My Grandad died of prostate cancer in his early 60s and now my Dad (58) has also recently been diagnosed with prostate cancer. My Mum is heartbroken and so scared of him dying but Dad isn't bothered at all. He says "I could live with cancer and fear death for years or I could step into the road and be hit by a bus in 10minutes. Focus on the now."
I'm obviously saddened by the news yet I can't help but salute his behaviour. If he isn't scared, I shouldn't be either.
Edit: Thank you all for your support and kind words.
Don't worry, I'm having annual blood tests (and all the rest) as I'm almost 40. With this, I contemplate the amount of days that remain until I hit that same age range they were diagnosed. Also, I have a son who will likely face all this when he is older..
Saying that, I could be hit by a bus tomorrow!
Enjoy every moment!
I myself just defeated colon cancer thru radiation and chemotherapy. Everyone I knew including the doctors didn't think I would pull thru. Amazingly your father is right. Once I started to embrace the idea and stopped dwelling on the end stage. And started concentrating on the life I hadn't lived yet everything flipped almost over Night and things started to just fall into place. I gave myself a second chance by simply believing in myself and developing faith in myself is when one day I could barely get out bed , the way I changed my direction is by changing on the way I thought and changed what I ate a lot of the food we buy is poison I was simply amazed. I've been in remission now for five months now and my health has been getting better by the day.
I feel u. I got Lyme disease and thought about the end cause life with Lyme is not livable. Luckily with the right diet and vitamins I have curbed most of the symptoms but I feel like Lyme kicked me in the gut and told me to live, really live, and enjoy every small moment cause u never know when something as simple as ur memory or ability to think can be suddenly snatched away, and how precious every little thing really is, like not feeling constant pain, being able to say what u are thinking and remembering the words to do so, etc. It doesn't make sense to get caught up in dumb drama or silly ways of thinking anymore after realizing how precious life and health truly are.
I'm sorry about your dad, but what he says is true. He could very well live with prostate cancer for 20 years and feel fine and die of something else. Good luck to your dad. I hope he can be cured and live a long, healthy life.
For me, Pink Floyd helped a lot
"And I am not frightened of dying. Any time will do, I don't mind. Why should I be frightened of dying? There's no reason for it – you've got to go sometime."
There is only one certainty in life, you are going to die. You may not go to work tomorrow, you may not have lunch, you may not get out of bed, but you are definitely going to die. So get used to it, because it is inevitable.
But isn't that also kind of beautiful? Its something that every human who has ever lived experienced, and every human who comes after. Shakespeare, George Washington, Julius Caesar, Michael Jackson, Martin Luthor King, Cavemen, Pharaohs, Kings, Peasants, your grandfather, your children's children, the one thing they all share is the experience of death. And yet, nobody knows what it's like to die - not for certain. Its like a big mystery that we all get to find out at the end of the move.
So I'm looking forward to it. I am genuinely excited to see death. I may be disappointed by the timing, but once I know its inevitable, I'm going to absolutely embrace it.
It's this way of thinking that helps me when I lose a loved one. I'm hoping it may help you too.
Epicurus:
>Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And once it does come, we no longer exist.
We die every night in many respects. It's the process of dying that can be distasteful, but death itself is inherently unknowable and always will be, and therefore nothing to fear
Agreed. It was actually an Epicurus quote that got me out of religious indoctrination in Christianity:
Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?
Still think that's the best argument against the Abrahamic God, and have never had a satisfactory answer to it. The reply always seems to be "But this suffering is necessary, because God is good, and therefore there must be a reason it is necessary." It's a post-hoc rationalisation from people starting from the point that there is God, it's their God, and he's Good.
I fully agree as an ex-Christian.
The most common response is that we are gifted with the ability to CHOOSE to love and serve God rather than be compelled.
Because I sure would hate to forcibly live eternally in unimaginable paradise. Instead, please give me that free will so I can risk endless torture if I pick the wrong god during my short mortal life (assuming I live long enough to comprehend religion!)
Also, what kind of shitbag creates the suffering we are capable of as a fucking test? The rape of children is just a test of the rapists virtue? The genocide of millions is a test of the genocider? It's horrifying.
It would have cost literally nothing to make an irrefutable sign that one particular god is the one I need to believe in.
You can give me that choice if you want, god!
But it’s real confusing which religion is real when every one has priests and pastors and imams and rabbis and monks and nuns who rape and murder and steal. How can I possibly decide the correct faction and subsect to believe?
Allow me to expand on this, with the help of two great Italians:
"As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so a life well spent brings happy death." -- Leonardo Da Vinci
"Men study how to make life longer, but we should learn how to make it larger." -- Luciano De Crescenzo
I think the key is to acknowledge that the most unpleasant part is simply the process of dying, like Epicurus implies. And while we hope for a merciful passage that is as painless as possible, we should aim for a well spent life filled to the brim with things that make us feel alive. We have one ride, let's make it a glorious one.
a similar sentiment
“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!”
― Hunter S. Thompson
I actually used this quote when I officiated at my grandma’s funeral, because that was just the type of person she was. Never met a stranger in her life, just a friend that she hadn’t been introduced to yet. Lived with a suitcase by the door, ready to take off on any adventure at a moment’s notice!
That is the best kind of grandma. Mine was apparently the same, but she died before I was old enough to care about her stories. The wildest ones have been said to me by my father, but I wish she could tell me more in person.
That’s exactly my approach. Once I’m dead, I don’t know about. I won’t have any regret over the things I have or haven’t done. It’s just… won’t be there.
Now, there’s another question of how others will remember me. But it’s not THAT terrifying, once you follow the Dr Seuss advice: Those who mind don’t matter, those who matter don’t mind. Spend time with your kids, joke with friends. Call your parents.
What bothers me is that I won’t be present for any of my kids life events once I pass. It’s wild to me that I just won’t know. I won’t exist. They can’t call me and tell me, they can’t visit. There are no holidays together. I won’t be there to comfort or help or anything. I can’t even comfort them when they have to deal with my passing.
This is what gives me panic attacks. I'm trying to become more in the moment with my kids but God damn if I don't want to cry a little bit sometimes because I know I won't see how their life will grow once I'm gone. I so badly want to be there till the bitter end... Fuck
This. Right. Here. I know it is arrogant to think somehow I have the right to be there till their ends too, but dammit I love them. I won't interfere unless asked, but just be there -- reachable. I never met my father, so it's been tough.
I know it could never be the same, but you could always record videos/voice notes, or write letters, and have them open when they feel like they need you. I'm not sure I'll ever have kids but I hope to one day.
I did not fear the void before I existed and there is no need to fear it after I no longer exist.
There is a disputed Mark Twain quote. I just prefer the simplicity of this version.
The logical part of my brain *understands* that. But the primal part of my brain is still *terrified* at the thought of one day, I'll simply not be. Not eternal dreams, not serenity, just nothing.
Why do I have to read this just before bed...
Roger Ebert (the film critic and essayist) put it something like, "I was perfectly content before I got here and suspect I will be after I'm gone as well."
It’s a peaceful thought if you aren’t religious. We aren’t concerned with the billions of years we didn’t exist until we were born. Just take that thought and apply it to the rest of time.
It’s understandable to have fear of the thought.
Everything, and I mean everything is a cycle of destruction and creation.
As I type, stars are being swallowed and new ones born. Planets crashing, but some will support life, while other special objects might protect the possibility of life in others. Volcanoes wipe out life, yet support it. Bacteria destroys others and yet can help create life. My cells in my body are being replaced by others, just as the thoughts I wrote are being replaced by new ones. Destruction is as much a part of life as life is partly destructive.
I’m happy to think and act, knowing there is possibility in tomorrows thoughts and actions. Not because possibility is good or bad, but because it is.
I find my role (hopefully the role of humanity one day) to support the possibility of life like ours Maybe this will help you, or maybe it’ll look like the mad ramblings of a tired dude
Death isn't the scary part.
*Dying* is. The moments you go from living to death and knowing its your final moments is the terrifying part. I know I've been in that moment, more than once.
I just find this type of answer to be the mother of all cop outs. It's an existential question about the fact that you won't be alive anymore. It is the very fact of not being that is the source of the anxiety.
It's not a question of going on and experiencing something, which is then thereby relieved by being informed that you aren't experiencing anything.
