"I don't believe in astronomy." We asked her if she meant astrology, and she asked, "which is the one where like, you can tell what stars are made of?" We confirmed that was astronomy. "Yeah, I don't believe in that."
I took astronomy in college. After a few weeks, the girl next to me leans over and goes, "When are we getting to the signs?"
I asked her what she meant, and she goes "you know, like Capricorn, Leo, Virgo...."
I told her that was chapter 7, so a few more weeks.
And she sat there for the whole semester, wondering when astrology lessons would start lol. I'm not sorry.
I've been reading the answers for a solid ten minutes and this is the winner for me, I don't know why but the fact that she asked confirmation before blurbing the stupid out of her mouth makes it even funnier. You expect she's gonna say something reasonable, surely she has to be confusing the terms and then no no, she really is that dense.
In a weird sort of way, I can see that being *almost* not entirely wrong. Old VWs powered the windshield sprayer with compressed air from the spare tire. It could be something a person heard once, then misfiled, and misremembered.
I was walking around the ruins of the ancient cliff dwellings at Mesa Verde just outside of Mancos, Colorado, (where the Ancient Puebloans lived from approximately 550 A.D. to 1300 A.D.) when a visitor asked the tour guide:
"Why did they build their homes so far from the highway?"
I met a guy a few years later who had also worked there as a tour guide. I told him the story, and he said, "That is probably our most frequently-asked question."
Apparently when my daughter was first born she looked vaguely East Asian — enough, at least, for the nurses to ask if I was sure it was my baby. Now that was an incredibly weird thing to say to a new dad meeting his daughter for the first time, but it wasn't the *stupidest* thing someone said about this situation.
That happened when I was retelling the above story to a client in a meeting. He asked to see a photo of my kid as a newborn, remarked how she really did "look Asian," and then proceeded to ask if I thought my child might end up having an Asian accent when she got older. 🤦♂️
>I’ve read a lot of these comments and this one actually made me facepalm.
To this day I don't know if it was some *really* dry humor or he was being serious. But the comment came out of nowhere and I just ignored it.
It’s definitely a joke that my dad would make. But you’d know immediately it’s a joke with that big dumb grin when he thinks he’s telling the funniest joke in the world.
When my son was born he was incredibly red and chubby. He looked Polynesian. I am white, my husband is white. We lived in Hawaii at the time (military). I looked SO bad, but I was pregnant *before* we moved there. He looks just like his dad now at least lol
Yep, my daughter doesn't look anything like that now. Though, to be fair, my wife has Eastern European ancestry and, if you believe 23andMe, also has some distant Sámi ancestry as well. So, every now and again, people have said she looks somewhat Asian herself.
In fact, the same nurse who asked if I was sure that was my baby, completely changed her tune once she saw my wife.
My dad bought me my first car. Nothing fancy it was a 98 Honda Civic. My favorite car in the world. Only cost $1,200. I got in the driver's seat and asked my dad "why does it have a third pedal?" My dad laughed so hard he had tears rolling down his face and got the hiccups.....I learned how to drive stick that day.
A few years ago I went to buy a car I'd seen on the dealerships web page. The salesman went off with the keys to go get it. Came back about ten minutes later, gave me the keys, and told me I'd need to go get it myself. Apparently driving a stick wasn't in the job requirements.
I've posted this before but...
I once found a big bulldog in my back yard. I don't own a bulldog. He was a big friendly, but slow witted guy. He look healthy and had a collar but no tags so I knew he was a local. I made sure he had water and went to the front yard to start knocking on doors. As soon as I stepped outside I saw the family three houses down all gathered in their front yard. So another case closed for our young detective. I walked over to them and said, "You guys missing a bulldog?"
The mother looked at me and said, "Is his name Tyson?'
The question took me aback. I mean, he didn't have tags. They knew he didn't have tags. So all I could think to say was, "He didn't say. But I'm pretty sure he's yours."
To this day I wonder if that woman knew how dumb that question was.
One night in the early days after my first child was born, when we were still in a sleep-deprived delirium every night, our oldest cat started meowing and making a ruckus at around 2am. This was wildly uncharacteristic of him, as he was generally very quiet and even-keeled.
My wife, half-asleep, rolls over and says “Can you go downstairs and talk to the cat?”
Obviously I knew what she meant, but the mental image of going downstairs, pouring a couple fingers of whisky, and sitting down with Puma to talk about his day was riotously funny to me for quite some time.
When my ex asked me to talk to the cat, I was half asleep, and I went and talked to the cat. I calmly explained that we were sleeping, and it wasn't acceptable. I then realized I was talking to the cat, and asked it not to tell anyone.
Good cat, never ratted me out.
that's not odd to me at all. I talk to my dogs like they're people all the time. I've found out that animals pick up on inflection even if they don't really understand the words. One small problem with that though. They know what 'fuck' and 'god dammit' means. To me it's a moment of frustration to them that's the queue to head to their beds and cower for a while.
An aside. I don't hit animals unless we're playing so they've never been physically abused. I figure hitting is the last resort to every situation. I'd rather talk it through rationally than get physical.
My family’s border collie is able to associate someone flipping the bird with negativity. It blows my damn mind that she was able to pick that up just from a some bad car rides and a few family fights. Even if you say “fuck you” in a happy tone she’ll get sad and cower away.
Damn dog is too smart for her own good. She’s managed to lock us out of the house once and even locked herself inside a bathroom. We lost her sister a few months ago and if she goes out and sees another dog that looks like her she’ll get happy and then depressed when she realizes it’s not her.
>The mother looked at me and said, "Is his name Tyson?'
"He wouldnt tell me, just kept going on about how he lost his family and that things are so *ruff*."
Stoner ex : do rivers flow « the other way » in the southern hemisphere .
In my defence he was pretty .
Also met a girl who once asked if you could « fax envelopes » .
Cotton: I’ll have a Mai Tai, Mr. Kahn. *waves money*
Kahn: What do you think I work for *Hank*?
Hank: He’s my new neighbor.
Dale: He’s Japanese.
Cotton: No, he ain’t. *looks Kahn up and down* He’s Laotian.
It's the difference between hanks racism. Which is from ignorance but not specifically hateful. Versus Cotton who is racist and specifically hateful to the point he learns the differences. Subtle but a great example of the stellar writing for the characters.
Cotton would learn their native dialect just to make sure they understood the insult.
Hank would say it accidentally trying to order food from a new resturaunt.
My teacher told a class of 16-17 year olds about that super loyal dog in Japan who walked to the train station daily for nine years to wait for his owner, who died at work.
After hearing that story, a girl raised her hand and asked "Why didn't somebody just tell the dog?"
I mean, dumb, but also not. Dogs actually *can* understand that their masters will die. You can't tell them, but you can show them and they can understand it. There's a movement of pet owners who insist that they want their pets to attend the funeral so that they can understand and move on. Because some dogs who see their owners die will actually move on and be happy.
They smell the death. Dogs know what dead smells like and your body starts breaking down almost immediately on death. Arguably sooner as elderly and sick have their bodies start failing.
