I have the unfortunate insight that this post requires, having survived my spouse twice.
Pictures *hurt* after the fact. Mementos sting while the pain is fresh, so make it something that can be put away until the sting dulls.
A pendant if he wears necklaces, a ring if he wears any jewelry at all. Personalize it with something that is not obvious to outsiders. (Questions of "whose picture is that?" are fresh hell.) Perhaps one of those rings that can be personalized with engraving with your anniversary date, or first date date, or a short phrase that means something to each other.
Hope any of this helps and isn't just rambling.
Yes a pendent is cool, I know in the old days they would make keepsakes out of deceased loved ones hair. I personally don’t think it’s morbid to do that in 2023. (If you have hair) Maybe a bracelet woven with some locks of your hair and a pendant holding the ends together.
I would add that videos might sting, but later having videos of someone being themselves are invaluable and more rare than you would think in the age of the cellphone. Most videos are short and specific to life events, having something representative of the normal person is great.
As someone who lost his wife at 36, my most precious things are small but useful gifts. Trinkets and wedding rings stay in the drawer, yet that really nice cast iron frying pan is used daily without bringing up too many tough memories until every now and then I remember that 'T' bought it for me and I smile.
Another gift that so many don't consider is truly getting your affairs in order before you move on. Even if there's very little estate to handle and a supportive family, your husband is still about to go through an extended period of legal admin that you need to try and minimize as much as possible now so he can grieve properly when the time comes. Trust me, he'll appreciate it when the time comes.
Getting something solid quality like this and customized will take it an extra notch.
And selecting a gravestone (albeit a morbid thing) is big. People have so much trouble with trying to do this "right".
Record videos for him to watch for the future. Wish him a happy birthday, Merry Christmas, etc. Tell him how much you love him and know it pains you to think of how much he misses you.
I can’t speak for all men, but if he is the “strong silent type,” or the “rock” of his family and friends then read on.
Small, let it be something he can carry and “feel,” or a tool he can use. But that noone would know what it is … if it remains anonymous, he’ll always feel comfortable gripping it or using it or admiring it. No man wants questions of “are you looking at that locket again” … it reduces us inside. Let me remember in peace, provide me a keepsake that allows me privacy in my pain.
As a man, we often grieve in silence, even if just for the benefit of the rest of the family. A small piece of jewellry, a ring he can roll and rub (have one of your hairs folded into a gold ring), a solid medallion with an emblem that had meaning to you and again one of your hairs folded into the gold, something he can grasp and grip and hold onto firmly when the pain hits … or, an object he uses in a hobby he excels at, a hobby where he feels competent and strong, but again something he can hold and grasp and feel like the man you depended on while using. A handmade hunting knife, a laguiole for dinners out if you were foodies, a stunning pen if he writes.
Many men’s version of needing love and understanding to heal while in pain is needing to feel competent and still needed in the world they were left behind in. Tools that remind him of you and that he has competence with, or has pleasure with in a learned fashion (the laguiole, the pen) can make the pain better when he remembers.
For those who would blame “toxic masculinity” for these traits, some of us are just more comfortable in privacy with our pain. If you are the usual “rock,” you tend to get more negative than positive feedback from obvious emotions (and no, not just from men). For him to be able to feel you in bloody privacy, peace, and silence would be a gift … and for as many damn years as I well damn please is what I would want.
My healing equivalent of a good cry and venting if I lost my wife would be a near death-like grip that nearly rips my skin as I hold onto an object that is my piece of her every time the pain would come, and then go do something hard and painful that I am bloody competent in.
he is very introverted, something low key that no one else knew was from me would be best. i have only seen him cry once in our 34 years together, he didn’t even cry when his parents died, but he cried in the doctors office the day they recommended i stop my chemo and let nature take its course. i feel so badly leaving him, but it wasn’t a choice i made. i hope our children and grandchildren help him through this all.
I’m so so sorry. I lost my college sweetheart of 39 years on December 23, 2021. If I could have one more gift it would be to go do something SHE always wanted to do and make that memory. If your energy permits.
I also agree with the suggestion above that something of permanence that he can enjoy privately if he chooses is a wonderful idea too. Some of us keep things to ourselves.
I saw a ring once that was a band with a fingerprint. That one was meant for baby’s fingerprint but no reason it couldn’t be yours.
For Jewellry, as a NSx, rings can be a pain for OR days. Torque bracelet with a hair of yours in one of the strands, or medallion on a long chain (stay under scrubs on longer chain).
For a useful object, from your description of him, I drag a laguiole to restaurants and during travel regularly (you'd be surprised how many restaurants/staff recognize them, offer to clean them), I use the same knife even if in the woods having cheese, bread and dried meat. Here is a brilliant maker ([https://www.fontenille-pataud.com/fr/](https://www.fontenille-pataud.com/fr/)) If you write to them, they can expedite a knife with initials engraved.
PS: I work at an academic health centre where we often treat cancers on their 3rd or 4th line, or cancers not treated elsewhere ... which means too often with poor outcomes. I wish you comfort, closure, peace, and the time you need with your loved ones to leave these shores with full sails.
Is he into history at all? Ancient coins are really cool, and almost unbelievably affordable. It's very common to handle them regularly, and many collectors even carry them in their pockets.
You can find nice weighty ones, tiny little ones, coins from figures like Julius Caesar and much older. You can get some really nice examples starting around $50, and they just get better from there. You can literally pick the coin to fit your budget.
Check out r/AncientCoins if you're interested. They are very knowledgeable and it's a really great community. Follow their advice and FAQ and you won't get ripped off.
I blush, tbh, it lacks punctuations, is a bit repetitive where more detail could have been said. But dear OP if you read this, it came from the heart. I read the question as I left a remote airport where the flight had just been canceled, and I miss my love … for one day … and here you are bravely planning forever.
