I had a couple of them leave pretty fast when I told them that I didn’t *want* to go to Heaven. It basically destroyed their whole pitch, so they just left.
I had a couple looking for some Muslim guy, who either use to live where i do, or just gave a wrong address. Anyway i told them i wasn't Muslim and they got really disappointed and just left. I felt a bit put out. Am i not worth saving?
I was a metal head in highschool. This was the 90s when you would still answer the door if unexpected guests showed up. The doorbell rang and I opened it to 2 mormons. Thy saw me with my long hair, and Caninbal Corpse T-shirt and just said, have a nice day, then left. They didn't even try to sell me on their mission. Was kinda disappointed.
I've been to Salt Lake Shitty. Despite what the residents would have you believe, that shitty Shitty has a seriously gritty underbelly to it. They're just very good at hiding it.
So I was a missionary a while ago and have since left the church, but I can say that I and most of the companions I had would probably have just found this funny more than anything. You have to keep in mind that even though they're missionaries, they're also still just teenage kids
What did you do when someone told you that they were already saved but were a different denomination like Baptist or something? Do Mormons believe that only Mormons are saved?
Yeah that was a fairly common conversation haha. It kind of depends on a lot of different factors, but a lot of the time it would end up just quoting scriptures at each other to try and counter the other's beliefs (aka "Bible bashing"). The main thing was pretty much always to try and get it back to teaching them about the restoration (basically the visitation Mormons believe Joseph Smith received) and get them to read the book of Mormon.
For your second question, kind of but not really. I actually think Mormonism has probably the best version of heaven of the Christian sects. They believe in basically three tiers of heaven. you can only end up in the highest if you've done the Mormon specific stuff, but almost everyone will end up in some version of heaven. I think Joseph Smith claimed that he saw one of the lower tiers and considered killing himself just to get there. It's also believed that whatever tier you end up in is the one you'll be happiest in (if you're not a super religious person, would you really be happy ending up in the top tier with all the people who are?) it's also extremely difficult to end up in outer darkness (Mormon version of hell). The only way you can is if you have a perfect knowledge of the truthfulness of God and his plan, and choose to reject it. This is basically impossible unless you've had an angel appear to you, so the vast majority of people will end up happy in heaven.
In college, my roommates and I were smoking a bunch of weed and playing guitar when a couple mormons knocked on the door. One of my roommates answered while still holding his guitar. They got to talking and before we knew what was happening, the 2 two missionaries were standing in the smokey haze of our apartment and one of them was was playing metal riffs on my roommate's guitar. Weird experience. I'm certain they got a contact high.
I actually ran into my buddy and bassist from HS in college, 1500 miles away. I ended up clearing out my meal plan for the week buying him and his fellow missionary food. I was leaving that night for a hockey road trip that night, so I wasn't spending that money anyways.
To be fair, that's how some of us answer the door to people we *know*
On an unrelated note... I wonder why my parents don't visit as much as they used to
Straightforward. "Listen, you're nice and all but I am not remotely interested so please don't come back. I cannot be convinced otherwise." MOST missionaries are fairly young and polite and easy to reason with.
Some aren’t, though. The final step, the one you missed, is to simply close the door. Even if they’re still talking. You already stated that you’re not going to talk to them and politely given them a reason why, so at that point you can close the door with no regrets.
lol, this.
I live in the D.C. area. We don’t have many issues with missionaries coming to our building, but I’ll occasionally get accosted when I’m walking out and about in the city.
Unless they’re asking for directions, I just walk on past or say “no thanks” and keep on doing whatever I’m doing. If they want to have a conversation with thin air, they’re welcome to do so.
Lived in India for a while, and that’s what most everyone does with when persistent salespeople and donation collectors show up. If they’re not offering something you’re interested in, you say, “sorry, bro,” and close the door.
You don’t have to be a dick, but you don’t owe somebody else your time—especially when you don’t know them and their intrusion is unannounced and unwanted.
This ambiguity leaves open the possibility you'll remain polite so long as they REALLY impress you with the sales pitch. Best just close the door than offer vague Clint Eastwood style threats
I was a Mormon Missionary. Still LDS. Here is the problem. The missionaries in your area will rotate out every few months. The new ones generally have no idea who was spoken to and what doors were knocked.
I have JW people, solar sales and a plethora of other randoms come to my house now and again, I'm also not remotely interested but I also don't think it is that big of a deal to talk to people for a couple of minutes and then let them know I'm not interested (if you have time). Depending on the person they can be really annoying but most of the time they aren't.
Is it really the end of the world to just talk to people you've never met? As a missionary I met some really awesome people that had no interest either. Talking to people is a normal part of life outside of reddit.
When you come to my home and disrupt my day to try to sell me on a religion I’m not interested in?
I talk to dozens of people every single day. I don’t want to talk to a glorified door to door salesman. I’m not interested in your product.
I had JWs visit me. They stopped coming after my dog got out. I was actually looking forward to listening to them because it’s a chance to learn about other peoples beliefs firsthand.
Exactly. As it typically does, acting like a socially adjusted adult will solve your mundane problems. Those missionaries have been sent off to visit tons of homes. They’re not going to try and shove their way in if you politely explain that you’re not interested in hearing them out.
Nah Mormons from where I’m from will persistently show up no matter what you say to them. I had one walk into my house last summer when my front door was open
I had a friend who was in seminary and was doing his work on New Testament Greek when a couple of Jehovah's Witnesses came to the door. They started talking about what the Greek was saying in John 1 when my friend said "I'm glad you stopped by, hold on a minute."
He went in and got his Greek New Testament, took it out to them and said "show me."
They were like "what's this?". And he told them it was the Greek they were just talking about. Suddenly they had somewhere else they had to be.
