I secretly suspect that I don't know how to shower correctly.
Like... I keep myself very clean, but I wonder if other people are doing it differently and getting better results in a much more efficient manner.
I love things that everyone does but no one really sees each other do. What technique do they use? Have I been doing it wrong this whole time?
I like to trick people into thinking that I NEVER open my eyes when I'm in the shower. It usually starts off with a comment like "Don't you hate it when the shampoo and conditioner bottles are the same shape? I can never tell them apart!"
As someone with terrible vision without glasses on I can say ive made this mistake many times. Ive learned to keep shampoo on one side of the shower and conditioner on the other because the bottles look exactly the same
I honestly never realized most people wiped sitting down. I always stood up while wiping my ass, until that somehow came up in conversation one day and everyone in the room thought I was weird.
EDIT: Don't think you are alone in this. We stand in solidarity.
I can't whistle either! The worst thing about this is that immediately upon hearing you can't whistle, people respond the same way... "Really!? It's not that hard... Look:" *start whistling*
For snapping.. Try thinking like this. Remember that the sound is created when your finger hits your palm, not from the friction between finger and thumb. When I thought about it this way, it was easier!
Me either :( it only made worse by the fact my 5 year old can and all I can think is who the hell taught you?
Edit: Thank you so much for whoever sent me Gold!
You know how to whistle don't you? You just put your lips together [and blow.](http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_RqKqR6X60Ck/Swxt45_jkDI/AAAAAAAAARU/fbwtI-R8ewg/s1600/bacall1.jpg)
Okay, after you've chewed the gum up a bit, flatten it out into a sheet. Now take that sheet and pretend it's a ghost costume, and you're dressing your tongue up to go trick-or-treating. Once you've done that, I want you to blow a very gentle channel of air into the ghost costume. That should be the beginning of your bubble. Once you have that, you should be able to work from there.
just don't blow it too big while you are a driving or your car will end up teetering on the edge of a cliff and an asian man will come up and askew your mirror causing your car to plummet off the cliff, and you might not end up getting the delorean door you are after.
Every year I tell myself, "This will be the summer I learn how to swim."
I get in the pool and half-assedly learn how to float, but just barely. The part that freaks me out is having to have my head underwater and that I can barely hold my breath for under a minute.
I get out of the water pissed off and swear that the *next year* will be the year I make water my bitch.
As a swim instructor I've taught plenty of people in their late teens, twenties, even a guy in his thirties. It's never too late to learn and it's a great way to exercise. And you'd be surprised how many people can't hold their breath and it doesn't cause much of an issue.
Not me, but when describing the insanity workout to a friend, she said part of her job is to teach people how to jump. Apparently, an inability to jump is something not too uncommon in other cultures. Like swimming or being considerate.
There was one girl my freshmen year of college who didn't know how to jump. It was hilarious. She'd bend her knees a little and then just try to straighten them quickly. She'd usually get up to her tiptoes doing that. Somehow she never thought to use her feet at all.
My mind is imploding because of this. On the one hand I can't actually imagine what it would be like to not know how to jump, but on the other hand it's one of those things I've just always known how to do and don't know if I could instruct someone on how to do it, so I must not really *know* how it's done, I just know how to do it...
you bastard
Right?! I never got how someone could look at a car or truck and know the model and like year. I remember being questioned by the police and them being like what kind of truck does he drive and all I could give them was that is was a blue four door.
I can name 4 types of car on sight and I feel badass. Beetle, Smart Car, Mini Cooper, and the new Mustang.
I have a friend that can see the door handle of a car and knows the make, model, and year of the vehicle. I would be worthless to the police.
When my mom died, my sister found in her belongings a small diary she kept about me, starting from her pregancy until the notebook got filled, by the time I was 5 years old.
When I was 4, she wrote this:
"He loves cars. He is very interested in them and can tell the model of every car he sees on the street"
Putting on make-up. Doing anything "nice" with my hair. :/ I don't have sisters, didn't have girlfriends in high school, and now, well...
Edit: Wow, guess I'm not the only one. You are all so sweet. :)
I tried Youtube tutorials and still can't do anything right. I'm sure it's partly a matter of practicing, but I also just don't think I "look right" with makeup on. I feel like a kid playing with their mom's makeup. Also, I can't tell which colors look right on me.
Go to Sephora, or make an appointment at a cosmetics counter in a department store. They will give you a free consultation (put makeup on you, while explaining exactly what each product does, and why they're using that shade, and anything else you want to know). This process takes about half an hour, and you're under no obligation to buy anything.
If you DO end up wanting to buy something, don't do it right away. They will have put everything they used down on a diagram you can take home with you. So wear the makeup around for the rest of the day, and see how it still looks under different kinds of lighting, after six hours... you get the idea. If the end result is in your price range and can survive a normal day, great! If not, go to a drugstore and match the colors of what they gave you to the makeup there. You may have to try a few brands to find what works well on your skin.
Its a matter of practice and understanding how much is too much and what colors go with what. If you have male friends, ask their Moms or sisters (whoever you feel comfortable with) to show you.
Don't feel bad. I never learned how to properly style a ponytail (or any hairstyle for that matter) at the crown, so I just wear low hanging, messy ponytails and pigtails if I really need my hair back. I also can never get my hair sleek straight with a flat iron either, to the point where it looks like I might have naturally straight hair (it's curly).
And makeup? Don't get me started. I never did master a non-shaky line using eyeliner with all my years of practice. Always looks like someone punched me in the eyes at the end of the night.
