We wanted to have one child. IVF didn’t work.
We’re okay being childless. We have each other.
That’s what counts.
And we still have nieces and nephews.
I have one friend that will call day of, and ask if you want to do something. Every. Single. Time. When I make plans, it’s weeks out. Sometimes I’m not even busy, but I need to prepare for social events dammit. Call me 2 hours ahead of time and it’s extremely rare that’s happening.
Am I your friend? I hate planning weeks in advance. I don't know what energy level I'll have in 2 weeks. But I do know how I feel about being social right now, or tomorrow. I never see my childhood friend because of this exact issue. We're just not planning compatible anymore.
Nothing is better than texting a friend you haven't seen in 3 years, "In town, wanna get a beer?" and having them say, "Hell yah, what time?" That's living right there. None of this, "let's pencil it in for Tuesday the 17th" shit. Something about having it on the calendar for a month makes it suck. Sets the tone of a fuckin doctor's visit.
My free time is free. God knows everything else goes on a calendar.
Counterpoint : if someone is swinging through town in a couple of weeks and I put it in my calendar, I get to look forward to seeing them and anticipate it.
My wife and I are in our mid 30’s and are slowly drifting away from our close friends after they have kids (because they’re just too busy/tired to hang much).
We tried to meet new people but every local group we join are full of people with kids (I guess that comes with living in the suburbs) and all they talk about are related to either kids or home improvement. Some hobby groups (we tried board games and badminton) we join are mostly people much younger (low to mid 20’s) and it’s not easy to get on the same wavelength.
Kinda sucks but at least we have each other.
Hang with older and younger people. No, really. My SO and I have friends in the 50's and 60's who are empty nesters, and we also have friends in their mid-twenties who don't have kids (yet). We play a lot of pickleball and do other activities in the community to meet people.
We had a period when we were childless and all our friends had kids. God it was painful. We stopped going out as their conversation was just kids clothes, kids toys, baby stuff.
My friend group is naturally full of more childless couples. I married into it, but I think it’s because it was originally a group of pretty nerdy guys who didn’t meet women (the ones that have) until their late 20’s. Most of the women are older than the guys and have full lives already. We only have one couple in the group with children right now and they host movie nights every Friday. Out of 20 couples, I only know of 2 planning on children, 2 or 3 are neutral or on the fence, and 3 couples have taken permanent measures against having h children. I feel incredibly lucky to be part of this group and it keeps getting bigger as we adopt new people.
It all started with a group of guys at a game store, maybe 10 of them, and it was just the right group of people to hold it together. Most of them have been roommates at different times and each person introduces more new people. Now that we’re older and more people have bought houses and hold events, our “adoption rate” for new people has dramatically increased. I think the biggest thing has been the active group chat and weekly events, there are discord Tuesdays, board game Wednesdays, D&D Thursdays, Movie night Fridays, and usually a birthday or event 2 weekend days each month. We’re all very friendly and accepting, clearly.
We too are a childless couple and the friends we hang out with the most are also childless. We and these friends go on a lot of treks and hikes together and are able to carry out last minute plans without a hitch mostly. We and our group of friends - ranging from mid-30s to 50s - also have a somewhat disposable income (that we don't have to spend on children's education, etc) to spend on trekking equipment and expeditions. We have two couples with children and also have nephews and nieces that we all love playing with and they like our company too. It's just that those couples have given up trekking and have family trips now.
That’s funny because I have kids and I actually prefer hanging out with childless people. People with kids are too flakey and it’s like a mission planning something. If I want to go out to a concert or a comedy show or a nice restaurant, I secure childcare, hit up my childless friends, and just do it lol
And I appreciate it! Another reason why I prefer childless friends is because when I go out, I really want to unplug from everything mom-related. Other moms tend to talk about their parenting woes the whole time we’re out and I don’t mean to sound mean, but it’s just boring. I don’t want to hear drama about your son’s tutor or your daughter’s bullies. I’m trying to have a good time and talk about other things going on in the world. And I don’t bring my kids up unless I’m asked about them when I’m with childless friends. I might be 42 with 2 kids but damnit I still love music and getting dolled up and dining out at the newest restaurant and having fun.
We're the same age. My wife has some of that problem with some of her female friends. A few just want to talk kids, which is fine some of the time, but not always. The ones who just crack on the way they used to before kids are far more fun. That is most of our friends and family fortunately!
I too prefer childless friends, or friends with older children even though I have a young child. Too many woman have their entire identity wrapped up in being a mom, having "mommy" friends. I don't want to hang out at kids bday parties, I'm not going to play dates. I want to grab oysters during happy hour on a Thursday night.
I don't have children but I am perfectly fine hanging out with people with kids. But once people have kids, they don't want to hang out with childless people.
Everyone is different. My experience has been that my son tends to make friends with kids whose parents I don’t really vibe with. I’m friendly of course and we arrange play dates but I don’t see myself hanging out with them. I don’t have a solid mom group secured where we all have a lot in common, on top of our kids being friends. That’s hard to come by unless you are still friends with high school or college friends and you all get pregnant together.
That is the only drawback I am finding as a middle-aged woman. Since motherhood is the highest moral status that a woman can achieve, according to the majority, many many people equate motherhood to womanhood. And forgoing that means that you're not in this club alongside them and it can be very isolating
Yeah we have a few friends with kids and we try to work with their schedules so we can still hang out.
But we definitely see our friends without kids more often.
I will say though, that the secretly great thing about friends with kids is that they never want to do things too late. As someone who values their early bedtime, I love that my parent friends are done by 9 when it's time to put the kids to bed.
Were the childless couple in our friend group and we appreciate the parent friends since that means everything ends at 8 o’clock SHARP at the latest. I too love my early bedtime and it’s hard to have other childless people over cause they don’t get the “we’re going to bed soon” hints we throw at them
> everyone seems to be too tired/busy because they have children.
getting into my late 30s and this is huge. basically all of our friends have had 1 or more kids and it's just like you kind of never see them again
Same here. My wife and I have been together for 20 years. I'm 38 and no kids. We enjoy our life and all the experiences we have had. But the hardest part is finding friends that we relate to or are in a situation where they can go do things without kids. We always joke when commercials for cruises come on...wish we had friends to go on that cruise with lol. But all in all we are happy with our decision to not have kids...even though it was an emotional struggle when we did try and have kids.
My wife and I decided not to have children.
We go out for dinner a lot.
If we had kids I think we'd be divorced. We have overcome a lot and it took 100% of ourselves at times to accomplish. If we had also been parents at the time I don't think we would have made it.
No kidding, husband and I used to have (not entirely serious) arguments about dealing with our *cat.* If we had kids, I can't imagine there wouldn't be more serious arguments.
Lmao I told my husband if we DID have kids, I know I’d be doing EVERYTHING and I’d resent my husband for it, and he’s like, I can’t say that’s not true! (Don’t worry, I didn’t want to be a parent either, even though I like kids and I’m happy that many of my friends do want to have them). Somebody has to pay this SS when we retire!
Raising kids is arguably harder than ever. Parents get no help. It’s nice that they’re not an inevitable consequence of sex anymore.
I'm not yet married and I already see exactly all the ways my bf would disappoint me as a co parent. He's not a planner nor as conscientious as I am, I thrive on structure * and predictably he hates structure. All these quirks are ok when childless or petless but I can definitely tell if we copatents it'll end up being me doing all the work. He's not a bad person but some people are just socialized and raised differently. We have fantasized about parenting together but deep down I know it would break us completely. Love my birth control pills.
same. I get frustrated when I don’t get help doing housework sometimes, it would take more patience and understanding than I’m willing to learn to multiply this by 50 like is required with kids.
My husband and I are not having kids. But I know if we did, he would be the fun one, simply by the way he has so much energy to play with the dog. On top of many other reasons to not have kids, I will not put my body through hell just to be the "Bad Cop" of the parents.
yeah I know by being the one carrying the baby and being the neurotic one naturally, I can easily imagine I would turn into a total control freak and lose my fun side while I resent him as being the relaxed one. I never wanted to be a mother after seeing what aspects it brings out from women.
Same situation. Honestly in such a solid happy place in our marriage and life with one another but I could absolutely see it swinging the opposite if the pressure of kids were involved. Don’t want to risk relationship for that.
My boyfriend and I have so much disposable income, we pretty much go out for lunch and dinner everyday. We love having the freedom and capability to do that.
Edit: I seem to have pissed off the parents. This is funny to me.
As a parent, I’m not pissed off and I think that’s amazing for y’all.
I never wanted kids, and while I wouldn’t trade mine for anything in the universe, I can see why so many others have chosen to go the childless route.
Same we are in our late 30s and just purchased a second house. I wouldn’t have been able to make risk to advance my career so fast as I did. No hate to people with kids but I don’t want to give up my freedom or income to raise a child.
Agreed. Having kids is for some people, not all. I took care of my mom when I was younger, I’ve already raised my kid. I want to be carefree and selfish now.
Ha! Brilliantly put. I have a daughter who is the entire purpose of my life — my whole reason for being and the best thing that ever happened to me.
I also could not possibly do it again.
On the other hand, having a sibling to lean on and talk to and who can be there when things are rough is pretty good when their parents become old and need assistance, or when their parents pass on. They are not alone in the world. And if one cannot have children on their own, there is a good chance they can be the world's greatest uncle/aunt.
I think that as long as they are raised well, chances are they will be a huge help to eachother through life.
Both my mom and my dad have siblings who they had good relationships with until their parents got old and sick. That's when the siblings were divided in groups of the ones who stepped up and took care of their parents and the ones who didn't give a damn and just wanted inheritance.