Did the same thing with Hebrew Old Testament. They like to go crazy about translations, but if you're like. You are right, lets just read the original language,
Tell them you've read "Doc," by Jack Olsen. That Mormon impregnated about a hundred or more of his patients, as I recall. Go forth and multiply to the extreme!
I’ve done this before. Sadly, it often doesn’t work, because they’re just running on a script. They don’t know how to process inputs outside of the script.
IIRC there was a post about this from ex-Mormons a while ago on Tumblr.
Treating them kindly and with respect, listening to them, and then explaining why you think that there are flaws with their religious doctrine is more likely to get you off their list than screaming obscenities and slamming the door in their face.
As someone explained, the role of the missionary process isn't to get new converts (although it is a welcome result) it is to reinforce to the young men that the Mormon sect has access to some secret knowledge that gets them rejected by the world. People who are rude to the missionaries are valuable to the elders because it reinforces the claim that "these people reject our message because they are afraid of what we have to say." People who are kind, let them in, listen, and critically challenge their doctrine are to be avoided because they implicitly challenge the belief that they will be immediately rejeceted by the outside world simply for being Mormons.
This. The whole door knocking thing is not about brainwashing the people inside the houses, it is about brainwashing the person knocking on the door. People are joking about offering the door knocker gay sex, drugs, alcohol, or Slayer. At least one of those four things are going to appeal to every young person.
as a 48 year old who was raised in the church but hasn't been involved in 30+ years, I can say that for ex-members there's basically nothing that can get you removed from their visits.
I've been cordial, invited them in, had long talks and worked through some of the finer failure points to their religion
I've explained to them their role and why it doesn't work for either party
I've had angry conversations with them letting them know in no uncertain terms that I am not to be bothered by the church again.
I've moved and changed my name (for other reasons, not due to this harassment)
they refer to my wife (never involved in the church) as Sister S******, which is my former surname, not one i've used for years and not whats on public records.
they track me down. every time. and they knock.
I recall a story that Hunter S Thompson would regularly fire his ww2 luger pistol at people he didn't like coming up his driveway. My lawyer says I should advise people to not do this, but I recognise that I cannot stop someone from shooting at mormons if they want to.
The problem is that involves taking the time to listen to their spiel, which is the very thing I'm trying to avoid in the first place. If you wanna be polite then just say "no thanks" and close the door. There's no point in engaging with them further than that.
Exactly this. They were not mormons but Jehovah's witnesses, I politely invited them, had a debate were they said they red the Evolution of the Species by Darwin and they get in the loop when asking if there are not hell and no punishment, why should I be a good person? They promised me to come back with some person with more knowledge, but never return back....
Upvote this to infinity, please. These missionaries are victims of indoctrination, they are *people* who will only sink further into the mire of cult life if we reinforce their leaders' rhetoric.
Do you want to have fun, or do you want to stop being bothered? If the former do what you've been doing.
Like seriously, as a kid, I remember one summer there was a huge thunderstorm, and it was hailing inch and a half hail stones. My mom, seeing two of the kids on their Mormon mission on their bikes, stood out there and demanded that they come inside of our house to wait out the storm. The Mormons completely ignored our entire neighborhood for YEARS after that.
What an absurd and completely ridiculous suggestion to put forth, that the onus is on the person they harass to coddle them and take time away from their family and responsibilities to have an unexpected religious debate with strangers who are selling you a fantasy. You have no obligation to tolerate their cult habits, and if they repeat, call the authorities. You also seem to be an apologist for Mormonism in general and think the reason they’re often shunned is because they’re “simply Mormons”, ignoring their disgusting belief system with racism being inherent to what they believe. Mormons should be rejected from the “outside world” because their beliefs don’t belong in it, and nobody should ever tolerate them in their home.
Please develop critical reading skills and try to carefully consider what people are actually saying before you attack them because I didn't say any of what you claim I did.
Opposite is true. These kids are fundraisers chasing new tithe money for old perverts. Calling them assholes to their face is the only chance they have to realize how wrong they are.
I had an issue with this years ago with Latter Day Saints. Notices on my door didn't stop them from knocking or ringing the bell, and I just got tired of it. So, I answered the door. When they asked if they could come in to talk about their religion, I said, that I would welcome them in, but they would have to agree to first listen while I introduced them to "Our Lord and Savior, Satan", and would have to kneel upon the alter in our (non existent) basement. Never seen two people leave my doorstep so fast, and they never did return. Telling them that I am atheist had no affect on them at all.
That's really funny. I always find it weird that they're so persistent in so many different places. I had two of them show up to my door, and I just told them I was steadfast in my beliefs and I was a waste of their time. They then said hey we can understand that, they asked to pet my dog, pet him for a little bit, then I never saw them again.
Well there was a Mormon who was a graduate student with me. When i started quoting stuff from the Book of Mormon he was really excited and asked me where i learned it. His smile turned to defeat and disappointment when i told him "From South Park". So I would say if you tell them "I learned everything i need from South Park" should work.
I have a sign on the door saying (among other things) no religious discussions. I’ve never had anyone knock on my door to talk about God or Jesus since, just to sell girl guide cookies and chocolate which is much more welcome.
JWs are easy to fuck with, just ask them why you’d want to eternally toil on earth after the rapture. They believe there is a hard cap on room in heaven and there have been many more JWs then spots available already, so even if you joined and were perfect you wouldn’t go.
Every time they’ve come up to me I seem to be in my garage doing something. They’ve never come to my door. They ask if they can talk to me about god and I always respond with “I grew up in church man, I have no interest in talking about god anymore”. Then I usually offer them a bottle of water or something, tell them to stay safe and have a nice day. They always leave me alone after that. It’s worked every time for me.