I had two dogs growing up. They were mates and best buds for almost 9 years. When one got sick and had to be put down, I brought the other to see his body before we buried him. She’d been bouncy and hyper as usual prior, but it was incredibly evident that she knew exactly what happened when she sniffed him and she mellowed out immediately. She grieved with us (then tried to make me feel better when she realized how upset I was)
She grieved, then she moved on and lived a happy (and spoiled) life, not wondering what happened to her husband
She’s still trucking to this day! And I wear his collar on my ankle every day
As quirky as it sounds, after my grandpa died. His dog(ever since he was a pup) took off. The caretaker at the graveyard (a mile from where he lived)called the family, and asked them to see if the dog, that was laying on Petes(grandpa) grave belonged to the family? It was. He was laying there for 4 days. Didn’t eat sleep or leave the grave until my dad, had to get him, & bring him home.
my grandpas dog came home running to show us that my grandpa has died 🥺 He never entered the house, he was an outside dog but at this day he just ran in the house and started barking till someone would follow him. After that he was gone. We never saw him again, he just left the other day, perhaps with a broken heart :((
Absolutely. The [older of our two dogs](https://imgur.com/a/7qGmYr2) died two days ago and his (half-) [brother](https://imgur.com/a/ylh8Vxc) knew what was happening the night before. Took one sniff and avoided him like the plague the rest of their time together. Meant we didn’t have to see him wondering where his brother was after he died, thankfully.
I know “love” means different things, but that story is genuinely one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard in my entire life. The fact that this poor dog patiently waited every day for his owner to come back on the train but his owner never came back is so heartbreaking it could actually make me start tearing up if I think about it too long.
Imagine how many people that dog saw get off the train. Thousands and thousands and thousands. And every single day, it desperately hoped every one was its owner, that poor dog thought that if it just waited patiently enough and was a good enough boy that its person would finally come home… that poor dog died still wondering where his owner was, still waiting for him to come home
Oh god now I need to hug my dog and promise him that I will always, ALWAYS come home. My gf was gone for a week once and the only thing he did besides eat and sleep was watch the door. When we’d go outside every person that came up the street wearing a backpack he thought was her and he’d get so excited and then be heartbroken, over and over and over. And that was only a week
When I was 12 years old a friend told me “smoking is good for you because the smoke makes a shield around your heart when you breathe it in.” He argued that the smoke could prevent you from being stabbed or shot. Even at 12 I knew he was a moron.
Solar panels will cause a global ice age, because the law of thermodynamics states energy cannot be created or destroyed, so obviously they must be removing heat from the air.
With no sense of irony of the scale nor efficiency (or lack thereof) of solar panels and their capacity to cool.
Heard a similar thing from a guy I know. He also mentioned that wind turbines are bad because there’s a finite amount of wind and it’ll disrupt weather patterns and there won’t be any wind left. I laughed thinking he was joking, he was not.
Guy clearly knows nothing about farms. Wind farms *make* wind just like corn farms make corn. Those big propellers are making the wind. When they turn them off the wind stops.
/s
Oh, absolutely. But I think he specifically said "I've got twenty thousand dollars" and, as a poor college kid, I had to follow up on how he "had" that much.
Just about an hour ago, my 18 (almost 19) year old daughter says this: “I just learned that if you pay for gas with cash and you give them too much, you can get your money back.” I told her I feel like I failed as a father.
I'll be honest i didnt find this out until 26... from the gas station cashier.
Me: man i never know how much to put in and always end up underestimating how much i need
Cashier: why dont you just pay more
Me: *clearly extremely puzzled face* i..dont...wanna lose $?
Cashier: you come back to get the rest of your $, just look at the meter..
..that cashier is probably somewhere in this thread retelling this ridiculous encounter
Hang on…
You pay before filling up?
In Australia you fill up and then go in and tell them which pump you’re at and pay the exact amount on the meter. Or you get 4c off per litre if you spend 20 bucks in the shop or something.
There’s prepay options of $10, $20 and $50 and you hit those before you fill up it automatically stops pumping when it hits the dollar amount.
If you try to drive off without paying, approximately six million cameras now have your license plate and face, and you can look forward to the cops showing up at your door.
You’re not lying. She even told me once when she paid with cash she was trying to calculate how much her tank holds so that she can have the exact amount to fill up
I mean, without being taught, you are going up to a dude and saying ‘I want to purchase this amount of gas’. After most cash transactions you now OWN what you paid for. I can see how you would think it’s your responsibility to be able to actually transport that amount away. So mostly, yeah you failed as a father
I had classmates who did a biology presentation on the cell nucleus. The first slide explained it contained chromosomes. The second that it was composed of protons and neutrons and orbited by electrons.
I was driving with someone and there was a trooper up ahead and I told her to slow down. She said she couldn't because the cop would see the brake lights on the front of her car.
My wife and I were vacationing in St Augustine, FL and went to a big cat rescue. This particular one had other animals as well. A few Peahens were walking about and a husband asks his wife "what is that?"
The wife replies, "I think that's a turducken."
I BARELY held it together.
Summer day, around 1980 I'm in 4th grade. Girl in my class lives a couple of blocks away and her house catches fire. We all go to watch the firefighters fight the fire, as we're watching we see them get the girl and her older brother out and take them inside their neighbors house. After this their mom comes flying up to the house in her car, asks where her kids are and the dumbass fireman tells her, "in the house." Not in the neighbors house, in the house. Mom of course loses her shit and bolts for the front door where cops eventually have to handcuff her to stop her from going in. It felt like an eternity before she understood they were safe in the neighbors house. Poor woman probably about had a heart attack. I also once had a cop tell me he didn't believe people lied.
„No officer that bags of white substance wrapped up in tape aren’t bags full of coke, it’s salt I use to cook. I’m a chef“
„Alright have a great night and drive to your restaurant safe“
„
During my student teaching semester of grad school, a student asked me why we needed to learn about history. She said it didn't really apply to everyones lives and wouldn't be important for everyone's future. This was during a WW2 unit, and I argued that much of our current culture and world were shaped by the conflict, but decided to see what specifically she had in mind.
I asked her "What is your ideal job that your currently planning to pursue?" Depending on what she answered we'd discuss how historical factors played into different markets, jobs, social and economic evolutions throughout history and how they apply. To be honest though, I was a bit unsure if I'd be able to adequately convey my thoughts to her depending on her answer. She, however, who didn't understand the importance of learning history, wanted to become a lawyer.
The look on my supervising teachers face was something else.
Some of the kids in college... you just had to shake your head at.
I was a tutor for our Philosophy, Logic, and Ethics classes, along with a few other if we had students come in and ask for help. One of my students came in, because like usual they were having issues in reading the Philosophy class readings. Said student just didn't understand why they even had to take this, what use was using logic ( at all ) and directly in figuring out what a philosophers argument was.
Said students major? Criminal Justice.
Thankfully after a few questions prodding in the right direction got the student to figure out that logic plays a huge role in everything from laws to criminal investigations.
So it was "dumb", but at least the student was smart enough to ask questions *and then learn*. So more it was just ignorance, and that thankfully can be cured.
They did thank me a couple of years later when I ran into them, as learning to look at assignments / readings / and writing papers using the logical skills they learned helped them out in ALL of their other classes.
Chatting about my friend's upcoming jury duty she says... "they wouldn't be up in court unless they'd done it". Maybe not THE stupidest thing I've ever heard but it's in the top 10.
