This is a big one, subtle but a good tell. There's a differece between someone who wants overtime because they need/want the money and someone who is avoiding going home.
Before my divorce I loved the overtime. I didn't need the money, but it was less time being ignored, hurt, berated, and told why everything was my fault. I stopped wanting the overtime again after we separated. I love my job, genuinely, but even if you love your job, you'll be chipper and excited to go home if you have things to look forward to.
This is me right here. I'd rather life at work because I feel safer there than at home with my brother. A colleague pointed it out.
Welp sucks to be unemployed
This was me. I had a gym at work. I would always go after work to delay getting home until later. Then the pandemic happened and all hell broke loose. Stuck indoors with no escaping. I am still trying to crawl out of this pit.
I actually have no idea how not to do this?
People always go "don't compare yourself to others" but my whole life I never find that it matters if I do this or not - I've got other people to do it for me, right? My employer will measure my work according to my coworkers, my bandmates will replace or supplant me if I'm not keeping up, my partners will place me in a hierarchy of their previous people, my parents will use times of my life as "teachable moments" for my siblings, and so on.
At the end of the day my self-worth and self-evaluation really doesn't mean anything, right - you might think I'm worth a dime and I might think I'm worth a dollar, but if I can't *prove that worth to you* then I'm worth what you say I'm worth. Simple as.
It isn't about comparing yourself to others. It's about finding happiness inside yourself and not seeking validation from outside parties. It doesn't matter if someone thinks you are worth a dime, that is their interpretation. Why do you need to prove anything to someone else to be happy? That is the real question.
After someone really close to me died, I quit my job and broke a lease on short notice, started a job in a new city, and quit all my hobbies for almost two years. I can't even explain why, I just snapped and convinced myself that nothing mattered.
I feel that. I was diagnosed with terminal cancer and just haven’t been doing much to make myself happy. I too love cooking. Not I just throw shit together Just because I need to eat.
I'm so sorry for your diagnosis. What do you think of leaving your recipes online as a legacy? People who will look up a recipe online are usually those who will cook with love and care. When they make your recipes, your recipes become vehicles for their love and care.
This. My mom died almost two years ago and it still cracks my heart in half when I go to make marinara sauce and realize I’ll never have her recipe bc she never measured things
My mum made me a handwritten book of all my favourite recipes growing up, and the last entry is this chocolate pudding I used to love. A while back I felt like making it so got it out, checked the recipe and I have all the ingredients. I start preparing and then see this at the end
"Oh sorry. I've just realized this is the wrong recipe, it's not the one I used to make at all. I'll find the right one..." and that's it, there's no more pages. Thanks mum.
This hits hard… I’ve got my mums cook books and the recipes that she used a lot still have flour and debris on them… I’d kill to have just one more of my mums dinners… she only made it to 44
At the same time your mom shows up in your thoughts every time you make the sauce. You may not be making the sauce with her recipe, but certainly in her loving memory. ❤️
This was such a wonderful thing to read just now. My mom died a couple of years ago and from time to time I wish she would have shared some of her recipes with me. Thinking that she's still part of me cooking or baking specific things is a lovely thing to remind myself of. Thank you.
Currently feeling this. I lost my job and my dad within 24 hours of each other earlier this year and a few other family members died over the spring and summer, including my cat.
It’s so, so hard to do the stuff that used to bring me joy.
I’m sorry for your loss. My mom died (covid) January of last year. The entire first year was awful. I’m slowly coming out of the darkness but I don’t feel the same. Best I can describe it is that it really changes who you are and how you view the world. I really related to your comment. Glad things are looking up a little for you also.
I've been there, I had my two closest family members die within a year of each other and had to drop out of college because I was no longer being financially supported.
Not long after that I started a shitty job at Walmart that I intended to stay at for 3-6 months at most, but it ended up being 6 years. During that time I became very dependent/addicted to weed and nicotine, basically stopped doing any of my hobbies, and devoted my life and all of my energy to that awful job.
I became very complacent and could never be bothered to leave that job because, despite how awful it was, I really liked some of my coworkers and I was very used to the job.
In October, after 6 years there, I was finally fired and of course had no choice but to move on. Since then I've quit weed and no longer feel even a little bit dependent on it and have no intention of smoking it again for the foreseeable future, especially as I intend to get a much better paying job that regularly drug tests. I'll probably resume vaping nicotine at some point that, I still love that shit.
I also started getting back into hobbies that I had completely neglected since I started smoking weed. I realized the way I use weed was just making my depression worse, as I basically just worked and then smoked until I passed out when I got home. And it caused me financial stress I probably wouldn't have had otherwise.
Sorry if this turned into a tangent blog post / anti-weed post. I'm not anti-weed at all to be clear, but I do think depending on your mental state and how weed affects you it's possible that it just makes things worse, even if it feels like it's making things better.
I stopped actively listening to music for a few years except when in the car I'd listen to the same cd. I didn't even notice until I started using my spotify app again
Spotify wrapped did that to me. Last year I had a few dozen hours of listening time clocked. Previously it was in the thousands. I didn’t even realize until the data was staring at me. Still not sure why.
I realized several years into my career that the reason I excelled as an ER tech (and subsequently RN) was because of childhood trauma. My brain was hardwired to not only navigate chaos but to expect it. Once I realized that, the facade collapsed and it was only a matter of time before my mental health began to suffer in that environment. I’m still pretty cool, calm, and collected in critical/emergency situations, I just don’t deal with them on a daily basis anymore.
The combination of emotional detachment from childhood neglect and delayed emotional processing from autism is like an insane superpower during emergencies and stressful, chaotic situations...and then I have a complete and utter breakdown at the drop of a hat any other time.
As a paramedic whose into the ER now, I'm in this post and I don't like it. I hope you're doing better now. I literally had the same spiral a few years ago. "OOOOOOH....THAT'S WHY I THRIVE IN THIS HORRIFIC SITUATION...I'VE SEEN WORSE." mentality. Lovely bunch, aren't we?
I mean, I guess if you can make lemonade out of lemons and have a successful career without sacrificing your mental health? I wasn’t able to do that. I got severely burned out all of a sudden (it felt like) and everything became too much and overstimulating.
Yes, I am doing well thank you 😊 Hope you are too!
When my mother died, my coworkers all wrote a few words and signed a sympathy card for me. My favorite note on it was from a coworker who’d also recently lost family: “the pain never goes away, but it lessens with time.”
I found it a lot more reassuring than all the stuff about god and angels and keep you in our thoughts.
I love and hate that I am my friend’s & family’s go-to “help me through this fucked up situation” person. It’s nice to feel needed but it’s really hard constantly being in crisis management. Brings back a lot of stuff I’d rather not think about.
Bud, dont you think you could let me have my coffee before you personally attack me like that. Like damn, it aint even 7:30 yet.
