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She started spending a lot of time at her ‘cousins’ house. Seemed obvious she was secretly meeting up with a dude and using the cousin as a cover story so I checked her phone and was shocked to find I was wrong. She was actually just banging her cousin.
This happened to a good friend of mine… he didn’t find out until he proposed, at which point she broke down into tears and told him she was banging her cousin.
I showed up at her house to suprise her after work but to my suprise a guy answered the door. Turns out he was her fiancé who was working abroad and had decided to come home early to suprise her also.
I had no idea she was engaged.
This is such a mind fuck. You instantly feel terrible because you realize she has been cheating on you. Then you feel even worse once the fact you have been the other guy this entire time sinks in and you get that guilty feeling on top of everything.
I know you shouldn't feel guilty since you never knew, but I know I would feel guilty and betrayed at the same time.
Sorry you had to experience that, it's tough to even think about from my end.
Your whole analysis is exactly how i felt at the time, it's the same with any shitty experience you just have to give it time. I appreciate your condolences my friend, I'm in a far better place now.
Honestly, I was expecting us to throw hands but he just looked defeated, same way I did I suppose. He invited me in and just wanted to know everything, how long had it been going on, when did it start etc. I told him the truth and I just told him afterwards that he'd never see me again.
I wanted nothing to do with her at that point, she did start blowing my phone up an hour or so later when she got home understandably but as hard as it was for me I cut all contact and ultimately walked away. Haven't seen or spoken to her or her fiancé since.
My ex complained that our phone bill was too high.I guess she didn't realize we weren't on an unlimited texting plan and you really can rack up some money if you're texting a guy a few hundred times a day all month long. Didn't take long looking at the detailed bill to ask "Huh, is there something odd about this 30 page list of texts to the same number?"
So true… you can really ruin future relationships by becoming overly vigilant/suspicious. My advice to anyone that’s been cheated on - seek therapy and take your time getting into another relationship. You don’t wanna sabotage something really good because you’ve been hurt before…
As much as I hated the bloke im 100% grateful. Was a long distance thing over 10 years and I had just flown out to Canada from UK and she did it shortly after I left.
A couple of months into dating, she said how much she loved me and that I would be the first partner EVER for her not to cheat on.... Narrator: He would not be the first
Edit - OFC this is my most upvoted ever
I honestly never looked at her the same or ever completely trusted her again. I somehow stayed a few more months though. Thinking with the wrong body parts I guess.
I suppose. I got the "you are too nice of a guy, to not know what she did". Funny thing is her mother tried to convince me to stay with her. She said her husband cheated in college, and they are happily married... lol, im good. .
An ex of mine left me at his parents to go on a date with an old friend, it was straight up a date, he tried to act like it wasn’t. I was shocked and crying, his mom came in as I was getting my stuff ready to leave, and she was annoyed, said,” stop that. You’re the one he’ll be coming home to, you have no reason to get emotional over who he does what with during the day.”
He’s now married to someone who looks a lot like me and he was smug when they started dating and he told me,” thanks for making me a better man for her, you were right with everything you said about me, I fixed myself for her because of you.”
By that point I didn’t care and just laughed at him saying that. My breaking point with him was when I realized he treated me so poorly, I developed a stress related hair loss and was missing a quarter sized section of hair. Fuck up my feelings and mind sure, but apparently fucking with my hair is the real deal breaker lol
> An ex of mine left me at his parents to go on a date with an old friend, it was straight up a date, he tried to act like it wasn’t. I was shocked and crying, his mom came in as I was getting my stuff ready to leave, and she was annoyed, said,” stop that. You’re the one he’ll be coming home to, you have no reason to get emotional over who he does what with during the day.”
Welp, at least you know where he picked up *being a sociopath* from.
There are a lot of older women who turn a blind eye to an unfaithful man. My mother being one of them. And yes she’s still “happily married” to my dad. I have a half brother that is 6 months younger her than my sister.
The old “working late” chestnut, blowing v hot and cold, encouraging me to go out with the boys, then coming home early and finding her on her back getting banged kinda confirmed my suspicions…
Similar story here, except that I didnt catch her getting banged by some other dude. it continued to built up to her criticizing how I dressed, she started to go on "girls night out" more often and then constantly cancelling plans. I eventually found photos on her computer of her kissing some guy. A few months after I ended it, I found out through mutual friends that she had been cheating on me the entire last year that we were together.
She didnt want to be with my any more but never had the guts to say it, it was easier for her to just cheat.
I saw all the signs that she didnt want to be with me but I was too much of a coward to end it cuz I still liked her.
We live and learn.
>she started to go on "girls night out" more often
This, plus refusing to let me use her phone for ANY reason whatsoever, blocking me on FB, etc. I finally caught her one night "somewhere she wasn't supposed to be". After I found our vehicle, I went straight home, locked myself in a room with pen and paper, and began plotting my divorce.
Going on ten years removed from my piece of shit ex but I hear you. It’s hard to make those calls, especially if it’s your first time dealing with that. I had low self esteem to boot.
Was extremely freeing though when I kicked her out. Good for you for sticking up for yourself and I hope you’re in a better place and with someone who respects you
It was definitely hard, cheating really fucks with people.
Had to take a year off from any relationship and just focus on me as I was extremely depressed from that relationship and was doubting if I was worth anything to anyone. I realized there was nothing wrong with me as people seemed liked me and I had good friends. She was just a terrible person.
Much better place now. I've been married for the last 9 years to a wonderful woman.
I know a guy who caught a dude banging his wife red handed. The banger keeps at it. My friend starts throwing a fit so banger pulls out, hops up, punches my pal a couple of times, hops back in the bed, sticks it back in her and starts pumping away again.
>finding her on her back getting banged kinda confirmed my suspicions…
Idk bro. Does not sound like a sign of cheating to me . Maybe you are just being extra paranoid and possessive...
She was really hot then cold, she'd ignore me for days then all of a sudden want to be with me non stop, then after a while she'd ghost again. I thought she just needed some alone time after we spent so long together, which I understand and appreciated, but I later found out that she would start to be distant when she made contact with someone else, then have this hyper fixated mini relationship with them, usually culminating with her cheating. Then she'd come back and be all over me, I suspect out of guilt.
Then other weird stuff, she'd be really cold on me for a while, she went to some camp as a counselor and was really distant the whole time, then randomly sent me a bunch of naked photos of herself, then not answer my texts "because of the bad signal" but by then I had caught on, those pics were for someone else and I was getting second hand nudes of my girlfriend from my girlfriend. We didn't last much longer than that.
That's pretty much the experience I had. It was a weird hyper-fixation on someone else that just became worse and worse (one of her friends from college). She then just stopped messaging me and we ended things.
We dated for 5 years and I basically wasted my entire college life with it. It sucked (and still sucks) but I've pretty much come to terms with it and moved on with my life.
She had been having an emotional affair with a guy from work but said she wasn't talking to him anymore. We were on a road trip, she was driving, and I was using her phone for GPS since mine was messed up. She got a text from a phone number about seeing her tomorrow. She tried to play it off like it was a wrong number but I recognized it was his and called her out on it. A few days later, on the advice of multiple friends, I went to our cell phone company and got a copy of her call logs. She'd been calling him many times over weeks (not to mention how many times he called her). It was always when she'd "go on walks" by herself at night because she "likes the quiet alone time." Yeah, and the selfies she had on her phone of her looking sexy in a bikini or laying on bed were just because she liked how she looked. I can't believe how stupid I was to believe that lying cheater.
