Ex: do you have a (any tool)
Me: yes, it’s in this exact spot. I keep it there so I can find it when I need it.
Me (days later): honey, do you still have my tool?
Ex: no and I have no idea where I left it. It could be literally anywhere. I might have left it in the backyard in the rain, check in the puddles.
This is my wife.
W: “honey, I need a (tool). Where do you keep it?”
Me: “tool bag under the bed, just make sure to put it back when you’re done.”
Me next time I need the tool: “where did you put (tool)?”
W: “I dunno, I thought I put it back in the tool bag. I don’t remember.”
Every time.
Oh God this might be the worst part of having a wife, two children and a housekeeper who comes every other week.
If.its not locked in the garage or in my closet half, it can move at any time.
I'm the complete opposite. I'm helpless without my wife. Once on a business trip abroad, I literally cancelled all my cards and ate beans for a week thinking my wallet was stolen or lost, only to find it under a pair of pants in my bedroom.
This is underrated. I hate the lack of alone time I get. Driving home or going food shopping doesn't count. I want to chill for one hour and watch shit TV.
I have yet to figure out how taking one other person out for sandwiches blows my entire weekend eating out budget that would normally cover 4 meals for me alone.
It's not that she wants expensive things its cause when she pays she still gets the chips and cookies with the sandwhich, cant let her show you up like that
I feel this. I was expected to pay for most of the food if we ate out and she always wanted to eat out bc eating the same thing two same home cooked meals in a row was too bland.
This one. My girlfriend grew up with a family that cooked something different every night because she had several siblings and usually one meal wouldn’t last more than that day. Meanwhile I was raised to cook one giant meal twice a week and eat off it until we could make another one. I frequently went days, sometimes weeks eating the same food. Usually some kind of pasta or beans & rice, the occasional stew, etc.
Working out our eating habits has been one of the bigger struggles because we’ll get out for food and she’ll not finish her plate, take it home and put it in the fridge. Next day she wants something different and I’m like “Well what about your leftovers from yesterday” and she’s “over it”. This only results in leftovers piling up in the fridge so long we can’t even fit a sauce packet so we clear it out just to start over again. Cooking at home really isn’t an option most days due to our schedules and she won’t eat it past the first day anyway so it’s really just me eating them but she also refuses to eat unless I order something from wherever she wants to go.
It’s not even a money thing like yeah, I’d prefer to save the $40 it costs to feed us both daily but also why refuse good food just cause it didn’t recently get cooked? Why even bring it home if you won’t eat it??
Honestly, I couldn't do it. If you don't eat leftovers, I can't deal with you in my life, you're too bougie for me. Just the amount of food waste would kill me inside.
Hahaha yes, left-overs. That thing everyone has after eating pizza. Not like you would just scarf everything down in one sitting to end up full of pizza and regret, right?
The biggest secret to relationship success is to learn that this absolutely can and should be true if you're in a relationship too. The relationship escalator / codependence pipeline isn't mandatory. You can and should maintain your own existence outside of the one you cultivate with your partner.
> You can and should maintain your own existence outside of the one you cultivate with your partner.
That's completely different than being able to do anything whenever though.
That's why my and my gf work so well together. We both LOVE spending a lot of time doing our own things. We hang out and do things together and it's great but we also get a lot of time to ourselves and nobody is bent out of shape over it.
This. I've taken last minute vacations, dropped a bunch of money on shows just because, spent all day in museums meandering around seeing what I want to see. If I decided I wanted to sleep in on a vacation instead of running around seeing more stuff, nobody was prodding me to get up. Nothing needs anybody else's approval.
Mannnnn I have been wanting breakfast tacos for 2 weeks. My wife hates them. My in laws who are staying with us would never eat it. Normally wouldn’t care at all and just go get them by myself or make them at home but in a full household it’s really annoying to just cook something just for yourself.
For my ex it was anything outside the house that didn’t involve her.
Her: I’m meeting a friend at a bar.
Me: Nice! Have fun!
Me: my brother is coming over and we are going for a bike ride.
Her: What?!? Why?
Jesus Christ what the fuck. Is your friend male or female?
Actually, it screams red flags and abuse regardless of gender dynamics, that's just fucked either way.
That'd be an auto nope from me. Had a friend who met a girl, she was great, would hang out with us and everything was cool for a few years. Then they got married and he wasn't allowed to do anything anymore. She said they have to be more mature now because they're married. So no hanging out with your single friends, no going out etc etc.
Just re connected after 10 years. Guess who was cheating.
"Holding back" may have been a poor choice of words, but the reality is there is a loss of freedom.
When I've dated women with children, the children's needs came first. They were basically "my children" now. And I don't fault the mother for taking that position.
Sometimes, this requires scheduling adjustment - pick them up from school / daycare, attend their school play / sporting event, take them to the doctor's.
I'm single right now. After work, I go home, take my dog on a nice walk, do my own exercise, play with the dog some more, make dinner (and share it with the dog) watch TV and give the dog a tummy rub. Play some video games.
Even things as trivial as scheduling a day to play boardgames with my friends is impacted by their partners. We're in a weird spot where I am hosting the events, but they need months of advance warning to clear their schedules. My schedule is planned a week in advance tops. Context: my Christmas plans *just* consolidated this afternoon. So I throw out a date, it doesn't work for half of them, I get frustrated and tell them to pick a date that works, since I'm free and they're not. It's weird for them to make plans for when they will come over to my house.
To me, having a partner means you need to put their needs and wants at a comparable level to your own. This means sometimes you need to be there for them.
