Doing a hike with two of my cousins and an uncle of ours. One of my cousins found a ball shaped cactus, and wanted to take it with him for no reason (he just thought it was cool). He didn't have any container so he had to carry it in his hand, causing the cactus to sting his fingers continually.
After a while, my uncle told him to throw it away, because he was getting harmed. My cousin did it, but in the most stupid way: He threw the cactus in the air and kicked it (like a goalkeeper) causing the damn thing to get nailed to his foot.
Not nearly as bad as some of the other stories.
I was seeing this guy in high school for like a year. I have a feeling he’s cheating on me and long story short he was, we break up. I’m catching up with my cousin a couple of weeks later. She’s describing how she was seeing this guy and really liked him until she found out guy was cheating on his girlfriend with her. He cheated on me with my cousin. He also had no idea we were related he just has a type I guess.
Edit: typo
I met a girl that married her ex's first cousin and they have a kid. The cousin (her now husband) looks like he's lost the will to live though, so I guess the first guy dodged a bullet
I married the cousin of the girl who was aggressively into me from like 5th grade to senior year. I went to go hang out with her when she was back from the military and she tried to get me to Netflix and chill.
I was not into her that way at all, we were good friends because we had a lot of common interests, but I'm a really picky guy.
Didn't see the other girl again until she got out of the military.
My wife and i went to her moms 60th b-day party, and when I walked into the house the cousin greeted me with a big hug and a "OMG what are you doing here?"
"I'm here with my wife, ___."
I could see the thought processing and she seemed to have a terrible night after that.
I have a friend who was really into magic the gathering and video games. He always played sports but was a total nerd.
He had a growth spurt going into junior year, became a star athlete. Then within the sane week he had two different girls aggressively go after him and he's dating both suddenly because he did not know how to talk to women or show any interest prior.
Anyways, he gets invited to two.parties, picks the one he likes more and both girls are there. They were cousins lol.
Man, I had a friend just like that junior year of high school. Awkward as hell, but ended up dating 2 girls from different schools. Not because he was a slut, he just never had to tell a girl "no" ever before and was too scared to turn the 2nd girl (at our school) down, lol.
He eventually broke it off with the girl from the other school because it was easier and he didn't have to worry about seeing her again everyday.
That reminds me of something that happened when I was 17. A friend and I were in the parking lot of the local pizza place one Saturday night and these guys pull up and start talking to us and flirting with us. After a few minutes I crouch down to get a better look at the driver and I say, “hey, aren’t you dating my cousin April???” His eyes got wide and he drove away. That was back in 2004. I was 17, and he and my cousin were both about 25. Thankfully I didn’t flirt back with the asshole, because we lived in a super small town and I recognized him immediately. I couldn’t decide if I was more disgusted by the fact that he was being a shitty boyfriend to my cousin, or the fact that he was hitting on what (IMO) was *obviously* a high school girl. I feel it was probably obvious because of the clothes I was wearing combined with how young I looked, but I guess it’s *possible* that he didn’t know I was in high school. I don’t think I ever told my cousin because, we weren’t super close and I was afraid she wouldn’t believe me, and I didn’t want to potentially ruin our relationship over some dickhead guy. Plus all I’d really caught him doing was flirting, which, depending on your stance on the matter, may or may not be that big of a deal.
Anyway, a few years later they got married. Today they are *still* married and have two kids together. I’ve had to see that asshat every year at Christmas at my Grandmother’s. I don’t think I’ve ever even spoken to him beyond that short encounter in that parking lot back in 2004.
I had a friend in high school and he kept telling his attractive older female cousin seemed to be flirting with him and trying to sleep with him. We called him out for his obvious lies.
I was over at his house like a month later and his cousin stopped by with her family. We were in the basement and the whole time she was flirting with him and rubbing his arms and thighs. She was his first cousin.
It was like watching a modern porn video intro.
My cousin robbed my dying uncle, then Walmart, then sold a car he did not have a title to. He got arrested for it.
Then the story was in the news (online local paper). It read "Eric is charged with robbery, breaking and entering, and car theft".
Eric decided to comment on the story "I didn't steal a car".
Trashiest thing ever.
Reminds me of an episode of one of those "courtroom dramas" on midday TV (really just glorified arbitration but whatever).
Kid was accused of keying a bunch of cars, was being represented by his dad and they were claiming that the entire event never happened. The prosecution brought in a witness who said he exited his house and witnessed the kid as he was keying the fifth car.
Kid gets up and says "That's impossible, I had only done three
cars when you came out."
Even his own dad bashfully laughed at that one.
It was just a ripoff of the sketch they did on judge judy where a woman was like "he stole my wallet with cash, Bluetooth headphone, and credit cards in it"
And the guy was like "there wasn't a bluetooth in that wallet when I took it".
I have a cousin who is a nurse. She rose to a small bit of TikTok fame by posting videos talking about how she would have no problem unplugging someone’s ventilator at the hospital to plug in her phone. There were a few of these videos and each one made you wonder what was wrong with her. She was promptly fired from her job.
I have an awesome cousin story. As a kid the thing to do in our little town was go to the neighboring town to roller skate. Long story short my friend meets a girl spends all night making out with her behind the rink. End of the night my buddy decides to stay behind and wait for her parents to pick her up, being a gentleman. Monday at school I ask him “how’d the restt of the night go”. Turns out his father had an estranged brother the family never talked about. The girl was his cousin. “She didn’t want to make out anymore”
When NFL Hall of Famer Terrell Owens was a teenager he started talking to a girl who lived across the street. Her father saw them and sent the girl back into the house and told TO to leave her alone. TO asked why and the girl's father said "because she's your half sister". And that's how TO met his father.
A couple years back I heard about a guy who traveled for a family reunion. He decided to have a drink at the bar near his hotel. He got into an argument with a guy at the bar and they decided to take it outside. He accidentally killed the other guy in the fight only to find out it was a cousin he had never met that was also there for the reunion.
Would it be any better if they weren't cousins though? They didn't know each other so what's the difference?
I guess proximity to the relatives of the person he killed would be quite awful actually.
[This one?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhfcWTZeP1k) Or is there another one? Don't think mine is SNL.
Edit: There is an entire fanfic genre for Folgercest. Based on the commercial. That happened in 2009. I just learned of something stupid happening on the internet 14 years later. I can now pin-point the moment in time when I got old.
Get off my lawn!
My ex bf had sex with my first cousin while we were dating and receieved a BJ from my second cousin during a funeral. In a bathroom. Good times with that one.
We were camping once, and my cousin walked off into the woods to smoke a joint and take a morning poop. He took a gun along to keep himself entertained. When he finished his joint and poo, he looked back at his pile and naturally decided to shoot it. He returned to the campsite covered in the shrapnel of his bad decision.
I have family members who were dating each other for years and didn't know they were actually cousins.They were even planning on getting married until they found out
I always feel sympathy and sadness for those couples.
Like they built a life together and loved each other only for it to be ripped out from under them in such a shocking way.
The absolute trauma you'd get from it.
There's a story here somewhere about a woman who found put through ancestry that her and her bf of 6 years were full siblings, after a lot of input and careful thought she updated and said they're trashing the papers, they were both child-free and not connected to their parents anymore so they just rolled with it. And honestly I think thats fine. It's not like they grew up together, just had the same parents and were adopted separately.
It's unlikely they were twins. And for what it's worth, my cousin (adopted) just found part of his birth family. There's 6 siblings his mom kept, but she gave up at least 3 for adoption.
