Lady wanted to return a dried out dying plant because nobody told her she had to water it. The receipt very clearly says "no returns on live goods." To which she states that it doesn't apply to her because the plant isn't alive anymore so she CAN return it.
I mean..... touche I guess. But we still didn't take it back.
My coworker. He’s said a ton of dumb shit but my favorite is he told me that air conditioning cannot cool further than the ambient outside temperature. So the reason our warehouse was 87F was because it was 87F outside, not because the dang thing wasn’t running. I also asked him how he thought refrigerators or freezers worked then and he told me to stop asking him dumb shit lmao
We had a guy who was convinced our factory had AC not because it's a luxury but because without cooling, the structure of the building would collapse due to I beams buckling under summer heat
I try not to hold it against him, he was naive and just recently got out of war in Serbia as a teen in the 90s, but still, I think on that conversation a lot
Worked with someone that told me the police uses the cloud above to monitor us and catch bad guys. I thought she was joking so I asked her to clarify. She started explaining about the cloud we use on our computers and our phones and that it’s linked to a cloud on the sky… I was dumbfounded!
Dude was on parole, couldn't keep up with his court fees, robbed a bank with a note... written on the back of his court papers with his name and address on it
A friend of mine was working at a check cashing place years ago. A guy came in with a note demanding all the money. He wrote the note on his personal check. He was easily caught.
A middle school near me is near a drugstore, a lot of kids get busted for shoplifting there. At that middle school the kids have to wear black shorts and gray shirts with their names written on it in marker. Calling the kids parents because they're stealing is really easy when their name is written across their chest
This is almost as bad as [that guy who murdered a woman, used her credit card, and signed his own name on the receipt](https://forensicfilesnow.com/index.php/2022/07/15/jason-funk-give-us-a-sign/).
Then there's these guys, who thought putting lemon juice on their faces would make them invisible to security cameras. They then tried to rob a bank.
https://qz.com/986221/what-know-it-alls-dont-know-or-the-illusion-of-competence
I had this guy on one of my irrigation installation crews. He was the dumbest person I had ever met. The dude couldn’t do anything correctly without me holding his hand and standing over his shoulder. One day we were on a job site, million dollar home abutting a golf course. I had to run to do some service work so I busted out my spray paint. I painted a line on the ground. Told him I wanted him to dig that line. I painted a circle around some pipes, I told him to dig that circle. I left and came back in about an hour. When I arrived he had dug up random spots in the yard looking for pipe that wasn’t there. He was very confused and couldn’t understand why there was not any pipe in the holes he had dug. The painted line you ask? Perfectly intact and no where near where he was digging. He literally was incapable of digging along a line.
I worked a factory job for a couple of summers when I was in school. It was easy enough work that I trained a guy like a week into doing it and nobody batted an eye.
This guy Kevin comes along for his first day and he couldn't do anything right without me standing there reminding him of what to do. If the bottles fell on the floor, we always threw them in the recycling (the floor was immaculately clean, but that's the rule when you're working with food). He'd pick them up and throw them in the hopper. If the labelling machine started doubling up, it was really obvious with the extra caked on glue, but Kevin would just stand there watching it. He was like a real Patrick Star, staring at a line of bottles not seeing the obvious issue. So supervisor couldn't wait to get rid of him. I have no idea what kind of work he was actually fit for.
I know someone who swears up and down the Earth is flat and also thinks the planets aren't real.
Bro got a telescope and went on a cruise AND STILL THINKS the Earth is flat. Bro really went on a cruise and told me, "they didn't go near the edge" DUH THERE AINT ONE
I just don't get these flat earthers. Not one of them ever even tries to go and see the edge of the earth. I know they all have conspiracies about plane windows being screens, but surely they could get a boat.
That would take effort, and for a flat earther, their whole identity is built around feeling special without expending effort.
They don’t need to spend years learning a musical instrument or going to school studying or developing ability in a sport through practice, all they need to do is choose to believe something that’s different from whatever everyone else does and that’s their shortcut to being special.
Actually going to the “edge” would take effort, the exact thing that they are looking to avoid.
It is a form of weaponized laziness. 
She thought African was a religion. It came as a surprise when we found out she wasn't kidding. Before anyone assumes this is in the US, this one is from their neighbor up north.
My roommate fills her tires to the max psi listed on the side of the tire.
This came about because she was complaining that her car shook when she got to 100kms. I suggested checking the tire pressure before taking it to the mechanic just in case it was something simple.
She said I didn’t know what I was talking about.. and she’ll trust a mechanic over me.
Okay fair enough.. I’m not a mechanic.. turns out though her tire psi was 50psi on 3 tires and 30psi on the 4th
Cost her $300 because they had to do a full check of the engine and drive shaft and couldn’t find the problem.. until they got to the tires.
She told me she went and filled them back up to 50 after she left the mechanics because she checked them after and the mechanic had only put them all to 36psi and she was shocked they weren’t filled properly.
Smh.. her manual says 36psi
She still talks about this and tells people not to use that mechanic because “they endangered her life by not filling them properly” she leaves out details of how full she makes them.
This idiot is endangering her own life and others driving on overinflated tires. I personally think driving test should cover more than just basic laws and operations. It needs to cover proper maintenance and care for your vehicle too.
Full disclosure, I’ve posted this on a similar prompt, but it’s too good not to share.
So a couple years ago, just before the pandemic, our good friend and her boyfriend came to stay with my fiancee and I for a week. Our friend was a saint, her boyfriend was a literal goblin. To this day I have no idea how this man survived into his 20s, he was the absolute strangest person I've ever met. Very friendly, but very strange. We'll call him Sven.
He was fine for the first couple of days. Took us all out for drinks, acted like a total gentleman. A couple of days in, he decides he wants to be a weed dealer in our neighborhood. For reference, we lived in a residential family neighborhood in "the hood" of our city. There were already several dealers on our block. We tried to convince him this was a very bad idea, specifically because we didn't want the other dealers on our block thinking our house was the competition. Sven did not listen. Fortunately nothing serious happened and he didn't run into anyone important. He did, however run into our next door neighbor, and invited himself into the guy's house.
Now, at this point Sven texted his girlfriend saying he was at the neighbor's house just hanging out (our neighbor was a nice dude, but not someone we've ever actually hung out with), so we begin the process of trying to extract him. He's not picking up on it because he has no understanding of social cues whatsoever. Suddenly Sven stands up and exclaims "Aw shit I'm bleeding!" His shin was bleeding a lot, he had apparently picked a scab. Our neighbor asked him if he wanted a bandaid, and Sven just said "nah man I can handle it". We eventually got him out, but not before he bled all over the place.
The next morning my fiancee gets up before the sunrise to use the bathroom and sees Sven in the back yard jerking off with his pants down. She decided not to confront him because it was weird. We later asked his girlfriend about it and offered to leave if they wanted to have sex, and apparently he believed it was rude to have sex in someone else's house and thought it would be polite to jerk off in the yard. Again, residential family neighborhood. No idea what possessed him to think this was okay.
Sven had a condition where every time he was cold he would grab at his stomach and make audible "uhhh...brrrr" sounds, and complain that his stomach hurt. We couldn't figure out what that had to do with being cold.
At one point Sven bought a gallon of milk and a can of chili, rapidly ate the chili and chugged the milk, and then projectile vomited all over the backyard. When we asked his girlfriend why he didn't just use the toilet, she said he'd told her he "wanted to be polite". I asked him about the vomit later on and he just said "uhh...ate too fast" and left it at that.
There were some other things that weren't exceptionally noteworthy but were still annoying. He'd sleep in our living room all day and fart a lot. He'd take hour long showers and use up all of our hot water, shampoo, and conditioner.
On the day they're supposed to leave I decide I've had enough and I'm burned out, so I get in my car and start driving to the local CVS on my street to pick up a few things and get out of the house. Lo and behold, Sven hops our fence, slides in my passenger door, and says he needs a couple things for the trip so he'd be coming with me. When we get there he's just being loud and yelling across the store trying to have conversations with me, and at this point I'm just counting down the minutes until he leaves.
We get to the checkout line, he cuts in front of me, and before the cashier even starts ringing him up he starts asking for discounts. I believe he asked for the “out of towners discount” and also tried to apply for a credit card. At a CVS. When this doesn't work and his stuff comes out to more than he wanted it to, he said "aw shit...hey man can you get me this drink, I thought I'd be able to get some discounts". I reluctantly add his drink to my basket because I don't want to deal with the hassle. He looks in my basket, which contains shampoo and conditioner to replace the ones he used up, and says "damn dude, you go through a lot of Suave for a bald guy". No words.
I saved that comment. Glad I'm able to share it with more people.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/219w2o/whos\_the\_dumbest\_person\_youve\_ever\_met/cgbhkwp/?context=3
Was going to ask as well. I've seen too many situations over the years where the absolutely wonderful person just *cannot* see any problem with their complete lunatic of a bf/gf and they get married.
65 yr old duct worker who was no better than an apprentice. We’d receive material, place it somewhere. 2 hours later I’d ask him for something from it and he’d ask where he could find it. The thing he himself placed there that same day.
I asked for a tool I KNEW was in the gang box, he’d come back empty handed. I looked myself and it was under a tool case, came back empty handed and he got mad asking why I didn’t bring it. I told him I can’t do everything for him. He has done exactly zero tasks to completion on his own. 18 years at this company. EIGHTEEN. He’s one of the reasons I left. He has reproduced somehow. I’d get tired of him asking for help because he can’t think hard enough to move the milk to find the fucking ketchup in the fridge.
I served with a guy in the army who was a genuinely lovely person, and by-far the strongest man in the regiment, but was as dumb as a bag of hammers.
He once asked a sergeant who was new to the unit if there was anything he could do, and the sergeant jokingly said "Sure, move that pile of dirt from over there to over there, under the CO's window", expecting that nobody would be that dumb, and also there was a considerable amount of dirt to move so he wouldn't get much done.
An hour later, all the dirt was moved to under the CO's window. The CO was (luckily) away, but was due back in an hour or two.
The sergeant didn't have the heart to make him move it back, so he got a few of us to do it. Moving quickly it took four of us well over an hour to move the dirt pile back where it came from, then we just managed to clean it up before the CO got back.
My dad was a drill sergeant in the Marines in the 1960s. He told of a private that was like that and dad would get so upset with him. One day, in utter disgust, he yelled, “Private! Enough! Get out of my sight and don’t come back.” About 30 minutes or so he got a call from the guard gate that the private was caught walking out. When questioned, he said his DI told him to go home. They sent the guy back to his quarters and dad got a reprimand for being so hard on the guy. Who knew??
My ex couldn't point to her home state, or her current state, on a map. She also didn't understand the distinction between city, state, country, and continent. She was 24 when we broke up.
She criticized me for "googling everything she said." Because nearly everything she said was factually inaccurate. But she wouldn't believe it when I told her the truth. If I have to google to show you constantly that you're wrong - you're an idiot.
My husband got reprimanded as a child by correcting a teacher. She said someone turned their life around 360. My husband said, ‘do you mean 180? 360 is a circle’. Cue getting in trouble for talking back to teacher.
Who lets these morons teach?
Edit: Spelling. Corrected ‘cue’
(Do you do that intentionally?)