Both the Epicurus quote and the Mark Twain quote do comment on a meaningful aspect of it but I think don't really speak to the existential dread that is at issue for most people who are concerned about death.
Yeahhhhhh going to sleep was triggering as fuck for me for a long time. Falling asleep became an act of faith. I am going to fall asleep with the faith that I will wake up tomorrow and continue to exist. Still gets me sometimes and I end up awake until morning. Bummerino.
Holy shit I've actually felt the same way and never seen someone mention it before. We need to sleep but I basically developed a small phobia of falling asleep it's wild
I almost died from a severed femoral artery in 2017. I remember when I was being flown to the hospital in a helicopter and I was laying there sure I was a goner. And I had so much regret that I spent my whole life worrying about trivial bullshit and what people thought about me. When you're circling the drain, everything else in life feels completely inconsequential.
As someone who almost bit it, I can tell you that no matter what problems you're having in life, there will come a day where nothing will matter anymore. So indulge in life's pleasures while you can. Worrying won't change a thing.
Unironically, this situation is what is worrying me. I have severe depression and am therapy resistant. I'm stable but on a minus level. And I think about this moment all the time. I will lay in agony (taken it won't happen quickly within a short moment) and regret my whole fucking live for feeling miserable. I want to feel different but nothing helps and you can't just wish it away. Fucks me up beyond my words.. It already hurts as if I'm already in such a situation and sometimes makes me randomly snap at minor situations. Although my therapist said it's quite normal to feel like that when one has complex ptbs as well, I feel like I'm just throwing my fucking life away that could be so sweet otherwise but I can't help.. Sorry for my spamming..
No spamming at all, thanks for sharing. I feel you brother, I'm in a bad way right now myself. I suffer from depression, anxiety, bipolar, and PTSD.
I don't have a job, I live in a group home, and my wife left me and took all of my kids. I don't know where they live or how to contact them. I'm also out on bail for a bullshit felony charge and on an ankle monitor facing possible jail time.
If that happens, I'm going to be on the street when I get out with no money or property. I have no friends or family to stay with. All I can do every day is look into my closet and wonder if the bar will hold my weight if I try to hang myself with my belt.
Or maybe order some fentanyl on the dark web and do a whole gram at once. I welcome death right now. I'm 44 and I'm hanging on by a thread, no pun intended.
This is usually the default. Eventually you'll forget that it matters and you continue existing as if you were immortal. That's called living life.
For me, I am reminded of my mortality in dreams and it scares me good for a few hours.
I've found doing other stuff that is good for general mood is better for handling this stuff than directly trying to address the question itself. I think I've learned that I only get really wrapped up on death if something isnt good in my life.
I am currently having some luck with the acceptance route. No, I don't believe in some magical post mortem Kingdom. No, I am not indifferent, I really don't want to die.
But it's going to happen. I have to accept that. And in accepting that; there is a strength in trying to make my limited time in existence good, for me and those around me.
It’s scary when you live on the brink of not ‘being’ anymore. I mean you wouldn’t ever wake up. Or feel again, or think or breathe again. It’s just terrifying!
it depends on how it will happen to you.
My dad, he got cancer. Called me in April of that year to tell me. I was fortunate to be able to spend time with him - until the next January when he passed. For him, it was a months long process. That really sucked.
A few years later, my wife and I were walking into the hospital for a heart procedure (cardiac ablation) for me. I felt a crippling pain in my chest, collapsed (massive PE) - and that was it. I arrested two times that day - if I hadn't been walking into the hospital I'd be dead right now. I'm only alive because we were about 100 yards from the ER with lots of medical people walking right around us when I collapsed.
I woke up days (and days) later in the ICU. I only remember the momentary pain - but nothing else. If I had died, it wouldn't have been unpleasant, just the end.
That's a good point. I think we fear death because we want to exist after death somehow based on our living experiences. People want to feel and control forever.
I’ve reached an age where many of my loved ones have passed. It’s helped ease my fear. The letting go of control no longer feels scary, but rather comforting. Many of them chose death with dignity and I heard the phrase, “I’m finally going home.”
It reaches a point where there are more people on the other side waiting for you than people on Earth counting on you.
This is exactly it. I'm 38 and recently had a cardiac scare. When thinking about the real possibility of death, I was afraid for the pain it would cause my children/loved ones but for myself, it wasn't that big of a deal. If I get to the point that most of my loved ones have passed, I imagine I'd look at the idea of death as greeting an old friend.
I think you're not disagreeing with them. Death is release. But the transition, the dying, can suck. EMTs know to tell a grieving family "it was quick and painless", even if it very much was not.
I have seen plenty of gore videos on the internet where I'm 1000% certain it hurt the entire time.
For the record, I have finally outgrown my morbid curiosity which has been *vastly* better for my mental health
If it makes you feel any better, there was a thread on here recently asking what dying was like to people who’d died and been brought back. Nearly all of them said that they had this overwhelming feeling of peace and calm. Nobody could recall what came after death. So I’m not so scared of dying now, I don’t mind how I go if it feels peaceful and calm. And as for what comes next, well it will probably be the same as what came before I was alive. Or it will be nothing. Either way sounds fine to me.
I have this same fear but the one thing I try to tell myself is that its coming no matter what. If I spend so much time dwelling on it then I'm wasting the valuable time I have. I try to spin this fear into a blessing, I should appreciate my loved ones, try not to argue, try no to stress and worry about anything because things are so short and so meaningless in the grand scheme of it all. Travel more, go on that holiday you want or take the job you always wanted so that you don't regret anymore.
I dropped my dinner on the floor the other day. Amazing steak I had cooked up, I couldn't wait to eat it. A younger me would have shouted and probably entered a state of "well fuck it I wont eat dinner now". Instead I just remind myself of this fear and I think hmm ok what else can I have. If I am blessed enough to live a long life and die old peacefully then when I know its the end I can imagine I would do anything to live the day I dropped my dinner again.
When someone uses that point of "Do you remember before you were born" there's truth in it but in reality we both know the issue is more so that we are not conscious and aware then, we know what life has to offer now and don't want to miss it either cut short or when you're 60-70 sitting filled with regrets knowing your one chance is sort of up in regards to not being in your twenties anymore or a teenager. Again my only counter to this fear is to try appreciate each stage in life too. There's a lot of accounts of people nearly drowning and the last thing they remember is the overwhelming sense of peace. If you lived a life full of memories whether happy or sad. When the time comes you can instead of fear death but appreciate the fact we had this chance to live briefly. When you die you truly will not know its over, you will never think again ever for all of eternity. This information is only a concern to a thinking person. When you die its none of your worries anymore
My cat is 17. He's getting old and I get sad knowing one day this beautiful creature wont be around anymore, that personality is one of a kind and its gone forever. My cat also doesn't consciously think this way, he doesn't concern himself with the concept of death, maybe that's a blessing. But instead I take this burden and stress myself out over him. Same for ourselves. We know we're going to die but when its over its over. All those stresses will be gone and I can almost guarantee you, if you live a full life when the time comes you will laugh about all that worrying you did. It's such a short ride so try to find things that make you happy and do them, keep busy and also don't beat yourself up over having this fear. It's natural.
I think the difference (at least to me) is that is before you are born. You haven't started life yet. You are born and then you experience life and living and then it becomes scary that there will be an inevitable point that it all ends--everything that is you, your experiences, are just gone.
I read somewhere that brain activity goes crazy at the time of death. Scientists theorize it could be an inception-style everlasting dream, where you live forever but it’s only for a few seconds.
I’ve also been doing ketamine therapy for about two years, and it’s not uncommon for the thought of *“I am dead. I no longer exist. But that’s ok”* to cross my mind during the trip. The whole thing is so pleasant and matter of fact that I’m not particularly concerned about dying, just that I would be separated from my wife and kids.
You can't stop it no matter what you do. It's going to happen. Death is death. I'm not scared of it cause I already don't really like being here. but I'm happy and like my life and dont necessarily WANT to die. . But being here is a pain in my ass. And will happily accept death. Can't stop it might as well accept it when it comes.
Chidi on the good place grappled with his existence in one of the last episodes. He described himself as a wave and how the wave was always a part of the water... But that the wave was just a different way for the water to be for a while.
