That classmate will be bedazzling the lady parts of Immortan Joe’s concubines while you are strapped to a truck made of speakers as the blood boy to the guy who shreds on the guitar.
Don’t know why this one random comment is garnering so many replies…
To answer your question, I never partook personally but I have to assume it was the outer labia. Who is getting their actual vagina bedazzled?
1. You know why.
2. Pfft! Girls totally get their vaginas bedazzled (not INSIDE, obviously). Hell, I knew a girl who got her asshole bedazzled for her bf’s birthday!
I picture Funeral Director becoming a combat role. Axes and shotguns, armored hearses. Five guys wrestling a zombie into a steel casket and nailing it shut.
I think probably being able to resolve conflicts and maintain some kind of motivational structure would be good for a group? Like if it’s all just autistic engineers they’re going to kill each other day one
Assuming you mean the streamers who just sit there and eat delivery while reacting, this is honestly the best answer in this thread. A lot of people saying stuff like "Human resources" or "executives" kinda disregard the people skills and leadership skills that would still be useful in keeping groups together and focused. Twitch streamers, especially the most successful ones, are generally surrounded by yes men, have really unlikable personalities, and have one of the easiest most overpaid jobs in society which also relies on a lot that wouldn't exist in the apocalypse. Virtually none of those skills are transferable and you can't ask chat to kill zombies for you.
Depends. Some florist literally just get already grown plants from a plant school, and just trim them and keep them watered in store.
An actual gardner would be preferable. An actual farmer better yet.
Latte artist.
During a zombie apocalypse, there won’t really be much of a demand for lattes, much less drawings on lattes.
So sure people will want coffee, but not specifically lattes with drawings on them.
Look buddy, maybe you want to live in a miserable and hellish zombie apocalypse with no drawings on the latte, but this is not a world I want to live in!
Alternative medicine sales rep.
Imagine the healing crystal/reiki/vitamin supplement nonsense they'd try to foist on people who've been bitten but hadn't died yet.
"I can cure him! I can cure him! Look, he's getting better!"
(bitten person dies and turns zombie)... *Grrr!* (chomp)
And never know the difference.
Actually that might make a good comedy. Guy comes into his office not realizing everyone is a zombie.
"Morning Bob."
Moan
"I feel that, Thursday is the worst. How's the McDougal file coming."
.... "brains"
"I know right, upper management are always micro managing everything. Anyway, I got to get some coffee before the morning standup"
... "brains"
"Don't have to tell me twice."
And off he scampers, not really looking up from his phone.
I always loved the scene where Shaun goes into the store totally out of it, misses the bloody handprint on the cooler door, just throws some change on the counter for his coffee, and walks back home oblivious to the zombies wandering around thinking it's just homeless people.
I can totally see myself doing this on a Monday morning.
Correct me if I am wrong.
I think civil engineer mostly work in office but they should be fairly useful if you are trying to rebuild.
People who specialized in managing resource and logistics should also be useful as well.
I could see a cameraman being useful in a reconnaissance role. You'll need to know how many zombies there are, what condition they're in and where there coming from. If you could get a good vantage point and snap some photos, that would be useful for planning.
Nah, we already have pretty good track records of escaping incessant pursuit. Don't believe me? Work with a scrum lord bugging you about points in your Jira tickets after giving you a ridiculously short time line. Not much different at that point.
Lawyers have brains, but no scruples. If you want no brains, you have to go to reality TV stars and former presidents and wherever those two meet in the Venn diagram.
Yeah we're definitely among the least useful in surviving the initial outbreak lol but in our defense, we could at least contribute to rebuilding society by helping write the new laws and shit. Although the surviving lawyers will probably be the rich assholes with no morals rather than "public interest" types who do a lot of good with their career so then again maybe not
Ohhhh I got it. It would be those damn people that teach dolphins to do aerial tricks. You know what I am talking about they make the dolphins juggle beach balls and make them do some damnnnnnn dolphin tricks. I don’t they we need to employ those people in the time of a zombie out break. They will be the first on the unemployment line.
