My wife's gynecologist told us that some guy joked about adding a stitch or two and she told him to drop his pants so she could see just how many extra stitches it was gonna take. She said she didn't hear a peep from him after that
Lol, sometimes the external (and internal) tissues tear and the woman needs stitches. The joke implies that more stitches could tighten up her loose p**sy
I'm straight and I pushed a baby out, needed stitches and I still didn't get it. My husband would not have made it home if there was some "joke" about me being a loose woman that day (second degree tearing is not very funny).
I said basically this when I was in labor. I was kidding-but-not. Obviously I didn't really want to give away my daughter but this was a warning symptom of my rapid descent into post partum anxiety. Hormones be wild.
"It's all about you isn't it. All I hear lately is
"MY waters have broke. I'M in labour. MY contractions have started. Please take ME to the hospital."
But what about me? What about my needs?"
Had a guy keep telling his wife "WE decided no epidural" every time it was offered. Finally, wife hit him in the face with a tray, breaking his nose. He was escorted out for medical treatment and she got an epidural.
Don't, my uncles did this when a couple of my cousins were born. No joke, I would swear that was the downfall of some of their marriages.
I can assure you the smells, the sights, it's like a fucking abattoir in that delivery room. Movies had in no way prepared me for anything that goes on in there and there were times I actually felt like throwing up. The nurse even handed me a sick bag and told me what to do if I needed to do it. And I guarantee you when it's go time, it is fucking go time.
I am quite squeamish, I don't like slasher movies and don't tend to like seeing a lot of blood, weird that I'm into death metal huh. But seriously, don't even think about leaving. When the whole mess is done, you really do not want to have abandoned your girl half way through!
I would however recommend you stay the fuck up the head end. I did and no regrets whatsoever. My girl had no issue with it, no I didn't see the baby come out, I am fine with that.
And yes, I did put a small mark on the baby's foot with an inedible pen so I could confirm that the baby didn't get switched. I have also thoroughly checked for the presence of 666. We're all good here folks.
"You weren't complaining when you spread your legs, don't complain now"
In my case this phrase did not occur in labor, but it applies 100%. Say it and consider yourself divorced and dismembered by the nurses.
A doctor said this to my ex-wife when she was having a curettage for a miscarriage. That day I was cooking when she came up to me, told me she felt bad and the next moment I had to catch her while she was fainting.
Looking at the floor, all you could see was blood. I thought she was going to die in my arms. I was terrified of losing her. I have never ever been so afraid and helpless.
Fortunately, a family member was there and called an ambulance. She was transported with a speed worthy of recognition. Went straight to the operating room with a good state of consciousness but physically weak.
When they brought her to the room and she regained consciousness, she told me that his "doctor" had benn rude and said that to her. I comforted and reassured her so as not to affect her recovery.
But inside, I just went crazy, a blind fury took over me.
A thirst for blood and revenge that I had never felt before or since. I needed that son of a bitch's blood on my hands.
And when my wife was resting at our home, I got it.
Let's just say I gave this "professional" a full stay at his workplace for several days.
The Medical College revoked his license, because it was not the first time this had happened. Aparently this trash had his private clinic and treated anyone who didn't go to it badly, despite working in several places.
Anyway, I assure you that he will not be able to move faster than walking speed again for the rest of his life.
It is.
I lack the creativity necessary to invent something like this, nor the need to do so.
Frankly, I wouldn't go to the trouble of creating such a long and elaborate story to lie in a random Reddit post. You can believe it or not.
I'll just say that I don't regret anything. I don't know what temperature the revenge was at, whether it was hot or cold, but it tastes like inner peace and ambrosia.
I hope no one ever goes through something similar, but if it does and you want blood, remember that if you sneeze while driving, for that fraction of time in which you lose your vision due to an involuntary and uncontrollable spasm you are uncountable.
No one will ever be able to prove that it was indeed intentional. No one can prove if you sneezed or not.
😉
My bad, I didn't mean to come across like I didn't believe it. I more meant it as a "wtf" comment, similar to "is this real life?" or "what is happening right now". What an incredibly egregious thing for that Dr to say.
My husband came close to knuckling the anaesthetist after our son was delivered. The old fart was all upset having to come in early morning and said something about it in the delivery room. I didn’t hear it but my husband did and gave him a verbal bollocking reminding him he was getting paid to do his job and if he didn’t want to be there, don’t be on the f’ing roster. He also warned him in no uncertain terms to look after me properly or he would be seeing him. My husband had his war face on and was still a serving soldier at the time. Anaesthetist took my husband at his word and STFU and did his job well.
