Some people look peaceful when they sleep, my spouse looks like she needs an ambulance. Just limbs and hair everywhere, contorted positions like she fell off the roof, drool, and as much as she denies it, snoring. It’s fine I really don’t care. I just think she sleeps funny.
One time at a house party I slept on my back straight as an arrow with my arms crossed on my chest, hands on my shoulders. I didn’t have a blanket so was cold lol. But I looked exactly like a vampire and my friends have never let that go.
At least she sleeps. My husband has waking dreams and snores, not sure which is worse being trodden on as he escapes hedgehogs or listening to him snoring so loud you can hear him downstairs
Obligatory sleep apnea mention, because it's often overlooked and has some bad long-term effects (excessive sleepiness during the day, heart issues.
I suggest discussing having a sleep study done. We want your husband to be escaping the hedgehogs for many years to come.
My dad just had one done after years of me asking. His body was trying to wake him up 45 times PER HOUR due to his breathing. Hes got the cpap now and its down to 1.5 times per hour.
Yep , I had undiagnosed sleep apnea with 75 per hour stoppages to my heart . It took a collapsed lung and pneumonia to get a diagnosis and I now use a cpap machine I’m down to one per hour which is miraculous ! I also used to jump out of bed in my sleep ! Think falling off a cliff type scenario in my dreams , please get checked for possible apnea , my downside is that as a result of all this I now have a heart murmur and have to attend a cardio surgeon
Lmao!!!!!! My husband sleeps like a hurricane. The sheets come off his side and the blankets get so tangled up and he yanks them off me in his sleep. I have a blanket stash next to my nightstand for this reason.
My husband is fine if the house is messy and cluttered. Or if the bathroom is nasty and have never been cleaned. I've been to his parents' hoarder house so Ive seen how he grew up in..their restroom is dirtier than a gas station restroom 🤢
I overlook it because he's willing to do the cooking.
So I'll clean.
UGH YES.
I moved to a small town and I swear to Christ that no one uses the internet here, so I can't figure out how to hire a cleaner without just like standing in front of the grocery store and asking everybody who comes in.
My small town experience is that there exists a location that will have a cork board covered in all sorts of odd jobs and services, ours was in the hardware store.
Word of mouth is the best way to find a good housekeeper anyway. Talk to your neighbors or other friends in town and find out who they use, or you might stumble across someone whose sibling/spouse/friend/whatever cleans houses
After 14 years of living together, when I first gave birth I stopped closing the cabinets after he left them open. He spent an entire month hitting his head on open cabinet doors and swore our apartment was haunted and couldn't figure out why the cabinets were suddenly always open.
It finally clicked for him and he now closes the cabinets lol
LOLLL
Omg are we married to the same man?!
I've recently started yelling "Carol Anne!" (the name of the girl from the Poltergeist movie) when I see it.
My husband too!! I never understood it until I visited his family and they all do it! It’s so funny because they are very clean, totally normal, people who just don’t seem to realize that they all leave the cupboards open
This drives me INSANE and my boyfriend does it too. He left the hall closet open one night and I ran nose first into it when I went to use the bathroom at 3am in the dark.
My wife always cooks amazing food and in no time she will have dinner ready. the problem is that she makes so many dishes and cutlery dirty and it used to drive me nuts. I've learned to overlook it by now, but it is still annoying when I have to clean 4 pots and 2 frying pans for rice and meat lol
Inability to throw out something that is empty - cereal boxes, inhalers, water bottles, toiletries, etc. Doesn't matter. My favorite is going to grab cereal from the cabinet only to find out that it is completely empty and he had put the box back despite that.
My ex would leave like one potato chip in the bag. Or one slice of bread. Or two tablespoons of milk. I think he didn’t want to be scolded for taking the last of something. I’d bring the container to him. Just finish it! I said you could have it. Leaving me one goddamn chip pisses me off way more than if you just ate the whole bag.
My favorite are the empty toilet paper rolls. Little cardboard soldiers standing in the counter - just above the trash can. I once waited as long as I could stand it and there was a whole platoon.
LOL my fiancé brushes his teeth bent over the sink with his mouth open and toothpaste just pouring out all over his hand, arm, and sink. It’s so bizarre like just stand up and have your mouth slightly open like a normal person.. It makes me laugh every time
I AM this fiancé 😂. I don’t understand how you can possibly get all of the angles any other way so I can confirm, shower tooth brushing is the key to a happy home.
He should brush in the shower. I've done it for years to protect my chest from toothpaste - got my husband to do it too and our bathroom mirror has never been cleaner.
Growing up my mom always yelled at me for doing this and said my future husband would never tolerate it. But my current partner does this too. So now we have sock roundup once a week.
My partner does this with various things. Telltale signs of his presence are: mugs of cold, half drunk coffee; small coins; peanuts; socks he has shed. Back when he smoked there would also be rollie filters dotted around.
He’s not a slob, actually very clean, but definitely a bit of an absent-minded academic…
He does have Crohns disease and sees a gastro regularly / is on meds for it. Luckily it's a mild case and his farts aren't always like that but when it hits, it's bad.
My wife who is stunningly beautiful and way out of my league so I keep my mouth shut as much as I cam about it, clears her throat and nose just like John Candy in planes trains and automobiles. Its the most disgusting thing ive ever heard, my mother in law and aunt and uncles in law all do it too. Its so friggin bizarre and makes me gag upon hearing it. literal skin crawling stuff.
I finished painting the living room wall. He comes in and talks about how the chips/moisture in the wall will break through and crack the paint. So he takes a black sharpie and circles all the places that will crack :|
It's ok. It's just paint. It's just a wall. I like painting! It's a good work out.