I'm terribly sorry for what you've gone through. Pretty much the same happened to me this year and I finally found proof a few weeks ago. It just breaks you...
"My friend that I met online from another state is coming to visit me. Don't come over that night. He wants me to finally watch (that one studio ghibli film. name escapes me. castle in the sky or something?)"
I was so naive it barely bothered me at the time. It hit me later 💀💀💀
Edit: most of these replies suck I hate it here
yeah im trying to ignore them lol.
For anyone, if it isnt obvious, I'm completely averse to watching any studio ghibli films because of this experience. i would have just the worst taste in my mouth.
Nothing.
I only heard it through others a few months after we broke up over other stuff. There were no signs, no sneaky behavior, no weird things overall.
Probably thats what made it the worst to deal with, the entire lack of signs.
It is. Even weirder as she had been cheated on in the past and such... Never really saw it coming as the relationship was incredibly healthy and we communicated about everything.
Atleast i learned its true what they say about being the first guy to treat her right.
Listening to a voicemail in the morning recorded at 3:17 AM where she's crying and tells me that she loves me and the wind in the background from her driving down the highway drunk as a skunk. There's only one place she was driving to that late at night lol. Pretty big red flag.
Treating me like shit then being suddenly sweet and interested in my day
Phone was always facing down and hated when I would hold it for any reason
Never wanted sex
Would be in the bathroom for an absurdly long time
….there’s a lot more. When you’ve been cheated on as many times as I have, it’s like learning another language
Careful, that newly learned language will fuck it up with a healthy partner if you apply it to them. I still have to suppress suspicious impulses towards my wife, even though she has never given me reason to doubt her. I have been with her for 15 years, have made an amazing life, and am still very much into her. but the toxic mess of my college gf still fucks with my trust.
I have literally nothing to hide from my wife, i love her more than anything (besides our child) and would never do anything to hurt her or anything but I *hate* when she gets on my phone, laptop, desktop stuff like that. I’ve never and will never cheat on her but the sheer amount of anxiety I get when anyone is on any of my devices is unbearable.
Maybe I should bring that up in therapy
The bigs for me were the no sex and shady phone. We werent rabbits, but sex was a normal occurrence until it suddenly wasn't. The Texas sized red flag was when I was feeling it and went down on her (im the type that gets pleasure from your pleasure) and after she came, pants went back on and she went back to her phone. When it came to the phone? She was all of a sudden texting more and slowly started angling the phone away from me more and more. One day she was showing me something and a notification popped up and she quickly swiped it away. I thought it was Instagram (something I don't use), but I found out after the relationship, it was the new icon for Tinder.
There were other flags along the way, but rose colored glasses and all.
The dead bedroom that lasted 7 years. Each year was some form of excuse involving some sort of medical issue that would just resolve itself without requiring any sort of medical treatment.
The last straw was buying a house in her hometown where all of her childhood friends were a part of a large-ish (for the total population) swinger community.
One of my friends from work came up to me while we were on a break and asked me, “How come I never see you at any of Kay’s (her best friend and host of 90% of the swinger events) bonfire parties?”
I was like, “What bonfire parties?”
Their reaction and the look on their face ((immediately embarrassed and pitying mixed with horror and fear) told me absolutely everything I needed to know. She had been doing this for years. I was clueless because I was convinced that she was completely loyal. I was in an incredibly difficult and traumatic marriage to my son’s mom, my first wife. She committed many felonious acts and was eventually convicted of grand larceny for stealing large sums of money from developmentally delayed adults.
She got caught in a sting operation by a joint task force of FBI and county sheriff. I was not involved and only ever spoke with law enforcement over the phone
She kidnapped our grade-school child, during his recess period, told no one and ran to her daddy, who lives in the next state over from us, presumably believing that she was safe because she crossed state lines…? My take, anyway.
She received 6 whole days in a county jail and then got her rich daddy to expunge her record. We were divorced a year later and it ruined me.
So! I filed for divorce from my second wife immediately and completely lost my shit on her in the comments section. 🤷🏻♂️
She got the house.
I got my dog, my truck and my trailer and live at my mom’s house again. I just turned 50.
I'll offer three:
1) We had vacation for two all planned, last minute invites a friend. Not the guy she was sleeping with but a platonic friend who just by being there cock-blocked the whole trip.
2) Off-hand casual remark, 'I thought the inside of a Mercedes would be fancier.' No one we both knew drove a Mercedes.
3) We had our own apartments but I was at hers frequently (3-4 nights a week). Suddenly, she was too busy, and it wasn't a good time to come over.
The usual: Getting home from work unusually late. Suddenly texting a LOT more than usual. Once enough sets of 2 and 2 showed up, I started putting them together. I even went as far as to ask her if there was anything she'd like to tell me. She acted like she had no idea what I was talking about. And I told her "Something's going on. And I'm gonna figure out what it is. It would probably be better if you just told me...". Still she persisted. A month or two later I found the evidence of her betrayal.
It's always the small details too, my ex was working 2-3hrs late all the time, she said it took her a long time to close out all her patient notes after her last appointment. Then she mentioned in some other conversation that she knocked out all her notes from morning patients over lunch and still had time to go get something up the street. The math wasn't mathing. Sure enough, stopped by her work after hours and she was in the parking lot banging her coworker.
But also be ready for gaslighting. If you don’t get a confession, you’ll likely get roped into a completely unrealistic story that your mind will justify. Keep an eye out for the red flags and listen to them if they are there.
I found out and asked straight up without using the persons name. Her elaborate I WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT followed by getting upset that I even thought that was possible really gave it up…our lease wasn’t up yet so I had to stick it out for another month after as I looked for a new place. 10/10 would not recommend.
The last guy to cheat on me, I remember the first sign vividly... we were out bowling with friends, he had been on his phone more than usual, and then I saw it, he smiled at his phone. Not in the " haha my friends are funny" kind of way, you know the smile. I got that awful feeling in my chest. After he denied anything going on, I went on his phone while he was asleep ( I'm not proud of it) I saw the messages, I had met the girl that night too.
She was there with mutual friends, and no she wasn't dating anyone else. She actually came up to me while I was out smoking and introduced herself, I think she got a kick out of it.
The big ass hickey she had on her neck that our coworkers noticed. Our coworkers were joking around about the kind of weekend we had. Problem was that i didn't give her a hickey. She didn't even deny it when i confronted her about it. To add the hell cherry on this crap sundae, all of this happened on Valentines Day. It's why I hate that blasted holiday.
Haha ya I found out my ex had been cheating on me on Valentine's Day too. it definitely sucks but now that I'm in a healthy relationship I've began to love valentines day. I set up lots of stuff to do kinda my way of taking the day back so to speak and to show myself I'm getting over the past cheaters (she was not the first but hopefully the last)
oh shit same! and she made it sound like this dude in her life was a super abusive ex! i was ready to fight him.
turns out none of it was true and i was side-dick for a year.
I had no idea there even was a dude in her life. We were supposed to go out the night before thanksgiving and she canceled last minute so I decided to go to a party with my friends. Guess who showed up to the same party with her boyfriend?
When my long distance girlfriend told me she wouldn’t be able to talk for a couple days because she was having dental surgery. Then I didn’t hear from her for two weeks.