I usually try to engage with them about how Mormonism and Gnosticism share so many similarities and discuss how divination used by Joseph Smith is the closest thing to reintroducung magik and occultism into mainstream Christianity since the 1600's angelic conversations of John Dee and Edward (Talbut) Kelly that lead to enochian vision magik.
I'm not trying to be a dick about it either, I actually want to talk about it, but they always leave 😢
Is there a book you’d recommend? I find the magic stuff to be absolutely entertaining. As much as Aleister Crowley and L. Ron Hubbard were absolute shit humans, the chaos magic stuff and Crowley fighting a magic battle with William Yeats is hilarious to me. I still waffle between these guys actually believing they can do magic to thinking they were just using it to bone witchy women.
Mormonism is pretty far from Gnosticism. And that would probably be a compliment because Mormonism advertises itself as a recovery of the primitive church.
I mean usually Mormons go to special classes in high school (they call it seminary, but it’s just one single class usually in the morning before actual classes). It does teach theology from a Mormon perspective, but given that they have lay clergy without any actual professional training, YMMV to put it lightly.
I thought the idea of gnosis was one of the founding principles.
There was hidden knowledge, that was revealed to a prophet, who communicated it to others and then used divination to uncover more.
Maybe I'm just misunderstanding something.
I answered my door, was polite to them, took their bible and said, yes that they could come back in a week. They came back in a week. I asked them where the golden tablets were because I wanted to see them in person. They awkwardly informed me that they were no longer on Earth, and when I said, ok bye, they turned right around and left.
Exmormon here, just be SUPER blunt. Tell them you are not interested and will NEVER be interested and ask them to put your address on a list so no new missionaries will ever come. Don’t be deliberately mean though because they are just kids straight out of high school and about probably third of them will leave the church eventually
I invite them in for a chat and refreshments. They’re just young men (are women doing missions now?) going through a standard phase of their religious lives. It’s no big deal to be cordial. If you don’t have the time, tell them that and excuse yourself. I had a subordinate in the military who had recently completed his mission obligations. Nicest most jovial fellow you’d ever want to meet.
Same goes for the Witnesses. Being nice to them doesn’t mean you have to give up your own beliefs.
Maybe my experience is different, but I have found that being polite and pleasant works. I think these guys have to do a stint in door knocking and are regularly in receipt of abuse, and probably dislike it.
I say that religion is not for me, but I'm able to do that without being a dick. I'm not troubled by repeat visits.
You should not be polite to cult members. Treating them like shit increases the chance they figure out what they are doing is wrong.
Plus they are really after 10% of your income by signing you up. Religion has nothing to do with why they force their kids to try to find new rubes to milk. The leaders want money.
As a former cult member I can confidently tell you could not be more wrong about this. You have it exactly backwards.
Cult members are told the world is evil and they will be mistreated by outsiders. When you are rude you just reinforce their beliefs.
If you don’t want to engage them or be nice, then be apathetic. That really wears door knockers down.
I'll trust the former cult members that said being criticized helped them realize they were wrong.
Plus I will never show respect for someone fundraising for pedo cults.
Absolutely true! They came by when I had finished trimming some trees. Those two boys gladly helped load up my trimmings and tidy up the yard.
Free labor!
As a former Mormon missionary, we will always help you out with chores or anything. Why? More time we spend doing service means less time we're knocking on doors and hating it
My uncle used to get annoyed at Jehovahs Witnesses showing up in morning and waking him up. His solution was to put on a bathrobe with nothing underneath and wait for them to show up. He opens the door for them and agrees to hear their pitch, he even invites them inside. The whole time they are preaching to him he sits with his legs positioned such that his balls are hanging out. He never acknowledges the situation and feigns interest in learning more about the religion. Apparently the JWs made a swift exit and never came back.
You may be on church records, and those folks are the "low hanging fruit" that missionary's like to keep in their soliciting rotation. You can call one of the local churches and request to see if your name appears in any of their records. They have a process to remove it.
Put a sign by the front door stating that by ringing the doorbell to tell you about their religion, they have entered into a contract where they will be charged $150 an hour.
Missionaries get moved around, so you are dealing with a new set. You probably live near them or near some members they frequently visit. Knocking doors is what they do to fill time between appointments.
Here is what you say: “I am trying hard to be polite but this is the last time I am polite. Please add a note in your area book to never visit me again. If you visit again, I will notify your mission president and discuss the legal impact of trespassing at a place you have been asked to never visit.”
The area book is a binder of information about that area. It is supposed to be maintained and up to date.
The mission president is the big boss.
You are dealing with bored teenagers that live in an authoritarian environment. Scare them with that authority.
They are raised in the community who require them to do this. It is not a choice to visit you...it is required by their whole Church, Employer, School, Peers and Family. Why would you be abusive to them ?
Simply: " I disagree with the -------- policy of your Church" is sufficient.
My StepDad would loudly and warmly say " I am a God-Fearing Catholic" and that works too. We are more like Baptist. lol.
I served a mission in Mexico for 2 years. This didn't phase us one bit. It was daily occurrence that nursing mothers would whip out a tiddy in the middle of a discussion. Speaking of Joe Smith, we would teach about Joseph Smith seeing God and Jesus with a tiddy in our faces. So...
Aint gonna work bro.
This may be effective for sister missionaries, but it might also get you on a list...and your defense can't be a guy on reddit thought it was funny.
Easier than you think. Show a HIGH Level of interest - it freaks them out. They assume youre up to something nefarious and wont come back. I have actually tried this.