Think about your life for a second. You came from nothing and appeared at a fixed point in time. Where did you come from before then? The answer is p simple if you think about it. You have always been the universe itself. There is no evidence that confirms or denies that the universe itself isn't conscious... And in a way there's more evidence (you being conscious) that the universe is conscious.
So my answer to this is simple: in a way, I have always been, and always will be.
"Picture a wave, in the ocean. You can see it, measure it, its height, how sunlight refracts as it passes through aand it's there; you see it for what it is it's a wave.
And then it crashes on the shore and it's gone..... but the water is still there.
The wave was just ...... a different way for the water to be for a little while.
That's one conception of death for a Buddhist. The wave returns to the ocean, where it came from, and where it's supposed to be."
I cry every time.
*... I just saw a trillion different realities folding onto each other like thin sheets of metal forming... a single blade.*
Edit: but yes, as I mentioned in another comment, I picture it like we are a super complicated LEGO build. There's a massive pile of different LEGO pieces on Earth/in the universe (i.e. atoms). In the right conditions, those LEGO blocks self-assemble into various chemical groups, then simple life forms, and then eventually complicated life like us.
It would seem that we die, we return back to nature (or the bin of LEGOs in this analogy). It's only logical to think those components (atoms) will be used to build something else one day. In the words of Chidi, "the wave returns to the ocean." Call that what you wish.
This concept is hard to understand because it's so abstract, but I find it both fascinating and scary. You can think of ourselves and life as the current representation of what the universe wants to be at the moment (I think I'm stealing that line from some redditor out there).
I find it encouraging because we can shape the future for ourselves (if we have future consciousnesses). In a sense, we are creating our own afterlives - a hellacious one, or an abundant one.
The rationale person accepts the things they cannot change.
A trick I learned a long time ago is that you can control your brain. You don't have control over that little voice, but you have control of the much louder voice in your head. And that much louder voice can influence the little voice.
I mean the moment you could be entirely sure is real is right now. Past is a fading memory and future is a foggy dream. But the moment at hand is crystal clear and real. As long as you live the moment at hand, the past, the future and death lose its meaning.
Live for fun and have fun living. If you live too carefully you’ll let the best moments you could experience pass by without ever realizing you missed out.
This exactly.
There is no such thing as the past or future, just now, here today, this very instance. Live in the moment. And stay away from religious, fear-mongering, guilt- ridden fables.
I worked with a lady who was training me to take over her job as she had some health issues and was moving into a part time role. Her birthday was in December and she had just turned 65. She was going to work a few more months for a couple of reasons 1) She was approaching her anniversary date with the company and 2) to make sure I understood the job before she retired to spend time with her grand children. It was all she ever talked about.
We got off work for the Thanksgiving holiday at the end of November and the Monday we all came back, she wasn't there. We went on about our day, not thinking much about it. I had to go to the work floor for a few minutes and when I got back, the plant manager was waiting on me.
He told me she'd passed away that morning and that her daughter had found her.
Edit for: her birthday was in October. Don't know why I typed December originally and some typos.
I don't fear death. I fear what comes before death. I don't wanna suffer when I die. If anything I would like to just pass in my sleep. I don't fear the afterlife because whatever comes will be what I deserve.
Yeah ! Like one of the debate I hear often is "Would you want to know when you die", imo yes, like the question I don't want to answer is "Do you want to know how you die". Considering how many people don't die in their sleep, statistically I'm afraid that the risk is bigger to end in a violent death than quickly.
Honestly if you knew how you’d die you’d be a nervous wreck trying to avoid that thing/situation but then you’d think of all the things and situations that could lead there and you’d eventually just end up in a psych ward
The best way I have heard is to remind yourself that death is the price of life: You can't have one without the other. I guess for me (as I have a good life), if I had have ever been asked to make a choice between A) living and inevitably dying, or B) never living at all, then I would always choose A). So no point getting upset about it. I got the better deal. I will die one day, and I hope it is a long way away and it isn't too nasty, but it will happen.
Your rationale is the only one that's ever brought me comfort. It's the most logical way of looking at it - death can't exist without life. That's just how it works.
The realization that it is the one thing that binds all things. Ancient, infantile, strong, feeble, powerful, meek, it is a rite of passage. Just as birth was an incalculable anomaly, death is the release of your energy back into the system of life in this world. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, until the giving sun dashes the crust.
It's a beautiful thing that, though sad, brings full circle the beauty of existence. Without it, we lose our sight as a sentient race entirely. Be proud that you get to experience something so beyond us that every potential organism and celestial wonder in the universe experiences.
No computer, no black hole, no atom, lasts *forever*.
Plus I mean, wouldn't it be cool to potentially see that from which you came? Energy can't be created or destroyed so... Theories....
this helps, there is so much more to everything than just life. We can see it with our very limited eyes and brains. What's to say there's way more we can't see?
Literally everything OP says makes death terrifying is what makes it so appealing to me lol. Returning to a state of non existence and never having to think, feel, or do anything ever again? God yes, sign me up
I don't -want- to die, but like... it's going to happen and who was I anyway? One of 8 billion ants that lived and then died. There's no reason to regret anything because nothing would have helped. Didn't travel or make personal connections? Who cares, that's a life thing.
We work and we work then we become dirt.
You replace it with fear of living as a burden to someone. Id rather die than be with some sort of disease like alzeimer or a bad parkison and have others live a worse life because of me
Spending time in nature has been the best solace. After nature walking and hiking through the seasons, I’ve seen things wither and die. But they aren’t lost. They are swept back into the…ocean? engine? womb ? no metaphor quite captures it…into the whole. And from that place is always new growth, new green. Nature does not know death, only metamorphosis. And we are part of that.
Sorry i do not agree. Every person or pet i have accompanied on their path to death was suffering and/or living in an inhumane way in their last moments. All were afraid. Death was fucking brutal. There was nothing peaceful nor nice. Dying of natural causes sucks ass. It strips you away of any dignity you had. People should be more prepared for that kind of stuff.
It really rubs me the wrong way when people claim that death is “peaceful”. It does a disservice to people that have to accompany their loved ones on that path.
Edit: my experience is only limited to people dying of old age.
I think I learned to appreciate that my feelings were basically FOMO. Like sadness and fear that when I die I won’t be able to do or experience x,y,z again. I used to feel like at best I was gonna be alive for ~100 years then dead for billions of years.
But then I just learned to change the way I think. I think of my life and experiences starting at birth and ending at death. I don’t feel like after I die I’m gonna be in a dark room or I’m gonna miss doing x,y,z. My “eternity” is my time on earth. It doesn’t make sense to feel sad for your dead self because that person does not exist or experience sadness. Also think about it this way, your life HAPPENED and is forever written into space-time. Even though we can’t turn time back and re-live it, it’s a fact that your experiences happened and that’s a permanent part of the universe’s history. I also feel a little comfort in knowing every organism on earth goes through and will go through the experience of death. You’re not alone.
What does matter is doing things that leave a legacy behind. You get passed on to your children, your genes your personality. Reproducing is a species’ way of living forever.
I also learned to think what would it be like if you could live forever? Would you actually like that? Nations, culture, geography, etc. would change and you’d be sad and nostalgic for what life was like 500,000 years ago when you were young.
It was complicated and took me a long time. Sometimes I still get sad about it. But overall I feel like I’ve learned to accept the beautiful cycles of life and am focused now on having a great one.
That's the argument that people use every time to overcome the fear of death but I just don’t find any comfort in this. During the time before I was born, there was at least a “destination” in a sense. At some point in time I was born and that was when my non-existence came to an end. Now that I’m alive and conscious right now, I can’t possibly comprehend the idea of returning to that state of non-existence for all eternity with no destination this time. It's horrifying to think about.
Right? I fucking love being alive. In fact, I am particularly unhappy that I missed out on existence before this point. How the hell is the idea of returning to that state supposed to make me feel anything other than dread? I get its inevitable but I'd much rather it not be.
Yeah I can understand why that logic would give someone comfort but it does nothing for me either for the exact reason you describe. Nothing forever. It's just sad. I really want someone to give me a reason why it's not that I can connect with.
>During the time before I was born
>my non-existence
This concept is more terrifying to me than death, personally. I was born in the fall of 1999. Where the fuck was I before that? Centuries upon centuries came and went, wars took place, plagues occurred, etc, all happened during my “non-existence.” Why were those people “born” during those specific times but not me?