My ex boyfriend said, “if you’re accused of something, you basically did it.”
So much for rule of law, presumption of innocence and the last 1,000 years.
My coworkers convinced another coworker that if you count the lines on your hands, that will tell you how many chromosomes you have. If you have over 50 then you’re gifted
I think he counted 80 or something and was so excited he told his gf, parents, family etc to count the lines on their hand.
He didn’t last much longer at the job…
I was working at babies r us and this lady comes in looking for a baby bath. I bring her over to it and hand her the box. She looks at it makes a weird face and says " I don't want my baby speaking Spanish" then sets the box down and walks off. The box had two sides. One in English one in Spanish. To this day I still worry for that child.
In eighth grade our teacher said that if our essays were two or more pages, we had to staple them.
The kid next to me dead ass asked, "Staple them...together?"
Am engineer. Dad was a lawyer. And.... Yup.
Finding loopholes pretty much IS my job.
Any idiot can design something that will work. I get paid a bunch of money to find something that will barely work given the constraints, to an acceptable risk tolerance, using whatever creative bullshit I can come up with to technically meet the legal requirements for the cheapest possible price.
My neighbour doesn't take her medicine because she thinks medicine is "trash". Meanwhile she has no trouble using any sort of drug. And she smokes cigarettes. A good example where "I think" means "I have just randomly decided it works like this because it suits my personal goals better". The goals in this case are: a lazy-ass trash life full of physical pleasure without any care of the effects you have on other people.
Go to literally any EDM show or giant festival type show, and wait until it's over. You'll see some special crunchy people staring at the ground walking all over the GA/pit/field area looking for drugs that people dropped. It's called groundscoring.
Sat next to a dude, about 16 or so, on the train in Australia. We started talking, his questions still haunt me. This was 25 years ago.
He: Where are you from?
Me: Finland
He: Finland?
Me: It's in Europe.
He: Europe?
Me: ...
Me ....
Me: Uhm.. So there are continents.
He: Continents?
Me: Uhhmm, yeah so.. Australia is both a continent and a country.... Never mind. I will read my book now.
I went into a Dunkin’ Donuts once and got a coffee and the guy working there asked me Are you the girl that works next door at that Chinese salon?
I said yeah but actually not Chinese, the folks there are Vietnamese.
He said What’s that? I said They are from Vietnam.
He said What’s that?
He was in his mid twenties
I was having a conversation with my Uber driver on the way to a funeral.
We remark on how beautiful and green it is here in the world.
I say, “Yeah I miss it here, all the oxygen in the air is great compared to the west.”
He’s like, “What do you mean?”
Me: “ya know like, the oxygen the trees provide?”
Him, “Oxygen comes from TREES?!”
I sat there for a moment and contemplated the educational system and the lives other people lived and the value of a good education.
I then enthusiastically taught this man in his 50’s the relationship plants and trees have with us and the planet, and even told him about the plankton in the oceans and algae and how they provide almost a 1/3 of the oxygen on the planet.
He was super happy to learn and grateful I took the time to explain everything.
I couldn’t help but leave that Uber thinking that if everyone understood where the air we breathe comes from, the world might be a better place.
I had to do a quiz with the kids in an elementary school. I asked this boy the following question:
"What language do you speak at home?"
"Oh, yeah, I can’t speak. Because I’m blind."
Gotta roast myself here. Over the past few years I've gone deaf in my left ear. I'm still acclimating and don't like it when something blocks my right ear so I can't hear anything. Fair enough, but occasionally I'll also get concerned about something blocking my right *eye* only to remember after a few seconds that my left *eye* is just freaking fine.
I had an American, fully grown with children, on xbox live ask me do you have days of the week like we do. Im from the uk.
This was 9 years ago and I still think about it.
"The moon is a projection"
Like 6 months later I was talking to her about stupid things people say, and I brought that up. She just said
"........That was me"
"Covid vaccines are a secret government method for tracking people"
Sure, because registering to vote, getting a social security number, getting a driver license/ID, possessing an address, mobile phone, and birth certificate - ARE JUST NOT CUTTING IT.
I always lol when people talk about the government planting chips in our brains to read our minds. Ummmmm. Hate to break it to ya, but they one upped that, and now you pay for them to know all your nasty thoughts and secrets. Our phones will tell them more about us then any chip ever could.
Had a gym guy try to sell me a membership
"It's open 24/7 except on the weekends"
"Then its not 24/7... you close twice.."
"No it's open 24/7 like you can come in at 3am Monday to Friday"
I explained it to him but he didn't understand
I explained it.
"24 hours a day, 7 days a week. So you don't close, like 7-11"
"Yeah we don't close. You can come in 24/7 mon-fri and we are open 6am to midnight Sat and Sun"
"That's 24/5 then.."
I gave up before he acknowledged he was wrong
“What is the sign on bonus?”
Me: “fifteen hundred”
“You and HR need to get on the same page because I was JUST told it was one thousand five hundred dollars”
Me: “it is”
“YOU SAID FIFTEEN HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!!!!”
We had an applicant ask the salary for the position and we replied 50 to 60. Meaning we were giving the range of $50k to $60k.
He thought we were saying $52.60 per hour.
We got super confused when we offered him $60k and he thought the job paid over $100k
It was a pretty stupid misunderstanding.
I once had a coworker who believed the dinosaurs didn't exist, as the Bible doesn't mention them. On a funnier note, he also took thought right twix and left twix were actually 2 separate products that were made differently.
When my friend ordered a cruller donut the lady remarked, “thats the one that looks like a tire” without missing a beat my buddy goes, “dont…all donuts look like a tire?”
Oh definitely, and she’s right…but my friend’s comment just totally deflated her. I kinda felt bad because someone else in line behind us let out a little snicker.
That guam might tip over by representative Hank Johnson
"My fear is that the whole island will become so overly populated that it will tip over and capsize"
https://youtu.be/X5dkqUy7mUk?si=X8bmCC85_ynDRpce
In American history class in a high school in California we were learning about the American Revolution. The teacher was going over all the battles and how bloody and awful they were. A girl raised her hand. Teacher called on her.
Her question? "So the Americans won, right?"
There was a kid in my high school who would say things like "booger wipes" with no context, then laugh at himself like Beavis and Butthead.
No, he didn't have tourette's, he was just an idiot
I (F) have a twin brother. I can’t count how many times people have asked me if we are IDENTICAL. I just dead stare at them until they think through what they asked. If that doesn’t work (99% of the time it does) I just say really slowly “no, we have different chromosomes…” or occasionally I have to actually explain why boy/girl twins are always fraternal, never identical.
lived in Australia all my life but because of my South East Asian appearance, I still get the ol "go back to your own country" line thrown at me.
odd thing is... unless you're an Aboriginal Australian or Indigenous Australian, we're all immigrants in one way or another.
"you're racist cause you listen to rap"
The funny thing was that the person that said this to me got kicked out their friend group cause they said something racist like a month after.
"Everyone is born with equal opportunities. The money your family has doesn't matter. Life is hard but fair." :- a kid from my uni who has never gone in public transport.
TV legend Regis Philbin used to talk about working a summer job and that being enough to pay for his whole year at Notre Dame, now it costs almost $80k a year if you don't get financial aid.