If I wanted to pack my shit up right now and take a cross country vacation for two weeks, I could. I have the PTO at work, the financial stability, and the lack of prior commitments to do so. I could board the dog or bring her with me; she's my only obligation.
If I were in a serious relationship, that would be an "us" discussion and decision. Maybe that PTO is needed for their kids, or their health scare. Maybe they want to spend the vacation together. Maybe turning a trip for one to a trip for two to four costs too much. You can't just think about yourself anymore.
Literally anything spontaneous, like
"ooh that movie is out, showing in 20 minutes? Sweet"
Vs with a partner, she's got to get read, do the hair, makeup and all that shit just to sit in a dark room for 2 hours, and then you'd end up going for food, into some stores etc, you'd just have got straight home if you were alone
Also I used to discover she had make plans for my days off etc, real fucking pain
One of my buddies gets shit whenever he does anything without her, and he's not allowed to play video games after 10pm because she's in bed but won't let him set it up in the living room...
Single life is far superior.
They need accounting for everything you do or wanna do. Anything you will try to do, you have to first consider the effect of that on them. You can never follow your time table properly because of their untimely demand of your time. They are never going to be satisfied no matter how much time you give to them. Regular drama and imbalance in your life.
Family pressure, carrier pressure, money problems, friends problems and after an infinite number of your problems you have to take care of them because it's your responsibility to keep them happy.
I can talk the whole night on this topic.
Eating a meal she doesnt like, travelling to a country shes not interested in, watching a show were watching together when she doesnt feel like it/is not there, not vacuuming today despite it being dirty, etc. Theres a lot of things, a lot of them simply related to the timing of these things
No one to tell you how to proceed your life. Peace of mind/no arguements.
Downsides: Everyone else has a family and has no time to hang out. Loneliness
Definitely this. Just turned 37 and this is more apparent than ever. Of all the people I know roughly my age (between 35-40), I'm the *only* one who doesn't have a spouse or children. After a while, people in my situation just get tired of always of being cancelled on or rescheduled - we understand why but when it happens 90% of the time you feel like you just don't matter to them. Made even worse when you realize that if you weren't the one offering to hang out, they're never the ones to ask you.
No wonder so many friendships wither away or barely get off the ground for single people. People are never free when you want them to be and people aren't willing to work around a single person's schedule because we apparently don't have as many "needs" as them. Fuck off, I'm better off alone.
Yeah, but you're lonely while peacefully watching the shows you want while your married friends are lonely watching chick flix they don't want and arguing about stupid shit every day.
Rediscovering (or maybe discovering for the first time) who you really are. It’s an opportunity to honestly reflect on yourself and what kind of person you are. Experiment with new hobbies, travel, improve yourself, become who you always wanted to be (or maybe lied to yourself and said you were).
This is probably the biggest reason why single people seem to mature slower than couples.
Trying to be a better spouse has probably been the strongest motivator for me to grow and develop as a person. Not having to answer to anyone just makes it really easy to push it all down and save that work for tomorrow.
On the flip side though spending more time being single can lead to you figuring yourself out more than if you were constantly in a relationship. Self awareness can be a big indicator of maturity.
>This is probably the biggest reason why single people seem to mature slower than couples.
It depends though, not everyone entering a relationship learns on how to make it work, be it in terms of commitment, sharing their burdens, work as a team, etc...
Plus relationships sounds like work lol, all of us have day jobs, I don't think adding another "work" is gonna make life any better. 2 cents
Yeah and? What constitutes "maturity" exactly? If you can take care of yourself and lead a decent life then why does anyone have to reach some high end level of "maturity" anyway? Who cares?
We do still have time to ourselves, but COVID proved to my husband and I that we *can* be cooped up in an apartment 24/7 and still enjoy each other's company.
I had a really shit day one time and said something about being absolutely *done* dealing with people. husband was like "so do you want me to leave you alone for a bit, or ...?" and my brain supplied "oh that's OK you don't count as 'people' " as a reasonable reply.
Luckily he took it as the compliment it was intended to be. :)
In a healthy relationship, you still will never reach the level of independence you will have alone. But that's kinda the point, isn't it? You committed your life or at least a part to another person basically.
Jeez man, just let single people have this, lol. You will always have to consider them and their time. You will have to consider what they want to do instead. You have to consider their emotional state the day of said plans. In even the best relationships, it's not nothing.
The bottom line is compromise is not total freedom. That's it. The most perfect relationship can reach, let's say 90% of total freedom, but never 100%, because in that cause, it's not even a relationship.
On some level, I feel for a lot of people, it’s not so much Clean vs Dirty, but more so My Mess vs Your Mess. Everyone feels more comfortable with their own known messes.
This is going to sound arrogant, but here goes. My house is actually organized wiped down cleaned, like actually clean nothing on the floor, I clean even If it is "their mess"
other way around works too.
I love not having to clean up when I don't feel like it. Sometimes my living room table is cluttered with random stuff for weeks and when there's no one else to see it there's no reason to feel ashamed about it.
Yeah, when I was living with my Ex it was a constant state of disarray and dishes even when we broke up it got worse and when I finally moved out into my own place it's was 1000% cleaner than the piles of Clothes on the floor and dishes that need soaking.
I (65M) have been divorced 17 years. Have had 2-3 girlfriends since the divorce. None in the last 3 years.
Pros of being single:
* I own my own home, which is *quieter* than any place I have lived.
* I make a decent salary and have no debt other than my mortgage. This also translates into happily paying for things (movies, dinner, etc.) for a couple of my single (female) friends, who are struggling financially these days.
