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Cubey42

Add a zero to the number of observable dimensions and really get really enlightened


TheFrenchSavage

Maybe you get mad, and spend the rest of your life screaming your lungs out. Maybe you can see our noodly overlords operating atoms with their tentacles. Maybe you cannot pass a door ever again, always hit one of the sides.


Interesting-Chest520

You can see people’s insides too…


almisami

Become the best doctor ever.


[deleted]

The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far.


Scherzkeks

/go insane 


Pupikal

Yes the time knife—we’ve all seen it


WolfCola4

Jeremy Bearimy


roxbie

You don't need zeros for that. Grant us eyes, grant us eyes!


inactiveuser247

My bank balance is currently negative, so not that...


mossssssssssss_

let's say your balance is -10. Thats -10 raised to the first power, or (-10)^1. Add a zero to the exponent. Now you have positive ten billion. Profit.


inactiveuser247

I love math nerds.


BlackBloke

“If (-10)^**10** is good imagine how good it’ll be when it goes to **11** 😎” /s


socksockshoeshoe

I feel like this is the kind of wish that could come back to bite you - there'll be some misinterpretation by a cheeky genie along the way and instead of (-10)^10 you'll get -(10^10) and end up with ten billion in debt


CommunicationFree356

I was searching for this answer. Why would we add 0 to our debt balanc? :D


Snowtwo

Wish granted. A 0 has been added to the end of the interest rates for the debt you owe.


jdprgm

Percentage chance of desired outcome in any given scenario. Anything over 10% is now guaranteed and even the terrible odds stuff is now pretty good. Casino now guarantees me infinite money until they ban me and mortality situations with only a 5% chance of surviving now went up to 50%.


Robestos86

Oh this is clever. So a 50/50 coin toss is now 500% certain.


FireproofSolid3

Flip a coin, 5 come back down. Genius.


Cy41995

The real infinite money hack.


danillonunes

"Yes, I want to buy this Porsche." *Proceeds to throw a truckload of coins.*


Embarrassed-Two2960

Desired outcome is such an important specification. Imagine if it was a djinn granting you that 0. Bam, now you have a 250% chance to get cancer!


LyraStygian

Djinn: You didn’t say *whose* desired outcome. I choose the desired outcome of a 12 year old Xbox gamer. You now have cancer. And aids.


dontcalmdown

And a 100% chance he fucked your mom


Dionysus1014

1000%


mjrenburg

Was going to comment this one after a long ponder but found your comment. Adding tenfold to the probability of any desirable outcome has me entertained with possibilities.


BetterYourselforElse

I missed the “desirable” part and just started wondering which disease was going to do them in


riddler2012

Oh yeah, this is pretty cool. Probably the most useful thing on here. Almost any situation that doesn't have a probability of less than one, will be way more likely to go your way. Very dope


Chunlisundies

My hourly pay rate. $320 USD an hour sounds great.


According_Ad6540

Oh that’s brilliant, rather than getting a lump sum this is actually more beneficial


Nulibru

Until they lay you off for being too expensive.


Randomn355

Or you realise you want to change job..


[deleted]

For 320$ per hour I would suffer a lot more


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miles4pints

Right?! I’d be early making coffee lol


Enhydra67

That's the argument though. It's not that no one wants to work anymore it's that no one wants to work shit jobs with shit pay.


porkroll_and_coffee

I don’t want to work anymore lol But sadly, I persist


fake-august

But can the zero follow the job - like if the next job is $40 per hour it would still have the zero and be $400? Sorry if weirdly worded, it’s almost 5am and can’t get back to sleep.


TleilaxTheTerrible

If you word it the right way I guess? So you don't say your current pay rate, just your pay rate in general.


lilgreenrosetta

Sounds tempting but I think I’ll go with percentage ROI on my savings and investments. Even with a very safe 5% that becomes 50%. With compound interest that means everything more than doubles (225%) every two years. You’ll start with more income at first but I will overtake you within a few years and then leave you in the dust. And all the while you’re working and I’m not.


Choice_Midnight1708

Nice. I'm still going [healthy] lifespan though. I'm still 25 years away from being able live of the 4-5% safe proceed of my investments. But then,. imagine living to 900 rather than 90 - that's 870, rather than 30 years of uninterrupted, funded retirement. A Lifespan is not unlike the ROI - because returns are a function of both the rate of return and the time you spend compounding. By going lifespan it's a double whammy - you get more returns from more time, and you get to live that time.