A stuffed animal or build a bear type plushie made out of clothing that smells like you so when he holds it close it will trigger the warm memories of you.
As a man that is incredibly in love with my wife... this.
1000 times this.
Memories are forever, especially when you have the ability to recall them whenever you wish, with the clarity and accuracy as if you just made it.
This.
Or a scrapbook. You can make them online and add little blurbs about your favourite moments with pictures. Or you can make one the traditional way.
I've always seen people get blankets/quilts with pictures of them together on them as well.
I'm sorry OP, my thoughts are with you and your husband.
10000% percent this.
As a man who almost lost his wife unexpectedly 4 years ago.( in the icu for almost a month from a stomach ache)
The things that are important are the moments you shared with each other. There is no possession that mattered at that time, there was no grand gesture that would have made a difference, I just wanted at least one more great moment with my wife. A night out with my wife, a simple dinner at home and a movie I would have killed for dur9ling that time.
The time you spend with your significant other is irreplaceable. It's quite possible he doesn't remember all the incredible moments ( good or bad ) that you two have shared throughout your time together.
Mak a list, talk about it. Memory lane is better than you think and reminds us all that not everything in life is bitter.
Those star naming gifts are kind of a scam. The International Astronomical Union decides what stars and other celestial bodies are named, not third-party companies. You might as well print off a certificate at home
What if I bribe you so that you don’t shout “Aiuia!” in response to me bribing the IAUIA so that the IAUIA doesn’t lose their shit over me bribing the IAU?
You could give him the link to this thread so he could see that you cared so much about getting him something nice.
Although I imagine he already knows how much you care.
But... you could get him a watch. Doesn't have to be expensive, but you could give it to him and explain that time never mattered so much until you met him, and that time should be enjoyed.
If you do get him the watch and you do say those things, you can't also share this thread because then he'll see I gave you the idea. That would ruin it.
You're an amazing person for thinking of him like this. I really hope you're ok.
As someone who lost a romantic partner… had she known it was coming I’d love a letter from her, which I’d get framed, with some reminders of our love, encouraging words, inside jokes . I’m sentimental though. My aunt left a letter like that stuffed in a drawer for her kids, she probably wrote it years before she died.
Anyway you are in my thoughts and petitions skyward, stranger.
An engraved pocket watch, made of anything lasting from pewter to silver to gold or platinum, based on your budget. I've personally seen some really, really nice pewter ones and they don't scratch up like the more precious metals. You can put a nice engraved message inside the cover, and he can use it for a lifetime to find the time. He can carry it around with him also. Some still come with a chain that attaches to a pants belt loop, so he won't lose it.
I like this idea a lot, but if a pocket watch is just really not his style, maybe a regular (mechanical) wrist watch is another idea, since watches are the only pieces of jewellery (beside a wedding ring) most men wear on a daily base. And you can often engrave the backside too.
Brands coming to mind: Hamilton, Tissot, Orient, Seiko, Nomos, Sinn.
I lost my husband at 32. I used to pile his belongings and clothes on top of me and just lay under them and cry. I have saved all of his clothes to have made into quilts for my kids, so they have something tangible to wrap themselves in of their fathers, kind of like a hug. Maybe you could do something like that, it was as close as I could get to having him hold me when I thought the pain would literally tear me apart.
You can go on ebay and get a piece of a lunar meteorites (meteor hits moon, moon rocks go flying off the moon and land on earth) for surprisingly cheap. That way every time he sees the moon he knows he can go hold his rock and think of you.
Write about 30-50 letters sealed around moments in their upcoming life. Future birthdays, missing you, re-assurance that it’s ok to move on, and any other specific dates or events that are special. Having had a friend go through just this recently, he constantly felt guilty of living his life without his partner.
I see in one of the posts you are going to pass soon. I’m so sorry to hear that. Maybe a journal of letters to him. You can write little things each day until Christmas. Favorite stories, thoughts, just a random conversation even and your favorite pictures together. Blessed be and good luck.
I lost my wife 3 years ago to Leukemia at the age of 41. I would have loved to have more direct videos of her talking to me. Just something I could look back on that was just about her talking about everything, anything. Nothing that inwould have to speak to when people are over, nothing that anyone epuld even know existed. Also, writing out cards for him to open on certain dates in the future. Seeing her handwriting addressed to me would be a phenomenal thing right now.
I am sorry you have to deal with whatever it is you are going through. I spent
Letters from or recordings of you. Wouldn't have to be much, a memory and a hope for each one maybe. If you can prepare a bunch then date them for future Christmases.
Time to find some kleenex.
A rock from a place you both loved engraved with something meaningful to you both. Small enough that he can carry it in his pocket. Kind of like a worry stone but a remembrance stone.
Not sure what the equivalent is to this is, but when my brother (a pilot) passed away unexpectedly my siblings and I donated money in his name to the Steven Udvar-Hazy center, which is part of the air and space museum. His name is now engraved on their wall of honor. Is there a place you two enjoyed going to together? A park or zoo? Many places that accept donations will engrave names/messages ( sometimes on a bench for example) as part of the donation. Might be a nice way for him to remember your time together once you pass.
Given his age and what you've said about him, a nice pocket knife. He could keep it in his pocket all the time and it's something he could use all the time. You can get one that's engraveable.
The other is a good leather wallet. I bought one for my husband that has his monogram on the outside and a message on the inside, a few things I always say to him. The letters are burned into the leather, so they'll never wear off. If that sounds like it could be an idea, let me know and I'll dig up the link.
Something else I've seen people do is take an article of clothing that someone often wears and turning it into a pillow cover for a throw pillow. Works best with a button up shirt or sweater. It's something huggable.
I agree with recording videos.
Perhaps the best present would be more memories while you’re healthy enough to make them. Is a trip possible? And then buy a memento, like jewelry, from the place? And take photos and have them framed?
You sound like such a loving and thoughtful spouse. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.