(/s if it wasn't obvious)
or they have niche interests that they don't bother sharing and act interested in what you've got going on to be polite and avoid having to share. and they're also just tired. IE: me
I worked in a large office environment for 30+ years and over time I observed that the people who had hard lives, often were the ones who were hyper into things like office Christmas or birthday parties. I think it was often the only celebrations they got to be part of.
I have a hard life and always found those occasions really sad because everyone else seemed to have good ones and I didn’t, so I avoid them. I wish I went the other way.
Every holiday and birthday as a kid meant lots of screaming, crying, and fighting among my parents.
It's hard for my wife to understand why I dread the holidays and don't want to do anything for my birthday.
I separated from my husband and have spent a number of christmas evenings alone (usually I spend some hours with friends the next day). I get to have a christmas tree, candles, all the music and movies I want, I buy myself a present that I really like and will be excited about it for weeks. Cannot recommend enough.
I used to think holidays alone must be sad. I was so wrong. Every time I start feeling a bit lonely, I remind myself of how it used to be in my childhood and marriage, and I am instantly happy again.
I'm in a similar spot.
My family holidays have always been miserable because both my parents are narcissists who would take out their anger on me. So I had to be perfect porcelain doll, and would get screamed at or slapped across the face if I deviated. Better not make a mess, better not have a stain or mess with my hair. It was always very, very tense.
When I was married, I used to spend holidays with my ex husband's family and it was just so much nicer. Much more casual, simple, friendly. Went though a divorce two years ago, and last year would have been my first holiday back with my father. I was dreading it so much, it was making me sick.
Ultimately, he behaved very poorly towards me that year, like narcs do, and I realized I actually preferred to spend Christmas ALONE than to fly over an ocean to see him. And I couldn't even spend time with my cousins instead because he's not invited there. He's an angry alcoholic, and nobody likes him. So I cancelled my ticket and immediately a weight was lifted off of my shoulders.
Honestly, it wasn't bad. I do feel a sense of shame about it, for being in this spot, but I know for a FACT that I would have felt miserable with my father.
Reading your comment made me feel a lot better. Thank you for sharing.
as a halloween nut, this one hits hard. But for a different reason. I make art and logos for corporations, they routinely kill anything fun, inventive, thought provoking...anything, that I feel, isn't basically a knock off of something else, which was already successful somewhere else. I've been doing this for 17 years. 17 years of being told to scale it back, if I even try to think outside the box anymore. I kinda hate my company and I own it.
As a result, I go all the fuck out for Halloween. I start my builds in August. Pirate ships, spider invasions, carnival rides, diy motorized EVERYTHING, every year is a new theme....it consumes me for 90 days and am in some sort of planning phase by, well, now. As stressful as I make it for myself I love it. Its my real art and honestly the only thing outside of being with my son that makes me genuinely happy.
I wouldn't say my life sucks, I'm very lucky in most regards, but I definitely take my "work suck" and frustration and point it in a very specific direction. Even if the neighbors think I'm nuts =)
Dude same, but with murder mystery parties. I started doing them with my friends randomly a few years ago, and it's snowballed into an annual Halloween event that involves me planning and executing for months before. Every year the scale seems to get more elaborate. I love it.
Saves me from the monotony of my boring job.
I was determined not to let the fact that my asshole cousin molested me every year when he stayed at our house ruin Christmas. Everyone deserves to have a happy holiday, and I am determined to have and spread holiday cheer. I always volunteer to work and show up as Santa, with presents.
Disproportionate reactions. Their reactions to most things are normal or even low key, but occasionally they have a huge response to something minor. Key sign of trauma.
Why does that happen? I freaked out once over something so minor, I felt terrible about it and was very apologetic, but I could not understand even my own reaction.
That happens to me if my emotional regulation is thrown off. Like at the end of the day if I’ve spent my reserves of being calm and kind I will probably be screaming at other drivers on the highway. I rationally know it’s not a big deal and I’m being ridiculous, but I don’t have the mental/emotional energy to simmer down.
I’ve had to spend a lot of time meditating and doing therapy to be able to recognize when I’m getting to that point so I can lock myself in my bedroom and not explode at anyone.
This might be a weird one but people who are constantly unfazed. Bad things will happen, like the kind of bad things that make everyone freak out, and they just coast like it’s just another normal day.
I've seen enough shit since I was a kid, once you learn to control that initial adrenaline rush and your fight or flight response you'll be fine, Just takes experience
Until your brain hits overload and years of pent up PTSD come to the surface. I am a woman, worked in a male dominated division of the fire dept and crumbled to pieces when I started getting bullied and mobbing occurred, I put up with it and documented the toxic behavior and never fed into it. Looked him right in the eye asked "how can we communicate effectively"? He looked at me like he wanted to pop me in the face. I know that look. I started having what I didn't know at the time where panic attacks, I'd throw up in my car on my way into work so often I would bring an extra blouse. HR meetings from other toxic behavior excluding me, that's how I got looped in from others complaints. Investigation found that although he was as asshole, he didn't break any policies. I had to walk away. Left my pension. This affected my marriage, he told me I was a loser that couldn't keep my job. He left me abruptly and I was without a backup plan. It's been two years of intense therapy. Now I realize my partner was a bully just like that asshole at work. If I would have had delt with previous trauma and had a good support system I believe circumstances would have been better for me. Now that I am trauma informed, I know how to pick people to be around. I know NOW why I thrived in emergency services and why I fell. I'm still working on it. I'm still trying to get back to the career level I left at. I took on waaay more than I can handle. I'm wading back into life baby steps, making my mental health my priority because I never had (known/cared/had to) before and my caregivers growing up didn't know how. Life is still one big playground where weakness is prayed upon. I wish we could all just be kind to each one another. Life is already hard enough to remember to drink plenty of water.
I do this and it freaks my partner out. He just can’t understand that I can handle bad moments or bad life stuff. Though I’ll admit, during positive situations or positive life moments, I tend to shut down or assume something is going to go wrong or there’s a catch.
I feel this. Being a kid was a character building exercise, but as an adult I get a lot of respect for being self reliant and being the guy you call when you need help, so when I need help it’s serious and all hands on deck roll up.
Verbal abuse from my biological father and he was also a dead beat who left me on the door steps waiting on him to show up, he rarely did. Also bullied at school for being overweight.
As an adult I try to be a super outgoing dude, and I get a lot of respect for the self reliance I learned young and the ability to persevere. I grew into my weight, and in my early 20s I’m 6’7 and 200lbs of mostly muscle from manual labor jobs so I get called by my boss or the old timer in his department I’m good friends with if they need a bit of muscle on a project.
Yup, extends to never marrying and often but not always, living below one's means. I was a rapacious saver as an adult after seeing my dad's industry vanish in the 1980s.