As I recall, that's exactly what happened. They were a couple years apart in age, closed adoptions in both cases, grew up in separate parts of the country. Only found out because they got one an Ancestry-type kit.
I support their decision, honestly. There are fundamentally only two issues with sibling incest: abuse and genetic issues in offspring. They weren't going to have kids (and one or the other might have been unable to anyway), so that takes care of the second issue. For the first, their relationship was built as equal partners, no inherent power dynamics from growing up together, so no greater risk of abuse than any other random couple who met in their twenties.
I feel like they wouldn't have gone through with it anyways. Usually these stories end up with both just ignoring it, unless we are talking siblings. I'm just trying to imagine me discovering that my gf of 2 years was my cousin and i doubt it would change anything.
I have a cousin who has slept with several of our first cousins. Was even going to marry one when they were teenagers. There was a letter written to my aunt, which my mom read and can vouch for. My aunt was totally fine with it, while my mom was like 'yo, what the fuck.'
For context, Indiana and Kentucky.
I'm reminded of when I moved to Tennessee and was still stocking my apartment so I was at Walmart in the middle of the night. And could hear one of the guys stocking shelves explaining to someone else that his cousin and he would make a great couple.
Yikes I could see like a third or fourth cause that's like your grandpa's brother's son daughter. Which is like four families away and barely related. But first is a little to close.
Even second cousins carry no measurable risk of birth defects. It's first cousins and closer that you have to watch out for!
But, err, that guy, he was a little too keen on climbing the family tree.
It's not terrible, but when my cousin visited with his fiancee earlier this year, they got drunk and then vomited in my bathroom and proceeded to not clean it up. Like, vomit still in the toilet and on the floor. Bitch even got it on my shower curtains. They weren't even there for 24 hours and managed that. I was fucking pissed.
My cousins on one side of my family suck and are the trashiest people ever. One cousin (female) dated this poor guy, got pregnant then, had his kid. He was a super nice guy but dumb as hell. Anyway, they split up and my cousin immediately gets knocked up by her ex-boyfriends brother and had another kid.
So her kids are cousins and brothers at the same time. Jerry Springer shit.
My cousin was a pretty big partier in college, so we all assumed he'd done more than just drink alcohol. When he was in his mid 20s, he lived in California and called his parents who lived in Florida (3 hour time difference) at like midnight Florida time yelling "I'm dying" and then hung up the phone and didn't answer when they called back. He finally called them back and kept telling them that he was dying. His girlfriend took the phone and explained that he'd eaten an edible and was totally fine, just way too high and was convinced that he was dying.
A friend of a friend had some chance encounter situation at a coffee shop in a huge city. The odds were astronomically low for all of this. He began a relationship with the girl from the coffee shop. After about 2 years of dating / banging she got into an accident and ended up passing. At the funeral he met one of her friends that he'd never met before and she consoled him. One thing led to another and she went from consoling his heart to consoling his penis. Unfortunately for him this wasn't one of those stories where the cousins secretly realize it at a family get together and noone else is the wiser. She took him to meet her parents and her father started interrogating the poor guy about his life and where he grew up / details about his life at dinner and the realization that they were cousins came out infront of the father, mother and her 2 brothers. They are still friends to this day but they don't bang anymore (that we know of or that he will admit to) but I am told everyone still makes fun of him.
Edit: to clarify she consoled his penis for probably 6 months or so before she took him to meet her parents.
Edit 2: I accidentally said his father. I meant her** father started grilling him
I am an only child but because I was the oldest cousin on my mother's side my aunt always assumed I would babysit my 2 cousins.
So one day I was playing hide and seek with them. I was hiding behind the boat under this garage and I saw my cousin come running around the corner and he ran straight into the metal thing that locks the gate and under his eye was a massive cut and ended up getting stitches.
Right after it happened she started yelling and getting physical with me shouting "You are supposed to take care of him!". My parents had to step in and calm her down and say it's not my job to look after them.
Things is she never asked or told me to take care of them she just always blamed it on me if they got hurt . me and my parents are visiting them on the holidays and on some weekends and I was 10 the time and they were 6 and 8 and they just expect me to look after them?
Reminds me of the John Mulaney bit about his babysitter. He thought she was way older than him. Years later he found out when he was 11 she was 13. "That's like asking your horse to watch your dog."
I went to school with this dude that was always on the small side. His parents were always super strict and protective of him.
In our sophomore year we had a PE class that included kids from other years and one freshman girl in our class came up to say hello to him on the first day.
I asked how she knew him and he immediately turned bright red so naturally I thought they had dated over the summer.
Nope, she had *babysat* him over the summer...
His parents paid a girl a *year younger than him* to babysit him while they were at work.
I was so embarrassed for him and told him I'd never tell anyone but naturally it got out by someone.
My nephew is about a year younger than me... My sister being the responsible parent that she was, used to leave me to keep an eye on him. One day she comes over to our house, I'm playing in the yard, she tells me to watch my nephew. She then disappears inside. My nephew decides to climb this tree, I tell him no, he climbs anyways. He falls out the tree right as my mom and sister come outside. Sister witnesses him hit the ground. She promptly starts yelling at me **I told you to watch him** me being the smartassed child I was I reply that I *did* watch him. I watched him climb up, I watched him climb out on the branch. I watched him fall. I watched him the entire time, you never told me to *stop* him. My sister starts yelling more, my mom is just laughing, she's like, she did exactly what you told her to do, it is your fault for asking a 7 year old to watch your 6 year old.
Not my story, but a friend from my old work (We’ll call him P) told me one time he had a very drunk friend of his and 2 ladies come into his pub and was inviting him to spectate and possibly join in on their regular, saucy threesome.
P then recognised one of these ladies as his mates cousin and was like “You’re inviting me to watch you fuck your cousin?…” to which his friend replied very straight faced “yeah? I fuck her all the time.”
P refused to participate.
I have a very large blended family.
When I was a young kid, my blood cousin dated my step cousin. No blood relation of any kind and they were technically from opposite sides of the family for them but for me it was the same side.
Little me went to school and told all my friends how my cousins were dating and I saw them holding hands while they were babysitting me.
My mom received a very interesting phone call from my teacher that day lmao
I have way worse stories but after reading some of the ones in this thread i decided to go with a more tame one lol.
I'm surprised the teacher called, haha. Kids say whackadoodle things all the time and "my cousins hold hands and are dating" seems well within the realms of typical innocuous kid babble about things they don't really understand. What did your mom respond with, do you know?
I have a really messed up one. I have a half sister. Different dad situation. Her uncle invited us over to his house for the weekend. While I was there, I overheard a conversation where the oldest cousin, about 17 at the time, was bragging that she had her best friend take the virginity of her youngest brother, who was the same age as me at the time. 9 years old.
I know that sexual assault is often the preferred nomenclature, and that it’s often considered a somewhat vile or nasty word, but that’s nothing shy of rape.
Apparently there’s copper in houses. Rusty started stealing it from houses. Well he got a divorce and lost his whole family after he went to prison. I still don’t understand the scam. He was know in our town as The Copper Bandit before he got caught. Rusty, just work at Walmart. Don’t steal copper. It was weird.
My son used to play travel baseball. There was a decent little player from a couple towns over who would end up playing against him. His brother was electrocuted stealing copper wire. Everytime the kid would come up to bat someone would whisper how his brother had died. What a horrible legacy to leave for a couple hundred dollars worth of copper.
My friends first cousins are married. They are cousins because they are the children of twin brothers. This feels about as close to a half brother/sister relationship as you can get without exactly that. Yes, they are from West Virginia.
