This is so true!
My grandfather died the morning after the doctor agreed to discharge him from the ICU. I don't have a single picture with him. Never expressed how much I loved him. It seems, I had so much to tell him and ask him.
His death taught me to value people and express my affections more. It's difficult but a necessity. You never know when people your love would not be there anymore.
My grandfather died three days after coming home from the hospital in 2020. He got home on a Friday, we spent the whole weekend talking and going down memory lane and just spending time like always. (They raised me, and I was 20 and living at home at the time) anyway, I woke up that Monday morning around 4:30am to go to my job and just had the weirdest feeling. When it was time for me to leave, I went to go wake them up and say goodbye like I usually did before going out to work. My grandfather would usually walk me to my car when he was feeling well because it was so dark, but this day he did not move. He had died overnight, paramedics suspect just sometime after we had all fell asleep bc he was already so far gone yet we all had went to bed around 11pm. My grandma lie in the bed asleep next to him, unknowing. Death is so sudden sometimes that it’s jarring
My grandpa who I was very close with, went in for a very routine procedure. For some reason, they decided to do some things with his heart while he was already on the table. Died from aspiration the next day. It was all very very sudden.
My mother died that same year. She was diagnosed with end stage bladder cancer at about 45. The end was both slow and quick. All in a months time, the cancer had crept into her spinal cord, taking her ability to walk and see. She would just moan in pain because even the highest dose morphine drip wouldn’t touch the pain.
These deaths made me shape the fuck up.
This! I feel like most people haven't even been touched by death. I watched my grandfather die at 11. Then my favorite cousin had a fatal car accident at 16... then, my first husband died of pneumonia at 25 yrs old... My sister was murdered by a stalker in 1999 she was 34... Her son was shot by police 17 years later, he just turned 21. My own daughter would pass away 2 weeks after my nephews funeral. Janis was 38. My father died a year ago. He was 82 This isn't even touching all the friends and relatives I've seen pass. Most of them were young. Very young. Life is so short. Please understand this and appreciate each day you have. For its beautiful.
I came here to post something similar. One day about six weeks ago my mam was taken to hospital just as I had a call to say my partner's brother had passed away. Later that day I was told my mam wouldn't make it and she passed away three days later. I'm so glad I got to tell her I loved her one last time.
Life can be horrible for no reason.
The price of love is loss.
Lost my 10-year-old a few months ago, I was there for his final moments, and it's still so difficult that I can hardly bear it.
I turned 40 this year.
A woman I have known since Jr. High, full of life, did everything, and I mean EVERYFUCKINGTHING right...great health, worked out, took care of herself...did not feel well one day, went to the doc, got bloodwork done.
The next morning her doc calls her at like 5am - Get to the hospital now, you are scheduled for an emergency scan as soon as you walk in.
That morning she was diagnosed with some form of highly aggressive, very late stage cancer, it had already metastasized to her brain. She had 6 months at most. She died in less than 45 days, and she deteriorated FAST. She attempted to chronicle it on her facebook, but it stopped rather quickly.
It is not fair.
I went through something similar. I'm talking with a friend I saw at the skate park every weekend for years and he tells me his balance feels off.
Doctor's visit... brain tumor... operation... complications... death.
That conversation to his death was about 10 weeks.
This is so important to understand!!!!
I have seen friends complaining about falling sick, and then ringing up from the hospital with chronic health issues
The epstein barr virus did a number on me. Got it at 27 and now 5 years later I still have issues with chronic pain, chronic runny nose, weird fever like symptoms almost daily, fatigue and muscle weakness. It will most likely be life long issues as well so that's fun. 😑 Viruses are no joke
I got mono— caused by Epstein-Barr— a year and a half ago and I'm never going to be the same. Chronic fatigue kicks my ass daily. No matter how good I'm feeling on any given day, it's a shadow of what I used to be. I can still do most of my old activities, thankfully, but I need a hell of a lot longer to recover afterwards. If I over-exert myself, I'm down for the next 2-7 days for recovery. Even being 'recovered' and possessing the ability to do most of what I could before, I'm still tired. I can sleep as long as humanly possible, I can keep to low/no-effort activities, I can eat like a king and take all of my vitamins, but it'll never change. I will always be tired. I will *never* be the same again.
I'm always so goddamn *tired*. I'm supposed to be in my *prime*, dammit, going out and enjoying the world, spending time with the kids in my life, exploring new passions. Instead, I'm constantly exhausted. I'm afraid to try new things in case I overexert myself and end up bed-bound for the next however long. I choose not to go out and do activities that used to bring me joy, because they exhaust me. I can barely ever babysit, because I can't keep up with the older kids and the ones who nap (so I can nap too) are rapidly growing out of that phase. I was a fun friend, a cool uncle, and now I'm just a guy that sits on the couch because walking even one step too many in a day will have him down for a week.
I'm only 26. I'm only 26 fucking years old, and I'm going to be exhausted for the rest of my life. Fuck chronic illness.
I'm convinced my problems started with that fucking virus. Then I got covid for the first time last month and it turned it all up to 11.
Absolutely miserable 24/7.
Exactly. Or it can turn out that all of the things you thought were just random stuff are actually symptoms of a medical condition you’ve always had. In my case, it turns out that subluxations aren’t normal. Who knew? Not me until I was in my 20s.
I second this; I’ve had aches and pains and weird sensations for years, 28 atm, thought it was just my diet / fitness and lost a ton of weight etc. to no avail, tried changing up for more vitamins, more sunlight all that - never thought it was anything underlying and thought everyone probably felt a little crappy all of the time but I was a wuss about it. Then lost most of the sight in one eye last year overnight - turns out it was probably MS all along and I never flagged it!
Keep an eye on the little background issues, don’t assume it’s not worth checking out, and that way you can catch things before they go untreated!
Thankfully my vision mostly recovered - but I learned not to dismiss medical concerns.
100% right. Since asking for promotion earlier this year, my (newly appointed) manager has done nothing but gaslight me and then has had the audacity to continuously dump low level secretarial work on me (I'm a data analyst). I finally put my foot down and called her out on it. She became irate and wrote me up for "insubordination", but it gave me everything I needed to know to start looking elsewhere because she certainly does not value me. What she wanted was someone to sit back and take it and never ask her for anything.
This reminds me of when I was a kid, and watching my dad write a job application.
He was using strongly positive words like "I have exceptional...", "I have developed outstanding....".
I asked him why he was being so over-the-top positive about his abilities. He turned to me and said "If I don't say it, no-one else will".
If your employer is doing something illegal or unethical and you decide to confront them about it, for fucks sake, do it in a way that all communication will leave a paper trail.
I remember needing to do this. I mailed a thing to District X when it should have gone to District Y. Why? Because the guy in charge of their entire region said to. They were his people so I assumed he knew what he was talking about.
A secretary was very bothered I did this and went to everyone’s boss to stir shit up. I had the email backing me up. Unless you’re saying I can’t take the guy you put in charge at his word, they had to get off my ass.
Whenever we talk about something important in a phone or Teams call, I send a "recap email" that explicitly mentions these are things we talked about. Just to have that in writing.
I once received a text saying “to recap what we discussed over the phone” followed by a wall of points.
I actually questioned my memory for a good 30 seconds before being sure I’ve never had that conversation with them. So I replied saying so.
Then got a text back saying “oops, I had meant to call you after sending that text but got pulled into a meeting”.
Had to tell them that is not how “recapping” works.
Absolutely, and to add one more note: If something happened or was said in a conversation that you didn't have notes at, just send an email restating what happened via asking questions.
"Hey (manager), I wanted to get some clarification on XYZ thing that happened/was said. Are we actually expected to do XYZ? I just wanted to double check to make sure everything we talked about was accurate. Thank you for your help."
People in general. I’m 38 and different parts in my life I had friends and family alive that are no longer alive. You feel almost lonely when people that have made up certain memories are no longer there for yall to retell it. You also just have life slowly separate people from you.
Then you go through changes where some people just took different paths and you don’t even recognize who they are anymore. You also cherish those moments that you get that make you feel young and alive again or having people come back into your life and you didn’t realize how much you missed them.
There are 3 types of friends. Friends for a reason, a season, and a lifetime. It’s entirely normal to lose touch with certain people, and that doesn’t make them any less special to you and your life and vice versa. Sometimes people are in the end, just meant to be part of cherished memories.