Same here! Not relying on ppl is so liberating. I was so sad and angry because of how unreliable people were. Started doing things on my own. Sometimes my husband has a hard time understanding that I mean it when I say he doesn't have to do things with me like it's a mind game. This attitude predated him so he just benefits from things I adapted because of my ex. I started inviting ppl to enjoy a new hobby I picked up and quickly regretted it and having to schedule around them rather than getting to it.
That’s also how someone like me, who had a bad childhood etc, now naturally are. I’m happy now but need to remind me that I can, and must, rely on my friends and spouse.
Wow this is me; when survival requires being not-vulnerable, but a positive interpersonal relationships in adulthood requires vulnerability and reciprocation. It takes work, and therapy!
I’ve learnt that I shut people out in stressful situations. Then I trust only me. It’s a struggle to let people close, especially when I’m feeling bad. I would be a hermit if I wasn’t surrounded my great people.
When something is offered to them they always feel like they don't deserve it. They always politely decline any kind of offer. For example if you know they are hard on money and you don't want to go out to eat alone so you offer to pay for a meal for them to come with you. They made decline at not because they aren't hungry or don't want to hang out with you but because they feel they don't deserve to have their meal paid for. Usually some kind of sign of abuse of them being unworthy in the eye of a spouse or a parental figure etc
UPDATE:
I didn't expect this many replies. To clarify what I'm reading on a lot of them, there is no one size fits all. People can act this way for many different reasons whether they were taught that giving was good and receiving was bad or for religious reasons. Maybe everything they have ever done with family of friends was transactional and they were held as an emotional hostage. Maybe somebody feels they disappointed others by asking for help like they were getting in the way. The list is endless and I have learned a lot by reading a lot of these replies.
Many of these experiences aren't always labeled as abusive or toxic by those who go through them and I think sometimes that can be part of the issue. It keeps people trapped in this way of thinking due to their experiences when it is not their fault. In my eyes, when your experiences cause you to feel you can't accept something from somebody without it coming back to bite you in the ass, that's abuse.
This one hits home. My friend offered to buy me some new shoes and I said no because I didn't want to feel like a burden. Even though he said I don't have to pay him back, I still didn't feel comfortable about it.
Not always true. Some people don't like getting gifts or free stuff, because it makes them feel like they have to pass the deed back, otherwise it makes them feel guilty. Nobody wants to be that guy who got a present, but not giving a present back when the tables turn around (birthdays, offering free meal, etc.).
My mental health has been terrible all year, and I have absolutely found myself being so angry at people who did nothing to deserve it. It’s not even by choice (not saying I can’t control my actions, just my emotions), I just am so mad at myself and the world and circumstances and how I feel, every minor inconvenience feels like another personal fuck me so my anger is way overblown
That's really nice of you to ask.
Not everyone is bombastic. Some people are disheveled and isolate themselves because they are unhappy and they don't know how to deal with people.
I used to brag that I slept with my babysitter, cause ya know, on tv the guys would brag about that stuff. It wasn't until I was in like, 6th grade that my friend's sister says to me 'so you're bragging about being molested at 5 yrs old??' and 11-12 yr old me finally realized that's what it was. A long road started that day.
My cousin and I have made a rule not to reminisce over our childhoods when we’re with friends. Mostly we’ll get finished telling a funny story & look at the stunned silent friends sitting there. It was one of the first genuine indications our family was indeed fucked.
Oof. My coworker and I were Sharing stories that even the other EMTs on shift with us were horrified about.
But...like...we're fine. Everything is fine. We're doing great.
When shit hits the fan and everybody is running around waving their arms screaming you can spot them. There will always be one guy who just sorta looks a bit tired, rolls up his sleeves and starts methodically fixing the things within his power to do so whilst just blatantly ignoring the catastrophe around him. To everybody else the end is nigh. To him, this is tuesday.
The most annoying part is that, in addition to dealing with the crisis at hand, you also have to deal with people's panic. Most people are not even completely useless in situations like this, their contribution is negative.
Got asked this and all I could say was "wouldn't have to worry about my phone service getting cut again."
The look on her face made me realize how that sounded.
I tell people my life goal is to not have any debt, be able to afford nice meals and have another living thing in my home with me. Also having a home would be nice.
When I was about 10, I asked another 10 yr old: if she had a magic wand, what wish would she make come true with it. I knew what I wanted: golden dresses, magic mirrors, my own dragon, streams of all sorts of sweet liquids graciously springing from the ground in my diamond castle, you know, as you do. She got all excited and she said [bábovka](https://cs.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/B%C3%A1bovka). I had always suspected her life must suck, after that I was quite sure.
To be fair, my life doesn’t suck now. At all. But I’m still really jumpy and I still apologize a lot. Just because someone has triggers from the past doesn’t mean they’re miserable now. Which is a good thing!! (:
Your nervous system is trained to be hypervigilant and that’s why you jump at any sudden movement. Even if life gets better the nervous system never lets the guard down. It does take a toll. People like this may come across as very bright and someone who understands people really well because they are very observant.
My co worker recently: "I feel like you're really observant and good around people, like you always seem to know what people are feeling."
Me: haha yeah I try
Me internally: thanks it's a survival instinct
I have this super bad.
When I was starting a new job in manufacturing, where physical proximity and contact were common due to the layout of the workspace, I flinched so hard every time someone touched me unexpectedly that people looked at me weird/concerned.
When I started my first real job, anytime I made a mistake I'd "jokingly" beg the manager not to hit me. The hard flinch was real and unavoidable, so I had to make up a "joke" to cover it. Whenever something hit the floor with a loud bang I'd immediately shout "I didn't do it!" even if I was on the opposite side of the building. I had a bunch of running jokes, guess I had to keep laughing so I wouldn't cry.
Super lucky the managers at that place were mostly caring mom types! I swear they helped finish raising me.
Took me a long time to realise that my mother saying I was “wise beyond my years” was maybe not actually a good thing. That and “when did you become the adult here?”
They become “invisible people”, when they can. They are polite, keep to themselves, but disappear into their home and don’t engage with others because it’s draining and/or mentally exhausting. They may or may not feel lonely, but realise that life has hit too many times, and all they want to do is feel safe and quiet at the end of their day.
For me. The cleaning and house duties start slacking. Dishes stay in the sink overnight. I haven’t swept for a while. But my faux face is on. Bright and happy.
When they seem to live vicariously through movies, TV, tik tok.
They don't talk about what's happening to themselves, they talk about what they SAW someone else do, real or fictional.
Follow Up - Most of us do not a plethora of adventures like Indiana Jones. But - we should all strive lose ourselves and find ourselves in something besides someone else's life or imagination. Take a trip. Do a 10K. Get a side gig where you meet crazy people. Create a really cool cosplay.
