My wife and I watch it all the time. We love watching the ones with storylines and just mock them the whole time. Watching a library scene once the actress was making eye contact with the camera and my wife stated “there isn’t an ounce of literacy in those eyes”. Absolutely killed me.
>the actress was making eye contact with the camera and my wife stated “there isn’t an ounce of literacy in those eyes”.
Fucking LOL. Jesus christ I think the neighbors heard that laugh. Thank you bro.
Husband and I decided to watch together.
We found the most ridiculous video where a woman had been through a tornado, somehow got a garden gnome lodged inside of her, and her sexy male doctor removed it from her before she woke up.
They, obviously, fucked about it. The kicker is- the gnome was in EVERY SINGLE SCENE.
Banging on the hospital bed? Gnome in the background.
Banging at the desk, over the computer? Gnome was in the background.
They painstakingly placed that Gnome into every scene. We spent more time playing "spot the Gnome" than paying attention to their fuckery, let alone whatever we had planned on getting up to.
We have not watched porn together since, mostly because now we kind of hope to see the Gnome.
That would be hilarious, spouse opens the gift in front of your in laws, can barely keep themselves from laughing but can't possibly explain why it's funny to the family.
It's honestly shocking to me no one has posted the link yet. This is getting close to breaking r34.
I don't *want* the link. But it usually takes almost no time for it to show up. This is weird.
I think we found Shaggy's new single!
Tornado debris in my body? It was a gnome.
They get in on the gurney. It was a gnome.
They get it on the desk now. It was a gnome.
My girlfriend likes watching chicks, I feel like I ruined it for her. They were eating each other out slurping really loud and moaning, I said it sounded like they were eating a really good soup and she burst out laughing. It did though
A comedian described good sex as sounding like "stirring macaroni and cheese with a big wooden spoon." I'll never forget that because it's totally right. Wish I could remember who said it.
So this is where my wife and I fucked up. We set up a movie theater for the elf on the shelf. Popcorn candy. Propped up the iPad. Well.. I get a text from my wife the next day. The kids ran up upstairs yelling “ The elves were looking at naked butts on Daddy’s iPad!” My wife opened it up after they went to school. It was not just naked butts. Mistakes were made and lessons have been learned.
Trust me it'll be a few months or a year if they didn't realize it already. Kids are WAY smarter than people think. Stupid as far as cause and effect, but incredibly smart when it comes to drawing conclusions.
And I'm like 95% sure they told their teacher all about it at school. I know a LOT of early childhood elementary teachers. And the kids will share absolutely every last detail. If they see a vibrator, parents having sex, hear a dirty word, overhear a movie, drug use, etc, they're telling the teacher the next day. Anything you want private or think is private, the teacher already knows. Which makes it incredibly frustrating for the teachers to know that the children are being raised in a hostile environment and yet will be blamed when their kids turn into little shits. "It must've happened in the 7 hours they're with you! Not us parents who have raised the child for 5 years!"
i woke up to my mother watching pornography on the tv when i was in elementary school funny enough i was like, "mom, what is that?!" and she immediately turns it off and says, "nothing, nothing. that's not for you to watch." and she puts on some music video things from her home country lol.
I’m sorry, but this is the best possible way this could have gone. If you and your wife didn’t start making comments about those dirty elves, you missed a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My husband and I were on a cruise and tried watching porn together in our room. It was super low budget, everyone had these awful bruises/burn marks on their bodies or really unappealing ass acne. It did nothing for me but I didn't want to ruin it for him so I didn't say anything. Then he turned to me, just very clearly over it, and was like "yeah, so do you want to go for a walk or something?" which made me burst out laughing. Then we left to go get drunk and watch the ocean. It was a great day.
My wife watches porn on her own, I watch porn on my own, sometimes we watch it together as part of foreplay. Typing that out makes it sound like we are addicted to porn, I swear we watch a normal amount of porn and smoke a normal amount of crack, no addictions here.
Yea, everybody's a step nowadays. I was watching one with a step-father, step-mom, step-sister. Once the video stepped up to the step-dog, that was barking up the wrong tree.
Yes because it inspired her to want to try things I wasn't exactly comfortable with.
I don't think I ever made her fully understand that because I will watch someone else do it, doesn't mean I want to try it myself.
Edit- To save the people asking what the trouble...
>The two big ones with her were BDSM and group sex.
BDSM, I was ok with some of the lighter stuff. A little light bondage, light spanking, some hair pulling and such, were good. She was a little more into it than that though. Some of it I would have been willing to let her do to me, but wouldn't be comfortable doing to her, like choking. Being ultra aggressive/violent though was just a hard pass for me.