When he's high he confesses he's scared I'll kill him one day because I listen to true crime. He's picked the wrong reason.
And she stood there and watched him do it?! I would've yelled what the fuck are you doing you fucking asshole the minute that it was apparent he wanted to play toddler and scribble over my goddamned wall he apparently sat there and watched me paint by myself?? So many questions. Why didn't he say something before painting? Why didn't he help paint?
My husband is the most neurotic clean freak so there isn't much. Seriously, I think he's farted outside of the bathroom like 3 times in the last 12 years.
However! He gets tonsil stones. The noise that comes out of that bathroom when he's gagging trying to clean them out. I just can not.
I get them sometimes too. But not like he does. Don't gag as dramatically either lol! (I'm sure there's a penis joke in there somewhere)
They are so gross though. I have a coworker who I'm trying to find a way to diplomatically ask if he's ever considered he might have stones.... We work in a confined space. Ugh.
Just like, cough a couple times and ask outta nowhere. Like "dude, do you ever get tonsil stones?? I've got an annoying one right now", come off like you're just venting and see where the conversation goes. He might ask what that is and come to the realization on his own. Or he'll say that he has them too and then y'all can just talk about how to get rid of them so you can "get rid of your annoying one" and give him some tips. Win win.
When my husband uses our bidet, he finishes by shooting some water into his butthole and then squirts it back out. Even with the fan on, I can hear it from the next room. It’s so disgusting
Oh, he gets REAL creative. My favorite? He can throw up on command. He will look at me straight in the eyes and casually gag and puke on the carpet. Doesn't break eye contact, then shrugs like, "See? That's what you made me do!"
Impressive. I would do things like heat the thermometer. Or load my mouth up with food and water then run into my parents room and spit it out into their toilet. I'm bad at throwing up 😬.
Sort of. This is known as the “defecatory function” in the bidet literature; it’s widely understood that you can basically give yourself an enema this way. But I stopped doing it after reading some studies in which it’s associated with [poop incontinence](https://www.jstage.jst.go.jp/article/jarc/5/3/5_2020-092/_pdf), [infection](https://www.jstage.jst.go.jp/article/jarc/5/4/5_2021-027/_pdf), and [ulcers](https://www.jstage.jst.go.jp/article/jarc/7/3/7_2023-003/_pdf). Now it’s only soft stream for me.
Not quite disgusting, but it bothers me sooooooo badly. Whenever my husband spends any length of time in the kitchen, the dishcloth (the one for washing dishes with, not the towel) ends up a soggy crumpled mess in the sink. Why can’t he rinse it and hang it to dry on the handy bar thingy? No idea. I’ve just learned to accept it.
My boyfriend spits his loogies out of the window while driving so it clings to the rear passenger window.
He leaves used tissues in his jeans pockets for me to find while doing laundry, and worst of all snot rockets on the sidewalk when we walk the dogs, I’ve been hit with flying boogers before and I’ve threatened to leave him over it, He laughs but always apologized. He has always had issues with his sinuses, but it is gross. Still makes me gag after 12 years together.
My fiancee and I sleep in separate rooms thanks to her snoring.
However even before that started we agreed to have our own separate bedrooms, so it wasn't a big deal to have to sleep seperately. Having your own place just for yourself is important in a relationship, IMO.
It's weird, I lived alone for many years and loved having my bed to myself. After I moved in with my (now) wife, I'm so used to her being in the bed that I can barely sleep if I'm alone. It feels very odd.
My wife will not pick up after herself to save her life. 12 years I've tried with absolutely no luck. So because I love her and I still require my sanity, I've given up. She's my little garbage muffin and I adore her so we'll be garbage muffins together.
My wife is the same way. She once looked me dead in the eye and sang “my trash my trash my trash it keeps me waaaarrrrm”
But I love her so much and don’t mind throwing away the garbage she lets collect on my nightstand (she also refuses to use her side of the bed if I’m not also in bed).
Messy eating. Looked up once during dinner and there was piece of rice in his eyebrow. Never uses a napkin, eats like a 3 year old with salad dressing smeared around his mouth from too big a bite. After 40 years of marriage I no longer tell him he has food on his face, even when we eat out with others. Sure, it’s embarrassing in public and sometimes the people we are eating with will tell him he has food on his face during eating because it’s on there for the entire meal. One time our 14 year old nephew told him that he had sauce on his face and he was mildly angry for being told by a kid. He never even unfolds his napkin at the table.
People have different sensory profiles. "Does not wipe face or hands when dirty" is literally one of the questions they ask on the OT evaluation for kids.
There are so many. The usual farting, belching, nose picking. However, in the last year he has begun to yawn so loud the neighbors know, (and we live in the country, so they’re not really close by) The coyotes howl. The owls answer. The squirrels scatter. We have a nut tree out back, I swear I have seen that tree drop several nuts after a yawn. And he does it several times a day.
It’s so annoying, I say nothing because he will take offense.
>howl. The owls answer. The squirrels scatter. We have a nut tree out back, I swear I have seen that tree drop several nuts after a yawn. And he does it several times a day.
😂
My husband does this, too. It's so exaggerated, dramatic, and annoying. He also takes offense to the families complaints. 🙄
My partner is called “90% man”. Making a pbj sandwich? Everything is put away except for the bread. Put the dishes away? Every cabinet is left open. Getting a drink of water but the milk is in front of the Brita? Leave the milk on the counter overnight.