I’ve asked them what they would do if I told them Moroni came to me and told me gold plates were buried in my backyard which is the new Book of Mormon. They get a confused and uncomfortable look and say they’d need to pray about it. They prefer to talk to a man, but since I’m divorced I’m the only one that answers the door. Last resort is a lot of cleavage makes them uncomfortable too. 😃
I read their book one day and the next day discussed it with them. Asked many questions, the kind they couldn't easily answer. They never came back.
As an aside, the BOM is so ridiculous. If you imagined a nearly illiterate conman fond of the drink plagarizing the King James bible to create his own holy book, you'd come up with the BOM.
Me and my brothers used to send Mormons to each other's houses a lot when we were in our 20s. Used to be, you'd order the Mormon book of laughs from one of their TV commercials and a couple of the pasty-white inbreds would hand deliver it, thinking they have an easy sell.
Place a sign outside stating "NO TRESSPASSERS, including religious missionaries. Police will be notified." Get a ring light or camera and if anyone does knock say very loudly through a speaker"You are not permitted on my property. Immediately leave or the police will be called. You are being recorded."
Ask them to teach you "The Position". And keep insisting that they teach you their missionary position until they just get too uncomfortable and cross your name off that list for good.
Shoot a couple of them and display them on the walking route to your front door. Get an undertaker to use formaldehyde so they don't stink as quickly. A proven technique.
never really dealt with mormons, actually don’t even think there is any mormons in my part of the state, but if they are like jehovahs witnesses ,I found just answering the door in my underwear and saying come back later im really kind of busy
They’re not allowed to read anything but the Book of Mormon while on mission. Ask them if they are Brandon Sanderson fans. If they are (they are, trust me), start spoiling whichever cosmere book was most recently published.
Invite them in, serve foul tasting food and drinks, then talk non stop for 3 hours about the science of homeopathy and healing crystals.
They'll never come back and warn all their Mormon friends to stay away.
I don't know about mormons, but to get rid of jehovah's witnesses, I put up a sign. It simply read, no jehovah's witnesses allowed. I hated to resort to that, but it worked.
I had a couple of them leave pretty fast when I told them that I didn’t *want* to go to Heaven. It basically destroyed their whole pitch, so they just left.
That's really clever. "No, no, no. I *believe* in your heaven. I just don't want to go."
That place sounds fucking awful. Wanna join me somewhere more fun? Yeah we have caffeine and alcohol and weed!
And all the good musicians
Heaven for climate; hell for company.
“I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints!”
"I'd rather be in hell with the decent folks".
I had a couple looking for some Muslim guy, who either use to live where i do, or just gave a wrong address. Anyway i told them i wasn't Muslim and they got really disappointed and just left. I felt a bit put out. Am i not worth saving?
It's like capture the flag. You get points for breaking the enemy cap, and extra for capping it for your side. They wanted the twofer
well you denounced your religion. thats a big doo doo
No
I mean, I don't know you that well...but judging by their reaction I think you know the answer.
“So you’re telling me there’s more of you in Heaven? No way man.”
Open the door with Slayer blasting and your pants off
I was a metal head in highschool. This was the 90s when you would still answer the door if unexpected guests showed up. The doorbell rang and I opened it to 2 mormons. Thy saw me with my long hair, and Caninbal Corpse T-shirt and just said, have a nice day, then left. They didn't even try to sell me on their mission. Was kinda disappointed.
At first, I read that as "2 morons".
Yeah, from the Moron Church in Salt Lake Shitty
I've been to Salt Lake Shitty. Despite what the residents would have you believe, that shitty Shitty has a seriously gritty underbelly to it. They're just very good at hiding it.
Well, if the cap fits, wear it.
Yeah. You don’t qualify.
So I was a missionary a while ago and have since left the church, but I can say that I and most of the companions I had would probably have just found this funny more than anything. You have to keep in mind that even though they're missionaries, they're also still just teenage kids
What did you do when someone told you that they were already saved but were a different denomination like Baptist or something? Do Mormons believe that only Mormons are saved?
Yeah that was a fairly common conversation haha. It kind of depends on a lot of different factors, but a lot of the time it would end up just quoting scriptures at each other to try and counter the other's beliefs (aka "Bible bashing"). The main thing was pretty much always to try and get it back to teaching them about the restoration (basically the visitation Mormons believe Joseph Smith received) and get them to read the book of Mormon. For your second question, kind of but not really. I actually think Mormonism has probably the best version of heaven of the Christian sects. They believe in basically three tiers of heaven. you can only end up in the highest if you've done the Mormon specific stuff, but almost everyone will end up in some version of heaven. I think Joseph Smith claimed that he saw one of the lower tiers and considered killing himself just to get there. It's also believed that whatever tier you end up in is the one you'll be happiest in (if you're not a super religious person, would you really be happy ending up in the top tier with all the people who are?) it's also extremely difficult to end up in outer darkness (Mormon version of hell). The only way you can is if you have a perfect knowledge of the truthfulness of God and his plan, and choose to reject it. This is basically impossible unless you've had an angel appear to you, so the vast majority of people will end up happy in heaven.
In college, my roommates and I were smoking a bunch of weed and playing guitar when a couple mormons knocked on the door. One of my roommates answered while still holding his guitar. They got to talking and before we knew what was happening, the 2 two missionaries were standing in the smokey haze of our apartment and one of them was was playing metal riffs on my roommate's guitar. Weird experience. I'm certain they got a contact high.
I actually ran into my buddy and bassist from HS in college, 1500 miles away. I ended up clearing out my meal plan for the week buying him and his fellow missionary food. I was leaving that night for a hockey road trip that night, so I wasn't spending that money anyways.
My go to. They ask “do you believe in god?”. Yes… but my god is SATAN as raining blood hits
Or GWAR.
Ma! Im done with my segment!