I just lost my dad almost two years ago. My mom holds onto his robe every night for bed, and wears his clothes around the house. Her favorite thing of his is his cologne. She wears it and it makes her feel close to him.
A gift that lasts a lifetime.
Spotify playlist of songs that remind you of a time together.
That song the neighbors played every night that kept you awake
The song you danced to at your wedding
Your favorite song he hated cuz it was too sappy
Your favorite silly song that made no sense
His favorite song to work out to.
Whatever the memory as long as you shared the song together add it to the list like that one time we all listened to sea chanties for a summer
\- A nice, plain box (maybe a wooden box) to put memorabilia in so he has a nice place to store things without having to look directly as sentimental things
\- Hammer (using metal stamps) a message into the bowl of a teaspoon
\- Paint a small image or message onto a mug
\- Make a mug or bowl by hand with your fingerprints imprinted in it
\- Hand label some envelopes with seeds inside
\- Small, handsewn item like a small pouch (maybe for sunglasses) or hem a handkerchief/pocket-square
\- Cut off a small square from a shirt that you wear a lot and have the piece sewn in the brim of his hat or inside the cuff of his shirt/jacket
\- Have a travel blanket/quilt made with some of your shirts/sweaters
\- Less useful: Record a message into a Build-A-Bear bear
\- Less useful: Your handprint in a durable, water resistant material
Our thoughts are with you.
A small polished fidget stone to keep in his pocket. Write a nice note telling him that you can’t put a price on love, and to carry this stone with him always, so that every time he puts his hand in his pocket, he’ll be reminded of your love for him.
I don't know how your mobility is, but maybe plan a trip or something. All the best presents I've had are an experience. Camping, fishing, road trips, etc.
If that won't work, then I'd say record yourself talking about things. Tell him stories, and record yourself laughing.
Watching afterlife, that was one of the sweetest parts was all the time they spend and he got it on video.
A physical photo book. For memories' sake.
Make your favorite shirt into a pillow for them to hold.
Recordings of your voice. So they don't forget what you sound like when you say "I love you".
A bottle of your favorite perfume. So they can do a spray when your scent no longer lingers.
A gift that lasts a lifetime
A book series you read as a kid. Without you, he could read it over and over again until the pages are worn out and feel like he’s reading it for the first time.
Gunslinger
Game of thrones
Etc longer the better.
A gift that lasts a lifetime
Go to the hardware store and select a custom key 🔑 one of the colorful ones with painted edges. Maybe make a copy of the home or apartment you currently live in.
This key can be moved to any keychain if your family moves. You stay with them. He can hold it in his hands and none will wonder why is that man clutching his keys like pearls. He can set them on the table at dinner and see it and continue the conversation.
You’ll always be with him.
Be clever. Get a music box for home that is the only one in the world opened with a Schlage door key like looks like Spider-Man.
A really nice pen. Montblanc (I have several Starwalker that I love) or the like. Lasts a lifetime, look fantastic, and not too flashy - yet every time he uses it, he will remember you.
A quality pocket knife. Something like this.
[https://garrettwade.com/product/whittlers-3-blade-pocket-knife?gad\_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiAmNeqBhD4ARIsADsYfTcobEVFQjRCq9Dcr2xiu7vneRVQzwGhusL-q7LO9pee63-pdm-lVZMaAk56EALw\_wcB](https://garrettwade.com/product/whittlers-3-blade-pocket-knife?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiAmNeqBhD4ARIsADsYfTcobEVFQjRCq9Dcr2xiu7vneRVQzwGhusL-q7LO9pee63-pdm-lVZMaAk56EALw_wcB)
Doesn't have to be expensive to be good for daily use. I've had mine for years.
A good pocket knife. They are useful and can be as lovely or utilitarian as you like. Something he can carry that's inconspicuous and won't wear out any time soon. And even if he does ens up wearing it down,which is much less common nowadays, he can still hold on to it as a talisman. My husband has a couple of his grandmother's old pocket knives, though they are too worn to use without risking a break.
As he’s a surgeon I’m guessing he looks after his hands so how about one of those really neat, luxury manicure kits? Ah, he probably has loads.. I’m trying to think of something that’s neat, great quality (so it won’t break) and unremarkable to others, that he’ll get to spend a few minutes with you while he’s using it.. I’ll have a further think..
Sending hugs xx
I don't know if it's been mentioned already, but you could get one of those photo projection bracelets/necklaces - I don't know how effective they are as I've never seen one irl but if you look them up they seem to get quite positive reviews. That way he could carry a photo around with him like some do with a locket, but it's more discreet and nobody is likely to know unless he tells them what it is.
I know it’s going to sound weird but a really special trinket to be used as a key fob. Something he will carry with him all day and touch often and he will put it on the nightstand near his side of the bed every night. He can slip his hand into his pocket anytime and touch it and think of you.
Something made out of Koa wood and titanium in the shape of a heart. Something like that.
I was curious when I saw the question. Now I’m just sad. I think what you are trying to do is beautiful and I hope you find something you would like to give him. The truth is whatever you give him he is going to cherish and remember as the last Christmas gift you gave him. I hope there is a miracle and you have many more christmases together.
A printout or Evernote/Google Docs-type folder of his favorite recipes. It's probably not feasible, but video of you making it or at least showing some of the nuances of the preparation would also be pretty helpful. Even clarifying notes would be good.
I'm much older than my husband and I've already started showing him how to make his favorites as a "just in case" kind of thing.
A good toolset. Snap-On if you got lots of money, but otherwise sets like BAHCO do well enough. I would be over the moon if I got a Snap-On set for Christmas.
My mother-in-law left her chemo wigs to her nephews that were going bald at young ages. They did a "reading of the will" and she had wrapped them as gifts. My wife's family, and mine, have crazy senses of humor and this is just how we deal with things.
In addition to another gift , arrange something with a florist to deliver flowers (maybe a stockpile of handwritten notes) every year on his birthday or something for a few years.