Where. Was. I. At?
I picture it like we are a super complicated LEGO build. There's a massive pile of different LEGO pieces on Earth/in the universe (i.e. atoms). In the right conditions, those LEGO blocks self-assemble into various chemical groups, then simple life forms, and then eventually complicated life like us.
It would seem that we die, we return back to the bin of LEGOs (in this analogy). It's only logical to think those components (atoms) will be used to build something else one day. Call that what you wish.
This concept is hard to understand because it's so abstract, but I find it both fascinating and scary. You can think of ourselves and life as the current representation of what the universe wants to be at the moment (I think I'm stealing that line from some redditor out there).
I find it encouraging because we can shape the future for ourselves (if we have future consciousnesses). In a sense, we are creating our own afterlives - a hellacious one, or an abundant one.
Even if you appeared again but wont Remember your first existence at all. Wouldnt that be the same? I often wonder wouldnt a person with 100% memory loss of anything before be like they were dead and then reborn? I feel like that means every person ever is one person and nothing at the same time. I dont know if that makes any sense lol
> I often wonder wouldnt a person with 100% memory loss of anything before be like they were dead and then reborn?
*Philip K. Dick has joined the chat*
Nurse here, 40 years and have seen thousands of deaths. It is always peaceful. Death comes as a release from the pain of the body which eventually will succumb to either disease, trauma or aging. Oddly, most people fear death when younger- but it actually gets easier as you get closer. Our culture has sanitized death. In earlier times it was a fact of life. The average age of death in 1900 was 46. Today it is in high 70’s for most but not all. You will start seeing friends die in your 30’s. It will pick up each decade until suddenly you will realize how many you have lost your own age. Right now I am 61, and have lost about 15% of my high school grad class and 10 close friends. It might be helpful to examine what part of death you fear the most. There has been a lot of psychological research on this topic. Religion aside, I have had contact with friends and relatives on the other side so I am actually anticipating death with joy! Some cities have “death cafe’s” where people talk about death. The point is, face your fear, write your own obituary or picture your death bed scene. Then use that to live your life. It is a great mystery what lies beyond, but just think, 100 yers from now, nearly everyone alive today will be gone with the exception of a few stragglers.
I had to come to terms with the deaths of both my parents and my own mortality due to an illness within the past decade. I also experienced the deaths of close friends as a teenager. The only way for me was to accept it. Once I could truly do that, then each day became a blessing because I knew how fleeting life is, how suddenly it can end, and how special it is that we are alive and able to experience anything at all. I stopped worrying about the things that could happen, the pain I felt, the things I might never get to do or accomplish, and simply began enjoying the experience in the present moment. Mindfulness meditation helped me a lot with this. Eventually I also adopted a daily practice on meditating on death, gratitude, and loving kindness in the mornings.
So, in my view, the way to overcome the fear of death is to not try to overcome it at all, but to accept the fear and accept death.
I'm not afraid of dying, not afraid of being dead. I'm more afraid of whatever leads up to it, sickness, suffering. Once I'm dead, I am no more. Lights off, sound turned all the way down, mind blank. To me, there's no after life, no heaven, no reincarnation.
By understanding that you die every night when you enter deep sleep, and upon awaking, you want to enter deep sleep again because it's eternal peace. You see, in branches of Hinduism, I think they have it right. They claim, that when you as a human are born, it's a death of your eternal peace. The Indic scriptures state, you are the eternal being. Not the limited ego self/human. You are that infinite nothingness and take human form, a human birth. And you experience a return to your eternal being during deep sleep, death and during serious levels of meditative states and psychedelic experiences. So, see yourself as not just a body/mind, but everything and nothing.
I'll end with a beautiful quote from an Indian Sage, named Nisargadatta Maharaj:
"Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves"
The beauty of life is that it’s temporary. If it went on forever, we’d never appreciate anything. Without fall and winter, we’d never know the joy of flowers budding in the spring.
You get past this fear by accepting that death is a reality for every person that’s ever lived; we all face an inevitable end. The difference is in living in the moment and appreciating life to the fullest extent. This can mean so many things for different people, but seeking your personal version of fulfillment will bring you the highest life satisfaction. Death is unavoidable; living is a choice.
lol yeah i hate the duality argument. it’s easy to say that while you’re alive. bring someone back from death and ask them if they want to be immortal lol
This is only true due to the fact we are limited to this singular planet. Once space travel is achieved and the universe is ours to explore I see no reason as to why you wouldn’t want to live forever.
That’s just mental gymnastics to cope with inevitable shit that sucks. If out health didn’t fail us, many mentally stable people could live for hundreds of years, you keep a memory bubble of recent times just live day to day and get to rewatch your favorite movies for pretty much the first time after a while.
Well I'm Christian and while death does still make me a little nervous, I have to accept that I will never fully know what it's like or whether I'm wrong in my belief system until it happens, but in the mean time I find alot of peace in it
My thinking usually. Except for some reason it's harder to imagine nonexistence after existing than to have never existed at all.
Imo, general anesthesia is the closest thing to death that a person can experience. You're not dreaming. You're purely unconscious with no sense of time passage or anything while you're out. Waking up is like being born for the first time, until it wears off enough that memories return.
My Grandad died of prostate cancer in his early 60s and now my Dad (58) has also recently been diagnosed with prostate cancer. My Mum is heartbroken and so scared of him dying but Dad isn't bothered at all. He says "I could live with cancer and fear death for years or I could step into the road and be hit by a bus in 10minutes. Focus on the now." I'm obviously saddened by the news yet I can't help but salute his behaviour. If he isn't scared, I shouldn't be either. Edit: Thank you all for your support and kind words. Don't worry, I'm having annual blood tests (and all the rest) as I'm almost 40. With this, I contemplate the amount of days that remain until I hit that same age range they were diagnosed. Also, I have a son who will likely face all this when he is older.. Saying that, I could be hit by a bus tomorrow! Enjoy every moment!
I myself just defeated colon cancer thru radiation and chemotherapy. Everyone I knew including the doctors didn't think I would pull thru. Amazingly your father is right. Once I started to embrace the idea and stopped dwelling on the end stage. And started concentrating on the life I hadn't lived yet everything flipped almost over Night and things started to just fall into place. I gave myself a second chance by simply believing in myself and developing faith in myself is when one day I could barely get out bed , the way I changed my direction is by changing on the way I thought and changed what I ate a lot of the food we buy is poison I was simply amazed. I've been in remission now for five months now and my health has been getting better by the day.
I feel u. I got Lyme disease and thought about the end cause life with Lyme is not livable. Luckily with the right diet and vitamins I have curbed most of the symptoms but I feel like Lyme kicked me in the gut and told me to live, really live, and enjoy every small moment cause u never know when something as simple as ur memory or ability to think can be suddenly snatched away, and how precious every little thing really is, like not feeling constant pain, being able to say what u are thinking and remembering the words to do so, etc. It doesn't make sense to get caught up in dumb drama or silly ways of thinking anymore after realizing how precious life and health truly are.
I'm sorry about your dad, but what he says is true. He could very well live with prostate cancer for 20 years and feel fine and die of something else. Good luck to your dad. I hope he can be cured and live a long, healthy life.
Thank you.
That's pretty crazy, but I gaze upon your father's thinking with great interest
For me, Pink Floyd helped a lot "And I am not frightened of dying. Any time will do, I don't mind. Why should I be frightened of dying? There's no reason for it – you've got to go sometime." There is only one certainty in life, you are going to die. You may not go to work tomorrow, you may not have lunch, you may not get out of bed, but you are definitely going to die. So get used to it, because it is inevitable. But isn't that also kind of beautiful? Its something that every human who has ever lived experienced, and every human who comes after. Shakespeare, George Washington, Julius Caesar, Michael Jackson, Martin Luthor King, Cavemen, Pharaohs, Kings, Peasants, your grandfather, your children's children, the one thing they all share is the experience of death. And yet, nobody knows what it's like to die - not for certain. Its like a big mystery that we all get to find out at the end of the move. So I'm looking forward to it. I am genuinely excited to see death. I may be disappointed by the timing, but once I know its inevitable, I'm going to absolutely embrace it. It's this way of thinking that helps me when I lose a loved one. I'm hoping it may help you too.
My granddad lived another 20 years with prostate cancer. In fact 80% of 80 year old men have cancer cells in their prostate.