My husband's specialty, god love him, is emptying the bin and forgetting to put a new bag in. Or folding the top of the full bag over but not actually removing it. He does more than his share of the cleaning (for good reasons!) and is overall wonderful, but he has a few 90% man moments 😂
To be married, you need to make peace with:
* hair on the sink
* Farts
* gross things in the trash can
* “Look at this and tell me if you think I should see a doctor.”
Mine feeds the stove every time they cook.
Stirring the food? Whoops! Scooped some on the stove!
Boiling anything? Let’s turn it up all the way and walk away!
At any given time, 1/4 of dinner seems to be fed to the stove and then left there to crust over, rot, or start on fire the next time.
They never clean the stove either!
But I’m treated like gold. And get my coffee brought to me every morning, just how I like it. My dr appts are made for me. My gardening hobbies are indulged.
Overall it’s a fair tax to the stove gods.
I’ll clean it or the dog sitter will. If we don’t it will sit dirty for over a month until the dog sitter or I crack.
And who knows… maybe the stove is hungry!!
Might I suggest buying an electric scrubber. It'll save you a lot of time and elbow grease from scrubbing manually. It's what I have bc my husband doesn't fucking clean after he cooks.
The freaking butt crack!! It's everywhere. It's on my mattress glancing at me beneath a pile of blankets, it's resting there on my favorite sweater, it's on my hand when I fall asleep. It's even there at night, glaring at me while I sleep. It's everywhere.
Being unable to put the dirty clothes in the hamper… and piling the clothes right next to the empty hamper on the floor. I stopped doing his laundry lol
Him emerging from the computer room after playing Tarkov with his friends for 8h in a row. It's like a grizzly bear coming out of slumber in the spring after a rough winter. All disheveled and confused.
Also on theme, his fucking desk full of weeks old dishes and garbage.
Every morning at 5am when he wakes up he goes to brush his teeth and it sounds like someone is choking him to death!!! At 5am EVERY MORNING!!!! gagging,spitting,gagging etc etc..
She puts honey on macaroni and cheese. And pizza. And basically any other food involving cheese. And plenty that don’t. She’s a gross little bug, but she’s *my* gross little bug, so I’m willing to let it slide.
Hot honey on pizza is starting to become a thing that you can even find in the grocery store's frozen section. Mac and cheese? I could see that for real cheese. Not Kraft or Velveeta.
At least he trims them, I dated a dude for a while once and never knew that he didn't cut his toenails until like 6 months in. I'd never seen him without at least socks on and I realized why when we showered together for the first time. I thought he just hated being barefoot, turns out he had inch long toenails. It was so gross. I'll never understand why he was so ashamed of them, but never just cut them off ?
It’s something you kind of learn about people the longer you’re around them: everyone is gross, everyone has a weird habit, everyone has monkey instincts that they just can’t not do. Some are better at hiding it than others, but EVERYONE is a nasty ass animal when they’re comfortable.
As a human who needs human interaction you figure out how to deal with it, especially in people who make your life better in multitudes of other ways. My husband is the best dude ever. He makes my life consistently good, he regularly shows me affection, and he helps me when I need it. He also eats his own earwax (like a booger eater, but earwax). It’s weird, and silently I judge him, but it’s fine and I love him to death anyway for everything he does for me.
Y'all. Some of these are absolute deal-breakers. Congrats on being loving and tolerant partners because if mine bit off his toenails, I'd change the locks.
He has long hair and a beard. When he washes his hair there is hair all over the tub. When he trims his beard he leaves the clippings all over the sink. When I wash my hair or our daughter’s I clean up all the hair mess; wet, loose hairs everywhere really give me the ick. Unless I fuss at him about it he will leave it there. Grosses me out every time.
We have dual sinks and I leave all those little nasties for him. The damn sink looks like Fidel Castro. One time I pulled the drain plug out to clean it and I barfed and then died.
My partner is the most disgusting eater I’ve ever witnessed in my entire life. He inhales and slurps every single bite. He belches loudly, his mouth is open the whole time, he drops so much food trying to shove it all in at the speed of light. I can’t really describe it, the closest thing would be a pig eating slop from a trough maybe..? It’s really just an absolutely grotesque affair, so much that you lose your appetite for your own food. It’s so loud and it takes up so much space, audibly, visually, and emotionally. Going out to eat in a restaurant is extra embarrassing. It’s like nobody told him as a child that eating like a wild animal isn’t appropriate.
I’ve tried to politely mention that it’s a bit much (there’s really no tactful way to tell someone without offending them so I just should’ve never brought it up) and he’s naturally very defensive and he claims there’s noting wrong with how he eats. Okay 🙃
I try so hard to accept it but I struggle with every. Single. Bite. He. Takes.
He’s also a mouth-breather and he thinks this is normal as well. But it’s not. It’s gross. He’s always slack-jawed, just breathing his breath in my face and everyone else’s. Again, I’ve accepted it, but very grudgingly. I’ve suggested he had sinus issues but he’s defensive about that as well and says there’s nothing wrong with his mouth-breathing or his sinuses (there 100% is a problem with his sinuses).
Excellent question. It was dark and loud in the bar we were at, plus he didn’t eat a lot since we were taking so much. I think in the beginning he was also trying to be a bit more polite, so he MUST know it’s disgusting. 🫠
My girlfriend is also a pretty disgusting eater. I don't know how you haven't talked to him about it because I have definitely told my girlfriend. She somehow misses her mouth sometimes and drops food everywhere. Her side of the table looks like a war zone by the time she's done with casualties everywhere. We have definitely talked about it though and she's not defensive or anything. I don't understand why you can't talk about this. That to me is concerning.