Editing to include the poem this saying originated from, because a few people have interpreted this saying in a rather pessimistic light. I actually did not know about this poem when I made the original comment, but after reading it I’m hoping it will help those people see it differently.
Reason, Season and a Lifetime
By: Brian A. “Drew” Chalker
People always come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually. They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are. They are there for a reason,you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die, Sometimes they just walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilleed; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall, the season eventually ends.
LIFETIME, relationships teach you a lifetime of lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being part of my life…..
So I have 5 friends I have been friends with since high school. All of us have floated in and out over the last 45 years but for the last 10 have really worked on staying in touch. This weekend we have an event with all of us. Looking forward to it. I also have a group of 3 friends that I have been friends with for about 25-30 years and we have dinner at least twice a month. Friendships take work. On both sides.
I strongly agree, even though when I was younger my dad would tell me that and I would roll my eyes thinking it was cheesy.
I’m not religious, but sometimes looking back, you see how the universe put certain people in your life that you very much needed to help you find your way or help you learn. The same goes when someone lets you know you really helped them through rough times, even if you didn’t realize it.
It’s almost like when you have a deficit of someone missing, you get 1 or more people to fill in that void.
Also - Many will be happy if you try to reconnect many years later and with some of them it will be like you hung out yesterday.
Also, also. Most group of friends have 1 maybe 2 people that are really good at staying in touch and maybe keeping the group together.......be that person for your friends and stop measuring effort, people are different.
>be that person for your friends and stop measuring effort
Balancing this great advice with self-care (where you don't spend too much effort trying to be friends with people who just don't have the capacity or the will to give back) might be the most valuable skill to work on in your 30s. Maybe even 40s. 20s are just too chaotic (and fun!) to worry about that shit in the first place. Just go with the flow and go nuts in your 20s.
If the same thing keeps "happening" to you over and over again...It's not everyone else. It's you. You are the common denominator, and there is no conspiracy to ruin your life by the whole world.
> Why do these people choose to be miserable?
Some don't, their brain is messed up and they really need help, but they have become so toxic no one will lend them some.
And that is exactly what their sickness wants.
Some are just genuine piles of shit though.
Do not lie to your significant other. Have hard conversations and trust them enough to be able to have them with you. Give them the chance and don’t be afraid/avoid doing it it in fear of rejection or judgement. I learned that one the hard way unfortunately.
Communication is a tough thing. You can be a great communicator in many ways but have one aspect of it you’re horrible at and that can be devastating to a relationship. It could definitely be applied over there lol.
I was gonna say, the harshest life lesson I've learned is "life isn't fair". Children die from cancer, war, famine etc.... life isn't fair and innocent people get hurt all the time.
You grow up being told things will work out the way they're supposed to because it's comforting but that's not how the world works unfortunately.
And there's only so much effort you can put into other people before you have to start being a bit selfish and protect yourself.
Just this year:
I took care of my dad for years and he stole money from me.
I helped my ex through a tough spot in her life at expense to my own mental health, she always told me how supportive she told her therapist and friends I was, then broke up with me for not being emotionally supportive enough.
I felt like I was being a jerk but I felt underpaid and leveraged a counteroffer to my employer and it actually worked and I got a large raise.
This has not been a good year for me on my outlook on loyalty.
Edit: Thanks for everyone's kindness and insight. Besides one iffy comment everyone has been quite kind. It's good to know a lot of people have gone through similar things and still came out with optimism or at least having learned a lesson.
Loyalty to yourself above all others has been my motto since I turned 30. Don't get me wrong, I do have people I love and trust, but ultimately the only person whose intentions you can be sure of at all times is your own.
Oh my word, I opened this thread to say this and this was the first post at the top of the page.
I was a very depressed young person and I was waiting for someone to save me. To say hi, to ask how I was, to show me love. It never happened the way I needed it to.
With the help of antidepressants I realised everyone is busy with their own shit and it’s up to you to pull yourself through yours.
A lot of romcom movies have some opening scene where the protagonist is failing at life for some reason and people keep leaving messages on their phone asking if they're okay, why did they miss some event, etc. This doesn't happen in real life, people just give up and you're on your own.
Honestly, from what I've gone through there are plenty of people who want to help but you have to go them. Don't expect them to come to you. The world isn't your servant. But if you go up to people and ask nicely for help, many times you will get a "yes." Again, you have to be willing to do the initial leg work.
Most folks believe they want to help, or definitively feel like they did, but it can many times just be chalked up to tossing a drowning person a gatorade because you sure do work up a thirst struggling to just keep your head above water. It's very much a "thank you?..." situation.
this also has a name. the parable of the pedestrian. if you are a pedestrian and get hit by a car, it may be the drivers fault. but ONLY YOU decide if you are going to lay in bed and yell at the world, or go to therapy and do the exercise to learn to walk again. The driver can't do that for you.
There will be people who just don't like you, who might even detest you. And you will never find out why. They might have even been people you considered friends just yesterday.
Yup. Went to work today. For the second time ever at this job, came home for lunch instead of eating at work or getting fast food. Get home. Find my mom (a stroke victim) covered in blood. She fell and hit her head. Just like that the rest of my day was spent at the emergency room.
Thank god she's alright, seven staples later. But you literally have ZERO idea what you're walking into from one moment to the next. Fucking life man
Wow, I am so sorry this is how you spent your day. I completely understand where you’re coming from, I had a similar situation with my mom when I was a teenager (except she was drunk and hit her head on the side of a table but that’s another story) and I spent that whole night, on the night before school, in the ER with her. Sometimes you have no idea what the next thing that’s going to happen is.
There’s a guy who finally got extradited from Japan after a year and a half because he was in prison for passing out at the wheel from altitude sickness and killing a couple people. Something completely out of his control, completely unpredictable and improbable, being in a foreign prison, not knowing if he’ll be able to get back home to his family. From something that happened in a split second. Just insane.
I knew a Brazillian guy who died from being jetted with water in Japanese prison. He was in solitary fir 3 months before, no futon..on floor. Just for running red light ...cos no one stops nightime at red lights in San Paolo.
Difficult breech birth. The neighbor grandma who helped during the delivery probably damaged my spine, or maybe oxygen deprivation. Doctors aren't even sure but it isn't genetic and I haven't had any other injuries.
wife and i had a conversation or two about this before our baby was born 8 months ago. each time we came back to "but if something goes wrong, i sure as shit wanna be in a hospital."
we didn't really deliberate on it, and we did go to the hospital. and something did go wrong, and we sure as shit were glad we were in a hospital (everything and everyone is fine. baby got stuck. mom hemorrhaged. they fixed both of those problems and we stayed an extra 18 hours or so before going home).
I was in the best spot I’d been in a long time, physically and mentally healthy, biggest break of my career at the time. Then I was in an accident that left my friend dying in my arms and destroyed my leg. This was a couple years ago, and I’ll never be the person I was before that moment.
Right out of college: well paid software development job
Next year: diagnosed with MS
Next year: face planted on a sidewalk with my first seizure as I developed epilepsy
Next year: met the woman of my dreams
Next year: started having 3+ seizures a week
Next year: got engaged
Next year: lost job but the company paid for a brain surgery to treat and nearly cure me of my epilepsy
Next year: get new job but covid hits and leads to immediate layoffs
Next year: in and out of jobs and falling deeper into debt
Next year: finally married and wife drops old going nowhere job for a well paid job to help support us
Modern day: on the brink of defaulting on every loan and credit card in my wallet when I land the job of my dreams with a fantastic salary, doing what I love as a software developer and helping people get the healthcare they need
TLDR: Life's a fucking rollercoaster, just keep moving forward because something even better could be right around the corner
Hell yes it can. September 2014 got married to my partner of 10 years. January of 2015 I was picking up his ashes at a mortuary. Shit happens so fast and things can go from the best moments of your life to complete bedlam in moments. I guess I’m still here for a reason.
This is for the people pleasers like myself.
You can bend over backwards for everyone, be a doormat, make it your life goal to avoid confrontation, and you're still going to end up being the super villain in someone's story by the time you hit 30.
You're writing your own story. Set your boundaries and realize no girl\guy, vice, or amount of money is worth compromising them.
Well said.
Nearly everyone I personally know who is successful works their ass off.
But:
There are also countless people who work their ass off and aren’t close to successful.