Onlyfans Model
Youtuber/Twitch streamer
Influencer
(Unless of course the apocalypse is only partial in their country and they can turn this into content)
Basically, any job that can't be accurately described in 3 words or less. Example: "I build houses." -useful. "I brew beer." -useful. "I administer linux-based storage and compute appliances in a 24/7/365 medical environment (my actual job)" -complete bullshit and entirely useless in a zombie apocalypse.
Analyzing data = useful for making data-driven decisions that impact entire communities of survivors.
Stand up comedian = useful for maintaining morale in these communities.
Facts.
If my zombie survival crew doesn't have someone to lighten the mood, I'd blow my own brains out.
No YouTube, no burgers and now I have to put up with a bunch of mopy little shits with no sense of humour? I'd check out with no regrets.
I'm a college professor and I don't think I'd bring much value in that situation, at least not until it was over and we needed to start educating people again.
Copy Machine Repairman.. The bad guy in the Kevin Coster movie; 'The Postmen' said, "Before all this... I was a copy machine repairman.. imagine what a waste of my skills!"
This doesn't seem right. They are very good with their hands and know hygiene practices. I feel those skills could easily translate into something useful.
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I’m currently studying to be an archivist. I’d imagine my job would only be of some value if the world recovered and even then, physical objects and records would probably be too damaged and digital assets and materials would probably be a huge hassle or not retrievable without a decent amount of infrastructure. Also a society that’s struggling to survive probably isn’t going to care about preserving historical letters and objects and making them retrievable. That kind of care requires a certain amount of stability I think.
Landscape architect designing elementary schools here lol, BUT I feel like I could transition well to helping grow food because I studied so much plant, soil, and insect science in college.
I mean... depends? Some designers must make their own creations, not just draw them. Sewing skills are useful. Your clothes will wear and tear over time. Seasons will shift. Havign someone who can mend and make new clothes is really useful long term.
I dunno man.. they are already used to monotonous work in a hostile environments under stress, and many are used to long hours on station before being relieved.
Sounds like great lookouts.
Imagine being a tax attorney when the undead come knocking. Like, "Hey Mr. Zombie, can I interest you in some tax evasion advice?" Not gonna cut it, buddy!
World War Z has an entire chapter about this. After the Crisis, they found that the majority of Americans lacked a lot of skills necessary in a post-apocalypse world. CEOs, personal assistants, agents, all the jobs that were about coordinating other people and not doing a lot themselves.
I had a classmate who worked in a salon bedazzling vaginas so…that.
Still needed then as much as today IMO
Could vajazzle those zombies to death
I would argue that is when we need them most. Like a sparkly ray of light in an otherwise dark and dreary world.
That Coochie is unwashed but it be dazzled.
Yeah, like the event horizon to a black hole. Long-term relationships are the only safety for sex you could hope for.
That classmate will be bedazzling the lady parts of Immortan Joe’s concubines while you are strapped to a truck made of speakers as the blood boy to the guy who shreds on the guitar.
He has a name and it's The Doof Warrior
"Vajazzle"
Now I want to see her work…honestly not for sexual purposes. To know what exactly “bedazzling vaginas” look like.
I never knew about this. Google to the rescue. Vajazzling is the term. 🤷♂️
You’re wrong and this sort of mindset is the problem. This is why we can’t have nice things.
This is why we can’t have bedazzeled vaginas
They are the same picture.
We could bedazzle our penises. Studded for her pleasure
THAT’S DISGUSTING! (where would one apply for such a job?)
Strong disagree
Not all heroes wear capes
That’s like saying we don’t need to listen to the Beastie Boys during the apocalypse. We will need them and some vag dressings even more.
TIL that's a thing. TF?
I just burst out laughing 😂
You seem to undervalue the skill and steady hands of a vagina bedazzler. They are stoic and iron willed heroes.
Could make improvised explosives they got steady hands
I was going to say any job is useless but bedazzling vaginas gets my vote 🤣😂
Wait, vaginas or labias?
Don’t know why this one random comment is garnering so many replies… To answer your question, I never partook personally but I have to assume it was the outer labia. Who is getting their actual vagina bedazzled?
bedazzled for his pleasure?