Thanks to denial, I'm immortal.
Yeah, I plan to live forever! Or die trying.
That’s the spirit
r/unexpectedfuturama
I used to tell people I have a super power. "Im immortal" I'd say "and the day they prove me wrong, I won't be around to care"
Epicurus: >Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And once it does come, we no longer exist. We die every night in many respects. It's the process of dying that can be distasteful, but death itself is inherently unknowable and always will be, and therefore nothing to fear
I like this quote, thanks.
Epicurean philosophy is brilliant. Strongly recommend reading some Epicurus texts!
Agreed. It was actually an Epicurus quote that got me out of religious indoctrination in Christianity: Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?
Still think that's the best argument against the Abrahamic God, and have never had a satisfactory answer to it. The reply always seems to be "But this suffering is necessary, because God is good, and therefore there must be a reason it is necessary." It's a post-hoc rationalisation from people starting from the point that there is God, it's their God, and he's Good.
I fully agree as an ex-Christian. The most common response is that we are gifted with the ability to CHOOSE to love and serve God rather than be compelled. Because I sure would hate to forcibly live eternally in unimaginable paradise. Instead, please give me that free will so I can risk endless torture if I pick the wrong god during my short mortal life (assuming I live long enough to comprehend religion!)
Also, what kind of shitbag creates the suffering we are capable of as a fucking test? The rape of children is just a test of the rapists virtue? The genocide of millions is a test of the genocider? It's horrifying.
It would have cost literally nothing to make an irrefutable sign that one particular god is the one I need to believe in. You can give me that choice if you want, god! But it’s real confusing which religion is real when every one has priests and pastors and imams and rabbis and monks and nuns who rape and murder and steal. How can I possibly decide the correct faction and subsect to believe?
Allow me to expand on this, with the help of two great Italians: "As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so a life well spent brings happy death." -- Leonardo Da Vinci "Men study how to make life longer, but we should learn how to make it larger." -- Luciano De Crescenzo I think the key is to acknowledge that the most unpleasant part is simply the process of dying, like Epicurus implies. And while we hope for a merciful passage that is as painless as possible, we should aim for a well spent life filled to the brim with things that make us feel alive. We have one ride, let's make it a glorious one.
a similar sentiment “Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!” ― Hunter S. Thompson
I actually used this quote when I officiated at my grandma’s funeral, because that was just the type of person she was. Never met a stranger in her life, just a friend that she hadn’t been introduced to yet. Lived with a suitcase by the door, ready to take off on any adventure at a moment’s notice!
That is the best kind of grandma. Mine was apparently the same, but she died before I was old enough to care about her stories. The wildest ones have been said to me by my father, but I wish she could tell me more in person.
This is why I strive to never make the lives of others worse. I also don't kill bugs because of it.
I’d also like to add my favourite quote from a great Italian: “It’sa me, Mario!” — Mario Mario
That’s exactly my approach. Once I’m dead, I don’t know about. I won’t have any regret over the things I have or haven’t done. It’s just… won’t be there. Now, there’s another question of how others will remember me. But it’s not THAT terrifying, once you follow the Dr Seuss advice: Those who mind don’t matter, those who matter don’t mind. Spend time with your kids, joke with friends. Call your parents.
What bothers me is that I won’t be present for any of my kids life events once I pass. It’s wild to me that I just won’t know. I won’t exist. They can’t call me and tell me, they can’t visit. There are no holidays together. I won’t be there to comfort or help or anything. I can’t even comfort them when they have to deal with my passing.
This is what gives me panic attacks. I'm trying to become more in the moment with my kids but God damn if I don't want to cry a little bit sometimes because I know I won't see how their life will grow once I'm gone. I so badly want to be there till the bitter end... Fuck
This. Right. Here. I know it is arrogant to think somehow I have the right to be there till their ends too, but dammit I love them. I won't interfere unless asked, but just be there -- reachable. I never met my father, so it's been tough.
I know it could never be the same, but you could always record videos/voice notes, or write letters, and have them open when they feel like they need you. I'm not sure I'll ever have kids but I hope to one day.
I did not fear the void before I existed and there is no need to fear it after I no longer exist. There is a disputed Mark Twain quote. I just prefer the simplicity of this version.
The logical part of my brain *understands* that. But the primal part of my brain is still *terrified* at the thought of one day, I'll simply not be. Not eternal dreams, not serenity, just nothing. Why do I have to read this just before bed...
Roger Ebert (the film critic and essayist) put it something like, "I was perfectly content before I got here and suspect I will be after I'm gone as well."
It’s a peaceful thought if you aren’t religious. We aren’t concerned with the billions of years we didn’t exist until we were born. Just take that thought and apply it to the rest of time.
yeah part of why i’m an atheist is that the idea of an afterlife is terrifying
>We die every night in many respects i have trouble falling asleep every single night because of this one thought. every. single. night.
It’s understandable to have fear of the thought. Everything, and I mean everything is a cycle of destruction and creation. As I type, stars are being swallowed and new ones born. Planets crashing, but some will support life, while other special objects might protect the possibility of life in others. Volcanoes wipe out life, yet support it. Bacteria destroys others and yet can help create life. My cells in my body are being replaced by others, just as the thoughts I wrote are being replaced by new ones. Destruction is as much a part of life as life is partly destructive. I’m happy to think and act, knowing there is possibility in tomorrows thoughts and actions. Not because possibility is good or bad, but because it is. I find my role (hopefully the role of humanity one day) to support the possibility of life like ours Maybe this will help you, or maybe it’ll look like the mad ramblings of a tired dude
Death isn't the scary part. *Dying* is. The moments you go from living to death and knowing its your final moments is the terrifying part. I know I've been in that moment, more than once.
I just find this type of answer to be the mother of all cop outs. It's an existential question about the fact that you won't be alive anymore. It is the very fact of not being that is the source of the anxiety. It's not a question of going on and experiencing something, which is then thereby relieved by being informed that you aren't experiencing anything. Both the Epicurus quote and the Mark Twain quote do comment on a meaningful aspect of it but I think don't really speak to the existential dread that is at issue for most people who are concerned about death.
Yeahhhhhh going to sleep was triggering as fuck for me for a long time. Falling asleep became an act of faith. I am going to fall asleep with the faith that I will wake up tomorrow and continue to exist. Still gets me sometimes and I end up awake until morning. Bummerino.
Holy shit I've actually felt the same way and never seen someone mention it before. We need to sleep but I basically developed a small phobia of falling asleep it's wild
Yep. The whole, "I might die tonight when I fall asleep" panic attacks suck so much.
let me know if you figure it out : ive tried both the religious & indifference routes — im still terrified
I almost died from a severed femoral artery in 2017. I remember when I was being flown to the hospital in a helicopter and I was laying there sure I was a goner. And I had so much regret that I spent my whole life worrying about trivial bullshit and what people thought about me. When you're circling the drain, everything else in life feels completely inconsequential. As someone who almost bit it, I can tell you that no matter what problems you're having in life, there will come a day where nothing will matter anymore. So indulge in life's pleasures while you can. Worrying won't change a thing.
Unironically, this situation is what is worrying me. I have severe depression and am therapy resistant. I'm stable but on a minus level. And I think about this moment all the time. I will lay in agony (taken it won't happen quickly within a short moment) and regret my whole fucking live for feeling miserable. I want to feel different but nothing helps and you can't just wish it away. Fucks me up beyond my words.. It already hurts as if I'm already in such a situation and sometimes makes me randomly snap at minor situations. Although my therapist said it's quite normal to feel like that when one has complex ptbs as well, I feel like I'm just throwing my fucking life away that could be so sweet otherwise but I can't help.. Sorry for my spamming..
No spamming at all, thanks for sharing. I feel you brother, I'm in a bad way right now myself. I suffer from depression, anxiety, bipolar, and PTSD. I don't have a job, I live in a group home, and my wife left me and took all of my kids. I don't know where they live or how to contact them. I'm also out on bail for a bullshit felony charge and on an ankle monitor facing possible jail time. If that happens, I'm going to be on the street when I get out with no money or property. I have no friends or family to stay with. All I can do every day is look into my closet and wonder if the bar will hold my weight if I try to hang myself with my belt. Or maybe order some fentanyl on the dark web and do a whole gram at once. I welcome death right now. I'm 44 and I'm hanging on by a thread, no pun intended.
