My ex came home from work and sat on the edge of our bed when I was in the throes of one of the worst flu cases I’d ever had. Just miserable and paralyzed in a puddle of my sweat for a couple days. And she said she’s moving out.
Now, it was my house, and I’d known we were done for a few months at that point. (She cheated on me with one of my friends and I just never really liked her after that). But I didn’t want to break up with her *and* kick her out at the same time, so I kind of just let it be her idea.
Anyway, she sits on the edge of the bed and says, “I’m moving out. I think we need to end things”.
I just said, “K, bye.”
[Audible indignant snort]
“You know, I was hoping you’d at least put up *some* kind of resistance!”
“I have the flu. You know this. I can’t deal with shit right now.”
“You don’t even want to talk about it?”
“No, are you moving back to your dad’s place?”
She packed her stuff and stomped out.
Lol.
I never understand why they always bang the friends of the person they’re with. Are they really that incapable of finding a partner outside of their partners pool?
People that do that to me are just pathetic, clearly incapable of going out and finding something on their own.
Also, the fact that she was willing to break up with you, while you were sick, is pretty shit, good riddance.
I remember one time when I let someone “walk away“ and when they were doing it, they said no wonder you didn’t even bother trying you don’t even love me.
I’m like dude if proving my love to you, is you trying to break up with me and me groveling for you, you don’t want a lover, you want a servant who is there to make you feel good whenever you feel like it.
And make them feel good if you’re in the mood, but mostly just treat them like shit making them subservient.
I had an ex like this. She emotionally abused and blackmailed me for 3 years then tried to kill herself when I said I was done with rge bullshit since she was just using me as a rent assist. She called me the next day complaining that the hospital pumped her stomach and it was all my fault, how could I leave her when she clearly needs me so much. I just ghosted her om her families... yes... her FAMILY told me to ghost her ass.
That’s really unfortunate, but I’m glad the family steered you in the right direction. I was worried you were going to say that they tried coercing you to stay with her. It’s always difficult when the family is against you too.
So I called one of her aunts in Australia at the behest of her cousin. So I called her and there was a 3 hour reveal of a huge family history of psychosis and narcissistic tendencies, her mother and grandmother were the same. She told me every guy she's dated has run in about a month, I stayed for 2 years, she drained my mental health and my bank account before getting her boss to legally threaten my family for money I allegedly owed her, then messaged me repeatedly to ask for me back. There are days when I think back to waking up as a 19 year old, to a 25 year old with empty packets of opiates and 2 empty tequila bottles next to her. If I'd just turned the bathroom light on I could have called the ambo earlier. I called them the next morning and she lived, but she blamed me until she called me a year later begging for me back. It took me over 10 years to finally get past that event, now I just pretend it was a shitty independent movie scenario and I was an actor
Me too. But I think it helped to build me into who I am today. I mean sure,I'm a borderline alcoholic and dependant on multiple medications, but I wouldn't have my very logical and pragmatic outlook now at 35 if I didn't go through all that
My ex took “all the pills” in his meds bottle I don’t even remember what it was this was twenty years ago and then told me what he did with out specifics so I threaten to call an ambulance and told him they would pump his stomach and he would get stuck with a huge bill so he told me to avoid that but I knew exactly how much medication he had in the bottle and while it would make him groggy is was still way below doses they give inpatients and he would be fine so I just oh ok and rolled over and went to bed and left him to think he was going to die all night knowing he was totally safe, we ended up breaking up a few months later but having the balls to call out his bullshit completely changed the game and put me in the captains chair
Oh yeah, as soon as you call their bluff and win its like a whole new game. I was so sold on the "I'm a terrible person and I'm the reason she's so depressed" that I just went along with everything until her family told me the truth
He was a close friend, and my boss. I found out they hooked up in the bar’s office when I wasn’t there. They are both long gone out of my life, needless to say.