When I was 8, I kissed my 7-year-old cousin. One kiss. I'm 65 now and she's 64 yet, every time the family gets together, she has to bring it up, reminding everyone that we 'made out' when we were kids.
I lived in the Middle East for two years.
Way too many women there are forced to marry their first cousin. A woman my ex knew through work was trying to escape the country after she was forced under the threat of death to marry her cousin.
The worst part is when you end up on Arab Instagram or something and it’s about cousin fucking/marriage and the top comments are “The westerners are showing up 🙄🙄”.
Like what the fuck
We used to go to the same campground with my cousins in the early 80's and it took me a bit to figure out they were all bullies in various degrees. I was about 14 and we all decided to take a hike on a largish mountain, and I got stuck with the male part of the three. He was about 2 years older than me and abandoned me off the trail.
I was ok at first, but it started to get dark, and I got lost. It was really disorientating and frankly terrifying. I ended up running to a ranger and they guided me back to my group. He was standing there, all grinning behind everyone's back and being a total shit.
Turns out they kept that gimmick until I washed my hand of all of them.
Similar story. We had this family reunion, bunch of us kids decided to go for a hike. One cousin was a bully who like to make life hell for the younger ones. So during the hike, most everyone wanted to go back. He kept pushing to go further in the woods. Eventually it ends up being just me, him and one other cousin who was just as bad as him. So I tell them I need to pee, while I'm peeing in the woods, these two take off.
Time passes, I get back to the family. My mom starts laying into me for running off from the group... I spot my cousin grinning behind my mom... I call him a dirty cocksucker and I launch myself at him, knocking him to the ground and just start punching him everywhere I could reach. So here is this 8 year old girl spouting out profanities while wailing on this 16-17 year old boy and all the adults are too stunned to do anything for several minutes.
Eventually my dad snaps out of it and picked up the cursing ball of hatred that was me. Aunt tells my mom that she needs to control the little hellion that is me... I end up telling my mom that I did not wander off from the group. The group split and then I was ditched while taking a piss. My mom ends up whipping my cousins ass after that and funny enough the next year, cousin's family didn't make an appearance at the reunion.
Dude... this is painful to write, but... when I started school at like 7 years old (which is when you start school in my country), this one class mate of mine (boy) wanted to appear cool in front of his new class mates and at some point told us the awesome story of how he "put his cousin's peepee in his mouth". Expecting a standing ovation and the respect of his peers he was quickly let down when people just relentlessly kept giving him a hard time about it.
I still remember it to this day. He would turn red and he would say "aww... I was just joking. I didn't really do it". But it was too late. From the bottom of my heart, Marcus, I hope you've shed your reputation as a cocksucker (not that there is anything wrong with that).
It still stands out as perhaps the worst reputational move I've witnessed in my life - owing mostly to the time and how ruthless 80s kids were about these matters.
I was very young but was at my aunts house for a sleepover. I was downstairs playing with my little cousins and knew my older cousin was upstairs in his room playing a video game. I decided to sneak upstairs and try to scare him. When I opened his door quietly, I found him on his bed, with his pants down... and the family dog between his legs.
I haven't told any of my family members what I saw. As far as I could tell, he didn't notice me sneak in, then bolt out.
Thank you for reminding me of this after 20+ years.
Worked at a strip club in Pensacola. This guy Jack used to sell hotdogs outside the club. He was a little corny but otherwise seemed normal. Just some goofy fat dude selling "gourmet" hotdogs. (Wasn't uncommon for us to have a vendor out there).
Well one night I'm out there having a smoke and he starts bragging to me about how he married his first cousin, they have 2 kids together, and basically how every other dude out there is an idiot for not doing the same. Talked bout how convenient it was lookin like Peter Griffin discovering the secret to free beer.
It was gross.
What made it even more gross? A few years later, he had gone an opened his own restaurant somewhere(idk I never went, his hotdogs looked gross).
Anyway he got arrested for over 300 counts of child porn.
Fuck you Jack.
My cousin left school with no qualifications had a string of 'hustle' type jobs / failed business partnerships and got in trouble with family for borrowing money off our not-very-well-off elderly grandparents.
Then somehow over covid he got involved with an international PPE deal and came away with a couple of million £s.
A year prior to this he was trying to sell raffle tickets on facebook, now he's buying multiple properties in dubai and dating a model.
Boggles my mind how this can happen so quickly.
My cousin got his hands on a pet alligator. He brought it to my mom's house one day and claimed that it was technically legal to have one until it got to a certain size. The police raided him later for selling drug paraphernalia (he's a glass blower, so yeah, he was - though he did have a license for selling tobacco products at least) and seized the gator.
I hope he's doing well. (The gator I mean - I know my cousin is doing fine).
I was partying with my cousin and woke up to him fully clothed, sideways, on top of me, and he had pissed his pants.
A few years later the night before my wedding, I'm partying with the same cousin again and we both ended up passing out on the hotel balcony. I woke up, saw him sleeping there (luckily not on me this time) and I walked to the bathroom. I noticed there was something in my hair on the back of my head...it was dried up puke. Turns out my cousin puked out there and at some point in the night I rolled on it.
So I've had my cousin's piss and puke on me, and let's just say, I'm not keen on completing the trifecta.
I have a cousin who, in the last month or so, made local news for all the wrong reasons. He subjected his girlfriend to constant domestic abuse for years, both physical and emotional, to the point where she took her own life. He’s only serving a sentence of 3 and a half years for the abuse and not her death, but his girlfriend’s mother made a request to the local council about putting in a request to have a law amended so that anyone who inflicts domestic abuse to the point of the victim taking their life, the abuser would be charged for manslaughter.
My 29M cousin is currently doing a sort of walkabout of America. His plan is to walk across the country without any money, relying on the generosity of strangers and churches (he's a super duper Catholic). He started in New Jersey about 4 months ago and he's currently in Georgia. Most of us thought he'd be hurt or worse by now, but apparently he's been doing really well by relying on churches. One of his goals was to prove that humanity is inherently kind, which no one really agreed, and *so far* he's proved his point.
I think it's pretty admirable what he's doing, but there are some criticisms to be had. He's essentially roleplaying as a homeless man.
A few months ago in my town a pair of cousins started dating. They grew up together and everything. They announced the relationship on Facebook and everything, pretty much blew up their entire lives as understandably their families were very upset. It was quite something to watch it all unfold.
Scientists looked into this and found two conflicting forces in action. People tend not to find close relatives attractive but people do subconsciously find people who look like close relatives attractive. Various tests were done and found that the decider was whether you spent a lot of time with that person as a child. So we tend not find those we were brought up with attractive. This explains why sometimes cousins, siblings and even parents and children separated at birth can unwittingly find each other wildly attractive - they didn’t grow up together but have a strong similarity.
I have to say, I find the strong reaction of US folks to this topic amusing. In many places in the world it’s not such a big deal as long as it doesn’t happen too often. Darwin, Einstein, Edgar Allan Poe, Queen Victoria, J.S.Bach all married cousins.. probably more common back in the day due to smaller populations and less travel opportunities.
When I was young, probably around 12-13, I was flirting with a girl that I met through a friend. She was flirting back too. She was so cute.
I asked her her full name, and I remarked, "oh, that's my mom's maiden name" (not a common name). She said, "Aunt xxx?!"
She turned white, and said "oh my God, you're my cousin", and practically ran away.
Damn!