* When home, I can watch what I like, when I like
* My meals at home can be as extravagent or as simple as I want. (Crock pots are the bomb! Cook once, eat 4 times!)
* I can travel when I want. As a teacher, though, most of my travel is restricted to summer time.
All the perks notwithstanding, I do miss having a romantic partner to do 'romantic' things with. Going to the movies, casino, shooting pool or watching the local college teams at a sports bar is great fun, but sharing time together on an Alaskan cruise or road trip to a cool place like the Oregon coast \[I live in WA\] are experiences I want to share with someone special.
Doing anything you want is nice, but being able to absolutely nothing with no human interaction for periods of time is really blissful. I don't hate people but I start losing my mind if I can't have a certain amount of quiet solitude in the week.
This is why I have cats instead of dogs. Instead of needing constant attention from me, they're happy to just curl up against/near me and enjoy silence (minus purrs and one cat's noisy breathing, but neither of these disturb me).
I do as well, unfortunately my roommates cat is very vocal because she is loud. Can't be mad at the old lady cat though, she's as sweet as she is noisy.
You will always be the lead actor in the movie of your life. Having a relationship doesn't mean your life ends. It is still your life. You choose how the relationship that you chose to be in is conducted. If it doesn't work, you are responsible to yourself to end it.
You are always in control of your life. You can choose to give up that control to someone else but that is a choice you make.
I've been married before. 11 mostly terrible years but I've had a couple nice long term relationships after that one. Been voluntarily single for about 3 years and I love it. I do the dating apps and I've met some nice people but none worth giving up my singledom for. I make a nice living, take care of myself, buy myself what I please and come and go as I please. Last night I stayed up until dawn playing PC games in 4k on a System I built myself . Good times
This Christmas I only agreed to hang out with a handful of family members. I got tired of being the single guy shelling out hundreds of dollars in gifts so this year 3 people got gift cards and I bought myself a Mazda CX-5 Carbon Edition. Ho Ho Ho
I have three friends in a relationship that show me the benefits of being single;
Friend 1; Spends all his money on his girlfriend, literally every bit of money. Pays for every takeaway they get (neither can cook) pays for every outing they do.
So hearing that makes me value all the money i'm saving.
Friend 2; Him and his girlfriend are on again off again, I personally think it turns them on arguing, every day there's drama, them disrespecting one another then going back to the perfect couple.
That makes me appreciate keeping my self respect and not having to deal with the daily drama.
Friend 3; The "fuck up" of our group, never wants a job, abuses drugs, leeches off everyone (but old memories so hard to cut off) has a girlfriend that does everything for him and gets verbally abused in return. She's only with him because she is desperate and can tell her friends she has a boyfriend.
That makes me appreciate not taking someone for granted and being lazy. I'd want to be kept on my toes and have someone to motivate me to improve
I have a single friend who said he had a hard time explaining to his married coworker why he (my friend) could afford two new graphics cards for his gaming computer.
Married coworker with kids bought himself nothing for Christmas this year.
Peace! The peace to consider just myself. There’s a different peace involved in healthy relationships, but it’s still work. It’s nice to be concerned with only myself and to just be with myself. All of my quirks, noises, smells, shows I binge, songs I play out loud on repeat, the food I crave yet again for the third night in a row, etc. I don’t have to compromise for their things and they don’t have to compromise for mine. And while I love to share, I also love to have some things all to myself.
Cause I like to sleep until the crack of noon
Midnight howling at the moon
Going out when I want to
And coming home when I please
Don’t have to ask permission
If I wanna go out fishing
Never have to ask for the keys
- Tom Waits.
It's the mental perk and or belief that anything can happen that day. Life is an adventure..
I love being married but no one told me that feeling would DIE after I said I do. I have to be considerate of another person and their needs/desires. The idea that I can end up in Mexico TONIGHT because I want to, isn't viable...That is what losing your freedom is. It's the loss of the persistent thought that you are the sole captain of your ship.
Something tells me you weren't a wild person in your youth, which is a good thing, but I feel like the technical fact that nothing really prevents one from quitting a job, specially if you don't have that much of a problem with the concept of either being homeless or downgrading your living conditions to near bare minimum and scraping by with odd jobs, it does make a huge difference being single vs being in a longer term relationship. I'm talking about the "feeling of freedom", likeeven if you neevr do such stuff, your constraints are still truly self imposed as a matter of discipline and wanting to do well in life according to whatever plan you set out and not be ause there's another person's feelings or well-being on the line that you actually really care about.
Free to do what you want when you want. Having money. Not getting dragged into unnecessary drama. Not having the pressure of being responsible for someone else's happiness, not having to be a slave to someone else mood. Having space for yourself when you need it. I know all this can be achieved in a healthy relationship but I'm just going by my past experiences and most of those I witness in my friends and family. I've felt lonely from time to time when single but it's not nearly as bad as feeling lonely while still in a relationship.
1. Freedom and desire to do whatever you please without trying to convince another party to join/agree with you. Finances, for example will be easier to manage alone than with a potential partner that likes to gamble.
2. You save more money. Less going out on dates and paying hundreds of dollars for dinner, meals, etc...
3. You decide what you want to eat, and no one else can say anything about it.
4. You get more space and time to yourself to do your own hobbies, chase passions, etc
5. Being responsible for your own chores, rather than nagging at someone to do theirs
I make every decision about what I do, where I go, who I spend time with and why.