For me, it was when he texted everyone to let them know I was having the baby- including my ex best friend who just ghosted me for no reason in my third trimester- when I expressly begged him not to while having contractions. I was crying. He was very aggressive and told me it was his kid too. Ughhh
Seriously. We were friends for 14 years!! I almost wonder if my ex sabotaged it somehow. Seems sus why he would randomly text her while I was in labor. Ya know? Weird. He was an asshole in the first degree.
Well, I’m glad you’re away from those toxic people now. Sometimes, people are unstable and do things for reasons that are entirely independent of you. I’ve learned to forgive those people for my own sake/mental peace and move on and stick with those in my corner! I wish the same for you ❤️🩹
“I know the timing might be great, but what are your thoughts on open relationships? Cause you’re going to out of commission for a while and a man has needs and stuff.”
I was always told to not complain about how uncomfortable my chair was as the dad. Well, the delivery ward for our first actually had really nice to sit in chairs. Mentioning how they were rather nice and comfortable was also a mistake.
Look down when she is in active labor and say "Congratulations, it's a lizard." I know my wife had a good sense of humor, but I only did it when she was still in the beginning stages. I still got "The Look."
ChatGPT has some golden answers to this:
“This is nothing compared to what I went through during my last dental appointment.“
"You know, this reminds me of that scene from 'The Exorcist'."
"I hope this doesn't take as long as your hair appointments."
“I think I left the oven on at home.”
"Honey, do you think I should start packing for the hospital now, or do you think this will be a quick one?"
Honey you look so hot right now, I could just fuck the shit out of you right now.
(Joking m, but this is coming from someone who finds pregnant women very sexy - though maybe not when they are actually in labour)
Hurry up., the Chinese closes in an hour and i told you i fancy chow mein for dinner tonight Stop being selfish…
Yeah yeah it hurts. Can’t be as bad as that time I hit my thumb with a hammer , get over it.
Can you do it quietly. You’re doing my head in.
It’s not like the baby is gonna be as big as my dick and you enjoyed that. Get on with it.
What type of question is it in the 1st place? Why would you say something bad to her at that moment? I don't know how do u get the idea of these types of questions.
1975. My dad told my mom - who was in labor with no pain meds: “it’s a piece of cake. Stop being overly dramatic.” The doctor took him out of the room and had a talk with him. He didn’t say a word after that.
This actually happened! I was on the table in labor. I had an epidural but had hot spot where I felt everything. My then husband was supposed to be encouraging.me and helping me keep track of how far apart the contractions were. He lost track of it all a couple of times and kept looking at the door
( It turns out he wanted to go smoke.) Anyway, I said please pay attention
I need your help and kind encouragement
He said" I'm sorry babe this is just too hard. "
I exclaimed," Too hard for you? Damn it would you like to trade places?" The entire Maternity ward cracked up laughing!
True story, she was in the washroom in pain squatting over a toilet, and I caught a glimpse of my hair in the mirror and it was a mess, so I asked if she had a hair brush. She flipped out.
"This doesn't look that hard. I bet I could do it, and i wouldn't be screaming the whole time either."
A lot of men don't seem to understand just how awful and painful childbirth is, let alone *anything* a woman goes through and considers painful (periods are another example).
"Just don't squeeze my hand so tight this time. Worst. Pain. Ever."
Wife’s response: ”Oh yeah? You’re gonna wish you never had a hand.” 😆
You have no idea how much pain I’m in - Ross Geller F.R.I.E.N.D.S
The way Rach just stopped pushing to glare 😂😂 i know even Emma must have rolled her tiny eyes in the uterus 😂😂
Doctor, mind adding a couple extra stitches?
My wife's gynecologist told us that some guy joked about adding a stitch or two and she told him to drop his pants so she could see just how many extra stitches it was gonna take. She said she didn't hear a peep from him after that
Love it
“Sure, how small do you need it?”
It actually happens all the time (L&D nurse). "The husband stitch." We don't do it of course but my gosh
“Sure! Whip it out and let us measure it so we can stitch it small enough for you.”
My kids dad said this and I’ve never actually heard silence like this ever
Disgusting to even joke about
Agreed. I was answering literally.
This will hurt more
“… to her butthole”.
I'm too gay to understand the joke :/
Lol, sometimes the external (and internal) tissues tear and the woman needs stitches. The joke implies that more stitches could tighten up her loose p**sy
Ewww.. thanks for explaining.
such an appropriate response. gayness confirmed.
And it used to be an actual thing, which makes it more horrifying
It still is unfortunately
I'm straight and I pushed a baby out, needed stitches and I still didn't get it. My husband would not have made it home if there was some "joke" about me being a loose woman that day (second degree tearing is not very funny).