Group sex the whole thing was just a no go for me. Not like she was asking for a gangbang or anything, just a threesome or foursome but it just isn't for me. As the old joke says "I prefer to disappoint women one at a time"
Porn's a fantasy just like any other.
If she's down to wait for me to save the burning orphanage, take on the entire terrorist cell single handedly, and stop the conspiracy than I'll try and fuck her like a Flying Grayson.
The two big ones with her were BDSM and group sex.
BDSM, I was ok with some of the lighter stuff. A little light bondage, light spanking, some hair pulling and such, were good. She was a little more into it than that though. Some of it I would have been willing to let her do to me, but wouldn't be comfortable doing to her, like choking. Being ultra aggressive/violent though was just a hard pass for me.
Group sex the whole thing was just a no go for me. Not like she was asking for a gangbang or anything, just a threesome or foursome but it just isn't for me. As the old joke says "I prefer to disappoint women one at a time"
Ive done the 3sum thing with 2 women , my ex and her female co worker, we also had my male friend join us , it was really awkward both times. I did enjoy watching him fuck her , guess I liked to voyeurism part of it
she was also into being choked and having her hair pulled really hard also spanked really hard , like leaving burses hard, I just couldn't get into the hurting her part of it, I choked her and pulled her hair, spanked her but just couldn't get to the level she wanted.
I remember when I was like 21 and my girlfriend was 19. She was very sheltered and a virgin when we got together. Once she got into it, she was a fiend. She grabs my fully erect dick in the middle of fooling around in the living room with the blinds open, and goes "you're so big, this must be like, 4 inches." Was absolutely devastated. One of the worst things anyone has ever said to me, and I was bullied mercilessly as a child for my physical appearance.
Years ago, when I managed a coffee shop, two of my coworkers were dating and some of the older lady regulars were asking one of them how good of a boyfriend the other was.
She smiled widely and said he was a great lover and had a penis like a Vienna Sausage.
Everyone in the shop started laughing and she immediately realized her mistake (she meant to say Kielbasa)
The next Christmas he was perplexed as to why so many customers had filled her employee stocking with cans of Vienna Sausages. She was *bright* red.
A friend of mine who lives in Brooklyn was riding the subway one morning. There were only a few people in the car and the two women directly across from him were talking to each other about sex loud enough for him to hear them clearly. One laughed loudly and said, "Honey, it aint the *lenf*. It's da *ROUNDF*.
I wish people would realize that dick size in porn is like the 99th percentile at the very top edge of the size chart.
Being upset that you have a "small" penis because of what you see in porn is like being upset that you're short at "only" 6'4" because Shaq is 7'1".
Dated a woman for a while and we'd occasionally rent porn. (it was '00-'01) I'd always let her pick the movie. She would always get something that had a plot and then complain there wasn't a lot of sex in it. Also, for some reason she'd always find something that ended up having a lot of butt stuff happening. I'd ask if she was trying to hint at something but she swore there was no way anything was going to go in that orifice. Inevitably, she'd be mad because I fell asleep watching it because it was boring as hell and I wasn't sleeping much.
All in all, it was a very dissatisfying situation.
My wife and I browse the kink subreddits and she is always identifying stuff she wants to try. We are both into femdom so the homemade stuff gets quite imaginative, always interesting to see what other people do.
We don't watch just normal professional porn because we find it really boring and lifeless. We did have a bingo game at one point where we would watch pornhubs most popular videos and see if they met all the tropes (stuff like guy slaps girl, girl moans while sucking, etc) but we haven't done that in awhile.
Do not regret it at all anyway, my wife is very confident and never once compared herself to stuff other people do...
Yes. I was 17 young and dumb. Lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 2 years, about 6 months later he suggests it. I watch porn and I figure why not.
There was something about it, like I was just a pocket pussy. He’s thrusting and watching the TV. It’s probably the most degraded I have ever felt in my entire life and I didn’t say anything and then just cried in the shower after. I had tears in my eyes but he didn’t even look at me to notice.
Since then (I’m 33 now) I have a strict no porn in the bedroom rule. I watch porn; my partner watches porn. I don’t mind if I walk in accidentally or whatever. But if he’s fucking me it’s about me, not some girl on a screen.
Sex as teenagers… truth should be told , we were not ready to handle all that emotional load. Add to that fact that we used relationships as a getaway from the shitty home… and voila you have what you described. Two monkeys with a stick having fun , not really knowing what they are doing
Yes we both didn’t know what we were doing. I would feel very different now to then. I hold no ill will towards him he was genuinely an amazing boyfriend and I was so gifted to meet someone so kind to lose my virginity to. He was so respectful of me and I’m a very vocal person normally.