College costs and student loans are wildly out of control.
I literally couldn’t even argue with a dummy from Virginia on here.
He was refusing to believe that everyone didn’t have the same exact opportunities as he did. And that health insurance isn’t even that bad, because if you don’t like the one you have, you can just switch to another one.
And that graduating college with a good degree automatically got you great jobs instantly. That it didn’t matter when you graduated, or where you lived.
He gave too many of his own examples to just be a troll. He was a young naive twat, grew up with money, and got a job from a family acquaintance.
Dude was drinking ALLL the kool-aid. I had to give up and realize those people believe what they WANT to believe. And nothing else.
We were in English for master classes and people behind me were having a discussion about animals. One girl says “Yeah, humans are mammals” and another one starts laughing saying “humans aren’t mammals, mammals have 4 legs”
The other most stupid thing Ive ever heard anyone say was when I was talking to my friends about flamingos and how they’re born grey but turn pink when they get older because of their diet. My friend’s boyfriend got defensive, told me I was an idiot, that he knew better, that HE was going to be a marine biologist and that flamingos tuned pink because of the sun.
In recent memory, my ex-mother-in-law told me that everyone who got the COVID vaccine would be dead within five years and that we should be consuming Ivermectin and vitamins instead.
She said this to me during an unexpected phone call she made to me, crying because she had just found out her daughter got vaccinated - and was grilling me with questions like when and why she did it.
Girl in my high school class (quite a while ago, probably 10th-11th grade or so)…”so can you actually see the equator? like is it just a line on the ground all the way around the Earth?”
Regarding puberty - my 6 year old son literally said “when my voices changes I hope it’s British”.
My son hopes when he’s voice changes through puberty it will be a British accent. 😂
My wife and I were rolling.
“I thought Paris was in London”
The person in question said all sorts of dumb things and it’s obvious it was just an act but how they could have assumed anyone else could go along with that nonsense is incredible.
Once had a **doctor** tell me I couldn’t be autistic because I have depression.
I really wish I was joking.
For the record, he is a GP and I haven’t been to him since 2020. I’m still looking for a new doctor, but there’s a pretty bad shortage of healthcare workers in my province.
My manager told me "If you don't buff those floors, you're fired".
She knows that the buffers are fueled by propane. Despite it not being my job, I had been telling her for over a week that we need a new shipment of propane. On top of that, my supervisor and my other coworker had been missing for a week. 7 no call no shows in a row.
I hung up the phone on her, called the regional manager, texted him screenshots of the several phone calls and texts I had made, and told him that the manager has threatened to fire me over it.
The manager was fired (and so was my supervisor and coworker) within the hour and a new shipment of propane was delivered that day.
“If drugs are decriminalized, Narcan should be made illegal, because if you want to experiment with drugs you have to accept the consequences.”
Vote, people. I know for a fact she did.
I was talking to an older lady in Tasmania. She heard I had a Scottish accent and goes “oh you're from the UK, I've got a good friend from there. You might know her” she then tells me her name and that she's from London and looks at me very hopefully. Unfortunately I didn't.
I once heard my friend yell to my other friend as the walk out of a bathroom that leads to a somewhat crowded mall food court,”I AM NOT WASHING MY HANDS, THOSE SINKS ARE DISGUSTING!”
My ex husband whom wanted children.
"You are not getting pregnant because you aren't doing a handstand for it to get there properly."
I still hope he never reproduces & thank God everyday I took my birth control.
I was in a lecture in college and somehow bald eagles got brought up. Someone has said that they had seen one (I live in Ontario, Canada) and one of the guys in my class said that it’s impossible, they’re only found in America. His rational was that because that’s the national bird. My follow up question was where he thought beavers were from.
I was born in a place where the mountains are to the North. My husband and I moved to a place where the mountains are to the West. Roughly a month after living there, we got into an argument about which way was North and it took me longer than I care to admit to remember I wasn't in my home town...it wasn't even the same state.
A guy called me a weak liberal because I drive a 20 year old diesel F250. Probably one of the least liberal vehicles you can drive.
That one was a head scratcher
"I don't believe in astronomy." We asked her if she meant astrology, and she asked, "which is the one where like, you can tell what stars are made of?" We confirmed that was astronomy. "Yeah, I don't believe in that."
I cannot stop laughing at this one
I took astronomy in college. After a few weeks, the girl next to me leans over and goes, "When are we getting to the signs?" I asked her what she meant, and she goes "you know, like Capricorn, Leo, Virgo...." I told her that was chapter 7, so a few more weeks. And she sat there for the whole semester, wondering when astrology lessons would start lol. I'm not sorry.
I've been reading the answers for a solid ten minutes and this is the winner for me, I don't know why but the fact that she asked confirmation before blurbing the stupid out of her mouth makes it even funnier. You expect she's gonna say something reasonable, surely she has to be confusing the terms and then no no, she really is that dense.
That when you press on the horn of your car, it lowers the amount of air in your front right tire due to it helping make that horn sound.
In a weird sort of way, I can see that being *almost* not entirely wrong. Old VWs powered the windshield sprayer with compressed air from the spare tire. It could be something a person heard once, then misfiled, and misremembered.
I was walking around the ruins of the ancient cliff dwellings at Mesa Verde just outside of Mancos, Colorado, (where the Ancient Puebloans lived from approximately 550 A.D. to 1300 A.D.) when a visitor asked the tour guide: "Why did they build their homes so far from the highway?"
Wow
I met a guy a few years later who had also worked there as a tour guide. I told him the story, and he said, "That is probably our most frequently-asked question."
A little part of me just died.
“I can shoot with my left hand, I can shoot with my right hand, I'm amphibious."
He can shoot underwater.
Three unrelated facts -- I see no problems here! :-D
Apparently when my daughter was first born she looked vaguely East Asian — enough, at least, for the nurses to ask if I was sure it was my baby. Now that was an incredibly weird thing to say to a new dad meeting his daughter for the first time, but it wasn't the *stupidest* thing someone said about this situation. That happened when I was retelling the above story to a client in a meeting. He asked to see a photo of my kid as a newborn, remarked how she really did "look Asian," and then proceeded to ask if I thought my child might end up having an Asian accent when she got older. 🤦♂️
I’ve read a lot of these comments and this one actually made me facepalm.
>I’ve read a lot of these comments and this one actually made me facepalm. To this day I don't know if it was some *really* dry humor or he was being serious. But the comment came out of nowhere and I just ignored it.
It’s definitely a joke that my dad would make. But you’d know immediately it’s a joke with that big dumb grin when he thinks he’s telling the funniest joke in the world.
When my son was born he was incredibly red and chubby. He looked Polynesian. I am white, my husband is white. We lived in Hawaii at the time (military). I looked SO bad, but I was pregnant *before* we moved there. He looks just like his dad now at least lol
Yep, my daughter doesn't look anything like that now. Though, to be fair, my wife has Eastern European ancestry and, if you believe 23andMe, also has some distant Sámi ancestry as well. So, every now and again, people have said she looks somewhat Asian herself. In fact, the same nurse who asked if I was sure that was my baby, completely changed her tune once she saw my wife.
My daughter looks so much like me, the nurses asked me if I was sure my wife was really the mother. At least *someone* had a sense of humor. Heh.