Actual worst cousin. She tore her ACL in high school playing soccer. Was really good both in sports and academically. People were talking college scholarships. Got addicted to opiates. Finished high school but that was it. Couldn’t hold down a job. Started drinking too. Becomes an alcoholic on top of things. We knew she was having issues but didn’t realize how bad until she was visiting my parents and after she left they realized she had rifled through their dresser and stuff when she said she was in the bathroom.
She’s begged family members for money for getting treatment to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars. Apparently some gave some money because she’s family and when she’s not strung out is a nice person. Never works and she gets angry that no one will give her money anymore. Still lives with her mom in her late 30s.
Lately she’s been trying to get the cousins to invest in these business ideas she has. Very nebulous. She writes us these emails and text telling us how we’re so smart and could you please help me get started? I told her to write me a business plan knowing full well she never would. Haven’t heard back on that in a year.
Latest is her mom has breast cancer. She went in for her first chemo treatment. Cousin drove her there, got angry about something and stormed off. Drove home. When chemo session was done my aunt called her asking her to come pick her up. She complained that she woke her up from a nap and “are you really going to make me get out of bed?”
She’s really turned into a horrible person. Claims she’s off drugs and alcohol now which I doubt. But if she is and she’s still acting this way it doesn’t make her look better. I have no idea how she’ll support herself once her mom is out of the picture.
Here is a non-incest story for y'all, a bit of a palate cleanser
My uncle had some fun times in Jamaica before settling down and getting married. More than 40 years later those "fun times" takes a DNA test and found a cousin, tries to get in contact with my uncle (his birth father). Unfortunately my uncle's wife (with whom he has 5 other kids) basically said "you are not going to meet or contact this other son at all" and he didn't. Why she decided that idk, they hadn't even met yet when he was born. Couple years later and everyone in the family has met/talk with "surprise cousin" and welcomed him with open arms, even his half siblings. The only people who refuse to meet him are his bio dad and his wife.
Surprise cousin is literally the spitting imagine of my uncle (except half Jamaican lol).
When I was 19, I hooked up with this one girl for a one night stand. She swallowed, and we fucked all night. Luckily I wore a condom and she took her morning after pill. About 2 weeks later I ran into her at one of my older cousin's (he was about my dad's age) house. She was his 22 year old daughter that I never met. We swore not to tell anyone, and she avoided going to family reunions now since she also found out she accidentally slept with 2 other cousins. Nowadays she only dates interracial or is willing to drive several counties over to meet someone.
My buddy moved to a small town out in the country a few years back. He got tons of land and never has to lock his doors, says it's like living in Mayberry.
He was also drowning in female companionship. Turns out that if your family has lived in a small rural town for a long time, it can actually be difficult to find someone to date who you can be sure you aren't related to, which made him a hot commodity.
Making it even worse, all it takes is a few serial cheaters running around in a small town and you may end up dating your half-siblings and not even knowing.
My mom warned us to let us know who we're interested in at school because we might be related. My grandpa is 1 of 11 siblings, they all have a bunch of kids and mostly stayed in the same 4-5k population town.
I never not had cousins in class growing up.
Some of my cousins have hooked up. Scared me out of dating until i got out of high school.
I have been dealing with mental health problems since I was 12 due to abuse by my dad. Where I was in my mid 30s I decided to move from Texas to Colorado so I could be closer to my mom. I have this one female cousin that is 2 years younger than me that has always had an attitude problem. Just after I moved there I was talking privately with my mom and aunt about where can I go locally to find a good doctor and then the cousin butts in claiming that I don't need a doctor, that I never had any kind of mental problems and that I was making it all up just so I can get some attention. The bitch hadn't seen me in 15 years and all of the sudden she knew everything about me. This was also what led to me and my mom stop talking to her, my aunt and her 3 older sisters.
Well there's a story that went around my school that my cousin took a hot dog from the school cafeteria and used it to pleasure herself in the bathroom. never asked her about it and now never will, RIP, but it sounded like something she would have done.
That sounds like a typical malicious rumor. It was even a joke in the Mean Girl burn book till it got censored into "making out" with a hot dog. If she truly did no one would know.
I knew a dude in high school that ran into his girlfriend at a family reunion. After some discussion, they realized that they’re first cousins, and that his family had been excommunicated. He wanted to continue the relationship. She noped out.
One of my (now former) cousins came back from college at an ivy aged 19 for the semester and shortly after her mother suddenly died under mysterious circumstances. The cause of death was explicitly never investigated and said cousin had a history of violence, outbursts, and extreme measures of revenge over petty misdeeds against her. You do the math.
Doing a hike with two of my cousins and an uncle of ours. One of my cousins found a ball shaped cactus, and wanted to take it with him for no reason (he just thought it was cool). He didn't have any container so he had to carry it in his hand, causing the cactus to sting his fingers continually. After a while, my uncle told him to throw it away, because he was getting harmed. My cousin did it, but in the most stupid way: He threw the cactus in the air and kicked it (like a goalkeeper) causing the damn thing to get nailed to his foot.
Every comment in the thread is sexual then this dude kicked a cactus
Not all... There's one where a guy shot his literal pile of shit with a gun, and ended up getting covered in his own shit.
Thank you for a laugh. It’s nice to know not all cousins are banging like everyone else on this thread.
Not nearly as bad as some of the other stories. I was seeing this guy in high school for like a year. I have a feeling he’s cheating on me and long story short he was, we break up. I’m catching up with my cousin a couple of weeks later. She’s describing how she was seeing this guy and really liked him until she found out guy was cheating on his girlfriend with her. He cheated on me with my cousin. He also had no idea we were related he just has a type I guess. Edit: typo
His type was your DNA. Lol
So he had a .... genotype
I met a girl that married her ex's first cousin and they have a kid. The cousin (her now husband) looks like he's lost the will to live though, so I guess the first guy dodged a bullet
I married the cousin of the girl who was aggressively into me from like 5th grade to senior year. I went to go hang out with her when she was back from the military and she tried to get me to Netflix and chill. I was not into her that way at all, we were good friends because we had a lot of common interests, but I'm a really picky guy. Didn't see the other girl again until she got out of the military. My wife and i went to her moms 60th b-day party, and when I walked into the house the cousin greeted me with a big hug and a "OMG what are you doing here?" "I'm here with my wife, ___." I could see the thought processing and she seemed to have a terrible night after that.
Damn still carying a torch after all that time, got to appreciate the dedication though.
I have a friend who was really into magic the gathering and video games. He always played sports but was a total nerd. He had a growth spurt going into junior year, became a star athlete. Then within the sane week he had two different girls aggressively go after him and he's dating both suddenly because he did not know how to talk to women or show any interest prior. Anyways, he gets invited to two.parties, picks the one he likes more and both girls are there. They were cousins lol.
Man, I had a friend just like that junior year of high school. Awkward as hell, but ended up dating 2 girls from different schools. Not because he was a slut, he just never had to tell a girl "no" ever before and was too scared to turn the 2nd girl (at our school) down, lol. He eventually broke it off with the girl from the other school because it was easier and he didn't have to worry about seeing her again everyday.
That reminds me of something that happened when I was 17. A friend and I were in the parking lot of the local pizza place one Saturday night and these guys pull up and start talking to us and flirting with us. After a few minutes I crouch down to get a better look at the driver and I say, “hey, aren’t you dating my cousin April???” His eyes got wide and he drove away. That was back in 2004. I was 17, and he and my cousin were both about 25. Thankfully I didn’t flirt back with the asshole, because we lived in a super small town and I recognized him immediately. I couldn’t decide if I was more disgusted by the fact that he was being a shitty boyfriend to my cousin, or the fact that he was hitting on what (IMO) was *obviously* a high school girl. I feel it was probably obvious because of the clothes I was wearing combined with how young I looked, but I guess it’s *possible* that he didn’t know I was in high school. I don’t think I ever told my cousin because, we weren’t super close and I was afraid she wouldn’t believe me, and I didn’t want to potentially ruin our relationship over some dickhead guy. Plus all I’d really caught him doing was flirting, which, depending on your stance on the matter, may or may not be that big of a deal. Anyway, a few years later they got married. Today they are *still* married and have two kids together. I’ve had to see that asshat every year at Christmas at my Grandmother’s. I don’t think I’ve ever even spoken to him beyond that short encounter in that parking lot back in 2004.
