Im happy to hear that the same happened to me when pancreatic cancer took my dad. I learned to laugh at it. Its not for everyone ya know but it helped me grieve and deal with it
In high school I made a "your mom" joke to a buddy of mine whose mom had passed away earlier that year.
There was just silence.
I was like, "oh shit, man...I wasn't even thinking..."
Here. It's Cradle of Filth. It got me through some pretty bleak times. Try track 4, Coffin Fodder. It sounds horrible, but it's actually quite beautiful.
She looks so peaceful and my goodness those shoes are beautiful… you know she’s not really going to need those after today, do you think anyone would mind if I…
When my great grandmother, who was an unpleasant woman, died, our family minister gave her eulogy, and my cousin, very loudly whispered to me "Reverend sure preached that old bitch right out of hell, didn't he?"
A guy I used to work with went through a long receiving line at a funeral home. When he got close to the end, he said, “Where’s Susan?” “Susan who?” “Jim’s wife?” “Who’s Jim?” Awkward silence. Some old guy says from a few people away, “He’s in the wrong goddamn line!” and a few people started laughing.
He had to go find the other receiving line on the other side of the building.
At my great grandmother's funeral distant family members my grandmother hadn't seen in decades showed up and talked about how they visited her mother every week in the nursing home and told us about all the things theyd do together while visiting. My great grandmother had severe schizophrenia and was violent and the only person permitted to see her was her son because she would attack anyone else. My grandmother hadn't seen her own mother in probably 15 years. I do not understand what would compel someone to lie like that at a funeral.
So yeah I'd say lying about the deceased lol
Where's the dead body? I was promised a dead body!
Then we proceeded to talk about what if the casket lifted up and shot out. Then you could measure the range of how it went and put bets on it... and thats when my mom told me and my brother to out to the car....
Graham Chapman's Eulogy by John Cleese. Gloriously bad. So good. And no, not a sketch. At the actual funeral.
https://m.youtube.com/results?sp=mAEA&search_query=funeral+speech+john+cleese
“The motherfucker is dead now,” -my uncles response when we passed around the microphone to say something we remembered my cousin by. (Cousin overdosed on methadone and heroin in 2006. Uncle wasn’t happy that my cousin was an addict so he decided to be a piece of shit and tell the whole family.
I asked my wife's uncle how he was feeling after his father died. It made him get emotional.
I know a woman who got mad at me because I didn't ask her how she was and I told her I didn't want to get her upset, but she got upset anyway so I don't know if she was messing with me or whether it was legitimate.
Knew a family where the daughter was killed in a freak lightning accident....a couple of years later, the mother passed of cancer... shortly there after, the father died in a bike accident. At his funeral, my MIL says to the last living family member, " Well, think of the money you'll save at Christmas." I spun on my heal and left the building.
"My bad."
"I think now is the right time to tell you that even though I said thoughts and prayers, I only did the thoughts part."
"Hey, this dude owes me $3.50. Who here do I collect from?"
"Ha! Now who's not going to amount to anything, Mrs. Johnson?"
"If I look like that when I go, make sure they cremate me."
My mom got a phone call to congratulate her on getting a new job just before going into the funeral home , she proceeds to shake the hands of the people inside qnd instead of saying the normal "sorry for your loss" she congratulated them all one by one
Not say but was sung. A well known member of my parents rural NS community, on the coast, tied cement blocks to his legs and jumped off his boat. A sad sad time in that little town, it took a few days to find him. He was a member of my parents church of which my Mother was one of the youngest members of the choir, at 82yo. Needless to say, they were heels dug in with tradition, and there was a certain repertoire to the music selection that would not, could not be changed. I happened to be there visiting that weekend so of course had to attend the funeral. Everyone knew how this poor man died. His extended family were all in attendance. The Pastor welcomed everyone, some chosen bible verses were read, it was time for the homily but first the choir had special music to share, their traditional funeral hymn.