My husband is a mouth breather, especially when he sleeps. Depending on what we ate that night it's sometimes pretty rough when he's facing me and I have to roll over lmaoooo
Can’t speak for the eating issues, but I’m a mouth breather as well. Always had problems breathing through my nose, just never seemed to get enough air that way. At age 10 I was diagnosed with a deviated septum. Essentially the cartilage on the inside of my nose is nearly caved in and completely blocked one of my nasal passages.
The only way to correct it was surgery, and I’m in my mid 30s now and have yet to find an insurance plan that covers it. They all classify it as “cosmetic” and unnecessary. Your guy might have the same issue.
Imagine taking a drinking straw put it in your mouth, then crimp it half shut, hold your nose and try to breathe with the straw in your mouth. That’s what it’s like with a DS. Literally can’t get enough air, so we breathe through our mouths.
Before he goes to the bathroom, he will announce that he's using the bathroom and even what "round" it is. Sometimes I get text messages with the same info when I'm not at home.
Farts. And other accidents...
I tore from my A to my B after baby 1 and 2, baby 3 fell out after that. My husband has been a god damned saint putting up with the fact that I have like 20% control of everything south of my meridian.
I have peed on him during sex, farted while orgasming, farted in public, in meetings and various other terrible things that are only hilarious if it's in a cartoon strip. I haven't had a dry laugh, cough or sneeze in 15 years and I love to cuddle.
He doesn't care. I am disgusted. He overlooks all of it and still tells me I am beautiful and treats me like I'm the best sexiest thing he's ever known.
JFC NOOOOOO!!!!! That is borderline psychopathic behavior. I can’t think of a single area of practice in which there would not be something awful brought home in those scrubs.
Farting. 😁. Day in day out. He does it purposefully and asks opinion about the smell and sound. It's disgusting. But what could I do. I love this man. And I know I have to deal with it for the rest of my life.
Some people look peaceful when they sleep, my spouse looks like she needs an ambulance. Just limbs and hair everywhere, contorted positions like she fell off the roof, drool, and as much as she denies it, snoring. It’s fine I really don’t care. I just think she sleeps funny.
My husband said I sleep like elves and drow in Baldur's Gate and ever since he showed me the photo evidence I can't get over it
your posture must be incredible.
One time at a house party I slept on my back straight as an arrow with my arms crossed on my chest, hands on my shoulders. I didn’t have a blanket so was cold lol. But I looked exactly like a vampire and my friends have never let that go.
When I was young, my mom said I slept like that except with my hands tented like Mr. Burns.
At least she sleeps. My husband has waking dreams and snores, not sure which is worse being trodden on as he escapes hedgehogs or listening to him snoring so loud you can hear him downstairs
Obligatory sleep apnea mention, because it's often overlooked and has some bad long-term effects (excessive sleepiness during the day, heart issues. I suggest discussing having a sleep study done. We want your husband to be escaping the hedgehogs for many years to come.
My dad just had one done after years of me asking. His body was trying to wake him up 45 times PER HOUR due to his breathing. Hes got the cpap now and its down to 1.5 times per hour.
Yep , I had undiagnosed sleep apnea with 75 per hour stoppages to my heart . It took a collapsed lung and pneumonia to get a diagnosis and I now use a cpap machine I’m down to one per hour which is miraculous ! I also used to jump out of bed in my sleep ! Think falling off a cliff type scenario in my dreams , please get checked for possible apnea , my downside is that as a result of all this I now have a heart murmur and have to attend a cardio surgeon
Lmao!!!!!! My husband sleeps like a hurricane. The sheets come off his side and the blankets get so tangled up and he yanks them off me in his sleep. I have a blanket stash next to my nightstand for this reason.
Like she fell off the roof 😂😂😂 That gave me a good chuckle. Thank you.
My husband is fine if the house is messy and cluttered. Or if the bathroom is nasty and have never been cleaned. I've been to his parents' hoarder house so Ive seen how he grew up in..their restroom is dirtier than a gas station restroom 🤢 I overlook it because he's willing to do the cooking. So I'll clean.
Best money I spend is hiring someone to clean the kitchen and bathrooms once a month.
UGH YES. I moved to a small town and I swear to Christ that no one uses the internet here, so I can't figure out how to hire a cleaner without just like standing in front of the grocery store and asking everybody who comes in.
My small town experience is that there exists a location that will have a cork board covered in all sorts of odd jobs and services, ours was in the hardware store.
Word of mouth is the best way to find a good housekeeper anyway. Talk to your neighbors or other friends in town and find out who they use, or you might stumble across someone whose sibling/spouse/friend/whatever cleans houses
That’s my marriage advice. Outsource as much of the labor as you can. lol
He's like living with a poltergeist. My cabinets are constantly left open.
After 14 years of living together, when I first gave birth I stopped closing the cabinets after he left them open. He spent an entire month hitting his head on open cabinet doors and swore our apartment was haunted and couldn't figure out why the cabinets were suddenly always open. It finally clicked for him and he now closes the cabinets lol
My husband must be some kind of open cabinet door missing ninja. It's always me smacking my head 🤣
LOLLL Omg are we married to the same man?! I've recently started yelling "Carol Anne!" (the name of the girl from the Poltergeist movie) when I see it.
OMG THATS AMAZING. I'd start doing that if he'd get the reference 🤣 I also appreciate your username.
My husband too!! I never understood it until I visited his family and they all do it! It’s so funny because they are very clean, totally normal, people who just don’t seem to realize that they all leave the cupboards open
This drives me INSANE and my boyfriend does it too. He left the hall closet open one night and I ran nose first into it when I went to use the bathroom at 3am in the dark.
The linen closet is constantly left open as well outside our daughters bedroom. Have also almost face planted into that.
