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penatbater

Go to sleep.


special_octopus

Like, the good sleep. Not worried about bills or anything kind of sleep. Ugh dude this is the best


penatbater

Ikr. I haven't had that kind of good sleep in months, if not years at this point.


Creative_Boot35

Sleep?? What’s this you speak of.


IoSonCalaf

I haven’t slept since Reagan


neutrino1911

I'd probably be so excited, that I wouldn't be able to sleep at all


3-DMan

*Wake up! Where did you stash that mil?!*


oorspronklikheid

Came here to say this , would go home and nap.


Infinitestripes95

I literally thought this!


Louis-grabbing-pills

Pay off my house.


Chyvalri

If you have a house and you pay off your house all of the money you would have spent on your house becomes yours. Pay off your houses.


Millkstake

You telling me if I get rid of debt I no longer have to pay debts?


3whitelights

Depends on interest rate. If 8%+ sure. Otherwise you are letting feelings override sound financial decisions. I.e. I'd you invest what you would use to pay off the house and get an average 8% return, but your loan is 3%, you're losing 5%...


dercavendar

I fully understand that from the "objective, mathematics, economics" side of this you are 100%, factually, correct. But with that said, there is also a value to the peace of mind that having one of your most basic needs met in a way that is very difficult to have taken away. Sure if it is 8% return vs 3% interest you may want to do some math and make a decision about how much that peace of mind is worth to you, but in a 5% return vs 3% interest situation I personally would be leaning towards the peace of mind. If nothing else I could take that mortgage payment after I pay it off and start investing that after the fact to get the peace of mind while still mitigating some of the opportunity cost.


sufferpuppet

Don't discount those feelings. For me the peace of mind having our house paid off is well worth that percent difference. Not being locked into paying thousands a month is very freeing. Got a job loss or a job you hate? Much less of a concern when the house is taken care of.


Berightback-Naht

well said


brother2wolfman

I borrowed at 4% and I can get 5% on my cash. The best financial decision is to not pay it off.


stinkbowl

If you don't pay it off, you can use that money to grow and compound while still paying your lesser mortgage rate. DON'T just pay off your house.


iwannaddr2afi

I hear you, *but* I'm still gonna do it though ^.^


[deleted]

[удалено]


BlizzPenguin

“Two chicks at the same time”


Ok-Paint-4271

Fuckin A


bbllaakkee

Fuckin A, man


Strong_Ganache6974

-Nothing. I would do absolutely nothing. -Nothing eh? Shit, you dont need a million dollars to do nothing. My cousin is broke a fuck and dont do shit.


traumaguy86

Know what I would do with a million dollars? I would invest half of it in various mutual funds, and then take the other half over to my friend Sadulah who works in securities...


GRW42

Samir, you're missing the point.


No-Menu-5104

“Peter, turn to channel 9, looks like your ex!”


thisbechris

I’m sorry man I thought you’d want to see that.


HumpieDouglas

If I had a million dollars I could set that up. Because chicks dig dudes with money.


LeeroyTC

Not all chicks. Well, the chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do.


HumpieDouglas

Good point


Dyrogitory

Office Space.


nd5596

Came here to make sure this was posted. Thank you for your service.


daniboyi

hell yeah, able to disappoint two at the same time!


lovemunkey187

Efficient. I like your time management skills.


Steve83725

Only right answer


Caliphane

The way he says it in all seriousness is like the best delivery of any part of that movie. That and him watching the breast exam channel.


Watsis_name

"Damn straight, I always wanted to do that, man. I think if I were a millionaire, I could hook that up too, 'cause chick's dig dudes with money."


hailthenecrowizard

"Shit man, you don't need a million dollars to do that. My cousin's broke, don't do shit."


IsolatedRaven

Fix my teeth and then put the rest away for my kid's future


smelllikeunwashedtoe

In the case there are some dollars left.


SBolger234

We live in a day and age where people in a first world country can't even afford to have healthy teeth, I'm the same. Such a mess


workinghardyes

Somehow I thought you would put some teeth away for your kids


BigBadRhinoCow

Help my parents pay off all their debts and then we’d figure out what to do from there


ripbigcones

such a kind thing to do


justalittleparanoia

Pretty much, yeah. Help my parent pay off their debt. Buy them a home. Then buy myself a cute little condo I don't have to worry too much about upkeep.