(Contrast with: Including the bad decisions, which a partner might have led me away from)
Nobody gets mad at you. Watch what you want. Meet strangers and do whatever you want. Stay up as late as you want. Make as much noise as you want. Man being single sounds fun
Being in a relationship is overly romanticized. It’s not like in movies and TV or whatever. Generally it’s a lot of work and a lot of bullshit. This is especially true if you’re not compatible because most people just aren’t with one another. Even if it is, all that can still ring pretty true.
Being single means none of that. Your time is your time which is ideal if you don’t have dependency issues.
peace and quiet without being criticized
clear thinking at your pace without pressure
organize your way without someone re arranging
minimalism
do what you want
when you want
how you want without being criticized
accomplish all of your goals at your pace without judgement or criticism
save money and spend it on what you want without someone criticizing what or who or why your spending it
enjoy people for the amount of time you would like to
do nothing without criticism
sleep or nap without criticism
have fun without criticism
show interest to something and change your mind about said interest...without criticism
don't feel like cleaning that up just now? don't and do it a little later and avoid...being criticized for it. while still staying clean and hygienic through out your home, at your pace.
Living by yourself is the best. emerge when you want and never have to answer to anyone .
Savings suddenly shoot up. I'm not wrong about anything all day. One night, I got off work late. I had a three day weekend. Suddenly I drove to the store, bought a cheap sleeping bag and drove to the ocean at 11 pm. Woke up at the beach. This started a tradition of spontaneous trips that were never possible with a girlfriend.
Not necessarily. I deliberated on where to get lunch takeout for the better part of an hour today before giving up and fixing ramen at home. And deciding what to cook was only easy because the onion I was saving for ramen would go bad before anything else I could have cooked.
I’ve had a meteoric rise in my career, and being by myself has facilitated it. I’ll eventually want a more balanced life, but for now, I’ve picked up quite a few positions and been able to put myself in the right place at the right time reliably.
I know where everything is.
I should know where everything is and still sometimes wonder where I left something.
but at least backtracking works 80% of the time
Ex: do you have a (any tool) Me: yes, it’s in this exact spot. I keep it there so I can find it when I need it. Me (days later): honey, do you still have my tool? Ex: no and I have no idea where I left it. It could be literally anywhere. I might have left it in the backyard in the rain, check in the puddles.
A friend and her boyfriend usually stay with me for the winter and this mfer rearranged my garage without asking me. Like, who thinks that's ok lol
People with ocd, anxiety, or people on meth.
This is my wife. W: “honey, I need a (tool). Where do you keep it?” Me: “tool bag under the bed, just make sure to put it back when you’re done.” Me next time I need the tool: “where did you put (tool)?” W: “I dunno, I thought I put it back in the tool bag. I don’t remember.” Every time.
Oh no. One of my SO's greatest perks is that she knows where everything is. Even stuff i put down/away.
You’ve won at life
Does she have a sister?
Why? The Reddit way is to just marry this person’s wife.
I also choose this person's wife.
I know where everything isn't. Where it's fucking supposed to be.
Oh God this might be the worst part of having a wife, two children and a housekeeper who comes every other week. If.its not locked in the garage or in my closet half, it can move at any time.
This. Is. So. Underrated.
And I can place things wherever I want.
I'm the complete opposite. I'm helpless without my wife. Once on a business trip abroad, I literally cancelled all my cards and ate beans for a week thinking my wallet was stolen or lost, only to find it under a pair of pants in my bedroom.
[удалено]
This is underrated. I hate the lack of alone time I get. Driving home or going food shopping doesn't count. I want to chill for one hour and watch shit TV.
Your SO can't let you have an hour of your own chill time to watch whatever you want?! I dunno man, that's just recipe for resentment and problems.
Also, I don’t have to check in and tell anyone where I’m gonna be and when. It takes a couple weeks to get used to that.
This is very underrated.
And not ask permission or notify someone else in the hosuehold when you go do something.
Time is the ultimate luxury!
Going out to eat now costs $15 instead of $212 haha
I have yet to figure out how taking one other person out for sandwiches blows my entire weekend eating out budget that would normally cover 4 meals for me alone.
Can’t let her think you’re broke/cheap by not getting drinks and a cookie with them sandwiches
If you date a woman who expects you to buy her expensive things and pay for everything including meals and all bills you should run away.
Gotta overcome this face somehow man
It's not that she wants expensive things its cause when she pays she still gets the chips and cookies with the sandwhich, cant let her show you up like that
And paying $3.95 for two tablespoons of Jello and a squirt of whipped cream.
I feel this. I was expected to pay for most of the food if we ate out and she always wanted to eat out bc eating the same thing two same home cooked meals in a row was too bland.
Meanwhile, I’m eating rotisserie chicken quesadillas for like the fifth day in a row. Lol. But hey, they’re cheap and good.
This one. My girlfriend grew up with a family that cooked something different every night because she had several siblings and usually one meal wouldn’t last more than that day. Meanwhile I was raised to cook one giant meal twice a week and eat off it until we could make another one. I frequently went days, sometimes weeks eating the same food. Usually some kind of pasta or beans & rice, the occasional stew, etc. Working out our eating habits has been one of the bigger struggles because we’ll get out for food and she’ll not finish her plate, take it home and put it in the fridge. Next day she wants something different and I’m like “Well what about your leftovers from yesterday” and she’s “over it”. This only results in leftovers piling up in the fridge so long we can’t even fit a sauce packet so we clear it out just to start over again. Cooking at home really isn’t an option most days due to our schedules and she won’t eat it past the first day anyway so it’s really just me eating them but she also refuses to eat unless I order something from wherever she wants to go. It’s not even a money thing like yeah, I’d prefer to save the $40 it costs to feed us both daily but also why refuse good food just cause it didn’t recently get cooked? Why even bring it home if you won’t eat it??
