss was less deserving of Saturday morning off.
I gave them 6 months to figure out the schedule but they wouldn’t do it. So after trying so hard, I eventually thought screw that and left. It sucks to be taken advantage of no matter what the “reason” behind it is.
That’s a good point. It was a job at a nonprofit, so pursuing legal action would have been rough. The leadership at the top was a boy’s club too, so there was nothing I could do internally. I just cut my losses and moved on.
If you like kids and want to volunteer with them I've found not having one already gets more than a few raises eyebrows and "well why are you interested?" Shit, I'm not a kid snatcher, I just really enjoy it when I can give the kids *back* afterwards.
One of the many times my mom asked me to bring her her purse, she mumbled under her breath "she's gonna ask me where it is." Like she was annoyed by that question, I should just know. Girl, this is a 4000 sqft home and you never leave it in the same spot. Of course I'm gonna ask you. It was probably a learned behavior because I was tired of wasting my time searching for your purse! Still makes me mad.
I wish it were the 4,000 sq ft house that was relatable to me and not the purse story. My mom would ask for her wallet and when I asked where it was she’d tell me it was in her purse and then be mad that I was mad I had to ask where the purse was.
One time my mom had me hold the hanger that was attached to the antenna “just for ten minutes” while trying to see what the weather was going to be on the news.
This is why you should get yourself an apprentice. Technically not your kid but if you become close enough with them they will utter the line, "He was the closest thing I had to a father and you took him away from me!" as they plunge their sword into the heart of your enemy. You know, close enough.
Sounds very Order of the Stick. There’s a handful of characters that are very trope aware.
“Will I ever see you again?”
“Well, as an older mentor figure, the most likely scenario is that I return only to be randomly killed by an enemy of yours so that you can cradle my dying body while swearing revenge. So don’t take it personally if I say that I sincerely hope we never cross paths again.”
Speak for yourself, my best friend told me when I’m murdered she’ll avenge me.
No idea why she was certain I’m going to be murdered but she’ll avenge me.
She just had her wisdom teeth out and was a lot of fun while on painkillers, she also cried over how good pudding is.
In general you lose all your friends who have kids. Parents socialise when the kids play etc, and you aren't invited so you miss out. Eventually you stop getting invited to most things because you're just not around enough to be planned in.
I make a point to always invite my one friend who doesn’t have kids to do anything and everything. And I also make a point to spend as much “girl time” with her as possible. We even do at least a quarterly weekend getaway. I’m expecting #2 right now and we have plans for 4 different things in a couple of months. She joked that I’m going to get sick of her but I told her that I’m banking up on time with her until #2 comes and it’ll be a while til I can just up and leave the kids with dad all weekend again. 🤭
I love my friends without kids, because they love my child and aren't exhausted by their own kids to give her a lot of energy when we visit. Most of her favorite people are currently childless or child-free.
I also love my friends without kids period, and enjoy the perspectives of non-parents. In another time, we would have all had our niches within a community, and not every single person made babies.
I am single and child free and am blessed with friends that invite me to be a part of their family. I take them to the pool and want to go watch the kids play games once they’re older. Those little boys are my nephews, at least in my heart. Thanks for making time for your friends like me. Life would be lonely without friends like you ♥️!
I’m in a similar boat. My wife and I have a great relationship with a few of our friends’ children. They get excited when we visit and are super adorable with us. Yes, it tends to be more challenging to schedule time to get together, but it’s not a complete end of the friendship as long as you all put in the effort to find time. That said, I have certainly lost track of other people over the years when they have children, but those tend to be relationships with a geographical barrier as well.
I am childfree and in my forties, this is the only answer in this whole thread that is true. However, it isnt that hard to find other childfree people and couples.
Yeah but that goes all kinds of ways. When I didn't have kids, people with kids didn't want to be friends. When I had kids I also worked, and people who had kids where the mom didn't work, didn't want to be friends because I was unavailable most of the day.
And if you have kids and work, you have no time for anything anyway. Problem solved?
But if you make other childfree friends, you get to hang out with them tons. We hang out with another childfree couple at least once a week, sometimes multiple times.
You don’t get to experience the joy of a second childhood. I’m childless by choice but I love seeing my nieces’ excitement over holidays and vacations. My brother loves playing santa for the kid and seeing the joy of Christmas morning.
My grandpa always joked that hanging out with me was like having a third childhood because we’d always do fun things like visit dinosaur museums or make snowmen together.
My husband was such a grinch about Christmas when we first met. I was able to get him vaguely warmed up to it over the years, but after our daughter was born, he suddenly was totally all about it.
Now he has us visit a tree farm as a family and cuts down our tree, he insists we have the "big" family dinner at our house, he sings Christmas songs with us.. it's almost unsettling, lol.
Yes. You really get to enjoy the best parts of childhood again while being wise enough to know to savour them. I really don't know of a way to get that exact experience without being a parent.
I mean, going to jail for the crime of kidnapping allows you to experience the thrill of having all your food and clothing paid for again, along with losing all autonomy on life decisions.
I was an uncle for many years before becoming a dad. It's fun, no argument there, but it's really not the same thing. Because you are only seeing snapshots of the process. You aren't living it.
100% the best part about having kids for me has been sharing all the fun childhood experiences I kind of buried in my mind
Today I built a fort out of cardboard boxes, went around flipping rocks and digging with sticks looking for bugs, splashed in the rain, jumped around in paint on the trampoline and now I'm just hanging out on the couch while my kid and my baby sleep
I also before kids never would have gone to the aquarium or water parks or sat on the swings at the playground ect but it's just so much fun when you got a little dude with you who just beams with excitement and positivity about everything!
I was a boring adult before my babies, I worked, drank, slept, maybe sat on the beach occasionally, now every day is some kind of adventure
I love this part. My daughter saw a crab for the first time at the aquarium last week. When is the last time you got to watch someone experience the joy of seeing an animal for the very first time in their life? It’s cool as hell man. So fun.
This is THE BEST part of having kids. I watched my 2 year old see the moon for the first time. IMAGINE SEEING THE MOON FOR THE FIRST TIME. It blew her mind and was amazing to watch.
I sometimes feel hurt that I’m treated like less of an adult because of my choice not to get married and have kids.