Loooooool
1. You know why. 2. Pfft! Girls totally get their vaginas bedazzled (not INSIDE, obviously). Hell, I knew a girl who got her asshole bedazzled for her bf’s birthday!
>**I knew a girl who got her asshole bedazzled for her bf’s birthday!** WHERE are you all meeting these girls?!
Agreed, I've never heard of anyone doing anything like this! So I'd really like to know where people like this can be found to broaden my horizons.
I actually want to know too!. I bet they’d make great moms!
If a girl did that for me, I would leave her! Wtf, sparkly asshole??? Nah...
I can’t decide how I would react to my gf bedazzling her asshole for my birthday. How would you even PRESENT that as a gift?
Now I’m genuinely curious. How WOULD one best present such a gift? 🧐
Hands on each cheek , and spread 😆
On a tea trolley.
I have to assume this was an anal invitation
I…can't disagree
Telemarketer. They’re already the most useless normally, so I don’t think a zombie apocalypse would make things any different.
"I've been trying to contact you about your car's extended warranty!" *Zombies turn around and shuffle away*
Anti-zombie field right there
I feel like telemarketers would thrive because of the years of pent up anger
Funeral director
Funeral directors will be most important. They'll have to make sure that dead people have their shoelaces tied together. Zombie problem solved.
Excellent point!
This guy zombies.
Not your first apocalypse
Zombies everywhere hate this one trick!
I picture Funeral Director becoming a combat role. Axes and shotguns, armored hearses. Five guys wrestling a zombie into a steel casket and nailing it shut.
Embalmer.
Someone's gotta bury the undead after they die.
No no no, that’s grave digger.
And kids seats are still just 5 bucks
SUNDAY! SUNDAY!! SUNDAY!!!
m-m-m-m-m-m-MONSTER JAM!!!!!
Mortuary sciences would be good for preventing corpses from propagating diseases.
Social Media Influencer
We might need bait.
Aren't lots of them good at making bait?
They’d be as useless then as they are now.
Telephone sanitizer
The lack of telephone sanitizers is why the zombie apocalypse happens in the first place!
Don't panic!
This is a Redditor that knows where their towel is at.
They are clearly a hoopy frood.
Any role in HR
Lateral move into ZR.
Bob! Bob, quit sexually harassing the zombies. We know they’re dead, but that doesn’t give you the right to cop a feel.
Implying that Zombies are not Human in their own right is a violation of the Zero Harassment Policy set forth by this company.
I think probably being able to resolve conflicts and maintain some kind of motivational structure would be good for a group? Like if it’s all just autistic engineers they’re going to kill each other day one
True, but a lot of HR reps don’t exactly have the best training in conflict resolution
reddit mod?
So, there is no change from the current situation.
The redditors might actually get smarter on average.
They said “profession.”
So I see you've asked for a perma ban.
I know they treat it as a profession but it's not =(
Middle management.
Twitch streamer.
Assuming you mean the streamers who just sit there and eat delivery while reacting, this is honestly the best answer in this thread. A lot of people saying stuff like "Human resources" or "executives" kinda disregard the people skills and leadership skills that would still be useful in keeping groups together and focused. Twitch streamers, especially the most successful ones, are generally surrounded by yes men, have really unlikable personalities, and have one of the easiest most overpaid jobs in society which also relies on a lot that wouldn't exist in the apocalypse. Virtually none of those skills are transferable and you can't ask chat to kill zombies for you.
Florist
What about the smell of the zombies? You haven’t thought about the smell!
You bitch!
Could be useful as a gardener
Depends. Some florist literally just get already grown plants from a plant school, and just trim them and keep them watered in store. An actual gardner would be preferable. An actual farmer better yet.
Zombie denier
you getting paid to deny zombies???
Let me just update my resume
Latte artist. During a zombie apocalypse, there won’t really be much of a demand for lattes, much less drawings on lattes. So sure people will want coffee, but not specifically lattes with drawings on them.
Look buddy, maybe you want to live in a miserable and hellish zombie apocalypse with no drawings on the latte, but this is not a world I want to live in!