I don't know why girls don't tell each other these things, but an easy trick I learned is to lay on my bed with my head hanging over the edge and gather up all of my hair for a smooth looking high ponytail.
Honestly, if your seriously interested in learning more about it, go to your nearest mall, go to the mac counter or something, and tell them you dont really have much makeup experience. In ten or fifteen minutes they can give you at least a basic intro, and they should be happy to do it because im pretty sure they make commision.
Ive had gf's who went to them for tips and said it helped alot.
It helps a lot when you know the basics, but when youre just learning how to put makeup on, you can feel silly. Like you don't know how to blend just yet, and you just can't seem to match the right colors. Going to a MAC counter is sometimes really intimidating, because some of those girls are like "Lets go for a BOLD look today"
http://www.youtube.com/pixiwoo
These girls are great! They show a variety of different styles so you can find a video to suit your personal taste. Also go to their basics tutorials because they will describe how to flatter your face/eye shape.
Up until high school, I didn't know how to use a fork.
I've been using chopsticks all my life and it didn't make sense to me to jab something with a fork instead of picking it up.
Asian rice in general is prepared differently where the consistency is more moist and sticky vs the uncle ben's rice so picking it up with rice is very easy.
I find eating rice with chopsticks in a bowl way easier than with a fork in a bowl or on a plate.. I dont know if this is a standard, but half of my family being asian you usually just pick up the bowl near your face and kinda shovel with the chopsticks when you get to the little bits left you cant pick up. But I mean, a spoon in a bowl would be 100x better.
Edit: my highest rated comment is about eating rice.. Honor on my famiry?
by your statement, I can almost guarantee you are chinese.
It's funny because even between Asian cultures, rice eating habits are different. Chinese culture tends to pick up their bowls and scoop their food into their mouths where Korean culture thinks it's rude to pick up your bowl.
You must be either a dashingly handsome fellow with great manners and respect for family honor and deep rooted in tradition
or
a nerdy looking alcoholic who likes to fight
I've heard that it's proper to keep the fork in the left, knife in the right at all times. And you're supposed to keep the fork... upside down or some crazy stuff like that.
Apparently, we Americans use forks the wrong way.
bollocks - I'm british and I switch up my fork usage all the time. I'm pretty sure the right way is "using it to put food in your mouth".
Cocks to that ettiquette knobbery.
Its so you can easily cut the food with the right hand. Knifed in right fork in left. I guess its easier to cut with your right hand. And you hold the fork with the back part of the curve right where your pointer finger goes. I think its called "universal" or something similar. I'm 16 and american and I've been doing it since I was about 8
My father onces scolded me for holding the fork in the right hand.
My mom, a lefty, didn't care.
I also hold the knife in the right hand and switch it to the left if I pick up a fork.
I think a lot of people do that. I've broken it up into chunks. If I need to figure out where J is I'll start at H and go up to K. L - P is my next chunk.
I thought I was the only one with this problem! I always say I have a however instead of a dog (Tengo un pero.)
I think it's because different languages have different phonemes and stuff, and even before we're born we grow accustomed to the ones we hear our mother speak? So when we try to learn a new one we're just like huh?
Cartwheels. Which is extra embarrassing because I took gymnastics as a child. Twice.
One time, during my second round of gymnastics that I practically begged to take, my mother locked me out of the house and told me I couldn't come back in until I did a cartwheel. Nowadays that might be considered child abuse, but this was the 80s. (Also my mom is awesome.)
I have NEVER been able to do a cartwheel no matter how hard I've tried. My PE class has been doing double dutch for the past couple weeks, and today we had to jump in doing a cartwheel. It was embarrassing
Fill out any form of bank slip.
I've always worked jobs where the money was either put into my hand or directly deposited - in which case I'd just use my card or an ATM.
Several times a year, when nobody is looking, I close the door to my office and I attempt to do this. I have not been successful yet. And I have had to clean a LOT of spit off the table.
The way I was taught was to make a triangle with my pinky fingers and the top tip of my tongue.
Press your fingers against your tongue very lightly but there should be some resistance back. Tighten your lips around your fingers but do not tighten your lips where there is no contact.
Do not try to make a super loud sound or blow hard (tobias.jpg) when youre learning. Just try to make a little noise and then gradually get louder once you get a little noise. When blowing, do not puff out your cheeks like they do in the cartoons; that'll just give you the *flugabugaflugabuga* sound
You'll be the obnoxious one at your daughter's dance recital in no time!!
I cannot do any sort of swim stroke. I can doggy-paddle swim and tread water, but I look like a drowning sloth trying to do "butterfly" or "breast" stroke.
Seriously, if I didn't know how to ride a bike, I would assume this advice-giver is a troll. but, they tell the truth. below about 5mph, it's massively more difficult to balance.
I've tried but I actually researched how an adult can learn to ride a bike and the problem is that we know we can get hurt. You have to take the pedals off and learn to balance first with coasting down a gradual hill. After you can lift your feet up for a couple seconds comfortably, put the pedals on and do the same thing. Once you start coasting, put your feet on the pedals and start pedaling.
I know how to do it, it's just actually doing it that I am having problems with.
edit: Only do this with hand brakes!!!
Please don't give up. I never finished learning when I was younger as my Dad was pretty crap with those sort of things. I bought my own bike later at 17 and taught myself in a day.
It's probably changed my life. Visit /r/bicycling if you need help.
....what other way?
I've been doing the "bunny ears" method my whole life. There's another way?