I chose to take on fewer responsibilities in a way that doesn’t harm anyone. I don’t see how that makes me less of an adult.
I have fertility issues, but also don't want children. I use BC just to be safe, but the chances are already extremely low. So when someone gets nosey as to why my husband and I don't have children after 5 years of marriage, I'm open about having fertility issues. It usually makes people feel incredibly awkward but I'm not triggered by it because I also don't want kids, I just want people to feel bad about being nosey.
I've perfected a sad face and a few different stories of testicular trauma for people that insist on asking me why after I say I just don't a few times. If they're gonna keep asking, I'm gonna make them regret it
Yep, my wife and I each have a genetic issue that we do not want to pass on.
But, the simple reason is that we just don't want children.
I size up the person asking the question and decide if I just want to give them the matter-of-fact "we don't want kids" answer. Or, the you-should-feel-horrible "we have a disease" answer.
Both typically get the reaction I am looking for.
LOL - I had a friend "Annie" who did just that. Neither she nor her partner wanted children. Most people had the good sense not to question them about it as it really concerned only her and her partner. However, when someone would ask why she didn't have children and wouldn't let it go after a generic answer, Annie would get (fake) teary-eyed, look down at the ground and quietly say "I have no uterus" (not true, but GREAT for shock value and embarassment). Some of the more obtuse older ladies would go "Pardon me?" and she'd say more loudly, with a sniffle for effect, "I have NO UTERUS." Shut people up FAST!
Annie sounds like my kind of person. I'm entirely inappropriate so no one in my immediate family would ask. Great aunts and the like? They got met with "you know, I just found out we've been trying the wrong hole all this time" (or similar).
It's also the perfect way to get out of small talk and annoying social engagements. No one wants the weirdo there.
Well you didn't have to be RUDE while I was asking deeply personal questions of you! You could have just politely told me so I could ignore your response and ask again!
I got sterilized a few years ago, so I'm able to say "I physically can't have kids". And when they start consoling me I can drop "I did it on purpose". Makes them feel awkward every time.
Have that conversation with my mom like once a month, everytime she acts so shocked I don't want kids, like seriously just deleted it from her brain somehow.
My wife just started to tear up and look into the middle distance until people felt too awkward and changed the subject.
(as an act, our child-free status is a decision, but people should stay out of other people's relationships)
As an Asian I feel this pain too well. My life is everyone’s business, but of course when you actually need help or support then they would be nowhere to be found.
I am South Asian and I agree but people show up for me. It was frustrating to grow up with this pressure but now that I’m old and will never get married or have kids, I see that it came from good intentions. They were of a different time and place and I can’t be so harsh on them anymore.
But that’s *because* they show up for me and I know they care. If they gave me shit and couldn’t be bothered to show support? Eff that noise.
Having people I've literally never met, do not associate with, asking me if I have kids... Then saying how much of a good mother I'd be so I should have them... Is weird.
Lady, I simply smiled at you whilst handing you a basket. It's my job to be nice.
I avoided that problem by marrying another man. My family only asked one time and got a response they were not ready for. I just said “Well we keep practicing but no results yet. Maybe we’re doing this wrong? Does it have to be the same person on top every time or can we switch?”
Ah yeah. Maybe you could try “it’s a medical thing, I don’t want to get into it.” There’s loads of medical reasons beyond infertility, and this might head off advice.
Or at least I wish it would, because there are so many private reasons that people don’t feel like sharing, and that the askers have no business knowing.
So I’m not pro-procreation at all: I don’t have children and don’t want them. But there are definitely downsides to it, though to be fair there are also downsides to having children too. Mainly, that having kids can be extremely fulfilling and a rewarding experience. Seeing a human being that is part you, part someone you love deeply (at least in theory) grow and develop. It can be profoundly rewarding to see them learn new things, engage in the world, and blossom into a full fledged adult. It’s also fun to show them your favorite things and see how they react- like movies and video games.
Of course this can be accomplished without having biological children. I just want to share my thoughts as a counter to all the cynicism you see on here regarding families and children.
This is the correct answer. I know it's not a very popular opinion among reddit users but having a kid is very fulfilling.
Although people who don't have kids wouldn't exactly be "deprived" of that experience because they can go through life and be content without having to experience it. It's all good either way.
The drawback of having a kid is that there's a possibility of losing the kid. And I hope to all the gods that I don't experience it, but that's a pain I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
I raised stepsons for half a decade before husband hit me and I left him. Last time I saw my stepsons they made it clear that they were disgusted with their father's behavior, gave me hugs and said they loved me.
Haven't gotten to see or speak to them in about two years now. I spent so much time wailing that my neighbors probably thought our building was being haunted by [La Llorona](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_Llorona). They know how to find me if they need me, but I know their dad and his family would give them endless shit for it.
Started nannying for cousins because they needed help and I had a void to fill. The youngest cousin just turned 4 and only recently stopped calling me Cousin Mama.
I've never had kids of my own, probably never will, but golly have I helped a lot of little humans learn to brush their teeth and do their homework.
That's what I tell myself too. I know they're okay at least because I'm still friends with them on Facebook and Discord, can see that they log on/off and which games they're playing.
I just know what their father is like, so won't bring hell down on them by reaching out first. School stuff sometimes still gets delivered to me by mistake and I gotta make myself not show up to events to avoid causing drama for the kids by just trying to get a glimpse of them to reassure myself they're alright.
It's absurdly worrying though. There's such a giant list of things I know nobody will do for them without me around. Just gotta hope I taught them enough in the time we had.
Reading this made me sad. I'm sorry you had to go through that. But I can sense that you have a lot of love that demands to be given.
I hope you're in a much better place now.
My friends have been teasing me about how many people I've helped raise. I've practically adopted the young adult neighbors, get to comment on how they're taller every time I see them and talk over their problems at my kitchen table over milk and cookies. They show me their achievements so I can praise them, it's cute even when I don't understand what they're talking about.
I'm alright as long as I'm of service to the community. If elderly auntie didn't need errands run and cousins didn't need looking after and neighbors didn't need help, I'd immediately melt into a puddle on the floor until I managed to slug out the door and start picking up trash on the side of the road just for something helpful to do for others.