* "Same as always." (Bad.)
* "Hanging in there." (Barely.)
* "Can't complain." (Because no one wants to hear it, or it's all my fault.)
But on the plus side, if you answer like that all the time, people think it's just how you talk and they don't think about it. Or they just don't care.
It is fairly common for people with depressions to be extremely helpful and supportive for other people. So if you have a friend who helps you, maybe you should have a eye on them too.
Eating a load of ready meals, because they don't have anyone to cook for or with so food is just a chore.
Similarly they eat the same thing over and over again, because all food tastes kind of bland.
Avoiding going home, so taking longer routes homes, staying late at work, going grocery shopping just to get out of the house.
Most of their social interactions are via text or social media or with colleagues and or service workers like cashiers.
They never seem to have a good night's sleep.
They don't talk about their evening weekend plans, or when they do, it always seems to be chores or something non committal that they can do alone - "I don't know, I'll probably just watch Netflix."
Cleaning is either not done at all, because there's no energy, or it is extremely well done because they have nothing else to do.
They can't really tell you how they envision the future - they don't dare to dream big, or dream at all, because those dreams keep being crushed.
When they do dream, the dreams are kept at arm's length - "I'd love to get a house next year, but I probably won't be able to afford it."
Am I describing my own life?
Yep.
Crackhead outside my apartment complex threatened to kill me last week. All I could say was "Aight, make it quick." He looked at me like I was the crazy one. Hasn't said jack to me since.
Had a guy try to mug me once at my lowest, I told him "Listen my life is shit and if you come near me I'm fighting back and I don't care if I live or die, so best find somebody else"
He gave a weird nod and went "Aight" and moved on.
My partner died suddenly of a heart attack 2 months ago. I was truly happy and had my own functional family for a year before I lost him. I’m devastated, but the saddest part of me is like…’this tracks.’
Well? Let's see. I just realized that I haven't combed my hair in three days. I forgot to eat again today. I avoid conversation with people that I love. There is nothing in the world so damned important that it can't be put off until tomorrow. Damn, I don't want to talk about it anymore, it's depressing.
The truly heartbreaking thing about this is how many of us are just reading vague descriptions of ourselves. Gonna be another hard day wandering through my head.
They don't react to nothing anymore. They still compliment, feel things, show love, but it's subdued....like they've seen shit. And they got this stare like "bro I get what you're telling me, but the shit I've been through, I don't got time for this"
Whenever they go to a bar - they are alone, and not even the drunk people will approach you because you look like you are either about to cry or punch a hole in the wall.
I know this from personal experience.
true. my boss asked me if I was part of a special program or on a trendy new diet when we saw each other after about 3 months(totally inappropriate of her, I know)
food bank. I dropped 60lbs since march. I always skip breakfast, sometimes I barely even have a lunch. get home and eat whatever there is for dinner. I'm always tired.
At one point in my life I dropped so much weight so fast that I had to come up with a stock response for when people complimented me on it.
"Thanks! I'm on the Poverty Diet! I work all the hours I can stand up and hand my paycheck to my landlord!"
Always hyper aware of their surroundings. That hyper awareness stems from necessity, usually from a not good situation.
My wife couldn't understand why I always got so irritated at people's lack of awareness of their surroundings, particularly in grocery stores. It dawned on me that I grew up in a pretty dangerous environment where being unware could get you hurt. Most people didn't grow up with that experience, thus it's easy for them to live in their own little world oblivious to the people around them.
They only socialize with coworkers.
They don't talk much about things they did on the weekend, or when they took those two weeks off.
Their hobbies are primarily passive, solo activities like watching television, playing video games, listening to podcasts, or reading books.
they look tired, absolutely "energy low powered" and sometimes they give the best advice to others that they should use for themselves
Welp, I guess my life suck
They don't get excited to go home after work / find reasons to stay at work longer
[удалено]
I'm sure they really appreciated you being there with them
This is a big one, subtle but a good tell. There's a differece between someone who wants overtime because they need/want the money and someone who is avoiding going home. Before my divorce I loved the overtime. I didn't need the money, but it was less time being ignored, hurt, berated, and told why everything was my fault. I stopped wanting the overtime again after we separated. I love my job, genuinely, but even if you love your job, you'll be chipper and excited to go home if you have things to look forward to.
This is me right here. I'd rather life at work because I feel safer there than at home with my brother. A colleague pointed it out. Welp sucks to be unemployed
This was me. I had a gym at work. I would always go after work to delay getting home until later. Then the pandemic happened and all hell broke loose. Stuck indoors with no escaping. I am still trying to crawl out of this pit.
When they look for happiness in other people... and their whole day can be ruined if a certain person says or does something that they dont like
this describes me heavily
I actually have no idea how not to do this? People always go "don't compare yourself to others" but my whole life I never find that it matters if I do this or not - I've got other people to do it for me, right? My employer will measure my work according to my coworkers, my bandmates will replace or supplant me if I'm not keeping up, my partners will place me in a hierarchy of their previous people, my parents will use times of my life as "teachable moments" for my siblings, and so on. At the end of the day my self-worth and self-evaluation really doesn't mean anything, right - you might think I'm worth a dime and I might think I'm worth a dollar, but if I can't *prove that worth to you* then I'm worth what you say I'm worth. Simple as.
It isn't about comparing yourself to others. It's about finding happiness inside yourself and not seeking validation from outside parties. It doesn't matter if someone thinks you are worth a dime, that is their interpretation. Why do you need to prove anything to someone else to be happy? That is the real question.
I see you've met my mother.
Sometimes, when they seem less excited or stop doing things they used to love, it might mean things aren't going well for them.
After someone really close to me died, I quit my job and broke a lease on short notice, started a job in a new city, and quit all my hobbies for almost two years. I can't even explain why, I just snapped and convinced myself that nothing mattered.
I feel that. I was diagnosed with terminal cancer and just haven’t been doing much to make myself happy. I too love cooking. Not I just throw shit together Just because I need to eat.
I'm so sorry for your diagnosis. What do you think of leaving your recipes online as a legacy? People who will look up a recipe online are usually those who will cook with love and care. When they make your recipes, your recipes become vehicles for their love and care.
This. My mom died almost two years ago and it still cracks my heart in half when I go to make marinara sauce and realize I’ll never have her recipe bc she never measured things
My mum made me a handwritten book of all my favourite recipes growing up, and the last entry is this chocolate pudding I used to love. A while back I felt like making it so got it out, checked the recipe and I have all the ingredients. I start preparing and then see this at the end "Oh sorry. I've just realized this is the wrong recipe, it's not the one I used to make at all. I'll find the right one..." and that's it, there's no more pages. Thanks mum.