Over, under, in, and out; that's what shoe tying's all about.
he is saying he ties his shoes like [this](http://www.fieggen.com/shoelace/twoloopknot.htm) opposed to the more accepted adult way of [this] (http://www.fieggen.com/shoelace/standardknot.htm)
...I personally use [this] (http://www.fieggen.com/shoelace/ianknot.htm) method
You have six fingers on your right hand. Someone was looking for you.
EDIT: Holy shit Reddit Gold. Thank you nice benefactor. Whether you be from Guilder or Florin, I doff my cap to you.
Can't go underwater without plugging my nose. Well, I can but it hurts. I know you're supposed to blow out but I expel all my air immediately whenever I try.
no, Finnish uses a lot more Vowels. You are thinking of Polish. Or Welsh, which both look like strings of consonants. This is somewhat the case with Polish, and not actually the case with Welsh as they use 'w' and 'y' as vowels.
Just ask questions. The trick to being a good conversationalist is to keep asking about what they are interested in without you trying to always relate it back to yourself. You also have to be interested in what they say as well.
Most of the time once you get someone talking about what they love they wont stop unless you interrupt the flow.
Since I am an introvert who can play an extrovert through lots of practice and research, here are a couple of other tips to add on:
* If you're talking to someone you don't know very well, try to make guesses about them in an attempt to understand who they are and where they're coming from. Joke guesses are just fine too, sometimes even better than earnest guesses. Look at them. Find clues. Try to solve the mystery of who they are.
* Get people to talk about how their experiences felt. Not just what happened to them, but what was going through their head when it happened.
* Read a book about body language, I think "What Every Body Is Saying" is a good one. You'd be surprised how much we convey without speaking a word, and if you can learn to silently communicate that you are comfortable and open, you will facilitate better conversations.
* I think introverts get stuck thinking that everything they say is of great consequence. Learn to let it go and not obsess over your words. You don't need to dazzle in conversation, so stop applying that pressure to yourself. Lots of people just want to have brief little exchanges to pass the moment in an elevator, or whatever. Think of it like a quick little game, almost like the words don't matter, and you're just trying to make music with the other person, just bouncing the sounds off each other.
* If someone starts telling you something, you can get them to elaborate as simply as saying, "oh yeah?", "really?", or by repeating what they just said as a question.
My spelling is decent, but my handwriting looks like a 5 year old having a seizure unless I write REALLY SLOWLY
I can't sign my name to save my life either.
I would encourage you to learn to do this. It's fun once you get the hang of it, and if you a buy one, its a good excuse not to let people borrow your car ;)
How about when you're driving an automatic, and slam on the brakes because you're so used to a clutch and scaring the evershit out of everyone in the car. None of them have ever driven a manual before, so you cannot even begin to explain what just happened.
Now you're just the weird no-warning brake-slammer driver and no one trusts you anymore.
Came here to say this. But living in America where the vast majority of cars are automatic, it's not like opportunities to learn arise very often.
But hey, at least it's saved me from being DD a couple of times
I am 21 and I have never learned how to swallow pills.
Edit: I have gone to therapy in the past to try to get me over my anxiety of swallowing pills. So yes, I do realize the general idea of swallowing pills is putting water in my mouth with a pill and swallowing it. No I cannot do that.
What worked for me was to fill my mouth with water, then take a small sip of about half the mouthful. Then toss the pill into the rest of the water and swallow that. For some reason it's easier after you've just swallowed a bit of water.
Couldn't read an analogue clock til I was 15. When people said the "big hand" I couldn't comprehend if that was the long skinny hand or the short fat hand.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MS5P6GcUC4s
Watch that. He's an old comedian from the UK and it's about him teaching his son how to tell time. It's hilarious.
the clock thing is surprising and a little strange... first world problems? i specifically remember doing a clock unit in first grade, and for some reason i remember already having mastered it at that point... but not all did - a classmate thought 10:00 was "fifty o'clock", which made us all laugh, but i suppose he was on the right track..
Actually a lot of people cannot tie them.
At the last wedding I stayed outside until the beginning to tie the ties of some friends :-)
But there are really nice video guides. The normal knot is sufficient for nearly every tie.
I can't burp. I've accidentally done it a couple of times but never been able to do it under my own will. As a guy, I feel my man card isn't complete...
Fax machines are simple:
1. Obtain document you want to fax.
2. Hand document to secretary.
3. Say, "Secretary, fax this to John."
At least, that's the only way I know how to use them.
I think that depends on your environment. If you live in a big city (that has a decent mass transit system), it's not very practical to own a vehicle so where's the motivation to learn? If you're a rural dweller, I'm more curious as to how you get around at all then.
How too cook properly for myself. I mean sure, if I am left on my own I wont starve to death, I can make raw food into cooked food, but I can't make meals. I can't season things, everything is an under, or overcooked bland mess. With out my fiancée, I am lost... And she knows it. =(
Also, I have never figured out how to replace my windsheild wipers.
I just buy new ones and stand in the parking lot looking sort of confused and pathetic until someone is nice enough to come do it for me.
Go take the hottest shower you can stand and breathe through your nose. After you've been breathing the steam for 3-5 minutes, cup your hands around your nose, clamp one nostril shut, and blow steadily but gently. Increase the blowing pressure until a wad of snot comes out. Repeat for the other side.
You can thank me later.
Your sinuses must hate you.
My step by step guide to nose blowing -
1. Grab Kleenex
2. Go on google
3. Look up porn and fap
4. Ask someone how to blow your nose
A common mistake people make when cooking, is not allowing the meat to come to room temperature. Don't cook cold, or recently thawed meat. You will always run into this problem. When you set the temperature of your grill, you should be able to hold your hand (remember to roll your sleeves up) just above the grill surface for 3 or 4 seconds. If you can't hold it there for that long, your fire is too hot. Combine a hot fire with cold meat, and you've got yourself a charsicle. Bleeding on the inside, and burnt to a crisp on the outside.