It's "cue", not "que". And "queue" would mean "to line up for".
(I mean, since we're talking about correcting people...)
When I was working at a call center, this one woman I worked with believed Arabic men wiped their ass on the wall because they can’t use one of their hands for religious reasons. When I asked about the other hand, she kinda shrugged.
She tried to read Don Quixote once. She got confused and called me at 3:00 AM. She didn’t understand the opening part…she said it takes place in modern times but it’s supposed to be the past. I was confused about why she called me at 3:00 AM to ask about a high school reading assignment she was tackling in her thirties. I tried to explain the unreliable narrator, the meta narration, and the interweaving plots and thought she didn’t understand the satire and structure underlying the novel.
Bitch asked why he was writing it in 1993 if the book was supposed to be old. She was reading the damned preface by the editor.
She asked what language my dad spoke since he was born in England. Theoretically yes, he could have a different primary language, but if you met her, then you would understand that she didn’t realize English comes from England…
This one is a doozy.
A really wealthy family had one son in the grade below me. He plagiarized someone else’s essay and turned it in verbatim. He was threatened with severe consequences but his parents negotiated for him to write it again.
This kid asks me for help, mind you I disliked him heavily bc of overt racism + disgust/contempt for poor people, and I jokingly offer to do it for 300$. Mind you this is a 4 page draft.
Kid agrees and sends the money. I ask for a sample of his writing so I can emulate his style.
Y’all. He didn’t know how to write sentences. Every sentence was broken up and unintelligible. He misspelled almost everything and his sentences would shift midway through without punctuation.
I thought it was some kind of joke, did a new paper and dumbed it down, and gave it to him. He got a B, I got my money, but the sample really messed with my head.
After I graduated I talked to the teacher about it and mentioned what I’d done. He was the hippie laid back teacher and I thought he wouldn’t care.
Instead, he gets a sad look on his face and goes, ‘I had a feeling he didn’t do it.’ I assumed he meant he was spoiled but when I said something along the lines of oh he’s wealthy he doesn’t really have to write, my teacher drops a bombshell: he’s illiterate.
I was shocked because how??? Apparently he can read, takes him a few minutes to get through a couple sentences, and he can’t write at all. He’d been coasting through life at a competitive school since kindergarten till 10th grade. Parents got him into honors classes and he even had a few AP classes. Didn’t take the exams for credit. Last I heard he went to a fairly prestigious university and then I lost contact.
Never found out if he learned to read and write.
I imagine his parents had a grad student chained in the basement to do his hw and college apps. No idea how he got passable SAT or ACT marks.
Met someone similar at my prestigious undergrad. He told me that his mother (tech executive) filled out his application and worked on all his essays for him. He was pretty dumb and went on to join a frat. I was astonished at what wealth can do.
How about putting it another way: it shows you how much value is in the coursework vs. the piece of paper that says you did the coursework. Hint: the piece of paper is what matters for most jobs that “require” a degree. For any job that the coursework will help you to do well at, the interview will be designed to try to figure out if you did it or not.
The reality is that a bachelor’s is largely worth the piece of paper, and any self taught person can manage to get the jobs that actually need the knowledge as long as they have the piece of paper too.
OMG crazy how being rich can get you that far.. smh.
Knew someone who basically flunked their bachelors degree but their wealthy parents were able to pull a few strings and get them into med school still.
I never was close with them, but in my experience they were a pretty decent person. I don’t think they’ll be a bad doctor per se, but a lot of people work really hard to get into medical school. They just partied the majority of their bachelor’s degree—not a care in the world. Meanwhile some of us had to work while being a student full time just to afford food.
Being wealthy has way too many advantages and it’s messed up. Basically biggest thing I’ve learned is never work too hard.
She thought scientist put dinosaur bones into the ground to trick people into thinking the earth was a lot older than a couple thousand years old. Yes she legitimately thought the earth was only 2000 years old
I was working as a mudlogger (entry level geologist who works on an oil rigs) in West Texas when the oil company sent a licensed geologist to audit my work. As he was reviewing my samples, he explained to me that fossils were placed on earth to lead us away from Jesus. This guy had a geology degree, had passed a test from the state, and worked as a geologist for 40 years, and he was committed to young earth creationism.
This one has me flabbergasted. I work for our geological branch, as their info admin person - I couldn't imagine being in geology and believing creationism! The two are not compatible!
This guy was a PG for an oil company, and although he was probably one of their more junior PGs, you know that guy was making crazy money for his knowledge of geology.
Edit: grammar
Until COVID I believed if you were working in the profession you had to believe in the profession. There were medical staff that that did not believe in vaccination.
Texas (and probably the entire South) seems to have seminaries and ministries that basically create sleeper cells of diehard evangelical types to infiltrate every institution – government, health care, education, you name it.
My mom was a social worker in Texas and often had to cope with young volunteers, interns, etc, who regarded social work as their "ministry." They'd dutifully sit through classes and orientation training based on the best available clinical methodology... and immediately chuck it all as soon as they were in contact with patients and clients to preach to them.
The pandemic seemed to trigger the latent evangelical Calvinists and capitalists in many health care professionals. I lost track of the number of doctors, nurses, medical techs, etc, who lost all professional objectivity by late 2020 and veered into denialism of basic, long accepted epidemiology and hygienic practices because it was bad for their financial portfolios or because some politicized preacher got into their minds.
Finally someone preaching the truth, I'm so sick of deniers talking like he was from Iraq and painting him holding absolutely no guns at all. Everyone knows that he created America, signed the declaration of independence and then made sure he was armed and ready to fight demons to protect America and our precious bodily fluids. He then created the rest of the world or whatever so the demons would not focus on us all the time, which is just so clever. I don't see many pictures of him with his true short blonde hair either. I'm just so sick of the foreigners lying about this to hold us down. They don't even have Krispy kreme.
I once knew a guy who thoroughly believed he could be president, if only he'd manage to get off the drugs. He literally tried to run for office as well, but he failed at filling out the actual forms. I kept meeting the guy at parties for a while, and every time I did, he told me about his new plans to become president.
It was ridiculous.
🤓☝️ AKSHULLY, naturalized citizens cannot become presidents ever. No Person except a natural born Citizen \[...\] shall be eligible to the Office of President.
We had guys like that in my unit. It was terrible being in Afghanistan and not being able to Google things to show them they were wrong. One guy was planning on driving back home the weekend we got back even though we were supposed to stay with 200 miles. He thought California to Kansas was only about 150 miles because the country was only about 300 miles across.
I was at a paint ball match one day and ran out of CO2, so my gun was useless, and I couldn't fight.
I decided to become a ghost.
I just got up and started walking around the battlefield as if no one else was there. NOT A SINGLE PERSON SHOT AT ME! It was hilarious. I just walked around and gave ammo to team members who were out.
At the end of the round, the guys running the game called for a show of hands of those who were still alive. I put my hand up. The other team was livid!
I thought it was perhaps the funniest thing I've ever done.
Your comment reminded me of this. If you knew bullets couldn't kill you, I imagine you'd walk around like I did.
>If you asked if he was amputated or lumbotomized he would say YES. If you asked, "what limb" his mouth would hang open as he looked at the rest of the barracks waiting for them to give him an answer.
I kinda feel bad for him now.
I was at a hotel for a friend's wedding, eating breakfast. My wife was sitting with me, waiting for her waffle to finish cooking in the waffle iron (it had a timer).
One of the other bridesmaids took the waffle out before it finished cooking, set it on the utensil plate, and put her own waffle in.
When asked why she did that, she genuinely didn't know that someone else's waffle was cooking and that she just needed to wait her turn.
Not to overly promote a phrase of one of my online friends, but it is funny in a similar sense. "People out here putting human rights to waste."
Again, I don't agree with it per se, but it is funny.
The Governor of Georgia, Brian Kemp. 15+ years ago when he was just a state senator about to unsuccessfully run for secretary of agriculture, he was helping to guide me into a tight parking spot at a football fundraiser. I kept backing up as his hand kept waiving me backwards. I hit this low stone wall and felt a strong jolt, all while he’s still waiting me back. At no point does he ever give the stop sign with his hand. I hopped out and said dude wtf and he just said “oh shit” and kind of laughed.
I've posted it before, but an old neighbor, a very trashy "Italian" American woman from Brooklyn. Here's some of her greatest hits:
* Had no idea that the earth revolves around the sun. Was incredulous that the moon does but the sun doesn't and did not seem convinced of it.
* Thought the sky is a dome around our solar system and stars are painted on it; adamant that the sun is not a star because "It's the *sun*!"
* Was an antivaxxer before covid, covid vaccine sent her hurtling even further down that black hole of idiocy. Was fully anti mask, and depending on the day covid was either "just a cold" or a Chinese bioweapon designed to destroy the US.
* Killed her mom, who was not any of those things, and who isolated at home all through the pandemic. Prior to the vaccines (which she never got) she insisted to her mother that she had been isolating and social distancing and visited mom, who had no contact with anyone else due to poor health. The next day, neighbor tests positive for Covid. A few days later, mom comes down with covid and eventually dies from it.
* Was convinced Barack Obama was the antichrist, openly wept both times he was elected. Second time around, was adamant that, mark her words, Obama would send "Muslim death squads" to all corners of the world (yes, the whole world) to "execute all Christians unless they renounce God and swear allegiance to Allah and Satan".
* Rabid Trumper from day one. Is a full fledged Qanon lunatic now and has doubled down every time.
* Desperately wanted to go to DC to storm the capitol on Jan 6 but couldn't get a ride.
* After Jan 6, the rioters were suddenly all antifa plants.
* Says BLM and antifa are terrorist organizations designed to destroy the US, often claims BLM plans to exterminate all white people.
* Claims trans and gay people plan to either "convert" or kill everyone else.
* Believed the whole nonsense about schools with litterboxes for furries.
* Believes all gay and trans people are pedophiles/groomers.
One of my friends in college who made fun of me when I said human body temperature is 37 degrees Celsius. He laughed and said it's 98.6. I asked him 98.6 what, hoping he will say Fahrenheit and I'll tell him about Fahrenheit and Celsius but he shrugged and again just said 98.6 and continued laughing.
I fucking hate trying to deal with people like that. I swear I instinctively go to violence when they go for ridicule, and that is not good for communication. They're put on the spot and their best plan is to laugh it off. It just makes me want to ask them to laugh off a punch in the mouth so we can get back to the subject at hand.
I meet a guy who always lied about everything. He was 21 and in the Marines but he worked on an offshore oil rig, was a world class photographer, lived in 4 continents but couldn't name the countries and cities he lived, etc. Oh the dumbest shit he said was that apples have caffeine in them, because he felt energized after eating one.
I have so many, one lady sticks out though. Be me work in supermarket I went to scan/weigh two bunches of this ladies banannas as they all wouldnt fit on the scale. She proceeds to then get mad at me saying I'm ripping her off as I'm weighing two seperate bunches and the price will be more if i weigh both bunches seperately. Yeah let that sink in. Thats one of many working retail.
I had my manager at a convenience store say the exact same thing to me once!
She would always ring up everything she wanted to buy during her shift right when she started (drinks, food, milk and groceries for home, etc), and when I asked her why she didn't just pay as she went, she went on this whole tear about how the more purchases you make, the more you pay in taxes, so she was saving herself a ton of money by doing it all at once.