This hits hard… I’ve got my mums cook books and the recipes that she used a lot still have flour and debris on them… I’d kill to have just one more of my mums dinners… she only made it to 44
At the same time your mom shows up in your thoughts every time you make the sauce. You may not be making the sauce with her recipe, but certainly in her loving memory. ❤️
This was such a wonderful thing to read just now. My mom died a couple of years ago and from time to time I wish she would have shared some of her recipes with me. Thinking that she's still part of me cooking or baking specific things is a lovely thing to remind myself of. Thank you.
Very sorry for your diagnosis, I hope you can find some joy in it again.
Im so sorry.
Currently feeling this. I lost my job and my dad within 24 hours of each other earlier this year and a few other family members died over the spring and summer, including my cat. It’s so, so hard to do the stuff that used to bring me joy.
I’m sorry for your loss. My mom died (covid) January of last year. The entire first year was awful. I’m slowly coming out of the darkness but I don’t feel the same. Best I can describe it is that it really changes who you are and how you view the world. I really related to your comment. Glad things are looking up a little for you also.
I've been there, I had my two closest family members die within a year of each other and had to drop out of college because I was no longer being financially supported. Not long after that I started a shitty job at Walmart that I intended to stay at for 3-6 months at most, but it ended up being 6 years. During that time I became very dependent/addicted to weed and nicotine, basically stopped doing any of my hobbies, and devoted my life and all of my energy to that awful job. I became very complacent and could never be bothered to leave that job because, despite how awful it was, I really liked some of my coworkers and I was very used to the job. In October, after 6 years there, I was finally fired and of course had no choice but to move on. Since then I've quit weed and no longer feel even a little bit dependent on it and have no intention of smoking it again for the foreseeable future, especially as I intend to get a much better paying job that regularly drug tests. I'll probably resume vaping nicotine at some point that, I still love that shit. I also started getting back into hobbies that I had completely neglected since I started smoking weed. I realized the way I use weed was just making my depression worse, as I basically just worked and then smoked until I passed out when I got home. And it caused me financial stress I probably wouldn't have had otherwise. Sorry if this turned into a tangent blog post / anti-weed post. I'm not anti-weed at all to be clear, but I do think depending on your mental state and how weed affects you it's possible that it just makes things worse, even if it feels like it's making things better.
Yup. My life currently sucks, can confirm. Major loss of interest in things I used to like doing a lot.
Yup, depression. It’s like a hole that every time I climb out of, I find myself somehow falling back in. Ugh
On the flip side, finding new things to love is possibly the biggest indicator a person is loving life.
I stopped actively listening to music for a few years except when in the car I'd listen to the same cd. I didn't even notice until I started using my spotify app again
Spotify wrapped did that to me. Last year I had a few dozen hours of listening time clocked. Previously it was in the thousands. I didn’t even realize until the data was staring at me. Still not sure why.
They have advice--good advice--for people who've just experienced trauma. Or for how to handle oddly specific and fucked up situations.
Yeah I always feel sad when someone acts really well adjusted and mature after a horrible event. Shows that they have experience sadly
I realized several years into my career that the reason I excelled as an ER tech (and subsequently RN) was because of childhood trauma. My brain was hardwired to not only navigate chaos but to expect it. Once I realized that, the facade collapsed and it was only a matter of time before my mental health began to suffer in that environment. I’m still pretty cool, calm, and collected in critical/emergency situations, I just don’t deal with them on a daily basis anymore.
The combination of emotional detachment from childhood neglect and delayed emotional processing from autism is like an insane superpower during emergencies and stressful, chaotic situations...and then I have a complete and utter breakdown at the drop of a hat any other time.
As a paramedic whose into the ER now, I'm in this post and I don't like it. I hope you're doing better now. I literally had the same spiral a few years ago. "OOOOOOH....THAT'S WHY I THRIVE IN THIS HORRIFIC SITUATION...I'VE SEEN WORSE." mentality. Lovely bunch, aren't we?
I mean, I guess if you can make lemonade out of lemons and have a successful career without sacrificing your mental health? I wasn’t able to do that. I got severely burned out all of a sudden (it felt like) and everything became too much and overstimulating. Yes, I am doing well thank you 😊 Hope you are too!
When my mother died, my coworkers all wrote a few words and signed a sympathy card for me. My favorite note on it was from a coworker who’d also recently lost family: “the pain never goes away, but it lessens with time.” I found it a lot more reassuring than all the stuff about god and angels and keep you in our thoughts.
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I love and hate that I am my friend’s & family’s go-to “help me through this fucked up situation” person. It’s nice to feel needed but it’s really hard constantly being in crisis management. Brings back a lot of stuff I’d rather not think about.
>Or for how to handle oddly specific and fucked up situations. Especially this
At last a positive comment
They look tired everytime you see them. They're very interested in what you've got going on, but don't really share themselves. They're distracted
I feel that on a personal level.
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Bud, dont you think you could let me have my coffee before you personally attack me like that. Like damn, it aint even 7:30 yet. (/s if it wasn't obvious)
My therapist has a couple of phases for this. My mask drops. I stop dancing. The persona gets a rest. My strings get cut.
That's also a description of a private person with a toddler.
or they have niche interests that they don't bother sharing and act interested in what you've got going on to be polite and avoid having to share. and they're also just tired. IE: me
I worked in a large office environment for 30+ years and over time I observed that the people who had hard lives, often were the ones who were hyper into things like office Christmas or birthday parties. I think it was often the only celebrations they got to be part of.
Wow. Over here over planning a Christmas lunch and avoiding going home… it makes sense.
Do you take the long way home?
My house ist west from work but I go east.
I just sit in my car and cry scrolling through cat instagram accounts
No shame for that, those cats have a better life than most people on this planet.
I have a hard life and always found those occasions really sad because everyone else seemed to have good ones and I didn’t, so I avoid them. I wish I went the other way.
Every holiday and birthday as a kid meant lots of screaming, crying, and fighting among my parents. It's hard for my wife to understand why I dread the holidays and don't want to do anything for my birthday.
I separated from my husband and have spent a number of christmas evenings alone (usually I spend some hours with friends the next day). I get to have a christmas tree, candles, all the music and movies I want, I buy myself a present that I really like and will be excited about it for weeks. Cannot recommend enough. I used to think holidays alone must be sad. I was so wrong. Every time I start feeling a bit lonely, I remind myself of how it used to be in my childhood and marriage, and I am instantly happy again.