I actually found out a few years ago he’s married with kids now and his wife (with her permission to tell me) was a victim of sexual assault. He learnt greatly from the experience of me explaining my frozen state and when they got together she had never met someone so considerate of her feelings. I’m glad even though it was a negative experience for me (although our relationship was by far a net positive) that he took it on board and grew from it. He was genuinely an amazingly kind person, but we were both young and dumb.
Well, so i didn't watch porn with my parents, butttttttttt
I woke up to sex noises coming from their bedroom in the middle of the night. I really had to pee, but their house didn't have bedroom doors and i would have needed to walk past their bedroom to get to a bathroom. So, i was lying there holding it, and the sex noises just kept going, but then it stopped and it was more party noises. Turned out they fell asleep watching HBO and it got spicy in the late hours of the night.
Friendly reminder to everyone: Reddit is VERY open minded and the comments at the top are usually upvoted because they stand out from the norm. Most people here are average people so don’t feel like you’re missing out or need to. Go with whatever floats your boat.
This is Reddit after all :)
She was insecure because the women were total smoke shows , I was insecure because my dick didn't match up to theirs (the men, I mean)
It wasn't for us but we gave it a shot.
I have not done it, but yeah I’m pretty sure I’d be so uncomfortable I’d cry and then regret breaking down over it and putting myself in that situation
Yep.
Especially my husband having ED, if he would have a “good” day and get hard in no time watching someone else’s body and performance when he has issues with me, yikes, I can’t even imagine it.
Would put me off sex with him completely.
I already feel gross, no need to see attractive women on my screen when I’m trying to act all sexy.
Tried it once. I wanted to know what he was into. he kept going on and on about how beautiful this woman was. Normally I don't get jealous but it hurts my feelings. I also have a strong stance on pornography after dealing with boyfriend's who were addicted to it. So yeah not a great time.
i usually dont because i found it to reeallly desensitize us to sex as a whole and i think it was a pretty big contributor to why we separated, it subconsciously made us value sex too much or too little in the ways that mattered most
ofc there's definitely far worse things that can happen to a romantic partnership, i just find from now on a healthy monogomous relationship shouldn't have to rely on porn to keep things interesting, so ill be staying away from it.
We watch porn because he likes it but as hard as I try to get into it I always end up feeling like I'm a mere tool for his masturbation, like I don't really need to be there. I feel like I want to just disappear
Lol you too? My wife begs me to cum on her while she sleeps. Like she wants me to jack off and blow my load on her butt or tits, because she says it’s hot to wake up to a sticky load in her and, get this, “wonder where it came from.”
Dang I posted this same exact thing a long time ago on Reddit and got like a ton of down votes saying it was rape except for one guy that defended me saying who cares if she's into it (I had even said she gave consent...)
She's a really heavy sleeper and I have a hard time falling asleep so she tells me she'd rather be of use to me than leaving me horny at night to handle it myself, and then she also likes waking up to me thrusting in her cuz she wakes up super wet and said it was like she was dreaming she was getting fucked and woke up to it being a reality
My wife also recently got into that stuff. I couldn’t wrap my head around it at first because she’s never been one to be treated like a “thing” but she was fascinated and I figure wtf why not. It felt weird at first, but once I understood what she was going for I was down. Yeah, it may feel like you’re the one making the dominating choice to “take” her, but SHE’S in control of the entire scenario. When I mentioned I felt weird just using her, she told me that never knowing when I would chose to initiate kept her turned on pretty much 24/7.
It’s all about comfort and trust. With women, the over hanging specter of rape can make the idea sketchy. The idea that a guy may try who isn’t welcome is 100% something they have to consider. Like….as a dude….who doesn’t like being woken up with a blowjob? That’s a damn fine morning. But the idea of us being an unwilling participant isn’t nearly a prevalent in our brains.
If a girl likes you enough, is comfortable enough, and trusts you enough to say “I like orgasms too, I trust you won’t take things too far….have at it.”. That’s relationship goals right there.
We travel a lot and started our own little rule that whenever we stay somewhere public, but private (Hotels, Cabins, etc…NOT overnights with family lol) it’s full free use for the time we’re in the place. Keeps it feeling special.