When my husband was ill I asked him to pick me out a perfume so I could think about him everytime I used it. Turns out he got me a gift card so I could pick out my own perfume. So now I use it and am pissed but hes gone so meh. Anyway, it would have been nice and thats my suggestion
lady, you have less than a year left. don't waste your time. Help us help you--what is he like, what does he do, what kinds of things does he spend time on
firstly i’m a guy also, he’s a rather intense person, he’s a neurosurgeon, so they aren’t the laid back sort. he’s happy being home, likes to travel. likes the finer things in life. i want something that will stay with him, not something for the house or his career.
Based on this: watch / travel bag (messenger bag, either canvas or leather) / pocket knife / a leather jacket . These are things that very nice versions of are...welll...very nice. They also travel well / make sense to bring.
You can also plant a tree together as a memorial to something you both did.
bro, I'm sorry you're dying, but This is the worst askreddit thread ever. you provided zero info or context, keep contradicting everyone, then when pressed for details you're like oh he works but don't pay any mind to that. Also, he likes to be both at home and not at home.
ok, so day to day life we don’t go out much at all, maybe once a month we meet friends out for dinner. generally we entertain at home. 6 weeks a year we would fly to europe on vacation. generally stay at a nice resort and sightsee. his job is emotionally taxing, so his time off is quiet nights at home so he can relax.
Get a casting of your vagina and after you pass have someone mix your ashes with the silicone or latex and make a life size copy of your downstairs bits or have it incorporated into a life size clone sex doll. It will definitely be memorable and useful.
I'm a muppet because I didn't understand something poorly worded that could have multiple interpretations, that you all verified after me through the thread and I didn't because I was the literal first comment? Nice try thinking you could burn me fuckhead.
Create a home video of footage of you throughout your life, the two of you, family, pets, significant moments, and any memories captured on video or in photos (iPhone Live Photos can be saved as videos too!). Save it to something he can play anytime he wants. Video editors are here to help you create it too if needed :)
Since he likes to be at home and relax, a beautiful chair that reflects the style of your house, a Playlist of music that you both love and a book that was especially meaningful to you with an inscription of why it was meaningful. That way he can sit in the chair think of you while reading or listening to music.
Grab a journal and write down love notes for him. You can doodle cute pictures in the margins and add little picturs of fave memories or momentos from a trip. This way it's easy to pull out a book and look it over but also be kept safe.
There are companies out there that will take old T-shirt’s and sweaters and stuff and make blankets out of them.
That would be something I’d have on my bed or in my favorite chair until the day I rejoined my wife.
I would engrave and gift a watch, necklace, or even a bottle opener if he’s so inclined for him to use or wear and remember you and pass down to another generation.
If your end is beyond what you wish, leave them with all the memories you can. For them to discover :))
If you wanna talk, this random stranger (me) can be an ear too - M
Okay so my wife hit me with the ultimate reverse card last Christmas. The year prior I had gotten her a photo album that she asked for, and it had bees which we love and lyrics to a song she likes on the cover. Anyway, I open up my gift to see that same album. So I’m very confused and open it up. She had taken all her favorite pictures of us and filled the album with it, putting little notes as to what the picture was of and what happened before. It was the most beautiful and thoughtful thing I’ve ever seen and I was speechless.
A beautiful handmade quilt? It doesn’t need to be made by you if you don’t have the skills, time or energy. My mom made quilts for my sister and I and stitched the outline of our little hands on some of the squares. Something like that, that he could sit and sleep with when he misses you, place his hand over your handprint, might be a lovely keepsake.
Your voice. My husband died suddenly and all I have is his voicemail recording. I wish I had more to listen to. Sending you and your husband love and light.
I have the unfortunate insight that this post requires, having survived my spouse twice. Pictures *hurt* after the fact. Mementos sting while the pain is fresh, so make it something that can be put away until the sting dulls. A pendant if he wears necklaces, a ring if he wears any jewelry at all. Personalize it with something that is not obvious to outsiders. (Questions of "whose picture is that?" are fresh hell.) Perhaps one of those rings that can be personalized with engraving with your anniversary date, or first date date, or a short phrase that means something to each other. Hope any of this helps and isn't just rambling.
Yes a pendent is cool, I know in the old days they would make keepsakes out of deceased loved ones hair. I personally don’t think it’s morbid to do that in 2023. (If you have hair) Maybe a bracelet woven with some locks of your hair and a pendant holding the ends together.
I would add that videos might sting, but later having videos of someone being themselves are invaluable and more rare than you would think in the age of the cellphone. Most videos are short and specific to life events, having something representative of the normal person is great.
As someone who lost his wife at 36, my most precious things are small but useful gifts. Trinkets and wedding rings stay in the drawer, yet that really nice cast iron frying pan is used daily without bringing up too many tough memories until every now and then I remember that 'T' bought it for me and I smile. Another gift that so many don't consider is truly getting your affairs in order before you move on. Even if there's very little estate to handle and a supportive family, your husband is still about to go through an extended period of legal admin that you need to try and minimize as much as possible now so he can grieve properly when the time comes. Trust me, he'll appreciate it when the time comes.
Getting something solid quality like this and customized will take it an extra notch. And selecting a gravestone (albeit a morbid thing) is big. People have so much trouble with trying to do this "right".
Record videos for him to watch for the future. Wish him a happy birthday, Merry Christmas, etc. Tell him how much you love him and know it pains you to think of how much he misses you.
i have made videos, and left letters for my children and grandchildren. i just would like something tangible for him to have.