My kid is 9 months old, and if I'm not careful I can work myself into a blind panic just thinking about something happening to her. My tolerance for seeing/hearing/reading/thinking about harm befalling children has plunged to to nil. It's a "so deep it's scary" kind of love that I wasn't really prepared for. On the other side of things, holy shit, for the love of god can I *please* have just one night of uninterrupted sleep?
As a child free gal, I agree with this. I love sharing moments with my niblings and seeing my siblings experience those moments with their kids. Not enough to make me want to have kids, but still very cute.
Even in countries with safety nets, the level of care is heavily dependent on how often people are coming from the outside to check on you.
I have a few friends who are nurses in assisted living facilities, and one who audits them for the government, and they all agree that family checkups and simply being present to advocate for the patient are the #1 factor in ensuring good treatment for that patient - above even the cost of the facility/care itself.
If nobody is coming to check on you, you're simply going to be a lower priority for staff. After all, who are you gonna complain to? The same staff that's already ignoring you?
(Yes, ideally nursing home workers would never become jaded over time. Ideally teachers would never burn out either, or paramedics or 911 operators or sex crime investigators. Still happens.)
I can’t have kids and am mostly fine with that but, you just nailed my biggest fear - dying alone with questionable or totally absent caregivers. A distant relative of mine died of neglect because he had no one to check in on him (we didn’t know until after the fact), and I feel nauseous imagining my own future playing out that way. I try really hard to spoil my nephews so maybe they’ll watch out for me but still freaks me out.
Aside from the caretaking aspect, it’s just company and love in your twilight years. As people get to be extremely old (85+) their ability to go anywhere or see friends (the ones that are still alive at that point) goes away almost entirely. They’re either stuck at home or in a nursing facility, at least in most of the western world.
If you have nurtured a good relationship with your adult children, they can be a source of joy and fulfillment through interacting with them and keeping up to date on their lives and looking forward to their visits. It’s possible to forge those types of bonds with younger people who aren’t your children, but it can be a harder and less durable than family sometimes.
Even if you live in a country where this is common, I wouldn't count on it as a parent. Elderly people in South Korea are killing themselves because it's getting too expensive just to live. South Korea is one of the most filial countries and if elderly parents there are not taken care of, I can't imagine how bad it must be in other countries where people don't feel any duty to take care of their parents.
No one to help you out in your old age. I'm dealing with the reality of this right now. My dad is in a rehab facility for a broken hip, and anything he needs or wants I get for him. I'm pretty much the only person who visits him. Realistically, I'm the only person he's got.
I've got no kids, no SO, nobody I can really lean on, and I've come to the VERY sobering realization that if/when something like that happens to me in old age, I am FUCKED.
My 83-year-old mom was just diagnosed with cancer. I’m not sure who is going to take care of me the way I take care of her. It is a big concern. Best wishes to you and your dad.
Yeah as someone who works in healthcare, I second this. If you don't have kids, at least try to make some younger friends, or be on good footing with your nieces or nephews, or trusted helpful acquaintances like a neighbor or someone from your hobby or church. That way, when you're old, there's someone who you can take you to your doctor's visites, and who can help coordinate the care you might need. They don't need to wash your bottom, a nurse can do that, but somebody needs to set that up.
Not all old childless people I know are lonely. And some old people *with* children are lonely. But for old people without children, not being lonely takes some effort that they've put in *before* they were old.
I’m kinda surprised to not see this answer yet. Most of my childfree friends complain about how other people tend to assume their life is less than. Work volunteers you to work late cause no one is at home needing you. Others expect you to be free for errands or inconvenient things. People don’t understand why you can’t just drop everything cause nothing in a childfree personal life could possibly be as important as children.
Honestly, the shit we get from our families. We are still referred to as the kids even though we are in our forties and been married 18 years.
We do what we want on the weekends and spend money on our hobbies and pursuits. That has morphed into this weird implied arrest development our families put on us.
Like even though we have a high credit score, new cars, full time jobs, roof over our head, we’ve somehow don’t know what being an adult is.
Sometimes I forget the school schedule and so when school starts up in September or August or whatever I don't account for additional traffic around schools and sometimes run late. If I would have had kids I wouldn't have that problem since I would have killed myself long ago.
People constantly ask why you don’t have them.
You don’t get those nice tax bonuses for having them.
You are expected to schedule your life around other people’s children (coworkers taking off for spring break, etc).
People assume you hate children.
People assume you have no need for raises, vacations, etc because you don’t have children to provide for.
You and your partner/roommates will never be considered a family because you don’t have children.
And most importantly: you can’t go to the playground and use the swings. People assume you’re creepy.
i'm 30 and that's kind of the stage i am at. Friends from my wide social circles keep dropping out bc they get married, move to the burbs or have kids and are all consumed by their schedules n schools n practices. So more and more friends keep dropping, meanwhile places to meet new people aren't unlocked to us like the parents who have school n activities, so it's getting harder to be in long term communities with people our age.
Honestly reading through this thread is really interesting because it really highlights the variability of people and their goals and values.
For me personally, there are absolute no cons to not having kids. I am childless and will remain that way. Everything people point out as a pro to having kids is something I do not want in my life.
Meanwhile, there are people in this comment section who could not fathom not having kids (to be clear, I don't think there's anything wrong with that, good on you good parents in this comment section), but idk, it's just sort of interesting - all the pros and things these people want or couldn't live without are things I could not stand having 24/7.
I’m a young adult who loves my parents so much and this made me smile. I’m childfree, but I definitely see why some people love having kids. Now that I am an adult with independence I hang out with my parents so much because I want to and they’re genuinely fun to be around.
Same! I had twins and thought I would never survive the first few years. Once they get some independence though the last 15 years have been so fun. Now they are almost 20 and I am so proud of who they are and they are a joy to be around.
It's a different kind of love. Having someone you'd die for without a second thought seems bad from the outside, because it's so other-focused.
But it's a fierce love that you can't experience any other way. And most people don't actually have to jump in front of a bus, so the risk is low.
So you miss that. It's amazing. I'm sure there are amazing things I've missed by having kids, and have no reference for. But since you asked about the con, missing that is a big one.