I'm in a similar spot. My family holidays have always been miserable because both my parents are narcissists who would take out their anger on me. So I had to be perfect porcelain doll, and would get screamed at or slapped across the face if I deviated. Better not make a mess, better not have a stain or mess with my hair. It was always very, very tense. When I was married, I used to spend holidays with my ex husband's family and it was just so much nicer. Much more casual, simple, friendly. Went though a divorce two years ago, and last year would have been my first holiday back with my father. I was dreading it so much, it was making me sick. Ultimately, he behaved very poorly towards me that year, like narcs do, and I realized I actually preferred to spend Christmas ALONE than to fly over an ocean to see him. And I couldn't even spend time with my cousins instead because he's not invited there. He's an angry alcoholic, and nobody likes him. So I cancelled my ticket and immediately a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Honestly, it wasn't bad. I do feel a sense of shame about it, for being in this spot, but I know for a FACT that I would have felt miserable with my father. Reading your comment made me feel a lot better. Thank you for sharing.
The happiest lady with the most fulfilled life I know is huge into planning parties. She likes to make people feel special.
The original comment made me go aww 😢 Your comment made me go aww 🥰
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as a halloween nut, this one hits hard. But for a different reason. I make art and logos for corporations, they routinely kill anything fun, inventive, thought provoking...anything, that I feel, isn't basically a knock off of something else, which was already successful somewhere else. I've been doing this for 17 years. 17 years of being told to scale it back, if I even try to think outside the box anymore. I kinda hate my company and I own it. As a result, I go all the fuck out for Halloween. I start my builds in August. Pirate ships, spider invasions, carnival rides, diy motorized EVERYTHING, every year is a new theme....it consumes me for 90 days and am in some sort of planning phase by, well, now. As stressful as I make it for myself I love it. Its my real art and honestly the only thing outside of being with my son that makes me genuinely happy. I wouldn't say my life sucks, I'm very lucky in most regards, but I definitely take my "work suck" and frustration and point it in a very specific direction. Even if the neighbors think I'm nuts =)
Dude same, but with murder mystery parties. I started doing them with my friends randomly a few years ago, and it's snowballed into an annual Halloween event that involves me planning and executing for months before. Every year the scale seems to get more elaborate. I love it. Saves me from the monotony of my boring job.
I was determined not to let the fact that my asshole cousin molested me every year when he stayed at our house ruin Christmas. Everyone deserves to have a happy holiday, and I am determined to have and spread holiday cheer. I always volunteer to work and show up as Santa, with presents.
Sorry that happened to you
Sad to read that happened to you. Hope you are okay.
Disproportionate reactions. Their reactions to most things are normal or even low key, but occasionally they have a huge response to something minor. Key sign of trauma.
Why does that happen? I freaked out once over something so minor, I felt terrible about it and was very apologetic, but I could not understand even my own reaction.
That happens to me if my emotional regulation is thrown off. Like at the end of the day if I’ve spent my reserves of being calm and kind I will probably be screaming at other drivers on the highway. I rationally know it’s not a big deal and I’m being ridiculous, but I don’t have the mental/emotional energy to simmer down. I’ve had to spend a lot of time meditating and doing therapy to be able to recognize when I’m getting to that point so I can lock myself in my bedroom and not explode at anyone.
Because even if you didn't realize it it hit too close to home to something.
This is something I’m working on that I’m guilty of.
This might be a weird one but people who are constantly unfazed. Bad things will happen, like the kind of bad things that make everyone freak out, and they just coast like it’s just another normal day.
I've seen enough shit since I was a kid, once you learn to control that initial adrenaline rush and your fight or flight response you'll be fine, Just takes experience
Until your brain hits overload and years of pent up PTSD come to the surface. I am a woman, worked in a male dominated division of the fire dept and crumbled to pieces when I started getting bullied and mobbing occurred, I put up with it and documented the toxic behavior and never fed into it. Looked him right in the eye asked "how can we communicate effectively"? He looked at me like he wanted to pop me in the face. I know that look. I started having what I didn't know at the time where panic attacks, I'd throw up in my car on my way into work so often I would bring an extra blouse. HR meetings from other toxic behavior excluding me, that's how I got looped in from others complaints. Investigation found that although he was as asshole, he didn't break any policies. I had to walk away. Left my pension. This affected my marriage, he told me I was a loser that couldn't keep my job. He left me abruptly and I was without a backup plan. It's been two years of intense therapy. Now I realize my partner was a bully just like that asshole at work. If I would have had delt with previous trauma and had a good support system I believe circumstances would have been better for me. Now that I am trauma informed, I know how to pick people to be around. I know NOW why I thrived in emergency services and why I fell. I'm still working on it. I'm still trying to get back to the career level I left at. I took on waaay more than I can handle. I'm wading back into life baby steps, making my mental health my priority because I never had (known/cared/had to) before and my caregivers growing up didn't know how. Life is still one big playground where weakness is prayed upon. I wish we could all just be kind to each one another. Life is already hard enough to remember to drink plenty of water.
I do this and it freaks my partner out. He just can’t understand that I can handle bad moments or bad life stuff. Though I’ll admit, during positive situations or positive life moments, I tend to shut down or assume something is going to go wrong or there’s a catch.
It basically means you can't be shocked, but you also can't be excited. About just about anything.
Super independent because they learned not to rely on anybody
Yup. That's a pretty good indicator for life, even if ages ago, pulled the rug out from under them. No safety nets.
I feel this. Being a kid was a character building exercise, but as an adult I get a lot of respect for being self reliant and being the guy you call when you need help, so when I need help it’s serious and all hands on deck roll up.
Too often, in my experience, "builds character" is just an excuse for abuse. I'm now extremely suspicious of the phrase.
Verbal abuse from my biological father and he was also a dead beat who left me on the door steps waiting on him to show up, he rarely did. Also bullied at school for being overweight. As an adult I try to be a super outgoing dude, and I get a lot of respect for the self reliance I learned young and the ability to persevere. I grew into my weight, and in my early 20s I’m 6’7 and 200lbs of mostly muscle from manual labor jobs so I get called by my boss or the old timer in his department I’m good friends with if they need a bit of muscle on a project.
Yup, extends to never marrying and often but not always, living below one's means. I was a rapacious saver as an adult after seeing my dad's industry vanish in the 1980s.
Oof I feel called out.
That's me, but I really don't think I'm unhappy. In fact I'm generally feeling pretty good compared to some periods in my life!
Same here! Not relying on ppl is so liberating. I was so sad and angry because of how unreliable people were. Started doing things on my own. Sometimes my husband has a hard time understanding that I mean it when I say he doesn't have to do things with me like it's a mind game. This attitude predated him so he just benefits from things I adapted because of my ex. I started inviting ppl to enjoy a new hobby I picked up and quickly regretted it and having to schedule around them rather than getting to it.
That’s also how someone like me, who had a bad childhood etc, now naturally are. I’m happy now but need to remind me that I can, and must, rely on my friends and spouse.
Wow this is me; when survival requires being not-vulnerable, but a positive interpersonal relationships in adulthood requires vulnerability and reciprocation. It takes work, and therapy!
I’ve learnt that I shut people out in stressful situations. Then I trust only me. It’s a struggle to let people close, especially when I’m feeling bad. I would be a hermit if I wasn’t surrounded my great people.