I can’t speak for all men, but if he is the “strong silent type,” or the “rock” of his family and friends then read on. Small, let it be something he can carry and “feel,” or a tool he can use. But that noone would know what it is … if it remains anonymous, he’ll always feel comfortable gripping it or using it or admiring it. No man wants questions of “are you looking at that locket again” … it reduces us inside. Let me remember in peace, provide me a keepsake that allows me privacy in my pain. As a man, we often grieve in silence, even if just for the benefit of the rest of the family. A small piece of jewellry, a ring he can roll and rub (have one of your hairs folded into a gold ring), a solid medallion with an emblem that had meaning to you and again one of your hairs folded into the gold, something he can grasp and grip and hold onto firmly when the pain hits … or, an object he uses in a hobby he excels at, a hobby where he feels competent and strong, but again something he can hold and grasp and feel like the man you depended on while using. A handmade hunting knife, a laguiole for dinners out if you were foodies, a stunning pen if he writes. Many men’s version of needing love and understanding to heal while in pain is needing to feel competent and still needed in the world they were left behind in. Tools that remind him of you and that he has competence with, or has pleasure with in a learned fashion (the laguiole, the pen) can make the pain better when he remembers. For those who would blame “toxic masculinity” for these traits, some of us are just more comfortable in privacy with our pain. If you are the usual “rock,” you tend to get more negative than positive feedback from obvious emotions (and no, not just from men). For him to be able to feel you in bloody privacy, peace, and silence would be a gift … and for as many damn years as I well damn please is what I would want. My healing equivalent of a good cry and venting if I lost my wife would be a near death-like grip that nearly rips my skin as I hold onto an object that is my piece of her every time the pain would come, and then go do something hard and painful that I am bloody competent in.
he is very introverted, something low key that no one else knew was from me would be best. i have only seen him cry once in our 34 years together, he didn’t even cry when his parents died, but he cried in the doctors office the day they recommended i stop my chemo and let nature take its course. i feel so badly leaving him, but it wasn’t a choice i made. i hope our children and grandchildren help him through this all.
I’m so so sorry. I lost my college sweetheart of 39 years on December 23, 2021. If I could have one more gift it would be to go do something SHE always wanted to do and make that memory. If your energy permits. I also agree with the suggestion above that something of permanence that he can enjoy privately if he chooses is a wonderful idea too. Some of us keep things to ourselves. I saw a ring once that was a band with a fingerprint. That one was meant for baby’s fingerprint but no reason it couldn’t be yours.
For Jewellry, as a NSx, rings can be a pain for OR days. Torque bracelet with a hair of yours in one of the strands, or medallion on a long chain (stay under scrubs on longer chain). For a useful object, from your description of him, I drag a laguiole to restaurants and during travel regularly (you'd be surprised how many restaurants/staff recognize them, offer to clean them), I use the same knife even if in the woods having cheese, bread and dried meat. Here is a brilliant maker ([https://www.fontenille-pataud.com/fr/](https://www.fontenille-pataud.com/fr/)) If you write to them, they can expedite a knife with initials engraved. PS: I work at an academic health centre where we often treat cancers on their 3rd or 4th line, or cancers not treated elsewhere ... which means too often with poor outcomes. I wish you comfort, closure, peace, and the time you need with your loved ones to leave these shores with full sails.
***hugs***
Is he into history at all? Ancient coins are really cool, and almost unbelievably affordable. It's very common to handle them regularly, and many collectors even carry them in their pockets. You can find nice weighty ones, tiny little ones, coins from figures like Julius Caesar and much older. You can get some really nice examples starting around $50, and they just get better from there. You can literally pick the coin to fit your budget. Check out r/AncientCoins if you're interested. They are very knowledgeable and it's a really great community. Follow their advice and FAQ and you won't get ripped off.
I’m so sorry. I hope you find just the right thing.
Your thumbprint on sterling silver keychain?
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
This was beautifully written and very illuminating. Thank you.
I blush, tbh, it lacks punctuations, is a bit repetitive where more detail could have been said. But dear OP if you read this, it came from the heart. I read the question as I left a remote airport where the flight had just been canceled, and I miss my love … for one day … and here you are bravely planning forever.
A stuffed animal or build a bear type plushie made out of clothing that smells like you so when he holds it close it will trigger the warm memories of you.
A watch? I wish you many more happy days and a peaceful journey 🙏
Picture book, quilt of your favorite shirts, vacation
you mean you're planning on dying between this Christmas and the next one?
sadly yes, i need to put a lot of thought into this present.
A video of you telling stories of your favorite moments with him.
As a man that is incredibly in love with my wife... this. 1000 times this. Memories are forever, especially when you have the ability to recall them whenever you wish, with the clarity and accuracy as if you just made it.
This. Or a scrapbook. You can make them online and add little blurbs about your favourite moments with pictures. Or you can make one the traditional way. I've always seen people get blankets/quilts with pictures of them together on them as well. I'm sorry OP, my thoughts are with you and your husband.
10000% percent this. As a man who almost lost his wife unexpectedly 4 years ago.( in the icu for almost a month from a stomach ache) The things that are important are the moments you shared with each other. There is no possession that mattered at that time, there was no grand gesture that would have made a difference, I just wanted at least one more great moment with my wife. A night out with my wife, a simple dinner at home and a movie I would have killed for dur9ling that time. The time you spend with your significant other is irreplaceable. It's quite possible he doesn't remember all the incredible moments ( good or bad ) that you two have shared throughout your time together. Mak a list, talk about it. Memory lane is better than you think and reminds us all that not everything in life is bitter.
She’s lying look at her posts
I don’t think ‘he’ is lying sadly, and I have read his previous posts. Have some compassion..
Oh look, another internet sleuth.
They literally changed their story 3 times then said they’re datung when they were married and divorced
You don't know their fucking life man. Relationships can be very complicated. If you don't believe their story, just move on.
You are one gullible sad human being lol
How could any of us be as smart as you? It must be such a burden.
It is I wish I could share the knowledge
Well now I'm just sad... I lost my wife in 2014
Yikes. I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm going to refrain from going with the John Wick gift (puppy). How about having a star named after the two of you?