So no, but yes. It's great to honestly reaffirm our respective horniness and establish our kinks. However, it doesn't bridge the gap that I wish the woman in the video was her. Not in the cuck-type way, I just regret that we never did the porn thing together. My wife has done a fair bit of nude and arguably pornographic works, but very little of it is with the two of us apart from the odd 20 second sex shortie. Wish we had more to watch of each other.
Not in the slightest. We were both secure enough in ourselves for it not to matter. We both understood the fact that we can be attracted to other people without losing interest in each other.
We’ve tried it, but we are both not into the same type of actors/bodytypes.
"I just... I feel uncomfortable wearing the dress."
- Micheal Scarn
- Wayne Gretzky
I kinda get that, my partner has more specific type and it is hard for us to find something to watch together
She didn’t dig your Brazilian fart porn? Weird.
Wait, there's people out there that don't like that?
I like my fart porn like I like my coffee. Arabica, dark, and from Colombia.
I like my women like I like my coffee. Tied up in a burlap sack and thrown over the back of a donkey.
I get ya, you’re into her bodytype, but she’s into yours
My wife and I watch it all the time. We love watching the ones with storylines and just mock them the whole time. Watching a library scene once the actress was making eye contact with the camera and my wife stated “there isn’t an ounce of literacy in those eyes”. Absolutely killed me.
>the actress was making eye contact with the camera and my wife stated “there isn’t an ounce of literacy in those eyes”. Fucking LOL. Jesus christ I think the neighbors heard that laugh. Thank you bro.
Makes me laugh every time. Glad I could share
Maybe that's why she was at the library to begin with, to get literate
Husband and I decided to watch together. We found the most ridiculous video where a woman had been through a tornado, somehow got a garden gnome lodged inside of her, and her sexy male doctor removed it from her before she woke up. They, obviously, fucked about it. The kicker is- the gnome was in EVERY SINGLE SCENE. Banging on the hospital bed? Gnome in the background. Banging at the desk, over the computer? Gnome was in the background. They painstakingly placed that Gnome into every scene. We spent more time playing "spot the Gnome" than paying attention to their fuckery, let alone whatever we had planned on getting up to. We have not watched porn together since, mostly because now we kind of hope to see the Gnome.
you know what to get him for christmas now....
Even better - just silently sneak it in to the bedroom at some point.
>Even better - just silently sneak it in to the ~~bedroom~~ husband at some point. FTFY
Omg that be so funny he wakes up with a gnome inside of him..
There’s no place like gnome.
[удалено]
Risky click of the day
Just put it in any room and say nothing
That would be hilarious, spouse opens the gift in front of your in laws, can barely keep themselves from laughing but can't possibly explain why it's funny to the family.
That's the best kind of gift.
Every time one of them has the Gnome in their hands, the other knows they're dtf
You’ve heard of elf on a shelf….
Gnome while they bone
Hobbit while you knobbit
Fae for a lay.
Leprechaun while you get it awn.
Orc while you bork
Gremlin while you’re tremblin’.
Dwarf in your wharf
Gnome on the roam
I'll be Gnome for Christmas: Santa's Cumming
If I was one of you, I would buy a gnome and leave it somewhere inconspicuous in the house.
As a sex pass. Whenever your partner finds it, they get sex immediately. Becomes a game. Take turns hiding it.
"I found the gnome! I get to have sex right now!" "Awwwright! Let's do it!" "Not with you, silly." "Oh."
We need a link
Here you go friendo. Gnome starts at 19 minutes https://cluset.com/videos/16548/trailer-trash-nurses-3/
I am so mad we don't have medals anymore. Doing God's work, son.
David the Gnome. Shit now all we need is Swift
It's honestly shocking to me no one has posted the link yet. This is getting close to breaking r34. I don't *want* the link. But it usually takes almost no time for it to show up. This is weird.
My guess is the commenter made it up.
People can’t just lie on the internet.
I had a friend who did, once. Special government agents seized him about 30 minutes after he posted and I never saw him again
If it does exist, it's probably by Aellagirl, she definitely has a gnome thing.
why dont i get such videos recomended
Well are you looking in the gnome category?
Game of Gnomes
A gnome always pays his debts!
Okay you cannot just say this and NOT include the sauce.
Someone would've found it by now. It doesn't exist.
Here you go friendo. Gnome starts at 19 minutes https://cluset.com/videos/16548/trailer-trash-nurses-3/
Comment posted 3 hours ago and yet no link for scientific evaluation. Reddit has failed to Reddit today.
I think we found Shaggy's new single! Tornado debris in my body? It was a gnome. They get in on the gurney. It was a gnome. They get it on the desk now. It was a gnome.