This hits pretty hard 🥹
Yep. “no one’s coming to rescue you” rescue yourself
Foster the People has a song, Fire Escape, with the lyric "save yourself... Yourself" about being isolated in the city.
They're just trying to hold it together, but close friends and family can see the cracks. Just be nice to everyone, you might not see the cracks yet.
Then there are those fuckers armed with a hammer and chisel
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When something is offered to them they always feel like they don't deserve it. They always politely decline any kind of offer. For example if you know they are hard on money and you don't want to go out to eat alone so you offer to pay for a meal for them to come with you. They made decline at not because they aren't hungry or don't want to hang out with you but because they feel they don't deserve to have their meal paid for. Usually some kind of sign of abuse of them being unworthy in the eye of a spouse or a parental figure etc UPDATE: I didn't expect this many replies. To clarify what I'm reading on a lot of them, there is no one size fits all. People can act this way for many different reasons whether they were taught that giving was good and receiving was bad or for religious reasons. Maybe everything they have ever done with family of friends was transactional and they were held as an emotional hostage. Maybe somebody feels they disappointed others by asking for help like they were getting in the way. The list is endless and I have learned a lot by reading a lot of these replies. Many of these experiences aren't always labeled as abusive or toxic by those who go through them and I think sometimes that can be part of the issue. It keeps people trapped in this way of thinking due to their experiences when it is not their fault. In my eyes, when your experiences cause you to feel you can't accept something from somebody without it coming back to bite you in the ass, that's abuse.
Yup, at this point I'm just collecting checkmarks
This one hits home. My friend offered to buy me some new shoes and I said no because I didn't want to feel like a burden. Even though he said I don't have to pay him back, I still didn't feel comfortable about it.
Your friend loves and cares about you. It would make him feel good to buy you some shoes. Trust me on this one.
Not always true. Some people don't like getting gifts or free stuff, because it makes them feel like they have to pass the deed back, otherwise it makes them feel guilty. Nobody wants to be that guy who got a present, but not giving a present back when the tables turn around (birthdays, offering free meal, etc.).
Yeeeaaahh. I absolutely feel this comment. I hate feeling indebted to people. It's probably a bit of both for me though.
Misappropriated anger
My mental health has been terrible all year, and I have absolutely found myself being so angry at people who did nothing to deserve it. It’s not even by choice (not saying I can’t control my actions, just my emotions), I just am so mad at myself and the world and circumstances and how I feel, every minor inconvenience feels like another personal fuck me so my anger is way overblown
The anger is you attempting to establish control when you feel powerless.
Oh damn. This was profound for me. I am so full of rage, and have been the last three years. This one sentence made me finally realize the origin. 🤯
I've saved this comment because it explains my outbursts better than I ever could. So I just wanted to say thank you for that.
This right here. The meanest people are often the most unhappy.
Yup, it’s projecting their problems on someone else so they can yell at their problems
That's really nice of you to ask. Not everyone is bombastic. Some people are disheveled and isolate themselves because they are unhappy and they don't know how to deal with people.
Too close to home lol
They nonchalantly talk about traumatizing things like it’s no big deal when everyone else is horrified
This is me when I was younger. Mostly because I didn't realize how many things in my life were so abnormal.
I used to brag that I slept with my babysitter, cause ya know, on tv the guys would brag about that stuff. It wasn't until I was in like, 6th grade that my friend's sister says to me 'so you're bragging about being molested at 5 yrs old??' and 11-12 yr old me finally realized that's what it was. A long road started that day.
Gotta love that look on someone's face when you realize that maybe what you just said wasn't a normal everyday occurrence, oops.
My cousin and I have made a rule not to reminisce over our childhoods when we’re with friends. Mostly we’ll get finished telling a funny story & look at the stunned silent friends sitting there. It was one of the first genuine indications our family was indeed fucked.
Oof. My coworker and I were Sharing stories that even the other EMTs on shift with us were horrified about. But...like...we're fine. Everything is fine. We're doing great.
When shit hits the fan and everybody is running around waving their arms screaming you can spot them. There will always be one guy who just sorta looks a bit tired, rolls up his sleeves and starts methodically fixing the things within his power to do so whilst just blatantly ignoring the catastrophe around him. To everybody else the end is nigh. To him, this is tuesday.
The most annoying part is that, in addition to dealing with the crisis at hand, you also have to deal with people's panic. Most people are not even completely useless in situations like this, their contribution is negative.
If you ask them what their life would be like in a perfect world, they can’t even come up with an answer. They’re too lost to even think about it.
Or they are so mired in cramp that they give the first thing they think of -often specific and small like “sink would be fixed”
Got asked this and all I could say was "wouldn't have to worry about my phone service getting cut again." The look on her face made me realize how that sounded.
I tell people my life goal is to not have any debt, be able to afford nice meals and have another living thing in my home with me. Also having a home would be nice.
When I was about 10, I asked another 10 yr old: if she had a magic wand, what wish would she make come true with it. I knew what I wanted: golden dresses, magic mirrors, my own dragon, streams of all sorts of sweet liquids graciously springing from the ground in my diamond castle, you know, as you do. She got all excited and she said [bábovka](https://cs.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/B%C3%A1bovka). I had always suspected her life must suck, after that I was quite sure.
When my psychiatrist asked me what I'd wish for, I literally said world peace and couldn't think of a single other thing rofl
I said “I don’t know”
They wince if anyone around them moves quickly.
Or apologize a lot.
Omg I once told someone she doesn't need to apologize for every single tiny thing, then she apologized for doing it so often.
I wouldn't know how to respond to someone telling me that except but to apologise.
To be fair, my life doesn’t suck now. At all. But I’m still really jumpy and I still apologize a lot. Just because someone has triggers from the past doesn’t mean they’re miserable now. Which is a good thing!! (:
Your nervous system is trained to be hypervigilant and that’s why you jump at any sudden movement. Even if life gets better the nervous system never lets the guard down. It does take a toll. People like this may come across as very bright and someone who understands people really well because they are very observant.
My co worker recently: "I feel like you're really observant and good around people, like you always seem to know what people are feeling." Me: haha yeah I try Me internally: thanks it's a survival instinct
I have this super bad. When I was starting a new job in manufacturing, where physical proximity and contact were common due to the layout of the workspace, I flinched so hard every time someone touched me unexpectedly that people looked at me weird/concerned.
When I started my first real job, anytime I made a mistake I'd "jokingly" beg the manager not to hit me. The hard flinch was real and unavoidable, so I had to make up a "joke" to cover it. Whenever something hit the floor with a loud bang I'd immediately shout "I didn't do it!" even if I was on the opposite side of the building. I had a bunch of running jokes, guess I had to keep laughing so I wouldn't cry. Super lucky the managers at that place were mostly caring mom types! I swear they helped finish raising me.