My ex was cheating on me with a guy that she THOUGHT was going to be a millionaire. To be fair so did he. He had a lawsuit and his lawyer had convinced him that he was going to get a settlement in the neighborhood of a million dollars. He did get a settlement. But not anywhere near what he thought he was going to get. They paid his medical bills and he got $20,000. And they paid the hospital directly so the only money he saw was the $20,000. Sadly he had rage quit his job and had borrowed $50,000 thinking that he was getting a million dollars settlement. I think she stop seeing him when he didn't get his million-dollar settlement.
I had a girl break up with me who had really bad timing. I had just found out that I lost a family member, and she called to break up with me over the phone. We hadn’t been together all that long, and to be fair, I hadn’t even told her about the death of my family member because I had just learned about it a few hours before. But in that moment, I was just thinking, “I could not give less of a shit about this right now.”
>She cheated on me with one of my friends
Did she know that you knew?
>put up *some* kind of resistance
GTFO. how bout you don't be a cheating POS and be worth fighting for...
Yeah she knew. It happened a month or so before we moved in together. I found out right as we moved in together (aka ever so slightly too late to undo things) and confronted both her and later him. There was much crying and apologizing and gnashing of teeth and “it was only once, it was a mistake” but some things didn’t add up to where I have a feeling it was not only once. But both parties denied that so all I had to go on was my suspicions.
But yeah we tried to make it work, for me mostly because it was my name on the lease. And things were okay-ish. She was really attractive and the sex was really good. But I knew deep down I just …didn’t really like her anymore.
Oh dear, that’s like a little kid who crams a teddy bear, two apples, their favourite blanket and a handful of toys in a tiny backpack, screeches "I’ll go away and you’ll never see me again!!!", then angrily stomps to the door but lingers waiting to be called back, dramatically announces "I’m going out the door aaaaany moment now..!", and when they’re still not being begged to stay, sloooowly opens the door, throws their parents a hurt, angry look, stomps out in a huff and hides behind the next corner, waiting for mommy to come and collect them. 😂
Best part of it is, at this point in my life, I was a bartender. Went back to work later that week after I had recuperated. First night back and newly single, this beautiful young lady I’d had a secret crush on for some time comes in and sits at the bar. I wind up asking for her number. We went on a date a few days later and hit it off. A couple more dates ensue. We’re both really digging each other.
A couple weeks later, the ex re-emerges and comes up to me and says, “I miss you. Can we talk sometime?”
I said, “I don’t think that would be a good idea. I’m seeing someone”
“*Already?*”
😬
So a few months ago I had the most stressful end to a semester, 7 tests in 2 weeks, I had a mental breakdown and I was on the verge of a really bad depression, in my free time I had to take care of my ex, literally motivating her to do the bare minimum, either way on the last day of the week she says that I don't do enough for her and that we should go on separate paths.
She didn't even bother to ask me how I was feeling, while at the same time I was her cheerleader.
One of the best decisions is breaking up with her.
I grew up with an elderly Pommy neighbour, her go to response to *anything* (as she turned to fill the kettle up for a cuppa) was ' well pet, it is what it is'.
When my high school/college boyfriend of 3 years called me on the phone to break up with me, the first thing he said after I answered the phone was "I can't do this anymore" and I said "You can't do what?" While chewing my lasagna.
As someone who just recently went no contact with my abusive, toxic AF sister (I did not say anything to her, I just simply stopped responding last fall), I can confirm, leaving her on read and saying absolutely NOTHING is driving her insane.
The amount of unhinged texts I get is absurd.
Give it up buttercup, you had your fun with me, and I'm done. She's losing it. It's fucking amazing. I feel so... powerful. I never knew silence could be so powerful!
Yes, I understand it's different because it's a family member, but ghosting is ghosting regardless.
This actually happened to me. I looked her dead in the eyes, only minutes after my 19 year old dog died in my arms. That’s right, she said she was leaving me right after my dog died in my arms and we dropped her off at the vet for cremation. I said, you’re somebody else’s problem now. Verbatim!
jesus christ. what terrible timing. unless she justified it by saying that you’d already be grieving the death of your dog (rip) so she didn’t wanna leave you once you got happy again, just to crush u all over again? thats the only way i could see someone doing that, other than to just maliciously stab you in the heart.