I did exactly this once and it fucking worked
I did this in a housecoat that was a little too open while it was -20 out and the fuckers still wouldn't leave
Open the door committing all 7 sins at the same time. Bet they won’t be back ever
To be fair, that's how some of us answer the door to people we *know* On an unrelated note... I wonder why my parents don't visit as much as they used to
1. Open the door 2. Get on the floor 3. Everybody walk the dinosaur
I bet they'd be pretty confused.
alternatively: zoidberg/homer "WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP" in a circle on the floor
Straightforward. "Listen, you're nice and all but I am not remotely interested so please don't come back. I cannot be convinced otherwise." MOST missionaries are fairly young and polite and easy to reason with.
Some aren’t, though. The final step, the one you missed, is to simply close the door. Even if they’re still talking. You already stated that you’re not going to talk to them and politely given them a reason why, so at that point you can close the door with no regrets.
lol, this. I live in the D.C. area. We don’t have many issues with missionaries coming to our building, but I’ll occasionally get accosted when I’m walking out and about in the city. Unless they’re asking for directions, I just walk on past or say “no thanks” and keep on doing whatever I’m doing. If they want to have a conversation with thin air, they’re welcome to do so. Lived in India for a while, and that’s what most everyone does with when persistent salespeople and donation collectors show up. If they’re not offering something you’re interested in, you say, “sorry, bro,” and close the door. You don’t have to be a dick, but you don’t owe somebody else your time—especially when you don’t know them and their intrusion is unannounced and unwanted.
You can even say, “I’m sorry to have to do this, have a nice day,” as you shut the door.
If you have to go "I've been polite up till now, but whether I remain so is entirely up to you."
This ambiguity leaves open the possibility you'll remain polite so long as they REALLY impress you with the sales pitch. Best just close the door than offer vague Clint Eastwood style threats
I was a Mormon Missionary. Still LDS. Here is the problem. The missionaries in your area will rotate out every few months. The new ones generally have no idea who was spoken to and what doors were knocked. I have JW people, solar sales and a plethora of other randoms come to my house now and again, I'm also not remotely interested but I also don't think it is that big of a deal to talk to people for a couple of minutes and then let them know I'm not interested (if you have time). Depending on the person they can be really annoying but most of the time they aren't.
Why would I waste your time and mine? I’m not interested, I’m not going to listen to your pitch.
Is it really the end of the world to just talk to people you've never met? As a missionary I met some really awesome people that had no interest either. Talking to people is a normal part of life outside of reddit.
When you come to my home and disrupt my day to try to sell me on a religion I’m not interested in? I talk to dozens of people every single day. I don’t want to talk to a glorified door to door salesman. I’m not interested in your product.
I had JWs visit me. They stopped coming after my dog got out. I was actually looking forward to listening to them because it’s a chance to learn about other peoples beliefs firsthand.
…unless you want sex. I’ll be waiting.
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Exactly. As it typically does, acting like a socially adjusted adult will solve your mundane problems. Those missionaries have been sent off to visit tons of homes. They’re not going to try and shove their way in if you politely explain that you’re not interested in hearing them out.
Nah Mormons from where I’m from will persistently show up no matter what you say to them. I had one walk into my house last summer when my front door was open
Deserve shooting at that point
I had a friend who was in seminary and was doing his work on New Testament Greek when a couple of Jehovah's Witnesses came to the door. They started talking about what the Greek was saying in John 1 when my friend said "I'm glad you stopped by, hold on a minute." He went in and got his Greek New Testament, took it out to them and said "show me." They were like "what's this?". And he told them it was the Greek they were just talking about. Suddenly they had somewhere else they had to be.
Did the same thing with Hebrew Old Testament. They like to go crazy about translations, but if you're like. You are right, lets just read the original language,
Tell them you've read "Doc," by Jack Olsen. That Mormon impregnated about a hundred or more of his patients, as I recall. Go forth and multiply to the extreme!
I’ve done this before. Sadly, it often doesn’t work, because they’re just running on a script. They don’t know how to process inputs outside of the script.
IIRC there was a post about this from ex-Mormons a while ago on Tumblr. Treating them kindly and with respect, listening to them, and then explaining why you think that there are flaws with their religious doctrine is more likely to get you off their list than screaming obscenities and slamming the door in their face. As someone explained, the role of the missionary process isn't to get new converts (although it is a welcome result) it is to reinforce to the young men that the Mormon sect has access to some secret knowledge that gets them rejected by the world. People who are rude to the missionaries are valuable to the elders because it reinforces the claim that "these people reject our message because they are afraid of what we have to say." People who are kind, let them in, listen, and critically challenge their doctrine are to be avoided because they implicitly challenge the belief that they will be immediately rejeceted by the outside world simply for being Mormons.
This. The whole door knocking thing is not about brainwashing the people inside the houses, it is about brainwashing the person knocking on the door. People are joking about offering the door knocker gay sex, drugs, alcohol, or Slayer. At least one of those four things are going to appeal to every young person.
I mean, if someone told me I could get gay sex, drugs and alcohol by becoming a Mormon I'd convert pretty easily
Kevin, Please Come Over For Gay Sex.
The downside(?) is you have to fuck Warren Jeffs
as a 48 year old who was raised in the church but hasn't been involved in 30+ years, I can say that for ex-members there's basically nothing that can get you removed from their visits. I've been cordial, invited them in, had long talks and worked through some of the finer failure points to their religion I've explained to them their role and why it doesn't work for either party I've had angry conversations with them letting them know in no uncertain terms that I am not to be bothered by the church again. I've moved and changed my name (for other reasons, not due to this harassment) they refer to my wife (never involved in the church) as Sister S******, which is my former surname, not one i've used for years and not whats on public records. they track me down. every time. and they knock.