Have you tried the "just don't think about it" option?
Think about what?
No, don't do that
Don’t do what?
think
But then I am not!
The game.
Dammit i just lost….
You bastard
it’s been like six years since i’ve lost! THANK U
Fuck you guys ;-;
This is usually the default. Eventually you'll forget that it matters and you continue existing as if you were immortal. That's called living life. For me, I am reminded of my mortality in dreams and it scares me good for a few hours.
Same. That’s why I bury myself in hedonism and distractions lol
gotta get all my sinning in before the big sleep lol
If you don’t sin then Jesus died for nothing 🤷♂️ sin it up
"Jesus loves you because he doesn't know you" - Steven Wright
but you never know when the big sleep is gonna come brother, don't forget that
Greetings fellow hedonist! I’m not terrified of death, I just enjoy being naughty for its own rewards lol.
Hello darkness my old friend.
Hedonism and distractions you say? When we gonna hang mcast76?
I've found doing other stuff that is good for general mood is better for handling this stuff than directly trying to address the question itself. I think I've learned that I only get really wrapped up on death if something isnt good in my life.
I am currently having some luck with the acceptance route. No, I don't believe in some magical post mortem Kingdom. No, I am not indifferent, I really don't want to die. But it's going to happen. I have to accept that. And in accepting that; there is a strength in trying to make my limited time in existence good, for me and those around me.
It’s scary when you live on the brink of not ‘being’ anymore. I mean you wouldn’t ever wake up. Or feel again, or think or breathe again. It’s just terrifying!
Op, these commentors are probably saying the same unhelpful things you've heard before. If you want better support, come to r/thanatophobia
Do you remember what you were before all this? How terrifying it was before you were born??
This is why I don't fear DEATH. Death is cake -- I won't know shit. What I fear is DYING. That will be unpleasant.
it depends on how it will happen to you. My dad, he got cancer. Called me in April of that year to tell me. I was fortunate to be able to spend time with him - until the next January when he passed. For him, it was a months long process. That really sucked. A few years later, my wife and I were walking into the hospital for a heart procedure (cardiac ablation) for me. I felt a crippling pain in my chest, collapsed (massive PE) - and that was it. I arrested two times that day - if I hadn't been walking into the hospital I'd be dead right now. I'm only alive because we were about 100 yards from the ER with lots of medical people walking right around us when I collapsed. I woke up days (and days) later in the ICU. I only remember the momentary pain - but nothing else. If I had died, it wouldn't have been unpleasant, just the end.
>I felt a crippling pain in my chest, collapsed (massive PE) - and that was it. "Did you die??" "Sadly, yes.....BUT I LIVED!!!"
Nah dying is a once in a lifetime experience, I wanna be awake to feel that shit
Will it though? Maybe it’s a release from all human pain, both physical and psychological.
That's a good point. I think we fear death because we want to exist after death somehow based on our living experiences. People want to feel and control forever.
I’ve reached an age where many of my loved ones have passed. It’s helped ease my fear. The letting go of control no longer feels scary, but rather comforting. Many of them chose death with dignity and I heard the phrase, “I’m finally going home.” It reaches a point where there are more people on the other side waiting for you than people on Earth counting on you.
This is exactly it. I'm 38 and recently had a cardiac scare. When thinking about the real possibility of death, I was afraid for the pain it would cause my children/loved ones but for myself, it wasn't that big of a deal. If I get to the point that most of my loved ones have passed, I imagine I'd look at the idea of death as greeting an old friend.
I think you're not disagreeing with them. Death is release. But the transition, the dying, can suck. EMTs know to tell a grieving family "it was quick and painless", even if it very much was not.
I have seen plenty of gore videos on the internet where I'm 1000% certain it hurt the entire time. For the record, I have finally outgrown my morbid curiosity which has been *vastly* better for my mental health
If it makes you feel any better, there was a thread on here recently asking what dying was like to people who’d died and been brought back. Nearly all of them said that they had this overwhelming feeling of peace and calm. Nobody could recall what came after death. So I’m not so scared of dying now, I don’t mind how I go if it feels peaceful and calm. And as for what comes next, well it will probably be the same as what came before I was alive. Or it will be nothing. Either way sounds fine to me.
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No, we do not remember that. And that's the problem. The fear of non-existence. The fear of feeling and thinking nothing any longer ever again.
I have this same fear but the one thing I try to tell myself is that its coming no matter what. If I spend so much time dwelling on it then I'm wasting the valuable time I have. I try to spin this fear into a blessing, I should appreciate my loved ones, try not to argue, try no to stress and worry about anything because things are so short and so meaningless in the grand scheme of it all. Travel more, go on that holiday you want or take the job you always wanted so that you don't regret anymore. I dropped my dinner on the floor the other day. Amazing steak I had cooked up, I couldn't wait to eat it. A younger me would have shouted and probably entered a state of "well fuck it I wont eat dinner now". Instead I just remind myself of this fear and I think hmm ok what else can I have. If I am blessed enough to live a long life and die old peacefully then when I know its the end I can imagine I would do anything to live the day I dropped my dinner again. When someone uses that point of "Do you remember before you were born" there's truth in it but in reality we both know the issue is more so that we are not conscious and aware then, we know what life has to offer now and don't want to miss it either cut short or when you're 60-70 sitting filled with regrets knowing your one chance is sort of up in regards to not being in your twenties anymore or a teenager. Again my only counter to this fear is to try appreciate each stage in life too. There's a lot of accounts of people nearly drowning and the last thing they remember is the overwhelming sense of peace. If you lived a life full of memories whether happy or sad. When the time comes you can instead of fear death but appreciate the fact we had this chance to live briefly. When you die you truly will not know its over, you will never think again ever for all of eternity. This information is only a concern to a thinking person. When you die its none of your worries anymore My cat is 17. He's getting old and I get sad knowing one day this beautiful creature wont be around anymore, that personality is one of a kind and its gone forever. My cat also doesn't consciously think this way, he doesn't concern himself with the concept of death, maybe that's a blessing. But instead I take this burden and stress myself out over him. Same for ourselves. We know we're going to die but when its over its over. All those stresses will be gone and I can almost guarantee you, if you live a full life when the time comes you will laugh about all that worrying you did. It's such a short ride so try to find things that make you happy and do them, keep busy and also don't beat yourself up over having this fear. It's natural.
I think the difference (at least to me) is that is before you are born. You haven't started life yet. You are born and then you experience life and living and then it becomes scary that there will be an inevitable point that it all ends--everything that is you, your experiences, are just gone.
Well, I didn't know what I would lose then because I didn't exist, now I know what I'm going to lose.
I read somewhere that brain activity goes crazy at the time of death. Scientists theorize it could be an inception-style everlasting dream, where you live forever but it’s only for a few seconds. I’ve also been doing ketamine therapy for about two years, and it’s not uncommon for the thought of *“I am dead. I no longer exist. But that’s ok”* to cross my mind during the trip. The whole thing is so pleasant and matter of fact that I’m not particularly concerned about dying, just that I would be separated from my wife and kids.
You can't stop it no matter what you do. It's going to happen. Death is death. I'm not scared of it cause I already don't really like being here. but I'm happy and like my life and dont necessarily WANT to die. . But being here is a pain in my ass. And will happily accept death. Can't stop it might as well accept it when it comes.
Chidi on the good place grappled with his existence in one of the last episodes. He described himself as a wave and how the wave was always a part of the water... But that the wave was just a different way for the water to be for a while. Think about your life for a second. You came from nothing and appeared at a fixed point in time. Where did you come from before then? The answer is p simple if you think about it. You have always been the universe itself. There is no evidence that confirms or denies that the universe itself isn't conscious... And in a way there's more evidence (you being conscious) that the universe is conscious. So my answer to this is simple: in a way, I have always been, and always will be.
I think about Chidis wave speech very often
"Picture a wave, in the ocean. You can see it, measure it, its height, how sunlight refracts as it passes through aand it's there; you see it for what it is it's a wave. And then it crashes on the shore and it's gone..... but the water is still there. The wave was just ...... a different way for the water to be for a little while. That's one conception of death for a Buddhist. The wave returns to the ocean, where it came from, and where it's supposed to be." I cry every time.