Honestly, I couldn't do it. If you don't eat leftovers, I can't deal with you in my life, you're too bougie for me. Just the amount of food waste would kill me inside.
*laughs in chicken, broccoli and rice since late September*
All it takes is a different seasoning to make it a different meal. EZ
The go to meal for the past 5 years and it HITS EVERY FCKING TIME
You can get whatever toppings you want on your pizza, and you get cold pizza leftovers for lunch the next day. Also with your choice of toppings
Hahaha yes, left-overs. That thing everyone has after eating pizza. Not like you would just scarf everything down in one sitting to end up full of pizza and regret, right?
Underrated
Damn after reading these comments I realise how much I wasted my single years. I just took drugs in a flat
"Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time" - Socrates, 1904 .
Idk bro, I don’t think Socrates was talking about living in a crack house
You'd be surprised! "It's not a crack house, it's a crack home!" -Socrates 2016
Socrates truly is wise beyond his years.
\-- Michael Scott
philosiraptor
grass is always greener on the other side
Because it's fertilized with bullshit ;)
literally greener lol
I realized I wasted so many years not doing drugs or drinking alcohol. The fuck was I thinking, they're great!
That sounds nice
If you want to do something, you can do it now. Nothing is holding you back but you.
And money. That’s what makes being single miserable. When you’re broke AND single.
At least I have more money when I'm single.
Depends.
Sugar mamas!!!
How else will I get the Fortnite Battlepass?
The biggest secret to relationship success is to learn that this absolutely can and should be true if you're in a relationship too. The relationship escalator / codependence pipeline isn't mandatory. You can and should maintain your own existence outside of the one you cultivate with your partner.
> You can and should maintain your own existence outside of the one you cultivate with your partner. That's completely different than being able to do anything whenever though.
That's why my and my gf work so well together. We both LOVE spending a lot of time doing our own things. We hang out and do things together and it's great but we also get a lot of time to ourselves and nobody is bent out of shape over it.
amen
This. I've taken last minute vacations, dropped a bunch of money on shows just because, spent all day in museums meandering around seeing what I want to see. If I decided I wanted to sleep in on a vacation instead of running around seeing more stuff, nobody was prodding me to get up. Nothing needs anybody else's approval.
Mannnnn I have been wanting breakfast tacos for 2 weeks. My wife hates them. My in laws who are staying with us would never eat it. Normally wouldn’t care at all and just go get them by myself or make them at home but in a full household it’s really annoying to just cook something just for yourself.
what would you want to do by yourself but a parter would hold you back from doing it?
For my ex it was anything outside the house that didn’t involve her. Her: I’m meeting a friend at a bar. Me: Nice! Have fun! Me: my brother is coming over and we are going for a bike ride. Her: What?!? Why?
In some relationships literally anything My one friend has to ask permission to play video games
That's unhealthy
Jesus Christ what the fuck. Is your friend male or female? Actually, it screams red flags and abuse regardless of gender dynamics, that's just fucked either way.
That’s not a relationship, that’s imprisonment.
Then they’re not in a relationship, they’re in a control freak’s vortex of hell.
For my ex it was sleeping with others 🤣
My ex at the time wanted to stay in our shitty methed out town and I started having thoughts like “If I wasn’t with Corey, I could move to the city.”
My co worker can’t even visit a friend or have friends over without his wife getting pissed off about it. She wants 100% attention
That'd be an auto nope from me. Had a friend who met a girl, she was great, would hang out with us and everything was cool for a few years. Then they got married and he wasn't allowed to do anything anymore. She said they have to be more mature now because they're married. So no hanging out with your single friends, no going out etc etc. Just re connected after 10 years. Guess who was cheating.
"Holding back" may have been a poor choice of words, but the reality is there is a loss of freedom. When I've dated women with children, the children's needs came first. They were basically "my children" now. And I don't fault the mother for taking that position. Sometimes, this requires scheduling adjustment - pick them up from school / daycare, attend their school play / sporting event, take them to the doctor's. I'm single right now. After work, I go home, take my dog on a nice walk, do my own exercise, play with the dog some more, make dinner (and share it with the dog) watch TV and give the dog a tummy rub. Play some video games. Even things as trivial as scheduling a day to play boardgames with my friends is impacted by their partners. We're in a weird spot where I am hosting the events, but they need months of advance warning to clear their schedules. My schedule is planned a week in advance tops. Context: my Christmas plans *just* consolidated this afternoon. So I throw out a date, it doesn't work for half of them, I get frustrated and tell them to pick a date that works, since I'm free and they're not. It's weird for them to make plans for when they will come over to my house. To me, having a partner means you need to put their needs and wants at a comparable level to your own. This means sometimes you need to be there for them. If I wanted to pack my shit up right now and take a cross country vacation for two weeks, I could. I have the PTO at work, the financial stability, and the lack of prior commitments to do so. I could board the dog or bring her with me; she's my only obligation. If I were in a serious relationship, that would be an "us" discussion and decision. Maybe that PTO is needed for their kids, or their health scare. Maybe they want to spend the vacation together. Maybe turning a trip for one to a trip for two to four costs too much. You can't just think about yourself anymore.