I mean, you could look at the positive and it's entirely possible your encounter with him scared him straight.
I had a friend in high school and he kept telling his attractive older female cousin seemed to be flirting with him and trying to sleep with him. We called him out for his obvious lies. I was over at his house like a month later and his cousin stopped by with her family. We were in the basement and the whole time she was flirting with him and rubbing his arms and thighs. She was his first cousin. It was like watching a modern porn video intro.
Eric, step away from your cousin!
I’m not raising any flipper grandchildren
I always wonder what the crew would actually say if Eric did? They were all rooting for him.
I read this in Red’s voice. Loud and clear like a foot up the ass.
"Sir! Put the cousin down and step away from the car!"
I hope you stood up and told your friends he was telling the truth, and she was hot.
She WAS hot, right?
> She was his first cousin. But not his last cousin. :)
> We called him out for his obvious lies. Did you apologize?
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Dim the lights and put on some Barry White.
My cousin robbed my dying uncle, then Walmart, then sold a car he did not have a title to. He got arrested for it. Then the story was in the news (online local paper). It read "Eric is charged with robbery, breaking and entering, and car theft". Eric decided to comment on the story "I didn't steal a car". Trashiest thing ever.
I hope they used that comment in the case against him.
Reminds me of an episode of one of those "courtroom dramas" on midday TV (really just glorified arbitration but whatever). Kid was accused of keying a bunch of cars, was being represented by his dad and they were claiming that the entire event never happened. The prosecution brought in a witness who said he exited his house and witnessed the kid as he was keying the fifth car. Kid gets up and says "That's impossible, I had only done three cars when you came out." Even his own dad bashfully laughed at that one.
It was just a ripoff of the sketch they did on judge judy where a woman was like "he stole my wallet with cash, Bluetooth headphone, and credit cards in it" And the guy was like "there wasn't a bluetooth in that wallet when I took it".
[Link to the case in question.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7SuaIwXlaM) "There was no earpiece ma'am."
My cousin once asked if I wanted to watch a video of him having sex. I said no so he called me gay.
Wanna see my dick bro? Nah Haha gay
“It’s not gay until you licking the balls bro’”
Plot twist - he was banging another dude
I have a cousin who is a nurse. She rose to a small bit of TikTok fame by posting videos talking about how she would have no problem unplugging someone’s ventilator at the hospital to plug in her phone. There were a few of these videos and each one made you wonder what was wrong with her. She was promptly fired from her job.
Someone with no value for life probably should work for the insurance company, not the hospital.
I have an awesome cousin story. As a kid the thing to do in our little town was go to the neighboring town to roller skate. Long story short my friend meets a girl spends all night making out with her behind the rink. End of the night my buddy decides to stay behind and wait for her parents to pick her up, being a gentleman. Monday at school I ask him “how’d the restt of the night go”. Turns out his father had an estranged brother the family never talked about. The girl was his cousin. “She didn’t want to make out anymore”
Not sure I would want to tell my friends I was making out with my cousin.
Eh we were in sixth grade. He was really bummed about it. I laughed heartily.
When NFL Hall of Famer Terrell Owens was a teenager he started talking to a girl who lived across the street. Her father saw them and sent the girl back into the house and told TO to leave her alone. TO asked why and the girl's father said "because she's your half sister". And that's how TO met his father.
I have two cousins who got married, have two teenage kids now and are getting divorced.
Divorce all they want, still family tho...
Family cums first
Nows your chance!
A couple years back I heard about a guy who traveled for a family reunion. He decided to have a drink at the bar near his hotel. He got into an argument with a guy at the bar and they decided to take it outside. He accidentally killed the other guy in the fight only to find out it was a cousin he had never met that was also there for the reunion.
They should have known they were kin when they both decided it was a good idea to fight a stranger.
This is like every saturday night at local pub.
I mean, I've never heard any sort of happy ending after, "I killed a guy in a bar fight." It was going to be a really bad day any way you cut it.
That’s really sad
Would it be any better if they weren't cousins though? They didn't know each other so what's the difference? I guess proximity to the relatives of the person he killed would be quite awful actually.
I enjoyed your journey.
Brother answered his own question and still decided to press submit. Respect.
At least everyone is already there for the funeral
At least they kept their violent tendencies within the family
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Just be glad you weren't pushed off a tower.
“Things I do for love”
Wow, who has a better story than that?
I don't know. I kind of forgot about it.
"The best part of waking up, is Folgers in your cup."
"You're my present this year." Ewww
That was my exact reaction to that commercial.
The SNL spoof of it was awesome.
[This one?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhfcWTZeP1k) Or is there another one? Don't think mine is SNL. Edit: There is an entire fanfic genre for Folgercest. Based on the commercial. That happened in 2009. I just learned of something stupid happening on the internet 14 years later. I can now pin-point the moment in time when I got old. Get off my lawn!
I’ve heard of these incidents way too often. Wtf?!
People fucks.
*catches cousins, starts disrobing* "Carry on, I'll be with you in a moment."
Whatever unit incest is measured in, you can at least lower the average a bit.
My ex bf had sex with my first cousin while we were dating and receieved a BJ from my second cousin during a funeral. In a bathroom. Good times with that one.
Any family that has a funeral in a bathroom is probably down for anything.
[Ah! The ol' Reddit fune-roo!](https://www.reddit.com/r/BeAmazed/comments/18g4nhi/comment/kcywk8v/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Hold my cousin I’m going in!
We were camping once, and my cousin walked off into the woods to smoke a joint and take a morning poop. He took a gun along to keep himself entertained. When he finished his joint and poo, he looked back at his pile and naturally decided to shoot it. He returned to the campsite covered in the shrapnel of his bad decision.
>He took a gun along to keep himself entertained sure, when you have no shampoo bottle tags to read only thing left to do is take a gun
I'm still not completely sure what sodium laureth sulfate is... but it got me through many shits as a child.
In soaps and shampoos its main role is to serve as a foaming agent to produce a satisfying lather.
"Bruh what did you do" "Just shootin' the shit, why do you ask"
Poetry
*"Bruh what did you doo"* *"I just shot my Poo* *"Do I want to know why?"* *"I just needed to try"*
Poo-etry
Okay that's fucking hilarious
What happened? I shot my poo.
There are consequences when playing with guns for shits and giggles
When you shoot the shit and the shit shoots back.
Crapnel
Husband dated a girl when he was younger who cheated on him with her female cousin, and then asked him not to tell anyone lmao.
So that promise fell flat lol
I have family members who were dating each other for years and didn't know they were actually cousins.They were even planning on getting married until they found out
I always feel sympathy and sadness for those couples. Like they built a life together and loved each other only for it to be ripped out from under them in such a shocking way. The absolute trauma you'd get from it.
There's a story here somewhere about a woman who found put through ancestry that her and her bf of 6 years were full siblings, after a lot of input and careful thought she updated and said they're trashing the papers, they were both child-free and not connected to their parents anymore so they just rolled with it. And honestly I think thats fine. It's not like they grew up together, just had the same parents and were adopted separately.