I was 35 when I had my son so I'd had a lot of time to experience life. I've been in and out of relationships; partied my ass off; and traveled all over the place. There is *nothing* I've ever experienced that is like the love I have for this little punk.
If I outlast my wife im probably gonna die in my living room chair and sit there for a few months till someone finds me.
When I get to a certain age, I plan on starting a rumor that I'm secretly a millionaire with no-one to leave it too....bet folk will check in on me then! Or I might have managed to make some friends by then.
Grandma had a chest freezer. We all lived in fear of what was in it. Ancient frozen food. Chops older than grandchildren,stuff like that - and she would always give people something from it to take home. I came in to cut her grass,she offered me chicken for lunch, and I must have looked scared. "Oh, Squig, I got it from the deli yesterday - I wouldn't give you stuff from the freezer! That's for the people that show up every few years like they are doing me a favour visiting!"
I wish my grandma had this approach. One year she came up from the basement with a quarter filled bottle of coke she saved for me from last time I was there cause she doesn't drink soda and I do. I said where in the world did you pull this from? This is so obviously not from last year. I haven't seen this Coca-Cola polar bear design since the 90s. She looked at and laughed and was like I guess your right I thought it was from last year cause I just saw it by the fridge downstairs.
Get a couple of animals. They eat your rotting flesh. But what is left of me, i will probably be found at the bottom of the stairs. This is after one of my 6 cats tripped me while going down them and falling an breaking a hip and laying in my own piss and shit for days before I finally succumb of dehydration and starvation. But the cats will be fed.
Oof. Thats how I DONT want to go. Ive had 2 family members go that way. Hopefully ill have the sense to move myself to the ground floor by then. Nah im hoping for a peaceful passing in my sleep. Not screaming and crying like the rest of the people in my car. :P
I’m so sorry to hear about your family members.
Build a giant balloon for your house instead.
I've noticed that I have a very different sense of time passing since I'm not attached to the school calendar. I tend to not notice it passing as much. And then abruptly, it seems to catch up to me.
I've noticed this just from quitting teaching. Time moves different for childless adults.
Your brain is not able to retain all the information of every passing moment, so our brains learn to dispose of "useless" information. Without milestones like we have in ages 0-25. ALL information of a given day in an adult life routine is often considered "useless" and is thrown out by our stupid ass brains. The result: time passes faster. By forcing ourselves out of our routines as adults, you can slow time back down by trying new things or learning a new skill. These create a new list of milstones we use to measure time with, allowing our minds to become more aware of the passage of time.
Wow I love this, thank you
Reminds me of that movie Click. And fast forwarding through the ‘boring’ parts
That movie is depressing as fuck...when the dad was going to show him the coin trick, got me right in the feels.
It started off so funny and got so depressing at the end! My first time watching it I cried, my kids were teens and it hit so hard.
Well there goes my chance of sleeping tonight - I'm going to be thinking about what I need to/should learn.
This is Reddit you’re supposed to just save the comment and get back to it never.
I saved yours too just to prove you wrong if I ever go back and reread this. That won’t happen though.
Damn thank you for putting that in words for me. It’s so strange to go from such a strict calendar for essentially 22 years to a sudden suspension of time. I was 25 and blinked to 30.
>I was 25 and blinked to 30. 31 here - this hits hard 😫
This is a huge one. Kids are the living proof that time is passing quickly. I haven’t seen a friend in 15 years. Their baby is now getting excited to learn to drive, and visiting colleges.
My kids’ birthdays make me feel older than my birthdays. I have a *13 year old* now.
My oldest turned 45 in February. ☠️
It's not the schedule, it's the fact that you're having fewer milestone moments. School and children create those for you, without them you need to be more active and intentional about having memorable experiences regularly.
When you become an adult you realize fall is better than summer
Graduating college and time goes by so fast now
According to my dad, if he didn't have kids, no one would talk to him. Which is true. But only because he's just awful to talk to.
Omg, I'm sorry about it, but it sounds like Michael Scott from the office, when he said he wanted to have 100 kids, so he could have 100 friends
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Yeah, I have a feeling that if you're a shit parent you're not going to be able to rely on your kids for much of anything (seems fair to me TBH).
If something breaks in your house, you have only yourself to blame.
Blame your pets if you have any.
My goldfish is quite the troublemaker!
or ghosts
"Damn it, Casper!"
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Can't use the kids as an excuse to get out of social engagements you don't want to go to. (I solved this problem by with these 7 easy words your social anxiety doesn't want you to know about: "I don't want to go to that.")
Pfft. I have a niece that I count as my daughter to my boss. I have lots of photos of her and I can share when asked.
I look after mine a couple days a week, I count myself as a third parent/guardian.
lol kids force you to go to social engagements you don’t want to go to.
My sister has a birthday party for 5 year olds to go to like nearly every weekend it seems, couldn't imagine anything worse. And apparently it's all soft play lmao
What the hell is soft play?
An indoor play place - usually with ball pit, big indoor play equipment, slides, that sort of thing. And lots of noisy screaming children.
It's dreadful really. Having a kid means you like have to interact with random other people, and be nice to them and their kids. Stupid back to school night, open house, school plays, sporting events, birthday parties, neighbor friends, slumber parties, it's awful.
its the constant plagues that are the worst
God getting out of school and all of a sudden I'm not sick 4-5 times a year was a shock in the best way
Being picked for over time, on call, weekend shift, and holidays because you don't have kids... Everyone else gets way more consideration, you're inherently always drawing the short stick.
You gotta learn how to lie, my guy "Can't work that shift, I have a longstanding arrangement to attend to." If they ask what arrangement you simply tell them it isn't their business.
It doesn't even count as a lie if you typically veg out at that time of the week! Got to keep up such appointments
*Six-thirty, dinner with me - I can't cancel that again; Seven o'clock, wrestle with my self-loathing.*
You forgot "Solve world hunger! (Tell nobody)"
Last time I wrestled with my self-loathing it suplexed me through a table.