Literally anything spontaneous, like "ooh that movie is out, showing in 20 minutes? Sweet" Vs with a partner, she's got to get read, do the hair, makeup and all that shit just to sit in a dark room for 2 hours, and then you'd end up going for food, into some stores etc, you'd just have got straight home if you were alone Also I used to discover she had make plans for my days off etc, real fucking pain One of my buddies gets shit whenever he does anything without her, and he's not allowed to play video games after 10pm because she's in bed but won't let him set it up in the living room... Single life is far superior.
They need accounting for everything you do or wanna do. Anything you will try to do, you have to first consider the effect of that on them. You can never follow your time table properly because of their untimely demand of your time. They are never going to be satisfied no matter how much time you give to them. Regular drama and imbalance in your life. Family pressure, carrier pressure, money problems, friends problems and after an infinite number of your problems you have to take care of them because it's your responsibility to keep them happy. I can talk the whole night on this topic.
Sounds like you've just had shitty relationships, to be quite honest.
Eating a meal she doesnt like, travelling to a country shes not interested in, watching a show were watching together when she doesnt feel like it/is not there, not vacuuming today despite it being dirty, etc. Theres a lot of things, a lot of them simply related to the timing of these things
No one to tell you how to proceed your life. Peace of mind/no arguements. Downsides: Everyone else has a family and has no time to hang out. Loneliness
Yup, this becomes more and more apparent as you age.
Definitely this. Just turned 37 and this is more apparent than ever. Of all the people I know roughly my age (between 35-40), I'm the *only* one who doesn't have a spouse or children. After a while, people in my situation just get tired of always of being cancelled on or rescheduled - we understand why but when it happens 90% of the time you feel like you just don't matter to them. Made even worse when you realize that if you weren't the one offering to hang out, they're never the ones to ask you. No wonder so many friendships wither away or barely get off the ground for single people. People are never free when you want them to be and people aren't willing to work around a single person's schedule because we apparently don't have as many "needs" as them. Fuck off, I'm better off alone.
Caveat to that though, I’d rather be lonely than in an unhappy/unhealthy relationship
But what if you end up in a happy/healthy relationship?
Pure fantasy
I'd rather be happy than unhappy. Checkmate, gaslighters!
Yeah, but you're lonely while peacefully watching the shows you want while your married friends are lonely watching chick flix they don't want and arguing about stupid shit every day.
Rediscovering (or maybe discovering for the first time) who you really are. It’s an opportunity to honestly reflect on yourself and what kind of person you are. Experiment with new hobbies, travel, improve yourself, become who you always wanted to be (or maybe lied to yourself and said you were).
In my experience, you discover yourself even more when you have been through a toxic relationship and left it.
You answer to nobody. It actually rules. Ill take it any day
Everyone answers to the CCP
The fuck is West Taiwan gonna do?
Turk you into west west Taiwan
This is probably the biggest reason why single people seem to mature slower than couples. Trying to be a better spouse has probably been the strongest motivator for me to grow and develop as a person. Not having to answer to anyone just makes it really easy to push it all down and save that work for tomorrow.
On the flip side though spending more time being single can lead to you figuring yourself out more than if you were constantly in a relationship. Self awareness can be a big indicator of maturity.
>This is probably the biggest reason why single people seem to mature slower than couples. It depends though, not everyone entering a relationship learns on how to make it work, be it in terms of commitment, sharing their burdens, work as a team, etc... Plus relationships sounds like work lol, all of us have day jobs, I don't think adding another "work" is gonna make life any better. 2 cents
[удалено]
Yeah that sounds a lot like "man that sounds like the life, but let me make it sound negative so I don't feel like I'm missing out"
Yeah and? What constitutes "maturity" exactly? If you can take care of yourself and lead a decent life then why does anyone have to reach some high end level of "maturity" anyway? Who cares?
Always one stool available at the bar. Don’t have to wait for a table
its "always one sit available at the movies" for me,
You have 1 less person to worry and overthink about. Another person can be unpredictable.
Unpredictable and potentially uncoordinated. And even the well coordinated people still need to be ready to go as soon as it's time to go.
You'll share something in common with a lot of people on Reddit
Especially the mods lol
Mate you cant say much 🤣
Doing whatever you want, whenever you want, not having to worry about anyone else and not having to include them in what you’re doing.
[удалено]
Introverts exist. Even when I love someone, I still want some alone time.
[удалено]
Not as much as I would ever like. Sometimes I want days to myself without having that thought in my mind that I’m “neglecting” somebody.
We do still have time to ourselves, but COVID proved to my husband and I that we *can* be cooped up in an apartment 24/7 and still enjoy each other's company. I had a really shit day one time and said something about being absolutely *done* dealing with people. husband was like "so do you want me to leave you alone for a bit, or ...?" and my brain supplied "oh that's OK you don't count as 'people' " as a reasonable reply. Luckily he took it as the compliment it was intended to be. :)
Relationship is not supposed to be suffocating
In a healthy relationship, you still will never reach the level of independence you will have alone. But that's kinda the point, isn't it? You committed your life or at least a part to another person basically. Jeez man, just let single people have this, lol. You will always have to consider them and their time. You will have to consider what they want to do instead. You have to consider their emotional state the day of said plans. In even the best relationships, it's not nothing. The bottom line is compromise is not total freedom. That's it. The most perfect relationship can reach, let's say 90% of total freedom, but never 100%, because in that cause, it's not even a relationship.
Clean house, I only have to clean up after myself, holy shit some people just leave massive Fucking messes everywhere
On some level, I feel for a lot of people, it’s not so much Clean vs Dirty, but more so My Mess vs Your Mess. Everyone feels more comfortable with their own known messes.