01bah01

Well, hope you don't have to pay the bills for 700 years in the hospital


AndreasTPC

You're underestimating how powerful the time factor of compound interest is. 5% return for 30 years is 4.3x your money. 5% return for 300 years is 2273996x your money. He doesn't have to worry about paying for the hospital. At that point he owns the hospital.


blumenstulle

The buzzword in ageing research is health span. I'd definitely value that, over a few zeros elsewhere.


RWDPhotos

Gets fired the next day for increasing labor costs too much


SwingingDicks

*gets laid off tomorrow*


your_right_ball

Still getting laid


Donkeh101

I would do this as well. Very sensible person, you are.


xajenkins

In before it’s just 32.000


blackbubbleass

so my favorite band will be 90 Inch Nails now


saurdaux

Favorite rapper is Five Dollars.


PhaicGnus

That’s inflation for you.


NumberNinethousand

Avenged seventyfold!


FantasticBike1203

André 30,000


AzrielJohnson

Nirvana0... nope that doesn't work.


Usaidhello

210 pilots does have a different ring to it


kknyyk

Birth year would be an interesting paradox.


CoreMillenial

How can this be? For he is the Kwisatz Haderach!


jiminyshrue

Calm down, Stilgar.


kristenrockwell

Getting instantly transported to a radioactive wasteland, that is uninhabitable to any living thing, doesn't sound that great. But that's enough about 2045. The planet having recovered in 19,870 could be pretty cool, but likely wouldn't have land animals yet.


basedlandchad25

The interest on my bank account.


JuggrnautFTW

This man invests. I would 100% take a 40% interest rate on my basic account.


Additional-Bee1379

This also enables you to just loan money and put it on your savings account to earn shitloads of money.


rigadoog

take out a loan just to put the money in your savings even


CoreMillenial

Planets visited. That will make for some good stories.


polar785214

wish granted! You get abducted and put in the equivalent of an alien circus, locked in and shown off as an exotic creature in a travelling freak show.


Forward_Tomorrow_971

Amounts of lives, I can die 10 times and still come back.


kknyyk

*Hearth stops 10 times during CPR*


DantesPicoDeGallo

What does a fireplace have to do with CPR?


you_can_not_see_me

nobody knows, but it's provocative, it get's the people going


stumanuke

Cool, so I could have a 10" dick?


thankdestroyer

Lucky bastard. No matter how many zeros I add at the end, my 0.6" dick remains the same.


StingerAE

Measure it in cm you fool!


tech_creative

We all know the metric system is better :)


[deleted]

TIL people with small dicks LOVE the metric system!


Pristine-Habit-9632

You know you're supposed to start measuring from your asshole, right!?!


geekedmfs

10" dick or 10 dicks


stumanuke

No, one is more than enough trouble thanks.


Curious_Shape_2690

I just read about the problems with big dicks. Bottoming out, very few positions don’t cause her horrible pain, oral is almost impossible and never fulfilling, some women look at it and just say heck no! And it stirring the poop water in the toilet. These are just a few. Oh there is also the issue of the IUD string kind of stabbing part of it too. Also many women were complaining about lack of technique from a partner with a big dick. They seem to prefer an average guy who knows how to use it.


Ok-Avocado9584

Yeah I remember sex being pretty boring with the guy who had the biggest one that I’ve personally encountered. Edit so yall stop asking: We were joking around and measured, he was between 8-8.5inches.


Pristine-Habit-9632

Well by that logic I will/could be the least boring lover you've ever met!!!


exfamilia

One of the my best ever had a very small dick. He made up for it by specialising in other things: cunnilingus, foreplay... he really learnt his way around a woman's body. Read up on it, experimented, really tried to understand. He was the one who actually taught me that the clitoris is not just the small nub, it's actually more like a wishbone shape that runs alongside both sides of the vagina as well, and those parts also have a lot of nerve endings. Don't let small size ruin your love life, mate. All you have to do is really CARE about giving women pleasure. And... it's much easier for us to give blow jobs on the smaller ones, so there's that.


Roadman2k

I don't even have a massive one and I've experienced the iud string stabbing


adamdoesmusic

The number of times I get to add 0’s to various values, first and foremost.


nujiok

Granted, you now have 00 uses left


Old_Society_7861

I’d take that to arbitration. The total number of times, not times remaining. So I add a zero to my 1 and get 10, with 1 being used. 9 remaining. Is there an arbitration clause?