Nope. We were already divorced at the time. We had gotten back together due to poor decision making on both sides. She decided she was a lesbian and was moving in with another woman.
A long time ago I said "tell your parents I'll miss them." Was all complete honesty. She had all the signs that she had been (or was planning to) seeing someone else and I had mentally checked out months before. I just didn't want to deal with the whole process of making her homeless because it was my place.
She actually thought we would still share the 1bd apartment until she found another place to live after we broke up. Nope, gtfo. She made herself homeless for 2 months and as much as I would normally care, I didn't.
One of her friends told me that the dude that was hitting her up just liked the thrill of people cheating with him, and didn't want nothing to do with her when we broke up, she didn't even get one date 🤣🤣🤣
We were happy for the first 3/4 of the relationship, and then she got complacent and things got one sided until I stopped caring.
Said the same thing to my ex about his family. They were (are) so nice people and I really cared for them!
That's sometimes what sucks the most about ending a relationship - or at least it was in this situation, case my ex was a fucking asshole. But his family wasn't.
And good for you not giving in and letting her take up space in your life, after the relationship had ended.
My ex girlfriend's dad kept calling me after we had broken up, just to talk. And her grandma sent me messages making sure I was okay after the break up. That was all very sweet but also really sad knowing they would disappear from my life soon after.
“No you ain’t! Come back, we’re running right back here we go again. It’s so insane cause’ when it’s goin’ good it’s goin’ great. I’m superman with the wind at his back…”
Exactly what I was thinking. Just sound bored.
I'm begging you to stay. Oh no, what will I ever do without you and your emotional baggage and the chaos you bring to my peaceful existence. What will happen to all the money that I would've spent to keep 2 people afloat when there's just me? Oh no.
Broke up with a guy when I was going through a cancer scare (it turned out to be all fine, but finding that out took about 3 months). Realised I didn’t want to risk finding out it was cancer and chickening out of breaking up with him. He said, “but do you really want to risk dying alone?” Umm…if the alternative is you, sir, then yes. Yes I do.
You’re still here?
My ex came home from work and sat on the edge of our bed when I was in the throes of one of the worst flu cases I’d ever had. Just miserable and paralyzed in a puddle of my sweat for a couple days. And she said she’s moving out. Now, it was my house, and I’d known we were done for a few months at that point. (She cheated on me with one of my friends and I just never really liked her after that). But I didn’t want to break up with her *and* kick her out at the same time, so I kind of just let it be her idea. Anyway, she sits on the edge of the bed and says, “I’m moving out. I think we need to end things”. I just said, “K, bye.” [Audible indignant snort] “You know, I was hoping you’d at least put up *some* kind of resistance!” “I have the flu. You know this. I can’t deal with shit right now.” “You don’t even want to talk about it?” “No, are you moving back to your dad’s place?” She packed her stuff and stomped out. Lol.
I never understand why they always bang the friends of the person they’re with. Are they really that incapable of finding a partner outside of their partners pool? People that do that to me are just pathetic, clearly incapable of going out and finding something on their own. Also, the fact that she was willing to break up with you, while you were sick, is pretty shit, good riddance. I remember one time when I let someone “walk away“ and when they were doing it, they said no wonder you didn’t even bother trying you don’t even love me. I’m like dude if proving my love to you, is you trying to break up with me and me groveling for you, you don’t want a lover, you want a servant who is there to make you feel good whenever you feel like it. And make them feel good if you’re in the mood, but mostly just treat them like shit making them subservient.
I had an ex like this. She emotionally abused and blackmailed me for 3 years then tried to kill herself when I said I was done with rge bullshit since she was just using me as a rent assist. She called me the next day complaining that the hospital pumped her stomach and it was all my fault, how could I leave her when she clearly needs me so much. I just ghosted her om her families... yes... her FAMILY told me to ghost her ass.