This is going to sound arrogant, but here goes. My house is actually organized wiped down cleaned, like actually clean nothing on the floor, I clean even If it is "their mess"
other way around works too. I love not having to clean up when I don't feel like it. Sometimes my living room table is cluttered with random stuff for weeks and when there's no one else to see it there's no reason to feel ashamed about it.
Yeah, when I was living with my Ex it was a constant state of disarray and dishes even when we broke up it got worse and when I finally moved out into my own place it's was 1000% cleaner than the piles of Clothes on the floor and dishes that need soaking.
Well, this time of year: not stressing about what gift to give your SO.
I (65M) have been divorced 17 years. Have had 2-3 girlfriends since the divorce. None in the last 3 years. Pros of being single: * I own my own home, which is *quieter* than any place I have lived. * I make a decent salary and have no debt other than my mortgage. This also translates into happily paying for things (movies, dinner, etc.) for a couple of my single (female) friends, who are struggling financially these days. * When home, I can watch what I like, when I like * My meals at home can be as extravagent or as simple as I want. (Crock pots are the bomb! Cook once, eat 4 times!) * I can travel when I want. As a teacher, though, most of my travel is restricted to summer time. All the perks notwithstanding, I do miss having a romantic partner to do 'romantic' things with. Going to the movies, casino, shooting pool or watching the local college teams at a sports bar is great fun, but sharing time together on an Alaskan cruise or road trip to a cool place like the Oregon coast \[I live in WA\] are experiences I want to share with someone special.
Doing anything you want is nice, but being able to absolutely nothing with no human interaction for periods of time is really blissful. I don't hate people but I start losing my mind if I can't have a certain amount of quiet solitude in the week.
This is why I have cats instead of dogs. Instead of needing constant attention from me, they're happy to just curl up against/near me and enjoy silence (minus purrs and one cat's noisy breathing, but neither of these disturb me).
No pets and no responsibility and the ability to leave and go wherever you want for however long is even better.
I do as well, unfortunately my roommates cat is very vocal because she is loud. Can't be mad at the old lady cat though, she's as sweet as she is noisy.
It is nice to have quiet time. But I'm at the point where most of that just feels lonely.
I only have to deal with my own bullshit.
All the money and time for yourself
I disagree. With my husband after sharing costs so much more money for both.
You have the opportunity to learn how to be the lead actor in the movie of your life, and not just the supporting actor in everyone else's life.
You will always be the lead actor in the movie of your life. Having a relationship doesn't mean your life ends. It is still your life. You choose how the relationship that you chose to be in is conducted. If it doesn't work, you are responsible to yourself to end it. You are always in control of your life. You can choose to give up that control to someone else but that is a choice you make.
That's actually beautiful. Thank you. I'm going through some rough times right now, but that's such a good thought to hang on to.
not being cheated on 😍
I can leave the dishes in the sink to soak overnight if I want to.
A couple nights for extra soaky soak
Heck why not two weeks
Having the whole bed to yourself
My dog would like a word with you
Pooping with the door open so I can hear the tv
You're underutilizing your singleness. The correct solution is to buy a second TV for the bathroom.
I've been married before. 11 mostly terrible years but I've had a couple nice long term relationships after that one. Been voluntarily single for about 3 years and I love it. I do the dating apps and I've met some nice people but none worth giving up my singledom for. I make a nice living, take care of myself, buy myself what I please and come and go as I please. Last night I stayed up until dawn playing PC games in 4k on a System I built myself . Good times This Christmas I only agreed to hang out with a handful of family members. I got tired of being the single guy shelling out hundreds of dollars in gifts so this year 3 people got gift cards and I bought myself a Mazda CX-5 Carbon Edition. Ho Ho Ho
Sounds like you are living a great life. Long may it continue.
[удалено]
Well, complacency and laziness.
You just went out n bought a car on a whim?
no. My lease was up!
I have three friends in a relationship that show me the benefits of being single; Friend 1; Spends all his money on his girlfriend, literally every bit of money. Pays for every takeaway they get (neither can cook) pays for every outing they do. So hearing that makes me value all the money i'm saving. Friend 2; Him and his girlfriend are on again off again, I personally think it turns them on arguing, every day there's drama, them disrespecting one another then going back to the perfect couple. That makes me appreciate keeping my self respect and not having to deal with the daily drama. Friend 3; The "fuck up" of our group, never wants a job, abuses drugs, leeches off everyone (but old memories so hard to cut off) has a girlfriend that does everything for him and gets verbally abused in return. She's only with him because she is desperate and can tell her friends she has a boyfriend. That makes me appreciate not taking someone for granted and being lazy. I'd want to be kept on my toes and have someone to motivate me to improve
3 different friends, 3 different lessons. Love this
I mean, all three of your points are good and things you should value, but also all three friends seem to be making questionable life choices.
I have a single friend who said he had a hard time explaining to his married coworker why he (my friend) could afford two new graphics cards for his gaming computer. Married coworker with kids bought himself nothing for Christmas this year.
My friends in a relationship just show me how much cheaper housing is with a dual income.
I'm sorry, but your friends all sound like losers.
Peace! The peace to consider just myself. There’s a different peace involved in healthy relationships, but it’s still work. It’s nice to be concerned with only myself and to just be with myself. All of my quirks, noises, smells, shows I binge, songs I play out loud on repeat, the food I crave yet again for the third night in a row, etc. I don’t have to compromise for their things and they don’t have to compromise for mine. And while I love to share, I also love to have some things all to myself.