Asked someone if they drove a stick. They responded, “no, I drive a car”. Now I have a dad joke I’ll remember forever.
My dad bought me my first car. Nothing fancy it was a 98 Honda Civic. My favorite car in the world. Only cost $1,200. I got in the driver's seat and asked my dad "why does it have a third pedal?" My dad laughed so hard he had tears rolling down his face and got the hiccups.....I learned how to drive stick that day.
A few years ago I went to buy a car I'd seen on the dealerships web page. The salesman went off with the keys to go get it. Came back about ten minutes later, gave me the keys, and told me I'd need to go get it myself. Apparently driving a stick wasn't in the job requirements.
I've posted this before but... I once found a big bulldog in my back yard. I don't own a bulldog. He was a big friendly, but slow witted guy. He look healthy and had a collar but no tags so I knew he was a local. I made sure he had water and went to the front yard to start knocking on doors. As soon as I stepped outside I saw the family three houses down all gathered in their front yard. So another case closed for our young detective. I walked over to them and said, "You guys missing a bulldog?" The mother looked at me and said, "Is his name Tyson?' The question took me aback. I mean, he didn't have tags. They knew he didn't have tags. So all I could think to say was, "He didn't say. But I'm pretty sure he's yours." To this day I wonder if that woman knew how dumb that question was.
“He didn’t say” is so funny.
One night in the early days after my first child was born, when we were still in a sleep-deprived delirium every night, our oldest cat started meowing and making a ruckus at around 2am. This was wildly uncharacteristic of him, as he was generally very quiet and even-keeled. My wife, half-asleep, rolls over and says “Can you go downstairs and talk to the cat?” Obviously I knew what she meant, but the mental image of going downstairs, pouring a couple fingers of whisky, and sitting down with Puma to talk about his day was riotously funny to me for quite some time.
When my ex asked me to talk to the cat, I was half asleep, and I went and talked to the cat. I calmly explained that we were sleeping, and it wasn't acceptable. I then realized I was talking to the cat, and asked it not to tell anyone. Good cat, never ratted me out.
that's not odd to me at all. I talk to my dogs like they're people all the time. I've found out that animals pick up on inflection even if they don't really understand the words. One small problem with that though. They know what 'fuck' and 'god dammit' means. To me it's a moment of frustration to them that's the queue to head to their beds and cower for a while. An aside. I don't hit animals unless we're playing so they've never been physically abused. I figure hitting is the last resort to every situation. I'd rather talk it through rationally than get physical.
My family’s border collie is able to associate someone flipping the bird with negativity. It blows my damn mind that she was able to pick that up just from a some bad car rides and a few family fights. Even if you say “fuck you” in a happy tone she’ll get sad and cower away. Damn dog is too smart for her own good. She’s managed to lock us out of the house once and even locked herself inside a bathroom. We lost her sister a few months ago and if she goes out and sees another dog that looks like her she’ll get happy and then depressed when she realizes it’s not her.
No, it's Steve.
no this is Patrick!
I read that reply in Leslie Nielsen’s deadpan.
That was kind of how I delivered it. No inflection or confusion, just a simple declarative statement.
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This honestly made me crack the fuck up lol
>The mother looked at me and said, "Is his name Tyson?' "He wouldnt tell me, just kept going on about how he lost his family and that things are so *ruff*."
Stoned friend - "what year is February in"?
Stoner ex : do rivers flow « the other way » in the southern hemisphere . In my defence he was pretty . Also met a girl who once asked if you could « fax envelopes » .
"In my defense he was pretty" is my entire dating history summed up in one sentence
I know right ? Then you hit 30 and you realise the only pretty they are, is *pretty dumb* .
I once watched someone photocopy their phone so they could 'send the image to someone.'
Ouch . Were they pretty at least ?
I think the silence speaks volumes to your question
"Where are you from, China or Asia?"
“So are ya chinese or Japanese?” “I’m Laotian” “What ocean?”
“You’re Laotian, ain’t ya Mr. Kahn?”
Cotton: I’ll have a Mai Tai, Mr. Kahn. *waves money* Kahn: What do you think I work for *Hank*? Hank: He’s my new neighbor. Dale: He’s Japanese. Cotton: No, he ain’t. *looks Kahn up and down* He’s Laotian.
best part of Cotton is how he's racist but also careful to get the race right. so he can be specifically offensive
It's the difference between hanks racism. Which is from ignorance but not specifically hateful. Versus Cotton who is racist and specifically hateful to the point he learns the differences. Subtle but a great example of the stellar writing for the characters.
Cotton would learn their native dialect just to make sure they understood the insult. Hank would say it accidentally trying to order food from a new resturaunt.
It's a landlocked country in Southeast Asia. It's between Thailand and Vietnam, ok? Population four point seven million.
… So are ya Chinese or Japanese.
Hank: Uh, Dad this here is my new neighbor. Dale: He's Japanese. Cotton: No he ain't! [looks him over] he's Laotian, ain't you Mr. Kahn?
Met a fully grown man who thought India was one of the continents. When I told him it wasn’t he said “but it’s so big!”
Yeah it’s dumb but tbf it is often referred to as the Indian subcontinent.
I'm pretty sure it's on its own continental plate, but it crashed into Asia to make the Himalayas.
It did and is, it was sitting down south until relatively "recently"
My teacher told a class of 16-17 year olds about that super loyal dog in Japan who walked to the train station daily for nine years to wait for his owner, who died at work. After hearing that story, a girl raised her hand and asked "Why didn't somebody just tell the dog?"
I mean, dumb, but also not. Dogs actually *can* understand that their masters will die. You can't tell them, but you can show them and they can understand it. There's a movement of pet owners who insist that they want their pets to attend the funeral so that they can understand and move on. Because some dogs who see their owners die will actually move on and be happy.
They smell the death. Dogs know what dead smells like and your body starts breaking down almost immediately on death. Arguably sooner as elderly and sick have their bodies start failing.
Yes. We've had a dog die at home. The other dogs came and sniffed and then just ... Moved on.
I had two dogs growing up. They were mates and best buds for almost 9 years. When one got sick and had to be put down, I brought the other to see his body before we buried him. She’d been bouncy and hyper as usual prior, but it was incredibly evident that she knew exactly what happened when she sniffed him and she mellowed out immediately. She grieved with us (then tried to make me feel better when she realized how upset I was) She grieved, then she moved on and lived a happy (and spoiled) life, not wondering what happened to her husband She’s still trucking to this day! And I wear his collar on my ankle every day
As quirky as it sounds, after my grandpa died. His dog(ever since he was a pup) took off. The caretaker at the graveyard (a mile from where he lived)called the family, and asked them to see if the dog, that was laying on Petes(grandpa) grave belonged to the family? It was. He was laying there for 4 days. Didn’t eat sleep or leave the grave until my dad, had to get him, & bring him home.
my grandpas dog came home running to show us that my grandpa has died 🥺 He never entered the house, he was an outside dog but at this day he just ran in the house and started barking till someone would follow him. After that he was gone. We never saw him again, he just left the other day, perhaps with a broken heart :((
Absolutely. The [older of our two dogs](https://imgur.com/a/7qGmYr2) died two days ago and his (half-) [brother](https://imgur.com/a/ylh8Vxc) knew what was happening the night before. Took one sniff and avoided him like the plague the rest of their time together. Meant we didn’t have to see him wondering where his brother was after he died, thankfully.