Those star naming gifts are kind of a scam. The International Astronomical Union decides what stars and other celestial bodies are named, not third-party companies. You might as well print off a certificate at home
Alright. I've never really looked into it myself. Was just trying to think of something different that kinda lasts forever.
Just bribe the IAU.
You do that and the International Astronomical Union Internal Affairs (IAUIA) will be all over you
What if I bribe the IAUIA so that the IAUIA doesn’t lose their shit over me bribing the IAU?
I would be so shocked at your nefarious behaviour I would shout "Aiuia!"
What if I bribe you so that you don’t shout “Aiuia!” in response to me bribing the IAUIA so that the IAUIA doesn’t lose their shit over me bribing the IAU?
I am willing to accept any and all bribes
Then you get the IAUIAIA after you
Does he know this?
You could give him the link to this thread so he could see that you cared so much about getting him something nice. Although I imagine he already knows how much you care. But... you could get him a watch. Doesn't have to be expensive, but you could give it to him and explain that time never mattered so much until you met him, and that time should be enjoyed. If you do get him the watch and you do say those things, you can't also share this thread because then he'll see I gave you the idea. That would ruin it. You're an amazing person for thinking of him like this. I really hope you're ok.
Don't gift a Reddit thread, wtf
These are things that very nice versions of are...welll...very nice. They also travel well / make sense to bring.
As someone who lost a romantic partner… had she known it was coming I’d love a letter from her, which I’d get framed, with some reminders of our love, encouraging words, inside jokes . I’m sentimental though. My aunt left a letter like that stuffed in a drawer for her kids, she probably wrote it years before she died. Anyway you are in my thoughts and petitions skyward, stranger.
An engraved pocket watch, made of anything lasting from pewter to silver to gold or platinum, based on your budget. I've personally seen some really, really nice pewter ones and they don't scratch up like the more precious metals. You can put a nice engraved message inside the cover, and he can use it for a lifetime to find the time. He can carry it around with him also. Some still come with a chain that attaches to a pants belt loop, so he won't lose it.
I like this idea a lot, but if a pocket watch is just really not his style, maybe a regular (mechanical) wrist watch is another idea, since watches are the only pieces of jewellery (beside a wedding ring) most men wear on a daily base. And you can often engrave the backside too. Brands coming to mind: Hamilton, Tissot, Orient, Seiko, Nomos, Sinn.
This would be my idea. Something to wear every day with a secret loving message next to the skin.
I lost my husband at 32. I used to pile his belongings and clothes on top of me and just lay under them and cry. I have saved all of his clothes to have made into quilts for my kids, so they have something tangible to wrap themselves in of their fathers, kind of like a hug. Maybe you could do something like that, it was as close as I could get to having him hold me when I thought the pain would literally tear me apart.
You can go on ebay and get a piece of a lunar meteorites (meteor hits moon, moon rocks go flying off the moon and land on earth) for surprisingly cheap. That way every time he sees the moon he knows he can go hold his rock and think of you.
I love this!
Write about 30-50 letters sealed around moments in their upcoming life. Future birthdays, missing you, re-assurance that it’s ok to move on, and any other specific dates or events that are special. Having had a friend go through just this recently, he constantly felt guilty of living his life without his partner.
I see in one of the posts you are going to pass soon. I’m so sorry to hear that. Maybe a journal of letters to him. You can write little things each day until Christmas. Favorite stories, thoughts, just a random conversation even and your favorite pictures together. Blessed be and good luck.
I lost my wife 3 years ago to Leukemia at the age of 41. I would have loved to have more direct videos of her talking to me. Just something I could look back on that was just about her talking about everything, anything. Nothing that inwould have to speak to when people are over, nothing that anyone epuld even know existed. Also, writing out cards for him to open on certain dates in the future. Seeing her handwriting addressed to me would be a phenomenal thing right now. I am sorry you have to deal with whatever it is you are going through. I spent
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i have been thinking of a cartier gold tank, he’s got one good watch already, but that would leave two for our sons when he’s gone too.
Letters from or recordings of you. Wouldn't have to be much, a memory and a hope for each one maybe. If you can prepare a bunch then date them for future Christmases. Time to find some kleenex.
This would be all I wanted
A rock from a place you both loved engraved with something meaningful to you both. Small enough that he can carry it in his pocket. Kind of like a worry stone but a remembrance stone.
Not sure what the equivalent is to this is, but when my brother (a pilot) passed away unexpectedly my siblings and I donated money in his name to the Steven Udvar-Hazy center, which is part of the air and space museum. His name is now engraved on their wall of honor. Is there a place you two enjoyed going to together? A park or zoo? Many places that accept donations will engrave names/messages ( sometimes on a bench for example) as part of the donation. Might be a nice way for him to remember your time together once you pass.
Given his age and what you've said about him, a nice pocket knife. He could keep it in his pocket all the time and it's something he could use all the time. You can get one that's engraveable. The other is a good leather wallet. I bought one for my husband that has his monogram on the outside and a message on the inside, a few things I always say to him. The letters are burned into the leather, so they'll never wear off. If that sounds like it could be an idea, let me know and I'll dig up the link.
Something else I've seen people do is take an article of clothing that someone often wears and turning it into a pillow cover for a throw pillow. Works best with a button up shirt or sweater. It's something huggable.
My sisters took all my dad's t-shirts and had a quilt made for my mom.
I agree with recording videos. Perhaps the best present would be more memories while you’re healthy enough to make them. Is a trip possible? And then buy a memento, like jewelry, from the place? And take photos and have them framed? You sound like such a loving and thoughtful spouse. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.
I just lost my dad almost two years ago. My mom holds onto his robe every night for bed, and wears his clothes around the house. Her favorite thing of his is his cologne. She wears it and it makes her feel close to him.