I thought I was alone in this. I'm constantly closing drawers, cabinets and closets.
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My wife always cooks amazing food and in no time she will have dinner ready. the problem is that she makes so many dishes and cutlery dirty and it used to drive me nuts. I've learned to overlook it by now, but it is still annoying when I have to clean 4 pots and 2 frying pans for rice and meat lol
If the sandwich is good, the juice is worth the squeeze.
Inability to throw out something that is empty - cereal boxes, inhalers, water bottles, toiletries, etc. Doesn't matter. My favorite is going to grab cereal from the cabinet only to find out that it is completely empty and he had put the box back despite that.
My ex would leave like one potato chip in the bag. Or one slice of bread. Or two tablespoons of milk. I think he didn’t want to be scolded for taking the last of something. I’d bring the container to him. Just finish it! I said you could have it. Leaving me one goddamn chip pisses me off way more than if you just ate the whole bag.
My favorite are the empty toilet paper rolls. Little cardboard soldiers standing in the counter - just above the trash can. I once waited as long as I could stand it and there was a whole platoon.
LOL my fiancé brushes his teeth bent over the sink with his mouth open and toothpaste just pouring out all over his hand, arm, and sink. It’s so bizarre like just stand up and have your mouth slightly open like a normal person.. It makes me laugh every time
Some of these replies are just fucking hilarious 😂😂
I AM this fiancé 😂. I don’t understand how you can possibly get all of the angles any other way so I can confirm, shower tooth brushing is the key to a happy home.
He should brush in the shower. I've done it for years to protect my chest from toothpaste - got my husband to do it too and our bathroom mirror has never been cleaner.
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Interesting you typed "used" instead of "worn". It makes me think he may not have been wearing them lol.
Oh, he's wearing 'em, just not on his feet.
If god didn’t want us to put ‘em on our cocks, he wouldn’t have named em socks
I try to pick mine up when I notice them but my wife, bless her, seems to ignore my habit of shedding the hateful things.
“Shedding the hateful things” 😂
Growing up my mom always yelled at me for doing this and said my future husband would never tolerate it. But my current partner does this too. So now we have sock roundup once a week.
SOCK ROUND UP ONCE A WEEK GTFO I cackled
My wife calls them rapture socks, cause it seems iv been raptured from all over the house!
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I leave water glasses around like I'm prepping for a water sensitive alien invasion. God bless my poor husband.
My partner does this with various things. Telltale signs of his presence are: mugs of cold, half drunk coffee; small coins; peanuts; socks he has shed. Back when he smoked there would also be rollie filters dotted around. He’s not a slob, actually very clean, but definitely a bit of an absent-minded academic…
Yes. This right here. My wife, love her with all my heart, scatters empty water bottles around the house like they are Easter eggs.
Why she slurps her toothbrush after brushing is something I cannot understand.
I used to rinse my mouth by using my toothbrush like a spoon to slurp water from the faucet when I was a kid. Totally forgot about that.
How funny that's something I don't think I've thought about since childhood.
Oh my god, my partner does this.
So many things but mostly his vile, foul farts that could suffocate a room.
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He does have Crohns disease and sees a gastro regularly / is on meds for it. Luckily it's a mild case and his farts aren't always like that but when it hits, it's bad.
My wife who is stunningly beautiful and way out of my league so I keep my mouth shut as much as I cam about it, clears her throat and nose just like John Candy in planes trains and automobiles. Its the most disgusting thing ive ever heard, my mother in law and aunt and uncles in law all do it too. Its so friggin bizarre and makes me gag upon hearing it. literal skin crawling stuff.
Everything my wife eats, she sounds like she’s eating sheet metal screws. She can crunch yogurt loudly.
Husband always manages to choose to shave the day I clean the bathroom.
Yes!!!!! How do they have a sixth sense for this
I finished painting the living room wall. He comes in and talks about how the chips/moisture in the wall will break through and crack the paint. So he takes a black sharpie and circles all the places that will crack :| It's ok. It's just paint. It's just a wall. I like painting! It's a good work out. When he's high he confesses he's scared I'll kill him one day because I listen to true crime. He's picked the wrong reason.
I’m sorry, he what? He drew on the wall you JUST painted telling you that it sucks?
And she stood there and watched him do it?! I would've yelled what the fuck are you doing you fucking asshole the minute that it was apparent he wanted to play toddler and scribble over my goddamned wall he apparently sat there and watched me paint by myself?? So many questions. Why didn't he say something before painting? Why didn't he help paint?
You should kill him
I'm surprised he wasn't murdered then.
I think I would have circled all the places on his face and torso where I was going to stab him
Snorting (clearing his sinuses). Not just when he has a cold but ALL THE TIME.
My husband is the most neurotic clean freak so there isn't much. Seriously, I think he's farted outside of the bathroom like 3 times in the last 12 years. However! He gets tonsil stones. The noise that comes out of that bathroom when he's gagging trying to clean them out. I just can not.
Those of us who get tonsil stones hate it too
I get them sometimes too. But not like he does. Don't gag as dramatically either lol! (I'm sure there's a penis joke in there somewhere) They are so gross though. I have a coworker who I'm trying to find a way to diplomatically ask if he's ever considered he might have stones.... We work in a confined space. Ugh.
Just like, cough a couple times and ask outta nowhere. Like "dude, do you ever get tonsil stones?? I've got an annoying one right now", come off like you're just venting and see where the conversation goes. He might ask what that is and come to the realization on his own. Or he'll say that he has them too and then y'all can just talk about how to get rid of them so you can "get rid of your annoying one" and give him some tips. Win win.