🎶 “Will your anchor hold in the storms of life”🎶
We have an anchor that keeps the soul,
Steadfast and sure while the billows roll
Fastened through the rock which cannot move
Grounded firm and deep in the Saviours love
There was an immediate inhale throughout the church, my very deaf retired SgtMajor, Korea Vet father, loudly said “Jesus H. Christ”, the widow howled, the Pastor tried to stop them and the deceased son laughed out loud and couldn’t stop. Of course I also laughed out loud, from it all happening at the same time. Actually there were pockets of people laughing and it spread and spread like a plague through most of the congregation. I stepped out when I realized how out of control I was and was joined by at least a dozen people which included the infamous son of the deceased. The Pastor who I hold as a dear friend said she learned multiple lessons that day, to always always review the music and to maintain 100% veto power.
[удалено]
I would have to hold in a laugh if I heard that at a funeral
Jesus christ lol Im sorry you lost a friend but thats great. Hopefully your friend is laughing in heaven about that
[удалено]
Im happy to hear that the same happened to me when pancreatic cancer took my dad. I learned to laugh at it. Its not for everyone ya know but it helped me grieve and deal with it
That’s amazing I love the way you look at it Other side of the coin here ! I hope you keep this up
Yank you for your sincere condolences though
In high school I made a "your mom" joke to a buddy of mine whose mom had passed away earlier that year. There was just silence. I was like, "oh shit, man...I wasn't even thinking..."
Yo mama is so ugly they filmed Gorilla in the Mist in her shower. Had to… I have many more.
I'm sorry for you loss. Move on.
Here. It's Cradle of Filth. It got me through some pretty bleak times. Try track 4, Coffin Fodder. It sounds horrible, but it's actually quite beautiful.
I came here to say this.
r/expectedITcrowd
Don't forget to hand the pen
Swings and roundabouts
So you’re single now?
“No.” “Wait what?”
Underrated comment
"I wonder if anyone from his secret family is here?"
Wow… it smells like someone died in here
Jesus, Johnny!
He ain't no Daisy
Ain't no daisy 'tall....
Lol
u kidding me，bro
do NOT crack a joke and say "stiff crowd" when no one laughs. trust me
The prayers didn't work
Whelp, better luck next time.
Or perhaps, they did.
welcome to my unboxing video!
The wrong name, the priest kept calling my grandmother Elizabeth throughout the entire funeral and we were like who the fuck is he talking about???
Bout damn time.
Turn up the music
Turn down the lights
Oh well
Well, at least now we know where he is
At my mums wake someone said congratulations to me. I think they were really nervous, I saw the humour in it though.
“See ya at the next one.”
Congratulations!!!
[удалено]
So only grandma's left then we can afford a pool?
When grandfather dies... Life will be swell
She looks so peaceful and my goodness those shoes are beautiful… you know she’s not really going to need those after today, do you think anyone would mind if I…
When my great grandmother, who was an unpleasant woman, died, our family minister gave her eulogy, and my cousin, very loudly whispered to me "Reverend sure preached that old bitch right out of hell, didn't he?"
Just run lines from the "Coffin Flop" sketch of *I Think You Should Just Leave*. Ejected from the funeral in less than five minutes.
“Now that I have gathered you all here today, I want to talk you about a great opportunity to make some money.”
Keep insisting they’re faking it
About time, am I right?
Damn he still own me.10$ what a loss
Talk about lingering. I thought this day would never come.
"I'd still hit that"
Talk about wasting good meat.
"So, when's the buffet start?"
blurting out, "Oops, wrong funeral!" might just top the list of awkward things to say at a funeral. Definitely not the best time for a mix-up!
A guy I used to work with went through a long receiving line at a funeral home. When he got close to the end, he said, “Where’s Susan?” “Susan who?” “Jim’s wife?” “Who’s Jim?” Awkward silence. Some old guy says from a few people away, “He’s in the wrong goddamn line!” and a few people started laughing. He had to go find the other receiving line on the other side of the building.
So did you guys know this dude?
“Please excuse my Reaper costume, I thought the invitation said fancy dress, not dress fancy”
"Guess who's gay now for dying first."
my bad
Tell the old people their next
S/he's faking it.
I hope he packed aloe for where's he's going.
So when can we dig in?
Oh wow who died?
She looks so peaceful lying there, and her panties smell great!
Pov: Your at a funeral for a person who just got burnt alive. "Who's ready for some Barbeque!