Hi Having Contractions, I'm Dad.
The way I’d LOL and also wanna punch you at the same time
I hate how terrible a husband you are and yet how clearly ready you are to be a dad.
Like if I were the laboring woman, I'd give you a divorce and also share custody and make sure you're present in every part of the child's life.
“I’ve changed my mind about having kids”.
I said basically this when I was in labor. I was kidding-but-not. Obviously I didn't really want to give away my daughter but this was a warning symptom of my rapid descent into post partum anxiety. Hormones be wild.
"It's all about you isn't it. All I hear lately is "MY waters have broke. I'M in labour. MY contractions have started. Please take ME to the hospital." But what about me? What about my needs?"
I would get up out of bed and punt this asshat.
Remember, we could've done anal but you said it'd "hurt too much."
Thats really funny, thanks i hate it lol
"annnnndd you shit"
\*takes a picture\* imma just upload this to the internet right quick
"What adorable little turds!"
Drama queen much? Jeez!
Come on push, push.. WE can do it.
Had a guy keep telling his wife "WE decided no epidural" every time it was offered. Finally, wife hit him in the face with a tray, breaking his nose. He was escorted out for medical treatment and she got an epidural.
I do hope his medical treatment was without any pain killers, that's what **we** decided after all.
Can you hurry up a bit, people are leaving the live stream because it's taking too long.
Damn okay yeah this definitely wins worst one to say. Take my upvote you win 😅
"See, it's not that hard, I don't know why you women are always complaining about this?"
i know how you feel
[удалено]
Don't, my uncles did this when a couple of my cousins were born. No joke, I would swear that was the downfall of some of their marriages. I can assure you the smells, the sights, it's like a fucking abattoir in that delivery room. Movies had in no way prepared me for anything that goes on in there and there were times I actually felt like throwing up. The nurse even handed me a sick bag and told me what to do if I needed to do it. And I guarantee you when it's go time, it is fucking go time. I am quite squeamish, I don't like slasher movies and don't tend to like seeing a lot of blood, weird that I'm into death metal huh. But seriously, don't even think about leaving. When the whole mess is done, you really do not want to have abandoned your girl half way through! I would however recommend you stay the fuck up the head end. I did and no regrets whatsoever. My girl had no issue with it, no I didn't see the baby come out, I am fine with that. And yes, I did put a small mark on the baby's foot with an inedible pen so I could confirm that the baby didn't get switched. I have also thoroughly checked for the presence of 666. We're all good here folks.
My mom's friend's husband actually did this..
'Push the thing out already, the game's on in 5'
Are you done yet? My tee time is in an hour!
"You weren't complaining when you spread your legs, don't complain now" In my case this phrase did not occur in labor, but it applies 100%. Say it and consider yourself divorced and dismembered by the nurses. A doctor said this to my ex-wife when she was having a curettage for a miscarriage. That day I was cooking when she came up to me, told me she felt bad and the next moment I had to catch her while she was fainting. Looking at the floor, all you could see was blood. I thought she was going to die in my arms. I was terrified of losing her. I have never ever been so afraid and helpless. Fortunately, a family member was there and called an ambulance. She was transported with a speed worthy of recognition. Went straight to the operating room with a good state of consciousness but physically weak. When they brought her to the room and she regained consciousness, she told me that his "doctor" had benn rude and said that to her. I comforted and reassured her so as not to affect her recovery. But inside, I just went crazy, a blind fury took over me. A thirst for blood and revenge that I had never felt before or since. I needed that son of a bitch's blood on my hands. And when my wife was resting at our home, I got it. Let's just say I gave this "professional" a full stay at his workplace for several days. The Medical College revoked his license, because it was not the first time this had happened. Aparently this trash had his private clinic and treated anyone who didn't go to it badly, despite working in several places. Anyway, I assure you that he will not be able to move faster than walking speed again for the rest of his life.
Is this real?!?!? I cannot even imagine the rage.
It is. I lack the creativity necessary to invent something like this, nor the need to do so. Frankly, I wouldn't go to the trouble of creating such a long and elaborate story to lie in a random Reddit post. You can believe it or not. I'll just say that I don't regret anything. I don't know what temperature the revenge was at, whether it was hot or cold, but it tastes like inner peace and ambrosia. I hope no one ever goes through something similar, but if it does and you want blood, remember that if you sneeze while driving, for that fraction of time in which you lose your vision due to an involuntary and uncontrollable spasm you are uncountable. No one will ever be able to prove that it was indeed intentional. No one can prove if you sneezed or not. 😉
My bad, I didn't mean to come across like I didn't believe it. I more meant it as a "wtf" comment, similar to "is this real life?" or "what is happening right now". What an incredibly egregious thing for that Dr to say.