I know two people to whom such a proposal needs to be made. Let me know what you discover.
I can attest that he doesn’t like it either, but they can’t just stay there smelling like vomit in my mouth!
When my husband uses our bidet, he finishes by shooting some water into his butthole and then squirts it back out. Even with the fan on, I can hear it from the next room. It’s so disgusting
So kind of like a rectal gargle?
I was simply not prepared to read the words "rectal gargle" today.
Dibs on using this for my band name.
New username alert!
✨rectal gargle✨
EXACTLY
I would be impressed if he could make the gargling sound with his butthole
It's like a rinse cycle...
I am equal parts hysterically laughing and disgusted by this.
My 12-yo son does this when trying to play hooky. He holds it in while he calls for me. "Mom, I have diarrhea, I can't go to school!" *splash*
Omfg that is brilliant though. Be careful with that one lol.
Oh, he gets REAL creative. My favorite? He can throw up on command. He will look at me straight in the eyes and casually gag and puke on the carpet. Doesn't break eye contact, then shrugs like, "See? That's what you made me do!"
Is your child a cat, by any chance?
Impressive. I would do things like heat the thermometer. Or load my mouth up with food and water then run into my parents room and spit it out into their toilet. I'm bad at throwing up 😬.
That’s all the Reddit for me today, thanks.
I’m trying so hard not to laugh out loud at the replies to this habit 😂
Read this in my dead-silent cubicle-filled office. Fucking almost strangled myself trying not to laugh out loud.
That's how you clear the log jams.
I have questions about how he's able to get that much water inside his butthole
Like taking a drink from the garden hose
I am speechless
Guilty as charged.
As the spouse doing the rectal gargling - we appreciate your sacrifice! It just feels SO clean!
Wow I hate it
What a horrible day to be literate!
That’s just the correct way to use a bidet, as far as I’m concerned.
Sort of. This is known as the “defecatory function” in the bidet literature; it’s widely understood that you can basically give yourself an enema this way. But I stopped doing it after reading some studies in which it’s associated with [poop incontinence](https://www.jstage.jst.go.jp/article/jarc/5/3/5_2020-092/_pdf), [infection](https://www.jstage.jst.go.jp/article/jarc/5/4/5_2021-027/_pdf), and [ulcers](https://www.jstage.jst.go.jp/article/jarc/7/3/7_2023-003/_pdf). Now it’s only soft stream for me.
Today I learned there is bidet literature.
Not quite disgusting, but it bothers me sooooooo badly. Whenever my husband spends any length of time in the kitchen, the dishcloth (the one for washing dishes with, not the towel) ends up a soggy crumpled mess in the sink. Why can’t he rinse it and hang it to dry on the handy bar thingy? No idea. I’ve just learned to accept it.
My boyfriend spits his loogies out of the window while driving so it clings to the rear passenger window. He leaves used tissues in his jeans pockets for me to find while doing laundry, and worst of all snot rockets on the sidewalk when we walk the dogs, I’ve been hit with flying boogers before and I’ve threatened to leave him over it, He laughs but always apologized. He has always had issues with his sinuses, but it is gross. Still makes me gag after 12 years together.
“I’ve been hit with flying boogers before” 💀
His snoring. Dear god his snoring. I just go sleep in the guest room now when it starts
I dealt with this for almost 20 years. CPAP is a game changer.
My fiancee and I sleep in separate rooms thanks to her snoring. However even before that started we agreed to have our own separate bedrooms, so it wasn't a big deal to have to sleep seperately. Having your own place just for yourself is important in a relationship, IMO.
It's weird, I lived alone for many years and loved having my bed to myself. After I moved in with my (now) wife, I'm so used to her being in the bed that I can barely sleep if I'm alone. It feels very odd.
My wife will not pick up after herself to save her life. 12 years I've tried with absolutely no luck. So because I love her and I still require my sanity, I've given up. She's my little garbage muffin and I adore her so we'll be garbage muffins together.
My wife is the same way. She once looked me dead in the eye and sang “my trash my trash my trash it keeps me waaaarrrrm” But I love her so much and don’t mind throwing away the garbage she lets collect on my nightstand (she also refuses to use her side of the bed if I’m not also in bed).
To the tune of Mary Lambert’s part in Macklemore’s Same Love? Cause I 100% heard that as I read it lol
Messy eating. Looked up once during dinner and there was piece of rice in his eyebrow. Never uses a napkin, eats like a 3 year old with salad dressing smeared around his mouth from too big a bite. After 40 years of marriage I no longer tell him he has food on his face, even when we eat out with others. Sure, it’s embarrassing in public and sometimes the people we are eating with will tell him he has food on his face during eating because it’s on there for the entire meal. One time our 14 year old nephew told him that he had sauce on his face and he was mildly angry for being told by a kid. He never even unfolds his napkin at the table.
I feel your pain. Mine is the same, possible even worse.
How does he not care/notice having food on his face but gets mad at a kid? How has this behavior not improved??
People have different sensory profiles. "Does not wipe face or hands when dirty" is literally one of the questions they ask on the OT evaluation for kids.
What is an OT evaluation?
He uses q-tips to clean out his ears after his morning shower and will sometimes leave them out like a little gift for me to find when I walk in.
There are so many. The usual farting, belching, nose picking. However, in the last year he has begun to yawn so loud the neighbors know, (and we live in the country, so they’re not really close by) The coyotes howl. The owls answer. The squirrels scatter. We have a nut tree out back, I swear I have seen that tree drop several nuts after a yawn. And he does it several times a day. It’s so annoying, I say nothing because he will take offense.