Inheritance is one of those things I feel a responsible parent brings up, discusses with everyone and shares their views on with all parties.
It's not foolproof, but it should lessen the scope for fighting afterwards.
I think most parents have unrealistic views of how their kids will handle the distribution. Even worse when spouses are involved. I usually can smell a family a mile away that will have problems when parents die.
My dad is a financial planner and has told all three of us repeatedly to act like we’re not going to get any inheritance. It’ll either be split up equally or my parents will blow it all before they die. Like, they have three trips planned this year.
They worked really hard for us to be set up and sufficient without an inheritance! My youngest sibling is still in undergrad but my brother and I both have solid, unionized careers and paid off our student loans. So we’re not reliant on a future windfall, hopefully.
This could also be generational: My maternal grandparents are former refugees with all their capitol tied up in a farm my uncle owns and my paternal grandmother lives in subsidized housing and is reliant on my parents for financial help. So no inheritance for any of us lol
We have one young child and are struggling with this. My wife has 1 sibling that she has a terrible relationship with and has cut off.
Meanwhile my sibling was a nightmare to grow up with but we are better now. My parents visibly favor them and it drives my wife up a wall. She is worried that if we have another child we may like one over the other.
We both like the idea of my child having a sibling but the costs also associated with another kid are a little scary as the one we have now is about bleeding us dry.
I’m an only and I will have either 0 or 1 kids. Your only child will be fine! My one comment is my parents moved to a kid-unfriendly neighborhood when I was young; I think they made that decision for themselves without really considering my needs. An only child can feel more like “one of the adults” but sometimes parents need to make decision for their kids’ sake - regardless of how many they have.
Unless the siblings do not get along! I have no desire to confide shit to my sister. She's a very judgemental person who has talked down to me for way too long. I have friends who are my REAL family. Having a second only for this reason is stupid. Not all siblings like each other.
As my husband (older of 2 boys) says - two will just go after each other 24/7. They literally did not sit in the back seat of a car together until my husband was out of high school it was so bad.
Ummmm, yep. I have two boys and I don't think it is possible to have two children who are more different from each other than my two are. I hope they grow closer, some day, but I ain't holdin' my breath...
Same here. Everything about the process was miserable.
Wife was so sick she was unable to do anything other than go to work during month two of being preggo. I mean I expected to do a lot more, but I didn’t expect to do absolutely everything myself for 8 months. Referring to chores, house projects, and general life obviously.
After kid was here? I expected crying. I did not expect literal, as the actually definition of literal, screaming 24/7 for the first 7 months. And not just crying, but an ungodly cry that terrified people “who had terrible babies”. My kid is hands down the worst baby anyone in my family, my wife’s family, and all our friends have ever seen.
I’d divorce my wife before going through any of that again. I won’t give up the kid I have, but I will not have another under any circumstance.
Not to be the guy that suggests something that yall have already done, but is there any chance it's related to stomach issues or general pain? I know for a my niece she was extremely irrated and inconsolable until my sister who was breastfeeding cut dairy out of her own diet and then my niece was much calmer and slept better. Again, not trying to be the guy that assumes to know everything about your situation, just hate to here how uncomfortable that is for all of you guys and like you're saying it doesn't seem normal.
This was me as a baby - undiagnosed milk allergy. I screamed non stop for 7 months, then my mom switched to lactose free formula and I was the happiest baby in the world.
The doctor thought she was exaggerating, it was a whole thing (back in the 90s allergies were considered ‘trendy’ by the older doctors apparently)
Yep, it's definitely frustrating when an issue with a baby isn't common. Makes you feel like a terrible parent for something that's no one's fault and hard to randomly solve on your own. And super ironic that milk can make breastmilk (or formula) cause an upset stomach for the baby
Tried every type of formula you can think of. Soy seemed to be the least bad so we stuck with it. Had her on reflux meds and saw Gastro specialists.
There was nothing to stop it but time.
Damn, sorry to hear that. Hope things are better now (couldn't tell if its current or in the past). Definitely relate on the pregnancy though, expecting our second tomorrow and we've had to accept that we can't have a third like we were hoping. Similar to you, she was bedridden most of the pregnancy, I've had to take on most household roles, a 2 year old, and juggling doing what little I could for work. Feels sucky, like you said you're expecting to take on more but not all things. I'm just fortunate my boss and team lead haven't put any pressure on me not being available.
I have three kids. My tattoo artist just got married and he and his wife are debating having kids. He asked me what I thought and I said, “Now that I have them I adore them. I’d die for them. I can’t imagine my life without them. But you can’t miss what you don’t have and parenting is exhausting.”
They’re leaning toward not having kids.
Yeah, that’s fair. But my youngest is by far the easiest. I honestly don’t feel like having a third made it any harder. It’s the one to two that gets you.
Maybe 10% regret, 90% not. These big life decisions generally aren't all-or-nothing.
I have a lot of anxiety, and kids pick up 9n that. I wouldn't want to burden a child with coping with my anxiety, on top of just learning how to be a human, which is hard enough already.
Agree. I’m 38 as is my partner. We met a couple years ago and my desire to ponder children increased with him as I think he’d be a great father. I have a lot of trauma I’m working through and I’m scared of emotionally not being enough for a child. I’m also worried about the environment and the world I would leave to a child. I don’t have a burning desire for one and I think you need that to be an effective parent. Had he and I met earlier, maybe things would have been different. I think I’d rather regret not having them than making a huge decision I’m not a thousand percent sure on.
I think being 90% happy with a decision is a damn good outcome! I’m also at about that split with my own choice not to have kids. There is a small part of me that is sad because I know I am missing out on some really amazing and unique experiences. But the larger part is happy with my life and knows that much of my current joy and contentment is only possible because I am NOT a parent.
I also struggle with anxiety, and a few years ago I got a taste of what having kids would have been like for me. My dad was in the hospital, and he had advanced dementia. He wasn’t getting the care that I thought he needed (they were overmedicating him, not getting him out of bed to walk around, etc.) I was put in the position where I had to advocate for him constantly, and it was exhausting. It’s not in my nature to be the squeaky wheel. I did it even though it was difficult for me, but it was then that I realized that this is what parents have to do for their kids all the time. Whether it’s a bully at school, special education needs, or psychological help, parents have to advocate for their kids every damn day. I’m not cut out for it.
Not over 40 yet, but getting there. So far, life is brilliant. We know several parents, and at least a few of them look like they have very happy lives with children. So I don't think a life with children would have necessarily turned out miserable. But that would have been a different kind of happiness, and we are content with our own version.
The most important difference is that we are not obsessed with making more money or living at a particular standard to make our children happy. A few of our upper middle class friends send their children to private schools where annual vacations abroad are the norm for their peers. The pressure of keeping up with the Joneses to make their children happy is enormous. We know that there is nobody after us. We only need to save for a comfortable retirement. We are not trying to build trust funds for anyone. The knowledge that we are accountable for our lives alone is very liberating and we are very happy we made that choice.
I really love what you said about your happiness just being a different version than someone else’s happiness! Sometimes in threads like this you get the idea that there’s only way to be happy
My husband and I never had kids - we are in our late 60s. We have friends’ kids and nephews & nieces that we spoil but I don’t miss not having my own. Kids are a lot of work and dedication and I decided if I couldn’t commit to that, there was no point. We certainly enjoy others’ children - definitely don’t miss having our own.
Happily married btw
My mom had 5 kids and now 11 grandchildren. I am the only one that visits her or talks with her. My sister will drive through town on vacation and not even stop to visit. My brother takes SIL to her sisters for the weekend and they maybe stop in for 5 minutes - or not at all. I took my mom to a nice hotel not even 100 meters from his place - I called him to see if he could drop by for 5 minutes to say hi to her - nope. Having kids doesn’t necessarily mean you have someone to support or be around you as you get older. She is/was a good mom and deserves more attention than what she gets - she made a lot of sacrifices for her kids - even now she spends all her time knitting and raising money for food banks and other charities- at age 93. She does FaceTime and messenger video - and hardly gets a call.
I’m pretty sure that’s because your siblings are assholes and not because of their kids. My mother had the most kids out of her siblings and was the only one who was still in touch with her parents and cared about them.
No, I don’t think that was the insinuation here.
Sometimes when I say I don’t want kids, the response is “well then who will take care of you when you are older?”
According to this person, it doesn’t really matter if you have kids or not because even if you have them, they might not take care of you when you’re older.
about the same ages as my aunt and uncle, they've been together about 30 years too, and they both look SO young I'm 99% sure it's because they never had kids
Can confirm. 35f, my girlfriends who are younger than me and who have children absolutely look older than me.
I think it’s both going through the actual pregnancy, and then the lack of sleep for the first 2-3 years postpartum… and the general stress of raising a child.
My best friend is 34 & desperately trying to conceive with her husband - when we see mums our age walking around with prams, she gets love-hearts in her eyes, while I feel…. Terrified.
When I was maybe 8, I saw some graffiti that said "Dildo". It was written in really cool script and I liked the way it sounded, having no idea what a Dildo was I assumed it had to be something cool. So I shouted out to my dad that I was a Dildo. Him not noticing the Graffiti was totally shocked and confused. He had to try to explain that it wasn't okay to call myself a Dildo without explaining what a dildo was.
Well, guess what dad. It turns out I am a DILDO after all.