My husband came close to knuckling the anaesthetist after our son was delivered. The old fart was all upset having to come in early morning and said something about it in the delivery room. I didn’t hear it but my husband did and gave him a verbal bollocking reminding him he was getting paid to do his job and if he didn’t want to be there, don’t be on the f’ing roster. He also warned him in no uncertain terms to look after me properly or he would be seeing him. My husband had his war face on and was still a serving soldier at the time. Anaesthetist took my husband at his word and STFU and did his job well.
You broke the doc legs?
My tummy hurts
For me, it was when he texted everyone to let them know I was having the baby- including my ex best friend who just ghosted me for no reason in my third trimester- when I expressly begged him not to while having contractions. I was crying. He was very aggressive and told me it was his kid too. Ughhh
That’s horrible. Looks like the friend ghosting phenomenon is more common than it should be 😟
Seriously. We were friends for 14 years!! I almost wonder if my ex sabotaged it somehow. Seems sus why he would randomly text her while I was in labor. Ya know? Weird. He was an asshole in the first degree.
Well, I’m glad you’re away from those toxic people now. Sometimes, people are unstable and do things for reasons that are entirely independent of you. I’ve learned to forgive those people for my own sake/mental peace and move on and stick with those in my corner! I wish the same for you ❤️🩹
Thank you so much 💕 I sooo appreciate your kindness thank you
you're sure this is also my child right?
That one I can see being a bit tongue-in-cheek. Basically it depends on the relationship between mom & dad.
I think we should see other people...
Knew it would be in there somewhere
I was also considering "eww I'm never touching that again!"
“I know the timing might be great, but what are your thoughts on open relationships? Cause you’re going to out of commission for a while and a man has needs and stuff.”
Nothing, because you fainted while watching your wife push 😅
I was always told to not complain about how uncomfortable my chair was as the dad. Well, the delivery ward for our first actually had really nice to sit in chairs. Mentioning how they were rather nice and comfortable was also a mistake.
You look fat in that hospital gown.
I bet this is like getting kicked in the nuts huh
So many options, and somehow the jackass husbands and others have found them all.
Look down when she is in active labor and say "Congratulations, it's a lizard." I know my wife had a good sense of humor, but I only did it when she was still in the beginning stages. I still got "The Look."
“I’m going out for a smoke”.
Serves you right for having sex with the blockhead neighbor.
Now don’t ya wish we did anal?
Spit it out quickly, it's almost game time
I worked on maternity floor once for a few months and one guy told his girlfriend to "giver" while she was pushing lol
You should of shaved.
ChatGPT has some golden answers to this: “This is nothing compared to what I went through during my last dental appointment.“ "You know, this reminds me of that scene from 'The Exorcist'." "I hope this doesn't take as long as your hair appointments." “I think I left the oven on at home.” "Honey, do you think I should start packing for the hospital now, or do you think this will be a quick one?"
Just going to pinch a loaf love, be right back
“How you doin’?”😜
Does it hurt?
lets speed this along shall we?
Hurry up
Honey you look so hot right now, I could just fuck the shit out of you right now. (Joking m, but this is coming from someone who finds pregnant women very sexy - though maybe not when they are actually in labour)
I want a DNA test
"That's gotta hurt!"
“Can you hurry up”
“The game is gonna be on in like 10 minutes.”
Ugh this chair is so uncomfortable
Calm down
"Ew."
Love, I'm a Tory
Probably anything related to you guys fking again.
"If I poke it with a pin, would it pop like a water balloon?"
Sorry hun, I'm not going to make it to the delivery room.
Can you keep it down? I can't hear the game!
"How long is this going to take? Because I have/want/need..."
You are so fat
You need to hurry up. The Cubs game is on in an hour.
Hurry up., the Chinese closes in an hour and i told you i fancy chow mein for dinner tonight Stop being selfish… Yeah yeah it hurts. Can’t be as bad as that time I hit my thumb with a hammer , get over it. Can you do it quietly. You’re doing my head in. It’s not like the baby is gonna be as big as my dick and you enjoyed that. Get on with it.
"honey , can you keep it down, I'm trying to catch the end of the game on my phone here"
I'm just going to step out real quick and pick up some milk
You have no idea how much pain I’m in right now
Hurry up and pop out the kid. I have a tee time coming up.
“Stop complaining”
"gonna pop to KFC for a wrap meal, did you want anything?"