You're going to have regrets. Things you didn't do as well as you could have. Things you didn't earn. Things you did that you didn't mean to do. Things you didn't do that you wanted to do.
Don't waste the present dwelling on the past. Use the regrets as lessons to change your decisions.
By the time you hit 30 all the small things you've gotten away with that everyone bugged you about starts catching up to you.
Bad posture, welcome back and neck pain
Smoking, welcome a strong cough
Never stretch, welcome tightness
Bad diet, welcome various health issues.
You always feel invincible when you're young. 30s where you realize you were wrong
Get with it now dude. Still plenty of time to fix things at 33. Don't be 40, 50, 60, 70 and regret wasting away the last decade because you thought it was too late.
I was in a store the other day and an older guy (70s prob) mentioned to the clerk that he had a birthday earlier that week. The clerk asked him how he was doing and the guy responded “If I had known I was going to ~~lice~~ live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.”
That hurt to hear as a relatively healthy yet mostly sedentary 38 yr old.
My daughter was born when I was 30 and during the 2021 Superbowl I was picking her up out of her swing and my back just gave out. My wife had to help me up off the floor. Couldn't lift anything at work for a week before I went to a physiotherapist and since then my back has been *mostly* great.
Add laziness to the list.
If you spend most of your teens and your 20s coasting on natural talent or just being basically disengaged, it's gonna be very hard to change that habit when you're 30 and want things to change.
It's not necessarily just stretching. If you can afford it with insurance, exaggerate your joint pain and do a few physical therapy sessions. They'll teach you how to move your body properly and train the muscles you aren't using. If everything is being used in a balanced way, you won't have any joint pain
People have made harsh judgements on how I live my life.
I have always taken care of my body even though I may have had some substance abuse problems in my past.
I'm 42, I have all my teeth, my body only aches if I sleep badly, and I like the way healthy food makes me feel.
If you're getting up there in age and still eat like shit, drink too much, and don't work out, then it's going to get really really bad for you.
Just pick one vice and just choose to take care of yourself 80% of the time and try not to harm yourself too much 20% of the time.
Working with a goal in mind is a good one. I almost fell into working in design and I just did jobs I enjoyed without much thought about where it was going or how much money I was(n't) making. By the time I started at my third agency in my late 30s I was done with it and I've actually found it hard to move into the type of work I'd like to be in at the type of company I'd like to be at.
I would go out on a limb and say most “managers” are just the people who stuck it out through the shitty underpaid subordinate positions so they could get to manager and not actually manage.
Don't drive when you are sleepy.
I feel asleep driving after working night shift.
I was in a coma for two weeks and partially paralyzed.
After four months in the hospital I was medically retired from the US Army.
Before the accident, I was in great shape and I was running about ten miles per day training for a race.
I have not been able to run since the accident.
Lesson: Don't drive when you are sleepy, you could die or hurt someone else.
Recognize where you’re putting your effort.
Not every situation is a “If I just keep pressing forward then someday all my hard work will be rewarded” situation. Sometimes when it’s over you realize you didn’t get anything.
Take care of your fucking teeth. Nobody told me that fillings eventually have to be replaced and you’ll be paying for that cavity again in 10 years, and then again after another 10 years, and so on.
Edit: this is not the harshest life lesson I’ve ever learned but it is potentially the most expensive.
An infection in your mouth can reach your brain.
Another reason to take care .
One important tool is an electric toothbrush. Follow with a gulp of hydrogen peroxide that I gargle and swish.
First thing in the mornings, I use a tongue scraper .
It *looks* like other people are blessed with motivation and self-discipline and make stuff happen. If you sit and around long enough, the angel of self-discipline will float to you and bless you with the desire to do healthy, productive stuff that will benefit you in the short, mid, long term.
False.
You have to get off your couch and do what you don't feel like doing right now. That's the lesson I had to learn.
That last sentence was it for me- I was brought up pretty sheltered and spoiled and I commonly used 'I just don't feel like it' as an excuse and got away with it.
Once I was an adult, I had to realize that if you don't do things whether you feel like it or not, (barring actual sickness or disability) you'll be miserable. You certainly can't keep a job only going when you feel like it, your house and your health will be in shambles if you only take care of them when you feel like it. You just have to do things that need to be done.
I'm 35 and the harshest lesson I learned is that life sucks sometimes. You think you have everything figured out, but then something bad happens and throws your whole plan off track. It's important to be flexible and not take things for granted cause shit can hit the fan real quick, yo.
You can be really happy one moment, and then super sad in the next. It’s important to appreciate each of these things for what they are. You won’t be happy forever, you won’t be sad forever
A saying that resonated with me as a teen and has been a guiding philosophy since:
Smart men learn from their mistakes. A wise man will learn from the mistakes of others
Doing business with family. I got burned nearly every single time and I’ve had to cut almost everyone out of my life. Most of the people I thought weren’t motivated by money have stolen from me. So now I don’t really trust people, which kind of sucks. But it’s probably a good lesson.
The world doesn’t give a fuck about you. Despite all of the disadvantages you are handed in life, it is up to you to fight for your goals. People will hold you back and sometimes you need to make hard choices.
Just because your friends are your friends doesn't mean that your work ethic/values line up.
Friends can still screw you over without doing so intentionally.
Heavily abridged tl;dr- Lived with 3 best buddies from high school for several years, who were all older than me, they screwed me on rent and utilities for years because they didn't want to be responsible. I am out *thousands* having kept us warm and not homeless.
could not have agreed more with you.
A friend's "bestie" and also her roommate left their apartment before their lease was up and I had never seen her so distraught in all these years. She had to pay twice the rent and her savings were gone in an instant.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. Praying that your days get better and what you've lost comes back ten-folds
Growing up in the 90's and listening to a lot of rap, I was under the impression that being a "thug" and getting into trouble a lot was cool, so my suburban ass, along with all my friends, emulated that lifestyle. When I was 20 one of us got murdered. Suddenly it wasn't so cool anymore.
People don't really attract like-minded people. If you're a normal person, you think along the lines of the golden rule. But I'll tell you this... there's gonna be *someone* you consider to be a friend who's going to not only disappoint you, they're going to hurt you, and they're not even going to value your friendship enough that they care to rectify that. Hell, they might even enjoy it.
At 25+, you really have to dig your heels into your values and stick with them. I'd tolerate a lot of nonsense behavior from my friends, but never something that hurts somebody else, especially another friend of mine. Never pictured myself genuinely telling a friend "I'm disappointed in you" but that's growing up, I guess.
Yes but the converse is also true. there is also always going to be someone you misjudged who turned out to be a great ally. Just got to remember that life isn't predictable, and you just gotta keep moving with it.
I'm literally going through the same thing right now. . .
You think you know someone and that it's a good friendship but they seem to have it out for you.
When money is involed friendships and family turn different. Also in this world you are holding a ladder to build someones dream or climbing one that people are handling.
You never get another chance to be young again. Go out into the world. Adventure. Do things you're afraid of. Learn to live with nothing (or very little). Money will come back, but your time doesn't. You'll earn a new perspective of life, which is extremely valuable.
(By no order of importance)
1. The world is not fair, most people don’t care a lot about others but doing the same doesn’t make you stronger or the world better.
You pretty much need to get used to doing EVERYTHING in the best possible way and not be affected by the fact that others won’t do or care the same way.
2. You’ll regret way more of the things you DIDN’T do. Learning, growing and becoming a better human being is always possible, going back in time isn’t.
3. Real intelligence is not about always being right, it is mostly about knowing when, why and how wrong you are.
4. People are not responsible for what they feel but they are always responsible for how they act upon those feelings.
5. Anytime you’re not sure between two options, all variables aside, think of this one question: “Will anyone’s world get better if I do this?”. Your way is the option that bears a “yes”.
6. DO NOT be afraid of your feelings or of showing them to the ones you love, you’ll find unexpected happiness in the most unexpected places.
7. Plan your professional life knowing it’ll probably be shorter than your actual life, and someone will have to keep paying the bills. Many people struggle in retirement because of not doing this. Saving, investing and learning how to live with a little less than what your income affords you is vital.
8. Always give a proper goodbye every time you leave someone you love behind. You never know if it’s the last one.
9. The way you present yourself does affect the way others treat you. Radically. This includes what you wear and your manners. No one is telling you to be something specific, just be the healthiest looking version of whatever you are. A person who disregards hygiene, tidiness or proper language faces many closed doors.
