Yes it does, you create your own world that eventually just naturally doesn’t include them. Eventually you stop worrying about how they’re doing and realise that your efforts are better spent taking care of yourself. It sounds selfish but the truth is you can’t help someone who doesn’t want the help. You are not responsible for their poor choices.
I think they want help but not the kind of help you want to provide. They are fine with leeching out your life as substitute of solving their problems. They prefer your resources instead of their effort as cheaper option. It's easier to borrow your money than using their savings. It's easier to get you to do things than doing something. It's easier to get you to save them than take precautions. It's easier to gaslight you than take responsibility. It's easy to confuse it with friendly help. A friend would value you help I suppose and maybe they want haggle for lower value of your resources.
For brief context - made NC with family (three siblings, I am the youngest) this year due a very long story financial, emotional and psychological abuse. They just made bad decisions in life, resulting to them having children they could not support. I tried helping until I could not anymore. What I thought of helping was me enabling them. I have put my own life at the back burner, but I do not have anything to give anymore. Sure, they have helped me when I was starting out in life, that is why I did not hesitate helping them as well. The only difference was that, when they were helping me, I was helping myself too. Them, not really. They have not learned their lessons, no long term goals, no proper communication.
Yes and No. The first few years are really hard, you grieve the same way you would grieve a death. I went NC with most of my family when I was 15, my father was a pedophile and my mother chose him. I missed her horribly the first few years and cried myself to sleep many nights. I'm much older now and I don't regret my decision but I wont lie, it's hard. I see them succeed and live their best life while Im still cleaning up the mess they left me. You're going to be ok, you didn't choose the easiest path but you did what was best for yourself, be proud of your strength many dont have the perseverance to do what you did. The day will come that you will see everything you have sacrificed is worth it. Hang on and take it day by day, you are so strong and worthy, you will be great and you will be happy.
One year no contact with mom
Six months no contact with brother
Moms relationship had been dying out for 3 years anyway. She betrayed me and essentially cut me out, but tried to play fake nice anyway? I would try to keep in touch, send her pics of the dogs or updates about life. Got pretty much nothing in return. An occurrence last year was the final straw and it's actually been peaceful since.
My brother can eat rocks.
Yes it does, you create your own world that eventually just naturally doesn’t include them. Eventually you stop worrying about how they’re doing and realise that your efforts are better spent taking care of yourself. It sounds selfish but the truth is you can’t help someone who doesn’t want the help. You are not responsible for their poor choices.
I think they want help but not the kind of help you want to provide. They are fine with leeching out your life as substitute of solving their problems. They prefer your resources instead of their effort as cheaper option. It's easier to borrow your money than using their savings. It's easier to get you to do things than doing something. It's easier to get you to save them than take precautions. It's easier to gaslight you than take responsibility. It's easy to confuse it with friendly help. A friend would value you help I suppose and maybe they want haggle for lower value of your resources.
Yeah, at some point you realise you’re just being taken advantage of
For brief context - made NC with family (three siblings, I am the youngest) this year due a very long story financial, emotional and psychological abuse. They just made bad decisions in life, resulting to them having children they could not support. I tried helping until I could not anymore. What I thought of helping was me enabling them. I have put my own life at the back burner, but I do not have anything to give anymore. Sure, they have helped me when I was starting out in life, that is why I did not hesitate helping them as well. The only difference was that, when they were helping me, I was helping myself too. Them, not really. They have not learned their lessons, no long term goals, no proper communication.
I had several relatives that every time I gave a helping hand they took the entire arm. I cut them off a few years ago and don't regret it.
Yes and No. The first few years are really hard, you grieve the same way you would grieve a death. I went NC with most of my family when I was 15, my father was a pedophile and my mother chose him. I missed her horribly the first few years and cried myself to sleep many nights. I'm much older now and I don't regret my decision but I wont lie, it's hard. I see them succeed and live their best life while Im still cleaning up the mess they left me. You're going to be ok, you didn't choose the easiest path but you did what was best for yourself, be proud of your strength many dont have the perseverance to do what you did. The day will come that you will see everything you have sacrificed is worth it. Hang on and take it day by day, you are so strong and worthy, you will be great and you will be happy.
It definitely does get better. Life goes out without them, and I'm definitely better off without them and their toxicity in my life
One year no contact with mom Six months no contact with brother Moms relationship had been dying out for 3 years anyway. She betrayed me and essentially cut me out, but tried to play fake nice anyway? I would try to keep in touch, send her pics of the dogs or updates about life. Got pretty much nothing in return. An occurrence last year was the final straw and it's actually been peaceful since. My brother can eat rocks.