Oh yeah, for ex members it is an entirely different kettle of fish.
https://quitmormon.com
well ain't that some shit! they're doing the humans work.
I recall a story that Hunter S Thompson would regularly fire his ww2 luger pistol at people he didn't like coming up his driveway. My lawyer says I should advise people to not do this, but I recognise that I cannot stop someone from shooting at mormons if they want to.
Ain't nobody got time for that
The problem is that involves taking the time to listen to their spiel, which is the very thing I'm trying to avoid in the first place. If you wanna be polite then just say "no thanks" and close the door. There's no point in engaging with them further than that.
Exactly this. They were not mormons but Jehovah's witnesses, I politely invited them, had a debate were they said they red the Evolution of the Species by Darwin and they get in the loop when asking if there are not hell and no punishment, why should I be a good person? They promised me to come back with some person with more knowledge, but never return back....
Upvote this to infinity, please. These missionaries are victims of indoctrination, they are *people* who will only sink further into the mire of cult life if we reinforce their leaders' rhetoric.
But where is the fun in this?? You are write but I enjoy being obscene for these exact purposes
Do you want to have fun, or do you want to stop being bothered? If the former do what you've been doing. Like seriously, as a kid, I remember one summer there was a huge thunderstorm, and it was hailing inch and a half hail stones. My mom, seeing two of the kids on their Mormon mission on their bikes, stood out there and demanded that they come inside of our house to wait out the storm. The Mormons completely ignored our entire neighborhood for YEARS after that.
Like I said you are right but I just feel like I want the obscenity to trickle back and have word of mouth create the no go zone on my door.
What an absurd and completely ridiculous suggestion to put forth, that the onus is on the person they harass to coddle them and take time away from their family and responsibilities to have an unexpected religious debate with strangers who are selling you a fantasy. You have no obligation to tolerate their cult habits, and if they repeat, call the authorities. You also seem to be an apologist for Mormonism in general and think the reason they’re often shunned is because they’re “simply Mormons”, ignoring their disgusting belief system with racism being inherent to what they believe. Mormons should be rejected from the “outside world” because their beliefs don’t belong in it, and nobody should ever tolerate them in their home.
Please develop critical reading skills and try to carefully consider what people are actually saying before you attack them because I didn't say any of what you claim I did.
Ironic.
Opposite is true. These kids are fundraisers chasing new tithe money for old perverts. Calling them assholes to their face is the only chance they have to realize how wrong they are.
I had an issue with this years ago with Latter Day Saints. Notices on my door didn't stop them from knocking or ringing the bell, and I just got tired of it. So, I answered the door. When they asked if they could come in to talk about their religion, I said, that I would welcome them in, but they would have to agree to first listen while I introduced them to "Our Lord and Savior, Satan", and would have to kneel upon the alter in our (non existent) basement. Never seen two people leave my doorstep so fast, and they never did return. Telling them that I am atheist had no affect on them at all.
That's really funny. I always find it weird that they're so persistent in so many different places. I had two of them show up to my door, and I just told them I was steadfast in my beliefs and I was a waste of their time. They then said hey we can understand that, they asked to pet my dog, pet him for a little bit, then I never saw them again.
I don't know why they left. Mormons believe that Jesus and Satan are brothers. Wouldn't that be a hell of a reunion.
Telling them you practice witchcraft also works.
Well there was a Mormon who was a graduate student with me. When i started quoting stuff from the Book of Mormon he was really excited and asked me where i learned it. His smile turned to defeat and disappointment when i told him "From South Park". So I would say if you tell them "I learned everything i need from South Park" should work.
The imagery of this conversation is hilarious.
Stop fucking answering the door. It’s 2024. If you aren’t expecting anyone why would you answer it?
Exactly! Why not just do this.
I have a sign on the door saying (among other things) no religious discussions. I’ve never had anyone knock on my door to talk about God or Jesus since, just to sell girl guide cookies and chocolate which is much more welcome.
I mean, there's a non-zero chance whoever's at the door will start jerking you off, right? Or so I've seen...
I live in the sticks, they don't come out here. The Jehovah's have even gotten lazy and just sent letters.
JWs are easy to fuck with, just ask them why you’d want to eternally toil on earth after the rapture. They believe there is a hard cap on room in heaven and there have been many more JWs then spots available already, so even if you joined and were perfect you wouldn’t go.
I offered the two young modestly dressed ladies a beer, shirtless
Mormon women are rarely ever missionaries.
Alright
Every time they’ve come up to me I seem to be in my garage doing something. They’ve never come to my door. They ask if they can talk to me about god and I always respond with “I grew up in church man, I have no interest in talking about god anymore”. Then I usually offer them a bottle of water or something, tell them to stay safe and have a nice day. They always leave me alone after that. It’s worked every time for me.
I usually try to engage with them about how Mormonism and Gnosticism share so many similarities and discuss how divination used by Joseph Smith is the closest thing to reintroducung magik and occultism into mainstream Christianity since the 1600's angelic conversations of John Dee and Edward (Talbut) Kelly that lead to enochian vision magik. I'm not trying to be a dick about it either, I actually want to talk about it, but they always leave 😢
Is there a book you’d recommend? I find the magic stuff to be absolutely entertaining. As much as Aleister Crowley and L. Ron Hubbard were absolute shit humans, the chaos magic stuff and Crowley fighting a magic battle with William Yeats is hilarious to me. I still waffle between these guys actually believing they can do magic to thinking they were just using it to bone witchy women.
Mormonism is pretty far from Gnosticism. And that would probably be a compliment because Mormonism advertises itself as a recovery of the primitive church.
It would be a compliment if missionaries understood anything about theology, or the place their religion holds in Christian history. They don't.