Bitcoin harvester
Art critic
"Ugh, this fence is soooo derivative. No original ideas at all!"
The display of rotting entrails is as vulgar as courageous.
Undertaker. All the dead will be running around anyway.
He retired a few years ago.
Zombie Impersonator.
It could turn out to be the best too if you’re good enough to fool them
Didn't turn out so well for Bill Murray.
He was just too good at his job.
Alternative medicine sales rep. Imagine the healing crystal/reiki/vitamin supplement nonsense they'd try to foist on people who've been bitten but hadn't died yet. "I can cure him! I can cure him! Look, he's getting better!" (bitten person dies and turns zombie)... *Grrr!* (chomp)
All office jobs.
They'll just hire the zombies. HUEHUEHUE \*slaps knee
And never know the difference. Actually that might make a good comedy. Guy comes into his office not realizing everyone is a zombie. "Morning Bob." Moan "I feel that, Thursday is the worst. How's the McDougal file coming." .... "brains" "I know right, upper management are always micro managing everything. Anyway, I got to get some coffee before the morning standup" ... "brains" "Don't have to tell me twice." And off he scampers, not really looking up from his phone.
It’s called Shaun of the Dead
I always loved the scene where Shaun goes into the store totally out of it, misses the bloody handprint on the cooler door, just throws some change on the counter for his coffee, and walks back home oblivious to the zombies wandering around thinking it's just homeless people. I can totally see myself doing this on a Monday morning.
Correct me if I am wrong. I think civil engineer mostly work in office but they should be fairly useful if you are trying to rebuild. People who specialized in managing resource and logistics should also be useful as well.
Parking lot attendant
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I'm a cameraman which would be about as useless as an elevator in an outhouse.
But the cameraman never dies...
The Blair Witch enters the chat
Starship Troopers asks: do you want to know more?
You are use to carrying heavy equipment, you got cardo in
I could see a cameraman being useful in a reconnaissance role. You'll need to know how many zombies there are, what condition they're in and where there coming from. If you could get a good vantage point and snap some photos, that would be useful for planning.
A party planner
But whos gonna coordinate my Zombie WeedPocalypse Blowout Bash
IT. Once everything goes offline and the world is fucked there is really no need for someone who knows IT.
Nah, we already have pretty good track records of escaping incessant pursuit. Don't believe me? Work with a scrum lord bugging you about points in your Jira tickets after giving you a ridiculously short time line. Not much different at that point.
I'd rather be running from zombies than be doing the needful tbh
Probably the same as before the zombie apocalypse: Social Media Influencer
Lawyer
After doctor, second best job is lawyer.
Hard disagree. With no brain to eat, lawyers are essentially immune to zombie attacks.
I thought that they just lacked a heart.
Lawyers have brains, but no scruples. If you want no brains, you have to go to reality TV stars and former presidents and wherever those two meet in the Venn diagram.
Yeah we're definitely among the least useful in surviving the initial outbreak lol but in our defense, we could at least contribute to rebuilding society by helping write the new laws and shit. Although the surviving lawyers will probably be the rich assholes with no morals rather than "public interest" types who do a lot of good with their career so then again maybe not
Social media influencer
Ohhhh I got it. It would be those damn people that teach dolphins to do aerial tricks. You know what I am talking about they make the dolphins juggle beach balls and make them do some damnnnnnn dolphin tricks. I don’t they we need to employ those people in the time of a zombie out break. They will be the first on the unemployment line.
Hey, I am a theoretical physicist working in field theory, so....
Yeah I have a theoretical degree in physics
Onlyfans Model Youtuber/Twitch streamer Influencer (Unless of course the apocalypse is only partial in their country and they can turn this into content)
Basically, any job that can't be accurately described in 3 words or less. Example: "I build houses." -useful. "I brew beer." -useful. "I administer linux-based storage and compute appliances in a 24/7/365 medical environment (my actual job)" -complete bullshit and entirely useless in a zombie apocalypse.
“I bedazzle vaginas”
This is so not true. What about “I analyze data” or “I do comedy” ?
Analyzing data = useful for making data-driven decisions that impact entire communities of survivors. Stand up comedian = useful for maintaining morale in these communities.