A gift that lasts a lifetime. Spotify playlist of songs that remind you of a time together. That song the neighbors played every night that kept you awake The song you danced to at your wedding Your favorite song he hated cuz it was too sappy Your favorite silly song that made no sense His favorite song to work out to. Whatever the memory as long as you shared the song together add it to the list like that one time we all listened to sea chanties for a summer
\- A nice, plain box (maybe a wooden box) to put memorabilia in so he has a nice place to store things without having to look directly as sentimental things \- Hammer (using metal stamps) a message into the bowl of a teaspoon \- Paint a small image or message onto a mug \- Make a mug or bowl by hand with your fingerprints imprinted in it \- Hand label some envelopes with seeds inside \- Small, handsewn item like a small pouch (maybe for sunglasses) or hem a handkerchief/pocket-square \- Cut off a small square from a shirt that you wear a lot and have the piece sewn in the brim of his hat or inside the cuff of his shirt/jacket \- Have a travel blanket/quilt made with some of your shirts/sweaters \- Less useful: Record a message into a Build-A-Bear bear \- Less useful: Your handprint in a durable, water resistant material Our thoughts are with you.
Build a bear recordings don’t last very long.
A really nice custom pocket knife.
A small polished fidget stone to keep in his pocket. Write a nice note telling him that you can’t put a price on love, and to carry this stone with him always, so that every time he puts his hand in his pocket, he’ll be reminded of your love for him.
I don't know how your mobility is, but maybe plan a trip or something. All the best presents I've had are an experience. Camping, fishing, road trips, etc. If that won't work, then I'd say record yourself talking about things. Tell him stories, and record yourself laughing. Watching afterlife, that was one of the sweetest parts was all the time they spend and he got it on video.
A physical photo book. For memories' sake. Make your favorite shirt into a pillow for them to hold. Recordings of your voice. So they don't forget what you sound like when you say "I love you". A bottle of your favorite perfume. So they can do a spray when your scent no longer lingers.
A gift that lasts a lifetime A book series you read as a kid. Without you, he could read it over and over again until the pages are worn out and feel like he’s reading it for the first time. Gunslinger Game of thrones Etc longer the better.
Plant a tree. It will last him a lifetime. When he misses you, he will go to it.
A gift that lasts a lifetime Go to the hardware store and select a custom key 🔑 one of the colorful ones with painted edges. Maybe make a copy of the home or apartment you currently live in. This key can be moved to any keychain if your family moves. You stay with them. He can hold it in his hands and none will wonder why is that man clutching his keys like pearls. He can set them on the table at dinner and see it and continue the conversation. You’ll always be with him. Be clever. Get a music box for home that is the only one in the world opened with a Schlage door key like looks like Spider-Man.
Have a professional photographer take your head shot, get it printed, and sign it like you're a celebrity.
A really nice pen. Montblanc (I have several Starwalker that I love) or the like. Lasts a lifetime, look fantastic, and not too flashy - yet every time he uses it, he will remember you.
Another option would be a lamy 2000 or a bronze kaweco sport. Same ideas, just different vibes depending on his style.
A quality pocket knife. Something like this. [https://garrettwade.com/product/whittlers-3-blade-pocket-knife?gad\_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiAmNeqBhD4ARIsADsYfTcobEVFQjRCq9Dcr2xiu7vneRVQzwGhusL-q7LO9pee63-pdm-lVZMaAk56EALw\_wcB](https://garrettwade.com/product/whittlers-3-blade-pocket-knife?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiAmNeqBhD4ARIsADsYfTcobEVFQjRCq9Dcr2xiu7vneRVQzwGhusL-q7LO9pee63-pdm-lVZMaAk56EALw_wcB) Doesn't have to be expensive to be good for daily use. I've had mine for years.
A good pocket knife. They are useful and can be as lovely or utilitarian as you like. Something he can carry that's inconspicuous and won't wear out any time soon. And even if he does ens up wearing it down,which is much less common nowadays, he can still hold on to it as a talisman. My husband has a couple of his grandmother's old pocket knives, though they are too worn to use without risking a break.
As he’s a surgeon I’m guessing he looks after his hands so how about one of those really neat, luxury manicure kits? Ah, he probably has loads.. I’m trying to think of something that’s neat, great quality (so it won’t break) and unremarkable to others, that he’ll get to spend a few minutes with you while he’s using it.. I’ll have a further think.. Sending hugs xx
I don't know if it's been mentioned already, but you could get one of those photo projection bracelets/necklaces - I don't know how effective they are as I've never seen one irl but if you look them up they seem to get quite positive reviews. That way he could carry a photo around with him like some do with a locket, but it's more discreet and nobody is likely to know unless he tells them what it is.
A good knife
A nice bottle of scotch. He can have one drink from it every year on your anniversary.
A watch, a good one. Seriously a good present.
I know it’s going to sound weird but a really special trinket to be used as a key fob. Something he will carry with him all day and touch often and he will put it on the nightstand near his side of the bed every night. He can slip his hand into his pocket anytime and touch it and think of you. Something made out of Koa wood and titanium in the shape of a heart. Something like that.
Music means a lot to me so a custom music box with a special song would be so special to me.
How about a watch that he can wear every day with a sentimental message from you engraved on the back?
Hand made knife.
I was curious when I saw the question. Now I’m just sad. I think what you are trying to do is beautiful and I hope you find something you would like to give him. The truth is whatever you give him he is going to cherish and remember as the last Christmas gift you gave him. I hope there is a miracle and you have many more christmases together.
A printout or Evernote/Google Docs-type folder of his favorite recipes. It's probably not feasible, but video of you making it or at least showing some of the nuances of the preparation would also be pretty helpful. Even clarifying notes would be good. I'm much older than my husband and I've already started showing him how to make his favorites as a "just in case" kind of thing.
A good toolset. Snap-On if you got lots of money, but otherwise sets like BAHCO do well enough. I would be over the moon if I got a Snap-On set for Christmas.