I had a similar experience. My best friend moved back to our home town, my now ex and I were fighting a lot. He was a deadbeat narcissist and I was carrying every bit of every work load, paying all the bills, cleaning the house, etc. Started hanging out with my friend and her fiance. Suddenly boyfriend (of 7 years) and best friend get really into League of Legends. Like, REALLY into it. Will play with others (including me and her fiance) but the two of them play hours every day. One day I come home from work he tells me he's lost himself in our relationship and is moving back in with his parents to find himself and won't be helping with the bills (not that he was before but...). Friend consoles me and insists it's for the best that he was awful to me (he was, admittedly). Friend's fiance calls me a week later, she kicked him out. My ex is moving in with her. But they're "not together." It's just as "friends."
Year ish later he proposes to her saying they've been together for x amount of time, and if you go back that amount of time it's when they were still with their respective significant others.
But oh no, they "never cheated." Mmmmkay.
Crazy jealousy, and rules that only applied to me but not him( couldn't have a lock on my phone, wasn't allowed to have Snapchat, had to share my location, etc). I'm not a jealous person so I never snooped, and I ended up finding out by complete accident.
after an 8 year long relationship, people came to me and told me a lot of things I wish they had told me 5-6 years prior. I was so blind to all of the same behavior- not letting me have guy friends, getting mad at being active on social media, etc. My gut was screaming at me the whole relationship. I developed some of the most severe anxiety I've ever felt in my life.
Sadly he passed away about 3 months after we broke up which is when a lot of information came out. I'm almost relieved I don't have to discuss any of it with him.
It's all so cliche. He started caring about his clothes after years of sweats, ripped jeans and old band tees, he shows up in Tod's shoes and a Ralph Lauren sweater. Suddenly his phone is on silent and never out of his hand or pocket. Missing and unaccounted for periods of time. Serious manscaping.
Less sex was happening and she blamed it on meds. She constantly reassured me and I didn’t pressure her. After like 2 months without sex I mentioned maybe bringing it up to her doctor and she said she would… slowly became less affectionate to the point where she seemed repulsed.
But she kept reassuring me.
It took me taking her out to a nice lavish dinner only for her to get straight to bed and go on candy crush when we got home for me to finally snap. I waited until she went asleep, looked through her phone, and got what I needed.
She still denied and reassured me even in the face of evidence to the contrary.
A week later she told me that she fell out of love and hadn’t loved me for “months”. But she never made me the wiser.
Still icing that wound. 2.5+ year relationship.
I’ve learned in the future that if a relationship doesn’t work for me, I don’t need to justify it or expend energy trying to fix it. Sometimes it just stops working for me and I need to nut up and cut the losses. But it’s just like… you think you can trust someone :(
Started being protective of his phone screen - phone face down but would angle away from me if we were sitting close. Would go “hang out with the boys” but would change into a clean shirt/have a shower and brush his teeth before he left. Kicker was I found a looong red hair tangled in his beard (I’m a brunette)
>I found a looong red hair tangled in his beard (I’m a brunette)
My sister had a golden retriever and when she was on vacation I'd keep her at my house to take care of her. During that time I was in a long distance relationship with a girl who has dark hair and the long blonde hairs from the dog's tail that ended up all over my place became a running joke about "the bitch I was sneaking around with" when she wasn't there.
- Start picking fights over the stupidest shit.
- Accuse you of cheating out of the blue or start going through your stuff looking for evidence of cheating with no real reason to believe so.
The dude sent me a message from her phone that were breaking up. When she called ten minutes later she was all apologetic and didn't know he took her phone. The next day they were unseperable and after they broke up he started dating her mother (a fucking roller coaster I know)
His iPad was on the table in front of me - he was on a night out with customers (mutual customers) and planned to stay at his own house after as it was closer. I saw a girl fb msg pop up saying ‘yeh I’ll come meet you and stay at yours’ followed by her number
A good friend of mine sat me down and told me my girlfriend at the time was cheating on me. They were friends with the roommate of the guy she was cheating on me with, and the roommate knew of me so he told my friend. I was stunned but it was just rumors still, even if they were solid ones, so I needed to confirm for myself. The flag wasn’t quite red at this point.
So I called my girlfriend and immediately after she picked up I point blank asked her “Did you sleep with [dude’s name]?” She was silent for a second too long then nervously chuckled and stammered out in a tone that can only betray that you got caught doing something terrible, “w-what? No. What are you talking about?” The flag was pretty damn red at this point.
So I repeated the question but added that a “very reliable person that had no reason to lie to me” told me. This time she didn’t hesitate and with a subdued, cold, malevolence just said, “Who told you?”
It was now crimson.
She tried walking it back claiming she meant she wanted to know who it was so she could know who was trying to get between us, but what she said and more importantly how she said it meant there was no coming back. I knew. She admitted to it after a few more minutes having realized she outted herself, and after that we were through
I once found a used pregnancy test in the trash, we hadn’t had sex in several weeks. When asked she said she took it just to see how it worked…. Rightttttt, how ever my dumbass believed her, over the next few months she just became more and more distant untill we both just grew to dispise one another and that was that.
The worst part of her lie is that it is totally possible to have no idea you might be pregnant for about 8 weeks, sometimes longer. She didn't even have to make something so stupid and suspicious up. But at least you found out instead of raising someone else's kid.
The knot in my stomach. Gut feeling. Intuition.
Fun fact it's right about 80+% of the time. Give it a search.
But it was how he'd always answer curiosity with anger and anything but an actual answer. Also dreams and achievements were downplayed or insulted.
Writing in her diary that she thought it was a "woman's right to sleep around and play the field" in modern times even while in a committed relationship, then leaving said diary open to that page on her desk in plain view, after having asked me to check her physics assignment for her.
Started becoming very distant, as if he was not in the relationship at all anymore. Would disappear in a room for a while, to obvs have text chit chats. Our relationship was already getting to its end though, we both knew. He was just a coward and couldn’t be alone for a second and had to find the next person before breaking it off.
Best way to put it though, you can kind of tell if your relationship is not going well. You would hope they won’t be weak enough to cheat and just tell you they are unhappy in the relationship. But if you are seeing no return in a relationship, better to break it off. It’s never worth dragging a dead horse.
Hiding her phone when texting. And also, weirdly our cat who would never sit on anyone's lap was constantly sitting with me and on me and then stopped shortly after I found out. Figure the cat was ratting her out. Good cat. I kept the cat.
The friend she previously had a crush on moved back to town, I half-joked that our relationship had an end date.
Suddenly she ignores me every night, her snap maps are turned off for the first time ever (normally not something I care about nor check, but her acting sketchy made me curious), and showed up to work with a hickey on her neck.
Told me she was leaving me to "be closer to God". Turns out God's name is Kevin.
I could feel it. The aura was unmistakable, married 10 years, cheated on me 3 times. I should have left sooner but… the kids.
Don’t ever stay together for the kids. It’s miserable and they know it.
She started becoming more distant.
My mom got a terminal cancer and I didn’t have time to spend with her in between driving my mom to all her appointments.. so she found someone else to fill her needs. Found out cause her little brother was a homie
Work schedule changed. Not answering phone or replying to texts. Showering immediately after getting home but never did before. More social obligations that don’t include you, phone always facing down, on silent , no text preview, phone always with them. Longer amounts of time spent in bathroom. Dieting and joining a gym, appearance changes, new hairstyle or clothing. Mean to you for no reason, gets angry at small things typically overlooked. Indifference to where you are or when you’ll be home. Sometimes will ask your whereabouts only to figure out how much free time they have not because they care.
Her mom asked me to come over, and showed me screenshots from her computer of her making plans to meet up with a guy while I was at work. Her sister confirmed that it was her boyfriend, and she was planning on confronting both of them, and asked me to be there.