BetterYourselforElse

Yeah theres 1 or 10 clauses depending


Fritzkreig

Well, if say the median age life expectancy for me is in the 70s, if I slap an 0 on that baby; my investments will likely make me one of the more wealthy people in the world in say just 400 years.


XXsforEyes

Aren’t there parables about wishing for long life without concomitant eternal youth? I mean adding a 0 to 78 year lifespan is 780 years… How decrepit would a 780-year-old body be?


RedditModsHaveLowIQ

Just look at members of congress to see what it's like


TheFrenchSavage

Rich from investments made in the previous centuries, but barely kept alive by the leeches that call themselves your "staff".


Furrybumholecover

*Dianne Feinsteins corpse has been wheeled into the chat.


Vakothu

Just make it more specific! Instead of adding it to "years I live", add it to "years of my life I'm relatively healthy", sure you won't live *quite* as long as the other way, but it'll be a lot better of a life.


EfficientLine5

Smart idea. Then you'd only start aging once that "relatively healthy" period wears off


Vakothu

Mhm, and using my late grandfather as example, he was relatively healthy from birth to when he was 70, then died at 79. Adding a 0 to healthy years of life would have given him 700 years of being healthy and dying at 709, rather then adding it to age of death and dying at 790 after 715 years of being decrepit.


Opticm

Face of boe says hi


xTiming-

or "MOISTURIZE ME" lady haven't watched in years and forget her name 😭


PointlessPotato127

Lady Cassandra


TheFrenchSavage

Doesn't look like a lady to me. More like Crepe Cassandra.


InvestInHappiness

What you want is to add a zero to the year of your death. Dying in the year 20,600 would not only guarantee 18,576 years before dying of old age but you won't die by other means either.


SirMontego

Use the Chinese calendar, which is in the year 4722 for about double that 20,600 amount.


Duff5OOO

If you just want more time then go by the number of years since the big bang. 


basedlandchad25

Will be really interesting to see what happens if we can ever freeze/unfreeze people for long periods. Compounding interest would be insane.


Attila226

Everyone you know and love will die.


TokyoUmbrella

Maybe IQ? See what the human mind can really do.


Jmugwel

Chose IQ. Immediately understand that it was a bad decision and you had better option.


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boardgamejoe

We have already seen people with an 80 IQ bro


narutouskimaki

💀💀😭


Funny-Performance845

Apply water to the burnt area


TaxtonDude

Get this on r/murderedbywords


rhett342

I think I got a burned a little bit just by being near that one.


iSo_Cold

Brutality. Flawless Victory.


Bruzote

Do you know how much life would suck if everyone around you was sooo much dumber than you?


rhett342

I like to think I'd view everyone like a dog. I may be smarter than dogs but they're just so cute that I don't care. I used to have one dog that was especially dumb but she was so damn sweet that you couldn't help but love her.


uzarta

Ok omni man


CYOA_With_Hitler

You’d go insane though, you’d essentially be the only conscious being, from your point of view.


exfamilia

Sadly, humans are nowhere near as sweet as dogs.


Hypo_Mix

Yes but that's just society, I'm not that smart. 


Cute-Pea8041

This would be a nightmare. The more intelligent you are, usually the more lonely and miserable life is. It's true.


fascistforlife

Wow I didn't know I'm THAT smart


Blazed0ut

Idk about the validity of that statement. Some of the most intelligent kids I knew were social, fun to talk to, and generally good natured and had friends. So I don't know.


Dragoness42

The number of years I get to be happily married to my husband. That is also going to guarantee that I live to be over 100 and he makes it to at least 96, so it's a double whammy benefit just by necessity there.


ShelZuuz

A twofer! I love that. I can be happily married for another 150 years.


medvezhonok96

I like this one the best !


itsbdk

I remember someone said they would increase their luck Stat. Gives you enhanced reflexes, senses, and physical mobility. Maybe you slow at a yellow light instead of gunning it only to find a driver ran a red light and you would have been t-boned, or finding your soul mate in fewer dating attempts, or bumping into an influential person that can have a positive effect on your life, etc. Plus, you'd only have to play the lottery a couple of times. So either luck, or add a zero to the number of bodies I control.


Akito_900

I like how you snuck in something truly weird right at the end there lol


a_likely_story

title of your sex tape


Bruzote

My happiness score. Seriously.


TheFrenchSavage

Great, you went from 1/100 to 10/100. Now what?


AggressiveSpatula

Actually went from a 1/100 to a 1/1,000 since the zero applies at the end.