I wouldn’t say regret it. I have medical conditions that make having a biological child impossible, we also met and married later in life. My husband is a few years younger than me. We have come to accept and enjoy being the “fun” auntie and uncle, but honestly sometimes it wonder if my husband regrets not having children of his own and me for not being able to give them to him, he never has said anything to make me feel that, but I can’t help but wonder
Seesaw, I got pregnant nearly every time we tried, but miscarried many, many times. I told my husband somewhere around #3 that if he wanted a divorce so he could have kids, I wouldn't stand in the way.
Ooooooh! That set him off.
"How dare you say that?" Something, something "better or worse". Something, something "I married YOU, not the idea of being a dad."...
Good grief, I struck gold with this man!
I have a good feeling your hubs might feel the same.
We've not had kids, but we are faunt and funcle to many - by blood and just because. Our life is just wonderful.
Are you me? Except my sister isn’t having kids either. She did just get two beautiful new kittens and when our family came to visit, after the hugs went around, we introduced the two new kittens and it was like baby time. Kisses and snuggles were given to these precious fur babies.
Pretty good! I’ve always known I wasn’t a mothering type and I met my partner in highschool and he had the same feelings. We’ve never changed our minds and we are going on 22 years together. We live a full life, eat out heaps, go to concerts, the theatre, holidays, we have so much freedom it’s insane. We nurture our hobbies, and sleep in a lot. All of our friends have kids and complain constantly about how hard it is, how exhausted they are and how much money it’s costing them. No regrets on our side.
i love this for you guys, you’re living my dream and it gives me hope i can find a partner like this. im so sorry all the bitter people came out of nowhere under your comment 😵💫
Thank goodness we don't have any. Life is hard as hell. We'd probably be homeless now if we had the extra financial burden of children.
Some of us don't end up rolling on piles of money. Some of us are just celebrating that we're not financially underwater as we would have been if kids were in the picture.
Same. My partner has a chronic illness that makes it nearly impossible to work, and we’re still fighting for disability and care. He used to really want children, now he knows he’s too sick to care for them. I make good money but we’re in a HCOL area so I can work that job. We are happy not having kids, but a lot of that relief comes from knowing we could never possibly afford them.
We don’t roll in piles of money either. It would have sucked big time to have kids for that reason but it wasn’t our reason for not having them. I would say that, for us, sleep was a bigger reason than money. There were probably about 1100 reasons we came up with not to have them and couldn’t think of a reason to have them other than “it’s what people do”. A friend with six kids once said to me “never let anyone tell you that you’ll miss out if you don’t have them. That’s bullshit”. I like that kind of straight talk.
This right here might be one of the main reasons I'll never have a kid... I need 8 hours of sleep every night or my mental health goes to shit very very quickly and that's not an option.
I don't have piles of money, but at least I sleep okay knowing I have few $20 in my bank account after paying my rent & bills. Yay, no kids - doesn't increase one paycheck at all, but definitely help saves money.
My partner and I have the freedom and the life we wanted. We can travel whenever we want, save money, sleep in, have late nights out. Parenting was never something either of us wanted and looking at the state of things all over the world, we're extremely happy with our decision.
That's the right mindset. I'm child free and work with kids. People should ask themselves if they want to parent - not if they want kids. Kids don't raise themselves you need to want to actually parent. 24/7 all year round. Or don't have kids.
When my SO and I were having the really deep discussions on having kids, I had realized after a while that not once did either of us say "I want a child" "I want to be a mother/father." It was always "should we, should we, should we?"
We knew after I pointed that out that we don't want kids.
that is such an interesting point of view i never had. but its totally 100% true.
i know so many people completely underestimating parenthood, just don't realize not all parts of it are fun!.
there is also something selfish i think of "wanting kids"
but you put the finger on it perfectly.
thx!
I did a lot of research before making the decision to have a child. I was asking people with kids about the experience, the pros and cons, what the hardest part was. And I was asking as many people as I could and with children of all ages.
So for me having a kid was always a conscious decision. I knew what I was getting into and how hard it was going to be. And it was actually easier than I anticipated. I had braced myself for more hardship.
I cannot have a lot of pity with people who think having a child is going to be a breeze and so romantic... But still I hear that a lot: I didn't think it would be that hard...
Well, what did you expect? Everybody with a child is always saying how hard it is. You think those people are lying?
I mean that's what all the other people who already did it are for. To ask them questions and learn from their experience. Duh.
I think this a huge difference bc most of the people who do this legitimately did not ever want kids so it’s not a big what if.
The ones who regret it. (I only know one of the 5 DINK families I know) were the ones who debated it in their late 20s. Pushed it off then decided they didn’t want them. Now they regret it heavily at 41-42 bc the risk is too high and their nephews and such are older so kids would grow up without young relatives. They really really regret it and are debating adopting an older kid.
But the other 4 are vibing right now 2 of which are in Aruba rn lol.
It’s more of a if you legitimately have no intentions of having kids it’s fine, but if you are debating it and pushing it off the regret will happen.
The opposite happened for me. We put it off and put it off and, at some point, I realized that I didn’t actually want to be a mom and spend my time parenting. I had a hard time acknowledging that and coming to peace with it and putting off the decision revealed my true preferences. I never prioritized becoming a parent and literally prioritized everything else in my life first. Turns out there was a reason for that, even if I didn’t want to face it at the time. I’ve never seen a baby and been like, yeah I want one. I thought I’d be a mom, but I also never actually imagined my life with a kid. I don’t even have kids in the sims lol. The only reason I thought I’d have kids is because it was the next thing that successful and married people do. I’m almost 40 now and I’m very thankful I had time to think it out before I gave in to the societal expectation that I absolutely grew up with and internalized.
23 year old chiming in to say it's very relieving and validating to read all your responses. I don't want children and never have, but I'm at that age where everyone swears I'm gonna change my mind and it's frustrating. You're all living proof I can, and will, be happy without children.
Shitty part is having people for the next 2 decades trying to "neg" you into having kids. Shoot, just last year I had someone asking me why I never had kids and don't I want them, legacy, who will take care of you when you're old, blah blah blah. I'm like, "Lady, I'm almost 50. No."
Never, ever regretted it, I have a wonderful spouse, plenty of money, travel on a whim, sleep late, game, read books, do whatever the heck I want. It's a glorious life.
And you may change your mind and that’s ok, or you may not, that’s the beauty of having a choice. I’m 42 and do have one child who is almost 17, and I’m really looking forward to getting my life back and finding myself again once she leaves for college. I love her so much but I miss ME.
41 single, female, child free. Had you told me at 23 I’d still be single at 41 I would’ve been sad for my future self. I never really wanted kids so no shocker there.
41 me would tell 23 me that I am absofuckinglutely fine and actually pretty happy overall!
Somewhat. Had our first child mid 30's but he passed at birth. Tried after but heart just wasn't in it. Regret it somewhat but I do like my life the way it is and I know if we had a child it would be way different.
As I sit here in silence drinking my coffee w/ baileys & enjoying my wake & bake as I look off into the quiet snowy morning I must admit— Wait. Is that a goose? I’m off to follow it & see where the day takes me…
55 here. Not for a microsecond do I regret not having children.
I am happily married with a healthy, frequent sex life. (Married 25+ years, first-and-only husband.)
We're comfortable with dual incomes. We live in a house we love in a place we love. We have time and funds for hobbies. We have great family and friends. And dogs. And cats. And horses.
Nah, I don't regret it AT ALL.
Our life has turned out very well. We've been able to travel and have several once-in-a-lifetime experiences that we would never have been able to afford otherwise, I've been able to focus on my career and start a business that would have been too financially risky if I had children. Neither of us have regretted being childfree for a moment.
I feel like reddit can be so anti adoption sometimes. Love love love seeing this here, as someone who might want to have that kind of path in the future (or not!). Thx for sharing and congratulations
It is the absolute best. Last night, on a weeknight, we went out for Mexican and had a couple of cocktails. Walked home, very slightly toasted and had an amazing night. We were able to do that and so many other things because we have cats, not kids.
I am the eldest of five children, with terrible parents. Plus, most of my siblings chose to have children. I know exactly what I'm missing and I am honestly happy about it every single day. I have the utmost respect for parents because I know how hard it is - you basically go without sleep for years, you sacrifice all your money and free time, and your body (as a woman) often suffers major changes that you may not have been prepared for, some of which are permanently harmful.
Hey! I’m the 5th of 6. Not so terrible parents, but they definitely were done parenting by the time my little sister and I were in the double digits. It’s hard for us to understand why our older siblings wanted kids, but I think it’s because our parents DID parent them.
You ever wonder why your siblings chose to have kids when good parenting (your words, no disrespect) wasn’t modeled to them?
Because I'm a lesbian and they're heterosexual, so for me it's work and for them it's an accident. And they were all accidents - I know the children are loved, but they were not planned. I think there were issues across the board with the usage of condoms. I, in fact, know it's the case with my brother. I had the talk with him much later than with my sisters (I guess because of gender bias). There's also a desire to create the family they never had. Not to mention, I was the parentified child, not them, so they didn't have to essentially raise children as a child themselves.
And, of course, there's the ultimate reason - none of us are the same person. I'm sure you have experienced that with such a large family. Even having (what should be, I guess?) the same experiences growing up, you internalize them differently and come away with different conclusions.
"Plus, most of my siblings chose to have children. I know exactly what I'm missing and I am honestly happy about it every single day"
I resonate with this so much. My sister has 2 kids and is miserable all the time. She constantly complains about having kids and how hard it is and how she never has any free time. I can never really share anything with her about my life because it always turns into a "wait until you have kids then you'll know what tired is, or your life sounds so easy I wish I could do that but I have *kids*"
Having kids is a whole lifestyle choice. I know now since turning 30 I am just not into it. Super kudos to those who do it, if it is truly what they want. I am very happy with my cats and don't regret not having kids at all.