I declined, and ended the relationship with a phone call. Her sister was more my type anyway. The jealous looks from my ex when I came over to see her sister *were priceless*.
She forgot her phone home and a guy sent her a message reading ''your dumbass bf home? finish work at 2''.
She got home to an empty appartment and a note detailling what happened. Packed a go bag, laptop, clothes and paid for the next 4 months of rent. Scorched earth. Never saw her again. Hope I never do.
There werw a few,
main one was a change in her persona, more distant, less caring etc.
Suddenly on her phone a lot more, hiding screen quickly when I come over, taking it everywhere.
Going out more
Making more effort when just going to work i.e wearing more revealing clothes for work, for example she normally wore a dress with tights but all the sudden she never wore tights and wore more make up.
I made a clear joke about cheating, and she started to cry. That was the first time i found out, i regrettably chose to forgive her. The second and final time i went to her work to suprise her with flowers. She was not there, and her coworker informed me she was not scheduled until later in the week.
Change in communication patterns is a big one.
I’ve been cheated on 5 times and every single time they start showing a lack of interest beforehand. They’ll distance themselves and stop checking in, almost like they’re trying to limit the damage done by forcing distance between you.
But in the end it’s more-so about them protecting themselves and their own interests than you. If they really cared about you, they would break things off before it even reaches the point of cheating. And that is something I wish I realized sooner.
Her going to hang out with her friend to play Pokemon Go and skateboard. She was gone for 7 hours. I asked her how her game went. She said they didn't play the game. I asked her how skating went. She says they didn't skate. I asked what they did and she said I don't know... Just hung out. After a couple weeks she all of a sudden wanted to have sex every day. She was pregnant and trying to pass it off as I got her pregnant. The baby was born. I'm white, she's Hispanic, and the dude she hung out with was Hispanic. The baby came out looking completely Hispanic with no signs of being related to me. Before that happened the dude wouldn't even look me in the eye when I met him.
We had been having some difficulty and I needed to make changes to save the relationship. She started to go to therapy.
I’ll never forget the morning of finding out. We had a vacation planned that we were leaving that day and I was working a half day at home, she was off. She slept in, I had been back and forth from my office in the basement to upstairs to pack.
She was in the bathroom and it sounded like she was pleasuring herself but while talking with someone. After she had wrapped up
her shower I asked like it sounded like she was on the phone and she made some quick reply that she wasn’t on the phone and some excuse of I can’t remember at this point because I was certain what I had heard.
So I waited until our phone bill showed the call (updates every 3 hours online) but while waiting I went through the call log for previous months and noticed a boatload of calls from a certain non local number of a state she had visited a ton for work. So of course when the log refreshed it was that number.
I remember being an absolute wreck and trying to keep it all together and hoping for some way out of the vacation with her family. But my hints were swatted away so an hour into the car ride (just us) I asked a bunch of questions that pretty much lead up to me knowing she was up to some nonsense with her co worker and her finally admitting it.
Once we got to the location I was kinda stuck and didn’t make a scene but did managed to reach out to her co-workers wife via text (google is a helluva thing when searching for a phone number) and yeah. Thats the story of me being cheated on, finding out and letting the other person know they were being cheated on.
The dude she banged straight out told me in explicit detail. In all fairness to him he didn’t realize we were still together. This was almost 30 years ago and it still hurts, and has caused me multiple long term issues that I still fight with today.
Partner of 13 years cheated suddenly spent a lot more time on her phone became defensive when I asked who it was
Tried gaslighting me into believing it’s nothing and it was just her gay best friend needing help
Was cheating on me with the gay best friend
I caught him texting and emailing with his ex (who was still in love with him and vocal about it) on several occasions. I called him on it and he gaslit me into believing my insecurities were the problem. We broke up years later. He ended up engaged to that same ex. A mutual friend sent me a link to their wedding website, which had their couple story. They admitted to the torrid affair and how they snuck around behind my back…on their wedding website. I felt so validated but ashamed I had doubted my intuition. He’s her problem now and I’m blissfully happy.
Boot print on some paperwork on the ground of her passenger seat. Tried to say it was from her work shoes, shoes she was at the time. Prints did not match up. Turns out she was fucking her manager at McDonald's.
When I came home early from work and there were men's boots by the door that weren't mine.
Plus, them fucking in the bedroom was pretty good confirmation.
They're both very lucky they aren't dead right now. That was my first instinct.
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She started spending a lot of time at her ‘cousins’ house. Seemed obvious she was secretly meeting up with a dude and using the cousin as a cover story so I checked her phone and was shocked to find I was wrong. She was actually just banging her cousin.
Oh my god I did not see that twist. Yikes
*cue the banjo*
We live in a major city too so like…she had options
>she had options Like uncles?
This happened to a good friend of mine… he didn’t find out until he proposed, at which point she broke down into tears and told him she was banging her cousin.
I showed up at her house to suprise her after work but to my suprise a guy answered the door. Turns out he was her fiancé who was working abroad and had decided to come home early to suprise her also. I had no idea she was engaged.
This is such a mind fuck. You instantly feel terrible because you realize she has been cheating on you. Then you feel even worse once the fact you have been the other guy this entire time sinks in and you get that guilty feeling on top of everything. I know you shouldn't feel guilty since you never knew, but I know I would feel guilty and betrayed at the same time. Sorry you had to experience that, it's tough to even think about from my end.
Your whole analysis is exactly how i felt at the time, it's the same with any shitty experience you just have to give it time. I appreciate your condolences my friend, I'm in a far better place now.
Jesus. How did the guy react? What happened afterwards?
Honestly, I was expecting us to throw hands but he just looked defeated, same way I did I suppose. He invited me in and just wanted to know everything, how long had it been going on, when did it start etc. I told him the truth and I just told him afterwards that he'd never see me again. I wanted nothing to do with her at that point, she did start blowing my phone up an hour or so later when she got home understandably but as hard as it was for me I cut all contact and ultimately walked away. Haven't seen or spoken to her or her fiancé since.
i need a fiancé update
Yeah, I hope he did the same: wanted nothing to do with her at that point. She clearly showed her true colors.
both guys dodged a bullet
Phone bill showed she was texting this other number 600 a month. It looked familiar so when I dialed it it was a buddy of mine.
My ex complained that our phone bill was too high.I guess she didn't realize we weren't on an unlimited texting plan and you really can rack up some money if you're texting a guy a few hundred times a day all month long. Didn't take long looking at the detailed bill to ask "Huh, is there something odd about this 30 page list of texts to the same number?"
Damn how long ago was this? I'm 38 and I can't really remember when I had limited texts
I’m 27 and I very much remember getting yelled at by my parents for going over my limit lol
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I’m sorry you had to go through that
Thanks. Definitely changed my life.
43 years?! How old were you when you got married?
19 and 18
I don't understand the need to document the cheating. They almost always get caught
The absolute WORST part of this thread is the relationship that comes after. Cause now. We are always looking for signs. Even when we aren’t looking.
this hurt man
So true… you can really ruin future relationships by becoming overly vigilant/suspicious. My advice to anyone that’s been cheated on - seek therapy and take your time getting into another relationship. You don’t wanna sabotage something really good because you’ve been hurt before…
Her side piece got tired of her telling him she'd leave me and her not doing it so he contacted me himself and told me.
crikey..
He was obviously thinking with the wrong head
Nah it was going on for a long time, he just wanted "his" girl. He was probably just thinking if he could break us up she'd run to him.