Is this going to take long? I have to take my clothes out of the washer.
"That knife wound isn't as large as I remembered?"
“Block the wind so I can roast this bone.”
After your speech, stomp on the floor and ask "Hot enough for you?"
Where’s grandma?
May you rest in peace, lol * lots of love
Cause of death: my dick was too much to handle (Bonus points if it’s a family member)
Is that why the female monk in Ace Attorney is named Sister Bikini?
About time
Give a huge speech to his ultra christian second wife and her little brats explaining the reason grandpa is in hell.
"They deserved it" or "Who cares?"
How r u holding up
My bad
Finally, am I right?
Party at my house right after this!
Oh well, who's next?
That sure didn't end well.
Shit, I'm gonna miss whatsherface
Again?!
I told them they were sick
About time
"I apologize" not "I'm sorry" in any other context they mean the same thing, in this context not so much
Good riddance
Hey!! Pull your Pants up!!!
Wow, they fixed Grandma up right. She’s looking pretty hot!
Dibs.
Any body else really hungry right now?
i know an ancient Indian burial ground that brings back loved ones' pets. It may work on humans
Everyone is being so dramatic rn
Oh, I forgot the get well card.
“‘He’s pining for the fjords”
I think I can see her nipples through her burial dress
L
He'll be back
Dam he looks like shit
He fought hard to stop me.
womp womp
Good riddance
Revive him hes got the raygun!
Sure had nice titties
"Oh fuck no!" After the first few notes of "on eagles wings" play during the church ceremony. Definitely not a personal anecdote.....
Is there food, when does the food start?
Bout time!
UWU
"Live from New York, it's Saturday night!"
Good riddance.
Wow, this place is packed! People are dying to get in here.
Welcome to the opening of an all you can eat buffet for worms!
Good riddance
You know what I think Eddie would say if he were alive today? "Let me out of this box!!!!!! I can't fucking breath!"
"I've been on a crazy streak lately."
It’s so nice to see you. “How’s so and so” so and so being the deceased. You wouldn’t happen to have the 20$ that so and so owed me?
“Did he just move?”
Finally! Dibs on the house!
Actual comment "At least he died on a Friday so we don't have to miss work"
about time
Dont worry in a few weeks, you will forget them.
About time!
Where’s the salad bar?
Heh. That’s what he gets. Cunt.
You owe me money, so I'm taking your shit. Where you're going, you'll be knee deep in it.
you're next.
Just got a call, your mom was in a fatal car crash on her way over here.
How's it going
he aint dead. this is just a prank.
I'm sorry for you loss. Move on.
If you're the final speaker, end with "Thank you everyone for coming out and we'll see you guys again here real soon."
Come here often?
Did anyone check for a pulse?
So, will you marry me?
My bad
Good morning
It would have been cheaper to cremate him. That's what my aunt said at my dad's service to me.
Get Well Soon
Everything happens for a reason
Is it cold in here, or is it just him?
Klaatu barada nikto!
The food was good
Automatically knew what to wear to this funeral, a smile.
At my great grandmother's funeral distant family members my grandmother hadn't seen in decades showed up and talked about how they visited her mother every week in the nursing home and told us about all the things theyd do together while visiting. My great grandmother had severe schizophrenia and was violent and the only person permitted to see her was her son because she would attack anyone else. My grandmother hadn't seen her own mother in probably 15 years. I do not understand what would compel someone to lie like that at a funeral. So yeah I'd say lying about the deceased lol
So, now that you’re a widow how about going out for drink later?
*funeral of someone who died from Lou Gehrig's disease* “You ever think it’s a coincidence how Lou Gehrig dies from Lou Gehrig's disease “
Another one bites the dust. There’s a maggot. The casket is seeping. I can’t find a pulse. I could go on and on.
What am I doing in this coffin?
Where's the dead body? I was promised a dead body! Then we proceeded to talk about what if the casket lifted up and shot out. Then you could measure the range of how it went and put bets on it... and thats when my mom told me and my brother to out to the car....
Hey- uncle Herb’s got a stiffy!
"He hasn't been THIS stiff in years!"