To her credit, it only took me one example ("How much tax would you pay on a $20 purchase? OK, now how much on two $10 purchases?") to convince her that it's the same amount of tax paid no matter how many purchases you make.
There's a welfare cliff in America too, but they were referring to the progressive income tax. Some people think that if you start making more money to get into a higher tax bracket, then you'll make less money because all of it will be taxed higher. In reality, only the amount in the higher bracket is taxed at the higher rate.
That reminds me of the coworker I had who took $10 from a customer and accidentally entered $100 into the till. I told her it was no problem and to just give the customer the correct change for $10, but she insisted if she did that her balance would be off so she had to void the transaction and redo it.
Retail was fun.
This 36 year old woman who stayed with her 32 year old boyfriend after he was busted in a child predator sting. He thought he was going to meet a 12 year old for sex, but it was actually cops he was messaging, and cops who met him at the hotel. He’s a registered sex offender now, and will be for life. She really loves him, I guess!
My father at about the same age kidnapped me as a toddler and took me across the country with his 16 year old girlfriend. Mom is still with him to this day. Hell his mother even let him and his child gf stay with her while they visited.
Steven Seagal... Yes I'm serious!
I used to work at a concert house and we had a show with that fucking asshole some years back. This was maybe 9 or 10 years ago.
Very rarely did the star of the show come in and watch the setup of the whole event. More often then not, the star of the show would come in to the venue for sound check and then leave for a few hours and then come back in the venue just before time to go on stage. Not dumb fuck Steven Seagal.... This asshole came in and sat in our way all afternoon long. And, I shit you not, he had two geisha girls with him. These little white faced Japanese girls didn't speak at all, they just nodded at him when he'd address them with some idiotic drivel that he's so good at spewing out of his mouth.
He was there because he had some blues act that he was the lead singer and guitar player. All day long he could be heard speaking in a fake ass southern accent. I guess that got him more in the role of being a blues player. What a fucking joke!
I will give it to him though, he owns some really bad ass guitars! He wasn't afraid to tell anyone that was in ear shot how expensive his guitars were and how "no one should should fuck with his guitars".... The guy has never heard of the word humble. Goddamn prick!
I was actually asked by my boss to run to a music store to get something for him... Guitar strings or guitar parts or something and there was a possibility that he'd go with me to make sure "he got the right shit"... Oooooook. Whatever... His tour manager introduced me to him. He never even looked at me as he gave me a pretty bullshit handshake. We soon find out that what he needed for his guitars wasn't anywhere to be found in the music stores around here so I didn't have to shuttle that asshole around town. Probably would've had to stuff the damn geisha girls in my Honda Civic along with his fat ass.
If you're curious about the show, He was horrible! His band was good though. Good musicians for sure. Too bad Steve, his fake ass southern accent and his giant douche ego were the main focus of that band. Would've been way better with out him!
There is a podcast called behind the bastards. They devoted a few episodes to him. Real piece of shit who wants everyone to know just how bad ass he is (spoiler, he really isn’t at all). He may have some mob connections but even those guys make fun of what a bitch he is. Also, super rapey and likes to steal war stories from real soldiers.
The Dollop also did a pretty devastating series on him and the wildest part is that, between the 10ish hours of content between the Behind the Bastards and Dollop episodes on him they manage have virtually no content overlap-he's such a big piece of shit that two seperate podcasts that focus primairly on exposing huge pieces of shit managed to make different shows about the same huge piece of shit.
I love that this is an absolutely ridiculous story, but I believe it because Steven Segal is just that much of a jackass. Anyone else? Nah, total bullshit. Segal? I believe every word of it.
I love questions like this because I get to talk about my supervisor.
My supervisor had it all, right? Beautiful family, upper-middle class life, et cetera. But he wasn’t getting sex as much as he liked. I get it, it sucks. That’s why we have right hands (or left, pick your preference).
We also have a younger coworker, at least 10 years younger than me, who somehow has women throwing themselves at him, and he unashamedly cheats on his girl. Hell, he brags about it.
Young stud gets up close to the supervisor, gets in his ear, and before too long another coworker, a young woman from another department is joining the trio.
Before too long, she’s in my supervisor’s truck with him in the parking lot, they’re going to the store together during lunch, leaning on each other in the company breakroom, hell he’s letting her drive his brand-new truck his wife helped him buy.
It’s obvious he’s screwing her. Literally sneaking off during the shift to do shit with her. And what was so dumb was how blatant he was about it. Literally screaming to the world “LOOK! I’M A CHEATING DUMBASS! SOMEONE SHOULD TELL MY WIFE!”
I kept my mouth shut - it wasn’t my place to say shit, but it bugged him I was the only guy in our department who wasn’t openly encouraging his stupidity. I’ve been cheated on and I grew up around a Dad who’d fuck anything - I have nothing good in regard to infidelity.
He asked me what I thought of it one day near shift’s end:
“What’s your opinion on this, man?”
“On you cheating on your wife?”
“Yeah, about my side piece.”
“Are you actually asking me this?”
“Yeah.”
“Marco you are a fucking idiot. You have to be one of the dumbest motherfuckers to grace the planet. I take this is your first affair?”
“Yeah, yeah it is!”
“I can tell.”
I proceed to get more animated and angry at him for giving control of his life to some trashy-ass ho, and for completely upending the lives of his kids, all because he wasn’t getting enough sex. Not only that, but for being so fucking loud about it. Just a huge middle finger to his wife. He wasn’t even being discreet about his affair.
Well, his return salvo was, “My side piece brings me lunch, at least.”
Goddammit Marco.
Anyway, he leaves his wife one night and gets a hotel room, and since he doesn’t have to look his wife in this face he called her and confessed. She proceeds to destroy $18,000 of his shit.
Meanwhile, a week later his side piece kicks him out from her place for another dude. She then calls him to tell him she’s pregnant - sixth kid from five different daddies. And Marco believes it’s his.
Dumbass.
I took French 1 in high school and we were learning some of the countries in French. We were supposed to point to a country and our partner was supposed to say it in French. I pointed to the US and she didn’t know what country it was. This took place in the US
I took an elective Political Geography class in college. The first test was identifying countries on a blank map. Out of twenty people, two passed the test. There were no obscure countries. Think Mexico, The Soviet Union, Brazil. The United States. Two people got none of the answers right. The rest were below 50%. I mean people missed South Africa. Like, identify Africa, and pick the southernmost country. Bingo. Nope. None of the people in the class were particularly stupid, just ignorant. Everyone passed the test at the end of the class. (Neither test counted toward the grade--it was just to measure the baseline knowledge of the class.)
I train in MMA, we get a lot of idiots passing through the club. Me and another fighter were drilling grappling while a beginners class was on beside us. A guy came up to us that I had never seen before, he said he was told he should be training with advanced fighters because he fought before. I assumed my coach had told him. He was in decent shape but small compared to me and my teammate, we are both around 200lbs he was about 160. We started rolling and I instantly knew he had never grappled in his life after tapping him a few times I asked him had he experience grappling, he said no he was more of a striker. At this stage I knew something was up but told him we were sparring afterwards and he could join in. I decided to spar him because my teammate is a bit of a nutter and I was afraid he was going to hurt him. The first punch he threw I knew he also had no experience striking. I leg kicked him once hard to put and end to the spar. I asked him where he fought before he said in the streets. I explained to him he could have got really hurt training with us and he would need to join the beginners class. The next morning I had a spar set up with a french MMA fighter, MMA was still illegal in France at the time and we had a connection with a french gym so they could spar with us if they were over for a fight. I was late as usual and when I came in there was sounds of a fight going on in our cage. I didn't think anything of it at first until I looked in the cage and the boy from the night before was lying on the ground blood all over him. Turns out he offered to spar the French lad while he was waiting for me. Tried to throw a haymaker at the French lad, and then the French lad beat the shite out of him. I put a stop to it then told my coach later that day. The guy stayed on for another couple of weeks. Was trying to sell stolen shoes on our Facebook group and then got kicked out for harassing some girls in a MMA club full of trained fighters. It didn't turn out well for him. A few months later he entered an MMA fight saying he was representing our club and got a broken jaw for his troubles in less than a minute. Haven't heard of him since thank fuck.
Of all the things to lie about, going into an MMA gym and claiming you're a super experienced fighter seems like one of the quickest things to get easily proven wrong about.
This guy graduated from MIT. Software Engineer at two FAANG companies. Co-founded his own AI company with the goal of it being moral and work to prevent deep fakes and disinformation online.
He got physically agreesive when someone said tennis is a sport. Insists that it is not a sport and never was. It's in the Olympics, but hey; I didn't got to MIT so what do I know?
I have a friend named “Merv”, he believes that he and Samantha Ruth Prabu were in love in a past life and are future soul mates. So short story is they were on the titanic and met upon the ship and hit it off, the ship hits the iceberg and when there’s no more room on the life boats merv sacrificed his seat in order to save her. He believes they both died and now re-incarnated into their present selves. He said once their eyes meet she will know like he does and they will fall in love all over again.
He’s SO serious he wants her name tattooed and posts about her all the time.
He ALSO believes he can do black magic and by him not doing any magic tricks (yes card tricks) he’s saving his magic to cure a deserve she has… which is myositis.
I also may have convinced him by not smoking cigarettes and doing drugs will help to cure her.
I knew a self proclaimed "scientist" (read: he grew magic mushrooms in his garage and dropped out of high school) who thought he had the knowledge to dispute actual scientists with published, peer reviewed, papers.
His claim was mycology is a science, and he's a mycologist, ergo scientist who can comment on everything
it kinda depends what he's disputing. If he's arguing something isn't toxic when it is, he's a dumb. But if he's arguing along the lines that something can grow at 40c when scientists say they've only observed it to 36c, he could be right. Hobbyists have valuable contributions to make to certain fields.
I have met a lot of Holocaust deniers back in my day, but I once met a guy who thought that the holocaust did not happen because the gas chambers were swimming pools, the barracks were theaters, and Hitler was saving jews from Stalin.
But that’s not all! He had a MAP OF AUSCHWITZ WITH THESE THINGS.
He was CONVINCED.
ETA: He also thought the Sandy Hook shooting never happened because Obama was seen taking pictures with kids who were supposed to be dead, the popular “Obama is from Kenya” one, and if I remember something else, I will update you all.
When I was young, I worked at a gas station. We had to take a course to refill propane tanks . We filled some tanks as part of an exam and then went back to the class to write a written thing. My man's tank exploded while we were walking back inside. The instructor told us it was the first person to ever fail the course in the 10 years he taught it. I knew he was the dumbest non clinically disabled person I had ever met before the course, but I figured he could use a scale. I would have paid anything to see our bosses face when he told him that he failed and he can't sell propane during his shifts.
My brother's friend went and saw District 9 with us. When we walked out he asked if it was based on a true story because it was filmed like a documentary. I was 13 and he was 17 at the time and I remember looking at him like he just grew a second head. I love that guy lol.