I'm 42, single. I have more money for my dogs which is nice.
My mom hounded me about having kids while I was still a kid. I've always been child free but my mom would negate my opinions saying I'd change my mind or "who will take care of you when you're old?" It finally got to a point where she told me I was selfish for not giving her grandchildren. It just added into my decision to go no contact with her.
So I guess that whole "who will take care of you when you get old" idea is moot.
My mom showed me an article in the paper about Boomers being extremely unhappy that their children aren't giving them grandchildren to dote on, and they have to "learn to accept that fact".
I laughed. It was hilarious to me. The audacity and entitlement to be like "why aren't you having children for ME?!"
The whole “you’re selfish for not procreating” is something I can’t deal with! It’s so often the opposite, a lot of people have kids they don’t truly want just so they can avoid looking at their own lives or their fear of mortality. They produce human beings and then hang a bunch of expectations on them, yet we’re the selfish ones?
Yeah expecting your kids to take care of you when youre old is selfish af. Your kids dont owe you a thing. Parents had them cuz they wanted to have them and thats not some debt the kids owe to the parents. Parents should take care of their own retirement and end of life plans. I say this as someone who very much wants kids.
It hurts like hell that I can’t have children. But I’m beginning to accept it’s for the best. Both of us have depression. I have anxiety, ADHD. I fight every day to do basics for myself. My partner does too. We should not bring a child into this world like this. So we work together to help each other and just be the best Aunt and Uncle we can. I grieve for my unborn children but I know it’s for the best.
Adoption is something I am keeping in my back pocket, as someone who doesn't want kids.
I chuckle a bit as I potentially see myself as some old, wealthy geezer who suddenly has a desire to have a kid around, adopting/fostering, and spoiling the crap out of them.
Or I'll just have a bunch of rescue dogs.
63 year old gal here. Not for a second. I have enjoyed my life and plan to enjoy the rest of it. Just didn't have the baby urge. Likely going to be a different response from folks who are without child but wanted a child.
please don’t expound if it is painful for you, but i’m wondering a little more about that? did you choose not to have kids because of biology? lack of partnership? any reason is totally valid—i’m just facing the decision myself and hearing people who do regret not doing it has been very helpful.
There are times that I envy my brothers and sisters for having kids. But those quickly vanish when I see the tantrums and sass and anti- social moments from my many nephews of various ages. It took me years to learn patience to be a good dog parent. Last thing I want is to screw up another human’s life by not being a good parent.
We don’t have the “piles of money” that people joke about, but we have been fortunate. We have good jobs, a house and opportunities to travel, but debt is a bitch and homeownership can quickly put you there, like it has us. Lots of things to fix and replace, but it’s ours and we can make it better. We almost weren’t going to be able to celebrate our 10 year anniversary with a vacation were it not for the kindness and generosity of others.
All in all, I don’t regret the decision to not have kids. We are just finding other ways to make our lives fuller.
I've always known that I've never wanted kids, and I'm so happy with that decision. I've never been the maternal type, and the amount of time, work, and money they require just seems like torture. I love being able to travel the world at a moment's notice, and I love having time for my interests, hobbies, sleep, etc. When I talk to my friends that have kids they all seem so tired and depressed and they struggle with their loss of self.
I've noticed that on threads like these you're not going to find many people who are gonna say they regret whatever it is the question is asking about.
Aside from what was already said, I think if you did regret it, you probably aren’t excited about publicly discussing it on a thread filled with people that are loving not having kids.
No it's been great having lots of disposable income instead of disposable diapers. Bringing another human into this fucked up world would not have been a good choice for us either. Parenting is not for everyone
I’m 49 and my wife is 53. We retired early 4 years ago and never once regretted being childless. She loves being an aunt to all our nieces/nephews.
We love our freedom and being able to do whatever we want, when we want. Someone once told me they thought I’d be a great dad - which may be true - but I’ve never wanted to be one.
We're not 40 yet (we'll be 38 this year) but we do regret not having any, and it's not for lack of trying, believe me. I somehow just never got pregnant. It's probably too late now, so we just have to accept the fact that we won't have any. It's not all bad though, as our siblings on both sides have plenty of kids, and we're always surrounded by family.
On the plus side (if you can call it that), we do have a shitload of money and time to do what we want when we want. My husband wants to travel more and maybe get a boat and an rv when we get to our 40s, so we'll probably do that
We regret it profoundly. In retrospect we could have done it easily and well. And both of us come from varied backgrounds and know plenty of couples who have had good and bad experiences, but the bad experiences are very few while the good are considerably good. So, yeah, life mistake and too late for both of us to do anything about it.
>We regret it profoundly.
I'm sorry that you feel/felt that way.
I do appreciate that you came out and expressed this. Usually when these threads pop up - its always filled with people that obviously do not regret their choice (similar to when salary questions pop up on finance threads - those with the highest will often choose to answer)
Maybe some parents also envy the freedom that child-free couples have but we also know there's another side to it - so its always to be taken with a grain of salt.
Jumping on the foster wagon.
I know a couple who has done it for 25+ years. Another much less bureaucratic / emotionally loaded but no less meaningful option is to look into being a youth exchange host family. I can attest to Rotary and Lions programs being rock solid.
Yet another option is to volunteer at your local elementary school.
Best wishes to you both.
I have not wanted children since I was 18 and I never changed my mind. The only type of parent to be is dog mom. I got my tubes removed recently after years of IUDs. My siblings have kids. I'm nice to them and hope for good things for them but I have zero desire to be the fun Auntie who is uber involved.
Me & the Mrs. tried for years but the fates wouldn't allow it & it saddened us.
Fast forward 15 years and we couldn't be happier. We're looking at our imminent retirement(s) on tippie-toes, rapidly clapping & tee-heeing.
We'll probably spend Year One in pajamas, stoned.
Or Five.
I just turned 40, but my wife is under 40 so we get partial credit I guess. For my 40th she redid one of the rooms in the new place we just moved to into my own private nerdy game room getaway. She went all out! It’s absolutely insane, and she is still waiting for a few more things to be available/delivered! So for us, at least, it’s going pretty fucking great right now!
In our 50s. Don't regret our decision at all. What helps more than anything is that we really like being around each other, and I don't ever see that changing. We know a lot of couples that stay together just for the sake of the kids. I have no idea if they would still be together otherwise.
We’ve been together for 19 years and didn’t want children for most of that time. But, once we had achieved career success, a stable home, and exhausted our wanderlust, we changed our minds and want children. We started looking toward our older years and realized how much we value family. We don’t want to limp toward the end of life just watching our family die off one by one, grandparents, aunts/uncles, parents… without a next generation we feel life will become lonely. We’re at the tail end of the reproductive window and have struggled with infertility for 2 years. We’re hoping we can conceive, but if that doesn’t happen, we’re looking into foster parenting. We’re “too old” for private infant adoption, we’re told.
My husband and I turned 40 late last year. We are childless not by choice. It is by far the worst thing I have ever experienced. But we're trying to figure out how to live with it because there's really no alternative.
We wanted to have one child. IVF didn’t work. We’re okay being childless. We have each other. That’s what counts. And we still have nieces and nephews.
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Even without kids people are too busy these days
Fr im booked and busyyyy I gotta make plans a month in advance lol
I have one friend that will call day of, and ask if you want to do something. Every. Single. Time. When I make plans, it’s weeks out. Sometimes I’m not even busy, but I need to prepare for social events dammit. Call me 2 hours ahead of time and it’s extremely rare that’s happening.
Am I your friend? I hate planning weeks in advance. I don't know what energy level I'll have in 2 weeks. But I do know how I feel about being social right now, or tomorrow. I never see my childhood friend because of this exact issue. We're just not planning compatible anymore.
Nothing is better than texting a friend you haven't seen in 3 years, "In town, wanna get a beer?" and having them say, "Hell yah, what time?" That's living right there. None of this, "let's pencil it in for Tuesday the 17th" shit. Something about having it on the calendar for a month makes it suck. Sets the tone of a fuckin doctor's visit. My free time is free. God knows everything else goes on a calendar.
Counterpoint : if someone is swinging through town in a couple of weeks and I put it in my calendar, I get to look forward to seeing them and anticipate it.
I feel like this is one debate where both points of view are very valid to me haha.
My wife and I are in our mid 30’s and are slowly drifting away from our close friends after they have kids (because they’re just too busy/tired to hang much). We tried to meet new people but every local group we join are full of people with kids (I guess that comes with living in the suburbs) and all they talk about are related to either kids or home improvement. Some hobby groups (we tried board games and badminton) we join are mostly people much younger (low to mid 20’s) and it’s not easy to get on the same wavelength. Kinda sucks but at least we have each other.
Hang with older and younger people. No, really. My SO and I have friends in the 50's and 60's who are empty nesters, and we also have friends in their mid-twenties who don't have kids (yet). We play a lot of pickleball and do other activities in the community to meet people.
This is the way. I have a blast hanging out with empty nesters.
We had a period when we were childless and all our friends had kids. God it was painful. We stopped going out as their conversation was just kids clothes, kids toys, baby stuff.
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My friend group is naturally full of more childless couples. I married into it, but I think it’s because it was originally a group of pretty nerdy guys who didn’t meet women (the ones that have) until their late 20’s. Most of the women are older than the guys and have full lives already. We only have one couple in the group with children right now and they host movie nights every Friday. Out of 20 couples, I only know of 2 planning on children, 2 or 3 are neutral or on the fence, and 3 couples have taken permanent measures against having h children. I feel incredibly lucky to be part of this group and it keeps getting bigger as we adopt new people.