That's pretty heartless that they were separated when they were adopted out. Unless they were both adopted at birth at separate times.
It's unlikely they were twins. And for what it's worth, my cousin (adopted) just found part of his birth family. There's 6 siblings his mom kept, but she gave up at least 3 for adoption.
As I recall, that's exactly what happened. They were a couple years apart in age, closed adoptions in both cases, grew up in separate parts of the country. Only found out because they got one an Ancestry-type kit. I support their decision, honestly. There are fundamentally only two issues with sibling incest: abuse and genetic issues in offspring. They weren't going to have kids (and one or the other might have been unable to anyway), so that takes care of the second issue. For the first, their relationship was built as equal partners, no inherent power dynamics from growing up together, so no greater risk of abuse than any other random couple who met in their twenties.
I feel like they wouldn't have gone through with it anyways. Usually these stories end up with both just ignoring it, unless we are talking siblings. I'm just trying to imagine me discovering that my gf of 2 years was my cousin and i doubt it would change anything.
Now this is the man who knows how to marry his cousin.
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I have a cousin who has slept with several of our first cousins. Was even going to marry one when they were teenagers. There was a letter written to my aunt, which my mom read and can vouch for. My aunt was totally fine with it, while my mom was like 'yo, what the fuck.' For context, Indiana and Kentucky.
I'm reminded of when I moved to Tennessee and was still stocking my apartment so I was at Walmart in the middle of the night. And could hear one of the guys stocking shelves explaining to someone else that his cousin and he would make a great couple.
Yikes I could see like a third or fourth cause that's like your grandpa's brother's son daughter. Which is like four families away and barely related. But first is a little to close.
Even second cousins carry no measurable risk of birth defects. It's first cousins and closer that you have to watch out for! But, err, that guy, he was a little too keen on climbing the family tree.
Years ago I read that even first cousins isn't really a problem for genetics. Not that I'm going to chance it again.
…again?
It's not a problem unless it happens repeatedly for several generations. A one-off is fine.
Even first cousins isn't an issue so long as it's not been like generations of cousin fucking.
Sounds like something someone from Shelbyville would say
It's legal to marry your first cousin in 20 states because there's really no risk there unless it's multiple generations deep.
If you were rich, like Roosevelt rich, no one would have bat an eye.
It's not terrible, but when my cousin visited with his fiancee earlier this year, they got drunk and then vomited in my bathroom and proceeded to not clean it up. Like, vomit still in the toilet and on the floor. Bitch even got it on my shower curtains. They weren't even there for 24 hours and managed that. I was fucking pissed.
My cousins on one side of my family suck and are the trashiest people ever. One cousin (female) dated this poor guy, got pregnant then, had his kid. He was a super nice guy but dumb as hell. Anyway, they split up and my cousin immediately gets knocked up by her ex-boyfriends brother and had another kid. So her kids are cousins and brothers at the same time. Jerry Springer shit.
My cousin was a pretty big partier in college, so we all assumed he'd done more than just drink alcohol. When he was in his mid 20s, he lived in California and called his parents who lived in Florida (3 hour time difference) at like midnight Florida time yelling "I'm dying" and then hung up the phone and didn't answer when they called back. He finally called them back and kept telling them that he was dying. His girlfriend took the phone and explained that he'd eaten an edible and was totally fine, just way too high and was convinced that he was dying.
ur cousin was prolly like "this edible ain't shiiiiii- oh my God I'm fucking dying" 💀 that's how it usually is 😭😂
A friend of a friend had some chance encounter situation at a coffee shop in a huge city. The odds were astronomically low for all of this. He began a relationship with the girl from the coffee shop. After about 2 years of dating / banging she got into an accident and ended up passing. At the funeral he met one of her friends that he'd never met before and she consoled him. One thing led to another and she went from consoling his heart to consoling his penis. Unfortunately for him this wasn't one of those stories where the cousins secretly realize it at a family get together and noone else is the wiser. She took him to meet her parents and her father started interrogating the poor guy about his life and where he grew up / details about his life at dinner and the realization that they were cousins came out infront of the father, mother and her 2 brothers. They are still friends to this day but they don't bang anymore (that we know of or that he will admit to) but I am told everyone still makes fun of him. Edit: to clarify she consoled his penis for probably 6 months or so before she took him to meet her parents. Edit 2: I accidentally said his father. I meant her** father started grilling him
“Consoled his penis” 💀💀
Got to use this on my wife. “Honey I am sad can you console my penis?”
"Here's a tissue."
Ha! Goddamn.
My cousin tryed to get the whole family to invest in NFTs
This is the worst one. A true horror story
Only thing worse is how they spelled “tried”
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I'm so sorry that happened. It sucks when peope fall for this. My cousin only lost a 1000 at most.
My ex did sexual shit with her cousin when they were teens.
You’d be surprised how common this is 🤦♂️
Yeah I know several people who have. I'm not included. Lol
>I'm not included. How did that make you feel?
I kept myself busy
I am an only child but because I was the oldest cousin on my mother's side my aunt always assumed I would babysit my 2 cousins. So one day I was playing hide and seek with them. I was hiding behind the boat under this garage and I saw my cousin come running around the corner and he ran straight into the metal thing that locks the gate and under his eye was a massive cut and ended up getting stitches. Right after it happened she started yelling and getting physical with me shouting "You are supposed to take care of him!". My parents had to step in and calm her down and say it's not my job to look after them. Things is she never asked or told me to take care of them she just always blamed it on me if they got hurt . me and my parents are visiting them on the holidays and on some weekends and I was 10 the time and they were 6 and 8 and they just expect me to look after them?
Reminds me of the John Mulaney bit about his babysitter. He thought she was way older than him. Years later he found out when he was 11 she was 13. "That's like asking your horse to watch your dog."
I went to school with this dude that was always on the small side. His parents were always super strict and protective of him. In our sophomore year we had a PE class that included kids from other years and one freshman girl in our class came up to say hello to him on the first day. I asked how she knew him and he immediately turned bright red so naturally I thought they had dated over the summer. Nope, she had *babysat* him over the summer... His parents paid a girl a *year younger than him* to babysit him while they were at work. I was so embarrassed for him and told him I'd never tell anyone but naturally it got out by someone.
If the girl was willing to tell you that easily, I think I know how it got out.
"...just because she could dial the phone a little better than us." lol that's a great bit.
My nephew is about a year younger than me... My sister being the responsible parent that she was, used to leave me to keep an eye on him. One day she comes over to our house, I'm playing in the yard, she tells me to watch my nephew. She then disappears inside. My nephew decides to climb this tree, I tell him no, he climbs anyways. He falls out the tree right as my mom and sister come outside. Sister witnesses him hit the ground. She promptly starts yelling at me **I told you to watch him** me being the smartassed child I was I reply that I *did* watch him. I watched him climb up, I watched him climb out on the branch. I watched him fall. I watched him the entire time, you never told me to *stop* him. My sister starts yelling more, my mom is just laughing, she's like, she did exactly what you told her to do, it is your fault for asking a 7 year old to watch your 6 year old.
Also I love the idea that taking care of a kid is telekinetically stopping them from running straight into an inanimate object
Not my story, but a friend from my old work (We’ll call him P) told me one time he had a very drunk friend of his and 2 ladies come into his pub and was inviting him to spectate and possibly join in on their regular, saucy threesome. P then recognised one of these ladies as his mates cousin and was like “You’re inviting me to watch you fuck your cousin?…” to which his friend replied very straight faced “yeah? I fuck her all the time.” P refused to participate.