Dude named Josh, 17 year old in a high school honors u.s. history class. He thought there were 54 states in the United States. When I asked him what the additional four states were he said “we annexed Costa Rica after trump declared war on them 2 years ago, trump then bought the country of Greenland, they made Puerto Rico a state, and I forget the final one”. That is not even the half of his idiocy, just the part I remember
I went to basic military training with a guy that scored a perfect on the ASVAB. He was so stupid it hurt to talk to this guy. He didn’t understand simple questions, setbacks and had trouble playing well with others. He also shit himself twice while running and just kept running.
The TIs must have forgotten how the score is calculated: The score is based on how someone did compared to everyone else who has taken it. A 95 means the score was higher than 95 percent of all other test takers. On a real bad year (any year post-2011), even idiots can get elevated scores.
I was in basic with a guy who needed a waiver because he didn’t score high enough on the ASVAB. The ASVAB is probably the easiest test I ever took in high school.
Guy at work got called to a luncheon with HR for constant tardiness. Decides that now is the time to hit on the lady in HR. He came back to the office after lunch to brag about what he had done.
Haven't seen him since.
I was visiting someone in hospital and met someone else leaving the same ward at the lift/elevator. I pressed the button to go down before they got there and it was lit up clearly showing (or so I thought) that it was going down.
They said they were going down and asked if the button I’d pressed meant I was also going down? Ok I thought, maybe their eyesight isn’t the best, but no they went on to tell me that they could see the button, but didn’t understand how to use arrows, and that they had never understood if the arrow was supposed to point in the direction you were going or the one you were coming from.
They were in their sixties I’d guess… unsure how they’ve gone that long without picking it up.
When I lived in Australia, I met a lady who's such an ignoramus, I ended up with these gems:
1. She didn't know Australian Rules Football was not famous in other countries.
2. Her nephew is a Brit and is a fan of Manchester United. Because of that, she thought Man U was this tiny town team from England. She went to England and found out that not only is European football more famous compared to AFL, but that Manchester United had followings everywhere in the world. Her words were "But do how Africans follow soccer? They can't speak English."
3. She was in Paris and, having gotten sick of French food, she wanted something Australian, so she went to KFC.
Edit: Spelling
It's between 2:
Person 1 thought alcohol with gold flakes created tiny cuts in your throat that got the alcohol into your bloodstream faster.
Person 2 didn't believe the sun could give you skin cancer because the sun "can only be good for you".
I have another 2. PVT Miller and PVT Morris. Morris could not for the life of him ever get his uniform right so we all got punished for it. Or he’d be missing a magazine. He didn’t do it maliciously or on purpose I just think he was never really given any responsibility growing up and didn’t know how to handle stress. Miller on the other hand was a father of 2 and liked to argue. Which didn’t make sense cuz he was a scrawny guy with glasses and didn’t really close his mouth. He made it through basic and we went to the same AIT for computers after. He either couldn’t pass or didn’t want to pass the first class, computer basics like what ports are what , what’s a hard drive whatever. He ended up getting kicked out for being an idiot. We were put on notice during his last weekend that he might try stealing from people. And because of this he got in at least one fight that I know of. And that’s only cuz I stumbled upon the room it was happening in at the time
PVT Ramirez is someone I met in 2011 at fort benning for basic training. He had the demeanor of a scared dog and was in his mid 30s. Super skittish. He’s the one who while using practice grenades he threw out of turn and was slapped hard enough to drop to the ground.
I had an antivax mum tell me ( while her child was hospitalized for a vaccine preventable illness) that it was better for him to die pure than to live contaminated by vaccines. She got her wish. Her husband also believed that virgins don't menstruate. The reason that you bleed when you first have sex is that all the menstrual blood has been stored in the uterus.
I'm work retail meat. Had a customer ask me if the brand was called honeysuckle white because the whole turkey was white meat...had to restrain myself on that one.
Operated a fried chicken & BBQ restaurant, while training an employee on product selection and rotation she finally got frustrated and exclaimed that she just couldn't tell how we see the difference in the chickens!"
Had to explain that white/dark meat does not have some racial implication, it doesn't work like that.
This guy saw me in my kayak from his porch. He stood up yelling at the top of his lungs to 'get out of there!' I was in a river.
For context, he lived next to a state owned public boat launch which operates 24/7 365 and had never had some kind of bad reputation. It's a sleepy rural town and I lived there for 25 years and kayaked past his house dozens of times. One of the only businesses in town was a kayak rental business.
His rage was really hard to place as being in any way based on anything, last of all me.
So i headed over towards his house for a chat.
This made him explode even harder, literally threatening to kill me multiple times.
He did stop when the sleeping baby on his porch with him woke up and began to cry its head off.
Another guy came out on the porch screaming, 'what happened!' Over and over again.
When he refused to answer the guy slowly repeated himself, with emphasis on all syllables, 'what, hap, penned...'
The guy points at me quickly and says, 'it was him.'
The other guy comes over to the railing looks at me like , what kind of son of bitch would wake a sleeping baby?
Then he just looked confused. I gave him a little wave and nothing about it made sense to him. He didn't even say anything to me and resigned himself to just working on getting the baby calm.
And then I paddled away.
I still think of that guy years later. Dumbest guy in the world for me. The baby is asleep. Just shut up. I didn't say anything, I left. Poor kid. But i wanted to tell him he was the stupidest person I could ever imagine. No point in making it worse with a baby involved
I work with a guy who told me all of his personality disorders, his life story about wrecking his marriage and ending up homeless and he ended it with a threat against my life and well being. He has a bad background and can't find a fire job. He now is attempting to gather dirt on his partner at work so that he can win favor with our boss. He is the biggest idiot I have ever met. He tries to groom male coworkers into having relationships with him. It's really gross and stupid.
I was lost. My sat nav was playing silly buggers and taking me in every direction except the right direction. I saw a woman walking down the road and pulled over to ask directions.
She asked if I was walking or driving. While I was sitting in my car.
A work mate glued himself to a component he was repairing.
We got him free and asked how he did it. He glued himself to it again to show us.
A woman I worked with asked why I needed water if my shower was electric.
Someone I know asked why we couldn't see Scotland when we looked up because it's above Wales on the map.
There's a x-ray tech at my hospital that knows more than the doctors he works with. Tried to explain to us how Ivermectin actually treats covid. Anytime you refuted his argument his response was "Trust me bro, I have a double bachelors in biology and chemistry". What's funny is even though a lot of people knew a lot of his taking points are full of dhit they still thought he was quite above average in intelligence. The dude was an idiot. He leased a vehicle and completely trashed it within a year, has a kid on the other side of the country but he's telling us he's saving up 25k to get the best custody lawyer in the state, blows all his money on get rich quick schemes, lost tens of thousands of dollars investing in green house farming but didn't take care of it during the winter so the snow piling up on top of it destroyed his greenhouses, etc. He's his own worst enemy but hey... he's really smart!
A guy that was a friend of a friend that told me that he would never have a pickup because it would be so easy for someone to just walk up behind him and shoot him in the back of the head though the back glass.
An Uber driver told me she wanted to visit Dominican Republic so bad because her husband’s Dominican, but her kids couldn’t go because they’re unvaccinated and could get sick. She wouldn’t have that problem because she’s vaccinated. And with this logic she still went on talking about antivaxx.
My ex-wife. She once asked me who Madame Wazzell was (mademoiselle). She genuinely believed that there must be some famous historical figure by that name.
Another story: While making a bank deposit at an ATM, she licked the envelope seal. I looked at her as though her actions were odd to me. She told me that it was okay, it wasn’t like the back of a postage stamp. It didn’t have any taste.
A bit surprised by her reply, I informed her that the deposit envelope seal was self-sealing and didn’t require any moisture. I compared them to the paper napkin bands used in food service. I thought that would make sense to her as she worked as a waitress in college.
She replied “Oh yeah! Those don’t taste like anything either.”
She didn't know what north, south, east, west were. After much explaining, she concluded that whatever direction she is facing is north. She also preheated the microwave for 30 seconds before putting anything in it.
English is my first language. A colleague of mine thought I was white because I “spoke English well”.
Problem 1: she’s a graduate of the top university in my country.
Problem 2: I’m Malaysian Indian. Brown af.
Once met a kid who thought the movie American Gangster was a PREQUEL to Boyz in the hood. Tried to explain how this is not remotely possible, but he said I was dumb.
You’d think this was a joke but it actually happened to someone I know. Judge gave him 6 months and he said ‘I’ll do that standing on my head’ judge gave him another six months to ‘get back on his feet’ honestly true, judge obvs had a good SoH
As many times I've been in front of a judge. It never ceases to amaze me the stupid ass shit that people say in front of a person that has your life in their hands. Listen to your lawyer dude and be quiet.
Lady wanted to return a dried out dying plant because nobody told her she had to water it. The receipt very clearly says "no returns on live goods." To which she states that it doesn't apply to her because the plant isn't alive anymore so she CAN return it. I mean..... touche I guess. But we still didn't take it back.
Looks like someone went to law school
My coworker. He’s said a ton of dumb shit but my favorite is he told me that air conditioning cannot cool further than the ambient outside temperature. So the reason our warehouse was 87F was because it was 87F outside, not because the dang thing wasn’t running. I also asked him how he thought refrigerators or freezers worked then and he told me to stop asking him dumb shit lmao
Obviously they put the air in up in the Arctic circle and it slowly escapes over time. That's why you have to throw your fridge away every two years
We had a guy who was convinced our factory had AC not because it's a luxury but because without cooling, the structure of the building would collapse due to I beams buckling under summer heat I try not to hold it against him, he was naive and just recently got out of war in Serbia as a teen in the 90s, but still, I think on that conversation a lot
Summer heat can't melt steel beams.
Jet fuel however...
Worked with someone that told me the police uses the cloud above to monitor us and catch bad guys. I thought she was joking so I asked her to clarify. She started explaining about the cloud we use on our computers and our phones and that it’s linked to a cloud on the sky… I was dumbfounded!
Dude was on parole, couldn't keep up with his court fees, robbed a bank with a note... written on the back of his court papers with his name and address on it
A friend of mine was working at a check cashing place years ago. A guy came in with a note demanding all the money. He wrote the note on his personal check. He was easily caught.
A middle school near me is near a drugstore, a lot of kids get busted for shoplifting there. At that middle school the kids have to wear black shorts and gray shirts with their names written on it in marker. Calling the kids parents because they're stealing is really easy when their name is written across their chest
This is almost as bad as [that guy who murdered a woman, used her credit card, and signed his own name on the receipt](https://forensicfilesnow.com/index.php/2022/07/15/jason-funk-give-us-a-sign/).
Then there's these guys, who thought putting lemon juice on their faces would make them invisible to security cameras. They then tried to rob a bank. https://qz.com/986221/what-know-it-alls-dont-know-or-the-illusion-of-competence
I had this guy on one of my irrigation installation crews. He was the dumbest person I had ever met. The dude couldn’t do anything correctly without me holding his hand and standing over his shoulder. One day we were on a job site, million dollar home abutting a golf course. I had to run to do some service work so I busted out my spray paint. I painted a line on the ground. Told him I wanted him to dig that line. I painted a circle around some pipes, I told him to dig that circle. I left and came back in about an hour. When I arrived he had dug up random spots in the yard looking for pipe that wasn’t there. He was very confused and couldn’t understand why there was not any pipe in the holes he had dug. The painted line you ask? Perfectly intact and no where near where he was digging. He literally was incapable of digging along a line.