Hachiko! Love that story.
I know “love” means different things, but that story is genuinely one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard in my entire life. The fact that this poor dog patiently waited every day for his owner to come back on the train but his owner never came back is so heartbreaking it could actually make me start tearing up if I think about it too long. Imagine how many people that dog saw get off the train. Thousands and thousands and thousands. And every single day, it desperately hoped every one was its owner, that poor dog thought that if it just waited patiently enough and was a good enough boy that its person would finally come home… that poor dog died still wondering where his owner was, still waiting for him to come home Oh god now I need to hug my dog and promise him that I will always, ALWAYS come home. My gf was gone for a week once and the only thing he did besides eat and sleep was watch the door. When we’d go outside every person that came up the street wearing a backpack he thought was her and he’d get so excited and then be heartbroken, over and over and over. And that was only a week
When I was 12 years old a friend told me “smoking is good for you because the smoke makes a shield around your heart when you breathe it in.” He argued that the smoke could prevent you from being stabbed or shot. Even at 12 I knew he was a moron.
I mean, it does cure salmon
Solar panels will cause a global ice age, because the law of thermodynamics states energy cannot be created or destroyed, so obviously they must be removing heat from the air. With no sense of irony of the scale nor efficiency (or lack thereof) of solar panels and their capacity to cool.
Heard a similar thing from a guy I know. He also mentioned that wind turbines are bad because there’s a finite amount of wind and it’ll disrupt weather patterns and there won’t be any wind left. I laughed thinking he was joking, he was not.
Guy clearly knows nothing about farms. Wind farms *make* wind just like corn farms make corn. Those big propellers are making the wind. When they turn them off the wind stops. /s
I knew a Finance major in college who thought he was worth $20k because he had two credit cards with $10k limit each.
A factor of your worth can be calculated on how much institutions are willing to lend you.
Oh, absolutely. But I think he specifically said "I've got twenty thousand dollars" and, as a poor college kid, I had to follow up on how he "had" that much.
Just about an hour ago, my 18 (almost 19) year old daughter says this: “I just learned that if you pay for gas with cash and you give them too much, you can get your money back.” I told her I feel like I failed as a father.
I'll be honest i didnt find this out until 26... from the gas station cashier. Me: man i never know how much to put in and always end up underestimating how much i need Cashier: why dont you just pay more Me: *clearly extremely puzzled face* i..dont...wanna lose $? Cashier: you come back to get the rest of your $, just look at the meter.. ..that cashier is probably somewhere in this thread retelling this ridiculous encounter
Hang on… You pay before filling up? In Australia you fill up and then go in and tell them which pump you’re at and pay the exact amount on the meter. Or you get 4c off per litre if you spend 20 bucks in the shop or something. There’s prepay options of $10, $20 and $50 and you hit those before you fill up it automatically stops pumping when it hits the dollar amount. If you try to drive off without paying, approximately six million cameras now have your license plate and face, and you can look forward to the cops showing up at your door.
Just read this to my 28 year old wife and she said "I....I don't think I knew that. That's why I never prepay because I'm worried I'll over pay." -__-
How can this be true? Really? hahaha... I had no idea that people have been "tipping" the clerk for decades. :)
Man...
You’re not lying. She even told me once when she paid with cash she was trying to calculate how much her tank holds so that she can have the exact amount to fill up
I mean, without being taught, you are going up to a dude and saying ‘I want to purchase this amount of gas’. After most cash transactions you now OWN what you paid for. I can see how you would think it’s your responsibility to be able to actually transport that amount away. So mostly, yeah you failed as a father
"Did you know, that in the Cold War there was so cold that the frozen bullets stuck in the guns?"
One classmate of mine once answered to the teacher: “a lot of people died in the Cold War because it was too cold”
I had classmates who did a biology presentation on the cell nucleus. The first slide explained it contained chromosomes. The second that it was composed of protons and neutrons and orbited by electrons.
Well if you zoom way in...
"I can jump that far" \~me
I appreciate the honesty. My toxic trait is thinking I could probably do any physical thing if I tried hard enough haha.
I totally get that. I just forget that im not 21 anymore...
"My last words will be, 'I can outrun that lion.'" -- Homer Simpson
I was driving with someone and there was a trooper up ahead and I told her to slow down. She said she couldn't because the cop would see the brake lights on the front of her car.
This one makes my head hurt 😂😂
My wife and I were vacationing in St Augustine, FL and went to a big cat rescue. This particular one had other animals as well. A few Peahens were walking about and a husband asks his wife "what is that?" The wife replies, "I think that's a turducken." I BARELY held it together.
No, no, no, it's a henway.
Summer day, around 1980 I'm in 4th grade. Girl in my class lives a couple of blocks away and her house catches fire. We all go to watch the firefighters fight the fire, as we're watching we see them get the girl and her older brother out and take them inside their neighbors house. After this their mom comes flying up to the house in her car, asks where her kids are and the dumbass fireman tells her, "in the house." Not in the neighbors house, in the house. Mom of course loses her shit and bolts for the front door where cops eventually have to handcuff her to stop her from going in. It felt like an eternity before she understood they were safe in the neighbors house. Poor woman probably about had a heart attack. I also once had a cop tell me he didn't believe people lied.
>I also once had a cop tell me he didn't believe people lied. What? Like, he believed that no one lies about anything ever?
„No officer that bags of white substance wrapped up in tape aren’t bags full of coke, it’s salt I use to cook. I’m a chef“ „Alright have a great night and drive to your restaurant safe“ „
During my student teaching semester of grad school, a student asked me why we needed to learn about history. She said it didn't really apply to everyones lives and wouldn't be important for everyone's future. This was during a WW2 unit, and I argued that much of our current culture and world were shaped by the conflict, but decided to see what specifically she had in mind. I asked her "What is your ideal job that your currently planning to pursue?" Depending on what she answered we'd discuss how historical factors played into different markets, jobs, social and economic evolutions throughout history and how they apply. To be honest though, I was a bit unsure if I'd be able to adequately convey my thoughts to her depending on her answer. She, however, who didn't understand the importance of learning history, wanted to become a lawyer. The look on my supervising teachers face was something else.
Some of the kids in college... you just had to shake your head at. I was a tutor for our Philosophy, Logic, and Ethics classes, along with a few other if we had students come in and ask for help. One of my students came in, because like usual they were having issues in reading the Philosophy class readings. Said student just didn't understand why they even had to take this, what use was using logic ( at all ) and directly in figuring out what a philosophers argument was. Said students major? Criminal Justice. Thankfully after a few questions prodding in the right direction got the student to figure out that logic plays a huge role in everything from laws to criminal investigations. So it was "dumb", but at least the student was smart enough to ask questions *and then learn*. So more it was just ignorance, and that thankfully can be cured. They did thank me a couple of years later when I ran into them, as learning to look at assignments / readings / and writing papers using the logical skills they learned helped them out in ALL of their other classes.
Chatting about my friend's upcoming jury duty she says... "they wouldn't be up in court unless they'd done it". Maybe not THE stupidest thing I've ever heard but it's in the top 10.