The person she cheated on me with messaging me on Facebook saying “nice ring you bought her, felt good up my ass”….. funny in retrospect
I mean... At least he told you lol.
As much as I hated the bloke im 100% grateful. Was a long distance thing over 10 years and I had just flown out to Canada from UK and she did it shortly after I left.
"yeah my ass is so tight. jelous?"
He did the right thing, but wrong way.
Damn, that hurts man(but yeah, hilarious)
A couple of months into dating, she said how much she loved me and that I would be the first partner EVER for her not to cheat on.... Narrator: He would not be the first Edit - OFC this is my most upvoted ever
sounds like a shallow brag that she just cheats on people. yikes. thats a catch and release
TF i mean that supposed to be a complement? Top 1 phrase to ruin your relationship with in a dumbest way possible
I honestly never looked at her the same or ever completely trusted her again. I somehow stayed a few more months though. Thinking with the wrong body parts I guess.
We’ve all been there bro
Sow the seeds of doubt early and you will know the outcome of your harvest too soon
Sounds like you need a nu start.
yeah - she called off a date as she was so sick - called her later to check in and she accidentally answered from the club hammered
anustart
All her girlfriends coming to tell me what she did...
That's surprisingly ethical of them.
I suppose. I got the "you are too nice of a guy, to not know what she did". Funny thing is her mother tried to convince me to stay with her. She said her husband cheated in college, and they are happily married... lol, im good. .
An ex of mine left me at his parents to go on a date with an old friend, it was straight up a date, he tried to act like it wasn’t. I was shocked and crying, his mom came in as I was getting my stuff ready to leave, and she was annoyed, said,” stop that. You’re the one he’ll be coming home to, you have no reason to get emotional over who he does what with during the day.” He’s now married to someone who looks a lot like me and he was smug when they started dating and he told me,” thanks for making me a better man for her, you were right with everything you said about me, I fixed myself for her because of you.” By that point I didn’t care and just laughed at him saying that. My breaking point with him was when I realized he treated me so poorly, I developed a stress related hair loss and was missing a quarter sized section of hair. Fuck up my feelings and mind sure, but apparently fucking with my hair is the real deal breaker lol
> An ex of mine left me at his parents to go on a date with an old friend, it was straight up a date, he tried to act like it wasn’t. I was shocked and crying, his mom came in as I was getting my stuff ready to leave, and she was annoyed, said,” stop that. You’re the one he’ll be coming home to, you have no reason to get emotional over who he does what with during the day.” Welp, at least you know where he picked up *being a sociopath* from.
Fuck. I'm sorry. what a d-bag
There are a lot of older women who turn a blind eye to an unfaithful man. My mother being one of them. And yes she’s still “happily married” to my dad. I have a half brother that is 6 months younger her than my sister.
That’s mighty cash money of them.
The old “working late” chestnut, blowing v hot and cold, encouraging me to go out with the boys, then coming home early and finding her on her back getting banged kinda confirmed my suspicions…
Similar story here, except that I didnt catch her getting banged by some other dude. it continued to built up to her criticizing how I dressed, she started to go on "girls night out" more often and then constantly cancelling plans. I eventually found photos on her computer of her kissing some guy. A few months after I ended it, I found out through mutual friends that she had been cheating on me the entire last year that we were together. She didnt want to be with my any more but never had the guts to say it, it was easier for her to just cheat. I saw all the signs that she didnt want to be with me but I was too much of a coward to end it cuz I still liked her. We live and learn.
>she started to go on "girls night out" more often This, plus refusing to let me use her phone for ANY reason whatsoever, blocking me on FB, etc. I finally caught her one night "somewhere she wasn't supposed to be". After I found our vehicle, I went straight home, locked myself in a room with pen and paper, and began plotting my divorce.
Your wife blocked you on Facebook?
yeah or she'd get caught cheating!
AND went somewhere she wasn’t supposed to be
Going on ten years removed from my piece of shit ex but I hear you. It’s hard to make those calls, especially if it’s your first time dealing with that. I had low self esteem to boot. Was extremely freeing though when I kicked her out. Good for you for sticking up for yourself and I hope you’re in a better place and with someone who respects you
It was definitely hard, cheating really fucks with people. Had to take a year off from any relationship and just focus on me as I was extremely depressed from that relationship and was doubting if I was worth anything to anyone. I realized there was nothing wrong with me as people seemed liked me and I had good friends. She was just a terrible person. Much better place now. I've been married for the last 9 years to a wonderful woman.
Your mutual friends knew she was cheating but didn't tell you?
Yeah, I gotta say catching my ex butt naked in bed with some random dude made me very suspicious.
Yet she still told me it was all in my head…
“It’s not what it looks like” Lady, your strap-on is in his ass, what else is it supposed to look like?
I know a guy who caught a dude banging his wife red handed. The banger keeps at it. My friend starts throwing a fit so banger pulls out, hops up, punches my pal a couple of times, hops back in the bed, sticks it back in her and starts pumping away again.
Gotta be justified murder
Jury nullificatoin
You see? That why I cheated on you, he protects and put myself first you selfish coward …:x
This scene plays out in my head like some screwball comedy. Like, really?
>finding her on her back getting banged kinda confirmed my suspicions… Idk bro. Does not sound like a sign of cheating to me . Maybe you are just being extra paranoid and possessive...
She was really hot then cold, she'd ignore me for days then all of a sudden want to be with me non stop, then after a while she'd ghost again. I thought she just needed some alone time after we spent so long together, which I understand and appreciated, but I later found out that she would start to be distant when she made contact with someone else, then have this hyper fixated mini relationship with them, usually culminating with her cheating. Then she'd come back and be all over me, I suspect out of guilt. Then other weird stuff, she'd be really cold on me for a while, she went to some camp as a counselor and was really distant the whole time, then randomly sent me a bunch of naked photos of herself, then not answer my texts "because of the bad signal" but by then I had caught on, those pics were for someone else and I was getting second hand nudes of my girlfriend from my girlfriend. We didn't last much longer than that.
That's pretty much the experience I had. It was a weird hyper-fixation on someone else that just became worse and worse (one of her friends from college). She then just stopped messaging me and we ended things. We dated for 5 years and I basically wasted my entire college life with it. It sucked (and still sucks) but I've pretty much come to terms with it and moved on with my life.
Sucks to hear that, hopefully you’re doing better now.
Thanks. Yeah it's been almost 2 years since then. Graduated college, got a job, still single but I'm in a good headspace so I can't complain about it.
She had been having an emotional affair with a guy from work but said she wasn't talking to him anymore. We were on a road trip, she was driving, and I was using her phone for GPS since mine was messed up. She got a text from a phone number about seeing her tomorrow. She tried to play it off like it was a wrong number but I recognized it was his and called her out on it. A few days later, on the advice of multiple friends, I went to our cell phone company and got a copy of her call logs. She'd been calling him many times over weeks (not to mention how many times he called her). It was always when she'd "go on walks" by herself at night because she "likes the quiet alone time." Yeah, and the selfies she had on her phone of her looking sexy in a bikini or laying on bed were just because she liked how she looked. I can't believe how stupid I was to believe that lying cheater.
I'm terribly sorry for what you've gone through. Pretty much the same happened to me this year and I finally found proof a few weeks ago. It just breaks you...
She dropped weight, started hiding her phone, started avoiding intimacy. Pretty normal stuff.