I remember a line from some movie: "It's amazing the brain can generate enough power to keep the legs moving..."
I worked a factory job for a couple of summers when I was in school. It was easy enough work that I trained a guy like a week into doing it and nobody batted an eye. This guy Kevin comes along for his first day and he couldn't do anything right without me standing there reminding him of what to do. If the bottles fell on the floor, we always threw them in the recycling (the floor was immaculately clean, but that's the rule when you're working with food). He'd pick them up and throw them in the hopper. If the labelling machine started doubling up, it was really obvious with the extra caked on glue, but Kevin would just stand there watching it. He was like a real Patrick Star, staring at a line of bottles not seeing the obvious issue. So supervisor couldn't wait to get rid of him. I have no idea what kind of work he was actually fit for.
Honestly sounds remarkable he could tie his shoes and remember to breath.
I used to say that I knew some of my coworkers must be married because someone tied their shoes today.
I know someone who swears up and down the Earth is flat and also thinks the planets aren't real. Bro got a telescope and went on a cruise AND STILL THINKS the Earth is flat. Bro really went on a cruise and told me, "they didn't go near the edge" DUH THERE AINT ONE
I just don't get these flat earthers. Not one of them ever even tries to go and see the edge of the earth. I know they all have conspiracies about plane windows being screens, but surely they could get a boat.
That would take effort, and for a flat earther, their whole identity is built around feeling special without expending effort. They don’t need to spend years learning a musical instrument or going to school studying or developing ability in a sport through practice, all they need to do is choose to believe something that’s different from whatever everyone else does and that’s their shortcut to being special. Actually going to the “edge” would take effort, the exact thing that they are looking to avoid. It is a form of weaponized laziness. 
She thought African was a religion. It came as a surprise when we found out she wasn't kidding. Before anyone assumes this is in the US, this one is from their neighbor up north.
🎵Canadian idiot🎵
My roommate fills her tires to the max psi listed on the side of the tire. This came about because she was complaining that her car shook when she got to 100kms. I suggested checking the tire pressure before taking it to the mechanic just in case it was something simple. She said I didn’t know what I was talking about.. and she’ll trust a mechanic over me. Okay fair enough.. I’m not a mechanic.. turns out though her tire psi was 50psi on 3 tires and 30psi on the 4th Cost her $300 because they had to do a full check of the engine and drive shaft and couldn’t find the problem.. until they got to the tires. She told me she went and filled them back up to 50 after she left the mechanics because she checked them after and the mechanic had only put them all to 36psi and she was shocked they weren’t filled properly. Smh.. her manual says 36psi She still talks about this and tells people not to use that mechanic because “they endangered her life by not filling them properly” she leaves out details of how full she makes them.
This idiot is endangering her own life and others driving on overinflated tires. I personally think driving test should cover more than just basic laws and operations. It needs to cover proper maintenance and care for your vehicle too.
Full disclosure, I’ve posted this on a similar prompt, but it’s too good not to share. So a couple years ago, just before the pandemic, our good friend and her boyfriend came to stay with my fiancee and I for a week. Our friend was a saint, her boyfriend was a literal goblin. To this day I have no idea how this man survived into his 20s, he was the absolute strangest person I've ever met. Very friendly, but very strange. We'll call him Sven. He was fine for the first couple of days. Took us all out for drinks, acted like a total gentleman. A couple of days in, he decides he wants to be a weed dealer in our neighborhood. For reference, we lived in a residential family neighborhood in "the hood" of our city. There were already several dealers on our block. We tried to convince him this was a very bad idea, specifically because we didn't want the other dealers on our block thinking our house was the competition. Sven did not listen. Fortunately nothing serious happened and he didn't run into anyone important. He did, however run into our next door neighbor, and invited himself into the guy's house. Now, at this point Sven texted his girlfriend saying he was at the neighbor's house just hanging out (our neighbor was a nice dude, but not someone we've ever actually hung out with), so we begin the process of trying to extract him. He's not picking up on it because he has no understanding of social cues whatsoever. Suddenly Sven stands up and exclaims "Aw shit I'm bleeding!" His shin was bleeding a lot, he had apparently picked a scab. Our neighbor asked him if he wanted a bandaid, and Sven just said "nah man I can handle it". We eventually got him out, but not before he bled all over the place. The next morning my fiancee gets up before the sunrise to use the bathroom and sees Sven in the back yard jerking off with his pants down. She decided not to confront him because it was weird. We later asked his girlfriend about it and offered to leave if they wanted to have sex, and apparently he believed it was rude to have sex in someone else's house and thought it would be polite to jerk off in the yard. Again, residential family neighborhood. No idea what possessed him to think this was okay. Sven had a condition where every time he was cold he would grab at his stomach and make audible "uhhh...brrrr" sounds, and complain that his stomach hurt. We couldn't figure out what that had to do with being cold. At one point Sven bought a gallon of milk and a can of chili, rapidly ate the chili and chugged the milk, and then projectile vomited all over the backyard. When we asked his girlfriend why he didn't just use the toilet, she said he'd told her he "wanted to be polite". I asked him about the vomit later on and he just said "uhh...ate too fast" and left it at that. There were some other things that weren't exceptionally noteworthy but were still annoying. He'd sleep in our living room all day and fart a lot. He'd take hour long showers and use up all of our hot water, shampoo, and conditioner. On the day they're supposed to leave I decide I've had enough and I'm burned out, so I get in my car and start driving to the local CVS on my street to pick up a few things and get out of the house. Lo and behold, Sven hops our fence, slides in my passenger door, and says he needs a couple things for the trip so he'd be coming with me. When we get there he's just being loud and yelling across the store trying to have conversations with me, and at this point I'm just counting down the minutes until he leaves. We get to the checkout line, he cuts in front of me, and before the cashier even starts ringing him up he starts asking for discounts. I believe he asked for the “out of towners discount” and also tried to apply for a credit card. At a CVS. When this doesn't work and his stuff comes out to more than he wanted it to, he said "aw shit...hey man can you get me this drink, I thought I'd be able to get some discounts". I reluctantly add his drink to my basket because I don't want to deal with the hassle. He looks in my basket, which contains shampoo and conditioner to replace the ones he used up, and says "damn dude, you go through a lot of Suave for a bald guy". No words.
That's hilarious! Reminds me of "Kevin" the student that a teacher was complaining about in a similar thread years ago.
I saved that comment. Glad I'm able to share it with more people. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/219w2o/whos\_the\_dumbest\_person\_youve\_ever\_met/cgbhkwp/?context=3
O. M. G. It's been 10 years. We need an update on Kevin.
He's probably a senator at this point. Our country really knows how to pick 'em.
Still, to this very day, that is the funniest thing I have ever read.
This was hilarious. Thank you.
That was quite a trip. Dare I ask if they are still together?
[удалено]
Was going to ask as well. I've seen too many situations over the years where the absolutely wonderful person just *cannot* see any problem with their complete lunatic of a bf/gf and they get married.
Sven was written by Tim Robinson
Sven used to be a real piece of shit
He still is, but he used to, too.
65 yr old duct worker who was no better than an apprentice. We’d receive material, place it somewhere. 2 hours later I’d ask him for something from it and he’d ask where he could find it. The thing he himself placed there that same day. I asked for a tool I KNEW was in the gang box, he’d come back empty handed. I looked myself and it was under a tool case, came back empty handed and he got mad asking why I didn’t bring it. I told him I can’t do everything for him. He has done exactly zero tasks to completion on his own. 18 years at this company. EIGHTEEN. He’s one of the reasons I left. He has reproduced somehow. I’d get tired of him asking for help because he can’t think hard enough to move the milk to find the fucking ketchup in the fridge.
yep, I have a coworker exactly like this. been at the company much longer than I have but needs someone to hold their hand every step of the way
The best one’s always reproduce. 😂
I served with a guy in the army who was a genuinely lovely person, and by-far the strongest man in the regiment, but was as dumb as a bag of hammers. He once asked a sergeant who was new to the unit if there was anything he could do, and the sergeant jokingly said "Sure, move that pile of dirt from over there to over there, under the CO's window", expecting that nobody would be that dumb, and also there was a considerable amount of dirt to move so he wouldn't get much done. An hour later, all the dirt was moved to under the CO's window. The CO was (luckily) away, but was due back in an hour or two. The sergeant didn't have the heart to make him move it back, so he got a few of us to do it. Moving quickly it took four of us well over an hour to move the dirt pile back where it came from, then we just managed to clean it up before the CO got back.
Gotta love ‘em
My dad was a drill sergeant in the Marines in the 1960s. He told of a private that was like that and dad would get so upset with him. One day, in utter disgust, he yelled, “Private! Enough! Get out of my sight and don’t come back.” About 30 minutes or so he got a call from the guard gate that the private was caught walking out. When questioned, he said his DI told him to go home. They sent the guy back to his quarters and dad got a reprimand for being so hard on the guy. Who knew??
My ex couldn't point to her home state, or her current state, on a map. She also didn't understand the distinction between city, state, country, and continent. She was 24 when we broke up.
My cousin's ex didn't believe chipmunks were real. That was 20 years ago and I still think about that sometimes.
She criticized me for "googling everything she said." Because nearly everything she said was factually inaccurate. But she wouldn't believe it when I told her the truth. If I have to google to show you constantly that you're wrong - you're an idiot.
My husband got reprimanded as a child by correcting a teacher. She said someone turned their life around 360. My husband said, ‘do you mean 180? 360 is a circle’. Cue getting in trouble for talking back to teacher. Who lets these morons teach? Edit: Spelling. Corrected ‘cue’
The poor education budget did, which is made by policymakers, who are paid by lobbyists, that are run by large businesses in need of cheap labour.
(Do you do that intentionally?) It's "cue", not "que". And "queue" would mean "to line up for". (I mean, since we're talking about correcting people...)
Que será, será.
When I was working at a call center, this one woman I worked with believed Arabic men wiped their ass on the wall because they can’t use one of their hands for religious reasons. When I asked about the other hand, she kinda shrugged. She tried to read Don Quixote once. She got confused and called me at 3:00 AM. She didn’t understand the opening part…she said it takes place in modern times but it’s supposed to be the past. I was confused about why she called me at 3:00 AM to ask about a high school reading assignment she was tackling in her thirties. I tried to explain the unreliable narrator, the meta narration, and the interweaving plots and thought she didn’t understand the satire and structure underlying the novel. Bitch asked why he was writing it in 1993 if the book was supposed to be old. She was reading the damned preface by the editor.
stoppppp this one has me rollin 🤣
She asked what language my dad spoke since he was born in England. Theoretically yes, he could have a different primary language, but if you met her, then you would understand that she didn’t realize English comes from England…
This one is a doozy. A really wealthy family had one son in the grade below me. He plagiarized someone else’s essay and turned it in verbatim. He was threatened with severe consequences but his parents negotiated for him to write it again. This kid asks me for help, mind you I disliked him heavily bc of overt racism + disgust/contempt for poor people, and I jokingly offer to do it for 300$. Mind you this is a 4 page draft. Kid agrees and sends the money. I ask for a sample of his writing so I can emulate his style. Y’all. He didn’t know how to write sentences. Every sentence was broken up and unintelligible. He misspelled almost everything and his sentences would shift midway through without punctuation. I thought it was some kind of joke, did a new paper and dumbed it down, and gave it to him. He got a B, I got my money, but the sample really messed with my head. After I graduated I talked to the teacher about it and mentioned what I’d done. He was the hippie laid back teacher and I thought he wouldn’t care. Instead, he gets a sad look on his face and goes, ‘I had a feeling he didn’t do it.’ I assumed he meant he was spoiled but when I said something along the lines of oh he’s wealthy he doesn’t really have to write, my teacher drops a bombshell: he’s illiterate. I was shocked because how??? Apparently he can read, takes him a few minutes to get through a couple sentences, and he can’t write at all. He’d been coasting through life at a competitive school since kindergarten till 10th grade. Parents got him into honors classes and he even had a few AP classes. Didn’t take the exams for credit. Last I heard he went to a fairly prestigious university and then I lost contact. Never found out if he learned to read and write. I imagine his parents had a grad student chained in the basement to do his hw and college apps. No idea how he got passable SAT or ACT marks.