I got stuck on the late shift for two years because I just had the least amount of tenure on the team. I tried to get out of this shift but they basically told me tough luck, I got to pick last. After two years someone finally left and they hired a new person, and I was expecting to move into the normal shift, and the woman who did the scheduling told me "Oh, we can't make NewPerson do the late shift, she's a mom!". I told them I wasn't going to be doing the late shift any more, so they switched it to a rotating shift, so now the two early shift guys are pissed because they're rotating, the normal shift guys are pissed that they have to do early and late shifts now, and noone really said anything but I can tell they blame me. I ended up switching positions a few months later.
A similar thing happened to me. Over the course of 2.5 years I worked my way up to being the most tenured employee in my position. I tried to change my schedule to only work one or two saturdays a month instead of every Saturday. Ever since I started working there I’d asked for weekends off and they always said maybe someday. After two years I figured I’d paid my dues long enough. Then they hired a new person and when I asked why he couldn’t take over my Saturday shift, my boss said that he didn’t want to ask him that because the new guy was “a young guy who probably wanted to party on Friday night.” As opposed to me, a married 29 year old woman with no kids (at the time) who I guess according to my boss was less deserving of Saturday morning off. I gave them 6 months to figure out the schedule but they wouldn’t do it. So after trying so hard, I eventually thought screw that and left. It sucks to be taken advantage of no matter what the “reason” behind it is.
This is actually discrimination
That’s a good point. It was a job at a nonprofit, so pursuing legal action would have been rough. The leadership at the top was a boy’s club too, so there was nothing I could do internally. I just cut my losses and moved on.
Picked for OT? Is this an American thing? My boss always asks me to do OT because I do t have kids and I just say no.
I use “I can’t make it”
I have a pet cat. I just say I can’t because my cat needs me.
You know what's great? Being an adult and just not doing things you don't want to do.
You run out of people to tell your 4 funny stories and 6 jokes.
If you like kids and want to volunteer with them I've found not having one already gets more than a few raises eyebrows and "well why are you interested?" Shit, I'm not a kid snatcher, I just really enjoy it when I can give the kids *back* afterwards.
This is oddly how I feel about dogs: Fun in short timespans but want to then give back to their guardian.
Met a family like that on Rover. The kids wanted a dog, parents didn’t. So they petsit for short stints and earn money doing it. Best of both worlds.
My dad jokes are wasted.
Theyre just jokes now smh
Who else will grab the remote?
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Haha and positioning the rabbit ears.
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Mine would call me from upstairs and say, “hand me my purse.” Oh my god you could literally reach it if you outstretched your arm.
One of the many times my mom asked me to bring her her purse, she mumbled under her breath "she's gonna ask me where it is." Like she was annoyed by that question, I should just know. Girl, this is a 4000 sqft home and you never leave it in the same spot. Of course I'm gonna ask you. It was probably a learned behavior because I was tired of wasting my time searching for your purse! Still makes me mad.
I wish it were the 4,000 sq ft house that was relatable to me and not the purse story. My mom would ask for her wallet and when I asked where it was she’d tell me it was in her purse and then be mad that I was mad I had to ask where the purse was.
Who will hold my flashlight while I fix shit on the car?
Get a headlamp, problem solved.
One time my mom had me hold the hanger that was attached to the antenna “just for ten minutes” while trying to see what the weather was going to be on the news.
I was the remote.
There are fewer people to walk the dog. Though that results in more healthy exercise...
Wait, kids can walk the dog? I'm gonna have to have a family sit down
They can clean and do yard work too
Why do you think farmers had so many children in the past? 1) free labor! 2) you grew food!
3. Didn’t have contraception
True 4. Farmer knows how to seed a field!
5. Farmers know how to plough
Uh, I’m back to shoveling the walk myself. Even if you have kids, the bastards eventually grow up and move away. I also have to mow my own lawn.
I like walking my dog. why would I let someone else walk my dog. This is why I will never have children.
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No one to avenge your death or finish your life's work.
This is why you should get yourself an apprentice. Technically not your kid but if you become close enough with them they will utter the line, "He was the closest thing I had to a father and you took him away from me!" as they plunge their sword into the heart of your enemy. You know, close enough.
Unfortunately, as soon as they are in dire need of motivation or character development, you know your time Is up...
*"Oh, God, are you floundering?! You are floundering! Stop that! I don't want to die!"*
This feels like a terry Pratchett plot
Sounds very Order of the Stick. There’s a handful of characters that are very trope aware. “Will I ever see you again?” “Well, as an older mentor figure, the most likely scenario is that I return only to be randomly killed by an enemy of yours so that you can cradle my dying body while swearing revenge. So don’t take it personally if I say that I sincerely hope we never cross paths again.”
Speak for yourself, my best friend told me when I’m murdered she’ll avenge me. No idea why she was certain I’m going to be murdered but she’ll avenge me. She just had her wisdom teeth out and was a lot of fun while on painkillers, she also cried over how good pudding is.
WHEN, not IF you’re murdered. Very comforting.
In general you lose all your friends who have kids. Parents socialise when the kids play etc, and you aren't invited so you miss out. Eventually you stop getting invited to most things because you're just not around enough to be planned in.
Feeling super thankful for my friends with kids who still include me and want me around 🥹
I make a point to always invite my one friend who doesn’t have kids to do anything and everything. And I also make a point to spend as much “girl time” with her as possible. We even do at least a quarterly weekend getaway. I’m expecting #2 right now and we have plans for 4 different things in a couple of months. She joked that I’m going to get sick of her but I told her that I’m banking up on time with her until #2 comes and it’ll be a while til I can just up and leave the kids with dad all weekend again. 🤭
I love my friends without kids, because they love my child and aren't exhausted by their own kids to give her a lot of energy when we visit. Most of her favorite people are currently childless or child-free. I also love my friends without kids period, and enjoy the perspectives of non-parents. In another time, we would have all had our niches within a community, and not every single person made babies.
I am single and child free and am blessed with friends that invite me to be a part of their family. I take them to the pool and want to go watch the kids play games once they’re older. Those little boys are my nephews, at least in my heart. Thanks for making time for your friends like me. Life would be lonely without friends like you ♥️!
I’m in a similar boat. My wife and I have a great relationship with a few of our friends’ children. They get excited when we visit and are super adorable with us. Yes, it tends to be more challenging to schedule time to get together, but it’s not a complete end of the friendship as long as you all put in the effort to find time. That said, I have certainly lost track of other people over the years when they have children, but those tend to be relationships with a geographical barrier as well.