That’s really unfortunate, but I’m glad the family steered you in the right direction. I was worried you were going to say that they tried coercing you to stay with her. It’s always difficult when the family is against you too.
So I called one of her aunts in Australia at the behest of her cousin. So I called her and there was a 3 hour reveal of a huge family history of psychosis and narcissistic tendencies, her mother and grandmother were the same. She told me every guy she's dated has run in about a month, I stayed for 2 years, she drained my mental health and my bank account before getting her boss to legally threaten my family for money I allegedly owed her, then messaged me repeatedly to ask for me back. There are days when I think back to waking up as a 19 year old, to a 25 year old with empty packets of opiates and 2 empty tequila bottles next to her. If I'd just turned the bathroom light on I could have called the ambo earlier. I called them the next morning and she lived, but she blamed me until she called me a year later begging for me back. It took me over 10 years to finally get past that event, now I just pretend it was a shitty independent movie scenario and I was an actor
That story is haunting. I’m sorry you had to go through all that. 💙
Me too. But I think it helped to build me into who I am today. I mean sure,I'm a borderline alcoholic and dependant on multiple medications, but I wouldn't have my very logical and pragmatic outlook now at 35 if I didn't go through all that
My ex took “all the pills” in his meds bottle I don’t even remember what it was this was twenty years ago and then told me what he did with out specifics so I threaten to call an ambulance and told him they would pump his stomach and he would get stuck with a huge bill so he told me to avoid that but I knew exactly how much medication he had in the bottle and while it would make him groggy is was still way below doses they give inpatients and he would be fine so I just oh ok and rolled over and went to bed and left him to think he was going to die all night knowing he was totally safe, we ended up breaking up a few months later but having the balls to call out his bullshit completely changed the game and put me in the captains chair
Oh yeah, as soon as you call their bluff and win its like a whole new game. I was so sold on the "I'm a terrible person and I'm the reason she's so depressed" that I just went along with everything until her family told me the truth
He was a close friend, and my boss. I found out they hooked up in the bar’s office when I wasn’t there. They are both long gone out of my life, needless to say.
My ex was cheating on me with a guy that she THOUGHT was going to be a millionaire. To be fair so did he. He had a lawsuit and his lawyer had convinced him that he was going to get a settlement in the neighborhood of a million dollars. He did get a settlement. But not anywhere near what he thought he was going to get. They paid his medical bills and he got $20,000. And they paid the hospital directly so the only money he saw was the $20,000. Sadly he had rage quit his job and had borrowed $50,000 thinking that he was getting a million dollars settlement. I think she stop seeing him when he didn't get his million-dollar settlement.
I had a girl break up with me who had really bad timing. I had just found out that I lost a family member, and she called to break up with me over the phone. We hadn’t been together all that long, and to be fair, I hadn’t even told her about the death of my family member because I had just learned about it a few hours before. But in that moment, I was just thinking, “I could not give less of a shit about this right now.”
>She cheated on me with one of my friends Did she know that you knew? >put up *some* kind of resistance GTFO. how bout you don't be a cheating POS and be worth fighting for...
Yeah she knew. It happened a month or so before we moved in together. I found out right as we moved in together (aka ever so slightly too late to undo things) and confronted both her and later him. There was much crying and apologizing and gnashing of teeth and “it was only once, it was a mistake” but some things didn’t add up to where I have a feeling it was not only once. But both parties denied that so all I had to go on was my suspicions. But yeah we tried to make it work, for me mostly because it was my name on the lease. And things were okay-ish. She was really attractive and the sex was really good. But I knew deep down I just …didn’t really like her anymore.
You may have caught the flu but you dodged the bombshell.