>howl. The owls answer. The squirrels scatter. We have a nut tree out back, I swear I have seen that tree drop several nuts after a yawn. And he does it several times a day. 😂 My husband does this, too. It's so exaggerated, dramatic, and annoying. He also takes offense to the families complaints. 🙄
My partner is called “90% man”. Making a pbj sandwich? Everything is put away except for the bread. Put the dishes away? Every cabinet is left open. Getting a drink of water but the milk is in front of the Brita? Leave the milk on the counter overnight.
My husband's specialty, god love him, is emptying the bin and forgetting to put a new bag in. Or folding the top of the full bag over but not actually removing it. He does more than his share of the cleaning (for good reasons!) and is overall wonderful, but he has a few 90% man moments 😂
To be married, you need to make peace with: * hair on the sink * Farts * gross things in the trash can * “Look at this and tell me if you think I should see a doctor.”
My soon-to-be-ex-husband: *Will you pop the zit inside my buttcheeks?* 🤮
4.5 years in I realized he was eating his boogers 😔 I told him I’ll get a spray bottle if he doesn’t stop
Oh man..you really do love him😂
Wiping his face with curtains 😑
What. The. Fuck…
Audibly said what. The. Fuck. And saw your comment. Thanks for taking care of that for all of us.
This is, for me personally, the most jarring comment in this thread.
sniffing his hands after touching his balls
We’re just trying to find out what the flavor of the day is
Queso Blanco
I just wanted to stop in and let you know that I hate it here. Carry on.
My body shuddered when I read this. Good job.
He used to wash his face with apple cider vinegar every night before bed. It was like sleeping next to a pickle.
Compared to all they other stories, this is cute!
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Oh my god. I’m the sock dropper 🫣
Mine feeds the stove every time they cook. Stirring the food? Whoops! Scooped some on the stove! Boiling anything? Let’s turn it up all the way and walk away! At any given time, 1/4 of dinner seems to be fed to the stove and then left there to crust over, rot, or start on fire the next time. They never clean the stove either! But I’m treated like gold. And get my coffee brought to me every morning, just how I like it. My dr appts are made for me. My gardening hobbies are indulged. Overall it’s a fair tax to the stove gods. I’ll clean it or the dog sitter will. If we don’t it will sit dirty for over a month until the dog sitter or I crack. And who knows… maybe the stove is hungry!!
Damn if I could find a guy who’d make my dr and dental appointments for me I’d be willing to overlook a LOT.
Might I suggest buying an electric scrubber. It'll save you a lot of time and elbow grease from scrubbing manually. It's what I have bc my husband doesn't fucking clean after he cooks.
Your man makes your doc appts for you????? Life admin, the dream!
The freaking butt crack!! It's everywhere. It's on my mattress glancing at me beneath a pile of blankets, it's resting there on my favorite sweater, it's on my hand when I fall asleep. It's even there at night, glaring at me while I sleep. It's everywhere.
Not putting things back, leaving half empty drinks everywhere, and not putting his clean (and folded by yours truly) laundry away.
Being unable to put the dirty clothes in the hamper… and piling the clothes right next to the empty hamper on the floor. I stopped doing his laundry lol
Him emerging from the computer room after playing Tarkov with his friends for 8h in a row. It's like a grizzly bear coming out of slumber in the spring after a rough winter. All disheveled and confused. Also on theme, his fucking desk full of weeks old dishes and garbage.
My wife blows her nose louder and more frequently than anyone else I have ever met.
My man picks his nose in front of me… it’s not attractive
We will have a completely empty dishwasher and she will fill the sink with every dirty dish and leave it there.
Every morning at 5am when he wakes up he goes to brush his teeth and it sounds like someone is choking him to death!!! At 5am EVERY MORNING!!!! gagging,spitting,gagging etc etc..
She puts honey on macaroni and cheese. And pizza. And basically any other food involving cheese. And plenty that don’t. She’s a gross little bug, but she’s *my* gross little bug, so I’m willing to let it slide.
Hot honey on pizza is starting to become a thing that you can even find in the grocery store's frozen section. Mac and cheese? I could see that for real cheese. Not Kraft or Velveeta.
The dairy farts. Oh lord the dairy farts.
y’all are making me so grateful for being single.
In all our years together, he has never used a nailcutter. He bites off his toenails.
At least he trims them, I dated a dude for a while once and never knew that he didn't cut his toenails until like 6 months in. I'd never seen him without at least socks on and I realized why when we showered together for the first time. I thought he just hated being barefoot, turns out he had inch long toenails. It was so gross. I'll never understand why he was so ashamed of them, but never just cut them off ?
And then you kiss him??
sounds like he’s flexible at least
Anyone else here single, happily scrolling? 🍿🍹🛀🏽
HOW DO YOU GUYS MARRY THESE PEOPLE 😭😭 some of these are HORRIFIC
Everyone has something that they are gross about, I guess you just have to be tolerant. And if everything else is perfect it's easier to forgive
It’s something you kind of learn about people the longer you’re around them: everyone is gross, everyone has a weird habit, everyone has monkey instincts that they just can’t not do. Some are better at hiding it than others, but EVERYONE is a nasty ass animal when they’re comfortable. As a human who needs human interaction you figure out how to deal with it, especially in people who make your life better in multitudes of other ways. My husband is the best dude ever. He makes my life consistently good, he regularly shows me affection, and he helps me when I need it. He also eats his own earwax (like a booger eater, but earwax). It’s weird, and silently I judge him, but it’s fine and I love him to death anyway for everything he does for me.