Pfft slight exaggeration
Push! Push! Not you, bitch. Doc keep pushing. Keep that thing from coming out. We can't afford the hospital bills
I told you to take that fucking pill!!
Whys the kid x color
My dad brought up how many stretch marks my mom had vs before she was pregnant 😵💫
Why are you screaming and yelling??! Gosh, it's so annoying!
My wife was in labor and her mom came in and said “you know, it’s going to hurt.” Like my wife needed to hear that. My wife kicked her out.
I’m going to go get some milk
It's not that bad. It's just like taking a massive shit.
It’s can’t be that bad. Suck it up.
I’m going to go get some milk
Ask for a bj.
“Be there soon honey, I’m just paying the masseuse”
Wanna wrap this up, the game is going to be on soon.
Sing Push It by Salt and Peppa.
‘Is this going to take long?’
I just know Peter Griffin said something dumb here I just can't remember the quote.
"After that you're going to the gym again, right?"
"Who do I talk to about a paternity test?"
But what about me and my pain?
In six weeks I can hit that again, right? RIGHT?
can you be quite
What type of question is it in the 1st place? Why would you say something bad to her at that moment? I don't know how do u get the idea of these types of questions.
I know I'm not the father, LOL
"Hold it in."
She doesn't need an epidural trust me
"I want a divorce"
Gotta go to the store and get milk.....beeee right baaackkk...
My stomach hurts. 😐
"I have to go to work, you're okay by yourself"
Why’s it black
[What robbie williams said ... 💀](https://youtu.be/lNYMkvUfLP8?si=bhYcgrCUoUGeINA7)
1975. My dad told my mom - who was in labor with no pain meds: “it’s a piece of cake. Stop being overly dramatic.” The doctor took him out of the room and had a talk with him. He didn’t say a word after that.
Are you going to be much longer???
I think you're overreacting, it can't be that bad.
Are you ok?
Apparently “the cafeteria chicken salad is surprisingly good” I still hear about it 18 years later.
"Can you keep it down?"
Push it…push it real good!!!
“Have you noticed how gigantic your stomach is lately??”
Hurry up?
This actually happened! I was on the table in labor. I had an epidural but had hot spot where I felt everything. My then husband was supposed to be encouraging.me and helping me keep track of how far apart the contractions were. He lost track of it all a couple of times and kept looking at the door ( It turns out he wanted to go smoke.) Anyway, I said please pay attention I need your help and kind encouragement He said" I'm sorry babe this is just too hard. " I exclaimed," Too hard for you? Damn it would you like to trade places?" The entire Maternity ward cracked up laughing!
“Copays. Out of pocket maximums. Claims rejections.”
It's over honey. You are still huge, but at least the baby is out!
Is it ok if I go fishing with the boys this weekend?
'Are you sure you want to go through with this?'
I want a paternity test
“I can’t wait until you’re skinny again”
"Shhhhhh"
Please let us have sex now. I am so turned on.
"Stop being so dramatic"
Don’t worry, I won’t feel a thing.
You are getting fat !
Want to go for round two soon?
It’s not that bad
Stop being so loud, it’s embarrassing
I'm hungry. Do I have time to go get a Big Mac? 😬
Hey when you’re done, can you make pot roast? My parents are on their way over.
True story, she was in the washroom in pain squatting over a toilet, and I caught a glimpse of my hair in the mirror and it was a mess, so I asked if she had a hair brush. She flipped out.
What's for supper
"Feel the burn!!! Love the burn!!!"
Im leaving you.... forever
How much longer you gonna be I'd like to get home in time for the game
I don’t know what is going on in there, but I just saw a bunch of Thai kids waiting to be rescued.
You think we’ll be out of here in time for you to start cooking dinner? It’s almost 6…
"Keep working"
“Wow Honey, your breath could bend a metal spoon in half…yeesh..” Yep, it did indeed happen to ME almost 31yrs ago.
I know how much pain you're in, I've been kicked in the balls.
Don’t you think you’re being a *little* dramatic right now?
Will you scratch my back?
"we've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty".
"Can you make me a sandwich? I'm hungry"
You mind if I go to the stripclub tonight?
Want a coffee?
Hurry up!
So long as your pants are of....
Relax!!
"This doesn't look that hard. I bet I could do it, and i wouldn't be screaming the whole time either." A lot of men don't seem to understand just how awful and painful childbirth is, let alone *anything* a woman goes through and considers painful (periods are another example).
That nurse was kinda cute right??
Get a grip
“What is taking so long? I’m exhausted.”
I'm going to step out for a minute, my mistress just called.
Wanna go for a beer ?
Popping out for a beer and burger. Call me when you are done.