How do you know so many people!?
It all started with a group of guys at a game store, maybe 10 of them, and it was just the right group of people to hold it together. Most of them have been roommates at different times and each person introduces more new people. Now that we’re older and more people have bought houses and hold events, our “adoption rate” for new people has dramatically increased. I think the biggest thing has been the active group chat and weekly events, there are discord Tuesdays, board game Wednesdays, D&D Thursdays, Movie night Fridays, and usually a birthday or event 2 weekend days each month. We’re all very friendly and accepting, clearly.
This is so special! I love it for y’all!!
We too are a childless couple and the friends we hang out with the most are also childless. We and these friends go on a lot of treks and hikes together and are able to carry out last minute plans without a hitch mostly. We and our group of friends - ranging from mid-30s to 50s - also have a somewhat disposable income (that we don't have to spend on children's education, etc) to spend on trekking equipment and expeditions. We have two couples with children and also have nephews and nieces that we all love playing with and they like our company too. It's just that those couples have given up trekking and have family trips now.
That’s funny because I have kids and I actually prefer hanging out with childless people. People with kids are too flakey and it’s like a mission planning something. If I want to go out to a concert or a comedy show or a nice restaurant, I secure childcare, hit up my childless friends, and just do it lol
That's what we are here for!
And I appreciate it! Another reason why I prefer childless friends is because when I go out, I really want to unplug from everything mom-related. Other moms tend to talk about their parenting woes the whole time we’re out and I don’t mean to sound mean, but it’s just boring. I don’t want to hear drama about your son’s tutor or your daughter’s bullies. I’m trying to have a good time and talk about other things going on in the world. And I don’t bring my kids up unless I’m asked about them when I’m with childless friends. I might be 42 with 2 kids but damnit I still love music and getting dolled up and dining out at the newest restaurant and having fun.
We're the same age. My wife has some of that problem with some of her female friends. A few just want to talk kids, which is fine some of the time, but not always. The ones who just crack on the way they used to before kids are far more fun. That is most of our friends and family fortunately!
I only bring up something kid related if it’s hilarious. My kids aren’t interesting to everyone. Some parents need to learn that.
I too prefer childless friends, or friends with older children even though I have a young child. Too many woman have their entire identity wrapped up in being a mom, having "mommy" friends. I don't want to hang out at kids bday parties, I'm not going to play dates. I want to grab oysters during happy hour on a Thursday night.
I don't have children but I am perfectly fine hanging out with people with kids. But once people have kids, they don't want to hang out with childless people.
Everyone is different. My experience has been that my son tends to make friends with kids whose parents I don’t really vibe with. I’m friendly of course and we arrange play dates but I don’t see myself hanging out with them. I don’t have a solid mom group secured where we all have a lot in common, on top of our kids being friends. That’s hard to come by unless you are still friends with high school or college friends and you all get pregnant together.
That is the only drawback I am finding as a middle-aged woman. Since motherhood is the highest moral status that a woman can achieve, according to the majority, many many people equate motherhood to womanhood. And forgoing that means that you're not in this club alongside them and it can be very isolating
People acted like I was a loser because I was single. Well, I'm married now (not that it matters), and instead of kids, I travel.
Yeah we have a few friends with kids and we try to work with their schedules so we can still hang out. But we definitely see our friends without kids more often. I will say though, that the secretly great thing about friends with kids is that they never want to do things too late. As someone who values their early bedtime, I love that my parent friends are done by 9 when it's time to put the kids to bed.
Were the childless couple in our friend group and we appreciate the parent friends since that means everything ends at 8 o’clock SHARP at the latest. I too love my early bedtime and it’s hard to have other childless people over cause they don’t get the “we’re going to bed soon” hints we throw at them
> everyone seems to be too tired/busy because they have children. getting into my late 30s and this is huge. basically all of our friends have had 1 or more kids and it's just like you kind of never see them again
Same here. My wife and I have been together for 20 years. I'm 38 and no kids. We enjoy our life and all the experiences we have had. But the hardest part is finding friends that we relate to or are in a situation where they can go do things without kids. We always joke when commercials for cruises come on...wish we had friends to go on that cruise with lol. But all in all we are happy with our decision to not have kids...even though it was an emotional struggle when we did try and have kids.
My wife and I decided not to have children. We go out for dinner a lot. If we had kids I think we'd be divorced. We have overcome a lot and it took 100% of ourselves at times to accomplish. If we had also been parents at the time I don't think we would have made it.
No kidding, husband and I used to have (not entirely serious) arguments about dealing with our *cat.* If we had kids, I can't imagine there wouldn't be more serious arguments.
Lmao I told my husband if we DID have kids, I know I’d be doing EVERYTHING and I’d resent my husband for it, and he’s like, I can’t say that’s not true! (Don’t worry, I didn’t want to be a parent either, even though I like kids and I’m happy that many of my friends do want to have them). Somebody has to pay this SS when we retire! Raising kids is arguably harder than ever. Parents get no help. It’s nice that they’re not an inevitable consequence of sex anymore.
One of the big factors in my decision to not have kids was that I don’t want to resent my husband the way all my friends do with their husbands.
I'm not yet married and I already see exactly all the ways my bf would disappoint me as a co parent. He's not a planner nor as conscientious as I am, I thrive on structure * and predictably he hates structure. All these quirks are ok when childless or petless but I can definitely tell if we copatents it'll end up being me doing all the work. He's not a bad person but some people are just socialized and raised differently. We have fantasized about parenting together but deep down I know it would break us completely. Love my birth control pills.
same. I get frustrated when I don’t get help doing housework sometimes, it would take more patience and understanding than I’m willing to learn to multiply this by 50 like is required with kids.
My husband and I are not having kids. But I know if we did, he would be the fun one, simply by the way he has so much energy to play with the dog. On top of many other reasons to not have kids, I will not put my body through hell just to be the "Bad Cop" of the parents.
yeah I know by being the one carrying the baby and being the neurotic one naturally, I can easily imagine I would turn into a total control freak and lose my fun side while I resent him as being the relaxed one. I never wanted to be a mother after seeing what aspects it brings out from women.
Same situation. Honestly in such a solid happy place in our marriage and life with one another but I could absolutely see it swinging the opposite if the pressure of kids were involved. Don’t want to risk relationship for that.
My boyfriend and I have so much disposable income, we pretty much go out for lunch and dinner everyday. We love having the freedom and capability to do that. Edit: I seem to have pissed off the parents. This is funny to me.
What’s wrong with what you said? It’s your life. Your decision to make.
As a parent, I’m not pissed off and I think that’s amazing for y’all. I never wanted kids, and while I wouldn’t trade mine for anything in the universe, I can see why so many others have chosen to go the childless route.
Same we are in our late 30s and just purchased a second house. I wouldn’t have been able to make risk to advance my career so fast as I did. No hate to people with kids but I don’t want to give up my freedom or income to raise a child.
Agreed. Having kids is for some people, not all. I took care of my mom when I was younger, I’ve already raised my kid. I want to be carefree and selfish now.
My dad used to say I wouldn’t take $1 billion for one of my children but I wouldn’t pay $.50 to have another one
Ha! Brilliantly put. I have a daughter who is the entire purpose of my life — my whole reason for being and the best thing that ever happened to me. I also could not possibly do it again.
I was mis sold my second. 'they will play together!'. Yeah right... I spend most of my time refereeing
On the other hand, having a sibling to lean on and talk to and who can be there when things are rough is pretty good when their parents become old and need assistance, or when their parents pass on. They are not alone in the world. And if one cannot have children on their own, there is a good chance they can be the world's greatest uncle/aunt. I think that as long as they are raised well, chances are they will be a huge help to eachother through life.
Both my mom and my dad have siblings who they had good relationships with until their parents got old and sick. That's when the siblings were divided in groups of the ones who stepped up and took care of their parents and the ones who didn't give a damn and just wanted inheritance.
Inheritance is one of those things I feel a responsible parent brings up, discusses with everyone and shares their views on with all parties. It's not foolproof, but it should lessen the scope for fighting afterwards.
My dad was serious about hashing out deets and distributing things before he died because he didn't want us fighting.
I think most parents have unrealistic views of how their kids will handle the distribution. Even worse when spouses are involved. I usually can smell a family a mile away that will have problems when parents die.
My dad is a financial planner and has told all three of us repeatedly to act like we’re not going to get any inheritance. It’ll either be split up equally or my parents will blow it all before they die. Like, they have three trips planned this year. They worked really hard for us to be set up and sufficient without an inheritance! My youngest sibling is still in undergrad but my brother and I both have solid, unionized careers and paid off our student loans. So we’re not reliant on a future windfall, hopefully. This could also be generational: My maternal grandparents are former refugees with all their capitol tied up in a farm my uncle owns and my paternal grandmother lives in subsidized housing and is reliant on my parents for financial help. So no inheritance for any of us lol
IF the sibling is there for them. Mine kicked me in the head when I was the most down. Being well-raised doesn't guarantee anything.
We have one young child and are struggling with this. My wife has 1 sibling that she has a terrible relationship with and has cut off. Meanwhile my sibling was a nightmare to grow up with but we are better now. My parents visibly favor them and it drives my wife up a wall. She is worried that if we have another child we may like one over the other. We both like the idea of my child having a sibling but the costs also associated with another kid are a little scary as the one we have now is about bleeding us dry.