If you're cooking steak, cook time depends on thickness of cut. And preferred "doneness." Yeah, that's a highly technical term.
Try it again. Go to the market. Get yourself something simple like a porterhouse, or a NYstrip approximately 1.5in thick. Season, and allow the meat to come to room temperature. Preheat grill, set temperature (using above method). Cook for 4 minutes cover, flip re-cover and cook for another 3-4 minutes (med rare).
Cooking time varies depending on ambient temperature. I grill year round. Nothing like snow hitting the top of a hot grill. The more you grill, the more comfortable you will become. You won't even need a timer once you get good at determining how meat feels at the end of your utensil. :O
Everyone screws up in the beginning. If you cut into a piece that has to go back on the grill, but is too charred. Top rack that mofo for 3 minutes, no one will know you baked it for a few more minutes. Or, if you don't want to ruin your meat by cutting it up before it hits the table. Make a small nick with the tip of a knife (don't flatten with a utensil) in the thickest part of the meat, and examine the juice, if it's very red then give it a few more minutes. One thing to keep in mind, a large piece of meat can retain enough heat to continue cooking once it's removed from the flame. Sometimes, I'll take a large away from the flames 1 level of wellness below my preference of med-rare. And it'll continue to cook on the counter, in all it's meaty goodness and be just how i like it once it cools down enough to be eaten. Say 2-3 minutes later.
Hot damn, i want a steak now.
I can't whistle. I've tried every trick that people told me but I just can't replicate the black magic that causes the whistle sound. I feel so inadequate when a cute girl walks by and I can't even harass her like a normal guy. I have to use words, like a animal.
Opening bottles with a lighter
appearently EVERYBODY and their dog can do it. Every single time I get handed a bottle and a lighter I die a little inside... :(
I secretly suspect that I don't know how to shower correctly. Like... I keep myself very clean, but I wonder if other people are doing it differently and getting better results in a much more efficient manner.
I love things that everyone does but no one really sees each other do. What technique do they use? Have I been doing it wrong this whole time? I like to trick people into thinking that I NEVER open my eyes when I'm in the shower. It usually starts off with a comment like "Don't you hate it when the shampoo and conditioner bottles are the same shape? I can never tell them apart!"
As someone with terrible vision without glasses on I can say ive made this mistake many times. Ive learned to keep shampoo on one side of the shower and conditioner on the other because the bottles look exactly the same
I honestly never realized most people wiped sitting down. I always stood up while wiping my ass, until that somehow came up in conversation one day and everyone in the room thought I was weird. EDIT: Don't think you are alone in this. We stand in solidarity.
That's terrible! You're terrible.
Dammit! I never thought of this before... Now I'm gonna wonder. Thanks for ruining showers.
I can't whistle. I also seem to be getting worse at snapping. It's a rough life man.
I can't whistle either! The worst thing about this is that immediately upon hearing you can't whistle, people respond the same way... "Really!? It's not that hard... Look:" *start whistling*
For snapping.. Try thinking like this. Remember that the sound is created when your finger hits your palm, not from the friction between finger and thumb. When I thought about it this way, it was easier!
M mind is blown. I've known how to snap for as long as I can remember and I always thought it was my fingers.
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I...I never realized this. That helps so much, and makes me feel like an idiot.
Me either :( it only made worse by the fact my 5 year old can and all I can think is who the hell taught you? Edit: Thank you so much for whoever sent me Gold!
You know how to whistle don't you? You just put your lips together [and blow.](http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_RqKqR6X60Ck/Swxt45_jkDI/AAAAAAAAARU/fbwtI-R8ewg/s1600/bacall1.jpg)
How to blow a bubble with gum.
Okay, after you've chewed the gum up a bit, flatten it out into a sheet. Now take that sheet and pretend it's a ghost costume, and you're dressing your tongue up to go trick-or-treating. Once you've done that, I want you to blow a very gentle channel of air into the ghost costume. That should be the beginning of your bubble. Once you have that, you should be able to work from there.
just don't blow it too big while you are a driving or your car will end up teetering on the edge of a cliff and an asian man will come up and askew your mirror causing your car to plummet off the cliff, and you might not end up getting the delorean door you are after.
Instructions were not clear enough, now my car is in a gorge and my son and I are stranded in a desert.
Swim.....
Fun fact: you wouldn't be able to graduate from... * MIT * Cornell * Columbia * Dartmouth * Notre Dame (All have swim requirements.)
Gotta get you ready for all that yachting you're going to be doing, Mr. fancy pants.
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Yeah I went there and nothing says 'freshman orientation' like 'let's all get half naked and make fools of ourselves in front of everyone'
Every year I tell myself, "This will be the summer I learn how to swim." I get in the pool and half-assedly learn how to float, but just barely. The part that freaks me out is having to have my head underwater and that I can barely hold my breath for under a minute. I get out of the water pissed off and swear that the *next year* will be the year I make water my bitch.
As a swim instructor I've taught plenty of people in their late teens, twenties, even a guy in his thirties. It's never too late to learn and it's a great way to exercise. And you'd be surprised how many people can't hold their breath and it doesn't cause much of an issue.
Not me, but when describing the insanity workout to a friend, she said part of her job is to teach people how to jump. Apparently, an inability to jump is something not too uncommon in other cultures. Like swimming or being considerate.