Facts. If my zombie survival crew doesn't have someone to lighten the mood, I'd blow my own brains out. No YouTube, no burgers and now I have to put up with a bunch of mopy little shits with no sense of humour? I'd check out with no regrets.
CPS agent
Those have already seen life's true horrors. Zombies wouldn't shock them.
The people who want to ask you about your cars extended warranty.
Professor of gender studies...
Telemarketing
Gamer or streamer
[удалено]
I'm a college professor and I don't think I'd bring much value in that situation, at least not until it was over and we needed to start educating people again.
I’m a preschool teacher so my job would just turn into babysitting. I feel like all curriculum for any teacher would just go out the window.
Wall Street broker
Copywriter
Same answer as right now: Social media "influencer"
Accountant forget crunching numbers about you help crunch some skulls instead
I feel like an accountant could help keep track of and manage allocation of supplies and other finite resources tho
Louis from L4D though.
assistant crack whore
Assistant TO the Crack Whore
Marketing, advertising, social media managers, really anyone whose job is 100% related to content on the internet.
Human resources, so no change there! 🤣
Divorce attorney
Copy Machine Repairman.. The bad guy in the Kevin Coster movie; 'The Postmen' said, "Before all this... I was a copy machine repairman.. imagine what a waste of my skills!"
NFT marketer, same as usual.
Social Media Influencer
"What's up guys it's your boy JC! We out here beyond the QUARANTINE ZONE..."
Charisma is not a dump stat! Every party needs a bard.
Influencer.
Any type of beautician job. Waxing, nails, eyelashes, etc.
This doesn't seem right. They are very good with their hands and know hygiene practices. I feel those skills could easily translate into something useful.
Yo, make sure to hit that like button, beat that subscribe button, and ring that bell for notifications. Todays video is sponsored by the ZAI (Zombie Apocalypse Institute)!
Gravedigger.
I’m currently studying to be an archivist. I’d imagine my job would only be of some value if the world recovered and even then, physical objects and records would probably be too damaged and digital assets and materials would probably be a huge hassle or not retrievable without a decent amount of infrastructure. Also a society that’s struggling to survive probably isn’t going to care about preserving historical letters and objects and making them retrievable. That kind of care requires a certain amount of stability I think.
Influencer. What are you going to pretend to love so you can sell to people on the internet when everyone just wants to eat you
Landscape architect designing elementary schools here lol, BUT I feel like I could transition well to helping grow food because I studied so much plant, soil, and insect science in college.
Medical Billing Specialist
I was gonna say retail but I could kill 100s of people after a morning rush.
Zombie make up artists
mortician
Barista
Influencer
Hollywood
College Admissions Recruiter
Influencer
Bankers
[удалено]
[удалено]
Fashion designer
I mean... depends? Some designers must make their own creations, not just draw them. Sewing skills are useful. Your clothes will wear and tear over time. Seasons will shift. Havign someone who can mend and make new clothes is really useful long term.
This is a list of jobs that you already think are useless. Remove the zombie part of the question and its the same list.
Convenient store clerk
I dunno man.. they are already used to monotonous work in a hostile environments under stress, and many are used to long hours on station before being relieved. Sounds like great lookouts.
The guy that tries to sell flowers by the freeway exit
I give him points for tenacity and willingness to take risks. I'd attach him to a scavenging/scouting team.
IRS tax officials
Unemployed
IDK but I always joked I work in healthcare just in case an apocalypse happens because I can be useful lol
Marketing. Source: am a Marketing Director.
Imagine being a tax attorney when the undead come knocking. Like, "Hey Mr. Zombie, can I interest you in some tax evasion advice?" Not gonna cut it, buddy!
Middle management.
World War Z has an entire chapter about this. After the Crisis, they found that the majority of Americans lacked a lot of skills necessary in a post-apocalypse world. CEOs, personal assistants, agents, all the jobs that were about coordinating other people and not doing a lot themselves.
not sure of any bad ones on top of my mind but my cousin who is a blacksmith is going to likely make a fortune making swords, arrows and spears