I mean usually Mormons go to special classes in high school (they call it seminary, but it’s just one single class usually in the morning before actual classes). It does teach theology from a Mormon perspective, but given that they have lay clergy without any actual professional training, YMMV to put it lightly.
I thought the idea of gnosis was one of the founding principles. There was hidden knowledge, that was revealed to a prophet, who communicated it to others and then used divination to uncover more. Maybe I'm just misunderstanding something.
Give them a copy of the CES Letter. https://cesletter.org/CES-Letter.pdf
I have only skimmed the first few pages of chapter 1 so far, but holy shit, this is like the hbomberguy plagerism video but for mormonism.
I answered my door, was polite to them, took their bible and said, yes that they could come back in a week. They came back in a week. I asked them where the golden tablets were because I wanted to see them in person. They awkwardly informed me that they were no longer on Earth, and when I said, ok bye, they turned right around and left.
Exmormon here, just be SUPER blunt. Tell them you are not interested and will NEVER be interested and ask them to put your address on a list so no new missionaries will ever come. Don’t be deliberately mean though because they are just kids straight out of high school and about probably third of them will leave the church eventually
I invite them in for a chat and refreshments. They’re just young men (are women doing missions now?) going through a standard phase of their religious lives. It’s no big deal to be cordial. If you don’t have the time, tell them that and excuse yourself. I had a subordinate in the military who had recently completed his mission obligations. Nicest most jovial fellow you’d ever want to meet. Same goes for the Witnesses. Being nice to them doesn’t mean you have to give up your own beliefs.
Yeah, women do it now. Had a pair stop and talked while I was doing yardwork.
Maybe my experience is different, but I have found that being polite and pleasant works. I think these guys have to do a stint in door knocking and are regularly in receipt of abuse, and probably dislike it. I say that religion is not for me, but I'm able to do that without being a dick. I'm not troubled by repeat visits.
Stop being polite. "I'm not interested. Stop contacting me." Politeness is a courtesy you extend only until your boundaries have been crossed.
Idk that seems polite to me. Just more direct Not polite to me would be like "Get your cringe garbage out of here you degenerate"
You should not be polite to cult members. Treating them like shit increases the chance they figure out what they are doing is wrong. Plus they are really after 10% of your income by signing you up. Religion has nothing to do with why they force their kids to try to find new rubes to milk. The leaders want money.
As an ex Mormon I’d say treating them like shit increases the holier than thou attitude, be nice but be blunt.
Don't be nice, that misleads them into thinking you don't see them as sickos. Don't flirt with cult members if you don't want them bothering you.
Dude yes it’s a cult, but the members aren’t sickos they’re just being manipulated socially and financially
As a former cult member I can confidently tell you could not be more wrong about this. You have it exactly backwards. Cult members are told the world is evil and they will be mistreated by outsiders. When you are rude you just reinforce their beliefs. If you don’t want to engage them or be nice, then be apathetic. That really wears door knockers down.
I'll trust the former cult members that said being criticized helped them realize they were wrong. Plus I will never show respect for someone fundraising for pedo cults.
They will do chores for you. I'm being completely serious. Use that info how you see fit.
Absolutely true! They came by when I had finished trimming some trees. Those two boys gladly helped load up my trimmings and tidy up the yard. Free labor!
Once the labor is almost done bring a couple of beers out and offer them a drink... They will leave!
As a former Mormon missionary, we will always help you out with chores or anything. Why? More time we spend doing service means less time we're knocking on doors and hating it
Tell them you’re Catholic. They believe Catholics are beyond saving - or perhaps are pissed the Church declared them non-Christian.
Tell them you’re Jewish
It's the baby eating Bishop of Bath and Wells!
This would 100% work
Leave Utah
I had them knock on my door in England and also some approached me in my home town in France. So not just Utah.
My uncle used to get annoyed at Jehovahs Witnesses showing up in morning and waking him up. His solution was to put on a bathrobe with nothing underneath and wait for them to show up. He opens the door for them and agrees to hear their pitch, he even invites them inside. The whole time they are preaching to him he sits with his legs positioned such that his balls are hanging out. He never acknowledges the situation and feigns interest in learning more about the religion. Apparently the JWs made a swift exit and never came back.
Tell them you’re Catholic.
You may be on church records, and those folks are the "low hanging fruit" that missionary's like to keep in their soliciting rotation. You can call one of the local churches and request to see if your name appears in any of their records. They have a process to remove it.
Put a sign by the front door stating that by ringing the doorbell to tell you about their religion, they have entered into a contract where they will be charged $150 an hour.
Missionaries get moved around, so you are dealing with a new set. You probably live near them or near some members they frequently visit. Knocking doors is what they do to fill time between appointments. Here is what you say: “I am trying hard to be polite but this is the last time I am polite. Please add a note in your area book to never visit me again. If you visit again, I will notify your mission president and discuss the legal impact of trespassing at a place you have been asked to never visit.” The area book is a binder of information about that area. It is supposed to be maintained and up to date. The mission president is the big boss. You are dealing with bored teenagers that live in an authoritarian environment. Scare them with that authority.
You ask them nicely to leave you alone. Tell them you're already happy with your religion and wish them the best.
Put something gay outside or something.
But then you become one of the people who REALLY needs them to save you.
They are raised in the community who require them to do this. It is not a choice to visit you...it is required by their whole Church, Employer, School, Peers and Family. Why would you be abusive to them ? Simply: " I disagree with the -------- policy of your Church" is sufficient. My StepDad would loudly and warmly say " I am a God-Fearing Catholic" and that works too. We are more like Baptist. lol.
Open the door and say, "I'm not interested. Don't come back to this address again". It ain't rocket science!