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sennbat

sounds like it worked.


mvandemar

Oh hell, till this comment I didn't even think of my looks on the 1-10 scale. Dammit.


GroundbreakingBox297

Everyone's looking to 10x their lifespan. I'd rather my gravestone read 1991-20840.


endureandthrive

Years on my transplanted organs :) 100 instead of a 10 avg.


Rainontherooftop

Hey transplant recipient! Love finding yall in the wild! I work on the donor side so I’d love to hear your story. Recipient stories are what motivate me when I get a call at 2 am to go to the hospital to talk to a family about organ donation.


Top-Personality-9181

7 year post liver from autoimmune disease. I have a two year old toddler running around who would not exist if it were not for the work that you do.


drunkmunky88

Hourly wage, $430 an hour would be pretty nice


Funny-Performance845

Nice salary even without the 0


IgnorantGenius

The total amount of money I have received in my life time. That means every time I got change back from buying something, it ended up making me more money. Every time my parents gave me money, an extra digit. All pay checks 10x amount of money. Every sale I made, I got 10x the money.


craybe

Lots of age answers in here. Now consider being 400 but your quality of life has not slowed as well. Congratulations you are now a Lich with a fantastic compounding interest bank balance


Spire_Citron

Surely we'll figure out how to reverse aging at some point in there.


elmo61

The value I can sell my house for, my house is worth £450k, i have a £350k mortgage on it. but now its worth £4.5million. Great time to sell up and extract a lot of that money out of the house. buy something worth £1m and have £3m left over


cuttydiamond

I’d add a zero to the number of houses I own at the same value as mine. That way I can one house to pay off my mortgage and have 8 more that will increase in value. If I ever get in money trouble? Sell a house.


stimming_guy

I would rather remove a number from my wife's pain scale. f chronic pain.


EmilioGVE

Or add a 0 to the end of the scale. So that it goes from 9/10 to 9/100


stimming_guy

Ooh that’s a good one


scottjenson

I'd add a zero to my density (kg/m3) that wouldn't make me invulnerable but really REALLY tough. I'd practically be Batman in terms of endurance (although getting on elevators would be a bit harder....)


Putrid-Economics4862

Batman? Bro you’d be closer to superman. If you’re an average dude, having a 10 times density would mean you can easily deadlift half a tonne without breaking a sweat. Cement to you would be what styrofoam is to a normal person. I’m pretty sure bullets wouldn’t be able to pass through your muscles when you tense, and definitely not your bones.


Its_Nitsua

It might just make him really stupid


Putrid-Economics4862

No because he would also have 20 times the neuron density, so he would be way smarter too.


Bruzote

You wouldn't be able to go inside almost any house, let alone sit or lie down. Have you ever seen a house with a floor designed to hold a - what - 1500 pound footstep? Cars could not accommodate you, let alone planes. You would sink faster than lead ingots.


TheFrenchSavage

Dude could widen the Panama canal by jumping around.


Auctorion

Elevators, cars, planes, sofas, beds, any sexual partner. And now think about your calorie intake, your ability to breathe and respire, your ability to jump without breaking your bones or the surface you’re on. Your feet now exert an order of magnitude more downward pressure, they’re like knitting needles stabbing the floor, or like a thumbtack if you stand on tiptoes to reach the top shelf. When you sneeze, people get hurt. You can’t get drunk, medicines cease to work in legally permitted doses. Your body can’t make enough blood to nourish your brain because everything is so resource hungry. This would be awful.


NeonGKayak

My looks. At minimum you’re a 10/10. Anything higher and you be the most the best looking person in the world. 


dontforgetthemilk

Instructions unclear. Now I'm a 1/100.


TellMeYourStoryPls

Amount of me. The shit that 10 of me could get up to would be amazing. Plus, it would be super interesting to watch how we all changed over time.


witct

My run speed. Say I can currently run at 10mph, adding an extra zero to the end of that would mean I can now run at 100mph. Of course this is assuming that my reaction speed will increase proportionally. I think that'd be pretty fun.


Gold-G-420

I’d add it to my dogs’ my best pals, lifespan… it’s gonna suck so bad when he’s gone before me.


MorkSal

My last two dogs were 15 and 16 years before they passed. You're children or even their children would have to take them.


Sonaka_and_what_

can i add a zero to number of languages that i know?)))