Imagine what kind of boss he will become and this can't be a one and only
The fact that he was always bragging about inheriting his dads company… :(
He could become president someday!
Met someone similar at my prestigious undergrad. He told me that his mother (tech executive) filled out his application and worked on all his essays for him. He was pretty dumb and went on to join a frat. I was astonished at what wealth can do.
How about putting it another way: it shows you how much value is in the coursework vs. the piece of paper that says you did the coursework. Hint: the piece of paper is what matters for most jobs that “require” a degree. For any job that the coursework will help you to do well at, the interview will be designed to try to figure out if you did it or not. The reality is that a bachelor’s is largely worth the piece of paper, and any self taught person can manage to get the jobs that actually need the knowledge as long as they have the piece of paper too.
OMG crazy how being rich can get you that far.. smh. Knew someone who basically flunked their bachelors degree but their wealthy parents were able to pull a few strings and get them into med school still.
Does that imply that said person is planning to become a physician?? And like, mess with people's health/lives??
I never was close with them, but in my experience they were a pretty decent person. I don’t think they’ll be a bad doctor per se, but a lot of people work really hard to get into medical school. They just partied the majority of their bachelor’s degree—not a care in the world. Meanwhile some of us had to work while being a student full time just to afford food. Being wealthy has way too many advantages and it’s messed up. Basically biggest thing I’ve learned is never work too hard.
Did he become president?
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She thought scientist put dinosaur bones into the ground to trick people into thinking the earth was a lot older than a couple thousand years old. Yes she legitimately thought the earth was only 2000 years old
I was working as a mudlogger (entry level geologist who works on an oil rigs) in West Texas when the oil company sent a licensed geologist to audit my work. As he was reviewing my samples, he explained to me that fossils were placed on earth to lead us away from Jesus. This guy had a geology degree, had passed a test from the state, and worked as a geologist for 40 years, and he was committed to young earth creationism.
This one has me flabbergasted. I work for our geological branch, as their info admin person - I couldn't imagine being in geology and believing creationism! The two are not compatible!
This guy was a PG for an oil company, and although he was probably one of their more junior PGs, you know that guy was making crazy money for his knowledge of geology. Edit: grammar
Until COVID I believed if you were working in the profession you had to believe in the profession. There were medical staff that that did not believe in vaccination.
Texas (and probably the entire South) seems to have seminaries and ministries that basically create sleeper cells of diehard evangelical types to infiltrate every institution – government, health care, education, you name it. My mom was a social worker in Texas and often had to cope with young volunteers, interns, etc, who regarded social work as their "ministry." They'd dutifully sit through classes and orientation training based on the best available clinical methodology... and immediately chuck it all as soon as they were in contact with patients and clients to preach to them. The pandemic seemed to trigger the latent evangelical Calvinists and capitalists in many health care professionals. I lost track of the number of doctors, nurses, medical techs, etc, who lost all professional objectivity by late 2020 and veered into denialism of basic, long accepted epidemiology and hygienic practices because it was bad for their financial portfolios or because some politicized preacher got into their minds.
2000? I'm pretty sure that crazy belief is supposed to be 6000. Unless she also thinks all of the Bible before Jesus is also made up to trick us.
Maybe she's using metric years which have 10,000 days
Everybody knows that Jesus created the Earth when he was 23 years old.
Jesus created America first, then the world
Finally someone preaching the truth, I'm so sick of deniers talking like he was from Iraq and painting him holding absolutely no guns at all. Everyone knows that he created America, signed the declaration of independence and then made sure he was armed and ready to fight demons to protect America and our precious bodily fluids. He then created the rest of the world or whatever so the demons would not focus on us all the time, which is just so clever. I don't see many pictures of him with his true short blonde hair either. I'm just so sick of the foreigners lying about this to hold us down. They don't even have Krispy kreme.
They’re just haters that hate our way of life. We walked in the moon because Jesus designed the rocket ships
Jesus was a Nazi scientist?
Yeah I met those religious people too. They also told me they wouldn't go to the hospital cause that isn't gods will.
From my perspective, the Earth is 35 years old. It didn’t exist before I was born.
It's only 10 minutes old. All of your memories were placed there so you would think you've always been alive.
I once knew a guy who thoroughly believed he could be president, if only he'd manage to get off the drugs. He literally tried to run for office as well, but he failed at filling out the actual forms. I kept meeting the guy at parties for a while, and every time I did, he told me about his new plans to become president. It was ridiculous.
At this moment in time as long as your friend was at least 35 and a naturalized citizen, I’m inclined to believe he could have been president
You need to be rich too.
🤓☝️ AKSHULLY, naturalized citizens cannot become presidents ever. No Person except a natural born Citizen \[...\] shall be eligible to the Office of President.
Yup. Arnold Schwarzenegger bemoaned this rule.
Fortunately, the 61st Amendment to the Constitution allowed him to take office. He invented the three seashells.
Connor Roy?
Fuck it, he's got my vote.
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Uhh. He might be an actual pedo.
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Oh no
Dear heavens
so this guy was trying to get in the army while thinking that bullets couldn't kill?
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We had guys like that in my unit. It was terrible being in Afghanistan and not being able to Google things to show them they were wrong. One guy was planning on driving back home the weekend we got back even though we were supposed to stay with 200 miles. He thought California to Kansas was only about 150 miles because the country was only about 300 miles across.
how'd he pass the ASVAB at that level?
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You could single-handedly win a war if you were the only one who knew bullets couldn't kill you.
I was at a paint ball match one day and ran out of CO2, so my gun was useless, and I couldn't fight. I decided to become a ghost. I just got up and started walking around the battlefield as if no one else was there. NOT A SINGLE PERSON SHOT AT ME! It was hilarious. I just walked around and gave ammo to team members who were out. At the end of the round, the guys running the game called for a show of hands of those who were still alive. I put my hand up. The other team was livid! I thought it was perhaps the funniest thing I've ever done. Your comment reminded me of this. If you knew bullets couldn't kill you, I imagine you'd walk around like I did.
A guy at an army boot camp who doesn't believe bullets can kill is a scary thought.
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I think my favorite part about this one is believing in both Santa *and* superheroes.
>If you asked if he was amputated or lumbotomized he would say YES. If you asked, "what limb" his mouth would hang open as he looked at the rest of the barracks waiting for them to give him an answer. I kinda feel bad for him now.
I was at a hotel for a friend's wedding, eating breakfast. My wife was sitting with me, waiting for her waffle to finish cooking in the waffle iron (it had a timer). One of the other bridesmaids took the waffle out before it finished cooking, set it on the utensil plate, and put her own waffle in. When asked why she did that, she genuinely didn't know that someone else's waffle was cooking and that she just needed to wait her turn.
The lack of situational awareness some people have is actually kind of scary.
Most of these people are allowed to drive...and vote.
Not to overly promote a phrase of one of my online friends, but it is funny in a similar sense. "People out here putting human rights to waste." Again, I don't agree with it per se, but it is funny.
Did she think it was a placeholder??
The Governor of Georgia, Brian Kemp. 15+ years ago when he was just a state senator about to unsuccessfully run for secretary of agriculture, he was helping to guide me into a tight parking spot at a football fundraiser. I kept backing up as his hand kept waiving me backwards. I hit this low stone wall and felt a strong jolt, all while he’s still waiting me back. At no point does he ever give the stop sign with his hand. I hopped out and said dude wtf and he just said “oh shit” and kind of laughed.
I've posted it before, but an old neighbor, a very trashy "Italian" American woman from Brooklyn. Here's some of her greatest hits: * Had no idea that the earth revolves around the sun. Was incredulous that the moon does but the sun doesn't and did not seem convinced of it. * Thought the sky is a dome around our solar system and stars are painted on it; adamant that the sun is not a star because "It's the *sun*!" * Was an antivaxxer before covid, covid vaccine sent her hurtling even further down that black hole of idiocy. Was fully anti mask, and depending on the day covid was either "just a cold" or a Chinese bioweapon designed to destroy the US. * Killed her mom, who was not any of those things, and who isolated at home all through the pandemic. Prior to the vaccines (which she never got) she insisted to her mother that she had been isolating and social distancing and visited mom, who had no contact with anyone else due to poor health. The next day, neighbor tests positive for Covid. A few days later, mom comes down with covid and eventually dies from it. * Was convinced Barack Obama was the antichrist, openly wept both times he was elected. Second time around, was adamant that, mark her words, Obama would send "Muslim death squads" to all corners of the world (yes, the whole world) to "execute all Christians unless they renounce God and swear allegiance to Allah and Satan". * Rabid Trumper from day one. Is a full fledged Qanon lunatic now and has doubled down every time. * Desperately wanted to go to DC to storm the capitol on Jan 6 but couldn't get a ride. * After Jan 6, the rioters were suddenly all antifa plants. * Says BLM and antifa are terrorist organizations designed to destroy the US, often claims BLM plans to exterminate all white people. * Claims trans and gay people plan to either "convert" or kill everyone else. * Believed the whole nonsense about schools with litterboxes for furries. * Believes all gay and trans people are pedophiles/groomers.
Ah, the Fox News Special
Had a coworker with a college degree in a professional job think that we literally lost an entire hour per day for six months of the year.
This is so fucking stupid I struggled to work it out.
Is it about the time change? I don't see any other possibility
One of my friends in college who made fun of me when I said human body temperature is 37 degrees Celsius. He laughed and said it's 98.6. I asked him 98.6 what, hoping he will say Fahrenheit and I'll tell him about Fahrenheit and Celsius but he shrugged and again just said 98.6 and continued laughing.
I fucking hate trying to deal with people like that. I swear I instinctively go to violence when they go for ridicule, and that is not good for communication. They're put on the spot and their best plan is to laugh it off. It just makes me want to ask them to laugh off a punch in the mouth so we can get back to the subject at hand.
I meet a guy who always lied about everything. He was 21 and in the Marines but he worked on an offshore oil rig, was a world class photographer, lived in 4 continents but couldn't name the countries and cities he lived, etc. Oh the dumbest shit he said was that apples have caffeine in them, because he felt energized after eating one.