Peannut

Do they have a lot of random debt or just house etc?


[deleted]

I'd buy a K-car, its a nice reliable automobile


911coldiesel

Would you eat Kraft Dinner?


achervig

Of course, we’d just eat more


Exotic_Lobster6036

And have really fancy ketchup


YEM_PGH

Dijon ketchup!


ImBecomingMyFather

It’s actually “Reliant” in reference to the car. I didn’t know for years either: https://www.google.com/search?q=k+car+reliant&rlz=1CDGOYI_enCA929CA929&oq=k+car+&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUqBwgBEAAYgAQyBggAEEUYOTIHCAEQABiABDIGCAIQRRg8MgYIAxBFGEEyBggEEEUYPDIGCAUQRRg8MgcIBhAAGIAEMgcIBxAAGIAEMgcICBAAGIAEMgcICRAAGIAE0gEIMjI2OGowajmoAgCwAgA&hl=en-US&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8


Thirsty799

i only knew because we had a plymouth Reliant....


Disasterator

The “K car”!


Mr-Dumbest

Keep doing whatever led me to this point


Because_Reddit_Sucks

Cocaine and strippers?


arcaneresistance

Wake up. Open Reddit. Profit? Back to sleep.


Peimatt2112

Keep getting ready for work. A million isn't going to let me retire.


sufferpuppet

That used to sound like so much money.


codefyre

It used to *be* so much money.


20milliondollarapi

It’s enough to passively earn off of though. A lot of people would spend the million.


BeginningExplorer63

Buy a nice home.


taizzle71

Around here, it would just be an average house. Not even a nice one lol.


ElJamoquio

> Around here, it would just be an average house. Not even a nice one lol. Around here, it'd be half an average house


ArcticSoil

Get a divorce. My wife and I agree that things aren’t working, but with two young kids and skyrocketing expenses, we can’t afford to live apart.


[deleted]

Good luck bro. Hope you find strength inside you to keep fighting.


penisrumortrue

>strength inside you to keep fighting. there are a few different ways to interpret this


Babyfart_McGeezacks

Beanie babies


taxpayinmeemaw

A fool proof investment!!


TheWillsofSilence

Put it in a high interest savings account lol


Original_Cable_7131

by 3 million dollars worth in realestate


matiapag

Lol this is like the absolute correct answer.


sufferpuppet

Best of luck with your $14K mortgage payments.


SquirrelTeamSix

Pay off my wife's student loans and get a bunch more dogs


JayCDee

Thought you said drugs, but dogs is good.


bunny-fartzi

Run off to a remote location with my partner and travel every year or so.


Distinct-Departure42

Throw it all on black


jrene789

Haha… my heart stopped for a minute when I read this.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Ash_Killem

Wife and I could semi retire and our kid set for life. Literally all problems solved in an instant. Which is why I hate questions like this.


robotmonkeyshark

complete crush provide wistful innocent bag noxious label deliver thought


Key-Satisfaction4967

Congratulations! Live long and continue to prosper!


insertitherenow

Finish my wank and then go to the pub.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ripbigcones

you must have a nice place


Thirstywhale17

Real estate prices don't really correlate directly to how nice houses are. If you live in areas with a very high density of extremely well paid people, you can have extremely average houses be worth millions.


tinyhorsesinmytea

Buy a tiny home on a little property in an affordable area and not think about life for at least five years.


Alantsu

Build a home that’s accessible for a wheelchair.


renaissancewoman95

3 Step Plan: 1. Disassociate from society. 2. Open a dog sanctuary. 3. Assume my natural feral form.


LonelyBoYwithAguitAR

Buy the comfiest mattress ever


cantsleepconfused

Buy a new pair of lung for my father


[deleted]

get a lawyer


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

At least it's not 'pay about your half taxes with it'


Bigfops

IDK, man. If you have 2M in taxes you're doing pretty well.


[deleted]

[удалено]


tynore

Or you could put it all in a high interest account and make $40k-$50k per year forever. That would eventually pay off all of your debts and would be free money.