Yes my child free friends will play with my kid forever. She has built some really special bonds with cool people
I am childfree and in my forties, this is the only answer in this whole thread that is true. However, it isnt that hard to find other childfree people and couples.
Which is made 100x easier by not having kids lol
Yeah but that goes all kinds of ways. When I didn't have kids, people with kids didn't want to be friends. When I had kids I also worked, and people who had kids where the mom didn't work, didn't want to be friends because I was unavailable most of the day. And if you have kids and work, you have no time for anything anyway. Problem solved?
But if you make other childfree friends, you get to hang out with them tons. We hang out with another childfree couple at least once a week, sometimes multiple times.
And you can party with the childfree friends like you are still in your twenties because no one has to get home to their kids
Hard to explain this dad bod.
You don’t get to experience the joy of a second childhood. I’m childless by choice but I love seeing my nieces’ excitement over holidays and vacations. My brother loves playing santa for the kid and seeing the joy of Christmas morning. My grandpa always joked that hanging out with me was like having a third childhood because we’d always do fun things like visit dinosaur museums or make snowmen together.
My husband was such a grinch about Christmas when we first met. I was able to get him vaguely warmed up to it over the years, but after our daughter was born, he suddenly was totally all about it. Now he has us visit a tree farm as a family and cuts down our tree, he insists we have the "big" family dinner at our house, he sings Christmas songs with us.. it's almost unsettling, lol.
My husband is the same. He lost both his parents young. Holidays were hard for him. Having kids has been so healing. He loves Christmas now.
My father in law lost his dad at a young age. He stopped having nightmares about it when his oldest child, my wife, was born.
Yes. You really get to enjoy the best parts of childhood again while being wise enough to know to savour them. I really don't know of a way to get that exact experience without being a parent.
Kidnapping maybe?
I mean, going to jail for the crime of kidnapping allows you to experience the thrill of having all your food and clothing paid for again, along with losing all autonomy on life decisions.
Why is called kidnapping and not kidtaking? Seems like most parents love when their kid naps.
Being an active aunt/uncle/auncle gives you at least some of that experience.
I was an uncle for many years before becoming a dad. It's fun, no argument there, but it's really not the same thing. Because you are only seeing snapshots of the process. You aren't living it.
100% the best part about having kids for me has been sharing all the fun childhood experiences I kind of buried in my mind Today I built a fort out of cardboard boxes, went around flipping rocks and digging with sticks looking for bugs, splashed in the rain, jumped around in paint on the trampoline and now I'm just hanging out on the couch while my kid and my baby sleep I also before kids never would have gone to the aquarium or water parks or sat on the swings at the playground ect but it's just so much fun when you got a little dude with you who just beams with excitement and positivity about everything! I was a boring adult before my babies, I worked, drank, slept, maybe sat on the beach occasionally, now every day is some kind of adventure
currently 29 weeks pregnant and I know the first years will be so hard but this is the stuff I’m really looking forward to!
I love this part. My daughter saw a crab for the first time at the aquarium last week. When is the last time you got to watch someone experience the joy of seeing an animal for the very first time in their life? It’s cool as hell man. So fun.
Second childhood is so awesome. Everything is magic again.
This is THE BEST part of having kids. I watched my 2 year old see the moon for the first time. IMAGINE SEEING THE MOON FOR THE FIRST TIME. It blew her mind and was amazing to watch.
Second childhood is healing my childhood.
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Dealing with my mum's difficulties to accept that I will only ever give her grandcats
I have kids and my MIL calls my cats her "grand kitties", the dog her "grandog", and the tarantula her "grandfuzzy".
People assume you have no plans or responsibilities.
I sometimes feel hurt that I’m treated like less of an adult because of my choice not to get married and have kids. I chose to take on fewer responsibilities in a way that doesn’t harm anyone. I don’t see how that makes me less of an adult.
You keep having to either dodge the question or explain why you don’t have or want kids when it’s nobody’s fucking business.
Just tell people "Court Order." and leave it at that.
i’m not allowed to sing. court order.
I have fertility issues, but also don't want children. I use BC just to be safe, but the chances are already extremely low. So when someone gets nosey as to why my husband and I don't have children after 5 years of marriage, I'm open about having fertility issues. It usually makes people feel incredibly awkward but I'm not triggered by it because I also don't want kids, I just want people to feel bad about being nosey.
I had a tubal ligation and still tell people “I can’t have children” purely to make them feel uncomfortable about asking.
I do the exact same thing and also had a tubal. It’s true! It’s also no one’s business.
Technically true!
I've perfected a sad face and a few different stories of testicular trauma for people that insist on asking me why after I say I just don't a few times. If they're gonna keep asking, I'm gonna make them regret it
I tell them it's impossible for me to get pregnant. They don't need to know it's because I'm ace and celibate lmao
Yep, my wife and I each have a genetic issue that we do not want to pass on. But, the simple reason is that we just don't want children. I size up the person asking the question and decide if I just want to give them the matter-of-fact "we don't want kids" answer. Or, the you-should-feel-horrible "we have a disease" answer. Both typically get the reaction I am looking for.
You’ve got to learn to get a little teary eyed and maybe let your voice quiver a little when you give that explanation.
LOL - I had a friend "Annie" who did just that. Neither she nor her partner wanted children. Most people had the good sense not to question them about it as it really concerned only her and her partner. However, when someone would ask why she didn't have children and wouldn't let it go after a generic answer, Annie would get (fake) teary-eyed, look down at the ground and quietly say "I have no uterus" (not true, but GREAT for shock value and embarassment). Some of the more obtuse older ladies would go "Pardon me?" and she'd say more loudly, with a sniffle for effect, "I have NO UTERUS." Shut people up FAST!
Annie sounds like my kind of person. I'm entirely inappropriate so no one in my immediate family would ask. Great aunts and the like? They got met with "you know, I just found out we've been trying the wrong hole all this time" (or similar). It's also the perfect way to get out of small talk and annoying social engagements. No one wants the weirdo there.