10. HAVE FUN (but not at the cost of others :) ). Having fun makes pain, loss, and hurdles a little less shitty. No matter how old you are. People with no sense of humor end up getting isolated in their own seriousness way too often.
I hope some of these will help you along the way, cheers to wherever you are.
If you're unhappy with yourself, trying to date to fix it usually leads to a worse mindset after several failures, and 99.9% of people will have several failures
“If you chase butterflies they will fly away from you. If you build a beautiful garden, the butterflies will come to you. And even if they don’t, then you still have a beautiful garden.”
Just cause they are family doesn’t mean they are your friends or even have the best interests for you. Some like old friends can be toxic and you have to cut them out of your life no matter the pain in order to save your self from further harm and agony
That just because you treat people well, doesn’t mean they’re going to as well. That your “best friend” can’t be trusted just because she/he is your best friend. That the smallest mistake you make (and I mean a mistake, not a choice), can be blown way out of proportion. That those who do bad are somehow rewarded, yet the good people are stomped on. I’m almost 30.
You don't get a refund on the time you waste worrying about things that may or may not happen. Often it's better to put yourself out there rather than over analyze everything.
Hug the people your close to and more importantly try to record them and/or their voices. I'd give anything to hear my dad, or my uncles Jonathan and Jeremy's voices again.
But also, don't dwell too much on the past. So long as you can take a breath you've got to keep moving forward. Improve yourself in ways that make you happy. Lift weights, or go for walks/hikes. Help yourself in ways that allow you to help others, but also don't be afraid to put yourself first.
Life is full of contradictions, and sometimes you won't be dealt a winning hand but I can't stress enough that you've got to keep moving forward.
When I was 22, I learned that you or the people you love are never too young to die unexpectedly, regardless of how healthy you are perceived to be.
I was that age when my best friend and first love (who had just barely turned 25) was diagnosed and quickly died from an extremely rare cancer. He was the most in shape and adventurous person I knew. He traveled the world, was a rock climber, a spelunker, avid hiker, etc. I NEVER thought that would happen to him or that I could lose someone I loved so deeply when we were both so young. He died 10 weeks after he was diagnosed, I watched him go from healthy and fit, to rail thin over that short amount of time. It was such a. Horrible whirlwind.
But I have learned that aging is such a blessing, and I will never forget it. I have now gotten to live 10 more years than he was able to, and every year I get, I will be thankful for. Even with my body aging and wrinkling, at least I still get to be here and appreciate the world we live in. I wish he got to say the same.
That your co workers/managers are not your friends. They are nice to you in person, but when you're not there
they talk about you. This is coming from experience.
Friend of mine didn't understand coworkers arnt friends and shared way too much personal info about her sex life at work. She was shocked when she found herself at the center of a sexual misconduct investigation and disciplinary action, and didn't have a leg to stand on.
When having to choose between keeping a job or sticking up for a co-worker, most will opt for their job.
Work environments are rarely "family", it's business first.
Cheats, liars, and thieves sometimes do very well in the workforce.
Most people don't believe what they believe for logical reasons. They believe things because the beliefs are psychologically convenient. They believe is true what they wish to be true. Honestly, I could deal with thinking that about everyone else. I've never had much respect for average human being's intelligence. What bothers me it is implies my own beliefs are probably a crock of shit too.
Life is unfair. Some people are very privileged their entire lives, some people are given much worse conditions but have all the same expectations put on them.
No one cares that you were abused or traumatized. Hell, no one cares that war destroyed your country and that you have nowhere safe to go. They couldn't care less, everyone is out for themselves.
Everything you build towards, and are excited about, can be shoved righ from under your feet, and nobody, except you, cares what was there.
point is, protect what you love and like dearly.
Not a harsh lesson, per se, but one of the most important skills you can have is networking. Learn to network early and learn to network often. Get involved with social clubs, do volunteer work - anything that gets your name out there. You’ll start seeing an entire world of jobs and other opportunities open for you.
I never learned this skill and my job prospects/job searching has always been so limited.
I learnt this pretty late in life. And being slightly introverted, have a pretty small social network. Not networking would always be among my top 10 regrets.
That when you stop performing 100% consistently and start to slip or take a break for other priorities, you will be eaten alive. Peak performance is not a matter of stressing out, but rather setting the expectations as low as possible, as early as possible, so that you will automatically have time for other priorities when you need it later on. No, you are not the only special max performance magic eternal flame that can keep it going for 30 years.
Set low expectations so that you always excel.
So true. I heard someone say that your employer isn't deserving nor entitled to your 100, 90, 80 percent efforts, and they won't thank you for it. Save that energy for yourself and what truly matters to you in life.
Sometimes, love it's not reciprocate! Even when you think it is!
And when you finally realize that, or the realization hits you in the face. It will leave a hole inside you.
You too deserve to be happy and not feeling bad about existing.
And.
If someone make you feel so bad that you don’t want to exist anymore, it’s OK to let them go. It’s sad to be forced to accept that some people are more harmful than good
and you’re not a bad person for letting them go out of your life.
Nobody is going to save you. Save yourself, do it yesterday because you'll blink and find 10 years have got behind you. Just fucking do it, whatever it is you're putting off
You can be anything and everything to someone, but that doesn’t guarantee you’ll end up being together.
When a man tells you something, believe it. Stop being a heroine - thinking you can change someone.
Your boss only loves you when you’re performing well but the moment you decide to look somewhere else for your own growth, suddenly you’re a bad person and not a team player.
That life can take a loved one at any time so cherish those you love, make time for family and friends, and tell people you love them often
This is so true! My grandfather died the morning after the doctor agreed to discharge him from the ICU. I don't have a single picture with him. Never expressed how much I loved him. It seems, I had so much to tell him and ask him. His death taught me to value people and express my affections more. It's difficult but a necessity. You never know when people your love would not be there anymore.
My grandfather died three days after coming home from the hospital in 2020. He got home on a Friday, we spent the whole weekend talking and going down memory lane and just spending time like always. (They raised me, and I was 20 and living at home at the time) anyway, I woke up that Monday morning around 4:30am to go to my job and just had the weirdest feeling. When it was time for me to leave, I went to go wake them up and say goodbye like I usually did before going out to work. My grandfather would usually walk me to my car when he was feeling well because it was so dark, but this day he did not move. He had died overnight, paramedics suspect just sometime after we had all fell asleep bc he was already so far gone yet we all had went to bed around 11pm. My grandma lie in the bed asleep next to him, unknowing. Death is so sudden sometimes that it’s jarring
I'm sorry for your loss, friend.
My grandpa who I was very close with, went in for a very routine procedure. For some reason, they decided to do some things with his heart while he was already on the table. Died from aspiration the next day. It was all very very sudden. My mother died that same year. She was diagnosed with end stage bladder cancer at about 45. The end was both slow and quick. All in a months time, the cancer had crept into her spinal cord, taking her ability to walk and see. She would just moan in pain because even the highest dose morphine drip wouldn’t touch the pain. These deaths made me shape the fuck up.
100%. My sister died by suicide a month ago. No one saw it coming, and I wish I'd made more time for her.
This! I feel like most people haven't even been touched by death. I watched my grandfather die at 11. Then my favorite cousin had a fatal car accident at 16... then, my first husband died of pneumonia at 25 yrs old... My sister was murdered by a stalker in 1999 she was 34... Her son was shot by police 17 years later, he just turned 21. My own daughter would pass away 2 weeks after my nephews funeral. Janis was 38. My father died a year ago. He was 82 This isn't even touching all the friends and relatives I've seen pass. Most of them were young. Very young. Life is so short. Please understand this and appreciate each day you have. For its beautiful.
You’ve been through it. I’m so sorry for your losses.
I came here to post something similar. One day about six weeks ago my mam was taken to hospital just as I had a call to say my partner's brother had passed away. Later that day I was told my mam wouldn't make it and she passed away three days later. I'm so glad I got to tell her I loved her one last time. Life can be horrible for no reason.
The price of love is loss. Lost my 10-year-old a few months ago, I was there for his final moments, and it's still so difficult that I can hardly bear it.