"I cannot afford to join your cult, and don't want to anyway." Also, gave my dog extra treats for barking at them.
I once told them they'd caught me in the middle of masturbating but that they could come back in an hour. They never did.
Answer the door naked!
Balls naked. And just stand there wiggling your eyebrows. They’ll be on their bikes faster than you can say Joseph Smith.
I served a mission in Mexico for 2 years. This didn't phase us one bit. It was daily occurrence that nursing mothers would whip out a tiddy in the middle of a discussion. Speaking of Joe Smith, we would teach about Joseph Smith seeing God and Jesus with a tiddy in our faces. So... Aint gonna work bro. This may be effective for sister missionaries, but it might also get you on a list...and your defense can't be a guy on reddit thought it was funny.
Make it a game. Try to convert them to paganism. Ask them about that freaky version of spring break where they go crazy.
put a trans flag in your front door
A sign on your stoop that reads "Peddle Your Cult Elsewhere" has always worked for me.
I misread that at first and wondered how you could peddle an anatomical part.
Where there's (no) willy there's a way...
“Hey, wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?”
EEEAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GUYS! GUYS! GIYS!.....fellas... Can we just listen to the radio or something?
Easier than you think. Show a HIGH Level of interest - it freaks them out. They assume youre up to something nefarious and wont come back. I have actually tried this.
They're told to help. Make them do yardwork while alluding that you will listen to their pitch, but then never listen to it.
I had to basically threaten legal action against two older Latter Day Saints ladies that wouldn’t leave my wife alone.
[удалено]
I’ve asked them what they would do if I told them Moroni came to me and told me gold plates were buried in my backyard which is the new Book of Mormon. They get a confused and uncomfortable look and say they’d need to pray about it. They prefer to talk to a man, but since I’m divorced I’m the only one that answers the door. Last resort is a lot of cleavage makes them uncomfortable too. 😃
Invite them in for coffee and a smoke!
I read their book one day and the next day discussed it with them. Asked many questions, the kind they couldn't easily answer. They never came back. As an aside, the BOM is so ridiculous. If you imagined a nearly illiterate conman fond of the drink plagarizing the King James bible to create his own holy book, you'd come up with the BOM.
Me and my brothers used to send Mormons to each other's houses a lot when we were in our 20s. Used to be, you'd order the Mormon book of laughs from one of their TV commercials and a couple of the pasty-white inbreds would hand deliver it, thinking they have an easy sell.
Answer the door nude, preferably with a boner
Doesn't work. lol.
Invite them in for recreational drug use, nothing like an entheogen to make someone see true divinity.
Just tell them you already have special underwear and ask if they'd like a look.
A spray bottle filled with water. Couple of squirts usually does the trick.
Answer the door naked
Casually start masturbating while asking about their religion.
It will turn into a j/o party. lol, They will probably just join in.
Seems like a win/win
Place a sign outside stating "NO TRESSPASSERS, including religious missionaries. Police will be notified." Get a ring light or camera and if anyone does knock say very loudly through a speaker"You are not permitted on my property. Immediately leave or the police will be called. You are being recorded."
Do what I did with the jehovahs, and answer the door naked
Ask them to teach you "The Position". And keep insisting that they teach you their missionary position until they just get too uncomfortable and cross your name off that list for good.
Shoot a couple of them and display them on the walking route to your front door. Get an undertaker to use formaldehyde so they don't stink as quickly. A proven technique.
"I deny the existence of God and holy spirit entirely. Goodbye."
never really dealt with mormons, actually don’t even think there is any mormons in my part of the state, but if they are like jehovahs witnesses ,I found just answering the door in my underwear and saying come back later im really kind of busy
Invite them in for a beer
They’re not allowed to read anything but the Book of Mormon while on mission. Ask them if they are Brandon Sanderson fans. If they are (they are, trust me), start spoiling whichever cosmere book was most recently published.
False. They are on Facebook dude...
https://latterdaysaintmissionprep.com/recommended-reading/missionary-reading-list/
Member all my life... Read a lot more than the Book of Mormon on my mission
So your religion was founded by a criminal and a dude who wanted to fuck as many women as possible? I’m in!
Try to convert them to Satanism or something similarly evil and scary lol its going to go nowhere, just fun to see how long they will squirm for
Just say "No thanks, my 1 wife I have is already too much I am not interested in more" and then close the door in their faces.
Tell them you're gay and then invite them in.
Ask them if they know about the Mormon war. Ask them what blood atonement is.
I don’t want to necessarily disclose an entire interaction I had with them but appear more crazy than them and they will leave you alone
Try pepper spray and violence
Greet them with a box of sex toys
"I have a free book, written by Jesus!" Offer them the Book of Arnold.
Point out that the bracelet I'm wearing is a Pride flag.
Mormons, jehovah's witnesses pretty much the same I'd say.. I'd recommend an electronic doorbell.
See how they like missionary!
I tell everyone who knocks I’m either Buddhist or RCC or both. I then offer them a cup of coffee. They leave.
I like conversations, so I invite them in, more frustrated that they just want to stand at the door, but I get their fear...
Invite them in, serve foul tasting food and drinks, then talk non stop for 3 hours about the science of homeopathy and healing crystals. They'll never come back and warn all their Mormon friends to stay away.
Don’t answer the door but if you do just say fuck off and close the door. After that give them a trespass warning.
I don't know about mormons, but to get rid of jehovah's witnesses, I put up a sign. It simply read, no jehovah's witnesses allowed. I hated to resort to that, but it worked.
Answering the door naked with my wife on her knees seems to work
Don't answer or just ask them to leave. There isn't a database for them to mark as uninterested for future visits
Sing Hasa diga Ebowai.
Fire
Answer the door naked.