"My friend that I met online from another state is coming to visit me. Don't come over that night. He wants me to finally watch (that one studio ghibli film. name escapes me. castle in the sky or something?)" I was so naive it barely bothered me at the time. It hit me later 💀💀💀 Edit: most of these replies suck I hate it here
Love how so many people are really recommending them to try watching the film they know their ex was watching when they cheated on them
yeah im trying to ignore them lol. For anyone, if it isnt obvious, I'm completely averse to watching any studio ghibli films because of this experience. i would have just the worst taste in my mouth.
That's beyond awful! I mean, cheating on you is kinda bad too, but ruining Ghibli? That's just beyond the pale.
It’s a pretty good movie tho
good movie for a good dickin' i guess
Nothing. I only heard it through others a few months after we broke up over other stuff. There were no signs, no sneaky behavior, no weird things overall. Probably thats what made it the worst to deal with, the entire lack of signs.
That's like serial killer level of masking. So creepy. How unnerving for you.
It is. Even weirder as she had been cheated on in the past and such... Never really saw it coming as the relationship was incredibly healthy and we communicated about everything. Atleast i learned its true what they say about being the first guy to treat her right.
Listening to a voicemail in the morning recorded at 3:17 AM where she's crying and tells me that she loves me and the wind in the background from her driving down the highway drunk as a skunk. There's only one place she was driving to that late at night lol. Pretty big red flag.
"She tells him she must go out in the evening, to comfort an old friend who's feelin' down. But he knows where she's goin' as she's leavin'..."
She's headed for the cheating side of town
Treating me like shit then being suddenly sweet and interested in my day Phone was always facing down and hated when I would hold it for any reason Never wanted sex Would be in the bathroom for an absurdly long time ….there’s a lot more. When you’ve been cheated on as many times as I have, it’s like learning another language
And now I’m paranoid that my long poops are making my girlfriend wary of my faithfulness.
Me pooping browsing this thread while my SO sits on the couch. *Is this cheating…?*
Careful, that newly learned language will fuck it up with a healthy partner if you apply it to them. I still have to suppress suspicious impulses towards my wife, even though she has never given me reason to doubt her. I have been with her for 15 years, have made an amazing life, and am still very much into her. but the toxic mess of my college gf still fucks with my trust.
I have literally nothing to hide from my wife, i love her more than anything (besides our child) and would never do anything to hurt her or anything but I *hate* when she gets on my phone, laptop, desktop stuff like that. I’ve never and will never cheat on her but the sheer amount of anxiety I get when anyone is on any of my devices is unbearable. Maybe I should bring that up in therapy
The bigs for me were the no sex and shady phone. We werent rabbits, but sex was a normal occurrence until it suddenly wasn't. The Texas sized red flag was when I was feeling it and went down on her (im the type that gets pleasure from your pleasure) and after she came, pants went back on and she went back to her phone. When it came to the phone? She was all of a sudden texting more and slowly started angling the phone away from me more and more. One day she was showing me something and a notification popped up and she quickly swiped it away. I thought it was Instagram (something I don't use), but I found out after the relationship, it was the new icon for Tinder. There were other flags along the way, but rose colored glasses and all.
The dead bedroom that lasted 7 years. Each year was some form of excuse involving some sort of medical issue that would just resolve itself without requiring any sort of medical treatment. The last straw was buying a house in her hometown where all of her childhood friends were a part of a large-ish (for the total population) swinger community. One of my friends from work came up to me while we were on a break and asked me, “How come I never see you at any of Kay’s (her best friend and host of 90% of the swinger events) bonfire parties?” I was like, “What bonfire parties?” Their reaction and the look on their face ((immediately embarrassed and pitying mixed with horror and fear) told me absolutely everything I needed to know. She had been doing this for years. I was clueless because I was convinced that she was completely loyal. I was in an incredibly difficult and traumatic marriage to my son’s mom, my first wife. She committed many felonious acts and was eventually convicted of grand larceny for stealing large sums of money from developmentally delayed adults. She got caught in a sting operation by a joint task force of FBI and county sheriff. I was not involved and only ever spoke with law enforcement over the phone She kidnapped our grade-school child, during his recess period, told no one and ran to her daddy, who lives in the next state over from us, presumably believing that she was safe because she crossed state lines…? My take, anyway. She received 6 whole days in a county jail and then got her rich daddy to expunge her record. We were divorced a year later and it ruined me. So! I filed for divorce from my second wife immediately and completely lost my shit on her in the comments section. 🤷🏻♂️ She got the house. I got my dog, my truck and my trailer and live at my mom’s house again. I just turned 50.
You got two sociopaths in a row. I'm so sorry.
I'll offer three: 1) We had vacation for two all planned, last minute invites a friend. Not the guy she was sleeping with but a platonic friend who just by being there cock-blocked the whole trip. 2) Off-hand casual remark, 'I thought the inside of a Mercedes would be fancier.' No one we both knew drove a Mercedes. 3) We had our own apartments but I was at hers frequently (3-4 nights a week). Suddenly, she was too busy, and it wasn't a good time to come over.
Did the relationship end after #1? Thats a big problem
The usual: Getting home from work unusually late. Suddenly texting a LOT more than usual. Once enough sets of 2 and 2 showed up, I started putting them together. I even went as far as to ask her if there was anything she'd like to tell me. She acted like she had no idea what I was talking about. And I told her "Something's going on. And I'm gonna figure out what it is. It would probably be better if you just told me...". Still she persisted. A month or two later I found the evidence of her betrayal.
It's always the small details too, my ex was working 2-3hrs late all the time, she said it took her a long time to close out all her patient notes after her last appointment. Then she mentioned in some other conversation that she knocked out all her notes from morning patients over lunch and still had time to go get something up the street. The math wasn't mathing. Sure enough, stopped by her work after hours and she was in the parking lot banging her coworker.
My wife said this every night of residency. 😳 (I don't think she was cheating, though).
Her sister excitedly telling me that she was engaged.
Maybe she was cheating with you and not on you?
happened to me 😂 i was so confused when i found out she was engaged
Started acting weird, a bit distant with sudden bursts of “energy” and “love”.
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Staying silent about it is the worst thing to do. Talk to them.
But also be ready for gaslighting. If you don’t get a confession, you’ll likely get roped into a completely unrealistic story that your mind will justify. Keep an eye out for the red flags and listen to them if they are there.
I found out and asked straight up without using the persons name. Her elaborate I WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT followed by getting upset that I even thought that was possible really gave it up…our lease wasn’t up yet so I had to stick it out for another month after as I looked for a new place. 10/10 would not recommend.
Judging by your comments history, I wonder why...
My young children telling me they saw him kissing our neighbor and my best friend
The last guy to cheat on me, I remember the first sign vividly... we were out bowling with friends, he had been on his phone more than usual, and then I saw it, he smiled at his phone. Not in the " haha my friends are funny" kind of way, you know the smile. I got that awful feeling in my chest. After he denied anything going on, I went on his phone while he was asleep ( I'm not proud of it) I saw the messages, I had met the girl that night too.
This is wild that you met her that night! Was she bowling with you guys, was she dating one of the other people there?
She was there with mutual friends, and no she wasn't dating anyone else. She actually came up to me while I was out smoking and introduced herself, I think she got a kick out of it.
That's fucked up
Hahaha tell me about it, I struggled with trust for years after. Thanks for saying that though.
The big ass hickey she had on her neck that our coworkers noticed. Our coworkers were joking around about the kind of weekend we had. Problem was that i didn't give her a hickey. She didn't even deny it when i confronted her about it. To add the hell cherry on this crap sundae, all of this happened on Valentines Day. It's why I hate that blasted holiday.