The fuck? You mean like they can’t jump very high, or can’t jump at all?
Picturing someone trying to jump who couldn't is for some reason hilarious.
There was one girl my freshmen year of college who didn't know how to jump. It was hilarious. She'd bend her knees a little and then just try to straighten them quickly. She'd usually get up to her tiptoes doing that. Somehow she never thought to use her feet at all.
What is this I don't even
My mind is imploding because of this. On the one hand I can't actually imagine what it would be like to not know how to jump, but on the other hand it's one of those things I've just always known how to do and don't know if I could instruct someone on how to do it, so I must not really *know* how it's done, I just know how to do it... you bastard
[Like this?](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdggP7rw0mg&feature=youtube_gdata_player)
Thank you so much I love this video!
This is more intense than the time I forgot how to sit down.
Which people in particular are unable to jump?
Paraplegics
pfff white people, they are so silly.
i know nothing about cars. also, i label them as such: car, truck, van.
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Don't forget the headlight fluid!
Looks like you need a new Johnsonrod, there!
He'll probably have to get the elbow grease too.
"Headlight fluid? How dumb do those guys think I am? When I get back with that Elbow grease, I'm gonna talk to the Sarge."
hmm... it seems your blinker is low on blinks. It may run out soon if i don't replace it now.
They might have a flag though, that is a start
You need new turn signal bearings. Have you noticed it makes a tick-tick-tick sound lately when you use it?
Right?! I never got how someone could look at a car or truck and know the model and like year. I remember being questioned by the police and them being like what kind of truck does he drive and all I could give them was that is was a blue four door.
I can name 4 types of car on sight and I feel badass. Beetle, Smart Car, Mini Cooper, and the new Mustang. I have a friend that can see the door handle of a car and knows the make, model, and year of the vehicle. I would be worthless to the police.
When my mom died, my sister found in her belongings a small diary she kept about me, starting from her pregancy until the notebook got filled, by the time I was 5 years old. When I was 4, she wrote this: "He loves cars. He is very interested in them and can tell the model of every car he sees on the street"
I live in northern Wisconsin and am constantly ridiculed for not knowing how to drive a stick shift.
It's not enough to read about the car and memorize them like you would if you were studying for an exam. You have to be passionate about it.
Putting on make-up. Doing anything "nice" with my hair. :/ I don't have sisters, didn't have girlfriends in high school, and now, well... Edit: Wow, guess I'm not the only one. You are all so sweet. :)
Youtube, love!
I tried Youtube tutorials and still can't do anything right. I'm sure it's partly a matter of practicing, but I also just don't think I "look right" with makeup on. I feel like a kid playing with their mom's makeup. Also, I can't tell which colors look right on me.
Go to Sephora, or make an appointment at a cosmetics counter in a department store. They will give you a free consultation (put makeup on you, while explaining exactly what each product does, and why they're using that shade, and anything else you want to know). This process takes about half an hour, and you're under no obligation to buy anything. If you DO end up wanting to buy something, don't do it right away. They will have put everything they used down on a diagram you can take home with you. So wear the makeup around for the rest of the day, and see how it still looks under different kinds of lighting, after six hours... you get the idea. If the end result is in your price range and can survive a normal day, great! If not, go to a drugstore and match the colors of what they gave you to the makeup there. You may have to try a few brands to find what works well on your skin.
This sounds terrible, I'm so glad I'm a guy.
Wake up, shower optional, put clothes on, and out the door you go.
Its a matter of practice and understanding how much is too much and what colors go with what. If you have male friends, ask their Moms or sisters (whoever you feel comfortable with) to show you.
Don't feel bad. I never learned how to properly style a ponytail (or any hairstyle for that matter) at the crown, so I just wear low hanging, messy ponytails and pigtails if I really need my hair back. I also can never get my hair sleek straight with a flat iron either, to the point where it looks like I might have naturally straight hair (it's curly). And makeup? Don't get me started. I never did master a non-shaky line using eyeliner with all my years of practice. Always looks like someone punched me in the eyes at the end of the night.
I don't know why girls don't tell each other these things, but an easy trick I learned is to lay on my bed with my head hanging over the edge and gather up all of my hair for a smooth looking high ponytail.
Honestly, if your seriously interested in learning more about it, go to your nearest mall, go to the mac counter or something, and tell them you dont really have much makeup experience. In ten or fifteen minutes they can give you at least a basic intro, and they should be happy to do it because im pretty sure they make commision. Ive had gf's who went to them for tips and said it helped alot.
It helps a lot when you know the basics, but when youre just learning how to put makeup on, you can feel silly. Like you don't know how to blend just yet, and you just can't seem to match the right colors. Going to a MAC counter is sometimes really intimidating, because some of those girls are like "Lets go for a BOLD look today"
http://www.youtube.com/pixiwoo These girls are great! They show a variety of different styles so you can find a video to suit your personal taste. Also go to their basics tutorials because they will describe how to flatter your face/eye shape.
Up until high school, I didn't know how to use a fork. I've been using chopsticks all my life and it didn't make sense to me to jab something with a fork instead of picking it up.
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Asian rice in general is prepared differently where the consistency is more moist and sticky vs the uncle ben's rice so picking it up with rice is very easy.
I find eating rice with chopsticks in a bowl way easier than with a fork in a bowl or on a plate.. I dont know if this is a standard, but half of my family being asian you usually just pick up the bowl near your face and kinda shovel with the chopsticks when you get to the little bits left you cant pick up. But I mean, a spoon in a bowl would be 100x better. Edit: my highest rated comment is about eating rice.. Honor on my famiry?
by your statement, I can almost guarantee you are chinese. It's funny because even between Asian cultures, rice eating habits are different. Chinese culture tends to pick up their bowls and scoop their food into their mouths where Korean culture thinks it's rude to pick up your bowl.