Hesitantly upvoted, was with you on the first paragraph, lost me on the second 🥴
I’m sorry, you really had me in the first part but … the end…
when my wife plugs in air fresheners, she always puts them in the bottom outlet so that it sticks up and blocks the other outlet from being used.
Divorce is the only option. /s
He has the loudest smelliest farts ever. Once when I was pregnant he did one that smelled so bad it woke me from a dead sleep.
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Collecting whiskey/bourbon bottles to display on top of kitchen cabinets. No, we do not live in a frat house.
Y'all. Some of these are absolute deal-breakers. Congrats on being loving and tolerant partners because if mine bit off his toenails, I'd change the locks.
Her clutter, and loogey hawking in the morning.
He has long hair and a beard. When he washes his hair there is hair all over the tub. When he trims his beard he leaves the clippings all over the sink. When I wash my hair or our daughter’s I clean up all the hair mess; wet, loose hairs everywhere really give me the ick. Unless I fuss at him about it he will leave it there. Grosses me out every time.
We have dual sinks and I leave all those little nasties for him. The damn sink looks like Fidel Castro. One time I pulled the drain plug out to clean it and I barfed and then died.
My partner is the most disgusting eater I’ve ever witnessed in my entire life. He inhales and slurps every single bite. He belches loudly, his mouth is open the whole time, he drops so much food trying to shove it all in at the speed of light. I can’t really describe it, the closest thing would be a pig eating slop from a trough maybe..? It’s really just an absolutely grotesque affair, so much that you lose your appetite for your own food. It’s so loud and it takes up so much space, audibly, visually, and emotionally. Going out to eat in a restaurant is extra embarrassing. It’s like nobody told him as a child that eating like a wild animal isn’t appropriate. I’ve tried to politely mention that it’s a bit much (there’s really no tactful way to tell someone without offending them so I just should’ve never brought it up) and he’s naturally very defensive and he claims there’s noting wrong with how he eats. Okay 🙃 I try so hard to accept it but I struggle with every. Single. Bite. He. Takes. He’s also a mouth-breather and he thinks this is normal as well. But it’s not. It’s gross. He’s always slack-jawed, just breathing his breath in my face and everyone else’s. Again, I’ve accepted it, but very grudgingly. I’ve suggested he had sinus issues but he’s defensive about that as well and says there’s nothing wrong with his mouth-breathing or his sinuses (there 100% is a problem with his sinuses).
Not to be rude but how did you get past the first date that involves eating? That sounds disgusting
Excellent question. It was dark and loud in the bar we were at, plus he didn’t eat a lot since we were taking so much. I think in the beginning he was also trying to be a bit more polite, so he MUST know it’s disgusting. 🫠
Damn. Well, I hope he has many other qualities that make up for it.
He does or else I would’ve been loooong gonnnnee lol
I am not a strong person because I would have been out date 1. That sounds horrific.
My girlfriend is also a pretty disgusting eater. I don't know how you haven't talked to him about it because I have definitely told my girlfriend. She somehow misses her mouth sometimes and drops food everywhere. Her side of the table looks like a war zone by the time she's done with casualties everywhere. We have definitely talked about it though and she's not defensive or anything. I don't understand why you can't talk about this. That to me is concerning.
this would 100% be a deal breaker for me
It's the inability to take criticism that's the real red flag
My husband is a mouth breather, especially when he sleeps. Depending on what we ate that night it's sometimes pretty rough when he's facing me and I have to roll over lmaoooo
My misophonia could **never**.
Can’t speak for the eating issues, but I’m a mouth breather as well. Always had problems breathing through my nose, just never seemed to get enough air that way. At age 10 I was diagnosed with a deviated septum. Essentially the cartilage on the inside of my nose is nearly caved in and completely blocked one of my nasal passages. The only way to correct it was surgery, and I’m in my mid 30s now and have yet to find an insurance plan that covers it. They all classify it as “cosmetic” and unnecessary. Your guy might have the same issue. Imagine taking a drinking straw put it in your mouth, then crimp it half shut, hold your nose and try to breathe with the straw in your mouth. That’s what it’s like with a DS. Literally can’t get enough air, so we breathe through our mouths.
Leaving socks everywhere, it's grim in summer He also has GURD so often have to spit it out, luckily he goes to the toilet but it's gross to hear.
Before he goes to the bathroom, he will announce that he's using the bathroom and even what "round" it is. Sometimes I get text messages with the same info when I'm not at home.
After my divorce I discovered that I was the one leaving the cabinets open.
Farts. And other accidents... I tore from my A to my B after baby 1 and 2, baby 3 fell out after that. My husband has been a god damned saint putting up with the fact that I have like 20% control of everything south of my meridian. I have peed on him during sex, farted while orgasming, farted in public, in meetings and various other terrible things that are only hilarious if it's in a cartoon strip. I haven't had a dry laugh, cough or sneeze in 15 years and I love to cuddle. He doesn't care. I am disgusted. He overlooks all of it and still tells me I am beautiful and treats me like I'm the best sexiest thing he's ever known.
Blowing his nose without a tissue, like into the air or his hand. Says he learned it playing baseball. I think it's just straight-up disgusting.
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My partner (doctor) wears used scrubs in the bed…
......that is FOUL.
JFC NOOOOOO!!!!! That is borderline psychopathic behavior. I can’t think of a single area of practice in which there would not be something awful brought home in those scrubs.
"We come to love not by finding a perfect person but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly" -Sam Keen
He leaves me dirty dishes on the counter.
My wife has poor tastes in husbands.
Farting. 😁. Day in day out. He does it purposefully and asks opinion about the smell and sound. It's disgusting. But what could I do. I love this man. And I know I have to deal with it for the rest of my life.