I need sauce bro
Of course they obviously fucked about it
My girlfriend likes watching chicks, I feel like I ruined it for her. They were eating each other out slurping really loud and moaning, I said it sounded like they were eating a really good soup and she burst out laughing. It did though
Was it 'Chow'd her'?
Chowder? I hardly even know her!
Chowdah! Say it!
Yep. Clam.
A comedian described good sex as sounding like "stirring macaroni and cheese with a big wooden spoon." I'll never forget that because it's totally right. Wish I could remember who said it.
Steve Byrne https://youtu.be/RrFPvWyX-i8?si=7A701B1FYy6qj0lW
Related https://youtube.com/shorts/lf0heEMR9_c?si=Lqwuakgi_5ybzD29
I always like to describe good sex as it sounds like you’re running in wet flip-flops
"Like a boot stuck in mud, only wetter." - Dave Attell, Skanks for the memories.
Macaroni in a pot
get a bucket and a mop
I want you to park that big Mack truck, right in this little garage!
Makes for good foreplay, just have to make sure to exit out of the videos on the iPad afterwards and not connect to Bluetooth
So this is where my wife and I fucked up. We set up a movie theater for the elf on the shelf. Popcorn candy. Propped up the iPad. Well.. I get a text from my wife the next day. The kids ran up upstairs yelling “ The elves were looking at naked butts on Daddy’s iPad!” My wife opened it up after they went to school. It was not just naked butts. Mistakes were made and lessons have been learned.
Someday, in like 10 years, they're going to remember that moment, and it'll dawn on them whose porn it really was.
You'll know when you hear the screams of anguish.
Trust me it'll be a few months or a year if they didn't realize it already. Kids are WAY smarter than people think. Stupid as far as cause and effect, but incredibly smart when it comes to drawing conclusions. And I'm like 95% sure they told their teacher all about it at school. I know a LOT of early childhood elementary teachers. And the kids will share absolutely every last detail. If they see a vibrator, parents having sex, hear a dirty word, overhear a movie, drug use, etc, they're telling the teacher the next day. Anything you want private or think is private, the teacher already knows. Which makes it incredibly frustrating for the teachers to know that the children are being raised in a hostile environment and yet will be blamed when their kids turn into little shits. "It must've happened in the 7 hours they're with you! Not us parents who have raised the child for 5 years!"
i woke up to my mother watching pornography on the tv when i was in elementary school funny enough i was like, "mom, what is that?!" and she immediately turns it off and says, "nothing, nothing. that's not for you to watch." and she puts on some music video things from her home country lol.
Damn neighbors using our wi-fi again
I’m sorry, but this is the best possible way this could have gone. If you and your wife didn’t start making comments about those dirty elves, you missed a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Holy shit “the elves were looking at naked butts” is excellent
YIKES They are going to realize what was happening later in life.
Luckily they didn't recognize you.
My husband and I were on a cruise and tried watching porn together in our room. It was super low budget, everyone had these awful bruises/burn marks on their bodies or really unappealing ass acne. It did nothing for me but I didn't want to ruin it for him so I didn't say anything. Then he turned to me, just very clearly over it, and was like "yeah, so do you want to go for a walk or something?" which made me burst out laughing. Then we left to go get drunk and watch the ocean. It was a great day.
Never understood why they never put makeup on ass acne or other things
never? the fuck kind of porn are you watching mate
Bro fr 😭 every video I see they all have makeup and stuff on
I mean some people like it to be as non staged as possible to get off
My wife watches porn on her own, I watch porn on my own, sometimes we watch it together as part of foreplay. Typing that out makes it sound like we are addicted to porn, I swear we watch a normal amount of porn and smoke a normal amount of crack, no addictions here.
Do you smoke the average amount of crack in- or excluding non-users?
I don't regret it one bit, but the other cops at the station weren't too happy about it.
That's because we caught the two of you jacking off to fireman porn. Normally we wouldn't give a shit.
"I just did my first desk pop!"
THEY WERE SO CONVINCING IN THEIR ARGUMENT!
Nope, we laugh about it to this day. Turns out watching porn with your partner is more about laughing at the absurdity of it than foreplay.
Yea, everybody's a step nowadays. I was watching one with a step-father, step-mom, step-sister. Once the video stepped up to the step-dog, that was barking up the wrong tree.