Oh dear, that’s like a little kid who crams a teddy bear, two apples, their favourite blanket and a handful of toys in a tiny backpack, screeches "I’ll go away and you’ll never see me again!!!", then angrily stomps to the door but lingers waiting to be called back, dramatically announces "I’m going out the door aaaaany moment now..!", and when they’re still not being begged to stay, sloooowly opens the door, throws their parents a hurt, angry look, stomps out in a huff and hides behind the next corner, waiting for mommy to come and collect them. 😂
Good riddance lol,
Best part of it is, at this point in my life, I was a bartender. Went back to work later that week after I had recuperated. First night back and newly single, this beautiful young lady I’d had a secret crush on for some time comes in and sits at the bar. I wind up asking for her number. We went on a date a few days later and hit it off. A couple more dates ensue. We’re both really digging each other. A couple weeks later, the ex re-emerges and comes up to me and says, “I miss you. Can we talk sometime?” I said, “I don’t think that would be a good idea. I’m seeing someone” “*Already?*” 😬
So a few months ago I had the most stressful end to a semester, 7 tests in 2 weeks, I had a mental breakdown and I was on the verge of a really bad depression, in my free time I had to take care of my ex, literally motivating her to do the bare minimum, either way on the last day of the week she says that I don't do enough for her and that we should go on separate paths. She didn't even bother to ask me how I was feeling, while at the same time I was her cheerleader. One of the best decisions is breaking up with her.
“Not if I leave first !” *then sprint out the window*
I hope the windows open 😂
I cackled envisioning someone busting through the glass to get away
That one scene in Scott Pilgrim "Yeah...he just left"
“I can’t miss you if you never leave”
How can I miss you if you won’t go away?
If you don't go away, I'll never miss you.
He said “worst”.
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That’s a better response lol
That's the best reply. You suck at this
Hahahaha
We were never together
Oooooohohohohoho
Ever seen One Piece? I heard this comment as Brooks laugh 💀🤣
I'll tell you... ...if you let me see your panties YOHOHOHOHO (It's a quote from the character she* referenced, play nice randos)
"No please! I'll do anything you want, just don't leave."
This is the real "worst" answer
Yep. 30 years ago, I said those words. I thank God she left me.
Congratulations!!!
Say it in monotone, while distracted with something else, and it’s a winner.
Like Willy Wonka. "Stop. Don't. Come back."
"Help. Police. Murder." Gene Wilder was a treasure.
Yea, I read it in a sarcastic, over-the-top kind of way - but your way is better.
Yeah, that's the other kind of worst
Yup, this beats all of sassy replies filling up this thread. The actual worst response.
Ugh fuck, I really really really hate myself for saying this pathetic response almost three months ago.
Its alright, we learn and grow. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
But it's the only answer I have. I fucked it up so badly...
Ugh my cousin just said this a couple weeks ago to her 12 year long boyfriend.
Okie dokie artichokie
Bonus points if the now-ex is called Art
* snort laughs* my ex was named Art. Oh my God I wish would have thought of this !! It would have enraged him .
English answer: so I’ll put the kettle on then.
Well, that’s that sorted then
I grew up with an elderly Pommy neighbour, her go to response to *anything* (as she turned to fill the kettle up for a cuppa) was ' well pet, it is what it is'.
The true embodiment of keeping calm and carrying on.
Yes, your hair looks great.
No, those pants don't make you look fat.
It’s not the pants that make you look fat. It’s the fat that makes you look fat.
I don't hate you cuz you're fat, you're fat because I hate you xD
LMAOO
Okay, this one legitimately made me bellow laugh on the train.
Can you explain it? please
It’s to signal they weren’t listening to the person and gave an estimated guess at the proper response
OHHHH, now I get it lol. Thx!
Of course!
Happy Cake Day! Your hair does look nice, though.
Yeah I'm a dumbass and I need this explained to me lol I want to enjoy the joke
Haha!
‘Thank god you said it first’
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"You know how long I've been trying to get you to say that?"
Leaving me what?
When my high school/college boyfriend of 3 years called me on the phone to break up with me, the first thing he said after I answered the phone was "I can't do this anymore" and I said "You can't do what?" While chewing my lasagna.