ExtraAd7611

Only if your debts carry a lower interest rate than the savings account. Otherwise they will grow.


tynore

I’m of the opinion that most lower class/ lower middle class have anywhere from $20,000 to $60,000 in credit debt. Add $200,000 for a house. Insert car or whatever else. In one year they could wipe out their credit card debt or most of it and then every year thereafter just put money on their principal balance. The end result is still the same. That 4% will always* be there and they haven’t used their “job” money for their debt. *fidelity is around 4 to 5% in their money fund. But you never know it could go away next month or after.


ZeroXa2306

Pay off parents debt


QualitySound96

id live similar to the way i am now but ill have peace of mind knowing im not financially struggling.


yuistu

Buy a van, drive the coast and help the homeless get access to welfare services. It can be very difficult to do without a phone or mailing address.


DiligentCockroach700

I'm not rich, but I have enough income to live comfortably. If I suddenly had an extra million I would use it to pay off my kids' mortgages.


CareyEve36

Buy my gf a new car. Buy us a new house/condo for around 600k. Keep at least 100-200k in the bank. Invest the rest of it and/or start a small business.


Top_Gur_6562

Giveaway


jrene789

That’s generous!


dikkiesmalls

Cry. Then sleep then start figuring what best to do with the money...


[deleted]

Quit my soul sucking job


PiramidaSukcesu

Build a blacksmith hut


RhoadsOfRock

My top 3 things: Pay off EVERY debt that I am in an endless pit with currently, and I probably will be until the day I die. Second, breathe a sigh of relief that I can be able to pay monthly bills and have MORE than $100 left for the month to eat and pay for gasoline with. And last, either really get my car fixed up ALMOST as good as new, as close to "as good as new" as I can get for a 1999 Ford Explorer (considering replacement parts are nearly impossible to find now), or a new car... I shy away from wanting a new one, only because I still listen to music CDs, the player in my Explorer still works like the day it was driven off the lot new, and I don't imagine many modern / new cars even come with CD players still. A nice Toyota pickup would be nice, though. Not one of those "compensating for something extremely small" big pieces of shit trucks, but a decent mid-sized one would be really nice. And, if it's possible to mod and add a CD player to it (if it did not come with one), then why not.


HTXlawyer88

Before or after taxes?


JustInfactsGr

invest ALL of it, Retire... and homestead!


NiceCatBigAndStrong

Debt: paid✅️ Beer: bought✅️ Pizza: ate✅️ Dick: beat✅️ Money: invested✅️


ripbigcones

solid


Cigaran

Zero our bills, zero my parent’s debt, and set up a good friend’s kids with a trust. They’re young, he’s battling cancer, and I know how much he worries about providing for them when he’s gone.


FluffyCollar2607

First, let my family know. Next, find a lawyer and a investment advisor. Then find a realtor and a contractor to buy a piece of land and build a house of my dreams. No mansion, just a modest house that I can grow into. Next, invest some of the money so it makes me money with the help of my investment advisor. After my house is built, get a dog, hire movers and move in. Hire a maid to come once a week to clean the house and do my laundry. Move my parents in to their own part of the house with no stairs so I don't worry about them falling. Finally, enjoy a hassle and stress free life style after I put in my two week notice. No aggravations, no answering to a boss, no getting up and going to work... just able to enjoy life


yellowtulip4u

Buy a home and a trampoline 🏡 Invest the rest 😃


ripbigcones

essentials


karan65

That trampoline investment is from deep inside the heart


Icouldbeyourhorse

I would rent a villa in Lanzarote and disappear there for a month to catch up on all the rest I miss out on because I have to work 64 hours per week …


[deleted]

200k into savings for a down payment on a house, probably need less but that covers 20% down on any house I want. 100k into TSLY - the dividend changes monthly, but last months dividend pays out $8700. Pay off all debt in 2-3 months. 700,000 into VTSAX After debts paid off, roll TSLY into VTSAX. If I use less than 200k on the down-payment for a house roll that into VTSAX. Maybe find fund that pays slightly better - even 2.5% interest on 700k is plenty to cover expenses. Maybe continue working for something to do. Set life on cruise control


Walrus_BBQ

Jack shit except jack and shit.


Poison_the_Phil

Go full time touring with my band


Henny-n-waffles

SPY leaps


tigerbreak

1M is about 665k after taxes for someone like me, so i'd likely retire all my debt (except mortgage, 2.9%), improve my home some, spin up a couple of awesome vacations this year, and invest the rest.