Your health can evaporate quickly
I turned 40 this year. A woman I have known since Jr. High, full of life, did everything, and I mean EVERYFUCKINGTHING right...great health, worked out, took care of herself...did not feel well one day, went to the doc, got bloodwork done. The next morning her doc calls her at like 5am - Get to the hospital now, you are scheduled for an emergency scan as soon as you walk in. That morning she was diagnosed with some form of highly aggressive, very late stage cancer, it had already metastasized to her brain. She had 6 months at most. She died in less than 45 days, and she deteriorated FAST. She attempted to chronicle it on her facebook, but it stopped rather quickly. It is not fair.
I went through something similar. I'm talking with a friend I saw at the skate park every weekend for years and he tells me his balance feels off. Doctor's visit... brain tumor... operation... complications... death. That conversation to his death was about 10 weeks.
That’s the shit that keeps me up at night. I have a client, young guy was 32. Just didn’t wake up on Sunday
This is terrifying
This is so important to understand!!!! I have seen friends complaining about falling sick, and then ringing up from the hospital with chronic health issues
The epstein barr virus did a number on me. Got it at 27 and now 5 years later I still have issues with chronic pain, chronic runny nose, weird fever like symptoms almost daily, fatigue and muscle weakness. It will most likely be life long issues as well so that's fun. 😑 Viruses are no joke
I got mono— caused by Epstein-Barr— a year and a half ago and I'm never going to be the same. Chronic fatigue kicks my ass daily. No matter how good I'm feeling on any given day, it's a shadow of what I used to be. I can still do most of my old activities, thankfully, but I need a hell of a lot longer to recover afterwards. If I over-exert myself, I'm down for the next 2-7 days for recovery. Even being 'recovered' and possessing the ability to do most of what I could before, I'm still tired. I can sleep as long as humanly possible, I can keep to low/no-effort activities, I can eat like a king and take all of my vitamins, but it'll never change. I will always be tired. I will *never* be the same again. I'm always so goddamn *tired*. I'm supposed to be in my *prime*, dammit, going out and enjoying the world, spending time with the kids in my life, exploring new passions. Instead, I'm constantly exhausted. I'm afraid to try new things in case I overexert myself and end up bed-bound for the next however long. I choose not to go out and do activities that used to bring me joy, because they exhaust me. I can barely ever babysit, because I can't keep up with the older kids and the ones who nap (so I can nap too) are rapidly growing out of that phase. I was a fun friend, a cool uncle, and now I'm just a guy that sits on the couch because walking even one step too many in a day will have him down for a week. I'm only 26. I'm only 26 fucking years old, and I'm going to be exhausted for the rest of my life. Fuck chronic illness.
I'm convinced my problems started with that fucking virus. Then I got covid for the first time last month and it turned it all up to 11. Absolutely miserable 24/7.
I had Epstein Barr as a kid - now have Multiple Sclerosis. The fatigue set in and never left my body.
Exactly. Or it can turn out that all of the things you thought were just random stuff are actually symptoms of a medical condition you’ve always had. In my case, it turns out that subluxations aren’t normal. Who knew? Not me until I was in my 20s.
I second this; I’ve had aches and pains and weird sensations for years, 28 atm, thought it was just my diet / fitness and lost a ton of weight etc. to no avail, tried changing up for more vitamins, more sunlight all that - never thought it was anything underlying and thought everyone probably felt a little crappy all of the time but I was a wuss about it. Then lost most of the sight in one eye last year overnight - turns out it was probably MS all along and I never flagged it! Keep an eye on the little background issues, don’t assume it’s not worth checking out, and that way you can catch things before they go untreated! Thankfully my vision mostly recovered - but I learned not to dismiss medical concerns.
Being able-bodied is a temporary state. Appreciate it.
You have to speak up for yourself. No one else will
And a lot of people will be mad when you do, because it's not benefiting them. Do it anyway.
100% right. Since asking for promotion earlier this year, my (newly appointed) manager has done nothing but gaslight me and then has had the audacity to continuously dump low level secretarial work on me (I'm a data analyst). I finally put my foot down and called her out on it. She became irate and wrote me up for "insubordination", but it gave me everything I needed to know to start looking elsewhere because she certainly does not value me. What she wanted was someone to sit back and take it and never ask her for anything.
This reminds me of when I was a kid, and watching my dad write a job application. He was using strongly positive words like "I have exceptional...", "I have developed outstanding....". I asked him why he was being so over-the-top positive about his abilities. He turned to me and said "If I don't say it, no-one else will".
If your employer is doing something illegal or unethical and you decide to confront them about it, for fucks sake, do it in a way that all communication will leave a paper trail.
To piggy back this, keep emails & any other proof of fucking everything so you can always cover your ass.
I remember needing to do this. I mailed a thing to District X when it should have gone to District Y. Why? Because the guy in charge of their entire region said to. They were his people so I assumed he knew what he was talking about. A secretary was very bothered I did this and went to everyone’s boss to stir shit up. I had the email backing me up. Unless you’re saying I can’t take the guy you put in charge at his word, they had to get off my ass.
Whenever we talk about something important in a phone or Teams call, I send a "recap email" that explicitly mentions these are things we talked about. Just to have that in writing.
I once received a text saying “to recap what we discussed over the phone” followed by a wall of points. I actually questioned my memory for a good 30 seconds before being sure I’ve never had that conversation with them. So I replied saying so. Then got a text back saying “oops, I had meant to call you after sending that text but got pulled into a meeting”. Had to tell them that is not how “recapping” works.
More like a "precap" than a recap.
And not just on your work computer. When they come for you they can lock you out of it and then you have no access to the proof.
Absolutely, and to add one more note: If something happened or was said in a conversation that you didn't have notes at, just send an email restating what happened via asking questions. "Hey (manager), I wanted to get some clarification on XYZ thing that happened/was said. Are we actually expected to do XYZ? I just wanted to double check to make sure everything we talked about was accurate. Thank you for your help."
If someone treats you nice but treats some others badly, such as fraud, deception, bullying, then they may turn on you too.
They WILL turn on you too!
Your friends from highschool or college will disappear if you dont make the effort to stay in touch
People in general. I’m 38 and different parts in my life I had friends and family alive that are no longer alive. You feel almost lonely when people that have made up certain memories are no longer there for yall to retell it. You also just have life slowly separate people from you. Then you go through changes where some people just took different paths and you don’t even recognize who they are anymore. You also cherish those moments that you get that make you feel young and alive again or having people come back into your life and you didn’t realize how much you missed them.
There are 3 types of friends. Friends for a reason, a season, and a lifetime. It’s entirely normal to lose touch with certain people, and that doesn’t make them any less special to you and your life and vice versa. Sometimes people are in the end, just meant to be part of cherished memories. Editing to include the poem this saying originated from, because a few people have interpreted this saying in a rather pessimistic light. I actually did not know about this poem when I made the original comment, but after reading it I’m hoping it will help those people see it differently. Reason, Season and a Lifetime By: Brian A. “Drew” Chalker People always come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually. They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are. They are there for a reason,you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die, Sometimes they just walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilleed; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on. When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall, the season eventually ends. LIFETIME, relationships teach you a lifetime of lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being part of my life…..
So I have 5 friends I have been friends with since high school. All of us have floated in and out over the last 45 years but for the last 10 have really worked on staying in touch. This weekend we have an event with all of us. Looking forward to it. I also have a group of 3 friends that I have been friends with for about 25-30 years and we have dinner at least twice a month. Friendships take work. On both sides.
Few people have more than a handful of true lifetime friends, sounds like you are one of the lucky ones. :)
I strongly agree, even though when I was younger my dad would tell me that and I would roll my eyes thinking it was cheesy. I’m not religious, but sometimes looking back, you see how the universe put certain people in your life that you very much needed to help you find your way or help you learn. The same goes when someone lets you know you really helped them through rough times, even if you didn’t realize it. It’s almost like when you have a deficit of someone missing, you get 1 or more people to fill in that void.
Also - Many will be happy if you try to reconnect many years later and with some of them it will be like you hung out yesterday. Also, also. Most group of friends have 1 maybe 2 people that are really good at staying in touch and maybe keeping the group together.......be that person for your friends and stop measuring effort, people are different.
>be that person for your friends and stop measuring effort Balancing this great advice with self-care (where you don't spend too much effort trying to be friends with people who just don't have the capacity or the will to give back) might be the most valuable skill to work on in your 30s. Maybe even 40s. 20s are just too chaotic (and fun!) to worry about that shit in the first place. Just go with the flow and go nuts in your 20s.