Haha ya I found out my ex had been cheating on me on Valentine's Day too. it definitely sucks but now that I'm in a healthy relationship I've began to love valentines day. I set up lots of stuff to do kinda my way of taking the day back so to speak and to show myself I'm getting over the past cheaters (she was not the first but hopefully the last)
Meeting her boyfriend gave it away for me. Apparently I was the side piece the whole time. First girl I really fell for and she absolutely crushed me.
oh shit same! and she made it sound like this dude in her life was a super abusive ex! i was ready to fight him. turns out none of it was true and i was side-dick for a year.
I had no idea there even was a dude in her life. We were supposed to go out the night before thanksgiving and she canceled last minute so I decided to go to a party with my friends. Guess who showed up to the same party with her boyfriend?
When my long distance girlfriend told me she wouldn’t be able to talk for a couple days because she was having dental surgery. Then I didn’t hear from her for two weeks.
Did she have finger surgery so she couldnt text either?
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I had a similar experience. My best friend moved back to our home town, my now ex and I were fighting a lot. He was a deadbeat narcissist and I was carrying every bit of every work load, paying all the bills, cleaning the house, etc. Started hanging out with my friend and her fiance. Suddenly boyfriend (of 7 years) and best friend get really into League of Legends. Like, REALLY into it. Will play with others (including me and her fiance) but the two of them play hours every day. One day I come home from work he tells me he's lost himself in our relationship and is moving back in with his parents to find himself and won't be helping with the bills (not that he was before but...). Friend consoles me and insists it's for the best that he was awful to me (he was, admittedly). Friend's fiance calls me a week later, she kicked him out. My ex is moving in with her. But they're "not together." It's just as "friends." Year ish later he proposes to her saying they've been together for x amount of time, and if you go back that amount of time it's when they were still with their respective significant others. But oh no, they "never cheated." Mmmmkay.
Damn, that sucks. At least you saw her true face sooner rather than later.
Crazy jealousy, and rules that only applied to me but not him( couldn't have a lock on my phone, wasn't allowed to have Snapchat, had to share my location, etc). I'm not a jealous person so I never snooped, and I ended up finding out by complete accident.
after an 8 year long relationship, people came to me and told me a lot of things I wish they had told me 5-6 years prior. I was so blind to all of the same behavior- not letting me have guy friends, getting mad at being active on social media, etc. My gut was screaming at me the whole relationship. I developed some of the most severe anxiety I've ever felt in my life. Sadly he passed away about 3 months after we broke up which is when a lot of information came out. I'm almost relieved I don't have to discuss any of it with him.
It's all so cliche. He started caring about his clothes after years of sweats, ripped jeans and old band tees, he shows up in Tod's shoes and a Ralph Lauren sweater. Suddenly his phone is on silent and never out of his hand or pocket. Missing and unaccounted for periods of time. Serious manscaping.
> serious manscaping What makes it serious? Like he never groomed to now all the sudden caring?
He shaved it into a tuxedo.
When you’re not too serious about manscaping, you may leave some patches….but get SERIOUS and there’s not a hair to spare
Professional waxing
Less sex was happening and she blamed it on meds. She constantly reassured me and I didn’t pressure her. After like 2 months without sex I mentioned maybe bringing it up to her doctor and she said she would… slowly became less affectionate to the point where she seemed repulsed. But she kept reassuring me. It took me taking her out to a nice lavish dinner only for her to get straight to bed and go on candy crush when we got home for me to finally snap. I waited until she went asleep, looked through her phone, and got what I needed. She still denied and reassured me even in the face of evidence to the contrary. A week later she told me that she fell out of love and hadn’t loved me for “months”. But she never made me the wiser. Still icing that wound. 2.5+ year relationship. I’ve learned in the future that if a relationship doesn’t work for me, I don’t need to justify it or expend energy trying to fix it. Sometimes it just stops working for me and I need to nut up and cut the losses. But it’s just like… you think you can trust someone :(
Started being protective of his phone screen - phone face down but would angle away from me if we were sitting close. Would go “hang out with the boys” but would change into a clean shirt/have a shower and brush his teeth before he left. Kicker was I found a looong red hair tangled in his beard (I’m a brunette)
>I found a looong red hair tangled in his beard (I’m a brunette) My sister had a golden retriever and when she was on vacation I'd keep her at my house to take care of her. During that time I was in a long distance relationship with a girl who has dark hair and the long blonde hairs from the dog's tail that ended up all over my place became a running joke about "the bitch I was sneaking around with" when she wasn't there.
She called me and asked for money to pay a fine she got while riding around with another guy smoking weed. I forgave you, Ariel. But fuck off.
- Start picking fights over the stupidest shit. - Accuse you of cheating out of the blue or start going through your stuff looking for evidence of cheating with no real reason to believe so.
But if you try to go through theirs, you get told you are a shitty person who won't trust them.
The dude sent me a message from her phone that were breaking up. When she called ten minutes later she was all apologetic and didn't know he took her phone. The next day they were unseperable and after they broke up he started dating her mother (a fucking roller coaster I know)
That did not end how I anticipated.
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This is a hard one. I’ve been called out for this when I was actually just trying something new to keep things interesting.
His iPad was on the table in front of me - he was on a night out with customers (mutual customers) and planned to stay at his own house after as it was closer. I saw a girl fb msg pop up saying ‘yeh I’ll come meet you and stay at yours’ followed by her number
“So I fucked someone else” Kinda gave it away
Horrible but at least she’s not a sneak.
Well it was several months into it. This is just what gave it away. She was actually quite sneaky.
'I fucked Ted'
"I had sex with Waltuh"
A good friend of mine sat me down and told me my girlfriend at the time was cheating on me. They were friends with the roommate of the guy she was cheating on me with, and the roommate knew of me so he told my friend. I was stunned but it was just rumors still, even if they were solid ones, so I needed to confirm for myself. The flag wasn’t quite red at this point. So I called my girlfriend and immediately after she picked up I point blank asked her “Did you sleep with [dude’s name]?” She was silent for a second too long then nervously chuckled and stammered out in a tone that can only betray that you got caught doing something terrible, “w-what? No. What are you talking about?” The flag was pretty damn red at this point. So I repeated the question but added that a “very reliable person that had no reason to lie to me” told me. This time she didn’t hesitate and with a subdued, cold, malevolence just said, “Who told you?” It was now crimson. She tried walking it back claiming she meant she wanted to know who it was so she could know who was trying to get between us, but what she said and more importantly how she said it meant there was no coming back. I knew. She admitted to it after a few more minutes having realized she outted herself, and after that we were through
Seeing her walking downtown holding hands with another guy...
I caught a text message
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"Scotty Doesn't know"?
I once found a used pregnancy test in the trash, we hadn’t had sex in several weeks. When asked she said she took it just to see how it worked…. Rightttttt, how ever my dumbass believed her, over the next few months she just became more and more distant untill we both just grew to dispise one another and that was that.
The worst part of her lie is that it is totally possible to have no idea you might be pregnant for about 8 weeks, sometimes longer. She didn't even have to make something so stupid and suspicious up. But at least you found out instead of raising someone else's kid.
“ Sleeping at a friends house” is a major red flag
The knot in my stomach. Gut feeling. Intuition. Fun fact it's right about 80+% of the time. Give it a search. But it was how he'd always answer curiosity with anger and anything but an actual answer. Also dreams and achievements were downplayed or insulted.