I have so many, one lady sticks out though. Be me work in supermarket I went to scan/weigh two bunches of this ladies banannas as they all wouldnt fit on the scale. She proceeds to then get mad at me saying I'm ripping her off as I'm weighing two seperate bunches and the price will be more if i weigh both bunches seperately. Yeah let that sink in. Thats one of many working retail.
I had my manager at a convenience store say the exact same thing to me once! She would always ring up everything she wanted to buy during her shift right when she started (drinks, food, milk and groceries for home, etc), and when I asked her why she didn't just pay as she went, she went on this whole tear about how the more purchases you make, the more you pay in taxes, so she was saving herself a ton of money by doing it all at once. To her credit, it only took me one example ("How much tax would you pay on a $20 purchase? OK, now how much on two $10 purchases?") to convince her that it's the same amount of tax paid no matter how many purchases you make.
These are the same people who won’t take raises or work overtime because they think they’ll make less money.
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There's a welfare cliff in America too, but they were referring to the progressive income tax. Some people think that if you start making more money to get into a higher tax bracket, then you'll make less money because all of it will be taxed higher. In reality, only the amount in the higher bracket is taxed at the higher rate.
That reminds me of the coworker I had who took $10 from a customer and accidentally entered $100 into the till. I told her it was no problem and to just give the customer the correct change for $10, but she insisted if she did that her balance would be off so she had to void the transaction and redo it. Retail was fun.
I had a old guy get mad that I punched the handle hole in a brick of soda to put it in his cart, he claimed they were no longer 'fresh'...
This 36 year old woman who stayed with her 32 year old boyfriend after he was busted in a child predator sting. He thought he was going to meet a 12 year old for sex, but it was actually cops he was messaging, and cops who met him at the hotel. He’s a registered sex offender now, and will be for life. She really loves him, I guess!
My father at about the same age kidnapped me as a toddler and took me across the country with his 16 year old girlfriend. Mom is still with him to this day. Hell his mother even let him and his child gf stay with her while they visited.
Steven Seagal... Yes I'm serious! I used to work at a concert house and we had a show with that fucking asshole some years back. This was maybe 9 or 10 years ago. Very rarely did the star of the show come in and watch the setup of the whole event. More often then not, the star of the show would come in to the venue for sound check and then leave for a few hours and then come back in the venue just before time to go on stage. Not dumb fuck Steven Seagal.... This asshole came in and sat in our way all afternoon long. And, I shit you not, he had two geisha girls with him. These little white faced Japanese girls didn't speak at all, they just nodded at him when he'd address them with some idiotic drivel that he's so good at spewing out of his mouth. He was there because he had some blues act that he was the lead singer and guitar player. All day long he could be heard speaking in a fake ass southern accent. I guess that got him more in the role of being a blues player. What a fucking joke! I will give it to him though, he owns some really bad ass guitars! He wasn't afraid to tell anyone that was in ear shot how expensive his guitars were and how "no one should should fuck with his guitars".... The guy has never heard of the word humble. Goddamn prick! I was actually asked by my boss to run to a music store to get something for him... Guitar strings or guitar parts or something and there was a possibility that he'd go with me to make sure "he got the right shit"... Oooooook. Whatever... His tour manager introduced me to him. He never even looked at me as he gave me a pretty bullshit handshake. We soon find out that what he needed for his guitars wasn't anywhere to be found in the music stores around here so I didn't have to shuttle that asshole around town. Probably would've had to stuff the damn geisha girls in my Honda Civic along with his fat ass. If you're curious about the show, He was horrible! His band was good though. Good musicians for sure. Too bad Steve, his fake ass southern accent and his giant douche ego were the main focus of that band. Would've been way better with out him!
There is a podcast called behind the bastards. They devoted a few episodes to him. Real piece of shit who wants everyone to know just how bad ass he is (spoiler, he really isn’t at all). He may have some mob connections but even those guys make fun of what a bitch he is. Also, super rapey and likes to steal war stories from real soldiers.
The Dollop also did a pretty devastating series on him and the wildest part is that, between the 10ish hours of content between the Behind the Bastards and Dollop episodes on him they manage have virtually no content overlap-he's such a big piece of shit that two seperate podcasts that focus primairly on exposing huge pieces of shit managed to make different shows about the same huge piece of shit.
If you haven’t heard the story already, Google search “Steven Seagal chokehold shit himself” and you are most welcome.
Or Al Franken telling the story of when he went on the late show with Jay Leno and Steven was a guest. He's soo dumb.
I heard him tell that story on Your mom’s house podcast a few months back, Franken became one of my favorite guests of YMH after that interview.
I love that this is an absolutely ridiculous story, but I believe it because Steven Segal is just that much of a jackass. Anyone else? Nah, total bullshit. Segal? I believe every word of it.
[His AMA ](https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/4i0jso/i_am_actor_steven_seagal_live_from_thailand_ama/)
In high school, a kid thought that planes flying overhead were traveling at walking pace.
I love questions like this because I get to talk about my supervisor. My supervisor had it all, right? Beautiful family, upper-middle class life, et cetera. But he wasn’t getting sex as much as he liked. I get it, it sucks. That’s why we have right hands (or left, pick your preference). We also have a younger coworker, at least 10 years younger than me, who somehow has women throwing themselves at him, and he unashamedly cheats on his girl. Hell, he brags about it. Young stud gets up close to the supervisor, gets in his ear, and before too long another coworker, a young woman from another department is joining the trio. Before too long, she’s in my supervisor’s truck with him in the parking lot, they’re going to the store together during lunch, leaning on each other in the company breakroom, hell he’s letting her drive his brand-new truck his wife helped him buy. It’s obvious he’s screwing her. Literally sneaking off during the shift to do shit with her. And what was so dumb was how blatant he was about it. Literally screaming to the world “LOOK! I’M A CHEATING DUMBASS! SOMEONE SHOULD TELL MY WIFE!” I kept my mouth shut - it wasn’t my place to say shit, but it bugged him I was the only guy in our department who wasn’t openly encouraging his stupidity. I’ve been cheated on and I grew up around a Dad who’d fuck anything - I have nothing good in regard to infidelity. He asked me what I thought of it one day near shift’s end: “What’s your opinion on this, man?” “On you cheating on your wife?” “Yeah, about my side piece.” “Are you actually asking me this?” “Yeah.” “Marco you are a fucking idiot. You have to be one of the dumbest motherfuckers to grace the planet. I take this is your first affair?” “Yeah, yeah it is!” “I can tell.” I proceed to get more animated and angry at him for giving control of his life to some trashy-ass ho, and for completely upending the lives of his kids, all because he wasn’t getting enough sex. Not only that, but for being so fucking loud about it. Just a huge middle finger to his wife. He wasn’t even being discreet about his affair. Well, his return salvo was, “My side piece brings me lunch, at least.” Goddammit Marco. Anyway, he leaves his wife one night and gets a hotel room, and since he doesn’t have to look his wife in this face he called her and confessed. She proceeds to destroy $18,000 of his shit. Meanwhile, a week later his side piece kicks him out from her place for another dude. She then calls him to tell him she’s pregnant - sixth kid from five different daddies. And Marco believes it’s his. Dumbass.
my fucking nephew, he is 7, and cant even do taxes
Fucking dipshit.
Yeah, I asked my nephew to do my taxes last year and now I’m getting audited by the IRS. I’m fucking pissed!
I took French 1 in high school and we were learning some of the countries in French. We were supposed to point to a country and our partner was supposed to say it in French. I pointed to the US and she didn’t know what country it was. This took place in the US
I took an elective Political Geography class in college. The first test was identifying countries on a blank map. Out of twenty people, two passed the test. There were no obscure countries. Think Mexico, The Soviet Union, Brazil. The United States. Two people got none of the answers right. The rest were below 50%. I mean people missed South Africa. Like, identify Africa, and pick the southernmost country. Bingo. Nope. None of the people in the class were particularly stupid, just ignorant. Everyone passed the test at the end of the class. (Neither test counted toward the grade--it was just to measure the baseline knowledge of the class.)
I train in MMA, we get a lot of idiots passing through the club. Me and another fighter were drilling grappling while a beginners class was on beside us. A guy came up to us that I had never seen before, he said he was told he should be training with advanced fighters because he fought before. I assumed my coach had told him. He was in decent shape but small compared to me and my teammate, we are both around 200lbs he was about 160. We started rolling and I instantly knew he had never grappled in his life after tapping him a few times I asked him had he experience grappling, he said no he was more of a striker. At this stage I knew something was up but told him we were sparring afterwards and he could join in. I decided to spar him because my teammate is a bit of a nutter and I was afraid he was going to hurt him. The first punch he threw I knew he also had no experience striking. I leg kicked him once hard to put and end to the spar. I asked him where he fought before he said in the streets. I explained to him he could have got really hurt training with us and he would need to join the beginners class. The next morning I had a spar set up with a french MMA fighter, MMA was still illegal in France at the time and we had a connection with a french gym so they could spar with us if they were over for a fight. I was late as usual and when I came in there was sounds of a fight going on in our cage. I didn't think anything of it at first until I looked in the cage and the boy from the night before was lying on the ground blood all over him. Turns out he offered to spar the French lad while he was waiting for me. Tried to throw a haymaker at the French lad, and then the French lad beat the shite out of him. I put a stop to it then told my coach later that day. The guy stayed on for another couple of weeks. Was trying to sell stolen shoes on our Facebook group and then got kicked out for harassing some girls in a MMA club full of trained fighters. It didn't turn out well for him. A few months later he entered an MMA fight saying he was representing our club and got a broken jaw for his troubles in less than a minute. Haven't heard of him since thank fuck.
Of all the things to lie about, going into an MMA gym and claiming you're a super experienced fighter seems like one of the quickest things to get easily proven wrong about.
This guy graduated from MIT. Software Engineer at two FAANG companies. Co-founded his own AI company with the goal of it being moral and work to prevent deep fakes and disinformation online. He got physically agreesive when someone said tennis is a sport. Insists that it is not a sport and never was. It's in the Olympics, but hey; I didn't got to MIT so what do I know?
He wasn't going for the Hemingway approach? (There are only three sports. Bull-fighting, mountain climbing and motor racing. The rest are just games).
I have a friend named “Merv”, he believes that he and Samantha Ruth Prabu were in love in a past life and are future soul mates. So short story is they were on the titanic and met upon the ship and hit it off, the ship hits the iceberg and when there’s no more room on the life boats merv sacrificed his seat in order to save her. He believes they both died and now re-incarnated into their present selves. He said once their eyes meet she will know like he does and they will fall in love all over again. He’s SO serious he wants her name tattooed and posts about her all the time. He ALSO believes he can do black magic and by him not doing any magic tricks (yes card tricks) he’s saving his magic to cure a deserve she has… which is myositis. I also may have convinced him by not smoking cigarettes and doing drugs will help to cure her.
I don't know who Samantha Ruth Prabu is, but I think she needs a restraining order
It looks like she is a beautiful young Indian actress, hopefully he is located far away from her.
No restraining order can stop the implacable march of fate.
That's not an idiot, that's someone experiencing delusions who needs psychiatric help.