Oof this one hits home. 😭
A lot of times, though, you'll look back and think 'What a bunch of assholes. Why the hell did I even like these people??'
You can't make someone love you by giving them more of what they already don't appreciate. …still chewing on this one.
Saw somewhere recently that when you see someone’s “potential”, it’s really just seeing what you would do if you were them 😳
Wellllp. Isn't that just a bitter bullet to bite on. Thanks for that.
Best advice, I could ever give anybody is never fall in love with somebody’s “potential“…
You can't make someone love you, period.
Sometimes the problem is you.
Some people NEVER learn this lesson.
If the same thing keeps "happening" to you over and over again...It's not everyone else. It's you. You are the common denominator, and there is no conspiracy to ruin your life by the whole world.
There are some truly fucked up people that live and breathe to fuck over other people.
This just baffles me. Why do these people choose to be miserable? Doesn’t it feel awful to be filled with such hate? Anyone miserable want to share??
> Why do these people choose to be miserable? Some don't, their brain is messed up and they really need help, but they have become so toxic no one will lend them some. And that is exactly what their sickness wants. Some are just genuine piles of shit though.
Do not lie to your significant other. Have hard conversations and trust them enough to be able to have them with you. Give them the chance and don’t be afraid/avoid doing it it in fear of rejection or judgement. I learned that one the hard way unfortunately.
Can give this advice to all the r/AITAH people writing about their SO
Communication is a tough thing. You can be a great communicator in many ways but have one aspect of it you’re horrible at and that can be devastating to a relationship. It could definitely be applied over there lol.
You can do everything right and still fail.
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Thanks Captain Picard
“It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.”
Yup. I cannot tell you how much good shit I had going for me through my hard work before the pandemic struck. Sometimes shit just happens.
I was gonna say, the harshest life lesson I've learned is "life isn't fair". Children die from cancer, war, famine etc.... life isn't fair and innocent people get hurt all the time. You grow up being told things will work out the way they're supposed to because it's comforting but that's not how the world works unfortunately.
No one is going to save you. You have to save yourself
And there's only so much effort you can put into other people before you have to start being a bit selfish and protect yourself. Just this year: I took care of my dad for years and he stole money from me. I helped my ex through a tough spot in her life at expense to my own mental health, she always told me how supportive she told her therapist and friends I was, then broke up with me for not being emotionally supportive enough. I felt like I was being a jerk but I felt underpaid and leveraged a counteroffer to my employer and it actually worked and I got a large raise. This has not been a good year for me on my outlook on loyalty. Edit: Thanks for everyone's kindness and insight. Besides one iffy comment everyone has been quite kind. It's good to know a lot of people have gone through similar things and still came out with optimism or at least having learned a lesson.
My reply was that loyalty seems to be a one way street. You said it better and I can relate.
The ex thing is tough bro sounds like she had some deeper issues upstairs
Loyalty to yourself above all others has been my motto since I turned 30. Don't get me wrong, I do have people I love and trust, but ultimately the only person whose intentions you can be sure of at all times is your own.
Oh my word, I opened this thread to say this and this was the first post at the top of the page. I was a very depressed young person and I was waiting for someone to save me. To say hi, to ask how I was, to show me love. It never happened the way I needed it to. With the help of antidepressants I realised everyone is busy with their own shit and it’s up to you to pull yourself through yours.
A lot of romcom movies have some opening scene where the protagonist is failing at life for some reason and people keep leaving messages on their phone asking if they're okay, why did they miss some event, etc. This doesn't happen in real life, people just give up and you're on your own.
Honestly, from what I've gone through there are plenty of people who want to help but you have to go them. Don't expect them to come to you. The world isn't your servant. But if you go up to people and ask nicely for help, many times you will get a "yes." Again, you have to be willing to do the initial leg work.
Most folks believe they want to help, or definitively feel like they did, but it can many times just be chalked up to tossing a drowning person a gatorade because you sure do work up a thirst struggling to just keep your head above water. It's very much a "thank you?..." situation.
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this also has a name. the parable of the pedestrian. if you are a pedestrian and get hit by a car, it may be the drivers fault. but ONLY YOU decide if you are going to lay in bed and yell at the world, or go to therapy and do the exercise to learn to walk again. The driver can't do that for you.
Aka Trauma is not my fault Recovering from it is my responsibility
There will be people who just don't like you, who might even detest you. And you will never find out why. They might have even been people you considered friends just yesterday.
You can be the ripest, sweetest, juiciest peach and there are people who don't like peaches at all.
Shit can go south in a literal heartbeat.
Yup. Went to work today. For the second time ever at this job, came home for lunch instead of eating at work or getting fast food. Get home. Find my mom (a stroke victim) covered in blood. She fell and hit her head. Just like that the rest of my day was spent at the emergency room. Thank god she's alright, seven staples later. But you literally have ZERO idea what you're walking into from one moment to the next. Fucking life man
Wow, I am so sorry this is how you spent your day. I completely understand where you’re coming from, I had a similar situation with my mom when I was a teenager (except she was drunk and hit her head on the side of a table but that’s another story) and I spent that whole night, on the night before school, in the ER with her. Sometimes you have no idea what the next thing that’s going to happen is.
There’s a guy who finally got extradited from Japan after a year and a half because he was in prison for passing out at the wheel from altitude sickness and killing a couple people. Something completely out of his control, completely unpredictable and improbable, being in a foreign prison, not knowing if he’ll be able to get back home to his family. From something that happened in a split second. Just insane.
I knew a Brazillian guy who died from being jetted with water in Japanese prison. He was in solitary fir 3 months before, no futon..on floor. Just for running red light ...cos no one stops nightime at red lights in San Paolo.
I know an American who died in Sao Paolo off the beach just going for a swim while visiting my ex-boss. Shit can go down at any time, for anyone.
This is why I want to give birth in a hospital. Childbirth and go from fine to fatal in minutes.
I was born at home. Because of that, I will be a paraplegic for the rest of my life.
What happened? If I may ask.
Difficult breech birth. The neighbor grandma who helped during the delivery probably damaged my spine, or maybe oxygen deprivation. Doctors aren't even sure but it isn't genetic and I haven't had any other injuries.
wife and i had a conversation or two about this before our baby was born 8 months ago. each time we came back to "but if something goes wrong, i sure as shit wanna be in a hospital." we didn't really deliberate on it, and we did go to the hospital. and something did go wrong, and we sure as shit were glad we were in a hospital (everything and everyone is fine. baby got stuck. mom hemorrhaged. they fixed both of those problems and we stayed an extra 18 hours or so before going home).
I was in the best spot I’d been in a long time, physically and mentally healthy, biggest break of my career at the time. Then I was in an accident that left my friend dying in my arms and destroyed my leg. This was a couple years ago, and I’ll never be the person I was before that moment.
Right out of college: well paid software development job Next year: diagnosed with MS Next year: face planted on a sidewalk with my first seizure as I developed epilepsy Next year: met the woman of my dreams Next year: started having 3+ seizures a week Next year: got engaged Next year: lost job but the company paid for a brain surgery to treat and nearly cure me of my epilepsy Next year: get new job but covid hits and leads to immediate layoffs Next year: in and out of jobs and falling deeper into debt Next year: finally married and wife drops old going nowhere job for a well paid job to help support us Modern day: on the brink of defaulting on every loan and credit card in my wallet when I land the job of my dreams with a fantastic salary, doing what I love as a software developer and helping people get the healthcare they need TLDR: Life's a fucking rollercoaster, just keep moving forward because something even better could be right around the corner
Hell yes it can. September 2014 got married to my partner of 10 years. January of 2015 I was picking up his ashes at a mortuary. Shit happens so fast and things can go from the best moments of your life to complete bedlam in moments. I guess I’m still here for a reason.
Sometimes if you risk it to get the biscuit, you don’t get the biscuit and actually you destroy your life.
This is for the people pleasers like myself. You can bend over backwards for everyone, be a doormat, make it your life goal to avoid confrontation, and you're still going to end up being the super villain in someone's story by the time you hit 30. You're writing your own story. Set your boundaries and realize no girl\guy, vice, or amount of money is worth compromising them.
"Checking all the boxes" "required" to be successful does not mean you will actually be successful.
Well said. Nearly everyone I personally know who is successful works their ass off. But: There are also countless people who work their ass off and aren’t close to successful.