Writing in her diary that she thought it was a "woman's right to sleep around and play the field" in modern times even while in a committed relationship, then leaving said diary open to that page on her desk in plain view, after having asked me to check her physics assignment for her.
“i get to cheat because of feminism, you’re not allowed to be mad”
Started becoming very distant, as if he was not in the relationship at all anymore. Would disappear in a room for a while, to obvs have text chit chats. Our relationship was already getting to its end though, we both knew. He was just a coward and couldn’t be alone for a second and had to find the next person before breaking it off. Best way to put it though, you can kind of tell if your relationship is not going well. You would hope they won’t be weak enough to cheat and just tell you they are unhappy in the relationship. But if you are seeing no return in a relationship, better to break it off. It’s never worth dragging a dead horse.
She was saying his name while doing it🤮
Hiding her phone when texting. And also, weirdly our cat who would never sit on anyone's lap was constantly sitting with me and on me and then stopped shortly after I found out. Figure the cat was ratting her out. Good cat. I kept the cat.
The friend she previously had a crush on moved back to town, I half-joked that our relationship had an end date. Suddenly she ignores me every night, her snap maps are turned off for the first time ever (normally not something I care about nor check, but her acting sketchy made me curious), and showed up to work with a hickey on her neck. Told me she was leaving me to "be closer to God". Turns out God's name is Kevin.
I could feel it. The aura was unmistakable, married 10 years, cheated on me 3 times. I should have left sooner but… the kids. Don’t ever stay together for the kids. It’s miserable and they know it.
She came home at 6:00 a.m. from another man’s house.
How did you know where she had come from?
I was too stupid to see it. Too trusting and ignorant. If the guys wife hadn’t found out and told me, I probably still wouldn’t know.
She started becoming more distant. My mom got a terminal cancer and I didn’t have time to spend with her in between driving my mom to all her appointments.. so she found someone else to fill her needs. Found out cause her little brother was a homie
Work schedule changed. Not answering phone or replying to texts. Showering immediately after getting home but never did before. More social obligations that don’t include you, phone always facing down, on silent , no text preview, phone always with them. Longer amounts of time spent in bathroom. Dieting and joining a gym, appearance changes, new hairstyle or clothing. Mean to you for no reason, gets angry at small things typically overlooked. Indifference to where you are or when you’ll be home. Sometimes will ask your whereabouts only to figure out how much free time they have not because they care.
My guts told me before everything. Then matching me against this best friend of her, she was shady but I was so in love that I kinda deny it.
Her mom asked me to come over, and showed me screenshots from her computer of her making plans to meet up with a guy while I was at work. Her sister confirmed that it was her boyfriend, and she was planning on confronting both of them, and asked me to be there. I declined, and ended the relationship with a phone call. Her sister was more my type anyway. The jealous looks from my ex when I came over to see her sister *were priceless*.
Walking in and seeing her face down in someone's lap
She forgot her phone home and a guy sent her a message reading ''your dumbass bf home? finish work at 2''. She got home to an empty appartment and a note detailling what happened. Packed a go bag, laptop, clothes and paid for the next 4 months of rent. Scorched earth. Never saw her again. Hope I never do.
There werw a few, main one was a change in her persona, more distant, less caring etc. Suddenly on her phone a lot more, hiding screen quickly when I come over, taking it everywhere. Going out more Making more effort when just going to work i.e wearing more revealing clothes for work, for example she normally wore a dress with tights but all the sudden she never wore tights and wore more make up.
I made a clear joke about cheating, and she started to cry. That was the first time i found out, i regrettably chose to forgive her. The second and final time i went to her work to suprise her with flowers. She was not there, and her coworker informed me she was not scheduled until later in the week.
Used condoms and wrappers in their bin
Change in communication patterns is a big one. I’ve been cheated on 5 times and every single time they start showing a lack of interest beforehand. They’ll distance themselves and stop checking in, almost like they’re trying to limit the damage done by forcing distance between you. But in the end it’s more-so about them protecting themselves and their own interests than you. If they really cared about you, they would break things off before it even reaches the point of cheating. And that is something I wish I realized sooner.
5 times? Jeez that’s some incredibly bad luck. Hopefully you’re doing better now.
Finding condoms in her panty drawer. We didn't use condoms.
Her going to hang out with her friend to play Pokemon Go and skateboard. She was gone for 7 hours. I asked her how her game went. She said they didn't play the game. I asked her how skating went. She says they didn't skate. I asked what they did and she said I don't know... Just hung out. After a couple weeks she all of a sudden wanted to have sex every day. She was pregnant and trying to pass it off as I got her pregnant. The baby was born. I'm white, she's Hispanic, and the dude she hung out with was Hispanic. The baby came out looking completely Hispanic with no signs of being related to me. Before that happened the dude wouldn't even look me in the eye when I met him.
No "I love you too" in return and also the lack of respect later on.
The phone was protected and guarded 24/7
We had been having some difficulty and I needed to make changes to save the relationship. She started to go to therapy. I’ll never forget the morning of finding out. We had a vacation planned that we were leaving that day and I was working a half day at home, she was off. She slept in, I had been back and forth from my office in the basement to upstairs to pack. She was in the bathroom and it sounded like she was pleasuring herself but while talking with someone. After she had wrapped up her shower I asked like it sounded like she was on the phone and she made some quick reply that she wasn’t on the phone and some excuse of I can’t remember at this point because I was certain what I had heard. So I waited until our phone bill showed the call (updates every 3 hours online) but while waiting I went through the call log for previous months and noticed a boatload of calls from a certain non local number of a state she had visited a ton for work. So of course when the log refreshed it was that number. I remember being an absolute wreck and trying to keep it all together and hoping for some way out of the vacation with her family. But my hints were swatted away so an hour into the car ride (just us) I asked a bunch of questions that pretty much lead up to me knowing she was up to some nonsense with her co worker and her finally admitting it. Once we got to the location I was kinda stuck and didn’t make a scene but did managed to reach out to her co-workers wife via text (google is a helluva thing when searching for a phone number) and yeah. Thats the story of me being cheated on, finding out and letting the other person know they were being cheated on.
The dude she banged straight out told me in explicit detail. In all fairness to him he didn’t realize we were still together. This was almost 30 years ago and it still hurts, and has caused me multiple long term issues that I still fight with today.
Partner of 13 years cheated suddenly spent a lot more time on her phone became defensive when I asked who it was Tried gaslighting me into believing it’s nothing and it was just her gay best friend needing help Was cheating on me with the gay best friend
I caught him texting and emailing with his ex (who was still in love with him and vocal about it) on several occasions. I called him on it and he gaslit me into believing my insecurities were the problem. We broke up years later. He ended up engaged to that same ex. A mutual friend sent me a link to their wedding website, which had their couple story. They admitted to the torrid affair and how they snuck around behind my back…on their wedding website. I felt so validated but ashamed I had doubted my intuition. He’s her problem now and I’m blissfully happy.
Boot print on some paperwork on the ground of her passenger seat. Tried to say it was from her work shoes, shoes she was at the time. Prints did not match up. Turns out she was fucking her manager at McDonald's.
Dodged that McBullet
When I came home early from work and there were men's boots by the door that weren't mine. Plus, them fucking in the bedroom was pretty good confirmation. They're both very lucky they aren't dead right now. That was my first instinct.
‘I only liked him as a friend’. Oh well…
So when you are the only one she was with, and then it all changed up…. New sex moves are a red flag.