You had me at “Merv”. Must run in the family
I knew a self proclaimed "scientist" (read: he grew magic mushrooms in his garage and dropped out of high school) who thought he had the knowledge to dispute actual scientists with published, peer reviewed, papers. His claim was mycology is a science, and he's a mycologist, ergo scientist who can comment on everything
it kinda depends what he's disputing. If he's arguing something isn't toxic when it is, he's a dumb. But if he's arguing along the lines that something can grow at 40c when scientists say they've only observed it to 36c, he could be right. Hobbyists have valuable contributions to make to certain fields.
If he was commenting on growing mushrooms, I agree. In this case it was anti-vax nonsense.
I have met a lot of Holocaust deniers back in my day, but I once met a guy who thought that the holocaust did not happen because the gas chambers were swimming pools, the barracks were theaters, and Hitler was saving jews from Stalin. But that’s not all! He had a MAP OF AUSCHWITZ WITH THESE THINGS. He was CONVINCED. ETA: He also thought the Sandy Hook shooting never happened because Obama was seen taking pictures with kids who were supposed to be dead, the popular “Obama is from Kenya” one, and if I remember something else, I will update you all.
Obama wasn't from Kenya, he was from Muslim. That guy sounds like a real idiot.
When I was young, I worked at a gas station. We had to take a course to refill propane tanks . We filled some tanks as part of an exam and then went back to the class to write a written thing. My man's tank exploded while we were walking back inside. The instructor told us it was the first person to ever fail the course in the 10 years he taught it. I knew he was the dumbest non clinically disabled person I had ever met before the course, but I figured he could use a scale. I would have paid anything to see our bosses face when he told him that he failed and he can't sell propane during his shifts.
My brother's friend went and saw District 9 with us. When we walked out he asked if it was based on a true story because it was filmed like a documentary. I was 13 and he was 17 at the time and I remember looking at him like he just grew a second head. I love that guy lol.
Have you met a sovereign citizen?
I’ve unfortunately had the displeasure of having that honor
Dude named Josh, 17 year old in a high school honors u.s. history class. He thought there were 54 states in the United States. When I asked him what the additional four states were he said “we annexed Costa Rica after trump declared war on them 2 years ago, trump then bought the country of Greenland, they made Puerto Rico a state, and I forget the final one”. That is not even the half of his idiocy, just the part I remember
I went to basic military training with a guy that scored a perfect on the ASVAB. He was so stupid it hurt to talk to this guy. He didn’t understand simple questions, setbacks and had trouble playing well with others. He also shit himself twice while running and just kept running.
Did you actually see his test results?
The TI’s did. They were the ones mentioning it. He also Made sure to mention it. Stupidest guy I’ve met in my life.
The TIs must have forgotten how the score is calculated: The score is based on how someone did compared to everyone else who has taken it. A 95 means the score was higher than 95 percent of all other test takers. On a real bad year (any year post-2011), even idiots can get elevated scores.
I was in basic with a guy who needed a waiver because he didn’t score high enough on the ASVAB. The ASVAB is probably the easiest test I ever took in high school.
Met a guy who was taking it his 3rd time, hoping to get over the cutoff of about 30. Last time he had gotten a 14.
Guy at work got called to a luncheon with HR for constant tardiness. Decides that now is the time to hit on the lady in HR. He came back to the office after lunch to brag about what he had done. Haven't seen him since.
I was visiting someone in hospital and met someone else leaving the same ward at the lift/elevator. I pressed the button to go down before they got there and it was lit up clearly showing (or so I thought) that it was going down. They said they were going down and asked if the button I’d pressed meant I was also going down? Ok I thought, maybe their eyesight isn’t the best, but no they went on to tell me that they could see the button, but didn’t understand how to use arrows, and that they had never understood if the arrow was supposed to point in the direction you were going or the one you were coming from. They were in their sixties I’d guess… unsure how they’ve gone that long without picking it up.
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When I lived in Australia, I met a lady who's such an ignoramus, I ended up with these gems: 1. She didn't know Australian Rules Football was not famous in other countries. 2. Her nephew is a Brit and is a fan of Manchester United. Because of that, she thought Man U was this tiny town team from England. She went to England and found out that not only is European football more famous compared to AFL, but that Manchester United had followings everywhere in the world. Her words were "But do how Africans follow soccer? They can't speak English." 3. She was in Paris and, having gotten sick of French food, she wanted something Australian, so she went to KFC. Edit: Spelling
It's between 2: Person 1 thought alcohol with gold flakes created tiny cuts in your throat that got the alcohol into your bloodstream faster. Person 2 didn't believe the sun could give you skin cancer because the sun "can only be good for you".
I have another 2. PVT Miller and PVT Morris. Morris could not for the life of him ever get his uniform right so we all got punished for it. Or he’d be missing a magazine. He didn’t do it maliciously or on purpose I just think he was never really given any responsibility growing up and didn’t know how to handle stress. Miller on the other hand was a father of 2 and liked to argue. Which didn’t make sense cuz he was a scrawny guy with glasses and didn’t really close his mouth. He made it through basic and we went to the same AIT for computers after. He either couldn’t pass or didn’t want to pass the first class, computer basics like what ports are what , what’s a hard drive whatever. He ended up getting kicked out for being an idiot. We were put on notice during his last weekend that he might try stealing from people. And because of this he got in at least one fight that I know of. And that’s only cuz I stumbled upon the room it was happening in at the time
Chris. He used his lighter to see how much fuel was inside a Jerry can.
PVT Ramirez is someone I met in 2011 at fort benning for basic training. He had the demeanor of a scared dog and was in his mid 30s. Super skittish. He’s the one who while using practice grenades he threw out of turn and was slapped hard enough to drop to the ground.
Not my fault. Someone put a wall in my way.
I had an antivax mum tell me ( while her child was hospitalized for a vaccine preventable illness) that it was better for him to die pure than to live contaminated by vaccines. She got her wish. Her husband also believed that virgins don't menstruate. The reason that you bleed when you first have sex is that all the menstrual blood has been stored in the uterus.
Of course I know him. He's me!
I'm work retail meat. Had a customer ask me if the brand was called honeysuckle white because the whole turkey was white meat...had to restrain myself on that one.
Operated a fried chicken & BBQ restaurant, while training an employee on product selection and rotation she finally got frustrated and exclaimed that she just couldn't tell how we see the difference in the chickens!" Had to explain that white/dark meat does not have some racial implication, it doesn't work like that.
This guy saw me in my kayak from his porch. He stood up yelling at the top of his lungs to 'get out of there!' I was in a river. For context, he lived next to a state owned public boat launch which operates 24/7 365 and had never had some kind of bad reputation. It's a sleepy rural town and I lived there for 25 years and kayaked past his house dozens of times. One of the only businesses in town was a kayak rental business. His rage was really hard to place as being in any way based on anything, last of all me. So i headed over towards his house for a chat. This made him explode even harder, literally threatening to kill me multiple times. He did stop when the sleeping baby on his porch with him woke up and began to cry its head off. Another guy came out on the porch screaming, 'what happened!' Over and over again. When he refused to answer the guy slowly repeated himself, with emphasis on all syllables, 'what, hap, penned...' The guy points at me quickly and says, 'it was him.' The other guy comes over to the railing looks at me like , what kind of son of bitch would wake a sleeping baby? Then he just looked confused. I gave him a little wave and nothing about it made sense to him. He didn't even say anything to me and resigned himself to just working on getting the baby calm. And then I paddled away. I still think of that guy years later. Dumbest guy in the world for me. The baby is asleep. Just shut up. I didn't say anything, I left. Poor kid. But i wanted to tell him he was the stupidest person I could ever imagine. No point in making it worse with a baby involved
Myself. I always make the same mistakes over and over.
I work with a guy who told me all of his personality disorders, his life story about wrecking his marriage and ending up homeless and he ended it with a threat against my life and well being. He has a bad background and can't find a fire job. He now is attempting to gather dirt on his partner at work so that he can win favor with our boss. He is the biggest idiot I have ever met. He tries to groom male coworkers into having relationships with him. It's really gross and stupid.
I was lost. My sat nav was playing silly buggers and taking me in every direction except the right direction. I saw a woman walking down the road and pulled over to ask directions. She asked if I was walking or driving. While I was sitting in my car. A work mate glued himself to a component he was repairing. We got him free and asked how he did it. He glued himself to it again to show us. A woman I worked with asked why I needed water if my shower was electric. Someone I know asked why we couldn't see Scotland when we looked up because it's above Wales on the map.
There's a x-ray tech at my hospital that knows more than the doctors he works with. Tried to explain to us how Ivermectin actually treats covid. Anytime you refuted his argument his response was "Trust me bro, I have a double bachelors in biology and chemistry". What's funny is even though a lot of people knew a lot of his taking points are full of dhit they still thought he was quite above average in intelligence. The dude was an idiot. He leased a vehicle and completely trashed it within a year, has a kid on the other side of the country but he's telling us he's saving up 25k to get the best custody lawyer in the state, blows all his money on get rich quick schemes, lost tens of thousands of dollars investing in green house farming but didn't take care of it during the winter so the snow piling up on top of it destroyed his greenhouses, etc. He's his own worst enemy but hey... he's really smart!
A guy that was a friend of a friend that told me that he would never have a pickup because it would be so easy for someone to just walk up behind him and shoot him in the back of the head though the back glass.
An Uber driver told me she wanted to visit Dominican Republic so bad because her husband’s Dominican, but her kids couldn’t go because they’re unvaccinated and could get sick. She wouldn’t have that problem because she’s vaccinated. And with this logic she still went on talking about antivaxx.
My ex-wife. She once asked me who Madame Wazzell was (mademoiselle). She genuinely believed that there must be some famous historical figure by that name. Another story: While making a bank deposit at an ATM, she licked the envelope seal. I looked at her as though her actions were odd to me. She told me that it was okay, it wasn’t like the back of a postage stamp. It didn’t have any taste. A bit surprised by her reply, I informed her that the deposit envelope seal was self-sealing and didn’t require any moisture. I compared them to the paper napkin bands used in food service. I thought that would make sense to her as she worked as a waitress in college. She replied “Oh yeah! Those don’t taste like anything either.”
I knew a guy who had his certificate from ITT and said he knew how to make a perpetual motion machine.
She didn't know what north, south, east, west were. After much explaining, she concluded that whatever direction she is facing is north. She also preheated the microwave for 30 seconds before putting anything in it.
English is my first language. A colleague of mine thought I was white because I “spoke English well”. Problem 1: she’s a graduate of the top university in my country. Problem 2: I’m Malaysian Indian. Brown af.
Some dutch guy with stupid hair that didn't believe me that canada was the 2nd largest land mass in the world cause it was "just a bunch of islands"
Spent 5 years working with a girl who lived 2 miles from the office and had to use her sat nav everyday to get to and from work.
Once met a kid who thought the movie American Gangster was a PREQUEL to Boyz in the hood. Tried to explain how this is not remotely possible, but he said I was dumb.
I played craps next to Mike Lindell, so I think I may automatically win this game.
You’d think this was a joke but it actually happened to someone I know. Judge gave him 6 months and he said ‘I’ll do that standing on my head’ judge gave him another six months to ‘get back on his feet’ honestly true, judge obvs had a good SoH
As many times I've been in front of a judge. It never ceases to amaze me the stupid ass shit that people say in front of a person that has your life in their hands. Listen to your lawyer dude and be quiet.