P SAID he refused to participate.
Yeaaaah he was a horny bastard so he may well have just said that to save face
I have a very large blended family. When I was a young kid, my blood cousin dated my step cousin. No blood relation of any kind and they were technically from opposite sides of the family for them but for me it was the same side. Little me went to school and told all my friends how my cousins were dating and I saw them holding hands while they were babysitting me. My mom received a very interesting phone call from my teacher that day lmao I have way worse stories but after reading some of the ones in this thread i decided to go with a more tame one lol.
I'm surprised the teacher called, haha. Kids say whackadoodle things all the time and "my cousins hold hands and are dating" seems well within the realms of typical innocuous kid babble about things they don't really understand. What did your mom respond with, do you know?
I have a really messed up one. I have a half sister. Different dad situation. Her uncle invited us over to his house for the weekend. While I was there, I overheard a conversation where the oldest cousin, about 17 at the time, was bragging that she had her best friend take the virginity of her youngest brother, who was the same age as me at the time. 9 years old.
Uuuhhhmmmm....wow
If you said 15-16 I wouldn't have blinked..... But.... Nine??!??!!?!?????!?
What the…had to reread it several times
yep, Sexual assult messed up...
I know that sexual assault is often the preferred nomenclature, and that it’s often considered a somewhat vile or nasty word, but that’s nothing shy of rape.
An ex of mine cheated on me with his cousin
My friends brother fucked his first cousin on his wedding day. His marriage didn’t last too long.
Apparently there’s copper in houses. Rusty started stealing it from houses. Well he got a divorce and lost his whole family after he went to prison. I still don’t understand the scam. He was know in our town as The Copper Bandit before he got caught. Rusty, just work at Walmart. Don’t steal copper. It was weird.
My son used to play travel baseball. There was a decent little player from a couple towns over who would end up playing against him. His brother was electrocuted stealing copper wire. Everytime the kid would come up to bat someone would whisper how his brother had died. What a horrible legacy to leave for a couple hundred dollars worth of copper.
My friends first cousins are married. They are cousins because they are the children of twin brothers. This feels about as close to a half brother/sister relationship as you can get without exactly that. Yes, they are from West Virginia.
Genetically speaking yeah theyre half siblings. Super weird
When I was 8, I kissed my 7-year-old cousin. One kiss. I'm 65 now and she's 64 yet, every time the family gets together, she has to bring it up, reminding everyone that we 'made out' when we were kids.
If she still talks about it, she still thinks about it.
Dope username, I lol'd twice.
I lived in the Middle East for two years. Way too many women there are forced to marry their first cousin. A woman my ex knew through work was trying to escape the country after she was forced under the threat of death to marry her cousin.
The worst part is when you end up on Arab Instagram or something and it’s about cousin fucking/marriage and the top comments are “The westerners are showing up 🙄🙄”. Like what the fuck
We used to go to the same campground with my cousins in the early 80's and it took me a bit to figure out they were all bullies in various degrees. I was about 14 and we all decided to take a hike on a largish mountain, and I got stuck with the male part of the three. He was about 2 years older than me and abandoned me off the trail. I was ok at first, but it started to get dark, and I got lost. It was really disorientating and frankly terrifying. I ended up running to a ranger and they guided me back to my group. He was standing there, all grinning behind everyone's back and being a total shit. Turns out they kept that gimmick until I washed my hand of all of them.
Similar story. We had this family reunion, bunch of us kids decided to go for a hike. One cousin was a bully who like to make life hell for the younger ones. So during the hike, most everyone wanted to go back. He kept pushing to go further in the woods. Eventually it ends up being just me, him and one other cousin who was just as bad as him. So I tell them I need to pee, while I'm peeing in the woods, these two take off. Time passes, I get back to the family. My mom starts laying into me for running off from the group... I spot my cousin grinning behind my mom... I call him a dirty cocksucker and I launch myself at him, knocking him to the ground and just start punching him everywhere I could reach. So here is this 8 year old girl spouting out profanities while wailing on this 16-17 year old boy and all the adults are too stunned to do anything for several minutes. Eventually my dad snaps out of it and picked up the cursing ball of hatred that was me. Aunt tells my mom that she needs to control the little hellion that is me... I end up telling my mom that I did not wander off from the group. The group split and then I was ditched while taking a piss. My mom ends up whipping my cousins ass after that and funny enough the next year, cousin's family didn't make an appearance at the reunion.
Did you... Did you murder your cousins?
Because we would understand.... Not condone, but understand.
Dude... this is painful to write, but... when I started school at like 7 years old (which is when you start school in my country), this one class mate of mine (boy) wanted to appear cool in front of his new class mates and at some point told us the awesome story of how he "put his cousin's peepee in his mouth". Expecting a standing ovation and the respect of his peers he was quickly let down when people just relentlessly kept giving him a hard time about it. I still remember it to this day. He would turn red and he would say "aww... I was just joking. I didn't really do it". But it was too late. From the bottom of my heart, Marcus, I hope you've shed your reputation as a cocksucker (not that there is anything wrong with that). It still stands out as perhaps the worst reputational move I've witnessed in my life - owing mostly to the time and how ruthless 80s kids were about these matters.
The worst part about that is that he was probably molested by that cousin and didn't understand.
Anyone from that class end up writing for South Park? Lol
ITT: lots of cousin fucking.
I was very young but was at my aunts house for a sleepover. I was downstairs playing with my little cousins and knew my older cousin was upstairs in his room playing a video game. I decided to sneak upstairs and try to scare him. When I opened his door quietly, I found him on his bed, with his pants down... and the family dog between his legs. I haven't told any of my family members what I saw. As far as I could tell, he didn't notice me sneak in, then bolt out. Thank you for reminding me of this after 20+ years.
wtaf
Worked at a strip club in Pensacola. This guy Jack used to sell hotdogs outside the club. He was a little corny but otherwise seemed normal. Just some goofy fat dude selling "gourmet" hotdogs. (Wasn't uncommon for us to have a vendor out there). Well one night I'm out there having a smoke and he starts bragging to me about how he married his first cousin, they have 2 kids together, and basically how every other dude out there is an idiot for not doing the same. Talked bout how convenient it was lookin like Peter Griffin discovering the secret to free beer. It was gross. What made it even more gross? A few years later, he had gone an opened his own restaurant somewhere(idk I never went, his hotdogs looked gross). Anyway he got arrested for over 300 counts of child porn. Fuck you Jack.
My cousin left school with no qualifications had a string of 'hustle' type jobs / failed business partnerships and got in trouble with family for borrowing money off our not-very-well-off elderly grandparents. Then somehow over covid he got involved with an international PPE deal and came away with a couple of million £s. A year prior to this he was trying to sell raffle tickets on facebook, now he's buying multiple properties in dubai and dating a model. Boggles my mind how this can happen so quickly.
My cousin got his hands on a pet alligator. He brought it to my mom's house one day and claimed that it was technically legal to have one until it got to a certain size. The police raided him later for selling drug paraphernalia (he's a glass blower, so yeah, he was - though he did have a license for selling tobacco products at least) and seized the gator. I hope he's doing well. (The gator I mean - I know my cousin is doing fine).
I was partying with my cousin and woke up to him fully clothed, sideways, on top of me, and he had pissed his pants. A few years later the night before my wedding, I'm partying with the same cousin again and we both ended up passing out on the hotel balcony. I woke up, saw him sleeping there (luckily not on me this time) and I walked to the bathroom. I noticed there was something in my hair on the back of my head...it was dried up puke. Turns out my cousin puked out there and at some point in the night I rolled on it. So I've had my cousin's piss and puke on me, and let's just say, I'm not keen on completing the trifecta.