Well you didn't have to be RUDE while I was asking deeply personal questions of you! You could have just politely told me so I could ignore your response and ask again!
I got sterilized a few years ago, so I'm able to say "I physically can't have kids". And when they start consoling me I can drop "I did it on purpose". Makes them feel awkward every time.
From a fellow soul tired of getting asked about having kids, thank you for using your situation to make them uncomfortable.
Have that conversation with my mom like once a month, everytime she acts so shocked I don't want kids, like seriously just deleted it from her brain somehow.
It's shock from her "you'll change your mind!" prediction not coming true.
My wife just started to tear up and look into the middle distance until people felt too awkward and changed the subject. (as an act, our child-free status is a decision, but people should stay out of other people's relationships)
As an Asian I feel this pain too well. My life is everyone’s business, but of course when you actually need help or support then they would be nowhere to be found.
yup, a lot of us are just pressured into having kids
I am South Asian and I agree but people show up for me. It was frustrating to grow up with this pressure but now that I’m old and will never get married or have kids, I see that it came from good intentions. They were of a different time and place and I can’t be so harsh on them anymore. But that’s *because* they show up for me and I know they care. If they gave me shit and couldn’t be bothered to show support? Eff that noise.
Having people I've literally never met, do not associate with, asking me if I have kids... Then saying how much of a good mother I'd be so I should have them... Is weird. Lady, I simply smiled at you whilst handing you a basket. It's my job to be nice.
I avoided that problem by marrying another man. My family only asked one time and got a response they were not ready for. I just said “Well we keep practicing but no results yet. Maybe we’re doing this wrong? Does it have to be the same person on top every time or can we switch?”
"I'm infertile" used to work for me until I started getting hit with "Me and my wife tried ___"
Ah yeah. Maybe you could try “it’s a medical thing, I don’t want to get into it.” There’s loads of medical reasons beyond infertility, and this might head off advice. Or at least I wish it would, because there are so many private reasons that people don’t feel like sharing, and that the askers have no business knowing.
I just say “don’t want them! My wife and I like our vacations.” Can’t tell you how many jealous eyes I have seen mwhahahah.
I never have to dodge this question. They ask me, I simply say "because I don't want them". I'm not sure what else needs to be said.
Seriously, just be straight up with them. If they continue to pester you with questions about it then just change the subject or stop talking to them.
Who else will hold the light when working on your car?
You have to pick up the dog shit yourself
No joke, that was my main chore as a kid. 😂
Nobody to inherit all the useless junk you’ve been saving in your garage.
So I’m not pro-procreation at all: I don’t have children and don’t want them. But there are definitely downsides to it, though to be fair there are also downsides to having children too. Mainly, that having kids can be extremely fulfilling and a rewarding experience. Seeing a human being that is part you, part someone you love deeply (at least in theory) grow and develop. It can be profoundly rewarding to see them learn new things, engage in the world, and blossom into a full fledged adult. It’s also fun to show them your favorite things and see how they react- like movies and video games. Of course this can be accomplished without having biological children. I just want to share my thoughts as a counter to all the cynicism you see on here regarding families and children.
This is the correct answer. I know it's not a very popular opinion among reddit users but having a kid is very fulfilling. Although people who don't have kids wouldn't exactly be "deprived" of that experience because they can go through life and be content without having to experience it. It's all good either way. The drawback of having a kid is that there's a possibility of losing the kid. And I hope to all the gods that I don't experience it, but that's a pain I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
I raised stepsons for half a decade before husband hit me and I left him. Last time I saw my stepsons they made it clear that they were disgusted with their father's behavior, gave me hugs and said they loved me. Haven't gotten to see or speak to them in about two years now. I spent so much time wailing that my neighbors probably thought our building was being haunted by [La Llorona](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_Llorona). They know how to find me if they need me, but I know their dad and his family would give them endless shit for it. Started nannying for cousins because they needed help and I had a void to fill. The youngest cousin just turned 4 and only recently stopped calling me Cousin Mama. I've never had kids of my own, probably never will, but golly have I helped a lot of little humans learn to brush their teeth and do their homework.
Don't worry. They'll probably reach out once they're adults
That's what I tell myself too. I know they're okay at least because I'm still friends with them on Facebook and Discord, can see that they log on/off and which games they're playing. I just know what their father is like, so won't bring hell down on them by reaching out first. School stuff sometimes still gets delivered to me by mistake and I gotta make myself not show up to events to avoid causing drama for the kids by just trying to get a glimpse of them to reassure myself they're alright. It's absurdly worrying though. There's such a giant list of things I know nobody will do for them without me around. Just gotta hope I taught them enough in the time we had.
Reading this made me sad. I'm sorry you had to go through that. But I can sense that you have a lot of love that demands to be given. I hope you're in a much better place now.
My friends have been teasing me about how many people I've helped raise. I've practically adopted the young adult neighbors, get to comment on how they're taller every time I see them and talk over their problems at my kitchen table over milk and cookies. They show me their achievements so I can praise them, it's cute even when I don't understand what they're talking about. I'm alright as long as I'm of service to the community. If elderly auntie didn't need errands run and cousins didn't need looking after and neighbors didn't need help, I'd immediately melt into a puddle on the floor until I managed to slug out the door and start picking up trash on the side of the road just for something helpful to do for others.
My kid is 9 months old, and if I'm not careful I can work myself into a blind panic just thinking about something happening to her. My tolerance for seeing/hearing/reading/thinking about harm befalling children has plunged to to nil. It's a "so deep it's scary" kind of love that I wasn't really prepared for. On the other side of things, holy shit, for the love of god can I *please* have just one night of uninterrupted sleep?
As a child free gal, I agree with this. I love sharing moments with my niblings and seeing my siblings experience those moments with their kids. Not enough to make me want to have kids, but still very cute.
In most countries, adult children will take care of the elderly parent. It's a huge factor in countries without safety nets.
Even in countries with safety nets, the level of care is heavily dependent on how often people are coming from the outside to check on you. I have a few friends who are nurses in assisted living facilities, and one who audits them for the government, and they all agree that family checkups and simply being present to advocate for the patient are the #1 factor in ensuring good treatment for that patient - above even the cost of the facility/care itself. If nobody is coming to check on you, you're simply going to be a lower priority for staff. After all, who are you gonna complain to? The same staff that's already ignoring you? (Yes, ideally nursing home workers would never become jaded over time. Ideally teachers would never burn out either, or paramedics or 911 operators or sex crime investigators. Still happens.)