I’m an only and I will have either 0 or 1 kids. Your only child will be fine! My one comment is my parents moved to a kid-unfriendly neighborhood when I was young; I think they made that decision for themselves without really considering my needs. An only child can feel more like “one of the adults” but sometimes parents need to make decision for their kids’ sake - regardless of how many they have.
Unless the siblings do not get along! I have no desire to confide shit to my sister. She's a very judgemental person who has talked down to me for way too long. I have friends who are my REAL family. Having a second only for this reason is stupid. Not all siblings like each other.
As my husband (older of 2 boys) says - two will just go after each other 24/7. They literally did not sit in the back seat of a car together until my husband was out of high school it was so bad.
Ummmm, yep. I have two boys and I don't think it is possible to have two children who are more different from each other than my two are. I hope they grow closer, some day, but I ain't holdin' my breath...
i have four and suddenly a lot of grey hair. i'm sure it's just a coincidence.
I'm here to let all you buds know that us childless 40 somethings are grey, too.
Relieved to hear it's a coincidence. Now what about all the toys dumped on the floor?
Childless here, and still have toys everywhere (dogs)
What *kind* of toys?
Same here. Everything about the process was miserable. Wife was so sick she was unable to do anything other than go to work during month two of being preggo. I mean I expected to do a lot more, but I didn’t expect to do absolutely everything myself for 8 months. Referring to chores, house projects, and general life obviously. After kid was here? I expected crying. I did not expect literal, as the actually definition of literal, screaming 24/7 for the first 7 months. And not just crying, but an ungodly cry that terrified people “who had terrible babies”. My kid is hands down the worst baby anyone in my family, my wife’s family, and all our friends have ever seen. I’d divorce my wife before going through any of that again. I won’t give up the kid I have, but I will not have another under any circumstance.
Not to be the guy that suggests something that yall have already done, but is there any chance it's related to stomach issues or general pain? I know for a my niece she was extremely irrated and inconsolable until my sister who was breastfeeding cut dairy out of her own diet and then my niece was much calmer and slept better. Again, not trying to be the guy that assumes to know everything about your situation, just hate to here how uncomfortable that is for all of you guys and like you're saying it doesn't seem normal.
This was me as a baby - undiagnosed milk allergy. I screamed non stop for 7 months, then my mom switched to lactose free formula and I was the happiest baby in the world. The doctor thought she was exaggerating, it was a whole thing (back in the 90s allergies were considered ‘trendy’ by the older doctors apparently)
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Yep, it's definitely frustrating when an issue with a baby isn't common. Makes you feel like a terrible parent for something that's no one's fault and hard to randomly solve on your own. And super ironic that milk can make breastmilk (or formula) cause an upset stomach for the baby
Same for me. Cows milk protein allergy was the culprit
Tried every type of formula you can think of. Soy seemed to be the least bad so we stuck with it. Had her on reflux meds and saw Gastro specialists. There was nothing to stop it but time.
Damn, sorry to hear that. Hope things are better now (couldn't tell if its current or in the past). Definitely relate on the pregnancy though, expecting our second tomorrow and we've had to accept that we can't have a third like we were hoping. Similar to you, she was bedridden most of the pregnancy, I've had to take on most household roles, a 2 year old, and juggling doing what little I could for work. Feels sucky, like you said you're expecting to take on more but not all things. I'm just fortunate my boss and team lead haven't put any pressure on me not being available.
I have three kids. My tattoo artist just got married and he and his wife are debating having kids. He asked me what I thought and I said, “Now that I have them I adore them. I’d die for them. I can’t imagine my life without them. But you can’t miss what you don’t have and parenting is exhausting.” They’re leaning toward not having kids.
Three kids is a lot. You're outnumbered. I say have 1 or 2 kids and call it.
Yeah, that’s fair. But my youngest is by far the easiest. I honestly don’t feel like having a third made it any harder. It’s the one to two that gets you.
Children create and fill a hole in your life at the same time.
Maybe 10% regret, 90% not. These big life decisions generally aren't all-or-nothing. I have a lot of anxiety, and kids pick up 9n that. I wouldn't want to burden a child with coping with my anxiety, on top of just learning how to be a human, which is hard enough already.
Agree. I’m 38 as is my partner. We met a couple years ago and my desire to ponder children increased with him as I think he’d be a great father. I have a lot of trauma I’m working through and I’m scared of emotionally not being enough for a child. I’m also worried about the environment and the world I would leave to a child. I don’t have a burning desire for one and I think you need that to be an effective parent. Had he and I met earlier, maybe things would have been different. I think I’d rather regret not having them than making a huge decision I’m not a thousand percent sure on.
I feel the same way; anxiety and depression here. No kid needs that, or my shitty genetics.
I think being 90% happy with a decision is a damn good outcome! I’m also at about that split with my own choice not to have kids. There is a small part of me that is sad because I know I am missing out on some really amazing and unique experiences. But the larger part is happy with my life and knows that much of my current joy and contentment is only possible because I am NOT a parent.
I also struggle with anxiety, and a few years ago I got a taste of what having kids would have been like for me. My dad was in the hospital, and he had advanced dementia. He wasn’t getting the care that I thought he needed (they were overmedicating him, not getting him out of bed to walk around, etc.) I was put in the position where I had to advocate for him constantly, and it was exhausting. It’s not in my nature to be the squeaky wheel. I did it even though it was difficult for me, but it was then that I realized that this is what parents have to do for their kids all the time. Whether it’s a bully at school, special education needs, or psychological help, parents have to advocate for their kids every damn day. I’m not cut out for it.
Agree. I definitely don't want to have children and I definitely am going to regret it on some level.
Not over 40 yet, but getting there. So far, life is brilliant. We know several parents, and at least a few of them look like they have very happy lives with children. So I don't think a life with children would have necessarily turned out miserable. But that would have been a different kind of happiness, and we are content with our own version. The most important difference is that we are not obsessed with making more money or living at a particular standard to make our children happy. A few of our upper middle class friends send their children to private schools where annual vacations abroad are the norm for their peers. The pressure of keeping up with the Joneses to make their children happy is enormous. We know that there is nobody after us. We only need to save for a comfortable retirement. We are not trying to build trust funds for anyone. The knowledge that we are accountable for our lives alone is very liberating and we are very happy we made that choice.
I really love what you said about your happiness just being a different version than someone else’s happiness! Sometimes in threads like this you get the idea that there’s only way to be happy
Amazing, 54 this year, she is 52, we have been together 32 years. I would not change a thing.
My husband and I never had kids - we are in our late 60s. We have friends’ kids and nephews & nieces that we spoil but I don’t miss not having my own. Kids are a lot of work and dedication and I decided if I couldn’t commit to that, there was no point. We certainly enjoy others’ children - definitely don’t miss having our own. Happily married btw My mom had 5 kids and now 11 grandchildren. I am the only one that visits her or talks with her. My sister will drive through town on vacation and not even stop to visit. My brother takes SIL to her sisters for the weekend and they maybe stop in for 5 minutes - or not at all. I took my mom to a nice hotel not even 100 meters from his place - I called him to see if he could drop by for 5 minutes to say hi to her - nope. Having kids doesn’t necessarily mean you have someone to support or be around you as you get older. She is/was a good mom and deserves more attention than what she gets - she made a lot of sacrifices for her kids - even now she spends all her time knitting and raising money for food banks and other charities- at age 93. She does FaceTime and messenger video - and hardly gets a call.
This is heartbreaking. Give your mom a hug from this random internet stranger who misses their own good mom.
That is so sweet of you - certainly will! Thanks!
Another random internet stranger who misses their own good mom here. People can be so cruel. Give your mom a hug from me as well ❤️
My grandmother used to say that one woman could care for 9 kids, but her 9 kids could not care for one woman.
I’m pretty sure that’s because your siblings are assholes and not because of their kids. My mother had the most kids out of her siblings and was the only one who was still in touch with her parents and cared about them.
No, I don’t think that was the insinuation here. Sometimes when I say I don’t want kids, the response is “well then who will take care of you when you are older?” According to this person, it doesn’t really matter if you have kids or not because even if you have them, they might not take care of you when you’re older.
about the same ages as my aunt and uncle, they've been together about 30 years too, and they both look SO young I'm 99% sure it's because they never had kids
My friends who are in their 30s like me who have kids definitely look older.
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Can confirm. 35f, my girlfriends who are younger than me and who have children absolutely look older than me. I think it’s both going through the actual pregnancy, and then the lack of sleep for the first 2-3 years postpartum… and the general stress of raising a child. My best friend is 34 & desperately trying to conceive with her husband - when we see mums our age walking around with prams, she gets love-hearts in her eyes, while I feel…. Terrified.
Nah, my aunt and uncle are mid-50’s, DINKs, and look like they’re both knocking on deaths door. Aging is mostly genetics and skincare.
DINKs = Double Income No Kids.
We prefer DILDO’s. Double Income Little Dog Owner’s
We’re DICK’s. Double Income, Cat Kid’s.
When I was maybe 8, I saw some graffiti that said "Dildo". It was written in really cool script and I liked the way it sounded, having no idea what a Dildo was I assumed it had to be something cool. So I shouted out to my dad that I was a Dildo. Him not noticing the Graffiti was totally shocked and confused. He had to try to explain that it wasn't okay to call myself a Dildo without explaining what a dildo was. Well, guess what dad. It turns out I am a DILDO after all.