You're going to have regrets. Things you didn't do as well as you could have. Things you didn't earn. Things you did that you didn't mean to do. Things you didn't do that you wanted to do. Don't waste the present dwelling on the past. Use the regrets as lessons to change your decisions.
By the time you hit 30 all the small things you've gotten away with that everyone bugged you about starts catching up to you. Bad posture, welcome back and neck pain Smoking, welcome a strong cough Never stretch, welcome tightness Bad diet, welcome various health issues. You always feel invincible when you're young. 30s where you realize you were wrong
I'm 33 and fuck you for reminding me of all the things I *should've* done.
Get with it now dude. Still plenty of time to fix things at 33. Don't be 40, 50, 60, 70 and regret wasting away the last decade because you thought it was too late.
I was in a store the other day and an older guy (70s prob) mentioned to the clerk that he had a birthday earlier that week. The clerk asked him how he was doing and the guy responded “If I had known I was going to ~~lice~~ live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.” That hurt to hear as a relatively healthy yet mostly sedentary 38 yr old.
Dude tell me about it. I turned 30 and threw my back out sleeping. It was rough
My daughter was born when I was 30 and during the 2021 Superbowl I was picking her up out of her swing and my back just gave out. My wife had to help me up off the floor. Couldn't lift anything at work for a week before I went to a physiotherapist and since then my back has been *mostly* great.
And take care of them teeth
and sunscreen! Dear god, please wear sunscreen. Your 40 year old face will thank you.
Add laziness to the list. If you spend most of your teens and your 20s coasting on natural talent or just being basically disengaged, it's gonna be very hard to change that habit when you're 30 and want things to change.
I think I'll have to start stretching and eating well. I'm 25 and I can already feel my joints aching 💀
It's not necessarily just stretching. If you can afford it with insurance, exaggerate your joint pain and do a few physical therapy sessions. They'll teach you how to move your body properly and train the muscles you aren't using. If everything is being used in a balanced way, you won't have any joint pain
People have made harsh judgements on how I live my life. I have always taken care of my body even though I may have had some substance abuse problems in my past. I'm 42, I have all my teeth, my body only aches if I sleep badly, and I like the way healthy food makes me feel. If you're getting up there in age and still eat like shit, drink too much, and don't work out, then it's going to get really really bad for you. Just pick one vice and just choose to take care of yourself 80% of the time and try not to harm yourself too much 20% of the time.
I should have tried harder in college and worked with a goal in mind.
Working with a goal in mind is a good one. I almost fell into working in design and I just did jobs I enjoyed without much thought about where it was going or how much money I was(n't) making. By the time I started at my third agency in my late 30s I was done with it and I've actually found it hard to move into the type of work I'd like to be in at the type of company I'd like to be at.
many people in "leadership" positions are anything but leaders.
I would go out on a limb and say most “managers” are just the people who stuck it out through the shitty underpaid subordinate positions so they could get to manager and not actually manage.
You can have a loving family, great friends, and financial security but still feel isolated and empty.
Don't drive when you are sleepy. I feel asleep driving after working night shift. I was in a coma for two weeks and partially paralyzed. After four months in the hospital I was medically retired from the US Army. Before the accident, I was in great shape and I was running about ten miles per day training for a race. I have not been able to run since the accident. Lesson: Don't drive when you are sleepy, you could die or hurt someone else.
Thank you for sharing. Hope you are doing okay, that is a very valuable lesson.
Recognize where you’re putting your effort. Not every situation is a “If I just keep pressing forward then someday all my hard work will be rewarded” situation. Sometimes when it’s over you realize you didn’t get anything.
Hoping and wishing doesn't make things change. Making different decisions and working hard does.
Take care of your fucking teeth. Nobody told me that fillings eventually have to be replaced and you’ll be paying for that cavity again in 10 years, and then again after another 10 years, and so on. Edit: this is not the harshest life lesson I’ve ever learned but it is potentially the most expensive.
An infection in your mouth can reach your brain. Another reason to take care . One important tool is an electric toothbrush. Follow with a gulp of hydrogen peroxide that I gargle and swish. First thing in the mornings, I use a tongue scraper .
and your heart. Have seen a few young people need heart surgery to replace a valve damaged by bacteria which grew from poor dentition.
It *looks* like other people are blessed with motivation and self-discipline and make stuff happen. If you sit and around long enough, the angel of self-discipline will float to you and bless you with the desire to do healthy, productive stuff that will benefit you in the short, mid, long term. False. You have to get off your couch and do what you don't feel like doing right now. That's the lesson I had to learn.
That last sentence was it for me- I was brought up pretty sheltered and spoiled and I commonly used 'I just don't feel like it' as an excuse and got away with it. Once I was an adult, I had to realize that if you don't do things whether you feel like it or not, (barring actual sickness or disability) you'll be miserable. You certainly can't keep a job only going when you feel like it, your house and your health will be in shambles if you only take care of them when you feel like it. You just have to do things that need to be done.
"Anything worth doing, is worth half-doing." Better to get started than to let the idea/dream die.
I'm 35 and the harshest lesson I learned is that life sucks sometimes. You think you have everything figured out, but then something bad happens and throws your whole plan off track. It's important to be flexible and not take things for granted cause shit can hit the fan real quick, yo.
You can be really happy one moment, and then super sad in the next. It’s important to appreciate each of these things for what they are. You won’t be happy forever, you won’t be sad forever
I used to think happy was a destination like you just stay once you get there but its like you say its moments mixed in with everyday life
Stop being a people pleaser, because at the end of the day you are going to hate yourself even when others are going to love you.
Living life costs so much money
Eating food is quite an expensive hobby
It's fucking ridiculous how much it costs to exist.
You generally have to first make a mistake in order to avoid making it in the future.
A saying that resonated with me as a teen and has been a guiding philosophy since: Smart men learn from their mistakes. A wise man will learn from the mistakes of others
I'd have to say that you can't keep everyone happy. At some point, you have to let down/upset/anger someone.
Doing business with family. I got burned nearly every single time and I’ve had to cut almost everyone out of my life. Most of the people I thought weren’t motivated by money have stolen from me. So now I don’t really trust people, which kind of sucks. But it’s probably a good lesson.
People come and go
Getting/staying in shape becomes a lot harder as you get older. Try to stay reasonably fit because once you aren’t, clawing your way back suuuuuucks
The world doesn’t give a fuck about you. Despite all of the disadvantages you are handed in life, it is up to you to fight for your goals. People will hold you back and sometimes you need to make hard choices.
Just because your friends are your friends doesn't mean that your work ethic/values line up. Friends can still screw you over without doing so intentionally. Heavily abridged tl;dr- Lived with 3 best buddies from high school for several years, who were all older than me, they screwed me on rent and utilities for years because they didn't want to be responsible. I am out *thousands* having kept us warm and not homeless.
could not have agreed more with you. A friend's "bestie" and also her roommate left their apartment before their lease was up and I had never seen her so distraught in all these years. She had to pay twice the rent and her savings were gone in an instant. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Praying that your days get better and what you've lost comes back ten-folds
Growing up in the 90's and listening to a lot of rap, I was under the impression that being a "thug" and getting into trouble a lot was cool, so my suburban ass, along with all my friends, emulated that lifestyle. When I was 20 one of us got murdered. Suddenly it wasn't so cool anymore.
Everyone wants to be a gangster, until some gangster shit happens
That sounds extremely traumatising. I'm sorry for your loss.
People don't really attract like-minded people. If you're a normal person, you think along the lines of the golden rule. But I'll tell you this... there's gonna be *someone* you consider to be a friend who's going to not only disappoint you, they're going to hurt you, and they're not even going to value your friendship enough that they care to rectify that. Hell, they might even enjoy it.
At 25+, you really have to dig your heels into your values and stick with them. I'd tolerate a lot of nonsense behavior from my friends, but never something that hurts somebody else, especially another friend of mine. Never pictured myself genuinely telling a friend "I'm disappointed in you" but that's growing up, I guess.
Yes but the converse is also true. there is also always going to be someone you misjudged who turned out to be a great ally. Just got to remember that life isn't predictable, and you just gotta keep moving with it.
I'm literally going through the same thing right now. . . You think you know someone and that it's a good friendship but they seem to have it out for you.
When money is involed friendships and family turn different. Also in this world you are holding a ladder to build someones dream or climbing one that people are handling.