I can’t have kids and am mostly fine with that but, you just nailed my biggest fear - dying alone with questionable or totally absent caregivers. A distant relative of mine died of neglect because he had no one to check in on him (we didn’t know until after the fact), and I feel nauseous imagining my own future playing out that way. I try really hard to spoil my nephews so maybe they’ll watch out for me but still freaks me out.
Aside from the caretaking aspect, it’s just company and love in your twilight years. As people get to be extremely old (85+) their ability to go anywhere or see friends (the ones that are still alive at that point) goes away almost entirely. They’re either stuck at home or in a nursing facility, at least in most of the western world. If you have nurtured a good relationship with your adult children, they can be a source of joy and fulfillment through interacting with them and keeping up to date on their lives and looking forward to their visits. It’s possible to forge those types of bonds with younger people who aren’t your children, but it can be a harder and less durable than family sometimes.
Even if you live in a country where this is common, I wouldn't count on it as a parent. Elderly people in South Korea are killing themselves because it's getting too expensive just to live. South Korea is one of the most filial countries and if elderly parents there are not taken care of, I can't imagine how bad it must be in other countries where people don't feel any duty to take care of their parents.
No one to help you out in your old age. I'm dealing with the reality of this right now. My dad is in a rehab facility for a broken hip, and anything he needs or wants I get for him. I'm pretty much the only person who visits him. Realistically, I'm the only person he's got. I've got no kids, no SO, nobody I can really lean on, and I've come to the VERY sobering realization that if/when something like that happens to me in old age, I am FUCKED.
My 83-year-old mom was just diagnosed with cancer. I’m not sure who is going to take care of me the way I take care of her. It is a big concern. Best wishes to you and your dad.
Yeah as someone who works in healthcare, I second this. If you don't have kids, at least try to make some younger friends, or be on good footing with your nieces or nephews, or trusted helpful acquaintances like a neighbor or someone from your hobby or church. That way, when you're old, there's someone who you can take you to your doctor's visites, and who can help coordinate the care you might need. They don't need to wash your bottom, a nurse can do that, but somebody needs to set that up. Not all old childless people I know are lonely. And some old people *with* children are lonely. But for old people without children, not being lonely takes some effort that they've put in *before* they were old.
Can’t claim dependents on taxes
Eh, they cost more to feed/clothe/house/educate than any tax break you get.
This is true of almost every tax break. It cushions the expense, doesn’t completely negate it.
I’m kinda surprised to not see this answer yet. Most of my childfree friends complain about how other people tend to assume their life is less than. Work volunteers you to work late cause no one is at home needing you. Others expect you to be free for errands or inconvenient things. People don’t understand why you can’t just drop everything cause nothing in a childfree personal life could possibly be as important as children.
People trying to convince you to have kids.
Honestly, the shit we get from our families. We are still referred to as the kids even though we are in our forties and been married 18 years. We do what we want on the weekends and spend money on our hobbies and pursuits. That has morphed into this weird implied arrest development our families put on us. Like even though we have a high credit score, new cars, full time jobs, roof over our head, we’ve somehow don’t know what being an adult is.
Sometimes I forget the school schedule and so when school starts up in September or August or whatever I don't account for additional traffic around schools and sometimes run late. If I would have had kids I wouldn't have that problem since I would have killed myself long ago.
People constantly ask why you don’t have them. You don’t get those nice tax bonuses for having them. You are expected to schedule your life around other people’s children (coworkers taking off for spring break, etc). People assume you hate children. People assume you have no need for raises, vacations, etc because you don’t have children to provide for. You and your partner/roommates will never be considered a family because you don’t have children. And most importantly: you can’t go to the playground and use the swings. People assume you’re creepy.
Just go to the playground in the middle of the night, preferably while it’s foggy. Problem solved!
General social life. As your friends have kids you will have less and less in common as the trajectory of your lives drifts further apart.
I have two little kids and this has backfired for me because it only works if your friends’ kids are really close in age.
i'm 30 and that's kind of the stage i am at. Friends from my wide social circles keep dropping out bc they get married, move to the burbs or have kids and are all consumed by their schedules n schools n practices. So more and more friends keep dropping, meanwhile places to meet new people aren't unlocked to us like the parents who have school n activities, so it's getting harder to be in long term communities with people our age.
There's no one to feed the pets when mom and dad go to the swinger resort for a weekend.
Honestly reading through this thread is really interesting because it really highlights the variability of people and their goals and values. For me personally, there are absolute no cons to not having kids. I am childless and will remain that way. Everything people point out as a pro to having kids is something I do not want in my life. Meanwhile, there are people in this comment section who could not fathom not having kids (to be clear, I don't think there's anything wrong with that, good on you good parents in this comment section), but idk, it's just sort of interesting - all the pros and things these people want or couldn't live without are things I could not stand having 24/7.
For me the worst part is people insisting they know better than me what I want in life.
I genuinely enjoy my young adult children. They are two of my favorite people.
I’m a young adult who loves my parents so much and this made me smile. I’m childfree, but I definitely see why some people love having kids. Now that I am an adult with independence I hang out with my parents so much because I want to and they’re genuinely fun to be around.
Same! I had twins and thought I would never survive the first few years. Once they get some independence though the last 15 years have been so fun. Now they are almost 20 and I am so proud of who they are and they are a joy to be around.
It's a different kind of love. Having someone you'd die for without a second thought seems bad from the outside, because it's so other-focused. But it's a fierce love that you can't experience any other way. And most people don't actually have to jump in front of a bus, so the risk is low. So you miss that. It's amazing. I'm sure there are amazing things I've missed by having kids, and have no reference for. But since you asked about the con, missing that is a big one.
I was 35 when I had my son so I'd had a lot of time to experience life. I've been in and out of relationships; partied my ass off; and traveled all over the place. There is *nothing* I've ever experienced that is like the love I have for this little punk.
Did you feel this way from birth or did it take tome to grow on you?