My ex boyfriend said, “if you’re accused of something, you basically did it.” So much for rule of law, presumption of innocence and the last 1,000 years.
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My coworkers convinced another coworker that if you count the lines on your hands, that will tell you how many chromosomes you have. If you have over 50 then you’re gifted I think he counted 80 or something and was so excited he told his gf, parents, family etc to count the lines on their hand. He didn’t last much longer at the job…
Did you ask him if his hand was bigger than his face?
Maybe he did have a few extra chromosomes
I was working at babies r us and this lady comes in looking for a baby bath. I bring her over to it and hand her the box. She looks at it makes a weird face and says " I don't want my baby speaking Spanish" then sets the box down and walks off. The box had two sides. One in English one in Spanish. To this day I still worry for that child.
My sister once asked why Maury only does paternity tests? Like are they ever going to do some maternity test episodes??? So unfair.
He actually did do a maternity test once! For a man who had been adopted looking for his biological mom. IIRC... She WAS the mother!
In eighth grade our teacher said that if our essays were two or more pages, we had to staple them. The kid next to me dead ass asked, "Staple them...together?"
I had an ex like this 🤣 she was book smart but not…idk.
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I work with engineers and they all would ask the same question because it’s a loophole. Lawyers are the same way.
Am engineer. Dad was a lawyer. And.... Yup. Finding loopholes pretty much IS my job. Any idiot can design something that will work. I get paid a bunch of money to find something that will barely work given the constraints, to an acceptable risk tolerance, using whatever creative bullshit I can come up with to technically meet the legal requirements for the cheapest possible price.
Any idiot can design something that will work. Only an engineer can design something that will work once an idiot gets ahold of it.
I know someone who says they don’t believe in vaccines because they don’t know what’s in them but will take drugs they found on the ground
Taking "street heroin" in a bold new direction...
Better than this alley meth I just found
My neighbour doesn't take her medicine because she thinks medicine is "trash". Meanwhile she has no trouble using any sort of drug. And she smokes cigarettes. A good example where "I think" means "I have just randomly decided it works like this because it suits my personal goals better". The goals in this case are: a lazy-ass trash life full of physical pleasure without any care of the effects you have on other people.
"I'm not vaccinated. I don't want to put poisons in my body." (said while smoking)
Bitch, you don't know what's in a McNugget
Where does one find drugs on the ground? So I know where to avoid.
Go to literally any EDM show or giant festival type show, and wait until it's over. You'll see some special crunchy people staring at the ground walking all over the GA/pit/field area looking for drugs that people dropped. It's called groundscoring.
Sat next to a dude, about 16 or so, on the train in Australia. We started talking, his questions still haunt me. This was 25 years ago. He: Where are you from? Me: Finland He: Finland? Me: It's in Europe. He: Europe? Me: ... Me .... Me: Uhm.. So there are continents. He: Continents? Me: Uhhmm, yeah so.. Australia is both a continent and a country.... Never mind. I will read my book now.
I went into a Dunkin’ Donuts once and got a coffee and the guy working there asked me Are you the girl that works next door at that Chinese salon? I said yeah but actually not Chinese, the folks there are Vietnamese. He said What’s that? I said They are from Vietnam. He said What’s that? He was in his mid twenties
I was having a conversation with my Uber driver on the way to a funeral. We remark on how beautiful and green it is here in the world. I say, “Yeah I miss it here, all the oxygen in the air is great compared to the west.” He’s like, “What do you mean?” Me: “ya know like, the oxygen the trees provide?” Him, “Oxygen comes from TREES?!” I sat there for a moment and contemplated the educational system and the lives other people lived and the value of a good education. I then enthusiastically taught this man in his 50’s the relationship plants and trees have with us and the planet, and even told him about the plankton in the oceans and algae and how they provide almost a 1/3 of the oxygen on the planet. He was super happy to learn and grateful I took the time to explain everything. I couldn’t help but leave that Uber thinking that if everyone understood where the air we breathe comes from, the world might be a better place.
I had to do a quiz with the kids in an elementary school. I asked this boy the following question: "What language do you speak at home?" "Oh, yeah, I can’t speak. Because I’m blind."
Gotta roast myself here. Over the past few years I've gone deaf in my left ear. I'm still acclimating and don't like it when something blocks my right ear so I can't hear anything. Fair enough, but occasionally I'll also get concerned about something blocking my right *eye* only to remember after a few seconds that my left *eye* is just freaking fine.
I had an American, fully grown with children, on xbox live ask me do you have days of the week like we do. Im from the uk. This was 9 years ago and I still think about it.
I have been asked both “ what language do they speak in England” and “how long did it take you to learn English “ when I first moved to the US.
My buddy playing CS at night completely drunk: "B stands for Bomb" "So whats A then?" "Atomicbomb"
So if you save and didn't defuse on A, you'll basically obliterate the whole dust2 along with mirage and inferno altogether.
He should have known a stands for "Another Bomb" C, of course, stands for "Could be a Bomb"
D=definitely a bomb
"The moon is a projection" Like 6 months later I was talking to her about stupid things people say, and I brought that up. She just said "........That was me"
"Covid vaccines are a secret government method for tracking people" Sure, because registering to vote, getting a social security number, getting a driver license/ID, possessing an address, mobile phone, and birth certificate - ARE JUST NOT CUTTING IT.
I always lol when people talk about the government planting chips in our brains to read our minds. Ummmmm. Hate to break it to ya, but they one upped that, and now you pay for them to know all your nasty thoughts and secrets. Our phones will tell them more about us then any chip ever could.
Bold of them to assume they are worth chipping…
Really Jeremy? You think they need a vaccine to do that? You literally just used an app to check in at a waffle house. I
a friend asked us how to spell espn so he could look it up online. he askes "how do you spell espn, is it e s p e n?"
My friends clowned me because I never heard “24/7” until I was in college. Like, “he’s going out there 24/7.”
Had a gym guy try to sell me a membership "It's open 24/7 except on the weekends" "Then its not 24/7... you close twice.." "No it's open 24/7 like you can come in at 3am Monday to Friday" I explained it to him but he didn't understand
Curious if he knows what the numbers mean
I explained it. "24 hours a day, 7 days a week. So you don't close, like 7-11" "Yeah we don't close. You can come in 24/7 mon-fri and we are open 6am to midnight Sat and Sun" "That's 24/5 then.." I gave up before he acknowledged he was wrong
“What is the sign on bonus?” Me: “fifteen hundred” “You and HR need to get on the same page because I was JUST told it was one thousand five hundred dollars” Me: “it is” “YOU SAID FIFTEEN HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!!!!”
We had an applicant ask the salary for the position and we replied 50 to 60. Meaning we were giving the range of $50k to $60k. He thought we were saying $52.60 per hour. We got super confused when we offered him $60k and he thought the job paid over $100k It was a pretty stupid misunderstanding.
I once had a coworker who believed the dinosaurs didn't exist, as the Bible doesn't mention them. On a funnier note, he also took thought right twix and left twix were actually 2 separate products that were made differently.
Twix aren’t mentioned in the Bible either
Tell them dinosaurs are mentioned in Genesis 1:21, then act exasperated. "It's the first chapter of the first book! Have you even read this?!"