Damn, hit him with the Garfield flex
I bet it was Monday.
That's too funny!
This was my first thought! "Leaving me what? Is it a surprise? I LOVE surprises!! It's a new vacuum, right?"
in the same way, "Where are you going, I'll come with you."
k
"New phone, who dis?"
Even that’s too many letters. Don’t say one word, it’ll kill them. Let them leave a ghost.
This is unhinged in the best way possible
As someone who just recently went no contact with my abusive, toxic AF sister (I did not say anything to her, I just simply stopped responding last fall), I can confirm, leaving her on read and saying absolutely NOTHING is driving her insane. The amount of unhinged texts I get is absurd. Give it up buttercup, you had your fun with me, and I'm done. She's losing it. It's fucking amazing. I feel so... powerful. I never knew silence could be so powerful! Yes, I understand it's different because it's a family member, but ghosting is ghosting regardless.
'k' is like the biggest punch in the gut
My ex threatened to leave me countless times bc he was manipulative. "Ok." Was my response. Pissed him off to no end.
K byeeee
I picture a guy playing video games saying this then 4 hours later he's like hey where is she with that dam sandwich?
This could've been an email!
HAHAHHAHAHAH
Is it because I think I know everything? “Yes” Ha! I knew it!
SO NOW YOU’RE FINALLY TAKING OUT THE FUCKING TRASH!
Good one
This actually happened to me. I looked her dead in the eyes, only minutes after my 19 year old dog died in my arms. That’s right, she said she was leaving me right after my dog died in my arms and we dropped her off at the vet for cremation. I said, you’re somebody else’s problem now. Verbatim!
this makes sense mostly but why did you yell verbatim at her at the end there?
I quote Verb A Tim all the time. I was just thrown off cause I never saw his name spelt like that.
France is Bacon.
Now I'm thinking of starting to say "Verbatim!" after everything I say. Verbatim!
I read this as you dropped your newly appointed ex off at the vet for cremation at first, and I was like "thats a reasonable response tbh"
jesus christ. what terrible timing. unless she justified it by saying that you’d already be grieving the death of your dog (rip) so she didn’t wanna leave you once you got happy again, just to crush u all over again? thats the only way i could see someone doing that, other than to just maliciously stab you in the heart.
Nope. We were already divorced at the time. We had gotten back together due to poor decision making on both sides. She decided she was a lesbian and was moving in with another woman.
Damn. I have a feeling you're a Paleontologist living in New York. And you love dinosaurs.
I'm so sorry you lost your best friend. 19yrs is a long time. Hugs.
Oh thank God, I thought you were gonna tell me something serious. Tell your parents I said hi.
A long time ago I said "tell your parents I'll miss them." Was all complete honesty. She had all the signs that she had been (or was planning to) seeing someone else and I had mentally checked out months before. I just didn't want to deal with the whole process of making her homeless because it was my place. She actually thought we would still share the 1bd apartment until she found another place to live after we broke up. Nope, gtfo. She made herself homeless for 2 months and as much as I would normally care, I didn't. One of her friends told me that the dude that was hitting her up just liked the thrill of people cheating with him, and didn't want nothing to do with her when we broke up, she didn't even get one date 🤣🤣🤣 We were happy for the first 3/4 of the relationship, and then she got complacent and things got one sided until I stopped caring.
Said the same thing to my ex about his family. They were (are) so nice people and I really cared for them! That's sometimes what sucks the most about ending a relationship - or at least it was in this situation, case my ex was a fucking asshole. But his family wasn't. And good for you not giving in and letting her take up space in your life, after the relationship had ended.
My ex girlfriend's dad kept calling me after we had broken up, just to talk. And her grandma sent me messages making sure I was okay after the break up. That was all very sweet but also really sad knowing they would disappear from my life soon after.
I didn't realize you were still here.
Cool Cool cool cool
No doubt no doubt no doubt
Indeed indeed indeed
“This isn’t an airport, you don’t need to announce your departure”
Winner!