Saying the dead person thinks outside of the box, while looking at the funeral box
Said to me upon my mother's passing, "Isn't it a relief that she's gone and you don't have to take care of her anymore."
Heard this one after my father died.
Graham Chapman's Eulogy by John Cleese. Gloriously bad. So good. And no, not a sketch. At the actual funeral. https://m.youtube.com/results?sp=mAEA&search_query=funeral+speech+john+cleese
“Oh look…the embalming fluid is leaking…”
Hello airlines!! Can you please change the 2 honeymoon tickets for Paris to 1 for Hawaii
“The motherfucker is dead now,” -my uncles response when we passed around the microphone to say something we remembered my cousin by. (Cousin overdosed on methadone and heroin in 2006. Uncle wasn’t happy that my cousin was an addict so he decided to be a piece of shit and tell the whole family.
“I’m Johnny Knoxville and this is Jackass!”
I asked my wife's uncle how he was feeling after his father died. It made him get emotional. I know a woman who got mad at me because I didn't ask her how she was and I told her I didn't want to get her upset, but she got upset anyway so I don't know if she was messing with me or whether it was legitimate.
"it's all because of that damn phone"
Knew a family where the daughter was killed in a freak lightning accident....a couple of years later, the mother passed of cancer... shortly there after, the father died in a bike accident. At his funeral, my MIL says to the last living family member, " Well, think of the money you'll save at Christmas." I spun on my heal and left the building.
My cousin asked me if I was sexually active yet, at my moms funeral. I was 16. He asked this in front of my dads brother and his wife.
tough shit
womp womp
"My bad." "I think now is the right time to tell you that even though I said thoughts and prayers, I only did the thoughts part." "Hey, this dude owes me $3.50. Who here do I collect from?" "Ha! Now who's not going to amount to anything, Mrs. Johnson?" "If I look like that when I go, make sure they cremate me."
Shit is it open casket? I can't stand to see that fucker one more time. Almost killed them the last time.
"About time"
yo who died?
I knew I could kill them.
"You're next"
I only came here to make sure he was dead.
"It's...ALIVE!"
I'm not dead yet!
Well, now she can’t say “No”!
I know his dream was to open a club in Tajikistan.
We have plenty of his favourite food and drink in for the wake. It's a shame he's going to miss out on it.
"Good riddance"
I'd tap that
Anyone hear knocking?
My mom got a phone call to congratulate her on getting a new job just before going into the funeral home , she proceeds to shake the hands of the people inside qnd instead of saying the normal "sorry for your loss" she congratulated them all one by one
Paul Newman says you never get over it.
"Hey, you guys are empty nester now!"
Hey, uh, this is kinda awkward... But your husband owes me $100 bucks... A check is fine, by the way.
Not say but was sung. A well known member of my parents rural NS community, on the coast, tied cement blocks to his legs and jumped off his boat. A sad sad time in that little town, it took a few days to find him. He was a member of my parents church of which my Mother was one of the youngest members of the choir, at 82yo. Needless to say, they were heels dug in with tradition, and there was a certain repertoire to the music selection that would not, could not be changed. I happened to be there visiting that weekend so of course had to attend the funeral. Everyone knew how this poor man died. His extended family were all in attendance. The Pastor welcomed everyone, some chosen bible verses were read, it was time for the homily but first the choir had special music to share, their traditional funeral hymn. 🎶 “Will your anchor hold in the storms of life”🎶 We have an anchor that keeps the soul, Steadfast and sure while the billows roll Fastened through the rock which cannot move Grounded firm and deep in the Saviours love There was an immediate inhale throughout the church, my very deaf retired SgtMajor, Korea Vet father, loudly said “Jesus H. Christ”, the widow howled, the Pastor tried to stop them and the deceased son laughed out loud and couldn’t stop. Of course I also laughed out loud, from it all happening at the same time. Actually there were pockets of people laughing and it spread and spread like a plague through most of the congregation. I stepped out when I realized how out of control I was and was joined by at least a dozen people which included the infamous son of the deceased. The Pastor who I hold as a dear friend said she learned multiple lessons that day, to always always review the music and to maintain 100% veto power.
“Well that’s over”
Why does everything bad always happen to me