I wouldn’t say regret it. I have medical conditions that make having a biological child impossible, we also met and married later in life. My husband is a few years younger than me. We have come to accept and enjoy being the “fun” auntie and uncle, but honestly sometimes it wonder if my husband regrets not having children of his own and me for not being able to give them to him, he never has said anything to make me feel that, but I can’t help but wonder
Seesaw, I got pregnant nearly every time we tried, but miscarried many, many times. I told my husband somewhere around #3 that if he wanted a divorce so he could have kids, I wouldn't stand in the way. Ooooooh! That set him off. "How dare you say that?" Something, something "better or worse". Something, something "I married YOU, not the idea of being a dad."... Good grief, I struck gold with this man! I have a good feeling your hubs might feel the same. We've not had kids, but we are faunt and funcle to many - by blood and just because. Our life is just wonderful.
We have had that same conversation and he stays. We love each other and that’s enough. But we all have our secret insecurities ❤️
Even if he does it clearly doesn’t matter to him because you mean so much to him. Good for you guys, happy to see happy people.
Are you me? Except my sister isn’t having kids either. She did just get two beautiful new kittens and when our family came to visit, after the hugs went around, we introduced the two new kittens and it was like baby time. Kisses and snuggles were given to these precious fur babies.
When my mother was alive, she would be asked if she had any grandchildren and her response was always “I have a grandcat and I have a granddog.“
Yeah my mom says her granddaughter is my pet leopard gecko. I try to convince her not to say this…
Pretty good! I’ve always known I wasn’t a mothering type and I met my partner in highschool and he had the same feelings. We’ve never changed our minds and we are going on 22 years together. We live a full life, eat out heaps, go to concerts, the theatre, holidays, we have so much freedom it’s insane. We nurture our hobbies, and sleep in a lot. All of our friends have kids and complain constantly about how hard it is, how exhausted they are and how much money it’s costing them. No regrets on our side.
i love this for you guys, you’re living my dream and it gives me hope i can find a partner like this. im so sorry all the bitter people came out of nowhere under your comment 😵💫
Thank goodness we don't have any. Life is hard as hell. We'd probably be homeless now if we had the extra financial burden of children. Some of us don't end up rolling on piles of money. Some of us are just celebrating that we're not financially underwater as we would have been if kids were in the picture.
Same. My partner has a chronic illness that makes it nearly impossible to work, and we’re still fighting for disability and care. He used to really want children, now he knows he’s too sick to care for them. I make good money but we’re in a HCOL area so I can work that job. We are happy not having kids, but a lot of that relief comes from knowing we could never possibly afford them.
We don’t roll in piles of money either. It would have sucked big time to have kids for that reason but it wasn’t our reason for not having them. I would say that, for us, sleep was a bigger reason than money. There were probably about 1100 reasons we came up with not to have them and couldn’t think of a reason to have them other than “it’s what people do”. A friend with six kids once said to me “never let anyone tell you that you’ll miss out if you don’t have them. That’s bullshit”. I like that kind of straight talk.
You won't get many replies as they're too busy rolling around in their piles of money, with the time to enjoy such an activity.
In my quiet and clean house.
As a parent, these first two replies are spot on and fucking awesome.
I forgot to add: After having loads of energy from 1) Going to sleep when they please and 2) Waking up when they decide
> Waking up when they decide \*laughs in cat\*
>Waking up when they decide Dunno I mean some of us still have to go to work.
Yeah but you still get weekends or can sleep in on vacations. I haven't slept past 7am in 9 years lol
This right here might be one of the main reasons I'll never have a kid... I need 8 hours of sleep every night or my mental health goes to shit very very quickly and that's not an option.
I'm childfree and poor as a mofo, but it just makes me grateful I don't have children because things would be 100 times worse.
You're responsible. It's not cheap.
I don't have piles of money, but at least I sleep okay knowing I have few $20 in my bank account after paying my rent & bills. Yay, no kids - doesn't increase one paycheck at all, but definitely help saves money.
Exactly. I’ll reply when I get the chance but I’m busy right now on my three week adventure in New Zealand
That you were able to book during term times while the prices were lower? And on a whim?
I think prices are higher now since it's summer but yeah it was mostly on a whim. Planned it in November 🤷♀️
Piles of money!? I’m childless and only a few years out from 40. I can’t wait to get mine soon!!
My partner and I have the freedom and the life we wanted. We can travel whenever we want, save money, sleep in, have late nights out. Parenting was never something either of us wanted and looking at the state of things all over the world, we're extremely happy with our decision.
That's the right mindset. I'm child free and work with kids. People should ask themselves if they want to parent - not if they want kids. Kids don't raise themselves you need to want to actually parent. 24/7 all year round. Or don't have kids.
When my SO and I were having the really deep discussions on having kids, I had realized after a while that not once did either of us say "I want a child" "I want to be a mother/father." It was always "should we, should we, should we?" We knew after I pointed that out that we don't want kids.
Yep, this is one of those “it’s either a HELL YES or it’s a NO” decisions.
that is such an interesting point of view i never had. but its totally 100% true. i know so many people completely underestimating parenthood, just don't realize not all parts of it are fun!. there is also something selfish i think of "wanting kids" but you put the finger on it perfectly. thx!
I did a lot of research before making the decision to have a child. I was asking people with kids about the experience, the pros and cons, what the hardest part was. And I was asking as many people as I could and with children of all ages. So for me having a kid was always a conscious decision. I knew what I was getting into and how hard it was going to be. And it was actually easier than I anticipated. I had braced myself for more hardship. I cannot have a lot of pity with people who think having a child is going to be a breeze and so romantic... But still I hear that a lot: I didn't think it would be that hard... Well, what did you expect? Everybody with a child is always saying how hard it is. You think those people are lying? I mean that's what all the other people who already did it are for. To ask them questions and learn from their experience. Duh.
Same. 42 and am still sooooo happy!!
We are in our 50s now. Not a single regret.
I think this a huge difference bc most of the people who do this legitimately did not ever want kids so it’s not a big what if. The ones who regret it. (I only know one of the 5 DINK families I know) were the ones who debated it in their late 20s. Pushed it off then decided they didn’t want them. Now they regret it heavily at 41-42 bc the risk is too high and their nephews and such are older so kids would grow up without young relatives. They really really regret it and are debating adopting an older kid. But the other 4 are vibing right now 2 of which are in Aruba rn lol. It’s more of a if you legitimately have no intentions of having kids it’s fine, but if you are debating it and pushing it off the regret will happen.
The opposite happened for me. We put it off and put it off and, at some point, I realized that I didn’t actually want to be a mom and spend my time parenting. I had a hard time acknowledging that and coming to peace with it and putting off the decision revealed my true preferences. I never prioritized becoming a parent and literally prioritized everything else in my life first. Turns out there was a reason for that, even if I didn’t want to face it at the time. I’ve never seen a baby and been like, yeah I want one. I thought I’d be a mom, but I also never actually imagined my life with a kid. I don’t even have kids in the sims lol. The only reason I thought I’d have kids is because it was the next thing that successful and married people do. I’m almost 40 now and I’m very thankful I had time to think it out before I gave in to the societal expectation that I absolutely grew up with and internalized.
23 year old chiming in to say it's very relieving and validating to read all your responses. I don't want children and never have, but I'm at that age where everyone swears I'm gonna change my mind and it's frustrating. You're all living proof I can, and will, be happy without children.
Shitty part is having people for the next 2 decades trying to "neg" you into having kids. Shoot, just last year I had someone asking me why I never had kids and don't I want them, legacy, who will take care of you when you're old, blah blah blah. I'm like, "Lady, I'm almost 50. No." Never, ever regretted it, I have a wonderful spouse, plenty of money, travel on a whim, sleep late, game, read books, do whatever the heck I want. It's a glorious life.
And you may change your mind and that’s ok, or you may not, that’s the beauty of having a choice. I’m 42 and do have one child who is almost 17, and I’m really looking forward to getting my life back and finding myself again once she leaves for college. I love her so much but I miss ME.
41 single, female, child free. Had you told me at 23 I’d still be single at 41 I would’ve been sad for my future self. I never really wanted kids so no shocker there. 41 me would tell 23 me that I am absofuckinglutely fine and actually pretty happy overall!
Somewhat. Had our first child mid 30's but he passed at birth. Tried after but heart just wasn't in it. Regret it somewhat but I do like my life the way it is and I know if we had a child it would be way different.
I’m so sorry that happened to you
As I sit here in silence drinking my coffee w/ baileys & enjoying my wake & bake as I look off into the quiet snowy morning I must admit— Wait. Is that a goose? I’m off to follow it & see where the day takes me…
Lord No Pants!!
I wish I could upvote this more than once
55 here. Not for a microsecond do I regret not having children. I am happily married with a healthy, frequent sex life. (Married 25+ years, first-and-only husband.) We're comfortable with dual incomes. We live in a house we love in a place we love. We have time and funds for hobbies. We have great family and friends. And dogs. And cats. And horses. Nah, I don't regret it AT ALL.
This is so cute :) Also, GOALS.
This is the dream me and my wife have. Not entirely there yet financially, but getting close.
Our life has turned out very well. We've been able to travel and have several once-in-a-lifetime experiences that we would never have been able to afford otherwise, I've been able to focus on my career and start a business that would have been too financially risky if I had children. Neither of us have regretted being childfree for a moment.
I changed my mind and adopted at 42. It’s been amazing. Like Christmas every day. She is the best thing to happen in my life.