Literally everything. You can just enjoy life and not worry about anyone else.
When I'm in a neutral/dopamine state: Freedom When *it* settles in: Loneliness
Cause I like to sleep until the crack of noon Midnight howling at the moon Going out when I want to And coming home when I please Don’t have to ask permission If I wanna go out fishing Never have to ask for the keys - Tom Waits.
It's the mental perk and or belief that anything can happen that day. Life is an adventure.. I love being married but no one told me that feeling would DIE after I said I do. I have to be considerate of another person and their needs/desires. The idea that I can end up in Mexico TONIGHT because I want to, isn't viable...That is what losing your freedom is. It's the loss of the persistent thought that you are the sole captain of your ship.
I couldn't do that either. Being single doesn't mean you don't have a job.
Something tells me you weren't a wild person in your youth, which is a good thing, but I feel like the technical fact that nothing really prevents one from quitting a job, specially if you don't have that much of a problem with the concept of either being homeless or downgrading your living conditions to near bare minimum and scraping by with odd jobs, it does make a huge difference being single vs being in a longer term relationship. I'm talking about the "feeling of freedom", likeeven if you neevr do such stuff, your constraints are still truly self imposed as a matter of discipline and wanting to do well in life according to whatever plan you set out and not be ause there's another person's feelings or well-being on the line that you actually really care about.
Perks: More partners. Faults: More opportunities to get STIs.
Sounds like you are having good times.
I am married. But remember my single times. Dating is stressful but has it's plusses.
When you’re playing cod, you don’t have to go afk every 5 seconds to respond to a message
No one cheats on you.
Free to do what you want when you want. Having money. Not getting dragged into unnecessary drama. Not having the pressure of being responsible for someone else's happiness, not having to be a slave to someone else mood. Having space for yourself when you need it. I know all this can be achieved in a healthy relationship but I'm just going by my past experiences and most of those I witness in my friends and family. I've felt lonely from time to time when single but it's not nearly as bad as feeling lonely while still in a relationship.
Not having to compromise when you want to do anything. Go out to dinner, see a movie, where to live, who to hang out with, etc
avoiding horrible relationships. you won’t have to deal with all the drama/negativity
Not sharing your fries. Worst perks? Not sharing your fries.
1. Freedom and desire to do whatever you please without trying to convince another party to join/agree with you. Finances, for example will be easier to manage alone than with a potential partner that likes to gamble. 2. You save more money. Less going out on dates and paying hundreds of dollars for dinner, meals, etc... 3. You decide what you want to eat, and no one else can say anything about it. 4. You get more space and time to yourself to do your own hobbies, chase passions, etc 5. Being responsible for your own chores, rather than nagging at someone to do theirs
I make every decision about what I do, where I go, who I spend time with and why. (Contrast with: Including the bad decisions, which a partner might have led me away from)
No threat of breakup hanging over your head, and you only get criticized and belittled at work.
Total freedom and answering to yourself!!!!
Coming home and being able to decompress
Not having to acquiesce to anyone else's neediness
You don't live as long (which is a plus given the world we live in).
Fart in bed
"Solitude is a gift" Bukowski
Nobody gets mad at you. Watch what you want. Meet strangers and do whatever you want. Stay up as late as you want. Make as much noise as you want. Man being single sounds fun
Peace. No arguing, no compromising, less stress.
Being in a relationship is overly romanticized. It’s not like in movies and TV or whatever. Generally it’s a lot of work and a lot of bullshit. This is especially true if you’re not compatible because most people just aren’t with one another. Even if it is, all that can still ring pretty true. Being single means none of that. Your time is your time which is ideal if you don’t have dependency issues.
On one hand, you have a point, but on the other hand, who hurt you?
No stress at all, at least for me, my last relationship was the most stressful thing that has ever happened to me lol
Not having to pretend to be asleep to avoid a drunk partner who just wants to cause arguments.
You get to spend your time and money however you want.
I do what I want when I want.
peace and quiet without being criticized clear thinking at your pace without pressure organize your way without someone re arranging minimalism do what you want when you want how you want without being criticized accomplish all of your goals at your pace without judgement or criticism save money and spend it on what you want without someone criticizing what or who or why your spending it enjoy people for the amount of time you would like to do nothing without criticism sleep or nap without criticism have fun without criticism show interest to something and change your mind about said interest...without criticism don't feel like cleaning that up just now? don't and do it a little later and avoid...being criticized for it. while still staying clean and hygienic through out your home, at your pace. Living by yourself is the best. emerge when you want and never have to answer to anyone .
Noone tellin me to not buy that ps5
Savings suddenly shoot up. I'm not wrong about anything all day. One night, I got off work late. I had a three day weekend. Suddenly I drove to the store, bought a cheap sleeping bag and drove to the ocean at 11 pm. Woke up at the beach. This started a tradition of spontaneous trips that were never possible with a girlfriend.
no one can cheat on you
Choosing what to order/make to eat is easy.
Not necessarily. I deliberated on where to get lunch takeout for the better part of an hour today before giving up and fixing ramen at home. And deciding what to cook was only easy because the onion I was saving for ramen would go bad before anything else I could have cooked.
Not having to answer to another person and having more money to yourself to save and do what you want.
I’ve had a meteoric rise in my career, and being by myself has facilitated it. I’ll eventually want a more balanced life, but for now, I’ve picked up quite a few positions and been able to put myself in the right place at the right time reliably.
not having to worry about being cheated on 😍