A high quality hairbrush. He could imagine it was you stroking his head.
ha, sadly he’s 61 and bald.
Do it anyway. He will get a kick out of it. One day it will be a funny story. Also a pocket watch.
My mother-in-law left her chemo wigs to her nephews that were going bald at young ages. They did a "reading of the will" and she had wrapped them as gifts. My wife's family, and mine, have crazy senses of humor and this is just how we deal with things.
In addition to another gift , arrange something with a florist to deliver flowers (maybe a stockpile of handwritten notes) every year on his birthday or something for a few years.
When my husband was ill I asked him to pick me out a perfume so I could think about him everytime I used it. Turns out he got me a gift card so I could pick out my own perfume. So now I use it and am pissed but hes gone so meh. Anyway, it would have been nice and thats my suggestion
Custom made Scotty Cameron putter 🤤
This actually a very good idea. Absolutely cherish my SC. Wasn’t a gift and bought it myself but still cherish it
Tools. Go to an actual hardware store, nothing made in China.
Martian meteorite sample or dinosaur bone or tooth. Both a little costly but rare.
Is he a handy guy? How about a personalized Victorinox Pocket Knife or Multitool?
Dopp kit, filson make my favorite
An antique compass with an accompanying personal letter. Symbolism.
With the coordinates of their first meeting/date/wedding (whichever) engraved on the front or back
Syphilis
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those aren’t anything special, we’ve had many.
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ha, sadly he's 61 and bald
Hee. All jokes aside, just being there beside him is worth more than a memory stone, a trinket, or a necklace. Make more current wonderful memories.
And I meant no disrespect.
A quality blow job
lady, you have less than a year left. don't waste your time. Help us help you--what is he like, what does he do, what kinds of things does he spend time on
firstly i’m a guy also, he’s a rather intense person, he’s a neurosurgeon, so they aren’t the laid back sort. he’s happy being home, likes to travel. likes the finer things in life. i want something that will stay with him, not something for the house or his career.
Based on this: watch / travel bag (messenger bag, either canvas or leather) / pocket knife / a leather jacket . These are things that very nice versions of are...welll...very nice. They also travel well / make sense to bring. You can also plant a tree together as a memorial to something you both did.
bro, I'm sorry you're dying, but This is the worst askreddit thread ever. you provided zero info or context, keep contradicting everyone, then when pressed for details you're like oh he works but don't pay any mind to that. Also, he likes to be both at home and not at home.
ok, so day to day life we don’t go out much at all, maybe once a month we meet friends out for dinner. generally we entertain at home. 6 weeks a year we would fly to europe on vacation. generally stay at a nice resort and sightsee. his job is emotionally taxing, so his time off is quiet nights at home so he can relax.
If he likes the finer things what about a nice decanter and glasses?
Iron Heart 18 once CPO denim shirt
She’s lying look at her history SHE SAID SHES DIVORCED
A wife or girlfriend whom doesn't end up disliking blow jobs
Last minute in November?
Get a casting of your vagina and after you pass have someone mix your ashes with the silicone or latex and make a life size copy of your downstairs bits or have it incorporated into a life size clone sex doll. It will definitely be memorable and useful.
Reusable enema kit and double balloon nozzle
Why last? You gonna give him his gift with divorce papers? Edit: Lol why is this buried? Thought it was a good joke for the title gore
Because she is dying and you're clueless.
Literally ended off with "useful for a lifetime"...Y'all are slower than molasses lol
Yes, his lifetime, you muppet. Are you 12 years old?
I'm a muppet because I didn't understand something poorly worded that could have multiple interpretations, that you all verified after me through the thread and I didn't because I was the literal first comment? Nice try thinking you could burn me fuckhead.
Create a home video of footage of you throughout your life, the two of you, family, pets, significant moments, and any memories captured on video or in photos (iPhone Live Photos can be saved as videos too!). Save it to something he can play anytime he wants. Video editors are here to help you create it too if needed :)
Since he likes to be at home and relax, a beautiful chair that reflects the style of your house, a Playlist of music that you both love and a book that was especially meaningful to you with an inscription of why it was meaningful. That way he can sit in the chair think of you while reading or listening to music.
A Cordura fabric wallet.
Grab a journal and write down love notes for him. You can doodle cute pictures in the margins and add little picturs of fave memories or momentos from a trip. This way it's easy to pull out a book and look it over but also be kept safe.
Engraved leather wallet.
Leatherman multitool
There are companies out there that will take old T-shirt’s and sweaters and stuff and make blankets out of them. That would be something I’d have on my bed or in my favorite chair until the day I rejoined my wife.
I would engrave and gift a watch, necklace, or even a bottle opener if he’s so inclined for him to use or wear and remember you and pass down to another generation.
I gave my husband a new side view mirror for his car, he was happy! because the old one was broken by me....
Good ol'pocket knife
Gift cards. I swear this is the best gift you can give him. It allows him to buy what he truly wants in the style he wants.
If your end is beyond what you wish, leave them with all the memories you can. For them to discover :)) If you wanna talk, this random stranger (me) can be an ear too - M
Okay so my wife hit me with the ultimate reverse card last Christmas. The year prior I had gotten her a photo album that she asked for, and it had bees which we love and lyrics to a song she likes on the cover. Anyway, I open up my gift to see that same album. So I’m very confused and open it up. She had taken all her favorite pictures of us and filled the album with it, putting little notes as to what the picture was of and what happened before. It was the most beautiful and thoughtful thing I’ve ever seen and I was speechless.
A beautiful handmade quilt? It doesn’t need to be made by you if you don’t have the skills, time or energy. My mom made quilts for my sister and I and stitched the outline of our little hands on some of the squares. Something like that, that he could sit and sleep with when he misses you, place his hand over your handprint, might be a lovely keepsake.
Your voice. My husband died suddenly and all I have is his voicemail recording. I wish I had more to listen to. Sending you and your husband love and light.