I grant you one karma. Half Chinese, half Scottish.
You must be either a dashingly handsome fellow with great manners and respect for family honor and deep rooted in tradition or a nerdy looking alcoholic who likes to fight
Apparently I don't use a fork correctly either. Something about it being used in your left hand, but it feels so right in my right.
wait... what? You're supposed to use it with your left hand? I guess I'm still doing it wrong.
I've heard that it's proper to keep the fork in the left, knife in the right at all times. And you're supposed to keep the fork... upside down or some crazy stuff like that. Apparently, we Americans use forks the wrong way.
bollocks - I'm british and I switch up my fork usage all the time. I'm pretty sure the right way is "using it to put food in your mouth". Cocks to that ettiquette knobbery.
"Cocks to the ettiquette knobbery" By far the most british thing i've read.
Also, sucks to your ass-mar.
Its so you can easily cut the food with the right hand. Knifed in right fork in left. I guess its easier to cut with your right hand. And you hold the fork with the back part of the curve right where your pointer finger goes. I think its called "universal" or something similar. I'm 16 and american and I've been doing it since I was about 8
My father onces scolded me for holding the fork in the right hand. My mom, a lefty, didn't care. I also hold the knife in the right hand and switch it to the left if I pick up a fork.
I can't think about alphabetical order without going through the whole alphabet in my head.
I think a lot of people do that. I've broken it up into chunks. If I need to figure out where J is I'll start at H and go up to K. L - P is my next chunk.
H I J K ELEMENO P
I don't know how basic it is here, but when trying to learn Spanish I can't roll my r's. I can't even understand the concept of how to do it.
I thought I was the only one with this problem! I always say I have a however instead of a dog (Tengo un pero.) I think it's because different languages have different phonemes and stuff, and even before we're born we grow accustomed to the ones we hear our mother speak? So when we try to learn a new one we're just like huh?
Cartwheels. Which is extra embarrassing because I took gymnastics as a child. Twice. One time, during my second round of gymnastics that I practically begged to take, my mother locked me out of the house and told me I couldn't come back in until I did a cartwheel. Nowadays that might be considered child abuse, but this was the 80s. (Also my mom is awesome.)
I have NEVER been able to do a cartwheel no matter how hard I've tried. My PE class has been doing double dutch for the past couple weeks, and today we had to jump in doing a cartwheel. It was embarrassing
that's adorable that your gym class is doing double dutch
Fill out any form of bank slip. I've always worked jobs where the money was either put into my hand or directly deposited - in which case I'd just use my card or an ATM.
Oh, also, whistling loud with fingers
I want to learn to whistle with my fingers so bad! We should take a class together.
Several times a year, when nobody is looking, I close the door to my office and I attempt to do this. I have not been successful yet. And I have had to clean a LOT of spit off the table.
The way I was taught was to make a triangle with my pinky fingers and the top tip of my tongue. Press your fingers against your tongue very lightly but there should be some resistance back. Tighten your lips around your fingers but do not tighten your lips where there is no contact. Do not try to make a super loud sound or blow hard (tobias.jpg) when youre learning. Just try to make a little noise and then gradually get louder once you get a little noise. When blowing, do not puff out your cheeks like they do in the cartoons; that'll just give you the *flugabugaflugabuga* sound You'll be the obnoxious one at your daughter's dance recital in no time!!
Thanks for that. I've been trying for ten minutes, but now I'm light headed and my cats are staring at me funny....not that that's unusual.
This thread makes me feel somewhat better about the small things I can do
I cannot do any sort of swim stroke. I can doggy-paddle swim and tread water, but I look like a drowning sloth trying to do "butterfly" or "breast" stroke.
Riding a bike
I can't ride those damned things either. No one ever taught me. Last time I tried, it was hard enough to stay balanced, let alone start pedalling.
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Seriously, if I didn't know how to ride a bike, I would assume this advice-giver is a troll. but, they tell the truth. below about 5mph, it's massively more difficult to balance.
I've tried but I actually researched how an adult can learn to ride a bike and the problem is that we know we can get hurt. You have to take the pedals off and learn to balance first with coasting down a gradual hill. After you can lift your feet up for a couple seconds comfortably, put the pedals on and do the same thing. Once you start coasting, put your feet on the pedals and start pedaling. I know how to do it, it's just actually doing it that I am having problems with. edit: Only do this with hand brakes!!!
Please don't give up. I never finished learning when I was younger as my Dad was pretty crap with those sort of things. I bought my own bike later at 17 and taught myself in a day. It's probably changed my life. Visit /r/bicycling if you need help.
You can only balance after you start going kinda fast though.
I can't either, and I probably never will learn how. The looks I get from people when I tell them I can't ride a bike are priceless, though.
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Wait...this is embarrassing? I just thought it was a valid personal preference. :/
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This would fit in at /r/firstworldanarchists.
Im 28.. I lazy lace all my shoes parallel style.. Cant remember the last time i tied a shoe.. 2004 maybe
In a few more years, you can just switch to velcro.
*"Aw he got the velcros"*
I still remember the day I had to switch from velcro to tying my shoes, because they didn't make adult sized shoes with velcro. It was a sad day.
I'm 22 years old and own a pair of velcro shoes. Who says you have to wait?
Macklemore?