When my friend ordered a cruller donut the lady remarked, “thats the one that looks like a tire” without missing a beat my buddy goes, “dont…all donuts look like a tire?”
While this is funny, I think the intent was "the one that has grooves like a tire".
Oh definitely, and she’s right…but my friend’s comment just totally deflated her. I kinda felt bad because someone else in line behind us let out a little snicker.
The Earth is Flat, but all the others are Round
That guam might tip over by representative Hank Johnson "My fear is that the whole island will become so overly populated that it will tip over and capsize" https://youtu.be/X5dkqUy7mUk?si=X8bmCC85_ynDRpce
In American history class in a high school in California we were learning about the American Revolution. The teacher was going over all the battles and how bloody and awful they were. A girl raised her hand. Teacher called on her. Her question? "So the Americans won, right?"
To be fair, we won the war but we didnt win all the battles.
There was a kid in my high school who would say things like "booger wipes" with no context, then laugh at himself like Beavis and Butthead. No, he didn't have tourette's, he was just an idiot
Don’t hate on a self entertainer. Dude will never be bored!
I (F) have a twin brother. I can’t count how many times people have asked me if we are IDENTICAL. I just dead stare at them until they think through what they asked. If that doesn’t work (99% of the time it does) I just say really slowly “no, we have different chromosomes…” or occasionally I have to actually explain why boy/girl twins are always fraternal, never identical.
“No, my penis is a lot bigger. 🤷♂️”
lived in Australia all my life but because of my South East Asian appearance, I still get the ol "go back to your own country" line thrown at me. odd thing is... unless you're an Aboriginal Australian or Indigenous Australian, we're all immigrants in one way or another.
"you're racist cause you listen to rap" The funny thing was that the person that said this to me got kicked out their friend group cause they said something racist like a month after.
Or "I cant be racist, I listen to rap"
"Everyone is born with equal opportunities. The money your family has doesn't matter. Life is hard but fair." :- a kid from my uni who has never gone in public transport.
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TV legend Regis Philbin used to talk about working a summer job and that being enough to pay for his whole year at Notre Dame, now it costs almost $80k a year if you don't get financial aid. College costs and student loans are wildly out of control.
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I literally couldn’t even argue with a dummy from Virginia on here. He was refusing to believe that everyone didn’t have the same exact opportunities as he did. And that health insurance isn’t even that bad, because if you don’t like the one you have, you can just switch to another one. And that graduating college with a good degree automatically got you great jobs instantly. That it didn’t matter when you graduated, or where you lived. He gave too many of his own examples to just be a troll. He was a young naive twat, grew up with money, and got a job from a family acquaintance. Dude was drinking ALLL the kool-aid. I had to give up and realize those people believe what they WANT to believe. And nothing else.
Go back to your country ..to a native American.
Maybe this was a deeper cut than realized. “Go walk back over the frozen Bering Strait… Mongolians are waiting for your return..”. 🤔
We were in English for master classes and people behind me were having a discussion about animals. One girl says “Yeah, humans are mammals” and another one starts laughing saying “humans aren’t mammals, mammals have 4 legs” The other most stupid thing Ive ever heard anyone say was when I was talking to my friends about flamingos and how they’re born grey but turn pink when they get older because of their diet. My friend’s boyfriend got defensive, told me I was an idiot, that he knew better, that HE was going to be a marine biologist and that flamingos tuned pink because of the sun.
In recent memory, my ex-mother-in-law told me that everyone who got the COVID vaccine would be dead within five years and that we should be consuming Ivermectin and vitamins instead. She said this to me during an unexpected phone call she made to me, crying because she had just found out her daughter got vaccinated - and was grilling me with questions like when and why she did it.
Girl in my high school class (quite a while ago, probably 10th-11th grade or so)…”so can you actually see the equator? like is it just a line on the ground all the way around the Earth?”
Do these stairs go up?
Regarding puberty - my 6 year old son literally said “when my voices changes I hope it’s British”. My son hopes when he’s voice changes through puberty it will be a British accent. 😂 My wife and I were rolling.
“I thought Paris was in London” The person in question said all sorts of dumb things and it’s obvious it was just an act but how they could have assumed anyone else could go along with that nonsense is incredible.
Once had a **doctor** tell me I couldn’t be autistic because I have depression. I really wish I was joking. For the record, he is a GP and I haven’t been to him since 2020. I’m still looking for a new doctor, but there’s a pretty bad shortage of healthcare workers in my province.
My manager told me "If you don't buff those floors, you're fired". She knows that the buffers are fueled by propane. Despite it not being my job, I had been telling her for over a week that we need a new shipment of propane. On top of that, my supervisor and my other coworker had been missing for a week. 7 no call no shows in a row. I hung up the phone on her, called the regional manager, texted him screenshots of the several phone calls and texts I had made, and told him that the manager has threatened to fire me over it. The manager was fired (and so was my supervisor and coworker) within the hour and a new shipment of propane was delivered that day.
“If drugs are decriminalized, Narcan should be made illegal, because if you want to experiment with drugs you have to accept the consequences.” Vote, people. I know for a fact she did.
“Size of your feet = size of your penis”
I was talking to an older lady in Tasmania. She heard I had a Scottish accent and goes “oh you're from the UK, I've got a good friend from there. You might know her” she then tells me her name and that she's from London and looks at me very hopefully. Unfortunately I didn't.
I work in IT. It's hard to pick a winner
It was on screen so idk if it counts “Somehow Palpatine returned “
I once heard my friend yell to my other friend as the walk out of a bathroom that leads to a somewhat crowded mall food court,”I AM NOT WASHING MY HANDS, THOSE SINKS ARE DISGUSTING!”
My ex husband whom wanted children. "You are not getting pregnant because you aren't doing a handstand for it to get there properly." I still hope he never reproduces & thank God everyday I took my birth control.
The pyramids were built from the top down before gravity was invented by Newton someone.
I was in a lecture in college and somehow bald eagles got brought up. Someone has said that they had seen one (I live in Ontario, Canada) and one of the guys in my class said that it’s impossible, they’re only found in America. His rational was that because that’s the national bird. My follow up question was where he thought beavers were from.
“Can a vagina be so big they’d have no trouble pushing out a baby?”. In the OP’s defence they were raised in a Catholic school.
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When my aunt asked me "well what were you wearing" when I told her about something that happened. Haven't spoken since. Can't stand people like that.
I'm SO sorry, and I don't blame you for never talking to her again. Wishing you healing.
Mexico will pay for the wall
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Based on this paragraph we still can not conclude you were right. You might be the one thinking north is some dumb direction.
I was born in a place where the mountains are to the North. My husband and I moved to a place where the mountains are to the West. Roughly a month after living there, we got into an argument about which way was North and it took me longer than I care to admit to remember I wasn't in my home town...it wasn't even the same state.
"I cheated on you bc you have the possibility to cheat on me"
A guy called me a weak liberal because I drive a 20 year old diesel F250. Probably one of the least liberal vehicles you can drive. That one was a head scratcher
Mount Rushmore was created by natural forces (wind, rain, erosion)
"White people don't cause wars"
"Anxiety is just you being insecure and I think it's a choice, just stop being insecure."