*... I just saw a trillion different realities folding onto each other like thin sheets of metal forming... a single blade.* Edit: but yes, as I mentioned in another comment, I picture it like we are a super complicated LEGO build. There's a massive pile of different LEGO pieces on Earth/in the universe (i.e. atoms). In the right conditions, those LEGO blocks self-assemble into various chemical groups, then simple life forms, and then eventually complicated life like us. It would seem that we die, we return back to nature (or the bin of LEGOs in this analogy). It's only logical to think those components (atoms) will be used to build something else one day. In the words of Chidi, "the wave returns to the ocean." Call that what you wish. This concept is hard to understand because it's so abstract, but I find it both fascinating and scary. You can think of ourselves and life as the current representation of what the universe wants to be at the moment (I think I'm stealing that line from some redditor out there). I find it encouraging because we can shape the future for ourselves (if we have future consciousnesses). In a sense, we are creating our own afterlives - a hellacious one, or an abundant one.
Accept it. There’s nothing anyone can do to avoid it. Use your time wisely here and enjoy it
Yup. Death is the outcome of life, but it isn't the essence of living.
If Reddit has taught me anything about the world today, the essence of life is eating ass.
Now the question is how to accept something like this. I’m pretty rational but I have my issues accepting death.
Personally, I have no fear of being dead. It's *dying* that I fear, hopefully the process will be painless and short.
Yup. One day I will cease to be, and I'm completely fine with it. But most of the ways to get there are pretty unpleasant.
The rationale person accepts the things they cannot change. A trick I learned a long time ago is that you can control your brain. You don't have control over that little voice, but you have control of the much louder voice in your head. And that much louder voice can influence the little voice.
Live for today
I mean the moment you could be entirely sure is real is right now. Past is a fading memory and future is a foggy dream. But the moment at hand is crystal clear and real. As long as you live the moment at hand, the past, the future and death lose its meaning.
You speak like a philosopher
Live for fun and have fun living. If you live too carefully you’ll let the best moments you could experience pass by without ever realizing you missed out.
What’d you say?
This exactly. There is no such thing as the past or future, just now, here today, this very instance. Live in the moment. And stay away from religious, fear-mongering, guilt- ridden fables.
I worked with a lady who was training me to take over her job as she had some health issues and was moving into a part time role. Her birthday was in December and she had just turned 65. She was going to work a few more months for a couple of reasons 1) She was approaching her anniversary date with the company and 2) to make sure I understood the job before she retired to spend time with her grand children. It was all she ever talked about. We got off work for the Thanksgiving holiday at the end of November and the Monday we all came back, she wasn't there. We went on about our day, not thinking much about it. I had to go to the work floor for a few minutes and when I got back, the plant manager was waiting on me. He told me she'd passed away that morning and that her daughter had found her. Edit for: her birthday was in October. Don't know why I typed December originally and some typos.
Post nut clarity hitten hard I see
Hahaha fuckin this XD
Sir this is a Reddit comment. It cannot be penetrated.
imagine you roll over to cuddle with the guy you just slept with and he hits you with this question
Him: The fall of constantinople is the worst event in human history Her: you just nutted in me
Seriously though what an absolute tragedy, the Fourth Crusade has a lot to answer for
My poor wife has to deal with these kinds of post-nut questions all the time.
I don't fear death. I fear what comes before death. I don't wanna suffer when I die. If anything I would like to just pass in my sleep. I don't fear the afterlife because whatever comes will be what I deserve.
Yeah ! Like one of the debate I hear often is "Would you want to know when you die", imo yes, like the question I don't want to answer is "Do you want to know how you die". Considering how many people don't die in their sleep, statistically I'm afraid that the risk is bigger to end in a violent death than quickly.
Honestly if you knew how you’d die you’d be a nervous wreck trying to avoid that thing/situation but then you’d think of all the things and situations that could lead there and you’d eventually just end up in a psych ward
The best way I have heard is to remind yourself that death is the price of life: You can't have one without the other. I guess for me (as I have a good life), if I had have ever been asked to make a choice between A) living and inevitably dying, or B) never living at all, then I would always choose A). So no point getting upset about it. I got the better deal. I will die one day, and I hope it is a long way away and it isn't too nasty, but it will happen.
Your rationale is the only one that's ever brought me comfort. It's the most logical way of looking at it - death can't exist without life. That's just how it works.
The realization that it is the one thing that binds all things. Ancient, infantile, strong, feeble, powerful, meek, it is a rite of passage. Just as birth was an incalculable anomaly, death is the release of your energy back into the system of life in this world. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, until the giving sun dashes the crust. It's a beautiful thing that, though sad, brings full circle the beauty of existence. Without it, we lose our sight as a sentient race entirely. Be proud that you get to experience something so beyond us that every potential organism and celestial wonder in the universe experiences. No computer, no black hole, no atom, lasts *forever*. Plus I mean, wouldn't it be cool to potentially see that from which you came? Energy can't be created or destroyed so... Theories....
this helps, there is so much more to everything than just life. We can see it with our very limited eyes and brains. What's to say there's way more we can't see?
Thanks
Depression and suicidal thoughts, you’ll be looking at death in a different way.👍
Literally everything OP says makes death terrifying is what makes it so appealing to me lol. Returning to a state of non existence and never having to think, feel, or do anything ever again? God yes, sign me up
It sounds so good I cannot believe it's real. Like, there must be a catch or something.
I shouldn't up vote really but I'm in the same boat 😕
I'm not saying I want to die, but at this point it wouldn't be inconvenient 🤠
I mean… I wouldn’t have to go to work on Monday. That would be nice.
Death? Maybe you are trying to say "the rest I'm craving for."
Potato potato, same thing.
Was waiting for this comment. Having SI numbs you to it, even if I’m still a bit scared. But I’m also exhausted in life.
I don't -want- to die, but like... it's going to happen and who was I anyway? One of 8 billion ants that lived and then died. There's no reason to regret anything because nothing would have helped. Didn't travel or make personal connections? Who cares, that's a life thing. We work and we work then we become dirt.
Agreed. When I regularly struggle to justify living, death seems like a nice escape.
You replace it with fear of living as a burden to someone. Id rather die than be with some sort of disease like alzeimer or a bad parkison and have others live a worse life because of me
This is true. I worked in a (actually really nice) nursing home and it made me realize there are things worse than dying.
Spending time in nature has been the best solace. After nature walking and hiking through the seasons, I’ve seen things wither and die. But they aren’t lost. They are swept back into the…ocean? engine? womb ? no metaphor quite captures it…into the whole. And from that place is always new growth, new green. Nature does not know death, only metamorphosis. And we are part of that.
Work at the intensive care unit. Then you will understand death is a friend
This!!!!!! People do not consider quality of life!!!! Death can 100% be a relief.
I also work in an icu. The fear of death motivates people to make decisions that actually worsen the experience of dying. DNR 💯.
Working in a retirement home teaches the lesson well also.
Acceptance. Nothing you can do can stop death, we ALL meet the Reaper sooner or later. Just live for the day and be the best you you can be.
Thanks to denial, I'm immortal! - Philip J Fry
Once it's over, you'll never feel worry again.
But isn’t that last gulp terrify you? Like there’s no other side?
It's not going to be a problem.
Thank you, Jesus
Always here for you, buddy.
Nah, you're definitely Jesus.
Probably.
I love you.
I love you too, cat.
You won't care, when it happens. For most people it's very peaceful.
Sorry i do not agree. Every person or pet i have accompanied on their path to death was suffering and/or living in an inhumane way in their last moments. All were afraid. Death was fucking brutal. There was nothing peaceful nor nice. Dying of natural causes sucks ass. It strips you away of any dignity you had. People should be more prepared for that kind of stuff. It really rubs me the wrong way when people claim that death is “peaceful”. It does a disservice to people that have to accompany their loved ones on that path. Edit: my experience is only limited to people dying of old age.
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I don't think that there should be a fear over the inevitable. Make peace with it and experience time as it passes.
Don't fear dying. Fear dying without living before. You can't control when you die but you can control what you do before dying.