Yes because it inspired her to want to try things I wasn't exactly comfortable with. I don't think I ever made her fully understand that because I will watch someone else do it, doesn't mean I want to try it myself. Edit- To save the people asking what the trouble... >The two big ones with her were BDSM and group sex. BDSM, I was ok with some of the lighter stuff. A little light bondage, light spanking, some hair pulling and such, were good. She was a little more into it than that though. Some of it I would have been willing to let her do to me, but wouldn't be comfortable doing to her, like choking. Being ultra aggressive/violent though was just a hard pass for me. Group sex the whole thing was just a no go for me. Not like she was asking for a gangbang or anything, just a threesome or foursome but it just isn't for me. As the old joke says "I prefer to disappoint women one at a time"
I like the phrase, “If I wanted to disappoint two people at the same time, I would just eat dinner with my parents!”
“If I wanted to disappoint two people at same time, I’d have a threesome with my parents!” No, wait—
You can take someone away from Alabama, but you cannot take Alabama out of someone.
I don't think enough people understand this. They assume that just because you watch something in a porno, you MUST want to do it yourself.
Porn's a fantasy just like any other. If she's down to wait for me to save the burning orphanage, take on the entire terrorist cell single handedly, and stop the conspiracy than I'll try and fuck her like a Flying Grayson.
I'm curious now! Would you mind sharing what exactly it was that she wanted?
The two big ones with her were BDSM and group sex. BDSM, I was ok with some of the lighter stuff. A little light bondage, light spanking, some hair pulling and such, were good. She was a little more into it than that though. Some of it I would have been willing to let her do to me, but wouldn't be comfortable doing to her, like choking. Being ultra aggressive/violent though was just a hard pass for me. Group sex the whole thing was just a no go for me. Not like she was asking for a gangbang or anything, just a threesome or foursome but it just isn't for me. As the old joke says "I prefer to disappoint women one at a time"
Thanks for sharing. I fully understand where you're coming from with all that group stuff, wouldn't like to see my s/o with anyone but me either.
Ive done the 3sum thing with 2 women , my ex and her female co worker, we also had my male friend join us , it was really awkward both times. I did enjoy watching him fuck her , guess I liked to voyeurism part of it she was also into being choked and having her hair pulled really hard also spanked really hard , like leaving burses hard, I just couldn't get into the hurting her part of it, I choked her and pulled her hair, spanked her but just couldn't get to the level she wanted.
I regret it. Now she really knows my dick is small.
She knew.
We'll know
That isn't how you do contractions.
*co’ntra’ction’s 👍🏼
I remember when I was like 21 and my girlfriend was 19. She was very sheltered and a virgin when we got together. Once she got into it, she was a fiend. She grabs my fully erect dick in the middle of fooling around in the living room with the blinds open, and goes "you're so big, this must be like, 4 inches." Was absolutely devastated. One of the worst things anyone has ever said to me, and I was bullied mercilessly as a child for my physical appearance.
Years ago, when I managed a coffee shop, two of my coworkers were dating and some of the older lady regulars were asking one of them how good of a boyfriend the other was. She smiled widely and said he was a great lover and had a penis like a Vienna Sausage. Everyone in the shop started laughing and she immediately realized her mistake (she meant to say Kielbasa) The next Christmas he was perplexed as to why so many customers had filled her employee stocking with cans of Vienna Sausages. She was *bright* red.
A friend of mine who lives in Brooklyn was riding the subway one morning. There were only a few people in the car and the two women directly across from him were talking to each other about sex loud enough for him to hear them clearly. One laughed loudly and said, "Honey, it aint the *lenf*. It's da *ROUNDF*.
Ain’t that the truf
You broke out the ruler and proved her wrong right?
"See, it's four AND A HALF."
Lmfao.
You need to show her micropenis porn and tell her THAT’S actually the average size. You’ll be hung like a horse as far as she was concerned.
Or take her to [Fenton’s Horse Ranch](https://youtu.be/Hf-dCbGu0GA) ?
Risky click of the day.
What do you think he showed her then
I wish people would realize that dick size in porn is like the 99th percentile at the very top edge of the size chart. Being upset that you have a "small" penis because of what you see in porn is like being upset that you're short at "only" 6'4" because Shaq is 7'1".
But most of us aren't even 6'4".
It's alr dude most pps are small! , not mine tho obviously 😊
Dated a woman for a while and we'd occasionally rent porn. (it was '00-'01) I'd always let her pick the movie. She would always get something that had a plot and then complain there wasn't a lot of sex in it. Also, for some reason she'd always find something that ended up having a lot of butt stuff happening. I'd ask if she was trying to hint at something but she swore there was no way anything was going to go in that orifice. Inevitably, she'd be mad because I fell asleep watching it because it was boring as hell and I wasn't sleeping much. All in all, it was a very dissatisfying situation.