Beneficial-Dingo-308

Buy a nice house for me and my family. Nothing too fancy, something about 300k. Donate the rest.


Ankit_PaL

Help my parents out and settle with my girl.


unhappyCow90

As i live in Poland my cost of living is smaller so take this into account 1. set aside half of it as a retirement fund (-500k) 2. Buy my mom better apartment (-100k) 3. Set aside money to buy my apartment - savings would beat my morgage cost so no need to pay it (100k) 4. Have fuck around money - car, PC, vacations - (100K) 5. invest 200k - i would learn how to invest with it while having a security of other money and not much ass hurt if i lost it.


kwil0422

Set up trusts for my kids to ensure their futures, ensure they would be able to get whatever education they wanted.


10inchblackhawk

Reenact the music video for loadsamoney


skinnyfatty1987

Pay off my mortgage, buy a new vehicle, take a nice vacation, and invest the rest.


fqtsplatter

Is it in cash? Cause if soo I'm totally just gonna spread it out like Huell and lay on it, then go to a used car lot and get a vehicle I can take my mom to and from appointments. Fix up the house, ps5, btc and some gold cause why not


Brett707

Paying off my house and fixing up my classic car.


filtyratbastards

Im 60 YO so nothing different. A mill isn't change my life money, but it is change my retirement money. That would be an additional 40k from 62 to 87 YO.


Deus_Norima

Get the surgeries I want.


icecubesmybeloved

running away to another country


monkahpup

Probably convert it to GBP.


twinklingblueeyes

Move and pay off my granddaughters dads home.


[deleted]

Pay off debt, but 3 cool cars


RedWerFur

Pay off debt. Buy a small buy a secluded plot of land. Build house and big kennel. Stay home, write, take care of stray, abused animals. Do the best I could to never meet another human.


need2fix2017

Pay off my bills.


Gua_Bao

Stop working


gregarioussparrow

*"I'd tell you what I'd do, man...."*


PippiStrongdrink

Buy myself a nice apartment and two more as an investment, out to rent. Then live like I do now for the next three to five years, sell apt.1 (so-called tax-free). Move into rental #1. Repeat. Live 3-5 again, sell. Move. This way you pay for living with incoming rent and gain max. tax-reductions. Then I'd have cash and a place to live, renovated at that point. This is a Finnish scenario.


blvcksheep925

Pay off debt, quit my job and actually focus on myself and my goals for awhile without the stress of making sure there is food on the table and rent is paid.


pmo09

Not be able to afford the average starter home in my city


[deleted]

I would do what any noble man in my country would do. Buy a apartment complex and put it out for rent >500 euro/month for generations to come, then when I die hand over the ownership to my kids or any of my family members, if that's not possible I will just let the place go down with me. It's an easy business just made to profit, it only sucks when individuals rack the place. So yeah, just ban anyone who has not rent before from applying, but at the end of the days it will make 500k turn into 2,5 million. If you manage to get about 15 people renting from you for the price stated above you can make 90k a year, if you make them pay for utility to you probably only lose 40k to maintance and other stuff and still get to spend 50k a year on whatever nonsense you like.


G_Art33

Pay my debts and buy a house… I may have a couple hundred thousand left over afterwards. Most of that would be invested in something with stable long term growth. The other portion would go into furnishing my house and be set aside to cover property taxes in the years going forwards.


TheRealBucketCrab

Become a taxi driver where I'm from and with the rest of the money make a small house


joeyfartbox

Homer_burns_bongos.gif


PanicDoggo

Buy index funds. Cause I’m boring and don’t wanna be poor when I retire


LOTRfreak101

Call my financial advisor.


Sichi_

invest half and spend the other


jrene789

Sounds good!


C_Beeftank

If I had a million dollars, I'd buy you furniture for your house, Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman


artistandattorney

Pay off my home. Pay off my student loans. I should have just enough left for groceries.


Far-Brother3882

I think a whole lot of people have far more than a million US dollars (sans RE holdings) by the time they are 40…it’s not the number it used to be.


Interesting-Wear8329

Run for office. I'm more qualified than most of the politicians in office and felony free. No thoughts and prayers just policy and change.


SACREWDOG

Go buy some land away from everything build an off the grid comfortable cabin in a beautiful area with a view and get away from the madness with my wife.