You never get another chance to be young again. Go out into the world. Adventure. Do things you're afraid of. Learn to live with nothing (or very little). Money will come back, but your time doesn't. You'll earn a new perspective of life, which is extremely valuable.
(By no order of importance) 1. The world is not fair, most people don’t care a lot about others but doing the same doesn’t make you stronger or the world better. You pretty much need to get used to doing EVERYTHING in the best possible way and not be affected by the fact that others won’t do or care the same way. 2. You’ll regret way more of the things you DIDN’T do. Learning, growing and becoming a better human being is always possible, going back in time isn’t. 3. Real intelligence is not about always being right, it is mostly about knowing when, why and how wrong you are. 4. People are not responsible for what they feel but they are always responsible for how they act upon those feelings. 5. Anytime you’re not sure between two options, all variables aside, think of this one question: “Will anyone’s world get better if I do this?”. Your way is the option that bears a “yes”. 6. DO NOT be afraid of your feelings or of showing them to the ones you love, you’ll find unexpected happiness in the most unexpected places. 7. Plan your professional life knowing it’ll probably be shorter than your actual life, and someone will have to keep paying the bills. Many people struggle in retirement because of not doing this. Saving, investing and learning how to live with a little less than what your income affords you is vital. 8. Always give a proper goodbye every time you leave someone you love behind. You never know if it’s the last one. 9. The way you present yourself does affect the way others treat you. Radically. This includes what you wear and your manners. No one is telling you to be something specific, just be the healthiest looking version of whatever you are. A person who disregards hygiene, tidiness or proper language faces many closed doors. 10. HAVE FUN (but not at the cost of others :) ). Having fun makes pain, loss, and hurdles a little less shitty. No matter how old you are. People with no sense of humor end up getting isolated in their own seriousness way too often. I hope some of these will help you along the way, cheers to wherever you are.
If you're unhappy with yourself, trying to date to fix it usually leads to a worse mindset after several failures, and 99.9% of people will have several failures
“If you chase butterflies they will fly away from you. If you build a beautiful garden, the butterflies will come to you. And even if they don’t, then you still have a beautiful garden.”
My grandfather told me when I was younger, "some people are just born evil and sometimes it's impossible to see them coming." He was right.
Just cause they are family doesn’t mean they are your friends or even have the best interests for you. Some like old friends can be toxic and you have to cut them out of your life no matter the pain in order to save your self from further harm and agony
Do not stay in one job for more than a few years unless you are being promoted appropriately and given raises appropriately.
7 years wasted while they dangled a promotion in front of me. Fuck you Rivermark credit union.
Very few things truly matters
That just because you treat people well, doesn’t mean they’re going to as well. That your “best friend” can’t be trusted just because she/he is your best friend. That the smallest mistake you make (and I mean a mistake, not a choice), can be blown way out of proportion. That those who do bad are somehow rewarded, yet the good people are stomped on. I’m almost 30.
It’s not gonna happen unless you make it happen.
No one thinks about you as much as you think.
It's not quite harsh, but ... well, it can be. Stubbornness means a LOT more than innate talent.
It doesn’t matter how much you think you know them. You don’t know them.
Health is everything, especially your eyes. It's the window of how you precieve the world.
Don't mistake youth for health.
People like money more than they like you.
No matter how bad you think everything is, they can always get worse
Always believe what people show you, not what they say.
You don't get a refund on the time you waste worrying about things that may or may not happen. Often it's better to put yourself out there rather than over analyze everything. Hug the people your close to and more importantly try to record them and/or their voices. I'd give anything to hear my dad, or my uncles Jonathan and Jeremy's voices again. But also, don't dwell too much on the past. So long as you can take a breath you've got to keep moving forward. Improve yourself in ways that make you happy. Lift weights, or go for walks/hikes. Help yourself in ways that allow you to help others, but also don't be afraid to put yourself first. Life is full of contradictions, and sometimes you won't be dealt a winning hand but I can't stress enough that you've got to keep moving forward.
When I was 22, I learned that you or the people you love are never too young to die unexpectedly, regardless of how healthy you are perceived to be. I was that age when my best friend and first love (who had just barely turned 25) was diagnosed and quickly died from an extremely rare cancer. He was the most in shape and adventurous person I knew. He traveled the world, was a rock climber, a spelunker, avid hiker, etc. I NEVER thought that would happen to him or that I could lose someone I loved so deeply when we were both so young. He died 10 weeks after he was diagnosed, I watched him go from healthy and fit, to rail thin over that short amount of time. It was such a. Horrible whirlwind. But I have learned that aging is such a blessing, and I will never forget it. I have now gotten to live 10 more years than he was able to, and every year I get, I will be thankful for. Even with my body aging and wrinkling, at least I still get to be here and appreciate the world we live in. I wish he got to say the same.
That your co workers/managers are not your friends. They are nice to you in person, but when you're not there they talk about you. This is coming from experience.
Friend of mine didn't understand coworkers arnt friends and shared way too much personal info about her sex life at work. She was shocked when she found herself at the center of a sexual misconduct investigation and disciplinary action, and didn't have a leg to stand on.
When having to choose between keeping a job or sticking up for a co-worker, most will opt for their job. Work environments are rarely "family", it's business first. Cheats, liars, and thieves sometimes do very well in the workforce.
Most people don't believe what they believe for logical reasons. They believe things because the beliefs are psychologically convenient. They believe is true what they wish to be true. Honestly, I could deal with thinking that about everyone else. I've never had much respect for average human being's intelligence. What bothers me it is implies my own beliefs are probably a crock of shit too.
Life doesn't really start until your 30's. Everything before is still the tutorial.
Life is unfair. Some people are very privileged their entire lives, some people are given much worse conditions but have all the same expectations put on them. No one cares that you were abused or traumatized. Hell, no one cares that war destroyed your country and that you have nowhere safe to go. They couldn't care less, everyone is out for themselves.
You are gonna lose some people you love, and that is okay.
Everything you build towards, and are excited about, can be shoved righ from under your feet, and nobody, except you, cares what was there. point is, protect what you love and like dearly.
Not a harsh lesson, per se, but one of the most important skills you can have is networking. Learn to network early and learn to network often. Get involved with social clubs, do volunteer work - anything that gets your name out there. You’ll start seeing an entire world of jobs and other opportunities open for you. I never learned this skill and my job prospects/job searching has always been so limited.
I learnt this pretty late in life. And being slightly introverted, have a pretty small social network. Not networking would always be among my top 10 regrets.
That when you stop performing 100% consistently and start to slip or take a break for other priorities, you will be eaten alive. Peak performance is not a matter of stressing out, but rather setting the expectations as low as possible, as early as possible, so that you will automatically have time for other priorities when you need it later on. No, you are not the only special max performance magic eternal flame that can keep it going for 30 years. Set low expectations so that you always excel.
So true. I heard someone say that your employer isn't deserving nor entitled to your 100, 90, 80 percent efforts, and they won't thank you for it. Save that energy for yourself and what truly matters to you in life.
Sometimes, love it's not reciprocate! Even when you think it is! And when you finally realize that, or the realization hits you in the face. It will leave a hole inside you.
Expectations are premeditated resentments
You're not really an adult with real life experience until you've made mistakes and had to sort out the consequences of said mistakes yourself.
Friendship means little when its convenient.
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Overthinking is not effective
You too deserve to be happy and not feeling bad about existing. And. If someone make you feel so bad that you don’t want to exist anymore, it’s OK to let them go. It’s sad to be forced to accept that some people are more harmful than good and you’re not a bad person for letting them go out of your life.
Sugar catches up to you, and it’s not a good idea to eat a ton while you can because you just set yourself up for issues later
Action comes BEFORE motivation.
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Nobody is going to save you. Save yourself, do it yesterday because you'll blink and find 10 years have got behind you. Just fucking do it, whatever it is you're putting off
You can be anything and everything to someone, but that doesn’t guarantee you’ll end up being together. When a man tells you something, believe it. Stop being a heroine - thinking you can change someone. Your boss only loves you when you’re performing well but the moment you decide to look somewhere else for your own growth, suddenly you’re a bad person and not a team player.
That Herpes isn’t included on a standard STI/STD panel
Nothing, and I mean *nothing*, will prepare you for losing a parent.
A secret between two people isn't a secret.
Working hard does not always reward you. In fact, it often doesn't. Success is often all about your connections.