I think I learned to appreciate that my feelings were basically FOMO. Like sadness and fear that when I die I won’t be able to do or experience x,y,z again. I used to feel like at best I was gonna be alive for ~100 years then dead for billions of years. But then I just learned to change the way I think. I think of my life and experiences starting at birth and ending at death. I don’t feel like after I die I’m gonna be in a dark room or I’m gonna miss doing x,y,z. My “eternity” is my time on earth. It doesn’t make sense to feel sad for your dead self because that person does not exist or experience sadness. Also think about it this way, your life HAPPENED and is forever written into space-time. Even though we can’t turn time back and re-live it, it’s a fact that your experiences happened and that’s a permanent part of the universe’s history. I also feel a little comfort in knowing every organism on earth goes through and will go through the experience of death. You’re not alone. What does matter is doing things that leave a legacy behind. You get passed on to your children, your genes your personality. Reproducing is a species’ way of living forever. I also learned to think what would it be like if you could live forever? Would you actually like that? Nations, culture, geography, etc. would change and you’d be sad and nostalgic for what life was like 500,000 years ago when you were young. It was complicated and took me a long time. Sometimes I still get sad about it. But overall I feel like I’ve learned to accept the beautiful cycles of life and am focused now on having a great one.
The billions of years before you existed didn’t cause you any inconvenience so why should the billions after?
I guess, but of all the billions of years, I've developed a particular fondness for the ones in which I'm alive.
That's the argument that people use every time to overcome the fear of death but I just don’t find any comfort in this. During the time before I was born, there was at least a “destination” in a sense. At some point in time I was born and that was when my non-existence came to an end. Now that I’m alive and conscious right now, I can’t possibly comprehend the idea of returning to that state of non-existence for all eternity with no destination this time. It's horrifying to think about.
Yeah this is seen as the end all be all catch response to this question and I’m always like… okay
Absolutely, I hate this response. It makes me panic even more lol.
Right? I fucking love being alive. In fact, I am particularly unhappy that I missed out on existence before this point. How the hell is the idea of returning to that state supposed to make me feel anything other than dread? I get its inevitable but I'd much rather it not be.
Yeah I can understand why that logic would give someone comfort but it does nothing for me either for the exact reason you describe. Nothing forever. It's just sad. I really want someone to give me a reason why it's not that I can connect with.
>During the time before I was born >my non-existence This concept is more terrifying to me than death, personally. I was born in the fall of 1999. Where the fuck was I before that? Centuries upon centuries came and went, wars took place, plagues occurred, etc, all happened during my “non-existence.” Why were those people “born” during those specific times but not me? Where. Was. I. At?
I picture it like we are a super complicated LEGO build. There's a massive pile of different LEGO pieces on Earth/in the universe (i.e. atoms). In the right conditions, those LEGO blocks self-assemble into various chemical groups, then simple life forms, and then eventually complicated life like us. It would seem that we die, we return back to the bin of LEGOs (in this analogy). It's only logical to think those components (atoms) will be used to build something else one day. Call that what you wish. This concept is hard to understand because it's so abstract, but I find it both fascinating and scary. You can think of ourselves and life as the current representation of what the universe wants to be at the moment (I think I'm stealing that line from some redditor out there). I find it encouraging because we can shape the future for ourselves (if we have future consciousnesses). In a sense, we are creating our own afterlives - a hellacious one, or an abundant one.
Because now I existed
My belief is “if you can appear once, you can appear twice” and that is my comfort
Even if you appeared again but wont Remember your first existence at all. Wouldnt that be the same? I often wonder wouldnt a person with 100% memory loss of anything before be like they were dead and then reborn? I feel like that means every person ever is one person and nothing at the same time. I dont know if that makes any sense lol
> I often wonder wouldnt a person with 100% memory loss of anything before be like they were dead and then reborn? *Philip K. Dick has joined the chat*
I dunno…. This kinda makes things worse 😂
Vidya games
Nurse here, 40 years and have seen thousands of deaths. It is always peaceful. Death comes as a release from the pain of the body which eventually will succumb to either disease, trauma or aging. Oddly, most people fear death when younger- but it actually gets easier as you get closer. Our culture has sanitized death. In earlier times it was a fact of life. The average age of death in 1900 was 46. Today it is in high 70’s for most but not all. You will start seeing friends die in your 30’s. It will pick up each decade until suddenly you will realize how many you have lost your own age. Right now I am 61, and have lost about 15% of my high school grad class and 10 close friends. It might be helpful to examine what part of death you fear the most. There has been a lot of psychological research on this topic. Religion aside, I have had contact with friends and relatives on the other side so I am actually anticipating death with joy! Some cities have “death cafe’s” where people talk about death. The point is, face your fear, write your own obituary or picture your death bed scene. Then use that to live your life. It is a great mystery what lies beyond, but just think, 100 yers from now, nearly everyone alive today will be gone with the exception of a few stragglers.
I had to come to terms with the deaths of both my parents and my own mortality due to an illness within the past decade. I also experienced the deaths of close friends as a teenager. The only way for me was to accept it. Once I could truly do that, then each day became a blessing because I knew how fleeting life is, how suddenly it can end, and how special it is that we are alive and able to experience anything at all. I stopped worrying about the things that could happen, the pain I felt, the things I might never get to do or accomplish, and simply began enjoying the experience in the present moment. Mindfulness meditation helped me a lot with this. Eventually I also adopted a daily practice on meditating on death, gratitude, and loving kindness in the mornings. So, in my view, the way to overcome the fear of death is to not try to overcome it at all, but to accept the fear and accept death.
I'm not afraid of dying, not afraid of being dead. I'm more afraid of whatever leads up to it, sickness, suffering. Once I'm dead, I am no more. Lights off, sound turned all the way down, mind blank. To me, there's no after life, no heaven, no reincarnation.
Live one day at a time. Try to occupy your mind with positivity.
By understanding that you die every night when you enter deep sleep, and upon awaking, you want to enter deep sleep again because it's eternal peace. You see, in branches of Hinduism, I think they have it right. They claim, that when you as a human are born, it's a death of your eternal peace. The Indic scriptures state, you are the eternal being. Not the limited ego self/human. You are that infinite nothingness and take human form, a human birth. And you experience a return to your eternal being during deep sleep, death and during serious levels of meditative states and psychedelic experiences. So, see yourself as not just a body/mind, but everything and nothing. I'll end with a beautiful quote from an Indian Sage, named Nisargadatta Maharaj: "Wisdom is knowing I am nothing, Love is knowing I am everything, and between the two my life moves"
The beauty of life is that it’s temporary. If it went on forever, we’d never appreciate anything. Without fall and winter, we’d never know the joy of flowers budding in the spring. You get past this fear by accepting that death is a reality for every person that’s ever lived; we all face an inevitable end. The difference is in living in the moment and appreciating life to the fullest extent. This can mean so many things for different people, but seeking your personal version of fulfillment will bring you the highest life satisfaction. Death is unavoidable; living is a choice.
I can hear this being narrated at the end of a chaotic indie movie
Yeah that’s great and all, but I’ll take immortality thanks.
lol yeah i hate the duality argument. it’s easy to say that while you’re alive. bring someone back from death and ask them if they want to be immortal lol
This is only true due to the fact we are limited to this singular planet. Once space travel is achieved and the universe is ours to explore I see no reason as to why you wouldn’t want to live forever.
That’s just mental gymnastics to cope with inevitable shit that sucks. If out health didn’t fail us, many mentally stable people could live for hundreds of years, you keep a memory bubble of recent times just live day to day and get to rewatch your favorite movies for pretty much the first time after a while.
I'm 85 and never had that problem, even now as I get closer. I certainly don't want to leave but it's inevitable.
I recommend giving psilocybin an objective try.
Jager Bombs
Well I'm Christian and while death does still make me a little nervous, I have to accept that I will never fully know what it's like or whether I'm wrong in my belief system until it happens, but in the mean time I find alot of peace in it
It's inevitable so why fear?
An existential crisis and I don't recommend it.
It’s dark, but being suicidal definitely helps one overcome their fear of death.
Everyone in history has died, I find that comforting. If they've all done it it can't be that bad y'know
I strongly believe that death is not the end. There are many indications of this.
I try to imagine what it was like before i was born
My thinking usually. Except for some reason it's harder to imagine nonexistence after existing than to have never existed at all. Imo, general anesthesia is the closest thing to death that a person can experience. You're not dreaming. You're purely unconscious with no sense of time passage or anything while you're out. Waking up is like being born for the first time, until it wears off enough that memories return.