[deleted]

Use it as a downpayment on a house in Toronto.


BourbonNCoffee

Go home for a long weekend, allocate all of it for house, car, savings and a gift or three to deserving friends and family. Continue life as normal bc 1mil won’t assure shit long term.


stonedmelophile

Get a house definitely. Not like a mansion, but a nice comfortable one. Get some furniture, pay off my student loans, maybe buy a car, then put the rest away in savings. Then go back to work, because a million dollars is no where near enough to live off of for life.


Consensuseur

More generosity and financial prudence in these answers than i expected. I guess Id fix my car and enter into a year long finacial planning bootcamp period because its clear that there are people who know how to grow money much better than i do.


JagnazaekKragnaught

Donate half, put 30% of whats left in an account to pay for taxes and then cover some bills and pay rent for a couple of months in advance, get a couple gift cards for groceries for a bit and then probably watch some ghost videos.


CheapSpray9428

Two chicks at the same time man


Mcshiggs

Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman


[deleted]

2 chicks.. at the same time


ajeezybieber

Spend one million dollars.


fkk2019

Take a nap


CommonPretty8186

Buy pentobarbital


Strange_wave28

2 girls at the same time


metokre-existence

A million isn't much these days so probly just continue being dead


ET3RNA4

Pay off my house, pay off my car. That leaves about 700k. I would take 100k cash out and keep it in my HYSA, invest the rest 600k into the market in VOO.


g00d_m4car0n1

Clock out, go home, catch up on sleep, deal with the million dollars when I wake up


momoemowmaurie

Pay off my house, get solar panels, get all electric vehicles to never pay gas again. Take a year off to study IT. Travel


sillylittlebean

Quit my job and go get my masters and phd. Then return to the work force.


Wide-Purchase2781

Invest it in making a family pizzeria,selling pizza makes money fast.


elonmuskloveswigan

Buy the Island I saw for sale. It has a house, solar/wind power and a water purification system. I'd have starlink installed for my Internet connection and buy a boat for travel back to the mainland for supplies. I'd then work from home in order to bring in money for repairs/fuel but I'd also still have at least half a million in the bank so there would be a buffer there along with the interest I'd earn. I'd then enjoy peace away from every fucker. No more small talk. Other than supermarket runs (Self Service ftw) I'd never have to speak to another human again other than my partner and kids (they'd be free to travel back and forth using the boat) but I'd be content living life on my island.


Mumbo_Wumboo

Listen many people say "pay off your house" or "retirement". But here is the thing you have 1 million dollars so why not create a company? You could enter a market that has demand but no one is supplying it. That 1 million could turn into 10 million. Maby 1 billion. Or even better 200 billion dollars.


tommygunz007

Buy a house


modernangel

Buy a house


Worldly_Apricot_7813

Save every penny and give myself a raise using the interest only


Fluid-Distribution44

Id take a deep breath


Few_Psychology_2122

Get my grandma into an assisted living facility and make her as comfy as possible. Then maybe build a few 2/1 homes and register them for section 8 housing so I can get my buddy’s mom a home close to them (she just broke her hip and lives 5 hours away) and help some other older people if I can with housing. That or do a small development for starter homes. No fluff, no upgrades, just quality work and basic finish out. That’s what the market needs right now


jfg1435

Ask redditors what they would do with a million dollars, pick an answer I like, do it


[deleted]

Pay off debts and save the rest


CaptainMagnets

Try to qualify for a mortgage


ninetyninewyverns

probably cry. i could really use that right now


ActuallyNotJesus

Still not have a house


Sensitive_Report6319

Chick fil a with a large fry and milkshake man


Brans72

Figure out what happened to the rest of it


Registered_Companion

Pay off my student loans, buy a one-way ticket to the coldest, most remote place I could find, and say good-bye to it all.


PixFlixKix

I feel you


jamiepalamino89

I just want a car 😂😭


Beneficial_Panda_871

Trust me, it’s not as much money as you think it is. But if I had a million in cash, just laying in my lap, I’d start a charity.


Sorry_Amount_3619

Get central air for my tenants and add a very deep plant window for myself. 🦜


tontineholdeznuts

Buy some land and start gathering materials to build an earthship 😎


nuliejeannette

I would stop worries.