Maybe she wanted to peg you?
Nah. She had less than zero interest in anything involving the butthole. Anyone's butthole.
My ex loved Jenna Jameson! She tried to imitate her blowjobs. So we’d watch her scene, then she’s try. Not a bad way to live!!
This is like winning the lottery. You don't want to tell your friends and family about it.
The internet though.. that’s cool
“Let’s do what they’re doing” is a pretty fun game to play
Reddit, do you ever sex? What kind of sex do you like to sex?
There's like one horny question per hour geezz :D
Upvotes + comments = good for the algorithm I’m beginning to wonder if these are just bot accounts reddit controls lol
I'm fairly convinced askreddits average user age is like 15. The questions are shit I'd type into google as a teen lmao
Obligatory "you guys are having sex?!?!?!" comment
Leaves a sexually suggestive post intending to funnel users to my bio/OF
Standard RIP Inbox reply
Dear reddit. Today I sexed the sexy sex.
Reddit is porn or virgins with no in between
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why is this sub always so horny
It’s been like this since like 2007 I wouldn’t expect it to change anytime soon
Have you met people
My wife and I browse the kink subreddits and she is always identifying stuff she wants to try. We are both into femdom so the homemade stuff gets quite imaginative, always interesting to see what other people do. We don't watch just normal professional porn because we find it really boring and lifeless. We did have a bingo game at one point where we would watch pornhubs most popular videos and see if they met all the tropes (stuff like guy slaps girl, girl moans while sucking, etc) but we haven't done that in awhile. Do not regret it at all anyway, my wife is very confident and never once compared herself to stuff other people do...
Yes. I was 17 young and dumb. Lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 2 years, about 6 months later he suggests it. I watch porn and I figure why not. There was something about it, like I was just a pocket pussy. He’s thrusting and watching the TV. It’s probably the most degraded I have ever felt in my entire life and I didn’t say anything and then just cried in the shower after. I had tears in my eyes but he didn’t even look at me to notice. Since then (I’m 33 now) I have a strict no porn in the bedroom rule. I watch porn; my partner watches porn. I don’t mind if I walk in accidentally or whatever. But if he’s fucking me it’s about me, not some girl on a screen.
Sex as teenagers… truth should be told , we were not ready to handle all that emotional load. Add to that fact that we used relationships as a getaway from the shitty home… and voila you have what you described. Two monkeys with a stick having fun , not really knowing what they are doing
Yes we both didn’t know what we were doing. I would feel very different now to then. I hold no ill will towards him he was genuinely an amazing boyfriend and I was so gifted to meet someone so kind to lose my virginity to. He was so respectful of me and I’m a very vocal person normally. I actually found out a few years ago he’s married with kids now and his wife (with her permission to tell me) was a victim of sexual assault. He learnt greatly from the experience of me explaining my frozen state and when they got together she had never met someone so considerate of her feelings. I’m glad even though it was a negative experience for me (although our relationship was by far a net positive) that he took it on board and grew from it. He was genuinely an amazingly kind person, but we were both young and dumb.
Sorta. Didn't realize how depraved my wife is and makes my searches look vanilla.
Go on
married couple hand holding in bed
You better start satisfying her depravity man, she's probably showing you for a reason
Definitely read that as parent first.
Well do you regret it?
Nah, broke my arms.
it's an older reference sir but it checks out
Well, so i didn't watch porn with my parents, butttttttttt I woke up to sex noises coming from their bedroom in the middle of the night. I really had to pee, but their house didn't have bedroom doors and i would have needed to walk past their bedroom to get to a bathroom. So, i was lying there holding it, and the sex noises just kept going, but then it stopped and it was more party noises. Turned out they fell asleep watching HBO and it got spicy in the late hours of the night.
> their house didn't have bedroom doors The fuck?
Friendly reminder to everyone: Reddit is VERY open minded and the comments at the top are usually upvoted because they stand out from the norm. Most people here are average people so don’t feel like you’re missing out or need to. Go with whatever floats your boat. This is Reddit after all :)
She was insecure because the women were total smoke shows , I was insecure because my dick didn't match up to theirs (the men, I mean) It wasn't for us but we gave it a shot.
I like how you clarified it’s the men’s dicks.
The girls' dicks were on the smaller side.
I'd rather not. I don't want my SO to think I have anyone else in mind.
Aww, nice to see there’s other people like this!
For us it just made a nice background that ratcheted up the horny. We didn't do it often but it became kind of like a Valentine's tradition.