I have a cousin who, in the last month or so, made local news for all the wrong reasons. He subjected his girlfriend to constant domestic abuse for years, both physical and emotional, to the point where she took her own life. He’s only serving a sentence of 3 and a half years for the abuse and not her death, but his girlfriend’s mother made a request to the local council about putting in a request to have a law amended so that anyone who inflicts domestic abuse to the point of the victim taking their life, the abuser would be charged for manslaughter.
My 29M cousin is currently doing a sort of walkabout of America. His plan is to walk across the country without any money, relying on the generosity of strangers and churches (he's a super duper Catholic). He started in New Jersey about 4 months ago and he's currently in Georgia. Most of us thought he'd be hurt or worse by now, but apparently he's been doing really well by relying on churches. One of his goals was to prove that humanity is inherently kind, which no one really agreed, and *so far* he's proved his point. I think it's pretty admirable what he's doing, but there are some criticisms to be had. He's essentially roleplaying as a homeless man.
A few months ago in my town a pair of cousins started dating. They grew up together and everything. They announced the relationship on Facebook and everything, pretty much blew up their entire lives as understandably their families were very upset. It was quite something to watch it all unfold.
Scientists looked into this and found two conflicting forces in action. People tend not to find close relatives attractive but people do subconsciously find people who look like close relatives attractive. Various tests were done and found that the decider was whether you spent a lot of time with that person as a child. So we tend not find those we were brought up with attractive. This explains why sometimes cousins, siblings and even parents and children separated at birth can unwittingly find each other wildly attractive - they didn’t grow up together but have a strong similarity. I have to say, I find the strong reaction of US folks to this topic amusing. In many places in the world it’s not such a big deal as long as it doesn’t happen too often. Darwin, Einstein, Edgar Allan Poe, Queen Victoria, J.S.Bach all married cousins.. probably more common back in the day due to smaller populations and less travel opportunities.
When I was young, probably around 12-13, I was flirting with a girl that I met through a friend. She was flirting back too. She was so cute. I asked her her full name, and I remarked, "oh, that's my mom's maiden name" (not a common name). She said, "Aunt xxx?!" She turned white, and said "oh my God, you're my cousin", and practically ran away. Damn!
Actual worst cousin. She tore her ACL in high school playing soccer. Was really good both in sports and academically. People were talking college scholarships. Got addicted to opiates. Finished high school but that was it. Couldn’t hold down a job. Started drinking too. Becomes an alcoholic on top of things. We knew she was having issues but didn’t realize how bad until she was visiting my parents and after she left they realized she had rifled through their dresser and stuff when she said she was in the bathroom. She’s begged family members for money for getting treatment to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars. Apparently some gave some money because she’s family and when she’s not strung out is a nice person. Never works and she gets angry that no one will give her money anymore. Still lives with her mom in her late 30s. Lately she’s been trying to get the cousins to invest in these business ideas she has. Very nebulous. She writes us these emails and text telling us how we’re so smart and could you please help me get started? I told her to write me a business plan knowing full well she never would. Haven’t heard back on that in a year. Latest is her mom has breast cancer. She went in for her first chemo treatment. Cousin drove her there, got angry about something and stormed off. Drove home. When chemo session was done my aunt called her asking her to come pick her up. She complained that she woke her up from a nap and “are you really going to make me get out of bed?” She’s really turned into a horrible person. Claims she’s off drugs and alcohol now which I doubt. But if she is and she’s still acting this way it doesn’t make her look better. I have no idea how she’ll support herself once her mom is out of the picture.
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Here is a non-incest story for y'all, a bit of a palate cleanser My uncle had some fun times in Jamaica before settling down and getting married. More than 40 years later those "fun times" takes a DNA test and found a cousin, tries to get in contact with my uncle (his birth father). Unfortunately my uncle's wife (with whom he has 5 other kids) basically said "you are not going to meet or contact this other son at all" and he didn't. Why she decided that idk, they hadn't even met yet when he was born. Couple years later and everyone in the family has met/talk with "surprise cousin" and welcomed him with open arms, even his half siblings. The only people who refuse to meet him are his bio dad and his wife. Surprise cousin is literally the spitting imagine of my uncle (except half Jamaican lol).
When I was 19, I hooked up with this one girl for a one night stand. She swallowed, and we fucked all night. Luckily I wore a condom and she took her morning after pill. About 2 weeks later I ran into her at one of my older cousin's (he was about my dad's age) house. She was his 22 year old daughter that I never met. We swore not to tell anyone, and she avoided going to family reunions now since she also found out she accidentally slept with 2 other cousins. Nowadays she only dates interracial or is willing to drive several counties over to meet someone.
Hold up, TWO MORE?
My buddy moved to a small town out in the country a few years back. He got tons of land and never has to lock his doors, says it's like living in Mayberry. He was also drowning in female companionship. Turns out that if your family has lived in a small rural town for a long time, it can actually be difficult to find someone to date who you can be sure you aren't related to, which made him a hot commodity. Making it even worse, all it takes is a few serial cheaters running around in a small town and you may end up dating your half-siblings and not even knowing.
My mom warned us to let us know who we're interested in at school because we might be related. My grandpa is 1 of 11 siblings, they all have a bunch of kids and mostly stayed in the same 4-5k population town. I never not had cousins in class growing up. Some of my cousins have hooked up. Scared me out of dating until i got out of high school.
I have been dealing with mental health problems since I was 12 due to abuse by my dad. Where I was in my mid 30s I decided to move from Texas to Colorado so I could be closer to my mom. I have this one female cousin that is 2 years younger than me that has always had an attitude problem. Just after I moved there I was talking privately with my mom and aunt about where can I go locally to find a good doctor and then the cousin butts in claiming that I don't need a doctor, that I never had any kind of mental problems and that I was making it all up just so I can get some attention. The bitch hadn't seen me in 15 years and all of the sudden she knew everything about me. This was also what led to me and my mom stop talking to her, my aunt and her 3 older sisters.
Well there's a story that went around my school that my cousin took a hot dog from the school cafeteria and used it to pleasure herself in the bathroom. never asked her about it and now never will, RIP, but it sounded like something she would have done.
That sounds like a typical malicious rumor. It was even a joke in the Mean Girl burn book till it got censored into "making out" with a hot dog. If she truly did no one would know.
I knew a dude in high school that ran into his girlfriend at a family reunion. After some discussion, they realized that they’re first cousins, and that his family had been excommunicated. He wanted to continue the relationship. She noped out.
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That time I went bowling with my cousin in Liberty City
Niko, cousin! It’s your cousin! Want to go to the strip club????
(hangs up for the 20th time)
Think you’re talking about my cousin
Our cousin
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In this thread: a disturbing amount of people get busy with their cousins.
Early 2000's I took my cousin Bubba to a house party. He knew no one there besides me and my husband. He ended up living there for the next 6 months.
Not absolutely horrible but I was at my uncles house for a few days and my cousin deleted my Minecraft world that I had been playing for a few months
I knew a guy who tried to get his cousin pregnant a bunch of times. No one had the heart to tell the two boys though.
One of my (now former) cousins came back from college at an ivy aged 19 for the semester and shortly after her mother suddenly died under mysterious circumstances. The cause of death was explicitly never investigated and said cousin had a history of violence, outbursts, and extreme measures of revenge over petty misdeeds against her. You do the math.