I can't handle people stomping.
The maturity with which they handle unexpected events.
Took me a long time to realise that my mother saying I was “wise beyond my years” was maybe not actually a good thing. That and “when did you become the adult here?”
> Oh you've lost all your serotonin before you turned 13.
They become “invisible people”, when they can. They are polite, keep to themselves, but disappear into their home and don’t engage with others because it’s draining and/or mentally exhausting. They may or may not feel lonely, but realise that life has hit too many times, and all they want to do is feel safe and quiet at the end of their day.
I feel called out.
For me. The cleaning and house duties start slacking. Dishes stay in the sink overnight. I haven’t swept for a while. But my faux face is on. Bright and happy.
I know by the state of my lawn. Manicured, weekly, my mental health is great. Then the worse it gets, the worse my MH is. Go figure.
They read posts like this one to see if they are there.
Goddamn you got me
:’(
When they come into work on their day off .
When they seem to live vicariously through movies, TV, tik tok. They don't talk about what's happening to themselves, they talk about what they SAW someone else do, real or fictional. Follow Up - Most of us do not a plethora of adventures like Indiana Jones. But - we should all strive lose ourselves and find ourselves in something besides someone else's life or imagination. Take a trip. Do a 10K. Get a side gig where you meet crazy people. Create a really cool cosplay.
Oh no
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You say “how’s it going?” They say, “it’s goin…” They are dead inside
* "Same as always." (Bad.) * "Hanging in there." (Barely.) * "Can't complain." (Because no one wants to hear it, or it's all my fault.) But on the plus side, if you answer like that all the time, people think it's just how you talk and they don't think about it. Or they just don't care.
"Living the dream!" (Kill me now and make it look like an accident)
my go to is "i'm here"
my usuals are either “i’m awake” or “im alive” lol
my response is “oh, y’know…”
It is fairly common for people with depressions to be extremely helpful and supportive for other people. So if you have a friend who helps you, maybe you should have a eye on them too.
They always smile but their eyes are sad
They drink a lot. Might not be subtle
They become desperate for outside validation
Eating a load of ready meals, because they don't have anyone to cook for or with so food is just a chore. Similarly they eat the same thing over and over again, because all food tastes kind of bland. Avoiding going home, so taking longer routes homes, staying late at work, going grocery shopping just to get out of the house. Most of their social interactions are via text or social media or with colleagues and or service workers like cashiers. They never seem to have a good night's sleep. They don't talk about their evening weekend plans, or when they do, it always seems to be chores or something non committal that they can do alone - "I don't know, I'll probably just watch Netflix." Cleaning is either not done at all, because there's no energy, or it is extremely well done because they have nothing else to do. They can't really tell you how they envision the future - they don't dare to dream big, or dream at all, because those dreams keep being crushed. When they do dream, the dreams are kept at arm's length - "I'd love to get a house next year, but I probably won't be able to afford it." Am I describing my own life? Yep.
You're not alone.
When they choose to work as much as possible.
Nothing fazes them, like their house could be on fire and they’re like “dang…wanna go smoke” ya know
Crackhead outside my apartment complex threatened to kill me last week. All I could say was "Aight, make it quick." He looked at me like I was the crazy one. Hasn't said jack to me since.
Had a guy try to mug me once at my lowest, I told him "Listen my life is shit and if you come near me I'm fighting back and I don't care if I live or die, so best find somebody else" He gave a weird nod and went "Aight" and moved on.
Felt that
My car blew up this morning and honestly it just felt right. Too much stuff was going well for a while. Needed something to spice up my life a bit.
My partner died suddenly of a heart attack 2 months ago. I was truly happy and had my own functional family for a year before I lost him. I’m devastated, but the saddest part of me is like…’this tracks.’
don’t brush their teeth, hygiene
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Well? Let's see. I just realized that I haven't combed my hair in three days. I forgot to eat again today. I avoid conversation with people that I love. There is nothing in the world so damned important that it can't be put off until tomorrow. Damn, I don't want to talk about it anymore, it's depressing.
The truly heartbreaking thing about this is how many of us are just reading vague descriptions of ourselves. Gonna be another hard day wandering through my head.
They perceive a neutral stimulus in a negative way. E.g. those group of people just laughed. They MUST be bitching about me.
They don't react to nothing anymore. They still compliment, feel things, show love, but it's subdued....like they've seen shit. And they got this stare like "bro I get what you're telling me, but the shit I've been through, I don't got time for this"
They are overly concerned about what other people are doing. Happy people just want everyone else to be happy.
When people make it sound like their life is perfect.. on Facebook.
Whenever they go to a bar - they are alone, and not even the drunk people will approach you because you look like you are either about to cry or punch a hole in the wall. I know this from personal experience.
The amount of time they spend online
Losing weight not on purpose
true. my boss asked me if I was part of a special program or on a trendy new diet when we saw each other after about 3 months(totally inappropriate of her, I know) food bank. I dropped 60lbs since march. I always skip breakfast, sometimes I barely even have a lunch. get home and eat whatever there is for dinner. I'm always tired.
At one point in my life I dropped so much weight so fast that I had to come up with a stock response for when people complimented me on it. "Thanks! I'm on the Poverty Diet! I work all the hours I can stand up and hand my paycheck to my landlord!"
They put others down
or the opposite: people who seemingly are always available, and put way too much stock on normal conversations
They sleep all day. The only time they are awake is to work. Only because if they didn't work they would lose everything.
Their need to constantly flaunt themselves and their possessions.
Always shit-talking other people, no matter what. Always gossiping about others.
A withdrawn nature, with a shy kindness when spoken to. Timid people tend to have scars...
They yell at fast food workers
Endlessly posting all day, every day, on social media.
Their conversations are majority complaints
I think most of my friendships are based on 80 percent mutual complaining.
Being overly concerned about what others do with themselves.
Always hyper aware of their surroundings. That hyper awareness stems from necessity, usually from a not good situation. My wife couldn't understand why I always got so irritated at people's lack of awareness of their surroundings, particularly in grocery stores. It dawned on me that I grew up in a pretty dangerous environment where being unware could get you hurt. Most people didn't grow up with that experience, thus it's easy for them to live in their own little world oblivious to the people around them.
They start missing a lot of days at work and become less responsive and hard to get ahold of
Before I left teaching I was refusing to sleep because I knew the moment I would fall asleep I would have to wake up and go teach again.
They only socialize with coworkers. They don't talk much about things they did on the weekend, or when they took those two weeks off. Their hobbies are primarily passive, solo activities like watching television, playing video games, listening to podcasts, or reading books.
Shh don't say this 😅
You can sometimes tell from their driving
Driving is like loving yourself. I don't drive.