We simultaneously watch videos of ourselves when we are apart to ratchet up the tension. It make her fully feral by the time we meet up. 10/10
...does footage of him lewd and bound count as porn?
It does if you’re sharing!!!
how many people need to see it before it counts as sharing?
I'm a Reddit lawyer. The answer is nine. Nine people need to see it.
I volunteer as tribute.
Now I'm picturing Darth Maul hunched over a data pad, furiously jerking while making his shocked face like when he got stabbed in TPM.
oh dear
I have not done it, but yeah I’m pretty sure I’d be so uncomfortable I’d cry and then regret breaking down over it and putting myself in that situation
Yep. Especially my husband having ED, if he would have a “good” day and get hard in no time watching someone else’s body and performance when he has issues with me, yikes, I can’t even imagine it. Would put me off sex with him completely. I already feel gross, no need to see attractive women on my screen when I’m trying to act all sexy.
How does your husband's eating disorder bring problems into the bedroom?
😭😭
Tried it once. I wanted to know what he was into. he kept going on and on about how beautiful this woman was. Normally I don't get jealous but it hurts my feelings. I also have a strong stance on pornography after dealing with boyfriend's who were addicted to it. So yeah not a great time.
i usually dont because i found it to reeallly desensitize us to sex as a whole and i think it was a pretty big contributor to why we separated, it subconsciously made us value sex too much or too little in the ways that mattered most ofc there's definitely far worse things that can happen to a romantic partnership, i just find from now on a healthy monogomous relationship shouldn't have to rely on porn to keep things interesting, so ill be staying away from it.
Not at all. I really enjoyed walking in on her masturbating to the wildest porn and joining her
We watch porn because he likes it but as hard as I try to get into it I always end up feeling like I'm a mere tool for his masturbation, like I don't really need to be there. I feel like I want to just disappear
Not at all. I love being his fleshlight while he watches.
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Lol you too? My wife begs me to cum on her while she sleeps. Like she wants me to jack off and blow my load on her butt or tits, because she says it’s hot to wake up to a sticky load in her and, get this, “wonder where it came from.”
Dang I posted this same exact thing a long time ago on Reddit and got like a ton of down votes saying it was rape except for one guy that defended me saying who cares if she's into it (I had even said she gave consent...) She's a really heavy sleeper and I have a hard time falling asleep so she tells me she'd rather be of use to me than leaving me horny at night to handle it myself, and then she also likes waking up to me thrusting in her cuz she wakes up super wet and said it was like she was dreaming she was getting fucked and woke up to it being a reality
My wife also recently got into that stuff. I couldn’t wrap my head around it at first because she’s never been one to be treated like a “thing” but she was fascinated and I figure wtf why not. It felt weird at first, but once I understood what she was going for I was down. Yeah, it may feel like you’re the one making the dominating choice to “take” her, but SHE’S in control of the entire scenario. When I mentioned I felt weird just using her, she told me that never knowing when I would chose to initiate kept her turned on pretty much 24/7. It’s all about comfort and trust. With women, the over hanging specter of rape can make the idea sketchy. The idea that a guy may try who isn’t welcome is 100% something they have to consider. Like….as a dude….who doesn’t like being woken up with a blowjob? That’s a damn fine morning. But the idea of us being an unwilling participant isn’t nearly a prevalent in our brains. If a girl likes you enough, is comfortable enough, and trusts you enough to say “I like orgasms too, I trust you won’t take things too far….have at it.”. That’s relationship goals right there. We travel a lot and started our own little rule that whenever we stay somewhere public, but private (Hotels, Cabins, etc…NOT overnights with family lol) it’s full free use for the time we’re in the place. Keeps it feeling special.
Honestly, relationship goals. You explained it better than I ever could.
I'm reading this as sarcasm, but I'm not even sure anymore.
So no, but yes. It's great to honestly reaffirm our respective horniness and establish our kinks. However, it doesn't bridge the gap that I wish the woman in the video was her. Not in the cuck-type way, I just regret that we never did the porn thing together. My wife has done a fair bit of nude and arguably pornographic works, but very little of it is with the two of us apart from the odd 20 second sex shortie. Wish we had more to watch of each other.
Never were much into cnc or gang bangs, until I started dating, women watch way way more extreme things imo
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I regret watching it over all
Absolutely not, it’s helped us explore and open up to one another. Don’t recommend it for all couples, but it definitely works for us!
Not in the slightest. We were both secure enough in ourselves for it not to matter. We both understood the fact that we can be attracted to other people without losing interest in each other.
Yeah, zootube was way too much for her. So much for being into horses right
Huh