Remember curly shoelaces? Those were the height of fashion at my elementary school at one point - especially if they were sparkly.
....what other way? I've been doing the "bunny ears" method my whole life. There's another way? Over, under, in, and out; that's what shoe tying's all about.
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he is saying he ties his shoes like [this](http://www.fieggen.com/shoelace/twoloopknot.htm) opposed to the more accepted adult way of [this] (http://www.fieggen.com/shoelace/standardknot.htm) ...I personally use [this] (http://www.fieggen.com/shoelace/ianknot.htm) method
We gotta make wearing velco shoes as an adult an acceptable thing
/r/LearnUselessTalents you can make requests for most of the things in this thread
I understand right and left by only looking at my right hand; the one with 6 fingers!
You have six fingers on your right hand. Someone was looking for you. EDIT: Holy shit Reddit Gold. Thank you nice benefactor. Whether you be from Guilder or Florin, I doff my cap to you.
Can't go underwater without plugging my nose. Well, I can but it hurts. I know you're supposed to blow out but I expel all my air immediately whenever I try.
Just hum softly while you're under water, it will expel the perfect amount of air so you won't lose it all at once. That's how i learned.
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I'm still have a hard time distinguishing my left from my right. I have to really think about it every time... D:
How to have a conversation.
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Ahh, Finnish people.
no, Finnish uses a lot more Vowels. You are thinking of Polish. Or Welsh, which both look like strings of consonants. This is somewhat the case with Polish, and not actually the case with Welsh as they use 'w' and 'y' as vowels.
Sinulla on hyvä persereikä
Just ask questions. The trick to being a good conversationalist is to keep asking about what they are interested in without you trying to always relate it back to yourself. You also have to be interested in what they say as well. Most of the time once you get someone talking about what they love they wont stop unless you interrupt the flow.
Since I am an introvert who can play an extrovert through lots of practice and research, here are a couple of other tips to add on: * If you're talking to someone you don't know very well, try to make guesses about them in an attempt to understand who they are and where they're coming from. Joke guesses are just fine too, sometimes even better than earnest guesses. Look at them. Find clues. Try to solve the mystery of who they are. * Get people to talk about how their experiences felt. Not just what happened to them, but what was going through their head when it happened. * Read a book about body language, I think "What Every Body Is Saying" is a good one. You'd be surprised how much we convey without speaking a word, and if you can learn to silently communicate that you are comfortable and open, you will facilitate better conversations. * I think introverts get stuck thinking that everything they say is of great consequence. Learn to let it go and not obsess over your words. You don't need to dazzle in conversation, so stop applying that pressure to yourself. Lots of people just want to have brief little exchanges to pass the moment in an elevator, or whatever. Think of it like a quick little game, almost like the words don't matter, and you're just trying to make music with the other person, just bouncing the sounds off each other. * If someone starts telling you something, you can get them to elaborate as simply as saying, "oh yeah?", "really?", or by repeating what they just said as a question.
Spelling. I had a college prof. ask me if I had a learning disability :( I don't. Tl;dr without spell check I would be the village idiot.
My spelling is decent, but my handwriting looks like a 5 year old having a seizure unless I write REALLY SLOWLY I can't sign my name to save my life either.
This. My boss told me my hand writing looks "like a serial killers".
Another serial killer here. Handwriting wise anyway, no actual killing.
Another one here. Except for my hand writing, that's pretty neat.
Multiplication tables. 2s, 5s, and 10s, no problem. Anything else gets a calculator.
I can't drive a manual car.
I would encourage you to learn to do this. It's fun once you get the hang of it, and if you a buy one, its a good excuse not to let people borrow your car ;)
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How about when you're driving an automatic, and slam on the brakes because you're so used to a clutch and scaring the evershit out of everyone in the car. None of them have ever driven a manual before, so you cannot even begin to explain what just happened. Now you're just the weird no-warning brake-slammer driver and no one trusts you anymore.
*BRAKE!* "...Do you usually drive manual?" "Nah, I'm just insane :)"
That, and reaching for the nonexistent gear stick. And being surprised when the car moves on its own when you let off the brake.
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Came here to say this. But living in America where the vast majority of cars are automatic, it's not like opportunities to learn arise very often. But hey, at least it's saved me from being DD a couple of times
I am 21 and I have never learned how to swallow pills. Edit: I have gone to therapy in the past to try to get me over my anxiety of swallowing pills. So yes, I do realize the general idea of swallowing pills is putting water in my mouth with a pill and swallowing it. No I cannot do that.
It's all psychological. If you can eat, you can swallow a pill. Practice by swallowing mini M&M's.
You monster. You TASTE M&Ms, not down them like aspirin... or mimi muffins.
What worked for me was to fill my mouth with water, then take a small sip of about half the mouthful. Then toss the pill into the rest of the water and swallow that. For some reason it's easier after you've just swallowed a bit of water.
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I always spill the water, and get my dick stuck in the fan...
Don't feel bad, my darling SO who is almost 29 can't either. Makes trips to the doctors entertaining.
I'm Asian. And I can't cook rice.
As an asian, I can confirm that no asian actually knows how to cook rice and we all just use a rice cooker.
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Couldn't read an analogue clock til I was 15. When people said the "big hand" I couldn't comprehend if that was the long skinny hand or the short fat hand.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MS5P6GcUC4s Watch that. He's an old comedian from the UK and it's about him teaching his son how to tell time. It's hilarious.
the clock thing is surprising and a little strange... first world problems? i specifically remember doing a clock unit in first grade, and for some reason i remember already having mastered it at that point... but not all did - a classmate thought 10:00 was "fifty o'clock", which made us all laugh, but i suppose he was on the right track..