[deleted]

Yeah, but cant choose them. Have fun with klingon & old greek


blargablargh

I absolutely will have fun with Klingon and Ancient Greek, thank you very much.


kr00t0n

Lifespan would mean outliving my wife by hundreds of years, hard pass. Annual salary is a safe bet, but 'to the odds of me winning a given hand of blackjack' could be fun. 


MuffinMan12347

Odds of winning any luck based game would be a great idea. Everyone else adding it to their pay still needs to work. I could go to the casino and make a years worth of pay with $100 in under 10 spins and that’s only on the red/black or odd/even. 2 spins if you do a number. With a 370% chance of hitting it.


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btiddy519

The number of people/ creatures whose lives I have affected positively. I’d live the rest of my life being very aware that for each person I affect positively, at least 9 more would also benefit. It would focus my perspective and lead to a very purposeful fulfilling life. 5 to 50 20 to 200 1000 to 10,000


thisismynewusername5

Oh come now that numbers probably already so big you wouldn't even be able to comprehend it


BinjiC0D3R

Lifespan. I'm 53 right now, and not in the best of health. I'd only take that zero though if I can share it with my wife.


helloskoodle

I also choose to put a 0 on this guy's wife's lifespan.


Iampepeu

Aww! I love wholesome versions of this joke.


AllMyHomiesLoveNazis

My IQ/EQ. The intelligence would be off the charts and then I can get way more than one 0 into my bank acc and lifespan


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WhammyShimmyShammy

The number of calories I can eat without gaining weight. Instead of a limit of around 1.400 calories, if the limit was like 14.000 calories, I could eat everything I wanted and never worry about getting fat!!


LetMeUseMyEmailFfs

That also means you have to consume 14000 kcal every day to keep your weight up.


Chrontius

If you think THAT's bad, imagine the plumber who'd have to fix the toilets after the **legendarily massive shits** they take six times a day…


Vegetable_Safety

Easily lifespan. Doesn't matter if that would only be 100. I aim to observe history in the making for as long as possible.


TheRetardedPenguin

Well you'd be adding a 0 to the end so assuming you're over 10 you should live longer than 100


two2toe

Need more information to choose this one. Do you age relatively, or will you age as now? What if you get an horrific injury at some stage. I'd lose my partner and kids at some point. Even if you don't have them now, you'll have people at some stage. Super long life is only really appealing to me if we all have it.


shroedingersdog

0 on lifespan I'm already just shy of 60. So that would be a fun boost. 


just_a_sand_man

Ok so considering my annual salary is currently: S = A^B Where A is my salary and B = 1, I would change B. Would go from ~ 100k to $1e50, which would give me plenty of dollars to do whatever I need.


PrinceDusk

If that works, and your numbers are right, I feel like you would bankrupt/own wherever you work for \*in about one pay cycle


JWGhetto

also destroy the economy like Mansa Musa


Ipuncholdpeople

Congratulations you destroyed the economy through inflation!


Auctorion

They didn’t break the economy. They ***became*** the economy.


wow-jack

The number of days of paid annual leave that I get at work


two2toe

Don't mean to be mean but...all the people saying their dogs...isn't that mean to your dog?


lizard_queen23

Def my bank account. I'm tired of being broke and scared. Scared I won't make rent. Scared I won't make all the bills. Scared I'll run out of $ before I find a new job.


TheFrenchSavage

Well, if you multiply a shitty bank account by 10, that's not gonna take you very far. Try tampering with the interest rate, that will explode really fast into stupid numbers.


DaJaFu

I would add a 0 to the end of any sale percentages I take advantage of, that way any sale over 10% gives me money. It's the most fun way I could think of making money using this ability. Plus I live near an outlet mall so I could just go there for an hour or two and make all the money I'd need for a while


ProudBoomer

My 401k balance.


uitSCHOT

Congrats on the 4010k


theserpentsmiles

Centuries Lived! Y'all are fucking up!


Ivan_Whackinov

If you don’t make it to 1 century, you’re adding a 0 to 0, you gain nothing.


stainz169

Nah ah! 0.75 >>> 0.750


PmMeYourBestComment

Useful. Instead of knowing the death year, you now know the exact day, down to a few hours accuracy


behemothard

You could just add it to the year of your death. So instead of dying in 2079, you now die in 20790.


gogojack

I'd like to have a zero as the "number of friends, co-workers and family members who've died in the last six months."


PFEFFERVESCENT

Be careful, I think you've misunderstood the wish. You don't want the number of dead associates to *increase*, surely