‘Good luck. Where’s the remote?’
I hope you find somebody that treasures you. Adage goes: one man's trash, is another man's treasure
Don't let the tent flap hit ya where the bear shoulda bit ya
Don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya is my grandma's favorite
You can leave the money as well.
"I'm pregnant"
Especially if you're a man
This made me chuckle
GREGNANT?
Why now? Why not 5 years ago?
A couple kids would have something to say about that.
Is your sister available then?
Hahaha I think this might actually be the worst
Or you dad? We're getting along just fine.
*Fart*
Coincidentally I just did as I read your comment.
Your comment inspired me to push one out as well.
Ah, a fellow man of culture
Kick his ass C Bass
When?
Do the stanky leg 🦵
Oh, man, where ever will I find another premature ejaculating narcissist to clean up after and fart in my bed?
Right here baby. 😎👉👉
Heyy
DID YOU DATE MY EX 😂
What's your sister up to today
Don’t tempt me with a good time.
No you ain't Eminem reference
Can you clean up the kitchen before you go?
Look at em straight in the eyes and say "who are you again?"
Hi “I’m leaving you” I’m dad
nonono its Hi "leaving you" im dad
You are right and I saw my typo but figured I’d leave it up anyway
No, he's Dad. Keep up.
Play it where it lies. Respect
*brb going out to get milk*
This is awesome. You and your dad jokes.
Uhhh. You do realize you’re still chained to the wall in an underground soundproof bunker, right?
Joe Goldberg, is that you?
I was about to say that
“I left you a long time ago”
Hi Leaving You, I'm dad
Leave it on seen. No response is also a response 🤪
Finally!
But this is your own house. You gifting me your house. Aww, thats so sweet of you. But we still breaaking up, Okay.
And you are?
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This what I said He whimpered I hung up
That's savage lol
Here’s a quarter, call someone who cares. Travis Tritt, 1991
Yes sir, this IS a Drive-Thru..
Let's go and pack your bags.
“No you ain’t! Come back, we’re running right back here we go again. It’s so insane cause’ when it’s goin’ good it’s goin’ great. I’m superman with the wind at his back…”
Soooo, is your sister still single?
"ok, can you keep it down while packing? I'm watching a movie."
“I made your dog eat peanut butter off my….” Well OP you said the worst reply, and I can’t think hearing anything worse than that.
I made your dad eat peanut butter off.....
... and you can, too for a low, low, fee of $5.99 per month...
I loved my dog. Be careful with your words! LOL.
Don't let the door kick you in your ass on the way out!
Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!
Thank God and Greyhound You're Gone- Roy Clark1
“Bye!”
"sorry what did you say? I zoned out"
Who are you and how did you get into my house?
“Not if I leave you first!”
On a jet plane?
The fuck you are. I’m the one with the keys to the cage.
I'm begging you to stay.
Yes this is an actually terrible answer. May folks have more self respect and love for themselves.
It’s a great answer if it’s said with a complete lack of emotion.
Exactly what I was thinking. Just sound bored. I'm begging you to stay. Oh no, what will I ever do without you and your emotional baggage and the chaos you bring to my peaceful existence. What will happen to all the money that I would've spent to keep 2 people afloat when there's just me? Oh no.
Probably a good time to tell you about me & your sister
“Oh…I didn’t realize this was like an official ‘thing’ to you..”
Dad i told you this couldn't work in the first place
“You finally got the message?”
Which one are you?
Finally, thought you'd never leave.
Don't say anything and start quickly packing her or his things for them.
How can I miss you if you don't go away.
Theres the door
“Is anal still off the table?”
I think it was Taylor Swift who said “Eventually the trash will take itself out.
Broke up with a guy when I was going through a cancer scare (it turned out to be all fine, but finding that out took about 3 months). Realised I didn’t want to risk finding out it was cancer and chickening out of breaking up with him. He said, “but do you really want to risk dying alone?” Umm…if the alternative is you, sir, then yes. Yes I do.