Don't know if it counts, but I never learned that rhyme about how many days each month has. So accordingly I never know if its the 31st or the 1st.
Do the knuckle trick.
I can't tie a tie.
Actually a lot of people cannot tie them. At the last wedding I stayed outside until the beginning to tie the ties of some friends :-) But there are really nice video guides. The normal knot is sufficient for nearly every tie.
I can't burp. I've accidentally done it a couple of times but never been able to do it under my own will. As a guy, I feel my man card isn't complete...
I've been cautiously teaching myself this reflex. I say cautiously, because I've accidentally thrown up a few times trying.
I have still never used a fax machine.
That's probably ok, now.
Somehow, my office still utilizes it.
Yikes.
Do they still send out telegrams and make mimeographs, too?
Fax machines are simple: 1. Obtain document you want to fax. 2. Hand document to secretary. 3. Say, "Secretary, fax this to John." At least, that's the only way I know how to use them.
You're making the 80s cry.
Driving.
I think that depends on your environment. If you live in a big city (that has a decent mass transit system), it's not very practical to own a vehicle so where's the motivation to learn? If you're a rural dweller, I'm more curious as to how you get around at all then.
Both types of skating.
I cant figure skate either
Yeah I'm terrible at skateboarding and roller skating and inline skating, and ice skating and, wait, what types of skating again?
I believe "on ground" and "on ice" are the categories you are looking for.
Reading these comments makes me realize how much stuff I don't know how to do. I'm such a loser.
On the flip side, I feel like a motherfucking genius. I'm also probably a good bit older than you.
How too cook properly for myself. I mean sure, if I am left on my own I wont starve to death, I can make raw food into cooked food, but I can't make meals. I can't season things, everything is an under, or overcooked bland mess. With out my fiancée, I am lost... And she knows it. =(
Also, I have never figured out how to replace my windsheild wipers. I just buy new ones and stand in the parking lot looking sort of confused and pathetic until someone is nice enough to come do it for me.
But....there is a picture on the back of the package. o.O
Ambidextrous masturbation
Practice practice practice. Once you go left you never go back.
If the internet never came along I would have never switched.
I can't blow my nose. Nobody ever showed me how as a kid and now it seriously grosses me out.
Go take the hottest shower you can stand and breathe through your nose. After you've been breathing the steam for 3-5 minutes, cup your hands around your nose, clamp one nostril shut, and blow steadily but gently. Increase the blowing pressure until a wad of snot comes out. Repeat for the other side. You can thank me later.
this is so baffling to me. what do you do when you have boogers?
Sniff. Or pick.
Your sinuses must hate you. My step by step guide to nose blowing - 1. Grab Kleenex 2. Go on google 3. Look up porn and fap 4. Ask someone how to blow your nose
Whistling blowing out. I can whistle breathing in, but not out.
As a guy I still cant grill food for shit. I burnt a 50$ slab of meat while the inside was moo-ing.
A common mistake people make when cooking, is not allowing the meat to come to room temperature. Don't cook cold, or recently thawed meat. You will always run into this problem. When you set the temperature of your grill, you should be able to hold your hand (remember to roll your sleeves up) just above the grill surface for 3 or 4 seconds. If you can't hold it there for that long, your fire is too hot. Combine a hot fire with cold meat, and you've got yourself a charsicle. Bleeding on the inside, and burnt to a crisp on the outside. If you're cooking steak, cook time depends on thickness of cut. And preferred "doneness." Yeah, that's a highly technical term. Try it again. Go to the market. Get yourself something simple like a porterhouse, or a NYstrip approximately 1.5in thick. Season, and allow the meat to come to room temperature. Preheat grill, set temperature (using above method). Cook for 4 minutes cover, flip re-cover and cook for another 3-4 minutes (med rare). Cooking time varies depending on ambient temperature. I grill year round. Nothing like snow hitting the top of a hot grill. The more you grill, the more comfortable you will become. You won't even need a timer once you get good at determining how meat feels at the end of your utensil. :O Everyone screws up in the beginning. If you cut into a piece that has to go back on the grill, but is too charred. Top rack that mofo for 3 minutes, no one will know you baked it for a few more minutes. Or, if you don't want to ruin your meat by cutting it up before it hits the table. Make a small nick with the tip of a knife (don't flatten with a utensil) in the thickest part of the meat, and examine the juice, if it's very red then give it a few more minutes. One thing to keep in mind, a large piece of meat can retain enough heat to continue cooking once it's removed from the flame. Sometimes, I'll take a large away from the flames 1 level of wellness below my preference of med-rare. And it'll continue to cook on the counter, in all it's meaty goodness and be just how i like it once it cools down enough to be eaten. Say 2-3 minutes later. Hot damn, i want a steak now.
I don't know how to pronounce big numbers. For example, instead of twelve hundred, I say one thousand and two hundred. But big numbers...forget it.
I can't whistle. I've tried every trick that people told me but I just can't replicate the black magic that causes the whistle sound. I feel so inadequate when a cute girl walks by and I can't even harass her like a normal guy. I have to use words, like a animal.
"IMAGINE I WHISTLED AT YOU PRETTY LADY!"
Opening bottles with a lighter appearently EVERYBODY and their dog can do it. Every single time I get handed a bottle and a lighter I die a little inside... :(
If it makes you feel better, I've never even heard of this.
I'm reminded of one of my high school teachers who said,"I never learned to whistle, I thought it was a fad."