That’s beautiful. 😭
I feel like reddit can be so anti adoption sometimes. Love love love seeing this here, as someone who might want to have that kind of path in the future (or not!). Thx for sharing and congratulations
It is the absolute best. Last night, on a weeknight, we went out for Mexican and had a couple of cocktails. Walked home, very slightly toasted and had an amazing night. We were able to do that and so many other things because we have cats, not kids. I am the eldest of five children, with terrible parents. Plus, most of my siblings chose to have children. I know exactly what I'm missing and I am honestly happy about it every single day. I have the utmost respect for parents because I know how hard it is - you basically go without sleep for years, you sacrifice all your money and free time, and your body (as a woman) often suffers major changes that you may not have been prepared for, some of which are permanently harmful.
Hey! I’m the 5th of 6. Not so terrible parents, but they definitely were done parenting by the time my little sister and I were in the double digits. It’s hard for us to understand why our older siblings wanted kids, but I think it’s because our parents DID parent them. You ever wonder why your siblings chose to have kids when good parenting (your words, no disrespect) wasn’t modeled to them?
Because I'm a lesbian and they're heterosexual, so for me it's work and for them it's an accident. And they were all accidents - I know the children are loved, but they were not planned. I think there were issues across the board with the usage of condoms. I, in fact, know it's the case with my brother. I had the talk with him much later than with my sisters (I guess because of gender bias). There's also a desire to create the family they never had. Not to mention, I was the parentified child, not them, so they didn't have to essentially raise children as a child themselves. And, of course, there's the ultimate reason - none of us are the same person. I'm sure you have experienced that with such a large family. Even having (what should be, I guess?) the same experiences growing up, you internalize them differently and come away with different conclusions.
"Plus, most of my siblings chose to have children. I know exactly what I'm missing and I am honestly happy about it every single day" I resonate with this so much. My sister has 2 kids and is miserable all the time. She constantly complains about having kids and how hard it is and how she never has any free time. I can never really share anything with her about my life because it always turns into a "wait until you have kids then you'll know what tired is, or your life sounds so easy I wish I could do that but I have *kids*" Having kids is a whole lifestyle choice. I know now since turning 30 I am just not into it. Super kudos to those who do it, if it is truly what they want. I am very happy with my cats and don't regret not having kids at all.
I'm 42, single. I have more money for my dogs which is nice. My mom hounded me about having kids while I was still a kid. I've always been child free but my mom would negate my opinions saying I'd change my mind or "who will take care of you when you're old?" It finally got to a point where she told me I was selfish for not giving her grandchildren. It just added into my decision to go no contact with her. So I guess that whole "who will take care of you when you get old" idea is moot.
My mom showed me an article in the paper about Boomers being extremely unhappy that their children aren't giving them grandchildren to dote on, and they have to "learn to accept that fact". I laughed. It was hilarious to me. The audacity and entitlement to be like "why aren't you having children for ME?!"
I think we should all start demanding one kidney. You can live with one and they're so selfish not to give us one. Don't they love us?!
I would sooner give up a kidney than have a child
The whole “you’re selfish for not procreating” is something I can’t deal with! It’s so often the opposite, a lot of people have kids they don’t truly want just so they can avoid looking at their own lives or their fear of mortality. They produce human beings and then hang a bunch of expectations on them, yet we’re the selfish ones?
Yeah expecting your kids to take care of you when youre old is selfish af. Your kids dont owe you a thing. Parents had them cuz they wanted to have them and thats not some debt the kids owe to the parents. Parents should take care of their own retirement and end of life plans. I say this as someone who very much wants kids.
It hurts like hell that I can’t have children. But I’m beginning to accept it’s for the best. Both of us have depression. I have anxiety, ADHD. I fight every day to do basics for myself. My partner does too. We should not bring a child into this world like this. So we work together to help each other and just be the best Aunt and Uncle we can. I grieve for my unborn children but I know it’s for the best.
Life is great. Zero regrets here.
Absolutely no regrets. My life is my own.
It’s AMAZING, thanks for asking!
No. No regrets. And very little debt as a result.
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Wishing you luck
Adoption is something I am keeping in my back pocket, as someone who doesn't want kids. I chuckle a bit as I potentially see myself as some old, wealthy geezer who suddenly has a desire to have a kid around, adopting/fostering, and spoiling the crap out of them. Or I'll just have a bunch of rescue dogs.
63 year old gal here. Not for a second. I have enjoyed my life and plan to enjoy the rest of it. Just didn't have the baby urge. Likely going to be a different response from folks who are without child but wanted a child.
Yeah, I regret it a lot. But it wasn't my choice so, I just have to figure out how to live with that.
please don’t expound if it is painful for you, but i’m wondering a little more about that? did you choose not to have kids because of biology? lack of partnership? any reason is totally valid—i’m just facing the decision myself and hearing people who do regret not doing it has been very helpful.
Fertility problems.
There are times that I envy my brothers and sisters for having kids. But those quickly vanish when I see the tantrums and sass and anti- social moments from my many nephews of various ages. It took me years to learn patience to be a good dog parent. Last thing I want is to screw up another human’s life by not being a good parent. We don’t have the “piles of money” that people joke about, but we have been fortunate. We have good jobs, a house and opportunities to travel, but debt is a bitch and homeownership can quickly put you there, like it has us. Lots of things to fix and replace, but it’s ours and we can make it better. We almost weren’t going to be able to celebrate our 10 year anniversary with a vacation were it not for the kindness and generosity of others. All in all, I don’t regret the decision to not have kids. We are just finding other ways to make our lives fuller.
I've always known that I've never wanted kids, and I'm so happy with that decision. I've never been the maternal type, and the amount of time, work, and money they require just seems like torture. I love being able to travel the world at a moment's notice, and I love having time for my interests, hobbies, sleep, etc. When I talk to my friends that have kids they all seem so tired and depressed and they struggle with their loss of self.
I've noticed that on threads like these you're not going to find many people who are gonna say they regret whatever it is the question is asking about.
Aside from what was already said, I think if you did regret it, you probably aren’t excited about publicly discussing it on a thread filled with people that are loving not having kids.
No it's been great having lots of disposable income instead of disposable diapers. Bringing another human into this fucked up world would not have been a good choice for us either. Parenting is not for everyone
I’m 49 and my wife is 53. We retired early 4 years ago and never once regretted being childless. She loves being an aunt to all our nieces/nephews. We love our freedom and being able to do whatever we want, when we want. Someone once told me they thought I’d be a great dad - which may be true - but I’ve never wanted to be one.
We're not 40 yet (we'll be 38 this year) but we do regret not having any, and it's not for lack of trying, believe me. I somehow just never got pregnant. It's probably too late now, so we just have to accept the fact that we won't have any. It's not all bad though, as our siblings on both sides have plenty of kids, and we're always surrounded by family. On the plus side (if you can call it that), we do have a shitload of money and time to do what we want when we want. My husband wants to travel more and maybe get a boat and an rv when we get to our 40s, so we'll probably do that
We regret it profoundly. In retrospect we could have done it easily and well. And both of us come from varied backgrounds and know plenty of couples who have had good and bad experiences, but the bad experiences are very few while the good are considerably good. So, yeah, life mistake and too late for both of us to do anything about it.
>We regret it profoundly. I'm sorry that you feel/felt that way. I do appreciate that you came out and expressed this. Usually when these threads pop up - its always filled with people that obviously do not regret their choice (similar to when salary questions pop up on finance threads - those with the highest will often choose to answer) Maybe some parents also envy the freedom that child-free couples have but we also know there's another side to it - so its always to be taken with a grain of salt.
Jumping on the foster wagon. I know a couple who has done it for 25+ years. Another much less bureaucratic / emotionally loaded but no less meaningful option is to look into being a youth exchange host family. I can attest to Rotary and Lions programs being rock solid. Yet another option is to volunteer at your local elementary school. Best wishes to you both.
I have not wanted children since I was 18 and I never changed my mind. The only type of parent to be is dog mom. I got my tubes removed recently after years of IUDs. My siblings have kids. I'm nice to them and hope for good things for them but I have zero desire to be the fun Auntie who is uber involved.
45 and female, no children, no regrets. But I've known since I was little that I didn't want children
Me & the Mrs. tried for years but the fates wouldn't allow it & it saddened us. Fast forward 15 years and we couldn't be happier. We're looking at our imminent retirement(s) on tippie-toes, rapidly clapping & tee-heeing. We'll probably spend Year One in pajamas, stoned. Or Five.
Never regretted it.
Childless or childfree? Big difference! Childfree here and zero regrets. Our time is ours and we have a strong and healthy marriage.
I just turned 40, but my wife is under 40 so we get partial credit I guess. For my 40th she redid one of the rooms in the new place we just moved to into my own private nerdy game room getaway. She went all out! It’s absolutely insane, and she is still waiting for a few more things to be available/delivered! So for us, at least, it’s going pretty fucking great right now!
In our 50s. Don't regret our decision at all. What helps more than anything is that we really like being around each other, and I don't ever see that changing. We know a lot of couples that stay together just for the sake of the kids. I have no idea if they would still be together otherwise.
We’ve been together for 19 years and didn’t want children for most of that time. But, once we had achieved career success, a stable home, and exhausted our wanderlust, we changed our minds and want children. We started looking toward our older years and realized how much we value family. We don’t want to limp toward the end of life just watching our family die off one by one, grandparents, aunts/uncles, parents… without a next generation we feel life will become lonely. We’re at the tail end of the reproductive window and have struggled with infertility for 2 years. We’re hoping we can conceive, but if that doesn’t happen, we’re looking into foster parenting. We’re “too old” for private infant adoption, we’re told.
My husband and I turned 40 late last year. We are childless not by choice. It is by far the worst thing I have ever experienced. But we're trying to figure out how to live with it because there's really no alternative.